#i'm a fully realised creation! fuck!''

[flaynbestgirl]

you cant really predict what pieces of media will affect you

it might be the theming of a whole series convincing you not to settle when it comes to deciding what to do with the one life you get

it might be an episode of your favourite scifi that changes how you view the smallest events and how big of an impact they can have on the future - yours or everyone you know's

it might be a line from a podcast about how the future seems scary but it "always flinches first" which gives you something to remember in your more anxious moments

or it might be an in-character rant from a realplay dnd podcast about everyone is more complex than they appear from the outside

#sorry im feeling emotional about media and how its affected my outlook in various ways #things thatll stick with me #in order: one piece; the doctor who episode 'turn left'; wtnv ''the future may seem like its coming up fast but it always flinches first #and settles in as the gentle present''; and of course taz balance taako ''i have a beating heart! i'm multidimentional! #i'm a fully realised creation! fuck!'' #kath shouts into the void

[moonbakeries]

HOW I MANIFESTED MY DREAM LIFE IN A WEEK

BACKSTORY

So I decided to fully immerse myself in "persisting" and fulfilling when I listened to Lonely one by LOVA because I spent around an hour just sobbing because I related to the song.

the week that I started was around Easter break and I was under the most amount of stress I have ever been through and I could see it the effects on my body

I was breaking out with huge pimples even though I was on accutane, I was averaging 2 hours of sleep a day every week for 2 weeks, my period had going on for 2 weeks, I was losing weight rapidly (was under 35kg:( ) my anxiety was at an all time high because I got harassed again(sexual assault victim). I used to have severe depression and have had multiple failed attempts of suicide. AND YES I WAS DESPERATE AS FUCK TO MANIFEST THIS DREAM LIFE OF MINE WHICH IS NO LONGER A DREAM

in the mornings I would be super anxious but I learned how to deal with it and get myself into the state super easily

HOW I DID IT

I GOT OFF TUMBLR: you know how many times I doubted myself only to realise I was doing everything right

I also read and listened to Edward Art MULTIPLE TIMES

Within a week of fulfilling and persisting, I had manifested my dream life. just like that. I woke up one morning and everything I had ever desired was right there. and it was super easy.

all I did was affirm(to remind not to get), visualise and feel. I would only do these methods if I wanted to, if I didn't I wouldn't.

Within a few days, the anxiety lessened so much and it started to feel natural. 

this was a question on Bambi's " how I manifested with hard circumstances " post which has now been sadly deleted but I remember copying this because it gave me hope at the time I copied it (don't hope, just know)

"But isn’t ranting “not letting the old story die out?” you and i could rant until our minds are cleared, just as long as you flip my thoughts, you are on the right track.  I rant for 2% of my 24 hour days. The other 98% i was persisting in the fact that creation was done. as “time” went on, it began to feel more natural and I felt more at ease. I held onto that feeling because I knew this was when I would get my desires and I did."

and that was when I knew I shouldn't give up and I just kept going even when I wanted myself to just get on tumblr and overconsume 

I actually nearly decided to see what I was "doing wrong". I clicked on one of Aphrodite's posts but I didn't read it. I just asked myself if I would look through it if I had my desires and I wouldn't and since I already have all of my desires I didn't.

Whenever the anxiety was too strong and I could feel the frustration and desperation building up, I would just rant and it helped me calm down and get back into the state super easily.

why?

because STATES MANIFEST THOUGHTS DON'T

which is why you can rant.

you know how many FUCKING DOUBTS I had, but I didn't even give them attention coz they didn't deserve any and how many times I wanted to just give up, but I was like NO, STFU, I DON'T WANNA LIVE MISERABLY ANYMORE and now I'm not :)

The affirmations I used:

It is done

I am living my dream life

I am in my desired reality

The 3d will conform as long as i keep persisting

Imagination is the real reality

I also daydreamed, but since imagination is the real reality they were real

WHAT I MANIFESTED

- desired appearance

- name change

- family change

- skills (drivers licence etc)

- apartment and furniture

- wealth

- a bunch of random materialistic things

- desired friend group (I absolutely love them!)

- desired uni and always getting good grades

- outfits from pinterest

and a bunch of other things

- I also ended up manifesting an sp without even knowing and he's pretty much I everything I scripted him to be(scripted a year ago because I didn't really care for a relationship) but this happened before I manifested my dream life

after a year and half of being on loablr I finally manifested my dream life. and you can too

(there was probably over 100 things I wanted but I realised what I want is not much, nothing ever is when you know about loa and yes, i was super desperate)

you don't need anymore information other than @angelsinluv states post and fulfillment challenge

you shouldn't ever be stressed or worried while manifesting whatever you want, because you wouldn't stress if you had it

TAKE YOUR TIME

YOU GOT THIS

#success story #affirmations #loassumption #law of assumption #dream life #manifesting #manifestation #loa

[the-gentleman-pining]

Righto party people, we had a good run, we got a beautiful S1 of OFMD unmarred by bullshit, which was the first time a lot of us had seen queer rep in that way. It meant a lot, it's been my hyperfixation for a couple years at this point! I even met Rhys, Vico, and Samson this weekend gone, which was unfortunately a bit soured by everything going on.

It boils down to this: how can I enjoy a show with themes of anti-colonialism and rising up against oppressive powers, knowing one of the biggest people behind its creation, Taika Waititi, is himself in signing letters in support of Israel as they occupy and mass slaughter Palestinians. The whole thing smacks of hypocrisy. As someone in the UK, I couldn't watch this recent season in a way that financially supported it anyway. But it's about more than that. I don't know how fans can continue to comfortably engage with it.

We had widespread abandonment and condemnation of JKR in queer circles after her TERF bullshit, and yes it took a while to catch on and for people to realise the smear campaign against an entire group of people wasn't worth them holding onto that piece of media. It's hard letting go of something that means so much. Or is it? I personally was never a huge HP fan, so I didn't share that struggle. But here? With OFMD? Yeah it's safe to say this show has been my life for a couple years. I'm heartbroken this is going down the way it has, and I don't mean that to have anything to do with the quality of the media in S2. It's not a relevant factor when its creator starring actor and co-creator is ADVOCATING GENOCIDE*. If that doesn't put you off, I don't really have more to say.

My conclusion? It's not hard to let go, you just don't think it's important.

I think, unless there is significant backtracking and work done to undo this damage, and even then probs not, this will be my last OFMD post.

Fuck you Taika, you betrayed your fans, but you also betrayed yourself by forgetting the things you used to stand for. Eat shit.

*some people have pointed out that pro-Israeli support is not inherently advocating genocide, because Taika may be ignorant to what's really going on. This is possible, however, firstly, if you don't fully understand something, don't fucking advocate for it. Secondly, intentional or not, he has contributed to a pro-genocidal rhetoric, by signing a letter that one-sidedly condemned Hamas taking hostages without awareness that Israel has taken far more, and for someone in his position of influence, that amounts to the same impact. Obscuring nuance pushes a biased narrative. It's insidious and easily denied.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #taika waititi #ofmd critical #i/p #anti zionisim #palestine #free palestine

[slashingdisneypasta]

Norman Nordstrom x AFAB!Reader || Drabble

Plot: 🔞T🔞E🔞A🔞S🔞I🔞N🔞G N🔞O🔞R🔞M🔞A🔞N!! MAKING HIM GRUMPY, PISSED OFF AND DESPERATE!!

Warnings: Sexual themes. Smuttiness (but no actual smut). Degradation, public ~activity~, brat!reader, skirt-wearing reader, etc. Unedited because I'm afraid of my creation.

Norman cant see you, obviously, but that doesn't mean you cant make him hard with very little effort.

Sometimes, you don't wear anything under your skirt when you go grocery shopping together. And just before you hop out of the car to go into the store, you take Norman's beautiful hand like 'one second' and carefully guide him between your thighs. His knuckles brush your soft inner thighs, and a furrow appears between his brows, before you open your thighs a little wider and he Realises.

His fingers come away wet at the tips, as you hop out of the car before he can say anything. "Okay lets go! Where's the list?- aha! Here it is. Hm... "

Norman gives a gravelly, annoyed growl as he pulls himself out of the car after you. You're such a brat.

~

You keep giving him gentle, tickling pecks on the cheek (And a few times on his neck), and when you hold onto his arm against your chest as you read the shopping list, his hand can so easily feel your naked cunt under the thin skirt you're wearing. Every now and then he'll mutter a frustrated little 'whore' or 'slut', but you just take that as encouragement. You give him kiss on the lips, a sweet and innocent one though you both know the things you're thinking about him doing to you are anything but, though you both know if he threw you on the ground and slid his cock into you then you'd let him fuck you right here, and then go back to shopping. "Oh, we need soup! Daddy what do you think? What do you like?"

Once down a vacant aisle you take a look around and then startle him by slipping your hand into his jeans. He's only startled (Adorably startled) for a moment, though, before he's just frustrated with you again. Deeply, sexually frustrated. You're mean, doing all this to an old impaired man. God damnit, he thought you were a sweet girl; a sweet girl perfect for making his babies.

He's fully grown, though, throbbing and hard in your hand and so big-- your lips part in desperation. You can only imagine how much self restraint he's demonstrating right now. When you look at his hands on the trolley; knuckles white and squeezing as hard as he can, you give a smirk. Slowly... you begin to rub him. You cant help yourself!

"-Agh, damnit!" He mutters lowly, trusting you that there's no one immediately around but keeping his voice down for the benefit of those on the other side of the aisle. "What are you doing?"

"You taught me last night!" You insist, also quietly; an innocent tone in your voice. "You said you liked it." And so do you- you love the feeling of his cock in your hand. You wish you could just pull it from his jeans and pump it out right here right now-- but you entertain some self control, too.

"I... " As you continue to rub his hard on, working him up to an orgasm right there in the store, in his pants, if you're not careful, Norman can only cut off and grumble intelligibly. Words cannot express how much of a brat you are- or how much he loves you.

Just as he's beginning to twitch, you promptly slip your hand out of his pants. Too cool him down, you give him a peck on the cheek, then tug the trolley to get him moving. "Come on!~ I think you're tortured enough baby, lets go home."

Sarcastic, Norman shakes his head. "Oh, no, not enough I don't think. i think you need to act like a worthless whore for longer."

You just give a giggle, making him sigh as he pushes the trolley where you guide it.

~

You continue to push it even in the line up to the register. The store's pretty quiet today, so there's only one register open and only a few people in line- and they're all ahead of you. So you, being the shameless brat you are, stand in front of Norman a little... too close. After you wrap his arms around your waist, you can feel his bulge against your ass and freely 'wander backwards', brushing your ass slowly against the painful hardness of his cock. Every time you do this, Norman gives a frustrated growl into your ear or squeezes you hard- hard enough to hurt- trying to 'discipline' you but that just drives his cock more securely between your cheeks.

By the time the cashier asks for you to to step up the register, Norman is more than happy to let you go and push you up to the front- away from him. "I'll meet you at the car."

Slowly you look away from his retreating back, knowing you've got him right where you want him, you flash the cashier a bright cheerful smile. "Hi! How are you going today?"

~

The entire drive home is dead silent. Then Norman sits in the kitchen and listens to you put away the groceries all alone, not lifting a finger to help you like he normally would.

Then as soon as you're done, going ahhhh finally. All done! ^^, Norman gets up and clumsily grabs your arm. The movement is clumsy, but once he's got you his grip is like iron and you could not escape if you wanted to- which you really, truly do not.

You're dragged up to the bedroom and shoved onto the bed before he unbuckles his belt and takes out his cock, crawls on top of you, and thrusts right into your dumb little cunt.

#this man. is just... #ugh. oh my god #Norman Nordstrom x Reader Drabble #Norman Nordstrom x Reader #Norman Nordstrom #Smut #Drabble #Horror Villains

[thenanamisimp]

Danmei and MXTX novels

Would you look at that, another post that's not about anime? WILD. It is about MXTX novels though so the hyperfixations continue. I'm actually in the process of planning a very lengthy analysis of all three of her series but this is a warning, don't expect too much. I was never good at those in school plus it's been almost 7 years since I've last written something like that but I feel so passionate about her works that I really wanna try to share what I thought about the novels. Nevertheless, this isn't actually those analysis posts since those are gonna be separate and will probably be written after I re-read each series. However, since I'm actually finally fully done reading all her series - including the extra side chapters - I wanted to quickly share some of my opinions and how I feel after finishing all 18 of the books.

This goes without saying but just in case - SPOILER WARNING for Heaven Official's Blessing, The grandmaster of demonic cultivation and The scum villain's self saving system novels.

First off, if you haven't read any of MXTX's work before, prepare for trauma and tragedy. Most of her characters are either deeply traumatised already or in the process of. I will always encourage people to read content warnings before reading her books.

Starting off with my favourite - TGCF or Tian Guan Ci Fu (aka Heaven Official's Blessing). This story means a lot to me. I got introduced to TGCF through the donghua before I even knew it was queer fiction and even with censorship, the closet is made of fucking GLASS so I had to look for the source material. Honestly it took me a while to commit to reading the whole series as I've been struggling to pick up books for years now but TGCF actually got me back into reading (I think in total it took me about 8 days to read all 8 volumes). More than just the story telling being good, I got so incredibly attached to every single character (except Jun Wu, he can eat shit - tho the fact I'm even saying this speaks volumes about how well MXTX can write characters. It takes a lot for me to hate a character this much).

Taking place in a beautiful fantasy world, we follow Xie Lian and Hua Cheng through tragic traumatic past and present and we learn of the horrible truths about the lives of immortal beings. We also see two idiots in love take their sweet ass time to confess. I love me a good slow burn full of longing and pining. I eat that shit UP every time and MXTX gave it to me with every single one of her series.

TGCF for me was a journey full of kicking my feet at fluff, second hand embarrassment (because xl I stg, what do you MEAN you were taught how to resist the advances of women but not how to resist hot men you gay lil shit the closet is made of glass) and honestly, lots of crying. The hundred stabs incident, ruoye's creation and hcg's last death made me sob and scream (no exaggeration, I was stomping around my room, crying and yelling GIVE HIM BACK RIGHT NOW).

Also, in a not so unpopular opinion (I think?), Pei Ming is my fave because 1) he's the no.1 Hualian shipper - check the whole Mt Tunglu adventure for proof and also 2) he's just a lil slut with a big heart. I could seriously talk about him forever because I went from hating him after he tried to throw the blame for the Banyue Pass incident on Xie Lian, to loving him after I realised that everything he does, he does because he is truly just a kind man who loves a good fight. He's so silly! Just a lil guy! Go Pei Ming go!

Fuck you Jun Wu. Again. (I hate him just as much as I hate Mahito. Maybe a little less. I really hate Mahito).

Moving on to my second favourite (but honestly it's such a close one), MDZS or Mo Dao Zu Shi (The grandmaster of demonic cultivation). Take a wild guess about how I got introduced to it... Fandom of course, because very few people talk about TGCF online without mentioning MDZS so I just had to give it a chance.

The great grandmaster of demonic cultivation has been dead for a while but when he gets gifted a new body through a not so well known demonic ritual, he runs into an old acquaintance. We learn about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji's past and current world of cultivation and hear stories about messy betrayals and conspiracies. Aaaand we find out about some more trauma and tragedy because is it really an MXTX novel without it?

And talk about a rollercoaster because (and please don't hate me for this) I found Wei Wuxian annoying initially.... But it's okay now because I kin him so go figure. Tho I actually kin only his adult self, I was a very introverted and rule abiding teenager, a lil more like Lan Wangji. In any case, wwx is the same stupid chaotic bisexual that I am and he is babygurl. Yeah and what if he murdered 3000 people? It was self defense. THEY ATTACKED FIRST. Your honour, he did nothing wrong and he does not deserve to be punished!

On a serious note, MDZS explores so many themes that are personally important to me, my favourite being the power dynamics of the world. It’s truly moving that even with all the pain Wei Wuxian went through, how far in his cultivation and how powerful he got, he still couldn't protect those he loved (until Lan Wangji of course because Wangxian is perfect together and they always protect and defend each other. Wangxian my beloved). While it might be a stretch for some, it really reminded me of how powerless we are in the world. People aim to educate themselves and go on to do whatever they can to better the world in their own way and yet, it really feels like nothing’s improving sometimes. I could talk about this for hours but maybe I’ll leave that for another time and another analysis post since this is supposed to be a shorter one (lmao)

Last but not least, RZFZX or Ren Zha Fanpai Zijiu Xitong (honestly this one I use the english name for because I can’t pronounce the chinese as much as I try - The scum villain's self saving system or Svsss). This one I actually kinda struggled with - first of all because WHY BUGS MXTX. Not much bothers me in fiction but BUGS? Too far. Heads with spider legs? Raw flesh with maggots? Blood mites? I was out (for about half an hour and then I kept reading). Please note that it's not the raw flesh that bothered me, it was the fucking maggots. I can read about graphic murder, creepy hauntings, torture and many more but as soon as there are bugs? Nope! I’m done. People have phobias and that’s mine I guess. Enough ranting about bugs!

The story follows Shen Qingqiu, the scum villain of the hit web novel Proud Immortal Demon's Way (or PIDW for short, as it's referred to in Svsss) who is actually one of the original readers - and haters - of PIDW, who transmigrates into the book in order to fix the plot holes left by the original author. With his guide “the system” he does his best to lead the male lead of PIDW, Luo Binghe, down a better path than in the original story.

Svsss employs a comedic way of storytelling, with our protagonist being omniscient, it allows for the narration to be sarcastic and poke fun at a lot of moments that are cliche or badly written, as interpreted by sqq. Honestly, this is just a personal preference but I favour the more serious storytelling way of MDZS and TGCF (give me hurt until the very end when the main characters get together and then give me comfort).

To me, Svsss is a lot harder to analyse as a lot of its themes are unfamiliar to me, especially considering I’m the furthest from having any sort of humanitarian education (I have 2 engineering degrees). Using a story within a story, MXTX is able to deliver two main overarching themes; one about abuse and its results through Luo Binghe as well as one about the relationship of author and their readers, the feeling of being trapped by the readers' opinions and wanting your story to be liked through Shang Qinghua (to be honest, I hadn’t really picked up on this one until I saw discussion about this in the fandom).

If I'm being completely honest, I don't think I grasped this series as well as the other ones and I'm finding it hard to digest lbg and sqq's relationship. I'm unsure as to what it is that's holding me back from loving them as much as Hualian and Wangxian. I do tend to prefer tropes like theirs more than the whole "had to convince him to date me" thing which is what Bingqiu's relationship seemed like to me up until the end of volume 3. It’s also why I'm glad I actually followed through and finished the extras in volume 4 (I was really tempted to stop reading once I finished volume 3 not gonna lie). I believe those to be integral to understanding sqq's feelings towards lbh and while I understand that sqq did actually love lbh from the beginning (denial is a river in egypt and the gloset is made of glass - what the fuck is with MXTX's bottoms and the damn glass closet), I struggled to see the tipping point of where he actually understood his own feelings and what was going on in his head and that he was actually in love with lbh. Which is why I think to really understand Svsss, I would seriously need to reread it.

I also would love to eventually talk about queerness in MXTX's work because in each book, sexuality and queerness is explored and examined in so many different ways. As a queer person myself, it fascinates me as I can relate to so much of it. To be honest, I think I could write a short thesis on just this.

Honestly, while I'm very passionate about my favourite pieces of media (if you've heard me talk about any of my top 5 anime you'll understand what I mean), there hasn't been a lot of things outside JJK and MXTX's novels that have made me wanna dive deep into analysing every single detail. It genuinely makes me feel like I'm gonna implode sometimes. These 3 series have seriously reignited my love for reading. I was shown that a good book - in my opinion of course - doesn't need to avoid difficult topics. It simply needs to use them well as a means of delivering a message and a story, rather than them being included just to be included. They also reminded me that I love queer fiction and I need to read more.

I actually would really like to read Erha (or 2ha or The husky and his white cat shizun) but I've read the content warnings and I'm ~~apprehensive~~. While not a lot of things bother me, I'm not sure I want to read about that stuff (please look at the content warnings of this book, or any piece of media in that matter, especially if you have topics that easily bother or trigger you). Remember, it's our responsibility as readers/consumers to look out for ourselves first!

Please recommend any good danmei (other than MXTX) and possibly include links where they can be read! I would also highly appreciate recommendations for some good wlw fantasy fiction as I really would love to read some wlw novels - or even anime/movies/webtoons/manga. Just in desperate need of quality wlw content.

Also while I said I'd keep it short, it seems I ended up writing over 2000 words…

PS. I proofread this about 5 times and during one of them my file crashed, so if there's any mistakes or if I’m not making sense somewhere, blame my deep-fried brain, thanks

Thanks for reading my novel ramble! Enjoy reading :)

theNanamiSimp

#i'm adding a lot of tags because i put a lot of effort into this post actually and i want people to see it #danmei #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #scum villain's self saving system #scum villain #mxtx #mo xiang tong xiu #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen qingqiu

[tomfrogisblue]

Some murder mystery theories coz I'm bored and sleepy (- with the disclaimer that I'm fuzzy on some of the recent lore, and that as these are in-universe lil fun things, so admins that are "indisposed" can be included)

- Long Ass Post Incoming -

- it was Sunny as revenge for Richas killing her dad that one time

- it was Creation for same reason as above, with the caveat that it has a list of people it would kill for the wellbeing of the people higher on the list, and Richas is a bunch lower than Sunny, it might also have a kinda loose understanding on th impact of death

- it was Bad (on accident/coz he thought it was funny) and his lil amnesiac brain has forgotten it was him

- it was Tazercraft so they could finally set up the Murder Mystery after a year of prepping (lmao)

- it was Roier in a moment of anger that no one realised he was gone and an imposter was in his body instead (let's go angstttttt)

- it was one of the other kids (Dapper or Ramón probably) working with Richas to set up the Murder Mystery for Tazercraft coz they got sick of waiting

- it was Cucu cos he's jealous of how much time Bad is spending with Richas instead of him lmao

- it was the bunnies for blowing up spawn (q!Bad's been shifting all the blame as usual)

- it was q!Charlie after only logging on for five minutes

- it was one of the long list of people whose mental state is doing real well - name a character and some angst bs has probably fucked them up at some point - and also possessions and body swaps with dangerous people and entities are fairly common so insert one of them, The Ender King or Doied for example. It's actually kinda funny how many characters have had a possession/corruption/insanity arc now I make a mental list - q!Etoiles and q!Charlie with their separate code corruption arcs technically count, q!Tina with her demononic suppression, maybe q!Fit with whatever happens to his character after being in that cave for months (HE IS STILL THERE)

- q!Cellbit finally completely lost it and reverted fully back to his f!Cell mindset - literally no one on the island is safe and q!Pac should just take a vacation at this point

- The French Sniper got him from the shadows (for fun)

- El Quackity finally turned the fuck back up and wanted some brownie points with Eyeball Man

- Pepito finally snapped and clapped back at Richas rip bozo lmao

- and, finally, it was El Mariana, for the shits and giggles, the Boogeyman finally got 'em (ya don't need a bath in the afterlife)

#qsmp #qsmp lore #qsmp richas #qsmp murder mystery #is this list incomprehensible? maybe. did i have fun tho? yes :D #turns out richas just tripped and died and made a whole mystery for The Drama #<- thats my official theory #qsmp theory

[rotten-dog-teeth]

I'm absolutely brainrotting over how horrific humans are

• We are not bipedal. We are quadrupedal. We forced our bodies out of shape just for the sake of going against god. Our legs are bent out of shape, our hip joints have been forced outwards at unusual angles, our spines - necks and backs - have been contorted into flimsey spring-like structures to support our poorly distributed amalgamation of flesh and bone, pur extremities have been elongated, compressed and re-framed to fit our new whims.

• We manipulated everything. Will said in that episode about the woman abducting yhe kids to try to make a family that as a survival instict, we have to bond with our captors otherwise we're breakfast. That's what we did to literally fucking everything. Animals are naturally scared of us. We think that animals are scared because they are ignorant, but they are scared because they are smarter than us because they see us for what we really are: abominations and monsters. They either get docile and cozy with us to become our companions so we dont kill them or they try to avoid us or hell even fight us but if they havent been domesticated then they're fucking dead meat. And cozying up to us is not a sure fire way of survival. We pick and choose who we domesticate. Dogs and cats, yeah. Rats and pigeons, we kill them or at the very least banish them. And even being domesticated is not a sure fire way of survival. We forcibly change their biology to be dependent on us and then routinely abuse or neglect them, or pit them against eachother, or ignore them, or "accidentally" let them loose to take another domestic's life. We are manipulators. We don't train animals, we manipulate them. We trick them into thinking we're safe, and don't let them realise until it's too late. Humans aren't the top of the foodchain. We're not the apex predator. We're humans. We're fucking horrors. And nothing we could ever come up with in any book, film, show, etc could ever come close to the horrific god-killing creation that is a human "being".

• We have such a comprehensive specrum and magnitude scale of emotion that our brains try to self-destruct to quell it. We feel too much love or care? Our instict is to crush/squeeze it to death. We feel too sad? Our instict is to tear ourselves apart piece by piece or just outright blunt force ourselves into peace.

• We are so fucked up that our brains actively come up with ways to supress, control or just outright kill us. On a high place? Our instict is to jump. See something sharp or hot? Our instict is to grab/touch it. Our brains fabricate fake threats to scare us into submission - phobias, anxiety, etc.

• Our bodies are so viscerally unnatural that we are alienated from every other living thing that we know of. Not one creature has a remotely similar body to us. Our joints are bent in freakish ways, we move unlike any other thing to exist, we communicate in a million different ways in a noise that nothing else can make. We are fucking disgusting.

• Our bodies try to self-destruct to prevent us from continuing to exist. We cannot successfully give birth most of the time without lots of medical help or even being fully split open and physically separated from the foetus by other humans due to our hip to head size ratio. We are the only creature capable of choking because of the development of speech.

#🌱 speaks #horrifying humans #humans are space orcs #cryptidcore #chaoscore #cw: implied suicide #cw: implied self harm #cw: swearing #cw: death mention #cw: anxiety mention #cw: birth mention #cw: abuse mention #cw: manipulation mention #cw: neglect mention #cw: murder mention #I have never had so many content warnings #on a post before

[ehh-is-the-name]

iii 19 spoilers 'cause holy fuck man.

I have been making iii posts since 2021. You bet your fucking ass I'm making one with all my thoughts on the season finale.

And yes, it's Mephone-centric because I'm a meeple head. This time I'm not apologising for it.

This is more of theory and sobbing than the other ones but, let's be honest, we're all doing that anyway.

- - -

Ballpoint has been a guiding light in all this shit. I hope we hear more from him later on. Like, thank you for giving this phone the reminders he needs- Either way, scene 1 that made me a little insane.

Not gonna lie, I hated Springy before this ep. A character can't just look at Mephone when he's on the ground and say "The show's broken because he's broken" and not be public enemy #1 to me. Sorry, that's just the way things are. But, since they got a lot of development in this one, I can forgive (and also because Cabby kinda put them in their place but I digress). I kinda see what he said as like... projection for not being able to fulfil their purpose as a mascot advertiser. I'm probably preaching to the choir on this, but the whole "this IS my mask" and the "You thought I was helpful" were very much in tune with that projection thing. Hell, I might even like Springy now that I think about it...

You know... It probably took me way too long to realise that Walkie Talkie was, well the actual walkie-talkie. But whatever- This whole thing being 2 androids created to fulfil a purpose (reminds me of a certain creator-) and the whole obsession with fulfilling that purpose makes me fucking insane.

Scene #3 of insanity: This almost got me to shit my pants. I think we all are on the same page that it's Cobs who made Walkie Talkie and sent her here. I'd kinda be mad if it wasn't at this point (I blame that on me being a meeple head). Though, this got me thinking about what Walkie's purpose actually is. Was it to take over ii? Was it to watch mephone? Was it to watch mephone but she went rogue and tried to take over the show??? I wanna know her story so badly. If she was one of Cobs' creations, would that make her related to mephone-(more on that later). Anyway, I know mephone... and I know I'm not wording this right but I'm tired- I know he overcame his trauma associated with s2, but like every season someone has been built specifically to take him down and- there's no way he's fully alright after this finale. Even with knowing he has support... Maybe that's the point. Maybe the point isn't that everything's ok now, but he's getting better. God I love hate this phone. Show? Everything. It makes me ill.

CRITICAL INSANITY MAXIMUM INSANITY SHITTING PANTS INSANITY

When I say this scene made me scream, it made me scream. I literally woke up my mom from seeing 4s on the scene. I know a lot of us feel this way, but like WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN FUCKING YEARS I'M STILL INSANE ABOUT THIS MAN!! Him coming back from the dead just to be like the most supportive sibling ever is killing me and NOT softly. Mephone breaking this cycle of people dying for him is the extra kick in the balls, man. I AM BROKEN AND HOLLOW BUT FULL OF LOVE AND WHIMSY BECAUSE OF THIS SCENE. I almost took the day off after watching this ep, because of how much it changed my psyche.

Also I've run out of images at this point so fucccckkin' hell part 2 is here like the finale was split into 2 parts.

And yes, the images are necessary to my ranty madness. nav: part 2 & part 3

#iii 19 rant/reaction #iii 19 spoilers #ii spoilers #inanimate insanity #ii mephone4 #meeple ii #osc #ehh exaggerates

[toa-arania]

I live in a hell of my own creation

and I need to scream into the endless void of the internet about this so strap in or strap on because I'm going to ramble about vampires now.

For about two years I have been part of a Vampire The Masquerade larp chronicle where I play Evelyn D'Argent, the domain's Harpy who is so horny that she needs an above-board content warning and all-around ventrue menace. I absolutely adore her and that is the problem. For reasons I'm not getting into the chronicle is kind of imploding, which means that despite the fact that I'm not really ready to lose her it's unlikely that I'll get to play Evelyn for much longer. This is not the main problem. I've had games die prematurely before (rip Karouh), I've got attached to characters who were only ever going to be in oneshots, and I've had long-form collaborative settings kind of fizzle out (rip RO). The problem is that I hit perfectly on what I would want in a vampire character and I don't think I can ever make another VtM character I will like as much.

This isn't an exaggeration, to be very clear. I have played other characters in sessions and regardless of how similar they are to Evelyn I have always reliably found myself thinking for the whole of the session "ugh I wish I was playing Evelyn rn". So now I'm in the situation where literally anyone else I could play I will just want to play Evelyn. "But I could just port Evelyn over-" no I can't. Not only will it be with the same group of people so they will know and I will have to deal with the comparisons the whole time, and not only does everything I would join have the rule of not just porting over other characters anyway, but I would know and I would not want that.

So I am back to my original problem. How in the flying fuck do I make a character who hits all the notes I want without it Just Being Evelyn Again. The answer is that I don't fucking know I fully do not have an answer I'm smacking my head against a wall this is the worst how have I done this to myself. It doesn't help that Ventrue is my favourite clan to play because I love being a scheming bastard. It's a core part of the VtM experience for me. The closest thing to an answer I can think of is to make a character who encompasses just enough of Evelyn's deal that I can get enough of that that I want, and make up for the rest of it in Another Character Elsewhere.

Evelyn is a character very uniquely put together for use in a larp context, because - well honestly because of her whole vibe, but the specific example is that she's a performer, and in a larp session I can (and have on several occasions) fully get up on a stage and sing. Also she bears a physical resemblance to me with the long hair and the Tall and the tiddies, which means dressing as her is easy and fun (cleavage). This whole thing presents another unique problem because so much of the vibe and what I like about her is physically portraying how she is and acts and doing her voice and the more of this I write out the more I realise maybe I just can't do a fucking play by post and I've fucked myself even worse than I thought.

Aside from all that, Evelyn is at her core terrifyingly smart when it comes to scheming and manipulation because the political intrigue is my favourite bit of vtm, so in order to play any character in VtM ever they need to be at least as good as Evelyn in that aspect of things and probably in a very similar way because Oh Hoh Presence and because if I try and do it in a different way it'll just Be Less Fun. That'll be the main angle I'll need to be able to play if I can't have the performing stuff (I have a Bard cooking in my brain anyway so maybe I can get the performing there, who fucking knows).

And then a friend of mine says hey do you want to come and be my second Childe in this play by post that has a waiting list that's probably months long and I end up actually having ideas that work I'm going to fuckign cry.

I have no idea if I'm going to like this character that I want to be very clear has been cooking for exactly one hour, nor do I know if I'm ever going to get to play her, but I know deep in my fucking core that she can't just Be Evelyn Again, and I worry deeply that that's going to make me like her less. Essentially:

Fuck

So now here I am with a character concept I might never get to play who I am very worried is just going to be a worse version of a character I'm not ready to let go of, while also dealing with the knowledge that I'm going to have to lose Evelyn eventually anyway and it's just a whole clusterfuck that I Have Not Resolved nor do I have any idea how to. Do I abandon the niche I've carved out for myself entirely in the knowledge that I could never do it as well again, or do I make someone who only reaches some of the old heights while using other characters to make up the gaps in what I get to play? Am I just fucked either way?

I don't know how to close this out.

#oc posting #oc ramblings #oc: evelyn d'argent #vtm #just generally fuck my life

[lord-radish]

Oh yeah I finished Tears of the Kingdom. I'll talk about the story in a future post, this one should be fairly spoiler-free aside from mechanics.

First of all, I made a post back when I started the game about how I don't want Breath of the Wild to be displaced by Tears of the Kingdom. I don't think Breath of the Wild should be seen as a glorified tech demo - not only for the effort that went into making that game in the first place, but because it devalues what that game did on its own merits.

Having played Tears of the Kingdom, I can safely say that the slow, calm, melancholic vibe of Breath of the Wild is kind of gone. Like it still exists a little bit, you're still clambering over hills and gliding over valleys between human settlements, but between the three biomes and the Gloom chasms everywhere and the new creation feature, everything's a lot busier and it's harder to sit back and take in that sort of atmosphere.

That being said, Tears of the Kingdom is incredible. It's jam-packed with story and gameplay functions that are a lot more robust than Breath of the Wild. It takes the wide-open nature of that game and busts what was already a groundbreaking sandbox game wide open, increasing verticality both ways and giving you unprecedented locomotive tools to get around.

I was thinking about Jak and Daxter because I've been revisiting the Snapcube streams of the first game, and as much as I love that game, I realised that it had finally hit a set of limitations that made it "old" in my mind. Like, Jak and Daxter is an incredible open-world platforming game. We're talking a seamless open world that looks and runs fantastically. That game has better tech for rendering shadows than most games have had for the past 20+ years.

But then I thought about Jak doing Ascend, and in comparison to Tears of the Kingdom, Jak and Daxter just seemed rigid in comparison. And that's fucking nuts, because JnD is one of the most fluid games ever! But something like Ascend breaks the mold.

The creation system is unbelievable. The powers set a new precedent for freedom. Like seriously, fucking Ascend? They give us physics powers that let you stick physics objects together and make bikes and cars and ladders and springpads and all this crazy shit - they give us fucking FLYING MACHINES, WITH STEERING - and THEN they add a power that lets you DIVE THROUGH THE CEILING TO GET ON TOP OF ANYTHING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING GAME????????? That's genuinely unbelievable.

I played 75 hours of this game. For me, that was enough. Getting to the ending was a bit of a slog, but it came after like 70 hours of total, unabashed fun and freedom to do what I wanted. I could have finished the game in like 40 hours or less if I rushed, but that would have hurt my experience with the game. I ebbed and flowed according to my own whim, and it took me all the way through Tears of the Kingdom.

I don't know how Nintendo keeps doing it, but they keep setting new standards for the open world genre. It's close to being a masterpiece on all fronts.

So after this, what do I think they should do next?

Personally? I don't think I have a third BotW-like left in me.

These games are unbelievable on all fronts, but I think this little sub-franchise within the wider Zelda franchise has run its course. Between 2017 and now, we've actually gotten three Zelda games set in this era - Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity may have been a side-game in a different genre, but that's a fully realised game in the same setting as Breath of the Wild.

The games look great, but I think the aesthetic of these games has gone as far as it can go. Story-wise and gameplay-wise, I don't see how they can follow on from Tears of the Kingdom.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm content. I've had my fill. I still need to play that Hyrule Warriors game, actually, but once that's done I think this era of Zelda has done everything it needs to do. What's up next? How are they gonna approach the setting from this point forward? I want to see something new.

#tears of the kingdom #totk spoilers #the legend of zelda

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

My main thoughts re: warframe sentience are absolutely centered around Kohlrabi's canon and thus their Volt Prime's journey to regaining their autonomy, but I also have some other thoughts buzzing around such as:

Every time i look at regular Excalibur he already strikes me as young, partially bc he's relatively plain, partially bc he's a starter, and partially bc of the contrast with Umbra. Now I'm thinking about possible relations between Excal and Umbra, both in terms of original creation, and the hypothetical of a Tenno who befriends Umbra and then their Excal also starts gaining consciousness and Umbra decides he just has two new kids now i guess

A bunch of thoughts that boil down to "time to traumatise Baro again i guess??"

Harrow. I still don't fully understand what the fuck was going on in that quest but iirc Rell's consciousness ended up in Harrow, with his original Tenno body gone, and in the end we lay him to rest. Did Rell overwrite what was left of the original personhood of Harrow? Did the two fuse? Coexist? What would happen if Harrow got to rebuild his consciousness? There's many potential outcomes ofc but I'm fond of the one where Rell gets reawakened alongside Harrow and the two of them are now just vibing together in one body. System of two with a third (the Operator) coming and going occasionally

We just have. so many frames. who we learn about the demise of and collect their lil pieces to rebuild them and we never learn about their Tenno. So many of them might eventually realise that this isn't the kid they had one day bonded with and start asking questions

I wonder if the original Titania was autonomous like Umbra. Nothing to back that up either way bc Silvana talks about building the warframes specifically for the Tenno already and Titania being referred to as a single being is par for the course, but I like the idea. Tenno and Warframe deciding together to go help Silvana. Also, Silvana refers to a "tortured presence" when she connected to Titania via transference

Okay my brain has run out of juice but: Valkyr.

#spoilers #the sacrifice spoilers #chains of harrow spoilers #silver grove spoilers #the second dream spoilers #kata's chatter #v low on energy today so this is as far as my thoughts will take me for now i think

[qwertyfingers]

taako theadventurezone yelling i'm a fully realised creation FUCK really the mood of all time

#5am existential crisis be QUIET

[stayxlix]

helloooo agaaain🩵🩵 don't be sorry for not responding right away!! ( I myself usually take a few days to answer so it'd be very wrong to argue on this.. ) I hope the weekend ended somehow smoothly🩵take all the time you want💗 Yes yes, I think I'd be dead if it weren't for them tbh bc as you said... it was a rollercoaster😅 they really are wonderful, and thaank you so much!!

YES YES I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVE THIS TROPE JUST AS MUCH AS I DO (is it really that surprising tho...) and no wonder screaming into your pillow has become a regular occurrence for you while writing the story bc if definitely has for me while reading it (in a good way though, I'm pretty sure all of my feelings about otde are positive — even through angsty parts bc then they make me realise how well you write emotions and how I feel like the story is swallowing my own emotions). Of course I'm excited!! Even though I always talk abt my appreciation for otde (and you) I still somehow feel like I haven't expressed it enough.. I'm ALWAYS gonna be excited for the next chapter, like actually no matter what. For me, I'm never worried that something you write wouldn't be a 100% amazing, bc, well, I've come to find out that you are such a good writer/author that it's like you could never go wrong💗 i definitely see why you are nervous, and I'm sure everyone else would say this, but there really isn't any need to be!! I really mean it when I say that your writing is a gift to witness, and even from an objective perspective, it's still just as amazing — you're consistent and portray everything so well that it almost doesn't feel like fiction anymore. I think anyone who'd say you don't write well would be talking shit🫶 aaand of course I will read it thoroughly! I'm so glad it makes you happy, and I honestly THRIVE from long fics so if you end up not splitting it up I will DEFINITELY AND I MEAN IT read in one sitting, I always do😭 I always get caught up in the story so I never realise how many paragraphs have passed already, and I just reallly love to spend my time on well written stories (ESPECUALLY OTDE OMFG I COULD ACTUALLY GO ON FOR HOURS AS TO WHY I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND WHAT EXACTLY IS SO GREAT ABOUT IT AND AND AJAJWJ) but don't feel any pressure!! If you feel like splitting the chapter, then do it! I'm sure all of us will read it regardless 🩵 I SCREAMED when i read that you're only halfway and it's already 12k words... I seriously love long long looooong chaps/fics so much it's unreal AND ESPECIALLY FROM YOU?!?? THAT IS A GIFT. I hope everything goes well with the trouble you're having!💗🩵 i'm sure it'll be amazing and I'm always here to support you fully and unconditionally💗

I'm so HAPPYYBJWJWJ that you're so glad about what I said!! I really wanna find all the compliments in the world and give them to you🩵😭 I love being sweet to you when I know it makes you happy, and I'm so very glad that my asks have the power to make you this happy (your answers literally make me weak in the knees pls help) I totally understand why readers are so important for the story and etc but you saying that YOU value MY opinion just made me SO FUCKING HAPPY I CANT. I'm pretty sure it added 10 years to my lifespan. Thank you for being so nice! I don't feel pressured at all but I do have to admit I'm a bit nervous haha😭 it's truly my pleasure to bring you such excitement through my asks and creations🫶 (you definitely bring me happiness, I always fight the urge to start jumping in excitement when I realise you've answered whjwjej)

I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVE THE MOODBOARD!!!! YOU SAYING THAT YOU WANT TO SHOW IT OFF MADE ME SO HAPPY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AJWJWNNENS (the fact that your irl friends don't know your blog is totally valid bc it's so same for me, even tho I don't post what I write😭😭) I'm so thrilled and literally every synonym to happy in existence that you feel the emotions that I tried to portray!!!! I feel the ominous feeling everytime I read otde, and since your world building is so thorough and well done, I knew exactly what i was looking for when making it!🩵 I've kinda associated green with otde now haha bc it just reminds me of it so much I can't even explain it😭 Like something about the story is just so green. The way you just said my love for this story is something you'll never forget has torn me to literal pieces😭 I don't know if I want to squeal and die from happiness or sob and die also from happiness 😭💗 you are also so special to me! I'm glad the offer still stands bc I have just SO MUCH to share so be ready🤭

THE RED VERSION IS GETTING CLOSE TO FINISH!! I CAN't SPOIL MUCH BUUUT RED IS SPICIER TAHT GREEN ON PINTEREST SO KEEP THAT IN MIND..🤭 I AM SO SO SO EXCITED TO SHARE IT WITH YOU THAT I AM ALSO BITING MY NAILS on THE EDGE OF MY SEAT JQJWJEJ

Thinking so much about the Vans thing is so valid bc literally same. Ever since I read you talking about them being in an alternate universe, in college and etc just made me think how they'd be in some Australian town and the tension would be just as strong as it is now. I once read something (i think it was a fanfic??) And it was about mc and love interest meeting in every single lifetime and falling in love more intensely every single time. Eternal soulmates but a bit twisted kind of beat🤭 and this reminds me of it so much!! Like them disliking each other at first but then then something happens and suddenly they're sneaking around bc they just NEED each other. Or a life where they have always been best friends (hear me out, long blond haired SURFER FELIX?!??!) , the kind that never separates — no matter how big of a damage they suffer from, they push through effortlessly bc that's just how long they've been so close to each other. The kind where all they've ever known has been each other (this is basically our fav trope, just in a different font🤭) and when they get older they realise that all they've ever needed and are going to need is each other, going through each other's firsts ans everything. Then another lifetime where Felix is a streetracer (thiking about 2019 world tour Felix specifically) and it's just full of unexplainable tension. She doesn't like how reckless he is and he dislikes how she judges too quick.. and yeah I could go on FOREVER. The cute twist is that mc always wears the red Vans and Felix always ends up with a tattoo that reminds him of her😭 I'M SO GLAD YOU AGREE THO?? i've been brainrot by this thought for so long now and i just KNOW that it fits otde Felix a little too much🤭 AND THE FLOWER BEING SOMETHING SHE DREW IS SO TRUE TBH I AM ALSO VERY WEAK RN. I'm so obsessed with this also bc I'm really into botany and flower language makes me so weak (especially when it's tattoos omfg)

YES YES YES. YOU ARE SO FUCKING RIGHT WITH THE HAIR TIE. like she just casually gives it to him one evening when they're out and then he suddenly never takes it off. Or if she says she prefers some kind of drink/food, catch him stacking his fridge full of it. The tattoo stuck with me so much because that's how he truly shows just how comitted he is, ESPECIALLY if it's her birth flower. Or a water lily bc it symbolizes purity of heart (or a primrose or a yarrow omfg I'm so weak rn) and it shows how she keeps him grounded even though he's nothing if not a mess. How she is the light he sees on a darkest night in the darkest corner. PLS YES WE DEFINITELY NEED TO DISCUSS THIS FURTHER. (Yes them in parallel universe/past life will now be my obsession)

I'M TELLING U OTDE FELIX GOES BORDERLINE FERAL WHEN HE SEES MC IN HIS CLOTHES. LIKE FIRST HE GOES INSANE SEEING SUCH THING AND THEN HE GOES EVEN MORE INSANE TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER AND LIKE HE ISN'T SO OUT OF IT HE CAN BARELY STAND STILL.

My adoration for you just grew somehow even more right now after reading this paragraph😭😭 i'm so close to crying rn, you're so lovely I wish I could shower you with kisses rn 😭🩵 I'm so excited to share my creations with you, and I'm so unbelievably glad to be able to talk to you like this that it feels surreal. What you said makes me so warm and happy I could die honestly😭 Writing these asks is the light of day right after reading your answers and I wish I could just hug u so hard rn. Funny that you say that you would shower me with love if we knew each other BUT I WOULD LITERALLY GIVE IT BACK FO YOU 10× STRONGER OMFG I could never get sick of you tbh 😭💗 I feel so happy (how many time have I said this help me) to be able to tell you how I feel about you write, and it makes me even happier to know that you're glad to hear so!! Honestly it's a big possibility that we are halfway across the world from each other, but that it will honestly never stop me from giving you all the love I can virtually💗

So yes, I do admit that me adding The Eve to the playlist was kind of influence by the hyunlix dance (AND YES IT WAS SO RUDE??!? HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME ON A REGULAR CALM DAY ??!?!) but it was bc I finally got to listen to the whole song after knowing of its existence for quite the time and I realised it fits otde a bit well sooo🤭 BUT I NEED TO SHARE THIS BRAINROT WITH YOU so i have discovered this song called "half of my heart" by josh makazo (I HAVE ALREADY ADDED IT TO THE PLAYLIST BC HOLY SHIT) AND IT GIVES ME OTDE VIBES SO MUCH??? THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL WHEN THE TENSION COMES IN. THIS IS LITERALLY THEM IN EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE UNIVERSE AND I WILL STAND BY THAT. I CANT DO THIS WHY IS THIS SONG SO THEM OMFG. (Another one that is a honorable mention is "Your face" by Wisp. THIS SONG IS SO THEM ALSO like this song feels like them looking at each other as rough rain falls on them and they're just fighting the urge to spit out all of their hidden secrets. It's them looking at each other as the wind blows their hair into their faces as they see all the hidden feelings so clearly in each other's faces. Raw emotions that aren't heard but seen. ALSO THEM IN EVERY UNIVERSE.) (But tbh I could go on like this abt every single song that I've added to the playlist — like bermuda locket is also literally them and again also and initiation and decode and AND YES ALL THE FUCKING SONGS ARE THEM I CANT) (like initiation is how i think our fav trope would sound if it were to be a song. also literally them help i cant stop)

this is soooo long but I just can't stop talking when it's you😭 i also have SO much to say to you, but know that I'm here to patiently read out every single one of your words thoroughly bc that is how much your answers and YOU mean to me, Alex🩵🩵 you also have the best rest of your week! I hope all is going well not only in writing sense but overall!!💗 thank you for responding and so kind words, I love you🩵 I truly wish you the best rest of your week💙 as always, stay safe and take care🩵

hi hi hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii🩵🩵🩵 i was so happy to see your ask when i woke up yesterday morning, ive honestly read it over and over again so many times since then🩵my weekend did end smoothly, and this week has also been pretty good so I’m thankful for that☺️ i hope yours is going well too. oh and YES, true friends can be lifesavers indeed. they make all the difference when life gets a little hectic, so im really glad you had yours by your side during your move.💕

i am most definitely obsessed with the trope just as much as you, as well as all of the little ones we have created and discussed throughout our conversations.🤭 they pop into my head at the most random times during the day and i always get so lost in thought daydreaming about them lol. omg and i’m so glad that your feelings about otde are all positive, writing it has certainly been a whirlwind of emotions for me lol and in the back of my mind im always hoping that it won’t ever be too angsty, you know??? idk, sometimes i just get so caught up in the emotions while writing and then i read it back and i’m like wtf i dont even know where that came from.😂 but BABE. the fact that you say i write emotions well means the absolute WORLD to me, because i have never been very good at expressing them in real life. like i have always always always struggled with this. it’s very frustrating to feel so many things and not always be able to express them well, but to have you point out the emotion in my writing as something you like about it means more than you could ever know.💕💕🥹

i don’t think ill ever feel like i’ve expressed my appreciation for you enough, i really don’t. i am ALWAYS going to be excited to see the little blue hearts in my inbox, because of the simple fact that your messages are such a safe place for me :) i feel so comfortable talking to you and my appreciation for you and the kindness you have shown me goes beyond words. i know i’ll never be able to show you just how much your support for my writing means. especially because im so new at it, and my confidence is still so fragile lol. so of course that’s why i get nervous, because nobody wants to disappoint, it would be so disheartening to lose people’s excitement you know? so that is why your continued reassurance and belief in my writing and this story just means everything to me. honestly i can’t think about it for too long or i really do get a bit emotional. but calling my writing a “gift to witness” touches my heart in so many ways😭😭💕and saying that  “it almost doesn’t feel like fiction anymore” is one of the most thoughtful and meaningful compliments i could ever hope to receive. ah im literally at a loss for words rn.😭😭😭😭😭

i swear i keep going back and forth on whether or not to split the chapter up, every time i think ive made a decision then start working on it again and change my mind lol. but you are certainly doing a good job of convincing me to keep it one big massive chapter, so its leaning that way for sure. especially when i know that YOU would get more enjoyment out of it that way<3 knowing that you think it would be worth the time spent reading, i can’t help but want to do my best to finish it out (even if it takes all weekend) and keep it together as one chapter for you specifically. because YOU are a gift my🩵🩵. i swear that on some days your kind words make me smile more than anything else. i LOVE having your asks to go back and read through, and your love for this story warms my heart more than you'll ever know. to hear that it has touched you in such a profound way makes me speechless all over again.🥹🥹

just let me say, your asks and interactions really do make me so happy i don’t even know what to do with myself. i wish i could find all of your favorite things in the world and surround you with them, that is how much i love you🩵💕and of course imo readers are just as important as the writers to any story, but i mean it when i say that specifically YOUR thoughts and YOUR creations have had such a significant impact on me and the whole writing process. if it added 10 years to thank lifespan, then i think it added 100 to mine lmao. thank YOU for being so wonderful, you truly do have a special place in my heart. and don’t worry, there really is no pressure at all to come find me in my dms lol. i totally understand the nerves, but i my door will always be open no matter how long it takes🤗💕 i just can’t wait to share the random things i come across throughout the day that make me think of you.🤭

AND YOU KNOW WHAT. I WANT TO DO MORE THAN SHOW THE MOODBOARD OFF TO MY FRIENDS, I WANT TO PLASTER IT ON A BILLBOARD AND SHOW IT OFF TO THE WHOLE WORLD. “the fact that your irl friends don't know your blog is totally valid bc it's so same for me” lmao im so glad you can relate, and HOLD UP. YOU. WRITE.?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? of course i should have known this (i had a feeling by the way you come up with and explain such unique ideas) BUT YOU WRITE??!?!??! O M G. 🩵. i promise you that if you ever do decide to share your work with the world, i will be the FIRST one in line to read it<333

“every synonym to happy in existence” made me chuckle lol this is so cute and the fact that you said you think the world building is thorough means so much to me because (just like how i live my day to day life) i am navigating through this story with little plan in mind aside from a very general idea of how i want it to end. so this is such a compliment all in its own. it’s almost like you KNEW I needed to hear this.😭 ive also begun to associated green with otde now, thanks to you lol. because having the moodboard as a visual tool to write has just amplified my motivation and the enjoyment that i get from writing x100000000. and i honestly couldn’t have done it better myself. so thank you🩵🥹 i meant it with my whole heart that your love for this story if something ill never forget. even years and years after otde has ended, ill always remember you<3 and (as glad as i am that you’re so excited) please don’t actually die from happiness😂😂 because i truly do not know what i would do without your support. i don’t think the story would exist in the same way if it hadn’t been for you. AND I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE RED VERSION NO BECAUS EYOU DONT EVEN KNOWWWW. HAVE I MENTIONED RED IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!?!?!? HAVE I???????? AND HAVE I MENTIONED THAT RED + FELIX IS THE PERFECT COMBINATION TO GET STRAIGHT TO MY HEART?!?!?! (i barely survived the topline mv tbh. dear lord.🫠🫠🫠) and you’re telling me the red one is SPICIER?!?! okay okay now im the one that actually might sob AND squeal AND THEN die from happiness.😂😂😂😂😭💕

okay okay, let me prepare myself to talk about our parallel universe theories again (i really need to get comfy for this because we’ve reached my favorite part lol) YES. EVEN IN AN AUSTRALIAN TOWN IN MODERN DAY the tension would just be absolutely RIDICULOUS between these two. like even before they SEE each other, maybe they’re just casually at the beach or walking around on the street and suddenly this intense feeling washes over them and they’re like wtf is going on??? why do i feel like this??? and THEN their eyes meet and its just like…..oh. 

I once read something (i think it was a fanfic??) And it was about mc and love interest meeting in every single lifetime and falling in love more intensely every single time.

THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.😭😭😭 if you ever happen to come across that fic or remember the name, then you MUST send it my way. i absolutely love the idea of soulmates meeting in every single lifetime, and then on top of this, making it so that the love becomes a bit more intense every single time just adds that little angsty cherry on top that i’m always seeking out lol. and as you know, a little twist to an otherwise seemingly innocent trope or storyline gets me weak in the knees🤭

Like them disliking each other at first but then then something happens and suddenly they're sneaking around bc they just NEED each other.

YES.😭✋ and the little detail that they’re sneaking around?? I LOVE IT. because it makes me think that they would NEVER want anyone to know just how badly they need each other, right? but its ridiculous how much they do. and so they keep up the front that they hate each other (and everyone around them genuinely believes it because they’re good at pretending)…but little does everyone know that its only because they’re fucking each others brains out behind closed doors (help) 

Or a life where they have always been best friends (hear me out, long blond haired SURFER FELIX?!??!)  the kind that never separates — no matter how big of a damage they suffer from, they push through effortlessly bc that's just how long they've been so close to each other.

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON LONG BLONDE HAIRED SURFER LIX, IM PICTURING HIM FROM THAT BEACH PICTURE (you know the one im talking about, you know) ughhjhosdfds🫠🫠🫠 i feel like i could talk to you for HOURS like this, bouncing ideas off of each other. like i actually want to do this so badly with you, because your ideas are just THAT good. i love how you took our favorite trope and changed it around so that it feels different, and yet, still exactly the same.<333 AND THEN YOU GO AND BRING 2019 WORL DTOUR FELIX INTO THIS AND THE THOUGHT OF HIM AS A STREETRACER MAKES ME FERAL. ESPECIALLY THIS-

She doesn't like how reckless he is and he dislikes how she judges too quickly

-NO BECAUSE WE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS FURTHER. I think you have awakened something in me with this AND I NEED MORE.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

omg okay. get it together alex lol. im so glad you like the idea that for the tattoo, the flower would be something mc drew. (i was so excited to see your reaction to this lol because trust me, tattoos make me weak too) AND I THINK IT IS SO COOL THAT YOURE INTO BOTANY AND FLOWER LANGUAGE OMG.??? tbh there was actually something i wanted to include in otde that was related to flowers, but i hardly have any knowledge about them at all😪😪 i looked up what a yarrow symbolizes and it said healing and love??? and i even saw somewhere that it said protection? i am WEAK.😭😭 “it shows how she keeps him grounded even though he's nothing if not a mess.” BRB S O B B I N G.😭😭😭😭

like she just casually gives it to him one evening when they're out and then he suddenly never takes it off. Or if she says she prefers some kind of drink/food, catch him stacking his fridge full of it.

omg okay in this parallel college/uni world that we’ve created i love this idea that he’s totally obsessed with her (and she’s a bit oblivious lol). like with the hair tie she definitely notices that he never took it off which is just a bit peculiar..but then like you said she starts to notice his fridge is stocked with all of her favorite things and maybe she casually mentions a scent she likes and the next day she catches that specific scent and he’s just like oh yeah just a new shampoo….🤭🤭 (i could go on and on forever but you get the idea) and im totally with you on the fact that thinking about different past lives of theirs might just have become my new favorite obsession.🫢

the hyunlix dance WAS rude wasn't it?!?!? im literally just trying to make it through the day over here, and then they go and do THAT?! (they really have no consideration for our mental health do they) but i love the addition of “the eve” to the playlist. and OMG. the song you shared called "half of my heart"!!! i was speechless while listening because wtf?! it fits SO well (all of your recommendations do ofc, but this is actually insane???) like you said it could literally fit them in every SINGLE universe we've talked about🙃 your descriptions are so vivid i love the way you talked about “your face” by wisp, with them looking at each other amidst the rain and fighting the urge to reveal their hidden feelings. I CAN ACTUALLY SEE THEM THERE. and if you couldn’t tell by now, I LOVE EMOTIONS THAT ARE SEEN NOT HEARD.😭😭 your song choices are PERFECT, and your descriptions to go along with them just make it so much better. so please please never stop recommending songs like this either🩵 i get so excited when i see you’ve added a new song to the playlist or when you mention it in an ask. i really really do, i stop everything im doing and go listen (and usually end up jotting down some ideas) because THAT is how good your suggestions are.

ah i love you so much🩵🩵🩵🩵 i’m so happy to receive your asks, and to have the opportunity to talk to you like this. it really has made my days so much brighter ever since you came into my life. i’ll always be here to receive your love virtually, and do my best to send it back even stronger!!!🤗💕💕💕 im sorry i didnt get this out until today, i really just like to take my time and make sure i get to everything when i respond to you (and i literally go back and edit it like its a chapter of otde.😂😂😭) because you deserve nothing but the very best. so in conclusion (first i would like to thank you for making it all the way to the end of this lol) but my dear 🩵🩵🩵 i love you so very much. and i hope all is going well for you, not just with the red moodboard (although i am every synonym for excited to see it) but with life in general too. i hope you have the most wonderful rest of your week, remember to be kind to yourself<3333 and as we always say, stay safe out there.🩵🩵 take care of yourself and those friends of yours💕💕ily🤗🤗

#otde.feedback #alex answers asks♡ #🩵

[seaquestions]

it’s ridiculous just how much changing my title + header + mobile colours has affected me. the pink is just so positive. it’s refreshing!

#incoherent turtle noises #'ha ha. i'm thriving.' is canceled. i don't wanna be like that anymore. #no more sad jokes. i'm gonna actually thrive and it's gonna be Real. i'm making this happen. #i know i always go up and down on this. one time i'm feeling good the next i'm depressed but i'm really gonna try this time. #to at least not let any failures get me down so low. #so what! i cried at the library! i forgot to print something! these things happen. #it's not great but it doesn't make me a pitiful worm or whatever i called myself. i'm a human being! a fully realised creation! fuck! #i'm alive! i'm not dead. i'm not decomposing. i'm gonna fucking grow.

[defectivegembrain]

Like fuck nowadays I am fully able to say screw Joss Whedon, I'm not giving him any more money, I can criticise both his personal actions and many aspects of his work. But that took lots of time and some difficult emotional processing and rethinking so many things. And it cannot erase the marks some of his creations have left on my life, in particular River Tam.

Like I think she was the first fictional character I ever saw who really...reacts to things like me. The starting sequence in Objects In Space where she is so intensely overwhelmed by everything around her...yeah. I'd never seen that portrayed properly, even in things that were supposed to be about autism. And she had my blank stare, my fluctuating functioning, a similar kind of split between academic knowledge and communication skills (though more extreme abilities of course, I'm not a savant or anything). And she made me feel less alone, and she made me feel safer.

And that's been really hard to reconcile with Joss's behaviour and realising some more subtle implications in his work. And I can't forget the quotes I used to repeat over and over. And I don't know, I've watched Firefly since (already have the DVDs), but it was a different experience, and I don't do it often at all, I haven't in ages. But you just can't expect people to speedrun through the processing, especially people who are marginalised and isolated and really intense, and don't know how to be different. This is the only brain I've got.

#rambling #hate to be thinking about him in 2022 but he had to go and say things

[villains-with-benefits]

Playing the blame game, and other pointless endeavours

A reflection on BNHA Chapter 291

Before and after: or, How to violently radicalise an abuse victim in five easy steps

I think a lot of the people throwing blame around or trying to declare that one character or another is the One True Villain™ or the One True Victim™ need to stop seeing personal responsibility as a zero sum game, because it really isn't.

Arguing about whether Dabi and Endevour should each have 50% of the blame or if it's more of a 60/40 or 70/30 split (in either direction) is pointless. Endeavour is 100% responsible for his abuse of his family and general failings as a human being, and Dabi is 100% responsible for the lives he's taken and people he's hurt in retaliation because of it.

Sure these two things are absolutely related in that good ol' cause-and-effect sense, much like how an earthquake at sea will cause a tsunami. And much like them neither happened in a vacuum, the surrounding environmental conditions needed to be just right for a perfect storm of this magnitude to occur. It just so happens that in this case both the earthquake (Endeavour) and the tsunami (Dabi) are not faceless forces of nature, but human beings with superpowers who chose to take action based on their deep-set mental and emotional issues at everyone else's expense, either because they think their needs are more important, they think the price paid is worth being the means to the end or (most likely) a combination of the two.

Please note, I don't say this to excuse or condemn either character, the readers who are taking sides, or even Horikoshi's writing. It's pretty well established by now that one of the biggest themes in BNHA is that there is no perfect black and white when it comes to people and society and morality, and just about all the conflict is driven by just how badly their entire system (which is built and determined to die on that hill) messes it up for absolutely everyone on all sides. Saying Dabi is a Bad Victim while Shouto is a Good Victim is just as pointless, because you're missing that the real villain is their broken society, of which everyone is a victim, even Endeavour.

Again, Endeavour was the one to abuse his family and he gets no passes for that so don't even try to argue that's what I'm saying, but he didn't wake up one day and just decide to do it. If Chapter 291 has done anything it's shown how escalation is nine tenths of the law in cases like this. He was already an asshole narcissist with a raging inferiority complex, we've heard from his own POV in an earlier chapter that he purposefully chose Rei to have kids with to eugenics a solution to his problem, he was never an upstanding guy.

While we don't see Endeavour's own upbringing there's a reason he's been such a strong narrative parallel with Bakugou, so we can make an educated guess from what we've seen of his what it must have been like having a powerful Quirk and ambitions being fed by the people around him, and the way Bakugou has clashed with characters like Deku and Shouto when he was confronted with the reality that he wasn't going to get Number One effortlessly, we can guess how well he took realising he was always going to be Number 2.

Pictured: the hero equivalent of always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

At least with Bakugou's rivals they're his own age and acknowledge him as a rival, All Might is at least a decade older than Endeavour and he's always been a loner who didn't get to know his colleagues that well. As readers we know All Might keeps his distance because he's kinda awkward socially, and because between the threat of All For One and maintaining the flawless image of the Symbol of Peace he wasn't ever able to let his guard down or it might risk people's safety. But just like Bakugou assuming Deku was looking down on him, from Endeavour's perspective it probably looked like All Might was looking down on Endeavour too.

Again, not excusing Endeavour. He's an asshole and needs to be held accountable for his actions. But just like Bakugou he didn't spring fully formed from the womb as an asshole, sure he had all the ingredients for it but their society is what decided it was a good idea to put the lime in the coconut and mix it all up, just like he's the one who broke Touya which ultimately led to the creation of Dabi.

Which brings us back to Dabi not just calling out his abusive dad but making a spectacle of it, and while again, yes, he's done a lot of murder and that's not okay either, he is absolutely justified in this. Especially because the part of his reasoning for his actions which isn't just maniacal laughter (also totally valid) is that he's correctly identified, much like Shigaraki, that while specific individuals have hurt them and must pay for it, that the overarching problem is hero society itself.

Shigaraki attacked All Might at first because Sensei said so, but later on because he was the symbol of everything he felt wrong with society, everything he's done has been to attack the pillars of the hero system like All Might and UA. Dabi attacked Endeavour, his abuser, but not just physically attacking him as a man and a father, but by attacking his reputation as the Number One Hero and the new pillar of society.

Pictured: an asshole who's realising that no matter how badly you think you done fucked up, another asshole can always come along and point out just how much worse it actually was than you thought.

Endeavour's sin was always acting as a hero first and a father second, if ever, and even then it was usually still to further his own ego and ambitions, which was tied so tightly to his role as a hero that Endeavour pretty much didn't exist outside of that. So Touya with his healthy sense of dramatic irony is naturally retaliating by treating him as a hero first and a father second, if ever, because that's the standard of behaviour that Endeavour himself set. Before discarding him for the new model he made it clear he wanted his son to be powerful, aggressive, independent, and to take down the Number One Hero without regard for anything else, and that's exactly what Dabi is doing. He's giving Endeavour exactly what he wished for and is making him choke on it.

Just like he said, Touya's making sure Endeavour reaps exactly what he sowed because it proves his point, that if he hadn't been such a violent, toxic narcissist none of this would be happening. His desire to call out his abuser is both personal and justified (regardless of how he's going about it), and it shouldn't be condemned because it has nothing to do with his family. His family, who he was the scapegoat of and who he hasn't seen in probably around a decade, and who are still keeping silent about the abuse even though as far as they know it killed him. I'm not saying he hates the rest of his family like he hates Endeavour (though it probably comes closest with Shouto, there's a lot to unpack there) but it would be a very complicated web of love and grief and resentment and guilt that he'd need a weapons-grade therapist to unravel, which he's clearly never gotten considering this is how he's dealing with the trauma.

tl;dr Touya is a victim just like Shouto, and all the awful things he's done as Dabi don't detract from that, just as his victimhood doesn't excuse his actions either.

In conclusion, you don't have to reconcile or find explanations or excuses for Endeavour's abuse or how any of the other Todorokis have been dealing with it, especially Touya. They are all established facts and exist as objective truth regardless of our feelings on the matter. Instead of making moral judgement on the characters (or the readers who love them/hate them) maybe we all need to stop and think about it critically first, especially when chapters are still incoming and we don't even have the full story yet.

If we can all spend some quality time thinking objectively about all the sides of the story and what lessons we can learn from them, I can guarantee that little things like 'having compassion', 'listening to victims and survivors before they have to resort to domestic terrorism to be heard' and 'learning from the mistakes of the past' will get us all much better results than just sharpening some pitchforks, no matter who they're pointed at.

#bnha manga spoilers #bnha 290 #bnha 291 #dabi is todoroki touya #dabi #endeavour #shigaraki tomura #todoroki shouto #hero society #bnha meta #bnha analysis #bakugou katsuki #how to violently radicalize an abuse victim in five steps or less #i get that endeavour is a bastard and it's satisfying to dunk on him don't get me wrong #but there's enjoying the glorious schadenfreude and then there's ripping into other fans for not agreeing with you on exactly how to do it