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#im not sure many of us will be too active with halloween being a monday ( work / skl night )
dangaer · 2 years
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what are your muse(s) going as for halloween?
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ladybugsfanfics · 5 years
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Shut Up And Kiss Me [11/?]
Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader
Style: Multichapter
WC: 2k
Warnings: mention of blackout, exstreme awkwardness, 
Summary: You and Professor Hiddleston have been colleagues for many years now, and through those years the hatred for each other has only grown. Now, as a new school year starts, you’re being told that you have to share a classroom or a class. Neither are happy about the outcome, but knowing you’ll never come to an agreement, you let the class choose for you. Team-teaching is rare in 2019, but it is a lot harder to do when you can’t stand the person you’re doing it with. 
A/N: aaaa, i have been so absent, I know. This has taken forever, but now I can promise you I’m gonna be back. Not only will this, hopefully be updated more often (I have inspiration), but I also got like a ton of writing mojo (wrote 4k words yesterday) and a Loki!Piarate au is soon done and i have other shits, my requests are becoming easier though turns out they’re getting long. Anyways, I hope this can please you and I hope to be able to post more in the coming time. I love you all so much ^_^ P.S. it’s close to christmas and a christmas party... ;)
Previous | Seires Masterlist | Part Twelve
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You can’t place the feeling. Not really. All you know is that something feels… off. Wrong. 
It’s Sunday, three days since halloween and you met Emma’s friends. Even though that was fun and all, the night could have been better had you stuck with the people you know. Not only would you be able to continue to get Tom being nice (which had your heart race a mile a minute), but you could also, maybe, have more fun seeing as you wouldn’t panic everytime you said something. 
However, three days later, something feels off. You’re not even sure if it has anything to do with Halloween (if it has anything to do with Tom lending you his coat because you were barely dressed in your costume),  or if it has something to do with the fact that you have no recollection of what you did last night. 
All you know is that something is not as it should be. 
You try to shake off the feeling and reach for your phone, where it lies on your nightstand. The clock on it reads 07.39 AM and you curse your annoying drunk self for always making sure you wake up early―it’s not that you go to bed early, no rather late actually (like you gotta stay up ‘til at least 3 AM), but more that whenever you do get drunk, you actually fall asleep right away and you actually sleep. Maybe that’s the cure. 
Despite wanting to continue your slumber, you decide to get up. Maybe you can figure out what’s giving you this feeling of something being amiss. 
One slightly wrong, though not that surprising, thing lies on your couch. Y/BFF/N has their face half planted in one of your pillows, though the angle works for them to breathe. One arm hangs loosely off the couch and their legs have tangled themselves in a blanket, where one is thrown over the back of the couch. You have no idea how that can be comfortable, and you bet they’ll tell you how much they regret it when they wake up. 
Yet, you know that’s not the feeling that haunts you. Seeing your best friend crashing on your couch is not a rare sight, though it is becoming rarer as time passes. 
Nothing is amiss in your apartment. Everything where you left it when you went out last night, even the now half-full bottle of wine you opened before leaving that sits on your countertop. 
The mystery continues, but the answers are not in your apartment. One thing’s for sure, you’re not about to go out and find out. 
Before you decide to check any messages or notifications, you find a glass, fill it with water and down it in seconds. Pulling your head back you become aware of the ache in it, and with the water helping you clear your mind a little, the pounding slowly creeps into a loud drum. 
Okay, so you’re not getting away from being hungover. Good to know. 
Not being able to focus with the drums really taking off in your head, you rush to the bathroom and find aspirin. You take two and swallow them with another glass of water. It’s gonna take a little while before they help so you slide down the bathroom wall and sit there to let yourself ease into the beating that keeps interrupting your thoughts. 
It feels like it takes forever, but when you check the clock, the pounding starts to wind down a little after more or less fifteen minutes. You don’t have the energy to get up from the warmth of the bathroom floor, so you continue to sit as you open your phone. 
You have three snaps, five messenger texts, two texts and eleven missed phone calls. The phonecalls belong to three people; three from Tom (your heart skips a beat at the thought that he thinks of you), six from Benedict, and surprisingly, two from Chris. 
The two texts are one message of having voicemails (three), and one message from Tom; I heard from Benedict. He’s worried, are you okay? - Tom. You ignore it, making a note to reply and listen to the voicemails after checking messenger and snap. 
It takes three seconds to regret checking snap. Two of the snaps are from people you have no idea who are, but who you probably added last night. The last one is a video of you from Y/BFF/N embarrassing yourself to the nth degree on the dance floor. You know they saved it, and you know there is no point in asking to delete it―no matter what, you know they won’t post it anywhere. 
In a state of shock, checking messenger becomes more automated that anything else. You read the messages; one with a similar name to one of the snap usernames that you ignore and delete the friend request seeing as the message itself is not one you want; one that’s from a groupchat with you, Y/BFF/N and another mutual friend that you don’t see that often as they live abroad, but whom you trust fully and therefore has replied to your drunk texts about wanting to fuck a certain person whose name shall not be mentioned; three texts from Chris asking what’s going on, if you’re okay and if there’s anything he can do to help. You only reply to Chris’s by asking why he wonders, saying yes and asking him if he knows anything about what happened last night―you do not admit to having no memory of the evening. 
Waiting for a reply you listen to the voicemails. All three are from Benedict; one he sounds mad in, one he sounds worried in, and one he threatens to call the police and tell them that you’re missing and that you might be in danger―it feels a little weird not knowing if that actually happened. 
You sigh, blowing your hair so it falls in your face. Well, well, gotta keep searching. 
In the living room, Y/BFF/N lies in the same position as before. You ignore them, instead focusing on the low rumble from your stomach. 
Hopefully, some food will help clear the mystery. 
The food itself doesn’t help. However, the replies from Chris does. 
Chris: asking because you seemed very drunk and i wanted to know you’re okay, good that you are, and no, i don’t know since you never really gave me anything to go on
You: okay, well, there are no other messages between us, anything I did to alert you??
Chris: uhh, no, actually it was Tom that called me
You: Tom?? Hiddleston?? The dude who I teach with?? 
Chris: yeah… i was surprised too, maybe talk to him?
You: yeah, im gonna 
Of course, that’s what you tell Chris. You know, with every ounce of your body, that you will not pick up the phone and either text or call him because you know that that would be the death of you. 
You will wait, as long as you can, to ask Tom why he called Chris. The thought of it alone just has that feeling of wrongness expand. You shake it off, put away your phone and return your attention to your food. 
 --
Going into work on Monday is not on your list of fun activities, but it is something you have to do. You suppose it would have been on your list of fun if not for the looming conversation you need to have with a certain professor. 
It takes little time after your first class to meet him. Usually, your schedules don’t coincide but you guess the universe isn’t on your side today. 
“Hi.” Tom purses his lips and puts his hands in his pockets. 
You nod. “Hi.”
“How was your weekend?” he asks. 
“It was good,” you say and nod. “You know what, I can’t really talk right now. Catch you later?” You shoot him a pained smile and hurry away before Tom can answer. There is no way you’ve ever been in a more awkward situation (and the worst part is that you don’t even know what it is that made it awkward―what the fuck did you say?!). 
You try not to think too hard about it as you make your way back to your office. With two hours of office time, you can get back to focusing on your research project and get your mind off Saturday night and your possibly very embarrassing utterance to Tom. 
God, what the fuck did you say?
It takes a solid five minutes for your mind to rush back to what’s been circling around the last twenty-four hours. 
“Okay, you know what?” you say out loud to the silence of your office. It does not reply back. However, in the need to say it out loud, you act as if it did. “I have to just ask. I’m gonna go to wherever he currently is and I’m gonna ask what I said and I’m gonna cut right to the chase and it’s gonna be alright. It’s gonna be okay. It’s probably not as bad as I think it is.” 
However, you don’t get up. It’s like you’re glued to your chair and no matter how much the nerves in your brain tells your legs to get up, they don’t move. 
For two hours, you just sit there. Almost so you’re late to class even. 
 --
“We’re doing a what?” 
Both you and Tom frown at Dean McHallan who, though with a slight roll of his eyes, nods. “You’re going to a conference in Scotland. I know it’s sudden and it seems weird, but they specifically asked for you two to speak.”
You raise a brow. “They asked for us to speak about what exactly? Do I have to prepare some kind of presentation or something now because, honestly, I’m not ready for that.” 
“They asked for you both to speak on team-teaching creative writing. They wanted input from your students as well so during the week now, ask them some questions that you can quote them on. And they wanted you, Y/N, to speak on your research project as they find it interesting and they weirdly enough hadn’t thought about it before. They would love to hear how you’re going about it.” 
Your mind races as you nod along to his words. What are you supposed to do? Say no, nope, you can’t do that. You literally have no choice because he’s already said you’re going and McHallan makes the final decisions and he also knows neither of you really have anything that important going on currently. 
“Okay, I guess we’re going to Scotland next week.” You’ve always wanted to go so maybe it’s an opportunity you should take anyway. 
“It’s settled then. Tom?”
The literature professor nods. “I can’t argue with your reasoning so I guess we’re going. I have some inquiries. Accomodations? Travel? Food? And when?”
McHallan hands each of you a piece of paper. “You will be in the same hotel, though different rooms. I think they’ll be just across from each other or something. You’ll fly there on wednesday morning, together, and have all wednesday evening to settle in and make the last preparations and so on. Food will be accounted for unless you eat above budget. There are breakfast and dinner included at the hotel, and lunch is served with the conference. If you eat anything outside of that it will be out of your own pocket. The schedule for the conference is on the back of that paper and the information you need about your flights just under there.”
You nod, going over the paper as McHallan talks and making different mental notes. Some of those make no sense, and one of them is ‘get trapped somewhere so you have to ask Tom what you did on Saturday’, though you’re afraid that one might be the hardest one to see through with.
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wrestlewriting · 7 years
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31 Little Wrestling Fics Challenge (October Wrestling Challenge)
Tagging: @running-ropes @tyferbebe @chasingeverybreakingwave @thegenericluchadora @theprestigious0ne @alexahood21 @castielscamander @spine-buster @heelturn-timesten @crookedmoonsaultpunk @nickysmum1909 @morgunsilver @wrasslin-rollins @morgancorbin @reigningambrollins @bbmbabe @allhailthe-demonking @rebelfleur22 @im-indestructible @heelstarla @sixdegreesofsamson @vixxyvampire @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @valeonmars @pjanina13 @bolieve-that @therealfivefeetoffuckingfury @thewriterformerlytaggedas @fan-fiction-galore @songsofasirenqueen @sleeplessandcynical @thedeboniardevistation @thebadchic @cfloyd776 @spooky-spot-of-bother
Quote: 19. “Just focus on me. Everything will be fine.” 
Location: 1. Haunted House
Situation: 3. Trick or treating.
Supernatural element: 23. Stupidly accurate horoscope app
Finn Balor (this was my choice)
This is fluff. For not all spooky things need to be scary.
I hope you enjoy!!!
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“A rapid change is taking place in your life now, and it may be causing you some stress and worry. But isn’t this precisely the kind of change you figured you would need to resolve a few of your more pressing matters? Although this feels sudden and out of control, it will all fall into place rather quickly. And yes, this is exactly what you sought from the universe. It just seems to be taking place all at once, which can seem overwhelming. Just trust what you requested of the universe is unfolding, and let that be your comfort.”
Bennett was a smart girl, honestly. She didn’t believe everything she heard or read, not before doing her own research on the matter. She trusted science and knew better than to think her viewpoint was the only viewpoint.
That said, just for laughs, she always read her daily horoscope on an app on her phone. She didn’t put any faith in it, didn’t live her life by it, and if somehow it ever came true she just said ‘huh’ and moved on about her life. Most of the time, Bennett read it and decided it’s vagueness was a safe method to make it true for everyone.
The app she had downloaded was the highest rated. To her, that just meant it was the least-glitchy to use. The program, which included things like daily horoscopes and Chinese zodiac interpretations, was fun to flip through when she was bored.
And that’s how she found herself that morning. Well, not bored necessarily. But alone in the living room, a cup of coffee in her one hand, the TV on quietly projecting the local morning news. She’d already been through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter…the usual suspects for mindless morning activities before getting ready for work.
Her horoscope for the day made her smirk. What rapid change? This was the steadiest her life had ever been, ever. Six months ago, she had married Finn. He was regularly on the road wrestling, but even that had settled into a routine. He was gone, typically, the same days of the week, unless there was an overseas tour. And Bennett worked Monday through Friday at one of the local elementary schools as the secretary.
Everything was smooth sailing for them at this time. She knew it probably wouldn’t last entirely, because life, but she was going to enjoy it while she could.
Finn didn’t like her ‘horoscope commitment’ as he called it. He thought it was all hokey and cheesy, a true waste of time. Even though she wasn’t taking it seriously, he still felt she could do without it altogether. It probably didn’t help that she regularly read him his own predictions without prompting.
Putting down her phone and coffee, she stood up and stretched out her body. She needed to start getting ready for the day. Heading back upstairs, she quietly went back into the bedroom, where Finn was still partially under the covers, asleep. She went into the attached bathroom, shutting the door after herself.
By the time she’d finished showering, did her hair and makeup, and put on the clothes she’d laid out for herself the night before,  Finn was no longer in the bed.
Downstairs she found him in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He was dressed in just low-slung gym shorts, his hair messy. Just-woken-up-Finn was one of her top five favorite versions of her husband, honestly.
“Morning babe,” she greeted as she walked past him, her hand gliding across his lower back, a short kiss going to his shoulder.
“Mornin’,” he mumbled, clearly still trying to come to terms with being up for the day. Bennett smirked to herself, going into the living room to retrieve her phone and cup from earlier. Back in the kitchen, she went about putting her lunch together and getting her work bag from the nearby table. By the time she set the items on the counter, Finn appeared more awake.
“Horoscope today told me big changes are coming for me. So today should be momentous,” Bennett solemnly said, before a wide grin took over her face. She knew exactly what she was doing.
“You, need help,” Finn declared, shaking his head briefly, before sipping at his cup.
“Let’s see what you need to be focused on today,” she decided happily, her attention going to her phone.
“Benn, baby, please, no,” he all but whined.
“AHEM,” Bennett dramatically cleared her throat. “‘You are finally about to get something you have wanted. But now that it is close, you may feel another option that was less desirable is actually the better choice. Sometimes making a difficult decision can be as easy as seeing the best choice taken away. Only then does desperation kick in, and you recognize what’s really important to you. That may be the case now, Leo, and you must act quickly if you want to change direction. It is not too late to change your mind, and your path,’” Bennett read from her phone. When she was done, she looked up to meet Finn’s gaze. He was leaned over the counter now, his mug between both his hands. Neither said a word at first until Bennett raised her eyebrows and made a ‘what about that’-type face at him, which caused him to laugh.
“You got any big decision to be makin’?”
“Not that I can think of, no,” Finn humored her. “And even then, it would be ‘bout work most likely.”
“…mmhmm…” Bennett replied suspiciously, narrowing her eyes at him briefly. Finn rolled his own, not suppressing a bemused smile to go along with the action. “Well, whatever it is, I guess it’s out of your hands now.”
“Apparently,” he chuckled. Bennett came around the corner, leaning over to meet him in a kiss. “You’ll be home ‘bout 4, yea?”
“That’s the plan,” she confirmed, kissing him again, before going to pick up her bags from the counter. “I told Harper to bring the kids here around 6.”
“Got it.”
“Did you decide on your costume for the night?”
“…sure.” Bennett leveled a look at him, to which he raised one hand in a pacifying manner. “It’ll be sorted before the night, I promise.”
“It better be. The kids are super excited for this,” she said.
“Never done somethin’ like this before, so it’ll be interestin’ for sure,” Finn agreed.
Sometimes Bennett forgot that many of the US traditions and customs weren’t world-widely accepted and that Finn didn’t do these kinds of things growing up.
Which made the plan for the night even more fun, honestly. Getting to see him experience new things for the first time, sharing things with him that Bennett loved doing, was cool, to say the least. And Halloween was her absolute favorite holiday and they didn’t get to spend it together often.
Bennett and Finn had arranged to take her niece and nephew to a local shopping center where the stores were doing trick-or-treating for Halloween. Also in the plaza was a pop-up haunted house, which had five separate ‘houses’ within it.
Bennett adored her niece and nephew, of ages 9 and 11 years old, respectively. Their younger sister, only 5 years old, wasn’t coming on the excursion.
Jessa, in true middle child fashion, was the most vocal. Jordan, he played the stoic big brother role perfectly when he chose to.
They were both smart, intuitive, honest. It was sometimes to a fault, but endearing, after the fact.
And they loved their Uncle Finn. When Bennett had initially said she wanted to take the kids to the event, Finn had been the one to point out Halloween fell on a day he’d be home this year. After clearing the matter with her sister, who was honestly more than happy to not have to handle the two rambunctious kids on a holiday made for chaos, the plan had been set.
Both Jessa and Jordan had shrieked and tackled them when told they’d be doing trick-or-treating with their Aunt and Uncle, and also going to haunted houses. Honestly, Bennett couldn’t remember seeing them so excited before. And she was beyond ready for the awesome night to happen as well.
“OK, well, get your rest today. Chasing those two around is gonna be a lot of work,” Bennett advised, kissing him once again as she took out her car keys.
“I’ll consider it my cardio for the day,” Finn decided, making her laugh. “Love you, beautiful.”
“Love you,” she echoed before turning and leaving the house. Now all she had to do was survive Halloween in an elementary school for the day.
Bennett finally made it home, almost an hour after the time she had intended to. There had been two car accidents, and general bad traffic, holding her up on her commute.
She hated feeling rushed, but now she had no choice but to be.
While in traffic, she’d called Finn and told him to start getting ready and she would be home as soon as she could. Finn had been calm and relaxed about the matter, assuring her it would all be OK and they had plenty of time for the night.
He was, as always, the calm to her storm.
Bennett didn’t even spare a glance as she tossed her bags onto the kitchen counter, set on getting ready in her costume. She had less than an hour, and she knew her hair alone would take up half that time.
“Babe! Where are you?”
“In here,” Finn’s voice came from the living room. Bennett walked quickly in there, prepared to see him not at all ready for the night.
What she found standing before her, however, was anything but.
“Oh…oh…my fucking…FINN.” Bennett couldn’t finish a thought as she was having a hundred of them at once as she took in Finn’s appearance.
Starting at the top, his dark hair was gone, covered by a bald cap. He had on a black T-shirt, the large white lettering on it proudly displaying ‘Gallows & Anderson’ among other words. And his bottom half was adorned in black tights, the strange face-mask-with-swords logo clear on his thighs. His right arm even had drawings across it, imitating tattoos.
“Hey,” Finn greeted her with a nod of his head.
Her laughter was immediate and loud.
“Come ‘ere, and Too Sweet me,” he requested, holding his hand up, his American accent something special to hear.
Bennett was holding onto the back of the couch, shaking with hysterics, definitely unable to do anything he had just requested.
“Finn, oh…what the… hell?” She finally got out words between her laughs. Finn was just smiling brightly at her, clearly proud of himself.
“What? Told ya I had a costume worked out,” he stated, speaking back in his normal voice. Bennett managed to take in a few deep breaths, her laughter subsiding, but the bemused look on her face still just as strong.
“You look ridiculous,” she declared. Finn dramatically gasped, putting his hand on his heart.
“How dare you! I’m tellin’ Karl you said that,” he replied.
“Oh, I didn’t say Karl looks ridiculous. This look works for him. It’s you that this is a special kind of special for,” Bennett explained, waving her hand to indicate the costume. Finn looked down at himself, before shrugging his shoulders and looking back to her.
“It’s actually kinda nice wearin’ clothes.”
“I’m gonna have to strongly disagree with you.” Bennett wiggled her eyebrows, which made Finn laugh. “OK, this has been entertaining, and I know the rest of the family will say the same. But now it’s time for me to go get ready.”
“Can’t wait to see.”
“Oh, you have no idea,” she teased, before turning and quickly going upstairs.
Bennett had decided on her costume just last week, but it had been easy enough to put together, given a couple of the items were already in their house.
As she had predicted, doing her hair took the longest, followed by her make-up. The outfit was simple enough, something she could just slide into.
By the time she was done, her sister had texted stating they were on their way. As her family lived only a town over, she knew they would be there rather quickly.
Glancing over herself once more in the floor length mirror, she fluffed her hair and headed back downstairs to where she’d left Finn in the living room.
Bennett’s red heels clicked along their wooden floor as she came around the couch and stood in front of it, allowing Finn to take in her whole look.
And he was definitely taking it in, his eyes widening as they scanned over every inch of her. Her legs were encased in leather-look skintight leggings, her upper half covered with a black leather jacket. Her red-tinted hair was partially pinned up, but full of curls.
With a rehearsed confidence, Bennett trailed her hands down the lapels of the leather jacket slowly, before pulling it open, revealing her torso, which was covered in tight black material as well, a belt high on her waist.
“Tell me about it, stud,” she purred out, shifting her weight to one leg, cocking her hip just a bit.
“Damn, baby,” Finn finally spoke.
“Wanna see the best part?” He nodded quickly. Bennett smiled, and with a purposeful step, turned herself so her back was facing him, revealing the Balor Club logo embroidered on the back of her leather jacket.
“That is…amazin’,” he confirmed, with an awed-sounding laugh following his words. “…shit. You’re so hot.”
“If you’re good, maybe tonight you can meditate in my direction,” Bennett offered cheekily, turning back around to face him. Finn laughed outright, standing up to come to her. His arm slid around her waist, his hand pressing into the small of her back, bringing her body against his.
“I love you, ya know that?”
“Heard it a few times. Always nice to hear it more,” she whispered, as he came closer to put his lips to hers. “Lipstick.”
“Don’t care.” And he didn’t apparently, as he kissed her thoroughly.
The doorbell ringing, followed by the door opening, and little feet hitting the entrance way broke them apart quickly.
“AUNT NETTIE!” Jessa’s voice carried very easily through the house. Bennett and Finn stepped back from each other, turning to watch as the small zombie came barreling into the room. Dressed in a tattered and shredded black shirt, which was over equally tattered leggings, she looked like she’d been through the wringer. Her hair was in frizzed out pigtails, her face made-up to appear paler, with various bloody cuts and scrapes on her exposed skin.
The costume didn’t surprise Bennett one bit. Her niece was into gore and horror, as much as any 9 year old should be allowed to be. Her sister and brother-in-law did their best to not expose the girl to anything too terrible, but Jessa was a fearless little soul and found it all fascinating.
It took her a moment to realize the beat up t-shirt was a Bullet Club t-shirt. It made her grin internally.
“Look at you! You look amazing!” Bennett praised her niece as she came over, hugging her to her waist. “I love it, Jessie!”
“You look so pretty,” the little girl told her aunt. “And Uncle Finn, you look silly.”
“Thanks, kid,” Finn replied with a laugh, as Jessa giggled going to also hug him in greeting. “Nice shirt.”
“Hey everyone,” Harper greeted, entering the room.
“Where’s the other one?”
“Oh, you mean your husband?”
“What?” Bennett questioned, confused and almost concerned.
And then Jordan came into view and her jaw dropped.
He was Finn. Well, dressed like Finn Bálor, essentially.
On his head rested the headdress of red and black dangling fabrics. His face was painted, blacks and reds and whites, the illusion of teeth over his mouth.
Instead of being in wrestling gear, however, he had on one of Finn’s t-shirts, which had the simplistic design of also the white fangs. He was in black shorts, but his legs were mostly covered in shin pads. The pads had the teeth design on the knee, with red flames coming up his calves.
Bennett was truly speechless at first.
“Did you…did you know about this?” she finally questioned Finn.
“Where do you think he got some of the stuff?” Finn retorted with a laugh. “We have had this planned for weeks.”
“Yep,” Jordan confirmed, as he and Finn Two-Sweeted one another.
“Time. Out,” Bennett demanded. “So you’re telling me, you planned all of this with him? And Jessa’s shirt? Also on purpose?”
“Exactly,” Finn concurred with a wink. “It was actually Jordan’s idea that started the whole thing.”
Bennett looked down at her nephew, who was just staring back at her straight-faced. She assumed he was trying his hardest to play the part of ‘The Demon’.
“But…you didn’t know I was gonna be wearing your jacket? You didn’t know my costume!”
“…or did I?” Finn challenged, his tone mischievous.
And at that, it all clicked into place. Bennett’s eyes flashed to her sister’s, who was already grinning cheekily.
“Harper!”
“Oh come off it. This is adorable. And I know how excited you were for tonight, and how much you love Halloween, and I thought it would just be really special for you to have your family together as a unit.”
Bennett had no argument to that. And in fact, she was trying her hardest to keep the tears at bay, touched deeply at how much her family did for tonight to be so memorable.
“Alright! Let’s get some super awesome pictures that I’m highly tempted to use as my Christmas card, and send you all on your way!” Harper proclaimed.
The following half hour felt like a professional photo shoot. Pictures were taken of every possible combination of person; some serious, some silly. Bennett’s favorites she already knew would be of her and Finn with both the kids.
Bálor Club, represent.
“Is it time for the haunted houses?” Jessa asked for what felt like the hundredth time. From the moment they’d arrived at the shopping center, it was all she had been excited for. She enjoyed getting candy, as any kid did, but she really wanted to go see the horror show up close.
“Let’s first put your guys’ stuff in the car, and then yes, it is haunted house time,” Bennett explained, causing the little girl to cheer.
The trick-or-treating had been fun, and their group had received many looks and comments. Most of the comments came from little kids and their fathers, but some of the women present also understood the reference. That made Bennett happy.
After dropping off their items in the car, the group headed over to the haunted house storefront, standing in line to pay their admission. Once inside the large space, it was sensory overload. There were people everywhere, many in costume, and it was hard to tell who was visiting and who worked there. Along the perimeter were the entrances to the various houses, all having different themes.
“Where to first, guys?” Finn asked. Jordan just shrugged.
“I want…that one!” Jessa finally decided, pointing to the entrance that was directly in the middle. The outside façade of the maze was decorated with a large Crystal Ball, tarot cards, and glittering silver lights throughout. As they walked closer, there were also hands palm up painted on the wood, along with actual fake hands hanging. A couple swords were also present.
“Let’s do this then,” Bennett declared. “Before we go in though, you two need to stay with us, OK?” Both of the children nodded in understanding. Bennett wasn’t very worried about them wandering off, they’d been great about it all night. But she also knew how excited Jessa was, and sometimes excitement overrode common sense and safety.
As they wandered through the house, there were some jump-scares, and some creepy scenes to look at. But Bennett knew there was going to be the big thing at some point.
What she hadn’t expected was to be stopped at a room by a ‘guard’, who told them to wait. After a minute, he told them to enter the last room and “behold the wisdom of the woman prophet”.
The room they entered was dimly light, with fabrics draped all along. There were various objects tacked to the walls, creepy pictures, actual skulls, bloodied tarot cards. Candles were flickering throughout the space.
“Welcome, my children.” The woman was seated a table in the dead center of the room, dressed in typical ‘fortune teller’ fashion. Her clothes were flowing, various bits of jewelry on every part of her body possible. The table in front of her was covered in a rich fabric, a ball sitting in front of her. Beside it sat a clean deck of tarot cards, and on the other side, crystals and small vials of unknown things.
“Please, come closer,” the woman requested. Jessa didn’t even hesitate, and Bennett followed her. Jordan, who had repeatedly declared throughout the house how ‘dumb’ he found it, remained to the side with Finn.
“Please, tell me, what do you wish to know about?” But instead of waiting for Jessa to speak, the woman held up one of her hands sternly. “No, never mind. I do not need you to tell me, for the universe is telling me what you must know now.” She looked down at her ball, moving her hands around it. It lit up at her action, and Bennett had to appreciate the effects.
“Your existence is about to change,” the older woman stated, her gaze going from the crystal ball to Bennett’s face. “You’re going to bring more into this world.”
“OK?” Bennett laughed out.
“You, my dear, are made of the stars and the seas, of the heavens and the lands, and you are powerful in your finite existence. You are made to make, to extend, to expand, to create.” The women paused, making sure her eyes were with Bennett’s. “You are made to make something within in you that will change so many lives.”
Bennett looked at the woman for a moment longer, before turning to look at Finn who was already looking back at her with eyebrows raised.
“I bet you have a part in this, somehow,” she said, with a crooked smile. “You’re always involved in my biggest moments somehow.”
“What can I say darlin’, I’m here to assist,” Finn replied, with a short smirk.
“Wait, you have something in you? Like a baby?” Jessa asked, and Bennett’s head whipped around, her wide-eyes meeting her niece’s. “‘Cause that would be kinda cool.”
“I hope it’s a boy. I’m sick of being outnumbered in the family,” Jordan declared, crossing his arms over his chest. “Right, Uncle Finn?”
“Uh….” Your husband seemed just as surprised at the turn of the conversation as you were.
“Alright, cool, thanks,” Bennett diverted everyone’s attention, nodding towards the woman. “I think we are done here. Cool house. Nice work.”
“…this is not something to be ignored or belittled,” the woman replied sternly. “Embrace this, enjoy this. You are about to be everything you should be.”
“…wanna go to the next house?” Bennett didn’t even acknowledge the woman’s words, focusing only on Jordan.
“Yes, please,” he replied. And with that, she and Finn ushered the children through the last door, coming back out onto the open floor of the building.
“Aunt Nettie, are you pregnant?” Jessa asked directly.
“Not that I’m aware of,” Bennett answered flippantly.
“Can we help name the baby?” Her niece further questioned.
“There is no baby to name.”
“But what if there is? That lady seemed pretty sure,” Jordan argued, outnumbering Bennett in the conversation. She looked to Finn for help, but he too looked at a loss as to what to say.
“Listen, that woman, she is paid to act and spook us. That doesn’t mean what she says is real.”
“…OK.” Jordan conceded.
“Alright, so next house?” Finn finally spoke up, clapping his hands together. Jessa agreed enthusiastically, and Jordan chose for them to go through one that looked incredibly dark and gory.        
They went through the rest of the houses, which were far more outwardly scary, full of clowns and serial killers and weapons.
But for Bennett, that first house remained the most memorable and jarring.
Four days later, Bennett found herself feeling like total junk, spending her Saturday in bed. She’d been sick early that morning but hadn’t since. She just felt tired and achy and unhappy all around.
When her phone rang, she threw an arm out to grab it from nearby.
“Yo,” she grumbled.
“Still feeling crappy?” Harper asked.
“I’m just…tired and I hurt and I wanna sleep but I feel like shit so I can’t fall asleep.”
“Sounds like the flu.”
“Great,” Bennett sighed, readjusting her head on her pillow.
“OR maybe you're pregnant.”
“…shut up.”
“What? The symptoms are similar, and that fortune teller did tell you…”
“Stop,” Bennett demanded. “You are ridiculous.”
“Don’t ignore that woman’s wise words. She said you are to make something within you.”
“Right now all I’m making in me is more barf probably.”
“Gross, Bennie.”
“You started it, Harpie.” Her older sister just sighed.
“Listen, I’m about to go grocery shopping. So I’ll bring some stuff over for you, ginger ale, Pepto, all that stuff, OK?”
“You are the greatest.”
“I know.” They said their goodbyes, and Bennett put the phone down beside her again. She curled into the pillow, letting out a long breath as she closed her eyes. She just wanted to sleep away this awfulness.
Bennett woke up, confused in her groggy state. The bedroom was darker than when she last remembered it being. After a moment of blinking and coming around, she grabbed around on the bed until she picked up her phone. The time read several hours from the last she saw.
She had a few texts from Finn, and one from Harper.
The ones from Finn were sending her love and well-wishes, telling her to sleep and rest and call him when she had a chance.
Harper’s was a bit longer. It explained she had stopped over but Bennett had been asleep, so she had let her be. She detailed the food and drinks she’d left downstairs. It stated she had left medicine on the bedside table for her as well.
At that, Bennett looked up and did find various stomach and digestive aids.
But amongst all that was a very obvious box, a picture of a stick clear as day across the front.
She texted her sister back, simply writing ‘Really?”. Harper’s response was just an emoji thumbs up.
Bennett stared at the box for many minutes, eventually getting up and grabbing it. She realized there were three tests in the box. It was like her sister knew she’d need several attempts at this, almost like she’d done the same thing with Jordan.
She reread the simple instructions several times before taking the first test. She needed to know exactly what to do, what to look for. Bennett wouldn’t chance doing this wrong or misinterpreting the results.
After taking the first test, she waited ten minutes and took the second.
And then she waited several, jittery, anxious, stressful hours, before taking the third and last.
By that time, it was well into the night. And in the darkness of her bedroom, she finally called her sister.
“They are all positive!”
“I KNEW IT!” Harper exclaimed. “Man, you need to go back and tip that fortune teller lady or something.”
“Harper, shut up,” Bennett commanded, her feelings keeping her from seeing any lightness in the moment. “…these could be wrong though, right?”
“That’s rare anymore,” her sister disagreed. “The first time I got pregnant I said the same thing, but my doctor told me typically positive is positive for at home tests. There’s always a chance but if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck….”
“It’s a dog in disguise?”
“Nice try,” Harper replied with a laugh. “Oh, man Bennie! You’re pregnant! I’m finally gonna be an Aunt!”
“…I’m not…sure what to do? What to feel? What to say? Oh god, should I tell Finn right now? We weren’t planning for this! OH SHIT. This is gonna throw so much out of whack.”
“Hey, breathe,” her sister advised. “You both want kids, and that’s what matters. You’ll figure it out. Yea, it’ll probably be a bit harder given his work, but there is nothing the two of you can’t get through together.”
“…I just…”
“It’s a lot.”
“SO MUCH,” Bennett corrected. “Shit. Fuck. I’m probably pregnant.”
“Most likely definitely.”
“I just…I’m gonna eat something and go to bed, and handle this tomorrow.”
“OK.” Harper offered no argument, knowing her sister’s usual style of handling large changes involved time for her initial emotions to subside. “Call if you need anything.”
“Will do.” After saying their ‘I love yous’ and ‘goodbyes’, Bennett sent a quick text to Finn telling him she was still feeling ill and was gonna sleep more. She knew it was a bit of a coward’s move to not tell him right away, but she wanted to make peace with the matter before telling him.
Finn had wanted to wait until he was off the road to have kids. Which was OK, in some ways, as Bennett was five years younger than him. But she had no desire to be a 40 year-old-first-time mom, either. Biological clock, and life logistics, and all that.
She knew he didn’t want to miss things, wanted to be a truly present father. But she saw how things were managed by Karl and his family, and knew it wasn’t necessarily needed to be a good family.
Of course, Bennett also knew she was not really like Karl’s wife, and she wasn’t sure she could handle raising a baby the majority of the time on her own. She was far more high-strung than Finn was, and she knew she would need him to be around to be the level-headed parent. Because if there was one thing she knew from watching her sister and being an aunt, it was that things tended to get naturally crazy with kids.
Bennett decided it was time to just put herself to bed. She didn’t want to overthink the situation anymore and decided she needed to tell Finn when he was face-to-face with her.
Sleep didn’t come easily, so Bennett found herself doing her usual; mindlessly playing around on her phone. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter…the same routine as always. And eventually, she came to the horoscope app.
“Something wonderful is beginning to bloom for you now, Gemini. You may be wondering if this is a quirk of fate or a coincidence. But don’t start questioning and dissecting this gift from the universe. If you become cynical or doubtful, you won’t get the full effect of this auspicious happening. If you are receiving a blessing, then the universe has deemed you worthy of it. So enjoy the hopeful, positive vibes you are feeling, embrace the goodness, smile, and be grateful.”
Bennett shut her phone off without a second thought and tossed it away from herself onto the bed.
There was no way….
It was Tuesday morning, and Finn was due home sometime that afternoon after his usual travel and work days.
Yesterday morning she’d called her doctor, who had told her the same thing her sister had, that at home tests were incredibly accurate. He made her an initial appointment for that Thursday to get an idea of where she was at in her pregnancy.
Bennett had chosen to take the day off from work, her emotions far too amped up about Finn returning and the situation for her to be at work.
Every conversation she’d had with Finn from Sunday until now, had been odd. She knew it, and she knew he knew it. She wanted to tell him, she did, but she also thought it would be nice to have him come home to the surprise.
Bennett had scoured the internet, accepting and rejecting ideas every minute on cute ways to tell him about their expanding family. Finally, she’d settled on something fall themed and cute. So she’d spent all Sunday going to stores and pumpkin patches until she was able to secure two large pumpkins and a tiny one to her liking.
The plan was to hollow out one of the bigger pumpkins, then cut a heart in the front, placing the smaller pumpkin in it. It was meant to allude to a ‘pregnant pumpkin’. The saying that people usually used with it was ‘We’re adding another pumpkin to our patch’. Bennett loved it. But now came the task of actually doing it.
Bennett had never been as good with art and creativity as her sister. Harper could easily create things: paintings, gifts, crafts. Bennett, though, had to put all her concentration and focus possible into the task at hand, and even then, they never looked as good as they should.
Making the little sign with orange paint about their growing pumpkin patch was easy enough. Her writing wasn’t the greatest, but even she thought it was cute.
It quickly became clear, however, that her bad luck streak of craft creation was going strong. She’d managed to hollow out the pumpkin just fine, but she’d messed up on cutting out the front. In an effort to correct the heart, it had become lopsided. And then in an effort to correct that, she’d essentially cut out the entire front side of the pumpkin, with barely the top part of the heart obvious.
It was more like a…blob. It looked weird. It did not look like the picture she was using for inspiration. It looked dumb by comparison. She knew upon seeing it Finn would not know what it was supposed to be.
Why hadn’t she bought more pumpkins? She knew she wasn’t great at this stuff, she should have gotten backups for screw-ups. Looking at the clock on the microwave, she realized she didn’t have time to go out and get another pumpkin. Finn was due home soon. He had texted her before she’d started carving that his plane had just landed.
She tried really hard to not let the tears welling in her eyes fall down her cheeks.
Feeling defeated and frustrated, she just sat at the kitchen counter, staring at her pumpkins. There had to be a way to salvage this?
It was a frantic internet search later when Bennett realized she definitely wasn’t saving face here. But she could at least hopefully, maybe, still use the sign to tell him? 
Better than nothing.
Except when she heard the garage door open and watched Finn walk into the kitchen with his bags minutes later, she hated every idea she had. This was supposed to be something big, magical, meaningful…and a little crappy painted sign wasn’t that.
“Oh hey, pumpkin carving? Why didn’t you wait for me?” he asked, putting his bags down near the wall, coming over to her. He put his arm around her waist, kissing her temple, securing her against his side. With Bennett sitting on the stool, she just about at his height.
“This wasn’t for fun,” she explained.
“…OK?” Finn’s confusion was evident in his tone.
“I just…I wanted to surprise you and have something cute and memorable and I just…I fucked it up so bad. This was supposed to be this really cool, special moment, and I just ruined the most important pumpkin!” Bennett was trying to keep her emotions in check, but she was failing miserably.
“Hey, baby,” Finn stated, his fingers squeezing her side, his other hand coming up to turn her face towards his. “Just focus on me. Everythin’ will be fine. Whatever this is, it isn’t that big of a deal.”
“YES, IT IS!” Bennett argued, turning from him abruptly, causing his arm to fall down to his side. “You literally have no idea how big this is!”
“…ok?”
Bennett pushed off from the counter and got off the stool, walking around to where the other pumpkins sat, picking up the sign and the tiniest pumpkin. She kept the sign facing her, and with a deep breath, she walked back towards Finn. He was just watching her curiously as she stopped a foot away from him.
“Surprise,” she whispered, turning the sign around, holding the little pumpkin beside it in the palm of her hand.
Bennett waited with baited breath as Finn read her writing. At first, he seemed to not have any reaction, which made her feel even worse that her entire idea had fallen apart. This whole cute, sweet moment was ruined, and now she would have to explain to him everything.
But then, his eyes got huge and he looked directly at her.
“Benn…we…you…” He seemed unable to form words. “Bennett, oh my god. We’re having a baby?”
“Looks that way,” she replied, smiling slightly.
And the next thing she knew she was in his arms, her feet off the ground as he lifted her up. She barely managed to get her arms out to the side so as not to smash the sign or pumpkin against him.
“We’re having a BABY! Oh my god, this is awesome! I love you so much, you know that?” Finn was basically rambling as he held her against himself, causing her to giggle.
It was amazing how her failed plan no longer seemed important given his reaction. What mattered wasn’t how she told him, but them, their relationship, their family.
“This is, like, for sure, you know?” Finn asked, leaning back as he held her so he could see her face.
“Three tests positive,” Bennett affirmed. “We have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday to get the official word on the matter and how far along I am.”
“You, you are gonna be an amazing mum, ya know that?”
“Says the man practically molded to be the coolest dad alive,” she teased in response, causing a small blush to come to his face. She loved getting that kind of reaction from him. “This is…gonna be hard.”
“It’ll be work,” Finn corrected, setting her back on her feet, loosening his hold on her but not letting her go entirely. “But it’ll be the best kind of work. There’s no one else I would do this with than ya. I know my job doesn’t make it easy on ya…but I will be here every single solitary second I can through everythin’.”
“I know,” Bennett assured. She wanted to reach up and touch him, but her hands were still occupied with the sign and pumpkin. “…you’re gonna be a DILF.” Finn’s laughter was instant and loud.
“OK, then you’re Queen of the MILFs,” he replied, making her grin more. The humor fell to the wayside as they just gazed at one another, smiling. “Shit, I love ya, Bennett. Love ya more than anything.”
“I love you too,” she repeated back.
“Does anyone else know?”
“Just Harper.” Bennett went on to explain to Finn the events of the last few days, how her feeling ill had turned into pregnancy. When she mentioned Harper’s comments about the fortune teller from the haunted house, he huffed a laugh.
“Ya know, your silly horoscopes have been pretty in line with this too. Maybe you’ve been on to something all along. Maybe the supernatural does exist and the universe has been telling you all along what’s goin’ on.”
“…shut up,” she replied to his teasing, even though inside she was realizing how right he was. The more she thought about it, the more weirded out and amazed she became, so she stopped thinking about it.
“Can we tell my parents?”
“Well, yea,” Bennett answered coming out of her thoughts, as Finn finally released her. She immediately set the sign and pumpkin down on the counter. “I mean, we could wait until the doctor on Thursday to be sure. But that’s up to you.”
“…we have to tell them now.” His decision didn’t surprise her one bit. “And let’s use this stuff,” he motioned to indicate the items on the counter. “It’s cute. My mum will like it.”
Bennett’s heart swelled a bit at that. He was so sweet to make her think her little surprise wasn’t stupid.
Using the wonders of the internet and FaceTime, telling Finn’s parents about their news was super fun. They’d started the conversation normally enough, but Bennett just happened to pick up the tiny pumpkin. Finn had followed suit holding the sign.
His mom had cried, and his dad had beamed. They weren’t first-time grandparents by any means, but given this was their first grandchildren from Finn seemed to mean a lot to them.
After all of that, Bennett was exhausted. Today had been a rollercoaster of emotion. She wasn’t at all remorseful at deciding to go to bed by 8PM. Finn came with her, but she knew he wasn’t tired, and instead just didn’t want to be far from her.
He was going to be the most protective husband throughout this pregnancy, and she wasn’t complaining.
They went through their night time routines, before finally settling into bed together. Bennett decided to wind down doing her routine on her phone. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. It was always the same.
And then came the horoscope app.
Given her current situation, she was almost hesitant at opening it. But curiosity won out, and she found herself scanning the words on the screen almost hungrily.
“You may be so focused on making something perfect today that you are missing out on all the magic that already exists. You are like an artist who just can’t walk away from a beautiful painting without putting on a few last brush strokes. But if you go too far, you may miss the forest for the trees. Take some time to quietly observe what you see, and relish what you already have. You are very lucky and very blessed, and recognizing that is the final step in finding true perfection.”
Bennett sighed, and with a small smile, closed out of the app.
Stupid horoscopes.
But not really.
Thank you to @thewriterformerlytaggedas & @fan-fiction-galore for allowing me to be apart of this and believing in me!
Thank you so very much to @chasingeverybreakingwave & @running-ropes & @spine-buster& @therealfivefeetoffuckingfury & anyone else who has provided support/love/inspiration/comfort/a-listening-ear-as-I-had-breakdowns/ideas/etc. over this story. The struggle got really real, but we made it.
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metalbluebird · 7 years
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4/12/17 Trigger Warning
Ultrasound showed no heartbeat I was pregnant. There was no heartbeat.
If I say it enough, maybe I’ll eventually stop crying when it comes up. I had a miscarriage. I had no idea anything was wrong when we went in for our first ultrasound appointment. They used a vaginal probe and I saw the little body. The technician mentioned fibroids and went on to measure and document the growths. There were none in my uterus, just in the surrounding tissue. Apparently they are benign and just make me pee more. She went back to the fetus and my heart jumped. The little body clearly had a head, legs, and arms. That was our little baby that my body had been growing. I started to tear up right when she started talking to me. “I’m sorry. I have bad news. There is no heartbeat.” The tears which had been welling up because of astonishment and awe started flowing due to disbelief. “You should be measuring at 10 weeks and the fetus is showing 9 weeks.” My math for when we conceived was right around 9 weeks, but in any case. No heartbeat. It doesn’t matter. Something something chromosomes. The doctor came in and gave me pamphlets on procedures, scribbled some medications and told me to contact them to schedule a follow up appointment. We went to lunch at my favorite place that happened to be near the clinic. I cried any time I was left to my own thoughts. We stopped at a nursery and bought some pretty potted flowers and planted some trees later that afternoon. It was fine to dig in the dirt, since I didn’t have to worry about killing my baby by picking up microbes from the dirt. It was already dead.
That weekend was the longest weekend of my life. What ifs ran through my mind at all waking hours. I hadn’t been sleeping well for the past week anyways so that led to more fitful nights starting at the ceiling, empty of everything but disappointment and nagging doubt.
I decided to trust the doctor figuring that I would have seen or heard the heartbeat the entire time the tech was checking out my uterus for fibroids. Also figuring she knew right away but got some work done before I was reduced to a pile of sad lying on the exam table.
I resisted reading the pamphlets until the end of the weekend. I went to work and had bad luck. Staying busy kept my mind mostly off the dead weight I was carrying. I called the clinic on Monday and cried throughout the entire call. I have said “im sorry” so many times the past two weeks for incoherent conversations and guilt over the situation. I scheduled an appointment to prepare for surgery to get my perscribed cocktails needed to undergo the MVA/D&C. I had to wait an hour. I asked the doctor if he was 100% sure. He was. I was too. My body was acting different. I’m still unclear of what procedure I had. I called my mom. She Chris treggored it. My baby was in a better place. It was for the better if the baby wasn’t healthy. She was honored I told her. In my mind, how could I not tell her? She’s my mom. I’m going into surgery. Not the most serious but complications can arise. I called my dad and sister. They both told me that sucks. Sorry. I was more comforted by them. But it makes sense. They are the people I spent more time with growing up and any visits back home. I didn’t eat anything the morning of except my cocktail of pain pills and anti anxiety meds. They put us in a waiting area full of giant pictures of happy babies and a new mom. I was fighting back tears when they pulled me in the room for the surgery. I got to listen to music during The procedure. I chose daughters. Figuring the anger wouldn’t let me breakdown in sorrow and that it could survive being the soundtrack to my miscarriage. I blasted it. It was over in 10 minutes and only felt a little pinching before the sensation of something getting pulled out. They told me it went well. Wear pads. Call or seek medical care if fever or gushing blood.
I felt relieved. And hungry. And sad. I had a biscuit with scrambled eggs and pimento cheese. It was delicious. The next day I spent in bed recovering. Bad luck continued with an instrument that got blown around while it was out in the sunshine drying and the wind had really picked up. I went to work the next day. Things are less horrible but still sad. I’ve been having dreams that make me horny but I don’t want to do anything about them, feeling so gross from the bleeding and failing because of the miscarriage, and broken and empty since the surgery, scared to move because what if i injure myself because I think I can take it, but really I just had surgery. I have only been walking 2 miles every other day.
Yesterday, I got up from bed and practically ran to the bathroom. I was dropping clots on the floor around my soaked pad and underwear. I felt like I had an entire period in one the span of a minute. About a cup or more of clots? I was so scared. My legs and feet were covered in blood. I was crying while sitting on the toilet. When will this be done? I think I’m on the other end and it keeps hitting me with surprises.
While I was freaking out my husband looked on pregnancy loss boards and found a thread filled with women that had a similar experience. One theory was that it was because the uterus was shrinking back to normal size and pushing the unneeded lining out.
I called the doctor. They’re 40min away and we couldn’t make it that day and they weren’t available on Thursday, my day off and ended up just pushing the appointment to next week when the follow up should have been scheduled for in the first place. If anything else surprises me, I’ll go to the er. I took the day off freaked out and worried that it would happen again, but in a public space. My bleeding has been much less since yesterday. Maybe finally I am through the thick of it. I don’t know how much more my psyche can take right now.
I’ve been thinking of my mentors and grandparents that I have lose since I’ve been going through the grieving process. If I can recover and heal from losing their presence, I can heal after the loss of a person that wasn’t even fully formed and I have never met. I understand that nature is great at filtering out what will not survive and it’s for the best, especially if the fetus didn’t have all the chromosomes it needed to be a healthy baby. I’ve been going to work. Staying distracted. Telling people I have to interact with that I am having a bad week, but I will be ok and to not take on my bad mood, or any negative energy I might unknowingly put out there. I have been trying to talk to my husband without pushing it and making him even more worried and sad, and when in doubt, just make sure he knows I'm actively not trying to pull away. I’ve been trying to carry my share of the burden without putting more on him. Anyways, What more could be said? We would have been due around Halloween. It would have been perfect.
I was pregnant. I’m not alone.
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risprinabeachw-blog · 5 years
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