#i've previously caught myself with the mindset of

[yupuffin]

The following are statements about fandom competitions that all can, and should, coexist:

Cosplay competitions, dance competitions, etc. are not "rigged" AND

Competitions naturally benefit the participant with the greatest advantage and hence, by definition, will never be completely "fair"

The degree to which some participants structure their lives around their artistic pursuits surpasses the typical definition of a "hobby" AND

Competitions are not a complete or accurate representation of any hobby or artistic pursuit; considering them such tends to lead to perpetual dissatisfaction

Judges' opinions are often informed by significant relevant experience AND

Judgments are ultimately opinions with which you are allowed to agree or disagree at your leisure

It can be immensely frustrating when judges make judgments that you disagree with AND

Allowing yourself to experience that frustration, and then moving on from it, rather than trying to "correct" the judges or make a "callout," is generally the most productive reaction

It's healthy and natural to want to win/place/receive positive feedback AND

If any form of judgment is going to "make or break" your competition experience, it's wise to seriously reconsider whether competing in your current state is healthy and sustainable

Placements/wins/positive feedback are achievements worthy of celebration AND

Competition statistics are not an objective reflection of the quality or value of an artistic presentation

My 10+ years of experience (depending on the discipline) informs my opinion that the competition format hinges on subjectivity and serves primarily to draw an audience (utilizing the anticipation of "who will win???"), not to make objective judgments about any participants or their entries.

Please be cautious not to fall into the mindset that winning is the paramount aspect of competing. The amount of grief I've seen people experience over judges' opinions, and the number of people I've spoken to who say they've quit a competition scene entirely because of how elitist and cutthroat the environment was, is just heartbreaking.

I think a lot of work can be done to make fandom competitions more welcoming, inclusive, and accessible environments -- I've been in precious few communities like this both outside and within fandom, and I know we can do better.

I don't believe that centering that work on how judging is done is entirely wasted effort, due to the subjectivity of judging as a practice, I don't think that there's a single rubric, formula, or procedure that will make everyone happy. Instead, I think it's more worthwhile to highlight the community aspect of fandom competitions and focus on supporting one another and valuing each participant for their unique individual contributions to the artistic scene, not for their statistics.

Finally, I can ramble all day about what I think about the competition scene, but I really do believe that everything here, while informed by my experience, is still just opinion, and you're free to disagree.

#remember: if you wouldn't take advice from someone you don't need to take their criticism either #and 'i've never met this person before and they're not familiar with my body of work or with me personally' #is a valid reason to elect to ignore someone's criticism #soliloqyu #i've previously caught myself with the mindset of #'i want to go to x big convention but i shouldn't because i'm not a good enough cosplayer/dancer' #and the fact that an environment that advertises itself as a 'tight-knit community' can produce that mindset so easily is just sad

[bonesandthebees]

hi! just to let you know, i asked anonymously about how you balance writing and adult life. your reply actually helped me at least with settling down my writing priorities and my wip's (which i don't have much, considering i've eliminated all of my old ones not too long ago).

i've checked some of your fics, haven't started reading them yet, but they're all interesting. idk what to choose, there's so many options WAAAAHHHHHHH

okay, but i forgot to ask previously on how you motivate yourself to write, even on days when you don't feel like writing, but you have to. i used to be able to will myself to write, but now even when i have motivation, i seem to be unable to write, y'know? anyway, i gotta stop before i rant and read any of your sbi or qsmp fics, have a great day! :D

oh I'm so glad my advice was able to help you out!! it's always a good thing to prioritize your wips, but also don't hold back from writing something you really want to write just because you have other things. it's about balancing enjoying what you're doing while also trying to keep things organized

lol yeah there's a lot of options bc, uh, I write a lot. but if you want my personal recommendations, I think the stars and their children is the best thing I've ever written. but also stars is very long, so if you want something a bit shorter I'm also really proud of how honey and tangerines turned out. then if you want a one shot instead of a multi chapter fic, a dusty tomb is a lot of fun!

honestly how I motivate myself to write is by just... doing it? which isn't very helpful I know, but it's just a matter of kicking my mind into gear. it's a talent I've had to get good at over the years, and there are so many times I get caught in the loop of checking social media and scrolling mindlessly for hours telling myself i'm going to stop and write soon but it takes an insanely long time for me to actually be able to close that tab.

sometimes what's helpful is by having scenes in my fics I'm working towards writing, because then me being excited to write something specific makes it a lot easier to jump into it. I know a lot of authors write non chronologically, so even if the scene they want to write isn't going to be for a while, they'll write it anyway just to get in the groove since that's what they want to write. then once you get started it's easier to switch back to writing the bits you don't want to write as much. I myself don't do this. I only write chronologically, but that's just a me thing because writing out of order just makes things worse for me and ruins the flow of my writing.

just try to figure out different tactics for how to get yourself excited about your writing, and remember that it gets easier to write the more you practice at it. once you're more familiar with forcing yourself into that mindset, it's far less of a challenge to sit down and start typing

#ask #sonderlilies #bones writes

[honeybeecomebuzzingme]

I got really anxious tonight because I posted a picture of my guitar online.

Here's why I posted the picture:-

1- I was proud that I've progressed into a more productive habit of practicing guitar.

2- I love my guitar - I bought it 3 years ago cos it's blue and practical for my height...

3- The universe is telling me to play music.

4- I want my friends to see my guitar!

5- I had this moment of pure bliss that I'd figured out how to do something new!

Why was I anxious? Well N came online and a dumb notification popped up!

I fucking hate when apps tell you someone is online, it feels kinda creepy, like he's watching me and judging me sometimes?

I read through a few notes I had on my phone tonight when I was writing. I was trying to find a scene I'd planned for my current book and I ended up finding other things that reminded me of him.

I feel like I did play into the "girlfriend mask" and I did feel like I was stuck.

I did the same thing as the previous times I've been in long-term relationships where I would backtrack whenever I was caught trying to communicate my unhappiness.

They are like "how dare you be unhappy with me" sort of confrontations and I hate that I can't just say "being with you makes me feel like I can't be true to myself" I end up people pleasing and whatever else.

I feel like cheating on people instead of ending the relationship is definitely a toxic trait but at the same time it's hard to navigate because I am poly.

Sometimes the people pleasing is actually how the cheating happens...

In my experience with past toxic relationships, and I have had too many, I try to explain I am poly until I'm blue in the face but it doesn't seem to sink in for the other person. If I explained things like the "auntie Angie" and solitary witch writing goals. Somehow they still think I want pair monogamy with marriage and babies.

I start to take that to heart.

I'm not a marriage person.

Not sure what I was doing wearing so many rings for over 10 years. It's odd now.

I was proposed to 8 times in 2018 alone.

I've had 3 long term relationships that I would say would have eventually resulted in something resembling the traditional mindset. (As previously mentioned that was be N, L and B). But is that me?

I guess I still love N, he is my best friend, and L well he's one of my closest friends and then B recently messaged me after 10 years. This year I will give them all back their hoodies I think - at least in spirit.

This year will I have all my guitars back?

B is the only person who has ever said he hated me and actually with the things he said about what I was supposed to eat and then telling me I was gaining weight and making fun of my weight and complaining about what I ate when I wasn't with him.

Then oh yeah saying that I shouldn't have an eating disorder because I had him.

He said that I shouldn't be depressed or anything because I had him. That his influence could cure depression?

Then I remembered that after I broke up with him I had a doctor tell me that breaking up the engagement did in fact cure me of my depression supposedly?

That followed with a mental health nurse who made me feel like I was supposed to be raped and another psychologist who pushed me to hang out with a group of boys who later became my harem in a weird way but that's where I discovered alcohol - and psychologist was ehh...

I'm not sure why she was like that in retrospect and it does contribute to my lack of trust in medical professionals.

Recently it was pointed out to me that it's bizarre my doctor upped my medication right before I went on a flight. Then I tried to explain to that doctor about my extreme reactions and meltdowns while I was in America, my self harming and suicidal thoughts as well as erratic behaviour, but I found out that doctor was no more?? This is why I have trust issues!!

Anyway, enough ranting. I need to sleep.

I still miss N dreadfully but it's ok.

The last couple of weeks I feel like I'm being a good supportive friend to all and healing through the trauma. I dropped the ball in therapy on Tuesday but I'm trying to do homework. Therapy is working.

I feel like there's music in me again.

I feel like my relationship with my dad is so much better too! Plus yes lots of friends!

I will always love my Nakama.

Nakama is Ohana!

#deep thoughts #ramblings #sleep deprivation #self deprecating humor #depression and anxiety #self healing #self love #love

[fiti-vation]

For many years I've been trying to live a healthier lifestyle,but I always end up failing and going back to eating junk. I think because I make poor food choices my menstrual cycle rarely comes. Do you have any tips on how I can stick with a healthy food regimen,and foods to eat and avoid that can help get my cycle to become regular.

Hi there,

I’m happy to hear that you are trying to integrate more healthy food choices into your diet. Keep up the good work. In regard to your gynecological problems, I would like to begin by saying that I am in no way a health professional, so I strongly encourage you to seek medical advice/ assistance. Your irregular periods can be due to several factors. The only way to know for sure what the cause is, is by consulting a health professional. That said, what I can help you with, is provide you with some tips on how to stick to a healthy lifestyle.

 As I have previously stated in a similar post to yours, maintaining a healthy and balanced diet is not always the easiest goal to achieve. Having ups and downs happens to all of us, so you really shouldn’t beat yourself up when you fall off the wagon. Elite, semi-pro and varsity athletes all struggle at times — myself included. Always remember that it is NOT about perfect, but about effort. The perfection mindset breeds failure. When real life happens and things aren’t so perfect, people who think this way throw in the towel fast. Don’t strive for perfection all the time. You haven’t got control over achieving perfection, but you do have control of what you do now.

  What truly matters is that you are making an effort to better your health and that is worth acknowledging. Effort is one of those things that gives meaning to life. Effort means you care about something, that something is important to you and you are willing to work for it. Whenever you catch yourself wallowing in self-pity – always remind yourself that at least you are trying. Never become downbeat because the journey is tough, be optimistic that you have an opportunity to start anew every time you fall.  

Consistency:

Having effort is one thing. But

effort without consistency is like interest without compounding

. You know how to make the effort - which is great,

the only thing you have left to do is cultivate your skills in consistency.

I wish there was some magic secret to a healthy lifestyle, but that simply is it…

Consistency is the key

. Whatever your fitness goals, consistency is important across the board in achieving them. The accomplishment of our goals does not come about from working exceptionally well just for a few days, it is about consistency, everything great can only be accomplished with

consistent effort and dedication

. No matter what happens you have to put in the work every single day, small daily steps will take you to wherever you wish to go.

Consistency is the capacity to show up for something over and over, to produce results that are equivalent over time; stay the course, steady as she goes.

How Does One Cultivate Consistency?

Now, you’re probably wondering how one becomes consistent. There again there is no magic secret. A big part of being consistent is organization. Consistency comes from hard work and preparation.

You need to be proactive, not reactive

. People who lack the proactivity habit tend to be more reactive, seeing themselves as victims of circumstance, unable to change their reactions, thus feeling much less empowered. Proactive people act rather than being acted upon.

A proactive approach focuses on eliminating problems before they have a chance to appear and a reactive approach is based on responding to events after they have happened. The difference between these two approaches is the perspective each one provides in assessing actions and events.

When I first started taking fitness seriously at 18, I quickly realized how important it was to be thorough with my time. Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now. I knew that if I wanted to achieve my goals, I would have to be ORGANIZED. Everyone has a will to win, but very few have the will to prepare to win. Simply put, the will to succeed is important, but what’s more important is the will to prepare. By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail. 

Preparing my meals in advance, making a list of healthy groceries and planning my workouts really helped me stay on track when I started taking fitness seriously. If you have healthy meals and snacks ready to eat when you’re hungry, it will be much easier to stick to a healthy diet. Temptation, a busy schedule, fatigue and loss of motivation, among many other factors, can make it easy for you to lose track of your goals and slip up on diet and exercise.

Without meal prep, you increase your chances of eating convenience foods on the regular, especially if you get busy or caught out-and-about without food (this one occasionally happens even to the most prepared foodie among us, trust me). When your meals are tentatively planned and sufficiently prepped ahead of time it will make enjoying a healthy meal an easy decision. After a full day, having a nutritious meal at the ready is something so many of us appreciate. There are 7 days in a week, choose the best one to meal prep.

Forecasting and preparing our daily eats in advance will support us in staying on track – essentially empowering us to conquer our healthy lifestyle aspirations in the days ahead.

In addition to helping you stay on track, meal prepping also:

Improves your time management

Saves you money

Helps You Regulate Portion Control

Helps You Win the Mental Game

Accountability

Before concluding this post, one more thing that I would like to touch on is accountability. Although, every failure is a chance to start anew – if one keeps on constantly failing at achieving their goals, one must hold themselves accountable at some point. If you keep on constantly failing, you have to pause and ask yourself “why”. Once you have found the reason for your constant failure, you then have to tackle it.

Accountability means you stay true to your word, that you can be counted on. You say what you’re going to do, and you do it, holding yourself answerable.

As I stated in one of my recent posts:

The circumstances of our lives, especially when they seem stressful or intense, do have an impact on us, for sure. However, all too often, we give away our power to these circumstances and situations. At some point, you have to take control of your existence. You cannot keep on blaming your parents or your circumstances forever. You are totally responsible for your life.

Responsibility is not something you do—it’s a way of thinking and being. When you’re truly responsible, you believe that success or failure is up to you, even if you work within a team or are blind-sided by unforeseen circumstances. You own your commitment to a result before the fact, before you even take action.

On a Final Note

I really wish there was a magic secret to sticking to a healthy lifestyle, but there really isn’t. As clichéd as it may sound, the formula is quite simple; effort + preparation + accountability = consistency. There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.

We all have the choice to either be proactive about our own lives and set ourselves up to walk in and enjoy success that may come our way, or we can wait until that day that success arrives and hustle to keep up with it. I know the latter is harder and sometimes because of our unpreparedness we totally miss it. I know I don’t want to miss out on anything, so I am making it my mission to prepare today for tomorrow. I urge you to do the same.

I hope you’ll find motivation in these words of encouragement.

Best of luck on your fitness journey.

Steph, xoxo 🤗

#FAQ #reply #replies