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bbboar · 1 year

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@boogerwookiesugarcookie asked me to answer ALL of the end of year asks so here we go! Thanks Naja!

Going to put it under a readmore bcs long

1.Song of the year? Dream Girl Evil by Florence and the Machine So nice of Miss Florence to make a song thats not only a bop but also specifically the theme song for my oc Hydrangea

2.Album of the year? I don't listen to many full albums but for me it would have to be a tie between Give me the Future by Bastille and Impera by Ghost 3.Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year? Ghost 4.Movie of the year? Everything Everywhere All At Once! Like i don't even need to think about it. Unlike anything ive ever seen, so interesting and heartwearming. Excellent performances and costuming 5.TV show of the year? Oh man this one is touh bcs i had 3 shows ive been obsessed with this year…. Our Flag Means Death, Severance or Interview with the Vampire 6.Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you? Not defined the year but the best ep of anything ive seen this year was the the season finale ep of Severance. It was so excellent at keeping up the tension for the entirety of the ep. I was pacing and yelling and restless for the full length of it. Just amazing storytelling of everything coming to a head and the editing...my god!!!

7.Favorite actor of the year? I don't care that much about actors to have a fave of the year 8.Game of the year? I was a teenage exocolonist. Just finished my 4rth playthrough and i think i may have 2 more in me bc i want to see different outcomes/choices 9.Best month for you this year? Idk they sorta all blend into one? But December is when i have 2 weeks off work and also the weather is beautiful and sunny so im going to say that and not think about it too much.

10.Something that made you cry this year? A friend was never available to see me despite my multiple attempts to meet up and even though i didnt mind for a lot of it, eventually it started hurting my feelings. 11.Something you want to do again next year? Go on a mini vacation. I took a week off work to visit friends in Tasmania and i think i would be nice to visit some other place next year as well. 12.Talk about a new friend you made this year? I think we'd chatted a little on twitter and also possibly met irl once? But anyway yeah i formally met and befiended the partner of a friend and we rly got along! 13.How was your birthday this year? I went to this super expensive viking themed restaurant ive wanted to go to since 2019! Food, drinks, service, all excellent. I was dressed to the nines in my sequin dress and after i went for a little night walk around the city. It was gr8! 14.Favorite book you read this year? A nobleman's guide to scandals and shipwrecks by Mackenzi Lee. The Montague siblings series is such easy reading for me so i had a fun time! 15.What’s a bad habit you picked up this year? Forgetting to take my acne medication but i also took steps to prevent that so were good now 16.Post a picture from the beginning of the year Actually the first pic i took in 2022

17.Post a picture from the end of the year

Food from yesterday (27/12/22)

18.A memorable meal this year? Oh i already mentioned my birthday dinner so instead ill mention the brunch i made for my friends when i visited them in Tasmania.I was going to make eggs, bacon, homemade flatbread and some other stuff but my time management was off and it took me sooo long to make everything.In the end it was more like a lunch than brunch^^; But everyone was so patient with me and in the end the food was yummy and everyone liked it and we played dnd and had a great time :) 19.What’re you excited about for next year? Going to be getting a new phone and also....idk i havent made any big plans but i look forward to the little moments of joy and indulgence that will come. 20.What’s something you learned this year? Im sure theres life stuff i learned but what im psyched about is learning how to make scones. Its so freakin easy!!! 21.What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year? After living here for about a year,i decided to finally put shit up on the walls of my room.Paintings and fairy lights and i plan on having a little colection of magpie prints too.It rly lifted my mood and brightened up the space. 22.Favorite place you visited this year? Oh man i was just stoked to visit Tasmania and see friends! I need to travel more bcs i love seeing new places. 23.If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be? Do not catastrophise when someone upsets you. Just sleep on it and then act. People sometimes are stupid and thoughtless,not secretly malicious. 24.Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions? I usually have a few and some years i end up completing them, other years i dont. This year my only resolution is to comment on people's art more. Thats fucken it. 25.Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one. Many actually bcs aside from various ocs, i run some trp games where i make 10+ npcs for. I guess one would be Winnie an npc i made for a game who i put so little thought in. Like i needed a character to fullfill a certain role so i recycled an old oc design and gave her like 2 personalty traits. Then though as we played, we all ended up liking her way more than id planned so anyway now she's in the queue to be an upcoming pc for a dnd campaign (with a slight redesign)

#boblabla

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strawberrymilkgeorge · 3 years

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Part Ten. Faces

warnings: swearing, hate comments word count: 4.1k (not including pics)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: sorry its late!!!! this feels rushed but i was just too excited to get to some parts!!! also i have had some parts written out for SO long that they dont even feel cute to me anymore so im literally praying to every deity rn that you guys think its cute lmao anyway enjoy!!!!

**********

It had been about a week since Karl's slip up but everything was already more normal than Y/n had expected it to be. Of course, George, Sapnap and Quackity were all very understanding and gave her space while simultaneously reassuring her that she was safe with them. She fully believed it too, she knew she was safe with them and they weren't going to tell anyone her name.

The one unusual thing was now she had a heavy guilt, like someone dropped another sandbag in her stomach, every time Dream texted her. If the others knew, it was only fair that she tell him her name too, right? I mean, it's Dream. Dream! The boy who had quickly slipped his way into her life and, though she wouldn't admit it to Karl or Naomi, her heart.

But how? Does she just come right out and say it or wait until it gets brought up? She hadn't practiced telling anyone her name because she wasn't planning on doing it any time soon. Though, maybe she should have been seeing as she was going to see them all in person in a little over a month.

Regardless of the guilt, Y/n had other things to worry about today; Quackity was coming to visit. Karl had picked him up from the airport and the two of them spent all day catching up and doing who knows what but Y/n still hadn't met him. She was scared. She wasn't scared of Quackity, but scared because it was the first time one of her online friends would be able to put a face to her name and voice.

Y/n shuffled across her living room rug and reached for her phone on the coffee table, looking for some sort of distraction while she waited for them to arrive.

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled, shaking her head as she threw her phone on the couch. Okay, he's right. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. It's just Quackity. If he said anything rude or annoying or anything she could literally just step on him like a bug.

A sharp knock on the front door of her apartment snapped her back into reality. She shook her limbs of nervousness as she made her way to the door, two familiar voices begging to be acknowledged from the other side.

"Let us iiinnn!! Y/nnn!!!!" Karl whined.

After countless times asking the same question, she finally convinced Karl that she was okay with him using her real name in front of Quackity. He clearly still felt guilty about telling the boys her name, asking her multiple times in different ways whether he should call her Y/n or Bugsy in front of the guest. She finally got it through his head that she didn't mind either way.

"Hold on!" she yelled back. She unlocked the door and swung it open to see Karl and Quackity. "So impatient."

"Holy shit, you are tall! Goddammit, I thought that was a joke!"

Y/n laughed shyly at the greeting, looking at Quackity like he was crazy. "Hello to you too. Tried to warn you, dude."

"Yeah but, damn! You're tall and attractive, what the hell?"

"Dude," she said with a warning in her voice. She thought the flirting on Twitter was funny, but in real life she got embarrassed easier and wasn't a fan. "I'm about to kick you out of my house before I even let you in."

This was weird, meeting Quackity before meeting some of her other friends. She loved Quackity, but she had known George much longer and Sapnap even before that. There was no problem with meeting Quackity, she just had no idea how to act since she felt like she hardly knew him.

"Am I allowed to tell people that you're hot?" he asked as he fell on her couch, Karl following right after.

"Quackity!" Y/n yelled, her face heating up at a compliment. "Seriously?"

Karl cackled and shoved Quackity. "Shut up, Alex! No, you're not allowed!"

"Sorry, is that compliment reserved for Dream?" He cackled at his own joke and Y/n's face heated up even more.

"I seriously will kick you out of my house."

"You wanna be flirty on main but not in real life?" Quackity scoffed.

"I'm not flirty on main, you are!" she laughed. "Seriously, don't."

"Okay, sorry, I'll stop," Quackity promised with a laugh in his words.

The three of them fell into easy conversation, mostly because Karl and Quackity were already comfortable around each other at this point. They eventually decided to go to the mall, just to mess around and do something.

*reminder: covid doesn't exist in this fic bc we only want happy things so ignore their masks :P*

Y/n frowned as she unlocked her front door, staring at her phone. She had been so happy with all the fans freaking out about the meetup so she looked at the trending list, expecting to see a flood of keyboard smashes and happiness, but that's not all she ended up seeing. BUGKARLITY was trending, so she scrolled through the tweets and was upset to see not all of them were positive. In fact, when she typed her name in the search bar, lots of the tweets using her name were rather mean.

A few that stuck in her head called her an attention whore and said that her friends only flirted with her because she paid them too. Who on earth would even do that? Some hurt way more than others but she tried to push them aside. It wasn't like this was the first time she had seen comments like this, but they had only gotten worse since her Minecraft date with Dream. She was worried it was cause more hate for her friends and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of their own hate.

She typed several different messages to Dream, deleting them all after she reread them. She felt like she had to request the same thing from him in a different way. Maybe because she felt like his words meant more, even if he really was just joking like the rest of them. She decided to call him instead of texting.

"Hi!" he chirped happily from the other end.

"Hi, Dream," she said as her chest filled with something warm at the sound of his voice. "How are you doing?"

"Good," he dragged out the word. "How are you?"

"Okay."

"Just okay? What's up?"

"Um," she started, immediately forgetting the words she decided she'd use. "I just... would you mind, uh, not flirting with me so much on, like, Twitter and streams and stuff like that?"

There was a silence before Dream's frantically apologetic words came through. "Yes, of course, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. If I had known I was making you uncomfortable, I wouldn't have—"

"Wait, no," she interrupted but he must not have heard.

"—said things like... oh gosh. Bug, I'm really sorry—"

"Dream!" she raised her voice, getting him to stop ranting. "You don't make me uncomfortable."

"Oh. Really?"

"Of course not. I actually think it's really..." Cute? Adorable? Endearing? "funny," she decided.

"Oh. Then why...?"

She sighed heavily and explained what she told the others. "So, yeah. I just don't want you guys getting hate because of me so I figure if you stop then... you know."

"Bug..." he said gently. "I'm really sorry. I promise you that I don't—none of us think those things about you."

"I know."

"No, seriously," he said, clearly not believing her. "You need to understand that I..." he paused. "I mean what I say. Always."

Always? she thought. There's a few things he's said that certainly he didn't really mean... like calling her cute?

"I don't joke around like that unless I want to. I wouldn't say things like I say to you unless I really, really, genuinely considered you a close friend and felt comfortable around you. And I do."

Her heart swelled. "Thanks, Dream. I just... maybe don't do it so much for right now? Online, at least," she clarified, not wanting to deprive herself completely of Dream's flirting.

"Yeah, if that's what you want, of course."

"Well, I don't want you to stop flirting with me but, yeah."

He chuckled. "Oh, you do like when I flirt with you?"

She hummed and changed the subject. "Did I interrupt you doing anything?"

"No," his teasing voice dropped and was back to his regular self. "I'm just editing the video we filmed the other day."

"Oh, the 'Minecraft, but you can't touch the floor'?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh," she said, not meaning to sound disappointed. "I'll let you get back to it—"

"No. I mean, you can stay on the phone. Unless you're busy."

She smiled and put her phone on speaker and set it next to her foot on the floor. "I was just gonna paint. So I can stay."

Before she knew it, almost two hours had passed of them sitting in comfortable silence, occasionally speaking to share something with the other before going back to their tasks. It was comforting knowing she didn’t need to speak constantly and could just hang out with Dream.

Y/n's phone rested on the floor next to her, Dream on speakerphone on the other end, only the sounds of his keyboard clicking letting her know he hadn't fallen asleep or hung up. She wasn't sure when they started doing this, staying on the phone even when they had nothing to talk about, but they had done it a few times before. They had talked on the phone and Discord many times but it was usually always with purpose, not usually this silently-enjoying-each-others-presence nonsense. Who was she kidding calling it nonsense, she enjoyed it an embarrassingly insane amount.

She repositioned so she was laying on her stomach as she finished sketching an image that was in her mind.

"Hey, you still there?" Dream asked softly.

"Yeah. Sorry, am I taking away from your sitting in silence time with George?" she joked.

Dream chuckled lightly. "Nah, you're more fun. I was just seeing if you ditched me for Karl yet."

"Nah, you're more fun," she mimed truthfully. "But I'm very focused on this drawing."

"Can I see it when you're done?"

"Don't expect too much. It looks bad."

"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't know how accurate or inaccurate it is."

"Very true..." she trailed off, holding the canvas further away to examine it all at once. She wanted the sketch to be perfect before she made permanent choices with paint. She enjoyed the serenity they maintained even when talking, voices low and delicate like they were keeping secrets but not quite whispering. "Are you almost done editing your video from the other day?"

"Sorta. I'm at the part where you and Sapnap almost died laughing because a ghast knocked George into lava and then Sapnap laughed so hard he fell into lava."

She chuckled, remembering the situation vividly. "That was so funny. The way George screams is so funny."

"Let Naomi know that," he mumbled, causing Y/n to gasp.

"Dream!" she laughed loudly and he joined.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's true though."

"Disgusting!"

A distant voice sounded on the other end and she assumed it was Sapnap. "What do you want for dinner?"

Dream responded with a soft, "Nothing, I'm good."

"Are you talking to Bugsy?"

He must have responded physically because the next sound was Sapnap's very clear, much more lively voice speaking directly into the phone. "Hi, Bugsy!"

"Hi, Sapnap!"

"Can you tell Dream to eat some damn food? This man literally hasn't eaten a single thing all goddamn day."

"Dream," Y/n scolded slowly. "Please eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I'm not showing you my painting until you eat."

A door closed on the other end and she took that as a sign that Sapnap had left.

"I don't wanna see it anyway. It's probably trash."

"Take that back!" she gasped lightly. She looked at the canvas as she grabbed the first paint color and laughed. It was only a sketch and it was already trash. "Fine, then I won't go on the trip if you don't eat in the next ten minutes."

"That's punishing yourself too though."

"Who says I want to see you?" she asked.

"I never said anything about not seeing me being the punishment."

She had been caught. "It was implied."

"Sure it was."

"It's true though. Who says I wanna see your stupid face?"

He didn't say anything, but an incoming FaceTime call lit up Y/n's phone. A FaceTime call from him.

Her smile dropped. "Clay?"

"Answer it," his voice was lower and her heart started beating faster. Was he really about to show her his face to prove a point? Reveal his biggest secret that only a few close friends knew? To her of all people? She made sure she couldn't be seen in the small window and pressed accept, the voice call ending and the FaceTime call starting.

To her surprise, what came into view wasn't his face, but the logo of the hoodie he was wearing, the simple smile of his merch taunting her. She laughed, the anxiety slowly fading away as it was replaced with a heavy feeling in her stomach. Was she disappointed? Maybe a little, but he teased her into believing she would see him.

"Oh, wow! Dream face reveal! He looks just like his icon, no way!!!"

His chest moved up and down as he laughed, not moving the camera away. "You heard it here first, guys! You've known my face all along, the logo is actually my face!"

She laughed and returned to painting, not paying any more attention to her phone since he was now also showing his ceiling, a small corner of his monitor in frame but nothing else. "I mean it though, if you don't eat, I'm going to be so mad I won't even want to be friends anymore. Or you'll die from malnourishment before we get the chance to meet."

"I doubt it. I'm just not hungry."

"Whatever."

"Oh, hey, so you met Quackity today. How was it?"

"Very scary."

"Yeah?" he asked sympathetically, urging her to explain if she wanted.

"Yeah. But it turned out okay! He didn't act any different so it was fine. It was mostly just awkward. He's also so freaking loud. You would not believe how much louder he and Karl get when they're together."

"I can imagine. Aren't they doing a stream right now or something?"

"Yeah, I think so. I don't wanna watch though, I've had enough of them for the month."

Dream laughed. "How will you deal with them together for New Years'? It'll be for like two weeks."

"Who knows if I'll actually go?"

"Wait, what?" he asked abruptly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. His keyboard stopped clicking and she could picture him staring at his phone as if looking at her. "Of course you're going."

"Not if you don't eat food! You have, like, 3 minutes to eat something until I officially am busy doing other things whenever the trip is."

Dream groaned and clicked a few things on his computer before the image on the screen became blurry as he walked through the house, still pointing it at the ceiling. She looked away again and kept painting.

"Quackity's really funny though," she continued. "It was super awkward at first but it was fun to have someone else to help me make fun of Karl."

"Wait, Bug," Dream called out over the sound of wrappers crinkling.

"Hm?" She hummed, continuing to paint.

"Bug," his voice was much softer and he sounded nervous.

She looked at her screen and dropped the paintbrush as she focused on what she saw, grabbing her phone and holding it closer to her face so she could see, still making sure she wasn't in view. All the anxiety from the beginning of the FaceTime suddenly came back and hit her like a truck. Sitting on her screen, waiting to be seen, was Dream. His hood was up, tufts of blonde hair sticking out, and he was standing with his back towards a dark room, the dim light from his pantry making his face just visible.

He held up a cookie in front of his actual, real face. "Are you watching?"

"Y-yea... I... Yeah. I'm watching. Is that really you?"

He nodded once before shoving the cookie in his mouth. "There, I consumed food," he announced, his voice muffled by the cookie. "Now you're legally obligated to come."

"I—What? CLAY! WHAT?"

"What?" he asked innocently as he chewed, walking back to his room and still holding the phone up to show his face. His room light was on, making his face much more visible. If Y/n thought he was attractive in the harsh pantry light, he must have looked like a god in his room lighting, even as pixelated as he was due to the quality of FaceTime. He fell on his bed and Y/n could only gape at his features. He slumped against his headboard, surrounded by roughly a thousand pillows, sporting a small, shy smile as he stared at the screen. "Bug, what?"

She opened her mouth but no words came out. Needless to say, he was unbelievably handsome. Part of the speechlessness was from the shock that he showed his face out of the blue, but obviously, the majority of it was that he was pretty much the most attractive person she'd ever seen. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a hoodie, especially when pixelated.

"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "Wanna take back what you said earlier?" He bit into another cookie.

"W-what did I say earlier?" Why was she stuttering???

"You said you don't wanna see me and that I'm ugly," he teased.

She paused for too many seconds too long before finally muttering, "you arrogant son of a bitch." He laughed loudly at that.

His eyes crinkled and he threw his head back. So that's what he looks like when he wheezes, she thought to herself, pretty.

Dream shuffled his position on his bed and rested his head on one of his hands. He looked so comfy. "Why are you so quiet, weirdo?" he mumbled.

She set her phone back down and touched her cheeks with her hands and looked away for a moment, grounding herself to the real world for a second. She couldn't process her thoughts when she was staring at a man as gorgeous as Clay. "I don't know, maybe because you gave me no warning before showing me your face? Or because you failed to mention that you're incredibly hot?"

She was so glad she had looked back at her phone or else she would have missed the glorious sight of his cheeks turning bright red before he turned the camera back to his ceiling. "Oh my gosh."

"Aw cute, I made you blush."

"Shut up," he mumbled. "You threatened to not come if I didn't eat something!"

"You didn't have to—you showed me your freaking face just to prove you ate a cookie!! DREAM! I would have believed you if you just said you ate something!" she laughed breathlessly, staring at the phone now for a chance to see him again. "I was joking anyway!"

"Sure you were."

"I was."

"Well, oh well. You deserved to see me anyway."

"Oh, I deserve to see you?" She laughed. "How big is your ego?"

"You know what I meant," he groaned. "You got doxxed by Karl and you met Quackity in person. And you've clearly had a bad day because of all the hate and stuff. You've done a lot of stressful things recently and you deserved to be let in on a secret too."

He was so sweet. Like, tooth-rotting, Halloween candy stash hidden under a kid's bed, upset tummy sweet. She also couldn't get over the fact that he was a million times cuter when he was shy like he was being now, his voice soft and unsure. It contrasted vastly with the confident, loud-mouthed Dream everyone usually saw, though she liked that Dream too. She wished he could show his face for just one more second to see what he looked like shy. Probably sickeningly adorable.

This was it, wasn't it? The chance she had been waiting for to tell him her name? He just let her in on his biggest secret, now he was the one deserving to be let in.

"Y/n," she said with a confident, but soft voice.

There was a long pause. "W-what?"

"Y/n."

He understood the second time immediately. "Y/n..." he tested, the smile in his voice clear as day. "I like it."

"Yeah, well, I guess you deserved to know the secret too."

"I would have been content never knowing."

"Really?" She didn't believe him. He seemed like the type to never be satisfied, always looking for something better. Not in a greedy way, but in a motivational, goal-oriented big achiever way.

"Really," he hummed. "I already feel like you're too good to be true so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a real person."

It was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"Bug? You okay?"

"Yeah, I... it's just a lot."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not you. Well... I don't know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when you say things like that," she admitted.

He paused. "I think you always have the perfect responses when I say things like that."

"What do I usually say?" She smiled shyly, pulling her hoodie up to her lips.

"You usually call me a nerd or say you can't stand me. 'Oh my gosh I cannot stand you'," he mimicked before laughing.

"What? How is that the perfect response to you saying you can't believe I'm real?"

He hummed and she could practically hear him shrugging. "Because it's a classic Bug response. It's a hundred perfect you. So yeah, it's perfect."

She was silent, trying to compose herself before she exploded.

"By the way, check Twitter."

"Why, are you bragging about me calling you hot?" she teased, hoping to make him blush like she had earlier. It worked.

"Oh my gosh, no. Just look."

She clicked her home button and navigated to the app, her feed instantly flooding with the same similar messages.

"Oh, my gosh," she muttered, her fingers flying away as she typed out her own tweet in response to the love.

Dream chuckled from the other end and when she asked him why, he vaguely said that George texted him but didn't explain further.

"Um, I have to go," she said mournfully. "Karl and Quackity are coming over again."

"Booooo," he pouted.

"Sorry, you aren't the only man in my life," she teased before instantly regretting her choice of words. Too flirty, Y/n, she thought to herself.

"Hm, shame. Am I at least at the top of the list?"

She bit her lips, wanting desperately to repeat what she had told him on their Minecraft date. In the end, she gave in. "I always mean what I say too," she started. "You're my main bitch, baby."

Dream made some sort of sound, a mix of a scoff and a whine but Y/n didn't comment on it, just glowing with heat in her cheeks.

"Leave before I don't let you," he said softly and the heat only grew.

"Goodnight, Dream," she pressed, the tone in her voice letting him know he was being a tease. "Thanks for... thanks for your tweet. And for everything you said earlier."

"Of course. Sorry that you have to see those kinds of things a lot."

"It's okay when I have people like you."

"People like me? What does that mean?"

"Just.... people like you." Cute, sweet, kind, genuine people who make her heart flutter.

She could hear his smile in his words and she figured he knew the unspoken words in her thoughts, the ones she was saying without saying. "Okay. Goodnight, Y/n."

"Goodnight."

**********

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joculatrixster · 3 years

Note

hope this isn’t weird but that post abt cookies being drawn as white and poc is like. super inaccurate because whitewashing is never okay ??? like even if someone “looks” white colorism is still a thing and should be discouraged (not to mention op of the post mislabeled cookies as “white” when cookies lighter than them are in the poc category...)

woo boy this is gonna be a long post, pls read it all the way through because i dont want to repeat myself too much, this is a complicated matter so i have complicated feeling's on it as u could have seen from my reply criticizing the post itself, im also not gonna answer any anons on this that i think r being nasty or anything because honestly it took me a while to figure out my feelings on the cookei run race discourse and im pretty square in my opinions, anons telling me im rasict or something because of it wont shake me as much as they did the first time i tipped my toe into this cause im clear headed rn, im open to hearing other ppls thoughts so hear mine out too :)

yeah i saw the post as flawed but like i dont think ppl understand and im sorry to say it so bluntly but not everyone draws a cookie lighter because they think white is prettier they just see it as a humization, let me explain before anyone else sends an ask just based off that

its an artist interpretation of the character, hey if u personally would never ever lighten a characters skintone more power to u but given circumstances of lighting and tanning some skintones can vary as long as u dont make a character lose their more ethic traits like hair texture or facial features and try to be faithful then yeah just draw them as u interpret them, its up to how u perceive the character

like to be its about good faith interpretation did u draw someone like herb or adventurer as paler because u see them as white? that's fine they can be clearly read as caucasian so thats good faith, u can argue that they may be not caucasian but someone else can argue that they are and both hcs given the characters skintones would make sense

did u draw someone like pomegranate or kumiho as white? thats bad because their clearly poc and are either clearly brown or have codding in them like how kumiho is based off an east asian fox spirit

like a LOOONG time ago i made a similar post back when i wasnt all that educated on some issues and ppl got mad at me which was fair, my post was rlly badly worded but the things ppl brought up was also just showing some ppl dont understand why whitewashing is bad, its not just about color its about seeing caucasian as an ethnicity more beautiful than any others and erasing what makes them a person of color as an “improvement” cookie run fans, especially the east asian ones, defiantly fall into that category but im sorry to point out that that op doesn't because they didnt say white is an improvement they said drawing them as a lighter skintone would make sense with the ethnic indicators of the character

since they are not humans there is margin of error because yes those are dugfh colros that's why some cookies aren't realistic human skintones and why u have to decided for urself where to draw the line with lighter brown cookeis cause it can be blurry, by ur own logic anon licorice should be white because his skin is a pale grey despite his dreads u see the issue there?? u have to take into mind the other indicators beyond the literal dough hue for if ur whitewashing a cookie, im a light skinned black person whos mixed race depending on if im inside a lot or outside a lot my skin can be near white color or a more tan so if u looked at pictures of me in different seasons ud think someone lighted my skintone in the winter pics but no skintones ca just naturally change like that irl given lighting and exposer to sunlight

if u rlly think lighting it a lil bit is instantly colorism pls educate urself on colorism, colorism is a serious issue in poc community and yall throwing around the term when its not what that is is rlly devaluing it im sorry to say which sucks because more ppl in this community need to learn about it

this is all just my take on the matter from my research and own perspectives, other ppl will feel differently and place a hard stance on it but honestly there's nothing morally wrong with this perspective and considering these are cookies they aren't actual reptrentation of human poc, as long as the dough color isn't drastically lighted or ur not erasing, of course this is just how i feel about cookie run specifically in other circumstances im less lax and i feel like ppl do whitewash some lighter skinned characters but yeah in relation to that post no i dont think its whitewashing personally i think op just interpreted the cookeis in that way

at the end of the day things liek this are not as black and white as both sides of the coin belive they are rlly, their gray and everyone's comfort zone for some characters are valid but pls stop calling stuff colorism when its not. i get why u guys think it is and honestly if it makes u uncomfy for any skintone variation to the lighter side that's fine but no its not rasict or colorism to think a light skinned cookie can be drawn with a lighter skintone as log as u dont say the character looks better that way because then they r being colorist

oh and before i forget i want to remind everyone that op is a minor dont fucking harrass them, critizie them with ur own opioins but dont harrass them because u dont agree with their perception of fictional characters thats petty and dont do it

#jesus this took lgner than expected #pop dont look #cookie run discourse #cookie run #alot fo the tiem fandom spaces see somethgin as good ro bad then attack #more often than not its mroe nauinced and we need to look at all perspectives before we slap heavy terms on fictional discourse #dont get em wrogn i fuckign hate how whitewshaed alot of the lgiht brown cooekis are #but that doesnt mean i dont understand its not as clar cut as that #mod trix #sonic dont look

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canonicallysoulmates · 4 years

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Last week Jensen was on Rosenbaum’s podcast, this week it’s Jared’s turn. Just like with Jensen’s I recommend checking Jared’s out it is for free on youtube, I will be linking to it at the end of this post, and I also recommend checking out his first appearance on Rosenbaum’s podcast.

While Jensen’s appearance was recorded in the beginnings of the boys Vancouver quarantine, Jared’s was recorded a little more recently after the boys had resumed production and when they were starting on the final episode nonetheless if you are looking for information regarding Supernatural and/or the final epis you will not find them here, Jared actually didn’t talk much about the show. He did however open up about some topics including his arrest.

Of course, they are two different people whose interviews were done at different moments in time and who got asked different questions but this had a very different feel from Jensen’s; while Jensen’s felt more interview like, this felt very much like a conversation between two friends who’ve known each other for years....the majority of the time.

Here’s the thing, and some of y’all are not gonna like me for this....while the conversation had its deep moments and Jared opened up about some personal stuff it felt to me like a more open version of how he is in conventions. Which is not a bad thing! But it’s not like last time where he was, imo, a version of himself that only those in his circle might get to hear. There was some fuckery people, okay? There was some fuckery and we will be talking about it.

I am going to put a disclaimer here, just in case, that this post is not going to be G*nevieve friendly. Or friendly towards her and Jared’s “marriage”.

Before we get into what Jared said and talked about, I do want to take a minute to acknowledge and say condolences to Rosenbaum and his family, one of his sisters recently passed away after being sick pretty much her whole life.

I also wanna say real quickly that something that I really like, and I would say even respect, about Rosenbaum is how open he is about things and listening to the intro of this “episode” made me realize why it is that he gets his guests to open up so often; I think it’s because he himself is open about his struggles and his issues and he is free of judgement so if you confess to something stupid he’s not gonna judge you for it, he’s also willing to cut things out if his guests ask him too so his guests know they can talk to him and he will understand and not judge them and will respect their privacy and cut something out if they ask it of him so they can talk freely.

Okay, after all that let’s get into what Jared said and talked about in the podcast. FYI, much like in the Jensen post, from here forth Rosenbaum will be referred to as MR for convenience.

- The conversation starts on what I considered to be a funny note with Jared talking about his infrared sauna blanket which he travels with that is such a weird item to travel with I can’t with the white richness of it all but hey we all got our quirks 😂

- After that the conversation turns pretty serious and deep, he talked about Sadie and having to make the decision to put her to sleep. He was tearing up talking about it, and I’m not gonna lie I myself was crying - hell I’m tearing up as I’m writing this not just because I can’t handle seeing this man cry but because I know what he’s talking about, I know that pain, I know what he meant by Sadie looking at him like it was time for her to go, I know what it’s like to be in that room with a beloved pet as they’re taking their last breath...I have had to put two of my cats to sleep in the past and it’s the most difficult and heartbreaking decision one sometimes has to make as a pet owner. 😔

- Something I like about when MR and Jared talk to each other is that they have very similar personalities in some ways and they’re good friends so when they’re talking it very quickly turns into two friends talking to one another which means the conversation is all over the place. In a good way. They got into a conversation about living in the moment and how social media and cell phones can affect that; I, personally, found it fascinating. I love hearing them discuss their different POV’s about these types of topics.

- And here’s where we get to the fake. I’m writing this post at an extremely late hour but I’m determined to get it up before I go to bed and I really wanna go to bed, so I’m gonna try to get through this as fast as possible so strap in cause there’s a lot of bullshit to quickly wade through in this section.

Jared starts praising the fuck out of G like this man was going for it, he was really pilling it on nice and thick. So, there I am watching this with my eyes about to roll right out of my skull wondering what was up with all the fuckery cause there’s being civil and a gentleman and then there was this when a light bulb goes off above my head 💡: When this was filmed, he already knew she had been cast to play his wife on Walker, he probably figured out that by the time this aired either the news would have already been out or would be announced soon so he’s hyping her up in the only way he knows how which works anyways cause the character she’s playing is his wife and her likability is in part going to rely on people overlooking her bad acting and the nepotism to focus on her being married to Jared in real life cause people love when irl couples work together even more when they’re playing a couple. From what I’ve seen it makes people less likely to call out a lack of chemistry cause then they feel like they’re insulting the couple.

He hypes her up using the same script he and Jensen have used in the convention circuit for years when it comes to praising the wives complete with classics such as ‘i’m never home so i never knew she did so much’ and ‘i ask her what i can do and she tells me to take out the garbage’. Nothing new is added to the script, he doesn’t go into details about what makes her amazing or about “all she does” he just pretty much says over and over that she’s incredible and does so much, if he meant it and she really does “so much” why not go into detail? It’d be so easy of him to say something like ‘oh, she’s always making us healthy meals and trying out new recipes’ which can be backed up by her insta because during quarantine she did a bunch of insta stories about cooking and checking out recipe books like goddamn Jared if you’re gonna lay it thick at least put in the effort even I could hype her up better and I don’t even like her.

It all comes off as very insincere, have y’all ever seen somebody talk about the person they love? You can tell in their voice, in their eyes, some even get a fond little smile. It’s actually quite cute to watch but there’s none of that here, even when he mentions G giving birth there’s no emotion there’s no sincerity, it’s like he’s saying all the right things but he doesn’t believe them. It reminds me off- have you ever had someone, maybe it’s a friend or a romantic partner or whatever just someone who you’re introducing to somebody else or a group of people and you really need them to like this person you’re introducing so you start to sell them meaning you just start singing their praises to an over the top extend as if you were a car dealer trying to boost up their merch? Yeah, it’s like that.

I don’t believe for one second that she volunteered to go with him to Van so he wouldn’t be alone like Jared go to somebody else with that story 🙄

I did have to laugh at some parts cause he was laying it on thick as if I didn’t remember and know that he looked miserable in almost all the pics G posted of him from quarantine right from the beginning, and being all ‘she doesn’t have any time for herself’ well clearly she found some time cause she does her little yoga collabs, she’s had her little photo shoots, she’s done a bunch of sponsored ads, she did her clothing collab with Kohl’s, she started a book club clearly she has the fucking time to do things for herself and pursue hobbies. He also said with three kids he didn’t have time for himself which I found funny because I don’t know if y’all remember this but early on in the quarantine Jared and G did a livestream and in it he mentioned several times that he was using his time for phone calls and even way too seriously said he was handling cabin fever by hiding and letting G handle the kids so....

It’s also an interesting contrast between what Jensen said in his podcast appearance because while Jared tried to make it sound as if G had no time for herself and like that’d be impossible with three kids, Jensen pretty much said the opposite, he said that he and D would sometimes take the kids and entertain them so the other one could have some space to do their own thing, and even gave an example of settling the kids with a movie so the parents can have their own space at the same time.

- Moving on from that fuckery, the rest of the conversation was very deep and interesting. He talked about going to therapy and once again mentions being afraid of fucking up his kids, but adds that he’s come to realize that no matter what he does he’s gonna fuck up his kids anyways cause that’s what every parent does even if they’re amazing. This is a statement that I very much agree with it doesn’t matter how amazing a parent is they’re gonna make mistakes and fuck you up.

He talked about his anxiety and his depression and how he doesn’t like to say he suffers from it because it makes him sound like a victim he prefers to say he deals with anxiety.

This is gonna sound so weird but I loved something Jared said about death, MR talked about his anxiety and he said that his psychologist told him anxiety is always in the backseat and a. that is so true I think pretty much anybody who suffers from anxiety can tell you that it’s always there but b. Jared mentioned that he head somebody talk about death the same way, that death is always in the passenger seat but they become a friend. I know for some this might sound concerning or macabre but personally I think this is the best way to think about death not as something to hate but as a friend who is always besides you and that doesn’t mean you’re in any rush to welcome its embrace but it does mean you don’t fear it.

He said that now a days if he wakes up and doesn’t feel anxiety he’s like ‘what’s wrong?’ which honestly relatable af

And I am paraphrasing btw, this is the cliffnotes version of a very deep in-depth part of the conversation between him and MR starting when they’re talking about therapy the whole thing is very interesting I’m not doing it justice.

- Towards the end of the podcast Jared opened up about his arrest. He said he has no real recollection of what happened, he doesn’t know if maybe he was drugged or just got black out drunk but he doesn’t remember the fight he just remembers up to the point of going to his friends bar. He has seen the security tapes of that night, saying he didn’t recognize himself due to the way he was acting. He thinks perhaps because he has been jumped before that maybe he acted on instinct to fight back. It is not something he is proud of and he doesn’t make excuses, he knows he fucked up. He also says he has not drank since then.

I am very proud of him for opening up about this, and for either quitting or limiting his alcohol consumption - quite honestly I’m not sure if he has full on stopped drinking or if he is just limiting himself to only once in a blue moon cause I do know people, hell I am one of these people, I don’t drink 99% of the time but if it’s a special occasion or I’m just chilling with someone I know and they’re having a drink I might have one or a sip or two so technically I don’t drink so I don’t know if maybe that’s what he’s decided to do or if he’s quit alcohol forever, either way I’m very proud of him. I’m proud of him for opening up about this and for talking about his mental health and therapy.

With the exception of some fuckery he really did open up about some things and I highly recommend giving it a listen/watch because when it’s the real him talking it’s a very insightful conversation.

Inside of you | Jared Padalecki

#anti genevieve #not even sure what to tag this as and frankly #i am exhausted #so proper tagging will have to wait for my brain cells to come back #also yes i am aware it is wednesday shush just pretend it's tuesday cause i worked too hard on this to wait till thursday to post it okay?#when i come back after hopefully sleeping more than an hour we'll start our regular wednesday programming #mine #annianvi

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sp00kybitme · 3 years

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Okay so this is really personal but I feel like I need to share it in order to better my health because being upfront about your trauma is a good way to heal from it. So buckle up because this post is gonna be a real doozy:

So let's start by backing up about 4 years ago in the summer of 2017, I was 17 since my birthday follows the year number and I was going through my own personal turmoil, dealing with my already medically diagnosed PTSD, OCD, Anxiety disorder, and severe depression. I had falling outs with most all of my irl friends due to my declining mental health but the decline started around august as my therapist who worked the best for me was leaving the clinic. She was openly queer and I related a lot to her since I felt like for once I wasn't alone yet after she left I was distraught. Also at the time I had a falling out with my father and my brother was a recovering drug addict so you could say shit was really complicated around that time and my head space was not well.

So back in 2016 I was able to get a PS4 and I hadn't used it until 2017 due to being more focused on my mental health but I caved and began playing Overwatch and there I met some folks who made life seem somewhat normal for once, no high end conflict, no drama, just simple fun with friends is all I wanted and for a while I actually had that! That was until the coming month september.

So September was when I started breaking off from big friend groups and settled with 2 people, let's call them Z and J for context, So Z was someone who I would say had undiagnosed mental health issues and J was someone who was mutual friends with Z because they went to high school together. Z and J were some of my only friends and we as people really bonded over stuff and I felt like life was actually turning up after losing so much shit that year.

So just for preface/context: at this time I identified with she/her pronouns and went by the term pansexual/demiromantic but now after much time I identify with they/them pronouns and am at least asexual, as for romantic I'm still figuring that out. So November rolled around and I noticed conflict immediately, Z and J were subtly arguing and J was using a victim complex mentality to guilt Z into caving yet at the time I was an oblivious 17 year old who was just desperate was friendship to the point of trying to always be a mediator.

Z was always talking about how lonely they were and how every relationship they had never worked out and at the time I was not out about not being cisgender and so they perceived me as a girl. Throughout September to november they would CONSTANTLY ask me out to the point of it being a desperation and a guilt trip and at this point I was afraid. I had lost EVERYONE in my life here and it was so frustrating but for a month I would keep my boundaries up and say no because I genuinely wasn't interested in a relationship and I didnt feel taht way about Z but they continued to push me and eventually I gave in and I remember the exact place it happened.

So we all 3 had a daily routine of getting on and playing Overwatch for hours just to talk shit and goof around so that day we were skirmishing on the "Temple of anubis" map and I said yes and in retrospect it was a horrible time to do that because it was in front of J and in turn made them feel loke a 3rd wheel. I wanna say that me conceding into a relationship while having no attractiom or interest was wrong of me and that I apologize for but again I WAS pressured as a minor. Also I forgot to say that Z was 19 and while that kind of age gap isn't inherently the worst, I was still an emotionally vulnerable minor being coaxed into a relationship.

So things went on relatively the same except for the fact that J was beginning to sound more spiteful and ended up getting upset easier and volatile which I blamed myself for but we'll get more into J very soon. So Z and I were noticing the change in behavior but tried not to bother J with it because they always didn't wanna talk about it. J confided in us at one point by telling us about their living situation being troublesome, they claimed they had no privacy, were verbally abused by their mother, and had relatives who were also abusive. We both had empathy for J and I was strongly affected by that since I had a strong disconnect from my father at the time who was abusive in a religious way.

We tried to keep things relatively normal at this point for the sake of J but Z was always trying to be bluntly romantic with me and I wasn't interested although they did ask me for "thigh pics" (lemme preface by saying I was still a minor at this point) but I was coaxed into that and virtual s*x which I was extremely uncomfortable with but Z had a strong tendency to victimize and guilt trip and I just wanted friends and had PTSD from friends levaing me and calling me selfish. It's not something I'm proud of but I genuinely was THAT scared of losing friends. In instances where J would get spiteful and resent Z, J at one point left our group chat and group and didnt reply to us because they attempted s*icide. We were HORRIFIED to find that out and really tried to keep a close eye on J into the new year.

2018 rolls in and now is the year that I consider my worst, I will TW// onward for talks of verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, talks of s*xual assault, s*icide, homophobia, and gaslighting. So after J's s*icide attempt I felt even WORSE in a relationship that itself was already one sided but I powered through as to not upset Z. The friendship dynamic we had at this point was gone as it only seemed to be arguing and fake excitement. One thing we all did in the game was idolize specific characters and obsess over them for mental comfort to the point that we got emotionally distraught over their deaths in game, genuinely very unhealthy for all of us. One thing J would do at times was purposefully pick me and Z's characters in game in commit s*icide in game with them just to upset us and would sometimes mentally torture Z by forcing them to be the character Z hated which only screwed up Z's Mental health. J would also alwsys victimize and act like they weren't being treated fairly and that all culminated in January.

January 2018, J began putting the thought of a polyamorus relationship on the table as in J, Z, and I would all be in a relationship together which I wasn't too keen on but was open to if it made everyone happy. Z wasnt interested at all and for the span of 2 weeks of January, J kept trying to manipulate and coax Z into a relationship and had me try to convince Z as well which I didn't know was wrong but granted I didn't understand Poly relationships until years later. Z eventually half caved and gave it a try but a day later Z backed out because they felt uncomfortable. I was a bit irritated at that time and so was J but I didn't personally know why because I was very oblivious to love and how it was supposed to be. We also would play 1v1 type games for fun until this time because both of them were seriously bothered by losing in 1v1 games and would gloat when they won. I personally didn't care as much and would joke around for the most part just to have fun. After this month we stopped playing 1v1 type games.

Early February came and we all began hanging out in skirmish (which means like a map where you just freeroam for 30 minutes until it refreshes), sometimes we would do ship dynamics with each other for fun and at the time we were joking around. Me and J joked around about two male characters (Junkrat and Roadhog) being together and if you have seen the two characters then you'll know why. Their dynamic as friends is flawed but a popular one yet nonetheless I liked their dynamic as a relationship at the time. Around this time, Z was beginning to do what I would call "selective homophobia" as in they would like some gay ships and despise others. When Z was presented with a WLW (lesbian) ship, they would be 100% supportive yet when a specific MLM (gay) ship was presented, they would make gagging noises as if they were trying to throw up. I should also mention how often Z would send Overwatch porn to group chats and how it made me incredibly uncomfortable, especially as a minor.

J would ultimately hold the blatant homophobia against Z and tried to turn me again Z for it. During this time, J was messaging me privately to try and convince me that Z was a bad person and that I should break up with them. Ultimately I agreed and broke up with Z over this and me and J distanced myself from Z to just hang out together. I was personally distraught in just finding out that a friend I was close to ended up being Homophobic all this time and emotionally it broke me a lot. At the time, J was there to help me emotionally and that initially helped me build trust with them. Eventually in mid February they asked me out and since they had helped me so much mentally, I felt out of a sense of obligation that being with them was something I almost owed them.

Side note: I wanna bring up this point as just a weird coincidence: February itself has always been one of the worst months for me every year, something horrendous has happened to me each February of each year and its weird because of how often I can recall this still being the case.

So After being around J for so long we started to just joke around and have fun as friends. They actually showed me their face for the first time over a video call which actually surprised me because they looked different then I thought they were but nonetheless I enjoyed their company because I felt like I had a friend. March rolled around and my birthday was coming up, my 18th birthday which was more of a big deal to J than me. They wanted to see me in provocative pictures and were constantly talking about how excited they were for it and I didn't understand why really. They were also 19 btw and they seemed way too excited for something as simple as that kind of picture. The day rolled around and I felt uncomfortable, I was told to send pictures and I did which admittedly made me uncomfortable as hell yet I still did and I was given positive affirmation for it. Little fact about me is that one thing I didn't get much growing up was positive affirmation so getting that made me feel like I was actually doing something right for once.

Over the next few months, J went from supportive and well intent to showing their true colors. As time went on they began to get more and more controlling with the things that I did as an individual. It went from supoorting the fact that I struggled with PTSD to using it as a reason that I shouldn't be making other friends besides them. From being supportive of my open mindedness with sexuality to coaxing me into spewing hateful rhetoric. Their family was actually really supportive of me at first, the thibg they had said about their mom turned out to be a lie used to play on my sympathy because their mom adored me as a person and constantly would ask if me and my mom needed anything. They sent us two big care packages through the mail with food and money for food and I originally was against that not just because I'm genuinely horrible at taking gifts but because they had my physical address and knew where I lived in case they wanted to "visit". The care packages meant a lot to me and my mom because we've been low income since I was little and having the luxury to live in a house or not have to worry about food consumption was something I never had.

During late spring, J began to be a lot more forceful with me by manipulating and gaslighting me into thinking many toxic things. I was afraid at this point of both J and being alone again. They would tell me that I should start acting more feminine and "like a girl" and that was REALLY triggering to me since over a big part of my life, I was questioning my gender identity and being forced into this feminine box made me hate myself. They would tell me to wear "panties", talk higher pitched, and even tell me to be a submissive partner who just lets them lead and me follow. I'm naturally a more dominant person in general so it was like I was disregarding a huge part of my identity. I was almost silenced into this role that J wanted me to be. They would force me to do lewd things online and while you could say that I shouldn't have been worried since it wasn't irl, they knew my address and last name.

One instance I remember was that J asked about my deadname and I told them and then questioned why I would change that name since it "was more feminine and fit me". It was upsetting to hear that but at least they didn't deadname me after finding out. They also kept telling me that I wasnt allowed to be attracted to anyone but them. I wasn't allowed to protest because they would threaten killing themselves and actually send a picture of them with a knife to their throat as if to threaten me.

A detail I left out intentionally was something that disturbed me the most about them and really makes me think they have a serious form of some kind of dissociative mental disorder. (Context: I'm not stigmatizing folks who have Dissociative disorders, my mother has one and the symptoms J exhibited make me think of someone who experiences detachment or disillusionment. Im not going to diagnose them but my instinct makes me believe that it could be something similar yet they have never been medically diagnosed.) J would constantly talk about a friend they had in elementary school who had taken their own life and how the spirit of this friend still keeps near them since they were close back then. This friend almost seemed to become a way to manipulate me later on in 2018.

This friend of theirs almost seemed to be a way to seperate themselves from how they treated me or avoid blame. This friend would threaten me that if I didn't let J r*pe me that they were gonna commit s*icide and that it would be my fault for not doing what they wanted. They also would threaten me to do what J said or else they would "possess" me. I'm someone who has had bad experiences with spirits so I didn't want to have more hell. J themselves would sometimes get extremely angry when I stood up for myself or expressed stuff I was really interested in and would threaten to track me down, assault me, and kill my mom. They also began pitting me against my mom because I would talk about how my mom was getting worried about me being hurt but J said that my mom was faking it and manipulating me and I almost believed J but I know my mom and I know she cares too much about me to do something like that.

Around September, I was practically an emotionless shell. I wasn't excited about anything, I wasn't angry anymore, I was barely feeling much of anything but a deep seeded sadness. I lacked in a lot of places and repressed any emotion I had so deep that I couldn't react to anything anymore. I think J began to notice because they started to actually act concerned after a while but that was flickering like a light switch. One of the last instances that I broke down was august of 2018 when I began crying heavily over microphone and begging them to not hate me. They had no reaction, no remorse , no empathy and when their mom came in they just left me there crying without affirming me at all.

During this time, I was sending hundreds of nude photos a day to appease them and they would get off and go to sleep and during the night I would secretly cry and look at queer based things in private to try and keep some semblance of my identity in tact. I actually started watching Sanders sides around July 2018 and enjoyed the series and how nice the fanbase seemed and it somehow helped me get through this rough period of time.

October was probably some of the worst time because I ended up missing my favorite holiday, Halloween which was the only time I personally enjoyed being myself because the element of the holiday made me happy. That halloween I spent on overwatch with J, overall miserable and hating myself. I also forgot to mention that J would dictate what I wore, they would hate that I wore boxer briefs and men's cologne and deodorant, they constantly questioned why I was trying to be masculine when I was AFAB but again I was also closeted with my gender identity and this shoved me even more into the closet when they would argue with me about it.

November rolled around and I had practically been at my breaking point, J was trying to convince me for weeks to move down south to live with them and their family and I was practically being forced. I have a fear of flying and I kept saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my disabled mom by herself and my mom also hates flying. J was trying to get things their way and forced me too and I was looking into flights even though I was deadset on not going. November 11th 2018, I wasn't replying to J's texts right away because I was actually standing up for myself. They began HEAVILY threatening to end their life and I remember sitting there and crying without emotion then I hung up on them and told them to stop calling and texting me as they had begun to text and call me incessantly. I said I needed a break and finally let out a breath when they said ok.

Around late November, I felt as though I had misjudged Z and unblocked and messaged them, apologizing for being a dick to them. They initially forgave me and I was just going to move on but they asked if we could play in a public chill server and I accepted just to try and get my mind off of J. As we entered into the game, J suddenly started spectating and Z left instantly out of fear. I only talked to Z just to apologize and give context as to what happened, I was desensitized and just needed a friend. J messaged me apologizing frantically and saying "if you've moved on to date Z, just tell me so I can move on" and I said "no, I just needed a friend right now and I need my space. Don't talk to me for a while, respect that one thing." And thankfully, I was actually left alone.

December rolled around once again and at this point I had finally blocked J and moved on from everything, J's mom had messaged me on Facebook and told me that I was a "filthy cheater who just used J for their kindess and didn't care about them" but I did actually genuinely care deeply about J yet he abused my compassion by gaslighting me and putting me into this false sense of security. Before I could reply, she blocked me so she never actually took the time to ask me. I was feeling guilty for leaving J but I was reassured by Z during that time period and Z had apologised for previous comments as well. Z ended up introducing another friend to the group, we'll call them A. We would first play Overwatch but immediately switch to Minecraft which I had bought when still with J to play with their family. Around this time I had begun to cling to Z uninitentionally due to recovering from my trauma and needing that affirmation that I wasn't some terrible abuser, as J had manipulated me to think I was. Z was getting a bit bothered by this yet they had never publicly told me nor did they understand why I clung to them in the first place. Z knew I had PTSD and I had told them exactly what I had just described earlier about what J had done to me and Z was initially very empathetic though I was never told that my clinginess was bothering them because I was in recovery mode. Eventually towards the end of January, I was told by A that they knew why I was so clingy with Z. At first I was confused because they both had known that I had PTSD but A proceed. "The only reason you're so clingy with Z is because you're secretly still in love with them, I can read you like an open book and you would do best to stop denying your obvious feelings for them" Hearing this made me personally disgusted, appalled, and upset mentally. Z kept to the side during this discussion and didn't go against A however they didn't deny A's words.

I retorted by speaking about my trauma and how it made me cling to people unnecessarily but then A proceeded to invalidate my trauma by implying that I was over exaggerating what I had gone through. I felt awful and I forcefully distanced myself from them both only to go back once again out of fear of being alone. This continued for a while until July 10th, 2019 when I finally distanced myself from Z for good. I made my own account on Instagram and over the span of 2 years, I built up a community of people who liked my work and I got my sense of individualism back give or take. I recently changed accounts because this era in my life is brand new and I couldn't be happier with where I'm at.

This post is more so a form of being vulnerable and a bit of exposure therapy. Sure im not a perfect person, I can't even publicly out my abusers but I think it would do more harm than good. If anyone wants to have a warning for their accounts, at least on YouTube, message me on my Insta in my bio. I'm sorry if this was long and possibly upsetting but I wanted to just get this out. I dont know who would be seeing this but if you read this far: thank you, honestly its upsetting to have to go through so much bullshit and I hate talking about it because it's difficult to really put shit out there without feeling like its some tupe of attention thing. I don't want to post this for sympathy, I want to post this for me, just to feel better about where I'm at and also face my trauma head on to heal from it. I'm not saying this to compare who's life is worse or not but I am posting this to better myself.

Thank you again,

Spooky

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smutty-ki113r · 3 years

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yes Ben is technically already dead lmao. YES BBY I WANNA KEEP U <3 u r so pretty and so nice and so talented and omg just so unique !!

OMG Red u crack me up. my sub ass would never slap a intimidating person...it's just like my brain tells me: "nooo, submit ! now!"

Well idk I don't know hoodie that well but he seems nice and i think it could work :> poly is just more than 2 ppl. can be just 3 or more. some cases only one partner is poly so the others just interact with them and not with the others. each partner can have multiple partners or not. each poly relationship is a bit different. but nontheless, cheating is still not ok. u have to talk to the partners before introducing someone new. I am actually thinking abt asking lj but I don't think toby likes him :<

Ben loves u already! it's gonna be so cool when u two finally meet!! also...the screenshot of ur friends message??? holy shit I laughed so hard.

I am fine ig lol. I will probably be done with my drivers license v soon :>i am crushing on 3 ppl irl and i am scared hh. sleeping is almost back to normal. *^____^*aw red dw :> I couldn't be upset with u !!

most of the cp don't remember their birthday and if they do they don't tell...they think it's stupid. well uh the only ones that remember r jeff and liu and they don't wanna talk abt it. the others either forgot cuz of trauma or time.

dude I am not jealous at all but possessive is accurate. bitchy...idk but i'd say no. hm but I think it's hard to tell if I am all that myself...idk

also lil fun nsfw story: toby throatfucked me recently <3 it was amazing (*^▽^*) he's so vocal too ...i love him sm

(i wish i could just be his sextoy all day long)

-🃏

THE WAY I FUCKING SQUEALED AT THAT- its the way that FUCKING EMOTICON looks for me. Like youre just like “ah yes he throatfucked me 🥰”. You literally kill me man i love you. AGGHGH THAT SOUNDS HOT. You’re so lucky 😖 (says me who’s barely had sexual interaction with anyone and wants to know what its like) but. *hand shakes furiously as i try to drink a cup of water*

I am so so glad that you and Toby are doing good. Im very proud of you both <3 thank you sm for telling me about the poly stuff, I want to be educated!! Awww i love LJ! Is he sexy For a long time I sipped over LJ and he was my #1 above everyone else and I would bring a picture of him everywhere I went. Yes I mean a physical picture. It’s not that I stopped liking him cause hell no i will always love him 🙄 but I think I just saw so much of myself in him that I wanted to hug him so badly and just be there for him cause nobody was there for me.

There’s a lot more to zodiacs than just a few traits, my mom showed me my birthchart and literally 90% of it was so accurate it was CRAZY. Ah so that’ssss why nobody knows their zodiacs. Its ok, oh jeez id hate to bring up trauma for them. But i want to fucking smother them with kisses even if they fight me off and it kills me.

UYFGPYODIRUJCGKYUYPTFDJRCFHGKVHLGUHPFT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MAN- you think im pretty 😫 and yes I def am unique… WHY JESUS. Im only talented in making up scenarios that will hurt me. 🥲 but hey I am a masochist so it works out.

ALSO im so PROUD look at you getting your license!!! And im so glad the sleeping went back to normal! I GOT SO WORRIED OML- sometimes i forget shit I say and then im like fuck,,,did i say something mean? Or insensitive?

I would probably slap masky just for kicks. Literally. Little bitch baby boy.

My bsf is literally the most hilarious person I know other than myself. She’s my entire world and my life. She knows a lot about you, and a lot of my anons. I talk a lot about u guys cause yall make me so happy. ISTG I S T GGGGG. .. FUCK. I. He loves me already. Shit dont say that too much or ill start second guessing everything more than usual. God i feel like im gonna disappoint him so bad. When we meet when we meet when we meet when we meet.

ANYWAY imma post the pics of me now hwhwhwhehehehhehehe

Im gonna start talking about my bsf more. Mmmmmm imma call her blue. Y’all are gonna love hearing about her. The shit she says cracks me tf up.

#🚹#♠️#💬

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cloneslugs · 3 years

Note

yayoi + shinada + saejima

saejima i did forever ago just bc ik if i answered yours firsy w all 3 this would be ill but it still got too long bc im a sicko but anyway thank you this made me smile to write (:

Lady Dojima

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexual

Gender Headcanon: 🙈 lady . this actually fluctuates depending on how indulgent i wanna be but usually i just go cis woman -_- just bc that's my mom who would love and support me

A ship I have with said character: erm.. *blushes* kashiwagi >_>

A BROTP I have with said character: kashiwagi as well :) that's her best friend thats her buddy, she has a really good relationship w kiryu too but it's different it's like a different tier entirely it's more familial in a sense but it isnt but it is, i also would like to explore her relationship w nishiki (apart from kiryu) but that is just (:, her and haruka would be cute too just bc <3 extended family

A NOTP I have with said character: sera just bc the theories around it get on my nerves, any other man people pair her w tbh besides my beloved <3

A random headcanon: shes kind of a weird girl outside of professional settings i think the blunt way she talks is kind of offputting outside of those and also she just doesnt censor herself not that shes crude but she wont stop herself from saying weird or mean things, she has a really sarcastic sense of humor she delivers everything really dryly so it's hard to tell if shes serious or not also she doesnt laugh a lot you'll probably only make her laugh if you are close w her and even then she is just ._., daigo picks up a lot of his mannerisms from her if you see them next to each other in the same situation they are very very close and similar, she likes strawberry shortcake but shes very particular about it her like former bff ran a bakery and it feels homey and nice to her so <3 fond memories but now shes particular, her favorite flower bouquets are roses + hydrangeas but she doesn't really like roses on their own, she likes cats, she doesnt like cooking but she isnt bad at it, shes very meticulous about how she presents/looks, she has a similar academic bg w daigo, shes self taught w a katana mostly + she practices w it to destress, shes not social but shes kind of chatty if you catch her at the right time but she mostly just asks a lot of questions and doesnt engage in convo well, she likes dresses/skirts but mostly dresses <3, very close w daigo i think he really was one of those kids who was like "my mommy is my best friend <3" but they're very close that's her baby shes very proud of him and they are still close now, shes otherwise not very good w kids i think kind of awkward daigo was her exception everyone else she is just kind of … … …, she likes to sing/hum (: but only when alone/doing menial tasks

General Opinion over said character: i looooove her shes my everything i just care so deeply about her i cant even call her my friend i respect her too much shes a little bit above me but <3 hi lady dojima ik ive said this before and its so embarrassing but i get like >///< *blushes irl* if i think about calling her yayoi or god forbid a milf or anything it feels too disrespectful im so >_> anyway hiii i love you

Shinada

Sexuality Headcanon: homosexual but hes so so repressed but he loves men

Gender Headcanon: trans guy (:

A ship I have with said character: 😏 daigo

A BROTP I have with said character: not including daigo um akiyama (: the whole 5 party really saejima likes to look out for him and kiryu is also there and hed be a cute big bro to haruka

A NOTP I have with said character: mine but its almost allowed bc of how laughable and mockable and ridiculous it is also any polyam ships that involve well. you know..

A random headcanon: autism (: baseball special interest that started when he was like 7 and never went dormant ever, hes bad w time and remembering things he just loses track of everything, he sleeps a lot and can sleep anywhere but if hes not sleeping he has to be doing something like anything, he likes to paint his nails mostly green but sometimes he lets daigo do black, bad at math but he likes writing a lot just in general sometimes he writes little notes/poems/thoughts/stories on his scrap paper when hes procrastinating work they're nothing special so he doesnt even really acknowledge that he likes writing he usually just scraps them or forgets about them it's just for fun, he likes to impress people if someone mentions being into something he tries to get into it too i think hes just a people pleaser, he likes to sing (: also just for fun he doesnt care about being good he'll do it when walking around or when doing literally anything he doesnt care about being loud/obnoxious in public if hes in a good/energetic mood, he cant cook mostly bc he has trouble paying attention to things for a while he gets bored and forgets about stuff, he forgets to cut his hair a lot so it gets long sometimes and he just ties it up until he actually gets around to doing something about it, very friendly he says hi to everyone and is the kind of person to not disclude people ever hes just very kind, he doesnt hold his alcohol well he gets sick pretty fast, hes very good at talking baseball/batting specifically but not very good at teaching or hes not very practical about it at least hes actually better at giving pitching tips, he has weird volume control i think its actually the opposite of daigos, hes a hugger (:, kind of really bad w social cues hes really social but can be awkward he tends to talk too much, he procrastinates a lot but hes also just a "drop everything to come and help" kind of guy maybe he doesnt prioritize well but he just cares about people like he is kind of finicky for money but hes also the type to give up his jacket if someone needs it or lend things out when he can, hes not good at picking up hobbies sometimes girls/friends get him stuff like a plant or some kind of craft kir or something and it's not like he doesnt take care of it/do anything w it he just cant hold an interest he wanted to get into music/instruments once though but it's expensive and then he eventually stopped caring/forgot, he shares his food w street animals when he can, he can either sit through movies or he can't it's either like "if im idle too long ill die" or just intense focus, he smiles a lot it's like his default face but he also smiles/laughs when hes nervous, he takes lots of pictures hes the kind of person to just message out of the blue w a pic saying it reminded him if you even if you dont make the connection and maybe it's just bc he thinks about people when walking around and he'll see something pretty/nice/cute or that just makes him smile so he needs to share it w whoever was on his mind he does it w the rgg5 crew and akiyama doesnt get it but hell send like a thumbs up or some blingee bedazzled stupid pic back + kiryu usually ignores him but deep down he thinks its sweet and maybe says "thanks." but feels too awkward to send a pic of the kids or the beach back + saejima usually sends a cat picture back or just says "okay" or ignores it + haruka always sends something back and kind of does the same thing w shinada now where she'll send him things if she thinks of him bc he started it

General Opinion over said character: he makes me so happy i love him so much hes just sweet and <3 i love you you make my heart feel <3 nice and sweet and kind i love you you mean the world to me you make me so emo i wahhhh i love you <3

#asks #rgg txt #<3 i love you <3 im glad i got to do my faves w you they make me (: loses it a little..#SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW THE SHINADA ONE GOT SO LONG WTF #i was like okay dont add more on lady dojima now it will be obnoxious but i kept going okay just one more for shinada .. but wlel um..

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bunnykass · 3 years

Text

INARIZAKI AS FEELING IVE HAD WITH GUYS IN HIGH SCHOOL

this was supposed to be funny but became very reflective and sorta emotional for me. therapeutic tho😌

TW: mentions of underage n*des, cursing, grammar and spell errors

KITA - the senior in my law class freshman year.

He was country, would wear cowboy boots to class and levi’s (i live in texas). He was a eagle scout. very sweet boy. always brought coffee in those cups to class,and he drove a range rover. i’d share sunflower seeds with him all the time and id make fun of him cause instead of breaking the shell and eating the inside, he’d just eat the shit whole. but like i said he was 18 and I was 14. more of crush we never really did anything, one time though he did argue with me on snapchat about immigration and the annexation of hawaii. He had a brother who was a freshman, and in the beginning of the second seamstress I would flirt with him but again me and never did anything.

OMINI - my freshman english teacher

(tw mentions of sexual assault, grooming, teacher-student relationship)

LMAOO. i had just gotten really into lolita (gross🤮) and so I would literally talk to older guys on the internet (one time i met up with marine even though I was like 15) ANYWAY, so when I started his class i was like damn we about to have a ezra and aria shit. he was super nice to “pretty girls” and “pretty boys” what I mean by that if you weren’t the beauty standard, he was kinda a dick to you. one time he pissed me off though cause he lost a assignment, made me re-do it but only gave me a 70, and i lost interest in him after that. he also accused me of defamation of character because i found his mugshot and was showing everyone.btw he was accused of SEXUAL ASSUALT??? but apparently the mugshot was fake or wasn’t him i don’t remember. he never counted me late or absent tho

ARAN - my best friend

been friends with this kid sense 8th grade. He was in love with this girl though that was leading him on all though out middle school but i really had a crush on him by the time high school started he had gotten over her. when we were freshmen’s he told the whole football team I was a whore cause i wouldn’t send him nudes (i know this sounds bad but i promise it wasn’t plus this was 3-4 years ago) so we didn’t talk to each other till summer going into sophomore year. me and him are still friends and we literally hang out almost every weekend, i love him and he’s loves me. he’s very thing i’d want in a boyfriend but because we’ve been friends for so long doing intimate things with each other like sex seems weird. While we both wish we could be in a relationship we both realstically know it wouldn’t work :(. <3

GINJIMA - my freshmen boyfriend

had fallen in love with me when like school started but like my best friend aran said, i was whoreing’ (not really tho cause i’m still a virgin) so when he asked me to homecoming I was like no. but eventually through out the school year me and him got closer we had like 3 classes together, 2 of them were back to back so we were jus cute like that. my first legit relationship, he was nerdy as hell and the biggest fucking dork. my freshmen year I was what the yt would call a hot cheeto girl and i weighed a lot more back then and he was 6’2-skinny white boy so we fucking looked like glora and melman from madagascar. were like discord moderator and daddy’s kitten shit. he was funny but he was really mean to me and because i was very insecure at the time i lacked setting boundary’s so i’d just take it. he also bought me a roku which i still have today, he was always buying me shit, and i taught him how to take dick pics. he was the first guy that didn’t just like me for my fat tits but i felt like the only way i could keep him around was by oversexualizing myself which ultimate let to him breaking up with me :( honestly no hard feelings though we were both like 15. him an his current girlfriend are so cute, and me and him are cool.

this is a conversation we had a few weeks ago.

SUNA - my yubo boys

my take away from being in highschool is guys do not give a shit about what you look like or how you’re built, unless they’re insecure, and also self-worth. I got on yubo my sophomore year and had it till my junior year. if you don’t know what yubo is its essentially a teen dating app. now i never went to meet these guys irl i have friends who did... and i just want to stay ted bundy would’ve had a field day with these hoes but would engage in online sexting. which ig is illegals cause i was still under 18. at this point in my life i was just so insecure and seeking male validation that i was throwing ass for people over the internet to people i would never meet. this isn’t one person either this is a collective of i don’t even know how many boys. i feel sick thinking about this but i cant take it back and i just have to encourage my sister and potentially future daughters about this.

Miya twins - my tower moments

these two, like the miya twins are very similare but different. I consider them both tower moments because after them two i change completely how i viewed myself and life. if you aren’t familer with tarot the tower card represents sudden and necessary changes usually the situation tends to me negatives and the outcome following is good. these two are also my most recent compared to the other and i’m still dealing with them today which is why i wanted to give a lil intro. idk if yall believe in astrology but those two have gemini in there big 3 and idk i feel like that has a lot to do with our situationship

OSAMU- my theater teachers son

so technically majority of our relationship was middle school but it carried into high school.he was so mean to me up until 8th grade like i said he was my theater teachers son, and he hated her class. at that time his family had so many issues and i think he didn’t have a outlet. my brother had died around the same time so i too was going through shit. while our issues weren’t the same he definitely confined in me a lot and trusted me with so many things, i don’t think a boy/guy ever just laid everything on me like that and it wasn’t in a “be my therapist” kinda way. he fucked up though, we were in musical theater behind the stage in a closet. his mom was just a couple feet away in the audiences teaching class. me and him were talking per usual, and without a warning he put his tongue down in my mouth. and tried putting his hand down my bra. i was so fucking scared i had never been touched like that. it was my first kiss and i didn’t even tell him he could do that to me. i obviously stopped taking to him after that until the summer going into freshman year when we started sending nudes back snd forth. i don’t like to blame people for my problems but i think i began to hyper sexualize myself because of him. when i wouldn’t send him shit he’d block me, ive finally outgrown him as i now my self worth know occasionally i’ll unblock him and hang out with him for fun but it’s nothing serious. he’s stuck on me like tic though and always bring up the fact he kissed me once in 8th grade 🙄

ATSUMU - my “twinflame”

he was a year older then me and i met him on snap chat that should’ve been a red flag. we started by sending nudes but eventually we started to develop feelings however as soon as things got serious he’d pull out. when his relations with other girls wouldn’t work out he’d always come back to me during that time together he’d love bomb me. take me on dates make out with each other in front of hobby lobbies on sunday, my happiness started to depend on if he talked to me or not and this went on forever. by the time quaratine happened he blocked me because he got a girlfriend? idk if that’s why he blocked me but i assumed that eventually he unblocked me because pussy that good. i gave this man so much power over my life that when i took it back i truly learned by self worth. i will never tell this man this but because of all the shit he pulled on me i’m actually confident. i don’t regret meeting him. occasionally he does try to pull his shit on me and i play along with him. i think the reason i can’t let my gemini boys go is because i’m too scared for a relationship but i know that no matter what they’re both their for fun 😌.

#inarizaki #tw #aran ojiro #kita shinsuke #osamu miya #atsumu miya #suna rintarō #ginjima hitoshi #haikyu

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shibalen · 4 years

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1/2! Hi! could I have a male romantic hq matchup if thats ok? w a dark box + a jewellery box pls! I'm 5'5, she/her w long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white, green eyes + tan skin! I'm super bubbly, loud, naturally v flirty + my love language is physical touch! I LOVE working out + I'm a HUGE foodie. I'm stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee + PDA. I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly, energetic + observant! I ramble but I'm a gd listener + v playful!

2/2 im v playful + luv teasing! I'm spontaneous, optimistic, passionate + ambitious but I tend to overwork myself. I'm empathetic + love comforting others, it takes a lot to make me super angry too! I'm pretty straight forward - I try my best to be upfront about my feelings! I LOVE autumn/winter, cooking, BOBA + outdoors (but also love cosy nights at home) I really value honesty + loyalty. my ideal type is someone tall, protective + doesn't mind physical touch! (I also luv late night adventures)

Sorry I ran out of characters but I just wanted to say thank you so much in advance! I literally had notifications on so I didn't miss your matchups being open lmao <3 a nickname incase u need it is Ains btw!

♡︎ matchup for @hvnlydmn

hello, dear! aww, i'm so happy you think my matchups are something worth not missing. thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoy this!

haikyuu: i match you with . . .

osamu miya !!

• under that calm exterior Osamu is competitive and has a small wild streak in him. you would do good in bringing out that side of him more often with your extroverted nature !!

• he finds your boldness and passion endearing and will help you keep your feet grounded in cases your impulsive tendancies might cause trouble for you.

• while your external demeanours differ, you hold the same core values which is incredibly important. like you, Osamu prefers being honest and will understand your point of view even though he might have a different opinion.

• that being said, you're both extremely patient and heated arguments take place only once in a blue moon. even then you manage to work out your differences quite fast.

• maybe it's because of your profile pic but i get the feeling you were a fan of Atsumu first, being part of the cheering squad in high school.

• you had no problem approaching either of the twins despite their popularity. they liked your confidence and energy so quickly accepted you.

• at first you wanted Osamu to help you get closer to Atsumu, but oops, along the way you two ended up falling for the other instead ! your personalities complimented each other, plus you had lots of common interests !

• i love how your first impression dynamic is the fun ray of sunshine x the quiet chill one even though y'all can be equally chaotic and observant ♡︎

• Osamu puts action over words and likes showing you his affection through small, casual touches as you go about your day. locking your fingers, putting his arm around your waist or shoulders, caresses of your cheek/head/hands.

• also, giving you massages after a tough day !! it's sweet and intimate while you can talk about anything and everything, or say nothing at all ♡( ◡‿◡ )

• insists being the one to brew you coffee. he knows his coffee is the best and it's what you deserve.

• playful teasing 23/7 (including snack breaks) just saying. having a brother like Atsumu has had its effects.

• Atsumu and you sometimes gang up and lovingly bully him. don't worry though, even against the two of you Samu can stand his ground (or be petty and give you a cold shoulder to tease you even more).

• though if someone else starts crossing the line while they're teasing you, Osamu will lowkey throw hands. he won't make a scene but anyone with the guts to brother you should be prepared to face pain the consequences.

• your dates often consist of visiting new restaurants/food booths, home-cooked dinner dates or picnics + hiking. sometimes he'll join working out with you.

❦︎ darkbox, timeskip

• it started with the little things: missed calls, skipped dinners, forgotten good-mornings. with Osamu busy with the restaurant and you having your hands full with your own job, your schedules only seemed to drift further apart.

• but then the words you exchanged irl became less frequent and finally the physical touch between you faded nearly into nonexistence because you hardly even saw each other.

• it was like a ticking time bomb. Osamu and you were aware of it but neither of you knew how to stop it.

• though you talked through messages and calls it just wasn't the same. stressed and worried, you did your best to remain calm, however this only made things worse.

• to you, it felt as though Osamu didn't care about your relationship anymore since he always looked and sounded the same, ever so nonchalant. yet in truth he was trying his hardest to look composed so you wouldn't worry.

• in the end, you both saw it best to take a 'break' until your careers became stable again. the saddest part: you did it for the other though neither of you wanted to.

• to forget your depression you became more involved in your work than before, up to the point of overworking yourself.

• meanwhile, Osamu, too, drowned himself in exhaustion. no matter how stoic he appeared it was clear he was all but focused. he kept wondering if you were okay, eating properly, getting enough sleep, or even if you wanted to start seeing someone else.

• worries if you'd rather have broken up with him for good because he wasn't good enough.

• thank goodness Atsumu, being the better and smarter twin™, called his brother out on his bs. too bad Osamu was a stubborn bastard and took forever to realise he loved you too much to be taking some 'pause' from you.

• his blood ran cold and his heart dropped to his stomach, however, when you weren't answering any calls or texts for days. you always answered him after a day at most.

• gosh, he was so anxious something had happened to you that he cancelled everything to rush to your place.

• it turned out you were taking a a week off from the world after too much work and getting sick. all well and good but the boy almost stumbled to his knees from the relief.

• instead, being himself, he just went: "stupid. ya really have a talent for getting yourself into situations like these."

• but thankfully you knew what he meant and how to comfort him. obviously you both fessed up that despite the problems you didn't want to be apart from each other again.

• from that incident onwards you agreed to always openly talk about your feelings. even if it meant being a little selfish, you knew the other would always be there for you ♡︎

𑁍 jewellery box

— favourite memory with you:

after a loss at an important game, you were the one to cheer him up. it was mid-autumn so the nature was filled with colours. you invited him out to rake leaves and jump into the heaps. Osamu thought it was ridiculous at first but couldn't help but smile at your sweet attempts to help him. you weren't together yet back then but it was definitely the moment he realised he felt something stronger for you than friendship ♡︎

— favourite activity to do together:

cooking and taste-testing! it's just so domestic. he gets to cook and spend quality time with you—what could be better? also, image standing in front of a stove, just cooking, when he comes up to you from behind, quietly wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzles your neck.

— favourite place to kiss you:

your forehead and neck. he jokes you're too short for him to reach your lips when he actually just loves the intimacy of it, same with your neck.

— favourite nicknames to call you by:

short-stack, plum, Ains. just your own nickname or something silly/teasing. he doesn't think having a nickname is that important.

— favourite thing about you:

how empathetic and understanding you are. many have gotten the wrong impression of him of being aloof before, so he loves you for caring to look further than meets the eye. not only with him but everyone else as well.

runner up: Kotarō Bokuto

this is my first time writing the extra additions so feedback is warmly welcome. remember to take care ♡︎

#matchups #anime matchups #haikyuu #ains #len's matches

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yutaya · 3 years

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Iron Fist Rewatch: 1x01: Snow Gives Way

-Someone barging into Ward's office acting like they own the place and also know Harold is alive must have sent such a jolt of fear through Ward for a second

-Ward puts himself between Danny and Joy when it seems like Danny might get physical

-Ward tells Joy not to have Danny arrested - Harold concerns?

-Danny PTSD set off by the elevator turbulence?? But he was fine going up. Just stress induced? He's shaking.

-FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT BREAK INTO THAT HOUSE

-Joy's dog just disappears after this episode?

-Danny just meditates or something to get that dog to calm down. Calms his mind so as to seem not a threat / not present? Is Danny some sort of animal whisperer? I'm now positive that at some point during Danny and Ward's Adventures Across Asia, they were stranded somewhere for some reason, Ward is complaining about being stuck in some muddy backwater hick town or whatever, Danny just sort of strolls up to some large animals (attached to a cart? Wait, that would be stealing. Hm...) goes all zen state, then says to Ward "they'll take us to the next town" like that's a normal series of events and not COMPLETELY INSANE, DANNY, WHAT THE F---.

-Pictures on Joy's shelf: Harold with his arm around young Joy, all six of them on some vacation. Rands + Meachums kind of separated in this photo, though. Don't people normally stand closer together in group photos? Also, young Joy much shorter than young Danny. Note: Wendall's hands on both Heather and Danny's shoulders. Harold's hand on Joy's shoulder. Ward and Danny both have hands in pockets.

-"Dad says rules are for pussies" ;___; (Young Ward refusing to pay monopoly rent because he just doesn't want to. Starting the corrupt financial elite training off early, huh?)

-"Oh, here comes Mommy and Daddy to protect you and give you lots of hugs and kisses and tell you what a sweet little boy you are. It's disgusting. *sweeps all the game pieces off the table even though they've clearly been playing for awhile and it's not like Danny just won he was only asking for like $200*" Ward, you dramatic bitch. Also, they were literally only saying they were home, not necessarily rushing in to protect Danny from the Big Bad Ward refusing to pay $200 monopoly money. Metaphorically, I suppose this is still Ward being a sore loser, though. It's not monopoly Danny beat him at, it's having parents who love him. T_T AND THEN HE LIES ABOUT IT, PLAYING THE BELEAGUERED BABYSITTER, ASDFGHJKL - WARD. (Note: neither Danny nor Joy speak up against this blatant unfairness. Previous failure? YOU'RE SUCH A BULLY, WARD.)

-Big Al is first person to be friendly to Danny and I'm sure Danny doesn't forget it. Headcanon Danny is def actively caring towards 'lower class', including homeless and drug addicts, and actually sees + treats them as equals. Classism definitely a theme in these shows with the people who struggle financially like Colleen being the kindest and most charitable and the rich being assholes.

-But also why is he informing Danny that the internet can be used as a search engine with no prior indication in their conversation that Danny doesn't know this? I mean, Danny does not, in fact, know this, but.

-In the news article, the photo of the Rands is the same one in Joy's apartment, but the Meachums are not there. However, they are not merely cropped out: the background extends into the spot they should occupy. Did some poor news article graphic designer have to go find a photo of that tourist spot background at the exact right angle and photoshop them together to get rid of the Meachums, or was Joy's photo a photoshopped family vacation image, which could have explained the awkward distance between the two families, even though it wouldn't have been that hard in editing to set them all closer together? Maybe they all still went on the same vacation together, but instead of asking a passerby to take a photo for them, both families took photos of each other and then someone combined them at a later date? Practically speaking, that still means the angle would be likely to be off for the background, and it's also suspicious that there are zero other tourists around. These rich families rented out the entire space?? Would lend to lack of external parties to take a group pic for them. Obviously, IRL explanation is they're all photoshopped onto a static background, but fun to think of the in-universe reasons. ...Actually, most likely explanation is that they took multiple photos - Rand only, Meachum only, maybe also kids only, Wendall+Harold only, etc, as well as group. So this entire train of thought is inconsequential. Oops.

-Harold had a big event funeral, "mayor and everything"? That must have been fun for both Harold and Ward, with significantly different usages of the word 'fun'.

-Hello Joy, not only did I follow you home to accost you at your front door the morning after I attacked the security at your workplace to enter your probably restricted top floor executives offices, I also did extensive research into your childhood history down to the position you and your friend played on your childhood soccer team, oh and also I broke into your house yesterday where I interacted with your dog. Now watch while I prove my physical prowess by flipping over a taxi.

-Bird flying into city while Danny meditates?? Symbolically, follows the idea of the bird flying through the pass that was Danny's sign to leave K'un Lun and return to NYC. Spiritually - what? AU where the bird is Danny's spirit animal and he's connected to it / seeing through its eyes right now. For the HDM AU fans: bird could be Danny's separated dæmon? (Would a HDM AU Danny's dæmon be a dragon? Honestly, idk how much dragon stereotypes match Danny's personality. Would have to think about that. Would be funny if someone else had the dragon dæmon, not any of the Fist holders.)

-Danny. Danny. Colleen JUST HUNG THAT FLYER UP. Take one of the little tabbies, if you must, that's what they're for, but don't take the entire flyer down! Those cost money, you know. And it takes time to cut all those little tabbies out and then go around hanging the flyers up.

-Colleen be like "dear god, this is why you shouldn't be nice to people, they start trying to hit on you, @ random park dude, please stop talking at me and following me while I continually shift out of your line of vision"

-Danny: "Hey you speak Chinese? I speak Chinese." Colleen: "I'm Japanese you dick. :)"

-Ward: I'm gonna make sure our personal security team is guarding you against this clear and present threat, but also we're still not calling the police??

-Ward turns this from either a crazy homeless guy or a scam artist into a potential organized corporate sabotage - the kind of threat that Joy is more easily able to compartmentalize her emotions on and crush under her heel?

-Ward just gets into a moving vehicle with someone he has verbally acknowledged as an active threat to his family. Did you have ANY stranger danger safety lessons growing up, Ward?

-Danny now appears to be actively threatening Ward, while using the reasoning that Ward and everyone else have been seriously trying his patience and he's in danger of losing his temper, but he's still giving Ward one last chance to back down. Note: this is a technique commonly employed by abusers, and probably more triggering to Ward than Danny knows, even though Danny probably actually does think he's being sincere as opposed to manipulative.

-->Aaaand Ward responds by ratcheting up instead, because of course he does, IMMEDIATELY leading to the gun to head scene. oh, geez.

-Danny provides personal details - probably this is the moment Ward starts to believe it might actually be Danny somehow, against all logic and reason. He looks shaken, then immediately starts trying to gaslight Danny. asdfghjkl WARD.

-->Ward lying to Danny's face and putting himself in the position of the righteous with Danny as the person in the wrong when they both know it's a lie is very reminiscent of the monopoly scene from when they were kids and the implied constant behavior from when they were kids. But this time, Danny doesn't accept it the way he did as a kid. He stares at Ward, remembering this pattern, actively teetering on PTSD flashback mode, and fights back. Makes Ward think he might be about to kill them both - while having flashbacks that hinder his ability to stop so Danny in hindsight gets freaked out about what he almost did too. (Note: looking freaked out and claiming he didn't mean to almost kill them both just now was probably more concerning to Ward rather than less.) And then he promises he'll be back because this isn't over. gdi, Danny, no wonder Ward wants you gone asap.

-Colleen, trying to tell Danny to go away because he's being a creeper: TAKE A HINT TAKE A HINT

-Danny, casually: Oh yeah Master Lei Gun "The Thunderer" used to smack me hard in the face with the practice swords

-Colleen bringing a sword to a gun fight

-Danny grabs enemy's gun, but not to use as weapon/defense - only to disarm it and run off - which Colleen sees.

-What festival is this that's happening in Chinatown? Has anyone figured out an IF timeline? Could compare dates to real world events, see if there's any potential cross over.

-None of these bystanders so much as bother to look at the fistfights happening 2 feet away from them

-Ward sitting in his office eating his food (it has decorative greens so you know it's ~fancy~) and answers his phone smiling because he's expecting the good news that Danny-probably-an-impersonator-but-also-potentially-maybe-not-but-we're-not-thinking-about-that-Ward-get-a-hold-of-yourself is dead. Way to be a villain stereotype, Ward. I know you try real hard at it so good job uwu

-Harold intro. Ward clearly at his beck and call and just as clearly resentful of it. "I think...” *resigned* “-of course, right away." is such immediate shorthand for someone abusing the power imbalance. (Note: Ward puts off approaching Harold with the "Danny problem" until night 2, tries to handle it quietly until he has implicated himself (Danny now knows Ward tried to have him killed) and Danny is still present and now an even bigger threat)

-So many elevators. All express to specific floors/areas? This lobby is so unsettling. Elevator leads to another hall full of elevators, then stairs, then handprint access to hall with second elevator into penthouse. (Note: Ward is one of those people who press the close door button multiple times with a frustrated facial expression)

-Ward to Harold: "How do you even know about that? ...Shit. Are you behind this? Is this another one of your stupid tests?"

-Harold to Ward: "I wish you would take things like this more seriously, so I don't see my company destroyed."

-Photos on Harold's shelf: young Joy, posed photo of Meachums in formal-ish clothing, Harold's hands on both kids shoulders, indistinguishable group of people on a bridge(?) somewhere. Group photo atop a fancy box, Joy photo in front of the Meachum family photo. On Harold's desk: another photo of young Joy, this one looks like one of those posed school photos where they have the kid stand against a "tree" backdrop.

-Ward says out loud that he could ignore Harold and Harold wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Harold casually observes that Ward is now and has always been childish. Ward remarks that Harold has been telling Ward he's disappointed in him his whole life. Harold is still disappointed in Ward right now.

-Harold: this is how you make your employees loyal to you. *proceeds to display his complete dominance over Kyle, who looks nervous and threatened by the direct attention* Ward: "Jesus, Dad, what the hell is wrong with you?" (Still doesn't do anything to remove Kyle from this situation though)

-Harold lectures at Ward as if everything Ward has ever done is wrong, always, including snapping his fingers at him when he starts to speak himself, like a bad dog, and listing off things that Ward has already brought up to Joy as if Ward is an incompetent who would never consider those angles himself

-Ward makes a snide comment, Harold snaps at him, Ward smiles a little bit because he has succeeded in getting under Harold's skin for a moment

-Harold: Leave this to me. I'll tell you exactly what to do. Ward: Like always. Harold: Like always.

-Awww, Danny was rushing back to tell his new friend Al all about Ward sending people to kill him, possibly looking for advice? ;_; (Also, why is there a foreboding music significance to Al having a bird tattoo? Does this ever come back??? I don't remember this mystery going anywhere.)

-Danny is lurking in Joy's office. He doesn't say anything even slightly reassuring, like that he has an appointment, just heavily implies that he snuck in. sigh.

-"I'm not gonna hurt you," Danny laughs, after displaying a whole lot of extremely threatening behavior. Joy smiles, drugs him, and buys time until it kicks in.

#iron fist rewatch #iron fist #snow gives way #my stuff #the immortal iron fist

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techmomma · 5 years

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Good hands bad hands fuck it if you’re dead? Ghost hands.

We all hate drawing hands. Well, not me, but I’m a freak. Most people hate drawing hands. Hands are, behind eyes, the things we pay attention to most often in other people. They’re the things we know should look a certain way, so even tiny things that are off will look like enormous mistakes.On top of that, our hands look like nothing else in the animal kingdom. Even monkey hands look different.

So here’s a tutorial to help y’all, outside of tracing and drawing hands ad nauseum until you force yourself to love them.

1. General recognizable shapes

If you can make some sort of hand-ish shape that hits the certain buttons that tell the brain “this is a hand,” you typically don’t have to worry about getting anatomy right.What are those shapes?

Thumb, circle, short-tall-short fingers. Watch what happens when I reduce a hand to its basic shapes. I don’t even have to use all four fingers.

We recognize that this is meant to be hand-ish. Why? Because it meets these symbol-requirements.

A basic L-shape (purple), lines that extend out from a base (line green), and digits that follow a basic short-tall-short rhythm (teal). Because of that I can make a bunch of different images that we can see as generally hand-ish.

Knowing these symbols is the same reason why we see handprints in the negative space of these cave paintings.

We recognize the symbols of fingers, thumb, and palm. Though the actual painted part is the brown, darker area, we recognize the shape of a hand in the negative, empty space inside it.

2. Drop a knuckle

Disney animators are EXTREMELY fond of this method and for good reason. You’ll see what I mean with this pic.

Hands irl have three joints: the big knuckle that connects it to the palm (metacarpophalangeal joint) and two smaller knuckles (two interphalangeal joints). It’s very common practice though to reduce that from two interphalangeal joints to just one, as seen in these screencaps. It makes posing simpler and leaves out trying to figure out where that third small joint is supposed to go, and for the most part, no one will be able to tell. And if you’re still mastering hands, you can always use this as a stepping stool until you feel more comfortable adding in the third joint, if you decide to at all.

3. Drop a whole-ass finger

Do you know why a lot of toons have three fingers? Because it’s easier than trying to fit in that fourth finger! That is the actual reason Disney and Co. created Mickey with only three fingers: because animating that fourth finger takes too much time and effort.

And you can use that too, even if you want to use four fingers! Take a look at this old tutorial from disney.

They pretty much plonk the pinky in there and you can do the same whether using three or four fingers! Starting with fewer fingers helps you focus on pose and gesture before worrying about anatomy. Just remember to add in that fourth finger, if that’s your style!

4. Draw a line from the wrist and work out from there

Did you know you can draw an unbroken line from the middle of your wrist to the end of your middle finger?

Use that to build the gesture of the hand.

5. Check out this neat math shit

(Ya knuckles are typically halfway from wrist to fingertip.)

6. Draw mitten

7. Draw circles and lines

8. Hands

9. Go out and be a god among men with your sinful, sinful hands

10. Congrats! You drew hands! Now go draw a hundred more and make everyone think you have a hand fetish.

#hand tutorial #hand advice #art help

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comradecrossing · 6 years

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hi do you have any tips/recs for someone who’s just starting new leaf? i had it a long time ago but i stopped playing, and now i want to start playing again but i don’t remember it well 🙈

Hi! This might be long but! When I restarted this last time I was worried it would get boring real fast like with my first save, so I planned out as much as I possibly could ahead of time.

Think of a theme that makes you happy! Do you love witchy/fairy things? A specific color? maybe a season? particular villager animal? Aliens??? If you can figure out a theme you can build around (and it can be ANYTHING) then you will have much more confidence when you first step foot in your new town!

Now I’m gonna use my town as reference, so, I really like the Witchy/Fairy aesthetic and I knew immediately thats what i was going to do. I’m bad at town names, but i like Pokemon and remembered they have a fairy town, so I looked it up and got my name and figured why stop there? That’s how Laverre City became one of my sole inspirations for my town. I was inspired to restart because of hackers so even though I cant hack, I think about things I might like to do, or really want to do when/if i ever can and i have some big ideas lol im so sad. So ultimately i settled on a fall themed town (not perpetual fall but looks best in fall and the dreamcode will be of the town in fall) with lots of pink cosmos and regular saplings to give off a resemblance to Laverre City :)I then looked at a lot of forest and dreamy type towns to get some inspiration like mushroom rings, layout ideas, and items or PWPs to use. I also checked sites like animal crossing wikia to make a list of PWPs I might like in my town and chose 30 possible options (you can only build 30) and check the space requirements.

Once I start for real with a vague idea of where I want to put things I look at all the maps available and if they don’t have specific traits i want (secret beach, desirable town tree location, diving cliff, ponds in places that wont get in the way of projects and landscaping ideas, good spot for the cafe, etc) I restart until a map comes up that I like. Once I arrive in town its time to check my native fruit and rock locations and make sure its up to my standards, and if a resident is important for you to have/not have make sure to check the map too!

Once you get a town you’re happy with and you’ve found the perfect place to call home its time to get serious >: |It’s time for your first shovel and axe.Now, I have always been anti-axe in previous games but this last save changed me. I got a hold of that first axe and chopped down every tree that wasn’t a southern cedar tree! (southern cedars are only possible at the start! If you plant them they’ll only grow in the North, thats the top half of your town.) Now your town will feel barren at first and this is the ugliest stage but also one of the funnest -imo- so lets open up your patterns and get started. Now that you have a blank canvas use your green & blue tiles to signify trees/bamboo and bushes, you can even redesign it and write “T” or “B” respectably and start laying them out. You can also use the Yellow to lay down where you want PWPs (make sure to surround two spaces further than the project requires. a 3x3 fountain should look more like a 5x5 area to ensure no one moves directly next to where you want to build). You should have lots of fruit piled up (remember to stack them) so you can layout bush tiles and plant fruit if you’d rather have a better idea of how its gonna look. I planted all my peaches and would later go back and replace certain ones with new fruit i acquired. Its good to have a “this is all a process” mindset because it will take a while to get your town done even if you time travel, but thats good! because the game is all about making your dream town!

So now you have a good amount of the town planned out and probably have some ideas of what to do next. The next few days will be spent checking out how things are growing and making sure you planted things in the right spots. if there’s anything you’re not liking - change it! Your town Your rules!

Now while you are waiting for things to grow and get pretty its time to gather aaaaaallllll the flowers you can find and organize them in a large free space so they are all diagonally touching (XXXX), this way you can get hybrids early on :)Make sure they are the same breed and check hybrid guides so you know which colors work best to make the hybrids you most want and make sure to water them everyday as they will wilt if you don’t have the beautiful ordinance. Hybrids are good to have for trades when you dont have much money.

After all this you should be off to a pretty good start. Try to keep in mind villagers you would like to have and try to make friends online or IRL that you can adopt from (I always post when i have some one leaving and who I am hoping to replace them with and I usually get an offer fairly quickly, even for villagers I was desperate to get out. No matter who they are someone likes them :)) But if your town is set up in a way that you’ll be devastated if your dreamie moves in that one perfectly made up spot, it might be a good idea to plot set &/ reset.Plot resetting is when you make a *NEW* character save to check and see if anyone moved in overnight, and more importantly, if they moved in an undesirable place. If this happens restart and select the new save option until the villager plots in a spot you like. Once they do that build your tent somewhere and save quit. This will make the new residents spot permanent and then you can select the new save once more and delete their home. This could take quite a while if you have lots of “open” space. “Open Space” is how I refer to non-tiled/pwp or house occupied areas and the way I go about this is covering my town in about 75% tiles and spacing out pwps to where there are as few places houses can plot in as possible. Houses wont build over tiles and will plot at least 2 spaces away from other buildings, rocks and projects and one away from clifs and ponds/rivers. They dont care however if there are trees, bamboo, items, bushes, or flowers so be sure to lay out tiles in any place at risk to being plotted on. I refer to this as “Plot Setting” as you can make 3x3 empty plots you surround with tiles which will help villagers know where to plot. If you do a good job and plot everything out just right, you’ll never have to worry about someone messing up your hard work.

Now here’s the kinda sucky part of ACNL and that is The Limitations.Annoying programmed rules that seem to only get in the way such as the 2-space rule between pwps/buildings. This can mess up your aesthetic a lot and sometimes you will have to completely replan things due to a small fact you may have overlooked or not noticed and suddenly your garden isnt looking right so im gonna name off the biggest hassles and how I have gotten around some of them.

Bush + tree + bush: You can line up 12 trees/bamboo and bushes in a line. This works both straight and diagonally. only 12. Now you can leave gaps in some places that will reset the count or do intricate designs like one cedar in the middle of 4 bushes, a line of bushes with trees spaced out directly behind, a pattern of bushes and chopped bamboo, etc get creative. Visiting others towns or looking at pics people post can help you get lots of ideas. Bushes can touch each other but trees & bamboo still have the one space between rule.

PWP 2-space rule: now I’ve already mentioned this a few times but this rule is always the one that I seem to forget when planning. YOU NEED TWO SPACES. I cant tell you how many times i have planned project locations weeks in advance only to not be able to lay them out as i wanted because I got the space requirement wrong or only left one space between other objects :/

Beach Rules: You may have seen cool towns with pwps, cedar trees and hibiscus bushes scattered around their beach and Ive got some bad news; Those are hacked towns. The only thing that can be planted on the beach naturally is coconut and banana trees, flowers, and clovers. Nothing grows on the beach, not even weeds. No pwps can be built there either, even though it was initially programmed to be possible. I currently use the space for hybrid breeding since i have no space to elsewhere ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tear Down and Build Up: I will say though that even though only maybe 15% of my original plans came to life, my town looks way better than i had ever imagined it would. Don’t be afraid to tear things down and try out different locations or setups you might figure something out that looks amazing compared to your original plans.

Finally, while you can participate in the Happy Home Ratings, you dont have too. Decorate how ever the flip you want. Find new things to do everyday as the game can get old fast and you might get temped to Timetravel (which isnt a bad thing if thats what you want to do, but be careful you dont lose your villagers/flowers! Even though I have the Beautiful ordinance, I water all my flowers incase they pop out a hybrid. I try to earn all the badges, I visit dreamtowns for inspiration, redesign areas of my town, farm PWPs, make patterns, try hunting down items to decorate my house with, etc, this is another area where having a theme can help as you will find inspiration easier, and make you feel more immersed like you’re playing an RPG.

I’ve gone on a lot here and I have more to add but I’ve spent over an hour typing this, but let me know if you have any other questions or need clarification on anything :) I’m not gonna add pics rn but if you need photo reference send another message and I will address it separately and add it here later.

Now heres a bunch of links to help you get invested:MoriBD - A catalog of every in-game item and an option to make a wishlistHybrid Guide - By @nooklingPWP GuideVillager Adoption Further Info on Plot ResettingPWP Farming Towns/interiors I found inspirationalSome QRsHacking info (if youre interested)How to upload your screenshots & Make your screenshot pretty!

Pick the right face when you startOnce you get the QR reader (talk to sable 7 days) you can use these

Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help :)Just putting it out there too, I am always happy to help people get whatever they want/need for no cost whether it be fruits, bamboo, mushrooms, items, hybrids, etc, I will always do what I can to help you out, whether you’re just starting or on your 5th year.

#ref #tutorial #animal crossing #acaddicts #animal crossing new leaf #i might have to go through and edit this later #but im too tired rn #blanca

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winetae · 6 years

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⇾ cross the line (m).

idol!au + impreg kink

⇁ female reader x seokjin

⇁ smut, idol!au

⇁ unprotected sex, kink discovery, dirty talk ↳ (supposed to be a drabble); 3.8k

. . .

seokjin knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t stop himself from coming back to you.

(a/n) ik this is idol!au but seokjin is a bit ooc !! i don’t think he’s really like this irl ok,, also tagging addie bc she said she’s a thirsty hoe n wants to read @chinnychimchim (ilu) inspired by pic above (ldflfjkj) + title taken from ariana grande’s song into you which was the original title for this fic (ha) love u all & happy holidays.

Seokjin liked to think he had excellent control over his own emotions.

How could he not when this particular skill was one of his many job requirements? He had learned long ago to conceal his frustration with forced smiles and loud laughs, to veil any traces of fatigue behind an immaculate appearance. It was the only way to maintain his manufactured idol image.

But Seokjin was only human. There were times when his carefully crafted mask shattered around the edges, his real feelings bleeding through the tiny cracks. Between Bangtan’s packed schedules and the stress from the impending comeback, his patience often hung by a thread. The younger members in particular liked to push their luck and test his tolerance, their jokes teetering between friendly banter and blatant disrespect. Only years of practice had helped him curb his instinctive desire to put them back in their place.

Thankfully the constant presence of cameras kept him in check. Only the occasional tick in his jaw betrayed his vexation. On the days when he felt particularly vindictive, he slapped a friendly hand over Jungkook’s shoulder with more force than necessary. Just as a reminder.

But those slips in composure rarely happened, all things considered. Seokjin was good at bottling up his feelings, a charming smile always ready to deflect any intrusive questions asked by reporters. The exaggerated winks and excessive air kisses were now an automatic response to the shouts of his name, and all the boasting no longer made his ears turn pink from embarrassment. Every day, he played his role as the narcissistic visual convincingly, the shameless bragging more for comedic effect than anything else (the extra five seconds of screen time were a welcome bonus).

Managing his image wasn’t an easy feat by any means. The list of things he wasn’t allowed to do or say was twice as long as the one detailing what he was given permission to do. Even when the cameras stopped rolling, he had to be mindful of his every expression and action.

Naturally, there were times when he wanted to say ‘fuck this’ and throw caution to the wind. He was sure most of his friends shared the same sentiment. They all coped with it in different ways; Yoongi vented his anger through his lyrics, making a home for himself in his studio, and Hoseok smuggled late night snacks into his room when their manager wasn’t looking.

Seokjin’s preferred method of rebellion was you.

Or, more specifically, fucking you into the sheets in hotel rooms when your schedules permitted it.

It was the ultimate transgression, but Seokjin would be lying if he said the adrenaline rush didn’t excite him.

He could handle extreme dieting even if his stomach grumbled in protest. He could turn a blind eye to the vicious comments left under his articles even if he had to subdue his initial burst of anger. There were, however, rules he didn’t like to play by and assumptions he didn’t care to humor.

Some would argue that it was more effort than it was worth. Every secret rendezvous necessitated weeks of planning, lots of spare money, and, more often than not, involved the signing of two or three non-disclosure agreements. Even to him, the lengths he went for a fuck seemed like too much trouble, especially when the risks were so high.

But then he remembered how good your tight heat squeezed around him, your manicured nails digging into his shoulders as you wrapped your legs around his waist with unbridled enthusiasm. Whenever he was buried balls deep inside of you, your name caught in the back of his throat, he reminded himself that you were absolutely worth it.

There was nothing more satisfying than seeing you fucked out underneath him, your lips bitten-red and parted to ask for more. You always looked so far gone, tears prickling the corner of your eyes when you shuddered in ecstasy, and it did wonders for his ego.

It was the image of you falling apart on his cock—eyes unfocused, voice hoarse, skin dewy with perspiration—that stayed ingrained in his mind long after the sun had risen up. The memory was barely enough to keep his desires at bay during the weeks that separated the nights spent with you, but Seokjin was forced to make do with the hazy and fading recollections of your trysts. He had nothing else to hang on to. There were no phone calls, no Facetime dates, no ‘good morning’ messages or secret couple clothing exchanged. What the both of you shared wasn’t a relationship, not in the traditional sense of the term, and it sure as hell wasn’t a friendship, either.

As much as he wanted to spend more time with you, these days he hardly had time to squeeze in a 3 hour nap, let alone find the time to jerk one off in the privacy of his shared bathroom. Concert prep always left him drained, his body too exhausted and sore to even think about working himself to completion. Thoughts of you became less and less frequent as his attention was monopolized by work. All of his days blended into one monotonous routine of repetitive and predictable press questions and the same, fixed set list.

February kicked in with their new song lining up the charts. He had never been more thankful for the opportunity to perform new songs, new choreos—anything that would break the pattern his body had unwillingly gotten used to.

The only thing he hated about promotion cycles were the inevitable music show performances. Waking up at the crack of dawn for pre-recordings and then having to kill time for the rest of the day was a pain in the ass he would pay to avoid if he could.

Seokjin was notorious for complaining about the long waiting hours—his crabby behavior a thing of legend among the staff. It was childish, but he was too petty to change his ways. Bad habits die hard, as they said.

Today, however, he was uncharacteristically quiet, his compliance earning raised eyebrows from staff and members alike. If Yoongi was surprised by his lack of grumbling this time around, he probably hadn’t realized that your comeback had coincidentally overlapped with his.

Eyes trained on the screen in front of him, his thoughts wandered back to all of your stolen moments together. He couldn’t help but notice how your smile looked less strained than it used to be, your eyes twinkling under the harsh stage lights. Seokjin wondered if you had moved on and found someone else to satisfy your needs during the months he hadn’t seen your face. Something ugly twisted in his chest; he hated that he was so replaceable.

As soon as he finished performing one of their newest songs, his expression darkened again, having caught sight of you as you lined up with your group members. Belatedly, he remembered the presence of the cameras and the watching eyes all around him and hurriedly schooled his features.

Standing on Music Bank’s ending stage; he waved at the audience blindly, guided by the screams of his name, and aimed his trademark winks at the over-enthusiastic crowd who were more than happy to pretend they were directed at them. He indulged them for a little longer, before deeming his quota of fan-service for the day fulfilled, his attention inevitably strayed back to you.

Thinking back, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting from you. Even when you two had been seeing each other regularly, neither of you were the type to showcase your closeness outside of closed doors.

Seokjin wasn’t awaiting a long heart-to-heart conversation or a warm catching up session, but surely you could have reciprocated his smile? When you greeted him with a formal bow, Seokjin fought hard to keep the frown off his face. Why did it feel like a subtle dismissal? Were you mad at him for not staying in contact? He didn’t want to admit how much all of this bothered him. Why was he getting so worked up? After all, you weren’t his girlfriend; you didn’t owe him anything. Was he…overreacting?

A headache was on its way, he could feel it. When it was time to line up and greet the KBS PD, the promoting groups huddled on either side of the corridor while waiting for him to come out of his waiting room. Leaning his weight back against the wall, his eyes kept flickering back to you. It was easy to spot you out of the crowd; your tinkling laugh recognizable, his ear trained.

The corner of your eyes crinkled, your expensive, shiny earrings dangling whenever you tipped your head back to laugh at one of your member’s joke. Seokjin’s chest constricted, an invisible weight pressing down until it was hard to breathe. He hadn’t realized he had made his staring obvious until another girl elbowed you, jutting her chin in his direction.

Like a deer in headlights, he stood there like an idiot as you finally acknowledged him with a surprised look painting your face. You offered him a polite smile, confusion evident by the way your brow creased. Now that you were in front of him again, so near, he felt the familiar, distracting tug of arousal. There was something else, too, twinging at his heart, but he focused on the heat stirring in the pit of his belly instead.

He toyed with the phone in his pocket, his eyes never leaving yours, before finally deciding to just go for it, not wanting to wuss out again and regret it.

[Seokjin] : Hey. Can we talk?

He should have predicted that falling into bed with you would be stupidly easy, like a habit he would never grow out of.

“Fuck, I forgot the condoms.” He had never wanted to slam his head against a wall in sheer frustration until now. Sitting back on his haunches, he cast a dejected look over the expanse of your exposed body, his mouth downturned in a pout.

Should he text his manager hyung to get him some? He was desperate enough to put aside his pride and ask.

“It’s okay,” you reassured him, grabbing his hand between your dainty fingers before he could reach for his phone. “I’m clean, are you?”

“Y-yeah.” He licked his plump lips, his answer a breathless stutter. Did you—? “Wait, are you sure?”

He had never not used a condom. With you, or anyone else for that matter. Management had advocated the practice of safe sex enough times that he always kept a condom in his wallet just in case. He had been warned about the dangers of unprotected sex so many times that the mere idea of fucking you bare made his chest constrict with worry. What if…?

“Please, I want you so bad,” you whined, tugging his hand impatiently and effectively putting a stop to his inner monologue.

Seokjin swallowed thickly as you guided him to the apex of your thighs because, fuck. How were you so wet already? He ran a tentative index finger along your slick folds, feeling the extent of your arousal. A sharp intake of breath alerted him of your sensitivity and he couldn’t stop himself from applying a little more pressure just to hear the sound again.

You usually needed longer to get ready for him, but you were so wet and slippery that Seokjin surmised he could probably push himself into you with relative ease. His head spun as the tempting visual clouded his vision in a haze of lust.

“Stop making me wait.”

The audible whine in your voice made the surface of his skin tingle with renewed desire, and he was left momentarily speechless. His shaft stiffened against his thigh, not indifferent to the irresistible sight in front of him. There was no way of hiding how much your actions affected him, and you were quick to take advantage of that.

“Want you to fuck me raw,” you continued, eyes lidded, gyrating your hips in circular motions against his still hand. Already foreseeing he would give in to your request, you didn’t bother to conceal the small yet victorious smirk on your face. “It’s all I could think about when we weren’t together, I missed you so much. My fingers can never compare to your dick.”

Your filthy words made his cock jump, the red tip already leaking with drops of pre-cum. What the fuck. Had he really heard you say…? He couldn’t recall you being this needy or demanding before, but the gleam in your eyes confirmed you had indeed crooned out such brazen and forward words.

“You can’t just say that, shit,” he squeezed the base of his erection, trying to subtly ease off the edge. The only thought running through his mind right now was how much he needed to fuck you. Maybe it was because his orgasm was long overdue…but it wouldn’t take much longer to bust a nut if you kept talking like that. “Okay, okay, hold on a sec.”

He slipped a finger inside of you, a loud squelching sound telling him your body was lubricated enough already. His bottom lip stayed nestled between his teeth as he focused on getting you ready for his cock. Not that you seemed to need it. You felt so wet, your body eagerly accommodating his intruding digits as if it was welcoming him back.

“I’m gonna go in now, yeah?”

“Hurry.” He ignored your whiny mewl in favor of slowly sinking into you. Groans of satisfaction mingled as he inched himself into you. Shaking his bangs out of his eyes so that he wouldn’t miss any shift of expression on your face, he greedily took in the sight of your face scrunched up in pleasure. He gave a tentative thrust of his hips to test the waters, and was rewarded with a delicious moan. Pupils blown dark with pleasure, you pulled him down closer so that your lips could melt against his.

It was frighteningly easy how quickly his body warmed up to yours, how his hands seemed to remember all of your sensitive spots, how his hips settled into the rhythm you liked best. Some things just couldn’t be forgotten, it seemed. Swimming, dancing, cooking his mom’s favorite recipe—you somehow fell in the same category. Months had passed between now and you last liaison, but his body reacted so naturally, as if it relied on muscle memory.

His thrusting became less coordinated, the set pace forgotten. Maybe if he was less taken by lust, he would be embarrassed for not lasting very long. In his defense, it had been a very long time since he last had sex, and no normal human being could resist your hot pussy, anyway.

“I’m close,” he grunted, the urgency he felt hard to disguise. To this, you crossed your legs around his middle a little tighter, silently inviting him to sink in deeper. He slid a hand up one of your smooth thighs, his fingers sinking into the skin in warning, “Fuck, I have to pull out, sweetheart.”

“Cum in me. C-can you do that? I want you to fuck me full of cum. Please?” You said the last word so sweetly it made your demand all the more alluring.

“We shouldn’t, what if—”

“Why not? O-oh.” Your eyes widened in realization. It seemed like you had been knee-deep in lust and had forgotten all about the risks of unprotected sex. “Ah, mmh, but I think you be a good daddy.”

What a filthy mouth you had. Seokjin wondered what kind of porn you had watched to learn all of this…

His hips stuttered, the hand around your thigh gripping the skin so hard he was sure his fingerprints would stay permanently inked on your skin. The clamping of your walls around him, vice-tight, made him realize that this wasn’t just said in jest. You really… You were really into this. The realization made his eyes darken with determination, your pleasure the only object of his attention.

“F-fuck. Is this what happens when I don’t give you my cum? You’re so horny you’re willing to let me knock you up?” He growled into the shell of your ear, his heart hammering in his chest so loudly he thought it would burst. This was undoubtedly uncharted territory, but he wanted—no, needed—to make you lose it on his cock one last time before he reached his end. “You’ve been such a good cockslut for me, maybe I will reward you.”

“Seokjin!”

He groaned in turn, your tight pussy trying to milk him as the aftershocks of your climax made you tremble like a leaf in his arms. He distantly registered the tell-tale signs of his own impending release by the way his balls tightened and his stomach tensed. Hips rocking into yours with abandon, he entertained the thought of giving you what you begged for. Having never experienced it before, he could only imagine how it would feel like to spurt his seed into your warm heat and then make you keep it inside you. The mere thought sent shivers down his back all the way down to his toes. Your pussy felt so snug, your walls clenching and squeezing enticingly around his hard shaft, that he just about lost it right there.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” His nostrils flared when the familiar white hot pleasure crashed over him, momentarily blinding him.

Seokjin thankfully had the presence of mind to pull out, ropes of white spilling onto your stomach and staining the wrinkled sheets below. He panted heavily, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath and stabilize his pounding heart.

A huff of laughter escaped his parted lips when he noticed you run your digits across your toned tummy, “Don’t look so disappointed. You know we can’t.”

You sat up, back now resting against the wooden headboard, a small pout sitting on your lips. “Did you really think I would let you stick it up me without protection?”

“So, you mean…we were safe?”

With a roll of your eyes, you nodded your confirmation, “I get the contraception shot every couple of months… It’s in my contract, anyway. No one wants to deal with a pregnant idol. We have to be a lot more careful about these things… If we have to count on the guy to pull out at the right time, then we should say goodbye to our careers.”

An initial wave of relief put him at ease, his shoulders drooping as an imaginary weight was lifted off of him. Still… There was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that he couldn’t quite brush aside. He shook his head, instead focusing on cleaning you up and getting ready to head back to the dorm.

Seokjin watched you tie your tousled hair up with an elastic, his eyes tracing the graceful slope of your nape. Something akin to possessiveness warmed his chest as his sight fell upon the red marks he had suckled down your neck and across your collarbones.

A thought suddenly occurred to him.

“Did you really miss me?” he asked before he could stop himself.

In the still of the night, his voice rang out loud and clear. Startled, your fingers hovered in mid-air, three blouse buttons still undone. Even to his own ears, the question reeked with the need for validation and affection. He hated that his feelings were so transparent, so obvious, especially when he didn’t know where he stood with you.

You turned to face him, cheeks flushed a dusty pink and makeup slightly blotchy. “As much as you missed me.”

He was at a loss for words once more, his mind drawing a blank. What did that even mean? This wasn’t a KBS drama; he could make do without the vague, mysterious answers. Seriously, why were women so difficult to understand? The litany of questions he kept to himself kept him occupied as you both got dressed silently.

What a waste of a hotel suite, he mused, shutting the door behind him after having watched you leave fifteen minutes prior. There was never time to admire the luxurious backdrop, not when every second spent together could be detrimental to your careers. He had watched enough movies and daytime dramas to know that relationships weren’t supposed to be this way. But since it was you, he was willing to take what he could get.

Seokjin found it hard to function the next day. And the day after that. It was becoming increasingly difficult to carry out his job properly when his every thought was plagued by you. His thumb hovered over your name in his contact list the more he let himself be consumed by old memories. He kept spacing out during interviews, and it was only when Namjoon discreetly pinched his side that he was brought back to reality.

Fans started to notice his strange behavior. They were worried that he was sick and overworked by his company, but the reality was far from that. What would they think if they knew he was actually thinking about filling you up with cum? The thought crossed his mind at the most inconvenient times, more than he was willing to admit. He didn’t blame his fans for thinking he was ill; Seokjin himself felt feverish, his skin hot and clammy.

For the first time, he felt all semblance of control slip through his fingers. It was as if he had been yanked backwards in time, forced to experience puberty all over again against his will. His body had become a slave to his desires and he was helpless to stop the onslaught of salacious thoughts from eating away at his sanity.

Even though he knew it wouldn’t help him in any way, he replayed the night in his head whenever he had a spare moment to himself, his tight pants revealing how worked up he got over the memory of you climaxing to the thought of him getting you pregnant.

At the time, he had thought it to be your kink, but the more he let himself fantasize, the more it dawned on him that the idea equally thrilled him even if it clashed with his moral code. Getting a girl knocked up had always been the one line he had never been willing to cross. Even now, his mind reeled at the thought of him jeopardizing his group’s career because of his carelessness. But knowing that you were actually using contraception gave him the safety net he needed and, for once, he let himself entertain this particular fantasy.

He didn’t know what to think of this new development or what to do with this revelation. All he knew was that he wanted to try it again, just to see if it was a fluke, a onetime thing.

#i scaled this back down to an acceptable drabble size bc it was getting Too Long #idk what i'll do with the bits i took out but yeah ;;;#writing this made me want to get back to paper doll;; i miss writing idol!au fics #this is a bit different but hopefully it's not too bad #u can ignore this i just needed to get it out of my system #i promise i'll get back to writing tessellate part 2 now #no more procrastinating #seokjin smut #seokjin scenarios #bts smut #drabble

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