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louiscassettes · 2 years

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lucky again interpretation

even though life is too busy at the moment, i wanted to post my interpretation of lucky again because im absolutely obsessed with this song right now and i need to get it out.

overall, to me this song feels like him talking to his younger self, specifically when he was in 1D, how he lost himself but worked towards finding himself and is now back to his true self again.

1st verse: "you give and give until it's gone away, just tell yourself you've got another day" - he starts off with these lines as an allusion to how he presumably gave the most of himself to the band, writing those many songs by pouring out all his emotions till he might've felt emotionally drained but telling himself he has another day to catch his breath, to get a break.

"you've lived that life, you just don't see it yet, i see how hard you've worked to be yourself" - current louis telling his younger self that he has lived that superstar life and did the insane level of hard work that superstars do but it might be difficult to see then as it all felt very surreal being in the band and being thrust to this level of fame so fast.

pre chorus: "if you believe a guy is Superman, they're selling tickets at the cinema, whatever gets you through the darkest night, just find the light out in the madness, hold tight" - fav lyrics from the song!! but also, this para sort of stumps me a little. from i could gather, it looks younger louis might've believed some guy is the "saviour" (like how superheroes are supposed to be saving people), so he tries to go see him. but maybe he was wrong (note the use of 'if' and 'whatever', used as a tone of dismissal to that previous belief of the guy being some sort of a true helping hand). or i feel it could also be about how louis likes/d marvel/dc and this para could be referring to how it was so mad being in the band, he found someone who he thought of as superman in his head, just to ground him, even though he probably knew it wasn't true. but he needed that false belief to hold on and get himself through the darkest nights of madness.

chorus: "'cause I'm a hard man to lose, but i figured it out, then made my way back to a life I would choose, we werе lucky once, i could be lucky again" - this feels about how he lost sight of himself as an artist after 1D which was hard for him as up until then he probably had a sense of identity regarding everything he did including songwriting in 1D and leading 1D. louis has also mentioned similar sentiments in many interviews after the 1D hiatus and during walls release. he then goes on tell his younger self that he figured out how to come back to the life he wants (to make the kind of music he wants to, go on tour, play the venues that he wants to, sing his own songs to his fans). he is also telling his younger self that they (current and younger louis) were lucky to have had the opportunity of being in 1D (and thus hard launching his career) but he could also be lucky again (with his solo career to have a similar amount of love from fans). the last line of the chorus makes me sob.

2nd verse: "beforе the world, it got so serious; before the time, it got away from us i'll meet you at the favourite subway stop; we grab some food, then meet the lads for one" - his world got serious as he went from being a high school student in a small town to being in the biggest boy band of the decade. louis felt the time getting away from him, slipping through his fingers as he grew up in the haze of being in the public eye (he has similar themes of being afraid of growing up, of change in other songs and interviews). current louis wants to meet the louis he was (before all of the above happened) at his favourite subway stop to just grab some food, take a breath, and probably meet his childhood buddies for one beer (ties in to how he references pubs and night out with his lads in other songs). (the subway stop might have been a hangout spot with his friends and could have a lot of fun pre-fame memories attached, hence "favourite").

"i'm a hard man to find, but you figured it out and I love you for that look back on a time; i was lucky once, i could be lucky again" - the final two lines are almost identical to the lines in the chorus, but with some changes. current louis seems to assure his younger self that was lost that he figured it out and found himself, for which he loves him (himself?). for me, the last line further solidifies this theory of current and past louis for me as he says "look back on a time" = 1D; AND he finally changes the "WE" to "I" in the line "i was lucky once" as throughout the song it seems to progress through his career. like he started from 1D in verse 1 by giving it all, to feeling lost after the band in verse 2 to reaching this stage where his current and past selves meet. i sort of imagine past him walking through the stages of his life and merging with his current self as a form of self acceptance and acknowledgement of everything he has lived through. and lastly, now that the two are one, he refers to himself, current or past, as just "I" (instead of "we"), saying that since he was lucky once, he could be lucky again.

also, his soft voice in the whole song could be how he is talking gently to his past self who current louis knows how lost he is feeling.

anyways, this was soooo long but yeah. love fitf so much and i literally cannot stop playing ever since it came out!!

#i havent had the time to see his interviews so i could have missed out some details maybe #2 more weeks and im gonna be catching up on everything #woohoo #cannot believe i can write this so easily but an eassy for college is kicking my ass so bad #ugh #also ive realised i have so much trouble writing under a word count hmmm #fitf #louis tomlinson #faith in the future #lucky again #lyric interpretation

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loopyarts · 2 years

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Shuuji Kayama character essay The importance of showing nuances and ugly parts of trauma

Shuuji kayama is an interesting character to me because he one of the rare few characters that shows/betrays the nuance and ugly parts of trauma and mental ill and health and it a shame he so misunderstood as a character.

So I going try my best to do him justice while I discuss my interpretation of his character and why it important to show people the messy parts of trauma.

Quick warning they will be spoilers for part 1-5 and whole of the true ending path so you have been warn. Also this topic will contain discussion on child abuse, trauma, depression and implied suicide.

Part 1 The beginning and the pressure’s of being the oldest

Let’s start from the beginning when we are first introduced to Shuuji as character he shown to be bossy and very awkward, he appears to not have the best track record when it comes to being well liked. Even the random students from the beginning of the game has nothing positive to say about Shuuji even in a way make fun of him. If by attention he appears to not the happiest person around in fact he rarely smile in his character portraits and seems to be a very troubled person deep down but we get to that later on.

Another thing that is of importance is his body language though-out the game earlier parts, he’s shown to be very nervous, sensitive and shows high levels of anxiety yet show a lot of concern for others and himself he always putting others before himself even giving takuma weak smiles trying to reassure him that he okay.

Around the the beginning part of part 3 Shuuji is shown not wanting help because he doesn’t want to be a burden and it some doesn’t want because he was told that was for the weak. He often get mildly aggressive at the idea of getting help. Which honestly shows how much detail and care want into betraying his character though-out the game.

Even though he never choose or even wanted to the leader, he was pushed by the others kids into leadership hood because he was the oldest. He takes on the task for the sakes of the others, a common thing with Shuuji is he is very self sacrificing in nature putting other before himself and his own needs. Even if it was not good for Shuuji in the long run mentally yet he still try to be a good leader even he knew he was bad at it and got way to controlling by his overprotective and his own fear of failure plaguing him. It doesn’t help when the others kids are disappointed by Shuuji lack of leadership skills which sadly makes Shuuji even more mentally unsure of himself and even questioning if even useful at all.

Also think people underplay a lot of Shuuji positives traits though out the game. he shown to go out of his way to best of ability even though if it can be sees as minor to some to find food, scout the areas and he was the one to comfort and reassure everyone when they lost professor to the bridge and later on Ryo to the fog. Which Shuuji took pretty hard to because he was one of few people that comforted Ryo and not being able to save him due his own cowardice affect Shuuji mind pretty badly adding more to unfortunate downfall that is to come.

Part 2 Shuuji and his family

Before dive into the deep end, let’s address what going on with Shuuji and why he acts the way he does.

Shuuji home life is very complicated and downright toxic, we are given clues about his home life by Takuma perspective bio on Shuuji who seems to know Shuuji and his father have a very complicated relationship and that’s Shuuji will do anything to try and gets his father approval.

In part 4 Shuuji has a scene with Kaito and has a conversation about his relationship with his sister and siblings in general. This leads into Shuuji talking about how he kinda of jealous of Kaito and Miu siblings relationship and how close they are as siblings which sadly suggest that Shuuji and his older brother are not very close, although Shuuji holds him to a very high standard saying how amazing his older brother is compared to him but I do think Shuuji low self esteem plays a part in the overprising of his older brother. However it does seems his older brother is somewhat dismissive of Shuuji problems especially with their father and with him and his older brother not having a somewhat healthy sibling bond but in Shuuji heart maybe he wishes in a what if way that his older brother would protect him from his father and for them to have a healthy sibling relationship.

What worrying is Shuuji tries to defend the mistreatment his Father gives to him and even try to make it seem normal and go out of his way to defend his older brother as well, sadly this very common with abuse victims they often will defend they abuser especially family ones because cutting ties with them means losing the only family they have.

Shuuji father is very calculating person knowing how press Shuuji buttons to make Shuuji appear as the aggressor and downright intimidating putting down his son and lecturing him at every moment he gets as we sees in Shuuji nightmare of him in part 5 beginning. He often neglect and deny Shuuji any praise or affection leading Shuuji to have very low self esteem, anxious having low opinion of himself and unable to really make a decision for himself, he alway need the approval of others or is doing it for others to justify his decision. All because Shuuji father never wanted Shuuji for Shuuji, he wanted a clone of in his eyes his already perfect older son.

We only know so much about his brother but Shuuji father sees his older brother as the golden child and puts Shuuji in the standard of his brother which he brother seems to be unsure of but he might also probably think Shuuji doe not have the ability to be like him, wither is out of care for Shuuji well being or even his own ego we never know.

Even in the prequel stories which came out in early September gives more context on Shuuji life in the real world and how he thinks.

Also credit to @kazarinn for the translation of the text a link to the original post here https://href.li/?https://digi-lab.blog/digimon-survive-recollections/ I hope you don’t mind me using this as apart of my essay also short to @digital-survivor who goes in better depth then I can about the schooling in Japan and why what father asking for Shuuji to do is kinda asking for basically complete perfection at this point check her out she great.

Huh…? Leading a group at an extracurricular camp, you say…?

(There weren’t enough teachers to serve as group leaders, and since I was known for my outstanding performance among the graduating students, they were asking me to help them.)

W-Well, I know I have the highest grades in my year, but leading a camp group is a different story…

(The teacher told me I had a good and reliable sense of leadership for this.)

Leadership… Right, being a group leader would mean…

(It’d be a chance to show off my real skills.)

(Was I thinking about my father at that time? Or my brother?)

Right, I understand. I’ll take on a position as group leader!

(On the other side of the phone line, my teacher was showering me with gratitude, and I could feel something swelling in my chest.)

(That was…yes, it was my own conceited pride swelling up within me.)

(If my father had seen me, he’d probably have scowled at me. If my brother had seen me, he’d probably have mocked me.)

(But that’s not the point. At the time, I didn’t seem to have any sense of caution at all.)

Okay! As a son of the Kayama family, I’ll show you how perfect of a leader I am!

(Not even remotely understanding how much danger my life could be in at camp…)

It not at all pretty and honestly very sad. Knowing Shuuji got the top student in his grades and doing everything he can he get his older brother and especially his father love and attention but he never wanted Shuuji for Shuuji meaning because Shuuji isn’t perfect or what he wants in a son in his mind. He probably will never love Shuuji for who he is which is honestly is heartbreaking I mean he done everything that was asked of him and been a good son and yet sadly people like Shuuji father will never be happy with his efforts because he not perfect, he not like his perfect older brother.

It hurt to know even more that his brother most likely will never take Shuuji out of possible fear for their father so he takes their father side and even does that as way to his life as non conflict driven as possible. So he mocks Shuuji efforts to be perfect/like him although it is not know if out of love or just his ego because he believes Shuuji can’t be him or do what he can do, honestly he’s not wrong. Even if Shuuji did everything right it would never be enough because he unless he gets the best university best everything he be seen as worthless to his father or even seen burden to his more successful older brother.

Part 3 Shuuji and Lopmon

Before we address the elephant or should I say bunny in the room. I think they a misconception on what the partner role in this game are and I think it be wise if I explain how the Digimon and humans work.

In Digimon survive Digimon partner are the other half of the human soul of that said human and have characteristics of they human counter part wither it been showing opposite personalities to similar ones it all depends on the human and what their struggle are with their mind. Even the Shuuji and Lopmon are shown to be very similar if one pay attention to there dialogue and mannerisms within the game. Such as shuttering a lot when nervous or they need for praise and approval of others.

In my mind I always saw Shuuji and Lopmon relationship as a big brother little brother dynamic mostly because it Shuuji basically looking at himself in mirror of when he was younger, weaker more naive and hopeful that his father would finally give him the affection he craves so much which leads to him hating Lopmon because he painfully reminded of how much hates himself and how he was never not good enough for the love and affection of his family.

Since he sees Lopmon as younger version of himself, he tries to fix him/fix himself by becoming more like brother or even worse more like his father. In order to make Lopmon stronger by making him do the impossible or things be done perfectly no mistakes or he’s deem useless, lazy a failure. In a twisted way its like we seeing what Shuuji childhood was probably like being relived by Lopmon.

Another about Lopmon is he probably one of few people to give Shuuji unconditional love which Shuuji is probably not used to being given. The fact he doesn’t know how to react might even think Lopmon is just pitying him, so he goes out of his way tell Lopmon to go away but like a guardian angel Lopmon feels it his duty to protect and help Shuuji no matter how mean spirited he gets.

What interesting is Shuuji is not as harsh to other Digimon mainly if you let him talk to the Digimon children in part 4, he surprisingly very gentle to them and tries his best to get a peaceful solution and even though he hesitated of Jijimon at first he does warm to him a bit. So the problem probably isn’t a hate for Digimon, it most likely because Lopmon is so much like Shuuji that’s it painful for Shuuji to be around him because it like seeing that part of yourself that you don’t like over and over.

Now this doesn’t condone Shuuji actions or the abuse he does to Lopmon but I think that’s the point your not meant to think what Shuuji is doing is right, what he doing is unhealthy he hates himself and Not all trauma responses are healthy and can vary from person to person, Shuuji kayama is a very traumatised child abuse victim projecting his feelings onto Lopmon in an unhealthy manner since Lopmon is other half of his soul. It can also be taken as a form of self harm to one self in a way he literally hurting himself emotional and mentally though Lopmon who is also him.

But also will say it okay to let your characters do bad things, have unhealthy ways of handling things and make mistakes, What Shuuji does is bad because he handles his trauma in an unhealthy way that does harm to himself as well as Lopmon but doesn’t make him a monster or unworthy of redemption because at end of day he and Lopmon are both victims.

But I noticed something that never brought in question, does Shuuji know what he doing is wrong and harmful to treat Lopmon like that/himself because honestly I don’t think so because he often shown defending his father harsh methods and treatment of him and I think he really does believe that what his father doe work so he copy’s his methods and what he doing for Lopmon is out of love and a deserve to help him be stronger.

However he also rejects Lopmon because he represent Shuuji undesirable traits, even if it does more harm to Shuuji in the long run and if he continues to rejects Lopmon/himself things take a turn for the worse which leads us to the next section.

Part 4 The downfall

Part 5 is where things takes a turn for the worse as we see Shuuji reaches his lowest and most vulnerable even before we entered the sewer it very clear, how much the others kids have lost faith in Shuuji and his ability to lead. Any decisions you make with Takuma will result in the same outcome of leaving Shuuji behind mostly out of worry for him wellbeing but in Shuuji mind it shows how much a burden he is to the others and without thinking rushes ahead of everyone into the sewers.

I do think a lot people underestimate the sheer willpower and tolerance Shuuji has in this part. I mean the he spent a very long time by himself with Lopmon being forced to relive his trauma from his dad over and over feeling alone, scared as Arukenimon poisons his mind with so many illusions while poor Lopmon is powerless to help him.

Shuuji bit of self sacrificing himself for the others to megaseadramon could also be seen as a suicide attempt by Shuuji because most suicidal people don’t actually want to die, they want to be saved. What backs this idea up a little is how Arukenimon called Shuuji out for doing it more for himself, to escape his problems which honestly heartbreaking to think of.

By the time the others find him, he very emotional unstable and sadly finally he snaps clouded by rage starts to beats Lopmon up, crying tears of frustration and anger to Lopmon/himself why can’t I/you do anything right, do something actually do something. Shuuji then blinded by his years of suppressed rage and pain yelled at top of his lungs destroy Megaseadramon destroy everything that crosses my path, so I never have to feel pain/hurt or be weak/useless never again.

This triggered Lopmon dark evolution Wendimon born from Shuuji rage and pain a manifestation of his trauma. he destroys Megaseadramon in one blow no control only vengeance and rage he then goes over to Shuuji and without warning consumes him. Drowning him in a sea of his sorrow, regrets as he ‘dies’ in a way that implies metaphorical form of one taking their own life or letting yourself be consumed by your depression and trauma.

I think in some cruel dark twisted way Wendimon was projecting Shuuji from being hurt or feeling pain ever again by having Shuuji inside of him/fused to him as like some type of safety net.

This mess up fusion let us and the other kids hear the pained cries, regrets and fears both Shuuji and Lopmon had been going though and it honestly very sad to have to put the both of them out of there misery’s leaving them died to the fog. Tragedy ending Shuuji and Lopmon story with broken bond never to be resolved.

However, this doesn’t have to be the only end to there story. In the true ending we given a chance to help Shuuji overcome parts of his trauma and help him and Lopmon have a bond, leading to in my honesty option one of most beautiful characters arc I’ve seen in a while.

Part 5 Shuuji journey of self healing and learning to love himself.

In the true ending your given the chance to save both Ryo and Shuuji. With Ryo being very important because he the one to caught on that Shuuji has trauma and is the one to snap Shuuji back into reality by punching him in the face. Which stops Shuuji from hurting Lopmon and gives Ryo time tell Shuuji the truth, no sugarcoating and what he doing to Lopmon is wrong and tells how Lopmon has much has done for him and works so hard. But also let’s him know that he not alone because he has Ryo and the others who care about him and want to help him.

Shuuji looks at the others realising he not alone he has friends who care about him and support him. When he looks back at the bruised Lopmon only to see his younger self within Lopmon. As he realises what he had just done, he became what he most afraid of his father in that moment of his immune rage. He panicked upset at what he had done to Lopmon/himself. Immediately jumping into action as he tries to patch up and heal Lopmon apologising to him telling him how he did nothing way and that it was all his fault.

But then Lopmon asked one question to him, Shuuji was I of used to you. This causes Shuuji breakdowns crying as he praises Lopmon telling him how stronger he is compared to him and how he wanted to praises him for so long. Shuuji giving Lopmon the praise and affection his father never gave given Lopmon/himself the empathy and love he deserves. This lets Lopmon become stronger evolving into Turuiemon and being a symbol of Shuuji of starting to break away from the cycle of abuse and its chains.

For part 6 Shuuji and Lopmon spend time healing and getting to known each other to find they have a lot common to even falling in mud which make me Shuuji might be a little clumsy just like Lopmon. As they both in a way go back to simpler times letting Shuuji in a way feel like a kid and having the freedom to express himself along with Lopmon by his side.

Shuuji journey of redemption is not really about him redemption himself for others no it about him healing from years of abuse and trauma and finally learning to love himself for who he is and trust his own judgment and his decisions without chains of the needs of others approval or needing to justify it being for the sake of others.

Shuuji story is about him learning to love himself even thoughout Lopmon evolutions for example with Antaylamon Shuuji is so happy for Lopmon but believe he that just Lopmon own strength and Shuuji had nothing to do with it. To which Antaylamon correct him by saying that it Shuuji own strength that is able Lopmon to become stronger, telling Shuuji to stop putting himself down believe himself. Saying how proud he is of Shuuji given him praise and affection.

This leads to Lopmon final evolution Cherubimon, Showing how far Shuuji has come as he and Lopmon decide to take the emery by themselves while Takuma finds because he believes in Shuuji judgement. Which leads to Lopmon to evolve into Cherubimon after the fight he tells Shuuji how proud he is of him and how far they come.

Shuuji does admit it was for his own ego, Cherubimon reassure him that it okay to do for himself and his own decision not for dad or his brother or the professor or even for takuma and the others for him and him alone believing in his own judgement. Most importantly himself while it may come off as selfish, sometimes being a little selfish is important make sure your choices are your own and that take care of yourself while caring for others.

In part 11 You have chance to talk character and what they do after the journey is over, Takuma suggests the idea that Shuuji is like a teacher to which Shuuji enjoy the idea of which helps calls back to earlier parts where he and Lopmon are like teacher and student showing Shuuji growth as mentoring figure. Also showing how much he learned from the professor teachings.

Part 12 There’s notable thing because it a parallel to part 5 where Shuuji hurt Lopmon in part 12. This was when all the Digimon were blinded by Zhuqiaomon hurt and rage by being betrayed by his human, After Takuma get agumon out of trance, Shuuji also try’s to help Lopmon ended getting hurt by Lopmon but he still persist with empathy and trust getting though to Lopmon in the end.

Later on at night in the cafeteria Lopmon asks Takuma if he hurt Shuuji, to which Takuma hesitated to answer but Lopmon already knew the answer because he had a feeling he did. Shuuji the enter the conversation reassuring Lopmon that it okays if fact he argues it’s a good thing because of what happened In part 5 he too hurt Lopmon because of in his own words his immaturity. Even though Lopmon forgave Shuuji in back of his mind he still felt guilt and even wish that Lopmon would just hit him back.

So when he got struck by Lopmon in a way it made them even at least in Shuuji mind. Although Lopmon thinks it a little weird but he just glad that Shuuji is alright and happy, having a even better understand of each other then ever before.

Another thing to note about Shuuji is the theme of found family with him, with the professor playing a mentor/father type figure in his life. The others kids being his friends are also apart of his found family given him the support, love, joy and fun Shuuji wanted from his family and Lopmon his little brother and guardian always making Shuuji is happy and will always by his side and protect him from harm.

Part 6 Ken and Shuuji

I wanted make a quick comparison for these two given how they both abuse there Digimon in way.

They both have big brothers but the main difference is Ken lost his big brother though death and is grieving his lost brother as a child and find himself in the dark ocean and later on the digital world using it as a type of playground to deal with his grief while also treating it like it just a game and the Digimon aren’t real and don’t have feelings. He later realised what he done and reforms into a better person as Digimon adventure 2 goes forward. Also check the show it great and Ken redemption arc is wonderfully done.

With Shuuji it the opposite his older brother is alive and well and he not very close to him and he struggles more with self esteem as well the abuse done by his father, which lead to him projecting his feelings onto Lopmon bullying him as way of coping with his trauma.

Wormmon and Lopmon are interesting comparison as well they both timid gentle creatures who are very loyal to there tamers and stays by there side no matter what dispute they abuse they both put though. Also I will say Ken is more physical abusive to Wormmon while Shuuji is only verbally abusive to Lopmon only getting physical in part 5 when he at his lowest point. Also wormmon doesn’t try to kill Ken and having a child character die literally on screen might be a bit too dark for a children anime to show.

Also Ken has a few advantage compared to Shuuji. First of when it comes to media there is a difference since Shuuji is a game character who unlike Ken is an anime character from a show you can ignore Shuuji though out it since it a game with choices and the player is in control of what they do. While in a show your forced to watch Ken grow as person no ifs or buts about it. Also Ken coming out when the internet was less active might also play a part in why he less hated as a character despite literally committing Digimon slavery and well the Digimon emperor it in the name. By no to Ken love the character but man he does some mess up things in this show.

What also might be holding Shuuji back a bit is well it’s a big ask to put another 30-40 hours into the game just to see Ryo and Shuuji grow as people which understandable not everyone has the time for it but in way it hurts Shuuji as a character to locked him to the true ending, leaving most people having a sour option on him.

Part 7 conclusion and overall thoughts

Overall I think Shuuji is a well written character and I hope I got you at least appreciate his character at a little bit. Now your entitled to dislike or hate Shuuji since he actions can be difficult to watch for some people and if he make you uncomfortable that’s okay but I will say it a shame when he write him off as just an asshole who unredeemable, especially when those people ignore his trauma and the abuse he went though by his father, I think it honestly misses the point.

Yes Shuuji did make mistakes but he takes responsibility and lets himself become a better person. Despite his trauma Shuuji is not a lost cause.

Digimon survive has a theme of forgiving in a yes you did terrible things, and yes you have to take responsibility and accountability for your actions, but you can still become a better person.

These are all my thoughts on Shuuji and I hope enjoy my somewhat clumsy essay ^^’ and I hope have a nice day.

#Digimon Survive #digimon #kayama shuuji #shuuji kayama #lopmon #character essay #this took long to finish 3 weeks XoX #this my first time doing an eassy so sorry if a little clunky and flawed ^^’#I played the game twice while writing notes for this essay #I feel so free now that it’s done

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