#it feels like yesterday but it also feels like ive known john my whole life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hopecountyisforlovers · 2 years

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22. for sex after a near death experience for John and Tobias :3

FIRST OF ALL i am SO sorry that this TOOK so long it really got away from me and ended up being 2500 words. such is the writers curse/blessing LMAO i started working on it yesterday right after you sent this and i wanted to finish it yesterday night but i cried a lot writing it and then got sleepy and figured i would do it before work

but gosh thank you so much for the request !!!!!! its so different to write summerseed in the game timeline where theyve already been married for like 4 years so this was a really neat chance to explore how their dynamic evolves and i had a lot of fun writing it SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT TOO <3

okay i will stop rambling now. content warnings for this are that its porn (obviously) there are also references to johns ~boss fight~ uhhhh. god im really bad at doing this oops . that should be all though ONTO THE FIC

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

It hurts, the rise and fall of his chest- most everything hurts. His left arm is useless, casted at his side- had it broken? When? Things come to him in flashes of unfortunate memory- gunshots, pain, the blue sky tinted red around its edges. The sensation of falling still hangs heavy and nauseous in his stomach. His plane had gone down, shot right out of the sky by that godforsaken Resistance and their Deputy. He remembers what he thought would be his last thought- bright, blinding white, the light he should have walked into, eclipsed in its entirety by the shine of yellow-blonde hair under the summer sun, the pale flash of a perfect smile tethering him to the Earth.

Tobias. His Tobias. A cold realization washes over him- where was Tobias now?

His eyes snap open, and as if he had called to him just by thinking his name a weight on his chest that he hadn't realized was there shifts a bit, those same golden yellow blonde strands cascading over his body and to the uncomfortable bed beneath him, tickling his stomach through the holes in his destroyed shirt. Relief follows the cold, and then guilt slices through him all at once, hot through his aching chest; he owes Tobias so much for putting him through this, more than he can ever make up for. Tentatively, he moves his working hand, flexes the fingers to make sure they still work, and then cards them slowly through one of the tangles that now mar its perfection.

"I'm so sorry." He doesn't recognize the scratchy and harsh voice that comes from him as his own, but Tobias sits up in half an instant, looking at him like Paul must have looked at Jesus when he made wine out of water. This is a devotion he doesn't deserve, has never deserved, and yet he can feel himself flush underneath it. There are dark circles under Tobias' currently bloodshot golden eyes that suggest he's hardly slept, the brilliant yellow of his hair messy and knotted like it hadn't been brushed or washed for a while. The guilt comes through strong again, but he doesn't let himself stew in it this time. "How long have I-"

"Four days." He answers the question he didn't finish, almost too quickly, like he's afraid it might hurt him to talk. "I didn't know if- if you would- they told me all I could do was pray." His voice breaks on the word, almost angrily, and tears track fresh down his face.

"Did you?" It's a stupid question, he thinks only after he's asked it, but his head feels fuzzy. At his side, attached to an IV in his good arm, is a tall stand dripping clear fluid. Some kind of painkillers? They weren't doing much, if that was the case, besides making it hard to think straight.

He makes a sound that resembles a sob mixed with a laugh, wrung out of him as John's thumb caresses his cheek. "I haven't stopped."

There is a beat of silence, of the overhead vents kicking on, of an old love ballad playing from the lower floors. They must be in the Veteran's Center, as far as he could tell. There is a part of him, childish, that briefly but overwhelmingly feels safe here. Jacob had always protected him as best he could.

And then they are colliding, clashing, and it should be violent red and it should hurt but it feels to John like yellow, like blooming, like spring.

"John- Honey- You're still-" Tobias tries to pull away, however reluctantly, away from the desperation of their mouths pushing against each other. With all the strength left in his functional arm, John fists his hand into the collar of his shirt and yanks him back in the direction he wants him.

"I don't care." He's being selfish, like he so often is, and he knows it. "Let me make it up to you. Please, Tobias. Please."

"Make it up to me?" The small question shakes breathily, and he can feel the tears drip onto his cheek, can taste the salt on his tongue, but he doesn't disengage, he won't. He doesn't know if he can. He shifts along his jawline, catching them as they fall.

"You were right. I shouldn't have- I almost-" Tobias covers his mouth with his own before he can say the D word, swallowing it before it can reach the air, and then pulls back again. John can tell he doesn't want to talk about this, but words keep spilling from his mouth against his will anyway. "You tried to stop me. I didn't listen, and I- I saw the light, Tobias. I saw the light, and the only reason I'm still here is because you were brighter. And I can never- But I-"

Again, he is so sweetly cut off, perhaps with more urgency than before. "You came back to me, John. That's all I need. All I'll ever need. If this is what you want, then- But I don't want you to do it for me, because you feel like you owe me something. You are my something. You are my everything."

The words strike him through, stirring in his chest with a flutter of wings, and he smiles against Tobias' cheek. John had only ever considered himself lucky where his husband was concerned. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"That's a silly question." Tobias' lips press gently over a throbbing bruise on John's collarbone, the tenderness of it making his eyelids flutter. "You gave me something to believe in. Do you want me, John?"

John marvels at how easily he can say things like that, now- and how it still turns him inside out to hear them. Tobias' mouth trails down his throat with more of an intent, and he can feel himself start to heat up. "Always. Do you want me to-?"

"I want you to lay back and relax. Let me take care of you, okay?" His destroyed, blood-soaked shirt is unbuttoned and pushed aside with the utmost care, the position he was mostly stuck in making completely removing it impossible. The cold air of the room makes him shiver. Tobias draws his warm hands over his newly bare torso like he's touching something sacred and breakable- he's practically purring with it, the pain that should come with these touches all but absent. A delicate finger draws a circle around one of his sensitive nipples, and he finds himself making a much more obscene sound than any of the previous ones, melting a bit into the slab of a mattress beneath him. "Mmmn, yeah, just like that. Good boy."

Sometimes it's almost a detriment how well Tobias knows his body, knows him- the praise goes straight to his cock even faster than the touches do. He can feel himself, already embarrassingly half-hard. He wants so much more. "Say it again. Please."

The connection between them is such that John doesn't have to ask what he wants to be repeated. His hands never stop moving, never stop playing with him, and the warmth filling his core is building into all-out heat. "You're such a good boy for me, John. So perfect. So perfect for me. I love when you ask me for what you want. Do you know why?"

John almost doesn't even register that he's been asked a question, eyes having rolled back in his head a little when Tobias had said he was perfect. John had never been perfect, as far as he was aware- if anything, he had been the opposite. But God, If he didn't believe it when Tobias said it. It sounded so true when Tobias said it- like the touch of his Saint's hands could absolve him of every sin he had ever committed. "Why?"

He smiles. "Because I love you, and I love giving you what you want. What do you want now, John?"

His mouth, again, works faster than his brain. "Want to be inside you."

Tobias seems to think for a moment, appraising the situation, and there is a moment where he's sure he's made a far too outlandish request, the sting of rejection setting in over him quickly. Something must change on his face in response, because he's being soothed in an instant, Tobias' tongue replacing the ministrations of his hand around his nipple for a moment and drawing a high, breathy curse from him. He places a kiss to the nub, just enough sensation to drive John crazy. He'd be writhing if moving didn't still ache quite so much, thrusting up against empty air just for the ghost of friction. Instead, he just whines, a bit pathetically in his opinion, but the sound awakens something in Tobias, who moans low against his skin in response. A shiver of heat runs down his spine as those dainty hands slip down, down, tracing the outline of the little Eden's Gate symbol just above his belt line before sliding his pants down far enough that he springs free, cock bouncing against his stomach. "Shshshshsh, relax, prettyboy. How could I ever tell you no when you practically beg me like that? When you're already so hard for me? I just had to think about-"

Tobias positions himself, with no small amount of difficulty, with his knees on either side of John's legs, hand braced just above his shoulder as opposed to on it. It's a lot less touching than they might usually be doing during a venture like this, but he's not one to argue against his fragility at this moment, and the show is sublime- his lovely little husband in nothing but his rumpled white button up, gold streaming down his back and messily framing his face, cock leaking against the fabric as he fingers himself open with soft groans and exhalations of his name. John reaches up with his only free hand to slide the backs of his fingers along the length of his dick, as smooth and pale and perfect as the rest of him, and he shudders, head falling back as he completely stops all his motions. For a moment, he thinks he's done something wrong, when it hits him- he had almost made him cum, just from that.

"Are you ready?" His voice is still unsteady enough that John can tell how close he got. It makes his chest swell with something like pride- only he had ever seen him this way, would ever see him this way, and taking him apart was like second nature, an instinct. The feeling mingles with the ache of his desire, spiked by the thought of Tobias ruining his pretty white shirt all because John touched him the right way. He wants to make it a reality.

"Please. Please, Tobias, I need-"

Tobias is sinking down on him before he can finish that thought, bracing himself with both hands above John's shoulders now. The tight, wet heat of him is like nothing else in the world, momentarily strangling his capacity for language from him with the tortuously slow pace that Tobias sets, taking him all the way down and then sliding back up, or at least as far down as he can without actually putting any of his own weight on him. All he can see and feel is gold and white, and when his hips try to follow Tobias' ascent against his better judgment, their mouths are joined together, gentle and sweet to match the speed of their lovemaking. A tongue is again trailed down his throat, ending in another tender kiss to what he can only imagine is another bruise based on the low throb of it. "Do you trust me, John?"

"With- Ohhh, with my life." The words have never been more true than they are today.

"Then trust me. I'll take care of you. I promise. I've got you. There's no need to rush."

The build between them, usually like a dam breaking and overflowing, is now akin to the gentle ebb of the river through Hope County. It winds through his veins, the flames of it sinking into them like the spread of a venom that brought with it only a euphoria, the kind of euphoria that only Tobias had ever shown him. He loses track of the sounds he makes, of his husband's name slipping into the air around them to join his own spilling from Tobias like a prayer. He takes him in, memorizing a sight he has already memorized more times than he can count- the way his mouth falls open, having found the blissful spot inside himself to push into over and over, the flex of his muscles through his shirt, clinging to him in places with the sweat of his exertion, the shine of golden eyes riveted on him with a religious intensity. There is a new feeling he slowly comes to recognize, less than that of the dam breaking and more of the river lazily approaching a waterfall. It steals the breath from him, coiling in his stomach like a spring, and his hand finds his husband's waist, fingernails digging in as the feeling seeks to overwhelm him. "Tobias- Tobias I'm-"

"Together?"

"Yes- You first-"

He looks for a split second like he's going to argue, but then instead- "Touch me."

John does as he's told, applying the best grip he can to Tobias' cock, and he can feel him quake, can feel every muscle in his body tense and tighten like he's about to shatter into pieces. All it takes is one more slide downward, one flick of John's wrist up, and Tobias is spilling, beautifully, coating his hand and ruining his shirt, his hips jerking greedily into the grip and against his cock spearing him open as he chants John's name. The sight of it, and the way his body tightens around him, makes his vision go white as he is sent once more into freefall, ecstasy washing over him in wave after seemingly endless wave. Tobias doesn't pull off of him until his moans and whimpers turn into harsh breaths in the throes of overstimulation, falling boneless once more into the chair by his bed. The loss of him, of his body heat, devastates him for a moment. He's so used to him simply falling forward against him, to falling asleep sticky and sated and close, that for a moment he's convinced again that he's done something wrong. Only after this does he realize why that would be at worst impossible and at best a bad idea. Still, Tobias places his head back against his chest, as if sensing his distress, and presses a gentle kiss over his heartbeat.

"I know. I missed you, too. But we have plenty of time now." Another kiss, a nuzzle so slight he can barely feel it. "Forever."

He wipes his hand on the sheets and then returns it to Tobias's hair, carding through it gently- he can tell sleep is about to take both of them, and he wants to be touching him in any way he can when it claims him.

Forever doesn't seem like long enough to him.

But it's certainly a good start.

#my writing #f/o: john #lemon #i love writing summerseed i LOVE writing summerseed #cannot believe its almost been two years of summerseed truly #it feels like yesterday but it also feels like ive known john my whole life

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bluebirdsbluebells · 4 years

Text

Love Lost - part two

JJ Maybank x reader

Words: 4.7k

Warnings: swearing, angst, cheating, mention of drugs, slight hot n heavy part…

A/N: you guys asked, and i delivered. i hope it’s worth it. also sometimes the italics don’t work on mobile, but fingers crossed that they stay good this time!

Part one

You had noticed he was beginning to change. Maybe you had known all along that something was wrong, and you were just waiting for it to all fall apart. Maybe you were just in denial. Maybe maybe maybe. You had so many questions, and part of you desperately wanted the answers, but the other half of you didn’t want to hear anything else about it.

You lay in Kie’s bed, curled up in the fetal position. She had one hand on your back rubbing circles over your shirt, and the other was brushing your hair off of your face. Your head was in her lap.

“Shh,” she whispered, pulling on a strand that had fallen into your eyes. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“How could he do that?” You choked out, your body shaking with yet another sob. “It’s okay,” Kie cooed. She then shifted her body so your head was off of her legs, and then she laid down beside you. Her arms wrapped around your torso, and she squeezed your shoulders lightly.

It was a pain you had never felt before. It was deep beneath the surface of your skin, and it ached like hell. Like an itch you couldn’t reach, it tingled and pinched and only got worse and worse with time. Every time you believed you could get in a breath, your throat closed. You felt like you were fighting for your life, but with no life support; no IV, no medication, no mechanical ventilation; nothing. It was just your mind and your body, and you were losing touch with both. Your body suddenly didn’t feel like your own, and it seemed as if you had no control over your thoughts.

“Three girls, Kie. Three girls.” “I know,” she said, and you could feel her breath against your neck. “John B. kicked them all out as soon as he saw them.” Your eyes filled up with tears once more at the thought of those girls on JJ. Their hands on his body, their breath in his ear, their lips on his skin…

Your mind jumped to the worst.

Kie had the full story, but she hadn’t seen it. John B had though. He walked in on them. He said the room was mostly dark, but he could see that JJ was with three other girls. One of them was on his lap, whispering things in his ear, and the other two were at his sides, giggling at him. When John B entered the room JJ threw the one girl off, then yelled at John B to get out. Apparently he was scrambling around the room trying to gather up his shit.

Everything after that was hard for you to process.

It was well into the afternoon before you finally climbed out of bed. You crossed the room, briefly glancing at yourself in your vanity mirror.

You were a wreck. Red puffy eyes; messy knotted hair; clothes that were wrinkled. You just looked like shit, and you felt just as bad as you appeared. There was a light knock at your door. “Yeah?” You called quietly, pulling on a hoodie. From behind you Harry cracked open the door, his head poking around the side.

“It’s almost one,” he said, and then he pushed the door open further. “I didn’t sleep well,” you replied, your eyes darting up to your reflection as you grabbed a brush. You ran it through your hair aggressively, trying to yank out the clumps of tangled hair. You looked at Harry in the mirror, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, looking back at you.

“I was going to go into town,” he said. “I need to run some errands.”

“Errands?” You snorted. “What kinds of errands?” “Dad wanted me to pick up some things at the store. I think he wanted me to drop something off at Ward’s too.” You set down the brush. “And?” “I wanted to know if you wanted to come?” Harry raised his brows in question. You chewed the inside of your cheek, your eyes falling to the floor. “It’s okay,” you said, shaking your head. “I’m fine here.” Harry didn’t hesitate. “I think you should get out. Get some fresh air.” “I was outside all day yesterday,” you fired back, a hint of irritation in your tone. “I said I’m okay.”

“Come on Y/N,” Harry said softly. “We can talk.” You glanced over your shoulder, but didn’t meet his gaze. Yes, you had been down to the beach, but you hadn’t actually gone around town in a while. You had spent time with Kie, but no one else, not even Pope or John B or anyone. “I don’t have to talk to anyone else, right?” You whispered, looking up at Harry. He shook his head back at you.

“No, not if you don’t want to.” He gave you a small smile. “Just to get you out of the house.”

Slowly, you nodded at him. -

“He’s outside again Y/N,” Kie said as she hovered by the window. “He’s just sitting there.”

You swallowed hard, but didn’t look up. “He’s not gonna leave. It’s happened a million times before and he never leaves.”

“I’m going to tell him he can’t be here,” Kie said, shaking her head as she stepped away from the window. “My parents aren’t going to like him just sitting in the front yard.”

“He won’t leave Kie,” I whispered. “It’s no use.” “Well I’m trying,” she said, shooting you an exasperated look. “Why can’t he just get the fucking message?” Before you could stop her she stormed out of her room. You could hear her skipping down the steps to the front door, and you wanted to look, but you couldn’t. Your brows furrowed as you heard voices from outside; his voice. It was crisp against the silence of Kie’s bedroom. You felt a knot twist in your stomach as you pushed yourself up to your elbows. You couldn’t see him out the window, so you shifted towards the end of the bed, peeking out. And there he was; faded grey shirt and black shorts; his usual baseball cap resting atop his head. Your breath hitched as he glanced up towards the window, then did a double take. His face fell when he spotted you, and you instantly dropped to the ground. You heaved heavy breaths until Kie appeared back in the doorway. She rushed over to you, then enveloped you in a hug, pressing a soft kiss to your hairline. “What did he have to say?” You whispered, and Kie pulled away. She frowned at you. “I don’t think you really want to know.” You dropped your gaze to the floor, chewing on the inside of your cheek. From the bottom of your stomach you felt a knot beginning to form.

“Just tell me.” “Y/N-” “What did he have to say?” Kie sighed heavily, her hands dropping from your shoulders. “He wanted to talk to you. It’s the same thing as always Y/N. He says it wasn’t what it looked like, and if you would just give him a chance…” “No chances,” you whispered. “No.” “That’s okay,” Kie said, nodding at you. “You don’t have to talk to him now, or later, or ever.” You gave her a sad smile, and your lip quivered slightly. Kie noticed, and she pulled you back into a hug, resting her chin on your shoulder.

You waited in the car as Harry grabbed his things at the store. The sun was nice against your skin, and it felt good to be out and about, you couldn’t deny that. But your mind wasn’t at ease. It still raced just as much as it had during the night, and you found yourself pulling anxiously at the hem of your shirt, or tapping your fingers against the middle console, or constantly checking the time.

Maybe if it was any other day you would’ve been better, but the fact that it was your and JJ’s two year anniversary just made it a whole hell of a lot worse. Or what was meant to be your anniversary.

You couldn’t help but think about where it all went wrong. Had you changed? Had he stopped loving you? You shook your head at yourself. Your friends told you over and over and over again that it had nothing to do with you, and you never did anything wrong, but what if you had? Were there signs that you had ignored? Had he been pulling away from you the whole time?

JJ and you had been laying in your backyard for hours, eating and laughing and talking about all kinds of stupid things. By the time you finally decided to get up and head inside, the sun was low in the sky. You felt groggy and tired, and you laughed as you collapsed into JJ’s arms.

“Whoa there.” He caught you, grinning as he placed a gentle kiss on your lips. You kissed back slowly, and JJ’s hands slid down to your waist. He slipped his fingers under the hem of your shirt, and the skin on skin contact gave you shivers. Reaching up to grab a loose fistful of his hair, you pulled him in closer. “Ahem,” Harry cleared his throat, and you pulled away from JJ, feeling a blush creep onto your cheeks. Your brother hovered by the fridge, one eyebrow raised.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” JJ chimed, but he then leaned down to whisper “not really” in your ear. You giggled, grabbing his hand and leading him up to your room. “I think he purposely walks in on us, just to piss me off,” you said, shaking your head. JJ scoffed, clicking his tongue. “Well it sure as hell pisses me off,” JJ said, kicking your door closed with his heel. He then turned back to you, a smirk toying at his lips. “But… where were we?” You giggled as he approached you, his hands instantly making their way back around your waist. He pulled you close to his chest, and you stared up at him; looked into those bright blue eyes.

His lips were soft as he kissed you, and after a few seconds he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip. You smiled into the kiss, as his hands slipped under your shirt yet again. The pads of his fingers trailed up and down your back, and slowly he walked you towards your bed, where you dropped down lightly. With his lips still on yours he hovered over you. “Been waiting to do this all day,” he mumbled, pulling his lips away for a moment to look at you. You gave him back a smile, your fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Could’ve done it in the yard.” “With your brother around the corner?” He chuckled, peppering kisses along your jaw. “I don’t think so.” “Well,” you breathed, tilting your head back slightly.

JJ’s lips travelled down your neck, and exhaled shakily. You could feel him smirk against your collarbones, and you rolled your eyes slightly. He always knew.

One of his hands rubbed small circles over your hip bone, and then slowly his fingers moved down your thigh, squeezing it lightly. Your own hands moved down from his neck and to his chest, where you slid them under his shirt. He tore his lips from your skin for a brief moment so that he could pull the shirt over his head, but then he was back on you, his kisses becoming hungrier.

“Jesus,” he mumbled as your fingers ran along his toned chest, and then across his stomach. You playfully slipped them along the top of his boxers, and he grumbled something against your neck. You dropped your head to the side, your breathing beginning to quicken. JJ could do that to you. In a matter of seconds you could completely flip, and it drove the both of you crazy.

Slowly, he began to work your shorts down, and then you kicked them off, sliding yourself further up on the bed. JJ’s chest grazed your stomach as he moved his lips from your collarbones to your chest. He tugged back the fabric of your shirt, then glanced up at you before placing a few kisses on the exposed skin of your breasts.

Another shaky breath escaped your lips. JJ slid his hands down your thighs, his lips making their way from your chest to your stomach. You could feel a tingle between your thighs, and you sucked in a breath as JJ kissed your lower stomach. Your fingers instantly went to his hair, and you tugged on his blonde locks lightly.

“JJ,” you breathed, and he only hummed in response. “My parents…” “We’re fine,” he replied, his fingers exploring the skin of your inner thighs.

But you weren’t fine, because just then JJ’s phone went off. The first call he ignored, but the second he groaned to, then pulled his lips away from you to check the screen. You tilted your head at him as he looked at it, and then his brows furrowed. “Everything okay?” You asked, propping up on your elbows. He was still between your legs, and with one hand he traced patterns on your thigh.

“Yeah,” he said, glancing up at you quickly. “Just a second.”

You sighed lightly, then dropped back onto your back, staring mindlessly up at the ceiling as JJ wrote back to whoever he needed to write back to. “Shit,” he finally said, and you tilted your head to look at him. “What’s wrong?” “I have to go,” he said, giving you an apologetic look as he stood up, collecting his shirt from the floor. You frowned slightly at him, propping yourself back up on your elbows. “Right now?” “Yeah,” JJ said quietly, sticking out his bottom lip. You did the same, then crossed your legs under you. “I promise I’ll come by again tomorrow though.” You felt a slight pang in your chest, but you let it go. That wasn’t the first time that JJ had to leave abruptly, but you knew that he had other priorities. And sure enough, if he said he was going to drop by the next day, he absolutely did.

“Okay,” you said, smiling softly as he gave you another kiss on the forehead. You leaned down to pick up your shorts, then pulled them on as you stood up in front of him. “I love you,” he said as he backed towards the door. He gave you a wink, and then he was gone.

You chewed on the inside of your lip. That wasn’t the first time that JJ had left you while in the middle of something, and it wasn’t the last.

Your mind jumped to every single conclusion; every little thing that you hadn’t noticed before suddenly seemed so… strange. Signs. They were signs, ones that you hadn’t seen while in the moment. Maybe if you would’ve recognized them before, you could’ve stopped him from hurting you. Or possibly it was inevitable; something that was bound to happen eventually, whether you expected it or not.

Harry cracked open the door behind you, then placed the bags on the floor. You glanced back at him, then pulled your seatbelt back over your chest. “Hey,” he said as he climbed into his seat. “You were right,” you said quietly as the car started down the street. “About what?” “It’s good to get outside,” you said, looking over and giving him a smile. Harry smiled back. “Good.”

“Where are we going now?” “Ward’s. I have to drop off something for Dad and then we can head back home.” You nodded at him. Maybe you would see Sarah. Not that you really wanted to -- you knew that she would get all emotional around you -- but maybe it would’ve been nice.

“Do you want to go out surfing after dinner?” You asked JJ just as the two of you were finishing up your meals. Your parents had eaten prior to the two of you, so it was just you and him. God knew where Harry was. “Uh,” JJ started, setting his fork down. You raised your brows at him; you thought that it would’ve been a yes without hesitation. “I don’t know if I can do tonight.” “Oh,” you said. “That’s all good.” “We could go out for a bit but I just have some shit to do.” “No no!” You assured, shaking your head at him. “It’s no worries. We can go out tomorrow, or Wednesday.” “Wednesday would be good.” JJ gave you a smile. “I’m sorry.” “JJ,” you laughed. “It’s okay.”

“Okay,” Harry said, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he looked over at you. “I’ll be like five- ten minutes maybe.” You nodded at him. “Okay.” “You want to come in?” “It’s okay,” you told him. “I’ll just wait here.” “‘Kay,” Harry said, then he climbed out of the car, grabbing a bag from the back before heading into the house.

“Kie and I were going to grab lunch later, do you want to come?” You asked your boyfriend. He poked his head up over the couch, lifting his hat up to look at you. “Later?” He repeated, and you nodded. “Maybe two or something.” He sucked in a breath. “I don’t know if I can… I’m sorry Y/N.”

Your smile faltered slightly, and you felt a pang of disappointment, but you shrugged it off.

“That’s all good!”

You tapped your fingers against your thighs, chewing on the inside of your lip. It had already been a good ten minutes, and Harry was still inside. You sighed heavily, crossing your legs impatiently. “Y/N!” You turned your head, and you were met with a familiar face. “Rafe,” you mumbled back, cursing yourself for leaving your window rolled down. The boy jogged towards the car, a grin on his face. He had on a pair of gloves, and his arms were covered with dirt. Had he been… gardening?

“Haven’t seen you around in a while,” he said, tilting his head at you. You looked away. “How’s your summer been?”

“Fine,” you breathed, wringing your hands in your lap. He was a fucking smarts sometimes, he knew exactly what kind of summer you had had. “Yours?” “Good,” Rafe replied, propping his arm up on the window. “You been up to much?” “Not really,” you answered quietly, your eyes darting up to the house. Where the fuck was Harry? “Just chilling around the house and stuff. Surfing a bit.”

“Nice,” Rafe commented. “Hey I uh- I wanted to say that I was sorry about what happened with JJ. Real pain in the ass.” You looked up at him, a blank expression on your face. Rafe raised his brows, then gave you an apologetic nod. You felt your forehead crease as you stared at him, and then the corners of your lips turned down in a frown. “... thanks,” you said quietly. You couldn’t tell if he was mocking you or actually being serious. Rafe and you had never been close. You were never super close with Sarah either. She had started to hang out with your friends more since she started dating John B, but you two never spent time one-on-one. You just weren’t all that close with the Cameron’s in general, so that comment from Rafe really caught you off guard. You doubted that he actually cared.

“I know the chicks too,” Rafe said, giving you a look as he shook his head. “One of ‘em; Krissy? A bitch.” You swiped your tongue over your bottom lip, sucking in a breath. “Mhm,” you murmured, unsure about what to say. “She’s always on something. Always fucking high. Rude too.” Rafe whistled, pulling off his gloves. “I’m surprised JJ stooped that low. Obviously you’re a catch.”

You chuckled uncomfortably. You just wanted to go home. Rafe was known for being an asshole, and even with his ‘apologetic’ words, you were feeling no sympathy. And what was he to talk about being high? You knew how often he did drugs, and you hated it. You fucking hated it. About 95% of the time that you saw him he was on something. You knew that it wasn’t really his fault anymore -- he was so addicted -- but it still made you upset.

“Well it’s over now,” you said, your eyes darting everywhere except for the boy beside you. “Can’t go back in time.” “Wish we could sometimes,” Rafe laughed, nudging your shoulder with his fist. “Would save a lot of fucked up things from happening.”

“Mhm,” you mumbled, giving him a tight lipped smile. “You know,” Rafe started again, nudging you a second time. “There was this one time that I-” Suddenly you frowned, and your thoughts began to race. “How did you know it was that girl?” You asked Rafe, cutting him off. His eyebrows shot up as he stared at you, one hand hovering in the air -- you had interrupted his story.

“Huh?” He frowned back at you. “Oh-! Krissy?” At the name you felt your stomach twist. “Yeah. Her. How’d you know it was her? Apparently…” you trailed off, and your throat began to dry. “Apparently JJ didn’t even know her. Or- or any of them.” Rafe gave you a funny look, and then he let out a laugh. “Well it was Barry,” he said, shrugging. “He told me.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “Barry told you.” “He did.” “How did Barry know?” “Jesus, does it matter?” Rafe laughed, but when he saw your cold expression his smile faltered. “Okay, sorry.” He shrugged. “They’re friends or some shit like that. I don’t know! Ask him.” Rafe dropped his eyes to the ground, where he was kicking at something with his shoe. “Ask Barry?” “Yeah. I don’t know, okay? Barry knows a shitload of people.” “Barry deals drugs, Rafe.” Rafe looked up at you, and then he held up his hands as he shrugged. “I’m just telling you what you asked for.”

“I know.” Your gaze dropped to your feet.

Rafe was silent for a while longer, but then he sighed, taking his arm away from the window. “I gotta get back to this shit, but I’ll see you around.” You watched him go, a pit sinking in your stomach.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, but I’m going to have to leave a little earlier tonight,” JJ said, pressing a kiss to your hairline. “I have a shit ton of things to do tonight.”

You looked up at him. “Okay.” “I’ll call you later, okay?” “Okay J.”

Harry was taking a bloody fucking long time. You were starting to get extremely impatient, and when you checked your phone and found out that nearly twenty minutes had gone by, you were done with it.

You sighed as you climbed out of the car, shooting Harry a quick text to tell him that you were going to walk home. Ward’s wasn’t that far from your place -- maybe ten minutes -- so you knew that it would be fine. Plus, the car was beginning to feel stuffy. So much for fresh air.

“I have to go babe, I’ll see you later.” It hurt.

“Love you.” “I love you too.”

The sun was warm against your back as you walked. A couple cars breezed by, but other than that the street was dead. Your eyes lingered on each house that you passed, and you breathed in the scent of freshly cut grass.

- “I can’t make it later.” “Why not?” “I have some things to do, I’m sorry.” “It’s okay.”

You sucked in a long breath, then exhaled heavily, trying to clear your head. What the hell was Rafe talking about -- that Krissy chick?

“I’m busy then, I’m sorry sweetheart.” “It’s fine.”

If JJ didn’t even know the girls, then why were they there? Had he invited them? Surely John B. hadn’t. So why did Rafe know the girls, and why did fucking Barry?

“Tomorrow night? I don’t think I can.”

It didn’t make any sense. -

“I love you.” “I know.”

You shook your head. You had to let it go. It was a thing of the past.

- “Where are you always going?” You asked one day as JJ and you sat in your room, you laying on the floor and him sitting in the armchair by the window. “Hm?” He asked, looking up from his phone. “You’ve been leaving early lately,” you said, propping yourself up on your elbows. “Why?”

“I’ve been busy baby,” JJ replied, setting his phone down. “I’m sorry.” “Busy doing what? I thought you were working morning shifts. I don’t mean to be nosy...” “I am,”JJ said. “I just…” he trailed off, and you frowned at him. “My dad. He just has been really up in my shit lately and his temper has been-” “No no,” you cut him off, then you slid yourself over to sit in front of him, putting your hands on his. “It’s okay, I understand. You don’t have to explain yourself.” JJ gave you a soft smile. “I’m sorry, I really want to stay around later but he just gets in these moods and I…”

You nodded. “I completely understand.” He took your face in his hands, then brushed back a piece of hair from your eyes. “I love you Y/N,” he said quietly, and you kissed the side of his palm. “I love you more.” -

You didn’t hear him the first time he called your name, but you sure as fucking hell heard the second.You froze just as you were about to step off the curb to cross the street. Your body went rigid, and your breath hitched at the sound of his voice. “Y/N?” He asked again, and you could tell he was closer to you that time. Ever so slowly you turned around, scared of what you would see. And he was right there. Right there in front of you, maybe ten feet away. It was the closest you had been to him in weeks. At one point in your life he was the only person you could spend time with for days and days and never get bored, but then he became the person you tried to avoid the most.

“Oh my god,” JJ rasped, his hands coming up to pull at his hair. You opened your mouth, then closed it, completely at a loss for words. “Oh my god Y/N.” “I- I have to go,” you finally choked out, and then you turned on your heel and jogged across the road, feeling the weight of your heartbreak starting to creep back over you. You couldn’t look at him; couldn’t ever look in those eyes again, for they were the eyes that you had lost yourself in so many times.

“Y/N, please listen to me.” JJ jogged up beside you, his voice laced with desperation. You wouldn’t look at him. “Leave me alone.” “I need to talk to you, please.” “There’s nothing to talk about,” you said, and your voice broke. You kept your eyes to the right of the sidewalk, but in your peripheral vision you could see him walking briskly beside you. “I can explain it all if you would just listen-” “I don’t want to talk to you JJ,” you said. You tried to block out his voice, but he just continued pleading with you. You were only five minutes from home.

“I know you don’t want to see me, but can we just talk?” It wasn’t really a question, it was a statement, but still you shook your head. Your slowed your pace, trying to keep your breathing even. You looked over at him, but not up at his face.

“JJ, you need to leave me alone. Please. I may be able to talk to you one day, but not today.”

He was quiet, and you stared at the ground between the two of you, and then at your shoes. He had on his usual black boots, and you had on flip flops.

“That’s fair,” he said slowly, as if he was struggling to get the words out. “That’s fair. But please-”

“That’s it JJ,” you muttered, and then you stepped away from him, picking up your pace yet again. Tears brimmed your eyes, and suddenly your skin stung, and you swiped at your nose with the back of your hand. From behind you, you heard JJ let out a long string of curse words followed by one exclamation:

“It wasn’t what it looked like!”

Blinded by your hate and your hurt, you didn’t believe him, but little did you know that it was in fact, not what it looked like.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fic #jj maybank series #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank fanfiction #outer banks fic #outer banks #outer banks imagine

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mittensmorgul · 6 years

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The mixtape thing is hard for me to see as a romantic gesture only- In Stranger Shings, Jonathan Bayers gave a Mixtape to his little brother, In Guardians of the Galaxy, Peter Quill got his Mixtape from his mother-So it seems that can be a family thing too?And we and the show, claim that Castiel is family- I would love it to be pure romantic love thing,but with many mixtapes showing up as a family affair it is hard

Hi there! First of all, my intent behind this reply is one part mild exasperation, one part humorous jibing, and maybe two or three parts coffee (It took a lot of coffee to drown out the part that just wanted to delete this in a fit of less-than-mild exasperation, but I just want to assure you that this reply is in no way intended to be mean-spirited or condescending, and I hope you don’t take it that way).

For my second disclaimer, I’d like to make it known that I have seen neither of these things-- GotG or Stranger Things-- but because I don’t live under a rock, I at least know what they are. So if I say something about them that people who are actually familiar with these things would take issue with, just know that I am not prepared for a meta debate on either GotG or Stranger Things, but that no ill is intended in referencing them here.

(for my third disclaimer, I’d like to again state how sad I am that meta writers need to paste these sorts of disclaimers on everything, but such is the way things go...)

Righto! I think we can get down to business now. :)

There has already been a very well-written defense of the mixtape as romantic as used in GotG and GotG 2, and how it even STRENGTHENS the romantic reading of the mixtape scene in 12.19. But being me, the post somehow didn’t make it into the proper tag on my blog, and despite trying to search for it multiple different ways, I can’t seem to find it anywhere... >.>

(additional disclaimer that I’m in the middle of a Death Migraine, so apologies for any lack of due diligence in linking relevant references... searching for things hurts my brain right now)

The gist of it was that the mixtape contained songs that Peter Quill’s parents listened to together, so the tape’s ORIGINS were without question romantically coded. Despite the fact that the movie opens with Peter’s dying mother giving him the tape (this was what happened, right? I’m not mistaken here?) as a gift of love from mother to son, from what I understand about the sequel, PETER TURNS RIGHT AROUND AND USES THE TAPE TO WOO GAMORA. Restoring the “romantic” associations the tape began with, imbuing the mixtape with a sort of “legacy of love.”

Did I get all that right?

This is EXACTLY what I was referring to in my post yesterday as the show’s history of using Led Zeppelin songs in explicitly romantic situations.

In the OPENING SCENE of 12.01, as Dean’s establishing his identity for a very confused and suddenly-alive-after-33-years Mary, this is what he tells her:

Dean: Listen to me. Your name - your name is Mary Sandra Campbell, you were born December 5, 1954 to Samuel and Deanna Campbell. Your father, he bounced around a lot for work, and you bounced right along with him and you ended up in Lawrence, Kansas.Mary: How do you know all that?Dean: Dad told me. March 23, 1972 you walked out of a movie theater, Slaughterhouse-Five, you loved it. And you bumped into a big marine and knocked him on his ass. You were embarrassed and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So you went to, uh, Mulroni's, and you talked and he was cute, and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number you gave it to him even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that you met-Mary: John Winchester.Dean: August 19, 1975 you were married, in Reno, your idea. Few years later I came along, then Sammy.Mary: Then I burned. How long have I been gone?Dean: Thirty-three years.

SHE GAVE JOHN WINCHESTER HER NUMBER BECAUSE HE KNEW ALL THE WORDS TO EVERY LED ZEPPELIN SONG. IT WAS A FLIRTATION. IT WAS THE FOUNDING STONE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

LED ZEPPELIN LYRICS.

EXPLICITLY ROMANTIC.

Not only that, but we know that Dean has known this story his whole life. As if Mary (who had died long ago when he was a child, just like Peter Quill’s mother) had given him a reason to love these songs, too. For Dean they weren’t just ///romantic/// coded, but a link to that happier and more innocent time from his childhood, where his life was normal and his mom cut the crusts off his PBJ and gave him pie. From a time when Dean thought life could even be normal at all.

So, not solely romantic, but absolutely romanticized. Or idealized, at least. These were memories he clung to like a koala as his life fell to pieces after Mary died. He remembered that old life as only a child could, through rose-tinted soft-focus, reinforced by John’s vague and infrequent recounting of his memories of Mary.

(remember in 3.09, how 9-year-old Sam complained that they NEVER talked about mom? and how upset Dean became when Sam probed him for more information? And even in the pilot episode Sam said something about never being able to get mom back, and Dean threw him against the bridge pillar and told him to NEVER say stuff like that about Mary... I mean, it’s HEAVILY implied that talking about her AT ALL was something that just didn’t happen, but when it did, it was the sort of memory Dean referenced in his speech in 12.01... those were the “important details” he’d memorized... and maybe that entire description of their first meeting hadn’t even been John’s words at all, but things Dean had been carrying in his own mind since he was a child-- something Mary might’ve told him herself before she died, since that bit of Dean’s story is related back to Mary in Mary’s own pov.)

The show has also lampshaded the use of Led Zeppelin as a sexual overture, in 2.02:

Jo: You know, I thought you were gonna toss me some cheap pickup line. Most hunters come through that door think they can get in my pants with some... pizza, a six pack, and side one of Zeppelin IV.

Jo had been expecting Dean to hit on her, and it’s implied all the way up through her appearance as a ghost in 7.04 that she’d WANTED him to hit on her, that she’d had a crush on him or was attracted to him... and the only reason she turned him down in 5.10 was because she didn’t just want the “last night on earth” fling with him... This was 100% a come-on.

And Dean’s two favorite songs? Ramble On (which yes, on the surface is a LotR reference, but the deeper message is the search for a lover), and Traveling Riverside Blues (which is 100% about sex... I mean... It’s just pure lust). Put together, they’re like the peak of Love and Lust. And being Dean’s two top favorite songs? I’d bet both of them are on that mixtape.

So back to the point with the GotG reference. It not only does not invalidate Dean’s gift of the tape to Cas as a romantic gesture, but REINFORCES the romantic nature of the gift.

These songs that united Peter’s parents, which his mom left to him after she died, and eventually he uses to romance someone he’s in love with...

If Peter had turned around and given the mixtape to another relative, or to a friend he had no romantic interest in, then I would’ve given you this example. But that is explicitly NOT what happened. Sorry. When taken in the larger context of the entire story around it, saying the mixtape there was only about a mother’s love for her son is being deliberately obtuse. Context matters, and taking that one link in Peter’s mixtape chain out of the larger interconnected story is cherry picking.

So that leaves us with ONE SINGLE EXAMPLE (which I won’t argue with because I have not seen Stranger Things and therefore have zero context with which to debate what you stated about it) OUT OF THE ENTIRE CANON OF HUMAN STORYTELLING in which a mixtape is used as a platonic or familial gift with no romantic coding whatsoever.

I’m going to go ahead and call the use of the mixtape in Stranger Things THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. This was the subversion of the standard trope.

I asked Mr. Mittens and kidperson (who HAVE watched Stranger Things) what the context of the mixtape was, just so I could have a general idea. Apparently it was given to a younger brother by an older brother as a sort of “This is important music that you need to know to be cool” sort of gift. Or maybe “music that is important to me.” Apparently the older brother was hospitalized for something at some point? So there was also this generalized feeling of “taking care of my little brother” aspect to it? I’m just spitballing on the like three things I know about ST, so no actual meta value is being ascribed to these statements.

But this is what really bothers me about your question, because this is something that’s been discussed since 12.19 aired, and I would like to put forth this argument:

The VAST MAJORITY of references to the gift of a mixtape in popular culture ARE EXPLICITLY ROMANTICALLY OR SEXUALLY CODED. The OVERWHELMING number of references over DECADES of storytelling simply cannot be invalidated by a SINGLE use of the mixtape in a non-romantic way.

PLUS: CONTEXT MATTERS. You can’t just say, “Dean gave Cas a mixtape, but because one time on one show someone gave a mixtape to his brother, so therefore these situations could be identical, and it could be a gesture of brotherly camaraderie and not specifically romantic.” THAT IS NOT A VALID ARGUMENT WHEN TAKEN IN CONTEXT.

The entire scene in 12.19 was framed, shot, and edited with multiple other romantically coded tropes. The absolute QUIET that settled over the scene (no background music, the only sounds those of their voices, speaking earnestly and emotionally to one another), the fact that we didn’t see Dean GIVE the tape TO CAS, but only Cas attempting to return the tape to Dean because his recent actions HURT DEAN. Dean was ANGRY that Cas had gone missing for a time and had ignored his calls, and had stormed off to his room in a huff. Cas’s response to this was to offer to RETURN the tape to Dean (now explicitly coded as a gift of love, because he worried that Dean may have withdrawn whatever feelings that had inspired the gift in the first place).

The fact that Dean can’t even LOOK at Cas because of his hurt, and yet picks up the tape and hands it back to Cas (in a shot that frames JUST THEIR HANDS PASSING THE TAPE like THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT PLS PAY ATTENTION PLS), and tells him, “It’s a gift. You keep those.”

I can’t believe people need me to spell out all the subtext in that one line, but here it is:

At this moment, the fact that the gift object itself is a mixtape is practically irrelevant, because THAT LINE ITSELF carries about nine miles of romantic subtext. In this context, the mixtape takes on the same narrative weight as Arwen’s necklace in Lord of the Rings. It’s a symbol of her immortality as an elf, AND a symbol for her heart. AND SHE OFFERS IT TO ARAGORN, AND THEN HE TRIES TO GIVE IT BACK BECAUSE HE FEELS HE DOES NOT DESERVE IT, BECAUSE HE’S ABOUT TO LEAVE HER TO GO ON HIS MISSION TO SAVE THE WORLD.

Sound familiar?

This familiarity IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS A VERY LONG-LIVED ROMANTIC TROPE.

The fact that the Macguffin in this case happens to be a Led Zeppelin mixtape in 12.19 only ADDS to the inherently romantically coded GESTURE of what happened in that whole entire scene, compounded by A DECADE of other romantically coded subtext between Dean and Cas.

*screams into the void and the apologizes to the void and tucks it back under its blanket*

There’s also the fact that we have no idea when, or under what circumstances, Dean gave that tape to Cas in the first place. We can only speculate that it may have happened after the events of 12.12, but honestly it could’ve been any time in the preceding ten years. For argument’s sake, let’s suppose it was a relatively recent gift, considering the circumstances under which Cas attempted to return it-- immediately after being confronted with his unexplained absence and Dean’s anger over it, and immediately PRIOR to his PLANNED BETRAYAL, his theft of the Colt, and his abandonment of Dean yet again... The circumstances under which Cas felt he might not ///deserve/// this specific token of Dean’s feelings for him involved betrayal of those feelings by virtue of his absence and abandonment of Dean (at least, he understood this much of what that tape seemed to represent to Dean).

*another disclaimer: I’ve been writing this for like four hours now, and my Death Migraine has progressed to the point where I need to not look at things for a while. I could keep going here, but I’m failing at basic human things like “being able to sit upright” and “not throwing up every time I open my eyes” so I’m gonna stop typing now*

*no wait, one more thing because I can type with my eyes closed*

Isn’t it amazing that we’ve now evolved to the point where instead of combing through the subtext to find romantically coded things in their interactions, folks are now actively scrambling to find ways to explain away the blatantly in-your-face romantically coded text? I mean... what have we come to here? When the more OBVIOUS and far more defensible read of the scene is the romantic read? And yet still there’s this scramble to suggest it could be non-romantic...

And do you know how these sorts of arguments all sound to me? I’ll let the Simpsons explain it for me:

youtube

#top 13 zepp traxx #the scheherazade of supernatural #apologies that this sort of goes incoherent at points #imma go lie down in a dark room for a while now and pray for death #Anonymous

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