#i watched it in 2011 i just watched it again and became obsessed recently (again)

[klovii]

wanting content and merchandise from something that was popular in 2011 :')))) there is like nothing

#this is about durarara #i watched it in 2011 i just watched it again and became obsessed recently (again) #pls help #durarara x2 #drrr

[arrow-dodger]

When I was 12, my mom bought the soundtrack to The Phantom of the Opera movie with Gerard Butler. She must have gotten the CD from the bargain bin at Wal Mart or something. She started playing it all the time in the car, insisting she loved that kind of music (which she had never listened to before, as far as I'm aware).

I became obsessed with it almost immediately. I made her get me the movie and I watched it almost every night. At that age I hated Raoul because I thought he was lame and weak. The Phantom was my sexy sad boy and for some reason I thought I could fix him. No offense to Christine, but I was built different. The idea of being someone's entire world was very appealing to me, because I never felt important to anyone. I wanted someone to take me away to be theirs forever. That was a romance I could read fanfiction about for years to come.

I've always listened to it and watched the movie from time to time since, but I revisited it more specifically recently. It occurred to me that I only know the movie version of the songs, which are probably the worst ones, so I started listening to the original Broadway cast and the 2011 recording.

The vibe is... very different. I am very different. Gerard Butler's Phantom IS kind of a sexy sad boy in comparison, and the stage Phantom has much more "muahahaha" energy. I mean, he's a devious, cringe little bitch. But the thing is that he's also scary as hell. Actually, this entire thing has always been scary, and I was kind of blind to it because of how sexy Gerard Butler is, maybe. Listening now, it's a horror that sends chills down my spine.

Now as an adult the romance angle doesn't work the same. I've had men make me their entire world before and convince me they'd die without me living to care for them. I've had men give me things without me asking and then use that against me later. I've had men seek out my very specific weaknesses to exploit them in their favor. I've had men threaten violence and violate my personhood because they wanted to own me so badly. I had a man essentially brainwash me for so many years.

I always hated Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again as a kid. I thought the song was boring and would skip past it sometimes, because I just didn't get what it added. Now I get that it's the entire linchpin to the plot of this thing.

When I watch that scene now, I realize that Christine's trauma about the death of her father IS the plot. That's what all of this is about, in the end. During the Wandering Child bit afterwards, when I see her say "wildly my mind beats against you, but my soul obeys," I know that very feeling... and it isn't romantic, it's DARK. When she says she has endless longings, she doesn't mean she longs to have a sexy phantom boyfriend, she means she longs to feel safe! Feel loved! Protected! She wants to feel like her father is still around and looking out for her! And she spent all these years thinking she would get these things from this person who's convinced her he's an avatar of her dead father, who spends this song calling her a lost child who needs his guidance, specifically poking at the wound he knows she has to give himself the upper hand. That isn't hot! That's awful!

When I see Christine crying as she turns away from the Phantom at the end of the 2011 production, I don't think she's sad because she's in love with him too. I think she's sad because she's leaving behind this person who is the architect of her entire consciousness. Someone who has convinced her that they need each other, that they're each other's destiny. She's realizing that she needs to leave her father behind. When he says "Christine, I love you," she's hearing her father's voice. She doesn't know who she is without him, or if she'll completely collapse if she takes another step away. And bitch, same. I've been there too. I thought I'd die myself.

The angles that art can stab you from change with you as you age. Stranger than you dreamt it!

#this won't stop me from romanticizing things I've romanticized since childhood #but it's certainly a big bite to chew

[ecoamerica]

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[animehun7er]

TOP ECCHi ANiME TO WATCH FOR

It’s sexy time now or in anime terms, it’s ‘ecchi’ time now. After doing a list about some of the popular harem anime out there, why not compile another list, this time with popular ecchi anime. The ecchi genre has been a fan favourite for a long time. So much so that there are special fanservice episodes in anime from other genres. Though I am not an avid watcher of ecchi anime sometimes I do tend to dwell in them. If you are looking for some sexy anime the here’s a list compiled just for you. So, let’s see what are some of the top ecchi anime out ever. You can watch some of these best ecchi anime movies on Crunchyroll or YouTube. Most of these anime are erotic and hot

10. No Game No Life (2014)

‘No Game No Life’ is a fantasy, ecchi anime. It has been made bright, colourful, and is filled with fan service. I liked the premise of the movie (though it has been done before). The base theme is that you have to play high-stake games to make critical decisions. Thus, this removes all kind of action, bloodshed, and war. So, if you are into that action anime then I suggest you skip this one. Sora and Shiro are one of the best online gamers. They are siblings who are not currently pursuing any sort of education or doing any jobs. Their online game username is ‘Blank’ which has achieved a sort of legendary status. They don’t go out much and feel that the real world is nothing but a lame game.

One day they receive an e-mail which challenges them to play a match of chess. This starts their adventures in another realm where every rivalry and problem is solved by games. The ruler of this world, Disboard, is Tet, who is the God of Games. This system of settling disputes and discord via high-stake games works pretty well for one particular reason. Both the parties must wager something equal in value to the wager of the opposite party. Now, the gaming genius duo Sora and Shiro has got a reason to play games. They must unite all the races of this world to play against Tet so that they become the new God of Games.

9. Kill la Kill (2013)

‘Kill la Kill’ is an entertaining anime. There are two ways of watching this show. You can watch it as a parody of sorts and enjoy how it satirically criticizes the stereotypical anime paraphernalia. You can also watch it as a common ecchi, action anime with strong female leads and lots of funny scenes. Whichever way you choose you will end up having fun while viewing this show. Though at first, the series might feel a bit confusing and clichéd it matures gradually as the series approaches the end. Ryuuko Matoi is the protagonist of the series. Her father was an inventor. One of his inventions is a scissor-like weapon. It is the missing half of this weapon which serves as the only remaining clue of his murder that Ryuuko has.

With the remaining half of the scissor blade, she ventures out to find the killer of her father and avenge his death. Her investigation takes her to Honnouji Academy. It is a prestigious academy at the top of which is the cold and heartless Satsuki Kiryuuin, the student council president. Four people serve her and are known as the Elite Four. They have been given God Clothes by Satsuki which grants them superhuman powers. Ryuuko tries to fight one of them but looses and retreats to her home. There she finds a rare God Cloth which after coming in contact with her blood latches onto her. This gives her immense superhuman abilities.

Now, armed with power Ryuuko ventures once again to the Honnouji Academy to face Satsuki and her underlings to uncover the culprit behind her father’s murder.

8. Highschool of the Dead (2010)

The only reason I decided to include ‘Highschool of the Dead’ is that I found it quite entertaining. Mind you it is nowhere close to some great ecchi anime like ‘Shokugeki no Soma’ but it is entertaining nonetheless. It is an erotic zombie apocalypse anime with lots of fanservice. There are some steamy hot scenes in this anime. It does not plan to intrigue the viewers with a complex and interesting plot or relatable characters (though at times you can relate with some of them) but rather let them enjoy a sexy little zombie apocalypse anime. So, if you are a fan of the genre then you might enjoy it.

The plot starts with the world suddenly amid a zombie apocalypse. People start turning into the undead. The entire social structure is experiencing a great demise as humans start feeding on each other. Takashi Kimuro is the protagonist of this anime. His friend, unfortunately, turns into a zombie. Takashi takes the harsh decision and kills his friend before he can harm anyone. He promises to protect the girlfriend of his friend. As they navigate through their school campus they meet a bunch of other students and a school nurse. All of them are trying to escape this predicament. They decide to bundle up together and work as a team so that they can survive this apocalypse.

7. Sekirei (2008)

‘Sekirei’ is a popular ecchi genre anime and like lots of other anime in this genre, it too uses the supernatural theme. The series has some funny scenes and some over-the-top action sequences. The female characters, who are the centre of attraction for all ecchi anime fans, in this anime are quite pretty and sexy. They are nicely endowed and have voluptuous figures. Though it is common in these types of anime I felt that ‘Sekirei’ was somewhat misogynistic in its approach. It is one thing to make women wear skimpy and tight clothes (which is quite staple in any ecchi anime) but it is another thing to treat them as objects. This was one of the most obnoxious things about this anime. If you can get over this fact then it will become a fun little anime which you can either binge or watch an episode or two once in a while taking a break from your regular stuff.

Though Minato Sahashi is not an idiot he keeps struggling with academics. He tries hard but ends up failing the college entrance exams a second time. He and people around him lose their hope and think that Minato is a failure. But suddenly his life changes when a beautiful human-like extraterrestrial-being falls into his life (literally). Her name is Musubi. She is a Sekirei, special beings who kiss humans who possess a special gene to unhide their secret powers. Musubi brings out Minato’s hidden powers but now he is paired with her to compete against other similar pairs. What Minato doesn’t know is that there is far more danger regarding this than he thinks.

6. Yuragi-sou no Yuuna-san (2018)

Up next is another supernatural ecchi anime. If you fantasize about sexy supernatural or fantastical beings then you will enjoy ‘Yuragi-sou no Yuuna-san’. There are 12 episodes in this series and each episode is around 23 minutes long. If you have ventured into the ecchi genre after watching anime like ‘Shokugeki no Soma’ then I will suggest you not to hang around this genre much, since most anime are not remotely like it. They are filled with lots of fanservice and buxom beauties and that’s mostly about it.

Fuyuzora Kogarashi is a medium and has been troubled by spirits since his childhood. He has been possessed many times but as he grew older he became more resistant towards the spirits and can now even exorcize them with just a punch. But he is poor and in need of a cheap boarding house to stay in. He finds it quite cheap to stay at the Yuragi manor. The main reason that this Manor is cheap is that it is haunted. But having dealt with ghosts most of his life Fuyuzora has no problem with it and starts staying in the house. The other tenants of the house are beautiful and sexy females. There he meets the ghost of the girl who is haunting the house. After Fuyuzora vows to help fulfil her lingering wish, the other members of the house reveal their supernatural nature.

5. Sankarea (2012)

The next anime is an odd one. ‘Sankarea’ had one of the most unusual plots. The main character is Chihiro Furuya a boy obsessed with everything ‘zombie’. He is so into them that he even wants a zombie girlfriend. One day Chihiro’s cat Baabu dies. This makes him determined to create a resurrection potion. He finds one of the main ingredients in Rea Sanka’s, a girl who wishes to die, house. After the potion is complete Rea decides to drink it thinking that the potion will kill her. But the potion was successful and when Rea, dies in an accident she is resurrected from the dead thus, becoming a zombie. Though this situation may seem ideal for Chihiro he faces a lot of trouble to deal with Rea.

4. Mayo Chiki! (2011)

Kinjirou Sakamachi had developed gynophobia, a fear of women, thanks to his mother and sister’s wrestling obsession. One advantage did come out of this though, his body has become very resilient allowing him to even brush off bumps from vehicles. But his fear is quite abnormal so much so that even a touch from a female can make his nose bleed. He ends up discovering that Subaru Konoe, who is the butler to his headmaster’s daughter, is a female. In exchange for secrecy, she promises to cure his phobia.

3. Prison School (2015)

Hachimitsu Private Academy is a popular all-girls academy until very recently when it decided to let boys enrol. After the first enrollment process, only 5 boys are selected. This puts them in a very awkward position as they cannot converse with almost any of their classmates since they are all female and ignore them. They try to find recluse in being peeping toms. But they are caught and thrown in the school prison for one month. Will they be able to survive or will they break?

2. High School DxD (2012)

Issei Hyoudou is your everyday pervert who wants to own a harem someday. He enjoys peeping on women. One day he is asked by a girl. Unfortunately, the girl is a fallen angel who wants to kill Issei and is successful in doing so. End of story, right? Wait! Issei is then resurrected by Rias Gremory, a devil, who makes him her servant. Now, Issei must adjust to this new lifestyle and survive in the vicious world of devils and angels.

1. Shokugeki no Souma (2015)

Souma Yukihira has been working as a sous chef under his father in their family restaurant. He is quite creative in his cooking style and entertains the customers with skilful culinary creations. His dream is to one day become the head chef of the restaurant. His dream is however cut short when his father closes down the business and enrols Souma in Tootsuki Culinary Academy. Now, he needs to work hard since only 10% of the students can graduate. Will he be able to survive the academy and its famous food wars?

[notsoyoungblood]

@howlinchickhowl was kind enough to @ me in this Tumblr habits tag game and it was really interesting to read her answers, so here I am doing it myself

1. why did you choose your url?

I used to have a different one but I recently changed it for something a little less cringy. It's just what I have, not so young blood 😛 (it's a Norah Jones song)

2. any side blogs?

Nope. I used to have one for my writing but I deleted it a long time ago because I wasn't posting anything and it made me feel bad.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

I've been here since 2011, wtf! 10 years?!

4. do you have a queue tag? 

No. Sometimes I like a post and then reblog it later, but usually I just reblog whatever I want whenever I see it and hope the people that follows me doesn't hate me that much.

5. why did you start your blog?

I literally can't remember. Must've been bored or something. I didn't use it for a very long time until I watched My mad fat diary and felt the need to fangirl somewhere, and then I became obsessed.

6. why did you choose your pfp?

I was really into Joy Division at the time (I still love them) and went to a Kevin Cummins photography exhibition. I took this selfie in front of one of his amazing Ian Curtis photos and I guess it was in my camera roll when I created this blog. I've never changed it.

7. why did you choose your header?

It's a still from a Studio Ghibli's movie, Only Yesterday if I'm not mistaken. I love that cloud, it's amazingly done. And I love clouds.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

A post with some photos I took during the Buenos Aires Pride Parade in 2017.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

More than I deserve, that's for sure 💖

10. how many followers do you have?

Once again, more than I deserve haha

11. how many people do you follow?

Apparently more than I realized 😳 Over a thousand! If I like a blog I just follow it, I don't think about it that much, haha.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I'm think I have but they never became popular.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

A LOT.

14. did you have a fight/arguments with another blog once?

No, I didn't. I'm not that relevant.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

They used to trigger my anxiety a few years back, because even though I don't have OCD I tend to develop certain "rituals" from time to time. Everytime I saw one of those (it didn't matter what they were about) I started feeling anxious and it was awful. Luckily, I'm much better now and just reblog them if I think they're important. You have to be careful because sometimes there's misinformation or false accusations/statements. I usually do my research outside of Tumblr, just in case.

16. do you like tag games?

Yes!

17. do you like ask games?

Yes, but I don't reblog them that much because I don't get any asks when I do 😂

18. which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous?

I have some mmfd fandom celebrities for sure! I think @howlinchickhowl is getting famous in the Shameless fandom 😌 And I'm lucky enough to have @mprods aka the author of one of my favorite fics ever as a mutual and she's is pretty famous 😎

This was fun! It took me down to memory lane, haha. I'm gonna tag my besties @likeashootingstarfades and @laurielau, @estoy-perdida and @girl-looking-out-window if you feel like doing it ✨✨✨✨✨✨

#tag game #i haven't done one of these in a while #it was fun

[blucmoon]

━  ☾ ⊹  ( bang chan, cis male , he/him ) say hello to HWA YOHAN / CHANCE HWA, the TWENTY FOUR YEAR OLD that seems to have a lot in his hands with HIS job as a STREAMER AND CONTENT CREATOR! beyond that, they seemed RELIABLE AND PASSIONATE upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of SELF-CONSCIOUS AND CAUTIOUS though. HE seems to live in a 2 BEDROOM APARTMENT in SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA. anything else to add? oh, yeah! he also USED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL GAMER PART OF SEOUL DYNASTY (OWL) UNTIL HE GOT KICKED OUT.

basic information

― full name: hwa yohan / chance hwa ― nicknames: yohwa ― age: twenty four ― date of birth: october 3rd, 1996 ― birthplace: cheonan, south korea. ―hometown: sydney, australia ― current location: seoul, south korea ― living arrangements: 2 bedroom apartment ― ethnicity: korean ― nationality: dual, korean (natural born) and australian (naturalized) ― gender: cis male ― pronouns: he / him ― orientation: demiromantic, heterosexual. ― religion: atheist ― occupation: streamer ― language(s) spoken: korean (fluent), english (fluent) ―accent: heavy australian accent

physical appearance

― faceclaim: bang chan / christopher bang of stray kids. ― hair: naturally brown, though he often dyes to a variety of colors, mostly black and blue. right now, it’s a purple color that’s already fading. ― eye colour: coffee brown ― height: 171cm ― weight: 56kg ― tattoos: none at the moment. ― piercings: lobe and upper lobe on both ears. anti-tragus, orbital and rook on the left one. double helix on the right one. ― clothing style: regularly techwear when he goes out and athleisure at home.

personality

― label: the cynical ― positive traits: attentive, dependable, reliable, passionate, brave, energetic, honest, humorous, clever, versatile, truthful, affectionate, sociable ― negative traits: self-conscious, cautious, opinionated, arrogant, detached, critical, tactless, stubborn, loud, quick-tempered, harsh, unfiltered, cynical, restless, ambitious, ― hobbies: baking, collecting enamel pins and funkos, jigsaw puzzles, skateboarding, reading, listening to music, curating playlists when he has time, learning origami. ― habits: obsessively organising, borrowing books and rarely ever returning them (he forgets who they belong to ok), really bad road rage, awful at keeping track of time, people watching, always wears a black ring on his left index finger, always hugs something when sleeping, gets easily impressed by things, quotes movies and shows in regular conversations, knuckle cracking, snacking between meals, eye rolling without noticing, squinting when concentrated, crossing his arms over his chest, running hands through his hair, slouching, rolling his shoulders. ― zodiac sign: sun libra, moon gemini, ascendant libra. ― mbti: infp-t “the mediator” ― enneagram: 8w7 “the nonconformist”. ― temperament: melancholic ― hogwarts house: ravenclaw ― moral alignment: chaotic neutral ― primary vice: greed ― primary virtue: diligence ― element: air

trivia:

― he’s played all kind of games and his twitch channel was created 9 years ago (whew) and it currently has over 5 million subscribers. currently, he streams mostly genshin impact, valorant, league of legends, overwatch, spider-man: miles morales, cyberpunk 2077 and the witcher iii. every now and then he makes charity streams. he also makes special lives with other gamers and figures where they play games like among us, minecraft, fortnite (though he absolutely hates it), party animals, fall guys and other party games.

― despite the rumours around him and his parents, he’s never talked about them to the media. it’s not like chance hides the information, after all it’s online, but he swerves questions about them and pretty much decides to not say anything about them just to avoid controversy. his parents didn’t mind until last year the company they worked at offered him a sponsorship and yohan turned it down. it’s safe to say they were pretty hurt over this and they haven’t talked much recently.

― yohan is, in his words, the biggest fan of spiderman (not really) but he’s his favorite heroe of all times and he collects everything and anything that has him in it. his biggest collection is funko pops with over 30+ figurines. he collects funkos of various other interests of him as well as enamel pins.

― lowkey a weeb. he likes watching anime in his spare time and if he likes it too much, he’d buy the manga and read it as well. his latest obsessions are kimetsu no yaiba, boku no hero academia, haikyu and jujutsu kaisen.

― won’t ever admit this out loud, but almost every ghibli movie makes him cry his eyes out, even when he’s watched the same one over and over again. he prefers to watch these on his own. his favorite one is grave of the fireflies.

― it took him a while to get used to korean culture, a part of him is still trying to. luckily, his family would speak in korean in their household most of the time and this helped him not struggle as much when it came to the language. his streams are most of the time in english to cater to a bigger audience, but recently he’s got himself a small team of an editor and a translator that’s helped him add subtitles to the videos he uploads in youtube.

― his current setup is completely sponsored except for a few extra things he’s bought himself and he has minimal experience when it comes to builds, though he’s really interested in learning and has recently researched more about the whole topic, hoping to get his first custom build by the end of the year.

― has terrible road rage and this is the reason why he doesn’t own a car or a driving license, even being in the backseat makes him anxious and would much rather prefer to use the bus, a bike or his skateboard to commute between places. taxis and other rides are his last option, if he’s quite honest.

― as a neighbour, he’s polite and tries to be mindful just to avoid needless problems. the first thing he did was soundproof his office in order to not disrupt others, but sometimes this doesn’t work as well due to how loud he can be. chance will try to greet every neighbour he encounters either with a wave or a simple nod.

― loves dogs but doesn’t feel he’s responsible enough to take care of one yet, though he will certainly volunteer to pet-sit his friends’ dogs.

background:

born in cheonan, south korea to two very affectionate parents and an older sister, yohan was the name given to the first boy of the hwa’s; a small loving family who moved to australia two years after his birth.

the reason for this is that his mom was promoted to become the director of a renowned gaming company that was opening its new headquarters in sydney. his father is a software engineer specialised in videogames development who works under the same company.

his sister is a graphic designer and she, too, is currently working with them in the multimedia and design area. she’s almost 7 years older than him and ever since they were kids, she took a protective role over yohan.

it was easy for yohan to get really invested in videogames from a young age, after all, his parents would often bring home their newest releases as well as games from other various companies (his father liked to play a lot as well and he himself was a fan of many games, mostly the nintendo classics).

fast forward to his teenage years; he was actually good at school, not the best, but definitely did good enough to not worry his parents with his grades. sports always piqued his interest. he was part of the basketball team and would use his skateboard often to get to school (which would earn him earfuls from the teachers saying how dangerous it was.) other than that, he was an active member in the gaming club (shocking, i know).

at 14 he got his first close up at what esports were like after participating in a tournament of counter strike, junior division. his team (which was made up by members from the gaming club) won and he got to watch matches from other divisions, only growing more and more fascinated about the whole thing. the idea of becoming a professional gamer didn’t seem so far fetched then.

around late 2011, the same year twitch started as what it is, yohan found the platform and immediately grew curious about it. it was fascinating to watch other people play, thus it didn’t take him long to start his own channel under the username “chance” right after he turned 15. it took him a while to find his own pace there, not quite sure of what to say or how to act. eventually, he saw that the less reserved and cautious he was, the more people watched and liked his stream, so from then on, he stopped worrying about what ifs and what people would think about him.

this is a double edged sword: as his popularity grows, he becomes more and more brutally honest and less mindful of the consequences his words and actions could have. whereas he quickly became one of the public’s favorites, he was also viewed as someone potentially problematic that could bring a bad reputation to the community, though this only seemed to be a prejudice from other gamers and public figures.

he doesn’t care, however, and chance was pretty dead set on keep doing his thing. he was also really active in tournaments, either small or big, and other teams would often reach out for him to fill in. he rarely ever turned down an opportunity and even though they didn’t always win, participating was more than enough for him to gain the favor of the audience.

when he was 18, a formal contract to be part of the chiefs esports club (a recently founded professional club with teams competing in counter-strike: global offensive and league of legends based in australia) was presented to him and of course he signed.

between his streams, which had become a tri-weekly kind of deal, and the “training” with his teammates the rest of the days, it was clear that yohan wasn’t in the slightest interested to pursue a higher education, and honestly his parents didn’t complain about it as he was already doing well on his own. nonetheless, his sister was concerned and pushed him to at least take a couple of online classes (which he did, but mostly to learn how to edit videos and understand audio aspects to improve the quality of his streams.)

around this time, nasty rumours about his parents buying his way into the club were spread which earned him the dislike of some of his teammates. it was the first time yohan ever encountered a situation like that but thanks to the management, he was able to move past that. the oceanic pro league was founded in 2015, a professional league of legends competition, and the chiefs esports club participated and won. this helped the rumours around him disperse for he proved his skills were what put him into the team. sadly, he left the club a year later.

for the next couple of years, he focused on his stream and growing his community. yohan was invited to different events, tournaments and other collaborations during this time and he was always excited for them. he even decided to create a youtube channel to upload highlights and vlogs.

then, the overwatch league was announced (chance quickly became addicted to this game and even reached top 500 in competitive) and he was contacted by the seoul team (seoul dynasty) to become part of their team for the inaugural season. like that, at 21, yohan packed his bags and moved to south korea.

between 2017 and 2019, he was part of the team as dps. he had to change his schedule yet again to stream only on the weekends and with some restrictions his contract established (like not talking about the team or the league live). some of his fans voiced their dislike for this new attitude of his, which yohan brushed with a roll of the eyes and a joke.

however, before the 2020 season started and the team was on break, chance was one day streaming and offhandedly said a comment about another player in the league which he had a match with. this caused a really big commotion online and several pro-gamers were rubbed the wrong way about his words (to this day, he still doesn’t know what was so wrong about calling out someone t-bagging him in a pro game) and his reputation was admittedly tarnished. the seoul dynasty’s management team decided that it was better to let him go.

that’s how last year, chance moved into his current apartment after looking online for a new place to live.

in the present, he streams 5 days a week a variety of games and his schedule varies, some days he goes live in the mornings and other days really late at night. he has a steady income from various sponsorships as well as the monetization of his youtube channel, which he updates twice a week.

#INFO.TXT #CHANCE.EXE #LOC.SEOUL

[purplesurveys]

1094

survey by blackrose14

10 years ago

How old were you? I was 12 in January 2011 but was turning 13, so let’s go with 13.

What did you do? Work/school? I was in Grade 7. That was an okay time in my life, now that I think about it; life had started to finally look up after the trainwreck that was Grade 6.

Did you have a significant other? Nah. I was deep into the wrestling fandom at the time and all my crushes then were the people I watched on illegal livestreams every week.

What did your hair look like? I'm pretty sure my mom had my hair rebonded because my hair was abnormally straight in my Grade 7 graduation portrait. Before that, my hair probably had been just its usual, unstyled, frizzy self.

Any tattoos or piercings? No, and it’s not like I would’ve been allowed to get either at 13.

Who were your best friends? I didn’t have any at the start of the year; but when I started the next grade in the middle of 2011, I met Gabie and we quickly became best friends.

Fave band? Paramore, We Are the In Crowd, Sleeping With Sirens, and All Time Low. I think I was also starting to get into punk rock so I was probably experimenting with bands like Rancid, The Bouncing Souls, and Rise Against.

Fave movie? I didn’t have any; I didn’t really appreciate movies until I met Gabie, I think. The first movie she got me to really enjoy was Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I think. Either that or Gone with the Wind, haha.

Fave TV show? I lovedddd Perfect Strangers when I was younger. This was all I watched.

Were you happy? I wasn’t in the first half. But life started to get better after that when I got to meet new friends who made it easier to go to school.

Anything else about this time? I’ll always look back fondly on this year because it was when I met Gab. It was the quickest I ever gained a best friend and idk, our humors just worked very well together and our differences just made our relationship all the more unpredictable and exciting. Though I’ve had similar friendships that have since fizzled out, like Sofie and Athenna, mine and Gab’s friendship was really memorable; the kind of story I’d tell my grandkids.

5 years ago

How old were you? I was turning 18, but this time 5 years ago I was just about to finish up high school.

What did you do? work/school? High school for the first half and started college right after.

Did you have a significant other? Yes. Gab and I had recently reconnected after our breakup to be friends but we quickly acted as if we were dating lmao, so by February of that year I put my foot down for the second time and asked her out again because it seemed as though we were already headed down that path anyway.

What did your hair look like? My mom had my hair rebonded again, much to my frustration. I hated it and I got back at her by putting my hair in ponytails as soon as the treatment was over because I wanted it to get wavy and frizzy again.

Any tattoos or piercings? Nopes.

Who were your best friends? Gabie, Angela, and at the time Sofie. I was also still very close with my high school group - Kaira, Chelsea, Athenna, Tricia, and all the boys too but I’m too lazy to type their names down because they were a lottttttt.

Fave band? Paramore, alt-J, twenty one pilots, Coldplay.

Fave movie? Two for the Road, I’m pretty sure. I was also obsessed with Room and Whiplash at the time.

Fave TV show? Didn’t watch a lot of shows then. Maybe Breaking Bad.

Were you happy? Not really. My relationship was going great, but the transition from high school to college took a heavy toll on me and I had a difficult time overall. It was hard to make friends, and I was overwhelmed by how active all the freshmen were and how they were all signing up for extracurricular activities from the get-go. As someone who liked being a wallflower in high school, I quickly felt even tinier in college and got left behind.

Anything else about this time? It was the first-year anniversary of my grandpa’s passing, so I didn’t feel great about that. Donald Trump also got elected as President and that was a 4-year shitshow...great year for music though lmaoooooo

1 year ago

How old were you? I was turning 22, but this time last year I was 21. To be honest with you, I never felt 22 at all and I almost answered this survey thinking I was 11 ten years ago.

What did you do? Work/school? I was finishing up my senior year of college, but as we all know the whole experience of that got taken away.

What did your hair look like? I wanted to try something new, so I had my hair cut all the way to my neck and got bangs to boot.

Any tattoos or piercings? Still none.

Who were your best friends? Gabie, Angela. Andi was getting there as well. I also had my college group - Jo, Aya, Laurice, Kate, Kezhia, JM, Jum, Lui, and Blanch.

Fave band? Paramore. I also briefly got into HONNE but since my breakup I’ve been able to listen to them, hahaha.

Fave movie? Still Two for the Road. I doubt it will ever change.

Fave TV show? Breaking Bad or Friends.

Were you happy? I’d be a big liar if I said it was a good year. I was simply going through the motions from January to September because that was my only choice being a fresh graduate during a pandemic; then from September to the end of the year, I didn’t do so well because I was dealing with a breakup.

Anything else about this time? I would like to forget about it.

Today

How old are you? 22 and three months away from turning another year older.

What do you do? Work/school? I work at a public relations agency now.

What does your hair look like? Unremarkable. My bangs are still around but my hair has gotten a lot longer. I’m looking to have it trimmed soon, and maybe even dyed.

Any tattoos or piercings? None. But maybe a small tattoo soon? We’ll see.

Who are your best friends? Angela and Andi.

Fave band? Paramore, man. Forever and always.

Fave movie? The same one.

Fave TV show? Friends.

Are you happy? Could be better, but at least I’ve started taking steps to take care of myself and I no longer cry nor have nightly nightmares. I’m also clearly a lot happier than the last few months. I’ll take what I can get.

Anything else you want to add about today? It’s the weekend so I’m fucking stoked!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m also going to my first out-of-town trip in 1 1/2 years starting tomorrow so I can’t wait.

#survey #surveys

[letterboxd]

Horse Power.

The Nest’s writer-director Sean Durkin talks about creating atmosphere, watching films without judgment, and the best movies of 1986.

Downfalls in Hollywood movies tend to be chaotic, dramatic and a lot of fun along the way. From Citizen Kane to The Wolf of Wall Street, outsized ambitions are realized on screen in castles, exotic holidays, wild parties, sweeping us up in the extravagance of it all, before the inevitable crash. The Nest takes a slower, far more British view of ambition and its effects on family—or, as Charlie writes, “this movie is a reminder that people who call themselves entrepreneurs should instead be stay-at-home dads”.

The new film from writer-director Sean Durkin, the brain behind cult-survivor slow-burn Martha Marcy May Marlene, is less “strap in and enjoy the ride”, more “slow disintegration of all sense of sanity”—a tense psychological drama focused on the person who usually gets hurt the most: the wife. And that horse-lovin’ dream wife Allison, as played by Carrie Coon, is a character to behold (and the subject of many obsessive The Nest reviews on Letterboxd).

Just as Durkin takes time to carefully explore Martha’s vulnerability in his earlier film, in The Nest, he closes in on Allison, as she and their children adjust to 1980s life in an English manor, far from the comfort of Allison’s American home, while wheeler-dealer husband Rory (Jude Law) chases a new opportunity.

There are thematic similarities in both films; a case to be made that ambitious men wreak a comparable mental destruction on their families as cult leaders do on their followers, breaking them down with charm, persuasion, false promises. There’s also something about the juxtaposition of periods in the film—the fifteenth-century manor vs the ’80s bangers on the soundtrack—that adds to The Nest’s unnerving atmosphere (other parts of the soundtrack are composed by Arcade Fire’s Richard Reed Parry in his first film-score credit).

Keen to understand more about Durkin’s influences and memories, Jack Moulton put him through the Letterboxd Life in Film interrogation.

Carrie Coon as Allison O’Hara in ‘The Nest’.

The Nest feels like a very personal film. In what ways are the emotions of the premise personal to you? When I was making Southcliffe in 2012, I was back in England where I spent my childhood and I hadn’t been back in close to twenty years. It really struck me how London and New York felt very similar now but they didn’t when I was a kid. I thought maybe I wanted to make a film about a family that moves in that time and how a move can affect a family. As I wrote the script, I became a parent, so it became as much a reflection of modern adulthood as it did about my childhood in the ’80s. Although it’s a period piece, I wanted to make it feel very close to today to look at the celebrated values of the time and how those are still very relevant.

The mansion the family moves into is the titular ‘nest’, and the use of space and atmosphere contribute so much to the film’s subtext. What were you looking for when location scouting for the house? Was it an easy or difficult process? Yeah, it was difficult. It was like doing an open casting call. I had a very specific idea in my head but [my production designer] was able to put it into actual architectural terms so we were able to find a house that a successful commodities broker would live and commute from in Surrey. We needed something beyond that, but if you go too far, you get small castles. Once we located the right exterior, there were a bunch of [houses] that would’ve been great, but when we got inside, there were no open spaces. I wanted to have long hallways to be able to see through multiple rooms to create that isolation—the opposite of the cozy American house that they were living in before, to really highlight the good life they left behind.

Carrie Coon and Jude Law in ‘The Nest’.

We love the soundtrack; not just the choice of songs but the way that they’re mixed. Can you give us some insight into the song selection? When writing, I build a playlist that I write to. This one was a mix of personal memories from childhood—like Simply Red, which takes me back to falling asleep in the back of my dad’s car—so there’s a way into writing there on a sensory level, and then I build upon it with songs that I love from the time. I was listening to Richard Reed Parry’s Music for Heart and Breath album a lot and he ended up being the composer of the film, so his music was always part of the heart of the movie as I was writing it.

I would spend my drives to set with my assistant talking about music and he would turn me onto some stuff that would make it into the movie. It was a mix of a long-running preparation and things that I pick up in the moment then making that all work at the right level so it feels of the world. Like with The Cure, we actually played that off a tape cassette when Allison walks into the room.

Since your debut feature in 2011, you’ve had a prolific career in television and as a film producer; you’re a founding member of Borderline Films with fellow directors Antonio Campos and Josh Mond. Do you see yourself more as a producer who only occasionally directs films yourself? No, I don’t really consider myself a producer. I’ve produced movies for filmmakers and friends and I help people where I can. I’m not someone who’s out getting properties and thinking about how to put together a film, I’m only thinking about my own work as a writer and a director. Between finishing Southcliffe in 2013 and The Nest in 2018, I had a five-year gap where I was developing lots of projects one after the other—two features and a television show—that were both so close to [being greenlit] but something fell through, which was really bad luck.

What film made you want to become a filmmaker? The Goonies and Back to the Future were those movies as a kid that first made me want to make movies and tell stories, but the moment where I realized what filmmaking is was seeing The Shining. I saw it for the first time when I was eleven or twelve and a friend showed it to me because his older brother had the VHS. It was my first time understanding atmosphere and direction and I just had a sense that I could do it too. It was a really crucial moment, and I kept that thought to myself for a very long time.

Cinematographer Mátyás Erdély shoots Carrie Coon in Soho.

What’s your scariest film that is not technically horror? AKA, your area of expertise. Oh man, scariest? Something I’ve watched recently is The Vanishing and it’s probably one of the most unsettling films I’ve ever seen. It was incredible to rewatch it because I’d last seen it when I was in college—I watched everything back then—and I’d also seen the American remake, so when I watched it this time, I was trying to remember things [that were different] from the remake. I was like “he’s gonna get out, right?—oh no, that’s in the American version!” I find it an astonishing movie. There’s a real human element to the pain of the killer.

Let’s nerd out: what’s your top film of 1986, the year that The Nest is set? [Laughs] I’ve no idea what came out in 1986. Can I look up a list and I’ll tell you? Let’s see, films of 1986… This is fun! Alright, “popular films of 1986” I’m seeing: Blue Velvet, Short Circuit, Stand by Me, Platoon, The Color of Money, what else have we got here? River’s Edge… Pretty in Pink… Ferris Bueller’s Day Off—Ferris Bueller’s gotta be up there. Big Trouble in Little China! That’s it! I’m sure there’s other things, but from my quick search, I’d say Big Trouble in Little China. That was a movie that was always on in my house because it was one of my dad’s all-time favorites.

Which is Jude Law’s best performance? I love The Talented Mr. Ripley so much. I constantly rewatch that movie—it’s perfect. I also loved him in Vox Lux recently.

Sean Durkin and Jude Law on the set of ‘The Nest’.

What is the best film about marriage and why does it resonate with you? Shoot the Moon was really influential for me. I’d say it’s a bit more about divorce and family than it is about marriage but [it depends on] if you take the ending to mean that they’re going to stay together—I kind of do. You could say a separation is part of a marriage. I love that movie for how it finds light in humor. Albert Finney is struggling with his masculinity where, even though he’s the one who left, he still thinks he owns it all, and Diane Keaton is quite liberated by this scenario. It’s like their journey to find language again. I find it very beautiful.

Which film was your entry-point into international cinema? I’m trying to think back to what I would’ve seen, there certainly wasn’t a lot growing up. In college I really discovered Michael Haneke and Michelangelo Antonioni. L’Avventura made a huge impact on me. I think [because of the way] the mystery kind of dissolves and it’s about the journey, not the solution.

What film do you wish you’d made? I don’t. Filmmaking is personal and it’s so much an expression of perspective when done with care and love—though obviously, there’s stuff that’s just churned out. I never see something and say “I wish I made that”. One of the things I find hard is when people critique films and say they would’ve done this differently. I’ve become very sensitive to that over time because every choice you make as a filmmaker is so specific and thought out. I try to consume movies without knowing anything about them or making any kind of judgment. I just let them be what they are and wash over me.

Which newcomer director should we all keep our eyes on? I don’t think I’m looking out for new stuff necessarily. Once I get to see something, everyone else already knows about it. One person I would say is Dave Franco, who I just worked with on The Rental. I was an executive producer and I was a creative bounce-board for Dave through the process. It’s his first film and it’s astonishingly directed. We were getting dailies from the first week and we were like, “This is his first movie? This is insane!” I think he will do some exciting things.

Finally, what’s your favorite film of 2020 so far? I was absolutely blown away by Eliza Hittman’s film Never Rarely Sometimes Always. I miss having retrospectives at local theaters, which I’m always keyed into no matter the city I’m living in. I’ve started watching a lot of Criterion Channel and I watched a movie recently that’s taken over my brain: Variety, by Bette Gordon, from 1983. It’s set in New York City around Times Square, and it’s this incredible journey that this woman goes on that captured my mind.

Related content

Sean Durkin’s Life in Film list

Sean Durkin’s Sight & Sound Top 10

Clarissa’s list of films that burn slowly

Everything Carrie Coon watched during quarantine (and the best of that huge list)

Tracy Letts and Carrie Coon’s 24-Hour Movie Marathon

Follow Jack on Letterboxd

#sean durkin #the nest #film director #filmmaker #jude law #carrie coon #slow burn #psychological thriller #letterboxd #life in film #martha marcy may marlene

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Top 10 Favorite TV Shows (In A Row):

The Dick Van Dyke Show (The Dick Van Dyke Show has earned the number 1 spot in my heart through years of love and loyalty. Growing up you learn about shows through your family, it’s only natural. Especially with me because we didn’t have cable much of the time. So the only way I could really learn about TV shows was through them. TDVDS was the first show that I considered to be “my show,” it was sorta my identity for a lot of years. Yes, I learned about it through my family, but the first time I remember watching it was on my own. My sister Ingrid had it on VHS tape, and I just remember rummaging through her VHS’ and deciding to watch it one day. One thing’s for sure…. my love for that show outpaced everyone in my family. It was also one of the first shows that I came to consider myself an expert on. It’s a show that is everything to me, and if you get me started I could talk about it for about 24 hours straight. If you want a big list of why TDVDS is such an iconic show. I have a whole post about that)

Get Smart (Another show that has earned it’s spot and that will never change despite whatever hyperfixation I have at any given time. Don’t even talk to me about the 2008 movie adaptation of Get Smart. It’s not even worthy to lick the TV shows boots!!!! Get Smart is a show that I have memories of since I was like 8 years old. It’s such a happy show for me, though I would say that about all of my top 10 favorite shows. This show had such a genius concept. It came at a time when spy shows and movies were all the rage. It took that genre and just flipped it on it’s head. It was kinda like a parody of James Bond and stuff like that. Get Smart has shaped popular culture so much…. and so much more than people realize. So many popular words or terms that are in out lingo and dictionaries were created in Get Smart)

I Love Lucy (I Love Lucy is a show that has been a part of my life…. forever. I literally don’t think there was a time when I Love Lucy wasn’t in my life. It was probably playing in the hospital room while I was being birthed. My dad was obsessed with this show. He was so obsessed that when he was in California with my mom, on vacation. They went to Beverly Hills and my dad wanted to knock on Lucille Ball’s door and say “hi” (this was in the 80s), but my mom was too mortified at the thought. So he snuck into her backyard and took a picture of her garbage can. Yep… that’s my dad for you. I think that picture is still in a picture book of his!! He was a huge collector, he collected a shit ton of stuff before giving most of it away in the early 2000s, cause our family was moving to a much smaller house. One of my first memories of any show or movie was I Love Lucy. It was in 2003, when I was 6 nearly 7. We had recently moved to a condo, and the house was still in disarray and we as a family sat on the floor watching I Love Lucy. I remember the episode…. it was called “First Stop” and it was about the Ricardo’s and the Mertz’s trip to California and they stop at a shady diner off of a highway. The diner owner tricks them into staying in a cabin that he rents out (long story, you’ll have to watch the ep to see how that happens :) ) Either way, they are in this cabin that is feet away from a train track and every time a train goes past, Ricky and Lucy’s bed moves all the way to the other side of the room. It was so funny and I peed my pants… no joke…. i’m embarrased to admit it but it’s true. But hey I was 6 years old, I give myself a pass for that ;) )

I Dream Of Jeannie (I Dream Of Jeannie is a show that I learned about relatively late in life. I was 12 when my sisters and myself watched the first episode. It really became a show that was mine and my sister Ingrid’s show. We used to watch every episode together from start to finish and we were both huge fans of Tony and Jeannie’s relationship. Tony and Jeannie were one of my first ships)

Stranger Things (STRANGER THINGS!!!!! This show took me completely by surprise and it has now earned the 5th spot, that will never change! I have never been hyperfixated on a show for this long. It has been my hyperfixation for over 3 years now. Before I started watching Stranger Things, I thought I knew all I needed to know about it. I knew it was a sci-fi/horror show that revolved around kids. I had heard the cultural noise surrounding it and I respected that, but as someone who doesn’t consider herself a “nerd”, I had no real interest in it. It was one of those shows that I acceded I would eventually watch, maybe in 20 years, but it was so low on my priority list. In fact, my opinion of sci-fi or quote un quote nerd shows/movies really hasn’t changed despite my love of ST. I still have no interest in Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Lord Of The Rings, Harry Potter, or any other show like that. I have no interest in action for action’s sake. I can’t watch a light saber dual and get excited about that. In order to care about an action scene I need to first care about the characters. It wasn’t until Jan 2017, that I decided to give in and watch and i’ve never looked back. It’s one of the best decision i’ve ever made. I’m telling you, if there is anyone out there who hasn’t watched ST yet and doesn’t think they would like the show. Please give it a try…. I thought the same thing as you before I watched it. It’s so much more than just sci fi and horror. It’s also a drama with big comedic elements, it’s a relationship show. It’s horror but it’s not overly scary (and this is coming from a scaredy cat), it’s sci fi but it doesn’t lean on that too much, it’s not overly gloomy and the cinematography is so beautiful, it’s fun and exciting, it’s got a really interesting conspiracy storyline running through it. Believe me, it’s worth a try!!)

Gilmore Girls (Gilmore Girls is a show that became mine and my sister Greta’s show. She’s on Tumblr (though not as active) so if you see this Greta… thankyou for my undying love with this show :) It’s all your fault ;). GG came at a time in my life where I was really kind of averse to watching any new shows. I had my favorite shows and that was fine with me. But Greta wanted to watch this show with me, and we hadn’t really bonded too much because I was in school and she was working and there was an 8 year age difference between us. So I really credit GG with bringing us closer. We really bonded with our love of this show. Though I think she only watched it with me cause she thought that Jared Padalecki being in it would help me get into Supernatural…. i’m onto you Greta, i’m onto your tricks ;) The year was 2011, the month was October and I was 15 years old (the same age as Rory when the show started) and my life has never been the same (I think i’m being overly dramatic at this point) :)

New Girl (New Girl is a show that my sister Millie got me into in 2016. She just kept showing me clips of it until I gave in and watched it. For anyone looking for a quality comedy to watch, ya’ll should watch this. It’s damn hilarious!!!)

Community (I watched Community for the first time around 2012. I watched episodes here or there when my siblings would have it on. But I didn’t start watching it from beginning to end until about 2015. I regret not watching it all sooner because Community is a genius show, and is grossly underrated. I think it’s the first show that had a big grass roots fan base that saved it from being cancelled year after year. It seemed like every year Community was in danger of being cancelled by NBC, but the fans would go ballistic and kick up a storm during every hiatus. It was really one of the first, if not the first time that fans would picket and riot online and their attempts to bring the show back did not go unnoticed by NBC. The show would go on to have 5 seasons on NBC, and then it had a 6th season on Yahoo. Now every time a show is cancelled people kick up a storm online and make their attempts go viral, but Community was really the first of that. Community fans are freakin tenacious)

Psych (There are 7 people in my family including my parents and everyone of us is fans of Psych. Psych came out in 2006 and was on until 2014. It’s a show that a family where the oldest was born in 1953 and the youngest was born in 1996, can all agree and love the show. My brother Johnny was the first, I remember he used to walk around and sing the theme song thus annoying me constantly. Then my brother made my sister Greta a fan, and then my sister Ingrid became a fan, around that time my sister Millie became a fan. Next Greta watched Psych with my mom and my mom became obsessed to the point where it’s one of her favorite shows ever and Shawn and Gus are two of her favorite TV characters ever. She has watched it all the way through about 7 times. Then my mom and myself watched it together from start to finish, and I became a huge fan. I can safely say that is the only time my mom has ever gotten me into a show. I love her so much, but she is not a big TV viewer, she’s more into books and such. Which makes her love for Psych even more unique and surprising. Then Greta and my mom watched it together again about 2 years ago and my dad joined in and found himself becoming a fan of it. That’s also not including my 2 brother in laws and my sister in law who are all huge fans of it. And my sister in law initially hated it…. until she found herself becoming a huge fan as well. This all speaks to Psych’s amazing power. It’s so funny and an all around amazingly done show.)

Remington Steele (Remington Steele is a show that my mom and dad watched together with a group of friends when it was first airing in the 80s, so I learned about it through them. It’s such a fun show!!!!!!! It has a really fun concept as well. If there is any Psych fans who are reading this post, you should all watch this show. A writer of Remington Steele was also a writer on Psych and RS is referenced on Psych multiple times. Totally worth everyone’s time, it’s my favorite 80s show)

#favorite tv shows #the dick van dyke show #tdvds #get smart #I dream of jeannie #i love lucy #stranger things #gilmore girls #new girl #community #psych #remington steele #the golden age of hollywood #the golden age of tv #classic tv shows #modern tv shows

[shemakesmusic-uk]

This segment features artists who have submitted their tracks/videos to She Makes Music. If you would like to be featured here then please send an e-mail to [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

With What Eyes

With What Eyes are duo Phoebe and Callista, an indie-pop act formed at Oxford University by two English girls who have been friends since childhood. Harmonising down the school corridors as soprano and alto, playing for the orchestra as clarinetist and violinist, and trumping their peers in Battle of the Bands, they had a very collaborative musical upbringing which they were determined to continue after they arrived at our academic focused University. They started out on the Oxford and London open mic scene with a simple folky sound infused with classical and choral influences from their school days. Today, piano and harmony continue to be the foundation of their music, yet their style has developed substantially over the last year. With What Eyes’ EP Coral Moon debuts these poppier inclinations. Written, recorded and produced by just the two of them, they are always endeavouring to stretch ther sound and add instrumental and electronic depth to their music. ‘Dragonfly’, Coral Moon’s lead single, was picked up by BBC Introducing and aired by the BBC with an artists profile. “Our focus is on creating sensitive, thoughtful lyrical pop with eclectic production choices, flirting with multiple genres whilst remaining distinctly 'With What Eyes’,” the duo say. “We are entirely self-sufficient, writing, recording and producing everything ourselves. The song ‘Dragonfly’ is about dancing by yourself, and being at one with nature - something we’ve been doing a lot of since the UK’s lockdown.” Listen below.

With What Eyes · Dragonfly

V!V

On October 2 emerging Chicago based recording artist Viv Badynee aka V!V kindly graced our eardrums with the release of her new single ‘Sun x Moon.’ Speaking about ‘Sun x Moon,’ a song Viv wrote in collaboration with her producer CBVB (who happens to be her dad), she explains, “It’s essentially about two people that just can’t figure out how to connect (social media be damned!). Or maybe it’s just one person that can’t seem to figure it out. The first lyric I came up with while I was in the shower became the chorus. I was feeling excited for an upcoming date that never happened due to, let’s say ‘a miscommunication’. I started singing a little rhyme comparing us to the sun and moon and how hard he was to reach. I thought to myself, ‘damn, it’s like I need to wait for an eclipse to make this happen!’ Thus a song was born.” The track is a deft mix of Alt-R&B leaning pop with blissed out bedroom beats contrasted by darker distorted elements that’d make Tyler, the Creator proud. Listen below.

V!V · Sun x Moon

Sister Echo

Sister Echo grew up in Essex, and went on to live in London for ten years. She played open mic nights every week and did as much music stuff as she could. “Eventually I had to get a boring adult job and music took a major backseat,” she says. “I just recently moved back to my family home in Essex during this crazy pandemic and have re found my passion and desire to write and record! So, I’m making an e.p in my bedroom and I feel like a teenager again... it’s great haha. I love grunge and soul and trip- hop. I’m obsessed with singers and anyone who puts their balls into a song. I’m especially obsessed with powerful women and their voices.” Sister Echo’s latest single is ‘Tokyo Konveni’. She explains: “The song stems from the idea of control in a relationship. Not in a negative way, more just an exploration of control, and the way society assumes men should be one way and women another. It’s a playful look at one part of the relationship being in total control. I wanted the words to paint a picture which is why I talk about watching me dance and move. It’s just a vibe you know!” Listen below.

Eunice Keitan

Eunice Keitan's soulful voice makes a big impression on listeners. Both her international upbringing and her eclectic music background show in this Canadian singer-songwriter's work which mixes R&B/Acoustic Soul and World Folk influences. While traveling and moving often with her family in simple circumstances throughout her childhood, Eunice noticed the everyday people and their often harsh realities, struggles which impacted her perception of social issues at play in the lives of people around the world. That impact surfaces in the themes of many of her songs, where she explores mental health, social inequality and social change. The songwriter's latest offering, ‘Standing With You’ is an uplifting anthem of hope and solidarity that makes a bold and moving statement for a better future of true justice and equality. Eunice expains: "Five days after the death of George Floyd, during the emotional protests and social unrest that followed, I began writing my new single, ‘Standing With You.’ During this period, I read a pamphlet that was circulated immediately after the lynching of Emmett Till. It felt eerily like it was written yesterday and got me thinking. I began asking a lot of questions about what really needs to happen so that we can stop repeating this same cycle of hate and injustice over and over. The seeds of what would become ‘Standing With You’ were sown as I considered these issues. The message of this song is one of empathy and solidarity. It is a promise to do better and the hope that if we can move forward together as one, we can see real changes."

Eunice Keitan · Standing With You

LORE CITY

Lore City is an American art rock duo formed in 2011 and currently based in Portland, Oregon. Band members include Laura Mariposa Williams (vocals, keyboard, guitar) and Eric Angelo Bessel (percussion, keyboard, guitar). They met in 2003 as peers in the College of Visual & Performing Arts at Syracuse University. Reconnecting years later, Laura and Eric formed Lore City in 2011 and married shortly after that. Alchemical Task is the third studio album from the Art Rock duo. It’s been six years since their last release, Kill Your Dreams, and subsequent move to Portland, Oregon. The band’s sound combines elements of Psych Rock, Post-Rock, and Dream Pop. Listen to the album below.

#submission saturday #with what eyes #v!v #sister echo #eunice keitan #lore city

[naysaltysalmon]

I’m back!

Upon my return from China, I noticed there were a lot of things weighing me down... that I can just throw the fuck out.

I could expound upon all of these in great detail, but it really would be pointless. And I wouldn’t be able to cover it all anyway. So instead I’ve decided to make a post of every icon I’ve used for my online persona over the years.

The reason for this is... at the end of the program I attended, we had an entire week of silent meditation. We weren’t allowed to talk or communicate with anyone in any way, including gestures, eye contact, or physical touch. So, during this time I had the realization that the stories I’ve been interested in have been my main source of comfort over the years. No person, place, or thing has felt more permanent to me than this.

However, permanence is an illusion, as the Buddhists say (I stayed in a Buddhist monastery in China, in case you’re wondering). My interests have changed over the years -- from the first fandoms I got obsessed with, to my interests now. I may still adore the series that I enjoyed as a child, but definitely not in the same way.

Coming home, I realized... I no longer want to attach my identity to one character or series. That’s why I’ve decided to make this post. I want to reflect on all the egos of my past, on what they have meant to me, so that I can let them go. I’ve been clinging to a folder of them for too long.

To anyone who’s been here since the very start of my blog, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is an acknowledgement of my transformation from then until now.

And so:

Breadward Elric. My first Internet icon, which I had for 2 and a half years from May 2011 -- 2013. My blog was originally entirely FMAB content, created in January of 2012, and while this format didn’t last the entire time that I had this icon, Breadward saw me through the majority of my early anime and video game obsessions. He jump-started my personality on the Internet as a fanfic author, a blogger, and an artist. I will never forget him... ;~;

Comrade Führer Tamama. I had this icon for 8 months in early 2013 -- early 2014. What can I say? Tamama’s passionate personality resonated with me, especially when he was finally able to be in control (in the episode this particular screenshot is from). Gotta get those cola oceans pronto!

Yokoso waga tainai e [Welcome to my Womb ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]. I had a phase during the summer of 2014, okay. But I still love this maniacal snake’s crusty ass, fite me. I admire KagePro immensely for the popularity and development it gave characters in song format. Of course, favorite of those characters was Kuroha, a snake whose only desire was to keep granting wishes so that he could survive. Add a touch of murderous intent and you have the complete package -- I won’t deny he appealed(appeals) to my wild side -- okay moving on.

KeroTama hugge 👀. I had this icon for about 4-6 months in 2014 before the Hunter x Hunter phase hit. God, I shipped them so hard *facepalms* It was funny though, it’s like KagePro hit me like a hurricane during this summer and then I went right back to being KeroTama trash. Amazing.

Softly Smiling Pika. I kept this icon for at least 9-10 months at the end of 2014 -- early 2015, until I found Owari no Seraph. Kurapika was definitely my bae at the start of my HxH phase -- and in many ways he still is. The current arc gives me this sense of nostalgia of being a 15-year-old again, deeply in love but too in denial to see it. Watching him as a young adult, I see how far I’ve come, how I could have ended up... since I believed myself to be most closely alike with Kurapika at the time. And now I know that’s not the case... I remember debating between many other Kurapika icons and finally choosing this one because I dearly wanted to believe I too could find my happiness in the friends around me, even if it seemed all was hopeless behind the scenes.

Yuu babe. I had this icon for 4 months in the middle of 2015, I remember. Yuichiro Hyakuya was an underappreciated dorky genius at the time, much like how Gon is in HxH now, except... Now in the series... *deep sighs* *clenches fist* I still love his piercing citrine eyes and the dynamism of this icon/pose though.

Cuties T^T (MikaYuu edition). Mmm I kept this icon for a while, something like most of 2016, at least 6-8 months, probably more like 9 or 10. Looking back, I still wonder how/why the author was a fucking coward and didn’t make MikaYuu happen. We coulda had it aaallllll...... Anyway, this is when I was writing Ebony & Ivory, my most popular fic to date, so I was reveling in the reputation I gained from that. This icon was me accepting that while I was no longer friends with my best friend from middle school to 11th grade, I would still pursue my own happiness in the perfect relationship that I saw in MikaYuu. *nods* It’s fitting.

Caught Child². I shared this and the next couple of icons with a friend that I met online, who used the Gon equivalent. I think we shared this one for about 3 months of 2016. This is when I became re-obsessed with Hunter x Hunter and realized how much I had changed between 2014 and 2016. It’s an obsession that’s more or less carried onto now, and redefined my adulthood, as I see my progression as I refer back to HxH for guidance to this day.

Content Chompy Boye. I love this icon. I kept this icon for a long time, something like 5-6 months in December 2016 -- mid-2017. The colors of the background contrast with Killua’s white hair, pale skin, and dark muscle shirt... I still used this icon on other websites until just a few days ago (when I most recently changed my icon) because I thought it looked the best backdropped against the format of other websites. I love this scene in the series, though; while (human) Palm is chattering on about her worry that Gon and Killua will be able to defeat Knuckle and Shoot in time, Killua continues to eat without a care in the world. It’s a mood I feel at least once a day, whether while eating or getting a back massage -- as if that ever happens -- 11/10.

Pizza Devil Brat. I like this icon a lot and kept it on a few websites for longer too, but with the way I edited it, the green background becomes a little too headache-inducing if you stare at it too long, so 8/10 -- okay no more out of 10 ratings, this isn’t that kind of post. I believe I kept this icon for about 3-4 months in 2017 and possibly early 2018 as well. From the same scene the previous Kurapika icon came from, this remains one of my favorite scenes in the entire series for its serious undertones over the light happiness that underlies Gon’s, Killua’s, and Kurapika’s (and Leorio’s -- but he’s not in this scene) interactions with each other throughout the series.

Grumpy Gem Gremlin. I was sharing the last three icons with that friend, including this one, with the Phos equivalent (more or less). I think we only kept it for about a month or month and a half in 2017 or beginning of 2018 before switching to the next one. Cinnabar’s desire for a purpose and closeness to others despite her poisonous nature... is definitely something I can understand and relate to.

Sad Gem Child. Damn, I think we’re all still waiting for the day Gormie realizes Aechmea’s a creepy sugar daddy and dropkicks his ass into the ocean where the Admirabilis can decompose his cloudy body like he doesn’t deserve. When will Land of the Lustrous return from the war? I’m still waiting, Ichikawa. Anyway I think we kept this icon for about a month or maybe two in 2018, not long at all.

Gay Childe™. Look, this is one of the gayest scenes in the entire series and it’s right after my favorite episode(s)/scene(s) in the entire series (so far) and it’s not even acknowledged by anyone. Just. Holy Fuck. Anyway I think I kept this icon for about 6-8 months to cap off 2018. And this is where the Big Breakup happened, where my friend decided to choose an icon that deviated from mine, but I kept this icon for a lot longer due to what this scene means to me, placed after/during my favorite episode. ;v;

And finally, BoMH (Blood on My Hands) Pika. I used this icon for 8 months from the start of 2019 until just a few days ago (approx. 8 months). This icon was originally the cover for a Kurapika fic that I started back in 2015 and ended up discontinuing because it was pretty slow-paced, and thus unpopular, which made it become difficult for me to write. But I got all the way up to 97k words before I quit, simply because of the freedom and joy I felt in creating all the OCs that I fit into Kurapika’s journey as he searched for the Kurta eyes after the Yorknew City Arc. Looking back, I’m proud of the planning and commitment that I succeeded in undertaking with this fic -- it was about halfway done by the time I stopped writing it -- and I feel I want to return to this concept one day. Even if the arcs were pretty formulaic at times and, well, boring, I wanted this icon at the start of 2019 to be a new person separate from my recent past matching icons; a representation of my ability to reconnect with my past, but to no longer be afraid of it; to be proud of it, but still recognizing the not-so-good parts, laying it to rest by no longer avoiding it.

My icon now, as I’m sure you can see... is nothing like those I’ve used thus far. I definitely have no intention of moving away from anime or my past. I simply wish to redefine who I am in relation to them, rather than being defined by them.

...I’ve discovered a lot about myself over the past 2 years since college started, more than I ever thought possible. I discovered a lot while in China, too. And I need my online persona to reflect that in every form, as I’ve done every time there was a change.

Thank you all for being with me on this journey: for following me, for reading my posts, for liking my art, for talking with me and blowing up my notifications on every platform...

I’ll be pursuing the next chapter(s) of Human, TIDU, and other works soon. ^.^

#Nay talks #idk i thought it would be cool/fun #The End of an Era #thank God #i mean the Buddha #i mean whatever #i can say that as a Religion major

[emmaruthrundlesh]

Emma Ruth Rundle Interview // Rock’n’Roll Journalist

(via Rock’n’Roll Journalist) “Dark” singer-songwriter is a term which deserves an official registration based on the modern wave of talented female artists. Next to Chelsea Wolfe, there is also Emma Ruth Rundle rapidly building her space on the market. Her captivating voice and an amazing taste for cold melodies are more than addictive. If you look at her list of favorite albums, the magic of her sound suddenly makes more sense. In addition we also spoke about her gear, challenges on a tour and beauties of Prague, which is also on her current European tour schedule on 18th of October.

Would like to give some introduction to your list?

This is not so much a list of my favorite albums of all time. Much of these are rather pieces I return to over and over as they are especially significant for me.

40 Watt Sun – The Inside Room (2011)

One of my all time favorite albums, English 3 piece, 40 Watt Sun, combine a slower, heavy guitar driven washes over which Patrick Walker literally pours his heart out. HIs lyrics and voice are incredibly eloquent and beautiful. The songs are, at times, in the 8 plus minute category so there is plenty of time to be reeled into their world and taken through Walker’s emotional landscapes. One of my biggest influences in the last few years.

Kate Bush – The Sensual World (1989)

A longstanding favorite and go to listen for me. Kate Bush has a few phases and different sounding albums but there is always her at the core. I think The Sensual World has become the diamond album in her discography, for me, because of the song Love and the Anger. It’s one of the catchiest and uplifting songs I’ve ever heard. Just watch the video and see Kate dancing at the end…How can you not fall in love? Also some really tasteful world influence and killer guitar by David Gilmour on Rocket’s Tale. Love it all the way through.

Smashing Pumpkins – Siamese Dream (1993)

It’s very frustrating to wake up and look at the internet these days only to be greeted by any number of people and music blogs STILL making fun of Billy Corgan – not going to lie, it bums me out and makes me feel sad for a world of critics who can’t take it the simple fact that Billy has recorded THE BEST guitar tone of all time and he did so on Siamese Dream. The songwriting is brilliant and this is really an album that takes you to a place, especially by the time you reach Silverfuck. Sure, I jump over the hits – I don’t need to hear Today every time I want to enjoy this masterpiece but if you’re somehow not familiar take the whole trip and revel in what I think is some of the most important guitar playing of the 90’s.

James Blake – Self Titled (2011)

A groundbreaking beauty of an album. James Blake managed to write and produce this minimal pop R and B (with strong classical influences) that won him the Mercury Prize. There is nothing but pure perfection and genius on this record. Even the cover art is elegant and humble in a way. I guess there is some sense of humility in Blake’s writing that takes me in even further and I become invested in all his repetitive and disintegrated lines, waiting for them to break or modulate in any number of ways as they do on this album.

Cloakroom – Time Well (2018)

I came to know Cloakroom just by association. They had done a lot of touring with label mates Russian Circles as well as some other folks I know. I sort of disregarded this band for a time – not sure why – but when Time Well came out on Relapse earlier this year, I was completely head over heals in love with these Midwestern boys. The guitar playing and textures as well as the cleverly timed riffs (for lack of a better word, this band isn’t metal at all but heavy in a deferent way) and the bonus of Doyle’s of introspective vocal has won them a very special place in my heart and headphones.

Brian Eno – Thursday Afternoon (1985)

In his 11th studio album, Eno has fully mastered the very new world he himself pioneered and invented: Ambient music. Thursday Afternoon is just one long daydream of a song with nothing but the babbling of the synthesized (or whatever he’s employed on this) brook. Nothing “happens” on this album. There is no break or moment of great change or rhythm even… it’s just the most relaxing music on Earth which is why I find my way back to it so often. Pure peace streamed right from the source of new sound.

I’m not an ethnomusicologist

Tori Amos – Boys for Pele (1996)

Tori Amos peaked, for me, on this 18 track album. It was her first time self producing as well and there is something so fierce and desperate in her lyrics and voice. While generally regarded as a singer songwriter, which I think conjures up a picture of a subdued character sitting in a coffee shop somewhere, Tori is really more of a badass and this album rocks it ways though piano and harpsichord driven tunes. I love everything about how the record was recorded and sounds as well. Even the music videos that came from this album are great. If you don’t know, you should.

Earth – Hex; Or Printing the Infernal Method (2005)

I am not sure when I first became aware of the legendary instrumental band Earth but I am sure it was later on in life than for some other more tuned in people. Hex is an album that I listened to a lot while on tour and desperately in need of refuge from the chaos of being trapped with so many other people traveling across the globe. Hex is like a soundtrack and works incredibly well for someone who’s trapped staring out a window, avoiding conversations for most of the day. If there was ever a time to describe something as dusty sounding, this is it. Having really loved the Neil Young soundtrack to Dead Man – Hex felt like a sister album to me or in that world. It has a special ability to take you into a barren landscape and push out all your youngness which is so needed!

The Body – No One Deserves Happiness (2016)

This record came into my life at a time of physiologically shattering life change and a very hot summer in LA. Most would describe The Body and an “experimental” or harsh noise (at times) project. No One Deserves Happiness introduces female forward singing over the backdrop of the bands soul reaping sounds. Chip’s hollow screams have manifested a truly horrific creature in my mind. There is a blend of classical reverence and choral singing within The Body’s noise land and it turns on a part of my brain while listening. I feel comforted by this album somehow.

Stars Of The Lid – And Their Refinement Of The Decline (2007)

Another instrumental masterpiece – SOTL also have classical inclinations or leanings or is this contemporary classical music? I’m not an ethnomusicologist. Washes of treated instruments grip your xanaxed out sandbag body and drag you slowly and mournfully in waves under a pink ocean of wonder and obliteration of the self. I have fallen asleep in my most anxiety ridden times to this album as it swallows you like no other can.

In the heart of Europe

In late October you will be coming to Prague to very intimate club called 007. Did you ever have a chance to properly walk around Prague?

I never played a solo show in Prague, but I performed here with my previous bands already. Every time I made sure, me and my band mates have enough time to check the city. It was amazing every time and I just can’t wait to come again. I visited Prague the last time in 2010 and our tour manager was Tomáš Zakopal, who was local, so he prepared a beautiful commented tour for us.

Could you please present to us your collection of guitars? From the most recent live footages I see you are a big fan of Fender guitars and especially a model called Coronado II.

This piece actually belongs to Evan Patterson, who plays guitar in my band as well in my support band Jaye Jayle. Guitar #1 in my collection is a classic mahogany piece from Cordoba. There is also one from Chinese brand Blueridge, inspired by OM model OM from Martin…(I’m sorry, I am little bit sick)… Within electric guitars my most favorite is standard Gibson SG. It was quite cheap second hand acquisition in one music store. Another piece is Fender Baritone Jaguar special HH. Then there is Fender Stratocaster. I can’t remember the exact model, but it’s quite unique as it has two humbuckers. Next to that I also have one white model from Guild. Longer I play I realize it is very important for me to have two humbuckers within electric guitars. And finally there is one really crappy SG, which I would really like to get rid of, as it is badly made. (Laugh)

Some preferences within microphones?

I use BLUE enCORE 200 the most. Probably as it was a gift. I like its sound, as it can work very well with mids and highs. Another reason is very practical. I realized I get sick more often if I use in-house microphones. If I use my own microphone, I have bigger chances to stay well.

Life on a tour

I am sorry, you don’t feel well. Do you think it’s also because of air conditioners during this years’ crazy summer season?

Not sure to be honest. I was just getting back from a European tour and I must have caught something on a plain.

Longer I play I realize it is very important for me to have two humbuckers within electric guitars

How are you trying to stay in a good shape on a tour? There is a European tour coming up during fall and that’s quite challenging season for immunity.

One can just do maximum and hope. If I can, I try to stay warm and eat plenty of hot meals. I try to rest, as much as I can and get plenty of sleep. But it’s not always that easy, where there is so much drinking and everything else which belongs to a tour life. It is practically a miracle if you survive a tour without any harm.

Is there some European location, which you really look forward to visit during upcoming European tour? It doesn’t necessarily have to be Prague…

It’s funny, as everybody in the team looks forward for the Prague the most. Evan is practically obsessed with Prague and I just can’t wait to meet friends, which I haven’t seen for years. I am also looking forward to see Porto, Lisbon and also Madrid, as I’ve never been to Spain. In general I love to visit well known places as well as completely new locations.

#Emma Ruth Rundle

[artswritings]

Red 9: A book that shares a title with a song

Life on Mars Tracy K. Smith

How I came to own this book:

I'm not sure exactly how and when I bought this book. I found out while looking it up recently that sometime between then and now, this book ended up winning the Pulitzer Prize and Tracy K Smith became Poet Laureate!

My version of the book does not have the Pulitzer announcement, says it is a first printing, and I'm pretty sure I bought it new, in what would have been 2011, maybe 2012.

What I do remember is that it came on recommendation from my poetry teacher in my final year of college, the lovely Aracelis Girmay. She didn't recommend this book actually, just Ms. Smith in general and her Duende book in particular.

Anyway I know I have enjoyed the book when I've read through it (I think twice now), and there are even several poems I've dog-earred, meaning I especially loved them. I'm looking forward to reading them again.

What I think I'll get out of reading it again:

I'm hoping to reconnect with the poems I've dog-earred. I'm hoping to maybe find a few new ones to gain a relationship with. And like with all poetry I read, I'm hoping to note some of the things I love about her writing and subsume them into my own poetry writing. I'm actually taking a poetry class right now, so the timing is very nice.

Final thoughts: Well first of all, I didn’t actually resonate with the same dog ears -- all the poems I connected most with this time were not dog-earred by my past.

I had a lovely time reading this collection -- I like how it zooms into grief on a molecular level, then zooms out to view it on a planetary, universe one.

As a poet, I'll come back to this book for inspiration on playing with different poetry forms (she uses some really interesting stanza styles!), how to make personal pain so relatable, and how to ponder about space. As a human, I'm sure I can come back to this book next time I'm in the middle of incomprehensible loss.

A few stray thoughts:

This book kind of reminds me of my favorite episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine The Visitor, in which Sisko gets stuck in time and his son Jake spends decades obsessed with bringing him back and trying to mourn his effective death, only to be brought back every few decades when Sisko is able to peek through time to be with him again. I don't think this collection had much to do with time travel (though if I remember to, I'll look for time travel on my next reading). However the tenderness of the father relationship, and the grappling of death in sci fi and infinite stars rang familiar.

I did, for sure, go down a David Bowie Blackstar obsession about halfway through the reading, around the time of the line about Bowie never dying. I watched the two music videos (Blackstar and Lazarus) several times, watched a documentary on the last 5 years of Bowie's life, and read a handful of reviews of the album that either came out or were revised after Bowie's death a few days after its release. Again the contemplation of death, how we face it, what grief's place is in the vast expanse.

I think I'm especially drawn to poems that have the color and shape of the seaside (always? especially now?): Wide, resonant, pale blue & light sand Wind, pastel twilight. Shhh, the sea An example is "Everything That Ever Was," which in addition to evoking my idea of the seaside, literally evokes water so that helps. Its long pauses, gentle faded, long grey hair. Like a wide wake, rippling Infinitely into the distance, everything That ever was still is, somewhere, Floating near the surface, nursing Its hunger for you and me And the now we've named And made a place of. [...]

[sophiehunteroctopussyblog]

As Benedict Cumberbatch returns to screens big and small, he tells Craig McLean the secret to building a blockbuster body – and why his Sherlock co-star is wrong to fret about the fans

The last time I met Benedict Cumberbatch he was wearing only a pair of trunks, eating wine gums and worrying about the size of his abs. It was April 2017 and we were on the suburban set of The Child in Time, the first drama from his production company, SunnyMarch. In the lead role as a children’s author overwhelmed by grief following the disappearance of his daughter, Cumberbatch was preparing to shoot a scene in a bathtub – and was painfully aware that his toned torso looked out of place.

Shortly after the five-week shoot, the actor explained, he was due to fly to America to reprise his part as the disarmingly buff, dimension-bending Marvel superhero Doctor Strange. The year before, his stand-alone Doctor Strange movie had taken almost half a billion pounds at the international box office – and when it was announced that the character (also glimpsed briefly in Thor: Ragnarok last autumn) would be making a prominent return in this year’s Avengers: Infinity War there was no question of Cumberbatch returning to the role without first hitting the gym.

By the time we met, the actor’s pre-shoot fitness regime – which he described as “pretty full on… but a mental sorbet” – was well under way; hence those abs.

Fast forward to April 2018 and Cumberbatch – a 41-year-old father of two – is in front of me once again, in a London hotel room, midway through the global press tour for Infinity War. This time, thank God, he is fully clothed (in blue linen, denim and suede), but he’s still eating sweets.

Bulging with stars (Robert Downey Jr, Scarlett Johansson, Mark Ruffalo, Zoe Saldana and Josh Brolin for starters), the biggest Marvel film to date promises to be a superhero Greatest Hits, featuring all of the Avengers, Spider-Man, Black Panther and the Guardians of the Galaxy. Such is the secrecy surrounding it that I’ve only been shown 25 minutes, all superhero banter and ear-splitting battles against Brolin’s intergalactic villain, Thanos.

Doctor Strange appears to be the main goody, no less. Coiled in his chair, Cumberbatch admits that, after all those hours in the gym, he “bristled” earlier in the day when a journalist commented that his Doctor Strange “wasn’t very brawny”.

“How dare he?” he tuts now in mock-outrage, “Didn’t he see my shirt-off scene? Just hours before we shot it, I was told to do nothing but drink coffee and eat Skittles. ‘What,’ I said, ‘you want to turn me into a trucker?’ But they said it’s about dehydrating – if you have that much of a sugar- and caffeine-hit, the skin ‘shrink-wraps’ round your muscles”. He grins toothily. “And it worked!” He frowns. “I would never advise it, though.”

Still, however Doctor Strange’s physique looks on screen, one place the Oscar-nominated, Harrow-educated star can count on his character having rock-solid abs is on the associated merchandise, from T-shirts to figurines. “It’s the lunch box moment,” says Cumberbatch, wryly.

He tells me about a recent visit to the home of his friend and co-star, Tom Hiddleston (“Hiddlebum”) who has been a member of the Marvel family since 2011 when he appeared as Loki in the first Thor film. “I went into his kitchen and I just said: ‘Holy s---, you’ve been merch’d: you are on the lunch box.’ And he went: ‘I know, it’s great, right?’ And, yes, it is great. It’s also slightly terrifying. I thought: ‘Oh, is that one of the hurdles? Is that a Hiddlebum moment or a McAvoy moment?’” (another peer, James McAvoy, got his “lunch box moment” with the X-Men films). That is: does the actor have to make peace with being turned into a moulded plastic souvenir?

He does, and Cumberbatch evidently has. “It’s terrible but I actually look for kids wearing Marvel gear,” he admits. “And there are very few Doctor Strange lunch boxes or backpacks.” Ten years and 19 movies into the Marvel Cinematic Universe – and with this year’s Black Panther receiving unprecedented critical acclaim – does Cumberbatch think the time for snobbery about superhero movies is over?

If, say, Eddie Redmayne asked him if he should put on cape and tights, would he encourage his friend? “I’d say he’s got his plate quite full with wizardry right now,” he chuckles, referring to Redmayne’s role in J K Rowling’s Fantastic Beasts franchise. “But, yeah, if you really are bored of that, come and join the party!”

With great franchises come great responsibilities, however. Recently, Cumberbatch’s Sherlock co-star, Martin Freeman, grumbled to me about the oppressive level of expectation created by the series’ obsessive fans. “Being in that show, it is a mini-Beatles thing,” the actor who plays Doctor Watson said. “People’s expectations, some of it’s not fun any more. It’s not a thing to be enjoyed…”

Did the fans’ obsession with Sherlock kill the fun for Cumberbatch, too? “Mmm, not really ’cause I didn’t engage with it that much,” he says. “I’m very grateful for the support, but that’s about it.” His attitude is that fan fervour becomes a separate, uncontrollable force, that “it takes on its own thing. But that happens with every franchise or entity like this.”

He pauses, frowns, then continues with what sounds like a bracing criticism of his co-star. “It’s pretty pathetic if that’s all it takes to let you not want to take a grip of your reality. What, because of expectations? I don’t know. I don’t necessarily agree with that. There is a level of it [where] I understand what he means. There’s a level of obsession where [the franchise] becomes theirs even though we’re the ones making it. But I just don’t feel affected by that in the same way, I have to say.”

He is similarly forthright on the subject of Patrick Melrose. In David Nicholls’s forthcoming five-part television drama, adapted from Edward St Aubyn’s autobiographical novels, Cumberbatch plays the lead, a character who, on the page, can appear to be an unlikeable, heroin-taking posho. “Well, your words not mine,” he replies. “I don’t think he’s unlikeable at all. I think he’s fiercely funny, erotic, charming and dangerous. And incredibly, incredibly damaged. So you should feel for him.

"The posh bit? I mean, what, you think people who are sexually abused by their father from the age of five to 10 aren’t worthy of our attention because they’re posh? You need to go back to ethics school, surely. That’s a terribly shaky moral position to hold. So,” he concludes briskly, “I don’t bounce with that.”

Neverthelesss, I suggest, it’s hard to imagine that Melrose’s life – from childhood abuse to the drugs with which he self-medicates to escape his pain – will make easy viewing. “I think at heart it will be a really enjoyable watch,” says Cumberbatch. “But it’s not for the faint-hearted. It is a story of salvation. But it is blisteringly funny. That’s the real hook for me. Even among the depth-charge moments of abuse, you’re kind of mesmerised by Hugo Weaving’s David Melrose [Patrick’s father], as you are in the books. He’s a really magnetic character.”

While researching the part, Cumberbatch talked to counsellors and former addicts. Was he also able to draw on his own school days? Surely, at Harrow, he wasn’t short of classmates weighed down by their heritage. “Well there was a prince of Jordan, so that brought a level of weirdness. But the more English version? I didn’t get an intro much into that world. I was very privileged to be at Harrow, but there’s not some part of Wiltshire that belongs to the Cumberbatches.

“We have our past – you don’t have to look far to see the slave-owning past, we were part of the whole sugar industry, which is a shocker,” he says of the revelation four years ago that an 18th-century forebear was a Bristolian merchant who established plantations in Barbados. But, no, he didn’t know “Lord and Lady Such and Such”.

His only ennobled classmate was Simon Fraser, whose father and uncle died “tragically close to one another in our last year,” making him the 16th Lord Lovat. “He suddenly became titled, and we didn’t even know. “The point is,” he continues, “weird though it might be [given] the perception of me out there, I had to push some to get to the right level of class for this. And that was a very important part of the process. Because Patrick Melrose is very much a study of class, and the disintegration of the moneyed, landed gentry to cash-poor, still possibly land-rich idiocy. Their hypocritical, cynical, back-stabbing, malicious, ironic unsympathetic behaviour is really exposed with a scalpel in this.”

Speaking of men behaving badly, if things had gone according to plan, we would by now have seen Cumberbatch’s performance as Thomas Edison in the historical epic, The Current War. At one point mooted as an Oscar-contender, the film’s original release was scrapped after its producer Harvey Weinstein (with whom Cumberbatch had previously worked on The Imitation Game) fell spectacularly from grace. Cumberbatch sounds far from disappointed.

“If it takes us not releasing our film for a couple of years just to be rid of that toxicity, I’m fine with that,” he says, adding that he wants “to step back and be as far removed from that influence as possible, both as filmmaker and as human being.”

He recalls being on the Avengers set when the Weinstein story broke. “You could feel people going: ‘This is important and this will change things…’ And that’s terrific,” he says. “But having worked with the man twice…” he exhales heavily. “Lascivious… I wouldn’t want to be married to him… Gaudy in his tastes, for all his often-brilliant film-making ability ...

But did I know that was going on? A systematic abuse of women, happening through bribery, coercion, trying to gain empathy, to physical force and threats, physical and to career? No. No,” he says firmly. “That was the true shock. That this has just literally happened. And it’s  been covered up by an entire body of people through lawsuits and gagging and money – hundreds of thousands of dollars paid to silence victims and survivors.”

He shakes his head, aghast. “That truly was a revelation. I have a film company. Our head of development is a woman. There are two women running the television side of SunnyMarch. Adam [Ackland, his SunnyMarch co-founder] and me are the only men in the office. Countless times I’ve brought up issues of equal pay and billing. And so to realise that this attitude is so deeply culturally ingrained – that was my rude awakening. We have to fight a lot harder.”

That’s toxic masculinity dealt with; now bring on Thanos!

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/0/benedict-cumberbatch-privilege-marvel-muscles-martin-freemans/

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Hypocrite in action. Seems lying is his second nature now. Everthing for the image. What Martin said about Sherlock days ago is pathetic? Riiiiiight!

Sure it was controversial but pathetic?!

For those of you who think there will be another season of Sherlock: Think again!

And BC didn't know about Weinstein's "methods".

Doing a "Meryl Streep" here BC?!

I'm going with Martin here:

#benedict cumberbatch #martin freeman #sherlock #sherlock season 5 #bbc sherlock #harvey weinstein #hypocrite

[paraclete0407]

All the books I read in Korea, ‘Vita Nuova’ and ‘On Love.’  IDK why I became such a miniaturist later as well as pornographer.  I literally realized today people love pornography, love isn’t too weak a word.  It’s dear to them.  It really warms some people’s hearts.  I remember reading in a magazine from NY I don’t look at anymore how old men love it so much.

Sexual frankness was en vogue for a long time when I was a kid in the Bill Clinton era and everyone found it funny till they realized Clinton, Epstein, Dershowitz and pedophilia isn’t really funny.  Later K-wave put a different spin on it since it’s so raw as if to say ‘I’m above this all and can say anything’ but it’s still violent and it trample’s people’s valid dignities and decorum.  

I literally spent so long hung up on Houellebecq and regressed; ‘Elementary Particles’ is visionary if flawed but some part of me decided it was too sweeping so I concentrated on ‘Whatever / Extension of the Struggle’ and the figure of the lonely stranger girl in the nightclub, exemplar of a ‘sacrificed generation.’  I wrote so much impertinent fiction fascinated with these sacrificed girls without ever grasping that they have better options than to become object-lessons in the callousness of society.  Timothy Keller’s ‘The Meaning of Marriage’ is revelatory as it reminds, the nightclub sexual liberation culture can be escaped not through Romantic individualism or self-esteem / -regard but remembering husband and wife are one flesh - it’s secure, invulnerable.  I always thought about running away.  

My family are mad at me and my dad still appears to want to know something about my inner life which I’m afraid is a lingering ghost or recapitulation of the now-decades-old Boomer-v-Millennial college culture thing where all these dads were like ‘drmdrmdrm free oral sex on campus?! - I hate my son let’s execute him and steal his co-ed friends.’  Chad Kultgen stuff but even more psychopathic, homicidal-suicidal.  I didn’t even do that; I just heard about it in the magazine from NY I don’t read anymore because its whole message was, ‘I’m going to go on observing myself abusing myself and consuming myself and analyzing my consumption of experience forever as if nothing will ever change.’  People who never did the math on the pandemic and ‘water.’

I truly feel as if right now Saint Augustine of Hippo is watching over the whole world which, John Piper reminds us, was ‘cursed in hope.’  What is at the bottom of the pandemic, the sudden questioning of freedom, the openness to communism and totalitarianism, the ambivalence regarding all private life and private ownership and proprietary supply-chains and chains-of-care (such as ‘my child you leave him or her alone’ it does not take a village), if not the rediscovery of Original Sin, the tragic cursedness of sexuality or ‘woundedness’ of sexuality, that it was supposed to be great but it led to all this dejection and grief and actual permanent loss.

I remember many pieces of piano-music which I hoped to learn but in a way the most personal piece to me is Beethoven’s opus 109 / Sonata 31 final movement, ‘Gesangvoll mitt Innigster Empfindung.’  To me this is the ultimate statement on a couple’s tearing each other apart and ending where they began with the same beautiful yet vain regret.  How many times do you have to punctuate the same sentiment?  Just walk away; toward the new day.

‘After that I moved out of there.’  I really did give up on the details of man-woman love-relationships after 2011; I decided I would get a wife-in-a-box or just be single forever.  There was a Korean girl I liked in 2010 who made me change my mind about Shanghai-Beijing-and/or-Harbin v. Seoul and I was friends with her friend too but said something really terrible that in retrospect prefigured my teaching-career’s failure as well.  ‘She is a complicated woman 23.5 years of history.’  ‘I can simplify her.’  

I was like some communist social engineer.  I really flattened out my own character into an .XLS of sorts and believed I could do the same for others.  Years later I regarded how Lee Sooman had studied robotics in America, became hung up on more non-religious non-Christian ‘special electric sauce’ books like Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘The Love of the Last Tycoon.’  

I feel as if all of this is in some distant way, ‘mental North Koreanness.’  ‘Love is broken, people are fools, Dad hit Mom, Dad is a man-child, cannot face himself, doesn’t know his own intentions or motives, obsessed with being understood sans understanding, Mom was bricked in the head, the priest molested my sister, Ki Hyungdo, I will eliminate freedom with a colossal everlasting permeating Monolithic Ideology and give everyone precisely what is right for them.’

IDK whether I ought to say this but ‘Last Tycoon’ crystallizes and incipits(?) at Palm Springs International Airport which is a place where something happened to me.  But North Koreanness appears almost totally Faustian, samurai-like in the worst sense.  

IDK if I should say but someone I respect and admire and esteem immensely is the CEO of NKNews who supports food-sanctions (that at other times I think is a form of US state terrorism as well as diametrically anti-biblical) and I could almost understand in one way why America would choose to feed Soviets in the past but starve North Koreans b/c something truly went horribly wrong.  During my last (intellectually) intimate love-relationship we touched on the Pyongyang Revival & why did all of that get blown away?  It’s truly a testament to the power of Satan and the fragility of human purity and innocence.  

There’s a novel someone else I really love was translating for free about ‘pleasure squads’ and these women being daughters of someone and I took this scholar to task for his ‘Japaneseness,’ his oneiricity, his vagueness, begging the question when he could actually answer with guns blazing.  I get mad at Hwang Sokyong and want BR Myers to stomp Bruce Cumings for being a hippie as well as for constantly trying to correct American East Asia Studies when soon enough Western EAS won’t really matter because Asians are no longer yoked to traditional blinkered methods of scholarship or historiography.  Like just give up, Asians are figuring themselves out and Western EAS is also highly mercenary and in many cases naively enamored of Confucianism, Maoism, platonistic messianic communism.  Every scholar’s convinced he knows ‘the one thing other Westerners don’t know about China’ but a lot of it again comes down - I realize - to the same quality which makes me a mental North Korean; namely men being hung up on the little points that made them money, special, competitively edged.

Maybe it’s neither here or there.  I’m time-traveling.  The best book I saw recently before my life fell apart was ‘I Am Kim Jieun’ whose specificity astonished me.  It was a mystic experience to look at, searing, black and white; I felt something similar when translating Ku Sang.  I realize however that this ‘absolute specificity’ itself became an idol, to me - heart-idol, soul-idol - that exacerbated my intellectual belligerence and rendered me even more severely mentally North Korean than ever before.  ‘David Johnston Global Offensive.’

Everyone I care about in any case seems to be dreaming of Saint Augustine of Hippo, this man who wanted his little wife, his happy students, caring Mom, silly but avoided Dad, son Adeodatus (’God-given’), but ended up rebelling against liberal education and realizing that infants are evil and depraved in many ways.  Christianity today hesitating between a new engagement, a farewell to ‘cultural Christianity’ and ‘Christian nationalism,’ the question of freedom of religion or, as John MacArthur points out, acknowledging that religion and freedom are incompatible in the in the American secular understanding of the word ‘freedom.’  Freedom to die, freedom of death, perhaps a hundred million or more abortions.  But was St. Augustine a quietist who turned his back on the world?  Did he say go home?  He was advising the Roman general Beliarius and provided an immortal pastoral reflection on traumatic sociohistorical upheaval in ‘City of God.’

I still feel wrapped up and flattened out.  Today I remembered ‘The Teacher of Creative Writing’ which was my too-late apology to a former student for whom I wrote a good-but-not-great essay-letter and game good but not the best advice.  I wanted to tell her Cambridge UK has fewer anti-Korean rapists than Harvard but I wish that I had simply talked about God.  She turned up on FB a while back doing all these ‘luminous ampoule face-gel’ bed-pictures which Russian men commenting and stuff(?!).  ‘Tis part of why I turned my back on institutional Christianity - to my very abiding regret - and started thinking in ‘Baudelarian’ terms again with songs like f(x)’s ‘Butterfly.’  ‘I want to get inside your twisted logic / white-faced mysterious you.’

I sigh.  Thank God today kids maybe can get the specific wisdom they need from devices or something instead of wanting to believe in someone like me who as more of a image of a leader-teacher-priest than the real thing.  I really am in more trouble than these kids who simply allowed themselves to be vulnerable, I feel.  No less had I been more pertinacious and decisive and staid I might have had that room full of books in Itaewon with the spiral staircase instead of being so far away in a place where no one’s really interested or apt.  Another matter of which I have been tragically slow to take cognizance is the inferiority of creativity and conceptualization to redemption and Resurrection.  Today I guess AI can create almost anything but I keep trying to crack ‘Hope in Times of Fear’ and truly hold fast to the knowledge that I can weather what’s coming and give up whatever I will need to give up if I remember that I don’t have to keep inventing and scheming and imagining and surprising everyone.  I keep hearing the word ‘Sadducee’ in my head.  The methods of Christianity are available to all and everyone is talking about Thomas Jefferson doing vaccine-experiments and a guy whose slave’s name was ‘Onesimus’ though the NPR reporter didn’t know about St Paul and his spiritual family; but the lynchpin of Christianity is still the Resurrection and Yeonmi Park may have a point about America becoming mentally North Korean if the methods of Christianity are catholically and rigorously implemented without conviction in the mystery and miracle of Christ’s being ‘first born of the dead.’

I’m 100% certain at this point there are people who want to murder me but Yeonmi Park has a very big point to make and I’m concerned for her as well as her way of conveying the message. So many people think she’s a huge harlot and Kim Jong Il is a sympathetic anti-hero; they hate her for having a few million dollars.  My dad’s furious at John MacArthur for having a net-worth of like 15 million dollars and a nice watch; Bill Gates still has like 70 billion or something and is bragging about saving lives while 100 million kids are backsliding into poverty, starvation, possible trafficking due to   I used to be this way as well, always having good ideas then worsening them deliberately.  I remember reading on Wikipedia how love-shyness destroys careers; of all the things to be ashamed of, true love, holy love, an augury of Eternity and immortality, recognition of the Imago Dei (Image of God) in the other.  ‘Why hold your beloved friends and family fast when you can talk about spaceships to Venus?’

Covid and the people on the street 100% love Bill Gates.  Everyone’s afraid of Christianity; they’re love-shy; they’ll always take the second-best thing.. 

The world is really mentally ill and I wish I were living on an airplane writing speeches for JD Vance 20hrs a day but JD Vance is a brand too dueling people about Tucker Carlson and I can’t message him on Twitter (’100 million kids? - that’s something but first establish yourself and pay your dues in the profession by writing a 1,000 page dissertation about Tucker Carlson’).  I’m about 1.5 years too old to join the SJ (Society of Jesus / Jesuits) by my last investigation.  I just wish I had given my best over the last year and a half instead of ‘tracking’ matters for so long and gathering so much evidence without replying or responding.  

[sleemo]

The Rise of Rose | How A Badass Nerd Became The New “Star Wars” Lead

Kelly Marie Tran is ready to conquer galaxies both near and far, far away. — Buzzfeed News

Two years ago, all of Kelly Marie Tran’s dreams came true: She got the career break of a lifetime and landed the new lead role of Rose Tico in Star Wars: The Last Jedi, she moved to London and got to work with some of her personal heroes (Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy and actor Laura Dern, for starters), and she finally paid off her student loans. And then, once filming wrapped, she ran away.

“I think anytime you go into anything that’s different and new, there’s a bit of fear,” the 28-year-old Vietnamese-American actor said on a sunny October morning, fanny pack bouncing as she hiked Griffith Park in Los Angeles. She glanced down quickly at her Pikachu watch.

“That’s just natural. It’s a human, natural instinct,” she said. “But I also spent a year traveling and a year trying to figure myself out and reminding myself why I got into this.”

Originating a Star Wars lead character is the stuff of dreams for actors. It all but guarantees immediate global stardom (The Force Awakens breakout stars Daisy Ridley and John Boyega are currently starring in big-budget studio films outside of Star Wars), and also offers the possibility of long-term employment (Harrison Ford has been playing Han Solo since 1977, and he’s still not entirely sure if he’s finished). Even in the face of rapid and continued expansion — Disney recently announced that Last Jedi writer and director Rian Johnson will helm a new film trilogy — Star Wars remains one of the most surefire celebrity-making machines in show business.

But becoming a Star Wars star is also a huge responsibility. It’s a central juggernaut in the geek-culture landscape, and the fandom is so longstanding and voracious, a prominent role in a Star Wars film can guide, and often define, an actor’s entire career — especially a newcomer with hardly any mainstream projects under their belt. And for Tran, there’s an added element of both privilege and pressure: Rose Tico is the franchise’s first major character to be played by an Asian-American woman.

The movie isn’t even out yet, but Tran is already making history with the role. By posing as Rose on the front of Vanity Fair in May, arms crossed and a coy smile on her face, Tran became the first Asian-American woman to appear on the magazine’s cover. And she clearly understands how important that representation is to fans — it’s not something she takes lightly.

“It’s something that I think about a lot,” she said. “I just remember growing up and not seeing anyone that looked like me in movies.”

Tran’s no stranger to the geeky realm. She nicknamed one of the steepest trails in Griffith Park “the road to Mordor,” and has been unsuccessfully trying to convince eight friends to dress up as the Fellowship of the Ring with her since high school. She’s super nervous for Daenerys to see Viserion on Game of Thrones next season (“That’s such a Kylo situation, right? Seeing your child who’s on the other side now? I’m serious”). She’s a Harry Potter superfan, and even though she’s a Ravenclaw per the Pottermore Sorting Hat, she’s a Gryffindor by choice: “I feel like the Sorting Hat would have been like, ‘You should pick.’ And I would have picked Gryffindor.”

But Tran’s also no stranger to the lack of diversity in nerdy fare. For example, she always went to midnight Harry Potter screenings dressed as Cho Chang, the only prominent female Asian character in the films, even though she adored Luna Lovegood. And now that Tran’s about to experience the other side of fandom and become one of those rare characters of color herself, she admits there’s no lack of pressure.

“It feels like a lot of expectation, and you just wanna do it right,” she said, pumping her bright green dinosaur leggings up the road to Mordor.

That expectation, that pressure, is part of the reason why Tran spent the year after filming wrapped traveling in total anonymity.

“I ran away!” she laughed. “I wanted to center myself and remember who I was. My life had just changed so much, and I needed that time to reflect.”

First, she went to South Africa and worked on an endangered wildlife reserve (no internet, no electricity, no running water). She shared a room with a dozen people and told everyone she worked as an office temp. (She didn’t start getting inquisitive emails until the new Rose Tico toys started coming out.)

Next, Tran went to Vietnam, first to work with orphans, and then to revisit her roots. Her parents fled to the United States during the Vietnam War, so she brought them back to their home country for the first time in 40 years.

“I have very huge cultural ties to where I’m from and where my family’s from,” she said.

Her time in Vietnam was, according to the actor, an “overwhelming experience.” She and her family biked to her dad’s village together, and he showed her where he used to sleep.

“My dad was a street kid for seven years — he was homeless,” Tran said. She met her cousins, the children of relatives who tried to escape during the war but were pulled back by the Vietnamese government. “I could have had this life,” Tran said, holding out one hand, “and now I have this one, and it’s purely because my parents dropped everything and moved to a country where they didn’t know the language [and] didn’t have any opportunities. I very much have felt this whole time that I’ve been living for multiple generations of life.”

That year of travel and soul-searching seemed to help Tran achieve what she had set out to: She remembered why she became an actor.

“My parents didn’t get to have a dream,” she said. “Their dream was to live in a country where their kids would have choice.” And despite any hesitance on her parents’ part regarding her risky career choice, Tran always saw it differently.

“I truly did feel that I owed it to my parents, my grandparents, to do whatever it was that I wanted, because if I wasn’t happy, if I wasn’t being true to myself, then I wasn’t living fully,” she said. “They had given up so much so that I could live at the level that so many people are just automatically born into.”

But just two short years ago, Tran’s acting career looked very different. In 2015, she was working full-time as an assistant at a creative recruiting firm in Century City to pay off her student loans and make ends meet. She’d wake up at 5 a.m., answer phones and grab coffee, leave for two or three auditions in the afternoon, then come back to the office and stay until 8 or 9 at night.

It took Tran years just to get an agent. She started sending inquiry letters to agencies when she was a high schooler back in San Diego. She worked at a yogurt shop and saved up all her money for headshots, only to receive a slew of rejection letters. “There’s no rule book, nobody tells you how to do it,” Tran sighed. “It was sort of the preparation for the next 10 years. I still have a bunch of rejection letters from agencies that did not want me.” She’s strongly considering framing them.

Tran finally landed a commercial agent in 2011, and a theatrical agent two years later. Her commercial agent suggested she try an improv class to give her resumé some extra shine, so she enrolled at the Upright Citizens Brigade Training Center in Los Angeles — and fell in love.

“I love the ideals of improv: supporting each other and never being sort of judgmental of other people’s ideas,” she said. “I think they’re great rules for life: You get a piece of information, you’re like, ‘OK, how do I work with that and how do I add to that?’”

Her creative circle flourished, and she cultivated a tight-knit group of writing partners and performers, including her all-female Asian improv group, Number One Son.

“I’ve always been very much a team person,” Tran said. “Acting seems like solo work, but it’s not. This is not a one-person journey, at all.” But as much artistic fulfillment as she was finding, her resumé still consisted largely of CollegeHumor videos and small TV roles. She couldn’t even get an audition for a movie.

When she turned 25, Tran resigned herself to a fate of personal fulfillment without mainstream success. “I remember making a conscious decision,” she said. “I never thought that I would accomplish my dreams. I believed in myself, but when I turned 25, I just thought, Oh, I’ll just be working my day job and auditioning and struggling financially, but I’ll be living my dream for the next two or three decades.”

Then, as all great success stories go, she got the audition notice. The Untitled Rian Johnson Project was supposed to be a secret, but everyone knew it was for Star Wars. (Johnson had already been announced as both writer and director of the next installment.) But Tran, a self-proclaimed nerd on many subjects, had never seen a single Star Wars movie.

“In 10th grade, my teacher was obsessed with [Star Wars] and played it in the background, but I was reading Harry Potter so I wasn’t listening to it,” Tran laughed.

She didn’t watch any of the movies before that first audition — she never thought she’d make it beyond that — a move she believes helped her in the long run.

“I didn’t have this expectation of what I thought this person should be like; I wasn’t trying to model her after someone I’d seen in a movie,” she said.

Tran recalled that the initial character breakdown for Rose Tico was vague — “Something like, ‘Any ethnicity, character-y!’” — so she walked into the first audition wearing a sweater vest and her lucky Ravenclaw tie.

“All these other girls were in tight black and I was like, ‘Oh no! I’ve done this wrong! I’ve done this wrooong!’” she laughed.

By the first callback — Tran wore her lucky tie again, it had gotten her that far — Johnson was already in the room.

She auditioned five times between the summer and fall of 2015, a torturous month spanning between each. After each audition, Tran tried to forget about the possibility of another. She stayed busy writing with friends, and she started journaling for the first time in her life. The final audition took place in London, with full hair, makeup, and costuming.

“And this is why, I’m telling you,” Tran cackled, “the fact that I hadn’t grown up with Star Wars really helped me. I think I would have fallen over.”

But she didn’t fall over. In fact, Tran did the opposite: She stayed unfathomably grounded. “I remember the day of that audition, I just wanted to be present,” she recalled. “I just wanted to have fun, because there was nothing I could do at that point to control getting it or not. I remember having the most freeing feeling, and I had the best time.” Then she went home and tried to forget about it.

Three weeks later, in November 2015, Johnson emailed Tran’s agent and asked to meet with Tran before she went home for Thanksgiving. “I remember every moment,” she said through a grin. “Walking up the stairs, there’s a little bit of small talk, and then Rian says, ‘I want to offer you this role.’” Tran didn’t react; she froze. “What happens when everything you’ve ever wanted comes true?” She hid her face behind her hands at the memory. “I didn’t say a word. I was terrified. It was such an overwhelming shock.” Johnson waited, and then asked, “Umm, do you want this?” Yes, she did.

Tran went home for the holidays, but couldn’t tell anyone she’d just landed the role of a lifetime — all aspects of the movie were being kept top secret. She lied and told her mom, dad, and two sisters that she’d booked an indie film in Canada. She casually suggested the family go see The Force Awakens, but her dad objected. “He goes, ‘Ughhh, I hate movies like that. I don’t know why people go see sci-fi movies,’” Tran laughed. “And I was like, ‘Welp.’”

In January 2016, Tran moved to London to begin filming, and her life changed overnight.

“Someone mistakenly gave me the keys to the kingdom,” she said, her eyes still wide with disbelief even now.

She spent her days on set watching the likes of Benicio del Toro, Andy Serkis, Adam Driver, Oscar Isaac, and Laura Dern (“I can’t believe she knows who I am, ahhh!”) in what she described as “ultimate acting school.” Tran went to set every day, even if she wasn’t filming.

She hung out in the creatures department and learned a lot — she even dressed in a makeshift Porg costume for Halloween this year. She spent weekends watching movies with Mark Hamill and his family. She shared a trainer with Daisy Ridley, and eventually learned how to push a car. (“I’m serious! Little ol’ me.”)

But Tran found herself worrying; this was her first big gig and she was treading very carefully, often worried she might offend someone. Then she met Carrie Fisher.

“What a woman,” Tran nodded pointedly. “The best thing about Carrie that I witnessed was that she was just purely honest. No matter how messy that was, or how complicated that was.”

While Tran agonized over adhering to her trainer’s fitness regimen, Fisher showed up and walked the treadmill, sipping a Coke and smoking a cigarette.

“I don’t know how to explain it — without even protecting me, she was. Just by being herself,” Tran said.

But there was one caveat to all of her dreams seemingly coming true: Tran wasn’t used to living without her established support system.

“I was scared, I was alone, I couldn’t tell anyone what I was doing,” she said. “I remember crying because I wanted my friends to experience it.”

To combat the isolation, she joined an improv class in London, kept journaling (“I have 25 journals now that’s just me and my feelings on paper”), and leaned heavily on her castmates, especially John Boyega — the actor she’ll likely be sharing the most screentime with in The Last Jedi.

Her close association with Boyega’s character, Finn, is one of the few facts we know about Rose Tico so far. We also know she’s a low-ranking mechanic in the Resistance, and her sister Paige (played by Vietnamese actor Veronica Ngo) is a gunner in the Resistance.

“John is someone who I feel like I immediately was able to mesh with,” Tran said of working with the actor. “We connect on different levels because our parents are immigrants, we’re both people of color, nerds, and he’s just hilarious.” Tran, of course, knows everything about Rose, but all she’ll coyly add is that the character “has an interesting relationship with war” — a relationship Tran’s family knows all too well.

“I dug into that with my parents, and their relationship with war because of the Vietnam War,” she said. She also listened to podcasts and read books on engineers and how they think, and infused much of her own personality into the character’s.

“Sometimes I think Kelly informed Rose, and sometimes I think Rose informed me,” Tran said. “It’s such a messy, tangled relationship, which I think is kind of beautiful. She’s always going to be part of me and I’m always going to be part of her, right?”

And as for Rose’s future in the Star Wars universe, Tran is as curious as the rest of us. “I don’t know,” she said earnestly, convincingly, like a true Gryffindor.

Since filming wrapped, Tran’s co-stars moved on to new projects — “They’re all working on a bunch of movies everywhere in the world. I’m the only who’s like, ‘Yooo, come over, let’s watch a movie!’” — and she’s been living in a strange bubble, treading water between anonymity and the global stardom that Star Wars all but guarantees.

“Everything feels very emotional right now, because it feels like the first or the last time,” Tran said slowly, measuring her words. “I don’t know what that other life is gonna be like, but I also don’t want to let go of being this anonymous person who gets to live in both lands.”

There’s no way to know what her life will look like after The Last Jedi premieres, but Kelly Marie Tran is finally ready to stop running away from the inevitable spotlight.

“The only thing I can do is be honest and be myself, and if people hate that, they’re gonna hate that, and I can’t control that. It has nothing to do with me,” she said, half-sighing. “I’m saying this now, and it sounds really easy, but it took me a year. I just feel like I don’t wanna hide anymore.”

— Buzzfeed News

#kelly marie tran #interview #rose tico #star wars #cast #the last jedi #tlj

[yourdailykitsch]

Texas Forever: Taylor Kitsch Is Doing Hollywood His Way (Exclusive) Taylor Kitsch isn’t here to impress. “I get so bored if I play the same or look the same in every role,” Kitsch says on a pleasant January afternoon in Pasadena, Calif. The 36-year-old actor is gearing up for the most transformative role of his career in Waco, the six-part Paramount Network miniseries about the 1993 siege premiering Wednesday, Jan. 24. The Kelowna, British Columbia, native plays David Koresh, controversial leader of the Branch Davidians, who, along with 75 of his followers, perished in a deadly fire following a violent 51-day standoff with the FBI. “Maybe it’s an older school mindset,” he theorizes, leaning back in his chair in deep thought, a cool, laidback confidence radiating from him. “I love the grind.” Kitsch first broke out onscreen in 2006, as brooding bad boy Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights, becoming a favorite among young female fans of the NBC drama. Since the show ended in 2011, he’s largely steered away from roles akin to the character that propelled him to heartthrob status, instead leaning into parts that weren’t exactly tailor-made for him to begin with: a gay activist in The Normal Heart, a villainous operative in American Assassin, a successful weed dealer in Savages and most recently, one of the elite firefighters battling the Yarnell Hill Fire in Only the Brave. “I grew up on these guys, like the Sean Penns and the Gary Oldmans. I think there’s a high to that. I love that challenge,” he says. “When I started studying acting that was kind of what it was about: figuring out your process to create these different characters.” As Koresh, Kitsch unlocks another hidden ability in his growing breadth as an actor, exuding a level of charm and magnetism in Waco that is both mesmerizing and mystifying, only because the man he portrays wasn’t a good man at all. “There aren’t many characters like this that exist. He’s enigmatic and crazy brilliant and crazy, period,” says Kitsch, who calls Austin, Texas home. In order to realistically embody the sect leader, Kitsch -- who also serves as an executive producer -- grew out his hair and dropped 30 pounds in four months; his 500-calorie diet consisted of egg whites, coffee, vegetables, a tiny bit of protein and, after 4 p.m., broth. “Losing weight when you already don’t have too much to lose, it’s no fun, but it’s just part of it,” Kitsch says of his transformation, adding that it played “a huge part in the cadence” of a “mad genius” like Koresh. “The way you walk, the way you feel… It reaffirmed how smart he had to be because it was never blunt force. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t intimidate that way.” It also required Kitsch to lose himself in Koresh’s world -- and he took it quite literally. For months leading up to filming in Santa Fe, New Mexico, last April, Kitsch devoted “eight to 10 hours a day” familiarizing himself with all facets of David Koresh’s intricate life. That included four hours of guitar and singing lessons, scripture readings, dissecting hours upon hours of Koresh’s tapes and researching his difficult upbringing. “It was almost laughable in the beginning. I would joke around about how much prep I had,” Kitsch recalls. There were moments during the production of Waco that proved challenging. Kitsch zeroed in on the sermons as being particularly “tough” to memorize and he became obsessed with nailing the improbable task. “I’m more known for saying less is more,” Kitsch says, alluding to his famous FNL character, Riggins, “so to be as talky as Dave… But when you’re mixing in scripture, it’s just so hard to infuse into my brain. I’d be in my house in Santa Fe and I’d have all these white boards all over the house of scriptures and psalms and everything that I had to remember in episode five, six or in a monologue. Everywhere in the house I could see it, I would say it out loud, walk over there, see it and say it out loud.” The most daunting part about playing Koresh, though, had nothing to do with memorizing nine-page sermons and everything to do with standing in front of a mic. “The singing and guitar was ******ing scary man,” Kitsch confesses, a nervous laugh escaping his lips. (Koresh performed with his band in local Waco bars and church services. Survivor David Thibodeau, whose 1999 book on which Waco is based, said Koresh recruited members through music.) “I’ve never been in a ******ing singing booth either, putting it on a track so we could go film it two days later. So I’d go in the studio with a real band, which is scary to begin with, and be like, ‘Hey, I’m about to sing ‘My Sharona,’ are you ready?’ and they’re like” -- he gives a knowing look -- “‘All right...?’ They were awesome and supportive, and I gained a lot of confidence from that.” There was once a time when Kitsch’s stardom was fast approaching elite status. Fresh off the success of Friday Night Lights, Hollywood came knocking with two very expensive tentpoles, Battleship and John Carter -- films that held the promise of proclaiming him the next franchise superstar. It just didn’t happen. Both films bombed at the box office and were panned by critics. “I’ll read articles, but I won’t go on Rotten Tomatoes,” Kitsch, who only recently joined Instagram, cracks. Though it didn’t seem that way at the time, in hindsight, his failures were blessings in disguise: Kitsch had the opportunity to redirect his career on a far more interesting path. “I feel I’ve stayed the course,” Kitsch says, analyzing his ups and downs with a refreshing candor. “I’m proud of the way I reacted to John Carter. I’m proud of the way I reacted to Battleship. I still have no regrets really. At the time in your life that these opportunities present themselves, I would have done it again knowing the circumstance and knowing what was going on. What I’m proud of is my work ethic throughout. I’ve never wavered. I feel like I’m getting better and better. I think Waco is a great example of that.” “When you have people who believe in you and give you these chances, I just won’t let go of that opportunity,” he adds, his steadfast loyalty and gratitude to those who have seen him as more than just a pretty face unwavering. “I don’t know if it’s something I’ve learned; it’s something I’m proud of -- that I’ve, in that sense, kept grinding. It’s kind of all I know now. I’ve always -- in sports, in life -- there’s a way I make it where I have to grind, you know what I mean? It’s the underdog thing. It carries me or I carry that with me, whatever that is.” Kitsch has rarely spoken about the much-maligned second season of HBO’s True Detective, in which he portrayed closeted highway officer and ex-military man Paul Woodrugh. He acknowledges that the 2015 season was far from perfect though his experience was “really, really positive” (“Obviously, it’s not the best case that people didn’t react to it that way,” Kitsch says). While it may seem, from the outside at least, to have been a contributing factor in the long gap between TV projects, Kitsch assures that wasn’t the case. “I remember watching season one [of True Detective] -- I haven’t told anyone this -- and sitting in bed and I was like, ‘If I could ******ing get on a show like that…,” he remembers. “You’re allowed to let go a lot easier when you understand you put everything you could that you had control over that you felt you knocked out. You can walk away a lot easier.” Kitsch still keeps in touch with creator Nic Pizzolatto (“I’d go work with Nic tomorrow”) and he’s looking forward to the third installment with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali (“They got an amazing cast”). There’s an ounce of disappointment in his voice when he eventually evaluates what went wrong. “Season one was incredible and I think it’ll go down as all-time, and that says a lot because there is some amazing stuff in the last 30 years. I think the bar was crazy high, which I have no problem swinging for, but there were some constraints in the timing of it,” Kitsch says. “Sometimes you’re on a movie or you’re in a relationship and the magic just isn’t there, or you are in one and everything just seems to play out the right way. I’m sure I could speak for the other leads in it -- man, we were all proud to be there. Everyone came beyond prepared -- you have to when you’re working with Nic -- and we swung.” Next for Kitsch is a tale that has stayed in his brain for the past several years, like an earworm that just won’t leave his head. Titled Pieces, Kitsch plans to write, direct, star and produce the feature film based on his 2014 short about three guys who grew up in the worst part of town with a sudden opportunity to change their kids’ and families’ lives. “It’s a bit savage-y. It’s a bit Western-y. It’s a grimy movie. Everything f***king goes crazy,” Kitsch says with a glint of excitement piercing through his deep green eyes. He’s never done anything this intensive before, executing his own idea from page to screen. Could this be Kitsch’s next chapter in his career? “We’ll see how this goes,” he says with an anxious laugh. Asked if he’s nervous about jumping into something so deeply personal that will truly be his, Kitsch didn’t mince words: “You should be. Hopefully, I’m nervous about my next job too. It’s a story that won’t leave me. I want to do this and I want to do it my way.”

#taylor kitsch #waco #tim riggins #True Detective