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#idk. there were nice things about it and not so nice things but change of any kind is weird and hard
babygorewhore · 2 days
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Greedy
Older! Rafe Cameron x fem reader!
Rafe is normally selfish in bed, doesn’t care about anyone’s pleasure but his own until he meets you.
This is a little blurb. Less than 1k words.
Warnings! Age gap! Reader is 25 and Rafe is 33! Oral! Fem receiving! Unprotected sex! Rafe covers your mouth so idk if that’s choking because I’m stupid. Also not proofread because I don’t have the willpower today. Dividers by the sexy, @xxbimbobunnyxx
Rafe normally didn’t eat a lot of pussy; he didn’t usually care enough to. If he didn’t pound someone until they saw stars right away, if he was feeling generous, he would sometimes use his fingers first. But you? The twenty five year old girl who was dog sitting for him, he literally dreamed about burying his face between your legs.
At thirty three, he was very used to female attention. You were different. You interested him, made him laugh and you made him feel…soft. He wanted to take care of you, take away all your troubles and of course fuck you until you literally couldn’t walk. And now, Rafe finally had opportunity after two weeks for you to stay over. It was late and dark outside. He didn’t want a young woman as yourself to drive home and he asked you to stay.
He half expected you to hesitate but you surprised him with a “Yes.”
Obviously, he had a guest room but he needed you in his room. And you didn’t have any clothes to change into to sleep in. So, Rafe told you, “You can sleep in one of my shirts.” You were wearing a Halloween shirt, black skirt and boots. Your nails were painted black, you fiddled with your rings as you stood in the doorway of his room.
He picked out a t shirt, nothing else and held it up for you. “Here. This one is comfortable.” Rafe crooked a finger at you as you lingered on the edge, giving you a smirk.
You cleared your throat and approached him, reaching up for the material.
You did the sneaky girl thing where you changed shirts without actually showing him anything in the corner but he didn’t want to scare you into leaving. However, when you looked at him, shirt only going to your thigh and wide eyes peering at him, Rafe extended his hand to you.
“C’mere, doll. I want you to sit down for me.” He guided you to sit on his bed and you did. He nudged your knees apart with leg and he moaned quietly as your panties peeked through. “Fuck, I guess it was pointless for me to give you that shirt. Since I want to just rip it off,”
You shivered and bit your lip, a tinge of shyness overtaking you. “I didn’t think you noticed me like that.” You trialed off and Rafe snorted with a quirked eyebrow.
“Didn’t notice you? Baby girl, normally I’d never be this fuckin nice. Lean back for me and let me taste your sweet pussy.”
You seem to hesitate for a second and Rafe wasn’t going to have it. “None of that overthinking shit, princess. Be a good girl and lay down.” You laid on your back and Rafe kneeled on the ground, pushing your legs apart. He pulled off your panties, the sticky material in the center and your cunt tightened around nothing.
He leaned forward, licking a firm strip around your clit before he flattened it and gripped your thighs. He pushed your legs up, exposing as much of you as possible as he shoved his whole face in. You whimpered and whined, your hands burying in his hair as he moved his head around and tongue fucked your pussy.
“Being so fuckin greedy, hiding this pretty pussy from me.” He grunts as he slurps and sucks your clit, he buries two fingers inside you and curls them upward. Rafe loved how you bucked your hips, moaned and clawed at him as he lapped your cunt.
He had been fucking missing out and he savored every single drop. Rafe slapped your ass and you cried out, “cream on my face, princess. Then I’m gonna fuck you, get it all wet for me.”
Seconds later and you came all over his mouth. Rafe was relentless as he tasted it, keeping his pace with his fingers as you rode out your high and he pulled away. He didn’t bother to wipe his lips as he crawled on top of you and smashed his lips to yours in a deep kiss.
He tugged down his pants and underwear down, ripping away from your mouth with a pant. Rafe pumped himself a few times before he pressed his dick inside. You mewled and threw your head back as he thrusted, his cock splitting you in half. “Shit, you’re so fuckin tight, baby girl. Squeezing me so hard I can barely move, must of really needed this, huh?” He huffed as he moved.
“Mhm, you could have cum from eating me out,” you pointed out and he latched his lips to your neck, hovering above you.
“Can you blame me? You have a fuckin porn star pussy. Bein all selfish and keeping it from me.” He said against your skin and he covered your mouth with his palm.
Your eyes rolled back as he gave you a particularly hard thrust, his balls slapping against your ass before his cum emptied inside you. Your substance mixed with his as you followed suit, you groaned against his hand as he sloppily kept going.
“Aw, my bunny so cock drunk you can’t talk?” He mocked as he removed his palm. You managed to nod as he wickedly smiled. “I’m not fuckin done, princess. Get on your hands and knees. I think you owe me a few more.”
Tagging, @marchsfreakshow @oceandriveab @starkeysprincess @drewstarkeyslut @gri959 @redhead1180 @rafescurtainbangz @rafeinterlude @rafesthroatbaby
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skywqlkergf · 23 hours
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getting high with sam for the first time
f!reader. suggestive moments but no smut, fluff if you squint, angstish, childhood best friends to strangers to lovers? idk i just love him. veronica ( a character i made up) is used to replace alyssa bc she's a weirdo lol. lotta emotions, pals. 3.8k
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you'd known you wanted to try weed for a while now, it was just a bit intimidating. there's also the fact that you're 18 and you still haven't tried it, some might call you a pussy, but you just like to be precautionary.
there was the anti-drug commericals and your father breathing down your neck about being a functioning member of society. the pressure has become too much. you can't help but remember some of the stoner movies you've seen and they seemed so carefree.
so you started to concote the perfect plan, you'd never gotten in trouble, never even tardy for school. when your parents monthly business trip comes up, you knew exactly what you had to do.
invite sam monroe over for the first time in four years, and ask him to teach you how to get high.
so you think about your childhood best friend turned stranger, sam monroe. he wasn't the nicest, especially after his parents’ divorce. but there was also the fact that he had a soft spot just for you. and supposedly everyone knew, you hadn't witnessed this soft spot in a long time, so you hoped it made him a little nicer. you can't even recall why, maybe a kid crush or something. maybe you never knew at all.
you cleaned your room, made it all nice and hid some of your stuffed animals. if you were to invite sam over, you couldn't look like even more innocent than you already did.
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on that fateful friday afternoon, you kissed your parents and bid them farewell. the pair completely oblivious to what their perfect little girl would be up to. a somewhat devious smile played on your lips.
you had harboured some kind of school girl crush on sam, since the two of you grew distant. he was mysterious and quiet now, you wish you knew him. wish you never would have let him slip out of your hands.
maybe that can change, maybe you can sew up the tattered thread of a connection. you wanted to laugh at yourself, you're so worked up about sam fucking monroe. the boy that you used to play in the mud with, but then again you're not just little kids anymore. things were definitely complicated. maybe more than you realized.
you couldn't help but start to pace around your room a bit, what if he said no? what if he just refused to come over? maybe you should cook something enticing, give him a extra reason? you had the weed and rolling papers already, courtesy of josh. you hated talking to him, but he had what you needed.
you walked over to the home phone hanging on the wall, and then to the clock on the stove. 6:30 p.m. the green digits stared back at you. this was a once in a lifetime chance so you swallowed your anxiety and picked up the receiver.
you dialed sam’s mom’s number, having it memorized like it was your own mother's. there was always some part of sam in your head, always stuck with you like a lover slain.
you waited patiently for someone to answer the phone, your heart beating louder than your ears could stand. you were sure this was the dumbest you'd ever felt.
“hello, kimball residence, who am i speaking with?” robin kimball, sam's mother, sounded tired. the kind of exhaustion you onlly get when you hate your life.
“hi robin! it's y/n! i was wondering if you could, uh, get sam for me?” your voice was shaky, but you hoped that she wouldn't pay it too much mind. or that she didn't notice it all.
“oh y/n! it's so nice to speak with you, how have you been?” her voice perked up once she realized who you were. always having been like a second mom to you, during your friendship with sam, guess the whole family has a soft spot for you.
“oh, I'm okay! i was just thinking of sam, and wanted him to come hang out, maybe have a sleepover like we used to!” you tried not to sound so childish, but perhaps it was working in your favor. excitement bleed into your tone, maybe hope too.
robin sighed a little, a mix of sadness and apprehension, “i can try to get him on the phone, but I can't make any promises.”
that confused you. but considering how sam acted at school, you couldn't imagine he was any easier at home.
“what do you want?” his voice felt like venom and ice, but you tried to ignore it.
“i, uh, i have some, uh, i have some w-” your stuttering didn't get you very far, sam was a very impatient boy.
“would you just spit it out,” he sounded less mad, and more just irritated. you imagined he probably dragged a hand down his face.
“sorry, I'm sorry. i just have some weed and wanted u to come over. you don't have to, I don't wanna bother you. bye, sam.” you rambled this out as fast as you possibly could and hung up just as quick.
your nerves and his mean tone became just a little too much, you'd never heard him talk to you like that. you didn't know him anymore. that hurt your heart, much more than you would like to admit. it was a fact, had been for quite some time but something about witnessing it with your own ears. it was real now.
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sam stomped up the stairs to his room, closing and locking the door with a slam. he ran his hands through his hair, tugging on the black and blue strands.
“who the fuck does she think she is?” his voice was mingled with various emotions, he couldn't figure them out nor did he really want to.
“doesn't talk to me for four fucking years and then one day just calls me up and asks to hangout?” he's trying to keep his voice to a low mumble. as to not bother his younger siblings, even if he couldn't really stand them.
“tells my mom she wants a sleepover?” he almost wanted to go over there just to give her a piece of his mind. he kicked a box on the floor, and it shot across the room against a wall. he heard peter stomping down the hallway to yell at him, and slipped out of his window. a common practice these days.
he was dressed in cargo pants, his boots and a sweatshirt with the rolling stones logo printed in black and white. he was cursing under his breath, as he made the walk.
he couldn't believe her audacity, but then why would she call him unless he was the only one she could call. that had to be bullshit, she had plenty of friends. ten times more than what sam had.
he kicked a rock and lit a cigarette as he continued down the street, he hated that he could still remember the fastest way to her house. her perfect little house, with a perfect little family.
it was only just then that her words settled, like rain through a fog. i just have some weed and wanted u to come over. you don't have to. why would she have weed, unless her perfect little life wasn't so. course, could have been a lie to get him here. could be a prank, but she was never one to be nasty like that. or at least he hoped she wouldn't steep so low.
he had about a million questions that are going through his head, but the one that stuck out the most, why me? why would she call me out of everyone? it's not like sam was the only stoner in their school, but she still wanted him to come over. it made him puff on the cigarette a little faster.
sam stopped in the middle of the street for a moment, staring at the moon and sun that were now able to be seen at the same time. there was some poetry in this but he didn't want to fucking hear it.
he tried to shake his head of all these thoughts as he walked up the stairs to her front door. at the very bottom, you can still see paint marks of her and his handprints from when they moved in. sam was the first friend she made, he remembers her telling him, they'd be friends forever. feels like a cruel joke now.
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you sat on your bed looking anxiously at the baggie that stood out on your bedside table. the nightstand a white wood with a pink lamp, and covered in literature. the weed looked weird and out of place next to them.
the slam of the front door and stomps crawling up the stairs brought you out of thoughts, sam standing in your doorway. he leaned against the wood, just looking at you. he looked pissed, but you were unsure if that was just his neutral expression at this point.
“you called.” he barely uttered two words to you, but you couldn't help the growing smile that stretched your lips.
“i wasn't sure if you'd actually show up!” you wished you didn't sound so happy, it was weakness he was bound to attack. you hoped your best friend, sammy was still in there, somewhere.
“what can i say? free weed, can't let that kind of offer go.” he chuckled as he spoke, and it was almost like you knew him again. but you didn't, he was a stranger in your bedroom, while your parents were hours away at this point.
he almost wanted to break something, he had so many questions, so much to say but now that he was in front of her, he wanted nothing more than to push it all aside. this wasn't like this normally, usually anger was so easy to hold onto. this time, it was like he never had any to begin with.
he slowly wandered into the room, looking over everything you had displayed. you prayed he didn't open the closet and get assualted by plushies. the thought almost made you want to giggle.
he was stuck, stuck holding a picture in his hand. he hadn't seen the polaroid in four years. a cheesing sam stared back at him, so free and fun. your arms were tight around him, couldn't be older than six and you were smiling just as big.
as you came to stand next to him, you looked at the picture in his hand. you were being torn between crying and laughing. it's such a cute picture, one that you thought you'd show your kids one day. but those thoughts were one of a silly little girl who believed that sam would always be by your side. you felt stupid, mad and sad all at once.
“i remember this day,” sam's voice sounds faraway, like he is scared to talk at all. like the picture and you would disappear, and he'd wake up from another dream.
“it was the day our dad's built your pool, and we played all day long.” he finished, looking from the photo to you. it was the first time he's really looked at you. his blue eyes peering into yours, you felt naked under his stare.
“yeah, and we had ice cream and it got everywhere,” you chuckled sadly, this felt like a reunion with a lover rather than a friend. you looked away back to the picture in his hand, taking it you put it back on your mirror. as he watched your hands, he noticed it wasn't the only picture of the two of you. you kept every single one, always one to cherish every memory, even if it hurts more than it helps.
“why do you still have them?” his voice is barely above a whisper like he's scared to hear the answer.
“i always hoped you'd come back, that we'd go back to old times. feels kinda stupid to say out loud” you laughed, bringing your arms around yourself trying to bring yourself some comfort.
you're looking at all the pictures, too scared to see what expression is resting on sam's face now.
“well, I'm here, aren't I?” you finally turned to look at him, your eyebrows creased in worry or concern. you weren't sure. his hand comes to rest on your shoulder, it's awkward and comforting all the same.
“would you have ever came if I didn't call? if i didn't have weed?” your voice might break if it shakes anymore, your tongue sucks over your teeth in anxiety.
“wait, don't answer that. i don't want the answer. i don't think you miss me the way i miss you.” you interrupted him. the second half of your words came out mumbled as you walk away from him and sit on the bed. a tear slid down your face, and it makes a bitter laugh come out of you. you've never wanted someone so close and so fucking faraway from you. you wioed it away and hoped he didn't see it. weakness was not an option.
“you don't get to do this,” his voice is quiet, but you were sure that it wouldn't stay that way.
“you don't get to cry and put words in my mouth, you have no fucking idea how i feel.” he raised his voice a bit and you just rolled your eyes at him. he came to sit opposite to you on the bed.
“yeah, you're right. but you also never fucking talked to me. you were my best friend one day and then avoiding me the next. how the fuck do you think that's gonna make me feel? hell, how the fuck can you just do that to someone.” you were yelling too now, staring at him with so much anger. you weren't even really that mad, you were just hurt.
“that is not what fucking happened. you became friends with josh, that's what happened,” his eyes narrowed at you and you wanted, well you don't know what you want but this is definitely something that needed to happen. josh had been a bully in middle school, i guess much hasn't changed.
“excuse the fuck out of me? i did no such thing, i was friends with veronica. i was friends with her, and then you left. and i know, yes, i know that you fucked vee. you left me, and that wasn't enough.” you were seething at this point, barely able to remember why you even missed him in the first place. you got off the bed, not even being able to look at him.
“i did not fuck veronica. who told you that? let me guess, veronica?” your head whipped in his direction, you stopped in your tracks.
your cheeks warmed as you realized you may have been fed incorrect information, “you didn't? but she and josh both told me on seperate instances.” you felt stupid, you came to sit on the bed again. a sheepish look on your face.
“no, i didn't fuck veronica. are you stupid?” the anger in the room begin to fizzle out, and you smacked his shoulder, “don't say that, I'm not stupid.” you gave him a fake angry look and looked at your feet.
you'd been lied to for four years, four years where sam didn't have be alienated. four years where your best friend could be beside you.
“why’d you stop coming around, then? if it wasn't cause of that? ” the fear of rejection injected to your veins. your lip was tightly pulled between your teeth, an anxious habit. your eyes looked from him to your hands as you waited for him to answer.
“somebody told me you hated me and didn't want me around anymore.” his voice was distant like he couldn't believe his own words. “told me you were just friends with me out of pity.”
“now you're the stupid one.” you laughed dryly, trying to make light of the situation. you bumped your shoulder into his.
“hell, i might be. i doubt if you hated me you'd keep all those cheesy momentos.” he chuckled and you could have savored the feeling that went through your chest. he might be better than any high that weed could give you. if you didn't have a bit of love for him before, you definitely do now.
you felt like a tornado of emotions, you didn't know what was to happen now.
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some time passed in silence, you both unsure of what was to happen next. years of pushed down feelings that no longer have a sense of direction.
anxiety creeped up your back, looking at sam he's just looking at you. a slight smile on his lips, it's a sight you could get used to.
“what?” you laughed a bit out of embarrassment.
“you’re just pretty.” his voice was soft and you kinda wanted to throw up. how could all this happen and he can just have the audacity to compliment you. you dropped eye contact but a similar smile could now been seen on your face.
“so, we're good now?” you spoke, eyes glued to the floor. you didn't think you could keep from kissing him, if he kept looking at you like that.
“we’re so good. you ready to smoke?” sam smiled some, and layed back on the bed. his arms falling above his head, he stared at the ceiling. life is just some game, and he's pretty sure he just won big. he felt somewhere between being on cloud nine and being the dumbest motherfucker he's ever met. he can't believe he believed josh about some stupid rumor, instead of just coming to you.
“so, actually the thing about that, i don't know how. i called you so you could teach me because i trust you.” warmth gathered on your cheeks again.
he leans up on one arm to look at you, and he smiles real big, teeth and all. his tongue crossing his lips as he laughs a bit. it was clear though, he wasn't laughing at you, just laughing at the situation. but still you must tease him, make up for lost time.
“sammy, don't laugh at me.” before you could stop yourself, the nicknames spilled out of your lips. a nickname sam hadn't heard in some time and it made his heart skip a beat.
“babe, it's not my fault, you make it so easy.” there he was again, undressing you with his eyes. whether it be intentional or not, you weren't sure. his cheeks glowed a little pink and you couldn't help but giggle. it's fair game at this point. you never knew sam as someone to use alot of pet names, is he trying to pick you up?
“yeah, well, you're blushing, dork.” it was a dumb retort, and on top of it all you stuck out your tongue at him. crossing your arms like the brat that you are. it seemed your question answered itself. you were somewhere between friends and lovers, and that scared the shit out of you.
“no I'm not.” he said incredulously, like it was something that was physically impossible. he quick to get off the bed, pushing at his cheeks in the mirror.
you're happy to skip up beside him, “yeah, you are, it's like you have a crush on me or something." you giggled. another thing that should have been left unsaid, spoken by you again. it was necessary, you had to know the truth. it felt like life or death, at this moment.
he stands up beside you, and it's only then that you notice he's got at least half a foot on you. it feels intimidating when he smirks at you.
“what if i do? maybe i like to make cute girls squirm,” his hands come to rest on your hips, and you were sure you were gonna faint, have a heart attack, or maybe die.
“sam, what are you doing.” it wasn't a question, cause you didn't want the answer.
“i'm touching you, is that okay?” you can't help but dumbly nod. he leaning towards you and you let him. his lips are soft against yours, and he pulls you closer. his smell and taste was intoxicating. you were sure if you were dead, this would be what heaven felt like.
your hands come to rest on his chest, letting him kiss you a bit longer before pushing him away.
“i-i think we should smoke, yeah, i think we should do that.” you weren't even sure what you were saying at this point. but you didn't want to just get him back and immediately jump into bed. you're not ready for that yet.
“whatever you want, doll.” he presses one soft, chaste kiss to your forehead and walks towards the weed and the rolling papers. you were almoat confused as you followed him back to the bed, who is this man? you wanted to kick your feet and acream into your pillow.
you watch as his skilled, ring-clad fingers pushed the weed into the white papers. you thought you might have a health issue when his tongue dipped over his lips to wet the paper. your reaction doesn't go unnoticed by him, so he just chuckles and finishes sealing the joint.
“now, what you're gonna do, and I'll demonstrate too. put the paper between your lips,” he explained everything in excruciating detail, and it made your legs clamp together a little. you needed more self control, maybe, but you weren't going to let all this get to you. not this fast, it wasn't fair.
setting the paper between his lips, he pulled a lighter out of his pocket, it was white all the plastic wrap has been picked off of it.
“when you hit it, take small puffs, breathe in and then exhale, like this okay?” he making eye contact with you as he does so.
he hands you the joint and you hope it helps you recollect yourself. you do exactly as he said and did, and somehow still end up coughing up a lung. irritated eyes making contact with his playful ocean ones.
“try again, it'll get easier, you're just a baby stoner.” he rubbed your back a little, and you tried again. this time it went down smoothly and you could feel something as soon as you exhaled. you hand him the joint and watch his expert smoking habits.
you never knew how hot someone smoking could be, but here he was. sam, your sam, looked like some bad boy in a teen cliche film. you never knew why girls would go for guys like this, but now you got it.
the two of you spent the rest of the night recalling stories, watching comfort films and laying in his arms. he held you tight, and smoked you out until you were nothing but a giggly, high mess. he got decently stoned himself and you feel asleep like that.
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threadmonster · 25 days
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Concept:
It's May 4th and Shinra has been talking about his plans to marathon Star Wars with Celty. He isn't particularly interested in the series but Celty is intrigued by aliens and all. Izaya is annoyed. Of course Shinra, as usual, only cares about Celty. It still makes him feel gloomy though, it's not like Shinra ever forgot his birthday before.
He gets even more annoyed when Shinra calls him for a favor. Why should he care if Shinra forgot a few things at the store? But it's fine, whatever, it's not like he has anything better to do. Even his own sisters didn't bother to send him his birthday death threat.
Shinra told him to let himself in. He doesn't know why all the lights are off. He huffs and turns them on all just to be bombarded by a chaotic mess of "Happy Birthday" wishes and a camera flash in his face.
He doesn't know what to say or how to react. He sees Shinra, Celty, his sisters, Kyohei and the van gang, Simon was there. He wants to get mad, how dare he be fooled like this. In truth, he doesn't even know how to feel about it.
You see, his self-worth is so low that he can't understand, people do care about him.
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forestgreenlesbian · 2 months
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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on my quest to find more books to read this year, there's been something kind of heartwarming to see that of the books on hold at my local library, or on the weekly bestseller's list at my local bookstores, there's always at least one book up there that's about Palestine. It's at least nice to see that some people in my area want to learn about the historical context of what's happening now, and learn far more than what a few posts on their feed can tell them. It makes me hope that public perception will continue to change for the better - and that the kind of support I've seen in my area won't die down immediately after a ceasefire is called
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jinstronaut · 2 months
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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gifti3 · 2 months
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I actually kinda liked when mammon came up with that "fundraising" idea in the beginning of his curse
I would genuinely like to see more of that....
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deityofhearts · 5 months
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I think the worst part is that i still love and care about people even when it hurts and i wish i didn’t
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nerosdayinanime · 1 year
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Sanemi & Giyuu were about 16-17 when they both individually went on an undercover mission in the Kaze no Kuni capital city, they henged/disguised as fake personas Kazura (vaguely derived from kaze, wind) and Nakuu ('to lose')
Kazura is supposed to be darker skinned + two-toned eyes like that of Kazan no Kuni descendants & is sensible and confident but lazy, Nakuu has a hairstyle + facial shape from Mizu no Kuni & an outgoing enthusiastic and pretty sly personality
Giyuu put some particular effort into his disguise and really got into the character he was playing up, he also had fun with it where he could- and thats how he met Kazura. i dont have or really want specifics of why where how or such bc it ruins the imaginative bit of it ig? but while they were on the mission they were meeting up, they both knew the other was disguised but neither pried about it. they fell in love a bit, however it means, but as Nakuu's namesake they were never going to last. it was a mission and when it was done they would leave for home and never meet again.
but then they did :)
at 19 sanemi and giyuu had a political marriage arranged(forced) by Kyogo being a greedy fuck and wanting more trade from the Tomioka, in both the Happy & Broken marriage paths giyuu's the one who notices sanemi acting the same way as kazura in some ways and realizes the two are one in the same. In the Happy marriage its a thought that brings a smile to his face and a jest about how they fell in love twice, in the Broken marriage its only twice the heartbreak after the apathy sanemi regards him with and the loneliness that consumes him
#kny clan au#kny clan au: arranged sanegiyu(Fluff)#kny clan au: arranged sanegiyuu(Angst)#Kazura & Nakuu#i like hurting giyuu<3 but i also want to be nice & im indecisive so Multiverse type shit like this happens#im trying to proper Write out the story i have but my skill isnt up to par with my vision. i'll post it anyway when im done tho bc i want t#Share the story and talk & think more about it bc its Fun#the idea for this actually came earlier before i thought of the arranged marriage bit- its the sngy mission meeting thing but changed#slightly with the timeline of the marriage(19) & sanemi murking kyogo(21)#in the orig they were older & i also didnt have the idea of major civilian cities/villages for the shinobi to do stuff in#also in the angst path sanemi isnt abusive like kyogo is hes just neglectful & since giyuu was essentially completely cut off from his#normal amount of casual affection and reassurances to Literally Nothing + the looming threat of kyogo's ire + different biology#he has no support aside from Nagisa(who is trying her damn best) and it wears on him mentally ykno?#then the one person he THOUGHT loved him turns out to actually not love *him* so it turns into a fantasy he desperately clings to.#just *someone* to love and support him for being *him* and not some character.#oh almost forgot to tag#sanegiyuu#also to be specific abt the arranged marriage part kyogo forced the tomioka's hand(marry or we decimate you & still get the trade routes<3)#but giyuu volunteered in place of tsutako. he wasnt against the idea of marrying but everyone was fearful of the shinazugawa's culture#and sent Nagisa with him as like. a helper. idk if it has a name. shes a beta well versed in medicine & secondary sex stuff so giyuu's not#COMPLETELY alone to deal with that surrounded by a bunch of people who know nothing about it. theyre formal with eachother as Tomiokas#but to the Shinazugawa they seem really close. mountain pass/southern culture is Very different. more communal and close-knit to#deal with the harsh environment of the mountains/cold
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dogin8 · 1 month
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What do you mean you don't want to? You always used to love humouring me
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running-in-the-dark · 11 months
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had a conversation about gym class with my friend who I went to school with today - it was depressing but also nice to hear that her experience with it (at that particular school) was just as bad as mine.
I don't think the way my school treated gym class was entirely normal tbh. it was completely different to the school I went to after, anyway. and everyone I talked to there only knew gym class to be a pretty fun, lighthearted thing. at my old school it was only about achievement, you had to be perfect, if not you were usually yelled at. and if you couldn't participate because you were feeling a bit ill (but not enough to stay home from school) you were ridiculed and/or insulted in front of the whole class. this happened with every gym teacher we had over the whole 9 years there.
it felt like two hours of punishment, there was nothing good about it. and it made at least the both of us feel like any kind of exercise/sport, especially in a group setting, was terrifying - for years after. even my much more positive experience at the other school I went to didn't make that go away.
#maybe my school really just sucked#I mean I already know it did. but maybe it did in even more ways than I thought#maybe it's a Gymnasium thing. idk. any Germans please feel free to comment if gym class at your school was like this#and it wasn't just because we were bad at sports or anything. I got very good grades in gym class at the other school. and my friend does a#ton of different sports now and everything#I remember there was a girl in my class who got a 1 (the best grade) in every other class and a 4 (out of 6) in gym class. and the teacher#was so fucking awful and gleeful about it. he made fun of her so much.#I'm pretty sure I was about to get a 6 in gym class right before I dropped out - and that definitely played a part tbh. I just couldn't#spend one more second with that gym teacher. he was horrible and gross and mean (and sexually harassed girls at another school! but of#course he was still allowed to teach at our school!! ľ#anyway. gym class was the worst part of my (already not great) life from 11 to 19 so I hope all my old gym teachers break both their legs :)#except one. he was really nice to us and didn't do any of the stuff the others did. but we only had him for a year in between all the other#ones so it wasn't enough :(#like one of our (female!!) teachers would loudly make fun of girls who said they couldn't participate because they were on their period and#in too much pain.#in front of everyone. when we were like 13.#I hate that woman more than any of the others.#lol it's funny how like half of my issues are because of my parents and the other half is because of that fucking school#I will never forgive my mother for forcing me to go there and never letting me change schools even though I asked to for 8 fucking years#personal
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puppyeared · 2 years
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Why did we as a society feel the need to discontinue ever after high
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ban-joey · 7 months
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sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school
#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful#did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w#possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting#plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there#my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh!#not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO#i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig#need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn#but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :)#like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends.#even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP#idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus#yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted)#a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay!#im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid.#he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party#and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate#and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :)#and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING#good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT
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me when my coworker is worried another guy in the office doesn't like her: Ah that sucks for her. Glad I'm not affected by that tho
Me when that same guy gives me a short teams message: Ah. Well good thing I don't care about being liked by him or not
Me after thinking about it for maybe 32 seconds: no actually I hate this
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jeellyjams · 4 months
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they should make more physical game guides again
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sluttyten · 1 year
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After I eventually finish this Haechan fic (s2g I don’t know why it’s getting so long 😂) and after I finish the rest of unholy, I’m gonna force myself to keep to a word minimum and just write something short because I can’t keep doing these long fics 😭
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