#idk man my gender euphoria works in weird ways | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

peekychu · 5 months

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RELATED to the last post I reblogged, I have been in epic brain euphoria since I’ve made Ray the Pikachu my main fursona. I still have a spot in my heart for Twinkie, but she started to feel like a mascot. More of a character for other people and less a character for Me.

I gave my pikasona a mostly male shaped tail and it makes me feel PROFOUNDLY happy!! Their tail is overly fluffy, so it’s hard to tell what it looks like underneath. Although I enjoy being a girl, I’ve basically always wished I was amab since I was a kid, and it’s a part of myself that always feels hard to explain. Both concepts of masculinity and femininity are weird to me, because they both feel like roles to work towards in adulthood. I think my relationship w gender is linked to my relationship with being an adult. Being referred to as a Woman/Lady makes my stomach twist, being called a Man would make me just as uncomfortable. Being called an adult is fine bc it just means I’ve aged, but there’s a discomfort in these titles I can’t articulate properly. Being called a girl/boy are both equally fine with me though!

The ambiguity in my Pika sona’s gender is so cozy to me, honestly seeing drawings of them being referred to as “he” is rly cool to me?? Because I as a human don’t rly resonate with being called he (probably bc I feel like I haven’t Earned the pronoun) but I’ve always felt like a “he” in the way that silly genderless mascot characters are called he. In a Hamtaro and Kirby kind of way 😹 She is fine too for similar reasons.

Idk, I’ve been swimming in a lot of identity issues lately, it just feels nice to be seen as a little fuzzy guy and not a person Lol.

#I wanted to explain my gender stuff but honestly I’ve given myself a headache xD

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bosspigeon · 9 months

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5 Favorite Fics

@omgkalyppso tagged me for this! Post your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to some other writers!

Oh oof idk if im gonna rank them or anything but uuuh here we go! i mostly write one-shots and like little slice-of-life prompt stuff, but occasionally things are explicit!

all that i want is to be yours

Wrote this one for the Hot Wayhaven Summer event a while back, and tbh it's still one i look back on fondly! Rated E with Trans!Adam and my detective, Arlo, featuring gender euphoria, awkward conversations, sex shops, and first-time pegging! it was just really fun to write tbh

2. a gentler way to burn

Critical Role Widoleaf fanfic! This one was actually a commission for a friend that i took so long to write, one of the characters Fucking Died in the interim. I summarily ignored that. M rated because it's two idiots reading a TERRIBLE trashy romance novel, making fun of it, and dancing around feelings~ And, uh, me accidentally making a character quote Supernatural without realizing it? 😳

3. was there ever a cat so clever

T rated Skyrim fanfic! Just a cute little backstory fic for my first ever Skyrim character, Ma'scha the Khajiit thief! nothing but Found Family Shenanigans and accidental dad Brynjolf. Got a few more backstory fics for Ma'scha i've written, and more that i still want to write, but this one is still pretty fun to go back and read.

4. will you still be here tomorrow?

i've got Blood Moon on the brain again, and tbh this prompt fic was just so fun and sweet to write. Marco's such a fun character, i had a great time getting into his head, writing him cracking jokes, even if they're mostly to himself. i just think Marco and Vesper have such a cute relationship, tbh. M rated bc this is uuuuh post-sex lmao.

5. some strange kind of euphoria

WELL ya had to know this one was coming. My most recent fic, and tbh i'm still kicking my feet and giggling over it. Started off as me going "i wanna write about a beefy man in lingerie" and then turn into 6k words of character study, hurt/comfort, trauma, and affirmation through putting a beefy man in lingerie. Hey, whatever works. Rated M for references to sex/kink!

uuuuh gonna tag @queenbol @steves-strapcollection @proustianrecall and uuuh whoever else wants to, ig? i always feel weird tagging people for stuff like this

#pidge does stuff #tag games #pidge writes #thanks! hgdsjkhg this was fun #kinda hard but fun

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possibilistfanfiction · 1 year

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hi ! i was wondering if i could ask you about your journey re: gender. i've id'd as a cis lesbian for over a decade now, but in the last few years it's started to feel not .. quite right. i have people in my personal life who i could talk w/ about this, but i'm in these very early stages of questioning gender and my relationship to it, & don't feel able to vocalize my thoughts to my community around me. i don't know if you have any words, or anyone else's words you could point me to. thanks :)

i think for me the less i care about being able to concretely name or define my gender in some discernible way, the better i feel. i know what feels good for my body & the clothes i like & the people who love + respect me, & the rest is just kind of 💁🏼. at this point i follow that than worry about terms or what spaces or conversations i Should or Shouldn’t be in (as long as they apply somewhat to me, obviously) — i like being in women’s spaces, & sometimes i like being in trans spaces. sometimes gender feels kind of situational to me too — if i’m playing soccer on a coed team, i always want to be counted on the women’s side; with movement in general women’s sport is important to me in tons of ways. when i’m in a group of cis people, i feel Very different, but that’s also personal information that sometimes i want to share, & sometimes i don’t. people assuming i’m a cis soft butch lesbian feels better to me than people assuming i’m a man, & so that’s kind of a concession i’ve had to make — but it feels mostly right, & it feels good to have control over the information i disclose. not everyone has this privilege or safety, of course, but i’ve stopped trying to Make People Understand or Be A Rolemodel for young queer kids i work with or whatever, & it’s been so nice. & i’ve also experienced, even with the trans community a lot of the time, there can be this intensity to Be Trans Enough or the Be Non-binary & like fuck if i know! gender is so fake to me! & also an expectation sometimes of this weird binary of gender dysphoria / gender euphoria. what i know is when i feel peaceful about my body & happy about my expression then that’s it, & i’ll follow that for as long as it feels good. the more i listen to & trust myself, & not worry about definitions or being Enough of ~whatever~ & just enjoy the ppl who feel that too, the better everything in my life is. i love being a mom & a wife but that doesn’t have to mean i’m cis; i like to wear pants that fit the way i want them to, which idc if they’re men’s or women’s.

& also the biggest thing for me is that, truthfully, everyone has their own understanding of gender identity & expression that’s deeply personal & unique to them — including cis people. a lot of intensity among trans communities is of course born out of deep need, which i understand & respect. but for me, it’s all just better personally when i allow myself to exist without any pressure to define the apathy i feel, & just eat & drink & wear what feels good, & move my body in ways that i love, & spend time in spaces that nourish. idk if that helps but i never rly had anyone tell me it was fine to just fucking chill lol so hopefully it does take a little pressure off. (& if u do end up feeling passionately aligned w something, that’s also cool!). it’s all vibes for me at this point & i just follow where they lead as presently as i can

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 2 years

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Hi, sorry idk where else to send this but…. I resent transmasculine people and idk what to do about it. I dont want to be TERF and I was hoping that you could help me “deconstruct” the things that make me resent them. I am aware that most of the mods of this blog are transmasculine and im sorry, I don’t want to offend either of you.

Anyway, I resent them because i feel “betrayed” by them, like they’re leaving women to deal with misogyny alone (and no, it doesn’t help if they’re also “feminists” because they still ran away from the problems women have to face, like catcalling and being more likely to get r*ped). I don’t like that most of them get away with adquiring male privilege just because they’re trans. I know being trans is not easy and not a choice by anyone of any gender identity but it still feels unfair that they get all the benefits cis men get while women still have to deal with being women all their lives.

They also make me feel bad about being a woman (well, i’m nonbinary…. A nonbinary woman, or demigirl. These are all labels i use for myself, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter since I don’t plan on transitioning or changing my pronouns. I’m basically just a weird cis woman). Like, reading posts about them having to deal with dysphoria makes me feel offended. I know it’s not about *me* but I can’t help it. This is my biggest issue actually, rather than being bitter about the potential privileges they might have for being men (or wanting to pass as men, in the case of many transmasculine people). I feel i can get over the other things easier because the disadvantages of being trans are more than the possible perks of it (for cis people ofc. For trans people it’s not the case obviously). Like, posts about dysphoria or happiness because they don’t longer look like women makes me *extremely sad* and also bitter because they have the liberty to be something else that what they were born as.

I hope all of this makes sense and i hope i didnt offend anyone. I don’t know where else to write this that i wont be insulted :(

You know... what you say is offensive but I am glad you are daring to write it somewhere because this is something that you absolutely have to deal with if you don't want to be an asshole!

You have definitely internalised a loooot of transphobic bullshit and though that's maybe not all your fault, it is certainly your responsibility to work through that and change your mindset. You are doing transmasc people a huge disservice AND yourself, too, because to me it sounds a lot like you are speaking from a place of jealousy and insecurity about your own gender.

Other trans people living their lives and talking about their experiences, their gender dysphoria and euphoria, their transition process and whatever does not take anything away from you. If transmasc stories offend you then ask yourself "what is it in those stories that makes me feel so personally attacked? why does this feel like it is about me?" - maybe that's a good way to star, to be honest. You say you "know it's not about me but I can't help it". Well, maybe some of it is about you and you need to work out what it is and find out what that means for you and your gender.

The fact you say you're "just a weird cis woman" when you also say you are non-binary is a huge indicator to me that you struggle immensely with your own gender identity and the whole coming-out process about that. So advice number 1 would be to get help for that. Talk to other non-binary people, try to get gender counselling if that's available where you are, work through these issues of internalised transphobia that you are very clearly also directing at yourself.

And then you have some big ass unlearning to do about the transphobia you have sucked up. A lot of things you are saying are 100% coming from TERF and radfem circles. Point number 1 is that being a man (cis or trans, doesn't matter) is not a bad thing. Men are not inherently bad people, whether they have been assigned male at birth and always identify as a man or they realised later that they are men. This is an immovable fact that you have to accept. Men are not bad (and by extension: women aren't inherently good and innocent.) If you believe that men are somehow worse people than women by nature then you have bought fully into radfem ideology and gender essentialism and you need to keep shutting that voice down.

And the whole idea that trans men somehow magically have male privilege only works under a very simplistic idea of how privilege works. Do you really think that a trans man is holding the same power in a patriarchal society as cis men? When trans men are also often victims of "corrective rape", in many places don't have access to HRT or gender-affirmative surgery or can only legally change their name and gender if they get sterilised. Do you genuinely think this is what privilege looks like? Educate yourself about the struggles that transmasculine people go through. And not just all the negative shit. Also learn about how they understand gender and masculinity. Read their stories and learn what manhood means to them. Learn about ways to be masculine outside of toxic masculinity and see that being a man has just as much potential to be good and beautiful as being a woman.

Trans men don't "betray" anyone by "leaving womanhood". I, as a cis woman, don't feel betrayed by people living their true self and being, living, expressing the gender that they truly are. Trans men are men. And like any person of any gender they have the ability to be feminists or allies, they can be great people or they can be assholes. Every human has the ability to be a misogynist and every human can try their best not to be. This isn't different for any gender. It's a myth (again, created and perpetuated by radfems) that trans men are just ~confused weak lesbians who take the easy way out by becoming men~. If you find yourself believing that narrative then again: you have fallen for radfem talking points.

You need to seriously reflect on where you got all of these ideas about transmasculinity from in the first place. You have got to have picked it up somewhere. I'd take a wild guess and say a lot of that was online (Twitter? Tumblr? tiktok?). Maybe it's time for a radical clear-out of the accounts you follow. Algorithms tend to keep showing you similar things to the content you've already consumed and it's dangerously easy to get radicalised that way. So if you really want to break out of this bigotry - for transmasc people's sake and your own - then think long and good about where the sources are for those beliefs and cut them out! Educate yourself, reflect, reflect, reflect, work on your own gender issues and learn to love yourself and not blame transmascs for your own insecurity.

Maddie

P.S.: I am the only cis person on this blog and of course if any of the other mods want to say something then I'd be happy to hear your thoughts. I also understand if you do not want to chime in though.

#transphobia

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void-galaxy-shenanigans · 3 years

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IDK if anyone else relates but I just wanna share it somewhere & I've gotten the least hate on Tumblr so....

((gender questioning journey share, here we go! & as always, hate will be blocked & deleted - I respect you're a human person but I don't give you authority over my identity & journey to experiencing the happiest life I can.))

I'm at the point in my journey with gender where I can comfortably say “eh, I dunno what I am but I'm not a girl”.

I started off desperate for a label. I wanted to name it, understand it, see my experience in words. I wanted to say I was genderfluid, then nonbinary, then a transman, then....

I’m masculine and agender. That's all I know. ¿Demiboy? Maybe. ¿Bigender? Maybe. ¿Nonbinary? Definitely.

¿Do I feel masculine? Yea, sort of. I’m a man—my own perception of one, for sure.

¿Do I feel like a genderless void entity floating timelessly in existence, somehow existing inside this weird lil meatsuit powered by an electrified muscle that sort of holds my soul with shapes I don't like that can't capture the endless void that is me? Also yes.

¿Do I have a *set* label for it? No. But I'm okay with that.

I’m me. I’m nonbinary. My pronouns are he/him and they/them, & honestly some other pronouns (xey/xem, fae/faer) kinda make me feel good too.

The only thing I know for sure about my gender is that my feminine energy does not align with what I feel to be woman/girl identity (what I feel in my soul to be woman vs feminine - it's more of a, feminine is not woman, there are masc women & feminine men & androgynous people that mix both, I don't feel woman or girl in my soul but I do feel something feminine & nurturing and creative).

Feminine is a bendy loopy energy that just is, and everyone has a little of it. But woman doesn’t align with me. She/her does not align with me. Honestly I dissociate/depersonalize every single time someone calls me ma’am or refers to me as she/her.

And I’m okay with that.

¿Why is this a big deal?

....I questioned if I was truly cis when I was six years old, fifteen, seventeen, & went ‘nah I love the power swoosh & twirly of dresses & people tell me I'm feminine so I can't be anything but Girl™, Woman™, She/Her™’. I was one of the people who noticed it young & put it off as a problem for another day.

So when I allowed myself to genuinely question, to experiment, to feel gender euphoria....

I was nineteen, going on twenty.

I am now turning twenty-two in less than a month (Nov 19). And it has taken this long to know who I am & be ready for HRT.

I was 19 when I said ‘okay, maybe I need to actually work through this’. I got a therapist and talked about my feelings and presentation and...and she diagnosed gender dysphoria with confidence. And I knew I was right all along. But ¿what, then, was I?

((note - that's not to say everyone needs a diagnosis, or that dysphoria is the only way to know. I was insecure needing validation to really deeply question. A diagnosis set my questioning free. There are other ways to know too 💖.))

I wanted a set label. I wanted something I could throw out to the world, I am me, this is me, please send someone who will accept me.

It took three years to get here.

Three years. And now I feel comfortable saying ‘I don't know the right label, nonbinary is a fuzzy category and I know my perception of gender is affected by my ADHD & autism, but I am comfortable just being me.’

I’m finally here.

It’s self tolerance at the least, but it feels more like self acceptance and self love, or the beginning steps of it.

And I’m so proud.

So for anyone else who felt like I did...

You don't need a label. They probably won't get it anyway.

Be you. Take up space, make that space your own. Present how you want, transition the way you want, command respect, and learn to put your foot down when people don’t “respect” your pronouns & fuzzy identity.

You are already good enough. You are already strong enough, and soft enough. You may not be in a safe place to figure it all out yet, but you’ll get here too.

I am nonbinary. I want he/they.

& the people who love me & respect me won’t demand me to change. I can have grace & acceptance for the time it takes them to learn, & still not tolerate demands for change or simplicity.

I am allowed to have feminine energy without being a girl. I am allowed to have masculine energy without being completely a man. I am allowed to be nonbinary. And so are you.

I am allowed to unbecome what I was forced to be, and become who I wanted to be from the start. You can unbecome who they forced you to be and build a new you too.

So wherever you may be in your self love journey, healing journey, self acceptance journey, & nonbinary journey, know that I see you and you are already valid enough even if they don't see you yet.

And (as a multiplicity system) we’ve finally found a name for the body that we can all agree on too: Stardust.

Let us reintroduce ourselves to the world now that we've gotten this far: We are Stardust (the Void Galaxy is absolutely still acceptable, we love our system name), & our pronouns are he/they. We are transmasc nonbinary.

~Stardust (AKA the Void Galaxy), he/they

#nonbinary #enby #trans #transgender #f2x #f2m #questioning #gender #gender questioning #journey #healing journey #self love journey #self acceptance journey #demiboy #bigender #transmasc

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sundrenched-smilez · 5 years

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I see your 'here's a lot!' and raise you: 1, 3-6, 10-13, 17-19, 21, 23, 25

1. what is your gender?

dainty + bubbly

sharp

ethereal

decadent

3. what is your gender presentation like?

being genderfluid, it’s difficult tbh, and i dont always know what my gender is at any given moment? only what feels Wrong and Uncomfy. so i just gotta trial and error until i get tired of doing that and give up, or i find smth good. this can take several minutes expressing the above feelings and aesthetics is essentially my gender pres

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit?

d+b - smth flowy, soft, traditionally more girly and femme

sharp - punk, black and spiky. metal helps, so do bracelets, and sometimes eyeliner done to a point. mb a lil slutty, but for me, not for others. tank tops, torn clothing, showing skin

ethereal - the above, but more adorned and colorful? like rly unique and confident looks. less edges, more fae

decadent - like shirts w ruffles on them, feeling like a pirate or an old century princess, loose clothes, fancy clothes, feeling a lil like royalty or thinking highly of myself. mb more animated w my actions, more dancy

5. what makes you feel validated?

ppl using my pronouns, or telling their friends “oh look at that person, theyr’e goals/theyre pretty/so hot, etc” and impressing ppl w my beauty and style that way.

ppl not knowing what genitals i have, or being confused on that front!! like i’ve told ppl im on hormones n they assumed T instead of estrogen, and that’s fun. kinda like how u like to confuse ppl

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)?

thighs!! they’re rly good n have recently gotten thiccer bc i put on weight, and that makes me happy c:

i have a cute butt!!

boobs, bc ive always wanted them, nd i have them now, nd im big sexy

legs, esp when shaven, bc that always feels nice. so does my tummy, it’s rl soft

i love my eyes so much, they’re such a dark, deep warm brown!!! they rllllyyy pop when i wear eyeliner w them, and im always consistently happy abt them c: i also have good lips, nd suuuuper soft skin

im cheating but i also rly adore my hair, it gets rly curly sometimes, and i love that abt it

10. do you have any trans pride merch?

i dont!! i have a gay flag in my room tho c:

11. recent happy trans moment?

at work yesterday, i had mentioned customers probs find me offputting bc im tall and trans, and my friend josh who i work w, was like “use that to your advantage!! I know that sounds weird, but when i wear a flower crown, it’s easier to sell to ppl, bc im the Bubbly Gay” and i was like “hi, i dont have the genitals you think i do, please buy my fragrance” in a deadpan voice, n cracked him and my manager up

12. favorite trans headcanon?

samus aran from metroid being trans!! shes powerful and unstoppable, and i love her

13. favorite canon trans character? (alt: 2nd favorite trans headcanon?)

i rly love elliot from On A Sunbeam, but also alex fierro from the magnus chase series!!! she’s never afraid to let ppl know when her pronouns have changed (genderfluid) and she’s out and proud, and promotes “flaunting the weird” or unique, and she always wears pink n green, which is cool. like everyone was in white snow suits for camouflage, and she still had a pink/green one somehow, nd it was rly silly

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self?

brush ur teeth more, also dont worry, ppl will love ur dick and wont bash u for having one. you’ll have friends that love and want to b around u

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be?

i rly want that rose dress i drew on zuretta, mb i’ll try sewing one when i have money

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality?

if u like me, ur gay, and also i rly want someone (partner wise) to call me their flame, bc that would b rly affirming and gay. like im an urban/modern pirate witch who strolls into town on odd full moons, bringing lavish gifts and showering my love in affection, sex, and laughteri like the concept of sex more than actual sex, but u know,,,, some gay thoughts

21. what makes you feel euphoric?

when i can express my genders the way i want to, or express/hold myself in a way that rly makes me all !!!!!! inside

like a firm and steady connection, resonating in my aesthetic like a beacon or a lightning strike; powerful, brimming with energy, and certainty.

23. claim something as trans culture.

running a joke into the ground until it's unrecognizable from what the original one was (i’m about to end this man’s whole career > me, about to fight someone “i’m about to end this man” >me answering if i’ve entered the building yet “i’m about to” > me, when i’m a muscle underneath someone’s stomach fat “i’m ab”)

editing ur friends into memes

25. what’s your favorite part of being trans?

tbh i dont rly identify as trans, just nb, bc ive always felt nonbinary; used to b rly grossed out by being called anything masculine, felt uncomfortable to take my shirt off from the age of like 6, in public spaces. called myself an individualso like im definitely not cis but i’ve always been nonbinary, so i dont feel the need to categorize myself into like “someone who isn’t as they used to be” if that makes sense.

plus idk, uncomfy term for me specifically, doesn’t feel right. same w transfeminine, like im androgynous in the first place, and if i were feminine, i dont see the need 2 arbitrarily add trans in front of it, as if to say “im artificial”obvs those terms r affirming for others, and im rly happy abt that and encourage them to use em, but for me its just like. mmm. thats how it feels, a lil nasty nd not me. wrong, ig? feelings. its 1 am almost so im in a slightly off mindset, but also fine bc i just took like a big nap from 3:30ish to 8no gender roles, im free of constriction and can dress however tf i want bc fuck fashion trends? its just money in the pocket of a corporation. now i do like fashion, but only in that i love to see how ppl express themselves, not so much following trends and rules abt it. it’s better to b unique and have ur own style, what makes u u, what makes u comfy and happily expressed

#abt me #cassette tapes #asks

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