#in defence of my own feelings

[arthursfuckinghat]

"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."

"It ain't that complicated!"

How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.

#he makes me feel so emo #this life was never meant for you but your fate was forced #the way dutch (and hosea) talks to arthur like he's stupid will never sit right with me #like they've been by his side over 20 years they KNOW he isn't stupid because if he was he would have been gone a long time ago #not only is arthur incredibly emotionally smart but he's a trained conman vault breaker gunslinger horse rider you name it #the fact that his own adoptive parents break him down like that hurts #it's a manipulation tactic on dutch's end - break your victims self esteem to make them chase your praise and approval #hosea I believe has just gone along with that kind of attitude but in a different way he just likes to jest lightheartedly #arthur doesn't see the difference though and it's understandable but he takes it to heart #the worst part is that hosea sees through his tough guy act and has called arthur out on it #his act is a defence mechanism to protect himself from being too vulnerable - in arthur's mind #and it isn't a sudden thing it's very likely something that has built over the years given the life he has lived #and hosea notices he knows this #but they still jab at arthur #oh it hurts #is he your son dutch? or is he your guard dog? your personal workhorse? #playing through the second time is opening my eyes more and more #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #mick rants #mick gifs #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #liveblogging #you guys gotta understand - arthur seeks and longs for dutch's approval he'll never say it but it's the key motive behind his loyalty #and arthur *rejects* dutch's comfort #he doesn't *want* dutch to pat him on the shoulder because he knows dutch is digging them an even deeper hole #he doesn't want that touch he craves #it's so insanely monumental for such a small scene because it shows us how arthur feels without telling us

[lienwyn]

Devour

__

Will I ever draw Jong Woo without covering him in blood, you ask?

Stay tuned and find out.

#Strangers From Hell #Seo Moon Jo #Yoon Jong Woo #MJJW #KDrama #Art #Fan Art #LOOK #Sometimes we just gotta draw highly questionable fanart #As a learning experience #In my defence #It gave me a good excuse to play around with lighting #And that whole 'practising on realism but without making it an exact copy' #Because while the studies and exact copies are fun sometimes #They do feel very limiting #So it's fun to just draw something of my own making instead #Even if it's... uh... this x'D #I feel like everything I've drawn for Strangers From Hell is highly questionable #Except that first portrait of Moon Jo #That one is fine #Aside from it being Moon Jo I suppose #He's questionable as all hell

[hollowedskin]

Genuinely hating the fact that people have to look really closely at art to see whether it's AI or not and like, zooming in and pointing out the little bits that don't match.

Because like, it's really fucking hard for me to calm down on obsessive details and trying to make everything perfect and make sense, to make sure that every lock of hair has an invisible follow line.

I get so bogged down in details that I ruin my art and the only thing that's been able to save me so far is to repeat to myself that no one fucking cares if this doesn't match up perfectly. But they do now. Everyone cares. We are zooming in on artworks and pointing out things that could have just been overlooked as human error.

Machine generated art means I feel like I'm not allowed to have human error any more. I have to be pixel perfect. I can't just vibe. I can't even imply.

And I think about that and become too exhausted to even start.

#there is no point to this #theres nothing i think we can even do #the cat is out of the bag and we now live in an era of computer generated art #yes this is about the mtg ai art scandal #the zoom in just makes me feel like we have reached the death of digital art #a little bit of nonsense stutter texture on a dial #and a bit of somethign that doesnt line up in the background #stuff that ive specifically stopped myself from fixing in my own art in the past #in order to try and break free of toxic perfectionism #im just so tired #this isnt a defence of mtg #this is just me being so done #i dont think ive done a single digital painting since the ai stuff began #and i havent pposted any of my traditional media #personal

[mitamicah]

I think I forgot to submit this golden boy x''D

My part of a collab with isa.sel.draws on IG - the final collab can be found here :3

#he turned out so shiny :'D #in my defence the reference (one of dean's from talinn) was very contrasted #and I wanted to recreate that feeling #hopefully it is looking okay :'D xD #jere pöyhönen #käärijä #mine #my own art #enjoy this while I am gonna work on a bigger artpiece tonight #so no sketch :'D xD

[omaano]

How about we don’t make me feel things before lunch, @dukeoftheblackstar, huh?

#my art #tcw #clone trooper warthog #this is what happens when i go at it from memory and without reference #I know he's got a normal reg haircut but in my defence I cropped out his helmet and my own undercut is growing out and I need to deal #clone trooper #I used to sketch a lot in greyscale now it feels so weird T^T #I don't deal well with feelings but I really need to get back to work now #this warm up got a little out of hand oops #sketch #all I know about this guy is that he's a pilot and he's lost his buddy on a mission and I'm full of feelings thanks

[hella1975]

just full force threw a shoe at my sister's face and when my mum got me alone after she was like 'you shouldn't clobber her. but i get it' 😭

#it kicked off today but in my defence she's actually proper in the wrong this time even my DAD called her a bitch and my mum is FUMING #baso my sister came into my work with her mate when i was closing the other day and all the staff GLARED at them bc of aforementioned #close so i was being v chill so everyone 1) knew it was my sister and not some customer coming in late and 2) her friend wouldnt be uncomfy #like that's the real kicker her i was being extra laid back FOR her friend so he'd feel more at ease. and one thing about me is yes ive #said countless times i have a rural accent but my mum also raised me to know when and how to speak nice if need be bc people are cunts here #so when im waitressing i speak nicely bc it's a stuck up restaurant w stuck up customers but when im with my sister? making a point of #being laid back? my normal accent came through. and her mate when i was gone said i sounded 'really [from the county we live in]' #which WOULD NOT BE A COMPLIMENT. it's baso saying 'your sister sounds local and chavy' without using such explosive words #and my sister LET HIM SAY IT. SHE DIDNT DEFEND ME. and she told my mum about it later bc SHE THOUGHT SHE'D TELL ME OFF #LIKE SHE DID IT TO SNITCH. THERE WAS NO SCENARIO WHERE MY SISTER WASNT BEING A CUNT. and my mum hit the ROOF #one thing she's rlly been big on is loyalty bc it's always been the 3 of us so when she found out my sister let him say that she FLIPPED #and this all happened last night and i only found out this morning bc i overheard them screaming at each other and turns out my mum #tried to keep it from me bc she didnt want my feelings hurt and IM pissed bc it actually did hurt more than i thought it would #like i KNOW what people say about my accent but it's a guy i know? my sister's been friends w him for years? i was being nice? #it's EMBARRASSING like i was clueless & friendly and turned around for him to be like 'look at this stupid local girl' like?? #and my sister did NOTHING? it just sucks so i STORMED upstairs when i found out and had it out with my sister #and she knew she was fucked so she did all 'im not talking to you i have nothing to say' AND PUT HER EARPHONES IN? #the way i RIPPED them out. got in her face like okay girl u think i sound like a chav ill act like a chav lets GO #and it just got really aggressive and i wound up grabbing HER OWN SANDAL and full force hurling it at her face 😭 oops #from close range too like i was already in her face so i basically just smacked her with a sandal DSHGJKSH #now we're sat in silence bc alas we still share a room. WHAT the fuck. insane tbh but it's a bit funny. im so angry rn i could KILL #hella goes home

[steelycunt]

ridi im sorry i need to rant and i think youll get it 😭 like not to be a bitch but this fandom kinda going off the rails and annoying the shit out of me https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRbYASpf/ everybody in the comments unironically loving it,,, i mean wtvr ship who you want but its kinda getting delusional like ppl are just operating on thin air and pretty fancasts atp and i do Not understand or emotionally connect with any of it. at least w wolfstar theres so much material and foundation to explore but what is all the rest of this?? just hot celebrity fancasts and crack. to be fair part of me respects taking a terfs canon material and making everybody gay but the way it seems to be so oversaturating fics and the fandom that characters dont even feel like their original selves .. atp its all just surface level OCs

hello! yes! i'll be honest talking about things like this always make me a little nervous, and i feel obligated to preface anything i say with a disclaimer that none of it really matters, nothing i say matters, and you should do what you like, because--who cares. i am not an authority on--anything, frankly. my opinion holds no more weight than the next guy's, and all i'm doing here is giving it, so. essentially what im saying is--people are perfectly entitled to disagree with me, but people are not entitled to be mean to me about it xx

having said that. it is my personal opinion that s x barty is one of the worst fucking things i have ever heard lol. who even is barty who is that guy. why would s be interested in him at all. i do not understand it it does not make sense to me. from where are we sourcing the character traits and personality that we are giving barty that would ever endear sirius to him, because it objectively cannot be canon.

overall i do not get the new interest in barty + evan + pandora (+ regulus, but we won't go there)...at all, other than guessing that people were bored with the marauders and wanted a new version of them (and new celebrities to fancast) while simultaneously changing next to nothing about them other than superimposing them onto the first slytherin side characters they could rustle up. i expect ive become a bit of a broken record in regards to my dislike of the popular meow-meow-ification + complete absolution of regulus as a character in order to make him a loveable oc (just as i think erasing all the negative traits that r/s have in order to make them more likeable is just as boring), and all of that applies to those other guys as well (with the slight difference that they are, somehow, even less interesting and significant than regulus in canon), so i won't get into that too much. but i think what you say about having no emotional connection to any of it is exactly right lol--it is a sort of shift? i guess? in the fandom that is simply of no interest to me. they are characters that i just have no emotional investment in and admittedly struggle a little to understand why other people do. i am emotionally invested in, like, five characters overall (and even out of those--there's only two i'm really here for innit xx) and i personally cannot extend that investment to a creepy little side character who is mentioned maybe twice in the entire series.

and that is okay! i do not need to understand it. i don't want to say it annoys me because honestly--i don't go there, its nothing to do with me. if i dont like it i just wont interact with it, and the fact that it doesn't interest me has no bearing on what other people are into or want to do, and i couldn't give less of a shit what people do with the canon material, which is largely garbage anyway. take the bits you want from it, play around with those and ignore the rest. in that respect we are all doing exactly the same thing. but yeah i think s x barty is genuinely awful lol. hate it. very terrible. he's already got a loser werewolf boyfriend and he loves him so so much. leave him alone.

#i know most people are reasonable and thus it is perhaps overly cautious of me to insist on shrouding my unpopular #opinions in like. layer upon layer of placatory disclaimers but. well im a rather anxious guy i can't help it xx but im going to use these #tags to have a bit more of a consequence-less hater hour so. if you like regulus or barty or any of that lot i suggest you look away now #because i am about to express opinions about them that you probably wouldnt agree with + wouldnt enjoy reading!! #like full warning what im about to do is NOT any sort of analysis or defence of my opinion i will just be hating on them. is that clear. #okay. having said that. hater hour. barty and evan and honestly regulus were all cunts? like they were terrible people why do we care #about them now. regulus interests me solely as a piece of context for sirius' character. i could not give less of a shit about him as a #person in his own right. which leads me to my next hater moment: why oh why oh WHY on earth would canon james potter be interested #in canon regulus black. it makes sense in like a muggle au where they are virtually completely different characters but canon? #why would he be attracted to him. there is nothing. there is no chemistry i am ASLEEP and so is james. he would not give that #guy a second look. like it just baffles me it truly does. i feel like you have to bend over backwards to create a situation in which #james potter would ever show an interest in regulus. and i know jegulus is a fucking force to be reckoned with nowadays but god i just #do not like that ship. also i think the fact that barty and pandora and evan are essentially just oc characters who have been coloured #in by general fanon consensus shows in that what they have become is just. not interesting or complex or well fleshed out lol. like #idk i feel like they are just. very shallow. deliberately. so they are easy to like and easy to ship because that is what theyre there for. #god it feels so good to say all this. i will never be a hater again (<- lying) but i needed to be able to just. say this just once xx #also if you needed any more indication what barty and evan and regulus are here to do you just have to look at their #super-hot super-conventionally attractive celebrity model fancasts. like it all adds up its like but what if these death eaters were #not actually evil :-( what if they were really sweet and also? so so hot. like they were all so hot and actually really good #and none of them meant to be evil they didnt want to be :-( they were just hot good guys all in love with each other and the evil stuff #they did wasnt their fault :-( like that has to be. the most boring thing you couldve possibly done with these blank slates. surely. #anyway. im done now but i enjoyed hater hour immensely this was so fucking good for my soul xx thanks and goodnight xx #anon #telegram #scream hang on sorry. just looked at the comments of that tiktok where people are saying they were prison besties. girl. girl. #girl they were in prison for very different reasons baby. baby you know that right. baby look at me. look at me

[elizabethrobertajones]

Good choice for an upstanding roegadyn husband for Frog to bring home to her parents to impress them: Rammbroes

Hilarious choice for bringing home an upstanding roegadyn husband to alarm and frighten her parents: Rasho the captain of the confederacy in the Ruby Sea.

#the trouble with having a WoL with a well adjusted home life and living parents #is sometimes you think 'hmm they would probably still have something to say about her marrying an elezen #even if he were the leader of Ishgard' #'I must now evaluate every roegadyn man of a certain standing for potential parent pleasing husband quality' #idk maybe this is just an elezen/hyur/roegadyn problem and the world building for other races feels less analagous #to recent historical societies where this would be important #although woe betide if you have a Sharlayan OC #they definitely have roegadyn culture first and foremost #in terms of like... day to day social structures #I'd say the hyur/elezen/roe non-specific 1800s to modern societal expectations #but roegadyn founded Sharlayan's society and you can see how it mirrors Limsa first especially with boats and arcanists #point is your sharlayan moon catgirl might still have to bring back a respectable husband to impress the parents #in which case you could do worse than Rammbroes :P #ffxiv #I am just rambling #I haven't not skipped the ruby sea cutscenes on alts literally ever so this is the first time watching them since Frog was first here #they're REALLY long and back to back in my defence #also Gosetsu would be perfect parent pleasing husband material but like however old Rammbroes is Gosetsu has at least 2 decades on him #going from 'hmm' to 'Frog MUST see her own grandpas in him and that's that'

[burning-sol]

i hope you know that im seriously thinking about making an apotheosis score now. and its youre fault. im a college student i dont have time for this

oooooOOoOOoOoo you wanna make apotheosis songs so bad..........

#📚 my posts #in my defence i expected everyone to pass over my rambling how was i meant to know i unlocked something in people #also exandroth with a cello would be so good but im also so attached to the concept that exandroth doesnt get a theme #what if the cello could be mistaken for exandroth's instrument but its actually peter's. #like its peters low moments. its about the times he feels small and insignificant and weak. about the times he lets exandroth takes control #like you THINK its about exandroth but if you pay attention its about peters own lack of self worth #how do we feel about this one chat

[ersatz-anomaly]

“If you’re not constantly battling 24/7 you’re transphobic” maybe we’re just completely burnt out from the endless uphill battle you single braincelled amoeba

#i hate these kinds of posts #no room for nuance or understanding #just fucking #surzfuxtixgisit #you do your best day in and day out for years but if you dare grow tired from fighting both yours and others battles #you get labelled as uncaring and on the side of bigotry #I’m tired of being made to feel guilty for not having infinite mental energy #‘’if you’re not fighting every second forever clearly you hate trans people’’ #first of all I AM TRANS YOU RUBE #Second of all I’ve tried arguing against the bigot-minded in my family #it’s literally the brick wall meme. and I’ve learnt some refuse to consider others (you learn this quick as an Autism Creature) #when minor disagreement is forced to be backed up with a colossal argument in defence you get life sucked from you like in The Mummy(1999) #black and white thinking helps few and hinders all #but I digress. I’m fucking exhausted from battling my own head and toxic unstable living situation #label me whatever I don’t give a fuck anymore I’m just venting and craving peace #I’ve forgotten how to relax. literally. my muscles are tense all damn day and night #i just want to relax for a second without seeing 200 posts saying if I’m not engaged in constant battle I’m siding with bigots and phobes #whatever

[theflyingfeeling]

For some reason I was thinking about BC’s Fuck marry kill and how everyone else joked around but Joel was all serious about his ”I’d fuck Olli because he’s the most handsome” -answer 😭 like yes we been knew you’re sexually attracted to him (him filming him half naked doing yoga and all that) but. really?? 😭

(and for legal reasons this is a joke)

Joeeeeeellll your bisexuality is showing agaaiiinn 🙄

I mean, I'm convinced the whole fucking band is sexually attracted to Olli (who's completely oblivious to it and think the others are just messing with him) because who woudn't be, honestly?

Tommi commenting how Olli always looks good?

Niko saying Olli is the most handsome in the band?

Joonas having a whole-ass sexual awakening watching Olli paint a broccoli shamrock on his chest? (Yes, I may have stared at a gif of this for unreasonably long yesterday)

To conlcude, they all a little gay for Olli 💕

#we're ALL gay for olli aren't we 🥰 #although in joonas' defence he's a little gay for everyone #(also i don't just randomly stare at BC gifs in my freetime! i was looking for another picture and just came across that lol #hence i have a vivid image of it imprinted on my brain currently) #but WHERE is my yoga instructor!olli and beginner yoga trainee!joel fic?? #he enrolled for the beginner yoga class because his therapist and his mom and porko thought it might be good for him #(he's not quite as positive and porko would literally walk him to the yoga studio to drop him off like a child at day-care) #joonas is friends with olli of course so he just passes joel to him and leaves for his porko business #abandoning joel before he can do or say anything #(joel thought they were going for a record shop haul and now he knows how dogs must feel #when their owner tells them they're going to the park but really they're going to the vet) #joel understands his loved ones only want the best for him but he's not sure how a bit of strecthing is going to help him 🙄 #in fact stretching is the LAST thing he wants to be doing when he sees how thight the instructor's yoga pants are 😳 #so he spents the whole 30 minutes not knowing where to look 🙈 #(mostly he looks at the instructor's face because it's so devastatingly cute 😩) #and then the instructor pulls out a basket of wolly socks for the trainees to put on for the final relaxation #(well actually just for joel because apparently everyone else knew to bring their own. this is somehow porko's fault) #so joel nearly cries as he lays on the yoga mattress listening to olli's calm voice bc 1) he's actually feeling a little better already #and 2) he might have fallen in love a tiny bit 😭💞 #...okay i may need to write this myself actually #if y'all up for reading it? anyone at all?? 👉👈 #joelxolli #answered asks #anon asks

[convoloutedinjoke]

I think the thing that doesn't jive for me with J/H most of the time is that theres a lot of stuff where its made out like jean is ooooghghg Suffering because harry doesn't Care for him as much as he Cares for Harry and it rings really false to me. Harry would... care a lot? He would care very very much and in his own broken way try his best to express it? Maybe it wouldn't always come out right (see: the video game disco Elysium) but he wouldn't Not Care As Much. He would care. He would care so much it would be a major source of tension in whatever they'd call that whole situation, because (points at jean) unable to reciprocate even if he wanted to, which most of the time I doubt he does.

#ive been the black hole of self-pitying misery before man. you aren't actually the support beam of any relationship in that state. #though it sure as fuck can feel like it from the inside #idk maybe this is 100% projection on my part but whenever someone takes jeans whining at face value I want to empathy blast them #so they can see the kind of shit my equally unwell and problems having friends were putting up with when I was still Like That #he isn't the most saddest guy with the worst troubles he just doesn't respect his own pain enough to not compare it #like it is a defence mechanism and it Sort Of helps you for a while Sometimes #but at the end of the day it also closes you off to the kinds of relationships that will save your life #caveat to this also that “care a lot” doesn't equal “would be good at having a normal and nice relationship” #sometimes the more you care the worse it gets yk? #(Points at dora dreams) #Sighs. SECOND caveat that “can’t or doesn’t want to reciprocate” isn’t “is evil and terrible” #loving an addict is hard #Choosing to close off a little is reasonable especially if you are already in your own hole #though as I said at the start. That precludes some intimacy #anyway damn ! Damn (digs a hole with my paws and buried him)

[pedro-pascal]

i finally caught up with andor and holy kriff. the quality of this show is off the chart god damn 

#yeah i'm a fake fan jvdfnvkdvndb #in my own defence i got a new job in a new country so i have been trying to adjust my life #also i was still on the hotd high juice + wednesday releases are the worse thing that happened to star wars imo #but anyway what a show!!!!!! #weirdly enough i think that this shows benefit if you binge watch the episodes per 3 #like ep 1/2/3 were great together #ep 4/5/6 too #i feel like 7/8/9 will be paired well too

[a-chaotic-dumbass]

never ever in forever devour a kebab the length of ur forearm in less than 5 minutes learn from my hubris

#i kneww i was ordering a big one but in my defence it didnt look that bad😭 i was so used to the usual shop having em be like #the lenght of my thigh and i got. overconfident #i can feel my own guts semd hekp #chaotic but like not on topic

[coldflasher]

new coldwestallen headcanon!! this one honestly is not as realistic as joe being furious about the whole thing, because that is essentially canon whereas this is just me being silly, but i don’t care because i think it’s funny, so here it is: as much as joe hates len, cecile actually likes him

i’m sure she would take a while to warm up to him, but len can be charming when he wants, and i choose to believe that he would play it up in this instance. why? obviously because it would make joe even more mad. slowly, everyone else is coming around to barry and iris having a threeway relationship with a supervillain. they’re learning to tolerate him even if they don’t exactly like him. joe’s allies are dropping like flies. cecile is a big win for len, because now when joe comes home ready to flip tables like LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THAT SONUVABITCH BITCH SNART DID TODAY, instead of commiserating, cecile is like >:( joe, stop it, he’s not so bad. besides, he makes them happy, doesn’t he? 

there is now literally no one joe can vent to. barry and iris obviously don’t want to hear it. iris gets mad and tells him to back off and that she can make her own decisions; barry just gives him the puppy eyes and beseeches him to give len a chance. infuriating. cisco and caitlin are on joe’s side for a while, but with len hanging out at S.T.A.R labs all the time they kind of get used to him and in the end, they just roll their eyes at his B.S. harry probably can’t stand him, but harry can’t stand anyone, so having his support isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement. losing cecile’s support would be the worst for joe because she’s his wife, she’s supposed to be on his side!! 

len pulls out all the stops to win cecile. with everyone else he just shows up and refuses to leave until eventually they just kind of get used to him, but he’s on his best behaviour when cecile is around. he calls her ma’am. he doesn’t steal any of the silverware when she invites him for dinner and he helps her with the dishes. past crimes notwithstanding, he is essentially a perfect boyfriend in cecile’s presence. is he doing this just because he knows it will make joe start chewing the walls in rage? obviously. it still works. 

bear in mind that cecile can read minds, she obviously knows why he’s doing it and that he is 50% sincere at best. joe eventually points this out and cecile is like “yeah i know but honestly i think it’s funny how much of a kick he gets out of it”.

also, to reiterate, but on a more serious note: cecile can read minds. she knows how much len genuinely cares about barry and iris beneath all the captain cold bravado, that he’d do anything for them, and how can she not like him when she truly understands him?? when it comes down to it, cecile is no better than all of us on this hell site: she is an unashamed leonard snart sympathiser. joe doesn’t stop sulking for a month straight, straight up ignores everyone at family dinner, just looks like he’s thinking about stabbing len with a fork, but cecile is like oh, ignore him, he’ll come around

#realistically there are two flaws with this argument: 1. canonically cecile would defo disapprove of len 100% #2. there is no way in HELL len would willingly remain within fifty feet of someone who can read his thoughts and emotions #absolutely the fuck NOT #that man would be GONE #he would not go anywhere NEAR cecile. he is allergic to his own feelings and despises sincerity in all forms. cecile is his worst nightmare #she would take one look at him and immediately see right through his bs and he would hate it #realistically cecile would be joe's best defence in the war against len #because the second she showed up anywhere he would mysteriously disappear #but i just personally think it would be funnier to see joe losing his mind because everyone is starting to like len except him #my headcanons

[t4tbruharvey]

watching a bdg video going oh this is cool it seems like a funky little tune that's taking a silly concept dead seriously and leaning into the more sinister unsettling aspects of this concept like ha ha, this rock obviously doesn't control his life and force him to look at it and consume his every waking thought– oh, the rock is a metaphor

#for once #i do fully believe pumpkin cowboy was just what it was. and the be your own boss was a contained horror story #but no the rock is just legitimately a metaphor for once #in my defence i feel SO awful both physically and mentally sorry for not working out the rock is a metaphor earlier