#i’d get at LEAST 8

[skinreflectsthesun]

I am not well 🤧🤒🥺😴

#personal #last night beba went to bed at 8 pm #I was like okay let’s get started with night time routine because it’s gonna take at least an hour I’d like to go to bed as soon as he does #and legit I started rocking him in my arms around 8 and he closed his eyes around 8:05 and started whining #when he does this he wants me to put him down so he can fall asleep on his own #which just breaks my heart but it’s a good thing #anyways he starts whining so I put him in his bed #and then close the door and leave the rain sounds on for him #and I anticipated giving it about 10 minutes before he thrashed around a bit and started crying because he can’t fall asleep #that’s usually when I come in and pick him up and rock him again and we do the same song and dance for about an hour #and literally I set him down to sleep at 8:15 and he just…slept through the night #I went to bed at 830 and fell asleep by 9 and he slept the whole night #my goddddddddd #I needed that sleep so bad #it didn’t fix me entirely but it’s a start

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Oh my god. You know it’s getting bad when you start doing things you don’t even want to do to procrastinate on something you really do want to do.

It would be one thing if it were something like a hobby; but the thing I want to do is also extremely necessary to my life.

#Hhhhhhngh #for three weeks I’ve been doing this #I’ve had all the time in the world #and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m doing this out of a subconscious desire to prove to myself that I’m actually fucked up in the head #Which is already proof enough that I have that desire in the first place; but I keep going because it’s not enough #I only ever feel like I need care when I’m at my absolute worst #And suddenly after being so exhausted that I fell asleep at 7:00 some days; I’m staying up until 2:30 AM and waking up at 8:00??? #and I feel fine and perfectly awake; but still can’t manage to get myself out of bed until 10:00 because Comfy #I sit and I read for an hour; then I go on my phone and emerge at 5:00 PM #If I go in the bathroom it takes forever to get back out because I end up talking to myself in the mirror about god knows what #I feel like I need some kind of… idk… very strong stimulant in me so I can actually care about things #not that stimulants work like that; but I need to have some kind of catastrophic life event… to get beaten up or something #something to put pure fear and concern in my veins #It is summer and there is almost no chance of me getting kicked or catching a football in the wrong place #and I don’t have to run right now either #I could do something #I know how #But even that is a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation; because that ALSO makes me not want to do things #At least then I’d have a palpable (literally) excuse but uh…. I’m still kind of getting over the last time #I am on my phone all day and I recognize that’s bad; but the thing I need to do is to send an email… which is on my phone; so there’s that #hypocritical #idk there’s something about using limited supplies to deal with a problem that needs more and hoping for the best #it excites me #Makes me feel like a big boy who can handle serious situations #But if I create the problem then it means nothing except that I cannot handle problems at all #I should not have all the responsibilities I do because I am not entirely in my right mind #I am thinking about it though #It’s tempting #get behind me satan

[thegreatestheaver]

Is it a hot take to say re7 is the scariest resident evil game …

#I genuinely have no idea what people think the scariest rezi game is? #if I had rezi followers I’d do a poll but I’m so deathly curious #re7 and 8 are the most .. hm #controversial maybe? minus the re3make #because of the swap to first person but that was the point #the perspective swap was to make ‘em scarier and I think they did a good job #re7 at least #I don’t rhink re8 is very scary sorry😭 #re7 just has a better premise #all the Mia cutscenes are fuckin. crazy. to me at least bc one of my biggest fears is getting stabbed with a huge kitchen knife like that #plus the baker house setting is purrfect imo #re8 is very much fairy tail vibes. not too spooky #the vampires aren’t scary theyre hot idk what you want from me. it was hot when ethan got his hand cut off by lady d ok. #I’m not scared of dolls or that ugly ass fish man neither so #not factories neither #just yeah. fairy tail. not scary #tbf I’m not scared of bugs so the whole bug part of re7 admittedly does nothing for me #which is a shame because it’s AMAZING #but no yeah re7 is so good and so so fucking scary LMFAO #god I need to peer pressure some of my friends into getting into the rezi series I need to be insane w someone abt it #unfortunately it’s a little hard to get into admittedly but once you’re in you’re IN

[asmorule34]

ciel tryna instigate whenever scotland yard “interferes” with yet another crime scene (it’s the 8th time this week) (it’s monday)

#i had a dream when i was 12 in which me and sebastian were stranded on a plank in the middle of the ocean #and i was like ‘it’s ok at least we have eachother!’ #he drowned himself immediately after #ever since then i’ve had this deep rooted hatred for him. it’s been festering in me for so long #to the point that it feels like a primal instinct to absolutely despise him #it’s been 8 yrs since then and every time i see sebastian i get so mad i lose my shit #before you ask no i’m not mentally ill. infact i’d say hating sebastian’s guts makes me 28x saner than the rest of you #kuroshitsuji #black butler #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive #o!ciel

[lizzibennet]

the dream is to speak at least one language from each major linguistic group in the world so when i meet someone the likelihood that i can at least somewhat communicate with them if not outright speak their language is as high as my little human brain will allow me

#we’re behind on track by this point in my life i thought i’d be fluent in 7-8 languages at least #let me get into med school first and then i’ll tackle the pesky languages

[designernishiki]

kazumaji nation, if the pairing were to be canonized in y8, how do you imagine it happening? either realistically or ideally. go

#PLEASE tell me your ideas #I will put mine in the tags in a moment #kazumaji #yakuza #yakuza 8 #rgg #goro majima #kazuma kiryu #also please don’t respond to this with just ‘it won’t happen’ or something man like. you can be Honest but I’d rather hear ideas that are #POSSIBLE- that doesn’t mean they absolutely 100% will happen or something. tldr: just have fun #personally I am somewhat hopeful for something vague yet There at the end associated with kiryu’s retirement/general fate #like realistically something like.. majima getting genuinely upset with him because of how tired he is of kiryu being away from him in such #a way that he never can totally be sure if he’s alive or dead or if he’s ever going to see him again- because let’s be real they are #IMPORTANT to one another and I think BOTH of them would be affected by all the death scares and the loneliness when they’re apart. they’ve #been odd but fundamental pillars in one another’s lives for like… 30 years? 35? #even if they’re apart I don’t think kiryu could deny at least for the past decade he could go to majima for help no matter the situation #and he would drop everything to help him #I don’t think majima is nearly as hopeful about having his feelings reciprocated or really about anyone truly loving him in General but #he sure as hell knows how far he’d go for kiryu regardless of that fact. why do you think he’s been single and not looking #at anyone else romantically for literally decades. #so yeah anyway point is. realistically I think that would come up very emotionally and would hopefully end in kiryu holding him real tight #and reassuring him that he’s not going anywhere. not again. not without him. he promises #something something wherever they go in the end they go together. that’s also the only way I can see majima actually being content to any #degree in retirement from such a high-risk life #that’s. one idea anyway. I have many ideas. but that one comes to mind as a realistic option cause it’s romantic but not overtly enough to #have to worry about censors particularly or anything like that. believe me though I’d much prefer if they finally got to fucking kiss after #35 god damn years. I think majima needs and deserves that. both of them do but especially majima because i really think he feels hopeless as #it stands right now both about his love for kiryu that he can’t seem to shake and about being lovable by anyone in general #he seriously seriously needs this. being all over the place and never settling may be fun but it really doesn’t help the emptiness inside #and the loneliness. and the self loathing. and purposelessness. and so on.

[moron-hassaikai-and-more]

Eri: mother.

Chrono: yes my child?

Eri: mother I crave violence.

Overhaul: Good!

#mha incorrect quotes #mha #incorrect bnha quotes #bnha incorrect quotes #hari kurono #chrono #shie hassaikai #kai chisaki #overhaul #mha chronostasis #mha overhaul #mha kai chisaki #8:38 PM 5th September #i never thought I’d be the one to participate in neighbour wars but this bitch took my parcel and I’m pissed. #also I’m getting very annoyed at the pronoun discourse on Tiktok. #especially as someone who uses xenopronouns #or is at least experimenting with them

[unawakening-float07]

that kind of happened to me once .... I like my hair shorter on the sides with more volume at the top and fringe. so she asks, so u want a #3? and I say, well if it gives me the hair I just described then sure. so then she clips all of my hair off leaving about 3mm 😃

horrible :( i’m so sensitive about my hair atm because there are still parts that are much thinner than others so now it’s gonna look way more obvious that i’m suffering from hair loss which is why i prefer shaggy and long hair

😞😞😞

#it’s whatever at the end of the day #it’s hair it grows back and i’ve been bald and still felt sexy #but like #as i’m getting older and my weight is gaining and my face is sagging and growing bigger and more wrinkled #i’d like to look at least a little young and playful and stupid and ditzy #having really short hair really ages me like 8 years i think

[vitos-ordination-song]

Omg the Pluto adaption is good

#which means my feelings are getting wrecked #it’s at least an 8/10 tho I’d still tell ppl to read the manga first

[bibleofficial]

idk what my father thought the take-away would be by taking my brother & i downtown to look at homeless people every holiday and birthday growing up was. like all it’s turned into was ‘communism = good’ & 🤝 like 😭😭

#diary #‘rhat could easily be u one day’ ‘one accident is all it takes’ then to the -> ‘we will kick u out if u do something we don’t like’ -> im #poor & therefore the poor is me ALSKALSKALKSLAKS #like idk. i mean i’ve been thinking abt it so much like how things could’ve been different if only money weren’t a problem #like yea he grew up basically homeless so i understand what his point ? was i guess ? but idk like the looming ‘u can be kicked out’ had #been held over me since i realized my faggotry at like 7/8 like ALSKALSKALSKLAKS #i didn’t have money ? i was a child ? i couldn’t afford things ? but also the money i did have was from work i’d do around the house or #whatever like if we got birthday money like 80% would go into a savings account but i didn’t have access to that account until i turned like #17 so like still its not like it was MY money - all my money was what i had or what i could hide or stash like #the HOARDING #JUST IN CASE I GOT FOUND OUT #maybe this was really unhealthy #but REGARDLESS it’s like ok idk the class solidarity but HE doesn’t like the homeless now bc he’s a crotchety old man that was a child of #neoliberal capitalism so i mean yea idk i get it but MY generation like my brother & i - or at least I REALIZED THIS - but like the flourish #that my father received from the economy he came of age into is NOT being passed along to me like im just floundering i keep thinking abt #money like im so fucking stressed all the time abt MONEY like i RESENT it so much like i WISH i could’ve been born into wealth like just #be NORMAL have a NORMAL college like be able to GET A LOAN at ALL for school loans but #like even if i COULD get a loan it’s not like i’d be able to PAY IT BACK !!!!! like oh my god ? & then who’d end up having to figure out how #to pay it back ? my family bc .. gov gon get their money somehow & i can’t do that even if i DID get kicked out like #im just so envious of the wealthy; those who could pay their way - or get it covered #like literally ‘what’re u going to do :)’ bro i don’t FUCKING KNOW DO U HAVE MONEY FOR ME TO DO ANYTHING ? BC WORKING FOR 30K/YEAR IS MORE #like time available to look for Real work vs Working at Work like it’s MORE affordable to NOT work #what’s the POINT if fucking WALMART pays MORE THAN A DEGREED REQUIREMENT #like 😭😭😭😭😭 #cost of living crisis ever rising #like ok let’s just #im going to light things on fire

[garlicowboy]

honestly i love that i named myself river im genuinely so bad at names for things (e.g. my 2 separate frog plushes named froggy and mr frogman respectively) but i knocked it out of the park with that one. i love that every-time a stranger asks for my name i get to proudly say river :) and watch as they without fail go Oh! That’s unusual! or as they are instantly complimentary of it. sorry to my parents all respect to your choices but i just did a way better job. plus everything about the symbolism and imagery of rivers just resonates with who i am in my opinion too… it’s just one of my greatest decisions i believe. congrats to me

#i still need to change it legally like i started the process last year MONTHSSS AGO but i need money to complete it so… #unfortunately sidelined for now. once i do it i think i’ll be happier #it’s been at least 8 months or so now since i privately declared to some friends that it was my name now. seems like waayyy longer #but that’s because i had privately chosen that name a long long time before ever speaking it out loud lol #think i used to put that as my name on here sometimes for a little bit so i could see how it felt without being Witnessed. #anyways ummm #happy #😁😁😁 #would be cute to send the legal documents off on the 1 year anniversary but then my passport would be void and im not fucking around w that #when im seeing my gf again in april #it’ll get done eventually. just know i’d procrastinate absolutely anything up to and including my own name change #mine #txt

[goldkirk]

NO NEED TO READ. I’m just venting 👍

Tw: suicide mentions and stuff

So I can’t give details bc protecting privacy of minors and my family who doesn’t know I have a tumblr or anything etc etc but I was right in suspecting that the adults back home don’t tell me anything non-great going on and G is having a way worse time than I was made aware of and as usual no one is doing ENOUGH and what’s being done is late and I’m like I just—I was TRYING to tell adults for FOUR YEARS and especially the last two of them and no one LISTENED until it was unavoidable and I STILL didn’t get anyone listening to my advice about things and I don’t have any way to make a difference but I swear to god if this goes on for another year or four the kid is going to kill himself. Like they are giving him NOTHING to live for, he has like 10% good and 90% misery and at least if I moved back home for a year or two I could be close enough to do something in an emergency. They don’t give their kids any way to talk to me and they wouldn’t let me around the kids to babysit or anything since I’m gay and a corrupting influence and believe in science and not fundamentalism but I’m telling you I had an extra 5-10% that this kid doesn’t have and I almost killed myself anyway and I didn’t have the massive health problems this kid has at that age either. They wouldn’t let me help him if I moved back but he has LITERALLY no one not in that worldview or viewing kids as not having rights etc etc and like. Of COURSE he can’t improve his emotions and behavior when he’s NEVER IN A SITUATION THAT LETS HIM HAVE ENOUGH LACK OF STRESS TO HEAL AND ENOUGH EXAMPLES OF ADULTS BEING HEALTHY EMOTIONALLY. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

it just SUCKS and my mom is doing as much as she personally can to help in terms of getting him school accommodations and stuff but they all assured me so much while I was in the apartment 20 minutes away that things were SO much better and none of the old stuff was happening with him running away or needing to get dropped off to spend the night or whatever and I just you’re telling me they’ve been locking up food and you get calls at night on random days asking if they can drop him off at your house and the kid doesn’t have school accommodations and is failing some classes and has no motivation and has ongoing behavior issues and I just WHY DO YOU SAY THESE THINGS LIKE IT’S JUST A SHAME AND HE’S THE ONE CAUSING ALL OF THEM, and they didn’t take it seriously or see the problem when the kid scratched his own face bloody etc etc TWO YEARS AGO my god you people he doesn’t even tell you anything, what, do you think what you see on the surface is the extent of it?????

I’ve had conversations and I’ve cried at them and I’ve educated them and I’ve exhorted them at one am and I’ve tried to share my own experience and I’ve tried to give them science and I’ve tried to be a mediator and I ruined Christmas Eve begging them to be safer for these kids than they were for me because once I left the kids would have no other option bc they have no other trusted adults and they don’t GET it. If my parents and siblings ignore risks and one of my nephews or nieces ends up dead, I’m never going to forgive them for the rest of my life.

#please don’t suggest contacting DFS I already tried that last year and I was outed by my mom and everyone was REALLY mad and both the kids #and I got a lot of blame #and it wrecked my sister AND my mom and was expensive and didn’t help anything anyway #and there’s no evidence I can give and it’s everyone else against the crazy one (me) soooo #and also the foster system is terrible back home #i just needed to vent because this is everything I was afraid of happening back when I was like 14 and realizing if anyone ever knew #who I was and what I thought I’d be an evil influence from Satan and #never allowed access to the kids ever again and never trusted and kept informed about things #they spent years asking why the kids respond well to me #and asking if I can help with these situations #and I always did and I told them the same things every time and they never listened and I don’t want to be a PERSON I am so sick of being #a PERSON #why can’t you just fucking be KIND to each other and put in the work to face painful facts and GET BETTER BECAUSE OF IT #i did it on my own as a teenager you’re all at LEAST 16 years older than me I HATE you you just keep HURTING us kids and you don’t believe #you do because your worldview is the only right one and you can’t allow any other possibility!!! #well one of these days one of us is going to do more than wait 8 years to finally go to a hospital #and someone’s going to do something that can’t be bandaided or fixed #and you’re STILL not going to understand why #and I’m never going to know what to DO WITH YOU ABOUT THIS #oh thank FUCK #finally!!!!!!! an emotion!!!!!!!! oh my god it’s been over a month since I felt a feeling #this is great #excuse me I’ll be back in a while #I’m going to go feed the baby flame of this anger and try to keep it around for a bit so I remember what existing is like #I’m genuinely so happy right now hang on #thanks to anyone who read all the way through this ily and please make sure you have any water meds rest and food you need!!!!!! #shh katie #family #i love them all so much it eats me inside #i just want everyone to be GOOD like I know they’ve been able to be when I was little

[heyitsthatonesmolgay]

Oh my god. I’m learning new things about myself and I’m…proud??? But also realizing on a deeper level why I have a system.

#turns out most kids don’t learn algebra at 8 or 9 #and most kids don’t do math problems for fun #and this makes me actually “smart” #but because if I said that as a child I’d be accused of bragging or being arrogant #I just shut up and never offered a deeper explanation #I went to the “smart kid school” where most children were at least 2 grades ahead in math and I STILL got mostly A’s and B’s #and yet it never occurred to me that maybe I was smarter than a lot of the kids around me??? Who were struggling to keep ahead while I #while I didn’t need to try as hard #and getting abused for being arrogant or being a braggart was. Kinda the norm for me #so I guess this system is at least in part traumagenic

[l00katthesky]

——

#man I’d love to know stuff #be knowledged and well taught about something #or whatever #like my current job? she‘s out. at least in this company #I’d love to learn so much but also keep it in my brain!!! that’s be sick #insanity these past few weeks #i need to ramble on here to get off some steam and let out some thoughts and rants #i love knowing stuff!!! being able to learn awww #how come the closer I get to the weekend the more insane my brain gets? she‘s spiraling a little bit!!!!! #like mondays are chill but the other days are going OFF also by being at work yesterday today and possibly tomorrow I‘m starting to miss #working from home but I feel so TRAPPED at home the perfect day would be working 8-12 at workplace and 13-16 at home #but I’m just happy I’m aware of all the insanity happening within me! I notice! I see and I learn! today I kept quiet/calm/not too frowing #while having the shittiest/most exhausting pets of the day #but as my role I need to not be so stressed out I need my teams to trust me and see me as a helper as their support and not as the one goi #ng crazy

[hagravenholm]

You know what that last post just made me realize? I fucking hate Sundays

#especially now. waking up to a whole day of free time and I’m broke and alone. yippee! #also no w**d. which is horrible. #:/ i want my medicine at least damn lol. #I’m probably just gonna go get ahead of some school work since that’s all my life consists of now is school and a job I can’t fucking stand #which I actually suspect is damaging my health. #since I clock in and work 7+ hours straight w no fucking breaks on this manual labor job #I take my coffee and a breakfast bar for work in the mornings and half the time I don’t even get time to finish eating or drinking my #fucking breakfast until after my shit is over 8 hours later #I want to cry. I’m sorry I know how it sounds. I just fucking hate this life I’m living sm now and a huge part of my can’t wait for it to #be absolutely over in any way. whether it be permanently or miraculous… I kinda don’t care at this point tbh #and one other thing it’s absolutely fucking hilarious to me and by that I mean it makes my blood fucking boil #hearing privileged assholes say just go to therapy hurr durr! jus go to da doctor! #motherfucking I am the working class I do no have health insurance. #not only that but I can’t afford it! lmfao like this is the way the system was set up #for people like me to work and work and work themselves to death but no one fucking gets this bc this country & older people are braindead #and lick the corpo boot clean and say the party line just work harder just go buy therapy forehead. #thanks! I’d actually love to. I’ve actually been wanting a therapist for years now. #people love to talk over me when I try to explain my material reality. it’s just a nightmare trying to get help in a system that so clearly #just wants to suck you dry to the bone for profit use up all your labor and destroy your body and leave YOU w nothing to show for it #but of course I’m just another crazy commie kid even tho I’m 27. #but no please continue everybody to shame me for not having access to therapy. #and isn’t it funny how the onus is just always on me. Like I’m so sorry that you all have to put up w my bad behavior lmao #as if I fucking knifed someone or something. as if I don’t try to apologize when I mess up. but no one EVER ever ever ever ever gives me #any fucking credit for that. for trying my best to fix mistakes I made. whatever. #I’m just complaining what else do I even have left

[dragonanon]

Clinic staff: *Works from 7:45 am to 4:15 pm*

Doctors: *Sets up schedule to where they’re having 4:30 patients*

Clinic staff:

#drives me fucking insane #like it’s one thing if the patient comes early because i can work with that #but in my experience 4:30 patients tend to not show up until like 4:20 at the earliest #and like i love my clinic and all but i’m not staying late because you keep scheduling patients to come in outside my shift hours #i have a life outside of the clinic too ya know l #i’d be a little more willing to stay later if i lived closer/didn’t take public transportation #ffs i only live like 8 miles away from my clinic but it takes over an hour to get to and from there 🙃 #at least i have an unlimited usage bus pass from my company that i only have to pay like 12 bucks a month for #it’s a good deal because i can use it anytime i want even to get to and from places that aren’t work related