#if theres no hope then . what is the point

[catmask]

sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.

#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation #but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces #or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or #be capable of engaging with #not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read #so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time #was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well #txt #scratchpost

[collieii]

one line in trimax that's always stuck with me is from chapter 65, right after wolfwood's death. when vash is sticking the punisher by his grave and he says "it was part of his life". that phrasing is so interesting to me. the neutrality of it is one thing that gets me, i think. it was part of his life. for better or worse, whatever it was, the punisher was wolfwood's.

It's pretty easy to think that the punisher might represent violence, the eye of michael, the role of assassin that was forced onto wolfwood, the loss of childhood. but it's not really presented that way, not overtly anyways. we never see wolfwood shun the punisher, he's not conflicted by his use of it. he never considers abandoning it for some other weapon. it's his weapon. he doesn't discard it when he eventually decides to take a more vash-like approach and actually let people live. he pretty easily accepts it as his own, a tool he can use. (to be fair, at least part of that is probably because the punisher is a very good gun.)

the punisher can still represent the harsher aspects of wolfwood's character, the violence he's committed, that he's capable of. that's an important part of his life! and the idea of it as representative of his violent adolescence, childhood that was stripped away, goes along with this - it's literally a cross to bear. but besides showing his past as a burden, i think of the punisher as being a cross of responsibility. when you have a gun you have power, agency - you have a responsibility to make a choice. that's what wolfwood tells vash in chapter 4.

the ability to take a life, the burden of it, is literally his cross to bear. that ability - and that responsibility - was given to him by the eom, literally in terms of the gun, and in terms of his skills. but the eye doesn't think twice about killing people. for them it's not really a choice, a responsibility, it's just a given. but wolfwood can't accept that. he's constantly considering the choices he makes.

so the punisher isn't only a symbol of the eye of michael, of the path that he was forced onto. it's also a way of expressing autonomy. the eye gave wolfwood the gun, but he decides how to use it and what it means. for much of the story wolfwood struggles to decide what to do, he's a very conflicted character. but eventually he resolves to use it against chapel, against knives, to help vash, and protect the orphanage. the gun gives him agency.

so the punisher was part of his life. it was the tool that he used to commit acts of violence, acts that he was forced into, but also the tool he used to break free.

it's heavy for vash, too. he's not exempt from that idea, the idea of responsibility. as wolfwood said much earlier in the story, vash has always been able to sidestep the question of "what do i choose?", because he's only ever given himself one option - everybody lives. and he's always succeeded. but as wolfwood says, "the day will come when you'll have to choose". one day, it's not going to work.

and of course the story progresses, the stakes ramp up, and vash learns more, goes through more, and is pushed to his limits. i think by this point, by wolfwood's death, and maybe because of it, vash has realized that he might have to make that difficult choice in the near future. that's one reason why he wants to "do him proud". he has a lot of reasons to say this of course - to not let wolfwood's sacrifice go to waste, for example. but if we're thinking of the cross as responsibility, then vash is saying he doesn't want to forget the lessons he learned because of wolfwood. wolfwood has always grappled with responsibility, with what the right thing to do is. and the right thing is often not easy. vash hopes that when the times comes for him to make a choice, he'll make a good one, one that does right by wolfwood's memory.

#trigun #trigun maximum #vash the stampede #trigun meta #trigun analysis #i have another post in my drafts abt wolfwood and autonomy so theres some stuff im not getting into but stay tuned #i hope this makes sense...the whole it was part of his life thing...it gets me for some reason #this is just me trying to articulate why #hopefully what im saying isnt too obvious and is actually insightful #this whole post was inspired by one of my art history classes #we were talking abt some of betye saars works and my prof mentioned the idea of weapons as symbolic of power and agency #so ofc i had to apply that to trigun #at that point i was only thinking of the punisher as 'eom = bad' but that just didnt feel right #so then guns...agency...it all came together #seems obvious in hindsight but i just didnt realize #too hung up on guns as violence and violence is bad #but obviously it's more than that #.lieii #.lieii txt #nicholas d. wolfwood #i just realized how long this post is uh sorry guys #i may have repeated myself too much with this one hopefully it's still legible #take a shot everytime i use the word agency or choice in this post #trimax spoilers

[skunkes]

another thing i love about dungeon meshi along with how theres adequate time given to every character that matters! Is that like. Along with no "every single character in supporting cast gets put on the backburner in favor of MC / other character development" is that theres also no "god these characters are all so boring except that one guy who is tragic and compelling" bc they all have the same capacity for compelling tragedy (and such).

And it also doesn't feel like when ppl tack on as much Bad Things onto a characters life just to emphasize tragedy or hardship... Theres a good balance in each of em. The recent leaked izutsumi dark lore implication drop wasn't even in the main story and it doesnt feel like that quirky "i love torturing my ocs! 🤪🤪🤪🤪 (Literally just throwing everything into one pot)" sentiment i see here often if that makes sense. It doesn't feel Edgy ykwim

#i cld never do this. fully balancing individual characters alone is hard enough #but padding out individual characters with hardships that can sometimes parallel each other #or make you have to Think about it further in a show not tell way #WITHOUT also making you roll your eyes because of how edgy it is but instead giving enough for adequate enjoyment #regardless of which character u fixate on. is really good #that was my point ykwim. im here fixated on thistles tragedy because well. but its not bc he's my only option #i guess thats also the wonder of it like I can really only write from what I know (or experience thru others experiences) #so having a variety of characters #that draw in intrigue from different people in the same cast is so #i hope that makes sense? #OH WAIT MY TAGS CUT OFF #its so amazing like theres smthng there for everyone #talkys

[unexpectedbrickattack]

Some (scary, Huge) fake peppi sketches i managed to get out recently

Ramblings under the cut heehee

Wanted to emphasize his HUGE and Hulking body. Hes got Similar movesets to the ingame fake peppino, but theyre fundamentally very Peppino-esque; he is strength and speed based just like Peppino instead of being (primarily) unpredictable and speedy. Thinking of the grab still being one handed but its more like him grabbing Peppinos shirt/body, and immediately chucking him against the wall (similar to peppinos two-armed grab)

The shouldercheck that Peppino does is mimicked with Fake Peppino using his hand as a mace/heavy weighted head weapon.

Runs up the wall on all fours instead of the regular run he does ingame (similar to Peppino using his hands to help with wall climbing)

He is INCREDIBLY loud and shrill during this fight; his voice echoes over itself and its very fast and unintelligible. Hes got very loud and nervous laughter bubbling up alongside the shrill screaming so its just NOT a fun time for Peppino at all.

He is normally very docile, but bc of some hcs I have wrt to him and pizzahead (and the tower overall), he is EXTREMELY stressed out and out of control when Peppino goes through his boss gate. Once he gets his ass handed to him AND he exhausts himself w the chase sequence, Fake Peppino is calmed down enough to think rationally again. And he has decided that Fighting Sucks and he would much rather just keep making pizzas lmao

(yoinking this from discord bc i do Not want to paraphrase lmao)

[I make my peppino SO hulking despite being short so i wanted to convey that same kind of Hugeness but like, if he had the extra height to go along w it Like peppino throws his weight around so i wanted fake peppino to do the same; hes very fast but also incredibly destructive and brutish]

[Im trying to find the best way to put it but like. In the same way getting angry gets u worked up and ur face gets hot and ur heart starts pumpin, the same thing will happen to fake peppino, only it translates into his body starting to bubble up and boil. Which looks AWFUL and it FEELS awful and it further aggravates him when hes burning up and falling apart So he will escalate very fast and essentially go blind w rage until he either passes out or gets knocked out]

[I want him to be a somewhat close parallel to peppino; act first think later. Everything makes him emotional and just like peppino, it will build up out of control very fast, and make him blow up in anger before he can think of a better way to handle it]

[ALSO wrt to fake peppino fighting i want the direction to be less ‘oh that is a weird freaking thing’ and more like ‘that a scary huge monster what the fuck IS that’ Like he makes the ground shake in his own pizzeria when hes chasing after peppino like hes throwing his weight around in such a way that makes him feel like the tank from left 4 dead. Big mans. Charges after peppino, misses; and where peppino would just bonk the wall, fake peppino makes a crater in the wall before shaking off the debris]

[hes not really throwing temper tantrums hes like. JUST as emotional and unable to ‘mask’ as peppino is but he does not have the 40+ years that peppino had to at least have the awareness to be ‘im destroying my own home’]

[I feel like. He is just as fast and strong as peppino, the difference being that peppino has Self Restraint, even if its not Alot And body limitations like breaking limbs n such, but fake peppino does not have that hindrance]

[He and peppino arent like emotionally unstable they are just incredibly volatile when under immense stress. Like most people!! Peppino is just under maximum stress 24/7 and fake peppi is a brand spankin new peppino that finds everything raw and stressful

(From a tagentially related convo)

[hes got a weirdass hobbled together nervous system (since u always see those nervous system diagrams laid out w a floating brain lol)

Its very human like but also inconsistent in some places ie he can feel pain but not All the time. The human body is very VERY complex and theres so many things working together to make shit happen. A nervous system but no bones to help hold it up and send it through the body; its floating in doughy goop ALL the time. His skin isnt Real skin so it doesnt have the same kind of like. Setup to easily receive pain and touch overall. Stretching his body out makes it hard to actually access the nerves so hes often unaware of Pain. But he can Feel things happen. I dunno]

[(responding to the idea of Fake Peppino getting hit with something blunt vs getting impaled or stabbed and grazing his nervous system)

[YES its like literally hitting a raw exposed nerve. The same pain youd get from a fucked up tooth i think however, if u managed to do that his instinct to protect himself would go haywire and hed literally try to maim you or die trying. He has no built in shock response to extreme pain like a normal human does]

#pizza tower #fake peppino #body horror #arts #no rambly tags bc i have a FLIGHT to catch i am going HOME #but i hope the rambling under the readmore helps :) #i guess i would add that he has only fought aggressive clones up until this point #and its not until AFTER the fight that hes like 'oh i think. i think that was a human. thats the human that that weird pizza showed me..... #so he went absolutely apeshit on what he thought was an unusually smart clone #hey being a big brute usually works on them lol #scares them away from his shop and from scaring potential customers #gotta go right now so um #if theres spelling/grammatical errors. no there isnt.

[toxooz]

Gunna finally try out coloring on this mf tomorrow pray 4 me yawll

#ive discovered theres an ugly phase that i do not know is permissible on real feeling skin pffft but if it is??? its smooth sailin #if not??? oh no #ill do more research #leopard #honestly seeing my 'im super picky abt what art to put on my body i wish i could just tattoo myself'' slowly coming to fruition is reeeeeee #i just hope im not a pussy but if i can successfully tattoo myself OOO LORD imma do as many as i can reach myself #and honestly??? imma probably get dome ocs on me too bc at this point theyre too much of a consistent major part of my life not to lmfao #tattoo #lineart

[b4kuch1n]

whoever told the writers vietnam uses the US dollar was fully lying btw

#sherlock and co #this case. hurts me. ngl I am just..... not into it #like. idk it feels kinda foolish to have put so much work into figuring things out around it now #theres like a certain point where I just kinda have to step back and acknowledge that no this show's. not what I hoped it'd be #Im gonna be doing the ''it's not at all a bad show it's just white'' routine for a Long time lmao but yeah just. it all comes down in time #well. I have to... get a few calls in. pull out of an event. shouldve caught up before I signed up lmao that's my fault #also for the record you exchange money at the airport when you arrive and no storefront takes foreign currency randomly #source: I am vietnamese and live in vietnam

[beaulesbian]

Trigun Stampede || episode 4

bonus: Wolfwood, just a few moment earlier, pointing out how there are bones on the floor, making Vash (and the others) notice it too

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #vashwood #trigunedit #mine #gif:trigun #mashwood #bc of the last gif... look at wolfwood chuckling bc of meryl lol their dynamics are everything #i just love this episode so much #theres so much subtle character and background work setting done #all around wolfwood and him and zazie organizing this whole thing to gain vash's trust #but at the same time roberto pointing out to vash (and audience) not to blindly trust wolfwood #and then about the contrast between vash and wolfwood's beliefs #and it was one of the subtle hints to show how vash is so smart and perceptive #both about his surroundings as well as the ppl around him #(and ofc about enforcing his view on saving everyone and not losing hope!) #he knows more than he lets on but keeps it to himself bc whats the point otherwise right.. he cant change the course of whats about to #happen anyway #at the same time when wolfwood and vash get out of the whale lizard thing ( i forgot the name for it) theres few moments where wolfwood is #genuinely worried for vash when he sees he wants to get back to find meryl and roberto.. and since then he starts to see who vash rlly is #im feeling so normal about them all OTL

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 738: Towards to scorching hot stage!!

Pag 1

The climax of the training camp arc!!

Pag 2

The incandescent battle is starting!!

Sohoku, towards the Inter High!!

Pag 3

4: It's so hot

It's so hot suddenly!!

I can't do this anymore, I'll take a two hours break

I'm your buddy, so I'l also take a two hours break!!

5: The weather on the third day of training camp....

Pag 4

1: is scorching hot

Pag 5

3: Kakaka it's pouring out!!

Pouring out!!

5: Sweat!!

Pag 6

1: Finding shade and running like this seriously exhausts our stamina!!

2: Yeah!!

5: Murakamii!!

Pag 7

1: Yessir!

3: Thanks!!

Thank you!!

Pag 8

1: Kaa....!! Cold water feels so good...!!

Hyaaa.... it works..!!

2: The standard spots to pour water on yourself are face, head, and back, Onoda-kun

Putting it in yous stomach also feels so good, but

3: In one shot you'll upset your stomach and then a toilet hell will await you

O-okay!! Scary...

4: Alright, we're refreshed!! Let's raise the pace again, Onoda-kun!!

Okay!!

Pag 9

1: Naruko-san....

3: Incredible... the senpais aren't taking a break and keep running

Despite how hot it is...

4: By the way, have you noticed?

Huh?

Their jerseys

5: Since this training camp started, the senpais

6: have been wearing long-sleeved jerseys

Pag 10

1: Why!? Ah! It's true, Imaizumi-san... and Kaburagi-san too

They should just take it off, since it's so hot

2: Is it a way of training?

Like carrying a burden to power up?

A heavy burden

3: I'm sorry... my left knee hurts

Is that so?

4: I was overly optimistic... I thought that if I did a good job.... and succeed in this training camp, then I'd be one of the six members

But....

5: To overcome everything and keep fighting, you need physical preparation

6: Just being cunning won't open the way

7: I understand, I accept your retiring

But

Pag 11

1: You'll work behind the scenes for the last two days

There's a lot of work to do behind the scenes, and this time you'll do it with all your strength!!

3: If you want to become stronger, you have to study and watch other run, too

Observe, discover. There are things you can only discover when you're not pedaling

4: Not a single second is a moment you can't learn!!

5: It might be the first time I meet such an intense senpai...

“Learn”.... Naruko-san....

6: I want to become stronger, I'll do my best

Let's add ice

7: The jerseys have a meaning too, I'm sure

It's not just a careless burden

Pag 12

1: There's something!!

Human bodis have the ability to adapt

2: From spring to summer

3: From autumn to winter, we meet seasonal changes and adapt

We do it two times a year

4: The body naturally creates its own system to face the hot and cold according to the climate

5: Just like during summer the leaves grow green and thickly

6: While during winter the leaves fall

7: You can't see it with your eyes, bt our skin, bones, sweat glands, and muscles, go through dramatic changes

Pag 13

1: The proof is that, during summer, 10° are so cold you feel like freezing, but during winter it feels warm

2: To force that adaptation faster, that's the meaning of these long-sleeved jerseys!!

3: Adapting takes time. So we're adapting to heat earlier to prepare for the summer Inter High!! Our bodies too!!

4: Yeah!!

5: After all, this year's summer is gonna be our third Inter High!!

Pag 16

3: Kyushu, Kumamoto Prefecture, Mount Aso

Pag 17

1: Do you know? A long time ago.... they say that here, as far as your eyes could see, there was a hugh volcano surrounding this scenery

2: Huh, really?

When humans still hunted with stone tools

3: There were four big explosions and the mountain collapsed in the magma pit

4: With a diameter of 25km, it's the largest caldera in the world.... and it made this outer rim of the crater

So, the cities, roads, and fields we can see from here, inside the muntain?

Yeah

Pag 18

1: I can feel it, somehow....

The breath of the earth

2: With my whole body... yon!!

3: Fou!! Really!? I can only see this huge scenery....

!! No, I can feel it...!! Fou

Pag 19

1: This splendid scenery and steep slopes

2: This magnificent nature

3: An unpaved side road that appears from time to time

4: We came to.... inspect the race's course

5: and chose a “road bike”, but

6: Ah!! I get it!! I was thinking about it now!!

7: I wish we had bought our “mountain bikes”, yon!!

Fou!!

There's so many roads that make me want to run!!

I totally get that!!

Pag 20

1: Our third and last Inter High will be in the scorching hot Kyushu!! In the “land of fire”, Kumamoto

2: Mount Aso

Pag 21

1: will be our stage!!

Pag 22

1: It's gonna be a hot one, this Inter High!!

2: It's burning up

3: Our final last stage

Pag 23

1: Red like magma!!

2: Challenge!! The last Inter High!!

Yes!!

Yeah!!

Pag 24

2: At CSP, Sohoku High School racing team's training camp is 3 / 4 done

Everyone is riding at their buddy's pace

3: Many of the first and second years retired, but even so, the third day ended without any incident

4: Currently, there are 8 people in the top ranking who could be chosen as Inter High members

There's only the last day

5: The fourth day

#yowamushi pedal #yowamushi pedal translations #yowapeda #yowapeda manga #yowamushi pedal manga #yowamushi pedal spoilers #ride 738 #helloooo we're baaaack!!! god how i've missed yowapeda :') i was forgetting who i am without it for the past 3 weeks #i hope sensei had a good rest tho! just like i did lmao #anyway! literally nothing happens in this chapter lmao but!! gotta love the way sensei makes Kiji show up even when theres no need #he's showing up more than manami and midosuji at this point xD sensei created him and decided he never wanted to let him go #and honestly??? yes yes sensei pls keep going we love to see it we're also very much in love with Kiji Kyuui thank you #if you ever doubted that kiji will have a great role in the ih then think again bc watanabe will show him more than he'll show sohoku #the spotlight is all his #btw i also love what naruko said to murakami! nothing better than to see our boys act like the senpai they now are! #i loved how he basically said 'you have to practice you cant just be a little shit and hope for the best' lmao #(btw i know i have some asks and messages i still havent replied to! but i havent been home and tbh i havent been on tumblr much #but i promise ill reply to everything tomorrow!)

[martyrbat]

[ID: an uncoloured drawing for a panel next to the publicized version. They're both from the comic Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #194. In them, Batman is shown from the waist up. He's looking at Jim Gordon, who's off panel, with a penitent expression after being accused of something he secretly did do. He has his palm pressed against his chest and is blocking the bat emblem as his other hand is clasped ontop of it. In the initial drawing, there's a halo floating above his head as well as several tiny hearts mixed in with the lights that surround him. In the publicized panel, the hearts and halo has been removed and two speech bubbles have been added. He's in front of a terra rose background and is starting to say, “Jim, I don't even know what you're...” But Jim cuts him off, saying, “Stop it. I'm tired of this.”

The third photo is a description of the drawing from the artist's (Seth Fisher) website. It reads: This is another page that the DC editors changed: no halos or hearts around Batman, no matter how (disingenuously) contrite he is. In the final edition, the halo and heart in the center bottom frame have been excised.]

#happy sad boy sunday !!! #this counts because he's getting broken up with and because im sad bc they removed the halo and hearts #included the link to the website on the word too :3 in case any of u wanted to see his unpublished work too #deleting a big ol rant that no one cares about but basically: #hate seeing how much creativity and personality gets edited and removed despite it being the artist's job & how you have rememberable #and remarkable art. i get the editors got an important job but at the same time at what point do you allow art and personality to exist #just to make comics more fun to read/look at instead of basing everything on a capitalistic stoic reputation that #youre responsible for creating?? turning batman into a symbol of unwavering compassion and empathy and the reminder theres always stars #even on the darkest night if you remember to look up. him going from being a symbol of hope and humanity to being a character #that cant fucking have a heart or visual compassion out of fear they cant market him more or ruin that fragile reputation. #they make editing decisions based on it as a product instead of it as a character/story or an artform and god does it show. #happy sad boy sunday bc shutting down artistic freedom and expressionism for capitalistic reasonings is making me want to shoot myself 🥰🥰 #c: batman: legends of the dark knight | i: 194 #crypt's panels #batman #posts from the crypt

[sparring-spirals]

oh. so. this dream and this vision and this exchange after and everything that has been building to here.

All that rage, all that desperation, Imogen's knowledge that Liliana's judgement is flawed and searching for any reason to understand, searching for a way to bring her out of it. Bring her back.

"Show me" and she does and.

Its- beautiful, its wonderful. Its the unmaking of the world and of history and it feels- so good. For a moment Imogen feels something she hasn't for YEARS. A life and a possibility and a future full of peace she hasnt had for ages, hasnt even bothered hoping for. For a moment, Imogen sees it, but more importantly- she feels it- the freedom, the peace, the dream. Stronger than any vision. She sees it. She feels it.

And she wakes up, and she- unknowingly, perfectly, mirrors her own mothers words, looks around, asks- did you see it? Did you all see that? (I wish you all could see what I could see-)

They didn't- of course they didn't. They saw Liliana, too far gone, spouting nonsense, they saw her reach out, they saw the refusal to listen to reason. They did not see the vision. (They couldn't have. Even if they'd seen it- would they have understood? How could they? No beautiful vision would have captured the thing that left the awe in Imogen's lungs- the peace. The freedom. The finality of, finally, finally, being free of this gift that has only been a curse.)

They didn't see the vision. They saw their friend, tapped on the forehead after hopeless pleas. They've been seeing their friend make further and further excuses for someone they know is a danger, someone siding with people they are working so hard against. That has hurt them. They've seen the way she can't quite denounce Liliana. They've hedged around it: If she's not on our side, will you be okay- You know if she's not on our side, we'll have to-

They've been watching. They're seeing plenty. They did not see the vision. They couldn't have.

They saw a fruitless conversation. They saw their friend rebuffed by someone she loves. They saw her wake up with a strange kind of light in her eyes and- say.

What if its not so bad? (The world ending. Half of the world being eaten. Innocent lives lost. Our loved ones cut down for a fever dream and delusions of power and grandeur. Us, cut down, for some stupid plot for a moon and petty revenge against the gods and a desire to end the world.) They've been watching her, make halfhearted arguments, sidle away. Make increasingly desperate excuses. Ask: What if.

(Its so easy to ask, what if. Its so dangerous. Sometimes the if is used to hide away lives and lives of collateral, of blood red loss. Sometimes the if has already been answered and paid for, and the act of asking is its own form of violence, all over again.)

"Well Imogen, I wish my family didn't have to die for her brighter tomorrow."

And the way Imogen collapses, a little- presses her face into her hands and crumples under the weight of the reminder, like voices piling in after weeks of being in blissful quiet in a forest. Like reality breaking in after a beautiful dream. "You're right. I'm sorry. You're right."

"I swear, I wanna see this through, I do."

"She just presented this vision of- it didn't seem so bad."

And the Bells try to help, to be kind. They say: We understand why this must be hard for you. She's someone you love, its hard to deal with them thinking a different way. What did you see?

They are trying so hard, to reason through it, to balance their own hurt with kindness and sound arguments to lead her back. They want so badly, to lead her back. Have her back.

The problem however, is not the soundness of the argument, is not the reason or the logic- but the overwhelming allure of that sensation- of that promise- of the hope- of the ideal. Of a mirage that already drew Liliana in. That is pulling Imogen's gaze, despite. Despite, despite, despite.

Hope is such a tricky thing to kill.

#okay theres like three metas here i kind of wanted to write but it turned into one frankenstein one bc i need to sleep #critical role #c3e49 #cr liveblogging #character meta #imogen temult #bell's hells #liliana temult #the three things here are something like: imigen is compromised in the way the trope of duty bound people going 'im compromised' when they #love someone- THIS is that THIS is the compromise in judgement #2 is that all discussion about flawed reasoning is- not the point. so wholly not the point. imogen is not chasing the reasoning. neither is #liliana. imogen and liliana and probably others have the sensation- have the hope- have the mirage- have a promise (they cant have) #the reasoning twists itself from there. this is how cults work! this is how like! irl dangerous idealogies work! this is why something #technically making sense CANNOT BE ENOUGH FOR A PERSON TO FALL IN LINE bc humans can reason /anything/ if the purpose is strong enough #imogen KNOWS the reasoning isnt sound. shes not convinced by the reasoning. shes hoping and her reasoning is being swayed bc of it. #she apologizes to orym. shes caught up in a sensation #3 is that the bells are so worried and i havw so many feelings about it bc they want to help her they want her to see reason #but theyre so short on time. and this hurts /them/ too. to need to defend this. explain this. at a point they need to prioritize themselves #the mission. their own emotional comfort. they need to know when- when is a lost cause and when isnt. theyve already been worried. at a #certain point- what can you do? this has nothing to do with reason. if emotional appeals wont work- what can you do. #uagahaguagahaghghgg #okay i need to sleep #im going to continue yelling tomorrow and then finish watching this convo and watch the ashton laud convo and YELL MORE #imogen meta #my meta #speculation

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

dear future me, Please remember to write the metamorphosis fic and title it ~✨the yassification of howdy pillar✨~

#sparkle emojis and everything thank you #ill jot down some scene ideas for your Ease of Use #and hope that you rediscover this post at some point #i cant trust our absolutely shit memory to Remember this concept later on #who knows what other shenanigans will unfold #absolutely unprompted #but i can trust that you will want to take a trip down memory lane and look at the fuckery past you has posted #so hi. hope you're well. i hope you're Somewhere Else and maybe even Happy <3 #please write this. please. im not guilt tripping you we hate that #but please. for me. & for the niche group of people who would read it and Enjoy #look into letti's eyes and find motivation. also look through your docs theres probably an idea file #i'll also leave you a lil present just click on the section labeled A Present For Future Me <3

[hersweetrevenge]

rohan campbell as corey cunningham [X]

#corey cunningham #rohan campbell #when i tell you this clip makes me silly stupid i mean it #theres something about him that's just so *ahhhhhhh* #he's so well built. like broad shoulders and broad hips. the hint of a tummy. his fucking pecs ?!?! #i know this is technically rohan because it's behind the scenes #but this is pre accident corey to me. the pouty lip. the breath in when he closes his eyes. ugh. #the reserved emotion of it while still showing enough on his face for it to feel intrusive to look at him #literally moments before disaster. corey who goes home every day to joan but still has hope. had hope. #plus. every day i mourn not being able to find that tshirt anywhere #i *think* the track jacket might be vintage irl ?? based on what they say in the ends commentary #but the t shirt !! man idk it feels like i should be able to buy it off a rack in a supermarket (which i guess is the whole point)

[luna-lovegreat]

I am resisting. SO HARD. The urge to stay up until one am and write fifteen different Lu analysis posts because I NEED SLEEP but there's SO MUCH and SO MANY DETAILS and I need to rant about these things but sleep??!!!!!!!!!

#LEGEND AND WILD HAVE A VERY CARING RELATIONSHIP THAT WE CAN TRACE BACK TO WHEN IT STARTED #AND THERES SO MANY EXAMPLES OF HE AND LEGEND LITERALLY JUST VERBALLY UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER #AND DINK #DINK ONLY CURSES HIS BLADE SOMETIMES #AND ITS AN EXTREMELY PREDICTABLE PATTERN #AND HES ACTUALLY JUST TOYING WITH THEM TILL HES PISSED #BUT THEYRE BOT ALWAYS IN DANGER FROM THE BLADE #AND I DONT HAVE ZELDA ENCYCLOPIDUA BUT #JOJO MENTIONED DRAWING INSPORATION FROM IT AT SOME POINT AND I HAVE #QUESTIONS!!!!! #AND IVE NOTICED LIKE FIFTEEN MORE PARRARELLES BETWEEN COMIC AND GAMES #AND I REALLY THINK/HOPE WELL SEE SUN SOON #AND DINKS COMING FOR WILD NEXT #IN WHAT FORM????? #AND I THINK HES UNDERESTIMATING WIND #AND I REALLY WANT WIND TO STAB HIS HEAD IN #AND THERES LITERALLY SO MUCH IMAGERY CONCERNIJG SKY AND WARS AND TWI #AND AND AND #AND #forget it I'm going to sleep #but you'll hear from me soon #AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH #Lu

[nanatsuyu]

what makes you like kandrew so much?? what drawns you to them??

(not trying to sound rude or condescending or anything im just curious lol)

I really adore characters that bite and snarl at each other for the purpose of enrichment in their respective enclosures.

On a more serious note lol—other than the fact that I have A Type when it comes to pairings (davekat, edxizzy, amberprice, etc), I enjoy characters that have somewhat of an unhealthy codependency on one another. Which is the extremely general way of putting it. I like characters that are kind of doomed to the narrative to never really be sated by what the world has to offer, but their person makes up for that (not that they always recognize it as such or that it's entirely positive or sometimes even completely mutual). And I don't mean doomed in a "never amount to anything" way, but in that bittersweet tone where both of these characters, wherever they fall into each other on the timeline, are at a place where their lows sync up, and that harmonizing rattles something to the perceived tune of "we're the best we're ever going to get". Again, that's all really general for the vibes of why I was drawn to them. There's a bit more nuance for them (and the other pairings ofc).

I like that they have a deal that encompasses both of them trying to push the other into being a better version of themselves but they're both too stubborn/scared to move first because realised potential means you have to recognise it too. Kevin can't expect Andrew to try his best when he himself is not, and Andrew can't expect Kevin to show him his worth* if he doesn't bother to try in the first place. (Though I know their deal was labelled more as moriyama protection for Kevin, I think that kind of encompassed the idea that Andrew would be a crutch till Kevin could stand on his own if that makes sense)

Not to quote the ec but it's one of like 3 parts I would willingly print and eat:

Andrew is the kind of character I adore because he says this and he really genuinely means it. Keeping what little he has left of himself is a last ditch self preservation tactic because he can't get hurt if he has no hopes/expectations/aspirations. No one can let him down if he doesn't let them. But he's so wonderfully flawed in his own ruleset because he keeps doing just that in the hopes that maybe someone will be different this time . Like maybe this time someone will be right when they say he's worth it** like maybe Kevin is right and he can make Andrew see what he's been refusing himself.

I also love that their deal extends far past the deal itself. In the most basic of terms, it was: 'you go, I'll go.' Andrew didn't have to trust Kevin beyond that. But he gave Kevin his meds and trusted him not to abuse that. Kevin had even already promised to help him figure out a way to wean off them before if they could earlier (and I genuinely think his fear of Andrew getting off his meds early was both a kneejerk 'the game/my safety' reaction because Kevin has a lot riding on this semester too, but also because he knows he made his own promise to Andrew and he thought Andrew coming off his meds early might have been an obstacle even Kevin's stubbornness couldn't hurdle when it came to helping Andrew on his feet after). Likewise I have to imagine that very few people put their trust in Kevin with much of anything outside of Exy given his temperament and wallflower disinterest in team building extra curriculars. So for Andrew to willingly give Kevin his meds to hold onto that he's gotten violent over before probably created a very morbid sense of.. pride, I guess? Like I trust you to hold onto the thing that ruins me is so... clenches fist

There's also this rough handed care that comes with all of that. They're unforgivably honest with each other at the best of times and unnecessarily biting at wounds just to get a genuine reaction at the worst. But then they also have these quiet side/off screen moments that are unyielding in tenderness? Andrew inspecting Kevin's hand for injuries. Kevin covering for Andrew when he's sick on court. Andrew telling Kevin to trust him during a panic attack and that he'll take care of it. Kevin turning his entire attention away from the Raven's to pull Andrew up to his feet. Them smiling at each other first genuinely?? Being idiots on the court with playful mocking shoves that don't get heated?? Like you give me these two characters who make it seem as if their hearts will genuinely stop beating if they stop nipping at each other, and then show me that they're actually wrapped up in one another so tightly that they're rarely seen apart? And are burdened (affectionate) with the task of keeping the other from doing the very thing that drowns themselves?? Okay

Also a looooot of this is from my perspective on Andrew's perspective on Kevin since we're given a lot more to work with, but I genuinely think Andrew was the first to push back at Kevin and make him prove things to Andrew and himself. Kevin had maybe a couple people at most before he fled to the foxes. Like he had nothing other than his name and reputation, good and bad, when he showed up at wymack's door. I can't help but imagine some part of Andrew saw this as amusing but also rather tiresome when it came to seeing Kevin constantly shut away in hiding. He was so loud before, where is all that roar now? When Kevin left Jean, he really left his only friend behind (sorry Thea fans I know she's there I know). So here you have Andrew, offering a deal that becomes this codependency because being out of the nest alone most certainly took its toll for a while, and it sounds too good to be true but most things are. So Kevin snatches it up and then there's the trust in the meds and the constant presence (in the sense of comforting consistency in spite of any disagreements (but abandonment issues kandrew is a whole other post now innit)) and the care and it all looks a lot like what someone might call a friend. And I mean they could both say they're not friends till their dying day but they're the only ones they're still trying to fool.

I just like that they gnaw on the scraps that they snag off one another, these leftover cuts from failed attempts at love and kindness, and act as if they didn't hand the pieces to each other themselves in the bed they share.

—

*Andrew is worth more than his ability to play Exy obviously, but I'm working from the angle that these boys have a very limited vocabulary in how to express that given their upbringings lol ie: my absolute Favourite part of the ec:

Like again I have my hangups with some of the ec but this provides soooo much more context to their beef pre-canon and the history behind Andrew's failed recruitment. Not to mention Aaron internally calls out Andrew for blatantly lying to Kevin when he tells him he doesn't care. (I think Andrew probably holds a certain disdain for Kevin struggling to verbalize how he measures worth and how that might differentiate off the court, because that line between wanting to be told you're worth putting in the effort for versus being told it's because of your latent potential is most likely rather precarious. Shipping goggles on: I imagine wanting to get someone's attention whose love language was built up around Exy is a tad difficult even if Andrew does in fact hear what Kevin's trying to say. I also don't think Kevin's malicious in his inability to truly express that Andrew really could have everything and it's infuriating to watch Andrew self destruct.)

**And for me, this, coupled with the above conversation with Renee, really puts into perspective how agitated Andrew is with Kevin for squandering his potential. He thinks Kevin has zero self preservation skills when it comes to maybe not putting all his balls in the exy basket, but that's also why he's so drawn to him because he has this insatiable drive to live for this one thing? And yet he's not even giving it his all like he's asking of Andrew despite that? It'd be easy to dismiss Kevin's overzealous love of the game as gross infatuation that's bled into Andrew's life, but if he smothers Kevin's drive and doesn't encourage him to be exactly as he sees Kevin, this person who really can achieve these things, what is there for him? He wants Kevin to thrive, but Andrew also wants Kevin to be right and that he can thrive too.

#im sorry anon do you regret your question now lol #im kind of bad with articulating my points sometimes because theres A LOT #like i think how they view themselves and each other is blurred with how others do #and what they tell themselves versus what they themselves can articulate makes it really messy #and thats what i gobvle up about them #theyre messy and mean and have a vice grip in each others collar and constantly demand more #and at the same time theres a certain kind of devotion that comes with promising to be the reason someone wont break thats so #agonizingly tender #kiss with a fist‚ love from the back of a broken hand etc #thanks for coming to my ted talk hope literally any of this made sense #aftg #aftg meta #kandrew #nana asks #otp: did you have fun #i should be sleeping but im thinking about ✨them✨

[majorshatterandhare]

Today I, an aromantic, was getting ready to attend a wedding… with Stranger on repeat.

#the mechanisms #stranger #ttbt2 #i knew what i was doing when i put it on but also i am working on an addtion to my brian-jonny foils post so i was thinking about brian #its always sad brian hours #i cant really read that song separate from him anymore. honestly not sure i ever could but. its just so unconnected from anything else.- #actaea and lyssa is pretty disconnected. but its still almost certainly on the city. alice is pretty disconnected but its a result of- #king cole’s war. the most disconnected songs are redeath. the ignominious demise of dr pilchard. drop dead. hereward the wake. and stranger- #(and frankenstein but i consider that its own thing). and redeath and drop dead are my least favorite mechs songs.dr pilchard i didnt- #really care for for quite a while. stranger has so few words in it. it’s my favorite song. but the story is minimal fron the song (ie w/o- #knowing the crane wife story) so making a story around it sort of makes sense? im having a hard time with the words here. like we expect a- #story. cause that’s what the mechs do. and stranger has a story. it just doesnt have context and so creatong that context for ourselves is- #understandable. to be expected even. hope that makes sense #side note: i think it would make sense for hereward to have been from the same place (system I guess) as the people that made- #fort galfridian. i mean hereward was more of a real person than arthur (since there was no one person arthur was based on. like thats a- #whole thing) and hereward was anglo-dutch. so it makes sense hed be related to that story somehow #its just a theory. obviously. theres nothing in the songs connecting the too as far as im aware. #OH also achilles pointed out to me the anti-amatonormative/aromantic reading of stranger and i liked that a lot #hereward was anglo-danish. not anglo-dutch. sorry danish and dutch people

[mishapen-dear]

genuine question but is there any fandom where a character is well written by the majority. im thinking about fandom culture and the spread of frustration when people dont write characters well but. honestly in all the fandoms ive been in there's only like, a Select number of authors who i trust to write Well, let alone write Well AND In Character. character analysis and writing and getting inside characters' heads are all separate skills (all of which are trained by roleplaying fyi can CONFIRM playing pretend with your friends is good for you). there's been more than once where I've disagreed with an interpretation that others agreed with, and then I turned out wrong. or i turned out right. like it doesnt matter WHO is right it just matters that differences in character analysis exist, so even if you DO write well AND write in character, your in character is still going to be someone else's out of character

there's this sort of. vibe. that to play in the sandbox you Need to be able to make a castle, and if you can't make a castle then you shouldn't bother, and it completely dismisses the idea that youre in that sandbox to PLAY in the first place. there's this Weight of disappointing someone if you can't build something that they like, but that forgets that you aren't there to build them a castle. like, be KIND. if you disagree with someone then please make an effort to do so kindly. i dont give a shit about fandom discourse but there is a reason kids get removed from sandboxes if they keep throwing sand in people's eyes. but if they don't like your misshapen sand pile, then youre not obligated to change it. even if you yourself end up hating that same sand pile later- youre not building a legacy. youre playing. and sometimes the result of that play is out of character drivel. theres a reason there are so many authors and so few who i like to consistently read and thats because everyone is Fucking Around in their hobby space. hash tag brag or whatever but i can build castles. ive built several that im v proud of. ive also dug holes in the sand for fun and then tripped on them when trying to get up. I often dug a hole and then got up and fucking- whoops, its a castle now, and i didn't realize i'd made something to be proud of until after the fact. the whole time while creating shit i was Convinced it was bullshit that didn't make sense. and then other times i was Convinced it was bullshit and then i was Right and i can look back and go. huh. ew. but it doesn't matter what the end result was, because i had fun playing in the sandbox

this wasn't meant to turn into a ramble but i have Feelings about bad art and art that's badly perceived and how public perception can screw with your head and how making art youre proud of is fucking. it's so difficult!!! it's hard!! it's really fun, which is why i try to make it, but i promise you it is Okay to not tryhard creativity. even if you CAN, it's okay not to do it all the time. or ever, even. fuck around find out have fun etc

#NOT a discourse post i am musing out loud #there's discourse goign around the dash rn or i wouldnt mention it #but the past few weeks ive seen a lot of “DONT fucking mischaracterize my guy my fuckign god” #which is one of the most frustrating pet peeve there is #but i think a lot too about little baby me #fresh on her writing journey #and how discouraged i would be if someone pointed out the mistakes id made #i made a Lot of fuckups #and i also think about this one fic where one of the characters was INCREDIBLY out of character #me today would not be able to stomach reading it #but baby me was so ENCHANTED #and it introduced to me the concept that you dont always know the reason someone does something #and it made me read even more #and because of that i eventually found Expert Skill level fics #which introduced me to MANY little tricks and fidgets ive tried to implement #there were so so many reviews on that fic that called it shit or complained about the bad characterization #but a decade later i still think about it #there were several very corny mine/craft horror fics i read #which back in the day would be called cringe #and those were what inspired me to write my first horror fic and now im Enchanted by the whole genre #theres a lot of stuff i dont like to read but i like that other people are enjoying themselves #i dont know how to be succinct i hope my point is coming across well #this ties into my thing where fiction is for you first others later #here are my credentials: bb/h fan since before the elections (hi i was the guy who noticed his lack of armour post elections) #and a cross-fandom comment trend of people going 'woa i can see this happening in canon' #im not talking out my ass i genuinely think its more important to have fun than to write accurate characterization #which. is a more 'duh' and clarifying thing than everything else ive written #but ah well c'est la vie #also also just realized this could be interpreted like that- NOT an attack on people who complain about mischaracterization either lmao #i do that too w friends. this is to reassure people who put pressure on themselves to create things Well all the time