#im being VERY brave about it but still

[welcometogrouchland]

local girl did work for three minutes straight without stopping to listen to music for 45 minutes. 15 dead 11 injure d

#ramblings of a lunatic #why!!!is!!!writing!!!so!!!difficult!!!rn!!!!!!!!! #im being VERY brave about it but still #its fine its fine im almost done with the intro to ep 3 (gonna finish the base of the scene today b4 tweaking and planning the part tomorr) #*tomorrow #well maybe not tomorrow. i have to be up early tomorrow. but u get the idea #and THEN when i have the opening all donezo i get to go redraft episode 1 to my liking (theres like. 3-ish? changes by scene count?- #-and probably just dialogue/characterization tweaks across the board. as much as i wanna im leaving the actual plot points in tact- #-bc if i dont i'll be here until i turn to stone!) #and THEN i get to do an actual redraft/iron-over of episode 2 #(one scene needs to be added for thematic relevance and i gotta keep it short then i gotta redraft one scene to have better dialogue- #-then i gotta fix up some ending bits and add a better thesis statement to the penultimate scene- #-and THEN i gotta redraft the very last scene so it seques better into episode 3!) #and when all thats done then im gonna try and knuckle down for the next few months to get ep 3 done #aiming for late december deadline...we'll see what happens #u guys hold me to that. if it's jan 1st and theres no 3rd enterprise script feel free to send me anon hate /hj

[medi-bee]

#my art #rain world #no significant harassment #hunter #i couldn't stop at just one #He is just so #i like him very much i think #thanks to all of YOU on this WEBSITE!!! #even though im still struggling with his design!!! i just felt a deep need to RENDER #the lighting part of the process is the funnest except for when it isn't #i hate backgrounds and i am NOT being brave about it i am actually being very whiny #the loss of my favorite brushes is paining me but i'm working with it

[steelycunt]

an um. snippet. from me. for the first time since. july :-)

#from a fic you likely will not see for at least. two months. but still <3 #reallt brave of me to snippet considering ive still got no plan from one scene to the next and have only written um. four scenes but. well #if you all bear witness to evidence of the wips existence then maybe it will help me commit to finishing it. :-) #this is also. this snippet is from the very first scene and it is not my favourite but the snippet i WANTED to share is simply too long so. #sorry about that. :-/ also im just talking now you don’t need to read these tags but it is so lovely being in remus’ head now im so used to #it it used to be so unnerving…but i live here now i love it…im also in a bit of a #loving sirius era atm so actually im enjoying writing about how pretty he is. (<- me after being visisted by three spirits on Christmas Eve) #special shout-out to hope lupin. kicking things off immediately with her funeral she is so killable and i really appreciate it. #tsahonip feels like a silly acronym so i think we’re sticking to shortening it to. #tsah #snippet #my fic #r/s #anyway. if it goes the way i want it to the whole fic is very. london and dreary flats and bars and mugs of tea and resentment + melancholy #you know. because ive never done that before have i. also the discography of the smiths so prepare for that on the playlist soz :-(

[scaryhaven]

i never would have let myself love any of these characters as much as i have if id known that this wasnt actually a safe place to do so, i genuinely thought, for the first time ever, that this was a really silly show at its core, and serious things do happen, but nothing that cant be fixed, and that its a romantic comedy and they all get to be happy at the end. because real life is hard enough right now, a lot of us are barely hanging on ourselves, and did they really think that we'd want to see our surrogate for ourselves in the show, give up, and die, and especially in that manner? i truly regret opening my heart as fully as i have, but i have had this happen before with other shows, so i guess its fool me once, shame on you, fool me the 20th time, shame on me, but maybe ive learned my lesson because i dont think ill ever be this trusting in a show ever again, so thanks. i was having fun thinking love doesnt have to be scary, i thought i was supposed to be learning that loving doesnt always equal pain, and heartbreak, but i guess for people like izzy and me, thats all it equals.

#im an incredibly guarded person u have no idea what it took for me to ignore the fear and just love openly and bravely and this happened #i fell asleep briefly and when i woke up i wasnt angry i just cried instead :( #im very worried that this may have broke me beyond the point of ever being able to overcome and still love the show as i had #because the feeling of betrayal is so strong. id be devastated to no longer feel about it as i had but its out of my control #izzy hands #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd

[wekillitwithfire]

truly something so empowering in just saying ‘fuck it we ball’. what a life changing mentality

#i’m a whole lot braver than i used to be #like of course the fear (anxiety) is still there but i’ve gotten a whole lot better at managing working through it #and often this is just brute-forcing my way through the anxiety. and that’s by saying fuck it we ball and just doing it scared #what’s gonna happen? i’m gonna embarrass myself? WHATEVER! i’ve embarrassed myself so many times in my life #it’s a regular part of my routine at this point. this is the nature of finding your place in this world. being clumsy and stupid. #this isn’t to say that anxiety doesn’t hold me back from things still. it definitely still absolutely does #i do some ridiculous shit because of anxiety #such as. oh shit i started walking the wrond direction. well i cant just turn around in the middle of the sidewalk ill look stupid. #i’ll just do a full loop around this building to turn myself around #fucking stupid. and very real thing that i have done. #i’m also weird about not knowing where i’m going inside a building. i get scared to walk around to look for a bathroom #ESPECIALLY in restaurants. i always ask where the restroom is before looking for it if i can’t see it from my seat #but then i realize im just walking and no one cares and im so brave

[illputdownmyrootswhenimdead]

the good ol "i dont see my child as an individual with their own mind, thoughts, opinions, and unique needs, and instead i see them as an object that i can control and make plans and set up expectations for for without problem or consideration, and if they aren't in the narrow boundaries of what i want them to be, i will act like they have died and talk about how hard this is for ME" special

#child abuse // #transphobia // #ableism // #sorry for how long these tags are i have too many thoughts in my brain. sorry #transphobic parents: im losing my daughter/son :(( its so hard :(( this is literally the same as my child being dead :(( #im watching them destroy themselves :(((( #trans kid: *literally just asked to be called different pronouns or cut their hair or something* #vs #ableist parents: my child doesnt even let me hug them :(( sure its a really unpleasant feeling for them that is very distressing but #what about ME?? :(( my child not liking physical affection is the HARDEST THING EVER im such a brave parent #autistic kid: *just doesnt like being touched because it feels bad and needs other sensory accommodations* #like legit transphobic parents and ableist parents use really similar language to talk about their kids #a lot of implications or outright statements that their children are 'gone' and that their current child is some kind of impostor #do these people think changelings are real?? did they miss the boat on that??? #and the 'im grieving my child' thing is so fucking dumb im sorry #your child isnt dead! theyre the same fucking person dumbass #your child didnt disappear when they realized they were trans or got diagnosed with autism. like. theyre still your fucking kid #these kinds of thoughts lead into shit like this story i heard about online about a father who became an alcoholic #because his son is trans and starting HRT. like this dad completely blames his addiction on his son being trans #because 'his daughter is destroying herself' and 'this stuff tears families apart' #newsflash you dumbfuck your son isnt at fault for you becoming an alcoholic instead of going to therapy to deal with any #complicated feelings or stress due to your son coming out #he did not hold you down and force alcohol down your throat you made the conscious goddamn choice to do that #because youre soooooo distraught that your beautiful daughter is gone :(( #fucking cry about it maybe? #and with ableist parents theres a lot of talk about how they dont feel like their child loves them or how THEY find it hard to love them #which. again. its not their fucking fault its yours for not getting help to fix your shit #just because your child doesnt show affection in the way you do doesnt mean they dont love you or that you shouldnt love them #if you cant love your kid because of them being autistic thats a problem that you need to see a therapist about it. jackass #do not blame your kids!! for your issues!! they can tell!!! and it fucking hurts!!!!!!

[beetchboye]

the new album better have at least one cute bubblegum pop song that has silly goofy choreo the album is all about their journey as babymetal and if i dont see At Least One Song embracing and celebrating the girly youthfulness and excitement that set them apart from other metal acts im gonna cry

#from the snippets it sounds like its gonna be really heavy and dark sounding which im into but still!!!!! #hoping that the other songs they didnt tease are the cutesy bubbly ones #especially since them being unapologetically girly is such a brave thing to do in a male dominated industry #and especially since they were new and basically nobodies in said industry at the statt of their journey so the smartest thing to do is to #assimilate as much as possible #but they didnt!!!! they said fuck u im gonna sing about chocolate now #very metal dare i say #babymetal #sumetal #moametal #su-metal

[lunarhoneybunny]

sighs. okay tmi posting sorry guys

#lunar bunny chatter #my horniness has been fluctuating the last day or so and it's definitely because of my period. this morning was crazy #i went to some DMs to listen to an audio message i got and i just died again and thought about some stuff which led me back onto tumblr #and i just went to look at some text posts and now that i look back. dude i have such an atrocious daddy/mommy kink it's actually funny #i mean. i really like the idea of being an appealing figure and my criteria for who i call daddy is so specific. there's just two people #that fall into that category but i don't like the other person as much as the other one. hi sorry for being gay i need this off of my chest #also hanging out with some friends and im so bad at comebacks and all that. how the fuck am i gonna top without stuttering and fumbling #and forgetting words.... that's my biggest worry. it doesn't help that i get super chatty when nervous but maybe i can work it in my favor #i wanna try out the title stuff just to test the waters before going absolutely ham. maybe as a cute joke i'll go “oh sure w/e u say daddy” #“lol haha” but it just seems real fun. i think it's hot too but. yeah it's a lot to unpack ahaha. #i still have a lot of guilt for talking dirty and being more brave when talking but that's just because i always felt like i didn't have... #the right to explore that especially when a lot of people i knew back then thought of me as “pure and innocent girl” and like. yeah fuck no #this was a really meandering ramble but my point: “daddy hot mommy hot i wanna explore that and im also nervous about stuff” #i do genuinely enjoy when i get in the mood though especially with someone i trust and like. click with? i hope that isn't too much to say #but it feels very natural and i don't have to force or hide anything. i just need a bit more confidence ahaha #that's all the rambling i got in me im gonna listen to some classic music from latin artists because im silly and mildly sentimental rn.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

having actual sweet stuff for the first time in a week or so (bc ED Brain(tm) ) and I figured I'd make enough at once and have it over today and maybe tomorrow and I'm about a third of the way through it and have a horrid headache and feel rotten D:

#also very much like harming. anyway. not going to bed til nine. i am aware of there being a knife in my room. #and for now im listening to music and writing so hopefully this will calm me #not having any more of this stuff tonight #but im maybe starting to panic a wee bit idk if it's reasonable #my calorie intake has been steadily trending downhill like tonight even with this stuff being a solid 200 (mostly bc of milk) still i got #less than 1200 which isn't especially healthy #but i don't know how to stop it #even with the dietitian without other people around who will actually do smth about it i don't know how to do this #i think i *will* talk to my friend's mum maybe asap within the next couple weeks or smth if i can #bc also like. she knows the state of my heart. both from the pov of having known about the whole thing with her son earlier and from going #through similar herself at a similar age. so i can talk to her about general emotional stuff as well as the eating problems - maybe if i ge #brave id also be like o yea and talking to your son i prioritised during conference over eating so i barely ate all week - and maybe also #the suicidal/sh bit to it too. i don't know. maybe. i kinda want to tell her. ive considered confiding in her before. but i don't know #life is hard and people is hard and i just #oh you know the drill. the usual breakdown. gosh i disgust myself #tw ed #tw sh #tw suicide #personal #puddleglum hours #it sure ain't that i don't get joy out of life. just. yeah. i dunno

[mantisgodsdomain]

Winning a prize personally by being someone's "well, this trope isn't usually my style, but i know this author is Really Good at writing so i'll check it out anyways" author

#we speak #if you are the person we're talking about here: points at u. <3<3<3 #at some point we will post works that are slightly more fluffy #but unfortunately you will have to deal with the fact that we fucking love morally dubious idiots and we also fucking love Situations #at all times we are looking between our works where bad things happen and our works where its just a passive Emotion Swirl #and then picking Bad Things Happen bc we think its fun #eventually we will get around to fluffier stuff we're just allergic to not swirling in a few bonus emotions #we are sorry but we have tried! we cannot write straight fluff. we need smth extra to make it interesting #otherwise our brain simply Does Not latch on #we salute the brave fluff makers out there for being capable of creating straight up fluff its not generally our style and we dont know #how to make it #is it really a tender moment if u do not get there through daring ur friend to eat u while still like 50% sure u might die #perhaps with a tiny bit of the impulsive want of “if im going to risk death then its gonna be at the claws of someone i love” #we think not. also bc something something love we find the need to note our vi is Very Aro. this is due to The Aro Anxiety #us writing anything about love: but what if they think its... ROMANTIC??? oh gods the horrors the horrors #that said we do not think team snakemouths relationship fits into any relationship definition #and if we ever write a relationship chart for whatever reason their dynamic will be listed as “team snakemouth” #right next to mothiva and zasps “in love and incapable of not being weird abt it” and levi and celias “married (immigration purposes)" #they sure are team snakemouth. people look at them and go “thats team snakemouth all right”. #you could ask thirty different people and get thirty different answers as to their relationship and they would all be wrong #anyways. we've derailed somewhat. we are part of the *checks* #...77.1% of the whump community that is aspec and we like to do funky fresh pain things #alas it is one of the many things that must be tolerated about us and our writing. however if u follow us ur probably fine #we are most obnoxious on our tumblr blog where u have to choose to enter bc we are secure in the knowledge that u can leave at any time #we dont need to tone ourself down here! theres a bunch of buttons u can use to choose our volume for urself! its fucking great! #gods we love being obnoxious on the internet it is SO much fun. more people should do this #its also fun to post things abt fics that we may not finish for months at a time. we love to do that #we will get around to all of our works eventually but the wait will be Long. in the meantime u get to see us talking abt how cool we are

[godofsmallthings]

as karma for participating in the toe vs toë drama i have hurt my actual toe :(

#it got slammed in a door and now i have a blood blister #im being very brave about it #also may and i made a pact that we would get off tumblr until the album release but i couldnt resist the pull #tbh as long as im still teetering on the tightrope of having fun on here it's probably healthy enough right? #idkidkidk #might stay off this weekend #vi is typing...

[camptw1nk]

lots of midnight writing will happen for kurt hes just so good to write when its midnight and my brains wildin out

#i have moved to mobile again tho so no more actual writing rn #may be around to plot for a bit may pass out in 20 seconds who knows #its still Very Warm and im being so brave about it

[muppetsnoopy]

I can't sleep due to the maladies and I had to sneeze so I turned my face into my pillow to muffle it so I wouldn't wake my bf but it was a WET sneeze so now my pillow is damp and yucky and it didn't even matter bcos he woke up anyway and yet somehow we find a way to go on each day.

#im sick and being very brave about it (whining a lot) #but you know what? #even after i woke him by gunking all over our bed he still gave me kisses #maybe thats what its all about. idk #molly speaks

[skrunksthatwunk]

woke up from a dream where i kept breaking into this WASP mom's house and having to hop a bajillion fences to escape and on the last escapade was frantically painting in her kitchen like oohh guys i don't wanna get caught again please we gotta hurry up guysss and immediately churned out three paintings in the span of 3.75 hours, despite not having finished an actual piece of non-fanart in over 3 months (and barely making anything for months and months before that). thank you wasp mom im sorry for breaking into your giant mcmansion while you and the kids were at soccer practice like 5 times

#the other two paintings happened bc i squeezed out wayy too much paint and i am NOT wasting that shit #the second is exactly the kinda thing ive been wantjng to paint for ages but havent been able to #im very glad to have unstuck myself even if only briefly. i was really upset about it #also i listened to the jack stauber opal soundtrack like 4 times while making this. which isnt hard bc its short but still #its been in my head #one of the other paintings is about being salmacian <3 but tumblr would vaporize me if i posted it so ur not seeing it </3 #maybe #if i get brave enough maybe i will #idk #none of the paintings were that intensive btw thats how i did that so fast. i am. not fast with art really

[mrfoox]

Uh.... Love how.... Instead of gently reassuring me or such whenever I say something really bad about myself Oliver just sigh loudly/grunt and then go to argue against me and finally gently tell me the opposite :')

#miranda talking shit #Me: no one cares about what i think... #Oliver: -loud groan-🙄 ok who said that except you? No one. I care about your opinions. I want to hear what you think #I meam then he went on a little side note to clarify 'oh i dont care that much about hearing it but i want to hear it bc i want to have an #Discussion with you' (very on brand. Cant just say something like caring about someone without adding not like i care after lol) #Hes probably tired of my insecure shit but he still goes so hard every time i say something. Ive said im fat/similar three times and all #Times he took it as an personal attack i honestly love it. Not met anyone who goes through all kinds of tones in one ... Time #Its refreshing. I know ive known him for soon three years but i would say we've only been friends for two #But hes still so refreshing in his way of thinking and talking. I think i like how he's not treating me... Intentionally softer/gently bc #Of how i am or bc of our situation? If he thinks im wrong or say something stupid he'll say so straight up. Im used to people being too #Scared to do that because they know i cry easily or something similar. No he's just like ... I'll say whatever i think. Yet hes also way #Too nice. The amount of patience in that lil guy is big. If i was more brave and gave less shits about what others thinks id tell him this #Stuff. But i know hes not... Good with that sort of things. Technically no one im close with is really lmao. So i just scream lovingly #About them on here. Everyone is so nice to me and its just something i wish i could express clearly to others #Instead id probably ramble and start to cry if i try to put it into words. My heart just big and im luv people thanks