#i'm half a heart without you

[alexenglish]

i knew my best friend for 7 years before she died. this year it will be 7 years since she died. after this summer i will have loved her for longer dead than alive. how cruel to be alone in this love for the rest of my life.

#I'm half a heart without you

[pencilofawesomeness]

For the hugging request : Mystogan and Jellal

The ✨ twins ✨

(Drawing them this happy was pure serotonin. They’re found family, your honor.)

#fairy tail #htryds #platonic hugs for valentines #jellal fernandes #mystogan #i'll admit i drew the htryds version without even thinking #only considered half way through that it was technically up for debate #but i'm assuming this is what you meant because i know and recognize you #but yeah #I don't think i've ever drawn jellal that happy and it melted my own heart #i know it's my fault he gets extra angst but #boy needs the fluff too #yes yes this is why i'm doing this hug event #it was for me all along~ #sibling hugs go brrrrr ahahaha

[adhdstudybitch]

At least 10 different medical "professionals" when I tell them the entire story of me developing POTS, which started with "I got the covid booster": Well, the vaccine doesn't cause *insert whatever the suspected diagnosis of the week was* so that's irrelevant

One cardiologist under the age of 40: Actually, we are starting to see a connection between COVID, the booster, and dysautonomia, particularly in younger people, and especially if they have an autoimmune disorder.

#fuck you fuck you fuck ALL of you and your dismissive bullshit #I HAD TO SUGGEST POTS #None of them were even thinking along those lines #One provider even told me 'dizziness isn't a common symptom of POTS' #dizziness? you think dizziness isn't a common side effect of the too-much-blood-rushing-to-the-lower-half-of-the-body disorder? #I fucking can't with these people #my cardiologist walked into the room and said 'I think I understand your symptoms but tell me everything from the beginning' #then proceeded to say 'yeah this absolutely sounds like POTS and I'm glad you recognized it let's talk about a treatment plan' #I did have to wear a little dude on my chest for two days #heart rate monitor I think #and the adhesive have me a rash #but it's off now and I've been doing all the things he suggested and oh my god I can sing again #Like I have actual good breath support and can sing. and I can talk in long phrases without frequent pauses to catch my breath #I ran a few days ago I actually fucking ran and it didn't kill me #the dizziness is getting better #thank fuck for good doctors #lex rambles

[dawdlecentric]

Man, this doujin isn't fucking around

Meanwhile, Seikuri in the background...

Doujin: Flashbackers by Totobe

#my ramblings #bocchi the rock #no fr tho. please read flashbackers!! it's so good! #it's a ryokita doujin made by one of my fave artist and everything about it is just...so great. I can't express it enough #whether you ship ryokita or not it's still a good read! like really it's well articulated and goes in depth about ryo & kita's relationship #and acknowledges how unhealthy it is but the realization of this makes the both of them understand each other more clearly without- #-seeing through rose colored glasses. I just- ughhh! I'm not good with words and I can't stress it enough so once again please read this! #you can really tell how much this artist is passionate and dedicated about the ship #not only that but how they color the cover page (and their art in general) is JUST SO CATCHING! LITERAL EYE CANDY! #and the pacing and panelling of the story is well thought out plus the equal balance of humor and angst is so entertaining & heart wrenchin #and their art style... fricking adorable and expressive and striking!! Just grrr!! I LOVE THIS ARTIST'S WORK SO MUCH!!! #I'm not that particularly crazy about ryokita but they are very interesting to explore and could have some potential if they worked out- #-their own flaws. I've been meaning to draw them sometime (if only I could start posting decent bnj art- #-tfw hyper fixation so strong it overwhelms you and in turn can't make fanart of it even if you most definitely WANT TO) #ehem. anyways I think it's quite criminal that ryokita was one of the least popular btr ships #in other story. I was woken up by my cat way to early today so I ended up reading this in a half awake state XD #I just found out last night that this doujin was already translated so what better time to read this other than first thing in the morning- #-running on three hours of sleep 😃👍

[misclogarts]

asian parents will literally do everything except get their kid therapy (devotion 2019)

#this is a half joke btw i have an even more coherent analysis on i'm just. processing because HOLY SHIT. #RED CANDLE GAMES. first off like with detention the visuals are one of (if not) THE strongest point of the game #in how it gets you immersed into the setting and story especially. it does an amazing job of telling a story without using too much words a #as a fan of horror this honest to god broke my heart because it not only is so tragic but it hits close to home 😭 #i have so much more to say but i can't get my thoughts together atm. it's a shame that this was taken down from steam because it's SO GOOD. #honestly i kind if cried a little (a lot) at some parts and especially at the end.. having cultural context just does that to you huh anywa #itlogthoughts #edit: yellow tulips in the context of the game's setting means hope and cheer. it is planted to bring good luck; fortune; or better times #in this essay i will- #okay but it's the fact that mei folded tulips to manage her anxiety and in the end also loved her yellow tulip plant dearly #(*and the yellow tulip referred to in the hallway scene during the ritual; the man speaking may be referring to the protagonist rather than #-his daughter. and how he sacrificed his body money and blood to keep hope that his daughter could “be rid” of her illness) #and how in one scene her room is covered from floor to ceiling in yellow tulips. i might fall ill #it's the way she even hoped to the end that she would be alright; that she would recover and her parents would watch her on tv together? #as a family? i might cry again sorry guys

[kyouka-supremacy]

()

#3 am and talking with a friend about the last con I attended and thinking about all the girls cosplaying Chuuya and Dazai I saw... #How as re they doing. Do they know I would die for them #random rambles #Looking at that photo were I'm in the middle of them all awkward and happy and like. #I caught them with beer cups in their hands AND YET THEY WERE SO FABULOUS ABOUT IT. THERE'S THIS DARK ERA DAZAI STANDING SO MAJESTICALLY #WITH A FREAKING PLASTIC CUP IN ONE HAND AND A BRIGHT YELLOW PLASTIC BAG IN THE OTHER AND THEY'RE SO IMPOSSIBLY COOL ABOUT IT. #And Chuuya has this little crouched down pose that is so in character akdvdbakdvjebsks I don't know what those two people are doing now– #but I hope they're sleeping well and no worries will ever hit them #That other skk couple I caught with cotton candy in their hands!!!! I now feel so stupid for offering to old it for them off camera while– #my sister took the photo because it was literally the most adorable skk date scene ever. #But it's okay cause I'll keep it ingrained in my memory forever <3 #Anyways if you're a cosplayer of any kind I love you #also shout-out to skk cosplayers for making me ship skk on instant without hesitation or second thoughts #Literally my only regret from that comicon is catching a glimpse of Servant Of Evil Rin #(like. Victorian costume and everything) #from the bus and not urging the driver to stop the bust and go to them #Ghost Evil Kingdom Rin a saw for half second from my bus sit you'll always be in my heart #*Daughter of Evil I don't know why I said servant (actually I know why it's because it's 3am... ) #** Also the style of the dress is clearly Baroque-inspired not Victorian that's a whole different thing. Girl go to sleep

[whatimdoing-here]

Kids normally take showers now, but small fry has strep and flu both so when he asked for a bath I was like whatever you want kid. But nothing like a bath to really show you how long and skinny your kid is and you definitely have two KIDS and now babies, toddlers, preschoolers... Those stages are gone never to come back.

#and it's one thing to worry about fucking them up as babies (did i hold you too much should i have let you be more independent) #and toddlers (they both fell down at least half a flight of stairs made them both cry with an outburst once) #and preschoolers (i swear to zweet JESUS IF YOU DO NOT STOP WHINING never actually came out of my mouth but it came close) #but kids... i for sure am too tough on t dude and probably not hard enough on small fry and i worry I haven't taught them enough about #being kind and loving to everyone while also standing up for others and needing to get consent from people #and like stand up for what you believe but be careful what enemies you make because god knows if that person has a gun #like thinking about all of it its impossible to do all of it #and watching them make mistakes is hard seeing them disappointed is hard #should i have intervened did i just cause a fork in the road that will make life infinitely harder? #wow this escalated quickly #i had a great childhood my parents are amazing but not without issue but i don't fault them at all #the current problems I'm facing in my brain are all mine and nothing they did #but what if... i fuck up my kids #I would not trade these two for anything they mean absolutely everything to me #and I know why i wanted more #but it is not for the feint of heart and i will never fault anyone for not wanting to have kids #just like I would hope people don't fault me for choosing to have kids #anyway #sorry about this #personal nonsense

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

Bleh I ran out of quotes I have to actually sleep now

I don't wanna

Well

I do

But

#meteor shower was fun #sadly nobody can poke the buttons for me tonight #and if I count WITHOUT GETTING DISTRACTED there's... #about 20 BUTTONS MY BRAIN INSISTS ON DOING 3X OVER 8 - 10X TIMES OVER SO I GET IT RIGHT #I'm not even exaggerating #this can take me half an hour #I don't want to deal with it #but I need the sound that results from pressing the buttons for sleep #THAT'S ALSO EXCLUDING ANY TYPING TO OPEN UP A SPECIFIC YT VIDEO #I hurt #I don't wanna deal with it #I wanna know what's wrong so it can get the f out forever #cri #fine I'll sleep now I acknowledge it's 3 AM and all my thoughts and emotions are being majorly overplayed #goodnight #THIS LIFE IS AMAZING WHEN YOU GREET IT WITH OPEN ARMS #WHATEVER WE FACE WE'LL BE FINE IF WE'RE LEADING FROM THE HEART - #600 LIVES I'LL TAKE #600 LIVES I'LL BREAK #AND WHEN I KILL YOU THEN MY DEED IS OVER #YOU'RE DYING HERE AND NOW #ESCAPE IS NOT ALLOWED #YOU WON'T LIVE THROUGH THIS DAY SO DIE #DIE #DIE! #NO MATTER THE PLACE WE CAN LIGHT UP THE WORLD #HERE'S HOW TO START #GREET THE WORLD WITH OPEN ARMS #GREET THE WORLD WITH OPEN ARMS! :D

[alexenglish]

it's the first year since my best friend passed that I haven't had a debilitating breakdown on her birthday or the week leading up to it. in some ways, it's a relief. in other ways, it's really not. grief is sometimes harder when it gets easier. happy birthday to my best Nikki, I love you always.

#look a personal post #I'm half a heart without you #death mention

[rexcaliburechoes]

the lyrics to detect my love sound oddly ominous, not gonna lie...

#rex rambles #mysta rias #nijisanji #luxiem #I had a whole like 1.2k+ post going on abt how ominous they felt wrt his feelings on the whole corporate vtuber thing #but it sounded really stupid so it's trapped in my drafts to never see the light of day lmao #you're a gatekeeper to my heart #and like... other lines abt how he felt cooped up and driven insane #corporate vtuber culture feels like idol culture but with a fresh coat of paint and more direct liver to viewer interaction #without any of the pr management team that idols have to micromanage their every word #plus side: you stay tf in character #negative side: if you're ooc for a second it becomes a scandal #as the plus/negative is for idols not vtubers #had a rough night and am finally going to bed so don't worry abt any half finished thoughts here #also I've only been here for like 2 weeks so though I don't know the extent of the culture and all that #what I have seen and have dug into... capital y yikes guys #this is why I stayed away from idol spheres incl kpop and that shit for the most part #Stan culture scary. I'm only here for the funny words from the magic men #anyways I need to attempt to sleep

[theinfinitedivides]

not even in a dating show i can escape the clutches of a Subway sponsorship. what part of their soul did South Korea sign over why they are literally everywhere i need to know

#heart signal 4 #i saw the bag sitting on the step and made a half resigned noise bc yes this is basically a kdrama isn't it just with real people #and higher stakes. suing tho bc they didn't even buy cookies??? just the subs and the salads??? #no Subway meal is complete without the cookies i'm sorry. the chocolate chip cookies specifically #also Hu Shin has brought his pet snail Hu Seok to the house and everyone else is collectively losing their sh*t #bc of how cute it is #tbh tho if my mother saw it she'd probably say burn it with fire (and salt. iykyk) bc of its size but as long as it's in the tub #it can't hurt you #plus it is actually cute tho #don't mind me i'm just catching up before the next ep drops

[daisywords]

too many thoughts about Alya and Kirsta today

#starlightwip #or rather. the same few thoughts just continuing to take up headspace #all jumbled in my late night brain #I usually try really hard to just write what I want without being worried about a hypothetical bad-faith audience #but yikes idk how I could write them the way I want without being accused of queerbaiting #they're so important to each other they love each other they tell each other secrets they share a bed #The way I want to write them...kiss each other's hands. tender and true #are they ''romantically'' involved? no #it's like. the whole thing being about the intensity of teenage friendships #and the way they are perfectly situated to bond so intimately #best friends in the half-my-heart sort of way #listen it's because each of them is half Me #and when Alya does wrong it's Kirsta she worries the most about losing. And it's Kirsta's forgiveness that saves her #people always talk about how they want friendships to be treated as important as romantic relationships #but yikes I'm trying and I just feel like people are going to get mad at me #not that this is a valid worry atm bc like. girl you haven't even finished the book

[navree]

i think my biggest issue with the sequel trilogy is that it’s just such a textbook case of good ideas bad execution on practically every level in every movie and that makes me mad

#personal #star wars #i'm one hundred percent serious here #like tfa was definitely the highlight of that trilogy just because the set up was half the movie and that was good #like the idea that fascism can in fact return based on nostalgia and warped ideals and not as a tyrant but simply #a major political party #like the first order is clearly considered on par with the republic as just a facet of power in the galaxy before starkiller base happens #and the way that they were setting up kylo ren and the way it could be a commentary on how vulnerable kids can be #to things like exploitation and grooming and stuff like that #and just how COOL the concept of 'scavenger who's got a heart of gold and force sensitive stormtrooper who defects' were as characters #and poe of course was just a really good character #but they NEVER delved any deeper in that at all in any way #the last act of tfa wasn't good and then jj left without solving anything so rian had to try #(and i'm saying this as someone who likes rian johnson but finds tlj to just be a mediocre to bad movie) #and so you get good things like luke NOT being the classic star wars mentor but bitter and jaded #and the concept of rose tico as a character and the conflict between poe and laura dern's character #and the idea that rey ISN'T part of a secret special bloodline (tho there still should have been more explanation for why her parents left) #(like they abandoned her specifically because they thought she was force sensitive or smth) #but then also absolute horseshit like reylo (god gag me) and finn and rose's actual plot and basically the entire second half #and then jj comes back and writes the worst star wars movie ever made and retcons basically everything #and butchers basically everything and is basically public enemy number two to me now (behind jon favreau for his lion king crimes) #so anyway yeah literally good ideas but extremely shitty execution all around (and i maintain that kylo should not have been an only child)

[syringavulgaris]

Stephen King and Peter Straub, from Black House

#stephen king #peter straub #black house #prose #feb23 #i know they're co-authors but this specific dynamic SMACKS of steve. mans can't go half a mile without writing just the most In Love men #you've seen in your life and writing it off as 'well that's just an intense friendship'. which i mean. it is. it is. but at the same time #i'm in the streets tearing my HEART out #also the fact that this came out around the same time as duma key??? my man WHAT JUICE were you on. tell me this instant.

[twpsyn-who]

I kinda want to break up with my boyfriend, but when I started this relationship I told myself I wouldn't be the one to break things again and I would actually fucking try to make things work BUT that's exactly what I have been trying since we started dating and I feel like we really don't work on long term and now he kinda annoyed the shit out of me these last two weeks and I hate myself because my brain wants to use that as an excuse to break up which is unfair to him. Like is not his fault I had a bad day man. That's my fucking personality he just got lucky enough to only see me in a bad mood twice. (I really try my best to stop being so mean and easy to annoy in those moments, but yk how's life).

Is just... we are so similar as a personality which I thought it would be good (cuz yk relating and stuff like that- and would also kinda force us from our comfort zone, both being shy and stuff) but is actually NOT and we have some things in common but actually nothing at all. I think our main talking subject is work cuz we don't know what to talk about anything else. We tried to agree to watch something together and talk about it but... yeah. And I don't think it would have worked, taking in consideration that we watched Thor Love & Thunder together and all we said was that it was ok the movie and moved on. Like I literally tried to ask him if he has any favorite scenes and stuffs like that and gave me nothing to work with. And I had a lot to say about that movie, but idk he makes me feel weird trying to talk about stuffs like that. I hate it. That I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about things I like. And I'm thinking maybe that's the case for him too, yk? And it sucks cuz it kinda forces us on standby.

#I'm trying to sleep but I can't so I thought ranting a little might help get this off my chest #I just think relationships might not be for me yk. Lowkey knew that from before yet still wanted to give it a shot again and look were it #got me #Look. Dating/Being in a relationship is kinda like a side-quest right? You could process with the main one without it (depending on game) #but I'm the kind of person who likes to do all the available side quests first before processing with the main one #Maybe my game doesn't need that side-quest to process after all and I should stop trying to finish that one #hmmm that could be a good analogy for the breakup speech #I might bring it up next date. Not necessary straight up break up but yk. Ask him if he really thinks we work together #gosh I wish it we would both agree on breaking up and he didn't get to develop feelings for me agshzjs You guys don't wanna know how many #hearts I broke. One day karma will show up and kick my ass HARD for that but it looks like this relationship is not that day #on another hand who wants to be my very platonic partner. I have a plush collection I'm ok with cuddling and I'm fine with long distance #relationships #only half joking #might delet this after I wake up #ughhhh