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sohnric · 6 months

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paris – l. juyeon

pairing: lee juyeon x fem! reader

genre: exchange student! juyeon in paris (ft. his erasmus friends). friends to ???, angst, fluff. actually, the genre is longing. halloween party au but the halloween part plays like,, 0 part in the fic, basically. idk the paris pics did something to me he is so european coded. paris by the 1975 without the drugs in a fic, essentially

warnings: cheating from yn's side, swearing, alcohol, smoking. the reader is canonically french im sorry 💀

word count: 6k

There’s quite a few reasons why Juyeon never told his friends from home about you- the girl he met on his student exchange trip. Some were the cause of Juyeon’s insecurities in himself, some the cause of your relationship status, all the cause of his unrequited love and the way you broke his heart, making Juyeon’s whole memory of Paris a bit hazy and bittersweet and the leave, paradoxically, that much harder. But still– and maybe you’re the reason for it– oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.

a/n: do NOT cancel me for being a casual matty healy enjoyer i am a 2014 tumblr girlie at heart

“And where are my gifts? Where are the souvenirs?” Hyunjae calls after the boy that’s still kind of jet lagged from the flight (even though it’s been 3 days since his landing and he slept the whole day after his brother picked him up from the airport), the latter looking at him with tired eyes.

“That’s all you want from me after not seeing me for 6 months?”

“Yes. Where’s my baguette?” Hyunjae glares, making the younger boy whine at the request.

“I didn’t know you wanted a hard rock baguette from me. If I had known, I would’ve taken one with me and smashed it against your head the moment I arrived here.”

“Well, if it’s authentic,” Hyunjae shrugs, laughing. “I’m just joking… I know we’ve been calling and texting like, every other day, but let me ask again. How was it?”

Juyeon finally smiles at his friend’s question. This is what one expects after coming home from studying abroad for 10 months– not a souvenir request. And trust me, Juyeon did bring gifts, out of the warmth of his own heart, but after being asked for them, he kind of doesn’t want to play Santa anymore. Kind of like when you decide to wash the dishes, but your mum tells you to do it at the same time of your decision– the motivation fades away the mere second you’re requested to do the thing.

“Well, it was good,” he shrugs, “it was… something,” Juyeon says– because how does one fit 10 months of their life into a few sentences without stammering– and before he gets a chance to say anything, Hyunjae catches him off guard with another inquiry.

“Is it true, by the way? Are European girls really prettier?” he grins, wiggling his eyebrows at the boy as if to suggest something– but all it does is make Juyeon shrug, acting not really bothered with the question.

“Dunno,” he hums, “I think it’s equal to here.”

“So you’re telling me you went 10 months without getting laid in France?” Hyunjae gasps, making Juyeon furrow his brows in utter disbelief.

“When did I say that? Or anything that would even suggest that?”

Now, this was a trap. Juyeon is too gullible. See, Juyeon was pretty transparent with everything during his calls with Hyunjae back when he was in Paris. He told his friends back home all about the European food, the rock-hard french baguettes, the weird looks and annoyed sighs he got when speaking English to the clarks in the shops, the cold showers in his accommodation and the pretty park in front of his university building. They also know all about his friends from Paris– the international students he met in his course like Shotaro from Japan, Bence from Hungary and Marco from Italy– but when the question of girls came around, specifically in the romantic light of things, Juyeon went awfully quiet. You can’t blame Hyunjae for getting into suspicions.

“So you did?” Hyunjae gasps, grasping at the straws.

Juyeon sighs, reaching for his bag. His awfully big hand slips inside of the black backpack, fingers touching various things before he brings out a bunch of gifts: a keychain with the Eiffel tower, some magnets, postcards, a fashionable beret he found in one of the souvenir stores but never saw anyone actually wear in the whole 10 months in the streets of Paris, some perfume and high quality chocolate. Hyunjae’s eyes go wide, making satisfaction swim through Juyeon’s veins at the sight– he managed to deflect the attack.

Sometimes, having materialistic friends is a plus.

As he watches Hyunjae touch all the things on the table, fingers trailing over metal and the shiny wrapping of the dark chocolate with an acknowledging nod, Juyeon takes out another thing out of his bag– his digital camera that he brought along for the ride. He sent his friends a lot of pictures when he was in Paris, and he also posted quite a few on Instagram for everyone to see, but the camera held more memories and more moments than anyone’s ever seen before– it’s a source of treasure for himself as well, but he figures it wouldn’t hurt to share a glimpse with his best friend.

“Wanna see? I took tons of pictures, but you can look through only the interesting ones, if you want to,” Juyeon hums, offering the camera to the male, the display already shining at him from the gallery, small icons of all pictures on the SD card in a 3x3 row on the small thing.

A few pictures of the town are on preview right now, but if you scroll through the gallery, moments of his friend Marco’s birthday party that his friends threw for him, or the snapshots of his friend’s faces come into sight– Juyeon’s sure Hyunjae’s eager to see how all of the people he’s been talking to him about look like.

Hyunjae nods, taking the camera from him and squinting at the little icons. His fingers move along the touch screen and scroll through the gallery, eyes zooming on the interesting ones and grinning as he shows them to Juyeon, awaiting the backstory of a certain image.

Everything goes well, until Hyunjae gets to the latest pictures on the SD card– well, apart from the ones Juyeon took from the window on his flight home. And Juyeon really doesn’t know what he was thinking, but hey– sometimes he doesn’t think things through as much as he should– and that’s why when a particular photo comes into his best friend’s sight, turning the camera towards Juyeon with a shiteating grin on his face, the question ‘Who’s that?’ makes the poor boy a bit shaken.

His tall figure, standing alongside someone shorter– you, in your vampire costume, fake blood running down the side of your mouth, a hand thrown over his shoulders and your side pressed into his a bit too close as he stares down onto you with an obviously star-struck face, suit covering his body in a poor attempt at Joker’s costume– the moment stares back at him like a haunted memory.

He clears his throat. “That’s… that’s just Y/N.”

Hyunjae hums, having a staring contest with the picture on the screen. The date on the bottom reads 31/10/23, the last day of Juyeon’s stay before he had to go home. “How come I’ve never heard about Y/N?”

“There wasn’t much to say, I guess,” Juyeon shrugs, taking a sip from the bottle of beer on the table.

“Sure…” Hyunjae doubtingly nods, scrunching up his nose in disbelief.

“I’m serious. She’s just a friend I met there,” Juyeon offers, licking his lips in nerves.

And it’s the truth– you were just a friend and there really wasn’t much to say about you two– so why does Juyeon’s heart hurt a bit as he recognizes the events of the night as if it happened yesterday? Why does he feel nostalgic, maybe a little bitter about the way you two left off?

Hyunjae doesn’t know, but there’s quite a few reasons why he never heard about you in the first place. Some were the cause of Juyeon’s insecurities in himself, some the cause of your relationship status, all the cause of his unrequited love and the way you broke his heart, making the whole memory of Paris a bit hazy and bittersweet and the leave, paradoxically, that much harder.

But still– and maybe you’re the reason for it–

oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.

31/10/2023

The buzzing of the room makes Juyeon’s already thumping head ache in its crevices, the smell of alcohol in the breath of everyone talking to him only making his stomach twist and turn with acid. He’s had his fair amount of drinks himself, but there is a very faint line between the amount that’s just enough to keep him going through the night and the amount that makes him puke and have a two-week hangover, and with the flight home he has to take tomorrow afternoon, he doesn’t think drinking more would be a good idea.

“Don’t break it!” Juyeon tiredly hurries out as he sees his friend Marco handle his camera, the device almost falling out of the foreign friend’s hands.

“I won’t! Hold on, let me just–” the Italian mutters, the coating of vodka shots and the cheap red wine (made to look like blood to keep things festive) making his words slur together as he speaks.

Juyeon reaches towards his drunk friend (while also questioning how he’s going to take a plane back to Italy tomorrow in a very hungover state) and tries to pray the prized possession out of his hands, but comes to a fail as the tall man waves him off with a theatral arm wave, shoving the poor boy towards the white wall and putting the camera up against his own face. “I’ll take your picture! So you can– you only take pictures of us, Juyo,” he rambles on, “I’ll take your picture so you can show it at home to your friends!” Marco grins, having Juyeon aimlessly sigh and stretch out his lips into a fake smile, waiting for his friend to take the picture so he can get his camera back to safety.

“Me too! Me too!” he suddenly hears from somewhere to his right, and before he has the chance to decipher the owner of the female voice, a weight on his shoulder tells him you just jumped at his side– almost topping him over and into the spooky decorations to his right– as you giggle into his ear. “Have it?”

“Aaaalmost!” Marco stretches out as he squints at the camera– and in the spare few seconds before the shutter goes off, Juyeon allows himself to stare down at your figure glued to his side. You’re wearing a dark lipstick on your smile, a drip of fake blood rolling down the side of your mouth. There’s a corset top enveloping your middle and a flowy black skirt only pulling the whole look together even with the absence of fangs– and while you don’t suck out his blood, Lee Juyeon can physically feel how you sucked out all oxygen out of his lungs in your sexy vampire costume.

He’s seen you around tonight, but he never got the courage to walk up to you. Something about this being his last night in Paris might be the reason why.

He was simply too bummed out about how things between you and him never went further than fits of laughter in class as you helped him with his French, or friendly hugs when you bid him goodbye at the corner of his street. Maybe it was his own fault for falling for someone so out of his reach. He always knew his stay in France was temporary– hell, he was an exchange student, he was aware of what he was getting himself into– but still, he couldn’t help but recognize the familiar warmth in his stomach whenever you were around and the strange racing of his heart whenever you were close enough for him to smell your shampoo for what it was. He was completely, utterly smitten with you– a french local that would be erased out of his lifestyle as soon as he lands back home in Korea.

The shutter of the camera is all it takes to break his train of thought, making him snap his head back to his Italian friend. A sigh of relief is heard in the room as Juyeon finally reunites with his digital camera (he was surprised to see Marco let go of it so easily), and before he has the chance to think of a conversation topic to indulge in with you, you have his words catching in his throat at your own pace of speech.

“Have you been here for long?” you ask, flattering your eyelashes at him. Juyeon gasps before he presses his lips together into a tight line, shrugging.

“A bit.”

“Why haven’t you said hi?” you frown. “You said it’s your last night! You wouldn’t leave without a goodbye, would you?” you shake your head at him, playfully poking his shoulder with your pointer finger.

He was going to. Not anymore, he guesses.

“No,” he disagrees instead, “I was gonna look for you when it was my turn to leave,” he quickly comes up with an explanation, having your features relax as a warm smile overtakes your pretty features again.

Even with your face all bloody and your eyes having dark circles under them from eyeshadow (and mascara that weared off a little, which you were completely unaware of), Juyeon finds you absolutely, utterly and fascinatingly beautiful. He’s glad no one is able to read his inner monologue– or else he’d be the one with blood running down the side of his face. If the punch to seal the cut would be coming from you or your boyfriend, he’s not quite sure.

Maybe both. The main thing is, you’re taken and his feelings aren’t reciprocated.

Which is why his silly crush on you that maybe, just maybe, turned into something more meaningful was that much damaging to his poor soul.

Because Juyeon swears he never loved anyone before, but after spending the night with you drinking cheap wine in his empty dorm room on his birthday completely alone– since it fell on a Sunday this year and he didn’t have that many friends yet to celebrate with, only having spending 2 weeks in Paris at the time– during which you taught him French swear words and kissed his cheek goodbye (which he thought may be a cultural thing, although he wasn’t sure); after all of this, he felt like you’re the person he’ll think of when someone asks him about his first love when he's old.

And even if he had the balls to do anything about it (which he didn’t), he simply couldn’t. You were out of reach.

“You’d better,” you hum, “or else I’d hitchhike a plane and come over to Korea just to kick your ass.”

“You can’t hitchhike a plane, you weirdo.”

You sigh, shaking your head. “Of course I can. Watch me.”

Juyeon finds himself grinning at the adorable determination in your voice. It makes him feel a certain type of way that he knows he shouldn’t– but after spending 10 months with the feelings (5 of which you were single, 5 of which you’ve spent dating your boyfriend) and absorbing the idea of leaving you and everything behind tomorrow, Juyeon no longer feels as guilty about the act of loving you. Not anymore– not tonight.

“I like your costume,” Juyeon comments, pointing to the attire you’ve dressed yourself in.

“Really?” your eyes light up. “Look, I even wore the bow my idiot of a boyfriend said looks tacky,” you say, making a little twirl for the man. Your skirt flows nicely in the air and you stumble a bit due to the alcohol in your system, but when Juyeon catches you by your forearms and steadies you, there’s a content smile sitting on your lips despite your previous sentence.

“It looks pretty on you,” Juyeon hums, nodding. “It’s not tacky at all.”

“I always knew you had more taste than him,” you sigh dramatically, making Juyeon question your actions.

Oh?

“Anyways, I like your costume as well,” you comment.

“Thanks,” he says, although his half-assed attempt at a Joker’s costume wasn’t anywhere near your level of preciseness, “Shotaro was supposed to go as Harley to match with me, but he pulled out of it at the last minute,” Juyeon pouts.

“Gosh! That would’ve been fucking amazing,” you laugh, swatting your friend in the arm playfully– the way you always do when you laugh– but as you come down from it, there’s a bitter tone in your voice. “I asked my boyfriend to wear a couple’s costume too, but he said all my costume ideas were lame.”

“Y/N–” Juyeon starts, wanting to speak up about the matter very obviously present in the conversation, wanting to console you, say anything, but you cut him off again– your courtesy– with a shrug and a grin on your face made to mask your true emotions (didn't work. Juyeon knows you too well).

“It’s okay. That’s why I dressed up as a slutty vampire just to spite him,” you say.

“What’s his costume?” Juyeon asks.

“Not sure. I think he just bought the Scream mask, or something,” you mutter, rolling your eyes at the male.

And now, Juyeon was never big on gossip. But if gossiping meant poking fun at your boyfriend, the last night before his plane back home takes off is not the time he’s passing on a snarky comment. “Lame.”

“I’m so glad we are on the same page, Juyo.”

His heart leaps at the nickname– a lot of people call him that, but the tone you say it in, the sweet melody of your voice as you throw it at him like a promise (of everything and nothing at all– you’re fond of him, but never fond enough), only you have this effect on him when you call him that. He wishes he had you saying his name recorded, documented somewhere on his phone, your accent and all, so he could hear you say it when he foolishly misses you in the middle of the night, like he knows he will when he lays awake at home, in his tiny, silent room.

“Do you want to get out for a bit? It’s getting too hot in here,” you say as you wave yourself, hoping to cool off, but failing miserably with the heat created from the bodies swimming through the house, and Juyeon finds himself nodding at your question.

Your feet drag you outside of the house, the cold breeze instantly cooling down your sweaty bodies. You two stand on the front porch together, watching the world around you revolve in a fast, yet slow manner– there are couples making out in the corner of the yard, one of them pressed up against the tree, and friends chasing each other down in zombie costumes, passing by bottles of alcohol between each other.

Juyeon hears you hum, making him turn his head towards you and see you offering a cigarette to him. He'd never been much of a smoker before, but Europe taught him to never turn down a cigarette when offered, and so he only takes out one out of the pack, watching you mirror his movements. You fish for your lighter in your bra (and Juyeon finds himself too mesmerized to look away during the action), clicking it and putting the flame against the cigarette trapped between his lips.

He doesn’t know what it is about the action that makes his eyes hooded as he watches you– noticing the forgotten speck of glitter from some step of your makeup routine under your eye, making him want to swipe his thumb over it and take it off for you– but he can’t get his gaze off you as he breaths in the smoke, his head going more fuzzy than it has been only a few minutes prior.

When Juyeon’s cigarette is lit, you move to light your own, all while the male watches you with almost a dreamy look on his face. Somehow, he’s glad no one’s watching you. He doesn’t think he would be able to conceal his feelings for you tonight.

“Are you gonna miss this?” you suddenly ask, looking up at him from his right.

You? Absolutely.

“I think so,” he nods, “it’s a lot different to home, but I made a lot of memories here.”

He watches a hint of smile spreading over your features. “Do you remember when you accidentally told our professor you were horny instead of excited?” you laugh.

“Oh, shut up,” Juyeon laughs at the memory. His French never really got to a perfect level– that’s why most of you settled on speaking English between each other– but the first few weeks were a living hell of a language barrier for Lee Juyeon. “The more concerning part is that this is what made you approach me,” he notes.

“Well, I recognised that you needed help, and I was willing to provide it,” you say, taking a drag out of the cigarette and blowing the smoke into his face.

Juyeon looks at you through the smoke cloud, snickering. “I’m kinda grateful, though. You were the first friend I made here.”

You look at him with a tender look– something so full of care Juyeon swears he feels his stomach doing somersaults– before you press your lips into a solemn smile. “Well, I’m honored, Juyeon Lee,” you drag out in a posh accent, making the boy break out into a laugh.

He takes another drag off the cigarette, inviting the nicotine into his system. Mixed with the alcohol in his veins and your aura surrounding him, he almost feels on cloud 9, like he’s flowing in space and he can’t get down. He watches as you lean over the railing of the porch, forearms meeting with the metal in a set of goosebumps. Breeze flies through the air, making your barely-clothed figure shiver.

He knows he probably shouldn’t. Your boyfriend is somewhere inside, and although you two are seemingly in a weird sort of fight, it’s not his place to act as a gentleman.

Still, Juyeon finds he has nothing to lose. He shrugs off the suit jacket he’s been wearing and drapes it over your shoulders wordlessly, noticing the way you look back at him over your shoulder with a soft smile on your lips.

A comforting silence overtakes you two. Juyeon takes the last drag off the cigarette and puts it out on the iron railing, enjoying the effect your sheer presence has on him. The music coming out of inside is only a mere background noise now, providing him an occasional distraction to the buzzing of his own thoughts.

“Say, Juyo,” you start, “do you know where Dorothy lives?” you ask.

Juyeon hums in disagreement. “Don’t think I do. Why?”

“I’m sleeping over at hers tonight,” you mumble, mentioning your best friend– the girl Juyeon’s met plenty of times in the 10 months of knowing you. “I was supposed to stay at Andre’s, but I’m not talking to him right now.”

“Oh,” is all Juyeon says. The mention of your boyfriend always throws him off the track a little.

“I dunno where Dorothy went, but I’m getting kind of sleepy.”

“Why can’t you just go home?” he asks.

“Juyo,” you laugh, “my parents would kill me if I got home tipsy and smelling like cigarette smoke. Don’t you know how they are?” you joke, shaking your head in disbelief.

He doesn’t. He kind of wishes he had the chance to know, though– because if he knew your parents, maybe it would imply something. Signify something more.

“Do you want me to walk you to Dorothy’s?”

“Yeah,” you nod, lids heavy. Juyeon doesn’t know what time it is, but the last time he checked, it was well past midnight– he doesn’t think he’d stay around much longer himself.

“Okay,” he nods, watching as you slowly peel yourself off the railing and wear his suit jacket properly, the fabric drowning you, but keeping you warm. The sight, the sentiment of it, makes Juyeon’s hands shake and his throat go dry. You’re so close, yet so out of his reach.

Your feet are slow as you march towards the direction of your best friend’s house. Juyeon doesn’t know how far it is, but he wishes for you to take the long way home– if those are the last moments he has with you, he wants to drag the evening out the best he can.

The night is quiet. The only thing ringing in your ears is the sound of your own footsteps, when Juyeon surprises himself with the question that noisily cuts out of his throat.

“Why don’t you break up with him?” he asks.

He expects you to go mad at the question– you were known to have quite the fierce temper. You and Andre have had a few problems in the past: he was known to be reckless with his snarky comments that somehow hurt your pride, his nasty behavior when he got drunk, and the not-so-happy opinion your parents had of him. You were known to blow things out of proportion, screaming, crying and making a scene whenever you could if you thought it was appropriate, known to talk about your conflicts with your friends and digging out opinions out of them on the matter.

Juyeon always made sure to give you lukewarm arguments whenever you asked him about your boyfriend. Never too heated to make himself seem suspicious. Your relationship was none of his business.

Again– tonight, though, he has nothing to lose.

“I dunno,” you shrug, your steps a little uneven on the pavement, “it’s… a matter of habit, maybe? It’s weird,” you say.

The explanation gives Juyeon just about nothing. A matter of habit? Is it a habit to stay with someone? Was there not more needed for a relationship?

Juyeon doesn’t find it in him to reply. Instead, he lets you talk.

“I think I might love him, or something. I’m not really sure…” you mumble, the sentences breaking Juyeon’s heart a little by little, shattering it right in front of you on the pavement, “because if I didn’t, why else would I put up with all of this?” you ask, not really expecting an answer.

“All the shaming, the spiteful remarks. The pettiness, the silent treatment… tell me, Juyo, do I have any dignity?” you laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Y/N…”

The snicker that escapes out of you quickly turns bitter. Your body grows impossibly closer to his, your hands sneaking around his bicep. You walk with linked arms, your head falling to his shoulder. “I don’t think I really love him, though,” you suddenly rebuttal, “‘cause like… I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t tell my grandkids about Andre, y’know? I think that’s the way you know. If you can imagine thinking so fondly about someone that you… that you’d mention them even in 50 years, ‘cause the memories still feel fresh and you’re delighted you once knew them, then…” you trail off, voice fading.

“Do you know what I mean?” you hum, pouting.

He does know.

“Sorry, I’m rambling–”

“No, I get you,” he reassures you, nodding to himself.

“You always do,” you sigh, breaking Juyeon’s heart into a million pieces, “anyways, with that being said… I think I’m with him only because breaking up is too much of a hassle. And, I think I like the attention,” you splutter, laughing at yourself, “that’s… so desperate of me, I know. I’m starting to doubt if it’s even worth it.”

“He’s not,” Juyeon finds himself saying as you two cross the corner.

“You’re only saying that as my friend.”

“No, I’m saying that as your– as someone who cares…?” he stutters, mentally kicking himself for sounding so readable. Surely, you must’ve already noticed. If not from his current statement, then from the way he looked at you the whole night. You are a smart girl– you were always quick to point out the men that would soon hit on you when you were at the club. You have a good eye when it comes to others.

You only laugh, though. Oh, how Juyeon loves the sound.

“Thank you,” you hum.

You two fall silent for a while. Juyeon finds himself enjoying it. It feels comfortable– to walk with you through the emptied Paris, accompanied by the yellow lampposts and soulless streets. Only you two, your linked arms and his suit jacket around your shoulders.

“We’re at Dorothy’s,” you muse when your steps come to a halt, gesturing towards the silent, dark house on the other side of the street, “I think she’s not home yet, though. Her light would be on.”

Chewing on the inside of his cheek, Juyeon looks from the house and back at you, then back at the seemingly empty house again. “And now what?”

“I have to wait for her,” you shrug, “will you… keep me company?”

You don’t even have to ask. He’d always keep you company.

“Well, I’m not just gonna let you stand alone in the street in the middle of the night, am I?” he playfully shakes his head in disbelief, but secretly enjoys the fact that he has more time with you before you have to pay each other goodbye.

“Always knew you were a gentleman.”

“Pretty sure that was my middle name,” he notes.

“I thought you said that was ‘handsome’ once?”

“I have two,” he laughs.

“Is that possible?” you tease.

“Of course! Look it up,” he says, turning to you as he talks. “My name’s actually Lee Handsome Gentleman Juyeon, it’s on my ID and everything,” he jokes, watching as your eyes turn into moon crescents and your throat lets out a fit of amused giggles.

Another playful punch to his shoulder. A happy sigh. A shake of your head, full of disbelief.

“Damn, Juyo. I’ll miss you like crazy, you know?” you suddenly utter, making the boy’s heart fall down into his stomach. The implication of your words sounds a lot like a goodbye, and although he was aware of the fact that he was leaving before, he doesn’t think he really let the reality down on him until now.

This time tomorrow, there will be no Paris. No Marco. No Shotaro. No Bence. No French locals, no bagels for breakfast, no shitty ass dorm room.

No you.

“I’ll miss you more,” he says. He thinks he’s right.

You’ll miss him like a friend. He’ll miss you like his first love.

You stare at him for a heartbeat. One, two– before you latch onto him, much like when you first met tonight. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him close, head resting on his shoulder only when you notice his hands wrapping around your middle. Breathing in your scent, Juyeon focuses very hard to keep his heart rate in check– it’s hard to not falter under your touch when your nose buries itself into his neck, cold skin nuzzling into his hot one, hands squeezing him tighter.

Juyeon doesn’t think you’ve ever hugged him like this before.

And now, you won’t ever again.

You break away from him only enough to still be in his hold, your forehead resting against his. The new intimacy between the two of you makes him gulp, eyes focused into yours– watching the silver and gold swirl around your irises, counting your eyelashes. Noticing the faint mole on the top of your nose bridge.

Foolishly letting his eyes dip lower. Memorizing the shape of your lips with his gaze. Taking in a shaky breath when he feels your fingers playing with the hair on his nape.

“Will you tell your grandkids about Paris?” you ask, voice barely louder than a whisper. Juyeon would almost think you’re suggesting something with your question, but when you speak up again, the suspicion is proved correct. “Will you tell them about me?”

The boy drags his eyes up back to yours. He examines the intention. He finalizes that he has nothing left to lose.

Tomorrow, this will all be a memory. A moment out of his reach– much like you, all this time. A moment of time he experienced and won’t ever get back.

“I will,” he nods, swallowing. “Will you?”

You smile at the boy, the curve of your lips capturing his attention again. If anyone asked, he’d tell them it’s pure biology– the way his eyes zoomed in on your mouth the moment your expression changed. That’s how attention fluctuates– he learned about it in class somewhere, he’s fairly certain.

Why he’s unable to look back into your eyes after the question is a matter of something else, though.

“I think I might,” you breathe out.

There’s buzzing in his fingertips as he relishes the moment. The sentiment makes his knees weak, his brain fuzzy, his sight blurry and a little hazed. When he finally catches a glimpse of your gaze, he finds it glued to his mouth.

He could take it as an invitation.

He won’t, though.

“Kiss me?” you ask, whispering.

He shakes his head in disapproval. “I can’t.”

Not when you’re taken. Not when he’s aware. Not when he knows you might regret this in the morning.

“Can I kiss you, then?” you ask.

That, however, is a whole other situation.

You asked to. You're making the first step. He doesn't have to feel guilty– who cares whether either of you might regret this decision tomorrow.

A simple nod–

that’s all it takes before you lock your lips with his. Your mouths move against each other with a passion he’s contained for his whole stay. You taste like vodka and orange juice, the slickness of your lip gloss making Juyeon’s lips slide against yours with more ease. He kisses you like you’d kiss your first love– with everything in him, with everything he is.

He kisses you in a way that shows he wants to remember this forever. In a way that makes you lean even closer, pressing up firmly against him as you angle your head to make the kiss deeper. One of your hands moves from behind his head to twist itself deeper into his hair, tugging a little at the root to make the boy gasp under your actions. That has you inviting your tongue into his mouth, eager to taste him, to explore.

Juyeon doesn’t think he’s ever been kissed like this. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so vulnerable, so open while kissing someone. This is him with his heart on a plate, naked and ready to be stabbed, squished by the weight of circumstances breathing onto his back.

His cold fingers move along your sides. Your hands settle on his shoulders to steady yourself, head pulling away to gasp for oxygen.

You look so pretty when he opens his eyes. Lipstick smudged and eyes blown out, hair a little messy from the October wind. He’s like an addict presented with his favorite drug– he can’t get enough, he can’t resist as he chases after you, leaving kisses along your jaw and the corner of your mouth, where the blood is, slowly meeting your lips again in another lock.

Everything else disappears. In this moment, there’s just you, you, you…

No flights. No weight of his own conscience. No boyfriends, no unsaid feelings.

No regret.

And Juyeon thought he had nothing to lose, but suddenly, with you in his arms, he feels as if he’s being stripped of everything he never even had, only got the glimpse of last minute, a few hours before he’s gone.

You lean away again. Juyeon watches you with big eyes. A smile appears on your face as you move a finger up to his face, cleaning up the side of his mouth off the dark lipstick you’ve imprinted on him. He feels fragile under your touch. One bad move and he breaks, falls apart under you.

“You have to come back to visit one day,” you whisper, cradling the side of his face.

Juyeon nods. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get the chance.

But as you stand on your tippy toes and press a kiss to his forehead, making a million different fireworks erupt in his stomach, he doesn’t let himself think of that (im)possibility. He watches as you smile at him, locking your eyes in a gaze tender and soft, yet electrifying, holding something special.

Before you take off to meet your best friend walking up the other side of the street, you hug him one last time and whisper into his ear.

“Goodbye, Juyo.”

Seeing as you lock your arms with Dorothy, walking up into the silent house and never looking back, Juyeon lets himself feel the last hint of longing for someone he always knew would never be his. And it’s strange, because he hasn’t even left yet,

but oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.

#deoboyznet #the boyz #juyeon #lee juyeon #tbz #the boyz x reader #the boyz angst #the boyz fluff #juyeon x reader #juyeon fluff #juyeon angst #lee juyeon x reader #lee juyeon angst #lee juyeon fluff #tbz x reader #tbz fluff #tbz angst #juyeon scenario #juyeon fic

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wayward-wren · 5 years

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Agent’s of SHIELD season 6 thoughts.

Spoilers under the cut.

Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel at the moment. It was a wild ride, that’s for sure! I guess I’ll start with what I didn’t like hugely

The pacing felt a little off? I dunno, maybe it was a bit of a rush at the end, we didn’t really get to finish Sarge’s storyline. Everything was speeding into the season 7 set up a little quickly? It felt forced and rushed, but I did enjoy it.

I’m not sure how I feel about LMD Coulson. Because... it’s not Coulson. And like... why bother killing him in the first place if they’re just going to bring him back again and again? I kinda feel like I would prefer it if he just stayed dead? I dunno, I’m just gonna spend the whole of the next season being sad because it looks like Coulson but it’s not.

Maybe nitpicking here, but that grenade Fitzsimmons were holding took a long time to go off? Idk if it’s just me being ignorant, but I swear grenades go off much faster than that!

And maybe another small thing, but still no infinity war tie in. I spent the whole season half expecting people to turn to dust at the end of the finale, but they neatly managed to avoid that.

Right, that’s basically all the bad stuff out of the way, let’s get into what I loved!

Sarge - honestly his whole storyline was great! I loved how he was created by the monoliths, I loved everyone coming to terms with him not being Coulson. the angst. That bit in one of the last two episodes where he made a joke and Daisy and May just looked at each other and I was like “COULSON.” That bit also reminded me of how freaking good Clark Gregg is at acting. Sarge and Coulson are so different.

The Ftizsimmons relationship was fantastic as always. Their episode with just the two of them was honestly one of my favourite in the whole season. And flippin’ heck they’re separated again. I do not know why I’m surprised - honestly, I’m not. I was expecting one of the two to have been dusted. And since he’s a Fitzsimmons, I’ll mention Deke here because I love him and he is amazing and his rant about how he didn’t fit in anywhere and no one liked him gave me emotions I love him.

Snowflake - I have to have special mention of her because I loved her and I loved her all the more because she’s a Kiwi! also im slightly ashamed that it took me a full like two episodes to realised her accent was New Zealand and not Australian I am not used to hearing my country’s accent in US tv Anyway, Snowflake is great and I’m kinda sad we didn’t see anymore of her beyond the party. And Jocko was honestly amazing - he’s a likeable guy.

Piper and Davis were amazing - I’m glad that they were both given bigger parts to play. And I’m still mad that Davis died. He survived so much - I think he’s been in it since season freaking one. And now he’s dead. And speaking of Piper and Davis, what happened to Piper and Flint after they left in the quinjet? Where’d they go? Is Flint still around?

AGENT FREAKING MELINDA MAY TAKING A SWORD TO THE CHEST AND THINKING NOTHING OF IT AND THEN KICKING IZEL’S ASS HECK YESS THAT IS MY QUEEN. And then Daisy having to watch her mother die after the whole thing with Sarge/losing Coulson

Now, once I realised that we were in the past, I was like ‘huh cool.’ Then, when Jemma mentioned an ‘expert in SHIELD history’ my first though was PEGGY CARTER. They’re in like the 40s now, right? Okay quick google search says that Empire State Building was finished in ‘31, so maybe sometime around then? But still... Time travel is involved. I really want to see Peggy and Jarvis. Now I need to go and actually watch Agent Carter.

ALSO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN THE LETTER COULSON WROTE TO DAISY. I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE IN THE FINALE AND MAKE ME CRY BUT IT DIDN’T. IS IT GOING TO BE IN THE FINAL FINAL EPISODE?? I WILL CRY IN THAT CASE

Alright. I think I’ve said way too much already, adn I really doubt anyone is going to read this, but I needed to write out some stuff. Twas an over all good season. My favourite episode would have to be episode 10 - the one where Izel takes over and Davis gets killed :( But the one with high Daisy and Jemma and the Fitzsimmons episode were also pretty good!

One more season to go. I need to watch Agent Carter and then do a binge watch of all 6 seasons before that!

IF LEOPOLD FITZ AND JEMMA SIMMONS DO NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING BY THE TIME THIS SHOW IS FINISHED I AM GOING TO RIOT.

Let them settle in Scotland and raise a whole lotta kids and Deke can be Uncle Deke even tho he’s actually their nephew.

#agents of shield #agents of shield season six #aos spoilers #agents of shield spoilers #fitzsimmons #cant believe there's only one more season #this show has been in my life for like... 6 years #even tho i've not been watching it that whole time

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kinetic-elaboration · 5 years

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February 5: Thoughts on The 100 2x03 Reapercussions

I am very tired and I should sleep but instead I’m going to bring my The 100 rewatch project out of hiatus yet again with Episode 2x03: Reapercussions.

I miss Anya so much!!!!! This is mostly my Dichen Lachman obsession showing but also the way she gives Clarke that ‘yeah, whatever’ look when Clarke says she’ll get her out of the cage... your Grounder fave could never.

The show honestly peaked with S2 and after this it should have abandoned all attempts at edginess because nothing will ever be more Pure Nightmare Fuel than the Mount Weather Grounder Cages.

Clarke/Anya: the ship that almost was.

So when Clarke takes Anya out of the prison room, she opens a door that says “End Containment Area” and underneath that it says “U.S. Department of Homeland Security, Mount Weather Containment Protocol.” And people really thought JRoth made this up omg learn some history.

Considering how they left things (Anya literally trying to kill her and all her friends) it’s actually pretty impressively selfless and magnanimous on Clarke’s part to not just rescue her, but immediately and unthinkably rescue her. On the other hand, Anya feels some remorse for leaving her people whereas Clarke’s like ‘here are some clothes [even though those random bandages are holding up pretty well??], let’s get a move on!’ (I know she intended to come back for them and she was being smart and practical but from the pov of, say, Jasper or Monty, this is cold as hell of her.)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: early S2 Clarke is Peak Clarke: smart, sly, practical, brave.

Byrne mentions Earth Skills teacher “Davis” as being part of the search team for Bell et. al. My question: how many Earth Skills teachers did they have lol?

I fucking love this crashed-ship aesthetic omg I forget how much I love it and then I see it again....

“On the Ark, you did anything you wanted, without a second thought about the consequences.” Like mother, like daughter.

I ALSO miss Jasper and Maya. I’m probably like the lone person out there who still remembers them fondly but they were basically perfect because they were sweet but with the potential for a lot of darkness as well, my favorite combination.

WHERE’S MY ART SCHOOL JAYA AU?

So actually fun fact, that isn’t how the art work would have been stored in Mount Weather. They had special containers for the paintings to protect them and like a special cart thing to transport them quickly from their old homes to the bunker I read a book.

No one ever characterizes him this way sufficiently imo but Monty is really quite uptight in a way. Like first: don’t cockblock him man. And second: just chilll. This is probably why he used to smoke weed.

“Trouble? It’s Clarke. Whatever she’s up to, I’m sure she can handle it.” I mean.... he’s not wrong.

Except for the part where she’s covered in dead bodies. But even then...

So I always felt like the main point of the Reapers was as kind of a zombie police force for Mount Weather: to keep the Grounders scared of the Mountain, so they won’t poke around in it too much. Though of course they also collect Grounders, which is helpful, since the Mountain Men can’t walk that far from their home base (and, as stated, they probably want to keep most of that area Grounder-free anyway). But it occurs to me now that a third use of the Reapers is like dead-body collectors? The Mountain dumps the dead bodies out the trap door, and the Reapers take them away and eat them. So gross and efficient all at once. Mount Weather’s motto basically.

Murphy and his creating-a-distraction stones are still one of the funniest jokes this show has ever pulled, though if it were a quicker reveal after “something like that” it would be funnier.

Never mind, Bellamy appearing out of the bush is true underrated comedy gold,

That said, I feel like everything outside of the Mount Weather and Clarke stories here is filler.

Love! That! Ship!

Major Byrne says that Kane is on the verge of losing control of the camp but... I dunno.... everyone seems to be working together pretty well? Maybe if they had diversified the cast a little, not in terms of yet more Grounders but, like, non-leaders of the Ark, that would be more clear????

Okay, well, admittedly, when the Grounder prisoner is brought in they do start a mini-mob, lol. Also one of the delinquent’s fathers is shot, it would be cool if we knew who he was?? ETA: and then he dies and Abby’s like “does he have any family?” lol he just said that his son was one of the 100 so like obviously he does??

The costuming people, like the set people, really are the geniuses of this show. I love Clarke and Anya’s outfits, and Clarke’s hair somehow being both grungy and beautiful like THAT’s the apocalypse style I wanna see.

Also they absolutely 100% would have gotten together in the S2-S3 hiatus if Anya hadn’t been killed off.

“You saved my life because you needed me” IS true but she also did it absolutely without hesitation, even knowing Anya really quite truly hates her, so this speaks either to some foolhardy bravery mixed in with her practical thoughts, or just straight compassion, or both. I guess that sort of is a Clarke thing. She can be a grudge holder (seriously don’t tell me she isn’t: Wells????) but her grudges are NEVER more important than hard-nosed practical problem-solving.

Time for some gratuitous torture. Honestly, I like Season 2, it’s probably my favorite season, but it has some MAJOR filler problems. Like when it’s good it’s THE BEST but then other times it just doesn’t know how to fill 40 minutes so it resorts to pointless diversions (like Bellamy rappelling down the side of a mountain to save a character who is literally never seen again? for some reason?) or just straight out ugly violence for screaming’s sake (Raven’s surgery, Raven’s Grounder torture, Abby’s shocklashing, etc.) Like honestly I can’t even watch this. I’m just gonna browse tumblr until it’s done.

The Arkers really like the concept of “confessing” don’t they?

Like okay I’m not done WHAT IS THE POINT of this? It all but kills the whole Kabby vibe (I still lowkey ship them but sometimes I think...why?), it’s truly painful to watch, and it has no plot purpose AT ALL not even world-building because, lol, we know the writers don’t care to flesh out Camp Jaha in any real way.

Murphy is taking such sad glee out of instigating Finn’s madness/violence. The Luci of The 100 for sure.

This Bellamy story line is boring though I’m sorry. Some of these scenes (the Clarke or Mount Weather ones) I could watch a million times but this is like... kay, I know what happens already. So.

“There are some lines you can’t uncross.” I mean I think this show has actually shown that’s pretty untrue since people get over almost everything pretty fast. There’s always another horrific thing to do and/or experience!

Yeah my bitterness is seeping in.

Anyway when you come into an interrogation knowing what the “right” answer is, you’ll never learn anything, take note, stupid teenager boys + U.S. law enforcement.

Like honestly this Grounder is 500000x smarter than they are. He saves himself and rains gunfire and destruction upon his enemies. (Well, saves himself for a few minutes--but at least he got to cause harm to those he hates!)

“You thought I was the crazy one, huh?” Was Murphy ever crazy, though, or was he just coldly vengeful?

Speaking of coldly vengeful, Byrne could have been a potentially interesting character? Maybe? I’m not really into the type but as I said I want more Arkers wherever I can find them. And Kane needs real opposition. I have sympathy for him to a degree, but I also think he ultimately weakens rather than strengthens himself.

I love when Monty calls bullshit on stuff. “I can’t see Clarke? Try and fucking stop me, bitches.”

Jasper has such a big heart. Truly the emotional core of this friendship.

I like how Kane speaks as if his “diplomatic mission” of adults is so vastly different than Bellamy and Finn just going off on their own I mean, Byrne is little better than Finn? They’re both easily frustrated and fond of torture? It’s just that Byrne understands a chain of command--barely--that’s literally it.

How does it make literally any sense at all to shocklash a person one hour and make her the Chancellor the next? Like you’ve just encouraged the populace to think of her as nothing special, not above the embarrassing public application of extreme pain--but yes by all means expect them to fall into line behind her leadership. I mean I guess this sort of works if she was already somehow beloved (I guess I’m supposed to just believe that?) and now more sympathy has been generated for her--but such sympathy would seem to come at the expense of Kane. It would seem to be the opposite of what he, or really Byrne, was going for with that disgusting display. But whatever memory is a fiction I guess.

And they have this swelling-music romantic eye-fuck goodbye like??? He was just beating you!! JUST NOW!

What I’m getting out of Murphy advocating for killing the Grounder: first, he has a clear, cold, practicality not unlike Clarke, and two, he still thinks of the delinquents as his friends--how sweet. Two days ago he was killing them, holding them hostage, and stealing their ammo before a huge battle but still. Bygones.

This is not a great ep. for Bellamy leadership lol.

Finn executes a man, while wearing Clarke’s watch, in the place they had sex. Seems...symbolic?? IDK it’s late lol.

I miss Nyko a lot but also now that I’ve seen (part of) Slasher I’m not entirely sure I can ever see Ty Olsson in the same light.

Wouldn’t it be funny if they were literal brothers? Because I always assumed this was metaphorical but...was it? WAS IT?

Weird note to end on, I know. If patterns hold, it’ll be another 2-3 months before I do this again but I’ll try to be a little more on the ball about it.

#the year 2019 #2019: fandom thoughts #2019: the 100 s2 #the 100 #the 100 rewatch

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head-and-heart · 6 years

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The 100 Ask Game

Thanks for the tag @istilldothiseveryday ! This looks fun :)

1. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

Protests? Can you get arrested for that on the Ark?

I dunno. I have a very strong personality I’d probably get into to some kind of trouble politically on the Ark 2. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

Nah. I’m very much alike with Clarke in the way I think and as much as I may like to stick my middle finger up at the council if I was sent down on the dropship, I think I would see the value in having the Ark (aka. a functioning society) follow us down to the ground. I would be scared out of my mind of the Grounders - back up would be nice. 3. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

Probably a mangled mess of metal cause I’d shut down that shit SO hard

4. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

Maya. I understand that her surviving doesn’t really make any sense and they needed her to die for jasper’s arc or whatever BUT TBH SHE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL??? Like, I stanned her team-up with Bellamy so hard; I’d literally sell my soul to satan for her to be incorporated into the delinquent’s group. Can you imagine her suiting up and going on hunting missions with Harper? Attending Lincoln and Bell’s sparring lessons? Sharing her music with Gina at the bar????? Helping out Abby and Jackson in medical???? Having heart to hearts with Clarke about her mom (and Clarke’s dad), who both died rebelling against the system??? Cracking jokes with Monty?? imagine if she went up to space with the squad, and what their relationship could have been like then! She could be their medic on board.

People always simplify Maya to her relationship with Jasper (and yes they were cute) but SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE. She was smart and courageous and selfless - she had fire and wit and strength and i m i s s her.

She’ll never see Earth, never breathe real air, never float on the water, never meet Riley

We’ll never get to see her grow up and it makes me sad

5. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Raven and Monty because they’re GENIUSES obviously.

Lincoln and Bellamy so I don’t fucking DIE lmao - I know they got my back (my poor boys - both too selfless for their own good)

Clarke cause the Angry Cat game is strong and she’s got a real knack for not dying even when she should, probably, be 110% dead 6. Minty or Briller?

Briller. Tragically, Bryan only started to interest me in 4x02 when they gave him more dimension by visiting farm station.

Also ... how can you say no to chickens? 7. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

Uhhh. Keit? Kayt?

What a lame name 8. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

i don’t know him

9. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

I doubt I would take it. Unknown drug with unknown effects? Sounds pretty sketch. I don’t see myself going for that - I’m a generally skeptical person. 10. What character do you relate to most & What character do you like the least not including the obvious ones like Pike, etc…

Definitely relate the most to my INTJ queen Clarke Griffin!

And Octavia is probably my least favourite character. I can see why some people like her and the merit in her character arc I guess but tbh she just IRRITATES me to no end - she has certain characteristics that really grate at me. Obviously, some characters are horrible people (like Dr. Tsing ew) but Octavia just infuriates me because of some of her characteristics.

She’s not for me. 11. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

Something practical cause I’m boring.

Cargo pants. Ark-issued t-shirt. And a nice warm jacket. The jackets the characters wear on this show are pathetic - they barely look like they keep the wind out. And only Bellamy zips his up. smh vancouver is colder than it looks - all that humidity

As for a trademark thing?

I’d be the only arker with an “I <3 BELLAMY BLAKE” t shirt probably

12. Favorite type of mutant animal?

Bellamy’s three-headed doggo he hasn’t found yet

anyway i still have hope

13. What would your job be on the Ark?

I think I’d follow in Raven/Monty’s paths a bit and go into something mathematical like engineering but knowing myself I’d probably end up moving into politics later on. I have too many strong opinions to put up with the Ark system lol 14. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

Oh HELL no. I’d probably throw up all over it. I’m sorry Clarke. It’s not like that’s ACTUALLY how blood transfusions work anyway *intense side-eye at The 100 “science”* 15. If Lxa wasn’t Heda, but she’s still alive right? then who would make the best commander?

None of them. Bellamy x Clarke leadership duo. I don’t care about the Grounder commander system - it’s all kinda bs anyway.

None of the individual leaders on this show have done a good job. They’ve always functioned best as a team (which is why I want the Bellarke leader couple back) 16. If you were a grounder, then where would you live and who would be your mentor?

I mean I know she went all cray cray and they all died but probably Luna’s rig. I don’t want shit to do with the other clans, who are always warring with each other. And I think Nyko would be a pretty good mentor. I’d like to learn medicine. 17. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

Let’s be real, I’d probably start crying about how Bellamy and Clarke are in love and wHy cAn’T tHeY jUSt bAnG aLrEAdY ... and Finn would be real mad about it if he was in charge of picking my ass off the floor like in “Day Trip”

ha! I think it would be worth it 18. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake?

I mean ... I definitely wouldn’t lead a manhunt to kill a thirteen year old girl so I can say with a lot of confidence that I would NOT follow the Murphy route. Not so sure I’d just pardon her though. I think the delinquents needed some kind of prison system. Charlotte did murder a kid. Even though she was a child, there probably should have been some kind of consequence for that (though not killing her would be ideal) 19. Who should be the Chancellor, if anyone?

Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin co-leading motherfucking power couple

I will accept no less in canon. just let me fucking have this

20. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod)What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

Oh, the iPod for sure. I literally don’t know if I could live without music. I’m listening to it ALL the time - I’m listening to it right now. RAIGN is playing *cries in Bellarke* 21. Do you think you’d have caught the virus spread through camp or would you have been immune like O.ctavia?

I’m a weak ass bitch so probably

and on the basis that I don’t like any of the people who ARE immune then maybe I don’t wanna be - what’s the point of surviving in a world where you’ve only got Finn Collins and O.ctavia Blake for company? 22. What would your grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

I want whatever makeup L.exa’s got from Polisephora. You think she’d share some of that eyeliner? 23. Favorite quote?

“Shouldn’t there be more to life than just surviving?” - Clarke Griffin (2x14)

24. Can you forgive Murphy for his actions? How about Bellamy?

Yeah. I feel like we’re kind of past this point in the plot. They’ve both showed development and change and I think we’re definitely at a place in the story where both of them are intended as sympathetic characters to the audience. 25. If one of the characters was in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? NOOOOO ALREADY SO MUCH DEATH NOOOO

I’m going to answer this as if all of our characters were thrown into the ring and I have to predict which one would win.

I wanna say Octavia because I think she’s independent and - er - determined enough to take out someone she knows if it came down to being the two of them to grant her own freedom and survival. Whereas, someone like Clarke or Bellamy or Kane would probably just nightlock it cause they’re self-sacrificial af.

But then I also think maybe Murphy ‘cause cockroaches never die (thank you Raven). 26. Least favorite ship? Favorite ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC

Least favourite ship that people actually like? (aka. not something like Clarke and Jaha)

Probably B.echo (as a romantic relationship, not necessarily sexual). Hate to be basic and predictable but I think I would actually die if it were endgame.

FAVOURITE SHIP THAT ISN’T BELLARKE

how dare

If you asked me this a few months ago I would have told ya Niytavia but now that we’ve gotten more teasers about Octavia’s character in Season 5 I’m not sure if I want her anywhere near her (I like Niylah when she’s hot, but not cooked, ya feel?)

So maybe Jasper and Raven. Idk. I liked their friendship. Still bitter about Season 4.

I don’t really ship anything besides Bellarke that much. They’re an anomaly for me. 27. A song that should be included in the next season, like when Radioactive was? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

Tbh RAIGN goes hard af so anything by her would be pretty lit.

I mostly only associate songs I listen to with Bellarke when I’m applying them to the show so I’ve got like 100+ songs that I would love to use for them but its hard to think of a context where they would fit in with the tone of the show

And I want Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to cameo. They don’t need to say anything - they just need to stare soulfully into each other’s eyes in the background.

... or makeout

Whatever. 28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

Steal the wine. Have karaoke battles. Drunkenly cry because RaVEn iS sO sTrONg and sO gOoD (and he would cry with me - he WOULD).

Gossip about Bellamy’s butt.

The possibilities are endless, really.

29. Opinion on Emori? Roan?

I don’t really have a strong opinion on Emori. I feel like our knowledge of her is still so limited. She’s still barely interacted with anyone besides Murphy. But I’m guessing that may change in Season 5. I’d like to see her interact more with Bellamy, since they both have siblings (and Emori was the disgraced child too, just like O). Not many people can relate in that sense.

I really liked Roan but TO BE HONEST I found him more intriguing in Season 3 than in Season 4. He was literally up there in like my top four or five characters in Season 3 - I was so excited to learn more about him! In Season 4 he didn’t have much of a character arc, he was just kind of there to look moody and badass.

But honestly Roan is one of those characters that I don’t think was necessarily intended to be funny (as opposed to characters like Jasper and Wick) but his interactions with Clarke, Bellamy, and Echo offered up the occasional piece of comedy gold. He went too soon. Forever mourning the bromance that he and Bellamy could have had.

30. Would you want to be an extra that is killed off in a brutal way?

I wanna be Satisfied Girl.

Or Riley. Everyone loves that guy

so ... no? maybe? does it come with the job? 31. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

CADOGAN. @metastation has ruined me; now I just want more!

Also any of the Eligius crew tbh 32. A character you’d bang?

Omg like all of them.

Bellamy and Raven are up there tho.

And highkey Bree could get it. She looks like she knows what she’s doing.

Echo’s hot but i dunno chains and choking aren’t really my thing

Anywayyyyy I’m way too late to the party so I won’t tag anyone but like if you feel like doing this GO AHEAD ! And you can tag me in your post if you want too

#the 100 #posts by moi

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ladyloveandjustice · 6 years

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so, now that i feel mildly better enough to write about it, I did indeed see Justice League.

It was...it was better than the Superman movies and BVS. And Suicide Squad. Definitely watchable. Not spectacular but there were only a few scenes where i was like “ugh this is taking too long”, the ending actually went by pretty quickly.

But did have a very forced patchwork feeling of two movies smashed together (which it was, considering the reshoots). I mean ya wanna talk about tone problems. On one hand we had somber dark and edgy BVS type stuff on the other hand it was incredibly cheesy! so cheesy! and I like cheesy! but this cheese kinda felt really forced- if you��re going cheesy you need to go the whole hog. own the shit out of it. this movie didn’t quite make it.

They definitely made an effort to revert Superman to Superman Classic. Apparently dying and coming back to life makes you like 1000% more cheerful everyone should try it. And I like what they were going for but I don’t think Henry Cavill can quite pull it off. yet. i mean maybe he’ll get used to it, it was a major tone shift for him. It doesn’t come off a genuine “aw shucks” thing like it should for Clark it felt...forced and a little condescending. Supergirl’s Superman, in contrast, was a lot more of a natural at it. But yeah, maybe he’ll get used to it. Points for trying.

the absolute worst part was the Superman is OUT OF CONTROL RAGEZOMBIE BACK FROM THE DEAD fight vs everyone else like it dragged so long and we all knew exactly how it would we know he’ll beat up everyone we know Bruce will get Lois and love will cure everything just got STOP WE DON’T NEED THIS JUST GET ON WITH THE MOVIE

actually the worst part was the villain, a very generic evil it was absolutely impossible to care about them fighting at all like it was even worse than Suicide Squad and that is saying a LOT

they...definitely tried for some Bruce/Diana sexual tension and i was definitely not here for it like oh god can you just not arbitrarily pair Diana up with one of them always can DC stop.

speaking of Diana she was one of the better parts of the movie, as expected, her actress has a good presence and all that.

of course the movie had to comment on how HOT she was ALL THE TIME though. (oh god the bikini armor on some of the Amazons was the worst even worse that i expected)

I do like that Bruce seemed to recognize she should be the one leading the team because YEAH. GLAD YOU’RE ON TOP OF THAT CHUM. And her feeling uneasy about being in the spotlight because of survivor’s guilt over Steve and not wanting another death on her conscience that made...kinda sense i guess. Her arc of getting comfortable with her status as a leader and inspirational figure again after being a behind the scenes hero for so long was nice in some parts. The fact that Bruce of all people called her on it...not so much, but I’m glad the rest of the team was basically like “wow Bruce stfu” and he said sorry. (Cyborg’s “SO ANYWAY WHILE BATMAN WAS BEING AN ASSHOLE I WAS DOING ACTUAL IMPORTANT THINGS” comment was good, that’s my dude right there) (Barry’s “you know if she kills you, we’ll all be on her side” comment to Bruce- how I feel about every Bruce v Diana conflict ever. )

For Barry he was likeable...but he fell heavily into the overdone “funny-autistic-streotype-but-we’re-not-gonna-say-it” bit for me. like. am i out of line here? it was the whole “I don’t understand people what is brunch” speech that pushed it over for me, but idk. it was very weird, and like a lot of the movie, sometimes felt forced.

Cyborg! He was there! He was definitely 80s comic mega-angst “I HATE U DAD” Cyborg which made sense as the Accident had literally just happened and as the movie went on you kind of saw his personality emerge a little- complete with the “boo-yah” thrown out there for us cartoon fans. When a review complained about it i was like “how dare u for once that is something from these movies that caters directly to me” but wow it was delivered immediately after they defeated the bad guy very dramatically so i can see why it stood out to that reviewer so much.

I did think the angle of him hearing weird languages in his head and not knowing what the fuck’s happening made the whole “AM I MAN OR MACHINE” angst a little more relevant. The whole “I’M NOT HUMAN” bit has a bit of a different context now than in the 80s with tech being more accepted, so that was probably needed.

He unfortunately wasn’t terribly memorable, though I did like the “we’re both accidents” bonding moment with Flash and how Diana immediately seemed to decide she was his big sis.

Aquaman...probably shoulda been in it interacting with the others more? The whole vibe he had going could have really worked if they spent more time establishing it and him, but they didn’t, so it...once again...felt kinda forced. I did like that his Mom seems to be the key component to whatever his backstory is though. Well at least ONE male hero’s mom apparently gets to be the complicated heroic figure he has a weird relationship and doesn’t understand instead of like. just. dead.

There were a lot of parts of the movie that would have worked better if i hadn’t seen the movies preceding them. like Bruce’s whole “WE NEED CLARK” and “HE WAS SO IMPORTANT” and “HE WAS MORE HUMAN THAN ME” and “YES I THINK WE SHOULD BRING HIM BACK FROM THE DEAD WITH THIS THING WE HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WORKS SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN” like...you didn’t even know him Bruce. you guys measured your dicks for twenty minutes and then teams up for two minutes you had no chance to get to know each other. and nah, he actually was equally as annoying and broody and cold as you! You’d know that if you’d ACTUALLY EVER TALKED.

also the opening montage of “THE WORLD IS LOST NOW THAT SUPERMAN WAS DEAD” he was only around for TWO MOVIES guys, he spent MOST OF THOSE MOVIES IN WEIRD FIGHTS WITH ALIENS DESTROYING MAJOR CITIES like the previous movies really did not do anything to establish he was this essential to the world’s hope. In fact the entire last movie was about how the world didn’t really like him all that much.

(especially painful was those white guys yelling at the Muslim lady and that was supposed to be connected to Superman being dead somehow? BIGOTRY ONLY EXISTS BECAUSE SUPERMAN DIED GUYS. IF HE’S ALIVE BIGOTRY IS OVER.)

I think another thing that held the movie back was they basically had to establish half the team. Cyborg’s origin was actually plot relevant (but still didn’t feel fleshed out enough), but for Flash and Aquaman it was very casually thrown in our faces and yeah. Just felt messy.

anyway.

it could’ve been worse. it could’ve also been a lot better. i dunno guys. i really want DC to get their act together, and i know there were a lot of tragic issues with this one. but at this point their only solid offering has been Wonder Woman. It’s...looking grim.

#justice league movie

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sveasauvageon · 4 years

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Svea's Snapchat || HSWW

☾♔; March 3, 2018 ☾♔; sotd: Aphrodisiac by Eleftheria Eleftheriou ☾♔; comedian otd: Sean Lock ☾♔; Svea's Snapchat ☾♔; {G} https://goo.gl/PnjH23 ☾♔; Mod(s): @.miky94

inspired by @.themadmonarchist

TBH, I'm not very familiar with snapchat, my only understanding of it is from tv shows and such. I've never even had an account. Having said that, I'm super in love with this group and totally wanted to make one anyway. XP

Posts (or snaps, or whatever) -going top to bottom, left to right-

1. Caption: I need it in my life!!!! Context: A fashion show somewhere. Defs somewhere in Europe, I wanna say Milan, just because. (okay, tbh, I need it in my life. It's so perfect for like half of my oc's! someone who's good at editing please make an edit of it for me!)

2. Caption: Oh look, a pretty fountain! #howhipsterofme Context: Idk what I'm doing. the stupid hashtag is supposed to a stupid joke. I don't get it either.

3. Caption: He looks so serious, but he's crying inside. Context: he crying because his girlfriend cannot turn off eurovision. it too AWESOME!!!! That's around the 6th straight hour of an endless loop of Yodel it. Tag: @.lady-stoneheart (Henry Clark)

4. Caption: "Hufflepunk" more like huffleHOTAF. Context: I didn't really have one when I picked, I just thought she looked mega hot, but I'll say it Syn with Svea and some others at Allsång På Skansen (a swedish outdoor concert type thing that happens every tuesday during the summer, Eurovision artists always show to perform. Not all of them and not on every day, but at least once. Mooms-mooms hosted it a few times, performed in 2015 after he won.) Tag: @.ghostpastey (Syn Lothbrok)

5. Caption: When your aunt keeps playing the piano despite 12 reminders that she can't. #drunkAF Context: Aunt Brigitta getting drunk af at a christmas party and banging her fingers on the piano for some reason. Idk why.

6. Caption: Okay, Europe is drunk. There's like 3 hours left, but someone call us a cab after please. Context: The Eurovision Song Contest. That's all the context you need tbh.

7. Caption: A flower crown for a flower Queen Context: again, I got nothing. I should've left out these captions. I just saw it and it reminded me of Minah. Tag: @.maybones (Minah Delacroix)

8. Caption: yike, why so serious? Context: nope, nothing. Absolutely none. I just thought it was funny, which it's not 'cause Hannibal. But idk. Tag: @.melophilia-c (Mason Thygeson)

9. Caption: Just the absolute cutest! Context: sister-complex, she definitely has some kind of a sister-complex. Not as bad as Henry's (@.lady-stoneheart) brother-complex, but still.

10. Caption: Embrasse-moi dis-moi que tu m'aimes #JUSTKISSALREADY Context: actual aggressive shipper, Svea Sauvageon Tag: @.maybones (Minah Delacroix and Tyler Lee)

11. Caption: Got her in the dress, but the black lipstick stayed. She pulled it off, but still! Context: Idk, some fancy pants Scandi party with Syn. Tag: @.ghostpasty (Syn Lothbrok)

12. Caption: Black and white makes everyone look, and then there's you. how the fu.ck is anyone that beautiful? Context: I got nothing. My heart just skipped 60 beats when I saw the picture. Tag: @.themadmonarchist (Eloise Avery)

13. Caption: Always posing for google earth. Context: fck all. I dunno, maybe caught posing whilst they're all studying in the library or something? Idk. Tag: @.themadmonarchist (Theo Nott)

14. Caption: Goding. Context: I don't really have any. I just thought it'd be hilarious for Svea to send that snap to Syn with that caption (which the swedish "term of endearment", apparently, meaning "tasty") Tag: @.lady-stoneheart (also kind of @.ghostpastey)

15. Caption: What a cutie. Context: fck all. I got nothing, I just think she looks super cute there. Tag: @.melophilia-c (Tavvy Thygeson)

16. Caption: I can't tell if my room is actually that bright, or it's just my eyes readjusting. Context: Not as funny as some pun I had an hour ago, but I forgot it! Anyway, it's about the lack of light and sht in the slytherin common room and dorms, since they're in the dungeons and beneath the Black Lake.

#polyvore #oc social media #Svea Sauvageon #mine #hsww #lili sauvageon #Henry Clark #svea x henry #syn lothbrok #eloise avery #Theo Nott #tyler lee #minah delacroix #tavvy thygeson #luna #anna #kz #may #mason thygeson

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my-happy-little-bean · 7 years

Text

eleven questions pt. 2

hello! here is something nobody wants, but i want to do :) my dearest friend @phantasyprone (who i find v cool and intimidating) tagged me in this and has provided me questions i shall answer! huzzah :P that was lame

1. Who is someone in your life that means a lot to you or why (can be someone you know personally or a musician or a content creator, or a politician, or whoever)

while it may be v cliché, i think of her 💕 every time someone asks me this question. she just makes me feel better, in whatever mood i am in. we just help each other, and share treasured moments either early in the morning, or late at night when thoughts are eating us alive. at the moment of me typing this, we are sharing our usual morning greetings, talking about her night and meeting up in the school’s chapel for us time. ahhh to be in love, even if it is doomed to be platonic :)

2. What are three songs that you love on your current playlist.

“father/son”, cat stevens: i think it’s only because i watched guardians of the galaxy vol. 2 and heard this song, but it means a lot to me for some reason. it almost made me cry. i dunno. it’s not even the best song in the world — it just has this emotional/personal trait for me, and i can’t stop listening to it.

intertwined, dodie: i’ve always liked this song, but i like this song even more for some reason. maybe it’s because i recently saw dodie’s analysis of the song and just fell in love with it even more. who knows :P

haze, tessa violet: listening to tessa is fairly new to me, but i am kind of in love with her ep “halloway”? idk why. it just makes me feel v confident — way more than i should be allowed to feel :’)

3. What TV shows means the most to you and why?

i mean, i don’t watch too many tv shows, but i really think friends means a lot to me. it’s not a really meaningful show, but it brings back good memories. i watched it for the first time with my mum and we had some of the best bonding moments i’ve ever shared with her. it also made me laugh on several occasions when i felt like i couldn’t, which i guess could be a good reason :)

4. What would you tell yourself 10 years ago?

embrace being happy. one day, you’re going to miss smiling and you’re not going to know that homework is actually bad, reading is something that can fade away, and body image will affect you a lot (so maybe lay off the extra chicken wing) (oh who am i kidding bloody eat it)

5. What would you want yourself to still being doing 10 years from now?

i still want to be working towards helping other people. hopefully in 10 years, i can do it professionally, but the one thing i want to keep the same is just the time i take out of my day to listen to someone’s concerns, and just be that shoulder to cry on.

6. What is your favourite combination of colours?

blue/pink, especially pastel blue/pink. though i like the colour of the sunset that is a combination of pink, blue, orange, yellow, and purple. it’s absolutely gorgeous.

7. What are your 3 favourite non physical things about yourself?

non-physical? i assume we mean like, personality? it’s really late ok well hopefully im answering this right :P

hmm, while it can be a bit annoying at times, i do like my empathy towards other people. it reminds me that human decency is a good moral to live by. i also like my sense of humour because it’s the one thing that gets me friends, and my mindset, as annoying as that could be too. i consider myself kind of wise. i was always the mother of the group of friends that i totally have, and i always had some weird philosophy to share. go figure.

8. If you had a superpower, what would it be?

as stated in the last part, teleportation is really awesome XD

9. Which musician do you think is underrated?

i mean, i don’t think this counts because she has a rather large fanbase, but come on — why has dodie clark recently hit 1 000 000 subscribers for someone who deserves, like, all of them :P

10. What do you like most about your favourite YouTuber?

yikes, while i can’t slim it down to one, here is short reasons about 4 of my favourites, in no particular order:

thomas sanders: his ability to make me smile, despite never meeting him in real life. the fact that he can make me laugh through a screen as if he was right beside me is kind of amazing. he is also so talented, it’s just...agh so talented. while i love the content of his sander side videos, the editing and the acting and the writing and the filming that is put through is amazing. gahh. i hope he is happy today because he always makes me happy.

dodie clark: the sweetest, most lovable girl i know. she too is extremely talented, but i am also in love with the way her mind works. she is relatable on a whole other level for me, and she just calms me down. her voice gets me through a lot of dark nights.

phil lester: see, here’s another youtuber who makes me smile a shit ton. he doesn’t get enough recognition for how awesome he is, really. he puts so much effort in the content he makes, even if it’s just a “regular phil vlog”. and he’s so creative and talented. also, how is he singl— wait never mind.

daniel howell: he is a frickin’ inspiration to me. i am really glad that he’s someone i look up to. his rebranding makes me really happy, like the whole phandom, but he'll always be that caring, lovable, and opinionated guy who is my role model.

11. What 5 small things in life make you happy?

- her 💕 - my dog - chicken wings - believe it or not, a good book - a sunny sky

aaand part 3 of this whole thing none of you asked for will be out soon ^-^

#gabbie gabbles

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kinetic-elaboration · 7 years

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February 10: Thoughts on 4x02 Heavy Lies the Crown

I sat down to write my reaction to 4x02 and wrote basically a novel because I have no self-control. I talk so big about being barely invested in the source material anymore and then this happens. I cannot be trusted.

I wrote this before I saw any fandom reactions at all so it’s really just my unfiltered and uninfluenced thoughts.

Tl;dr version:

Team Jaha all the way

Loved the Arkadia stuff especially the Clarke and Jaha stuff and Clarke’s speech

Intrigued by the possibility of waiting out the radiation in the Ark

Interested to see Bryan develop, worried about Miller/Bryan

Legit thought Bellarke were going to kiss when they were saying goodbye

I would have voted with Miller and Monty but I also think that Bellamy’s final decision was the only possible outcome morally and narratively and that for this reason that whole story line was meh for me

A+ Monty characterization

Why does no one care that the Arkadia government has been decimated? This is some grade A nonsense.

...Jasper

I'm probably going to nit pick a lot and sound like I didn't like, but overall I actually really did. I'm never going to stop being nostalgic for what the show could have been, but I think it's doing the best it can to come back from the mess of S3.

I'm going to organize my thoughts by storyline this time since, I don’t have definite negatives and definite positives like last week.

POLIS

I have made the tentative decision to avoid absolutely as much as possible all content beyond the actual episodes themselves—that includes preview scenes and bts stuff released before the show airs, as well as interviews, Twitter statements, etc. (I will watch the trailers because I just love trailers in general but that's it.) I have a variety of personal-preference reasons for doing so but I think the opening of this episode really solidifies my episodes-only position. Because such a fucking meal was made about the glowing butterflies, and what did we get? Literally, no one lied: we did see a glowing butterfly, very first thing. But everything that glowing butterflies are associated with (associations the people doing the teasing are very well aware of)--including early S1, the glowing forest, the beauty of the Earth, a sense of calm, etc.--was missing. We get the exact opposite instead: mutilation, death, blood, loss, grief. Wow. I was not impressed. In fact, I felt very cheated. I guess one central reason I'm cutting extras out of my viewing experience is because I feel that most of them are designed to create this reaction, designed to tease and trick on the one hand, or just to outright spoil on the other. They decrease my enjoyment of the show and make me feel like I'm being fucked with for sport.

Not to make too big a deal out of it though, because I feel like my language is harsher than my emotions... Anyway I didn't like the intro is what I'm saying. I don't want to say too much because this is a larger point about the episode but one I'm not sure is fair on my part but...it felt a little too...on the nose? Rote? Like a very simple story was told very quickly and unsubtly: we know Ilian has issues because ALIE had him kill his whole family like it doesn't get shorter and simpler than that. And considering I have nothing but negative associations with ALIE, I'm a little...don't subject me to this please.

I'll reserve most of my judgment because he's barely been introduced but so far Ilian is boring and I don't care about him. Next.

Also boring: Trishanakru (sp?). Again, I know it's early, but what I got out of this episode was that, for all they spend so much fucking time on the Grounders, the PTB really do not have very many ideas for them. Because so far the total variation of the clans has been in degree of warlike qualities (average: Trikru; high: Azgeda; low: Flokru). If we hadn't been told Ilian and dead guy were part of a new clan about twenty times I would have just straight up assumed they were Trikru because they're pretty much impossible to distinguish. And I know, I'm being unfair because it's only been one episode but like...I'd always been under the impression there were real and obvious differences among the 12 clans? If there aren't I literally never have to see any other clans I mean it's bad enough I have to be subjected to those ugly white Azgeda tattoos or the Undergrad Common Room aesthetic of Luna's people.

Kane and Abby: everything's going along in just exactly the way I'd expect with them, which means that my interest level is pretty low tbh. I have a very calm sort of appreciation for them, but no particular thoughts or high emotions. Nothing wrong with two attractive people in bed. But like...the main plot point of their relationship was about Abby deciding what to do with Jake's ring and considering I've already thought about that in a fandom context repeatedly and in more depth—without even being a hardcore Kabby shipper—I was a little underwhelmed by it here. Also actually a little disappointed that she ultimately took it off. Like I know why she had to but I also thought that Kane's earlier statement about Jake being a part of her was his acceptance that she would continue to wear it, and I thought there was something rather nice about that—because Jake was his friend too, and what's really wrong with someone whose spouse is dead simultaneously remembering the deceased and having a relationship with someone else? IDK. I guess...it was all fine but not very deep.

Octavia: I have to say I'm kind of surprised by Octavia so far because I was under the impression that she would immediately cut ties with everyone and have a totally separate story line. So that she's still hanging out, at least in body if not spirit, with Kabby and that she hasn't been, like, universally shunned or even officially banished or whatever is just.. I'm not sure what to make of it. What I mean is: does no one but Bryan care that she assassinated the Chancellor? (Also tbt that time she had a big fit about Bellamy attempting to assassinate the Chancellor lol how times have changed.) I'm personally pretty ready to forget literally everything from S3 in a lot of ways but realistically stuff that happened mere days ago in the show should probably be addressed and it's just really weird to me that there's been next to no consequence for her. Also I don't think the show has any idea what to do with O now (which is also why I have an eye-rolly reaction to 'Lincoln died to further O's story line' arguments because IMO almost the opposite happened: Lincoln died and O's story fell apart.) Anyway I don't care about her.

I am STILL BOTHERED by the fact that O got a tattoo in the S2-S3 hiatus but we only got the barest hints of it in S3 and are only getting full views of it now, a season later. And no one's ever mentioned it. I mean maybe this is my Conservative view of tattoos but imo inking your skin is like kinda a big deal and even if you don't think it is in the here and now... tats are a Grounder thing, a permanent alteration of your body that only Grounders do...so it feels like her getting one is sort of a big deal within this society and I would have liked to see it, if not on screen, at least...like a plot point? Or honestly why the fuck even do it. Like literally why subject to Marie to additional make up, why take on the added burden of continuity checks about her tattoo, if it's not even remotely important to your story??

Speaking of tattoos, I forgot to say this before, but if literally everyone has tattoos (and pretty much every Grounder we've ever encountered has had tattoos, whether they're warriors or not, as far as I can tell), how does it help a Spy not to have them? I mean...if there's only one person hanging out with no tats...would you not automatically suspect that person of spying?? Also it kinda looked like Echo did have a tattoo in that fight scene with Roan, a black one on her arm, but it was hard to tell. Coulda been her shirt I dunno.

AKA the world building on this show leaves a lot to be desired but what's new.

These people are shit at keeping secrets for real.

ARKADIA

I'm intrigued by this idea that they could hide out in the Ark itself during the radiation—for a lot of reasons. I fucking love the Ark, first of all. It's an idea I hadn't previously thought of or seen anyone else think of so it's actually surprising to me, and creative, and unexpected, unlike a lot of the rest of the show at this point. It's way better than going into space, which is tragic in its comic ridiculousness. It makes a nice full circle. I think there's something O.Henry sad about it in a way too because if that's the solution they use...they'll live, but they'll never see the outside again. They're creating another Mt. Weather in a way (and I think they semi-know it: "If there's another Mt. Weather out there, the Grounders will know")--and we know how that worked out for them. (I think the lesson from Mt. Weather, honestly, is that if you can't evolve you don't get to live.) Then of course there's the lifeboat problem which, personally, at this point, is getting a little boring. But I definitely caught Raven saying at the end that only "a hundred" of them would fit without the water machine, so that's either significant or bad story telling.

Also finally my boy Monty coming back into the genius fold. I'm still a little...wary of how they're developing Monty because I remain dissatisfied with his post-Mt. Weather story but what can you do. Promising so far at least.

I literally stopped the video and laughed when I saw the Bellamy/Miller/Bryan scene because of Bryan's gratuitous shirtlessness. Like...I know the implication is not that Bellamy walked in on anything because Bryan was in pajamas and Miller was dressed but it was still fucking hilarious to me anyway because I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old and always will. (More on them below.)

TEAM JAHA all the way. Okay, I've been thinking a little more about him and... I think it's important to differentiate between liking a character as a character and liking a character in universe. By liking a character in-universe I mean 'if X were a real person, I would like him. I agree with his choices, his sense of morality, and he has an agreeable personality.' Sometimes I dislike Jaha in-universe; I think he was objectively wrong in S2 when he chose the City of Light over getting Our Heroes out of Mt. Weather. But it also isn't important to me to like a character in-universe. Plenty of characters do bad or wrong things and if everyone always did the right thing, there'd be no conflict and no story. What I can't stand is characters who don't make sense as characters and I've been, as I said, uncertain about Jaha. I don't think the show's done him any favors by separating him from so much of the cast for so long (aside from Murphy, has he had any extended interaction with any major cast member since S1? This isn't a real question. The answer is no.) He has often just been not as entertaining as other characters because of this. And I think he's on a long arc, starting all the way back in mid-S1. Combine these things—a long arc that requires a long attention span to understand, developed slowly and in separation from most of the rest of the main cast and main events—and you have a good recipe for a widely-disliked character. I don't dislike him, but I've been frustrated by him, and uncertain how to separate in-universe frustration from badly-drawn-character frustration. BUT I increasingly think that Jaha is an excellently drawn character, probably one of the more consistent on the entire show (certainly way more consistent than Kane lol), and I'm really enjoying seeing him, the real him, again. Jaha is sounding a lot more like his S1 self. And bringing him together with Clarke is A+. More of this please. More philosophical conversations about leadership I can get behind. I love that he used to be an engineer. I love that he's unflappable—never defending himself, never self-flagellating for others' sick pleasure. I love the hair (or...lack of hair). I love the lines he's given, like the 'no leader sets out wanting to lie to their people' one. (I stg if that line doesn't make its way into fandom lore I will riot. I need recompense for every single Clarke "I bear their burdens" gifset I've ever seen.) Just...yes, more Jaha, good stuff.

I like Clarke's new/old outfit and shorter hair but I don't like that little pouf on the top. That must go. I also like, tentatively (it's always tentatively with me and Clarke because if I were to rewatch 2x16 tomorrow I'd insta-hate her again so), where Clarke is going. I like that she's still pragmatic and a little ruthless but that this is mixed in with that old idealism of hers. I do think she's becoming more of her old S1 self, while still taking into account her other experiences and how she's grown and changed. So...yeah I don't feel I have much in terms of analysis on her after having only seen this episode once, but I'm encouraged.

I know I literally just said mere hours before watching this episode that the show had abandoned the relationship between Clarke and Raven but then what do you know, a pleasant surprise: they are interacting again. I liked it. I will always want more because they're one of my favorite relationships on the show but this was so good. I like seeing Raven challenge Clarke and Clarke actually take it into account. I like the tension between them. I like seeing Raven owning her own department. And I liked the tension with Jaha because it's consistent with her general character, very hard nosed and unforgiving.

...There's a part of me that wants to ship Monty/Raven but it's just so hard to ship, in-universe, Monty or Jasper with pretty much any other character because they're so much younger. I know the show doesn't treat them like they're younger and at this point pretty much every delinquent (except Bellamy) is in the "rough contemporaries" category but... Raven is still 19 or almost 19 and Monty is still 15 maaaaybe 16, and that's a big gap, it just is. It makes me semi-uncomfortable. Especially because, even though I think difference in life experience matters more than difference in calendar age, I still think Monty and Jasper were introduced as like the little brothers of the group and it's hard for me to break out of this conception of them.

I know we didn't really see anything new with Jasper in this episode, like that wasn't in trailers or whatever (I didn't see the shower scene clip before I watched 4x02 so I that was semi-new to me), but... I still love him. He is definitely incredibly damaged and it's still fairly remarkable to me that literally no one seems to recognize that he is sick—but I have no problem watching incredibly damaged characters so I am having a good old gay time with his story. Just don't let it end in death. As always, I love any reference to him and Monty being stoner dorks and the high five did not disappoint when given greater context. Actually it got better. And I'm glad he has a spear-scar still, although—and I have no idea how spears or scars work so maybe it was realistic—I wish it had been bigger/more obvious.

I'm pretty angry that my characterizations of Jasper and Monty re: their sexualities are backwards in the angst story and almost everything else I've written of them. Dammit fandom, letting your gay!Monty headcanon seep into my brain. I have no problem with seeing Monty as gay, but there was never actually any indication that he was and, more importantly, there was indication that he's into girls going all the way back to the pilot ("Note to self: next time save the girl," and, from mid-S1: "Are you kidding me? That was there for the taking."). Anyway, it's fine; sexualities are there to be messed with in fic. More importantly, bi!Jasper becomes increasingly canon for me every day. Monty's all "I am hella uncomfortable with your nudity" and there's Jasper like "I give no fucks anymore, I'm enjoying my slow suicide and I'm going to do whatever, wanna hug???? We can get high later and whatever happens happens!"

Fuck, Jasper's taste in music is bad though. IMO. As with the Violent Femmes song in 3x01, I get that the lyrics work well and I get why this song was chosen, but I just thought both songs were obnoxious to listen to. UGH. Where's my Joy Division.

I definitely thought, when Clarke was saying goodbye to the road trippers, that she and Bellamy were going to affectionately kiss goodbye. Like, obviously I didn't think this in the intellectual sense. I just had this sudden flash of feeling: this is where the goodbye kiss goes. And then when it didn't I had to sit back and think—all this happened in a handful of seconds obviously—oh yeah, they're not established yet. That's how easy and natural their chemistry is. It's really refreshing.

Clarke's speech at the end was very interesting. Honestly... I know why it had to be her, narratively speaking, but I kinda wish in a way it had been Bellamy. Because I like his speeches more. But it wouldn't make sense so this isn't a criticism. I liked that she was responding to Jasper and Raven and Jaha all at once. (And I especially liked the call back to Jasper, the sort of delayed convo, survive versus live versus thrive.) I thought it was an interesting moment too because not only did it call back to the Ark government's season 1 decisions, but it also called back to Bellamy's early decisions on the ground. I'm thinking in particular to how he used the threat of the Grounders to inspire the camp to work and build a wall—and listen to him, of course. He instinctively harnessed the threat and used it to power the forming of the community. He was even willing to lie to keep it together: to let everyone believe Wells had been killed by a Grounder, even when Bellamy knew better. And that's what Clarke's doing, she's giving a version of the truth to the people to inspire them and to get them to work. I wonder if Bellamy sees this parallel too.

It's been 9 days since Clarke pulled the lever and now not only does Arkadia not have a council but it doesn't even have a chancellor and no one cares. NO ONE CARES. All of their government is totally gone, not just Pike but Kane and Abby (the prior de facto leaders), Sinclair (the head of a major department)...Jaha is around but he's clearly disgraced and powerless...who is running the show??? By which I mean, lol Clarke obviously. But why?? How? From where does her authority with non-delinquents derive? It's just this really weird hole in the story line imo because she's a child who 99% of the people have never met (okay arguments can be made about S2 but imo she was more Grounder-liaison than Arkadia head of state) and there's just... no...explanation...of how the community survives on the day-to-day. Except for the scene where Jasper oversees the party, which I guess, fair enough, is probably what would happen. This is all the more frustrating for me because the idea of a leaderless lawless community coming together was a major initial theme/plot of the very first episodes, and I've been missing it ever since, and here's another opportunity to engage in those themes and questions again and instead it's like...don't look over here at this humongous plot hole!!! Don't look!!

FARM STATION

I'm so tense about Miller/Bryan because in my opinion it makes sense to keep them alive and keep them together but with this show who ever freaking knows. They're the only long-term couple on the show, and the only m/m couple the show has ever had; their story's barely been told; Bryan couldn't stand on his own at this point and I feel like the pr nightmare of killing another queer kid just isn't worth it... But there have been plenty of other nonsense deaths on this show and I don't trust it. So. Anyway. I'm tense but I'm liking what I'm seeing so far. I like that we're seeing more of who Bryan is. I like that they're not forgetting where he came from or what his experiences are. I like that he's a little hard and a little on edge and a little dangerous because I think that's a good sort of person for Miller and it's more interesting. I like that they addressed his sudden change of heart last season because, while I'm not bothered really by everyone's easy forgiveness of him (I think it made narrative sense if not in-universe sense—not ideal but I can live with it), I do think that they organized that episode around the surprise of his about-face, without really explaining why he made the decision he did. Because that decision making process occurred off-screen in order to keep the surprise. I mean obviously it was pretty clear he did it For Love but I'm nevertheless glad they're discussing it.

I'm a little confused as to how Miller/Bryan ended though... I asked my mom (before I watched) if they broke up and she said no and I agree that on its face that does not look like a break up. It looks like a fight. If I were Miller or Bryan I would view it as a fight not an ending. BUT. This show doesn't really do relationship arcs, so much as it does relationship plot points here and there and you have to fill in the rest. I think. I guess it's hard to tell given how few relationships there have been, as opposed to hook ups or more informal romances, but that's sort of my feeling. A developing theory. So I guess I mean I wouldn't put it past the show to just act, next time we see one or both of them, like it's obvious they're not together anymore. I hope that's not how it goes down but I'm floating the possibility.

I asked my mom about M/H content too, so I could brace myself, and she said that, had she not known they were together, she would not have guessed based on 4x02. I agree and that makes me happy. The less of that the better. Also...while obviously I know that there's more to a relationship than just kissing or fucking, and that it's a bit silly to say "well I couldn't tell they were a couple because they didn't kiss in this episode..."—that in fact is not what I'm saying. Or what my mom was saying. My point is more that, if a couple has a basis for being a couple, like any sort of compatibility at all, you'll see it all the time, not just when they're on a date or in bed together. But what is the basis for the M/H relationship? There's nothing there to remind you why they're together when they're not...literally together...because it's random!! Because we know nothing of their common likes or interests, nothing of their way of interacting, nothing of what they like about each other, nothing about what makes them compatible—nothing! They're two names drawn out of a hat! Like the moment I thought that Bellarke would kiss even though they're not a couple...that could never happen with M/H because they have no substance! AT ALL! You can think they're cute as much as you fucking like but that doesn't give this story line any weight and I will continue to judge it harshly and bitterly until my contrary heart stops beating.

As to the actual Farm Station story line... the eternal small tragedy of high expectations I guess. I was...underwhelmed but I don't know why. I wanted to like it. I was looking forward to it. And I can't quite pinpoint what didn't do it for me in the narrative. But it seemed a little off.

One possibility is that it just didn't go into the details I most like. I am desperate for more info about the Ark, so if we're going to go to Farm Station, let's fucking go to Farm Station. Let's take a tour. Let's see Monty's bedroom. Let's take the space weed from behind the wall idc. Let's let Bryan and Monty interact even more than they did. Let's reminisce about the past. Realistically and objectively, I know that's not the focus of the show or the episode and I did get several small details of the sort I love and I shouldn't complain. I'm not complaining exactly. I'm just saying this might be a source of my personal disappointment.

Another possibility: the alleged Big Moral Decision of the Week was an easy one. Too easy. I feel a bit weird saying this because I actually came to the opposite conclusion of the majority, and not only did I come down on the Miller + Monty side of the debate (the first and so far only time they have agreed on anything in case anyone was keeping track of the State of their Relationship), but it was an incredibly obvious and easy decision for me morally speaking. Which is sort of a separate problem but I'll get to that in a minute.

However, what I really mean by it was too easy is that the actual conclusion, to save the immediate victims at the expense of later people, was literally the only place the narrative could go. Which meant that the conclusion wasn't a surprise, and the tension leading up to the conclusion was lacking. Bellamy as a character, regardless of what one thinks of the 3a massacre, cannot handle more immediate deaths on his hands, in terms of casual viewer reactions and after all of this consistent narrative shaming. He just can't be seen standing over dead bodies, literally or just-off-screen, right now in the story. So obviously he's going to save the slaves. Also it's only 2 episodes in and there's no way they can come home with the magical mystical life saving machinery this early. It's too easy. Not that one problem can't be solved and then followed by ten more new problems but that's not how this show operates. It piles on the problems, resolves some mid-season, and the rest at the very end. The only moment of actual surprise I felt was when I saw them walk out with the thing, but even then I recognized in about 0.2 seconds that it was a fake out—of the audience and of the Grounders themselves. When the seemingly deep debate is about a non-issue it loses all of its sense of importance and becomes essentially a waste of episode time instead of the center of the episode.

So that being said... I know it's a hard argument to make to say simultaneously that the conclusion of the narrative is obvious and that I came to an equally obvious opposite conclusion. And I also know that something can be obvious and still narratively tense/morally gray/difficult to watch/otherwise captivating (for example: destroying Mt. Weather in 2x16). BUT. I think there is a disconnect between how obvious it was and how obvious it was supposed to be. I think the intention was for it to be a reasonable-people-can-disagree sort of thing. I think it was supposed to cause internal conflict in the viewer and its conclusion was meant to anger at least some of the audience. But that's not how it worked out for me. Perhaps this will sound callous, but I really did not care about the enslaved Sky People. I have no idea who these people are. I don’t even get what they're doing there, like what the purpose of them for Azgeda is. I'm sure they used the word 'slave' not just to be accurate but to immediately bring up certain associations in the viewers' minds; it's a really charged term for good reason. And obviously, intellectually, I know slavery is bad, and Azgeda is bad, and these are Sky People, and Bryan et. al. know them, and that girl is really small and sad looking. But none of this resonated for me emotionally. Maybe I'm dead inside. But it felt an awful lot like being told instead of being shown. I cared about the Mt. Weather people, because I knew some of them well after an entire season and because I'd been mediating on the tragic impossibility of their situation in general for roughly as long. Their deaths were narratively and in-universe inevitable, even heavily foreshadowed, but it still hurt to see. These people? They matter less to me than saving all the characters I already know, people who may have to be sacrificed later in order to protect these Unknowns now. It's no contest. This is obviously very much a question of perspective—Harper made a good point in saying it's like them at Mt. Weather, because Jaha then wanted to do essentially what Miller and Monty wanted to do in 4x02, which is to say sacrifice a few of his own to save the many, and I thought that Jaha was objectively wrong in that instance. (Part of that is that the narrative later proved him wrong: almost all of his merry band of cultists died on the journey to the CoL. But even up front, the idea of sacrificing the main characters is untenable within the story, so he was automatically wrong.) But it's the narrative's job to shape the perspective, and it has a lot of power to make an issue morally gray or clear black and white. I don't think the narrative did its job in this instance.

I'm still not sure I'm doing a good job explaining (or defending) my lack of emotional response here. Basically, I felt like the Farm Station story, like the intro with Ilian, and like the Kabby stuff as well, was paint-by-numbers. It was 'okay let's get this done, one two three, all the bases touched, story complete.' Rote. It didn't have the nuance of the show at its best, like the last episodes of Season 2 or even the Clarke and Jaha convo in this very episode.

I did like the scene where Monty confronts his father's killer, first because of Bryan's line about this being "Monty's kill" because it speaks to how he lived for four months during the S2-S3 hiatus and that interests me, but also because I thought that scene was spot on for how I see Monty. He is ruthless in a lot of ways but he's not a hands-dirty type. He doesn't hesitate in his moral judgments and as far as we know he doesn't have much of any regrets (I've been annoyed at him not reacting enough to Mt. Weather—maybe he really isn't plagued by guilt about it at all—an interesting possibility but one I still think should be on screen a little). He's very sure of himself. But he's barely even held a firearm (like once in S2 and then a little in S3), I'm pretty sure his only one-on-one kill is his own mother...and that's pretty unusual on this show. (Clarke, Bellamy, Jasper, Octavia, Miller, and Harper, and I'm going to have to assume Bryan, have all killed, sometimes with their bare hands, and/or were consistently using firearms going back to S1.) I definitely would have been surprised to see him axe that Ice Nation fellow in the face. But I also would have been shocked to see Monty show him mercy. I thought that the route they went, having him sentence the man to death without ever touching him, was such a good choice, a powerful moment for real without being out of character.

I feel like I haven't said much of anything about Bellamy....again, wonderful. He is such a great leader with these kids. I think he really walks the line between military-style leader and just straight up Dad. (And yes I thought he was adorable with the small child at the end.) It might be more subtle than last episode, but I still think groundwork is being laid for Bellamy to fully come into his own as a leader, to the same extent that Clarke already (BIZARRELY AND PREMATURELY) has, if not more. Basically what I'm saying is Blake for Chancellor 2018.

I have long headcanoned that Farm Station crashed in Pennsylvania. It's cold and snowy enough to be "Ice Nation" territory; close enough to be reached within a day by Rover, as we saw in 3x01 (and here? IDK how long this episode was supposed to cover but it looked like a pretty short period to me); but far enough away that Pike, Hannah, Bryan, et. al. could easily be lost for 3-4 months without running into our heroes in Virginia. I still think this is a plausible theory but man, those mountains do not look passably Pennsylvanian to me. Not that I'm a Pennsylvanian mountain expert. And not that they shot in Pennsylvania honestly. Anyway my headcanon remains.

I thought the moment with Clarke meeting Riley again was really sweet. It somehow helped more than the Bryan stuff at the Station itself to remind me that these are Sky People—not just poor mistreated human beings but poor mistreated friends and neighbors. Also again this is my favorite society so seeing some more unexpected connections among them was cool. I do hope we see Riley again, not because I care about him yet, but because it's annoying to see someone obviously foregrounded as a New Character to Watch only for them to disappear. Like with Mel in season 2. Ruined expectations are really annoying and not to be confused with "being realistic" or "being shocking."

#the 100 #the 100 spoilers #s4 reactions #clarke griffin #raven reyes #thelonious jaha #monty green #jasper jordan #nathan miller #bryan #bryan the 100 #bellamy blake #spoiler alert grounders boring #occasional shit talking even though i liked a lot of it #the year 2017 #2017: fandom thoughts #2017: the 100 s4

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