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chimerahyperfix · 6 days

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RECIPE OF THE DAY

[OR: This was the most upsetting alternate looper option]

Long post because i have been cooking this in my brain for like, two months, and it's all-consuming. Also I'm not in the Discord yet because Anxiety so my ramblings had to go somewhere, and what better than one big fucking post yknow. I cast spell of fuck you mind blast on the tag/lh /j

TLDR for below: Siffrin words his wish differently, Bonnie gets trapped in a time-loop, and despite saying they're in a timeloop repeatedly nothing works and no one can help them. The normal ISAT absolute horrors ensue.

CONTENT WARNINGS: the normal ISAT tags [death, violence and trauma, suicide, self harm and unreality], Notable Pin on child endangerment and death, poisoning.

most of these get discussed ^ even if shortly

SO. THIS AU.

This is it this is my big one. Ignore me pushing the literal 12 other isat aus I have into a pile pls this is THE big one. I’m looking at the note I’ve stored all this lore in on my notes app,and it’s like. 35 fucking pages?

I've looked at a ton of alternate looper aus [that's part of the hyperfixation babeyyyy I need to consume ALL content forever and ever and ever] and I was like “oohhhh I wanna do that!!” So I literally just listened to music until I caught an idea and yikes. Looking at the AUs playlist now [it’s about 100 songs! Oops!] and I’m like [cartoony image of me laying face first on the floor]

This is a bit scattered because I wrote it over 3 days instead of working on the fic I’m supposed to be writing ooopsieeeee. Ramblings belowvvvvvvvvvv

It begins as simply as the game does. No one knows how to wish properly; so Siffrin wishes, because they know how to. The same folded leaf, repeated three times wish. Close to what is said in canon; different enough for the Universe to read it differently. No longer does Siffrin loop, because the wish isn’t about him, it’s about Bonnie and their sister. Siffrin’s wish is construed as “I wish Bonnie’s wish would come true,” and even if the Universe can’t hold onto Bonnie’s wish as they did it wrong, it CAN hold onto Siffrin’s.

And that’s the base point: EVERY LOOP, Siffrin wishes, because he wishes after he talks to them and that's where they loop back to, and its wish craft goes to Bonnie. A recipe for disaster with how much time they have!

They loop back when Siffrin gets crushed by the rock, because they can’t win while being down a party member. When they touch a tear, or when the sadnesses get the jump on the party and they all go down, or when they use the dagger equivalent [a poisoned snack], or when they get to the King. They Never Beat The King. Think SASASAaP but ISAT.

Bonnie doesn’t fight with craft, but rather craft-infused weapons. The wok and their pan for rock, a pair of kitchen shears for scissors and a cookbook for paper. Snacks for healing and buffs. And they have a cool friend that lives in the favor tree! [they get in fistfights like every five loops. Maybe it would be funny, someone just as willing to spar with them instead of trying to find the right words they can’t find because they’re a kid, if their friend wasn’t ALSO another version of themself, which bonnie clocks pretty late.] They pick up little quirks from their friends, like biting their nails like Belle, and puffing up to look bigger like Isa and stealing Dile's curses and closing an eye to match Frin's in focus. And maybe they start forgetting a little bit, just a little! The same thing over and over will get to you.

So everything essentially boils down to this. Bonnie specifically needs to be strong enough to beat the King, as the rest of the party doesn’t keep experience through loops. For a good chunk of the loops, they take advantage of Siffrin asking them if they need help and drag him into a training lesson that slowly goes from a whole emotional conversation to them quietly listening to Siffrin’s every word. [Siffrin fills this silence with random star facts that pop into their mind. This Is Important It WILL Be On The Test] Eventually the training becomes too tedious, so they start sneaking off to go fight sadnesses— and eventually just punch trees, which busts their knuckles— to get stronger faster! Everything goes downhill from there, with them forgetting to make food to them sneaking out at night to fight more to them getting reckless and uncaring; it snowballs down into “oh this could be considered suicidal confidence”.

Every loop, you say "hey, I'm trapped in a time loop", and EVERY time it is a big emotional thing that exhausts you to the point of going to bed immediately after, and everyone gets antsy and worried, and in the end the anxiety and trouble NEVER ends up mattering because the King still flattens the party every time. [And (shuffling through the sea of my notes for the au), imagine this from their situation for a second; Today, you tell your friends you are trapped in a time loop. They drag you into a long, uncomfortable conversation that makes you cry, and you go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge they will protect you, and you will protect them. You make sure he doesn't get squashed by a boulder, you make sure they find the key, you make sure they don't die. Tomorrow, you will tell your friends you are trapped in a time loop. They will drag you into a long, uncomfortable conversation that will make you cry, and you will go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge they've failed to protect you, but they're trying this loop, and you'll still protect them anyway.]

And then the King fight. He grabs them and he kills them and it fucks them up. [it fucks them up, until it too happens again and again, and eventually it simply is just another obstacle you must pass, because the second his stupid hand wraps around you like a ragdoll it’s over, so you just spit in his face to make him press the trigger immediately and not drag it out for forever- imagine the most traumatic event in your entire life, repeated over and over, until it looses all meaning. It’s still traumatic, it’s sewn into your brain forever you will never forget this.]

They tell the party ‘hey, I just got murdered’, and if this au was ISAT, it would go from having a memory that gave everyone a defense buff to a memory that literally stops you from winning, randomly attaching to a party member. You couldn’t get rid of it. They’d take every hit for you, and you’d have to loop back, because you couldn’t win with an unremovable memory like that. and that’s why they stop saying things, because if the people you loved would die to protect you, something you don’t want and have the ability to stop, would you stop them?

And so everything collapses, and from that point [the start of act 4] it collapses fast.

WHICH LEADS US TO ENDLESS MY FAVORITE LITTLE THANG

if this is transparent or not I don’t fucking know and honestly. After 2 hours of fighting ibisPaint X to make it transparent I stopped caring. o7

Slight design notes tangent: the fucking. Wispy things around their limbs just kinda move around them- yknow because black holes pull things in and they are one. Their like,,,, face spike design??? Question mark on what 2 call it? It’s designed to look like their hair lol. The little star-dot things on their knuckles are important smile. Eventually I’ll post a full thing 4 them (I have like 2 pages of random doodles of them it’s craaazy)

Endless (or Ness, later on) is Bonnie’s loop-alike. They’re a little angry hater and I based them on the song Black Hole Sun [therefore they double-dip in the space theming, the little scoundrel! Imagine being both a black hole and a partial eclipse!! Damn why you taking all the space theming for!!] which was the song the whole AU was based on! Woah! Damn you carrying ALL the out of AU lore in you! They’re anger over fear while Bonnie is fear over anger.

They make me SO fucking upset. Like. I’m not being funny anymore. This is THE most upsetting character I’ve ever written. They make me cry. My entire schtik is making horror and this little creature is the most upset I've ever been at a creation of mine.

Endless is a Bonnie who, without exaggerating, literally imploded from having too much wish craft in them— hence the black hole theme. They went through an unreasonable amount of loops [i think I noted down 400??? Probably not that many, but hey, leveling is slow when half the time you rely on a scripted event that has like 3 enemies. Never really pinned anything down, but it’s a CRAZY upsetting amount.] and just couldn’t win,, and they eventually broke, and begged for it to stop— and, well, with so much wish craft in them, even without the proper rituals the Universe just couldn’t ignore ALL this wish craft, overflowing, in one spot. They asked for help and it killed them.

And then they were at the tree! And they’re helping a DIFFERENT Bonnie, who they’re upset at because what. What why is this happening? They asked for it to stop, not for a whole NEW Bonnie to exist and to do it all over again, what is this what, stop stop it. And they have to keep watching Siffrin wish, and doom them to their endless loop, and they have to tell Bonnie no, the party can’t help them like they want the party to do because the party never could help them, and it’s just going to bring them distress and heartache. Bonnie does it anyways, until the very beginning of act 4: it goes downhill from there, until they’re worried This Bonnie will end up like THEM.

They’re not the most self-confident type. They give themself the most un-nicknameable name [Bonnie still finds one that fits— Ness. They reluctantly accept it.] [Endless vc: Ness? Like? From Earthbound???] they can think of because nicknames are a love language and they speak it, and they don't think they deserve it anymore because they've Changed, and trade out the nicknames they have for the party for things they learned from Siffrin in their own many many training loops: The Sun, The Moon, The Star, The Sky, and Bonnie is Supernova, because its cool as hell and Siffrin told them that’s what happens when a star dies, and they died. Open foreshadowing. They take to closing the same eye they made Siffrin the Star loose, because if he doesn’t get to see anymore neither should they— even if that eventually becomes a natural thing, something they do now to focus. They talk about a sister they have— had, because their world is gone and she never got unfrozen, they never learned if she was alive under all that icy craft or not, and they’re not Bonnie anymore. Ness is Bonnie, but Bonnie is not Ness.

And so, when act 5 hits, they’re desperate. They can’t see it happen again, because it erased them as a person and it was terrifying enough why would you want to see it happen again? they prepare to storm the house, bevause theyre strong enough to tear it apart themself, get stopped by the party, and essentially they’ve replaced Bonnie for a loop; which would be okay, if failing didn’t mean there would probably be Two Endlesses and No Bonnie’s. By the end of the au, Bonnie, lvl 99, is like bringing a brick to a stare down. Endless, in comparison, is like bringing a bazooka to a fistfight. They can’t face the King, they can’t, it would probably mess something up [the party has them pinned as being a kid by this point— wether they realise Ness acts a lot like Bonnie or not, who knows] so they panic and wave the party off into the King’s room and fights off the remaining sadnesses to calm down.

And the Party brings Bonnie down, and they fight a fake version of their sister [who they win against, even if barely, because Nille is their sister and damnit, Nille would never hurt them, not after giving up her life for them] and they have a breakdown, and then there's two of them. There's Bonnie and there's Ness. Bonnie confronts them and they get in ANOTHER fistfight, bveause how else would two angry ultra-powerful preteens settle things, and Bonnie convinces them to come along, because their identity has been found out and damnit Nille really won't care, Ness is her sibling too.

[Nille approaches the situation carefully, but Bonnie is right: Nille sees the two of them and immediately decides she has two siblings and she wants to protect them. Both of them went through so, so much, and they saved the country and damnit it would be monstrous to throw Ness out to the wolves because they Changed. Aka I was physically incapable of letting Ness dissapear or have a bad ending they deserve the world too.]

I just I jsutt. Auguhghghghhh. au too big in my brain spill it out on the floor it goes everywhere. When you hyperfix on your own au

#isat #in stars and time #isat au #isat bonnie #<- this is abt them. uh oh.#recipe of the day #anyways the au title is based on a shitty joke I made once #also “”’hey chef what’s for dinner? slop! slime!’#something something the recipe of the day is timeloop soup. yknow. a timeloop au. and soup…….#who let me in the kitchen. someone take me out before I burn the place down #I have. so many thoughts about this au #most of which boil down to me screaming and crying #I know there are multiple other AUs where Bonnie loops but counterpoint #has an alt looper au ever not had the looper wish?#[pushing divine intervention behind me. no that does not exist in this question]#I really like twisting au tropes on their heads :)#‘I don’t want to tread on other ppls ideas’ handshake ‘three month au hyperfix lets fucking go let’s yap’#they can and will coexist heart emoji.#I think about this au a lot. I’m cooking so much art #(yknow. aside from being the worlds slowest artist. oop)#I’ll prob post abt it every now and then (aka when I finish the fucking art)#but for now. laying my au cards down #endless is my favorite little being ever rn they’re such a little hater

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goldkirk · 2 months

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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.

That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.

I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.

I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!

#personal data hacking is my passion #someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now #including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and #trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later #I’m so proud of that #you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works #we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments #anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze #love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal #trauma evolution #my Waffle House index #this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too #more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance #are able to and going to yes keep getting better #long many-milestone path-journeys of potential #like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting #stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future #time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it #all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry

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alectology-archive · 1 year

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while it’s important that rj understood how prolonged exposure to trauma would mess with you psychologically on various axes - mental, emotional, spiritual, physical - it’s also very significant that he put in the work to question and explore how people could go about healing and recovering from their experiences with a realistic attitude.

sometimes they don’t heal - they don’t understand that they need healing, dismiss their instincts, or manage to bury all the complicated emotions they’re feeling. it’s seen when mat suffers from a severe case of survivor’s guilt whenever he survives a battle, and this is observed more obviously when he escapes from ebou dar without managing to save all the windfinders; he also doesn’t have the vocabulary to express why the abuse he suffers at tylin’s hands feels wrong, and his cultural background and his tendency to lie to himself prevents him from examining why this is the case. rand is simply incapable of dealing with the sheer physical, mental and emotional stress he’s subjected to without a support system to back him up - support that he’s specifically unwilling to ask for because he doesn’t want to be put in a position of vulnerability just like mat and has a very unique relationship with the level of autonomy he’s afforded and the abuse he may be subjected to as a result of his madness - and resorts to unhealthy coping mechanisms and internalises traits that also serve as an allegory for ideologies that toxic masculinity directly feeds off of; he reacts to aes sedai very badly although he eventually unlearns that instinct; he’s extremely suicidal, and lews therin works as an indirect metaphor for depression. egwene feels the need to be in a position of power whenever approaching a certain relationship (be it romantic, platonic or otherwise) after her time as a damane, and is often uncomfortable with setting down her guard unless she trusts the people she’s working with; rj has a very complicated track with his depiction of corporal punishment but he also touches on how it enables people in power to take advantage of it to abuse the people under their control through egwene’s arc. rand specifically laments how the sort of stigma and alienation that male channelers face will never really go away because of the fear ingrained into popular belief, and that’s also a very accurate depiction of how certain mental illnesses are received by society.

but rj puts in the extra work to explore how people who have access to support systems and are on the receiving end of patience and compassion are able to get on the path to recovery. he has nynaeve & co deal with the problem of deprogramming egeanin, the sul’dam and damane who’re thoroughly brainwashed by the seanchan. juilin is able to help amathera recover by being very sympathetic to her situation and protecting her from difficult situations that could trigger her ptsd. rj specifically spends a significant amount of time letting joline, teslyn and edesina slowly encourage the seanchan channelers to entertain the idea of their ability not being a curse and to even train to control it at the white tower. the maidens are able to get a read on rand’s discomfort with the dark and small spaces post dumai’s wells and are kind enough to always leave a light on in the dark for him; they also push rand to take his meals and care for himself. the asha’man are explicitly recognised as a group which needs to unlearn some of the toxic ideas encoded in the founding principles that rand introduced. rand himself is recognised to be in dire need of help again in the latter half of the series, although we never got to see the culmination of that arc, unfortunately* - but I have a theory that his arc as a hero is tied very closely to his ability to recover from the various traumas he’s subjected to.

wheel of time takes a very realistic stance on mental health and ptsd. more significantly, it recognises that trauma might not necessarily bring about a positive transformation in a person. and that’s okay.

*cadsuane’s arrival is the only one I can’t get a clear read on, and feels so obviously doomed to disaster from the very beginning given how her personality clashes with rand’s and with her introduction with the intent of controlling rand and never respecting his opinions or autonomy - but given how she’s criticised by the narrative, I’m inclined to believe that min’s reading might have potentially been fulfilled in a bittersweet way as her readings often are. if rand learned how to embrace his humanity again, I can’t imagine that she would have ever had a part to play in it that involved compassion or understanding.

#he wasn't traumatising rand for the shits and giggles I would've loved to see where he would have gone with him though I have my own theory #I’ll save that for the super long rand post though… if I ever fucking finish it #text #HE least of all people would’ve kept pushing the trauma button without intent and just for the sake of Angst. unlike a lot of other authors #I have no idea what he was doing with perrin though lol it has to be said… he really is the weakest point in the series #I know people enjoyed dragonmount and sanderson’s take on how rand and egwene suffered trauma to eventually become Stronger #but that’s absolutely not a realistic depiction and it doesn’t work for me sorry to say.#I also Do Not Get dragonmount at all. it’s like if you pulled a rhetoric about love and living out of your ass when rand is suffering in #THIS life and THIS context… he walked in with some new character conflicts & adressed THEM instead of what rj had already written for rand.#wheel of time #wot book spoilers #rand al’thor

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ifyoucandaniel · 1 year

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and it’s done! this is a birthday present for the love of my life who’s birthday is friday! (everyone say happy birthday soph <3) they mean the world to me so i wanted to try to show that through making something to reflect that love. this project was a major labor of love and time and there are so many things wrong but i won’t sit here spending the next ten hours pointing them out, so i’ll just say i’m proud of how they came out all things considered! the end pages are by guine_evere on instagram who was lovely enough to let me use her stunning art to tie the whole project together<3 i’ll be posting details for each book in separate posts!

#i’m actually obsessed with them tbh #i’m a little sad to be parting with them since idk when i’ll have the time to undergo a project like this again for myself #i have so many exams this week this has been both a gift and a curse as a distraction #thankfully it’s done 😭😭#i’ve also finished my AHB bind but i’m waiting for it to get where it’s going before i post. so look out for that #bookbinding #fic: all the young dudes #marauders #marauders bookbinding #fanfic bookbinding #wolfstar #atyd

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the-martyrfication-of-the-matron · 2 years

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Okay but like…

Her 💕💕💕

#i have so much stuff I’m drawing atm and I’m just flicking between them #like there are two drawing I need to finish soon and I feel bad that I haven’t finished them yet bc they’re for someone else but honestly #I’m Ill and I’m reserving drawing it for when I’m feeling well and that’s like 15% of my free time of which I have very little #so I’m just a tad stressed #but I’ll survive #aphmau #aphverse #rewrite #aphblr #minecraft diaries #mcd #amaranth #aphmau shalas’haska

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probablygayattorneys · 4 months

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I told my brother that if I never play Azran Legacy then Emmy never leaves and I can keep her in that moment forever

And he decided to lift the burden on me by just telling me why she left, thereby ripping off that bandaid. Only problem is, he’s never played Azran Legacy (or any Layton game, for that matter) so he doesn’t know either. But he wasn’t going to let that stop him, so he came up with a reason. And then a few more, just in case.

These reasons include:

-Roundhouse kicked a high ranking government official and is avoiding trial

-Layton doesn’t kill people… but he doesn’t always save them either, and then the train crashed.

-Took the fall for Two-Face killing cops so Harvey Dent’s legacy will live on

-She was the only one who could disarm the bomb but to keep her wife and kids safe she let Descole break her neck.

-Flashed her titties to everyone and is now off to find new people to flash

-She wasn’t actually the Professor’s assistant, she was his apprentice, but near the end of the game she really deepens her connection with the Force and starts to believe that she can overpower him and become the new Professor… however, when she tried to pull off this fight, it’s over, Emmy, the Professor has the high ground.

-Got a job at Hooters which has been a longtime dream of hers and the Professor told her she absolutely could not abandon her dreams to stay his assistant

-Bees.

-She learned the greatest secret the American government has been trying to keep from the public for years (Obama's last name) and had to be eliminated by any means possible.

-Emmy sacrificed herself to save the rest of them from the balrog but she comes back in New World Of Steam as Emmy the White.

-Got a ticket for the Eras tour and is still stuck in traffic leaving the stadium

-She was in a motorcycle accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hanger. She was so innocent… and stoned, apparently.

-After they all sang Seize the Day, she wasn’t able to escape from the cops and they hauled her off to the refuge.

-It’s not Emmy. The first Emmy you see, the teenage one he helps is Emmy, but every single one since is Don Paolo.

-She was just a courier, meant to deliver something to New Vegas, but the game was rigged from the start.

-Moved to Seattle with Grosky to start their own law office.

-This one just says "Bones"

-Was killed by 30-50 feral hogs that ran into her yard within 3-5 minutes while Luke was playing.

-Drove a segway off a cliff

-Bruce Willis was DEAD the ENTIRE TIME!

-Left a note that says “Professor’s Assistant Emmeline Altava Chooses Death” and then fucked off to Europe or something for a year

-She ran away to be with Descole. She was attracted to his manly figure. His Waluigi like body. His spindly little legs. The cut of his jib, if you will.

-Rode her Vespa into a crowd of people while screaming “PEPSI MAN!”

-Didn’t learn STREET SMARTS from JJ Bittenbinder and went to a secondary location

-“Tell me about the rabbits, Emmy.”

-She’s a Russian sleeper agent sent to kill the professor and it’s just taken so damn long because a good hitman doesn’t leave collateral damage but she finally got Layton away from Luke long enough to get the job done.

-Was at a bar on international women’s day, did two shots and tried to fight another girl which caused an all out full bar fight and she fell into a coma after a third girl hit her over the head with an almost full bottle of Hood River Gin.

-Professor Sycamore’s airship flew her to places she’d never been… now she’s lying on the cold hard ground (goat noise)

-The time machine wasn’t stable enough to keep her in the present and it sent back in time to the moment the time machine exploded, sealing her fate.

-Moved to France to learn how to be a heart surgeon.

-She finally was approved to manage her own Dairy Queen franchise.

-She is dead and has been for the past ten years. The professor needs to let her go. The accident wasn’t his fault.

-She walked to Memphis to become a dentist. Anything but this.

-Most think... She died.

-....But I think we oughta believe she made it to the other side :)

#professor Layton and the Azran legacy #Emmy altava #I’m queuing this almost three months in advance #so by the time it posts I’ll almost definitely know #or I will still be playing A Wonderful Life and no one will have seen or heard from me since the release date #could go either way #also do not ask me for clarification on any of these #lord knows I don’t know and my brother probably forgot about the entire conversation the next day #queue takumi defense squad #actually when i stopped playing AL i kept pushing it back #worried that somehow by some bizarre trick one of them would actually be weirdly close to the truth #so we've been adding to it literally all throughout the summer and fall and will continue to until it goes live #and i will probably continue to do that until i finish AL #so either you will never see this post #or someone finally held me accountable #and on that day #i will move this post up to the very top of the queue

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