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chillwithnea · 6 months

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𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫: the physical world is a training- + playground and preparing you for your desires you already have experienced in your imagination.

It is showing you who you claim yourself to be and the stories you have told yourself. It‘s not here to f*ck with you but to be a teacher and to give you feedback.

How to navigate and shift? Remind yourself that the 3D isn‘t dangerous and that you‘re not at the mercy of your circumstances. Breathe deeply, come back into your body (feel your legs, feet, hands, arms, torso, back and head as one field of energy) and observe the feelings + thoughts popping up. They have no power, you don‘t have to affirm them away, just allow them to be there. After the storm, coming back to stillness (who you truly are) and feel free to choose your preference.

I‘m writing this also as a reminder to myself. This journey is not about perfection and practicing this & using your power should be fun and not feel like a chore. You‘re stronger and more powerful than you think 🖤

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chillwithnea · 5 months

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urge surfing

“what’s the next step? what should i do” my ego asks.

my heart replies “sit with the pressure, sit with the pressure, sit with the pressure. breathe spaciousness into the chaos, become a loving space, become the calm amidst the storm. give your mind a gentle massage, let it soften, let it melt. the heaviness will lessen, the urges too. the wounds will heal, the noise will be quieter, so that i can work through you.”

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chillwithnea · 4 months

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what if just like emotions and feelings want to be felt, fears just want to be faced?

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chillwithnea · 6 months

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{read on IG @gardenofnea} // 6-7 months ago I started recovery from a ED relapse occured in #southkorea #한국 (nope, it wasn‘t triggered by any beauty standards or external pressure). Nope, I didn‘t post any before pictures or posted my food etc. I didn‘t do any of that bc for me, it would have been validating my eating disorder and „maintaining“ stereo typical thinking but ED‘s go deeper than the surface of physical appearance and controlling one‘s intake, it‘s often about control, stability and security (or better said creating the illusion of it by turning to disordered/harmful behaviors). I relapsed after years of being mostly symptom-free (I truly reached a point of food freedom and I haven‘t weighted myself in years + threw out the scale many years ago), not because I hated how I looked or wanting to lose weight but because I was on my own in a completely different country with no plan except for knowing a direction & unconsciously (at first) started to turn back to old behaviors to feel a sense of security and control. My life there was very spontaneously & I wanted to go there not only bc I like Korean culture but also to challenge myself - trust, faith and surrender are still my biggest ones, so I wanted to see how much I trust myself by moving to another country completely on my own only with a bunch of my savings.

Long story short: I had to come back after ~4 months for health reasons and this photo is a recent one; no, I don‘t show off my body or how much + I what I eat, I show that I‘m alive, that I went through hell and back + that I feel like a newborn starting my life fresh leaving the past and old false stories behind and forgive A LOT. I’m currently in the biggest transistioning period of my life. My ED was my door opener to spirituality and myself. Without it I would‘ve never gone beyond the surface and discover who I truly am - a spiritual being having a temporary human experience.

Since I want to live shame-free, here‘s a confession: I haven‘t had a „real“ job since April and focused mainly on my recovery, (mental) health and wellbeing & I don‘t need to explain myself nor am I willing to do so. It‘s okay and everything will work out (I can always access my desires through my sixth sense, my imagination) & all fears, pain and discomfort are here to be felt, so they can be processed and leave our systems. Life after ED is possible and you‘re not bound to one identity, especially not a false one - your true self is formless and you can play any character you want to be (I‘m practicing and reminding myself of that too 😛)

༝༚༝༚

Tired of seeking & searching? Check out my „Access Your Inner Wisdom“ meditation incl. meditation guide 🧚🏼

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