#idk its not exactly negative but like

[quatregats]

Something I've been thinking about is how Patrick O'Brian manages so skillfully to write characters whose actions contradict their beliefs, which I think is honestly a big part of why his characters feel so real. Mostly with Stephen and Jack—e.g., and perhaps most notably, Stephen has notably leftist sympathies (honestly I have no idea how to characterize his politics in period terms) who nonetheless becomes very comfortable with his rise to the landed gentry, while Jack is a card-carrying Tory who much of the time sympathizes far more with working class sailors and farmers than with the upper classes—but I'm sure he does it to a lesser degree with some of his minor characters (James Dillon, while perhaps not precisely minor, comes to mind), and I love that he's able to do that, especially the way in which he embeds it in the narrative. We see how they're all unreliable narrators of themselves; we understand how they want to be seen and how that does and doesn't coincide with the reality, but most importantly, this isn't presented as something reprehensible, just as a part of their own humanity. They are not their expectations for themselves, but they don't need to be those expectations to be beloved.

#stephen is especially guilty of this and i think it's very interesting how he thinks of himself versus how he acts #which is probably an essay on its own #but i do think that this is another point he and jack make a fun foil on #(for jack this manifests much less explicitly but i think it's definitely still there) #i can't think of other characters atm besides james dillon #(who okay. his actions don't contradict his beliefs exactly but there is a weird and complex relationship between them) #though i do suspect that there are probably more #idk i've been thinking about this a lot because o'brianizing hornblower has brought to the forefront #how different those two authors treat internal/external narratives #patrick o'brian is kind of like yeah they don't really line up but that's okay that's just what it's like to be a person #while for hornblower and cs forester it's like the internal narrative is so unbelievably unreliable and negative #but the external narrative also seems to be resoundingly positive #(which is probably why. in my humble opinion having watched two episodes of it. the tv show is much more Fun) #writing hornblower in o'brian format is just like wow there is no weirdness going on did i write him wrong #but no it's hornblower he just sounds so much more normal without the 24/7 mental gymnastics #perce rambles #aubreyad

[dishsaop]

if you can read this, im not vagueposting abt you. but its real fuckin weird how some people think their pet photos are healing to other people. your kitty and your puppy are lovely but sending me pictures of them are not magically making me feel better and its actually kind of weird that you think it would

#i like animals a lot! animals deserve nothing but care and respect! #fuck my allergies; if im at a party and there is a pet i am ditching every person to go hang out with the animal #but if i tell u i am sad and u go ah. here. this will cure you. 12 pictures of my dog. dont you feel better now? #no. its weird. thats weird #that is a photograph of someone elses animal and i have depression #'demeaning' isnt the right word and idk the word im looking for exactly but its like- #-idk theres something not quite insulting abt the like... assumption that this will make me better #this is SUCH a negative post im sorry lol i genuinely love seeing photos of my friends pets and hearing the stories and all #i love animals #its just. uncomfortable and. um. belittling? (still not the exact right word) to assume my struggles are healed by. some pixels of an anima #that i dont even have a relationship with #ALL OF THIS IS TO SAY i told an irl friend im having a bad time and they... spammed me with dog photos and went ah are u better now #no. im worse actually.

[silenthillbunni]

🐁☁️🌫️

#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant #nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it #it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer #ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know #it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are #but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom #bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park #i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that #i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none #my sisters havent talked for me in over a year #and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w #nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao #i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots #i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol????? #im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay #and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like #when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!! #im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing? #other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing????? #and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things #i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))

[july-19th-club]

hodgins is my favorite guy on bones bc all he has to do is say even a medium leftist take with a little grin on his face and it makes american-flag-colored steam start coming out booths ears

#booth is ....... oh. i dont know. i hope he chills out at some point bc if its twelve seasons of this idk if i can do it #except for like the obvious hilarity of his getting so so steamed about other characters having opinions about the military #his like. you CANT have a negative take on war if youve never been in it. but if you DO have negative feelings abt war bc youve been in it #like if you regret your actions or. admit you disagree with the brass. then you are breaking ranks and a class traitor #like i will say this it is a PITCH PERFECT portrayal of exactly what military guys are like. to a nauseating degree. so in that sense #it's a great performance one of the best. its obnoxiously real #i was like surely dbz cannot possibly create a character more annoying than angel from buffy. but he did it he got a guy to be even worse!! #im impressed #bones

[orcelito]

Ok triple vaccine is kicking my ass. Now. I am.now grateful that I scheduled it with a day off after

#speculation nation #negative/ #i will be real this is genuinely one of the worst pains of my life #but to.make matters worse. my period started :/ so im dealing with first day cramps of Those #i got only 4 hours of sleep bc despite taking a melatonin i just Could Not Fall Asleep #my feet and legs were so very cold that even 45 minutes under a hot pad still hadnt warmed them #it took hours before i felt like i could remove it. idk how long exactly id finally fallen asleep #but june wouldnt stop crying until eventually she came up to bed #and poor sweet girl did her normal thing of climbing on me. which is usually fine. #but she stepped on my arm and. hhhhhholy shit lmfao That had to be one of the worst pains of my life. #like a 7 or maybe even an 8. right now doijg nothing id say its a 5 #i need to take ibuprofen but i need to get some food in me first #which. oh yeah. i got out of bed to try to eat a bit so i could take some ibuprofen. ended up lightheaded as fuck #had to sit down several times. until at one point i got hit with a spell so bad i was Convinced i was gonna throw up #sat beside the toilet with a cold sweat as i waited for the nausea to subside. #i was gonna have corn dogs for a small meal. they r in the microwave even. but rn i am.just gingerly sipping on an Ensure #with a plastic bag beside me lol. just in case. bc i dont fuck with nausea risks man i am.not puking on my floor. #eurgh why did my.body decide to make things worse for me.... this Sucks #emetophobia/

[nyctarian]

Seen a few people in the tags of the kenny supporting trans rights post seeming genuinely (happily) surprised that a wrestler like kenny would support them/their loved ones. I dont blame them for perhaps being unfamiliar with him and his history of being outspoken in his support of queer rights, (even ignoring him being bisexual and everything about the golden lovers narrative), and his condemnation of the history of homophobia and transphobia in wrestling, but it does highlight why (in addition to everything else that was shitty about it) i was so annoyed with the "he's just queerbaiting"/"the bucks are secret bigots" shit people tried to claim post brawl. That type of stuff is unfair to them absolutely, but its unfair to the people for whom the outspoken acceptance from people they look up to can be hugely impactful. Like, with the bucks having spent the beginning of their career trying very hard as teens to help one of the first out wrestlers w kanyon, including staying on the phone with him for hours to help him not k*ll himself, and then everything theyve done w kenny over the years and the way they have an in ring nature and storytelling tendencies that are clearly fine with going against cisheteromasculine norms of society. Matt literally helped design the shoe they did for pride and if there's one thing the bucks take seriously its shoes.

It's just, i think, very shitty to lie about some people you dont know in a way that makes people who may be fans, and for whom that acceptance could mean a lot, to be led to believe more people hate them in the world then they actually do. There is a reason the company that they helped start is one where a trans bi/pan black indigenous woman has already been a champ, another bisexual woman has been a champ, kenny a bi man has been a champ, and one half of the tag champs right now is a black gay man.

#personal #i dont think i worded this well #but seeing people being shocked that wrestlers they care about would #like respect their humanity #on here and on twitter to where ive seen the photo reposted a bunch as well #like it genuinely sucks that bc of what happened #people went to that classic well of smearing them w no proof #w like negative proof bc of proof in the opposite to what they claim #while at the same time repeating all the 'twinkletoes' shit sourced from a genuine bigot like 🌽 #i just think its really shitty for three wrestlers who-even w two of them being married to women-have a legacy in the industry inherently #tied to queerness #my computer was too shitty unreliable for me to do a lot of effort but i did start a tagging thing w just the #bare minimum of what ive rb'd of them being exactly as they are about queer stuff #idk it was shitty seeing people do that 'i bet the bucks would call me slurs' shit to defend a guy who has literslly called people slurs #even tho he did clearly change his attitude later in life to be less shitty #esp when there are def people who never questioned kenny being bi until the minute they needed something to smear him with

[aftontxt]

// considering making this a dual muse for michael and vanny........... im not sure. i'd have to figure them out more but they dont quite fit on Quillheel and This feels like the right kind of space for them, esp since vanny and michael are kinda in similar districts of my brain regarding a lot of things with their story and mental health n junk n just. hrm. they're also surprisingly interconnected innately so like....... idk! i might make a poll on it. but for rn im gonna work on the bio and prrrobably do smth with the blogs theme maybe

#━ ♔ your slightly mad sea-captain : ooc. #idk. idk! future planning ig? #thinking 'bout michael n vanny n while i LOVE quillheel there's a certain. intimacy? lack of pressure? that comes with a single/dual muse #if that makes sense? ig knowing Exactly what ppl follow me for is nice! and knowing that if they werent interested they wouldnt Be here #which i know is the same w quillheel but with that tons of people follow multis for specific muses and thats ABSOLUTELY fine i Do Not Mind #i do the SAME shit its literally just part of running a multi a lot of the time #but like!!! its just nice knowing there's One Bitch ppl are here for. ONE guy. no figuring out who goes where or w/e yk? #im rambling bc i havent slept but yea!!! all of this is *NOT* negative btw i just like the vibes here and am musing /gen BHKGBTRHKB

[bingobongobonko]

methinks i should make a ramble jar and start putting money in it bc. i lost like two hours of time rambling about something and now im in the aftermath like. dude..

#sigh. i do this every time #im not mad just disappointed #i am a little bit insecure about it but this too will pass #i guess it seems like a good thing to be passionate abt what you like but yk #two hrs..? #kinda just wish i were normal #yk #30 mins at most #it just sucks. i feel odd and weird #i dont mind the lost time persay #just kind of perception of me ig #i swear i have more interests than just the one #its just i really care about this one thing right now and i need to say it but also its kinda like mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn #talk about the weather! #idk! #i dont find it charmin about myself i find it insufferable #this too will pass.. #im just being negative. and i cant exactly control it #once i start talking its gonna take shoving to get me to stop #and no one did #so maybe that means they dont mind or maybe they were being polite #idk but i shouldnt ruminate on it #if ppl found me annoying they'd stop talking to me right #i cant assume anything

[maythray]

we did it boys im now finally using an ii neg tag its ALL over

#idk why ive been like. avoiding using one. #but like eh i guess i might as well since like. yeah. thats exactly what this is #and like for a while i tried to convince myself that i was being silly or caring too much but then like #ive recently gone back and rereviewed ii and like. it just made it all the more prominent how many issues it has #and its like. really upsetting what with this being an object show incredibly dear to my heart #whatever #im still trying to not let my criticism of the show and AE affect my enjoyment of whats being produced today #cause i just. cant handle stewing in that kind of negativity for something im watching and trying to enjoy

[oftheblue]

It's the way that in every mv him with the scar got killed by him without it but not this time... This time his past self was running to try and save his future self

#does this makes any sense? idk ever since i've seen it my brain hasn't been able to form a coherent thought and write it down exactly #as it is #maybe that's how it's supposed to be because it's this personal.. #so i kinda don't even want to try overthink it nor try to connect the dots #i'm just letting it be because even like that it's something i never would've expected #for a song personal as this to get a mv #and the said mv being so personal too #he just never fails to amaze me and that sounds so cliche i know because so many people say it about so many other people but it's true #he's been through way too much and he really gets it #all the pain struggles destructive thoughts and loneliness #and he takes all of those negative emotions to turn them around into comfort for the others #in telling you that you are not alone #and as long as he's around you never will be #ugh i feel like i could talk about him and this song and its music video for hours but like i said i'm not really able to express myself #that well right now so i'll probably just go on and on in circles and ramble #idk i'll probably delete this later anyway #i just felt like saying this now #agust d #amygdala

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

.

#i love how the one supportive cis family member i have got me a fucking h*rry p*tter shirt #and now i feel like a dick bc i dont want to be the asshole thats picky about presents but oh my god i hate getting presents from cishets #and like i know im gonn have to say something to her about it but idk how #esp bc i havent talked to her in a while and last time she texted me it was bc my dad was using her to guilt trip me into texting him back #when the whole fucing reason im not talking to him is because hes a fucking creep who tried to groom my my whole adolescence #but i cant exactly say that!! out loud!!! to my sister!!!! without putting her in a Position!!! #not to mention he literally. Has a sex offender charge so my famils whole personality is defending his innocence #and shell side with me to a point but. i dont want to push it and open up old wounds of How Dare You Put Dear Old Dad Through This #and just. fucking. the wizard nazi merch. on top of all of this. really #like theres only so much negative things i can say in a phone call before itll ruin the whole vibe #and on christmas no less #its gonna be hard enough talking about this i dont need another thing to make me sound like an asshole #finnposting #personal #vent

[wings-of-angels]

.

#idk if this counts as a vent tw 😭😭✋ #cos it isnt exactly ??? #but talk of lik3 idk past stuff ig #idk its just its so weird thinking back on when police would come to my house nearly every week 😭😭 #like my brothet hasnt been violent or threatened violence in ages and im rlly proud of him for that yk #like i hate him but i get how hard it can be restraining ur anger and im glad hes gotten better #but damn that was an odd time 😭😭✋ #i was like... so numb during a lot of those times asw #idk cos there was an incident maybe a month ago? and it wasnt even /that/ bad but i was literally up in my room full body shaking #and idk how i dealt with it when i was younger #i was so chill about it #like '🙄😒 the police are here again better hide in my room so they dont ask me questions' kinda vibe #bro howd i go from that to literally shaking and being scared of moving and making my bed creak #like 😭😭 i wasnt even in any danger #(and the recent incident was after like months and months of nothing too bad) #(and i get it ppl regress sometimes and that shouldn't reflect negatively on their progress) #but sishskshks #and god its so tired being hypervigillent godamn #like sittinf upstairs with my phone anxiously listening to see if hed be violent and if id have to call the police #its so draining #rlly dont know how past me did it #props to them fr 🙏🙏🙏 #oop a couple tws i need to add #tw violence mention #idk if i need to add anything else actually pls tell me if i do

[sunnyvaler]

was anyone taking bets on how quickly my mum would ruin this trip for me

#i was really out there thinkin it wasn’t so bad. thinkin maybe i could handle the weekend and maybe i’d stay with everyone and have fun #alas. i am in my room alone again bc my mum thinks she can whisper much quieter than she can #the look on her face when she started whispering talking shit and i immediately grabbed my key and retreated for the night #almost looked like she knew she did something wrong but also. i know she doesnt think so #she’ll just use this as a chance to talk shit to all her friends about me when im not there to do it #i really thought we were doing well. she called me quin multiple times today and it’s the first time she’s ever done that #she called me quin for the first time a couple days ago #and i just. i dont know #i was dreading this trip so much and then it came and it wasnt as bad as i thought and then it was exactly what i expected #and i shouldn’t be disappointed because i did expect this i saw it coming but. that doesnt make it hurt less #ooc. #negative // #sorry for the rant i just. i dont exactly have anyone to talk to #everyone looked surprised by my sudden departure esp bc its early in the night #like idk gang. maybe look to urselves and question whats going on #maybe look to the woman loudly whispering to anyone who will listen about me and my friends

[tinyspringtrap]

ough this cold is kicking my ass

#sassy says #assuming it is a cold at least. #kind of questionable tbh i usually feel a lot worse when i get a cold so idk what ive got exactly #its mostly brain fog and a lot of congestion #and sneezing #my mom took a covid test and it came back negative but im starting to wonder if i should take one to be safe bc... #now that i think about it. this a lot like my last bout of covid symptoms-wise. #usually when i have a cold my nose is a lot more runny and i cough more... #personal shit #i mean my throat DOES hurt but that could just be the tonsil stones

[morexlapis]

I really wish I didn't let the euro beauty standards affect me sm

#i used to cry because i was brown #i secluded myself away from the sun because i didn't want to be dark anymore #i wanted to look like a white girl so so bad #i literally hated the fact that my white parent didn't choose another white person bc i look exactly like my brown parent.. #i prayed and prayed and prayed to be white #literally when whatever this splitting or idk what its called stuff happens.. a lot of the 'alters' ID as white #3 out of like 6-7 of them were white #it's so so bad.. #negative #racism tw

[mbat]

(ignore me i just want to put this somewhere idk)

oh i just had the most ridiculous realization

so in 2019 when i was 16 i dived hard into my atheism (i was an atheist before then, im still an atheist) and i got a bit dickish about it (im not proud of it, i fucked up a whole relationship with it) and i think i just connected some dots but also this could seriously be a 'i just connected the dots' 'you didnt connect shit' 'ive connected them' moment

but anyway 2019 was like right after i got out of the situation thats left me with trauma and im wondering if i got deeply into one of my worst phases because of that, not that it could ever be proven either way but now im like. hm.

#like it was not a healthy time for me #i hate to admit it was a fixation of mine but i wouldnt say that outside of this because its embarassing #i dont know how to articulate my point of like #hey i just got out of this life altering horrible situation! time to dive into another awful situation! #and/or hey i just got out of this awful life changing situation! time to aim my negative feelings in a different direction like #like some sort of range weapon idk #did any of that make sense? idk im tired #personal #ignore me #my post #atheism youtube is just very full of negativity because obviously almost all of it is discussing and debunking religious stuff #and well. thats not exactly a happy passtime. #not to mention the people i talked to back then were some of the most like. stressful people ive ever known #nothing against them they werent malicious. but they needed help that they just refused to get. and i was terrified for them a lot