#i'm just going bananas. apeshit. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pacific-coast-hockey · 24 days

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Well, I did a corny post last year after the last home game about how much I appreciate the Cudablr community and I thought I'd do one again this year. It truly has been another year of good times on the internet and in person! However, a lot of this season was really colored by the kind of catastrophic depression I was dealing with from like mid-November to mid-March and it was pretty hard to live laugh love with these teams under those conditions. So I thought instead I'd do a bullet list of some meaningful moments to me this season:

taking @whoredeleau, @msmargaretmurry, and @kitebird-hockey to Sharks games this year and getting to see all of their reactions when the 1.800.injured ad comes up

additionally, taking Becs to a Cuda/Bakersfield Game and her watching one of the face offs with a short king line vs the Condors and bursting into laughter, saying "oh my god, it's just like Mighty Ducks 3!"

also kb being like ".....what is wrong with #3?" at a Sharks game and me having to explain like, oh that's Henry he does everything wrong but we love him anyway

wandering around the Tank before warm ups once, bored as hell, and recognizing @unbenchthekench from behind bc he was wearing a Kähkönen jersey and I was like no way anyone else on planet earth has that jersey. And it was him!

making kpop hearts with @18minutemajor at the All Star Classic at the players and falling in love with the Admirals Russian goalie, also the way the entire arena went apeshit for Shakir rolling up right before the end of the Skills events

going bananas with @bunnymcfoo when Shakir did his rookie lap and everyone around us is being like...who is that noodle call up....

also the Cuda Classroom game and the way Bunny and I both full body flinched when the kids started screaming

the number of times @tausendsorgen and I turned to each other during Cuda games going, "and in the middle of this stands Tanner Kaspick..."

honestly just the amount of dancing and singing in the stands I did this year...like in this economy we have to find our joy where we can, and sometimes that is singing and dancing along to 30 second clips of Avicii and Taylor Swift and Pitbull and Journey and "Fancy Like (Nikolai Knyzhov)"

and of course, not to be outdone, my besties Waldorf and Statler finding out the opening game next season is the weekend they're out of town and the ensuing debate I was treated to over whether or not Statler should skip the wedding

Weird year for me AND the Cuda, but not without impact or meaning, honestly. Maybe it's not exactly the same as last year, maybe the team vibes were weirder and the content was worse and I still don't know who Jack Thompson is and at this point I'm afraid to ask and I was struggling personally through it all, but it's still like. Idk it still meant something. I made beautiful new friends, I spent a lot of time with cherished old friends, I watched my flop team fail to connect their passes, and even when it was hard for me personally, me, Cuda, everyone, ee all still showed up. For me, Barracuda Disease: Year 3️⃣. We'll see what next year has in store!

#kaspershark.txt

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solradguy · 7 months

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I’ve never thought about Sol having sex (<-lie) but genuinely it never occurred to me that if Sol had sex then he might pass down his FoC Prototype Gear genes. Do you think he could command them? Like in a non-parental, Command-type Gear-type way. Would they be Dragon-Install children?

Oh geez, this sounds like a nightmare Sol would have where Justice is the mom, and he would shoot up in bed and Jack-O’ would say, “What’s wrong? Go back to sleep.” And Sol would look over and Jack-O’ would be Justice in pajamas! And then he would shoot awake in bed! All a dream! And then he would look over at Aria and then-

All of this is ruined if you subscribe to the theory that Sol had rawdogged Justice though. Dizzy’s not even a little Dragon-Instally…

The depth of Sol's Gear abilities has never really been fully explored (probably because he hates being a Gear and mostly avoids tapping into it) so I'm not actually sure if he could command other Gears like Justice or Dizzy could? I'm gonna assume probably not though because being able to rip control of at least a few Gears from Justice during the Crusades to make them easier to kill would have been an insane advantage and we never got anything saying he ever did or considered doing that lol

But, kinda like what you're saying here, it might be a difference between him being a Flame of Corruption Gear and all the others being Scales of Juno. Justice says she couldn't control him in Missing Link because he's a "prototype" but they hadn't dug into the two different Gear seeds yet back then. It could have just been the difference in Gear cells preventing the control from working. I don't actually know what would happen if there was more than one FoC Gear.

Based off of how Sol talks about the FoC and the obvious side effects we've seen of it, I'm going to guess that maybe SoJ Gears are inherently more orderly than FoC Gears, which more naturally just want to go apeshit bananas without a real cohesive "leader" element keeping them in line. We can't know for sure though. Sol is the only major source of information (AFAIK) we've been given for Flame of Corruption-type Gears. It might turn out that the two seeds are basically the same outside of some aesthetic differences and Sol's just ended up making him want to kill all of the time because Asuka fucked it up somehow.

Dizzy has a canon install form via her +R instant kill "I Can't... Contain My Strength." Mechanically, it's completely unlike Sol's in-game install (or HOS's DI Sakkai "instant kill"), but she definitely has a powered-up state that changes her physical form like he does:

Since Ky now has an install that makes him stronger and changes his body too, it might be fair to assume that any substantially powerful enough Gear can go into an install state no matter if they're FoC or SoJ.

I don't think Sol would have had the time to rawdog Justice (or even want to; they turned his fiancée into a giant murder monster) without someone else knowing or seeing it happen. I do think Dizzy wasn't originally meant to be his kid though and it was written in without taking the timeline into serious consideration lol Either Gears can delay their pregnancy for insane periods of time or Asuka somehow got a... tissue sample... and made it happen via mad science. I hope it's the former because the latter is dark even by GG standards.

Dizzy biologically being Sol's offspring crumbles apart under any amount of scrutiny lmfao It would be cool if they actually explained that in more detail some day. Top 3 biggest Guilty Gear mysteries tbh

#asks #long post

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andreablog2 · 10 months

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respectfully I think you need to get weirder. for your health. like having skimmed just a handful of posts on this blog I am 100% sure that going completely apeshit bananas about basically anything that makes your heart go "!!!" and letting it drag you down rabbitholes for a while would make you a more emotionally secure person. it probably also would give you Skills (tm) but that's incidental what matters is leaning into a hobby so hard it makes you feel like a genius even when you suck at it. like I know I'm literally a tumblr anon but you are A Baby Adult which is like the most unbearable age to be + living in this world is weird and hard + not enough ppl explicitly say that passion opens doors you never even heard about before. so. I hope you're cultivating it.

I can’t afford to be weird….

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deanwax · 7 months

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Writer Q&A

finally, a picrew with some stanley representation (my forehead wrinkle)

yoinking probably ancient open tag from @words-after-midnight because NO MORE WRITING my mind is weary i am on strike i am kicking my little feets i am--

ahem. an activity.

RULES: Use this picrew to make yourself and answer the questions!

Three fun facts about me:

Dean Wax is my pseudonym because I was originally using it to explore a male identity online because I thought i might be trans, turns out: not exactly

i own an absurd amount of Eye objects. pottery, pillows, earrings, woodcuts, rings, cross stitch - you name it. i just think they're neat

have personally pushed well over 300 trolleys back to the fukken shops from whence they came (hate litter so much)

Favourite season: Djilba babyyyyy and if you don't know what the HELL that means, you can brush up on the Noongar seasons here

Continent where I live: Australia (the left bit)

How I spend my time: more video games than you can possibly imagine, usually while listening to video essays. I also have a keen interest in cooking and pantry resource management. apart from being an avid audience member at my local independent theatre, once a year i go wizard bananas apeshit and see several dozen shows at my city's annual Fringe Festival. I read less than you'd expect given how much I write but when I do, it's often poetry or graphic novels. (god i fucking... love all art, so much. argh)

Are you published?: In tech sector operational copywriting? Immensely. But when it comes to my writing writing, I have absolutely no interest in conventional or self-publishing and I post my work on AO3 specifically because it is non-profit, does not exploit writers, and embraces creative freedom.

introvert/extrovert: probably introverted because i'm so fukken cerebral, but i'm also, like, a veteran AFAB autistic so I'm very good at social masking. whatever it takes

favorite meal: i'd smash an Uncle Gina's Chicken Wrap any day of the week. I have recorded the recipe quite unnecessarily but basically it's over-seasoned cajun chicken to spice up a wrap of shredded raw green cabbage and grated carrot with Gochujang and Kewpie mayo. namnamnamnamnamnam

#tag games #open tag #writeblr

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buthowboutno · 1 year

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Okokok tis me again. I just wanted to say that you are doing amazing and I'm proud of you 😊

The latest chapter was so good. Like Donnie's worries were brought to life (like common the dudes a genius, he probably did the stats of this occuring) and lemme tell you, executed perfectly. Also the instant thought how how close Donnie was to them. I just knowwww that Don will go a lil bananas.

I keep going back to the Christmas chapter where they were at their family home. Its just so cute. Anywhoooo I hope you are doing well and to take care of yourself boo, you deserve it 👑

Byebye~

😭😭😭 i--

thank youuuuuuuu <3<3

will be crying about this message as i do my chemistry homework later (/pos)

the idea that people, like, /revisit/ old chapters??? like reading it once wasn't enough?? going fucking apeshit feral, i love you anon

#atwlp

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evilmagician430 · 12 days

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Hii im just starting to get into vt because of a friend and he said u know abt spencer. can u tell me abt him??

oh boy where do i even start. this is like a dream come true for me honestly. i'm going to try to stick to whats actually canon as much as possible, so i wont be getting into my own headcanons here.

i know for a fact im gonna end up typing some parapgraphs so here, i made a table of contents.

paragraph 1: age

paragraph 2: personality

paragraph 3: hobbies and interests

paragraph 4: location

paragraph 5: his backstory

paragraph 6: miscellaneous

spencer is one of the youngest venturiantale characters. the wiki states that he is 17, but when he is first introduced he says that he is 12 years old, so i'm not really sure where the fandom wiki got 17 from. he IS characterized as a young teenaged boy so really his age can be anywhere inbetween those 2 in the present day of canon (which is like... vaguely 2010s.) obviously if you're doing like timeskip aus or whatever he can be an adult.

he is very easily annoyed especially when it comes to stupid people, of which there are an abundance in the gmod roleplay cast. whenever someone ticks him off he tends to call them an "absolute nerd!!!" something which i struggle to incorporate into my own depictions because i can never seem to get it to sound natural. i mean, he himself is portrayed to be this geeky insufferable know-it-all, so it's strange that he would call other people "nerd"s, especially when theyre being dumb. but i digress. short paragraph compared to the other ones but as he's presented in canon, he really does have a simple composition. he's a nerdy kid who hates people and loves to be alone and gets angry easily.

it's hard to discern what spencer likes, but it's easy to tell what he dislikes because he'll make it known. pokemon, power rangers, barbies, really anything pink and girly (with some glaring exceptions such as being a brony and having no issue with sailor moon) and more probably. he's always looking for faults in anything people like. with pokemon, it was that it's a ripoff of digimon; with power rangers, it was that it's just a localization of super sentai, and for this reason he actually likes sailor moon because it isnt derivative. not sure what his feelings are on g4 mlp being a reboot. maybe he prefers the older gens? g3 mlp is really girly and pink though even more than g4 is so maybe he would just be a gen 1 fan and also watch mlpfim. (speculation) the wiki lists his occupation(s) as "brony, hacker, weeb" which is a really good list of things to be into and none of them are jobs. and he HAS had a job at least once is the funny part. he worked at the front desk of a random hotel. anyways from this we can conclude that he probably likes certain anime, likely the more obscure and plot-heavy ones. and he also is really apeshit bananas at computers. he knows ALL THE CODES. all of them. he spends most of his time on the computer or in bed watching anime. the shelves inbetween? i like to imagine he keeps his figures and toys there. i think he's a dc comics fan, but i can't remember if its canon or not.

he's a troglodyte dwelling almost exclusively in the basement of the acachalla house, or sometimes even in lower, secret basements. one time the acachallas moved and they left him there, and when they came back to get some stuff he rose out of the front lawn like a zombie and was like nuh uh uh this is my house now. at least once he was eaten by giant dirt worms under the house. in canon it is stated that he is not allowed to leave the basement, which seems abusive to me. i like to headcanon that spencer only THINKS he's not allowed to leave the basement because that's how it used to be in his original family that he ran away from. but thats not canon; the canon is that he's basically a captive of the acachalla household. he digs tunnels and becomes allied with the mole people but overall it doesnt seem like he minds living underground. anyways.

content warning: cult. also child death and suicide? i guess. before being adopted by the acachallas, spencer was the leader of a cult worshipping an entity known as the spence. the spence was an extremely powerful god who died or something and the mission of the cult was to resurrect him. little spencer, only 12 years old at most, killed himself in an act of ritual sacrifice. he became the mighty spence incarnate, and after gaining new life, he immediately started killing the members of his cult (because they couldnt correctly answer his trivia questions or something), and ordering them to kill one another. then he flew away on the back of a giant seagull all the way across dimensions to little butts north carolina. and then presumably his debut video happened (he goes to gamestop where gertrude is working and annoys her so much with his questions that she beats him to death with a crowbar).

O.K. now some random things. starting with the one i never shut up about: he's definitely bisexual and/or nonbinary BASED ON the situation that occurs in the killer teletubby video when he meets mabeline, a girl cosplaying as johnny ghost. he expresses interest or perhaps attraction to her (??) based on her appearing almost exactly like johnny ghost but having a girl's voice. he says, and i quote, "am i seeing... someone as hot as johnny ghost, but yet also with a feminine voice? that's like the best of both worlds, i dont know where i sign up" like there is no cishet way to interpret that i fear. anyways he also canonically has ocd and at one point, a fear of grass. a lot of this information you can just get from reading the fandom wiki but im so so so glad you asked me instead. he has a level 67 warlock in world of warcraft. he is literally the joker. his braces are so rusty they can be used as magical bullets. he's such an enigma i cant help but be obsessed with him. anyways thats the official spencer guide by me the spence enthusiast. also i have a little doll of him hes awesome

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telltalebatman · 9 months

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3 10 14 for the violence ask game?

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr im gonna be honest: i've been here for over a decade now. i've seen so much bad, stupid shit that at this point it all blends together in my mind. that being said, the original "maybe the curtains were just blue" post has a special place in my mind for setting people's literary comprehension back to primary grade. also, the dragon age fandom never fails to produce some of the worst takes ever in general, like the infamous and widespread take that solas is a seductive sex god, or the constant fucking infighting about the mages and the templars.

10. worst part of fanon the aforementioned hc that solas dragon age is a sex god. i'm gonna level with u: when i look at solas, i do not see the appeal at ALL. usually when it comes to people going apeshit bananas for characters that just don't do it for me, i can at the very least see and understand the appeal. solas? fuck no. maybe it's his ugly as sin face. maybe it's his annoying voice. maybe it's his gross casual clothing. maybe it's his writing. i don't know what is it exactly, but i certainly do find him repulsive and think everyone who is attracted to him is truly, deeply mentally fucking unwell.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time tbh i barely if ever read fic these days, but back when i read it voraciously i remember being rly fucking annoyed at how dudes always seemed to get the emotional spotlight and all the interesting introspection and growth, while ladies were kinda just...... there. with no real depth to them. also in the golden days of the overwatch fandom i quickly became rly fucking annoyed at the notion that soldier and hanzo would both join nu-overwatch and no one had any issue with it. realistically, a lot of people would have a lot of issues with both of them being there. starting with ME.

#4.txt

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deirdreskye · 3 years

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Man I am so tired of being self-conscious especially now that I'm really beginning to understand how good it feels to actually be myself like... I'm tired of being in the closet at work. I'm tired of being afraid that people might stare at me if I look too much like a faggot and I'm tired of being afraid to go out in public in girlmode and I hate letting that fear control where I can and can't go and what I can and can't do!! I hate that I can't be like all the other trans women in my life who don't seem to give a shit about any of this! This shit is making me coocoo apeshit bananas like I just wanna be myself!! I need to make a change or something man God damn

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callmehopeless · 3 years

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where’d hoppo go, i hope she’s chillin🙏😭

Hi friend! Sadly I am not chillin, but instead have been thrown head first into a writing career that I hope brings fruitful things

Without going into too much detail - alongside my choose your own adventure book opportunity, I've been given an absolutely brilliant opportunity to be involved in video game writing in conjunction with a company I have lived and breathed absolute passion for, which is...yeah, I don't even know where to start unpacking it. Bananas. I'm having to re-learn a lot of habits, as writing quests for a huge RPG and writing fic about sucking dick are...Jesus, are there two things with less similarities? It's amazing. I can't wait to show you all some of the characters I've worked on

I've also received an offer to upgrade my current education from a cert to a diploma in advanced programming, so I've gone apeshit and proceeded to accept free time is an ethereal concept as I learn C++ again in aggressive information dump mode

I don't want anyone to think I've forgotten about you - it's just that I'm taking my writing career and moving from a hobby to something of a professional ambition, and so my creative writing time is mostly used on running fast and screaming loud! Plus, a part of me has deeply outgrown the Tumblr community. Tumblr has seasons that change - much alike being in school, you've got popular kids and a lot of discourse and a lot of infighting. When I was in my early 20s I had a lot of energy to give it, but getting older, when I get in from working a 12 hour day I want to slide onto my couch, slip on my headphones and rewatch Shrek again, for the 100th time

I still love and care for you all, and am happy to field questions any time! And I don't consider my fics finished, and I do anticipate finishing them. Potentially when life isn't so hectic!

Also wedding planning. Holy shit. Don't get married. It's a doozy. I'm tired just thinking about cake

#hope talks #update!

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luninosity · 4 years

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I don't have much right now, but I seriously want to paypal you money when I get paid. I finished Character Bleed. It's probably the best thing I've ever read, and I've read... thousands of fics. Probably hundreds of thousands. Thank you for giving me something to look forward to and think happily about while the world is going apeshit. Yeah, I can see poor Colby trying to take care of himself like that, as a child... it hurts my heart. I'm so glad he has Jason to take care of him now.

I’ve had this ask sitting here because every time I see it, it makes me smile, and then I end up just being happy and not having words to answer! Thank you!!

It’s probably my favorite thing I’ve written (not that I don’t have other favorites...depends on the day and the fandom...) just in terms of...how real the characters feel in my head, how much I know about them, how protective I feel about them...and then all the excitement of sharing them with everyone and seeing people love them along with me!

And - I think I’ve mentioned this somewhere, but if I haven’t - it’ll be coming out as a trilogy this fall, from JMS Books! (And good GOD did I have a hard time with the summary...trying to explain to my editor what it was in fact about...”it’s sort of like they’re filming Master and Commander except even more gay somehow, and also the actors fall in love, but there’s also very gentle hurt/comfort and D/s themes and a lot of bread puns...also the whole thing is like 254k words...”)

Colby is in some ways weirdly super-competent, and then in some very specific ways not! He taught himself how to cook, how to do laundry, how to clean everything in his room(s)...he always wanted to try to not make a mess and try to not cause a bother to anyone (up to and including times when he got hurt, physically or emotionally) (young!Colby figured out that he was into guys, and hence probably gay, when he was pretty young - unlike Jason, who kind of tried not to think about being bi, Colby pretty much knew...as soon as he was old enough to realize who he had crushes on...and then quietly coped with that self-awareness on his own, too). He’s also never not had money - he had a credit card really young, and zero parental oversight; they basically went, “here you go, don’t bother us” - and he doesn’t really...know how much things cost? Things cost whatever they cost, right? (*insert “it’s one banana, what could it cost?” meme*)

So Colby can cook a fantastic meal and do his own laundry and dust the bookshelves and pick locks and make his own mead, but he doesn’t really know what a budget is. Like, he gets the concept - as a producer on Steadfast, he’s seen spreadsheets and such, he understands the idea - but the back of his head is always going, “well, but if we need more money, can’t I just simply...give us more money?”

And Jason has a lot of complicated feelings about all this. Like, it’s not as if he grew up poor either - his family was doing more than fine - but both his parents definitely *worked*, and his mom knows about the prices of food and ingredients, and so on. He’s both sort of glad that at least Colby wasn’t neglected in *that* specific way - Colby had food, a household staff, ways to buy himself new books or school supplies - and also sometimes baffled by the level of wealth/connections that can just say, “oh, we could stay in that castle for the week if you want!” But then Jason is also sometimes Very Angry about Colby’s childhood, like when Colby admits to learning how to pick locks because his parents kept forgetting they had a kid and would leave and go on vacation before he got home from school, or the day Jason realizes that kid!Colby never really had a birthday party. (His dad tried to organize something once or twice, but it was always, like, the kids who had parents that were politically useful, and not a real party, and young!Colby was very shy and did not in fact have friends anyway. Colby’s mother also never saw the point of birthday parties: not as if it’s an accomplishment, is it, darling...)

Jason, upon hearing that, has to take a few deep breaths and calm down before saying anything. And then he ends up baking a cake while Colby’s at a Krav Maga lesson with Evan or something, because Jason also isn’t bad in a kitchen and Colby deserves a birthday cake, dammit. <3

...look, more headcanon! I did say they were way too real in my head... :D :D

And thank you for putting up with me rambling about them! <333

(side note: I do have a paypal, not that you need to, but I’ve just realized I don’t in fact have that linked anywhere on this tumblr! here it is.)

#bekthescribe #replies #character bleed #headcanon #yay friends

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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as an emerging lgbtq+ (i'm 'BT') guy i am so glad you're making the point you made in your last post. I've always gravitated towards Dean because he is so 'imperfect' in his queerness, like me. but he's not a uwu soft queer so apparently that bothers a lot of ppl on here? Especially younger queer women, I've noticed. But a lot of guys, cis and trans, struggle with being attracted to men so much in a way that is simply different (not better or worse) than (1/2)

being wlw, especially depending on one’s generation and region, etc. basically what i’m saying is a lot of the few queer men that there are in the fandom stay quieter as it is almost completely queer women dictating what is and what isnt, and not quite empathizing with the unique struggle many queer men have with internalized homophobia/being Unmanly for being attracted to men. hope this wasn’t too all over the place, ive had this on my mind for a Long time and i’m glad you brought it up. (2/2)

ps: I’m not trying to put down queer women for being a significant part of the fandom. I just really wish the environment of the fandom felt more like somewhere queer men’s voices can be heard better, considering the largest pairing is, needless to say, mlm

Well, first of all, welcome Nonnie. I take it you’re addressing this untitled post addressing intersectionality, representation vs tokenization, represented demographics and just general motivations of those in discussion, yes? (x)

You’ll find this is a longstanding topic of my blog, be it excavating creator commentary people have buried for their own motivations and talked down and around, or dual faceted issues.

(If you haven’t read the crosslinks on the post you’re addressing, you may want to read The Problem With Dreamhunter (x) It discusses exactly this issue, even if it was written over a year ago at that point, showing just how cyclic this issue is. It talks about MLM/WLW intersectional issues, migrating goalposts, a bunch of show stuff and some of Bobo’s sociopolitical commentary from 2003 about advancing LGBT representation through moderate incremental methods being proven effective at expanding the media presence/platform exponentially above liberal, or more severe/extreme styles)

But when it comes down to it, basically: Yeah, you right.

I didn’t just arbitrarily develop this opinion. I didn’t… just magically tune in to what the LGBT men that literally dodge fandom, for exactly the reasons you say, and know it’s because of the reasons you say – like that didn’t manifest. It came from leaving fandom (un)”safe” spaces. It came from engaging a great variety of LGBT males in real life, many of which engage the content. From observing how they spoke of the content in multifandom servers, or even *why* they chose to avoid speaking up.

And no, I personally didn’t get a read of you, like, insulting LGBT women for their part in fandom. Women engage social media for primetime TV fandoms at an exponential rate above men, so it’s almost unavoidable and it’s nobody’s fault really, but that says nothing for the perpetual habit of drowning out their voices to the fact that– well, they literally abandon engaging.

I’ve seen it enough times it *hurts* me. I shouldn’t *have* to pull my gay writing buddy out of holes to face this, and him still hide silently. I shouldn’t *have* to be the vein of news and information on the show to the bi male friend I have that refuses to touch this fandom. I shouldn’t *have* to even speak up about this. I really do want *you all* to speak up about this, because I can only speak so far, because you’re right: OUR JOURNEYS ARE DIFFERENT.

Hell, even a cis lgbt male vs a trans lgb(t obvious) male have entirely different journeys even though they’re both validly men. These battles are not the same. One community can speak up to defend another, and help hold them up and amplify them if there’s just not enough of them to project the way they need to, and this is something *greatly under respected* in this fandom. Nobody’s holding up the LGBT male voices when actually talking about representation. And you’re right, it’s mostly women, and you’re right, our path is different and our struggles and needs and wants and lives are different. But unless you take a considerable amount of time talking and sharing and learning personally the perspective of the LGBT male community, you’re not… really… helping them speak.

And let it be said, “holding up LGBT male voices” does not and should never equate to “despite having multiple LGBT men saying one thing, I found the one LGBT male saying the thing that matches what I want, who may or may not even actually be in the targeted demographic set of the character we’re discussing representation about, because it’s more than just being bi, it’s entire lives, paths and challenges– but you know, I found the ONE, so fuck the others.” That’s using your friends as tokens and cards. If you want to genuinely add to the conversation, what you do is you introduce your male LGBT friend to the other male LGBT friends and let them have a long conversation to talk out the sources of their disagreements before engaging in conversation.

But drawing a pretty base line collective from all people in the represented demographic, respectfully learning the majority wants and needs and struggles, and helping voice those is pretty key.

Women can sit here all day, and pass around things they’ve been told by other women are woke points, or things that sound progressive and good, and often sort of decontextualized from their purpose (be that the dresswear mentioned shortly hereafter, or what LGBT want/expect/SHOULD want or expect – but in the end, if you’re not sitting down and having dialogues – not just with one, or two, or even three LGBT men – but large handfuls and subsets, able to actually critically examine the differences in LGBT males of gen X, Y, or Z and their lives and stories – if you’re not doing that… If *that* isn’t the core of your discussion values, rather than pass-along buzz vibes– then you’re really not talking representation. You think you are. But you’re not.

There’s the uh. Thing. You noticed. About how women expect the men to engage.

When it comes to young queer women, I’m going to risk pissing some people off, but the long and short of it is (I could probably dig up the link but it’s been an eternity) a while ago they ran a psychological study to figure out why young women were attracted to yaoi, and gay porn, especially what is essentially stereotypical force-role type gay porn. It has to do with blooming attraction, primal fear, and trying to make the men more appealing in a way that does not intimidate them.

This later manifests into feminizing them, setting twink/bear roles that go beyond into top/bottom, and conflating it with penetration, position, power, dom/sub, fork/spoon, sometimes served with a dose of internalized misogyny being projected into the vessel of whatever twink/sub is positioned, and generally— like, kink culture. Often this is passed with narrowly progressive-masked arguments of “Men should be allowed to be feminine if they want!” rather than a genuine answer to, “Why do you perpetually heterosexually resize, or reframe, and enforce heterosexual structure onto characters that do not meet this mold, and why is that a personal gain to you?” because in the end– it’s a personal gain. And again, at that point it’s not about representation.

Now again, I’m not… shaming anyone for having a kink. But kink/fetish needs/wants have blurred themselves in as if to hedge on equal territory to discussing canon content. Or sprinkling the quite literal fetishized art (power to you if that’s your thing, I guess, even if I do bear discomfort over fetishization of any LGBT demographic, even by another LGBT demographic) and reasoning with dialogue that implies it as being representative, and inserting that into the representation discussion, which *literally* just makes the entire bog muddier, makes the LGBT men trying to speak more easily dismissed in a vat of “just women/fetishists”, it just– it’s Not a Good. I’m… personally not a fan of it. Like at all. A lot of it makes me angry tbh. So I don’t engage. I don’t browse fanfiction. I look at very little art.

Hell most of the people around here don’t even realize it’s actually a *minority* of LGBT men that choose to engage in penetrative sex, but it’s become a topic of outright obsession around here. There is so much simple… lack of awareness and discussion of the lives LGBT men lead, even by LGBT women because again – we don’t have your path. We can only listen to you. (And BOY have I gotten earfuls from my LGBT male friends absolutely going apeshit banana bonkers over fandom’s obsession with penetration culture, gender role enforcement while feigning it as liberation, and all kinds of other stuff. And that’s what I base most of my talking points on.)

Because if I’m going to talk representation, I’m going to talk about representing the demographic the character is supposed to represent, not molding him into a tokenized wash-over of every single person’s wants. If you’re an LGBT woman that can resonate with Dean Winchester, that’s great. Sometimes representation can be shared. But a character’s origin determines what demo he represents and not all of any given representative’s character’s attributes, methods, functions, anything – not all of it is going to meet any one person’s goals collectively, but the target demographic is inevitably closer to it.

Another point to raise is that it feels like people have lost track of *what* the representation battle is about. It isn’t just about any one person attaching to any one character. It’s about developing a TVscape that looks more representative of the real world, with a fair presence of PoC, of women, of LGBT people of all types, of the disabled community, of people that are even more than one of these, of people with different stories: people. About, well, normalizing it, because it should be normal. About saturating television enough that one day, and that day will not just be tomorrow per convenience, that people won’t be desperate for representation even vaguely in their wheelhouse, that they can turn on and see people of any intersectional type and go– wow, the world finally realizes we’re real. And that in that wide, realistic menu, yes, being able to turn a channel and eventually see someone *just like you*. A day when any show turned on has at least *someone* in your wheelhouse because every show eventually should have some sort of realistic spread, but if you find the *right* show, *there you are.*

That’s how it’s built. We don’t start by footstomping and tokenizing everyone to be vaguely representative of everyone or it doesn’t count because it didn’t work for *them*. We start by sharing truly diverse narratives, each unique to their own, just as diverse as straight stories are, maybe even more. That’s the only way you’re actually going to end up with a TVscape full of The Gays, and full enough to find *explicitly yourself* in there.

Deleting normalized, non-sensationalist text for lacking either visibility or flavor, even if you weren’t the intended demographic for it to speak to, is quite literally contrary to the entire fight.

and tbh?

This shit is why I hate shipping culture.

And I say that as someone who presumably “ships” Dean and Cas, if it’s shipping to address canon bullshit happening in front of you and just watch the show as it folds out without going into denial for *whatever* personal reason.

There’s a lot of well intended people, most shipping fandom is full of good beans, but as a collective group – skewed by sociopathically manipulated dialogues we can literally track the origins of – have been driven into much of the above while genuinely believing they were doing the right thing, in a long chain of being told this was what and how to fight for, without really stopping and critically examining the nuance of the conversation. Because why would you? Seems to be the popular gay thing to do – while a lot of bisexual people currently hide their commentary via reblog hashtags or hedge awkwardly into an anon box sideways.

That all said, it continues to be my focus. It will never change on this blog. I will never surrender to being pressured, be it by antis or bitters or people just wanting to argue, into pretending things that were text are subtext. I will not move that goalpost. You are real, and you are valid, and you are welcome in my inbox any time, Nonnie, confidentiality guaranteed. Like, DM too.

but lmao like shit, dawg. There’s a reason the LGBT guys I’ve had as writing partners as Dean literally refuse to play with another Cas. That’s not just because I’m a *super aweSOME auTHOr*, it’s because they recognize I do not come from the wing lost to fanfiction, to troll wars, or even to shipping culture, love of a ship be damned. I don’t try to force gender roles on them. I listen when they speak, and often, surprise many with the angle I ever enter discussion or listening from to begin with, because of spending so many years listening to begin with. It’s an intrinsic understanding of why they resonate with the content, not what I can pull some transformative art stuff on or wanting to *make* it into anything else to fit *my* molds. It’s because of being someone engaged to the male perspective, without the need to twist or change a character to be content with it, and being WILLING to hold those challenging conversations.

Listen first. Talk later. But never in front of or over the people you claim to be talking for.

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friendraichu · 5 years

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sometimes you need an excuse to go absolutely apeshit. just completely feral.

for example today there was a fly in my room that i waged war upon for two hours before i got the fucker.

i was just intermittently darting around my room, grabbing hold of any nearby object and waving it furiously in any direction i saw the fly, while shouting things like "not today you little bastard!" or "i'm not afraid, come here demon!!"

my voice had warped into the wicked witch of the west and i was leaping off my furniture and smacking at walls with reckless abandon.

i haven't acted that unhinged since playing capture-the-flag in elementary school. felt good, felt freeing.

anyway i guess the point is everybody needs to go hogwild sometimes, just like totally fucking bananas y'know?

#that bastard fly #rip you magnificent adversary #apeshit #feral #hogwild #unhinged #just do it aspire to all these adjectives #ramblings #college adventures

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the-stray-liger · 5 years

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Thank you for posting about bloodborne so much! I've finally picked it up and started it and it seems fantastic so far, a much better system and aesthetic than other Fromsoft games I've played. Can I ask if you have any tips for people entering the game? I am loving the canewhip at the moment but Cleric Beast made me feel like my damage output is a little low or I'm mishandling it.

There is nOTHING, NOTHING that delights me more than people coming to ME, who is like the WORST Bloodborne player in history, for tips on how to play it. Holy shit that’s so fucking funny. I love you so much friend I hope you’re enjoying this game as much as I am jserjgserg

Aight first and foremost: get used to dying. A lot. If you’re like me you’ll only defeat them bosses after you’ve learned every possible way in which you can die to them. The Cleric Beast is great bc its moveset is easy to memorize, and it trains you to use different kinds of dodge early into the game. Keep an eye out for the grab attack, watch out for its left arm because this bitch will grab you and yeet you into the ground and that shit hurt

Second of all, weapons. I recently learned that there’s a kind of “secret” kind of damage that isn’t listed in the weapon stats called serration, and all beast type oponents are vulnerable to it, so maybe consider either getting a saw cleaver or spear or spending a few blood echoes repairing and upgrading your threaded cane (iirc the transformed whip form has serrated damage). But changing weapons is not like, absolutely necessary, I did kill it with the Hunter’s Axe myself! And I only learned I could upgrade my weapons AFTER killing Gascoigne bc I’m a clown.

Third of all, HUG ITS ASS and learn to roll forward, towards the beast, and stay behind it. I know you really want to charge R2 and stagger and visceral but if you’re as much of a dumbass as I am you won’t land a visceral even if you manage to stagger it and all you’re gonna do is waste stamina. Unless youre using the threaded cane’s whip form, keep your weapon on its short form and do short fast attacks, like 4 blows, and then get ready to jump out of the way. It’s slow, but there’s no shame in taking your time, bc there’s a HUGE chance you might just end up dying faster if you land very big blows, make it lose a lot of health, and then forget to dodge.

Finally, stock up on molotov cocktails. Beasts are all SUPER vulnerable to fire damage and the Cleric Beast isn’t the exception. Deadass, I finished off both the Cleric Beast and Gascoigne using them-getting them their health as low as I could, locking on to them and throwing them molotovs. They go apeshit bananas and don’t really attack so you can just run around throwing them and avoid getting hit and finish the battle and it’s great if you’ve run out of blood vials. I even think you can get oil urns in Central Yharnam, around where Gascoigne’s daughter is, and you can throw those first to make the molotov do even more damage.

Bonus advice: Don’t fucking look at the health bar you’ll just either get annoyed because it looks like you’re not doing damage or get too confident because their health is getting low and lower your guard!!!!

I hope these help a little bit!!! I?m hardly a professional, and I’m VERY BAD at explaining, but if you wish more extensive and detailed guides from ppl who KNOW what they’re talking about, I reccomend you go look up Vaatividya’s videos or just stragiht up search “cleric beast guide” on youtube!

#moofahdrome

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