#i've been seeing a lot of posts about people going places after their vaccine that are making me worried

[thewakingcloak]

The State of Things Past

this post is mirrored from the Studio Spacefarer Patreon! please consider supporting me, and you’ll get access to devlog posts, gifs, and other info before the public!

Like I mentioned in my previous post, The Waking Cloak has been in development for eight years.

ProtoDungeon: Episode III has itself been in development for a few years, pretty much since 2019 (oooof). I've gotten plenty of questions about how the project is coming, as well as the occasional question of whether The Waking Cloak / ProtoDungeon is even alive at all at this point. Thank you for asking this. It means people are still interested in these games.

Okay, but still, what happened? Why are things taking so long? Well, this post is the first in the Christmas Carol series, in which the ~Ghost of Spacefarer Past~ appears to explain things (wooo spooky explanation sounds).

Progress has been made, very slowly, on ProtoDungeon: Episode III. I'd love to have done more, but, well… in the time since I released Episode II, we continued adjusting to parenthood for our first kid, went through the pandemic, had a second baby (who is now almost 3yo), and survived through a series of really difficult events, which culminated in a move to a new house in a new town and the start of a new chapter (but that last bit we'll save that for the Ghost of Christmas Present so he feels useful).

But yeah, it's been a rough ride. My wife and I are intentionally open about what's been going on. At the same time, the internet is an extremely public place, and I don't want to overshare, or worse, trigger anything for anyone, so I'll try to keep this list brief:

Two miscarriages (the first one was late term, and absolutely, brutally devastating)

The loss of our faith community due to the pandemic

Loss of job for my wife due to the pandemic (the pandemic was unkind to teachers)

Loss of a dream job prospect for my wife (same issue)

The great Texas freeze and power outage (us huddling under blankets in shifts through the night with our newborn infant (he's fine now!))

Severe, life-threatening post-partum and post-natal depression

Family covid and two-week cabin-fever quarantines (twice, despite being vaccinated and careful)

The death of my grandma (we were not able to attend her memorial due to aforementioned covid and living on the other side of the country)

Multiple heart attacks for my father despite his active and healthy lifestyle

Autoimmune disease scare for my wife (may still be a thing, just dormant?)

etc., etc., ad infinitum.

A lot of people have had things significantly worse, so this is definitely not an attempt to "compare griefs" as it were. This is just context for, no matter how much I wanted it to be otherwise, the fact that I didn't have the mental or emotional (or temporal) space for creativity. It was one thing after another, and we were just trying to keep our heads above water.

Even when we'd mostly recovered from the hits that just kept comin', we moved away from what my wife lovingly refers to as the "trauma house", and she started a teaching job at a brand-new school. Both were good things, but they were pretty big transitions, and it takes time for the ol' brains to adjust. We love our new home now and have a bit more breathing room.

Okay but also I HAVE been working on ProtoDungeon. Dev was really sporadic, but it did happen. The next post will have more detail on the status of Episode III, but there were kind of two big things I worked on during the past three years, big shifts in the foundation of ProtoDungeon and The Waking Cloak.

First, I switched game perspective. I made a few posts about this a while back, but PD/TWC interiors were originally like Zelda interiors (where you see the insides of all four walls). There are good reasons to do this, but it was also kinda making me crazy. So I switched to a more natural front-perspective, keeping things consistent with the exteriors. It definitely was the right choice for the game I wanted to build, but it took time.

Second, and building on that, I made the game fully faux-3D. You can walk behind or in front of stuff--not something the old Zelda games did, and still pretty rare for 2D games. I was toying with the idea for a long time, but I played through an old PlayStation title, Alundra, and that convinced me it could be done. It's way harder than you might expect, and it was a massive block for me for literally years. I was able to slowly work my way past it and finally resolved it with a 3D z-tilting method, but dev slowed to a crawl.

And that's it for now! The ghost releases you from your vision of Spacefarer Past….

Thanks for reading :)

#gamedev #indiedev #the waking cloak #devlog #devblog #game development #protodungeon

[jennilah]

Happy NYE! Every year I enjoy taking a moment to write a somewhat lengthy roundup of my year, good and bad. Its a moment for me to reflect and summarize & expand on things that in hindsight ended up being bigger moments than it felt at the time

like always, I dont want anyone to feel like you have to compare your successes to mine. I simply enjoy being an open book. I like reading other people's personal posts too ♥

This year was incredible for me. This was the year of taking back my life after covid took the last two years. Vaccinated & approaching things as safely as possible according to health guidelines, I was able to do things again, and boy what good things they were!

First off, this was the first full calendar year that I've spent in the new apartment. I swear, this accounts for at least a third of my happiness this year. I can't believe I've already lived here for over a year now, it feels like I just moved in yesterday, and yet I can't believe I dealt with my old apartment for as long as I did. Even thinking about how much that place sucked ass ruins my mood, no wonder my mental health was TANKING when I had to work from home there.

New apartment, new me. This place is incredible and I really feel like I can breathe and live how I want to. Working from home is actually nice instead of unbearable (I now work in a hybrid system, home for a few days and in-office for a few days, since I like aspects of both equally.)

First things first, right away in January I got my first VR headset and I absolutely love it to pieces. That opened up a whole new hobby for me, going into VR and exploring and making whole ass new friends in VRchat. I just think it's so fucking rad and I am so glad i bought the headset.

I then joined a new private art community (lmao that sounds so nefarious. I promise it isnt. I just get to have 1 secret, okay?) that has been so fun and really uplifted my mood at the start of the year, and it continues to be very fun! I am so glad I joined!!!

In fact, that very community helped a lot when it came to silencing my two-year-long streak of "Hell Brain", what I affectionately call the daily swirling anxious thoughts in my head that constantly echo when I dont have a special interest to occupy my daydreams. (Reminder: I am autistic! I am using the term in the autistic sense. By this point, i hadn't had a special interest/hyperfocus in years and I was having a really hard time silencing the Hell Brain on my own.)

It wasnt a perfect solution but it helped a lot, at least. It also drew me even closer to an already-close friend! bonding, yay! and I have met some really cool new people in that community too, who I really hope to keep connecting with!!

I also started to get real about my physical health, trying to eat healthier and exercise more.

Then, the summer of a lifetime began.

(First of all, I saw so many fucking movies. I love going to the movies, and I ate well this year!!! so many amazing films came out.)

I had my first salary negotiation with my bosses, and it went so well that they even asked the higher-ups for more money than I asked for. Because they were super cool, and I guess they wanted to make it very clear how much they appreciate me too. They have already made it extremely clear already how much they value my opinions and skillset, but translating that appreciation to $$ was certainly a bonus.

Then, my fucking god, Top Gun: Maverick finally came out and it has felt like a dream ever since. I couldn't believe- I still can't believe the reception it has gotten. My head is in the clouds. I'm floating. I'm every happy feeling, okay? I wonder if I will ever work on something like that again, that becomes such a worldwide phenomena like this. Completely utterly blown-away. I saw the movie 3 times in theaters myself, so I cant say I'm too shocked. I loved it too!!! I am so proud and just... amazed.

Shortly after, I got to fly home and see my family again for the first time since 2019. I made the most of it. It was one of the most fun trips home I ever had. It was even more fun that I got to see Top Gun with my parents, and I got to finally talk about it with people. It was also fun being home in the summer, hanging out outside, pool parties, BBQ... perfection. I love the vibes of summer nights.

I came back to Montreal refreshed, and then Con Season started up. Comic/Anime cons are probably my favorite events ever, and I was very sad not being able to go to any in the last two years. So it felt amazing to go back again (and buy a lotttt of nerdy stuff lmao)

I even went to a virtual convention in VR! lmao. it was super cool though!

I went to a Woodkid concert for the first time. It was incredible. It also felt like a dream. A+, would go again. Absolutely love his music.

My cousin visited me here in Montreal! That was so much fun. She's the closest thing to a sister to me, and we hadn't hung out just the two of us alone since we were kids. We went to Osheaga, my first music festival, and that whole experience was incredibly fun. It was great hanging out with her and catching up and everything, and I am so glad we got to go to the festival together.

She also helped me try weed for the first time LOL

She taught me how to properly use a bong. I have since switched to a dry-herb vaporizer, but indeed this is a new sort of hobby thing that has slotted into my life this year as well.

It has actually been quite lovely for tackling my aforementioned Hell Brain and anxiety, and also just for funsies.

Then, Prey came out, and I consider it another absolute win. Two movies I worked on that came out in the same year, that have both been critical and fan successes??!!! I am so, so happy. Will lightning strike like that again next year? We will just have to see!

Then there was a really fun street food festival that I thoroughly enjoyed for hours and hours on end. And Splatoon 3 came out, which I also enjoyed for hours and hours on end.

I definitely heavily mourned summer ending, because as you can tell, I was having a lot of fun cramming in events before the weather could turn.

But, like, that's kind of okay because I had no idea that my two year long streak of not having a special interest was about to change VERY suddenly lmao

This October I worked up the courage to really dive into slasher films, like I tried doing last year. (Last year I only really worked up the courage to watch the first Halloween, lol)

and, well, oops. you know what happened next.

(In case it isnt clear: they took hold of my brain and have been squeezing the juices out every day since october. meaning: I FINALLY have a new special interest! It's not something I choose, it's not something I plan, it just happens. and while sometimes fandom drama can wear me down, I am ultimately at my happiest when I have an active special interest. It gives me something to fill my brain, it gives me something that I am excited to draw, I have so much fun talking to other fans and enjoying memes, I discover new music, old music has new meaning again for new characters.... I missed this feeling so much. It feels so good it makes my chest feel tight, like I have butterflies in my stomach. I never know how long it will last, but it's not going away soon thats for sure)

So, I've obviously been having a lot of fun with my new blorbos and my new hobbies. Sometimes I smoke a little weed while rewatching Friday the 13th films, it's so much fun haha

Then, late November, I was accepted into the Visual Effects Society. That is more of a personal badge of honor. It's something I've been wanting to do since college, so as soon as I hit the required 5 years of industry experience I applied. I got in! I am excited to check out some of the more exclusive membership perks and events, but for the most part I am just proud of the achievement. I remember when 5 years felt like a lifetime to wait to apply.

I have been working on some more extremely cool things at work that I can't wait to share. Unfortunately I am waiting for a whopping three films to come out with a trailer. Cmon, hollywood!! You're killing me!!!!! I am so excited for those movies to come out, it's eating me alive not being able to say anything.

At least the Transformers: Rise of the Beasts trailer is out. That was a fun 'un. (But I want the trailers for the other things too!!!!)

And to round off the year, I just got back to MTL after finally spending Christmas at home with my family for the first time since 2019. That felt really special. I got to see everyone in the summer, yes, but our traditional family christmas get-together is what I look forward to every year and I was so glad to be able to do it again.

And there you have it. A much, much, much happier year than the last two.

My new year's resolution is to keep going with the physical health habits and to not fall off the wagon. It's also to keep living my life and go to more events to make next year feel just as full and eventful as this one was. Hang out with my friends more. Watch more of my silly little movies.

I'd also love to try to plan a trip outside of montreal, maybe to Toronto or something. I want to go on a real vacation trip alone again (or with friends.) I think that would be really fun!

#jennilargh #personal

[inamanicpixiedream]

It has been a while since I've written anything here in a while and So Much has Happened, and I kept thinking about making a post here, but then things kept Happening.

I am currently on school holidays finally, after the longest term in the world, and my first as a Head of Department. I feel exhausted, but it's a good role and better than when I was in pastoral care. My classes are lovely. I continue to wonder how much longer I can work in schools for though, and I applied for a Dream Job (not with schools) a few weeks ago, but didn't even get an interview. I received a nice, thoughtful rejection though, and it let me know there's other things out there.

I wrote, produced and performed in a show at the Fringe two months ago, and it went so ridiculously well I am still processing it. So many people I knew came, including from interstate, or friends I hadn't seen in years. (No one from my family except my mother came, lol.) I had strangers coming up to me weeping and asking to hug me. I've been asked to perform it at schools. It got nominated for an award, so I got to go to the final ceremony with all the best performing artists from around the world, which was wild. I wish I could just do this for a living, and I want to try, but something wanting to be a writer feels like a kid saying they want to be a mermaid.

The final weekend of the festival, the morning after the awards, I tested positive for COVID for the first time. I'd been so scared of getting it and how it was going to affect me due to all my health conditions, and while it hit me hard, it was manageable, and I shudder to think what it would have been like before the vaccinations.

My health still worries me. I get one thing under control and then another thing flares up. I know this will likely be my life, and that can feel a bit despairing, though all of it is fairly manageable the vast majority of the time. Getting another blood test tomorrow.

We're coming up to a year since I left my husband, which is absolutely wild to think about. I don't know where that time has gone, and it's been one of the best years of my life, which is a feeling that has a lot of Complicated Feelings to it, including guilt. It also means I am coming up to the time where I can apply for a divorce, and I can only hope that this will go as smoothly as I can, but I am not holding my breath. But no matter how difficult it is, it will soon be over, and I can close that chapter.

I started seeing a new therapist. There is nothing wrong with my old one, he has been wonderful, but I've seen him for a long time and felt like I was starting to need a fresh perspective. He is also an elderly man, and my new one is a younger woman, which has had a big impact. She has a very different approach to previous mental health support, but it has been perfect for me; she talks to me a lot about self-compassion, and holding space for those Complicated Feelings. She's helped me worked through a lot of Stuff from the separation, and it's quite remarkable the places she's been able to take me. She's fucking expensive though.

And finally: tomorrow I fly to Queensland to see my partner, the person who helped bring me back to life (to quote Ms Swift) and we're then going to put all his things in a removalist truck, jump in his car, and drive right back here. Can I highly recommend falling in love in your thirties? We are both still getting used to being with someone who is kind to us, as we have our own Past and Triggers but he is a Safe Place, and he SEES me, and it's the most extraordinary thing.

Also, how is it already April?

[twelvedaysinaugust]

I don't know if this is even the right place for this (so no worries if you choose not to post), but... I just feel like this fandom has a bad habit of flattening Olivia Wilde as a person (both ways, either into oh she's a narcissistic villain or oh she's just like any other beard) and as over the past few weeks we've been getting to see more puzzle pieces of this situation and its past, I feel like the picture it paints is more complex. And that's not to say that I think she's a particularly good person or agree with the choices she's made, it's just to say that I think we can criticize her for the choices she made in certain situations while understanding and having empathy for the situation she was in. And I've been thinking about it a lot.

Putting everything into its proper timing made me think about things a little differently. Booksmart came out in 2019, and Ted Lasso didn't premiere until August 2020. Probably no one but the two of them know the actual timeline of Jason and Olivia's relationship breakdown, but it's pretty clear that all of these things were happening around the same time: The relationship was falling apart (and there are a lot of rumors of Jason cheating). Jason was busy with Ted Lasso, which they didn't know would be received so well beforehand but which got a lot of attention and acclaim as soon as it started airing. Don't Worry Darling was falling apart - there were delays, they were over budget and Olivia was putting her own money into it, the Shia thing was... happening and they were losing one of the leads only a month or two before principal photography was supposed to start, after other cast shakeups as well. We don't know when exactly they realized, but Warner Brothers had to have realized at some point that they were massively in debt and desperately needed this movie to do well at the box office.

I don't agree with the choice, but I think it's at least interesting to consider Olivia's choice to use Harry as a draw for the movie in this context. And it's, again, a separate choice and one I don't agree with, but also probably made in this context (and in the context of Harry's tour being cancelled and no one knowing when tours would be able to resume, we didn't have a vaccine yet), to choose to promote the movie with a PR relationship between Olivia and Harry. Again, can't know for certain, but it definitely feels like the choice to promote this movie with an angle of female pleasure feels connected to those earlier two choices too (dystopian feminist horror doesn't really draw crowds, sexy Harry Styles and sexy Florence Pugh do, even if the approach is at odds with the film itself). And then as time went on I think it probably only became clearer to the studio how much financially was riding on this film, we know that DWD spent a lot of time in post-production (and it was rumored plus alluded to by Olivia in an interview that she and the studio were having disagreements about edits), which may have contributed to extending Holivia, and it probably didn't help (on a human level) to see Ted Lasso becoming a huge hit, both critically acclaimed and very culturally popular.

Like I said, I don't think any of these choices are particularly good choices. The decision to market this around sex and with a PR relationship is becoming more and more clearly problematic and... squicky, for lack of a better term, as more people see and talk about the film. But I also think it's clear that Olivia's life was kind of falling apart, she needed this film to make a lot of money and she wanted it to be a huge success and she didn't want to come out of her relationship with Jason Sudeikis looking like the washed up older woman discarded and making a sophomore slump as a director now that he was hugely successful and famous. In hindsight it's obvious it was all going to turn out pretty poorly for her and the film, if maybe not just how poorly, but I do think the context is important.

I agree with you, nonnie. The financial considerations and the role of the studio are major factors to which I don’t think most people are giving enough weight. It’s a sticky situation all around.

[beardedmrbean]

Hey there, recent follower here! I’ve seen a lot of your posts regarding the freedom convoy, and I’m reaching out for more info. As far as I understand (and I could be wrong, or had the argument misrepresented to me) the protest is over COVID restrictions. Is that true? If so, do you support the removal of COVID restrictions?

Thanks for your time! 💜 Not trying to start a fight, just trying to get your read on things.

It's about the removal of the mandates ya, good portion of the people involved are vaccinated and aren't opposed to vaccinations provided they aren't forced on others.

I fall into that camp myself, I got my shots no booster yet but that's partly because I'm plenty healthy and not terribly concerned and partly because I'm sick of hearing all the crap about how evil people that don't get 37 shots are and I'm just feisty enough that I'd rather annoy them.

I'm also in the camp that sees the point of view of the folks that don't want to get the jab, one of the primary concerns I've picked up from that camp is that there is no long term data on them.

Which is obviously impossible, can't have a 5 year study on a 2 year old vaccine, but the concern is valid in my opinion and one that should be respected.

Especially given the line of people both medical professionals and not that were totally wrong about the vaccine stopping covid in it's tracks, people were flipping out at the start of 'breakthrough' infections and now they're just a statistic to be considered.

If they hadn't been totally wrong about that and breakthroughs had only been something like 5% of total cases after the fact I might have leaned the other way a bit but still not totally.

We've also got one of the most unvaccinated demographics that never really seems to get mentioned when people talk about "antivaxxers" who I also can totally see their point of view.

Black Americans have a lower vaccination rate than any other demographic by the last set of numbers that I saw, again for good reason.

Tuskegee Syphilis Study - Wikipedia

Feel free to click on that and see why that particular demographic might be a bit wary about these shots or anything the govt says.

This is a long way around to say that yes I support the truckers goals of getting the mandates lifted, especially for things like crossing the border for commerce and the over the top mask mandates all over the place.

This is a woman who has been pushing mask mandates especially for schools, visiting a school, posing for a picture with masked students, totally maskless herself.

Got oodles of pics of different people that scream and yell about masks being hypocrites about it.

Why should anyone wear one if the people screaming the loudest about them don't feel the need to wear them.

Then as it concerns the crossing the border, if you're coming across legally for business or pleasure you have to be vaccinated.

People crossing the border illegally on the other hand not so much, we can't do it against their will either, which is good we shouldn't do that, but they shouldn't get to stay if they aren't.

If we're going to be having people playing by the same rules, but instead they get to stay and get their court dates and go off into the wind.

So many double standard, and I'm a person that believes in fairness and at this point the people in charge have made it so that my position is easy to stand at since they seem to think the rules don't apply to them or other protected classes.

I'm sorry if this comes off disjointed, I'm not great at keeping a cohesive narrative going I tend to jump from point to point blame it on adhd and dyslexia.

I think the truckers are in the right here, people should be free to make their own medical decisions about themselves when it comes to new medicines we don't have any long term data on.

the MMR, polio, tetanus, ect. shots we've been using forever and there's plenty of data on them and their safety

The only time I can think of that I've gone well that was the best way too do it was the guy that first synthesized insulin who just walked around and started shootin people up with it.

That's because at that point the people he put it in were gonna be dead in a few hours without something so why the hell not, and it worked.

I think a lot of currently hesitant people will be more receptive to these shots in the future, after we see if they're safe from long term issues or not.

Till then forcing people to do it is bad.

#anonymous #my brain gets cluttered sorry about that

[sunkensubtext]

This will be my last update on the covid situation. I'm alive and I'm finally recovering.

Breathing is still a little meh, but no more coughing until my face turns blue and no more oxygen levels in the 80s. I went up to 97% oxygen saturation today, briefly!

I'm still too dizzy and weak to move, but now that I'm a little stronger and I'm eating more, I'm able to hold conversations and sit up in bed, so I'm overjoyed.

I'm able to say, now, how horrific that was. I downplayed a LOT in my updates because I didn't want to put out bad vibes or worry anyone too much during the holidays, but I had an extremely, extremely severe case of covid. If I had gone to the hospital for a third time yesterday, there isn't a doubt in my mind I'd have been put on a ventilator, and I've been trying to avoid that at all costs.

This has been one of the scariest weeks of my life. The doctors have told me I legitimately almost died twice, at least. Even my therapist, hearing my symptoms and seeing me at my worst (very briefly before rescheduling) was stunned that I'm alive. If I hadn't waited up and called my primary care doctor the morning after my last discharge to beg for cough meds, he wouldn't have found the covid pneumonia that the hospital missed, and I would be dead.

I know everyone is saying this virus isn't too bad if you're vaccinated, but please remember guys that there are still outliers. I don't know why I was one of them, but I was, and if I wasn't vaccinated against this virus, I honestly believe I would be dead right now.

It's all too easy to rationalize going out in this shit until the worst happens--we have to get back to normal, I cant live cooped up like this, this is what the vaccines are for, it's just like a cold, etc. It's sucky staying home when everything seems to be opening up and going back to normal, and it's tempting to want to take off your masks when public places have signage saying they're not required for vaccinated people, but believe me. It's not fucking worth it. At ALL.

I had VERY minimal exposure and was still infected, and I went downhill FAST. Nothing is going to be able to prepare you for the abject horror of having a doctor look you in the face while you're showing every sign of being near death, and then having them say there isn't anything more they can do that you can't do at home. That the problem with this virus is that they can only try and manage the symptoms, and I'm at home doing just as good of a job as they can.

The feeling of helplessness that comes along with this is so unbelievably scary in a way that I'm having trouble describing even now. Imagine being on your actual deathbed and knowing it isn't worth it to go to the hospital, because all it'll do is make your breathing worse from moving around, and they'll send you home anyway because they need to save the beds for ventilator patients/people with other ailments. Covid isn't something to be fucked with, even the "less intense" omicron variant.

I know this little rant isn't going to change anyone's mind on anything because I know the reach of my posts and the people I interact with, and we're all on the same page pretty regularly. I guess I just needed to get it out just in case, because this is the first time in my life where my own death seemed like such a sure thing.

I had a point, even, where I passed out and got this overwhelming sense of calm and peace, and I hallucinated this beautiful green field with tiny little yellow and white flowers, and in a shady patch was the cutest little lamb. I wanted to sit down and rest so, so, so fucking bad, but as soon as I thought about it, panic seized up in my chest so badly and I forced my eyes open because I immediately knew I wouldn't be getting back up if I went to lay down. It was an instinctual type of fear, like my body knew what it meant before my mind could clear the haze enough to figure it out.

It's completely changed the way I feel about dying. I've never been religious, and I'm still not--I think that whatever happens is what happens, and time spent arguing the afterlife could be better spent going out and being kind. I think we are what we put out into the world, and it makes me genuinely happy to be kind and helpful to others, so I don't think on religion much because I like to think that kindness at least counts for something. But goddamn. I've been going to therapy for my issues around death for years, and this one hallucination was enough to calm me down. It felt so serene, and so welcoming and peaceful. There was no pain whatsoever--in my other hallucinations I could still feel the fever in my bones and the fucking crushing weight on my chest, but it was completely gone in those few seconds. I could cry thinking about it even now.

Don't fuck around with this virus guys. Like...this has been SUPREMELY fucked up.

And thanks again for everyone's well wishes and engagement, even when I was too weak to muster up any kind of reply. I love you guys, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that your words of encouragement were really one of the only things keeping me going in a time where it seemed so easy to just give up and let it take me. You guys are the reason I forced myself to stay positive, even if just online, and that was enough to turn the tide on this for me and stop me from going down the rabbit hole and giving up. I'm so grateful that I've found people in a little online anime community that were able to do something like that, and I don't know how I can pay you back for it. I only know that I'll try.

#death mention #last update

[tatyana-dreaming]

How’s Germany???

Hi!!! I haven't meant to neglect any of your asks, here I am finally responding to this one since I know you're not alone in wondering what the actual heck is going on over here!

I thought I'd make a little overview/summary post while the New Year's spirit ... uh... inspires me (also y'all enjoy Fledermaus, I will be alternating between the bubbliness of Elisir and Traviata Act 1 only of course) :,D

So, I've been in Germany for 5 months now. It feels like it's been a year already, because it's just been so intense. After 1.5 years in pandemic isolation and working at home, basically living in my room, and then suddenly being thrown into quasi-normal social and academic situations, traveling between two towns on a daily basis, and then seriously injuring myself...and THEN moving entirely across the country again (NOT my choice for the record! I wanted to stay in the South!) --- it was a lot to take in mentally and physically. Now it's just a really isolating and lonely time again (couldn't escape the pandemic by moving across the world, but I knew that when I decided to go through with the program I'm with), and I'm just trying my best to stay positive and connected to my community here, in the US, and online as best as I can.

Germany has been great re: pandemic measures (that is, having any at all sldfjaplskdfj;aslkfj sometimes I'll say something like "ffp2 mask" [or even "mask requirement" at all :')] or "free rapid tests at test centers all around town" or "2G+" or "they check your vaccination status" and my US friends ask me to explain what I mean"). That does not mean that it has felt like "back to normal" at all, although in the summer I got to be a lot more social since we could be outside a lot more. Now it's pretty isolating again and also I moved and making new friends and community is ChaLleNgiNg seeing as... events are just not a thing. I definitely need to find a hiking club or something when it is no longer frozen or dangerously muddy around here!!!

The food is wonderful*, if sacrilegiously low on spice (but it is NOT tasteless! I will have to travel to the UK one day to test the "don't call german food bland until you've eaten traditional english food" saying). I ate some red pepper hummus the other day and had to acquire milk because it was so spicy to me, which truly, deeply injured my ego :) god knows what will happen to me when I get to eat tacos again! I can't believe I have lost spice tolerance

* I have eaten out... a grand total of 5 times in the last five months. I do not feel very comfortable in indoor spaces. But I DO love grocery shopping and cooking so es geht. Plus bakeries :)

PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!!!! what more can I say although where I am, the bike lanes/sidewalks are an absolute mess. I'm talking, one sidewalk for both directions of both pedestrian and bike traffic. (haha I could say "feels like home" but there is actually TRAFFIC on the sidewalks so it actually is a problem, vs back home...uh....the sidewalk is not really a high traffic area).

Even though it's been very challenging here (I dreadfully underestimated the toll on mental health that all these different factors could and would take) I have been so lucky and have really enjoyed meeting new people, learning so much German, and exploring places I would never have seen if I had decided to stay home.

That's all I can think of at the moment, but feel free to ask questions if there's anything particular y'all are curious about. I might think of some anecdotes to share... meanwhile, up next: photos!!

#it is absolutely frustrating not to be able to travel #i mean technically i could be travelling around germany all the time but this pandemic has me freaked and I will not apologize for being #extra careful #but also my visa doesn't let me leave the country!??! it got messed up #yay #also yeah traveling is expensive haaa so I am happy to be here at all

[werebutch]

For me, everything really got so much better when I turned 18. There's a bit of an adjustment for the first little bit as you start to learn what it means to be an adult, but it honestly brings good things.

Advice time!

1. Get some kind of storage, and keep all your important documents there. Any tax receipts, passports, proof of employment, ect. When you move, it rules to just open a drawer and have all that stuff ready to go. Obviously also make this a secure storage, if you can

2. Cooking! Even the higher-end dishes can be cheaper than eating out almost anywhere. Provided you don't live in a food desert - those are worth moving to a different city to get out of. If you're completely unknowledgable, refried bean burritos, steamed vegetables, stir fries, and most breakfast food are good ones for people just starting out. I've been cooking since forever, and anyone is always welcome to message and ask for recipies, fyi! Also while you're learning stuff, fixing clothes is a great one to pick up if you have the change. In general, how to fix things is always worth learning if you can.

3. Don't feel like you need to move out just because you're old enough to do it! If your parents are people you like (or don't really mind at least), consider staying with them and focusing on building up finances. If you need to get out, see if you can join a rental group, especially queer-focused ones. It's always cheaper to rent with roommates. Keep in mind that living with other people is a skill that takes time to develop and there will be road bumps.

4. There's a lot of new things to do & try! Hell yes. Don't feel like you need to do any of them, just because they're easier/legal to do. Especially for drugs (including alcohol) and sex (especially kink / risky sex). If you do want to try a new thing, start with a smaller amount. Doing something too much or too intensely can really be a rough experience, and doing something in a small amount will let you get a good feel for it, while keeping your head clear enough to understand what's happening.

5. Fuck rules and manners. Learn how to say no to people, its the best skill to have. Also, learn how to say yes - specifically when you're offered help, or free things, or any act of kindness. If someone is offering something, it's often because they'd legitimately be happy to see you have it.

6. Go thrifting! Buying high quality used clothes, instead of fast fashion, will have a much longer life span. Go to shitty little music shows! Go to dingy diners at 2am! But also take care and joy in taking care of yourself. Self maintenance will seriously make everything else much easier, and getting into the habit early will really help.

7. Whenever you move out, you'll be in a totally different environment, and that's really spooky. The first 3 or 4 nights will likely feel scary, and like you made the wrong decision. Big changes are hard, and leaving the consistency of your home is intimidating. Normally, I always say trust your gut instincts, but this one is usually wrong. Humans are built to survive, and your brain doesn't trust new things. Once you've lived there a week or so, you'll love the place. If you still feel like you shouldn't be living somewhere after 3 weeks or so, you should start looking, if you can afford it. Keeping a good and healing space is serious a #1 priority.

8. You may have been lied to about credit cards. My parents, teachers, and a bunch of people basically hammered home "don't get a credit card or you'll lose all your money". I didn't get one for so long, and I was honestly so proud. But, it was a struggle! Occasionally a place will only accept credit, and it'll suck to be locked out of them. Also, you won't build good credit that way. My recommendation is to get a card that doesn't have any fees (doesn't matter about points or whatever) and just use it for 1 or 2 of your purchases a month, that you know you can easily afford, they really don't need to be big. Pay it off immediately. If you end up taking out any loans, pay them on time! Most people recommend paying the maximum amount off of a loan each month, but as a new adult, it'll be ok if you want to hold onto more of your money, and only pay the minimum each month. That's totally OK, just do it on time! As long as you do this, you'll have really good credit.

9. Own it! You're in control now. For me, the simple little thing of picking out my own hand soaps is something I treasure. It's your life, and it looks like it now! You can get posters, fairy lights, plants, anything! Give your space some personality, make it feel like yours! Note- posters feel a little dingy after a while, even new ones. If you have some you like especially, buy some frames for them, or get them as tapestries. Both feel way fancier and more adult. But posters are cheaper, so you can get way more of them.

10. Once you're out of school, it'll be a bit harder to make friends. The best way to do it is to go to social events, like board game nights, hobby groups, ect. Anything with a shared interest means you'll likely find some people you vibe with. Don't feel like you need a ton of friends! Just a few is fine, you want to make sure they're people you truly like being around, that are good friends to have.

11. Oh shit also get vaccinated before you do any of that social stuff. Also,,, maybe look into health insurance. It's a seriously good investment, (more if you're in USA, in Canada it's not needed quite as much. Dental, on the other hand, is definetly worth getting). If you're on your parents insurance, stay on that for as long as possible! It's free baby!

12. Don't try to become what you thing an adult "needs" to be. It's your life, being an adult can be whatever you want it to look like! And, honestly, the first step of being an adult just looks a lot like being a teenager, just with a bit of change every year or so. Take it slow, and put yourself first.

13. That's it! There's probably a bit more I could put on here, but this feels good. I'm open to questions! If this ends up getting posted, this includes other people too! It's a scary process, but it can be a really good thing, and it has been for so many people I know. Good luck, be safe, have fun!

this is super helpful once I start wanting to move out, but I’m not quite there yet :) thank u tho this rlly helps me prepare lol

#asks #anonymous #I’ll put some tags in here: #life tips #life advice #long post

[nostuntmanneeded]

I'm confused, is the attention seeking simpleton claiming she works at the P&T set back again? She decides to pop out again when there are possible pictures roaming around that can prove her previous claim? Lmao, AO isn't just spreading COVID, she's also spreading a shit ton of stuff like desperation, ignorance, insolence and thirst for attention. I'm not being harsh for the heck of it, but if that idiot truly even works for the set, they need to fire that clown's ass, I've worked for several sets myself and I have lots of friends who works for film and TV productions as well and I cannot emphasized enough how badly production assistants are are treated on a set, they see you as the bottom of the food chain despite being practically the backbone of the set, you are expected to be constantly on your foot doing everyone's errands and one minor mistake could get you in deep trouble. A PA job is not for the faint-hearted and most especially a stupid fucking dumbass who sits on their ass and phone and doesn't know how to follow the fucking rules. She is openly breaching NDA conditions and you don't even have to work on a set, I'm pretty sure it's almost common knowledge that people on set are not allowed to share the littlest of details about filming, the location, the people on set and the damn call sheet. No one is excused from that, even celebrities themselves, keep in mind that despite breaking the no phones rule, celebrities who took videos and photos on the set of Endgame didn't post them until months after the release, that's how serious these things are but she's just out here blatantly sharing --unreliable-- information for the sake of attention. Aside from this, she's obviously slacking as she seems to have way too much time to interact with people on her blog, post a lot of ridiculous things and push the narrative she's so desperately claiming despite all the loopholes. An actual PA doesn't have that kind of time, the things you see in movies and TV with PAs running around set carrying a bunch of random shit, looking like Elton John on one of his costumes is not an exaggeration, that's how hectic a PA job is, that alone could get her fired, I have friends who got fired for reasons that are more trivial than this and they were absolute honest mistakes. On top of this, if I remember correctly, she claims to be a COVID PA or a CCO and if I'm not mistaken, it means her job is to see it that the protocols are being followed and that safety measures are being implemented properly, yet how is it that AO was allowed in set in the first place the very first she made these claims? She's an outsider, and is absolutely not needed on set, you don't know where she'd been, who'd she'd been with and if she's sick or if she just got COVID and is still recovering. She didn't undergo the same screening and safety measures the cast and crew did, you don't know anything about her background, you should not have allowed her on set. You're the compliance officer, it's your job to maintain the safety on set, not to keep the internet updated about some publicity stunt. You also claimed that there was a situation where you had to give her a mask because she was not wearing a mask and that alone was more than enough reason for you to kick her out on set, it doesn't matter if he's the star's girlfriend, grandmother, or uncle whatsoever, you are the compliance officer, I bet producers would be more than happy to assist you escorting a possible threat on set who could risk the crew and production. This is not just about the celebrities and she is not just some random girl. All throughout the pandemic and up until now, she's been known to making unecessary travels all around the world, constantly gathering with different people, and is always either not wearing a mask or not wearing it properly, she is definitely a threat. Furthermore, celebrities aren't going to be the only ones that can be put at risk with a COVID spreader going around on set, you could also be putting the health of other crew members at risk because of your failure to do

your job and because for some reason, you were so convinced that blogging was way more important than the safety of the crew. Mind you, this was the time when they were still a lot of people who weren't vaccinated yet and protocols were still pretty tight. I'm sorry but I would not feel bad at all if she really works on the set and ends up getting fired, I know people who got fired for being 11 minutes late ---because of all the errands they were asked to do--- and not getting enough coffee for people.

I definitely agree.

This whole production assistant narrative is fishy to me because it seems unprofessional. Why would a production assistant leak this information on a Tumblr blog of all things, knowing it's probably against the rules?

The only thing Alejandra could do to pass the protocols is if she signed up to be an extra in the film. Other than that, I don't know how she could just freely visit the set even if restrictions have been lifted.

[lovelettersforthevoid]

All questions with an even number

2. Album of the year? Leprous - Aphelion. Used to listen to Leprous a lot a few years ago, then they made some albums I really didn't enjoy, and now they came back in all their glory with Aphelion. Mhhh superb 👌

4. Movie of the year? Dune, since it's the only movie I've seen in theater this year. Absolutely loved the visuals and the sound design and it actually gave me an idea of the overwhelming power and mightiness of space and the universe. Something Star Wars and Star Trek never had accomplished for me.

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you? TV shows haven't shaped me as much as some YouTube videos have, and since this is the platform where I spend most of my time online I'm gonna focus on videos/channels that were important to me this year:

'Ask a Mortician - Let's Visit the Human Composting Facility' this has honestly been life changing for me. The idea of being burned or buried in a coffin never sat right with me. I always wanted to become a tree or something. Continuing as a part of nature. And this procedure makes that possible in the most natural and spiritual way. Given back to the earth that nurished you and gave you a home seems like the most fulfilling thing one can do after they have died.

Mr. Beast's Squid Game Video and the behind the scenes to that. This is just something that's way mind-blowing to me on a technical level and production standpoint. The fact that YouTube productions are at a point where they have hundreds of people behind the scenes and especially a whole VFX team just makes me speechless. And I find it even more impressive that they used Unreal for all of it. Unreal Engine is literally changing so much in the industry right now.

'Not Just Bikes' Definitely my favorite channel of the year. I never thought that urban planning and design could be so interesting. Especially when you look at the US and see how faulty it is and how it affects so many parts of life and the system itself. I've been planning to move to the Netherlands for a long time now, and this whole channel just strengthens that idea

8. Game of the year? Definitely 'Half-Life: Alyx'. Just standing in a basic room within the game and looking around makes me speechless. And the interactions are the stuff of dreams.

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year. A girl at Uni. And it's just a stupid situation because she is just as interested in nerdy stuff like me but she just started her studies and I'm going to write my master's thesis next semester. It's a shame that we won't have the opportunity to work on something together.

10. Something that made you cry this year? My grandpa's passing. It was the first time for me that someone within my close family has died. Really made me think a lot about death, aging and time passing.

14. Favorite book you read this year? Eeeeerrrrmm, about that...

16. Post a picture from the beginning of the year

18. A memorable meal this year? Seven course dinner at a michelin cook's restaurant for my boyfriend's birthday. Simply unbelievable. Things I've never tasted before. A truly memorable experience. 10/10 recommend

20. What’s something you learned this year? I learned a lot this year. About myself and the world. But with the crisis we are currently in I learned that people are fucking stupid. They scream freedom and you wave it in front of them and they wouldn't be able to see it. Fuck all of you virus deniers and morons against vaccines. May you choke on your fucking ego.

22. Favorite place you visited this year? Visited Amsterdam twice this year and I will visit it again for New Year's. I'm just in love with this city. Every time I go there I already feel like I'm home.

24. Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions? I didn't even make any. I never do tbh. I just try to do my best in general.

That was a lot, thanks for the questions ✌️

#asks

[wowbright]

Hi everybody. Just an update that things have been going generally better since my last personal post. I've had some almost pain-free days and even went on a longer walk on one of them! The past two days I've had a lot of pain, but somehow also managed to write a crazy amount of fic, and that felt good, so I guess that balances out. Alas, I looked in the refrigerator this morning and there is nothing ready to eat (unless I just want to eat nuts and cheese and tofu all day), so it looks like I will have to spend some time baking today, which I'd rather not do on a low energy day, but heck I have to eat.

The new thing we're dealing with now is that my spouse's dad, who has been sick for a while, is doing very poorly so spouse wants to go visit for a week. (To be blunt, the chances of him living until we can get vaccinations look poor.) This would mean traveling to Texas on an airplane and back, and being in Texas in an area with high COVID transmission rates. Obviously he'll take the masking precautions etc etc, but generally such travel is contrary to what people should be doing during a pandemic. So that sucks. I don't have to think about the pandemic implications of going with him because I won't be. There's not really a good way to deal with caring for the cats if both of us are gone, so that decision has been made and I don't have to think it out, thank goodness. I do feel bad that he'll be on his own and I might not get to see his dad again.

We haven't talked about what to do yet after he returns. Our living situation is such that we can't really isolate from each other unless he stays somewhere else. I am not super looking forward to eyeing him as a germ vector who could infect me when he gets back, but I know I will. The other thing I know is that he would be perfectly fine with quarantining in our apartment for two weeks *except* he would insist on going grocery shopping.

Oh, yeah, and there's also the whole issue that we need to look for a new place to live. But I guess we can push that back. The way rental laws work here, you always have the option to extend your lease past the contract date, so we could do a one-month extension. It would cost a crazy amount, but we would be able to manage it.

If anyone has any helpful thoughts/experience on dealing with the travel and quarantining thing, please share.

#personal update #gpoy

[firespirited]

In general news, (long post)

Granny G from the second floor has been doing great since we got social services involved and she has a carer and cleaner but she's going to have to go into a home as the parkinson's meds make her too forgetful. I've talked before about my time on that medication and how foggy it was, just doing 5+7 on my fingers would be like wading through mud. It makes sense that she's both healthier and needs more stability. Still we'll miss her. Granny N the swiss lady has also moved away, she broke up with her boyfriend (good for her he's not the world's most considerate man and she's a real sweet lady) and he's renting the house instead. She's found another place in town. A teenage female german shepherd dog has been in our garden during the day for the past 3 days as they move into the house. Not sure if the dog's here to stay but she gets on well with Lily but is a noisy chatty woofer of a dog probably feeling very left out in all this moving business. It's been the background noise of the past few days. Mr B the ex boyfriend didn't seem too upset by the breakup but isn't looking forward to living alone. Granny B is doing a bit better and on less morphine so we're seeing more of her again which is lovely (don't tell anyone but she's my favourite, her husband is on the spectrum, she's belgian, understands chronic illness and she doesn't gossip like the others) .

We get the booster shot on the 24th as the Jannsen's lost efficiency, I'll be very relieved even if I'm not looking forward to it. I'm going to try and have easy food (sandwiches, nuts, fruit, lots of water) in my room and just ride it out. J's got a stash of protein bars ready for hers.

The foodbank in town called to say thanks for the reusable sanitary products which were a big hit, this new lady seemed very surprised that former food bank users would donate to the food bank. Like duh??? Last time mum was there with a friend they only had pasta, rice and wierd canned goods. Of course you want people to have food that's not just people's leftovers. And sanitary products is something that matters a great deal to me, if you've ever had the terrible clumpy, fat lump period napkins with no wings, or a wad of paper towels, you know the struggle.

November and December are chaotic months with the carers but this year's a little different as half of them are splitting into a new agency run by carers with their interests in mind and we're hoping to switch with two of our carers. The current agency stiffed everyone for overtime during the pandemic and didn't give them the day for vaccination let alone an hour to go get it even though it often has side effects Carer C nearly passed out in the kitchen and we set her up on the sofa until she was rested enough to drive home. It's not quite a union but close enough. Anyway current agency isn't exactly happy about it so they're not sending replacements and we've got a bunch of empty days. It's been tough as I'm still fighting this ongoing fluey ear thing and can't step up. But hey I'm working on that toxic guilt. 😁

J hasn't found the right dog, despite a lot of searching so we're going to wait and see if maybe the right dog finds us instead. Ginger left a big hole in our lives after 15 years but that's not something any random pet can replace. ❤️❤️❤️

#Saf #Life

[the-velveteen-victorian]

Hi Elle! I used to follow you on your old mega-popular tumblr. I really love your new one. :) I know that you've lived in a "super spiritual" community for several years now (not sure if you want me to publicly say the place). What is the community like? Is it more bad than good? What are some strengths and weaknesses of the place/people? Thank you! I've heard mixed things and really respect your insights.

Haha I knew I would get this question one day! If I could title my response, it would be, "Why I've Chosen to Keep My Distance from the New Age Community in the American Southwest." I info-dump and write novels, so get ready! =)

I think there is something to be said for defining things neutrally for yourself overall. Fortunately, I've been able to easily do that in this instance due to: 1. Being introverted and not "needing" a big community experience and 2. Having wonderful friends all over the globe that I am able to interact with all throughout my year. With that being said, if I am being 100% honest and real with you, I truly believe that the new age community where I am is more toxic than good. Here is why. I will have a positive note at the end.

A quick preface: I am not calling out any particular individual(s) and will not be naming names.... quite frankly, there are just too many and I'm not here to humiliate people. Secondly, these traits can take place in ANY community, spiritual or otherwise. But these are things that I feel a spiritual community should be more self-aware of... and sadly right now, they are not.

********ATTENTION: There is a big content and trigger warning here: There will be mentions of sui****, sexual *******, and gaslighting/narcissism, terfs, eating disorders, and other things that could be very upsetting. Proceed with caution and stop reading if you find yourself getting stressed, triggered, or deeply upset.*********

1. Malignant narcissism and community insulation from constructive criticism. I have never seen such a ubiquitous display of malignant narcissism in all my life in a collective, save for some conservative Christian environments in my growing up years. Go onto almost any youtube channel for the Sedona community and you will see very few negative comments… why? (And I have watched this for a long time) Almost ANY criticism of anyone’s channel or blog is instantly removed. There was a time when people who simply noted that some of these small “influencers” were saying toxic things were sent cease and desist letters. The community is very tight knit and displays many marks of a cult. One of these indicators is that they all protect each other and hype each other up on their channels and blogs, while labeling ANY criticism (healthy or not) as someone who is being “triggered.” The younger part of the community cares about looking perfect and having everyone worship them, but has very little spiritual substance. It’s always about who did the alien thing “before it was cool” or “who can do a backflip off of a steep cliff without breaking their neck because their synchronicity is on point.” One youtuber said once that she only wanted to hang out with “pretty” people because they were purer expressions of the divine. The older generation expresses narcissism by assuming they know more than everyone else. Good luck having a conversation on controversial topics with any of them. They are right, you are wrong. If you argue, you are “triggered” and “seeking for truth.” If you don't believe that there are reptilians on the moon with a secret base, you've drunk the kool-aid. Not a good environment to foster open sharing and knowledge. The men have a particular problem with this when it comes to topics of sex and intimacy. If you are a woman and don’t want to “surrender” to your partner (in a lot of vague and unclear ways), you are out of alignment with the divine feminine. Most of the men believe that they should be allowed to "hunt" (look for sexual partners/spiritual twin flames) and that women should do everything in their power to be softly feminine so that they can sync up and recognize each other's souls.

2. A full denial of science and medicine. Look, I get it. We all want to solve our own medical dilemmas and use herbs to cure all ills. I try to solve any (non life threatening) health issues I have the “natural” way first too… often, I have great success! The problem comes when the community rejects all western medicine, most science (that doesn’t affirm their beliefs) and any medical opinion that has… actually been to a real medical school. There is a strong anti-vaccination movement coupled with the belief in using yoni eggs religiously and doing colonics every week (though science tells us this isn’t a great idea overall). I used a different type of yoni egg for awhile to see what would happen, but trust me, your pelvic health is going to be better without them. You will be judged harshly for going to a “mainstream” doctor to get antibiotics for a serious infection and will most likely be gaslit into oblivion regarding “what you did to attract” your infection etc.

I have midwifed for many years now and have extensive “mainstream” training to be able to do this legally. Once, I was working with another midwife on a mother who was having her first baby. The laboring woman had an ideal birth in mind like most people do. Long story short, I discerned while she was laboring that the baby was in intense distress and that the mother was displaying very concerning signs of a life-threatening condition. When I insisted on calling an ambulance and getting the woman to the hospital, the other midwife said that I was interfering with nature. I explained simply that if we didn’t get said woman to a hospital, the baby would most certainly die and the mother’s life would hang in the balance. Her response was that: “Some babies don’t deserve to live and I shouldn’t invite karma by interfering with nature’s course.” I called an ambulance anyway and the mother was taken for an emergency c-section. The mother was very disappointed about not being able to follow her birth plan. However, after the birth (she and baby ended up being okay thank goodness) she sat down with me personally and thanked me for making the decision I did. She said that one of the doctors explained that if I had waited another hour, both she and the baby would be dead. Apparently, this other “midwife” had also had her license revoked a year before for endangering a different laboring person and child. This sounds like a stand-alone freak incident, but I can cite 15-20 other situations just like this one where life-threatening emergencies were viewed as opportunities for good karma and growth… and that western medical intervention would invite bad karma.

Regarding science, if you point to the fact that jade yoni eggs are likely to cause an infection, most of the new age community will scoff and say that they don’t trust science (the logic being that science once explained volcanos as angry gods or something and now cannot be trusted overall). If you don't wear blue-blocking glasses anytime you look at a screen, apparently you've already succumbed to mind control. You get my point… It’s so bad that the new age community is willing to endanger people’s lives and place the blame on the victims for being out of alignment with synchronicity. This one bullet point could be talked about for hours.

3. A lack of discernment and victim blaming. Many have heard about Bentinho Massaro and his crew from that time when they swept through Sedona a couple years ago. The core of the Sedona community started blindly following him… some of them wanted to boost their online platforms by being associated with a well-known figure. Others wanted a guru… and others were just curious and got sucked in by his charisma. All one had to do was google him. He has allegations of physically beating his followers, gaslighting people, torturing animals in his childhood, and ignoring the fact that an alarming number of his followers commit suicide. With all of this knowledge at our fingertips, the popular new age “influencers” went so far as to get in polyamorous relationships with him, validate his platform, and gaslight people who, sadly, committed sui**** because of certain things he said in his teachings. It was insane. Now, many of the people who followed him try to pretend it never happened or that they had no part in it. Many of them claim to have “gifts of the spirit” and to have stellar discernment.

One of the people who got into a polyamorous relationship with this person did an Instagram post where she basically said that if someone is being r*ped they should show their attacker love and surrender to what is happening so that they could experience unconditional love and come back to the "light." I honestly couldn’t believe what I was reading at first when I saw it. The part that was heartbreaking was when I read the comments and watched people (not just women and men) berate themselves for “fighting” while something terrible happened to them in the past. A few of them were teenagers. I made it a point to personally message the ones I was able to, and thankfully, a good number did respond positively. This exact issue has occurred on youtube channels, blogs, and in-person encounters. I’m just citing ONE online instance of this horrible, misaligned belief. Keep in mind that the person who did this post abandoned her disabled child with a family she barely knew to pursue a sexual relationship with Bentinho.

4. TERFS/anti-LGBTQ/anti-feminism. This falls under the categories of relationships, sex, autonomy, and social issues, but expands into much more overall.

A chain of videos came out a couple years ago where about 5 women in the new age community each did a presentation on what was wrong with the “divine feminine” these days. They were saying that women had been erased because they were not conforming to gender roles or seeking out conscious relationships. They all referenced that “women are angry” and basically said it was wrong for women to feel this way and that angry female energy was throwing our whole environment out of balance and even contributing to global warming somehow. They empathized with toxic people/men/known violent incels and said that women needed to get over their traumas and be more available for the divine masculine to show up. They dehumanized women by saying they shouldn’t be expressing anger, glossed over sexual a******, and blocked everyone in the comments who took a stand against what they were saying. The general consensus is that feminists are just angry women who need to get over their trauma.

Many people in the new age community also believe that if you incarnate in a particular body with certain biological parts, you incarnated that way for a reason. Changing it extensively is to erase “the spiritual lessons you were supposed to learn.” Basically, they stand against trans people, nonbinary people, gender nonconforming people… etc. I can go deeper with this if you want, but that is the gist of it without writing a novel within a novel.

Most of them take an active stance against intersectional feminism and use exclusive language to shut out anyone who doesn’t conform to the binary. A few of them are more passive-aggressive about how they do this: refusing to show any support for the LGBTQUIA+ community or mention social issues at all, even when someone is pointing out that they did something hurtful or offensive.

5. Appropriating Indigenous cultures and using past lives as an excuse. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a white new age person say that something is their “spirit animal” or seen one wear Native American/indigenous headdresses to tight-knit community events, citing that they were “Native American” in their past life and that they are entitled to use these symbols, items, and cultural lexicons because of it. (Not that this is the main point… but they tell trans people that they shouldn’t be trans or insinuate that people should conform to the gender binary because they incarnated in a body type for a reason… but make an exception for themselves culturally? Super hypocritical.)

A couple of “woke” guys from the new age community walked around for awhile saying that the Hopi had adopted them into their “tribe” and that the were given Hopi names. I spoke to a few Hopi people about what was happening and they were shell-shocked. That is not something that they do for one thing, and for another, they had never even heard of these people! Thankfully, the behavior stopped after the two men were confronted about it, but this kind of thing happens all the time in various ways. There is a new age store here with a racial slur in the title… bring it up to the owner and she’ll kick you out and launch a smear campaign. Tell one of the white new age women that just because she studies “different traditions” doesn’t mean it’s okay to do rain dances or perform indigenous rituals (Native American, Australian, and others) without permission and they’ll blacklist you. I think many of the new agers operate within this Trojan horse of “I want to accept and validate all cultures”, but do not actually care at all about indigenous voices, feelings, or opinions. Many of them talked a lot about collective trauma in our nation during Black Lives Matter, but wouldn’t actively support it in any way themselves.

6. Let’s talk about mental health. This could go under the science and medicine label, but I think it deserves its own paragraph. Boy is mental health stigmatized in the new age Sedona community…. Real mental health professionals are painted as people who just want to “drug” you and keep you controlled. People with mental health struggles are instantly blamed. “Hell is just a state of mind, you need to change your mind,” is a phrase I have heard more often than not. Ancestral healing, umbilical healing, and random reiki sessions are somehow supposed to take the place of a licensed counselor.

A huge chunk of the “spiritual” community supported a pseudo-therapist who (without any scientific basis) was preaching that any woman who wasn’t sure if she wanted to have children or not by the age of 25 was toxic and needed to be ostracized because “something is wrong there.” A bunch of people believed it and re-posted/shared the teaching.

Another instance occurred where an unlicensed “hypnotherapist” without so much as a bachelor’s degree in anything was using questionable methods to hypnotize clients. During one session a person experienced a severe PTSD flashback and panic attack. She was not brought out of the hypnotherapy session properly or cared for. She ended up having a mental breakdown and having to spend time in the hospital. The charlatan who was treating her said that the client was willfully unresponsive to treatment and refused to confront her demons…

Anyone who is on anxiety medication, anti-depressants or anything else to support their well-being and mental health will be judged aggressively and most likely verbally confronted at some point if they are open about being on medication. The charlatans will throw essential oils into your space saying that they can cure anything. Others will try to get someone to talk to a new age leader in the “inner circle” and attempt to persuade the client that western therapists/psychologists just want to drug people and ignore the spiritual cause of unrest. They’ll cite earthing, crystals, vaginal wands, special teas, dietary habits, and color therapy as causes and answers to everything…. All while regarding victims of sui**** as unfortunate souls and lost causes etc.

7. A summary. I need to sum up other issues here quite quickly or I’ll be typing all day. XD Many of the women here are terrified of gaining weight or looking older. They hide behind the thinning veil of “health and veganism” to justify their worrisome habits to feel sexually appealing to supposedly “woke” men. Disordered eating and terror of eating one granule of processed sugar permeates the consciousness. You can be judged for anything from buying pokemon cards to eating legumes…. of all things. Most of the men are sexual predators who prey on younger women, rely on narcissism as a personality type, and don’t let anyone get a word in edgewise when their opinions are challenged. Many of the women validate these behaviors and blame themselves when they get hurt citing “spiritual growth” as a silver lining to cure all traumas. I would say that 95%+ of the people in the community present a perfect picture of themselves online while having crumbling relationships and failing inner lives. You might see a post or video about “conscious uncoupling” of a spiritual "power couple" and then find out later that someone was in a relationship with a narcissistic predator or was experiencing physical abuse. Sadly, many of the victims gaslight themselves in the uncoupling announcement. Many people here are predators in other ways… they might launch a health business that uses essential oils to replace therapy. There are con artists all over the place who can range from simply overpricing their wares in alarming ways to trying to entrap people in “business contracts” that devastate their lives. I have had personal UFO experiences here and do personally think that extraterrestrial life exists, but I would NEVER try to manufacture a fake experience… One of the UFO tour guides was having people hide out in the desert and flash lights into the sky while people on the tour wore special glasses. Then she was charging an arm and a leg to channel “spiritual messages” from the e.t.s for her clients and saying that if they didn’t receive the message, something bad would happen to them. This is the fluffiest and lightest post I could possibly do to communicate how bad it is in the “spiritual community” here. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

The good news? Sedona is so much more than a toxic new age community. It is GORGEOUS and it does have many good, healthy/normal people here. =) I have had such a beautiful experience in this place and can’t say enough good things about it. I have easy access to healthy foods, endless nature to explore and bask in, and a growing community of people who call the new age community out on its toxicity. I read what I want, play Animal Crossing without blue-blocker glasses, regularly enjoy going to listen to goth music at my preferred venue (I’ve been demonized for this lol), and eat what makes me feel good. My partner and I have had a beautiful and successful relationship for nearly a decade now and create amazing memories every day. We have good friends all around the world… and I have a solid, BIG group of academic colleagues/friends locally who DO ethically cite their sources and contribute positively to science and higher learning. If you’re into paleontology like me, you are in fossil heaven! =D If you love astronomy or astrophysics, we’re in a dark sky city! There are so many cool things to do from playing in LOTR-worthy waterfalls, to sampling delicious vegan creations, to playing DnD on red rocks with your friends while a *real* UFO passes by overhead. Get yourself a smoothie and organic wrap from one of our incredible food trucks and drive out into the desert while listening to Nightvale with your love or your friends. =)

If you ever want a list of must-do’s while visiting, let me know. I’ve got your back! The point is that I just harped on the negative above, but the good news is that you can completely avoid all of the junk. Keep it or scrap it when it comes to the Sedona new age community? I say scrap it. But you can still pursue your spiritual interests in healthy ways here while enjoying all the yummy creature comforts that the Verde Valley has to offer. I hope this helps and if just one person comes here and has a safe experience because of my thoughts, then every moment I’ve spent writing this was worth it. =) <3

#new age #toxic community #sedona #cults cw #trigger warning #red rocks #narcissismawareness #mental health #cult leader

[blushing-starker]

the incredible @puppypeter (check out their blog, it's amazing) asked for a soft, ageing starker and my heart cracked in two cuz I live for this dynamic. Can you tell I'm living for the sake of moodboards?

He loves Tony, he really does. But if the so called genius forgets his reading glasses one more time, Peter will lovingly shout at him. Because he had covered the entire lab in neon post it notes, programmed an alarm in each A.I and explicitly reminded Tony every day before the road trip. They were going to Europe and that implied museums and fancy menus and speeches and glasses so Tony wouldn't be squinting at tiny words whenever he was curious about something. But Peter was 99.999999% sure his boyfriend would accidentally forget to pack his things just so he could show the world Tony Stark was not ageing, no sir. Which is why Karen and Friday had helped Peter buy and safe guard thirty pairs of glasses in their luggage.

By the fourth day, they were all gone. Peter is seconds away from scolding Tony because this was important, it has to do with his health, dammit, when he turns around and there's a cat. His boyfriend is cooing at the feline, scratching beneath a furry chin and grinning when the cat begins pawing at the last pair of glasses they have. Does his heart melt at the sight? Yes. Was he still angry? Absolutely. Will he ask Tony how the hell he found a cat in the jet hangar? No. They've been together for eight months, Peter's used to animals just showing up and seeking Tony out.

"No." A hurt look is aimed at him and he won't laugh, he can't surrender even if the cat copies Tony's face and gives the most pitiful meow Peter has heard in eighteen years.

"But it's all alone here, Peter. And look, it's cute like you." It is a pretty cat, fur an almost identical shade to Tony's hair and the fluffiest tail a cat could posses. That's not the point though, is it?

"It could belong to someone in the area or have kittens. We can't just take them, Tony. And a cat is a responsibility. It's not like having DUM-E or Karen. You have to feed the cat, vaccinate them, pet them, clean them and not forget them in a hotel five cities away. I won't be at the house every day to remind you to look after yourself and a cat. "

The billionaire lights up and Peter knows he'll have a headache by the end of this.

It's been amazing to travel all over Europe, he's enjoyed exploring new places with Tony. After months of rising crime, overwhelming homework and hungry rivals choking the life out of them, a vacation was desperately needed. He's not in the mood to fight, but he will if he has to. Peter knows Tony is getting older and he doesn't care. Sure, he cares about his health and making Tony go to monthly check ups and take his vitamins and having his glasses so he could be safe and drive properly and-

Peter cares about his well being. Always. But he doesn't care that Tony's getting older and it's more obvious now than a year ago. There are wrinkles around teasing eyes and sexy graying temples and creaking joints, but that does not mean Peter loves this ridiculous man in front of him any less. He finds Tony gorgeous, always has and always will. It's not just about his body, it's Tony himself that's so attractive. And yeah, he also finds a silver fox Tony really fucking hot. He's 21, he can ogle whoever he wants.

Right now, however, he's staring Tony down.

It's not that he doesn't want to take in every stray and care for them. It's that he can't be sure Tony will remember to act accordingly.

"I asked around and apparently she's already been vaccinated and sterilized by the manager. No one's taken her home yet because most people have allergic family members. She just showed up a few days ago. You have to know that's weird. This cat appears the week we get here and she's already had her shots. What are the chances she'd strut out and start purring at me? Come on, Pete. The universe wants me to take this cat home."

His eyebrow twitches. He's sure of it when Tony glances up and sets his shoulders back. Every Avenger knew to prepare for a fight when Peter's face moved that way. This man would kill him. He's fucking certain he won't live to twenty-five.

"You forgot your glasses in every city we've been to. How am I supposed to let you take a cat with us? "

"I knew you'd have back ups," the blood rushes to his head and the cat snuggles closer to Tony, ears flattening when Peter's lip curls, "and anyway, I won't forget two cats in a hotel because they meow and move. How could I forget when they're alive and not something as small as reading glasses?"

Distantly, he's pleased. Happy with the knowledge that his boyfriend knows how to read him like a book. It's why they're great together, villain or no villain around to threaten their lives. That's something he'll preen over later while calling Ned. Now he smiles, teeth bared and eyes cold.

"Did you say two cats? Because I swear I'll leave you here, Tony. I've got Karen and a car and lots of sightseeing to do. If there's another cat, I will drive away and call Pepper to pick you up. And you know how she gets when you make her travel half way around the world, Tony. I will finish this trip. If you wanna keep the cats, then keep them. Here in a hotel, practicing how to care for them while I do what I wanted to do with you. Or you can send them to the house with someone else and join me. I know you, you're gonna end up with cats in the house. But I am not babysitting two cats while worrying about you too. I love you, I do. I won't do it, Tony."

His heart would be destroyed if anything happened to those cats and Peter had no plans to cry during this trip. Something shifts in Tony's face and he sighs, defeated. A pout is forming rather quickly and Peter can't believe this is the same man that saved the universe. His boyfriend is a child. He's head over heels in love with a child and Peter knows it. Christ, he won't last two minutes angry if Tony keeps sulking like that. It hurts too much.

Hands that have used Infinity Stones are softly setting the cat down when Peter groans, rocks on his heels and mentally curses his parents in law for bringing an insanely ridiculous man into the world.

"Fine, keep the cats. But you are not losing those glasses and I better see you taking all your pills. Ok, Tony? I mean it, they are your responsibility and I don't want you leaving them in a hotel because you were too busy thinking about something else-"

Tony drops the cat, pounces at him and he's suddenly in the air, strong arms twirling him in a circle. It's the silliest thing they've done in their whole trip and they'd taken pictures with a shoe as a tripod.

Laughter bubbles up and Peter is helpless to stop the joy that washes over him at the sight of his grinning boyfriend. He really loves this man.

He wraps his own hands around Tony's face, draws him in and kisses the smile that's replaced a pout. They stay like that, Peter straddling Tony, lips intertwined and laughter slipping out every few seconds. The cat meows at them for attention and he thanks Maria and Howard Stark for such an insanely wonderful boyfriend.

(They keep the cats, finish the trip and Tony never loses a pair of glasses again. Then again, he never had.)

Sorry for the weird spacing, tumblr doesn't like me.

#starker #my moodboards #ironspider #peter parker #peter parker x tony stark #peter x tony #tony stark