#but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces

[galaxywarp]

your addiction recovery has been a bit of a spark of hope for me. I'm a functional alcoholic. a few people close to me have mentioned that i "drink a bit much", but they dont know the extent. I can still keep up appearances, but the cracks are starting to show. I know alcohol is not as dangerous as the stuff you used to have, but it reassuring to see someone else make that turnaround and how open youve been about the struggle to resist. I feel like I'm either going to fuck everything up or find a way to recover soon. all I know is that the scales are going to weigh one way or the other soon cause they wont stay still much longer

Hey hey hey. First of all. I strongly disagree with the notion that alcohol isn’t as dangerous as drugs. Even the drugs I was on. Even heroin and meth. Let me tell you I was in rehab with dozens and dozens of alcoholics and their stories were just as brutal as mine. Alcoholism kills and the withdrawal is brutal and I just wanna say that first because I don’t want you undermining your own demons in comparison with mine

That aside. I feel you. I really do. I was able to keep the mask on for a long long time when I was using. I still had a job, still graduated college, still kept up appearances well enough that my loved ones didn’t know what was happening until I hit my breaking point and everything started going nuts

It’s a lonely and scary place to be. I’m sorry you’re there right now. But it’s good you recognize it. It’s important that you recognize that there is a problem

Obviously I encourage you to get help and seek recovery but also I know that’s a lot. And I know it took me a long time and a lot of relapses to get here. Remember that too. Relapses happen

I don’t know how much you’re drinking but be careful if you ever plan on going cold turkey. The withdrawal is genuinely dangerous and you may need to either ween yourself or seek medical detox

Thanks for being here. Stay safe

#asks

[lorelaiislatte]

Do you think there's a chance a streaming service will pick ncis:h? I've signed the petition but do we dare to hope? I'm tired of this happening all the time. I just dont understand. It was doing fine in ratings and it's a part of a franchise that keeps getting more spin offs? How that makes sense? Do you know the ratings compared with the others ncis shows? Sorry im asking you but im not from usa and i have no idea how american netwoks work. So sad rn.

okay SO i am also not from the us but have done this dance before sooooo:

1) from what i’ve heard, they were planning to move either another ncis show (i think sydney?) or another cbs show to paramount plus - which they now are no longer doing. in theory yes, this opens up the possibility for ncishi to move over there; in practice, i’m not holding my breath, as typically that negotiation would happen before a cancellation announcement

2) how does it make sense? the honest answer is that it doesn’t. like, it really doesn’t. it’s been holding steady at sixth of 14 cbs shows in the ratings (which is a brilliant number, ensures it’s profitable, and is also impressive for a procedural that’s still relatively new). it’s been beating a LOT of other crime procedurals in viewership and viewer retention, and reviewers have been singing its praises. i think this is why it feels so much as if it’s because they just view this show as less valuable (socially and economically) than their usual white guy cop shows; it’s very difficult to argue that your profitable, successful show is too expensive when you’re flying cast and crews across - or, potentially, internationally to - australia, to continue a less-highly-rated show with no issue.

3) as far as ratings go - ncis hawai’i episodes were pulling in as many as 10 million viewers last year (s2 e10 came in with 10.5 mil, as per variety telecast viewership reports) which has it going toe to toe with the core ncis (seems to pull approx. 8-10mil per episode, via hollywood reporter). for the 18-49 demographic across us series, ncis hawaii is ranking at #13 of #21 as per tvseriesfinale.com - this is significantly above ncis sydney (renewed, #15), and elsbeth (#19, renewed), two other cbs shows, one of which in particular is incredibly expensive. crucially, ncishi has actually increased its viewership, which is VERY difficult to do on a year to year basis. its up by 4.18% among 18 to 49 year olds - for comparison the core NCIS is down 0.83% and fbi international - a competing show - is down by 3.73%. bear in mind that even a single percentage point represents hundreds of thousands of viewers.

i also want to point out that ranking at #13 isn’t strictly representative of viewer numbers, it’s about percentage of viewers that are within that core age bracket. the neighbourhood is ranking at #6, but only pulling in 4.8 million viewers - ncishi is at #13, and pulling in 5.2 million. ncishi pulls in over half a million more viewers than four shows ranked above it in that chart.

so essentially - it doesn’t make sense. from any perspective. it doesn’t make sense from a business perspective (ncis sydney is more expensive to produce and brings in approx. 200k less viewers than ncishi, and ncishi crew had already agreed to a shortened, budget-restrained final season), it doesn’t make sense for a ratings perspective (it continues to outperform many of cbs’ own shows, including ones that have been renewed), it doesn’t make sense from a social perspective (people are loving it, even outside of our fandom spaces).

objectively, it’s a really, really bad move by cbs. i also thought being part of a franchise would be a kind of safety net - fool me once, i guess. all the evidence suggests that they just don’t care enough about ncishi, especially when they’ve got their bullshit white guy ncis origins show, a young sheldon spinoff (?? who asked?) and a plethora of other cookie-cutter shows they can just keep going with. and we can make a pretty educated guess as to why, when the main things that set ncishi apart from the other ncis shows are its diversity and character dynamics

(edit: it was pointed out that people aren’t being flown to sydney from the us, which is true, and bad phrasing on my part - but many are flown across australia at seemingly similar costs to mainland us/hawai’i flights, and i believe not all of the leads are based in australia either, so i’ve updated that bit for clarity. apologies!)

#ncis hawaii #i hope this helps ppl understand a little more! #it’s bullshit. like it’s such unbelievable blatant bullshit #ncis hawai’i

[catmask]

sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.

#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation #but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces #or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or #be capable of engaging with #not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read #so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time #was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well #txt #scratchpost

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

i know im not breaking new ground for saying legend of korra is disappointing but so much of the series is genuinely off putting to me. the setting, the tone, how the narrative tortures korra it feels like

which is a shame because I love korra as a character (even if her writing isn't The best at times). but there are so many aspects of the show I don't like. fuck there's so many characters in the show I dont even like either

#says a lot how even when im not rewatching atla in its entirety i enjoy watching clips of it from time to time or analysis videos on whats #good about the show... #i have not touched TLOK since i watched the show finale when it aired #i cant stand mako. i dont even really like bolin much either #i feel like the biggest aspect of TLOK that holds it back is the fact that it wanted to be more 'mature' #ignoring the fact that the og series -was- quite mature. as in it knew when to take itself seriously! TLOK has a superficial idea of- #-maturity it feels like. like 'ohhh ohhhhh look we showed an airbender do killing isnt that cool!!" what the fuck EVER #I DONT CARE. i dont care when it feels like a slog to get thru the show and when u add things that mess w/ the allure - #- of the og show. I dont WANT to know how the first avatar came to be or why the spirit world exists #THE MYSTIQUE WAS WHAT MADE IT SO APPEALING #THE EXISTENCE OF BENDING WAS EXPLAINED BY PEOPLE OBSERVING NATURE AND IMITATING IT. OR BEING TAUGHT SPECIFIC ANIMALS #NOT BECAUSE OOHH LOOK THE LION TURTLES GAVE IT TO PPL TO TRAVERSE THE SPIRIT WILDS.... lame!! LAME!! #im angrier about this than i need to be lmao #the whole lion turtle thing just sounds like the show runners felt insecure about the finale of the OG series lol

[st4rstudent]

I AGREE its so crazy how zap gags weren't a thing.... like TTCC really popped off with that one! i understand TTR is moreso sticking closer to the way TTO was but WOW zap just feels so natural with a REALLY good mechanic that uses strategy in using squirt and its just so good.... also my favorite track

YEEEPP!! That's how I feel about it. Squirt and zap just mix well together. I also think the addition of an 8th gag track was also a good move, allowing for a nice rotation of combinations (like how lure-trap and throw-drop are together as a combo). And also its a nice even number. I also think it helps utilize squirt, idk just feels good to do in general. Of course, I don't really have anything to compare this to and it's just me speaking as a player of (currently) one server, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

It's my favorite too, zap warriors UNITE!!

#clemask #clemramble #this is also not me hating on tt r either #actually i probably dont have to space that out because this is going to appear in word search anyways but still #i know sometimes there's a little bit of competition (is that what youd call it)? between the two servers. i want it to be stated that #i do not care about server comp. play what you want. who cares. i think both servers have their pros and cons and finding value in what YOU #like is more important than which one is the “”best“”. I think TR does an amazing job of taking TTO and transforming it into something more #while also staying true to the original game. i love the fact it brings some of the old concepts that were originally scrapped or lost #i also like the toon events that they have. like there was the halloween one and if i believe correctly it had a parade in it? #SUPPPERR COOL. i shouldve atleast played a little during that time just to experience it. but to be fair during the school year my #playing in general is toned down a lot. im sure everyone reading this knows how it is #and obviously i like ttcc. it has mac and winn. i mean what who said that.theres a ghost in here.... #and i can understand why people like or dont like each server. they all have pros and cons. but to me its like the two cakes image #sorry i felt the need to clarify bc i know im kindof exclusively a ttcc guy and me going 'ummmm well tt r doesnt have zap' might sound #like im hashtag hating but im not. tt r is awesome ok. i need to try it out one day. #i just really like zap as a gag. like anon stated i think it just really feels natural to the game #that water electric combo does wonders

[sonknuxadow]

i think that sonic would be an earth pony because hes just some guy who's really powerful for no reason and knuckles and amy are also earth ponies. and silver would be a unicorn and rouge would be a bat pony like fluttershy in that one episode. and blaze would be either a unicorn or an alicorn depending on which mlp generations rules we are following. this is what i believe

#hi ive been watching a lot of mlp lately sorry. so im gonna assign sonic characters #mlp species completely unprompted because i can #im not sure about tails tbh #with tails the problem is that like. ok he can fly so youd think he should be a pegasus right #but he can onyl fly because he has two tails and the fact that he has two tails and flies with them is considered weird #so i feel like him just being a pegasus who is supposed to be able to fly would be. not very fitting #but idk what a good alternative would be #i cant decide with shadow either part of me thinks he should be an alicorn because ultimate lifeform #but i also kind of think he should just be a really powerful unicorn. if he was an alicorn though #he would be an alicorn regardless of what generations rules we are following because hes a weird little freak #also charmy would be a flutter pony in g1 and a breezie in the other gens because hes a bee #and cream isnt a bug but she can fly and gives me flutter pony vibes so she'd be a flutter pony in g1 too #she would just be a pegasus in other generations though #ok thats all i cant think of anything else right now. #Also what i meant with the part with blaze is that in g4 onwards where you have to be an alicorn to be a princess #she would be an alicorn. but in older gens where alicorns dont exist and any pony species can be royalty she'd be a unicorn #sorry i know most people only really care about g4 and only take g4s species rules into account when designing pony versions #of characters but i really love g1 and g3 as well as g4 so i like to consider those when thinking about this stuff too

[naramdil]

you know that tiktok trend where it's like "before and after kids" and the before is them happy and the after is the clip of that toxic guy from euphoria walking away?

#..... i just feel that if people would be honest. many people's relationships have cracks in them before kids #a lot of people either use kids to fill those cracks or #are for other reasons coerced into having kids #OR have never had a real conversation about what life will look like after kids #furthermore i really really do not want to victim blame #but A Lot of women have kids with men who not only do not have knowledge about periods and pregnancy but also are disgusted by those things #and not helpful or not interested in the health of their partners in the first place! so it's like!!! idk it is very awful and tragic #and i wish people didn't convince themselves that being in relationships with men who do not offer them safety #is really better than just being single #like a lot of these men do not care!! or they want children but want nothing to do with child raring #or dont care to think about what child raring will look like #and the fact that their wive's bodies will change and undergo A Lot of physical trauma in order to have a baby #and when the reality of those things hits it is so easy for them to just step away from the discomfort instead of being a good partner #bc that takes a level of selflessness that they did not sign up for bc men typically get married out of selfishness

[valodia]

Real thing somebody said IRL today "the christmas tree in itself is from pagan culture so it doesnt count as religious"

#lodia sayings #just one of the casual ways i feel dismissed in everyday life. #like. #this is like 75% of why im so aggressive to xtianity its just forced down my throat and trying to desperately include me as a white person #everyone like ohh obviously youre participating into this xtian tradition etc how are you celebrating etc #im allergic #it was xmas time recently as everybody is held at gunpoint to know. #and i know some ppl when i say they dont celebrate they say like oh me either really i dont care but i do it for my children or family etc #and im like not me i actively will not engage even if my family rlly wanted me to in fact thats how ive been since a teenager #and i took a second to think about it and i was like wait thats a really stubborn stance that i have for seemingly no rational reason #like if it means a lot to somebody i care about it would cost nothing to indulge them and be nice about it #and i realized it stems from an internalized belief that people are not willing to accomodate me and i think its bc i dont matter to them #which is like. not necessarily true but i cant help but feel that way #and i was like hmmm hm. well ive probably been hurtful about this in the past if i think about it. #so ig if im ever faced with the situation again ill have to do better #but anyway. #sorry i use the tags in the way that the post is supposed to be for. #edit: i realized w my tags it sounds like i think this person is wrong and i believe that xmas tree is xtian #its not what i meant i meant that being pagan is literally religious. as a pagan that offends me lol

[heyitslapis]

Walked out of work today bc long story short a guest decided that she was gonna lecture me/use me & my "abhorrent, disrespectful attitude" as an example of a lesson for one of her student & I decided that standing there & being belittled wasn't worth it

#i only gave her back the disrespect she was giving me. not even as bad as she was dishing either #granted i couldve kept my composure but also she was up at the desk for 45 minutes making a mountain out of a molehill #& among other things in her ''lecture'' she told me that if any of her students or employees acted the way i did they'd be dismissed & fire #she said ''post covid there are PLENTY of people who would be lucky & LOVE to have any work right now'' & i thought #yknow. i love my job. but i dont deserve this. this isnt worth it #so i turned to the food & beverage manager who was the only MOD & said ''actually i think i will go home'' #i called my AGM after i left & let her know the whole situation. even told her i understand if im fired or written up bc of this but its no #worth standing there & being lectured & having this lady lie to my face about things i said/did. i dont deserve to be treated like that #the woman really told me ''this couldve been a teachable moment for you'' LMAO lady i will let a LOT of shit slide #but i refuse to be the subject of your lesson & i certainly dont get paid enough to have anyone who isnt management lecture me #it just feels weird though. ive never walked out before. never spotainiously taken the night off. never had a situation like this before #it feels weird having left & it feels weird sitting in my bed trying to enjoy my night when my brain knows im supposed to be at work rn #oh well #my AMG said im definetly not fired & she'll talk to the lady in the morning. i couldnt care less if i was though. theres always other jobs #and to preface i even apologized to the woman both for my behavior & the disrespect. yet she still felt like making an example of me #what a week its been #emma rambles #emma vents #2023 tag

[catgirlwizard]

.

#personal #its ridiculous how i was so depressed 2 days ago and then my partner was like. whay if i came over right now even though #its almost midnight. and what if i slept over at your house for 3 nights in a row. and now im sitting here having eaten breakfast for the #first time in like 4 weeks and feeling happy waiting for him to wake up so we can shower together and were #gonna go on a build-a-bear date and i no longer feel like i deserve to d*e with him here #hes just so sweet and i love him a lot and im really lucky to have him in my life <3 ive never been in a relationship where i felt this #safe and comfortable and accepted before and i know he hasnt either and its just nice #definitely helps that were both trans autistic queers with parental trauma so theres a lit about each other that we understand without #needing to explain it in depth #but also he really values communication and even thiigh im so used to shutting all my feelings off and not telling people about them #im trying really hard to not do that with him and its? nice not bottling everything up for once? #he really listens to me when i talk and tries to understand and respect my boundaries all the time and its realy nice to have that #ive been awful at establishing boundaries in past relationships and i didnt feel like my boundaries mattered to at least one ex so its #a nice change of pace to have someone go out of their way to make me feel reapected and valued like thay #and thats not even mentioning all the hot gay transgender sex we have because like. both being on t kind of makes that a necessity dhdjdjdj #its just nice having him in my life and feeling loved and cared for and getting to love and care for him back and im so lucky #that everything fell into place for us to date each other because i really dont know what id have done without him this past half a year #this is so long fhdjsjsjsj im just waoting for him to get up and feeling emotional about how much of a good influence he is in my life <333

[horrorwebs]

i hate my best friend earlier i was like "im scared that this guy likes me bc he said something that i would only say to people who i like, but i recognize thats its a normal ass thing to say anyway and i rationally know he does not like me, but still, my brain decided to play with that concept and made me have a terrible nightmare the other night about it and now im subconsciously scared that he will like me ( with the underlying concept of "i am scared of men")" and shell go ohohioo what if youre projecting and its actually YOU that likes him. ????? bitch did you not hear the part about having a dream where he abused me or ...?sometimes being asexual is a nightmare nobody gets it

#and i have actually considered that btw.! and no i dont like him. if i like anyone its someone else entirely.and i dont like them either so #but she did not get it for the most part which i understand my feelings are unconventional and irrational and hard to follow. but i am #quite literally scared of the concept. of a man liking me. of this guy specifically bc we are good friends why ruin it!but just guys in gen #and i dreamt he abused me..... #literal nightmare i woke up scared and confused all bc my brain hates ne #anyway. she wants to have a gotcha moment so bad #like i said before. no its not about projecting and being scared of liking him #its about being scared that someone who i care about sees me in a way i dont and demands things from me i am not willing to give #+ someone being intimidating by having more experience compared to my 0 amount #+ feeling a bit intimiddated that my new friend group will find me immature as i am the youngest one #theres a lot of complicated feelings and a lot of confusing things bc of my asexuality but she sometimes doesnt get it #its not rly about liking him. also if i do in the future i wont really give myself a headache about it ive decided to stop worrying #about things like that it never helps. #anyway this is the friend i was hopelessly in love with and i can safely say i am over her now [tangent] #anyway. idk. sometimes i feel so stupid but this fear was idk a bit more than justa silly highschool 'what if i like them'and more #'what if the people i meet want to take advantage of me and i cant learn to say no' + 'what if i have a way of self sabotaging perfectly #good friendships by implanting irrational fears into them via dream' ? #you know. a bit more heavy #idk if anyone reads my rants id you doo cool thanks but whatever this is my diary maybe i should go nack to the psychologist idk #spikeposting

[alphalesbian]

.

#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less #been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive #been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all #but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a #necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin #a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear #can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or #tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people #hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i #the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite #unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and #the time and the money of course dont forget about the money) #and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that #I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak #that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would #that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here #when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either #forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?

[ff2-soda-pop]

i feel like the stuff with lloyd and garmadon is really complicated and i looked in the tags for a couple minutes and i keep seeing people being like. making it like one extreme end of a situation or the other and tbh i dont like or get it-

#like. idk how to make this make sense but like... i feel like given how the show has gone there isnt a way to make this either 'garmadon is #terrible and stuff' or 'lloyd is terrible and stuff'?? like theres just so much to like everything that happens #and i keep seeing people trying to go Entirely one way or the other and i just dont think it works well here?? #like garmadon fucked up with being not there a lot in lloyds life and then. whatever the fuck s8-10 was. but at the same time theres stuff #like the snake (forgot the name) venom and harumi bringing back Just the evil parts to take into account for too? which like it doesnt make #it less Bad but also i think when we have stuff like how he was in s3-4 and like how much he was trying to keep lloyd out of harms way in #like s1-2 i cant agree with the idea that hes like Entirely bad or a terrible parent?? like theres a lot going on here #and then with lloyd hes like. a traumatized kid with abandonment issues. i dont blame him At All for how he reacted in crystalized and #stuff. like again traumatized kid with abandonment issues and also tbh it really feels in this show like every damn time he starts to work #through an issue or something bad that happened the show throws a New thing at him or just brings up the Old stuff again so hes like #constantly never getting a break. and so OF COURSE he reacts negatively to garmadon showing up when last several interactions were well.... #yknow. s8-10. and then plus theres stuff like 'his dad literally died and then got revived and that whole situation was upsetting in #general for lloyd' (which like. it was like 2ish seasons between 5&8 im not sure if he even would've fully dealt with what happened in #that time frame? could be wrong but still) and just tldr hes not react well to this #(also i have a lot of thoughts on lloyd i could go on about him forever) #but also like i dont think he like.... doesnt care about garmadon?? like i dont think he like Hates Him or anything?? like he clearly doesn #feel as positively as he did Before but like i dont think he Hates him?? if any of that made sense #and then theres shit like the green ninja prophecy and the way its like destiny itself wants lloyd and his family members to just #Fucking Suffer all the time and just- idk i just think its really complicated and trying to simplify it down to like. 'garmadon is terrible #or 'lloyd hates him' or 'garmadon didnt do anything wrong here' or 'lloyd is being too mean' just. doesnt work well here?? #though also i do like to think that after the show they're able to work on things and maybe be on good terms again?? idk the show ended on #a positive note and i just want them to be okay again - im very invested in these two if you cant tell - and i just feel like theres #potential for that there yknow?? but like it'd take work and i cant say that there isnt Issues Going On that HAVE to be worked through #because there ARE #.....ok i went on much longer of a tag rant than i expected i need to shut up now #ninjago spoilers

[caffeinatedopossum]

can you show us the art? if you're comfortable to, i'm sorry your friends reacted with that. Even if they're trying to help you improve from their perspective it's not something that should be done unprompted and that sucks they did that :( i'm sure your art is lovely and i hope you continue to make the art that makes you happy :)

Aw thanks. I don't really wanna show it here, just because people might recognize it and I don't want my art tied to my anonymous tumblr. It was a small animation- one of my first- and I made it without any animation software on my phone.

It was okay that they did that, just felt really bad because I worked so so hard on it and was already super frustrated from all the mistakes I fixed before even showing them :( I learned a lot about animating though so I still consider it a success.

#idk now i dont want comiments about it either #it just feels wrong #like i still value the art i made because it made me better and i at least know that i put my all into it #but sometimes it all feels so not worth it #idk im just tired #i never really thought about what i wanted out of my art #i think i just want it to inspire people #i want them to see my art and feel what i was trying to convey #but that never happens and the more i try the more isolated i feel #idk i have a lot of mixed feelings about criticism too #because obviously it can be useful. but i cant take criticism from people im close to #im aware that its a flaw but what can i do about that?? i cant just be less sensitive because #because the only reason im so sensitive is that i care so so much what these people think. i admire and respect them so deeply #and thats a direct affect of my sensitivity. i dont want to lose that. #maybe what i really want out of my art is just to make me happy. to be a part of creating something #and if im lucky other people will see that too

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

do you think yaz would like it if either dysfunctional timelord would come to her in obvious distress, like regardless of her ability to really Fix the source of distress do you think she’d be secretly thrilled? do you think her enjoyment of that scenario would go up the more honest and willing their display of distress was?

#thinking about it rotating it in my mind #it's not gonna change anything about how im writing her/them/this situation bc i think im writing yaz mostly as how she is in the show #but she also doesnt really get much opportunity to help like people who are asking for it. especially people she cares about #bc she has sort of a 'i can fix her' thing. i think? not as much as maybe other comapnions. or maybe in another way #but it's there bc shes a doctor mirror so it's like. the doctor thinks that if they can fix the master they can fix themself #and yaz thinks that if she can fix the doctor she can fix herself #not really exactly that but like. thats the gist right? like their own apotheosis is based on if they can Help #in a specific way/a specific person/a specific person in a specific way #bc yaz isnt like. a people person. shes not a natural with people (hashtag autistic yaz) but like #being ASKED. being SHOWN. being willingly shown by someone she cares about that they are in distress #being TRUSTED in that way. i think she'd love that #also being needed! it's being needed. i thnk she needs that like the doctor does #especially i think she wants the doctor to need her. maybe to make it equal? to make the relationship feel more equal? #maybe another reason idk #but im just thinking about like how she'd feel if either 13 or missy like. sorta willingly showed her that vulnerability #i dont think she'd be HAPPY exactly. but she'd feel wanted and needed and valued and trusted and all those things are good #and she can never help i think. the problems i make 13 and missy come to her with are not problems she can solve #but thats also not really what they come to her with. it's more like just. to rest. #bc they can get a lot from each other but it's rarely really rest #i think they can feel at home with each other but i dont think they can ever entirely rest. they cant entirely let their guard down #they cant take their masks off entirely bc theyre sharing the masks #but with yaz each of them individually Can kinda do that #yaz can see each of them in a way they cant see each other and she dOESNT KNOW THAT but ohh boy imagine if she did #i wrote a scene yesterday where in a moment like this yaz did too much like what the doctor would do and it broke her relationship withmissy #so im not keeping that bc i want this relationship to stay the way it is now if i needed another thoschei i wouldnt be writing yaz/missy #but this is why that was i think. yaz is like the doctor except with missy shes not the doctor and thats important #and missy is like yaz wrt the doctor but with yaz shes not the master and that is also important

[computerpeople]

playing josh as someone whos attempting to be overtly nice is really interesting. i don't think he was like that before all of the events of my rp josh, but i do think josh has this constant back and forth issue of overly chillax/people pleasing behavior because he doesnt have the energy or tollerance to fight with people ,and being the most bitchy catty snarky piece of shit ever.

#that was also something i really didn't like anout a lot of fan stuff with josh is they either went too hard on the woobified UWU josh or #too hard on the hardcore asshole drunk alcoholic snarky side. and both are so annoying to me #because its like yeah but also!!! you have to remember he is THE universal big brother. LIKE TO THE WHOLE GROUP. #and this isn't just them labeling him as that he openly accepts it and plays into it!!! and also!!!! gfucking!!!! #josh had to step up and help parent the twins due to bobs neglect and that MAKES you like that you know because i imagine hed stop #caring about his own comfort and mostly only priotize clearing conflict LIKE HE DOES AT THE BEGINING OF THE GAME i dont know i dont know #i think hes really docile until he feels like someone else is being effected OR until he feels like hes being talked down to/condescended t #to* #considering his whole issues with being told what to do and feeling smarter than people. he wants to be an overseer but that also means not #having a huge reaction to things. which i think is a big part of his character. and then having HUGE explosive reactions later one when #alone or no longer able to hold it in #txt