#i'm trying to make the distinction between fiction and irl stuff

[michaelmilkers]

I'm sorry, I think you're mistaking "you are parroting the same rhetoric that conservatives wanting to ban queer content use and if you start censoring things they will push for censoring more and more, give them a hand and they'll take your arm" for "you are literally those conservatives, you personally want to ban queer content actually"

Wherever you stand on what fiction you think should be allowed (and please don't call fiction CSEM, that's a term reserved for material involving the exploitation - that's the E - of real children, applying it to fictional characters waters down the meaning and can lead to alarm fatigue like how accusing tumblr users of being pedophiles lost all meaning), all the best intentions will not stop people who do want to instate censorship like the Hays Code from taking a foot for every inch you cede. Once you concede that "censorship is good in some cases", they'll start pushing for more and more things to be counted under "in some cases".

To try and reduce this argument down to "Wow how dare you accuse me of wanting to ban queer content!" is to miss the point. At least address the actual argument - "I think people are exaggerating the risk of a slippery slope leading to conservative censorship" or "I think banning this type of content is more important than a 'what if' scenario that may or may not come up once we've banned it" or something

i was not calling fiction csem, i was directly referencing a post i saw, and the fact that tiffany g referenced CP explicitly. i know now that part wasnt clear but the post has already started spreading so i dont really know if theres a point in adding a disclaimer.

also, wrt fictional characters, the reason i stopped posting my stuff on ao3 is because i came across sexually explicit fanfics about irl minors, and when i emailed ao3 about it they said they draw no distinction between rpf and other fanfic and i should just blacklist and move on. there is also nothing in the ao3 TOS or guidelines limiting what images can be embedded in a fic, outside of what is illegal under new york law. so so someone could write a sexually explicit fic about an irl child, then embed a picture of that irl child next to graphic descriptions of them engaging in sex acts, and it would not be against TOS, as long as a copyright take down request wasnt submitted for the photograph. this is the primary reason why i take issue with ao3's mission of 'maximum inclusiveness', not because seeing fictional characters in certain situations squicks me out.

moving on, even if people were only accusing others of parroting rhetoric (they're not, i literally just now on my dash saw someone say tiffany g "tried to ban queer fic") that still holds no water if you actually break it down. the only similarities are in choice of language and the fact that the subject of children are involved. surprise, that happens sometimes! most people arguing for ao3 to change their policies are active in fandom, many of them have experience using ao3 and sites like it, many of them are queer, minors, abuse survivors, etc, they are in the same communities as you, and they disagree with you on how those communities should be conducted. that has nothing to do with conservatives wanting to retroactively erase lgbt people from public knowledge, or the hays code like you said. "children should be kept safe" or "content harming children shouldnt be allowed" are such broad statements that if you remove literally all other context, yeah, it sounds like people are saying the same thing.

see, i can do it too: when you (general you, not you specifically, anon asker) say minors shouldnt be allowed in certain fandom spaces, you are parroting conservative rhetoric that is used to argue against children being allowed at things like pride events and drag shows. fandom spaces are full of queer content, and you are denying minors access to that by making some spaces adult only. next thing you know minors wont be allowed to engage with queer fan content at all. (this is obviously completely made up and i dont agree with it, but this is the same kind of flimsy comparisons people are drawing)

and who is 'they' in this context? who is the 'they' that would push for more censorship if policies are changed? is ao3 run by conservatives who are only being kept at bay by everyone insisting the content policies shouldnt be changed? is there a huge population of conservatives in fandom spaces that somehow have more sway than everyone else and are just waiting to get their foot in the door? is there some kind of conservative governing body who have set their sites on ao3 (or even know what ao3 is) and are circling like vultures waiting to leap at the chance to turn the site into the next OAN? are the staff and volunteers at ao3 really so shit at their jobs that they would just let all of this happen?

you are making an incredibly flimsy comparison to a real world problem based on superficial similarities and then drawing the conclusion that, based on this incredibly flimsy comparison that you have convinced yourself is rock solid, the same consequences of that real world problem must also be a looming threat here, even though the context is entirely different, and the conditions for those consequences to actually happen simply are not there.

#long post #csa tw #ao3

[imglowinginthedarkness]

Just curious because you talk about kinks and horror and gore and eroticism in conjunction with each ofher sometimes- what's the relationship between the way you feel about watching that kind of thing or thinking about it in the abstract vs actually trying to (safely) replicate it irl? I can't imagine there are that many ways of bringing stuff like that into the bedroom in a way that would feel realistic but not be dangerous, but I'm sure people do it somehow if it's not something they can get off without.

okay im about to ramble a TON about kink stuff in order to answer this question so if u dont wanna see that look away now╭( ๐ _๐)╮

to preface this i personally don’t have a lot of irl experience firsthand with this sort of thing so this is just gonna be a lot of pontificating based on my own dumb horny musings

when it comes to safely translating out-there kinks into a real-world situation, i always go back to the 3 core rules of bdsm: safe, sane, consensual– though to be fair the 'sane' part can be subjective (there are lots of fairly common kinks some people view as not 'sane', like feet, piss, etc, plus some that are more controversial and thus whether or not they're 'sane' fluctuates from person to person). for me it basically comes down to like,

are you hurting someone, physically or mentally, in a way that is irreversible? are you engaging in this activity with someone/something that cannot fundamentally give their consent? are you doing these things without at least an awareness in your mind of the distinction between fiction and reality? is the thing you are doing something that could get you arrested? if the answer is 'yes' to any of these questions please by god cease immediately. if the answer to all of those questions is 'no', have at it my dude

really in my brain it's like. as long as you're not hurting someone (in a way they haven't explicitly and enthusiastically consented to ayoo) then, y'know, do whatever u want. get wild! get weird! get fucknasty! just stay safe sane and consensual and make sure everyone's having a good time. and drink water also

with all that sorta shit established, i think there's a lot of ways to (safely) integrate horror/horror related kinks into irl play! ask your partner to chase you down in the woods! get one of those dull movie knives! buy a bunch of edible fake blood and use that shit as lube (don't actually please use actual lube as lube but u get what i'm getting at)! scroll through tiktok for five minutes and you'll probably find somebody selling handmade dragon dick dildos! get creative! have fun with it! and hey man if all else fails, find some weird porn and use your imagination. it's what i do

#glow answers stuff #nsft

[quelsentiment]

You really don't understand why larries won't read rare pairs?

I never said that. What I don't understand is why the fact that some larries won't read rare pairs should send the rest of us (larries or not) on a guilt-trip over reading and/or writing them

#i'm trying to make the distinction between fiction and irl stuff #and here we're talking about reading preferences related to fictional works #obviously everyone's entitled to their preferences and they're bound to be different from one person to another #but it's the way these reading preferences have come to influence our writing community that i'm talking about #and how some of us feel a little ostracized because of it #once again i don't care what anyone chooses to read/write or not #and maybe it's a nice curtesy we could all extend to one another? #that's all #asks #anonymous

[bruhman745]

Do you have any tips on people who just started writing? :>

oh boy oh boy sure!

my top thing i do even before writing is a LOT of planning. Like if i have a vague scene in mind, i plan it out loosely and let the rest come to me. if i have a specific scene in mind, then i plan a lot more carefully and really try to capture each step of the way so when i write, it's less work to try and come up with something while also illustrating it accurately. if theres a gap where you don't know what to do, you could always skip and come back later! dont pressure yourself to plan everything all at once - it can get rlly overwhelming that way

my other top thing is please please PLEASE learn some basic grammar stuff. start new paragraphs when new ppl talk, how to properly use semi-colons/dashes, staying in the same tense, etc... AND CAPITALIZE. if you're going to be publishing it somewhere, a lot of people (myself included) are less likely to be engaged in the writing and it can be confusing to read

my top thing for fiction is, when you're writing from the perspective of a specific character, only describe things the way that character would experience them. avoid stuff like, "i turned my green eyes to the front of the room" and focus on sensations. if a character is blushing, they aren't going to see their blush unless theyre in a mirror. opt for stuff like "his face flushed" or "his face grew warm" instead. it rlly puts you into the characters shoes

when writing dialogue, honestly just go listen to people talk! everyone has certain pacing and quirks with their speech, so if you can include those in your character's speech, it makes it feel so much more alive. also give your character distinct body language! do they mess with their hair often? do they tap on surfaces they pass? what is their posture like? do some people watching (online or irl doesnt matter) and notice how people hold themselves. if you want the reader to pick up on something wrong/different, change up the patterns of your character. someone who makes a lot of eye contact suddenly not looking their best friend in the eyes worries your readers and is a good way to show a change.

for like general writing, pacing makes a huge difference! use your different punctuation - it can change the tone drastically. there are so many different options. if you want to speed up a scene or have things feel tense, use shorter sentences. avoid long blocks of description in fast scenes, it can ruin the retention. however, when you want to slow things down, lots of descriptors can be good. utilize those commas between adjectives, don't just list. figure out a style you like for different situations and experiment! you're learning, you have time to have fun with it and nobody is gonna care if you switch it up from time to time. its a long process and you're always improving

hope that helps!! I've been writing,,,, a while, so I'm not quite sure if those are beginners tips but they're what i look for when I'm reading others' work

#bmanons #bmanswers #writing advice

[fedonciadale]

Hey fedon! I just wanted to say that I find it so tiring these people who throw around the word hypocrite when it comes to shipping things like Darklina whilst being anti S@ns@n etc. You handled that anon very well and I'm always impressed by your level-headed replies. With Darklina, I've sort of grappled with why I find them so compelling, and your thoughts on fanon vs canon really helped me, and I agree that it is an important distinction to make. For instance, because of the narrative/character choices, I don't "ship" Darklina in the show so much as I ship a fanon what-if version of them, but that being said, I'm still drawn to them. If I was Alina's friend, I'd be all gurl RUN, but as a viewer, of course I want to see them on screen together again because Ben and Jessie's chemistry is so magnetic!

I was thinking of what exactly that dynamic/magnetism is comparable to and... well, I don't know if you listen to Fleetwood Mac, but for me it's akin to watching a live performance of a song like The Chain, which is about the breakdown of Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham's relationship (as is many of their songs). Their relationship was evidently not good, it was destructive and volatile, and I in no way would want what they had irl, but... I enjoy the music all the same, I love it in fact. Because when they perform, no offense to Mick Fleetwood, Christine and John McVie, everything else but them falls away and you become caught up in the way they are singing at each other, years after the fact, and you can still feel all that pain, love and burning chemistry. That's sort of how I felt watching Ben and Jessie in the tent scene — I wasn't thinking wow couple goals, in fact I was feeling Alina's hurt, but still I was thinking that when these two are in a scene together everything and everyone else just falls away. So, even though I'm getting into the other "healthier" ships more and more, at the end of the day... Darklina is The Chain for me in terms of complexity, how compelling it is, how powerful it is to me as a viewer, and it's not about me wanting them to be "together", it's just about how they make me feel when they are, in whatever way they are. I mean... just look at these lyrics:

Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies

And if you don't love me now You will never love me again I can still hear you saying You would never break the chain (Never break the chain)

[...]

Listen to the wind blow, down comes the night Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light

I'm sorry but... that's show canon Darklina for me — elemental, deeply connected despite it all, passionate, fierce, volatile, painful, nothing I would want in real life but everything I find fascinating in fiction. By comparsion, I don't find relationships like S@ns@n equivalent to Darklina because at its core... there is no mutual attraction between the Hound and a literal child, there is no chemistry, there is no suggestion of (future) equality, there is just the problematic stuff. Now, Darklina is problematic for sure, but the strength of their connection hurts me in the feels because they could have been something different — "We could have had this. All of it. You could have made me your equal." By contrast, there is no explicit equivalence of feeling in the specifically asoiaf ships that angry anons throw about as comparable. They're not comparable (to me at least). But anyway, at the end of the day, what I always try to bear in mind when thinking about ships, and characters I like, is this famous Walt Whitman quote, from his poem Song of Myself:

Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)

I think people in fandom, for all that we try to be conscious of real life issues and the impact of fiction... we often forget this fundamental truth that people can like seemingly contradictory things. People can like complex things and have equally complex emotions about them. That's just life and it's not something that needs to be lectured out of you! It's when people start reducing things to black and white binaries that there should be potential cause for concern. But also... fandom is for fun, so have fun people!

Anyway, sorry for this strange ramble, I'm just a bit reluctant to talk about Darklina on my own blog because the S+B fandom seems possibly more volitle that Stevie and Lindsey on cocaine at the height of making Rumours... and that's saying something, lmao.

Hi there!

Thanks for the heads up!

You know you can enjoy compelling storytelling and chemistry and that is something that might make you ship a couple!

When I first read the books I thought that Darklina was headed for disaster. I thought that Alina would get over Mal, that the Darkling would sacrifice himself for her and in an act of redemption to destroy the fold and save Alina and that Alina would marry Nikolai. Sigh!

Not a healthy ship but a compelling story. And we can like compelling stories.

I actually think that Sans@n might be headed that way : it might end with his sacrifice but without the element of reluctant attraction that is there with Darklina.

Anyway, I like this sort of chemistry. I loved all the times President Snow and Katniss Everdeen were on the screen together. A connection between the characters, something twisted but still they understand each other, compelling actors chemistry. I just loved to watch that (without shipping).

And I really like how compelling Darklina is in screen. You don't really want them together, or just in a tragic ending, but it's a good story.

That does not mean that I think they would be good for a HEA - not in canon.

I can like how Elizabeth Bennett almost falls for Wickham and I can still enjoy her getting with Darcy in the end.

Very often it is about the 'what if'.

I really think that the distinction between canon and fanon is important in that regard.

I ship these people with my headcanons as characters inspired by the canon is as valid as I ship these people because I like the dynamic/ find the dynamic compelling, even if I know it's toxic.

I think it is a bit problematic if people insist their headcanons are canon.

I've seen a bit of the SaB fandom around here and I think Darklina shippers do not claim that the Darkling is actually good.

It's different with Sans@n shippers (or at least the ones that come into my ask box). They insist that the H0und is good and that he is the best that could hapoen to Sansa. On this I will always disagree with them - at least when it comes to canon. If GRRM writes that ship (and I doubt that) it's not good for Sansa.

And yes, I agree I can like different dynamics in different ships. I can like enemies to lovers in one universe and I can think that Sansa would never love the enemy of her family in ASOIAF. Different worlds, different characters... What I can imagine for one character might be unthinkable for another. I can ship Hermione with Draco picturing him asking for forgiveness and I cannot fathom Sansa ever forgiving an enemy who is responsible for her father's death, like Littlefinger.

To me - and that's just my opinion - it is about how guilty these people are: Draco never killed anyone, he can be redeemed and live (preferably getting on this path on his own and then getting with Hermione), the Darkling can only die in the end but maybe after remorse? And in ASOIAF villains really should stay villains and not get a redemption via Sansa.

I really don't know why it is so difficult to understand that different characters and worlds also mean different shipping?

And apart from Jonsa I don't care about my ships being canon. Neither JKR nor Leigh Bardugo ever hooked me as much as GRRM. I can make my headcanons about the characters because I am just not that attached to their canon version. Both authors do not write completely consistent anyway - so it's easy to twist and experiment. With ASOIAF I cannot get behind any ship I cannot also picture in canon.

Thanks for the ask!

#ask box #Jonsa #Dramione #shipping #canon shipping #fanon shipping #Darklina #Anti Sans@n

[awed-frog]

I like reading from your blog cause I see all the blqck/white discourse from an European pov and it sounds so crazy but then I read what you can add to those post and I'm like, yes thank you for being the voice of reason here... Like jesus I can't believe people are so hellbent on some things they forget the world is not like the usa and its specificities

Thank you for this message! I’m not sure which posts you’re referring to, but I do try very hard to learn about stuff so I can have an informed opinion - it means a lot that you think I sometimes succeed. 

I think that maybe we were too optimistic about this ‘global village’ thing, and specifically in thinking that widespread knowledge of English would help people understand one another. Because you’re right: in my experience, Americans tend to dominate conversations because a) they speak their native language all the time, b) they’re often a majority in online spaces, c) they’re not used to living with other cultures and also d) they grow up with the idea that being loud and confident is a good thing.

(As a kind of apology: I know the US is a big country, and I’m sure there are endless differences in social rules and stuff like that. I can only comment on what I’ve seen in fiction and IRL, which, to be fair, seems to be pretty consistent.)

As for the race part, yeah, that’s complicated. Every time I think I understand it a bit more, I find out about yet another horrifying detail and I have to start from scratch again. What is universal is that ‘we forgot those nobodies we needed as workers were actual people’ thing - you find it over and over again and it always causes problems. And obviously in the US it took the form of actual slavery, but the schematics are pretty much the same everywhere? You see it in Germany with the Gastarbeiter, in France with people from Maghreb - both groups were invited in because of a lack of workers, with the explicit or implicit expectation that they would keep to themselves, do nothing outside of work and fuck off asap when they were no longer needed. But, of course, people are people. We want to make friends, get married, have kids, be reunited with relatives, and eventually we get used to or come to like the place we’re living in, despite the fact it’s so very different from our childhood home. In the US, of course, the matter is complicated by the fact these workers were slaves and were bought and kept as slaves long after we knew slavery wasn’t acceptable. 

(Because that’s the horror on top of the horror: in the ancient world, you only get the odd philosopher speculating about human rights; but by the late 17th century, those ideas were - if not 100% established - something many countries were using as foundation for their laws and codes of conduct. 

We knew. We all knew.

And yet.)

And as outsiders, I know what puzzles many people here is the degree to which this segregation still exists. Many of us know our ancestors who emigrated to the US faced poverty, abuse and severe discrimination, but those things eased - as they generally do - generation after generation. Unfortunately, it’s easy to hate and distrust a recent immigrant; but once they have children, once those children have children, there is no longer any objective difference between those children and native children. They go to the same schools, support the same teams, watch the same programs. Of course, one house may have a black-dressed grandma lurking in a corner, or different cooking smells, but that is about it. In the US, despite the constant talk of patriotism and the flags and the relentless cultural indoctrination, this process happens very unevely across different communities. 

For instance, one thing I don’t really understand is how African-Americans managed to keep their own specific form of English (truth be told, I don’t actually know whether AAE is the same in every state/family, and how that works exactly?). Because every black person I met in the UK had either a national accent (first generation immigrants and exchange students) or a 100% British accent. The fact an entire community is so linguistically distinct - that must be evidence of a deep segregation that’s still pervasive - in the school system, in the job market, in social circles. I know this must be obvious to any American, but I don’t know how obvious it is to them that in Europe, accent is generally lost in the span of 20 years - even if a community is deliberately marginalized (just watch any interview with an Italian Romani).

(One thing that struck me was an op-ed written by an African-American man who’d grown up on a US military base in Germany. He said that when his family came back to the US, he was actively bullied by the other black kids because he didn’t speak the ‘right’ kind of English and was completely unaware of the rules framing US race relations. Twenty years later, he still didn’t feel part of either community.)

Anyway - I don’t know where I was going with this. I talked about racism before, when someone asked why Europeans don’t use the word ‘race’, and while our system is very far from perfect, I think what’s going on in the US is far more fucked up. People need to live together so it becomes clear that the only real distinction is between those who worry about the next meal and those who do not. Until we sit here and retreat into our own actual or perceived identity, to the point where we refuse to engage with someone who’s not ‘like us’, nothing’s ever going to get fixed; and that’s the same everywhere, isn’t it?

#ask #racism #slavery #the us is one weird country #random-ass outsider opinion

[stonedlennon]

Thank you THANK YOU for being a person with sense who also writes amazingly well. I'm an English major and after years of reading all kinds of articles about literary theories (mostly from feminism or queer pov) I just have to say is all very interesting but sooo far-fetched. You can agree with something if it is has good arguments but you know... we'll never know for sure. And also I love me some sex in my fanfics because is part of life but it is not what really draws me to read one (PLOT!)

and what you are saying about the bottom/receiver equals female sounds so much like male gothic! But yeah I always read this ‘academic’ stuff really detaching myself otherwise I would get fairly railed up with some stuff you read. Going back to the fic, I really think is great you are making them switch because your plot is very well-formed and you are saving yourself making a deal about it, which is mostly what goes on in RL. I’m so glad you are not using the ‘oh no I’m gay’ thing as main theme

mate, you are more than welcome. you’re a fantastic intellectual foil and i feel like we are totally on the same wavelength. i agree completely with what you said about feminist/queer theory. the issue is ofc that a lot of the standard texts on queer theory came out of the 70s (first wave, theory; second wave, academic) where the strict distinctions between gender/sexuality/identity hadn’t yet been drawn. and of course the issue is when you apply those aged theories to modern concepts i.e. fan fiction, you don’t get a balanced view on the subject. it’s like when you try and apply old theories to things like the internet, which in so many ways defies traditional social constructs (side note: i read something interesting the other day that suggested that the wireless in the ‘40s prioritized home-based entertainment and deliberately fostered small social circles and the construction of standardized time - and this is in contrast to the british tradition of going to the pub, the country, i.e. outside entertainment - which meant the introduction of the television was in fact the natural progression from ‘blind’ entertainment to ‘deaf’ entertainment. very interesting). i know what you mean about things being far-fetched. i think unless you have academic training it’s very easy to dismiss these theories as nonsense. a lot of them are; an equal number aren’t. it just depends on your perspective and what you prioritize.

with regards to what you said about academic stuff, i half agree with you. i think, again, it’s easy to dismiss these theories as over-analysis or over-thinking, when it’s just revealing further or deeper nuance into a concept that might otherwise have remained superficial (i am thinking about a conversation i had the other day in which i mentioned wanting to write a section where paul put on his new uniform for the first time, because the act of being in uniform shapes your identity and consequently your inter/intrapersonal relationships because of its symbolism, meaning, and so forth. anyway) BUT to support what you said, i’m not sure if you know, but within the artistic field you’d be surprised at the recent swing towards “plain speaking” art texts or theories over the verbose, classical, western-based academic texts that hitherto have been dominant (alain botton is a good example - “art as therapy” - good read). 

AND YES, HAHA, back to the fic! omg, thank you. really i mean i’ve decided that they switch mainly because that’s what i personally think happened irl, and tbh on a more symbolic level it makes more sense for their power dynamic. it may seem anachronistic to take a very casual view on the sexual politics, considering it is a historical au, but i chose to do that because i’m simply more interested in writing characters who have - if not fully formed - then at least a partial understanding of their identity/sexuality and can therefore re/act within that characterization as opposed to flogging the dead horse that is a sexuality crisis. in addition, the tendency or assumption that everyone “back then” had massive internalized homophobia or what have you is a flagrant misreading of history. i could honestly discuss this forever, but tl;dr when you write matured characters you can have a mature storyline. basically.

can i just say you’re a fantastic conversationalist? please do feel free to come talk to me off anon because i reckon we’d get on like a house on fire. thank you so much for these messages. they’re so thought provoking.

#answered #Anonymous

[zoomswish]

Nah I don't think you're likely to get that much anon hate for it. your followers should know your views and stands if they're following you no? That said i'm not thought policing or saying "you can't like this" but you know, stuff like this does influence real people. I was exposed to all of these things when I was just 13, and it fucked me up like a lot. Because I got used to think it was normal. Still, i'm not the smartest or the wisest so i won't argue.

btw i'm not ragging on SonTails. That's really not a problem ship as most as this fandom makes it up to be. I don't really consider any Sonic ship to be "problematic". but stuff about other media is what i'm talking about.

--

I would think they’d know where I stand, yeah, but I do have some followers who might have followed from a ridiculous meme or something, so I can’t be sure that everyone following has the same views on it as I do.

And I’m sorry that happened to you. That should not have happened. To reiterate - I think it’s really important that minors and vulnerable people aren’t exposed to things that could be upsetting or harmful to them. People who enjoy things of that nature do of course need to understand that it’s not appropriate to shove it in everyone’s faces. I’m not trying to belittle the experiences of people who are negatively affected by those things. My stance is simply that people should be allowed to consume and enjoy whatever fictional media they want, in their own space, and no one should come after them for it if they’re not pushing it on anyone else.

And no worries, I didn’t think you were ragging on SonTails. And I get why people have strong views on this topic, I just think it’s important that a clear distinction is made between people who enjoy “problematic” media and people who do bad things IRL.

#not sonic-related #Anonymous