#is that how you spell anuerysm? maybe

[baskeigh-ball]

i figured, if i was gonna get back into tumblr, i might as well do it by posting an entirely new thing that's unrelated to literally anything else i've been working on

#wow i've been inactive for a minute huh #college be like that sometimes #anyways have this dumb idea that's been sitting in my drafts for waaaay too long lmao #rottmnt #rottmnt raph #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #my art #raph tot nonsense #is that how you spell anuerysm? maybe #im too lazy to check

[stillnotdead]

unpacking

i wanted to start this off witty but i'd feel like a total scumbag not giving a tw to others who don't want to read about sensitive content. please proceed with caution if this applies to you (with love) quick side note don't take everything i say in this TO literally.

i feel like i have reached a point in my life where i need to completely expose myself. and while i don't want to scare the neighbors children I DO want to make sense of what the fuck is going on and where i begin on my ""journey"". i feel like the usage of the word 'journey' doesn't really give complete credit to the absolute fucking nightmare it is healing from emotional trauma but lets pack up our picnic baskets and fiddle our thumbs and maybe we'll be cured :,-)

continuing, i owe you an introduction for that insufferable 3 sentences i just wrote, I am a 23 year old recovering from CPTSD turned massive hypochondriac. i have somehow convinced myself i have just about every cancer an organ can have and feel like i'm dying on a daily basis :D i have completely lost my sense of self because i am consumed with the thought of dropping dead from a mysterious illness at any moment (also i genuinely think i'm going to be in textbooks for medical condition that isn't discovered yet lol). i absolutely hate myself and haven't left the house in years for more than a few hours, because of my fear of being seen. i have zero self esteem, i want to die while simultaneously fearing the anuerysm that I definetly think is coming at any second now. (me typing this: 👻) i refuse to spend ANY more time on google looking up my "conditions", so i've resorted here to scratch that itch when i'm feeling REALLY bothered. and this isn't even really scratching the surface of it all just yet.

i will be using this page to document my recovery through sarcasm and shitty writing. before my trauma i LOVED to write. i feel like now i even forget how to spell because my mind is so preoccupied with anything else besides things i enjoy doing. if you are someone like me who feels completely alone and like you absolutely can't relate to anyone because you feel like you have no sense of self PLEASE stick around! i would love to surround myself with others with the same goals to heal like i do ❤️ so pls excuse the poor writing- i promise i'm trying to improve my grammar and spelling it's been a while. oh and if this is not your thing please ignore this post and NOT make fun of me because i'll probably pass away from stress thank you

(ps it took me an hour to write this now i feel so cringe and gross but i'm gonna post it anyway for the sake of growing past that feeling)

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#hypochondria #cptsd #healing #mental heath support #positive mental attitude #mental health #trauma #sui tw #tw vent