#im very fine indeed

[fritzmetzger-reblogs]

Cooked something for @razorflame45 cos of this post.

#alan wake 2 #alan wake #alex casey #dark!casey #ilkka villi #sami järvi #sam lake #im ok #im very fine indeed #splendid #eeaao #caseywake

[kaladinkholins]

Very interesting to me that a certain subset of the BES fandom's favourite iterations of Mizu and Akemi are seemingly rooted in the facades they have projected towards the world, and are not accurate representations of their true selves.

And I see this is especially the case with Mizu, where fanon likes to paint her as this dominant, hyper-masculine, smirking Cool GuyTM who's going to give you her strap. And this idea of Mizu is often based on the image of her wearing her glasses, and optionally, with her cloak and big, wide-brimmed kasa.

And what's interesting about this, to me, is that fanon is seemingly falling for her deliberate disguise. Because the glasses (with the optional combination of cloak and hat) represent Mizu's suppression of her true self. She is playing a role.

Take this scene of Mizu in the brothel in Episode 4 for example. Here, not only is Mizu wearing her glasses to symbolise the mask she is wearing, but she is purposely acting like some suave and cocky gentleman, intimidating, calm, in control. Her voice is even deeper than usual, like what we hear in her first scene while facing off with Hachiman the Flesh-Trader in Episode 1.

This act that Mizu puts on is an embodiment of masculine showboating, which is highly effective against weak and insecure men like Hachi, but also against women like those who tried to seduce her at the Shindo House.

And that brings me to how Mizu's mask is actually a direct parallel to Akemi's mask in this very same scene.

Here, Akemi is also putting up an act, playing up her naivety and demure girlishness, using her high-pitched lilted voice, complimenting Mizu and trying to make small talk, all so she can seduce and lure Mizu in to drink the drugged cup of sake.

So what I find so interesting and funny about this scene, characters within it, and the subsequent fandom interpretations of both, is that everyone seems to literally be falling for the mask that Mizu and Akemi are putting up to conceal their identities, guard themselves from the world, and get what they want.

It's also a little frustrating because the fanon seems to twist what actually makes Mizu and Akemi's dynamic so interesting by flattening it completely. Because both here and throughout the story, Mizu and Akemi's entire relationship and treatment of each other is solely built off of masks, assumptions, and misconceptions.

Akemi believes Mizu is a selfish, cocky male samurai who destroyed her ex-fiance's career and life, and who abandoned her to let her get dragged away by her father's guards and forcibly married off to a man she didn't know. on the other hand, Mizu believes Akemi is bratty, naive princess who constantly needs saving and who can't make her own decisions.

These misconceptions are even evident in the framing of their first impressions of each other, both of which unfold in these slow-motion POV shots.

Mizu's first impression of Akemi is that of a beautiful, untouchable princess in a cage. Swirling string music in the background.

Akemi's first impression of Mizu is of a mysterious, stoic "demon" samurai who stole her fiance's scarf. Tense music and the sound of ocean waves in the background.

And then, going back to that scene of them together in Episode 4, both Mizu and Akemi continue to fool each other and hold these assumptions of each other, and they both feed into it, as both are purposely acting within the suppressive roles society binds them to in order to achieve their goals within the means they are allowed (Akemi playing the part of a subservient woman; Mizu playing the part of a dominant man).

But then, for once in both their lives, neither of their usual tactics work.

Akemi is trying to use flattery and seduction on Mizu, but Mizu sees right through it, knowing that Akemi is just trying to manipulate and harm her. Rather than give in to Akemi's tactics, Mizu plays with Akemi's emotions by alluding to Taigen's death, before pinning her down, and then when she starts crying, Mizu just rolls her eyes and tells her to shut up.

On the opposite end, when Mizu tries to use brute force and intimidation, Akemi also sees right through it, not falling for it, and instead says this:

"Under your mask, you're not the killer you pretend to be."

Nonetheless, despite the fact that they see a little bit through each other's masks, they both still hold their presumptions of each other until the very end of the season, with Akemi seeing Mizu as an obnoxious samurai swooping in to save the day, and Mizu seeing Akemi as a damsel in distress.

And what I find a bit irksome is that the fandom also resorts to flattening them to these tropes as well.

Because Mizu is not some cool, smooth-talking samurai with a big dick sword as Akemi (and the fandom) might believe. All of that is the facade she puts up and nothing more. In reality, Mizu is an angry, confused and lonely child, and a masterful artist, who is struggling against her own self-hatred. Master Eiji, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.

And Akemi, on the other hand, is not some girly, sweet, vain and spoiled princess as Mizu might believe. Instead she has never cared for frivolous things like fashion, love or looks, instead favouring poetry and strategy games instead, and has always only cared about her own independence. Seki, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.

But neither is she some authoritative dominatrix, though this is part of her new persona that she is trying to project to get what she wants. Because while Akemi is willful, outspoken, intelligent and authoritative, she can still be naive! She is still often unsure and needs to have her hand held through things, as she is still learning and growing into her full potential. Her new parental/guardian figure, Madame Kaji, knows this as well.

So with all that being said, now that we know that Mizu and Akemi are essentially wearing masks and putting up fronts throughout the show, what would a representation of Mizu's and Akemi's true selves actually look like? Easy. It's in their hair.

This shot on the left is the only time we see Mizu with her hair completely down. In this scene, she's being berated by Mama, and her guard is completely down, she has no weapon, and is no longer wearing any mask, as this is after she showed Mikio "all of herself" and tried to take off the mask of a subservient housewife. Thus, here, she is sad, vulnerable, and feeling small (emphasised further by the framing of the scene). This is a perfect encapsulation of what Mizu is on the inside, underneath all the layers of revenge-obsession and the walls she's put around herself.

In contrast, the only time we Akemi with her hair fully down, she is completely alone in the bath, and this scene takes place after being scorned by her father and left weeping at his feet. But despite all that, Akemi is headstrong, determined, taking the reigns of her life as she makes the choice to run away, but even that choice is reflective of her youthful naivety. She even gets scolded by Seki shortly after this in the next scene, because though she wants to be independent, she still hasn't completely learned to be. Not yet. Regardless, her decisiveness and moment of self-empowerment is emphasised by the framing of the scene, where her face takes up the majority of the shot, and she stares seriously into the middle distance.

To conclude, I wish popular fanon would stop mischaracterising these two, and flattening them into tropes and stereotypes (ie. masculine badass swordsman Mizu and feminine alluring queen but also girly swooning damsel Akemi), all of which just seems... reductive. It also irks me when Akemi is merely upheld as a love interest and romantic device for Mizu and nothing more, when she is literally Mizu's narrative foil (takes far more narrative precedence over romantic interest) and the deuteragonist of this show. She is her own person. That is literally the theme of her entire character and arc.

#blue eye samurai #mizu blue eye samurai #akemi blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai meta #just in case... im gonna tag this as #mizukemicritical #akemizucritical #though this post isnt actually criticising the ship itself but rather fanon's portrayal of the ship and the characters #for that reason lemme also tag this as #wank.mp3 #feel free to disagree of course but please be civil #and if you need to rant about how wrong i am without any convincing evidence kindly feel free to make your own post. peace and love <3 #fandom.rtf #meta dissertations.pdf #shut up haydar #edit: for full disclosure. i do rather dislike this ship. but obviously it's fine for anyone to enjoy it. please do! have your fun! #it's just that as usual! popular fanon and fandom around a ship is what has completely deterred me from any sense of enjoyment of it #it's a shame too because i was very open and even eager for some mizu/akemi romance in the future #but out-of-character fanon + the rudeness of certain fans has definitely soured it for me #but that doesn't mean people can't enjoy it obviously! ship and let ship!!! #plus it has its appeal which i DO STILL see and enjoy!!!! #i would even go as far as to call them soulmates because their narratives and characters are LITERALLY intertwined!!! #but. yeah. my gradual distaste for this ship is indeed very unfortunate.

[bmpmp3]

it always bugged me in movies when characters make like a blood pact with someone or a demon or something and they cut across their palm to get the blood 'cause it seemed like was a bit overkill and it also looked kinda painful but a few days ago i ended up doing that to myself in a very foolish woodworking accident (no demon pacts involved just me not being careful enough 😔 btw dont do woodworking at midnight) and lemme tell u i was RIGHT if u need blood for a demon pact DO NOT cut your hand it bleeds a lot and if u cut too deep or in the wrong spot your muscles get weird and nerves get all prickly and its hard to do so many things one handed I CANT imagine a demon pact would be worth it. just like i dunno. nosebleed on the summoning circle instead. respect yourself

#IM GOOD i didnt need stitches luckily. or maybe i mightve. but the emergency room was like a 10 hour wait so i used some like. medical glue #to glue it shut when it stopped bleeding after a few hours and got it checked out properly the next day when the doctors office was open LO #but yeah its healing fine! luckily im a very fast healer and i already have normal feeling back in most of my fingers #(the finger closest to the cut is still a little strange but it moves normal again and the pins and needles are almost gone!) #though sometimes i forget about the bandaged cut itself and put too much pressure on it and then im like #stock scream sound effect #but yeah we're good!! heed my advice dear followers: do not do any woodwork at midnight while being stressed out from deadlines and likely #intensely iron deficient from a combination of having chronic issues plus getting bloodwork done earlier in the day. <3 #foolish woodworking accident indeed ghfhjhsklirjediufods

[clarabowmp3]

in other words its my ex-bsf's birthday today and I am in no mood to wish her and idc how petty or immature that makes me

#i feel like 2 years is a long enough time to dwell on it and honestly #if she's not interested in keeping in touch/patching things up fine #but im not going to make myself into some idiot and try to do it myself #besides i feel like ive rmb her birthday more than she has mine #and sometimes i think she only rmbs mine cuz its a few days after hers #and also we have a mutual friend who she is still in touch with so maybe she just doesnt want to stay in touch with me #which is fine #this is so bitter and so mean to say but 2 years ago one of us graduated w a perfect score so #like im too busy excelling and moving towards better things in life and having way better friends to be hung up on her #and this kind of makes me feel like im pretty close to getting over her entirely but part of me feels like its not the healthiest way #rn my coping mechanisms are very 'IM the best thing at this party' coded but its fine #anyway ill be girlrotting to i miss you im sorry for the rest of the day :))) lovesick all over my bed indeed

[yes---but---no]

GRRRRRRR HI HEWWO HWLOOO HOW ARE YOU, LONG TIME NO SEE

GREAT GOLLY GOODNESS, TUMBLR USER BASYACRIPTID!!! HIIII!

#Asks that aren't asks #Beloved moots #HIIIIII #IM SO SO VERY TIRED AND SLEEPY BUT I AM FINE #LONG TIME NO SEE INDEED! HOW ARE YOU BELOVED??

[gachapulls]

on that note my school is hiring in student associations and i reaaaally want to apply but its like a contract right and the start date is august 20th and im not going to be there until the 26th fuuuck

#maybe theyd let it slide but idk im scared #also if my resume got through i couldnt go to an in person interview but my mom reminded me that yeah the world Did Indeed get very used to- #-web call interviews . so id be fine there MAYBE maybe . #like aaaack its a good job nice hours pay is pretty well . and i wanna be involved with school a lot but ooough idk #txt

[thebirdandhersong]

I will leave it at 'horrifyingly handsome' I think. I was going to pontificate on this point but a girl's got to have SOME dignity

#dying inside #OH ALRIGHT I'll tell y'all i dont have anyone else to tell! #he's a pharmacist assistant likes music likes board games is very quiet and doesnt drink much #literally all i know about him #okay NOW im done snfnfnkdjdkfjf #also. a pair of very fine eyes indeed #lionheart tag

[orcelito]

This binge read is great news for ITNL readers, too. Bc I wanted to refresh my knowledge on trigun in general b4 jumping back into ITNL, bc I will be doing more with official plot stuff Real Soon

It's a good thing I did, bc I picked out a few details I want to fix in ITNL from it. So I'm not writing chapter 15 Yet, but I have completed an important step on the way there.

Good news is to come, hopefully.

#speculation nation #itnl shit #REALLY i needed to reignite my love for the manga #bc ive mostly been fucking around with 98 tbh. it's been bleeding a lot into ITNL #and that's fine for the parts we were in. the sandsteamer stuff is pretty steeped in 98 and all #and vash being goofy to deflect is indeed. very vash. #but with the next chapter it will be delving back into manga specific things. so i needed to Remember those things. #not that ive forgotten the big details. but uh #turns out when you read 6 volumes in a row on very little sleep while stressed and distraught #it fucks with your detail retention lol. there are lots of little things i picked up in this reread. #did y'all realize elendira had a fucking ATOMIC BOMB???? and the only reason she didnt set it off was livio???????? #crazy. fuckin crazy. the number of blink and you miss it things in this manga man... #but. yeah. im hoping to do some editing and rereading for ITNL tomorrow #getting back into it 🥰 i will come out the other side of this all a new man

[variousqueerthings]

A striking demonstration comes from research investigating the risks people perceive from technological, lifestyle, and environmental hazards (like nuclear power, smoking, and ozone depletion). These studies routinely find that women perceive higher risks to themselves, family, and society from such hazards.

[...] Flynn and colleagues then subdivided the sample by ethnicity as well as sex, and discovered that one subgroup stood out from all the rest. Society seemed a significantly safer place to white males than it did to all other groups, including nonwhite men. 

[...] Flynn and colleagues then established that it was a particular subset of white males who were particularly cavalier about risks: those who, in response to the social justice movement’s currently fashionable suggestion to “check your privilege,” would take significantly longer than others to complete the task. These men were well educated, rich, and politically conservative, as well as more trusting of institutions and authorities, and opposed to a “power to the people” view of the world. A number of studies have now replicated this socalled “white male effect” with other large U.S. samples, and the research points to it being “not so much a ‘white male effect’ as a ‘white hierarchical and individualistic male effect.’” 

[...]

Interestingly, a recent study conducted in the more socially egalitarian and gender-equal Sweden failed to find the “white male effect.” This national survey of nearly fifteen hundred households found that, all else being equal—and in stark contrast with the U.S. data—Swedish men and women had very similar perceptions of lifestyle, environmental, technological, health, and social risks. 36 The survey found instead just a “white effect,” with people from foreign backgrounds, who are subject to social disenfranchisement and discrimination, perceiving risks as higher than did native Swedes

- Testosterone Rex, Cordelia Fine

(bolded by me)

#cordelia fine #testosterone rex #i know some people in the tags are calling her a terf #but a. i cannot find any evidence of that (in fact she seems openly pro-trans) #and b. please do not throw the baby out with the bathwater #this is a very well-sourced text + i'd argue she's very much staying within her lane of research #can one go one further with all of this and point out ex. in this section #that it's not just dependent on race and sex but also (cis)gender #or that there being no distinct traits that one can say belong purely to men or women belongs within a trans politics #or that testosterone as an argument for either *men are all more powerful* or *men are inherently more evil* is considered bioessentialism #etcetcetc. yeh -- but that's not what this exact text is for #i am glad i read it after frans de waal because i think some of the things i was struggling within in his text #(that he would occasionally bring up a queer philosophical and/or political quote out of context without having the prerequisite #academic background -- or indeed quite the will -- to go into it in a wider context -- and he would therefore imo WEAKEN #his arguments accidentally by misrepresenting esp what trans people were/are saying about gender roles when actually #we're very much on the same *side* so to speak) #is exactly what she's doing the opposite of in her text -- she's sticking to what she knows #(this whole book is basically going *both bioessentialism and genderessentialism makes no sense we need to be more complex*) #if she DOES *reveal* herself as transphobic down the line i would be surprised but i would also still value this book/delusions of gender #im highlighting this moment in the book but she also doesn't go very deeply into intersectional politics beyond this point #whether that is a bug or a feature is up to you -- mentioning trans people and disabled people at this point might have been a good idea #simply as a way of highlighting that there are even more nuances to consider than sex race ethnicity #because a lot of her argument is *things are more complicated than the surface makes it seem* #however: might be worthwhile reading some trans and disabled writers for that focus -- those texts do exist #ramblerambleramble

[milkweedman]

so. almost done with the heel turn of the second sock (meaning just another hour at most of knitting left) and just realized that i knit the second sock with one stitch more per needle than i did the first. last pair of socks was 14 stitches per needle, this pair was supposed to be 13. the gauge is 7 stitches per inch (3 stitches per cm) so this is an extra half inch larger in circumference.

:/

#was wondering why the heel turn numbers seemed a little off #but i was only working on this at work and its a lot more acceptable to be knitting than to be on my phone #so i never ended up checking my notes bc i kept forgetting to during breaks #also was not confident that i had actually taken any notes to begin with #or where i had put them if indeed they existed at all #im just gonna keep knitting it. id rather risk the last hour of knitting ending up with a still wearable pair of socks #because 8 more hours of work is just as annoying as 9 more hours of work #im also wondering if i can do some sewing to bunch up the top a little or maybe a crocheted cable #if that ends up drawing the sock in. will probably experiment #im not actually worried it wont fit me (i knit socks for myself with a lot of negative ease) #but im extremely sensitive to pressure on my feet and the lack of it from socks is very uncomfortable #so if one sock is looser than the other i will start to lose it #(like in the Fork Theory ? uneven socks is a hundred forks. my tolerance for anything else unpleasant becomes zero #so ! it might not be perceptible (these both have ribbing and that may distract from the size significantly #we will see. #always something these days. #i will admit most of those somethings are caused by my brains inability to hold a stable memory #everything is all blended together and i cannot remember when anything happened or the context of it #i wonder somewhat if its gabapentin symptoms. i was doing fine for a while but ive been taking more than the usual dose #to try and combat symptoms but like good god i feel like my brain has been stuffed full of wool #not even in a fun way #eesh. anyway i will continue to knit this sock i suppose #knitting #sock knitting #woes

[bcneheaded]

"It's late, you look tired." ...what if...what if Indriik....

𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑬'𝑺 𝑨𝑳𝑾𝑨𝒀𝑺 𝑨 𝑫𝑶𝑾𝑵𝑺𝑰𝑫𝑬 . (with @winterfollows!)

Pale blues wanders languidly to the other, head turning fully to follow the sound of his voice as it comes to him; brows raised just slightly inquisitively. "I am undead," he finally says after a long moment of consideration. "-- I always look tired."

Ah... Yes.. A joke it would seem. Mostly. It.. wasn't always easy to tell with him, what with the seemingly chronic icy expression. Indriik, the youngest of the Schwarz family-- what was left of it-- lets his gaze wander further, away from the archfey, and instead... towards the window... where the sky appeared to lighten just so, signalling the ever nearing end of night and beginning of a coming dawn.

Indriik shifts his weight to the side, legs uncrossing and recrossing over one another... and he sighs quietly, pale lips pressing together for a moment.

"I am a daywalker- you know?" he murmurs, implying that he'd be fine during the day-- that he frequently stays awake like a diurnal entity. What he did not at all imply, is that he did this frequently, and for days on end. Which no doubt did less than great things to his already near sickly complexion. Though, instead of offering any further jokes or rebuttals, the vampire simply... bows his head in a nod, and looks up to Hal once more after a bit of a pause.

"... I... am tired." he admits. And the smallest, slightest of smiles tickles at the corner of his lips; threatening to pull upward in a half smirk at being found out. Be it in sheepishness or amusement. Did he truly look so much more terrible than usual? Or was his humble host simply more observant than he gave him credit for, he wondered? "Perhaps... It is time to rest now, yes..." he murmurs, his usual chilly tone unusually soft; only further proving Hal's observation. "it's been a good time, tonight." the vampire adds, making a point to look the other in the eye as he does. With usually being such an introverted homebody... It wasn't often he enjoyed himself in the presence of others. And for that itself, he was grateful. It was worth mentioning, he thought. "Thank you."

#( asks ) #winterfollows #( ft. Indriik ) #AAAYYYY YOU ORDERED FROM THE SECRET MENU HELL YEA JHUYDFSJD #hhhHHWAAA everytime I've gone to write this response its always been very late and ive always been very tired on the verge of sleep gduifhj #i apologize!! as it is not my best work but i jus T !!! wanted !! to throw indriik out there a lil at least!!! #he............is being unusually friendly. which is good ofc just!! weird hfudgfd im !! goodness im assuming they're at least on semi #friendly or acquainted terms here ! :0 but it can be anywhere!! #also assumed they'd be at the saloon or smthn but! again could be wherever u would like!! I left it vague uhfdbhfd #ALSO ALSO...... pls hi yes hello he has a bit of a german accent but consider that it probably gets worse when hes tired <333 #him: HoW doEs He KnnOw I'M tIrEd but w a stronger accent LMAO #ALSO X3 HE IS INDEED A DAYWALKER AND yes thats something i just decided today <3 this can mean a number of things #but main point is that he can be out in daylight just fine !! maybe a bit of discomfort bc he IS pale and doesnt drink enough #I always assumed schwarz probably was as well but ?? idk i like the idea of the sun hurting him much more than indriik for some reason #despite his being more powerful and better fed YGHUFGJD maybe schwarz just got the shit end of the stick on the vampirism LMAO

[mizugucci]

i love not existing

#dont ask me what i mean by this #because i dont know #i dont even know if this is sarcastic or not #life just feels very strange recently #i dont feel like myself #i feel like im watching everyone else live their lives while #im on the outside as a mere spectator #i dont mind being alone or being lonely #but this is a strange feeling #i dont even know how to explain it #i think perhaps it is indeed sarcastic and i would like to be acknowledged #since as i type this i feel more upset than cathartic #and you know the stupidest thing? #now that ive typed this i understand a bit more #i think the thing that triggered this emotion is the fact #that i cant do polls #like i feel very left out #i mean its fine idc what would i even use it for #but like i said: watching from the outside #its not like i even can complain about it ive been gone for days #random queued posts like 2 a day #ive not interacted with anyone else #so it makes sense #but idk i felt like it would be nice to be noticed #i see all these people with close bff friends #who make stuff for each other #its not like i dont have mutuals i consider friends #but idk i dont know how to explain it #i still feel left out somehow? i dont know #im friendly with most people on here but i dont feel actually

[bmpmp3]

dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!

#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔 #sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as #students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists #which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way #and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL) #i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities??? #specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life #(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.) #(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms) #(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid) #(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?) #irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont #have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist #again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my #art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL #i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual #capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I #far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3 #sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist #i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware #of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number #half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it #dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!! #what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone #motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel

[spideysatan]

im so // lucky // my life was such a mess that i confused confort with falling in love

#biggest blessing was realizing i didnt actually liked L. #and dont get me wrong i was starting to fall for him #its just that july was so fucking confusing and exausting and filled with uncertainty #and he was one of the ONLY things that were good in my life #that i mistook it for falling in love #im still pissed that he broke up with me in the way that he did. it was not very adult and it just seem like there was more that he was #not telling me. which made me angry. #and i found out that he had said before to another friend of mine that he wasnt going to date any more white girls and that kinda #idk #it just stinks a bit #cuz why should that matter anyways. #but yeah. #glad it wasnt love fr. #and im doing very fine indeed lol #i am however going to maybe just continue to do what i said i was gonna do after the heartbreak i had #which was if someone shows interest in hooking up thats fine but protect your heart #and i dont mean i wont open myself to love (i actually wanted to give it a chance with him but lol it didnt work ig) #but like. not gonna jump into any love bombing and delusions. #idk just seems like the right thing to do ig? #also i just have a shiton of stuff to work thru and figure it out about myself #maybe thats the best thing to do rn?

[crescentmp3]

my relatives should stop walking in on me headbanging while listening to metal

#my grandmother and dad has done it so far. moms fine she used to be a metal listener when she was seventeen #relatives sounds stupid here my dad isn't a relative is he he's my parent. you people have a stupid language #(<-there's no general world for people you're related to that includes parents in turkish either he's just petty) #🌙rambling #anyway ahem! i've discovered newer songs by bands i haven't listened to before and they're pretty nice #namely slayer and black sabbath. i've liked the two songs i listened to by slayer and i liked paranoid by sabbath #i also tried listening to black sabbath from the album black sabbath by the band black sabbath. nice song‚ founding song of metal‚ very - #- heavy‚ but it wasn't my type enough to be put in my very loved songs playlist #the slayer songs were indeed added to my playlist #im also thinking of getting into other big name metal bands sometime. perhaps anthrax or megadeth. #though from the bits i've heard i don't think they'd be my type #oh! i also listened to ace of spades by motorhead. the guitar is lovely but lemmy's vocals is not for me personally #quite honestly all the metal songs i've heard are lovely. most just don't suit my taste

[axe8472]

once again considering faking my own death instead of doing exams on friday

#yes exams plural. two of them #two exams in one day #oh but that doesn't sound too bad does it? haha BUT INDEED IT IS #because the first exam is three hours long #and the second exam is three and a half hours long #BUT not only is this 6 and a half hours of exam in one day for me #i get rest breaks because i have things wrong with my brain #which means my exams will take a total of over 8 and a half hours on friday #more than a full day's work #then i have to move the next day #yes move all of my stuff out of my room the very next day #yes indeed #im technically meant to have medical exemption from having more than one exam in a day but for that to be in effect i would have had to #register witht he disability people before november #in order for them to be able to reschedule an online open book exam #okay im done ranting now #if im not on here again after thursday its because i ahve died #i joke but this may hospitalise me i really am not medically fit to spend 8 and a half hours in exams in one day #but its fine. its okay. dont go to university