#in his mind Nol is loved and Kousuke is trying to catch up

[trashlie]

Thinking about what kinds of regrets does q-tip have, if one of them includes listening to hansuke to go to the party. Does he regret always expressing hatred to Nolan? Q-tip seems to still rather shirk away personal responsibility.

Thinking about how much does q-tip have trouble distinguishing conditional love with personal boundaries and breaking points in relationships. How much will it take for the rich loonatic to accept that he needs to better himself if he wants anyone to like him. What would it even take for q-tip to change for Nolan to accept his older brother’s a better person than before.

Would there be a new character who not only symbolically represents to q-tip the chances he wasted being an a-hole to Nolan, but a secret test of character to show how much q-tip grew? Like a small child q-tip has a chance to try again? Like maybe another small child who q-tip feels embodies the paranoia and insecurity that festers within the rich loonatic?

I feel shinae would be that second chance, especially if it’s true shin-hye really does have beef with her younger sister. Like the older sister acts like a jerk to shinae and q-tip realizes, s**t, i really was an awful sibling. I always made it about me. So, I’ll be there for shinae the same way Nolan was for her. I must be better.

Does q-tip deeply think Nolan will always stay and try to play nice with him forever, because the young boy’s love or desire to form a friendship with him that strong?

Will Nolan tell shinae that he bled out because q-tip assaulted him?

With q-tip in the hospital, will we get a shock reveal diagnosis, like what if yui secretly drugs him to enhance his paranoia, that’ll make the rich loonatic freak out even more?

I don’t know. I’m still waiting for q-tip to fall apart and go rock bottom bojack horseman style.

We don’t even know how q-tip will pay up for what he did.

Maybe he’ll step down? Maybe he’ll decide to have no kids so that the cycle ends with him, to ensure yui doesn’t level up to evil grandma. Could play into the theme of the cycle of hurt parents directly or indirectly inflict on their children.

Because even if shinae is the bridge between him and Nolan, the rich loonatic needs to choose to better himself before the breaking point of another relationship’s reached.

The thing about Kousuke is he knows all of this. That's what his whole conversation with Nol was about - he knows that he's an unlikeable person, he knows that there's a reason people don't like him and that they only reluctantly do because of WHO they are. From a young age Kousuke was well-aware of the privilege he was afforded for who he is and where he comes from, and that's a major part of his personal problems. He looks at Nol as being the one of them who got the best of Rand, the likable parts, the charismatic and charming points. And seeing that has made him all the more resentful, because none of that is him, none of that is who Kousuke has become.

On a subconscious level, he's even aware of his worst flaws. That night he got drunk in the club revealed a lot of how Kousuke really sees himself, through the lens of others. He so vehemently denies certain aspects of himself because he cannot reconcile himself with the truth: that he is rude and selfish and lacks necessary empathy to maintain relationships.

I think what Kousuke's bigger issue is that he doesn't know how to reconcile who he is with the role he thinks he's meant to fulfill. His whole life has been about trying to obtain Rand's affection and for a moment he'd reached a point of realizing it doesn't exist. But whatever he saw in the Bible - whether it was the fact that Rand carries around letters from Nessa (hence why he wanted to see the Bible again, he recognized the name) or something even more devastating to Kousuke (revealed in the most recent FP thus I won't write it here hehe) I think further broken him. Whatever he saw proves that this version of Rand, this affectionate, funny man neither of them knows does exist and that he just hasn't revealed himself to them.

The other thing about Kousuke is that he's, essentially, sacrificed himself all of these years, right? He's wanted one thing his entire life - his father's affection and validation. Anything else that he's ever enjoyed never became a want, it just became a thing he could shove aside in the quest for what he truly wants. It's clear from his beef with Nol that he does want other things - he just represses and denies them. He DOES want people to like him - but that's not the role of the Hirahara heir, is it? That's not what happens with people like them. Something I'm starting to believe is that Kousuke has to learn how to divorce what he wants from who he is - how does he let go of the ache for his father's affection when it's the root cause of who he is and everything he's done? What is the point of any of this if it doesn't culminate in being seen as good enough, as worthy enough?

Frankly, Kousuke alone cannot deal with his problems. In an ideal world, he'd go to family therapy with his father and work through that, but in an ideal world, he wouldn't have had to fight for his father's love in the first place. But that's the problem Kousuke faces - he knows how to be a decent person, and he's tried to be as evidenced through Shinae, but it's a struggle for him because his identity is so tightly woven with the way he raised. It's not as simple as to say "I want to be better to Nol as I have been to Shinae" becaue Shinae doesn't come with the same baggage that Nol and Kousuke's relationship does. Kousuke cannot have a healthy relationship with Nol until he reconciles what the issue really is: he is jealous of Nol and terrified that because of Nol he will never be loved by Rand, he is terrified that everything good only went to Nol, and that resentment is not something that goes away over night. Especially because Kousuke has that tendency of immediately rewriting anything that triggers that cognitive dissonance, anything that goes against what he expects. Rand assured Kousuke he wasn't in trouble, that he wasn't angry, that Nol was not Kousuke's responsibility, but immediately upon finding Nol at the Park's home, he jumped right into "Do you know how much trouble I'm in because of you?"

There is no quick and easy way for Kousuke to unlearn everything he's grown up to believe, all of the truths forged within him during his formative foundations. It will not be enough going forward to simply remember that Nol, too, has never met that version of Rand, that maybe that version doesn't even exist. Firstly, I think Kousuke would have rewritten that moment in a way that made him feel less uncomfortable in reflection, but also, again, whatever Kousuke saw in that Bible I worry could undo everything. I think Kousuke has seen a reminder that this version of Rand is real, it's just that (according to the beliefs Kousuke carries) he's not good enough.

Now, I DO think Kousuke wants to be better for Shinae, he just, again, is so out of touch, he doesn't know how to do this. I think if we look at the way he was raised, it makes a lot of sense? It seems he's always taken Yui at face value and not really questioned the lessons she imparted in him when he was young. He's never had to earn anyone's trust - he always assumes he has it because he is a person in power, a person to be revered. He has never been taught to earn ANYTHING because as the Hirahara heir, he's had it from the get go. How does he earn Shinae's trust? How does he reconcile his image in front of her? That's the thing that was so laughable about the otter plushie he gave her - not only does it demonstrate how little he knows her, it also demonstrates that he just doesn't know how to earn THINGS, period. The beaver represented something symbolic to him, but she doesn't know that. He has been handed everything he could want or need in life and he thinks that everyone else must want for this, because he has the good life, the one coveted by everyone. In his mind, a gift given seems to equate to something similar. "I am a good person who is giving you something special to prove that I am a good person."

But it doesn't work that way. Since it seems like there's no way out of her contract and Shinae will likely end up working with Kousuke (assuming you know.... there's no repercussions faced after this incident) I think that's when Kousuke will get schooled, but hmmm. Idk it doesn't feel right to me? How does that work when it comes to the time skips - it would mean significant development would happen off screen, and that doesn't suit quimchee's style, so I'm really iffy on this part, tbh.

The thing re: repercussions, too, is that Rand can push for them, but Yui is not a person to yield, and as it is, Rand wants to keep this whole thing hush hush, so I'm not entirely sure what to anticipate from that? Suppose he is forced to step down - a reason will have to be made, and that doesn't keep things very hush hush, does it? And again, I feel like Yui would easily be able to find a reason to block it. It's so easy to brush Nol's injuries off as being from the fall - which had plenty of witnesses - rather than go into detail about what happened. I guess the other thing is, is Nol willing to push it? No one but them REALLY knows what happened. Rand can assume and guess right but the whole thing creates a horrible fork in the road: either Kousuke gets away with it and Nol carries on believing that he is insignificant to Rand, or Kousuke is punished and he comes away believing that Nol does and has always mattered most.

This is where all of the possibilities become limitless to me lol because say the latter happens and Kousuke is held responsible. How does that impact his relationships? Now his relationship with Rand is further ruined, and that resentment towards Nol grows more. Or does he learn to let it go? Decide fuck pleasing Rand. Fuck pleasing ANYONE? He's such a hard one for me to gage because he just has so many unresolved issues and so much of it is rooted in Nol and Rand.

I'm also unsure if Nol will tell Shinae how it happened. I think it's something that is currently unspoken that she's probably already thought about. Without revealing too much from the recent FP episodes, she saw the state Kousuke was in. It's clear to everyone involved that Kousuke is NOT okay, that he's essentially in a state of shock. I think she might be able to deduce that whatever happened wasn't really intentional? That feels funny to say because Kousuke definitely went after Nol because he didn't want to let him leave like that, because he had so much resentment yet unspilled and was goading him into the fight but also his reaction to Nol bleeding, I think, shows that what Kousuke wanted was for Nol to fight back? like, hmm idk how to word this because it's not something I've fully made up my mind about but I think it's more like Kousuke WANTED Nol to call him out, because he feels so much resentment towards Nol, surely Nol must feel the same. It was that realization that this has been a one-sided war for so many years, that Nol never wanted the fight Kousuke did.

But seeing Nol bleeding, passing out? That wasn't what he wanted. Does that make sense? idk.

Anyway all this to say: I think it's not enough for Kousuke to acknowledge the kind of person he's been. His mental stability is fragile and largely held up by altering his accounts of what happens in every confrontational scenario in a way that doesn't make him uncomfortable. He struggles to accept actual reality because of the way it directly opposes what he expects and believes to be true. So how can he just up and change, if he's unprepared to deal with that reality?

I've always said he needs to fall and break to change, and idk if he's there yet. I'm worried about what will happen with him being in Hirahara Memorial, because I don't doubt Yui will, if she hasn't already been, be made aware of what happened, and maybe that's why Rand didn't want him to show up there? Not just because he would find out that that's not where Nol is, but because he doesn't want him to fall prey to Yui when he's at his weakest? Because Yui is a person who not only supports but recreates those accounts for Kousuke? I think as long as she is a player in this game, Kousuke's likelihood of change diminishes.

At this stage, I think it's very possible that Nol and Kousuke will never be brothers to each other, but my hope is at the very least for them to make peace. For Nol to be able to let go of that family and find peace with himself, without thinking of himself as damaged goods or baggage or a villain. For him to be able to let go of Kousuke - let go of the resentment and just live freely without him. But in order to reach that point, I think the only way for him to see change in Kousuke would have to deal with Yui. Since the chess game remains a prevalent them and Kousuke still plays for Yui's side, I think the thing that will aid him and Nol is if Kousuke is able to turn against Yui, and welp, we've established that's going to be increasingly difficult considering Yui is the only figure in his life who has ever shown him a sense of care, the only figure in his life that he has been able to safely run to. I know he knows what she's like, what she does, but when she's the only one who he has felt was ever on his side, that's going to be a difficult feat, isn't it?

(Also as a side note, when sending me asks, please don't refer to Kousuke as a lunatic. That's some pretty ableist language that doesn't sit right with me. Kousuke has a lot of issues, yeah, but trying to write it off as "he's just crazy/insane" or "he's just [mental illness]" doesn't feel right. I'm fine acknowledges all the ways the guy is messed up - he's got some pretty heavy trauma resulting from neglect and something that resembles PTSD but language like lunatic doesn't feel right - it feels very "this is a bad person doing bad things and I'm going to write it off as inane" and that doesn't sit right with me.)

#ILY Brainrot #I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #using those tags just in case #i keep it as spoiler free as possible but i'm just covering my ass lol #Kousuke Hirahara #i don't view Kousuke as an inherent evil as much as being a victim of his own life and circumstances in a way that is difficult for him to #escape. like. idk i have a lot of complicated feelings about him #he's absolutely responsible for the person he's become #but i also cannot deny the circumstances that got him here either #the things that define the character he possesses #how does he change and move on from all of that you know? #how does he let go of his resentment and jealousy? #how does he learn to see Nol as a person of his own rather than this extension of everything that makes him so jealous? #I also think in a twisted way Kousuke genuinely thinks Nol has had it easier #because Kousuke was on such a warpspeed fast track to earn his father's affections no shortcuts no breaks #In his mind Nol has already obtained what Kousuke has had to bust ass for #in his mind Nol is loved and Kousuke is trying to catch up #he sees Nol goofing around with friends and feels jealous that he never had that that he wasn't allowed that based on who he is? #so how does he learn to let go of those feelings? #further it's like... when this is his identity what is left if he lets go of it all? who is he? what remains of his identity when #he lets go of everything that propped him up? #who is he outside of chasing his father for a crumb of affection and resenting Nol for something that isn't even true? #I guess this is why I'm really keen for more of Kousuke's story - I want to see what comes of him #I want to see what choices he ends up making #I want to see if he wants the better path or not

[ggukjinn]

hi, I really like your writing! I was wondering if you could do a songfic to the song “Congratulations” by Hamilton for Kousuke, maybe Nol going to defend you after finding out that his brother cheated on you. You can delete this if this doesn’t make sense.

Webtoon Masterlist | Masterlist/Rules

CHARACTER :: Lookism, I love Yoo, Kousuke Hirihara

GENRE :: angst

PROMPT :: request above!

WARNING :: mentions of cheating, cursing, angst

NOTE :: yes you may! this was fun to make. I hope this really satisfies you! I decided to make it a little different, hearing the song, I made it where the lyrics will be in italics, meaning from time to time they’ll say the lyrics. If you don’t like it you can request again and I’ll redo it!

You really didn’t want to believe it, but seeing it there in big bold letters it was truly hard to ignore. All different articles wording it differently but all meaning the same thing.

“Who’s the mysterious lady leaving a hotel with Kousuke Hirahara?!”

“Mysterious lady seen around the red light district with the Hirahara heir”

“Has Kousuke left his 5 year wife for a new lady?”

“Cheating scandal for the Hirahara heir”

“Kousuke’s new side chick! Upgrade or downgrade?”

“Kousuke Hirahara leaving a hotel with a mysterious woman”

This was truly damaging to your health and to your mentality.

All you did was replaying the video over and over again. Slowly coming to an agreement with yourself.

This made you let out a laugh while releasing an ugly cry. You didn’t hear the door to your private home open.

You finally came into a realization, all the sudden cold shoulders, missed calls, late returns, the jumpy attitude any time you’d appeared over his shoulder.

You felt arms wrapped around you. You looked up to see it was Nol. Already knowing that you didn’t have to hold back, you let out everything you were holding in. All your emotions being bottled in.

All anger, frustration, and depression was being let out, no longer being held inside of your body, finally spilling everything you’d been feeling for the past month.

Nol was pissed. He was livid. Thinking on how could someone like his brother treat you like this. Treat you like some scum. You were more than some piece of meat.

He settled you down on your bed after holding you through your meltdown. He walked toward your phone seeing his mother, father, your friends, and family members ask you if you were okay. His parents even going out as apologizing for his behavior.

It didn’t surprise him when he didn’t see his dear old brothers message, nothing.

Not one message at least explaining himself or apologizing.

He placed your phone back down on silence. He wanted you to rest, not waking up by there constant buzzing sound of your phone.

It didn’t help his anger when first seeing the positive pregnancy test on your dresser. He clutched it with so much anger. Kousuke didn’t deserve you.

It didn’t help when he arrived at his car that he saw Kousuke already publish a response. Reading through all of them, no once did he even make a public apology to you. He knew, that he was going to set him straight.

“Kousuke publishes a length response to backlash.”

“The Hirahara heir publishes a explicit response on sns.”

“Kousuke made a response in a matter of second. Responding to cheating scandal”

Through words or fists.

It wasn’t a surprise to see his own brother in his home surrounded by wiskey with his hands in his hair, not even bothering to look up.

“Kousuke.” He said grabbing his brothers attention.

“Congratulations.” Yeonggi said while making it obvious that he wasn’t here to comfort his brother and was here to stand by your side.

“You have invented a new kind of stupid. A damage you can never undo' kind of stupid, an open all the cages in the zoo' kind of stupid. Truly, you didn't think this through? kind of stupid.” Yeonggi said pulling up the WMZ article where it’s a written article writing on Kousuke’s response to his scandal.

“You took a rumor, and published a response by sharing an affair to everyone in the world.” He said laughing at his pitiful brothers expression to his comment. Glaring up towards him making sure Kousuke heard every word that would come out of him.

“I begged you to take a break, you refused to, so scared of what your enemies will do to you. You're the only enemy you ever seem to lose to. You know why Hansuke can do what he wants? He doesn't dignify school-yard taunts with a response!” Yeonggi said by mentioning Kousuke’s cousin and making sure he understood his point.

“You've redefined your legacy.” Yeonggi said, he was going to say something more before he was cut off by his brother. “I sacrificed my name and pride by telling the world what really happened.” Said Kousuke standing up facing his brothers glare, wanting to voice his opinion out towards his younger brother.

“Sacrifice....” he said muttering to himself while clenching his fists. He was irritated. How would he know what was sacrificing. More like using this time to clear his name from the harsh comments.

“I languished in a loveless marriage in London. I lived only to imagine what it would be to be in her arms.” Yeonggi said having his expression go from anger to a sadden frown.

“Nol...” Kousuke said trying to approach his younger brother. Hearing how he felt. What was his true feelings.

Yeonggi stepped back from his brother slapping his hand away. Glaring up to his older brother. “I'm not here for you.”

“I know Y/N like I know my own mind. You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind. And a million years ago she said to me this one's mine. So I stood by. Do you know why? I love her more than anything in this life. I will choose her happiness over mine every time.” Yeonggi said finally letting out the tears he was holding in this whole time, finally seeing her pain, seeing how damaging this was.

Yeonggi would say if things were different, if he’d had the chance he’d go back in time and tell you how he truly felt. Maybe then he’d share many wonderful memories with you. Maybe then the both of you would be happily in London with Yeonggi’s kid.

“Y/N-“ Yeonggi said taking a pause to catch his breath and to calm himself down before he does something rash out of anger and spiet. “Is the best thing in our lives. So never lose sight of the fact that you have been blessed with the best wife. Congratulations. For the rest of your life. Every sacrifice you make is for Y/N. Give her the best life. Congratulations” he said catching breath.

Yeonggi started to walk away before he stopped, he didn’t even bother facing Kousuke, if he saw his face he wouldn’t hold back the bed to punch his face.

“I know it’s not my place to say this but. You really screwed up. Good luck explaining this scandal to your child whenever they ask you about this.” Yeonggi said walking out of his home before slamming the door.

Before Kousuke could stop his younger brother from leaving he already left. He stood there in shock.

You were pregnant.

This was something you always wanted.

It finally sunk in.

Kousuke fell to his knee’s, letting his tears flow out. It finally came to a realization to him that he lost your trust. And lost your trust in letting him see his child.

He wanted to fix this.

But he knew he was too late.

#Webtoon #webtoon #webtoon comic #webtoon x reader #webtoon i love yoo #i love yoo #i love yoo kousuke #kousuke hirahara #x reader #webtoon boys #kousuke hirahara x reader #oneshot #request

[trashlie]

Hello, I'm the anon from earlier. I'm not a business person by any means either, but I guess I was thrown off by the fact that a seemingly family-owned corporation like Hirahara Corp apparently had an outsider as CEO? Rand inheriting instead of Yui makes sense since there were no male heirs and this is probably a patriarchal set-up; but why didn't Koutaro, or any other Hirahara, become CEO rather than Young-chul?

I 100% think the partnership with the Kims continuing even after the past SA allegations is a "sleazy business world" thing. I doubt shareholders have any problems with it so long as it generates profit. Most likely the allegations didn't amount to anything, which is unfortunately realistic.

I can't WAIT for Yujing's article, it will no doubt send shockwaves throughout the system even if it doesn't manage to topple it just yet.

Oh absolutely, SAME! I've always felt that Yui herself resents that the company is passing down not through her, but technically through Rand, that his illegitimate child could possibly even stand an opportunity simply by being Rand's son (and thus why she has torn him down at every opportunity, so he never gets the chance to ever catch attention). Part of her whole deal with having Kousuke fast-track his way to CEO seems to be to bring the company fully back into the hands of the Hiraharas, so yes, I was DEFINITELY taken aback that someone OTHER than a Hirahara could have been a CEO.

Like... right. For what reason did it work out that way, that not even Koutarao was CEO? And if Yui doesn't want Hirahara falling into the hands of anyone else, it feels like a Choice to partner with them - although I guess it's because a partnership doesn't hold as much power?

A really half-baked thought I haven't been able to work through prior is that maybe Yui is playing some kind of long game - that by partnering with the Kims they could somehow let them fall back on their own sword (when you think about it, the Kims and Hiraharas are really poised to bring each other down, right?) but.... that seems messy and why would she do that? Then again... she likes a good hunt and chase. Tangentially a theory I have that goes dark is, perhaps, a member of the Kim family may have assaulted Yui when she was younger, but that's a topic for another post (I keep meaning to work on) but it loops back to "why would Yui partner with someone if she loathes them"? What does she seek to gain from that? She tends to see a few steps ahead of anyone else, so if she had had a plan, I wouldn't be shocked. After all.... wouldn't it be so easy to spin the story as "sob sob as it turns out, Gun Kim pressured us to make poor Nol take the fall for Sangchul; he was going around trying to drug girls at the Kim formal but he forced us to stay quiet~ you know how that family is~" which is, honestly, scary, but is it beyond the realm of the things Yui does? If anything, it feels like child's play, right?

On the one hand I'm like that's so convoluted, Yui would never, but only the other hand, this woman gets off on peoples' misery and loves to torture, so if she went through a long con to get back at the man/family who possibly did something to her when she was younger, if she played nice with them with the eventual intention to castigate them? Making them business partners gives enough reason to believe that they could "coerce" Yui and co to do anything, by trying to use the "lesser" of the Hirahara boys (barf) to take the fall. And how easy would it be to actually trace the drugs back to Yui? Oh, the accused perp is claiming she gave them to him? When there's a whole history of this happening at his school, in his family? When you look at Gun Kim and his rep? What other allegations have come from those Kim formals that never went anywhere? She could SO easily twist any of that!

But idk lmao it feels almost cartoon villain and I'm probably grasping at straws, but I let the thought live at the back of my mind, to see if it will grow into anything else and to see if we get anything else to change how I feel. Something definitely happened in Yui's past, of that I'm certain, but everything else is very loose conjecture.

But whether that has to do with the Kim Hirahara family history we're yet to see. There's so many questions I have and I really hope everything will be answered LMAOOOOO I also look forward to Yujing's expose, but ever since reading the theory that she's working on two separate pieces, I can't help but feel the real bomb will drop in s2. But even seeing what she's writing for Nol's case sounds promising, because it feels like the prelude of the much bigger piece, right?

GOD I get really excited just thinking of it, even though I feel like learning the eventual truth is gonna make me feel real nauseous. The seediness of the Kims and Hiraharas runs deep and twisted and UUGGGHHH. The angle of "the less fortunate" taking the fall for the affluent, privileged elite is suuuuch a good angle to work and I can't WAIT to see the ripples of it!!!!!

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY Anon #Yui Hirahara #Gun Kim #man i almost feel like I need a tag for Hirahara as a company now LMAO #Yui always leaves me guessing and i'm almost never correct LMAO #one day i swear like REALLY SOON i'm gonna write my big thought post on what i think is the deal with Yui like I SWEAR #i've got some big thoughts on her lately and i've always wanted to write it out #i'm glad as a fandom people are coming around to see it was never just about Rand's infidel that it was always something else and that was #more like an inconvenience to her a blight on her image the fact that a second son exists who could potentially threaten Kousuke's standing #rather than a disgraced lover taking revenge #(and like even if that was the situation she still has tortured Nol to such extents that cannot be justified by being heartbroken) #but no Yui is a full sadist and i need people to see that and understand that she takes joy in making people miserable and drawing out that #misery so that they are constantly tortured. case in point: rand. #BUT THIS IS NOT THAT POST LMAO #this is me going wtf is up with the Kims and Hiraharas