#i was gonna put some lyrics here that made me especially ill but then i realized that's like. the entire song | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

redrobin-detective · 7 months

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Simon and Marcy's relationship through the years

So I finally watched the Stakes miniseries in Adventure Time and I think like I finally understand Marceline and her motivations better, especially regarding Simon.

So seeing the stuff with Marcy's mom from Stakes I think it's pretty clear why she sent Marcy away in the first place.

She didn't want Marcy to see her die. It could be any general post-apocalyptic illness I suppose but with a mutagenic bomb I'm gonna assume it's some sort of radiation poisoning. Marcy is little here, between 5-7 so I don't think she processed why her Mom 'abandoned' her, only the hurt left behind. We see she hadn't really accepted/understood until Distant Land's Obsidian.

So that fear of abandonment translates over to Simon who, also, is forced to leave 'for her safety'. So, objectively, it's about the crown, how he's slowly losing himself and could potentially hurt her. I had asked, right from the start of my AT watch 'why does he keep putting the crown on?' We see in Simon & Marcy, its as a deterrent against the dangers of a post-war world. But Marcy was important to him, surely he could find some other way, I mean look at this

This is not a man eager to leave behind the child in his care. So why did he?

And after watching Marcy's mom succumb to radiation poisoning it hit me. Simon left Marcy for the same reason her mom did: to spare her the pain of watching a parent die. Here are the lyrics from I Remember You

"This magic keeps me alive / but it's making me crazy"

The crown was keeping him alive through the apocalypse, if it wasn't poisoning from the bomb it might have been something else. Marcy, being half demon, was protected but Simon was totally human without the crown's protection. Simon realized he had no choice but to leave her: by dying as a human like her mother or lost to madness of the crown. So he left, to ensure she didn't have to see either one. It was probably the hardest decision he ever made and he felt guilty enough to write Marcy a note. He wrote it on the back of a picture of Marcy so she'd see it but she didn't get to read it until almost a millennia later. But for a thousand years, Marcy harbored resentment towards Simon and later Ice King.

Marcy stated she originally became a vampire hunter to protect the remaining humans, thinking it was an extension of protecting her one time protector. She grieved his loss in her life greatly which turned into bitterness and frustration. Marceline was seemingly abandoned by two close parental figures in her early childhood which -coupled with vampirism and living unchanging for centuries- turned her into apathetic, isolated punk rocker we meet at the start of the series.

We don't know when Marcy and Ice King formally met but we know they didn't have much interaction in the main Adventure Time series until I Remember You. If I were to guess, Marcy probably tried to get through to Simon briefly before giving up and then avoiding him. She probably assumed he left her for the power of the crown, her own hurt clouding the memories of Simon's actions and his words to her.

We know Simon reached out to her multiple times, tracking her down and spending time with her without really knowing why. Marcy, it seemed, did her level best to just avoid him. Until she finds the note Simon left for her.

It doesn't explain everything but it's enough for Marcy to understand the important bits: that Simon did not leave her willingly, that he loved her and seeking forgiveness for his future actions as the Ice King. After this episode, we see Marcy hanging out with Ice King of her own volition and, to the best of my knowledge, she only refers to him as "Simon" from now on.

It's a big step for her, who has clung to this hurt and anger for a long, long time. To look at a man who doesn't remember her and open her heart just a crack to let him through again. I think the note from the past plus the singing in the present gave Marcy a way to bridge this crazy wizard to her old friend. One of my favorite details in the song is we hear Tom Kenny's distinctive dopey Ice King voice throughout it until we get to the last few harmonizing Da Da's. Maybe it's my imagination but the last few tones on his end are softer, more human, closer to the Simon of memory.

Its a reminder to Marcy and to us that Simon was still there.

TLDR: Marcy's mom sent her away so her daughter wouldn't watch her die and Simon chose to do the same since he would have died without the crown. Marcy hung onto this grief for years shaping it into her early AT self. I Remember You gave Marcy closure on assuring Simon's affections for her and why he left. It was also when she finally saw him for the first time in Ice King and began to allow him back into her life which led to him being freed. These two make me so emotional.

#simon petrikov #adventure time #marceline the vampire queen

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 29 days

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drop the lore for your song !

(insert "sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it" cake here. sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it!!!)

okay so first i guess we should probably drop the lyrics, theyre on bandlab but also who give a shit. here you go:

-and you sit there like youre some starry-eyed god

asking for sacrifice, knowing what i lost

and what can i do but follow you?

i made you my temple, just follow through

and your honor, you sit and stare as i stand witness

to this man burning everything i love down with this building

and from the ashes his eyelash comes falling, i make a wish

it wont ever come true but ill make him pray it did

and god, my god i would follow you to death

you know this so you hold a blunt knife to my neck

i am more than just your satisfactions and regrets

but you are less than i thought, you are less and you're not even worth it

i am breathing just a little and calling it a life

you are walking in the wild with a mass market knife

and it feels so juvenile to talk it all through

we are teenagers at battle, we are always coming true

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW YOU COULD NOT HAVE SAVED ME?

AND DO YOU BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON THE NEWS

CAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT ALL KIDS DO IS LOSE EVENTUALLY.

I HATE THAT YOU COULDNT SAVE ME.

that must mean im stronger.

you said you would protect me.

but im like ocean water.

and youre like twenty three!

so i choose now between honesty and dignity

and i cannot worship a god i cant believe

yeah i tore my palms down your altar

for war, blood must taste sweet

i dont know what to do to make you believe that im insane

you made me, made me you, made me who i am

no you didnt make me, i made me, you were just a tool

ill say anything so ill sleep the whole night through

first piece of lore: i did in fact write this in tumblr drafts. people tend to not believe me when i tell them but notes app is far too open. tumblr drafts is for the arteries. also the sense of danger from my drafts being cleared or my account being deleted (which happened) keeps me on my toes.

second piece of lore: this is less of a song and more of a conglomeration of words i thought go together good. i didnt really have a plan for this as i was writing it, it sort of formed the image and story it has as i wrote and only when i was "done" (the song isnt complete but im done writing it for now) did i have it completely. my sister said the phrase "starry-eyed god" and i ran from there! i was kind of toying with the idea of being hurt by someone who doesnt really believe they are harming you, and sort of falling across that line all the time of are they really innocent or are they playing innocent.

i also liked the idea of being so in love with someone that you'd worship them, not understanding that that isnt love, its obsession. lots of misunderstandings and insanity in this bad boy.

this is also definitely the ending half of the song. in my recording the end is a little fucked because, third piece of lore, i accidentally slammed my hand on the table out of passion and spent the rest of the song trying not to cry in pain. why did i push through, you may ask. why didnt i just stop and rerecord in a minute. well im something of an artiste (idiot)

that bit on "what can i do but follow you/i made you my temple just follow through" where im high and singing almost reverently is what i want more of the beginning to sound like. for this section we have more of those divine chorus vibes peeking through every once in a while, so the beginning will have this almost spoken desperate vibe peeking through, but majority of that high angel voice for most of it.

okay this is already long so im gonna stop here with general lore -- if you want me to go through the lyrics as well and talk about that, i am more than happy to!! lyrics are my favorite parts of a song, especially writing-wise, so i would love that actually. some of the lyrics in this are inspired by poetry so its pretty fun to look back and see.

thank you for asking!! i love you sm <33

#asks #the tree sings #the tree speaks #ily anon

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jasonsmirrorball · 3 months

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hey babe i was wondering if you had specific songs that just remind you of jason? like some personal ones for me are mood ring baby by field medic (especially the lines i love you always/even if you’re bad news) and we’re in love by boygenius (if you rewrite your life, may i still play a part?/in the next one, will you find me?) and oddly ivy by taylor swift like i heard the lines and the old widow goes to the stone every day/but i don’t, i just sit here and wait/grieving for the living and just instantly decided it was a jason todd song lol anyway i’m just really curious what your jason songs are

i love this so much thank you for asking me because i have a fair few songs that are soo intrinsically jason to me that it makes me SICK to my stomach!!!!!

dream girl evil by florence and the machine. the idea of falling from grace and having been put on a pedestal, your image forever tainted….so jason. it’s an eldest daughter experience but it’s also just a woman experience. i think i’ve said this before to someone, i can’t remember but someone on tiktok made a video a couple of years ago about how he’s female pain coded and it put into words everything i’d been feeling but unable to express. i resonate so much with that aspect of his character it makes me ill

your age by rina sawayama. the entire premise of being betrayed by the people who were supposed to keep you safe and protect you??? hello??? omfg.

forgiveness by rina sawayama. “‘cause i’m losing my mind / sometimes i blame you / sometimes i don’t”

the world ender by lord huron. there are actually so many lord huron songs that remind me of jason but this one is so. vengeance and back from the dead …. and it’s just so. something about it is so alluring. the lyrics make me want to claw at the earth.

leave my body by florence and the machine. again, soo many fatm songs remind me of jason but i don’t want to ramble too much but the sound of this one genuinely feels like to me like how it might’ve felt coming back from the dead in a way? waterlogged, beaten and bruised, every step leaden and heavy, half mad. the drums in the back, the chorus in the background, “i’m gonna leave my body / (moving up to higher ground) / i’m gonna lose my mind / (history keeps pulling me down)” I’M losing MY mind.

honourable mentions that i want to expand on but can’t because my eyes are burning: breath of life and no light, no light. but the way florence’s music always sounds so holy/powerful but at the same time a little twisted…

ivy and jason….your mind…you’re so incredibly right. anyway these are my songs that remind me of jason in general! i have others but those are more self indulgent and in a self ship lens lol

#love letters 💌#jay my heart #loverboy 💌

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lemonberyy · 6 months

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while im here actually. art dump

bloodswap human Calliope, one with makeup and one without. because i CAN suckers. isn't she silly? And a little ominous? A touch murder-y?

this one is her cherubic design! i put a lot of thought into the references i can make with her outfit. Namely though, I wanted to kind of make it look like a complete mish-mash of several inspirations from LE, haute couture, alt callie, and a few other bloodswap designs I'm familiar with. She's the LADY OF SPACE! Referred to as Her Grace of Space. The Goddess of Vast Light. She isn't exactly going to be subdued in her look. She wants everyone to look upon her with immediate recognition, and following it will be fear.

This one I JUST finished. Like last night at eleven pm just finished. Rendering my beloathed... This is inspired by song lyrics from Circle With Me by Spiritbox and Cyberhex by Motionless In White. I really like the idea of the imagery of Callie consuming the Green Sun. It's striking!

this is calamity in fantasystuck. she in fact compl abhors this dress . No cheek nonsense because TECHNICALLY she's dragonborn but i cannot draw dragons. I have one setting. It's cherubim.

this one is from a post canon au. i have a bazillion words as to how caliborn is on earth c it's all headcanon but it's all good and silly and he is Short and she is Tall (i also have a bazillion words for why Callie is able to start maturing properly post canon)

you know what, past me? this is my post! im gonna put all two-bazillion words on here actually. what am i thinking hehe? my post is a place for my words. silly joan!

So, for why Caliborn is on Earth-C. I honestly had fun rationalising this one!

For one, Caliborn is very, very cold. Another thing is that- I don't think cherubim were meant to go into black holes. I'm pretty sure that, while yes they mate near them, I don't think they fall in. It's something I feel is just something that doesn't happen. So cal being trapped within one is notable. But, we aren't talking about Caliborn being trapped! We're talking about him getting out.

Honestly if he were to tell it, he'd say he "FOUGHT TO GET OUT." or something. But the truth is he fractures,* his young body is rejected and he falls out. He retains only the passive effects of his godtier, like an understanding of timelines and being able to traverse them. But he has no control in this state.

*What do I mean by this? I basically think that he and le are seperate entities. In a lot of ways they literally are! Le is a combination of several souls and abilities and powers. He kinda reminds me of how the Condesce can learn all caste abilities. Caliborn has the abilities and knowledge of several godtiers including his own complete mastery of time. So, when Caliborn falls out and onto Earth-C, it's just a fraction of his soul and body. He's young again because it's a portion of his (falsely) mature body and he's very weak because it's only a portion of his soul. The rest is in the black hole. And due to some fuckery, he can feel it too. It's cold. He's constantly dizzy and disoriented. He is especially unnerved by this because cherubim are... this incredible species. He feels sick without context for what illness feels like. It's a pretty terrible experience for him but he's at least well enough to still be terrible to everyone.

Now for Callie. Honestly this is one is more simple. Her life ring fills her body with the very force of life! She may not have predominated, but she is full to bursting of more than enough energy for her body to age correctly. She can grow wings, become much taller, and toned. She doesn't really understand it yet but she really likes walks and runs because it's her body telling her to exercise and maintain her muscle mass.

alt callie...... 🥰 that's all send tweet

this is a magical girl au. one with her soul gem and one without. i have a bazillion words on all the symbolism here actually. For one I made her wish to be beautiful, which is why her face and everything is very Pretty and Sculpted and Lovely. Secondly though. Her soul gem, the space symbol in her birthmark, is a whole thing. She thinks her birth mark is a blemish on her looks, and seeing it not only A) remain after her wish and B) be her weakest point in a battle felt kinda like a slap in the face. (However it couldn't be erased because she Does like it. She just doesn't quite realise that). ALSO the space-looking symbol behind her? It's not Space! It's void, but she's FILLING IN THE SPACE... it's also Roxy's pink! They r soon to be dating... fills the void in her heart? Eh? Eeh?

anyways. uhhh homestuck cherubim are ok i guess

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kimtaegis · 2 years

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✨ GET TO KNOW YOUR CONTENT CREATORS ✨ Tell us about your creative vision! details you are proud of, but nobody noticed? The Best Feedback?? want to gush about a personal favorite or yours??? nows the time!

okay first off, sorry for only answering now! honestly, I didn't really know how to reply to this for quite some time, but I think I'm just gonna take this chance to talk a bit about a favourite of mine from this year so far, which is yoongi's 2022 bday post! I'm very proud of how it turned out and put quite some thought into it. So here we go:

Let's start with the general idea; Yoongi's "interludes" all have a special place in my heart. I relate to some of the lyrics on a very emotional level (especially those of Set me Free) and I also just really think they're amazing musically, Interlude: Shadow is my favourite Yoongi (bts album) solo song, for instance. He just puts a whole lot of feelings into his interludes especially I feel, and since this is something I value extremely in Yoongi, I thought it'd be a good idea to create a little something for them specifically for his birthday.

Okay, now a deeper dive into each panel!

I just had the need to make an introductory panel, it would have felt too abrupt to just jump into the songs. I'm so happy with how it turned out, like.. the build up, the literal introduction to him as an artist?? The way every picture is Yoongi but labeled as different "parts" of him, and then his two "artist personas" merge together as Min Yoongi in the third one, cause yeah. It's all him. The last rectangle is a little reference to Interlude Shadow, both with the lyrics and the scribbles which were used in the mv. The lyrics just fit perfectly into this whole layout idea.

Interlude Dream Reality: Since the track doesn't have any actual lyrics, I only had the overall emotion that I felt while listening to it. I thought that mirrors are a nice way to depict reality vs. dream so I went with that. I added some blur for extra distortion/ metaphorical blurred lines between the two. With the text at the bottom, I basically wanted to portray "finding reality in it all"

SUGA's Interlude: Beautiful lyrics which I wanted to illustrate with sun and stars/ day and night elements (the GQ/ Vogue shots really were in my favour haha). I kind of pride myself with including movement in my gfx lmao, I don't know, I don't see it often and I just think it adds something special to them (although it makes things MUCH harder, too). Editing the colours to make them match throughout the whole edit was A Task, especially the yellow here in this one; the orignal picture of course did not have that kind of shade from the start. Small things like that can take up to 30 minutes to adjust.

Interlude: Shadow: I think it's my favourite. Like... the thought I put in this? *pat on the shoulder* The shadows behind him both being made out of himself but also functioning as a crowd, this and the scribbles being parallels to the mv. The shadows creeping up on him step by step and eventually consuming him, making them stand out while he's barely visible anymore. Also the way the lyrics are literally depicted in the animation... The shadows do get darker while the light (his fame) gets brighter, damn. Highlighting the "shadow" in the lyrics with that light, yellow colour for the ✨ contradiction of it all ✨. Oh yeah, that's a good one.

Set me Free: Phew, that song... hits different for me because it summarises how I've felt with my depression a lot. The visuals of the panel don't really reference the lyrics, but rather my personal relation with the song, hence.... mental illness. This kind of consuming darkness that sometimes seems to swallow you whole, that moment when you feel nothing, or not like yourself, where you don't want to be there. That's those seconds where you can't see him at all in the gifs. The photo on the right, black and white, looking kind of...lost, in thought, maybe sad or tired. His facial expressions and posture in this panel just feel very fitting (again, shoutout to that photoshoot). Also...that feeling of days just going by? The moving lights in the gifs could resemble time just passing by while you (seem to) stand still.

That's it! That was a rollercoaster to write and I wanna thank you for giving me the opportunity to gush about it, it made me love it even more. <3

#that was fun #I'll put it in the gfx tag #*gfx #annie's mail #anon #*gfx breakdown

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dcbnam-aep · 2 years

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predicted midnights track ratings

labyrinth (i like the name and the vibe im getting. thats it. also taylor is gonna make stuff rhyme with labyrinth like the boss she is)

matermind (i like the name and its giving taylor cause she IS a mastermind. also i feel like the lyrics are gonna be slay)

anti-hero (its gonna be very vulnerable and emotional and its gonna hit me rlly hard like this is me trying. i also absolutely love track 3’s- gold rush, style, treacherous…)

snow on the beach (nice juxtaposition, i would totally ski on a beach ALSO LANA I AM SCREAMING)

vigilante shit (giving all the good bits of rep especially ready for it but also last great american dynasty and no body not crime which is very exciting. i audibly gasped at the name)

midnight rain (i love it when it rains at night also this is giving clean.)

question…? (im constantly questioning things, 7 is my fav number so it felt right to put track 7 at 7th. also …? is in ready for it which i love probably a coincidence but when it comes to taylor i dont believe in coincidences)

maroon (idk if its the colour or being stranded but i hope its about being stranded. also the red ring idk if she’s tricking us with the colour or if its giving red vibes. could be a more mature version of red showing how taylors developed)

sweet nothing (hopefully this will make me feel either blissful or high asf)

lavender haze (track 1s are never my fav, also i dont think hiding love is gonna hit me hard unless it has very queer undertones skhjshdsksss)

you’re on your own, kid (don’t kill me for putting track 5 down here im just not vibing with the name. but also maybe its something someone said to her ages ago which stuck with her which owch. idk im just not feeling it at the moment but i do think that once i hear it ill fall in love)

karma (also giving rep but like look what u made me do which was not my fav- i felt like it was less authentic than the other tracks and just made for radio. it does pain me to have this so low after her little laugh and everything but some things cant be helped)

bejeweled (smt had to come last and i know she was wearing the atw jumper I KNOW but its not speaking to me the way other track titles have sorry also nothing is gonna top atw 10 mins so anything that tries to will probably miss but then again its taylor so maybe this will be absolute genius. Or it could just be a reference to ‘a never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you’)

#ok but what mayhem is she gonna throw at us now midnight mayhem is over im simultaneously terrified and excited #taylor swift #taylor swift midnights #midnights

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hanzi83 · 1 year

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Just Another Mental Check In

I feel like because I am not focused on with whatever creative endeavor I do other than the people who have constantly tried to torment me online or in my life in general, I know those are the key people who pay attention to these published blogs so people can study my psyche and find ways to adjust tactics to make me feel like a piece of shit, and sometimes as a mentally ill person who can never shake off the mental trauma, especially when it is not important to the masses or not established on the surface, so this just feels like a fatso rambling in his parents basement while the people with good aesthetic can take their cheap shots and using my aesthetic to seem like I am the most pathetic person on the planet, but when I can see what the system does to people and changes their personalities to become more elitist and have enable shitty behavior, I don’t feel like these people can judge me as much as they think, you know how fucked up you have to be to think because you boast about the luxuries, the spoils, and the connections etc that you somehow think your narrative is the most important and you need cult members to enable that for you to feel like that is not sociopathic, and when I see that go on in the system and more people are recruited to become that, it becomes harder for me want to relate to anyone, I know I cannot confide to people who are from my past, no one in the present, any online connection I have made, because I feel they all answer to people who hold a lot of power, or they aspire to be those social characters and want the power to enable their bad habits, so I am stuck doing these blogs and maybe it is a gift that on the surface, I am irrelevant because I feel I can put these blogs and podcasts out since I am not gonna get any reaction to it. The very least it exists as something else I put out from the heart, even if many people don’t appreciate the shit I put out and have to ignore it, so I need the voices in my head to give me courage or pat me on the back when I do put in some work and the content. The reason why I am writing this blog this time, it is to kind of talk myself through my irrational feelings of feeling angry like I do every year when Mania comes around that I never got to go to one and not even go to the festivities, and more people who have gotten more rewards for their role in controlling me for the institution leaders behest even though I was the one who went through the on surface exploitation, and even on that same show, the fandom of that show who never agree with Stern about what he has done, they still downplay other people who contributed to the show on some level, but it is mostly met with just calling me crazy, doing the lyrics to the song of the parody about me and then the dedicated stalkers who then throw fear into me, they are the ones who make the posts on the Stern reddit when they need me to feel like shit because it will just be those people continuing to discredit and make me feel like shit and then I worry if I do get vindicated, that I have to be surrounded with people who have kept me in place so they could politic their position in my life, try to pitch their fucking comedy to me, then at the same time make me feel suicidal with undermining tactics and cheap shots, it just shows me partaking in the spoils has not made your mental health better, it feels like they are more controlling and feel entitled to every reward and opportunity for sex, and maybe do the system’s shit of doing quid pro quo, so you can’t support someone if there isn’t fuckability politics on the table. And I am the pussy who doesn’t want be like that, because everyone else is becoming that, and it feels like I am kept here for enough time until they fucking really need to eliminate me, they could’ve eliminated me a long time ago, but for some reason they keep me here and I think they have fun trying to fuck with me mentally and using advanced techniques to gaslight me.

So I will say even though I blogged and podcasted through my irrational feelings, I feel like in context of how I have handle shit irrationally in the past, I did a better job than previous years, I know I still made irrational declarations of not watching wrestling or wanting to recap, but before I would be doing multiple lives and declare I want to kill myself and then have trolls encourage it while I am losing it because of the amount of mind games played. I still feel saddened at times and reflect on not selling out and being in my position and sometimes the system spoils and the flaunting people do make you instantly regret it, it becomes so fucking powerful. Right now there would be people who are tied to the system, allowed to have all the connections they want, who would mock this shit because “Bro you are taking this too seriously” but if you took away their connections, and their access etc, and the spoils as well, they would be handling shit worst than me, at least I know what it is like to always be treated like shit, know what it is like to look like shit, and always be taken down a notch, I almost become immune to it on some level but there is some more areas mentally they can figure out how to get at me, but if you many of the people who have gotten too comfortable with me being down and out and suppressed, had to deal with his constant shit, they would crumble and break down, they are lucky to have a support system. I don’t really have that, I just have this social media shit to paint my canvas that has the stench of cigarettes, and sadness. I might lay it on a little thick at times, but I am not the only one who can act a bit theatrical, especially when everything I have consumed in my life has been infested with theatrical shit, it is there constantly in my face all my life, so yeah there is a little of that in me, but I know my rep is not credible and no one for the most part gives a shit about me, or at least they don’t admit that, the only use they see in me, is that I might be owed money in the future and that is why I am of value on some fucking level, but I feel like if people don’t pay attention to me anyways or so they say even though the online shooters are always paying attention to anything written, I figure I can let off some of my feelings out there. I know you are supposed to be mocked for being vulnerable on the internet, but maybe I feel more comfortable doing it because I now have my guard up and expect people to do vulture like things and pile on my already mentally ill fat ass, and I know what kind of people they are, they hide their identity or do it behind the scenes if they are known, but because I expect the worst and imagine the possibilities in what these people can do or what they can say, I know they are not used to dealing with someone who is not relying on a script, so they become their own version of Chat GPT where if you give them a response they are not expecting, they malfunction and their worst comes out. They will get so triggered by this but with no sense of irony tell everyone else they are being sensitive. I can handle putting shit out there and hope it could help other mentally ill people who don’t know how to articulate it, because the system says they support mental illness but you can only recognize a certain kind of standard mental illness, not how being mentally ill while consuming damaging shit can help change your line of thinking, or how people in the system who say the worst shit against people of power might be doing it because those people are evil by default, so people who go off on mentally ill rants, already do it knowing the people they are going at are people who are not some innocent people who never said or did a bad thing, so the public will then say “being an asshole is not an excuse when being mentally ill” when that literally is a huge part of mental illness. So I know how people are used as cogs in the system and I feel for some of these people, the ones who are cogs and want to perpetuate the system’s nastiness and shitty behavior, I have less empathy for because they get cocky of having the connections, being protected, they can threaten violence or try to organize someone’s demise, some people will present themselves as anti establishment but if you lie about narratives and ride off the fact that you call out evil in limited ways, I can’t trust everything you say if you would even lie about the narratives, because in other situations that are beneficial towards you, then you might try to fool people for the worst.

I know I lead a sad life, but maybe I stopped caring because everyone is getting worse and while also looking better, and because I see this shit going down the way it does, I would rather be dead, like not that I would try to do it myself, but just hope that the end is coming and maybe I will have a new life in a new world, maybe one of the other versions of me in the fucking multi verse will show up or some shit, who fucking knows, but as each day passes and I find myself not being able to get away from this entertainment shit, I start to hate myself, I start to hate myself for even wanting to be part of the cool club and have unlimited access but only if I partake in an initiation that gets me canceled so I can justify going more to the right wing side. I don’t want to do it, and you will see more social climbers online reveal themselves to be on the fundamentalist side. Why would I want to be here for this shit. The world is going more to shit, I look at how entertainment has really trained us for shit that is unfolding on the political world, the repeated tropes. It is like between reality shows blurring the line between actual reality and sports entertainment, it has helped people who were reality show people then become influential in the real world because they use that sports entertainer shit to their advantage because we think everything on the surface is completely real and organic. These comedies and dramas showing you political thrillers basically trained you to be into what is transpiring in the fucking discourse right now, more characters being introduced to be a villain for a couple of episodes before the main villain overtakes him, like with this republican politician Asa Hutchinson, I don’t know about the specifics of what this person has been involved with, I can’t memorize the laundry list of shit he has been guilty of or whatever, but let me guess, the corporate democrats will amplify the theatrics of someone challenging Trump in any way while Trump loyalists then point out what he has done and what he is tied to, and they look more like truth tellers even though they seem to be covering for their favorite billionaire in Trump. But then we get sports entertainment with them calling each other names. It feels like the way this shit plays out makes us watch this from an entertainment lens and that is how much we have been brainwashed without realizing it. People who aspire to be cult leaders, they want that kind of brainwashing to exist, because they want to be able to do this shit that others have done. I am constantly faced with it, and then because I see other cogs becoming these people, I go off on them and I know that probably helps me make more enemies because I have this knack for really trying to get at people who do evil shit, but the predicament is they can’t admit they are watching me, because they feel it is punishment for me not to get engagement online or be acknowledge for anything, and yeah I will admit it hurts a bit that so much effort would be put in, but it is also telling that they would do this, because they are projecting what is the worst thing that could happen to them, if all that access etc was just taken away from you and no one was allowed to react to anything you put out because people who have power can decide when you are considered interesting, like people constantly go off on about hip hop being this destructive art form because on the surface there seems to be violence tied to it, and I can admit if you have mental illness and listening to music that has that kind of shit, it can shape your mind, but I hate how hip hop is thrown under the bus before all the other entertainment, because comedy has probably been the most destructive art form, people going to lengths to make people not laugh at other people to initiate them more, if you are not cool with the conservative talking points from the Cellar table, they have people in the industry kind of bully you or act like your comedy is the liberal agenda and it should be discredited etc, the fandom is conditional, like if you spew shit they want to hear they will overlook the horrible humor, you manufacture consent through comedy to have an elitist point of view, they become the biggest court jesters to the system, it is only obvious when it is liberal, but the edge lord shit is not considered agenda filled, the fact that everyone wants to be funny on their platforms shows you how watered down it has all become. It feels comedy has destroyed people’s minds more so than what hip hop has done, but one is just the mental aspect while the other art form is this perpetuation to some degree of violence and guns, and the artist has to take full accountability when this shit could be pushed by executives who get to play the white guy who doesn’t have rhythm. But when the system can decide you are allowed to be taken seriously or be seen credible, they will support one of many things you have said, so that you are encouraged without them saying it, to make more points like that and it will get a reaction, like on Stern me being a regular person and trying to be calm would get me on air but it wasn’t until Howard took interest in my rants or me being an edge lord to notice me, and then the mental illness in my head is “One of the more prominent people in media is laughing at this aspect of me” and I feel pressure to then have to play it up, even to my own detriment mentally. And now I see this happening to others on another level, and even though they will taunt me and try to fuck with me, I still shed a tear for them because they will keep doubling down but they will then not be able to control it, and within a second, all the industry interaction will go away once you are not relevant, and some of them are scared to be and this is why they gotta double down and be what the system wants them to be.

I get into a groove of writing this shit down and get mad I expressed shit better than I did on the podcast, and then try to remember these points so I say them on the fucking podcast. But I felt I needed to vent this shit out. I know it is not supposed to catch traction, but I am trying to get into the groove of trying to write more often because sometimes it is easier to read this shit than hear me trying to spit it out. I am getting to the point, and I am sure people who hate me would love to hear this since they can continue this madness, but it is like every day I wake up and I feel disappointed I didn’t go in my sleep, I wonder what shit storm I am gonna wake up to, and how the world is getting worse, and even if I was well off, I still think of innocent people that will be fucked, and there is already this pre designed decisions made that ensures people have no fucking chance, people that will be driven crazy by more unethical people, or in order to get your freedom, you have to dumb yourself down and become a fucking parody and be exploited for the purpose of social currency etc, so we have pretentious discussions that will be talking ourselves in circles, because there is no room for solutions, just for more ways for this shit to just implode. I think because we look at the aesthetic as the main indicator of what someone is etc, people think that people who are being lured into giving into these superficial lifestyle means someone is free, when that is just to paint it nice to show you their fancy lives so you wouldn’t think cogs in the system are mentally enslaved to an exploitative system, we limit the narratives of how controlled people are and how beholden they are to their favorite cult in politics and entertainment, that they get in line, once and awhile one of them will lose their mind if they are thrown under the bus because they need a couple of sacrificial lambs, but the cult then acts like that is just some random crazy they never had association with, and you will notice the sacrificial lambs seems like they feel they are entitled to the access and their favorite celeb’s time, and to regular people, that shit seems creepy because these celebs are just regular people, but you find this happening more and more, and it makes me question what the fuck is going on in the industry. I know I am going off on random tangents, but I wanted to write shit down, because I am always feeling like a piece of shit, and I know I don’t help matters, but at certain times I wonder, do I need to be at my best or look my best when this world is imploding. I can’t confirm where the future is headed and maybe I should be concerned with that more so than the entertainment that has taken control, I am not saying you can’t genuinely enjoy entertainment but when there is this scary cultish behavior revolving around it, and now more than ever on the social media shit, we are seeing the far right being propped up, so now every fandom for entertainment these people show themselves, it would be difficult for me to sense what someone’s politics were when I was younger or why it mattered, so it never seemed as bad if we were all into the same shit, and now I look at how people run for defense for their favorites., and it brings me back to when I was really dumbed down and would support guys like Vince or Howard because I was not looking at what their politics were and why it mattered when it was just entertainment. So now I see how this politics plays a part in everything we consume, I just needed to vent because I am trying to prevent more mental breakdowns, because corrupt people will do shit, I will vent then they get revenge by using their power to amplify ignorant shit that dominates the discourse, that is one of many advantages the powerful have over me, sure I can technically express myself, so they will use other tactics to get the masses to repeat shit with narratives so they can then make it constant and it will be out there and be the go to things people repeat over and over, if people like myself voice their concern, they need to control how society thinks, and the only people who hint shit about it are a lot of right wingers since a lot of apolitical people will fuck with that message and then they get lured in with more brainwashing etc. while the democrats come off more elitist by calling out certain powerful people, but under a more imperialism mindset, and no one wants to socially consign that rhetoric. I am passing out, I just recapped Mania, and was gonna record it, but I wanted to write another blog to get this shit off my chest, it feels like a remix of old blogs and podcasts. I tend to repeat myself unfortunately, I think sometimes because I don’t watch all the entertainment in the world, my motivation to take from other entertainment and use it in my everyday life because we all do, we will act like we don’t but we do, but it feels like I can’t pick from anything as much anymore as motivation, and I used to do that often and I would find myself having their mannerisms, and I try to hold out of doing that shit, but all of us on some level are performers and some will double down to be in that position but me, I think being kicked off the Stern Show helped me over the years to not end up a more of a pathetic wack packer mentally, looking for any way to get himself more viral and help push me to desire to alone with my thoughts a lot more and not be motivated by being someone going after clout nonstop, my thoughts are background noise and lurking but not focused on because the people who get their high off the adrenaline of getting viral and more social equity so they then double down with that recipe and then having to top yourself because there will be other people competing for the attention, that’s what it ends up becoming and everything falls apart. So It is what it is. I never know the point of these blogs, but if it is just there for people to laugh at and get a kick out of because I am expressing myself when I am at low points of my mood, and they love to be assured I am not feeling good.

#Hanzi 2023 Wrestlemania weekend mental illness irrational thoughts venting social media clout equity lonely cogs in the system Stern Show #Howard Stern

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jokertrap-ran · 3 years

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(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Osborn’s 5✩ Inspiration: Interdigital Heartbeat [指间心音] Date Translation (Prologue)

"Hu? Looks like he's really waving at you. What now? Should I give you two some space?”

*Light and Night Master-list | Osborn’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *This 5✩ Inspiration has 6 Endings!! *Osborn’s tag will be #For Night, For Freedom

The Bar Street lit up with its disarrayed ensemble of neon lights as night fell, the night scene revving to life.

Dragging Osborn with me, we made a mad dash down the street before coming to a stop at the entrance of a bar that had Seed’s poster plastered on it. I whipped out both of our tickets.

MC: Huff… Huff… Still 5 minutes late…

MC: I planned on coming here early to get a spot in the front row… I can’t believe this.

A couple of days ago, Gao Cheng and I had agreed to go watch Seed’s live performance together.

Although the band wasn’t well known, they’d been active for a long time now, performing in bars all over Guangqi City. Gao Cheng and I both loved the style of their music.

However, Gao Cheng had suddenly called in a few hours before the live performance was slated to start, citing that his pet had suddenly fallen ill and that he wouldn’t be able to come.

Thinking that it wouldn’t be all that fun going to a live performance alone, I suddenly remembered Osborn, who was an avid fan of music himself…

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

The small underground bar had cleared the area of all its tables and chairs, with many people packed into its cramped space.

After gaining entry, I pulled Osborn along and made my way to the front. Taking advantage of the break between the ending of the first song and the start of the next, I briefly did a simple introduction of all the band members.

MC: The last guy… He’s my favourite! He’s their keyboard player and also their leader, Liyuu!

MC: He’s especially talented! All the arrangements and lyrics that the band uses are all written by him!

Osborn raised an eyebrow as he looked at Liyuu, who was wearing a Camo T-Shirt, nodding at the fans with a smile on the stage, and back at me again. He nodded indifferently.

Osborn: Oh? That's your idol?

MC: Hmm… Not really? I just admire and look up to him!

MC: I’m the same as all these fans here. We’re all enamoured by his talents.

As soon as the words left my mouth, the two girls next to me screamed out loud with their hands cupped around their mouths, acting as make-shift trumpet amplifiers.

Fan A: AHH!! YOU ARE SO HOT, MY HUSBAND!!

Fan B: Liyuu BBY, I WANT YOUR BABIES!!

MC: Uh...

The slap to the face came way too suddenly, freezing the smile that had been on my face almost instantaneously. A look of understanding was displayed on Osborn’s face as he nodded pretentiously.

Osborn: Hm. Same like them? Okay, I get it now.

Osborn: So, what do you normally yell? Lemme hear.

MC: I don't! I really don't!

I hurriedly waved my hand, desperately trying to clear my name when I accidentally bumped into someone else and got a vehement glare in response.

MC: Sorry!

Osborn laughed, reaching an arm out to pull me closer.

Osborn: Okay, okay. I believe you.

It was then that the second song started up. We naturally put a halt to our conversation, focusing our attention on the music.

After a couple of songs, I couldn't help but feel like there was something different about today's performance. I tugged at Osborn's sleeve to explain.

MC: They normally sing catchier songs. I don't know why, but it looks like they're doing more of the emotional ones today.

He nodded lightly, calmly watching the stage.

Osborn: I like songs like these.

MC: Great!

The band members played freely on the stage as the spotlights shone at them, illuminating the glistening sweat on their foreheads. They'd occasionally divulge away from their scores to do an improvised segment, showing off their inspiration and the mutual tacit understanding they shared.

Emotions poured out of their music, infecting every member of the audience in the crowd before them and raising the excitement in the air into a crescendo over and over again…

During the encore, Liyuu stood up to thank the crowd from the bottom of his heart as the leader of the band.

And lastly, he ended it off with a bow. I saw him raise his hand to dab at the sides of his eyes, as if wiping away fallen tears.

MC: Oh no… I think I’m a tad moved…

Osborn purposely leaned down, getting in front of my face with a devilish smile on his face. He was clearly enjoying this.

Osborn: Oh? You're crying too? Lemme see.

MC: I'm not!

The live performance ended with a round of thunderous applause. The lights below the stage had turned back on, but the melody they’d played still resonated within my ears as if it didn’t want to dissipate just yet.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

The audience started to disperse. Osborn had to reach out to hold onto me as I stood there in a daze, getting swept along with the bustling crowd.

Suddenly, I caught sight of Liyuu coming down the stairs at the side of the stage from the corner of my eye. He waved in our direction. Surprised, I couldn't help but tug Osborn over.

MC: Huh? Am I hallucinating, or is he actually waving at me…?

Osborn waggled his brows playfully at me again as he purposely spoke provocatively.

Osborn: Hu? Looks like he's really waving at you. What now? Should I give you two some space?

Having said that, he let go of my hand and made a move to head outside. I quickly grabbed his hand and held it tight.

MC: Not funny! Stop joking around! You're not allowed to leave!!

I watched as Liyuu got closer and closer. It looked as if he was making a beeline straight towards us, which made me unwittingly panic as I thought of how I should say hi.

Liyuu stopped before us, raising his hand to pat Osborn on the shoulder.

Liyuu: Os! It really is you!

Osborn: It's been a long time.

MC: Wha? You know each other…?

Osborn: Yeah. He's my classmate from the Maritime Academy.

Liyuu: ...And who is this, Os?

I was just about to introduce myself, but his gaze had already dropped to our joined hands. A look of realization dawned upon him.

Liyuu: Oh…

A look at his slowly withdrawing hand was all that I needed to know that he’d misunderstood our relationship. However, Osborn still acted as usual, continuing to talk to Liyuu as if nothing happened.

Osborn: This is my friend, (Y/n) She loves your band, and she was the one who brought me here.

Liyuu: Thank you for supporting us!

Osborn: Grats. That was a great performance.

Liyuu: I’m really happy to run into you here, Os! It’s been a long time since we last saw each other!

Liyuu: It’s so rare to see you! I want to talk to you more.

Liyuu: Our band’s gonna go for a celebratory party now. Drummer man’s also from our alma mater. How about you and (Y/n) come join us for a spin?

Osborn nodded but didn’t reply. Instead, he turned to me.

Osborn: You decide.

I hesitated for a while before deciding to…

Do I want to join the band's celebration?

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

✥ Choose your Ending:

END 1 | Choice: Do Nothing [都不做]

END 2 +3 + 4 | Choice: Call Out [呼唤] ⊹Speak⊹

END 5 | Choice: Listen [倾听] ❖ASMR

END 6 | Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ★Night★

❖☆————— ⊹ For Night, For Freedom⊹ —————★❖

#光与夜之恋 #Light and Night #Otome #Translations #Tencent #萧逸 #Osborn #For Night For Freedom #指间心音 #Interdigital Heartbeat

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sigynpenniman · 3 years

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Julian Bashir Playlist Time!!

Apple Music playlist (if you're a heathen and subscribe to apple music like me) here

I know that there's plenty of people making playlists, but I really feel like this is an under-utilized brand of fan content. Instead of attempting to create a list of songs that Julian would listen to, or a playlist of songs which were all lyrically directly applicable (though there certainly some of those in here) regardless of genre, I tried to create something which captured, above all, his vibes instead, by choosing songs that balance at least somewhat relevant lyrical content with the energy or feel that I associate with the character. What it means matters, but not as much as how it makes you feel. That said, I signed up for apple music and read a TON of those overwrought iTunes store album review descriptions while I was making this, so I have a whole lot to say about all my choices here. In depth explanation of my symbolism and methodology behind each song under the keep reading. (I love tumblr. I want to write 1,000 words of analysis about why I picked songs to represent Julian Bashir and some of you are gonna read it. This is where I get to pretend to be one of those iTunes music writers. I feel joy.)

Good Morning - Two Door Cinema Club TDCC's Gameshow is high on my favorite albums of all time list for nebulous reasons I myself don't really understand. It was this album, though not this song (but one that will pop up later) that actually inspired me to make this playlist to begin with, as for some reason, from the color scheme of the album cover, to the overall vibe, to the ever-present references to illness, injury, surgery and healers in the lyrics, the whole thing feels inescapably Julian to me. And with an opening like I'm a sinner/I'm the victim/I'm an alien when I'm myself/I'm a healer/I'm a fixer/I'm a present danger to my health/I'm so strong/Doing what I'm supposed to do/ There's something wrong/With somebody like me, it's hard NOT to think about Julian when you hear this song, and I can't think of a better way to start this off.

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood I think there's a joke somewhere about bisexual people all liking Sweater Weather, and yeah, I resemble that remark. Sweater Weather is just good. You'll notice there's a sort of chill-indie-alt-electronic thing going here, and that is very much the vibe I'm sticking with. Sweater Weather slots in beautifully, both sonically and thematically. As the singer looks to warm and protect the person he's with from the cold, you can't help but feel a loving coziness coming off of this one. It always makes me feel cozy, at least, so it's here.

Gooey - Glass Animals I have nothing to analyze here because the artists themselves have said that the lyrics of this song have no meaning, they're just meant to capture a vibe, and capture it they do. Close your eyes and ride the vibes of this one. The energy is right, I love it, it belongs here.

Blue - Mika I could probably write a couple hundred words on Blue alone, in any context. This might be my beloved Mika's magnum Opus. Opening the song with the inherently counterintuitive lyric Blue is a feminine color, Mika manages to pack it ALL into this 3 minute song: questions about gender; concepts of sadness, joy, and their intersections; of the perception of melancholy as a flaw and loving people despite, or maybe because of, those "flaws" and anything else about them; a powerful first person reassurance that made me start weeping in my car the first time I heard it; just the phrase "why are humans cruel to you." And oh boy, ARE there questions of gender. Why is blue NOT considered a feminine color? Is that a good thing, a bad thing? In 3 minutes of artful poetry, Mika manages to wrap up sadness, love, joy, pain, the feminine that exists within the masculine and the masculine that exists within the feminine, in the simple color of blue and then, in one lyric, validates it all. And on a much simpler and more obvious note, this is in fact all a philosophic musing on the symbolic meaning of the color we see Julian wearing almost all the time (when he's not in uniform, almost all his civvies are also shades of blue.) I feel like this is one of those songs that's hard to analyze because it does what music and poetry does best - communicate something that cannot be communicated any other way. With these broad themes of loving others around the things they can't love about themselves, you can decide for yourself if this one is coming FROM Julian or directed AT him, either works. I find myself struggling for exactly the words to explain this one, but listen to it; you'll understand.

Little Dark Age - MGMT Another choice with no obvious lyrical relevance, but the tonal fit was just too good to pass up. The vibes pass.

The City - The 1975 This song is one of several present because it leans on medical symbolism to get its point across, though I would be lying if I said I fully understood what that point was. But the entire second verse, apparently about the song's subject suffering from some kind of illness and reassuring him that the next one's the M.D./You'll be feeling just fine, seems somehow to transmit the discomfort of illness directly to the listener. I don't know how or why, but the effectiveness of the empathy the second half of this song elicits, in me at least, puts it squarely in the "odd medical vibes" category.

Surgery - Two Door Cinema Club THIS is the song that inspired this whole playlist, mostly because of its title and general vibe. Another example (of many) of medical/anatomical references in this album (another of the songs is called Fever, etc), this song just feels like Julian to me.

The Other Side Of Paradise - Glass Animals I really like Glass Animals. That is probably becoming obvious. Aside from its delightfully cohesive vibes, this song opens with what's simultaneously the slyest and most brazen gay lyric I have heard on the radio recently, as the male singer says When I was young and stupid my love left to be a rock and roll star/HE told me... The song seems to be about a man whose male lover left him in pursuit of fame and fortune, and eventually ends up with a woman, leaving the singer behind. It's got simultaneously subtle and obvious gay themes, it's got confused love affairs, it's got so much bisexual energy. I cannot think of anything that could be more Julian.

Sit Next To Me - Foster The People Kind of like Sweater Weather, this whole song is built around a rather cute and sweet "sit next to me," and you can't help but feel a bit warm and cozy when you listen to it. I think it pairs with sweater weather well, and slides in with the rest of the picks very nicely.

Nothing Better - The Postal Service (the original band of the lead singer of Death Cab For Cutie) Another example of heavy surgical symbolism, the very first lyric of this song is Will someone please call a surgeon. This is actually a duet, and the singers speak of their real hearts to represent their emotional ones. Something about Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures always gets me and always will. And it vibes good. It vibes so, so good.

&Run - Sir Sly Sir Sly's &Run is my favorite song for driving too fast. It does an amazing job of musical onomatopoeia, talking about running while making you want to run. It's a song about running out of plans and running as far as you can instead, which is all very "I'm illegal by definition so I went to the farthest possible reaches of space." And like everything else here, it just feels good. It's also one of the only highlights here that I can actually see Julian listening to.

Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine It's no coincidence that it seems like most of us who are invested in Julian Bashir are some flavor of genderqueer, be it trans, nonbinary, questioning, or something else entirely - the man's got a Gender with a capital G, and there's a whole lot going on in there. Between the words that were written for him on the page, and the words that were actually spoken, and the way he carries himself, Julian always seems caught between the white, western, and frequently toxic masculinity that the writers often seemed to want to imbue him with, and the very different, racially and culturally distinct masculinity Sid actually brought. But there's an undeniable element of the feminine in Julian too, at least by a traditional definition. The presence of this part of him at all, much less the fact that, in-universe, it's the more traditionally "feminine" parts of himself - the caregiving and nurturing aspects - that Julian seems proudest of or to like most about himself, is a large part of what makes his character so interesting, at least to me. So there was no way I was getting out of this without acknowledging that somehow, and I can't think of a better way to acknowledge a complicated relationship with the feminine side of one's own gender than with this world's own Celtic divine feminine, Florence Welch. I can't think of any better artist, at least that I know of, to represent femininity as a nonspecific ethereal goddess-concept. I basically spun the wheel of Florence here, as anything would have worked, but Cosmic Love felt very appropriate for a character who does in fact live in space. There could even be some Garashir in here, I think.

Dream Sweet In Sea Major - ミラクルミュージカル, or Miracle Musical, a sister act made up of members of Tally Hall I also couldn't leave off without acknowledging Julian's affection for classic lounge music, especially since it's the only thing about his taste in music that we actually know. But instead of tacking on some rat pack, instead I'm polishing this off with the incredibly chaotic and somehow also perfectly cohesive and calm Dream Sweet in Sea Major. It's got all of the vibes of a lounge singer but gone completely off the rails, which just seems perfect somehow. And it's also a very nice feeling to be left with, so it seems only right to put it at the end.

and if you've read all of this, I love you. Y'all didn't know I was this into music did you. but I am. oh boy. I AM.

#julian bashir #playlists #Spotify

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starsonmarsy · 2 years

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Don't mind me, just here with my fishing rod. Fishing for a very fractionated info dump on any interesting hobby. Will i be lucky enough to catch a big fish?

i think it's your lucky day!

the funny thing is that i spent a solid 5 minutes trying to think of what to rant about, because my brain loves to forget everything i know about myself when asked.

okay so it's a massive topic so i'm probably gonna pick a few aspects and run with it, but i am absolutely obsessed with music. listening to it, playing it, making it, analyzing it, transcribing it, what have you.

i play 7 instruments, though the word "play" is used loosely because i only really actively play 2-3 but shhh. so in order from what i'm most comfortable playing to least: piano, guitar, ukulele, bass guitar, kalimba, violin, alto saxophone.

back when my mental illness wasn't going brrrr so much i composed relatively often for piano, and a little bit for guitar, but piano is my main instrument. i'm trying to get back into it, but i wanted a stronger base rather than just throwing notes together and seeing if they work. so lately i've been re-teaching myself/learning new things about music theory to have a good foundation.

like a totally normal person, i took the sheet music i transcribed of songs i love and analyzed them. i like to make sheet music or guitar tabs that don't exist of my favorites so i can play them. i unfortunately don't have perfect pitch, but i have decent-ish relative pitch, so i can figure out notes after a few listens and tries.

i've been really into analyzing chord progressions. everyone knows about the "four chords of pop" which is just I-V-vi-IV chords of any scale. (or in non-music terms, 1st, 5th, minor 6th, 4th). the closest thing to pop i listen to is indie pop (and also some j-pop), so i don't hear that progression often. but in the songs i do listen to, they do nicely follow and progress in a way that works well. so the other day i spent a solid 3 hours just madly scribbling roman numerals on sheet music. and it blew my mind that there were so many patterns to be found, especially in the particular artist's music. it was almost like a formula, except every song managed to be unique but also flow together and tell a beautiful, gut wrenching story.

so that's the instrumental side of things at least. as for lyrics. oh boy, do not get me started on lyrics. because i am a Sad Bitch™ my music taste lately has been songs that touch upon struggling with mental illness. either that or sad/yearning love songs. and also some alternative/indie rock. but anyways, lyrics are so fascinating to me and i truly dont get how people just shit out beautiful things and put it to chords. i can either write lyrics, or write the instrumentals. if i try to do both it fails epically. i also can't sing well, so there's that.

but lyrics really interest me because i used to be an avid reader as a kid before gifted kid burnout, and i also love reading and writing poetry (maybe i will write and share a poem sometime). so using metaphors and other literary devices to evoke an emotion is not new to me, but it still amazes me every time how beautifully people can put things into words or create imagery.

honestly idk if any of this made any sense or where my train of thought went, but here is your big fish info dump 🐟

#asks.txt #wonderingvagrant #mars.txt #this is what happens when i just start spouting nonsense stream of consciousness style #i hope you enjoyed my nonsensical rambling

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troop52 · 3 years

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do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?

THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!

Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks

I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()

Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.

Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?

The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.

Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you

Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.

Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)

Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...

MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me

EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.

KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)

NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him

SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden

If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)

#SORRY THIS TOOK A BIT #I had to use my brainpower and I am very easily distracted #max kirkwood #ephraim elliot #kent jenks #newton thornton #shelley longpre #the troop #the troop nick cutter

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jaimehwatson · 3 years

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I made another Snowpiercer playlist!

After posting my Wilford/Audrey playlist a while ago, I added some songs that didn’t quite make the cut to a different playlist, intending to put together another similar one. But rather than focusing on just one ship this time, I also ended up getting really interested in theorizing about what Wilford’s relationship with Melanie might have been like before the Freeze, and exploring the idea that maybe there was something going on there and some kind of love triangle with Audrey.

So here’s my new playlist, full of absolute jams that could apply to any combination of relationships involving Wilford, Audrey, and Melanie, and/or just general Snowpiercer vibes! Read on for more detail about the songs I selected, and as before, content warning for references to canon abuse & self-harm/suicide.

1. “The Tradition” by Halsey

Oh, the loneliеst girl in town Was bought for plenty a price Well, they dress her up in golden crowns His smile hides a lie

She smiles back, but it's a fact That her fear will eat her alive Well, she got the life that she wanted But now all she does is cry

Thanks @onetrainsnowpiercer for getting me into this excellent album! I thought it would be fitting to kick off the playlist with one that could suit the earlier days of Wilford’s relationship with Audrey, like my previous playlist was more focused on.

2. “cardigan” by Taylor Swift

'Cause I knew you Steppin' on the last train Marked me like a bloodstain, I

I knew you Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy, I

I knew you Leavin' like a father Running like water, I And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

Did you think I would make a Snowpiercer playlist without Taylor Swift on it? Not a chance. I picture this one being more from Melanie’s perspective, reflecting on possibly having had some kind of ill-fated romance with Wilford when she was young and naive.

3. “No Children” by The Mountain Goats

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong

I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do And I hope I never get sober

The only reason this perennial favourite of mine wasn’t on the first playlist was that I had too many Mountain Goats songs already and wanted to keep things balanced. But this one got all the ones that didn’t make it to the first playlist plus some more I thought about later, so I’m kind of giving up on that balance by now. They just have a lot of great songs about terrible relationships, and I love them all so much.

4. “Gold Guns Girls” by Metric

I remember when we were gambling to win Everybody else said, "Better luck next time." I don't wanna bend like the bad girls bend I just wanna be your friend Is it ever gonna be enough?

This is another one that I can picture being about young Melanie, gradually growing more aware of everything that’s terribly wrong with Wilford and his approach to life, and of how little he cares to try to fix it.

5. “You’ve Haunted Me All My Life” by Death Cab for Cutie

And there's a flaw in my heart's design For I keep trying to make you mine

You've haunted me all my life You've haunted me all my life You are the mistress I can't make a wife And you've haunted me all my life

And this one I can see being Wilford thinking about either one of the women, and his unhealthy attachment to them and inability to keep them around for very long—maybe once he’s finally reunited with them both on some level in season 2, but still can’t fully persuade them both over to his side.

6. “Old College Try” by The Mountain Goats

From the cities to the swamplands From the highways to the hills Our love has never had a leg to stand on From the aspirins to the cross-tops to the Elavils

But I will walk down to the end with you If you will come all the way down with me

Another Mountain Goats classic. If you divorce it from its context of being from a concept album about a horrible marriage, I actually think this song is kind of sweet in the way it describes a couple still committing to try to make things work despite a whole host of problems. But never mind that now, because I’m putting it back in the new context of a whole collection of horrible romantic relationships!

7. “Risk” by Metric

So you're beaten up but you bounce back It’s all part of the pull And the story runs like a soundtrack We repeat 'til we're full Started slow, started late Started strong, then we lost faith Started slow, started to lose control The more we accelerate, the more we accelerate

Half of arranging any playlist I make is just trying to split up the Mountain Goats and Metric songs so that they aren’t always clumped together. Anyway, this one seems especially fitting to me in its imagery of a speeding vehicle of some kind (it’s a train, I’m always picturing a train) alongside its description of a relationship going badly.

8. “Big God” by Florence + The Machine

You know I still like you the most The best of the best and the worst of the worst Well, you can never know The places that I go I still like you the most You'll always be my favourite ghost

I think this one could be any one of the three of them contemplating their complex feelings about the past at some point around season 2.

9. “I Still Do” by The Cranberries

I don't want to leave you Even though I have to I don't want to love you Oh, I still do

There aren’t as many specifics that match the characters going on in the lyrics here, since it’s more of just a general break-up song, but I also really like the creepy way it sounds.

10. “Fault Lines” by The Mountain Goats

But none of the money we spend Seems to do us much good in the end I got a cracked engine block, both of us do

Yeah, the house and the jewels, the Italian racecar They don't make us feel better about who we are I got termites in the framework, so do you

This one feels really fitting for pre-Freeze Wilford, especially the engine imagery!

11. “I Don’t Care” by Fall Out Boy

Say my name and his in the same breath I dare you to say they taste the same Let the leaves fall off in the summer And let December glow in flames

Erase myself and let go Start it over again in Mexico These friends, they don't love you They just love the hotel suites

Another song that is simply a) an absolute jam, and b) generally fitting for my favourite obscenely rich asshole and his terrible relationships

12. “You asked for this” by Halsey

I want my cake on a silver platter I want a fistful in my hands I want a beautiful boy's despondent laughter I wanna ruin all my plans I want a fist around my throat I wanna cry so hard, I choke I want everything I asked for

This one I can picture as Audrey—or maybe Melanie too, but especially Audrey—beginning to regret getting involved with Wilford, but only once she’s in way too deep for leaving to be a safe or easy decision.

13. “my tears ricochet” by Taylor Swift

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

Much like several other Taylor Swift songs, I just know in my heart that it’s the type of music Wilford listens to in secret, while possibly drunk and definitely singing along very dramatically. This one he dedicates to Melanie once they’ve met up again in season 2.

14. “Speed the Collapse” by Metric

All the way from where we came Built a mansion in a day Distant lightning, thunder claps Watched our neighbor's house collapse Looked the other way

This one has a lot of good apocalyptic imagery that I can imagine scoring Wilford’s life in the last few years before the Freeze, as he makes his plans to save himself and let so many others die.

15. “Ox Baker Triumphant” by The Mountain Goats

I will thank my ride and crawl my way back inside To the guts of the building where my enemies Hide in the dark like roaches And I will signal the camera crew and everyone will do What he's been trained how to do Sweat dripping from my face as my moment approaches

Click your heels, count to three I bet you never expected me A little worse for wear Practically walking on air

I love this song a lot, and listening to it lately makes me imagine Wilford plotting his revenge while on his way to catch up with Snowpiercer before the end of season 1.

16. “Firewood” by Regina Spektor

The piano is not firewood yet But the cold does get cold So it soon might be that I'll take it apart, call up my friends And we'll warm up our hands by the fire

Don't look so shocked Don't judge so harsh You don't know You’re only spying Everyone knows it's going to hurt But at least we'll get hurt trying

This has to be one of my favourite songs of all time. It’s very beautiful, and I love the piano in it. I’ve always personally interpreted it to be at least partially about someone surviving a suicide attempt, and the overall imagery about burning a piano for warmth—and this bit about not judging someone for doing that—reads to me as more of a general statement about the difficult choices people struggling with mental illness and other similar issues have to make to survive. I listened to it recently and I could picture Audrey singing it in the nightcar. I think it suits her well.

17. “Cry for Judas” by The Mountain Goats

But I am just a broken machine And I do things that I don't really mean Long, black night Morning frost I'm still here But all is lost

I think the imagery of this song suits the show a lot in general, but I can also particularly imagine it being Wilford in a rare moment of self-awareness about how much damage he’s caused to the world and the people around him.

18. “Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide” by David Bowie

Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your cigarette The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget Oh oh, oh, oh, you're a rock 'n' roll suicide

I love Wilford a lot. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him ever. I hope he kills more people, and I hope he gets his train back, and I hope he wins. But if he does eventually die in the show, I hope he’s found in the bathtub with there being some ambiguity about whether he really killed himself or whether one of his victims turned the tables on him, and I hope the climax of this song swells as the camera pans over his dead body. That’s the only Wilford death I will accept, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

19. “Source Decay” by The Mountain Goats

I park in an alley And I read through the postcards you continue to send Where as indirectly as you can, you ask what I remember I like these torture devices from my old best friend Well, I'll tell you what I know, like I swore I always would I don't think it's gonna do you any good I remember the train headed south out of Bangkok Down toward the water

Okay, I promise this is the last Mountain Goats song on the playlist. It’s just—it’s perfect. It has a train in it. And on the podcast “I Only Listen To The Mountain Goats,” John Darnielle commented that there’s barely anywhere you can go south of Bangkok before you hit the water, it’s a train going nowhere, it’s so good. It’s also one of the songs I’ve previously ripped a line off for my fanfiction titles!

20. “Sellers of Flowers” by Regina Spektor

The sellers of flowers Buy up old roses They pull off dead petals Like old heads of lettuce And sell ’em as new ones For cheaper and fairer But they die by the morning So who is the winner? Not the roses Not the buyers Not the sellers Maybe winter

And Regina Spektor closes out the playlist again! This song is another one I picked more on imagery and vibes than anything else. But since it’s about a young child in a world that seems to be moving inexorably toward an all-consuming winter, if it suits any of the characters, maybe it’s an appearance of Alex here at the end!

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy the playlist!

#snowpiercer #wilford #music #snowpiercer tv

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masquerade-story · 3 years

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Chapter 5 - Commencing Plan

"Earth has magic too. Alchemy and enchantments. Chemistry and technology. Same things, different names." Crystal spoke slowly as she examined the cloth material in her hands, checking for tears or weak points in the weave.

Grey pumped his fist, a triumphant look on his face. "I knew it! No way that backflipping robot was natural science."

"Science is the study of the world around you. It doesn't cancel out the existence of magic, it just helps to understand its rules better."

"Listen here, little miss know-it-all."

"I don't know it all, just more than you."

"Hey!"

Crystal grinned, finishing her examination without sparing an extra glance for the outraged Grey stomping his foot at her side.

"That's a low bar some days," Rayne said with an exaggerated sigh, then promptly ducked as Grey chucked a pillow at her face.

"Lils!" Grey whined, draping dramatically over his sister's lap, interrupting her own costume examination. "They're bullying me!"

"The truth hurts sometimes dearest," Lillian muttered, much to her twin's dismay. He recoiled away as though she'd flung him, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead in distress.

"Betrayal! Mine own blood doth betray!"

"My point," Crystal continued, using a needle and thread to tighten up a bit of beaded tape on a hem that came loose. "Was that when I said magic exists on this world, I mean I don't know what form this world's magic is going to take, so we should be careful until we understand more. It may be familiar, like chemistry and technology, or it could be something more fantastical, like what that Eater pulled on us. Until we know the rules, we shouldn't be reckless."

"What if being reckless is part of the rules?"

"Then we'll find out soon enough and adjust our course of action."

"I hate that you have an answer for everything."

"Then stop asking questions."

Crystal and Grey stuck out their tongues at each other while Lillian giggled, and Rayne shook her head at the foolishness of it all. "Children, please."

"You're the youngest one here!"

"Hard to tell by looking, huh?" Rayne shrugged. She wasn't nearly as useful with sewing, so she'd taken to tying on little chimes and ribbons to decorate her bodhrán since her large acoustic kit was much too large and bulky for their purposes. The small frame drum, just a bit over a foot in diameter and only four inches deep, was much easier to carry and play.

When they brought their main instruments for the music video, they brought along a few supplementary instruments to use for the mixing as well. Actual recording was going to happen in a proper studio, but sometimes having them around and playing them when practicing could spark more natural inspiration than trying to force it during a recording session.

So in addition to Crystal's small harp, Grey's bouzouki, Lillian's electric keyboard and Rayne's acoustic drum kit, they also brought along macho bongos, a bodhrán, a tambourine, a fiddle, a bombard, an ocarina, a zither, enough bell bangles for the four of them, and a kalimba which Lillian was unnaturally proficient with. None of the instruments were particularly large, so it was easy to fit them in alongside everything else in the hand cart. Especially the kalimba - a hand-sized wooden board with attached staggered metal tines, which made an ethereally charming resonating sound when played despite its minuscule size.

"Rayne's got her drum, I'm taking my bouzouki, Lils is bringing..."

"Kalimba."

"Right, right. Coco, which instrument are you grabbing?"

Crystal snipped the thread with her teeth after tying a tight knot. "Since Lils is bringing the kalimba, I'll go with the fiddle."

"Ooh, are we gonna do a jig?"

"Maybe. We have to see what the climate's like in town."

"Climate is cold, Coco. There's snow."

"Emotional climate, Goofus! If something terrible happened recently, if there's an illness going around or a famine or what have you, it'd be inappropriate to run in with a nice cheerful Stick Across the Hob."

"Ah, Morrison's Jig. A classic."

"We can play it if people are friendly to us. Who knows, maybe they hate folk music. There was a time in our own history where the only socially appropriate music was religious hymns, you know."

"Gross."

"Right? So again, we just have to be careful."

"And then once they like us we can do fun songs, right?"

"Maybe slow tempo drinking songs or instrumental sea shanties to uh, test the waters."

"Har de har. Lyrics?"

"I really, really, extremely thoroughly and tragically doubt they'll speak English or any of the other languages we can sing in, and they might be alarmed by foreign languages. Classic orchestral music might be our best bet, honestly."

A potentially insurmountable language barrier was part of the reason their little group hemmed and hawed about heading to town. On the one hand they definitely needed more information about the world, but on the other hand, walking in without any knowledge or method of communication was a terrifying prospect.

So they did what they all did best, and procrastinated productively. The costumes were a good start, but they weren't sturdy enough to withstand frigid winter winds since the things were entirely cosmetic. Lillian proposed they somehow create thicker linings for their clothes, and Grey suggested they make use of the house's ability to restore items in order to do just that. But for that to work, they'd have to understand how it worked.

That night they waited with bated breath after destroying a single pillow, shredding it to bits as a sacrifice to the experimental gods of magic science. As soon as midnight ticked over on the household clocks, a new pillow appeared in its original place on its appropriate bed, and the shredded remains of the sacrificed pillow were still laying sad and limp on the floor.

"Infinite pillow glitch," Grey had whispered with delight, setting the other three to helpless giggling at his dumb joke.

The next day was spent ruining disposable objects around the house to various degrees and moving them around in order to determine the magic house's threshold of accounting damage and item 'respawning' limits. Some items were completely replaced, some were merely repaired, items from outside the property didn't count, and everything else had different thresholds for what counted as damage and what didn't.

While everyone was running around wrecking their house and generally having a good time doing magic science, Crystal put an empty jar outside of the fence to sit overnight. After the reset that night, it was fully replaced complete with its original contents, while the original empty jar remained outside of the property wedged into the snow.

Crystal smiled to herself with this new discovery, and put several small jars of preserves outside the fence in one of the small wooden crates she found in the cellar, covered with a thick towel to help insulate the glass.

"What were you getting up to?" Grey asked, as she stomped back into the house rubbing her arms to fight off the winter chill.

"Wishing we had warmer clothes," Crystal sighed, the mischievous glint in her eyes telling Grey he wouldn't get any answers yet. "Or at least pajamas with sleeves."

"Plotting something sinister?"

"Maybe."

"Rock on. Lemme know if I can help."

"Of course."

With their new knowledge regarding item respawn rules, they set about tearing more pillows and sheets into raw materials for upgrading their silly stage costumes into something functional, and copied the costumes into several spare sets for each of them just in case.

The costumes were inspired by fantasy medieval fashion and Renaissance faire finery, all four virtually identical in styling. Surcoats with silver bead tape and embroidery, high collar tunics with voluminous bishop sleeves, canvas cloaks with deep hoods, leather bracers, leather boots, leather belts with ring clasps, assorted leather bags, gloves, and leggings. Aside from the white tunic, everything was black with silver embellishments such as bead tape and braided fabric trims, or embroidery that shimmered in the light. The cloaks also sported little silver jingling bells attached along the hem, matching decorative bells on the boots and bags.

Most importantly, each of them had a unique Venetian masquerade mask with an attached beaded black face veil. The intricate, ornate masks had little bells dangling from loops on the sides, and were decorated with gemstone accents around and above the eyes; each member of Aos Sí Echtrae used a different gemstone for their stage name to capitalize on all the 'Fairy Rock' jokes they could make.

Plus, Crystal was already named after a shiny rock, so it was convenient all around.

"How are we gonna make these clothes warmer?" Grey asked, holding up his surcoat and raising an eyebrow in Lillian's direction.

"Quilting." Lillian said, gesturing with her hands to try and pantomime what she meant. "Gonna create pocket insulation layers using sheets, fill them with cotton and feather down and foam and whatever else we have to use. Then sew the pocket insulation layer in the middle of the original costume layer and an inner lining, to make the clothes warm without sacrificing their aesthetic!"

"The cloaks too?"

"The cloaks especially. They're already a strong sturdy material and have been water sealed, insulating them will basically turn them into actual quilts to shield us from the wind. In fact, I'll probably use cloak copies to make waterproof pants, since insulating leggings is a bit hard thanks to their thin material..."

"Too bad we can't make better boots too," Crystal sighed, glancing out the window. It hadn't stopped snowing since they arrived, and though most of the layers didn't completely stick, there was still a foot of snow outside they'd have to slog through to reach town. If the weather continued, they would have to put off the visit until some of that snow melted off.

"I'll break the path for you guys," Rayne said, flexing a powerful bicep. "No worries. We should still wait until it stops snowing, though. Walking through bad weather always sucks, even more so if it's over a big distance."

"Remembering high school?"

"God, that hill was brutal."

"Hey, everyone gets to help out with this!" Lillian said, pointing at the other three who were subtly edging toward the door during their conversation.

"I can't sew," Rayne quickly protested, and Lillian held up a finger to shush her.

"The lining doesn't have to be sewn pretty, the stitches just have to be strong. We need to make several copies of the belts, I want to repurpose them into something else... And I wanna keep an original copy of the costumes as well as have several sets of each so this is gonna take a few days worth of resetting to complete. Oh! Rayne, you can find big branches to make into walking sticks, the ground will be uneven under the snow and we don't wanna trip."

"Yes ma'am..."

Under Lillian's watchful eye, everyone got to work on different tasks in order to prepare for their first visit to another world's town, feeling a combination of trepidation and excitement in their hearts.

------

"Hey guys? There's uh. There's something weird." Rayne's voice echoed down the hall, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps as she hurried toward the living room where the others were gathered around the finished costumes and enjoying the last of their breakfast.

"What in the... Is that... Is that a telescope?!" Grey asked incredulously as Rayne rounded the corner with something large and heavy in her arms.

"I was checking out the study and found it in one of the cabinets. So, the study has that windowed alcove bit that sticks out from the side of the house, right?"

"Yeah, like a breakfast nook but for books. Book nook!" Grey grinned, switching his attention from the costumes to the big brass telescope that Rayne was hurriedly setting up in front of the largest living room window. "This thing is ancient! There's no way this isn't some priceless antique or something!"

"Yes yes it's very cool and belonged to a former trade ship navigator about a hundred years ago don't ask how I know that I'm not sure either I understand why this weirds Coco out now, but that's not important!" Rayne wheezed, peering through the eyepiece and adjusting the focus before stepping away. "Look at the town."

Grey peeked through first, too excited about the telescope itself to wait much longer. He stared in silence for a good long moment, then frowned and stepped away to give Lillian room. "That's... You're right, that is weird. But I can't quite put my finger on why... I mean, aside from the architecture itself? But something else is bugging me..."

"It's hard to see detail from here even with the telescope, but I think some of them had glowing symbols decorating them?" Lillian said with a shrug after she had her turn. "They're pretty, and unusual for sure. Either magic or electricity, but I hope it's magic. That'd be cool!"

Crystal took her turn last, automatically touching her face to lift up the glasses that she no longer had to wear. She gave a soft laugh at finding her face naked, shook her head, and peered through the eyepiece.

The buildings were indeed strangely pretty, smooth white or silver constructs with colorful glass roofs, in sleek appealing shapes that more suited a science fiction setting rather than fantasy. Some had glowing symbols etched under arched windows or in rows along walls, but the light was dim and flickering, and it was impossible to tell from afar what shape the symbols had.

"The town has a uniform layout," Crystal said quietly, furrowing her brow. "It's a planned city. Wide roads on a grid, a perfectly arched wall surrounding the whole thing except where the harbor is. The tallest building is in the middle, might be a palace or castle? But... There's no people."

"Wait, what?!" Lillian exclaimed while Grey snapped his fingers in realization.

"That's it! Even though it's winter, there'd still be people moving around and working and stuff, right? But those roads are totally empty! No cars or wagons or pedestrians or nothing."

Crystal swung the telescope around, peering into the empty harbor, then past that toward the horizon where puffy white sails broke the barrier between sea and sky. "Ah, the ships... The city is really sleek and almost futuristic, but those ships are..."

Grey nudged Crystal aside to steal the eyepiece again, bouncing his leg with excitement. "Yo! Those are some real nice maritime vessels, my friends! Four-masted wooden masterpieces, and is that mizzenmast lateen-rigged? Squared raised stern, that's a nice prominent booty on those ships for sure. Those big boys are either carracks or galleons, or whatever they're called in this world. Whew, they're real beauties!"

"Was it an evacuation?" Lillian asked, concern coloring her voice, but Grey shook his head.

"Doubt it. The sails are torn and mended all over the place, and I think I see minor hull damage on the ones up close, but those lads are definitely pointed toward the town, and resting in a recognizable formation at that. They've been through a long journey to get here specifically, I think. In fact..." Grey swung the telescope, adjusting the focus as he went, searching to and fro until he spotted what he was looking for.

"They were further away when we first got here," Rayne said, holding up her fingers in a little pinching gesture. "The sails were like, this big on the horizon."

Grey nodded, then exclaimed aloud. "Aha! Found a pinnace! I dunno why it took them so long to approach, but they're moored in the deeps now, not sheltering in the harbor. And there, by the town wall! There's a little camp. Looks like... Ten people? They used a small pinnace boat to approach so it's probably a landing party scouting the area to see if it's safe to approach."

"I didn't see people! Let me see!" Rayne bumped Grey aside with her hip, stealing the telescope back. "There they are! Oh, they're still unloading the boat."

"It was still snowing pretty hard until like, today. They probably only just sent the team out." Grey said, and Rayne nodded in agreement.

"Looks like it. Hmm... Their clothes do look a little like our costumes, I think? They're tiny colorful blurs, but I think I see a couple people in cloaks, and possibly armor? Using our costumes is probably the best idea after all."

"But now things have gotten a bit more complicated," Crystal muttered, drumming her fingers on her bottom lip as thoughts tumbled around in her mind. "There's no permanent settlement yet. For some reason that city is empty, and we don't know why. The city looks more advanced than anything the people in wooden ships would be capable of making, no matter how nice the ships are, so they probably aren't the same civilization. If they have that many ships, are they colonizers? Are there natives to this land we need to worry about? How would they see us if we, as strangers who don't even speak their language, suddenly walked up while they're trying to settle an apparently empty foreign city?"

Grey and Lillian exchanged glances, while Rayne turned from the telescope and placed a hand on her hip. "Coco. Relax."

"How can I relax? If they're not friendly we're probably boned! They'll definitely come explore the forest for resources and they'll find us and-"

"Crystal!"

Crystal flinched as Rayne grabbed her by the shoulders and gave a gentle shake, bringing her back to her senses. She hadn't even realized she'd hunched over and started scratching at the delicate pale flesh of her arms, bright red tracks screaming their distress under her fingernails. She shivered, forcing her clawed hands to relax, and took a deep breath. "Ah... S-sorry, I... I just..."

"Does it feel dangerous?" Lillian asked, her voice calming Crystal's nerves with its serenity.

She thought a moment, then pressed her lips together and shook her head. "No. It doesn't feel dangerous. I'm just... Worried, I think. Anxious. There's so many unknowns..."

"If they're gonna find us anyway, let's go to them on our own terms," Grey said, giving Crystal's face a gentle tap with his knuckles. "Right? We readied the costumes anyway, and Rayne whittled us some fine walking sticks."

"I even polished them."

"See? She polished them, Coco."

"There was wood lacquer in the maintenance closet."

"Wood lacquer, Coco!"

"Alright, alright!" Crystal threw up her hands in defeat, struggling in vain to hide the growing smile on her face. "You win. Let's get dressed and go make first contact."

"The masks are mandatory!" Grey said, grabbing his off the living room table. "If we're gonna be a minstrel group we gotta look the part!"

"I finished the slings for your instruments, so you can carry the cases on your back under the cloaks. Should make it less of a strain to lug them through the snow." Lillian looked proud as she showed off the repurposed leather belts, carefully measured to fit each of them and evenly distribute the weight of the heavy cases across their torsos. "My kalimba is small enough to fit in a bag so I felt like this is the least I could do to help."

"You're so great Lils," Grey sighed, giving his twin a grateful hug.

"I'll go get the sticks," Rayne said, running upstairs.

Meanwhile, Crystal rolled her eyes and heaved a despondent sigh. "Man... I have to wear actual clothes again..."

"It's too cold to be a nudist, Coco."

"I'm not a nudist, I'm just texture sensitive!"

"You'd be a nudist if it was socially acceptable."

"Eh... Debatable. I'm kinda lumpy."

"No you're just soft and huggable."

"Which makes me lumpy. Oh well, at least the costume materials feel nice." Crystal sighed once more, grabbing her outfit off the living room table. "Alright, everyone turn off their vision for a second."

"We have all seen you naked, Crystal."

"We all took turns washing your back when you went through physical therapy, Crystal."

"Also this is the living room."

"Nudist."

"Exhibitionist."

"Can't hear you guys I'm already naked!" Crystal stuck out her tongue as, contrary to her statement, she headed down the hallway toward the bathroom in order to change in privacy.

"Who's naked?" Rayne called down the stairs, accompanied by the thumping sound of four walking sticks repeatedly hitting the banister as she descended.

"Everyone except you!" Grey called back, his voice muffled as he pulled the blouse over his head.

"I had to get the sticks, no one told me we were having a nudey party!"

"Nudey parties are better fun with guests that aren't basically your relatives," Lillian grumbled, and Rayne nodded as she dumped the walking sticks on the nearest sofa.

"Eh, true. No offense, you guys are our unofficial adopted siblings."

"No no, it's mutual. You both are our sisters, seeing you lot naked does not rustle my jimmies in the slightest."

"Completely unrustled?"

"Not even a jostle."

"Damn."

"Wait, why are we unofficially adopted? There's no birth records in this world for us. We can just be siblings and no one will ever be able to prove otherwise."

"Shit, you're right! Okay, you're all adopted by me now. You can call me Mama."

"Like hell we will, you're the youngest!"

"Respect your elders, young man!"

Crystal laughed to herself as their voices echoed faintly through the closed bathroom door, then focused on getting dressed. Her costume was modified further thanks to a personal request she'd made, adding a long black wrap skirt that went to her ankles to be worn over the leggings. She also added a silver sash around the waist and under the belt, made using one of the spare bedsheets.

She didn't mind pants so long as the material was nice, but she preferred the swish of long skirts and dresses because it felt more fun, and if she had to wear clothes anyway they might as well be layered and interesting. Just so long as the inner layer actually touching her body was a nice comfortable fabric!

Lillian made the skirt match the rest of the outfit using bead tape and braided fabric, and liked the resulting skirt so much she added a shorter skirt and some frilly modifications to her own outfit. Then Grey wanted some fancy embellishments and dangling cloth bits to look more dramatic, so in the end only Rayne kept the original design.

"We look amazing," Grey said with a delighted sigh as everyone gathered together in the living room once more to don their masks.

"Are the masks really necessary?" Lillian mumbled as she tugged on the gossamer veil, causing the beaded decorations woven into the fine material to jingle and shimmer. "I mean... What if not being able to see our faces scares them, or makes them suspicious?"

"Then we can take them off?" Grey said with a shrug, slinging the shoulder strap of his instrument case over his arm before settling his cloak. "But I think it adds to our mystique as wandering minstrels, and we look fantastic rather than threatening. Plus, they're the ones landing near our house, right? We're the ones living here. For all they could know, it's culturally inappropriate to walk around with naked faces!"

"We'll have to get pretty close to know for sure," Crystal said. After a moment's thought, she took out her hairclip and left it on the coffee table, allowing her long blonde hair to tumble free in the brief moment before she put up her hood. She'd spent enough time in cold climates to know long hair was best left protecting one's neck from cold air. "We'll watch their body language as we approach. If they seem hostile, we'll back off. In the meantime, we should bring some food. It's a long hike."

Everyone agreed, filing into the kitchen to pack snacks and sandwiches into their bags. Crystal tucked a few jars of preserves into hers, bringing only those and a couple sandwiches instead of cramming the space with small packs of miniature cookies and potato chips like everyone else. Her choice of foodstuff went unnoticed, since everyone else was busy playing Tetris trying to fit their chosen assortment of snacks into relatively small bags.

Once everyone felt prepared enough for their journey, they took a moment to brace themselves, each grabbing a homemade walking stick, then stepped out of the house into the snow.

#writing #chapter #original #original story #masquerade #fantasy #isekai

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theultimatenonbinarynerd · 4 years

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Roman's Angst Playlist

So recently, I decided to do an angst playlist for Roman followed by Logan. I might do one for the other sides in the future. Also if you don't have Spotify and want me to make it a youtube playlist then please let me know.

So im going to explain why I chose certain songs and why I think Roman would listen to them when he feels sad.

Okay I saw this as a tik tok audio used for Virgil Cosplay but when I listened to the lyrics it (no pun intended) screamed Roman.

If you listen to the lyrics closely it details exactly how Roman feels. He feels denied of being himself.

"You wanted me to show more interests

To always keep a big bright smile

Be that pinky little perfect princess

But I'm not that type of child."

That just exactly seems like what he forces himself to be to keep the others happy. He feels like he has to be perfect.

Pft so why this of all Disney Songs, Mel? Well, im glad you asked. I would have chosen I Will Go The Distance if it wasn't already on Roman's plus it's too subtle, we're looking for songs that openly state Roman's issues. Reflection is perfect for Roman and a lot you artists in the fandom agree with me. It perfectly represents how Roman doesn't feel good enough for the other sides.

This song perfectly represents how Roman feels about Patton. He is constantly risking it all to gain Patton's approval but he never gets anything in return from the father figure. I'll do a full analysis in the future.

You know I had to put Hamilton on here and burn definitely replicates perfectly how Roman feels after svs redux. This song also represents how Roman feels about Janus as you forget how badly Janus treated Roman during the original svs and can lying be good.

I'm sorry I had to put one song about feeling like a monster. Roman hates his flaws and his mistakes. This song is perfect as like if suggests Roman hides his demons.

Slight language warning here but I had to include this song. Roman constantly tries to look out for the others and change for them. Yet they're holding the gun, it perfectly represents how betrayed Roman feels especially by Thomas and Patton. He made self-sacrifice and they don't defend him after the moustache comment so he thinks they agree with Janus. He thinks all of his friends have betrayed him after how much he tried to change for them.

Please don't cry but I added this song because I think this is Roman insulting himself. He feels like he's such a rude bully and that he never makes the others happy. He's essentially telling himself you're going to rot in hell because all you do is bully the other sides.

A less subtle version of Broadway here I come so yeah it fits.

Pft apparently everyone in the fandom once said this suited Virgil well not anymore. This pretty much probably somes up all of Romans feelings after he sinks out during pof. He like the fandom is probably villainizing himself. I don't think Romans gonna join the dark sides but unfortunately, I think he will try to duck out without everyone noticing. After that comment from Janus, he's blaming himself for everything. Trapped in self-loathing till the next episode.

So I've reached the audio limit so ill have to link the next few songs.

https://youtu.be/cRTjksM3YAs

youtube

Here me out change the lyrics from man or muppet to good twin or bad twin. Roman is going to be reflecting a lot after pof.

https://youtu.be/1rfSHisyHdc

youtube

Due the old man on the throne telling Roman he probably shouldn't be so mean is Patton. Also it just suits Roman more than Remus for some reason.

https://youtu.be/sENM2wA_FTg

youtube

It just suits Roman because he doesn't want to change who he is.

https://youtu.be/ulJXiB5i_q0

youtube

Your gonna kill me but imagine Roman singing I dreamed a dream straight after the original svs. Roman feels like especially after svs redux that all of his dreams have been taken away from him.

https://youtu.be/Rl3ELiPXFRo

youtube

First comes the blessings of all that you dreamed but then comes the curses of diamonds and rings. Who can you trust?

All of these lyrics scream Roman-like im sorry that every single imagine dragons song suits Roman. Like if I'd been irrational this playlist would have been just imagine dragons songs.

https://youtu.be/SL_YMm9C6tw

youtube

Like how could I not include this one on here, Roman has constantly been told by Logan that his dreams are stupid.

https://youtu.be/mw5VIEIvuMI

youtube

Like ever since getting into this fandom this song has a whole different meaning to me instead of just calling this a female power ballad I keep relating this to Logan and Roman pleading to be listened too. Ahh please get Roman and Logan to sing this as a duet Thomas.

https://youtu.be/8v_4O44sfjM

youtube

No caption made it just feels like Romans heart.

https://youtu.be/w6g1yQV0dIY

youtube

Roman feels lost this is going to be his battle after he stops blaming himself every time Thomas has a problem.

https://youtu.be/r5yaoMjaAmE

youtube

Ok, this does suit Logan but it also suits Roman. Despite how mean he can be to cover up his insecurities he is still offended by the others biting back.

https://youtu.be/JFYedt-KnB0

Now the last song is if only from the first descendant's movie. It perfectly represents Roman's inner conflict, after Patton and Thomas giving up on him he doesn't know what's right and wrong anymore.

Ok so that was my Roman angst playlist and I hope you enjoy it I put a lot of hard work into it.

@roman-sanders-appreciation-blog @misconceivedcapricorn @royalprinceroman @roman-appreciation-central

@princemesscharming @prince-romansanders @princessglittermageline

#Spotify #roman sanders #sander sides #ts roman #sanders+sides+theories #roman angst #romangst #sander sides playlists #patton criticism #janus criticism #character thomas criticism #from romans point of view

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