#idk maybe i just played it too late

[sskk-manifesto]

(*・ω・*)b♪

#I'm a bit late but :) #Mmmhh lots of thoughts about this episode. Nothing really relevant though lol #I like it... Mostly. Well‚ I like Atsushi‚ and I like Atsushi screentime. #I always forget that there's actually a one week timeskip within the Guild arc #I think these chapters were generally better executed in the manga. #But even then it's just... #Why do the make the Guild / Fitzgerald so. dumb. Why do they make them act so wildly irrationally and at the protagonists' advantage #It really gives villain acting entirely mindlessly to make the plot advance and the heroes win. It's really sensless. #I mean especially when Atsushi yielded. Why didn't Fitzgerald take his offer. For real!! #For real. He had NOTHING to gain from proceeding with his plan. He already obtained for Atsushi and the ada to collaborate. #Now they are NEVER going to help him‚ and that's agreat loss for him. #And idk. i hear that little Tumblr post in my voice saying “why would you complain about characters acting irrationally! #Do people irl never act irrationally?” #And yeah I get Fitzgerald was frustrated for losing Mitchell and his fight with Hawthorne. Okay I understand. #But that's definitely too much. That's him acting downright stupid at the heroes' advantage and it's just pretty underwhelming to read? #That said. It's just general notes I'm not particularly annoyed because like. That's just b/s/d to you. Dumbing down the villains a second– #so the author can escape the trap they put themselves into. Very Marvel-esque move lol. #On that exact same note WHY WOULD LUCY HAVE THE DOLL. #The doll is the whole premise for your plan working why would you not protect it with everything 😭😭😭 #I'm not getting in the Lucy / Atsushi scene itself. I love Lucy but I swear every time that scene gets played a femminist dies #(it's me. I'm the femminist dying every time.) #Mmmhh a couple more things. I dislike the ost choice in the scene where Steinbeck is torturing Q it feels so out of place #And I really don't get what's the deal with the Hawthorne / Fitzgerald convo it's so confusing to me. Like it It looks like Hawtorne is– #blaming Fitzgerald for Mitchell's condition (both in health and for her family status) but... #Objectively neither of those things are Fitzgerald's fault? Idk maybe I just have very little media comprehension for this arc because– #a lot of things just seem to happen with no sense. But it's okay #Im complaining a lot lol but its mostly irrelevant things (or like with the dumbification of villains things I've learnt to live with lmao) #But the episode was generally nice. The animation this season is consistently very pretty. #random rambles

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

⚙️🎀........

[bobmckenzie]

genuinely makes me sad when people hate on penny from stardew valley 😔 BE NICER 🔫 OR ELSE

#i do agree that i dislike her second heart event bc the way she moves george without asking #especially since the game doesn't even give you an option to talk about /that/ being the issue with what she did #otherwise it could be a moment of growth for her #but most of the time when people complain about her they just say she's too self-pitying and too much of a people pleaser and stuff #that she's too sensitive and whatnot -_- #like okay sorry you can't understand shy women who grew up in unstable homes and are used to walking on eggshells‼️🙄 #i have unpopular opinions on stardew bach's tho bc my faves are penny elliot and maru #and apparently they are like the least popular in the fandomlol ??? #dont worry elliott moots i don't ship with him or anything #but i probably should add penny and maru to my crushes tab tbh :)c #idk why i've been so stardew fixated lately but i hope 1.6 comes out soon!!! i might just start a new farm anyways soon #maybe play with an expansion mod finally #caitiechat

[phoenixyfriend]

I rarely if ever add entire albums to my main playlist unless they are either very short (e.g. K/DA's second album, which is a total of five songs), or they are absolute bangers across the board.

Anyway, who wants the most nostalgic album I have ever had dig into my soul and rifle through while also causing my friends to be filled with a primal fear as we drove through the Rocky Mountains with only the lights of the headlamps to show us the way, not a streetlight or star to be seen--

So, the Alegria 1994 soundtrack from Cirque du Soleil is apparently finally on Spotify (I don't know when it was added, just that it was one of the missing shows the last time I looked), and I am over the moon about it.

If you don't have Spotify, here's a YouTube link:

#cirque du soleil #alegria #music #phoenix recs #my dad scored tickets when I was younger (I feel like we watched it in CO? But we didn't move there until '07 and this show closed '05 so) #okay just checked a site and apparently it did a tour leg in northern colorado in 2011 so maybe that was it? But now that feels too LATE #so IDK when I saw it #I just know that my dad managed to get tickets (possibly raffle discount) and took the family to watch it #and we bought a copy of the CD at the end as a souvenir #I don't know that any CD they ever bought earned its worth back the way that one did #I was obsessed with it #and my siblings loved it too #I think the only CD I played nearly as much ever was the Lindsey Stirling disc I got when I attended her concert for my 17th birthday #Youtube

[elegyofthemoon]

ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess

#avil plays hsr #idk if i actually want to write this ramble because i started rewatching a bunch of scenes that i needed to figure my thoughts out #but the more i gather the more im getting lost with myself so im like MMMMM #i gotta line these pieces up first #i think the trickiest thing about gallagher is wondering how much of what he says is true vs false #UH #ill just tag this as #hsr 2.1 spoilers #because thats the ramble in the tags #but like as a follower of enigmata hes prone to lying and conjuring even more riddles to confuse you #so i just have to wonder too #and if his whole facade as gallagher is fake. then how did he actually become part of the bloodhound? #sunday points out how gallagher stoles features from so many members of the family so. i just have to wonder #he couldnt have changed his identity without being noticed #so thats where i get confused. like How did you get in here in the first place using your disguise? #how did you fool people? #ANSWER MY QUESTIONS MAN (SHAKES GALLAGHER) #at the very least though: i think what he says about mikhail is true #i want to believe those are true even despite his false front #the things i want to talk about is like #well first i wanna make a whole timeline of the historical events of penacony #and that will give me a better idea of how things led to one another to present time #and THANKFULLY i rewatched because now i understand what gallagher meant possibly by traitor #but how did the family come to be? #how did the dreammaster come to be? (SHAKES THE GAME) #ok so i have to read more. so this will take longer #unfortunately maybe by the time i get all the information i want itll be too late and someone else wouldve said #SOMEONE PROBABLY DID #but i like the satisfaction of pulling the pieces together myself. thats the satisfaction of solving cases and puzzles ✨ #my desk looks ridiculous now because its like. sticky notes everywhere because im like I HAVE TO MAKE NOTE OF THIS

[dihalect]

i need to post about palestine on facebook but i'm fucking terrified

#i went to a very jewish college and a very decent percentage of my fb 'friends' are jewish zionists. #i don't use fb often but when i've checked recently‚ i've found a handful of pro-israel posts‚ and they've been well-received. #i have seen one person put a palestine frame on their profile picture. they got a small‚ mostly positive but some negative‚ response. #that's all the reference i have here. #and very importantly: i feel like pretty much anything i say is going to be received as goysplaining. #i think my best bet is to stay away from historical arguments (like‚ yes palestine does actually exist‚ yes it was bad to force them off of #their land in the first place‚ etc) #and also avoid my personal feelings on this re: my relationship with judaism (which is integral to the message i want to send but w/e) #and focus on israel's very obvious current indefensible actions. #however. i feel like i'm doing the movement a disservice if i don't call for a free palestine and explain what that actually means. #but doing that would increase my risk of getting dogpiled from 'high' to 'inevitable'. #and i am not articulate!!! people might try to rebut me‚ and i am very bad at debate!!!!!!! i have multiple anxiety disorders!!!!!! #and people get fired over this kind of thing. i know the chance is small‚ but i don't know if i want to risk my career over this. #my gut is telling me to wait until i'm sure. but i don't know if or when that will happen. #i want to change *someone's* mind‚ but idk if i'll even be able to do that. maybe just my uninformed hometown gentile friends'. #i want to do this before it's 'too late'. but what does 'too late' mean here? my fb friends aren't launching the missiles. #i suppose my goal is to help turn the tide of public opinion‚ in the hopes that that'll affect the politicians/corps at play here. #but maybe i'm more likely to do that by marching. making posters. talking to acquaintances. who knows what else. #just because i don't *see* those minds change doesn't mean they're not changing. maybe those minds are actually more likely to change. #txt

[soldier-poet-king]

Totk ending DID make me cry okay

#overall botw hit me more emotionally. just like the inherent tragedy of it #but totk DID make me cry at the end #ITS THE HOPE AND LOVE AND BEAUTY OF IT ALL #i literally cannot be normal ever apparently #idk what im gonna do all weekend now #ive read ALOT lately so not in the mood to read #too emotionally fragile to finish arcane rn #im hesitant to start another video game bc bg3 SOON #but maybe ill start smthn like crusader kings or stellaris. management game #smthn i can put down and pick up easily when bg3 comes out and takes over my life #i dont wanna play beta bc ik stuff changes. alas

[mothram]

#diana's music diary #🌗 #I feel okay now that I got my blockers.. was a bit late on those and I could feel the Effects #I had a nap after though so I never got to posting my diary here.. #now for the rest of the day I'll be playing lancer with some friends! exciting! #maybe planning more game stuff myself idk... #my headaches are maybe getting better I'm just a bit tired now #let's hope the rest of today is fun and not too stressful

[daminini]

fun fact I’ve never dressed up for halloween🫡

#my mom thought the holiday was demonic so she didn’t allow us to wear costumes or go trick or treating #now I’m told enough to buy my own costume but I feel like I’m too old for it:/ #my parents fucked me and my siblings over soo badly on the social aspect of….everything lol #no sleepovers no going out you got your ass beat if u weren’t in the house by the time the sun was setting #I remember one time my brothers got thier asses beat for playing basketball at the community center until 8!!! they were 15 and 16😵‍💫 #just ridiculous #that one time last year my mom grabbed me by my shirt bc I came back late from the movies even though I TOLD her the trains were running on #a different platform so I missed like 3 of them #and then she wonders why it’s so hard for me to socialize idk maybe it’s because you banned me from playing in the park and gave me #unrestricted access to the internet when i was 8

[harmonizewithechoes]

.

#so it’s late and I’m intoxicated and interested in sharing a secret that sober me would prefer I not share #but she needs to be more vulnerable and right now in this time the alcohol helps #just as a precursor- I’m a lightweight so I really haven’t had that much and I’ll be fine in the morning and also #my partner has a weird schedule and once or twice a week we like to have a drink or two and play video games or watch a show together #lately it’s been baldurs gate but tonight it’s coop stardew #anywayyyy~ #sober Becca is too shy to say that she’s struggling a lot right now #I’ve been hiding myself away for a LOT of reasons for quite a while now and focusing on being the best mother/partner/homemaker I can be #but this has been detrimental to my friendships and spiritual life #as far as friendships go I feel like since I haven’t had the capability to be a really good friend to anyone since everything happened with #happened with dad* #that I shouldn’t be allowed to have friends at ALL #because if I can’t put 100% effort into my friendships even when I’m struggling I don’t deserve friends at all #but I have 3 very little kids and I’m pouring every last ounce I have into them #so maybe I can kind of have a pass and maybe I can have a friend sometimes? #as a treat? #because I love my family very much but sometimes I don’t feel like I’m a person within the family #especially during the holidays I feel like I’m merely playing the role of ‘mother’ #idk… #this is rambly and doesn’t make a ton of sense #basically I’m wondering if I’m allowed to be lonely sometimes because being a mom is hard and lonely #or if I have to suck it up and wait until my kids are older to get to be a full person outside of them again #btw- this has nothing to do with them #my kids are my sunshine on the most cloudy day #they are so beautiful and wonderful and I am so happy I get to know them and guide them in life #it truly is a privilege #apparently I’m too long winded lol I just started talking about each of my children and what I adore about them #but it was too many tags and tumblr said no lol #oh well jsyk I’m crying rn because they are my pride and joy and even if I never have another friend again they are so so worth it

[gothducky]

It's so funny seeing people shocked I play Fallen London. I've been playing FL since way back when it was in storynexus. I've loved and played FL for over 10 years

I'm just more vocal about it now that I'm not playing alone anymore

#I never got super far into late game because like every other RPG I play I'd delete my character and make a new one #I've had over 12 characters throughout the last almost 2 decades #but I made Doctor 2 years ago and absolutely fell in love with him and the wife that my fiancee gave him. now he's my main woman forever #maybe one day I'll seek the name. just not with him LOL I love him and his wife too much to doom him to that!! #anyway i'd draw more fanart of FL but tbh idk of what. other than my ocs dhsghsdghds #ducky talks

[townofcrosshollow]

Idk man if you're constantly talking about your crushing loneliness and feelings of being ostracised and left out when you ostensibly have a bunch of friends around you then maybe the feelings of loneliness aren't the problem there

#i would always feel really empty and distant and 'act out' after our hangouts #and i always framed it as like 'i get the high when i'm around people and then i crash afterwards' #and didn't really consider that maybe sitting in a vc for 4 hours feeling left out while other people have fun is just soul sucking #it was always framed as my behaviour that was the problem. 'you did this and you did that.' so i just kinda internalized that #if i felt like shit it must be my fault. everybody knows i'm the one who causes problems so i'm just causing more problems #if i say that something made me uncomfortable and the response is 'i wont make accomodations and how dare you even ask' it must be my fault #idk. we filled out consent forms in the game i'm really not excited to play and i was reminded that nobody ever asked my consebt #and when i tried to advocate for myself and voice that i wasn't consenting it was treated like i was causing problems by trying to say that #and i saw that as a reasonable reaction at the time cause i had been so deeply convinced that i was broken and horrible #that if i was trying to revoke my consent or even just negotiate it then i was ruining everything for everybody else #that if i was uncomfortable with what was going on i needed to just shut up and live with it #i wish i had realized that and dropped out months ago. maybe that could have preserved some semblance of my relationships with those people #far too late for that now. i'm trying to accept that #and all that effort was wasted anyway #i tried to say once that i was putting in a massive amount of effort and i felt like nobody was recognizing that fact #and i still kind of feel that way #i put hours of mental energy into trying to be enough for people who kept demanding more from me and kept giving me less in return #did that do me any good or did it just cause me 3 months of grief and an empty bank account from therapy? #the problem is that i still wish things had turned out better even though i know i had no control over that #if i had kept advocating for myself it just would have been over far faster. i guess that might have spared me a bit of money #if i tried to talk about the problems it would have just been dismissed with some quick quippy therapy phrase amounting to 'not my fault' #we're already living in the universe where i put all my effort into changing in the ways i was told to change and look how well that went #idk. the attitude was never 'let's fix the problems.' it was always 'you need to fix it.' and then when i did it was #'now there's a new problem. fix that one too. and this one. and that one.' #and to do all that work for somebody and then be told they thought you never even cared about them. man it just stings #idk. it's in the past now. but i can't build new relationships. i'm trying and it's impossible #i try meeting new people and they all suck. i try strengthening relationships with old people and they all get too busy or leave. #the only reason i post these things on tumblr is cause i don't have anybody else to talk to about it #the only person i could talk to has their own shit going on. there really just isn't anybody else #personal

[burinazar]

(Umineko spoilers maybe idk)

i forget if i've posted it here but I've been reading Umineko for a really long time

I've just finished episode 5, the first "answer" arc, believing it would finally reveal what "really" happened in some of the earlier episodes (actually for some reason I thought it would be a retelling of episode 1 from a different POV, but it became clear it wasn't lol), and...it was really confusing and the whole ending was a huge slog and I still feel like I'm waiting for it to 'pay off'. I'm very willing to be patient with fiction but at this point the amount of time invested versus amount of enjoyment/portions where I actively felt like reading onwards instead of a sunk cost thing is getting ridiculously unbalanced. I've never spent this much time working through a single a piece of entertainment in my entire life, I think, not counting things that I dropped or put on hold.

The thing is, I watched the episode one stage play recently and relly enjoyed it. That I feel capable to theorize about, et cetera. Having full visuals of everything happening, even if we couldn't take the visuals as exact reality, really helped. f the whole thing was available as plays I wouldn't be having this problem, both the format and the length are far more appealing to me. I know there's a manga, but I've never heard anyone say to read that instead of the VNs or a suggestion that's the way to do it, and it's probably late to switch. I feel really frustrated. If I keep reading, it's throwing more time at somethingI've already spent so much time on with little reward, but if I don't keep reading, I'll never know what is really happening and unfortunately I do want to know.

And...I just...don't get why it isn't working for me. It's obviously true not every person will click with every piece of entertainment -- but everyone says this is good fiction for people who like to get meta, who like to interrogate the narrative, who like to form their own theories. If you've followed me for any length of time you know I love overanalyzing shit, I love reading much farther into things than the author intended, I'm enamored with 'stories about stories' and the idea of pulling out characters in the middle to talk to them and see what they think of their fate and whether they might fight against it and against the conventions of narrative is all catnip to me.

I just don't get why none of that is happening with this story for me. Could it be because I don't feel a strong enough connection to the characters and story to analyze it THAT much? It's true I'm not fixated, and that's usually what leads to me super-analyzing a series --but obviously that's not a requirement for me to watch/read/enjoy something, and I don't *dislike* the characters. Surely a lot of people were just reading this VN the way one reads a mystery novel normally, with a "normal" amount of interest in what's going on and thinking about it... I really like sherlock holmes and agatha christie (at least i used to a lot growing up), and the fact of 'i'm not that obsessed with whoever holmes is helping this time because why would i be' was not at all a barrier to following along with the mystery or applying reasoning to it...that really can't be it...

It feels impossible to theorize because I understand the format so little, and having it explained to me doesn't help -- it's just way too hard for me to tell what narration is from the point of view of a character (who may be unreliable) and what is from the point of view of a story and 'actually happening' and thus can be used as a clue to deduce off of, and the red and blue truths are supposedly to help with this but like, I'm trying to look at the story and theorize off *that* and those aren't meant to be the entire story on their own (one can use them to falsify theories but to come up with theories you're supposed to use the story itself as told in the white text...and I don't know what in the white text can "really be used", and also there's so MUCH of it and I forget half of what happened by the end of an arc).

......I've been trying to finish this VN for over a year and a half at this point. The entire experience has been so defeating to be honest. If I heard someone tell me this about LOGH when they were seventy episodes in I'd tell them they shouldn't force themselves to keep watching and that it's very likely the series just isn't their thing, but the difference is in Umineko I feel like all the time I've spent so far will be hugely wasted if I never get to find out what happened, and i DO WANT to know, it's not just a sunk cost fallacy, I don't want to miss out on knowing -- whereas someone who watched 70 episodes of LOGH would at least fucking know what happened in those episodes and quit with some comprehension of the portion of the narrative that they've covered already...

I guess I'm particularly dejected right now because I thought the ending of the fifth arc was going to have, uh, answers. Since it's an "answer" arc. But unless we're meant to believe that the culprit named at the end is the real one (it seems like no? Unless we can't even rely on her internal monologue about not being guilty. After all, her internal monologue isn't in red, so It can't be relied upon to be her real thoughts...or something...?!) I would have called myself a fan of mystery, but none of this makes me want to "think" at all because it's so confusing and so long and there's so much. I've finally hit the "answer" arcs and there are still no answers.

#idk #is it too late to switch to reading the manga #i know i shouldn't watch the anime #just. fuck. i'm usually good at shit like this in fiction #analyzing character motives. even puzzles and ciphers #i did an escape room a couple weeks ago and kicked ass at it? just. this thing.. ... i can't apply my brain to it at all #i genuinely did like the stage play a lot........... it made me want to continue with the VN #but it's just torturing me at this point #but i can't stop because i want to know #so that eps 1 through 5 weren't a waste #oh i also almost never remember to look at the supplemental material/notes so maybe i'm missing out a lot #maybe that's what you're supposed to use for theories? because i can't REMEMBER most of the actual details/clues presented in the actual te #*text because there's just so so so so so so so much text

[the-ark-awaits]

it does kinda feel like everything im in is dead. all the roleplays, all the games, its all kinda. just nothing. idk it just kinda feels bad

#and i know logically why most of these things are dead #but like thats not stopping my brain from being like 'ok but actually its not cause of everyone including you being busy' #'its because everyone Secretly Fucking Hates You :)' and i like 'would you stfu you stupid pile of tapioca' #but yeah i do kinda feel like ive been really annoying folks lately between like some really insane interests lately #everyone kinda falling out of the shaed interest at once leaving the group kinda>???? #and like. every time a shared interest died so does the friendgroup but also like this friendgroup existed before the interest! it just #existed w/o me cause i was the added on member who kinda just kept tagging on and wouldnt fuck off #but i dont have like. any other friends atm so thats like. concerning? idk i feel really isolated lately #i wish i could contribute more to things but i just dont have the talents required most of the time and when i do i have some sort of #technical issue or time issue that prevents me from doing it #man idk i just wanna do things again but i dont wanna bother folks #and i wanna feel like im not bothering people when i focus on weird stuff cause like im deffo bothering people rn when i spam asks n shit #im deffo bothering people when im infodumping about 2b and radioactivity and tornados n shit too but like. man idk #maybe i should take a couple days maybe a week and like. kinda just do my own thing alone for a while #play some single player games n shit watch my documentary videos and not share weird facts from them

[blueside-hobi]

Thank you for the tag @jiminlikecrazy <3

Sorry this is so hard to see, but I don't want to fill it out again lmao

Tagging @seouldriftmp3 @schnaf @seraphjimin @kimchokejin @clutterbugs @yearningsea @minieggukie @palpalopaloma @mindofnmn @joon-rkive @sinceritythatcouldntbedelivered @bobagukks

#okay i lied #but i think this will actually be the last one of the night #i've had this saved literally since i was tagged but i just didn't post it bc i'm lazy af and idk #tag game #i really liked this one though #super fun trying to figure out the artists i like enough to put on a square #i absolutely should have put the solutions on here #i feel like i don't listen to them a lot #but like when i pay attention to my playlists they are constantly playing #literally playing right now #maybe i could have swapped them for o.o.o or g-idle or alisa xayalith but too late now #also if you're reading this and you listen to the naked and famous you should listen to alisa xayalith bc her solo stuff is really good

[collecting--stardust]

I'm on office hours shift this week (with the exception of Thursday because its a public holiday thanks to merdeka <3) so I'll miss watching the fps on Friday on time. And they are planning to hold a BBQ session on Saturday so my Saturday will be interrupted too if it goes to plan :)

#whenever its race week ill always have shit to attend to #and next week during misano ill be going back to my uni because my practicum is officially over so mu saturday will be interrupted too #as exhausting as office hours are i like clinic setting more than ward setting #but yeah 8 to 5 sure is exhausting even when i just observe stuff #and maybe the frequent headache lately plays a role too idk #but welp its almost free i will taste freedom soon AND I WILL BE GOING HOME SOON 🥳🥳🥳 #next month will be my 7 months since im last home its insane #personal.txt