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korixae · 1 month

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cosplaying as a sociable person will surely result in my becoming. a sociable person right? if i play at being an extrovert for long enough i can make it happen frfr

#i want to be brave enough to text my internet friends! 😭#im conditioning myself #if i keep reaching out and talking to people eventually it will become easy/not terrifying #i’m manifesting here #kori shitposts #(i sent my internet friend a happy birthday message just now r u guys proud of me)

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inkskinned · 9 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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sarosthewizarddude · 8 months

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Thinking about Crowley after S2E6

Thinking about him trying to stay intoxicated so he'll forget

Thinking about how it's never enough

Thinking about him getting rid of the plant Aziraphale complimented one time a year ago

Thinking about him trying desperate measures to get rid of the hurt

Thinking of how he likely had some of his memory lost/taken when he fell

Thinking of the theory that Muriel used to be a higher-ranked angel, and was in a similar situation to Gabriel

Thinking of Crowley begging Muriel to miracle away his memories of heartbreak

Thinking of her surprise when it actually works

Thinking of the look on Aziraphale's face when Crowley doesn't remember him

#im not crying you are #good omens #why do i do this to myself #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #aziraphale #good omens show #go2 #anthony j crowley #if you're curious you can probably find more in-depth explanations of both theories I referenced #i saw both of them on here but I can't remember where #ineffable partners #ineffable divorce #anthony janthony crowley #air conditioning #aziracrow

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abhainnwhump · 9 months

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"They're weird and dark and crazy, everything you pretend not to be."

- "You're right. I am weird and dark and crazy."

"I like that I don't have to think for myself!"

"He took your home, brainwashed your friends, and is in control of the government. I think we're being fair."

"She's not dead, she's just having an extensional crisis."

"You are beautiful and so smart and it kills me to see you think you're not good enough."

"You have to make them believe you're complacent, then you drop their guard and you take your power back."

"You play with their jealousies and petty personalities and turn them against each other."

"That's why I was created. To be basked in the warmth of your gaze."

"I don't know who I am without you."

Random quotes from the Barbie movie that I see whump potential in and yes I'm writing this in the theatre as it's playing. I'm watching with my friends because they insisted. 7/10, I want a world run by horses.

#these arent completely accurate Im just going by ear and can only type so fast #i just heard the “I dont like to think for myself” line and went CONDITIONING PET WHUMP #Im normal I swear #I think about whump 24/7 #whump #whump prompt #whumpblr #whump tropes #pet whumpee #pet whump #conditioning whump #conditioned whumpee #barbie #barbie movie #doll whump #whump dialogue

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saintbleeding · 17 days

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man since i have had any cats at all i have wanted three cats. and i have three cats. anddddd it rules. and they are all. very healthy and very loved and. what! a blessing. i love u my kitties..........................

#idk why maybe bc my rodent pets have been in threes? maybe bc having more cats than humnans makes them feel like. an unstoppable army.#which i do love #we got a feliway diffuser today and everybody is getting along well and being niceys. i love my babies!!!!!!!!!!#also we took beanie to the vet today and they were very happy w her health (she can get vaccinated next week!!!) (she is only five weeks ol #). but ya shes trucking well and tbh #im extremely proud of myself for that #because actually it's been a LOT of work not just to keep her in good condition but to keep her alive at all #and i have done that. and i am proud. and i have done it bc she deserved it #she is. my weenie beanie baby. :3 #not magnus content #saintkitties

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angel-of-sweet-revenge · 5 months

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Sitting here wishing my ADHD was more severe just so people could realise I actually have a problem-

#adhd #probably adhd #undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed adhd #stuff like this makes me doubt if i have adhd at all #i tried to explain how when i was doing my gcse preparations i would take a day to do an essay #“oh it takes us a whole week”#NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEAN #I HAD A WEEK TO DO IT BUT I LEFT IT TO THE LAST DAY #ON THE LAST DAY I COULDNT PROCESS THE QUESTION #I KNEW WHAT IT WANTED. I KNEW WHAT I SHOULD WRITE. BUT I ALSO DIDNT #i love english. both language and literature #but it would take me hours to even work out what i was supposed to write unless it was under timed exam conditions #when it was timed the panic would put me into hyperdrive #but i only realised last night that maybe taking a full day to work out what to write on a simple essay might not be normal #but then people point out that this kinda thing is normal and i just. dont know.#do i have adhd or am i just giving myself excuses for being slow #or do i expect others to be so much faster and see myself as slow in comparison #im so sure i have adhd but i dont know either

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guinevereslancelot · 3 months

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eye doctor was trying not to scare me today bc i have a sight threatening condition 🥲 it's probably treatable but i need to go to a specialist

#havent been to the eye doctor in six years but i was like okay i need to update my prescription my headaches are getting really bad #and my prescription barely changed so the doctor said it wasnt that #also this other condition doesn't cause headaches either so treating it wont even help :(#tho it does make me light sensitive which is a trigger ao maybe it will help a little i hope #but mostly i hope its treatable #also i have no health insurance so hopefully its not expensive lol #but at least the job search is going well so maybe i can handle the treatment myself #but since i will go blind if its untreated my parents will definitely cover it if i cant i just feel bad #they paid for my appt to get the new prescription today too but that wasn't very much i didn't even get the new glasses #but seeing a cornea specialist regularly to treat a scary condition is going to be expensive 😭#i dont even know how expensive yet tho #maybe i should make a gofundme or something #this has been a shitpost #im not 100% sure my parentsncan afford it if its expensive #probably depends how far its progressing and how fast andnwhat the cause is and a million other things #but i know it can be difficult and resist treatment 😰#and its not early for catching it at all

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 1 month

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13, trying to prevent yaz from spiralling when they get separated: i need you to do a deepdive into eschatology

#fghgjhjhggh #'yea i know this sucks babe but we'll figure it out the fate of the world is on your shoulders i believe in you kisses <3'#like thats where you'll end up right #'find out when the aliens come try and take over'#eschatology and death cults and conspiracy theories probably #forced to sift through like centuries of that stuff for years on end trying to find the Real in all of it #and you cant.......stop. bc the world will end #i dont think you come out of that.................normal #even with the best starting condition you dont come out of that normal but yaz is like #functional only by virtue of her circumstances i think #she looks fine bc shes standing next to 13 #i dont think shes normal under the surface #i dont think 4 years of apocalypticism left her untouched #dan either i mean i dont think anyone comes out of that untouched but these two are like barely keeping it together beforehand #can you imagine how WEIRD theyve become #can you imagine how obliviously and kind of unsettlingly weird they'd be in support groups #the others would get it like sure none of us are really normal anymore but like #i think they'd be weird #4 years of having to depend on each other and not knowing if you'll get back home and having to take The End Times seriously nonstop as a #matter of urgency and duty #and then losing the third member of your party?#dan and yaz will be so weird and fucked up #iknow im repeating myself but im just trying to put myself in the frame of mind of #having to take intepretations of the end times seriously for 4 years #when youre already like a lowkey suicidal person to begin with #i think if yaz hangs out with 14 she'll say such weird and fucked up things entirely obliviously and he'd be like O.O #she probably still has 1900 habits that show up unexpectedly #or like just miscalibrated. has to take a trip to another country and takes a train bc she forgets planes exist #has to look up somethign and just goes SIGH. gets her coat to go to the library. and ryans like ??? ive googled it #and shes like oh fuck google

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wizardnuke · 6 months

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i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group

#looks at a druid a fighter and a bard fighter. okay cleric time.#i LOVE playing cleric turns out.#though abjuration wizard is still super super fun its a different flavor of support #it's not buffs it's 'i am going to transfer literally all that damage to myself and war caster style succeed my witchbolt concentration'#doing insane amounts of damage while taking damage (+ with temp hp and then just a lot of hp. im taking the tough feat as soon as possible)#aabria iyengar was right these abjuration wizards are craaaazy. but war domain clerics also fuck hard #my abj wiz is very much an experiment in 'what if someone who is not at all suited to this life tries to adapt as well as she can'#the point is that she isn't a cleric. do u understand. she's not a cleric and that's the point it's the. hbbbgbfhb. she's out here #functioning as a combat medic on some aasimar features + healing kits/potions + arcane ward. Look At Me #i also really enjoy playing nonreligious characters in these worlds where deities 100% exist not in a 'fuck the gods' way but in #a way somewhere between 'i'm all i need' and 'i called and no one answered' and 'may or may not go on an insane power hungry spiral and #try to get a touch of godhood' which is in part very due to my own agnostic and people-loving heart and 'haha what if i icarused this girl'#a resentful caution towards gods an immense respect towards religious companions and 'when your god isn't here to help. i will be'#anyway REACTION arcane ward you don't take damage im fine. next turn reaction shield ward's back up. the thing is.#she will drive her hp down. the ward isn't much like it goes past that temp hp. it's 14hp that shit goes down and carries to her hp #but it never drops. any leveled spell puts hp back into the ward. a 1st lvl shield puts it at 2hp and she can use it again #she is not suited for these conditions but my god it is fun to watch. i care her.#i explained that subclass feature to a player that's not in that campaign and said. like. yeah she can take damage. when her ward drops to #0 it carries to her. any leveled abj spell puts it back up. and she can use it and drive her hp down again.#do u understand what i am explaining to u! do you get it! she is and has always been a punching bag!#she was a very valuable asset to the army and the group she was drafted! into. because when she's there. people just don't fucking go down #aside from her. aside from her. AAAAH. she's so cool. she is very smart i am still riding the high of critting every turn w witchbolt and #reacting to ward a party member against a crit that would have dropped him by taking the hit herself. and she didn't break concentration #badass

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fagrackham · 11 days

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I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE

#out of school. out of this semester. out of vt. out of mass. out of new england out of the east out of americaaaaa get me outta here!!!#i just. im done brother im tapped. im gonna smoke weed and go to bed because the tragedy of the american condition is that i cant just fuck #off to some small european country because its stupid expensive and compicated to do so and i cant really fuck off anywhere domestic becaus #i cant drive and its even more expensive. and im 19 and hate myself a lil el oh el

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rubeghast · 6 months

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short comic i wrote when a loved one who i had a tumultuous relationship with was in bad health

shop | kofi

#comic #zine #horror #illustration #artists on tumblr #art #dog #ruearts #the art is suuuper rushed and im not v proud of it but im trying to condition myself not to care abt how presentable my comics look #and make them just for the sake of making comics

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kiddokori · 3 months

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texting people is so scary i just want a haircut

#im like aha would this day work for you? if not you can just stone me in the public square whatever works #oh youre booked that day? yeah no im sorry i even asked i shouldnt known really would you like me to flail myself in front of you ill do it #im like if a guy was scared. and didnt like bothering people #but also the hair situation is dire. its touching my shoulders i can’t survive in these conditions

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erroticmania · 1 month

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my recent favorite thing to do with my free time is begin digging online for things pertaining to sephiroth. and i mean digging i mean i was finding fanart that was excavated from fansites before they died. anyways i found an article written pretty recently about ffvii and how sephiroth himself helped the author connect to judaism and im actually ill because this also happened to me.