#it can really just do a number on me

[inkskinned]

i know people are good because of this: the universe often assigns me side quests. in a circular strangeness; despite my inability to locate my-own-anything, i am almost-always finding someone else's lost things. dogs, coats, phones, cash, laptops. it happens so often it's almost tiring; suddenly being looped into a tiny amount of detective work.

but when i'm with other people who are not used to this: the response is almost invariably delight. yes, maybe they are simply thrilled by the mystery. it's just... they light up so much. i think maybe more... i think they like the opportunity to do something kind.

a few weeks ago, i was at a bar and i found a wallet as soon as we stepped outside. i felt nervous to ask for help, worried i would be holding up the night. i picked it up and said go on without me, i should help this get back to its home.

instead, three people pulled out their phones - to find him on facebook, to help cancel his credit cards. two people went back into the bar to tell the bartender, two others went calling down the street. group texts, facebook posts, instagram stories. people, without even seeing what happened, start offering help to me. fifteen minutes and: someone knows someone who knows the guy. the cheer that went up - just for finding him, just for this small thing. someone gets him on the phone. strangers dance around me, hopping on their feet - are you the girl that found that wallet? good for you, that's a good thing you're doing/same thing happened to me and somebody did what you're doing and i thank god everyday for people like you/i can't believe you found him so fast this is so exciting

i gave it back to him in a parking lot. i watched his shoulders sag with relief. there was cash in it still - he checked the pocket, and then sheepishly held the money out to me. i didn't take it. i held up my hands. "it's no problem, man. i know you'd do the same for me."

i don't know him, to be honest. i don't know if he is the same kind of person i am. but he nodded at me.

and i know people are good. i know people are good, because the way this story ends isn't surprising. we wave goodbye awkwardly. my friend loops their arm around me.

"i can't believe we got it back to him," they said. "i'm going to be riding that high for weeks."

#i lost my wallet in disney world once #and really thought i had beefed it bc i was 19 and alone #and a woman got it back to me within an hour #just like . a mom #i have no idea how she got my number or info #and i do think that since then karmatically god has been like. #ur about to be the same person in someone else's life #btw i like the side quests but they never happen at a good time #once saved 2 lost dogs while on the way to the airport. i already had my 70 pound dog in the back of my car #and had to chase 2 dogs down the street to wrastle into my passenger seat #(she ended up writing me the fucking nicest thank you card and sending me WAY #W A Y too much in target bucks as a thank-you) #i went 2 go see batman the other night and legit like. had already been running late #to go see a friend #and instead was like. sorry i have to step outside and use this person's phone to see if i can find them #i once found 250 dollars in cash lol #MEANWHILE IN MY PRIVATE LIFE #I LOSE FUCKING EVERYTHING #adhd will be like #: thou art so observant that it is distracting : #: BUT not observant towards items that are not novel to you : #: die mad about it : #: so it is written. so it must be : #: no nobody saw where you put the fucking car keys :

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art. #It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off. #Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways! #There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough' #only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize - #-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*) #And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans. #The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement. #I really can't describe how grateful I am. #Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out. #Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house. #But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants. #I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry. #Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

[wyrmswears]

i finished aai2 (one of these is not like the others)

#you can tell how inconsistent my style is just from this.. anyway ive been learning how to draw sebastian #sebastian debeste #athena cykes #ace attorney #aai2 #you see i just cant not draw athena.. #i think sebastians like my second favourite character now. the brainrots bad #never my number one though i am an athena stan through and through #speaking of: i sometime see athena characterisations that just make me sit and go wow u never played dual destinies did u. or maybe im autis #aai2 spoilers #uhm just for sebbys edgy ass sprite (its so funny sorry i know its meant to be serious but its such a funny sprite i love him) #his hair is really difficult to draw???? how do u guys do it #shoutout to my one follower with the sebastian pfp though i understand you so well now. we are cosmically linked (sebastian fans) #i did take my adhd meds today i promise #wyrm draws #ace attorney fanart #aa

[thymeofarrival]

Gem’s bloodlust is genuinely scary and unsettling and I adore it and her so much

… I hit tag limit on this and I’m not even close to done spilling my thoughts in the tags so I’m going to post so I can copy my tags into real text and keep writing them

#I can’t imagine facing her as one of the uninfected when she’s got my heart rate up just watching from her perspective #she’s a hunter #I’ve written something before about how she talks about murder in the same excited tone as cute decorations #and people sometimes underestimate her because of it despite her reputation as a good fighter #but she’s not a fighter she’s a predator #she’s a hunter and even watching from her perspective sometimes it feels like she’s hunting me #she’s hunting All #and it’s exciting and fun for her #and she needs her pack to some extent but when it gets too big she needs to split off again #idk what’s going on in these tags it’s just. hnnghhh. Red Gem #or even before she went red #just bloodthirsty predator gem reveling in the thrill of the hunt #it’s not nearly as much fun on your own but once you’ve killed a couple people to your side and have the numbers to terrify people #you can do that. you can circle around your prey and corner them and terrify them before you kill them #and it feels like power and it feels like a game and it feels like fun #because it’s not life or death it’s success or failure #but maybe everything is a game to a creature like gem who hops between worlds at will #what if she could leave secret life at any time #like she could hop between empires and hermitcraft at any time #if she can leave then she really is just there to have a chance to enjoy the hunt in a setting where it’s expected #encouraged even #death games as a way to satisfy her bloodlust so it doesn’t spill over someplace where it might Actually Hurt #death games to take the edge off #death games to get a chance to reveal the fangs behind her grin and the sharp points of her antlers #we call her a deer because that’s the closest thing our minds can connect to her appearance #but she’s always been a little too Other for that #oh and now the Void has taken root in her too #it’s claimed her eye and arm #maybe it helped guide her aim #or maybe she’s always been a creature of the space between worlds (what with the way she hops between them)

[caffeinatedopossum]

I actually find it really bizarre and counter intuitive that clinically speaking, you cannot legally be diagnosed with a personality disorder until you're at least 18. The reason given for this is because "the personality has not fully developed before this age" like ???

Ah yes, my favorite strategy. Not diagnosing the problem until it's already been virtually cemented into your brain for life! Wouldn't it be easier (and more painless) to address the problem before it's fully developed?

#im also certain that the age that personality fully forms at is not a universally agreed upon number #like idk. maybe this raises less questions about age and more about the potential consequences of pathologizing personalities #it feels a little fucked up to me that some mental illness are 'just' mental illnesses while others are deemed a thing synonymous with you #and i can understand if some people with personality disorders do really heavily identify with their disorders #thats fine! #i also think the average person has a concept of personality which is relatively stagnant and thats just not realistic tbh #i mean if you think personality is stagnant then yours probably is so in rhat sense youre not wrong #but personality can absolutely change and i dont think it makes you a 'different person' #i think its a natural progression #anyways. got a little derailed but the point im trying to make is #lets find a way to give people with personality disorders a more realistic hope for recovery without invalidating them #and also lets maybe try to treat personality disorders preemptively so they don't get worse

[lafragolina]

just kill me

#this whole article is bad but this was the WORST #not even for the reason you think (819 reasons) #Eliza you've already heard this rant but #if I can be way too sincere and long-winded for a moment #'always if I ask him something he helps' #how many quotes do we have from teammates over the years saying that exact thing #michael latta saying 'it doesn't matter if you're a top pair dman or a 4th line peasant; he'll do anything to help you' #christian djoos saying 'he's always there for you no matter what time or place. if something's up he's always there' #HHA saying recently nicke gave him his number and told him 'if you need anything just call me and I can help you' #carly in that interview when this was announced saying how nicke has been the support for everyone in that locker room from himself and osh #to guys who haven't been there long like strome and even pacioretty #I know holts and batya and andre and rasmus and jojo and tj and tom and karl alzner have all said stuff like this too #and that's just who I can think of off the top of my head #like. that's it. that's nicke. #if you ask him something. he helps. #for such an amazing athlete. for such a crucial part of making hockey A Thing in DC. #what his teammates want to talk about is his kindness #and that speaks so highly of him and is so genuinely admirable to me and worth aspiring to #I don't want to put anyone on a pedestal because we don't know these guys #but like. in terms of impact. nicke really genuinely made me try to be a better more thoughtful more actively outreaching friend #because I saw the way his teammates talked about him and that's how I want to be thought of. #I want people to know I'll be there for them. & not that I haven't been willing to do that but I've been more active about offering it #and part of that genuinely is because of his example #there's a million other things about his kindness I could mention before I even get to his hockey but this has already gone on far too long #so anyway #he is so dear to me #I hope he is happy and healthy #and that he knows how loved he is #nicklas backstrom #hockey

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

Are you still active on tumblr?

YES I am!! Sorry friends for dropping off the face of the earth, I got a job and I had to move and it was a lot. But I am less stressed now and I hope I can get back to posting more regularly!! I really missed it (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

I will never leave tumblr because there is no other place on the internet where I can tell people that 80% of the time when I try to introduce myself to someone in the office that I haven’t met yet I get so focused on smiling and holding eye contact that I forget the part where I actually have to introduce myself (°□°)

#HELLO FRIENDS #how are you!! I missed you! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ #I hope you all had a good summer!! #mine was very nice even though there was a lot of stress and new things happening #suddenly there were so many adult things in my life that at the end of the day I just sat on the couch and watched decorating shows #I love decorating shows but today they showed this decorating competition and one woman had to decorate her whole bedroom coral #and then I knew it was time to go back #friends I've done so many new things the past few weeks!! I've really underestimated what this new chapter of my life would be like #it's very nice and I'm glad but I've never thought about things like insurance and taxes and parallel parking before #and I'm in a new apartment and everything!! ✧⁺⸜(●′▾‵●)⸝⁺✧ #it is a very good apartment but the landlord left us so many of their chairs #this does not sound like a problem but we also owned chairs before #so our chair number is doubled now #the kitchen is full of chairs the balcony is full of chairs #I've hidden two chairs behind the TV but I can still see their chair heads and then I feel bad because they do not deserve this #they should be roaming free #also rode a BIKE #they say you never forget how to ride a bike #but my secret is that I never really knew how to ride one #in Germany all students have to do a bicyle test in fourth grade and I was so bad that my teacher asked me #afterwards if I had tried to confuse the other students #I just said 'uh yes' and then he said ok and I passed with the worst bicyle grade of the whole school #I hade made 8 bicyle mistakes #I hope you're doing well friends!! see you soon!! #have a nice day :)

[randomprose]

once He Tian's decided he's got you he never lets go huh

#19 days #tianshan #he tian #mo guan shan #do you guys ever think that the reason HT holds on to MGS so much is because he's so afraid he's gonna get taken from him (like his dog) #man that dog really did a number on him #or like #HT holds on to MGS as much as he can NOW bc he already knows he's leaving #he's getting all the holds and hugs he can get now to tide him over once he's away #that's just me tho #shitposts #mine

[thecruellestmonth]

Yes, poor people insist on eating cheap food and refusing to learn to cook. They wouldn't want better even if they did have the resources, that's just how they are by nature.

Thank you for correcting those ignorant Jason stans. Their headcanons of Jason being a good cook and enjoying fancy food are so seriously harmful.

Cass (who canonically lacks a lot of home skills and greatly enjoys eating other people's food) is one of the best cooks. Bruce (canonically a terrible cook who can't even make a sandwich) "does okay"—sure, it's your headcanon. Alfred, the classy British guy, is logically a great cook and "super posh". We can sum up Tim's unimpressive cooking skills just briefly.

But we need an entire section describing your headcanon about how Jason can't cook and needs to stick to "poverty comfort foods", because he comes from a poor background.

#Jason is such an a-hole and his personality is so repulsive and there are so many colorful ways to hate him. #Why do so MANY of you insist on blatant/veiled classism and ableism and abuse apologism? It's just not very creative or cool. #Jason Todd #fanon #fanon vs canon #canon vs fanon #You know what's a great ''poverty comfort food''?? Canned fruit! Ask me how I know! #I love Cass but when has she shown interest in cooking other than loving to eat? Her tastes seem VERY similar to Jason's in canon. #I mean if she really needs to win ''THE Number One Most-Like-Bruce Except Better'' Competition then she should be a bad cook too. #But tbh I think ''bad cook'' is a really weird trait to assign to fictional power fantasies. Cooking shouldn't be hard for those people. #If you can disarm a bomb and assemble a gun then you can follow step-by-step instructions to cook something simple and wholesome. #So even though Bruce is CANONICALLY a bad cook--I still headcanon that all the Bats are at least decently competent at cooking. #fandom negativity CW #fandom drama CW

[pansear-doodles]

imposter syndrome is a bitch

it can happen to artists you think are already enough or are skilled and great in your eyes

as much as it motivates us to improve ourselves and do better, its still not a pleasant feeling at all

its a persistent cycle of admiring someone who doubts themselves and i dont think its selfish to think that "you're not good enough"

because life has been cruel to us and for most of our lives we've been taught to "suck it up" or that we fear that our outputs are invalid in some way or mean nothing to anyone- the outputs that have parts of ourselves in it, even if it isn't meant to take a part of ourselves- it still came from us nonetheless

posts can easily say that you should be kind to yourself more but when it comes to trauma and something that's been with you since childhood, it's not as simple to shake off

it can take years and years- varies for every individual- and even then the people around you, the world and even yourself will change

as much as its awkward or a downer to see, be kind to artists who are hard on themselves. its not your obligation to give them attention. no, i dont think every single person who sees a vent post should come up to the person and be there for them to cry on their shoulder.

i just think at the very least we should understand that every single person you meet and the artists you admire are imperfect, and they will continue to think crappy thoughts about themselves- unlike in fantasies where its some simple character arc that is a story obstacle that can be overcome and forgotten about- fantasy is meant to be a fulfillment- a desire.

we are real human beings, but we can learn and grow and live.

#this is unfortunately why some of my friendships ended. this insecurity has controlled a lot of my life but im trying to break from it #often id see people with the bigger numbers and i tell myself to be better or if im not good enough. i cant help but feel that #“trauma isnt an excuse” for shitty behavior towards others? yes. but for people thinking crap about themselves and cant help it? not really #do you think i can be not sad at the flick of a switch? you assume i can emotionally cope well as much as everyone else simply? why? #anyway to all of my mutuals who think harshly of themselves. youre all alright. we are all here to have a good time. take things slow. #this might just me being silly neurodivergent again but there's nothing wrong with being careful like this. it *may* just be me after all #but who knows but me #thoughts

[daily-hanamura]

#do you guys ever think about how yosuke is always the one that proposes their outings #yu is the catalyst that brings them together but yosuke is the glue that helps hold them there #thinking about his shadow's comment about how yosuke needs to surround himself with as many people as possible to stave off the loneliness #and to a large extent it kind of still holds true here (and theres nothing wrong with that!) and not only does yu know that #yu doesnt judge him or tease him for it. and like for all the things that yu (or anybody else) teases him about #THAT is not it #Yukiko calls him well connected and friendly aaaaah i cannot get that out of my head ever #and it's also in how his proposals are received by the others - everyone else is always genuinely excited to participate in it #like the motorcycle license and the beach holiday is all your friends can talk about for the days after that #i think its one of those things that imo really add to that... very organic friendship dynamic that the IT have compared to the SEES #or even the PT to some extent #(listen i love the PT dont get me wrong but the IT just have a Something to them) (and i think a lot of it is driven by Yosuke) #his friends rib and tease him because hes so bullyable but they are always always so willing to jump in when he suggests something aaaaaah #and he knows this!! he may not have realised it at first but he does eventually!!! #yosuke truly my beloved my absolute number one love

[tallymali]

i have such a morbid fascination with those weird reddit dudes who rate their attraction to a woman by working out the ratios and proportions of her features. i want to know if it has ever occurred to them that this is not how other people experience attraction

#ik theyre awful misogynists but a part of me really feels bad for them #there’s definitely a chunk of them who do it bc they resent beautiful women #and kinda self-soothe by ‘proving with numbers’ that these women arent ACTUALLY attractive and they dont want them anyway #but i always wonder how many of them truly just dont feel attraction when looking at women #so they use the numbers as some sort of proxy #bc We Live In A Society that kinda tells boys that if ur not pursuing and getting women then ur not a real man or whatever #im not saying theyre right but i can follow the lines of thought of that second genre of guy #where ur pushed the idea of Getting With A Woman so much but you dont actually want to get with a woman #so you end up with resentment towards women #idk. #anyway this all mostly applies to the very young ones #i have little time for grown adults who use society as an excuse to continue making society suck

[taffywabbit]

me: i wish someone other than intsys would make a good tactical RPG with Fire Emblem-style gameplay for me to enjoy

studio: look we made a cool new tactical RPG that fans of strategy games like Fire Emblem will enjoy

me: is the gameplay Final Fantasy Tactics or Advance Wars

studio: it's a good tactical RPG ma'am. fans of strategy games like Fire Emblem will enjoy it :)

me: *plays 20 minutes of it*

(it's FF Tactics or Advance Wars)

#buny text #no shade to either of those games but ff tactics is not really my thing and advance wars is EXTREMELY not my thing #and you would not believe the number of times i have been recommended something like Wargroove when i complain about the decline of FE game #i want more shit like FE Echoes #like literally i'd be overjoyed if i could just play ports/remakes of older FEs with modern difficulty balancing and QoL features #it's deeply frustrating to me that if i want an FE game without permadeath i have to also deal with dating mechanics and a persona calendar #i'm just really surprised i've seen so many indie devs and other studios play off of classic TRPGs but they never seem to do FE #i really thought fuckin uhhhh. triangle strategy or whatever was gonna be it. but i played the demo and it's FF tactics #anyways all the more reason for me to get into gamedev so i can make my OWN indie fire emblem. with gay nonbinary space furries or whatever

[corpsentry]

at the asian american studies sponsored movie screening i run out of my seat to press a button for the presenter and you look away, not in shame, but in anger

go make your own movie.

One where you’re the star

and everything’s my fault

the way you want it to be. I know, it’s easy

to let someone else hold this grief

and sit in the bathtub,

all dressed up to go to the party.

Maybe in this movie it’s your party

and I the party crasher,

holding cymbals and a baseball bat, et cetera.

But we don’t stop getting older when we’re angry

and you’re only twenty,

can’t listen to lullabies at night,

can’t sleep without a blanket

over your head like you’re scared

of your own shadow. God, go

write your own movie.

You could do it,

you’re still

pretty. Angry? Me too.

The bathtub’s overflowing,

the bathroom’s flooding

with whatever you couldn’t say

to the poet with their palms glued shut

in a cheap simulacrum of prayer.

Didn’t you say you were tired? Angry? Me too.

Upset? Unhappy? Me too. Hungry? Lonely? Me too. Me too.

Standing barefoot in the grass

I remembered the month of bad weather.

How I parted the fog with broken hands each night,

looking for your voice.

Oh, I will not forgive you.

Not like this.

With your fingers splayed

against the brute February sky,

lips cracked open like windows,

waiting, like you always are, for me to say the first word.

#my writing #my words #there are many reasons i like tumblr. for example the number of people who keep getting older is very impressive #but also it is nice because unlike my goddamn poetry account (self inflicted damage) half my friends irl do not follow me here #so i can put this poem down. it’s not public grief here it’s anonymous grief! woo #anyway i have just survived possibly the most brutal four weeks of my life and this is including getting dumped a week #before the dance concert in which my ex and i were in more than half the items together. this is including that #but i am OUT #and this poem was written while i was still in but i am O U T #lord being hurt and hurt and being mature and brave and smart makes your HR voice get really good #not by choice #for survival purposes #i am wondering if i should get this laptop. as my water bottle exploded and destroyed my old laptop #i think i will do it #yes. i think so #it is time to start taking care of myself. and so on #so here’s this poem. i wanted to share it because it’s raw and unedited and it has some lines that i think are neat #if it makes you feel some stuff that would make me very happy

[trans-oberon]

anyways here's my take on a summer caenis that DOESN'T give me insane second-hand dysphoria 👍 got rid of his noodle arms while i was at it

#fate grand order #fgo #caenis #caeneus #edits #listen the way fgo treats trans characters is just. UGH. #i absolutely don't want to take anything away from other trans people who DO identify with some aspect of their portrayal!! it's just. #imo Don't Put The Transmascs In Bikinis should be like rule number 1 of writing trans characters lmao #and i dont even feel qualified to talk about the transfem characters. astolfo d'eon da vinci im so sorry for everything forever #...btw if you REALLY don't agree please just block me. i am a working adult and we both have better things to do with our time (-_-)👍 #mmkay rant over. anyway i didnt give caenis any bulge but im sure all you freaky fellows out there can use your imaginations.

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway