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blueaizu · 1 year

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Suspended Twitter

Today my Twitter page was permanently suspended, so this will affect a few things. Needless to say I am not happy. This is going to be a long post, so find out more after this jump if you want to know what's going on.

By the way: I'm not holding back. There will be swearing and unfiltered anger, so if you don't want to see it, don't hit the jump.

First some introductions, since this Tumblr page is still pretty new: my name is BlueAizu. I'm an anime artist who has been posting artwork on websites like Twitter for a long time (psst, check out #BlueAizu's Art if you want to see what I do). I'm also exploring game development and I have also done livestreams of myself drawing or making my game in the past. To this end, I am currently in the middle of rebranding myself so I can enter into the world of Vtubers. At this time I'm not quite ready to do a full reveal of my model, but if you've looked at my profile picture you already have an idea of what he will look like. I'm very pleased with the progress so far and I'm looking forward to finally sharing him when the time comes, but enough about that.

As you may know, Twitter was recently bought out by Elon Musk for an extremely large sum of money and he is, shall we say... not the greatest? He's always looking to try and make back his investment and changing the platform for the worse, saying it's for "free speech" and that he'll be "a savior of social media" like he's the second coming of Jesus Christ. One of the things he's done is allowing people to pay a subscription for verification, which used to be a symbol of authenticity for public figures to avoid impersonation. Not anymore!

On top of this he's started a separate subscription that's way higher than $8 USD per month for organizations and businesses, currently $1000 a month. The ultimate kicker is that it still costs $1000 just to apply and it's non-refundable if you're not accepted, which is scummy enough on its own but the page for signing up doesn't mention that anywhere, just in an easily overlooked "Terms of Service" page at the very bottom. A horrible, horrible practice all around.

So what does all of that have to do with me specifically? Well, I was replying to someone who ended up unwittingly paying the full sum of $1000 (they got the chargeback, thankfully, but not without involving lawyers). My response: "I hope Elon's personal Tesla self-drives off a cliff," which while disapproving of Elon, was meant to be tongue in cheek and I wouldn't want it to actually happen to someone. Apparently this single tweet was severe enough that it warranted an immediate and permanent suspension of my account. My Twitter account, which I've had for over 10 years, was in good standing for all of that time and I used mainly for retweeting art and geeking out about video games I liked, is suddenly unusable and I can no longer participate on Twitter at all. This is completely unreasonable because, while I'll accept responsibility that it wasn't the most tasteful thing to say, permanent suspension from the platform is completely disproportionate retribution. There are so many pages and people who post and continue to share far worse, more offensive content for the sole purpose of spreading unbridled, bigoted hatred and malice for eliciting reactions. The single tweet I made is apparently far worse than that.

Also in the same e-mail as an added bonus, it mentioned that Twitter Blue isn't automatically disabled for suspended accounts, just as one additional middle finger for anyone this situation happens to. Probably counting on people forgetting about it and still paying it anyway without realizing! I suspect that my tweet was used as a scapegoat to get me off the platform for being critical of the decisions Elon has been making for Twitter and generally just not liking him, at all.

So, I'm done with Twitter. I already sent an appeal and I'll be happy to delete the tweet in question if given the chance, but after this? After this complete shitshow? I have lost all of my respect for Twitter. I now realize that it is a shitty platform, with a biased owner that has a cold, self-centered, devil-may-care billionaire toddler's ego the size of fucking Jupiter that's as fragile as a single strand of uncooked spaghetti. He doesn't treat his employees well, he can't take criticism at all, and his actions paint him as being unfit for running one of the biggest social media platforms, which many people have relied on for years, in every way except being able to buy it out. I am very outraged this has happened, and I will not forget this.

And that's the end of my story of why I'm no longer on Twitter.

Good-bye, Twitter.

May you go up in flames, your employees freed from Elon's iron grip and then move on to more fulfilling careers elsewhere.

#announcement #twitter #account suspended #I'm very sorry if this if the first time you're seeing me #I'm not normally this negative #elon musk

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achaoticeternal · 4 years

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A Dance. A Chase. A Purpose.

RANSOM DRYSDALE X READER masterlist // taglist

request from anon: 35. "sit your ass back down and talk to me" with Ransom Thrombey pretty please??😍

Summary: Ransom never has been one to chase a gall, but you’ve always been different. Word Count: 3.4k A/N: This is a reader and Ransom at a very formal gala. The Thrombey’s and Drysdale’s are “high class” people, they attend these kinds of things but I haven’t seen anyone write something like this! I hope you guys really enjoy it! This is also a lot of dialogue... whoops Warnings: Light swearing, people flirting with the reader, Ransom being an asshole but not a complete asshole

ANOTHER REAL QUICK NOTE: I WROTE ABOUT RANSOM IN A MAROON VELVET SUITE BEFORE THE GOLDEN GLOBES HAPPENED AND CHRIS JUST HAPPENED TO WEAR THAT EXACT OUTFIT TO THE GOLDEN GLOBES AND ALL I’M SAYING IS THAT THE UNIVERSE CAME THROUGH

His blue eyes continuously stalked you throughout the hours you attended the Gala. It wasn’t his scene and yet he adored the thought of ruining your perfect evening just with his presence.

“Who put Ransom on the guest list?” You hissed at one of the event coordinators, “Don’t you remember what he did at the art show I hosted last year?”

“I’m terribly sorry Miss, but he’s the plus one for Mr. Thrombey,” the hesitant man replied, looking awfully terrified.

You took multiple deep breathes to soothe yourself and stop yourself from becoming flustered. Ransom has this awful hold on you that everyone could not, and you could absolutely not stand. He knew just how to stir you, be that good or bad, and absolutely ruin what should be paradise. He truly was the devil in a maroon velvet suit that was perfectly tailored to him.

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry for flashing, thank you for all your assistance tonight,” You smiled kindly to the man before scurrying off to find something to occupy yourself before Ransom had a chance.

Tonight, all you wanted to do was raise funds to assist the homeless shelters in major U.S cities and inspire a few billionaires and millionaires to hand over a hefty check. But you had to play a little game to get money from the elite class. You made your way all around the ballroom in the designer gown; it was black and floor-length, layer upon layer of fine black lace. Across the skirt was intricate gold stars sewn into the material as an illusion collar and mesh sleeves complimented your top. Your appearance mixed with your charm could allure both men and women into acquiring whatever you desired. You knew that inevitably somehow you would run into Ransom since Harlan was a huge donor to your foundation.

“Oh, (Y/N),” It seemed you’d be seeing him sooner than you thought as Mr. Thrombey waved you over. Gracefully, you turned to see him and other authors you’d invited enjoying their wine and making various comments about the younger people attending the gala. Harlan motioned at an empty seat, “my dear.”

“Alright, but I can’t stay long. Apparently, I’m the only one left with their head screw on right this evening,” You smiled as the older group chuckled.

“You’ve always been a prize, (Y/N). Standing out in school, in your community, and now your foundation. Your grandparents would be proud,” Margret, a theatre critic, complimented you.

Her words were almost reassuring. Your grandparents had left their company and their estate to you, their only granddaughter. The rest of the family received their fair cut of shares and money, but your grandparents believed that you had the best potential in ruining their media empire.

But you felt all joy leave your body as a large pair of hands rested themselves upon your shoulder, squeezing them just tight enough to create a numbing sensation, “Yes, and she also always was quite the star in high school and even university. Our professor often gawked at how well-knowledged she is, and even her charm.”

You rested your right hand on top of Ransom’s, peeling it off and letting it drop to his side, “Well, Ransom, it’s wonderful for you to join us at the Charity Gala tonight. I hope everything is just as proper and tasteful to your liking.”

“Well, it’s a nice little set-up you have, but I’ve always been a man to enjoy a good party with plenty to drink and-”

“Hugh,” Mr. Thrombey warned his grandson.

Ransom gave her grandfather a childish glare before sighing, “But it’s still just so lovely, (Y/N).”

“This has just been so grand,” You stood and brushed out any wrinkles in the skirt of your dress, “but I must go meet with the city’s mayor to talk about the proceeds from this evening before they reach a politician's hands. Please feel free to check out our silent auction tables, there are some wonderful prizes to be won. And once we announce the winners, we will have a large auction while dinner is served in the banquet hall at 8.”

With pep in your step, you quickly made your own way to the banquet hall to make sure everything was going swimmingly.

- - -

“Yes, and up there on the platform, the seats will go the mayor’s wife, the mayor, the governor, myself, the senator, his wife, and then his son,” you pointed down the long table. Then you turned to look out over a sea of tables, chairs, and name cards, “And the menu is set for this evening?”

“Yes, ma’am. Everything is under control, tidy, and might I say, luxurious, thanks to you,” your proceeds manager, Pierce, complimented you.

“You’re too kind,” you slapped his arm lightly, “now, guests my enter around 7:30 or whenever the staff finishes setting our the glasses and rolls.”

“Oh, (Y/N),” you heard your name called by a silver tongue serpent who managed to sneak into the banquet hall early. As he sauntered over to you, Pierce noticed how to seemed to deflate slightly in the man’s presence.

“Miss, I’m so sorry, I’ll go tell security too-”

“It’s fine, Pierce. Hugh is an... acquaintance that I’ve known for years.”

“That’s a strange way of putting childhood enemy,” Ransom teased as he took a sip out of his champagne glass, “or childhood crush depends on how you view it.”

“Yes, yes, how could I forget. Pierce,” you gave him a look to dismiss him as you turned to look pointedly at Ransom, “what are you doing here now? The schedule is clear and I don’t understand why you can’t just fo-”

“You know schedules and timetables aren’t my forte, honey,” he cut you off, which he knew made your blood boil, “but I wanted to address a little rumor I heard? Apparently, at the banquet auction- you are going to be a prize.”

“I’m not a prize, I’m a respected woman,” you sneered, “and my marketing and social managers decided it would help the cause if we auctioned off a dance with one of the most powerful and eligible bachelorette's in New York.”

“Well then,” His eyes scanned across your face but going lower. You snapped your fingers in front of his face to snap him out of whatever the hell he was trying to do, “I guess I’ll be able to show you what a fantastic dancer I am tonight when I win.”

“In your dreams, Ransom,” You said with a smile as you heard the doors open and a crowd begin the flutter in, “Now please if you would so kindly take your seat able table 6.”

- - -

“Thank you so much for attending tonight’s charity gala,” You smiled warmly as you spoke into the microphone. Much applause followed, “This evening’s event couldn’t have happened without help from so many people within the community and all of you here tonight. I have a lot of people to thank tonight, but first I would like to thank the wonderful orchestra for providing such wonderful music.”

You gestured to the group seated on the right side of the banquet hall as they took their bows. You allowed for the chatter to calm before continuing your speech to thank the hotel and its’ management, the catering, your parents and siblings, your personal assistant, “and lastly I have three very important men and their families in attendance tonight. The Mayor of New York City, The Governor, and even Senator Holstead.” Each of the men stood, waved to the crowd, and were applauded, “And now, I would like to invite the Senator’s eldest son, MR. Wyatt Holstead to join me in announcing the winner’s for tonight’s silent auction and then we will proceed to bidding on specialty items.”

“Thank you so much, Ms. (Y/L/N). Isn’t she just fantastic?” Wyatt smiled at the audience as he made his way up to you with his own mic. He stood next to you and took your hand, “It is an absolute honor to be assisting you tonight and a help you raise funds to solve homelessness in this beautiful city, once and for all. But being in your striking beauty might be the cherry on top.”

You giggled as he raised your hand to his lips and kiss your knuckles softly. However, you could feel the tension across to the room as you made eye contact with Ransom, who was clapping with a less than excited look upon his face, “Why thank you. Now, Wyatt will be drawing and announcing the names of the winners while I present you will the item of auction. So- let’s begin.”

You forgot about Ransom and his predatory gaze as you awarded baskets and various items to strangers and friends that won them. The flashes of cameras and shaking of hands stirred your brain until Wyatt ended the silent auction.

“Congratulations to the winners! Checks can be dropped off this evening or mailed to the donation center within the next three days. But now, we move onto our live auction where we have some stellar items and events up for sale tonight!”

“You’re right, Wyatt. This first item up to bid tonight is a trip to the beaches of Italy on an all-expenses-paid vacation! Let’s start the bidding at $500, shall we?”

Immediately, hands and ladies’ fans flew up in the air. It was amazing how fast items were going and how quickly the evening was flying by.

“Going twice... Sold! The fountain pen collection goes to Mrs. Margret Dunwoody!” Wyatt called. There was applause as she grabbed her prize, “And now, for the final auction before any real partying or dancing begins, we have a real treat. One lucky person will be able to share the first dance and be treated to breakfast with our own, Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N)! Now, this is quite the prize so let’s start the bidding at... two thousand?”

The hands’ of New York’s finest bachelors and bachelorettes shot up high.

‘$2,500″

“$3,500″

“$4,000!”

“$5,000!”

“$25,000,” One loud voice called from the center of the room. Ransom had stood, a smirk plastered to his face as his blue eyes met your own.

“$30,0-” Another man tried to yell out.

“$50,000,” Ransom called on top of him, “Anyone else?”

“Well then,” Wyatt said, looking to you and winking, “$60,000.”

“$75,000,” Ransom called back with ease.

“$85,000,” Wyatt retorted.

You began to become nervous. It would be awkward to watch Ransom’s and Wyatt’s little showdown, but you were the prize which made the experience only that much unsettling, “Boys, boys, you’re both pretty.”

“Going once...” You looked at Ransom only to be pondering something, “Going twice...” you started to pray that anyone else would bid, Wyatt was still in college and you didn’t need your record destroyed by a horny boy...

“$150,000!”

The banquet hall went completely silent, no one said a thing. You could here pen drop in the room with how deafening it was.

“Sold to Mr. Ransom Drysdale!” The Mayor called out from his seat, sensing the tension, “Now if Mr. Drysdale will make his way up to the platform to escort his prize to the dance floor.”

Ransom held a bit of swagger in his stride as he approached you. The shock was still evident in your stature as you tried to smile. People applauded and the band began to play again.

“My dear,” Ransom held his hand out for you, making sure to make this look a publicly decent as he could. You took his hand and he leads you down the stairs of the platform. Once you were on his level, he placed a hand upon your lower back and guided you towards the dance floor.

The band began to play a slow number that had the slightest touch of an upbeat. Ransom was surprisingly a great dance partner and easily guided you around the floor which captured the eyes of all in the banquet hall.

“You know, you’re not half bad at dancing,” you attempted to compliment him.

“I guess private school pays off a bit, but I’d still prefer dancing under your sheets,” he said in a sultry tone into your ear.

“Dammit, Ransom. I’m trying to enjoy my evening because you’ll be there to ruin my morning,” he spun you twice before pulling you into his chest again, “why did you even place a bid? You hate donating to charity, unless by force, and you know I can’t stand you.”

“Well, you know I love getting under your skin and I think the other bidder doesn’t have the same experience as I do,” He beamed, “in any category.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“But you can’t help but love me,” his lips dragged across your cheek.

The music faded out and a DJ began playing today’s hits. With all the formalities taken care of, this was no longer was your scene, “Well, good night, Ransom. I’ll see you in the morning and you can tell me about whatever girl you hooked up with, in the morning.”

With that, you escaped up to your suite in the hotel, hoping not to interact with anyone for the rest of the evening.

- - -

It was a few hours later now and you were still wide awake, relaxing in the living area of your suite as Brooklyn Nine-Nine played on the television. You had already showered and your hair was almost finished air drying, but you still wore the hotel robe. It was peaceful and allowed you to digest the events from the evening. But a knock on the door alerted you of an unexpected guest.

“Who is it?”

“Room service, ma’am,” You opened the door to reveal a young man with a cart, “Gifts from the hotel managers and a special man who wanted to thank you for this evening.”

“Oh well, thank you, just cart it in wherever you like,” You nodded and let him through. He quickly took care of his job before exiting, “good night.”

You grabbed the first card on the cart, a little formal thank you note from the hotel for a smooth event and the wonderful publicity. There was a second one with no name, but you figured it was one of the politicians you invited this evening.

You looked like the night sky, but you shined brighter than any star.

Shaking your head, you let out a small giggle at the little note like you were a school girl again. Even if there was a bump or two in the evening, it all still went practically perfect. But a second knock came from the door.

“If it’s another cart, I’m afraid I’m out of room in here,” You teased, only to open the door to reveal Ransom.

“Well, were the flowers not enough? I didn’t know my prize would still be so hard to please, even after I swept her off her feet on the dance floor.” Here he was, smirk and all. Instead of his usual behavior of prowling a dance floor for a girl to satisfy him for the night, he was here, satisfying his need to tease you.

“Ransom, I-uh... Shouldn’t you be downstairs?” You pulled the robe close to your body like it could shield you from anything he could say or do to you.

“Well, my date left me on the floor-”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but it’s late, and I’m not a prize to be won, and you-”

“(Y/N),” He looked you in the eyes with his own blue ones that could make any woman melt and suddenly you understood why he came upstairs, “Can I come in, please?”

“I- maybe not tonight...”

“Please”

You took a deep breath before opening the door to allow him in, “Okay, but I do plan to go to bed before long.”

He walked in and immediately got a beer out of the hotel fridge before taking a seat on the couch. You grabbed yourself a bottle of water before joining him on the couch.

“So, were you trying to get away from your grandfather? or an ex?”

“No, I figured it was time we talk. And I mean actually talk. Not argue or bicker like we do in front of everyone else.”

“I don’t remember a time where we didn’t, so...”

“Maybe because you never give me the chance to talk-”

“Well, maybe that’s because every time I’ve tried to open up to you or trust you, you just cut me off...”

“Maybe that’s because you keep trying to meddle in my life like my family does!”

“I’m not doing this tonight! Not after everything I accomplished, I’ll see you in the morning,” you pushed yourself off the couch and attempted to make your way into the bedroom.

“No, (Y/N), I-” He let out a sigh and shook his head, “sit your ass back down and talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Ransom!”

“There is everything to talk about”

IT hit you like a brick. He wanted to talk it out because after all this time he still wanted you. He wanted back sneaking into each other’s dorms. Pretending to hate each other, but sneaking kisses behind friends and family. You were the only person to ever deny him from what he needed. You were the girl to leave him on the floor. The same way you had left him on the floor homecoming your junior year, semi-formal your senior year of college, and various club outings. And now tonight in front of the public. You had always been the only girl to leave him alone and the only girl to walk out on him first. And after all this time, he still chased after you, because you were consistent.

“Dammit, (Y/N). Why do you act like this? We have history, but you insist on acting like it never happened or that it was all bad.”

“Ransom, you know why we both called it all off...”

“Because you were inheriting a large media network? You could risk doing ONE thing that your mother didn’t approve of. I know why, but I’ll never understand-”

“Because you made me reckless and I couldn’t let my life slip through my fingers while I lived a perfectly pleasurable life off of daddy’s money. I need purpose and you never gave me one.”

“But you gave me purpose. And tonight, you looked like a night sky, shining bright with a thousand stars and reminded me of those nights where we laid under the starry sky and you let me spoil you. You helped me deal with the abomination that is my family, you were helping me learn to be a better person.” He took your hands into his own large ones and rested his forehead against yours, “I was going to propose and we were going to find a purpose together.”

“Fuck, Ransom,” The tears slid down your cheeks, but he caught them with his thumbs, “Why do we have to do this now? I was just starting to truly move on. Why can’t you let the idea of us go?”

“Because it’s the only good idea I’ve ever had. Please, (Y/N), I love you.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. In all the time that Ransom and you had spent together - teasing each other or flirting or otherwise - he had never said that he loved you. You never even heard him tell his parents he loved them. He truly wanted you.

“I- We... We can try again. But it’ll be slow and it will take time to heal what we burned, but if you’re willing than I am too.”

“That’s all I need to hear,” he whispered before pressing his lips against yours.

- - -

The next afternoon, images of you and Ransom having brunch and holding hands while wandering around New York were splattered across media and magazine sites alike. People and reporters asked about the charity event the night before, what this relationship meant for your company, and even asking if you both were finally coming public with your relationship after months of hiding it.

A young reporter caught Ransom and asked it you satisfied his desires, targeting Ransom’s playboy bachelor status.

“I think you should be asking (Y/N) how much she raised for the homeless and those living off in a single evening instead of objectifying her. She’s the most powerful and influential woman in the nation and desrves more respect than that. Go report her record-breaking funding to your Editor, instead of a dumbass’s opinion on if she makes a good shag or not, sweetie.”

Once you made it into his car and made your way to Boston, you turned to him, “Thank you, for everything you said.”

“Of course, it was all honest and true. But I was never gonna tell them how wonderful you feel beneath me.”

“Ransom-”

“Oh c’mon, you love me”

#mattie writes #ransom thrombrey #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale imagine #ransom drysdale x y/n #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom thrombey imagine #chris evans #cevans #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans x y/n #knives out

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its-chelisey-stuff · 4 years

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Farewell, EY

But... how do I say goodbye, to you?

*long sigh* Like the dramatic mess of emotions that I am, I waited until the end of the year (and after the MBC drama awards), practically a month and a half after the story of Danharu ended, to say my real (believe me, for real) final words on this amazing drama. Or more like what it meant to me.

You know, I’ve been a part of tumblr for years, yet, I was never that active on it. I think I’ve had this account since my my high school years but I only used it to follow some kpop accounts, and I was never one to post, or at least not much. My college years passed by and I think I barely looked at this account at all. After I graduated, I think I started to follow some accounts related to books and stuff like that. I never really had the impulse to write my thoughts on something, let alone do essays about a drama of 16 hours and I’ve been watching dramas for almost 9 years.

I have liked dramas. I have disliked some. I have hated, to the point of forcefully denying they ever existed, a couple of dramas. And I have loved dramas that meant a lot to me and spoke to me to a personal level because, somehow, I could relate to a piece of the story or to a character.

And it’s not like I relate much to the world of Extraordinary You nor have I felt or had a love like Danharu’s. But that didn’t made me love it any less. I love it so much, in fact, that I decided that reading recaps and ocassional comments on the episodes in forums or social media was not enough. I had to share what I thought about the story even if barely anyone read it. I just had to put it out there and that’s how I ended up here. Because of a drama found by chance.

And actually, this drama did spoke to me. Danoh reminded me that I’m the main character of my life and that even in the face of adversity and difficulty, is important to be positive and put on a strong front. Never go down withtout a fight. Danoh and Haru, with their infinite and pure love for each other, choosing, and finding the other, time and time again, showed us what true love looks like. Selflessnes, comunication, trust, respect, accepting the good and the bad and understanding the needs of the other above, while remembering that you’re not alone. You’re a team.

And despite what you might think, they were a team that not even the writer could win against. Their love was stronger than any setup and despicable acts the writer wrote for them, especially towards Haru. It won and survived everything, even 2 literal endings.

I don’t even care about the couple award, because every social platform I go to, and every fan of the drama on any news site, thinks of Danharu as the OTP of the show. Cause that’s what they were. And for me, the best of the year. No question about it. So I hope Rowoon and Hyeyoon (my poor girl only mentioned one award as the one she wanted, and that’s the one she did not get) don’t care about it either, because at the end of the day, they know how good of a job they did and how much effort they put into it. To me, their prize is the love of the fans and well, they’re getting just that, left and right.

(And I’m still amazed that two 23 year old actors, on their first ever leading roles, were the ones who managed to tell this powerful and tragical love story. They brought Danoh and Haru to life and I really cannot imagine other people in their places.)

And then, we have our Dohwa, who thaught us what real friendship, loyalty and kindness is. Even when you don’t get the things you hoped for. He managed to be happy because his friends were. And I have literally never seen a character like him in any other drama. Smart, emotionally intelligent and so, so, good. He was never a jerk or took advantage of a situation, even when he had the chance and that spoke volumes of him. What a good person and friend he was... and how sad I was to not see him in the new story, which served as a terrible reminder of the kind of world the characters we love, lived in.

Even the not so nice characters, thaught us something. I mean, I hated Baek Kyung (not the actor, he is a sweet pie!) but he serves as an example of something very important. Letting go. Because, no matter how much you want something (or someone), how much you think you deserve it, sometimes it’s not for you. It’s not your time. And if you don’t learn to let go, you’re only hurting yourself... and others. Terribly. Let go before you turn into a person that you will not longer recognize.

In a more fantastical tone, I honestly hope that crazy writer stops writing forever or at least, stops drawing Danoh and Haru after they had a meaningful and wonderful life full of love in a new story. If the writer wants to stop using either of them, it’s only fair they stop using both. As simple as that. They’re a package deal.

I don’t think I said anything like this in any of my rants or essays hahaha but I have this theory that self awareness can be a process. Not always and maybe not with everyone, of course (on this post I say falling in love gives you self awareness lol and I stand by that theory, but there are other ways). Even Squid Fairy said that given that they had to say the same lines, the scenarios were similar and the story was basically repeating, it would be weirder if they did not gained self awareness.

After Haru came back at the end of episode 8 (or 16), and started spending time with Danoh in shadow again, Danoh’s friends only thought it was weird for like an episode. Later in the drama, they didn’t even question the fact that they spended so much time together. And I swear Danharu held hands and did lovey dovey things in very public places in school and their classmates wouldn’t react anymore while on shadow.

Hmmm Now that I think about it, maybe Danharu was also doing a butterfly effect of their own with them being together... maybe, in a way, they were kind of planting the seeds of awareness on people around them. I know the story is over, but I believe that, in the next manhwa, Saemi and Soochul (which many believe are the new leads) could be on their path to self awareness. If they aren’t already.

And again, we go back to Squid fairy’s words. If they keep being recycled, it’s only to be expected that they wake up. AAHHRGG! Great. Now I can only think about the possibilities in a new story while I’m here trying to say goodbye to this drama.

Anyway...

This drama was really special to me. I don’t think it will be the last to get me this excited and immersed into a story and a main couple as shippable as Danharu was/is hehehe or at least I hope it’s not. But this was certainly a first on many aspects, that introduced me to a handful of new actors who are pretty brilliant and made me fall for Rowoon and Kim Hyeyoon (you bet your drama watching butts I will see whatever projects they do next). And I will always comeback to EY whenever I miss Danoh’s and Haru’s story of their world defiying love.

Is that not the point of having such a story immortalized like this?

See you around, Extraordinary You!

#extraordinary you #july found by chance #a day found by chance #kdrama #mbc drama awards #mbc drama awards 2019 #rowoon #sf9 #kim hye yoon #lee jae wook #lee naeun #jung gun joo #kim youngdae #lee tae ri #haru #danoh #danharu

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eveprofessionalpractice · 4 years

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Videographer.

A career path which can be taken from having a degree in Photography and Video is that of a Videographer which is something that I am interested in as I have an interest in video.

According to online sources, a Videographer is described as “someone who is responsible for recording live events and small scale video productions e.g. documentaries, short films, weddings etc. A Videographer often works alone or as part of a small team.” I think in the past couple of years there has been a growth within the videography industry due to the expansion of the internet and advances in technology such as digital cameras and phones, which have allowed video to be held to the same standard as photography.

https://www.careerexplorer.com/careers/videographer/

For me, I think I'm drawn to videography as it is something I did for four years at college when I studied Moving Image Arts, during this time we created short films individually which allowed us to try and experiment with different roles such as director, editor, sound and lighting.

From this, I found that I enjoyed editing videos as the edit of a video can completely transform whatever footage you have been given or have recorded yourself, during the editing process you're responsible for transitions, sound (music), pace, colour correction and sequencing. From the sessions with Paul Marshall which took place last year, he spoke about how bad footage and a good edit can make a good video however, good footage and a bad edit can ruin a video. This reiterated to me the importance of taking time to focus on the edit of video as each element that goes into a video impacts the mood and also the audiences reaction.

For me, I think videography has grown in popularity due to the growth of the platform Youtube which allows people to upload video content for others to view. Through Youtube, Videographers have been given recognition for their work such as short films which can gain millions of views, being able to share your work and reach an audience is a big thing for creatives as it is the reaction from an audience which brings meaning to your work.

Organisation and Creativity.

Like every other job need to have a good sense of organisation however, when working as a Videographer (especially if you're working alone) organisation is key to your success and the quality of your work. As there is so many elements that go into making a video you need to work methodically through each stage from pre production, production and post production. I think having good organisation skills when working as a Videographer is what will set you apart from others, clients need reliability that someone can organise each element of the project to create a high quality piece if work at the end.

For me, communication and problem solving are key skills when working as a Videographer as they mostly work alone so they need to be able to work with their clients one-on-one to find what exactly their vision is for the final product. From this problem solving comes into play as once ideas have been thrown back and forth it is now time to plan and organise shoots to record footage, models may have to be contacted as well assistants if they’re required. Communication is used throughout projects with clients as maintaining a good relationship with who you're working with means you're able to produce high quality work for them. While communication will usually be done face to face with the client, it will then move to online and over the phone as organising each element of the project depends on what you and the client specifically want to feature within the video. I think that communication is a creative skill that constantly needs developed as for people my age online communication has taken over, although not a bad thing as we’re using social media to out advantage, communication does still happen outside of the online world.

I think skills such as communication and problem solving are best gained through experience, working with the public is a good source of experience as you’re communicating with different types of people and learning how to react to a variety of personalities. I also think that skills such as problem solving can be improved through projects and assignments within university, as you’re constantly working through issues such as timing, organising locations/models and also comparing your vision and the end product.

These skills can be demonstrated in the real world by being active on social media as you're beginning to build an online presence, showing your dedication as you can begin to build an online audience. Alongside this, being engaged with people online allows you to begin to draw in prospective clients as you're presenting yourself and the way you work. Having work experience in some form can also demonstrate that you have both communication and problem solving skills, right now I currently have a part time job within a Pharmacy which I believe is allowing me to pick up vital skills that will benefit me when I become a professional.

What could make you stand apart within the creative skills department is if you have experience assisting an experienced Videographer as this would allow you to gain specific skills within the videography world. I think gaining industry knowledge is something that will set you apart once you become a professional, as not only have you gained technical skills but also business skills.

Technical/Discipline-Specific Skills.

Technical/discipline-specific skills are “skills that you have gained from learning certain programmes and being able to put it into practice”, when I think about the work that a Videographer does a key skill you will need is that of video editing through either Final Cut Pro or Premiere Pro. As many Videographers work alone they take on the role of both production and post-production which means video editing will be apart of the work flow, so experience will need to had with a video editing programme.

Video editing skills can only be gained through practice, so I think if someone is looking to move forward into a career as a Videographer they need choose a specific programme and practice how to use the software. This can be done by following tutorial videos which have been created by experts on the programme who can teach you how to use all aspects of the programme, you could also speak to lecturers/technicians at university who can share their own knowledge.

Operational Approaches and Methodologies.

When working as a Videographer you will require a wide range of equipment as you may be taking on the role as the camera operator, lighting, sound and editor.

Equipment that I feel is necessary for becoming a Videographer are;

Camera which records video (preferably for a long period of time however not essential)

Tri-pod/Gimbal set up

Lense range

Travel lights (dependent on where you’re shooting)

Portable sound recorder (could be your phone as it records voice memos for a long period of time)

Memory cards with large storage capacity

Hard drive to transfer and back up footage

Editing software of choice

I think when people think about buying equipment for video or photography they think that they need to buy it all new however, this means spending a large amount of money when there are secondhand options which are just as good (equipment can be purchased secondhand from specific secondhand stores, Facebook market place and Ebay). Renting equipment is also another option as this means paying a low fee for use of equipment only when you need it, however if you use equipment quite regularly then it may be better to invest in purchasing your own equipment.

As a student, money can come as an issue so I think only necessary equipment should be purchased for yourself if you can afford it such as a camera, tripod and maybe editing software. While some equipment can be purchased as a student (especially at my university) you have the facility to hire out equipment for a set amount time, as well as studio space and editing suites. Having access to this facility is such an advantage to students, as it means any student can have use of equipment that they might never have had access to due to money.

Legal.

Within the world of video production there are different copyright laws which people need to be aware of so they can ensure they don't get fined or face damages.

Releases

Recording Location

Legal Audio

Stills and Images

Fair Use

Registration

Duration of a Copyright

https://www.videomaker.com/article/c15/15953-9-copyright-laws-every-video-producer-should-know

I think when working with video you also need to be aware of the terms and conditions of platforms that you upload your work on such as Youtube, as they have enforced rules regarding sound which means videos that include copyright sound will be removed from the platform. There are also rules regarding swearing and ‘inappropriate’ content which means videos will be flagged if they are deemed ‘inappropriate’, this will impact the amount of viewers that will watch your work.

When you become a professional you will need to be aware of laws when you start to create and develop work for clients, you may need to seek out some form of legal advisor who will ensure you and your work is protected. You may also want to have contracts created which will create a legally bond agreement between you and your client.

As a Videographer I think it is important for you to be aware of laws that have been set regarding sharing your work and sourcing media for your own work, as although it may seem annoying when you're creating work it also helps to protect any content you create.

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briannamcguireblogpost1medi-blog · 7 years

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Social and Interactive Media

Media 104 Social and Interactive Media: Short Discussion Paper YouTube

Brianna McGuire

YouTube allows processes such as social capital and social surveillance that enabled creators to produce, conduct and create content while building their own self-entitlement in commercial situations. The following authorizes and increases content creator’s popularity, gaining an economic capital.

YouTube is a form of social network entertainment that allows creators to share and upload videos. The website is free for the public to subscribe to a content creators channel and watch any of their videos. Processes and norms like Social capital and social surveillance are frequently established in YouTube allowing creators to develop a lifetime career. Jake Paul, Jeffery Star, and Zoella are clear examples of creators using their own platforms as a source of social norms, social capital and social surveillance gaining views and increasing their economic capital.

Processes within interactive social media such as Norms is an informative guideline as to what is considered normal or correct social behaviour within a society. An example of this is a recent rule among YouTube within the last year is, creators are not allowed to swear or say anything inappropriate. They are unable to use songs for a period of time or otherwise the video is considered copyright. This is disrupting the way creators present their content. Having to adjust to new YouTube rules otherwise YouTubers will not get any profit. Affecting their economic capital as the website is constantly surveilling YouTubers. A Positive outcome is its allowing creators to be more creative without using foul language and using copyright music. YouTube has also YouTube has updated and upgraded introducing Livestream for content creators. Broadcasting live, users are able to ask questions and comment via the comment section, connecting and feeling as if you are skyping or talking to the creators. Social surveillance is normalized throughout social practices in today’s society. Zoella, is an English fashion and beauty YouTuber, with 11 million subscribers. Majority of her viewers are young fangirls that aspire to live and be like her. She has been sponsored by companies and brands, the online clothing store Boohoo sponsored three of her videos. She picked clothes she found attractive and created a Boohoo haul. Sponsored videos is a social norm among YouTube, defining how successful the creator has become as they are able to be sponsored by big corporate companies. Jake Paul, is a young YouTube sensation. Some of his social norms are not accepted by viewers and creators of the YouTube community. “The song sucks, it’s really a trash song” (H3H3 Productions). He is a bad influence within his fan base as he is bringing his destructive behaviour into the YouTube community and educating his fans to act wildly and irrationally. Throughout his content, he is constantly always in new relationships. YouTube has normalized and accepting relationships or anything to be used as clickbait. Jake Paul applies this to entice his audience into watching his videos. I have observed that Jake and many other YouTubers tend to put on the act in front of the viewers when filming. We as users have normalized and accepted this concept without even consciously knowing it. The performance is a part of creator’s job, it is very repetitive presenting them in a specific way in front of a camera. Jeffery Star, the beauty guru is an example of this. In all of his intros in his videos, he says, ‘What’s up everybody, welcome back to my channel!’. Its apart of creators and who they are. YouTubers have started a social norms trend where the creator does a draw my life video explaining their entire upbringing. Yet this is socially normal among the YouTube community it is also invasive and exposing their life to everyone on the internet.

Social Capitalism is trusting relationships which allow users to support one another. Trust allows users to find and work with a community in social networks. Creators build their social capital by producing trusting relationships and opportunities. This helps other people within the community. YouTube community, users, and creators are able to promote and advocate each other. YouTube allows creators to social capital, by sharing, adverts, promotions, views, likes, subscribe mentioning, merch, suggested videos of the same YouTuber along the right side of the video. Increasing the chance your video will not only end up in the trending section of the social network but also suggested on other people’s videos if a word is in the title of another creator’s content. This is a huge part of YouTube as trending is the most viral and popular videos for the day. An example of social capital is Jake Paul, his social platform, and social capital has skyrocketed within the past 6 months gaining up to 5 million subscribers. He has 11 million subscribers. He has two other YouTube channels suggested on the right side of his channel. The more views and likes he receives from his channel (social capital), the more advertisements you will get, expanding your economic capital. Jake has organised a group of young males and females YouTube stars that have been signed up to contracts to Jakes company labelling them as Team 10. The group gets paid a certain percentage from all videos made Jake Pauls social capital large. Team 10 do not swear for age appropriation as they are aware of the younger fangirls watching their content. The team pull pranks on one another and produce carnage usually for entertainment, views, and clickbait as everything is videoed. For example, he pretended to get married to his girlfriend. The YouTube sensation is the first social media influencer to be regular on a TV series. He was a main character in the Disney TV show Bizzardvark. He regularly mentioned Disney and his show encouraging his consumers to watch the show benefiting not only himself as fans would tune into his show but increase Disney’s numbers of viewers. He has labelled his fans as ‘Jake Paulers’ to develop a community and family of his fans. Developing this community of social capital, girls are able to connect and establish new friendships as they all have an idol to discuss and bond over.

The star is a clever powerful man with his economic capital as ‘the amount of power a person has within a field depends on that person’s position within the field, and the amount of capital she or he possesses. Of course, one of the advantages of being in a position of power is that it enables groups or agents to designate what is ‘authentic’ capital” (Webb 23). He created a video called its everyday bro and it got approximately 127 million views. He references “It’s everyday bro” in all videos to share an interactive connection with his viewers. Climaxing his social capital, also perusing his viewers to subscribe and buy his merch at the end of his videos. Everyday bro has caused a lot of controversy as a large portion of his users are people that dislike him but cannot resist the captivating, cringy, clickbait titles. However, it has so many views it did not matter as his economic capital climaxed. “YouTuber hit headlines for all the wrong reasons recently, when claims that he’s turning his residential street into a ‘living hell’ for neighbours spread earlier this month” (Wood). Reiterating the nuisance, he is to others within the YouTube community. Other big creators of YouTube have reacted to his everyday bro song increasing their social capital gaining his subscribers and watch because they dislike Jake Paul is destructive as he uses his social capital to show off his bad behaviour in front of his subscribers, he is not a good role model. He’s made videos about burning couches, causing havoc throughout the family neighbourhood. Jake’s destructive content has afforded him to have haters, causing a negative side of YouTube. Explaining his 2 million dislikes on everyday bro video. He manipulates the audience with his social capital to increase his economic capital. Jake is a new young YouTuber and has turned his channel into a pure business, as all he wants is views. Older content creators love creating videos whereas young YouTubers are milking the site for profit.

Social Surveillance is monitoring and observing the behavioural, activates or other information that is changing. Purposes of influencing, directing and protecting people. This includes observation from electronic equipment, such as CCTV cameras or internet traffic. Social surveillance is the “[S]ystematic and routine attention to personal details” (Marwick 381). This is via internet social platforms among every person that signs up and creates an account. A lot of people are unaware of “Social technology's role in surveillance is well-documented”(Marwick 379). Social networks collect the personal data provided by users. The reasoning as to why there is so much social surveillance throughout social platforms is because the government wants to determine and be conscious if any users are obliging or doing any illegal matters. This asserts power and acknowledges visibility by social networks. YouTube stars, bloggers, celebrities are conscious of this. For instance, Jake Paul is a daily vlogger and is constantly uploading giving his consumers a sneak peek into his everyday life. Jake exposes a lot of himself on the network, implying he always has social surveillance from his consumers watching his content and YouTube.

Norms and Processes like social capital and surveillance is a benefit to YouTube content creators, growing their platform, communicating to consumers while being observed by users and the network YouTube itself. Jake Paul, Zoella, Jeffery Star and H3H3 productions have all creators that have followed these processes. Modifying and shaping YouTubers content creatively to develop a successful career.

#media104 #jake paulers #zoella #jefferystar #social capital #socialsurveillance

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anavoliselenu · 7 years

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Manwhore chapter 23

Five minutes before the conference begins, I pay my driver and ease out of the cab. Keeping my hair out of the wind, I hurry into one of the four main buildings of McCormick Place.

This is the grandest convention center in the country, so massive that it takes several minutes to wind through the walkways and halls to reach the auditorium where Justin is keynote speaker.

The press is already in position near dozens of steel folding chairs: neighborhood papers, community radio stations, five local news teams. It’s a big deal, apparently. Hundreds of professionals fill up the room, sharp and prepared with cameras, notepads, microphones.

As I wait in line at reception and try to discreetly comb my hair with my fingers, a small group of new arrivals near the entrance spots me. I’m given a thorough examination and then, the whispers start.

Fuuuck me.

Red down to my toes, I force myself to stand in line until I reach the woman with the clipboard. “Hi, Selena Livingston with Edge, here for Justin Justin.”

“Honey, they’re all here for him,” she mumbles without looking up. She locates my name on her page and I silently thank Justin’s press coordinator for the favor—or Justin himself. I notice how reluctantly the woman locates the badge, until she finally hands it to me. I fake confidence as I take the badge with my name and head inside.

There’s a crowd gathered already, applauding when a bald presenter in a gray suit takes the stage. “Welcome,” he says into a microphone.

Though I try to keep my attention on the stage as I search for a seat, there’s no missing the stares coming my way.

I feel an uncomfortable squeeze in my stomach when I think of Victoria and wonder what she’s doing, if she’s covering for that stupid magazine whose blog she exposed me in. She must be thirsting for my blood after Justin killed her article.

I don’t see Victoria here, thank god. But people see me. And suddenly, I. Don’t. Care. What they say.

I’m impassioned here. He impassions me. Just thinking of watching him speak today lights up my writing fire, so I should let him light me up and let me burn.

I stand before an empty chair at a back row, next to a long aisle.

That’s when a commotion from the entrance draws my eye, and the sight of Justin walking inside hits me with a jolt of feminine awareness as he takes the room with a trail of businessmen behind him. Justin owns every place he’s in, every floor he steps on. More virile than any man I have ever had the pleasure of staring upon, he uses that eat-you-up stride as he heads to the front of the room.

It’s impossible, but I swear even the air shifts—dynamically, energetically—with him in the room.

The presenter speaks his name into the microphone, and then, behind the wooden podium, stands Justin freaking perfection Justin.

“As many of you know, since inception, M4 has experienced record-breaking growth across all platforms . . . but there’s been an area among the M4 holdings that has captured my attention the most. For over the past year, a team of more than four thousand specialists and I have been laboring to bring to you Interface, which, in its short time online, has beaten every social-media site in the areas of engagement and user signup,” he says, and then he eyes the audience with a pause.

He’s so much larger than life that my eyes are wide as I absorb the full impact of him up there—owning the room. Owning everyone in it. Especially me.

But . . .

He’s not reading my speech. I’m a little bit confused, then I realize—I really did lose it. I’ve lost my spark, I’ve lost it all. He believed I could write well, maybe. Enough to want me to work at his company. He gave me a chance, and now he’s realized I’m no good. He won’t want me, even for a job. He won’t want me at all.

I’m stressing so much, I regret that I miss some parts of his speech, until the room bursts into applause.

I swallow. Look up at him.

I feel his presence in the knees. He smiles, waits for one of the reporters to ask him a question, his eye contact direct.

Noticing the enraptured looks of my companions, I can already predict the words used to describe his presentation and him: Mesmerizing. Concise and sharp.

Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address was only 270 words long. Likewise, Justin seems to embrace brevity and run with it.

As he starts to answer questions, I also notice that most everyone is standing, even when they have chairs, a phenomenon not many people accomplish.

God, what would it be like to say yes—yes—and work for him? See him at work every day, taking on the world, chasing and attaining his every ambition?

No, I could never do this.

NEVER work for a man who’s seen me naked.

It has to be a rule.

But it would also be complete and utter torture to never see him again . . .

A reporter from Buzz asks a multipart question, and after Justin lists down the answers and the man continues looking eager for more, Justin adds, “Now, what part of your question did I not answer?” His voice is low and deeply solid, the crowd hushes as though affected by its timbre.

“Justin! Justin! They say you couldn’t fit all your followers on your Facebook page and before it exploded, had to create your own Interface to fit them all.”

“If I’d created Interface for myself, I would’ve called it MyFace.”

Laughter.

He calls on someone else.

“Speaking of you, Justin, is it true you have as many men followers as you do women?”

“I haven’t been following the statistics.” He smiles. “But it is true the world is made of both.”

My stomach, which had been all gnarled up, seems to like that smile.

“Your M4 conglomerate is the most powerful corporation in the state. Is it true a lot of your employees aren’t college graduates?”

He keeps eye contact with the silver-haired, bearded reporter who asked, and succinctly answers, “We hire people who want to make things different. We encourage education and partner with educators across the country, but we prize free thinkers and people who can get things done above all else.”

He scans the crowd then, and suddenly a shockingly brilliant pair of green eyes lands on me. I had forgotten I’d been standing there with my arm raised. He calls on me.

“Selena Livingston from Edge,” I hastily identify myself, as is customary, but when I hear gasps in the audience—fuck—I just forget what I was going to say.

Scrambling, I blurt out the second question that comes to mind, bypassing the real one I want to ask: Why did you not read my speech? “Interface, as a word, is a shared boundary across which two separate components of a computer system exchange information. In choosing this name, did you mean to make fun of how dispassionate relationships can become through online communication, the loss of personal contact?”

A hush spreads.

The room blurs as he holds my stare from the podium; everything blurs but the chiseled perfection of Justin’s masculine face and the shockingly personal look in his gaze.

“No, I’m not poking fun at relationships, especially since I admire anyone who can endure one.” He looks directly at me with a challenge in his eyes.

When finally some people laugh, a trickle of warm heat burns in the center of my tummy, spreading down my thighs.

What does that mean?

Dibs, I remember.

It had annoyed and confused me at the time. Now, I would give a billion times more than any other woman in the world for him to call dibs on me.

He scans the audience afterward and I don’t remember being this shaken since the first live press conference I attended as a journalist.

The answers continue, along with the questions, and then Justin thanks the crowd. Their applause is enormous as he leaves the stage, and the emptiness seems greater after his commanding presence. Reporters rush to edit their videos and write their stories.

I’m lingering in the room, I don’t know why exactly, when Catherine approaches me in her usual brisk, professional way. “He wants to see you. Follow me to the greenroom.”

I follow her to the back of a hall, then hear her announce me.

When she waves me in, I step inside and it’s full of beautiful furniture, new Persian rugs, technology, and classical background music, a huge fruit basket and chilled wine, as if only the best will do for this man, even if he’s here for only a few minutes.

I look at him. Glorious in the room. Sucking the space around him, like a beautiful, commanding, energetic black hole. Sucking me so that all I know right this second is him.

He looks at me. “I see you made it.”

His voice rumbles through me.

“Yes.” My lips tug upward and I laugh a little. “Wonderful speech,” I mumble. “Are you taking one-on-ones?”

“No. I leave for a meeting in . . .” He checks his watch, then raises his brow as if the time flew. “Five.”

His assistant hands over a couple of note cards; his dark head bends downward as he quickly skims them. She leaves after a questioning look in my direction, and I take the moment he’s distracted to regroup.

I’m embarrassed to look at him. Amazing how we’ve spent so much time together, shared so many things, and he still manages to make me feel more girly than anything because he’s so masculine. And more shy than anything because he’s so confident. And also because I like him and care about his opinion so much.

Which is why admitting the following hurts: “You didn’t read my speech.”

He lifts his head at that. “I didn’t read your speech,” he agrees, leaving me no choice but to laugh a little joylessly.

“I’m not surprised. I told you I’ve been struggling. Would you give me pointers as to what would’ve made it work for you? Was it too impersonal or too fact-oriented . . . ?”

He sets the note cards aside, frowning a little, his eyes a little bit amused. “Nothing like that,” he assures soberly. “It was merely too unique. It had your stamp all over it.” He looks at me with smoldering, intense eyes again, eyes that hold me motionless. “You couldn’t write for anyone else. You’re too unique to adopt someone else’s point of view; you’re too impassioned about yours. You should be writing about exactly and precisely what interests you, Selena. That is what I’m offering you at M4.”

I’m stunned by the unexpected praise. He speaks honestly. In fact, I detect no flattery in his words or in his gaze. Only the truth as he sees it with those eyes that have seen more than they should by his age. Eyes that have seen everything and that somehow I can feel right now, seeing into me.

“I want to write, but . . . it’s the first thing I’ve written easily in weeks,” I admit.

Other than Helen, I haven’t admitted my block to anyone but him.

“It was good.”

Pride fills me at his words, a pride I haven’t felt for my work in a long time.

I’m almost weak with it when Justin steps forward and lifts his arm as if he’s about to touch my face.

I wait for the touch, my body tightening.

He stops himself, laughs mockingly under his breath, and then he stops laughing, admitting with sober intensity, “You can write. You won’t ever lose that.”

Yes I did, I lost it when I lost you.

I remain looking up at him, and then my eyes flick down at his hand as he lowers it to his side, his fingers—how they curl into his palm. His scent is filling my lungs and I don’t want to expel a breath just so I don’t lose that decadent smell. His hand is at his side, but how is it possible to feel his fingers in places they once touched? I’m crying out for them in every cell.

“You did it on purpose, didn’t you?” I ask. “To get me writing? You didn’t need a speech. You just wanted me to realize I could work past my block.”

I’m almost weak when a smile touches his eyes so lightly, it’s barely there. “You think so.”

“I know so, Justin.” Then, looking into his eyes, eyes that watch me as if he knows what I’m thinking, I force out a little, “Thank you.” When he nods, I add, “I’d hoped not to embarrass myself completely in front of you. I’m glad you at least . . . liked what I sent.”

“Even if this means I still want you at M4?” he asks, a soft challenge.

I feel excitement surge through me. “You do?” I shake my head. “I couldn’t.”

“The offer’s still open,” he insists. Suddenly, unexpectedly, he looks at my lips—really stares at them—for three long heartbeats. Thud, thud, thud.

“Thank you.” I clear my throat. “Until when is it open?”

“Until you say yes.”

He walks away, leaving me aching, hopeful, happy, hurting, all at once.

He stops by the door, and looks at me again.

Making love was never as simple as him and me having sex.

Justin made love to me with his smile. There’s a smile in his eyes now.

“Are you available Saturday?” he asks.

I’m . . . hallucinating. I’m making things up, I’m this desperate.

“What do you mean?” I croak.

“There’s an all-day business event. I’d like to introduce you to some of my Interface crew.”

I don’t hesitate, not even a little. “I’m available.”

He grabs the doorknob. “Next Saturday. Someone will pick you up at noon.”

It’s late when I get home to find Wynn and Gina watching a movie in the living room. “Hey,” I say as I go to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water.

I plop down to watch some TV with them, replaying what he told me about my writing today.

“What did you do all day? Why are you so quiet?” Wynn asks.

I grin a little and shrug.

I used to tell them everything about Justin. They were my accomplices. My sidekicks as I went underground to infiltrate the player’s lair.

Now Justin is my treasure. He’s so precious and I have so little of him, is it wrong I want to keep him to myself ?

“Selena! Share! All right, she’s gone mad!” Gina exaggeratedly declares to Wynn. “We need to get this girl some serious help.”

I grin as they both shake me.

“You dicks, let go!” I squirm to get free. “I saw him at McCormick Place today. He was keynote speaker at some socialmedia thing.” I keep replaying the looks we shared down to the very end. I snuggle my head into the back of the couch and sigh happily. “And he invited me over to this business thing,” I add.

“What business thing?” asks Wynn.

“What do you fucking mean? This should have been yelled out since you stepped in the door!” Gina cries, indignant.

“Oh god.” I moan into my pillow, then toss it over to them, red. “I can’t talk about it. I need to process! Good night, guys!”

I hear them murmur to themselves and speculate, I sit on my bed and scroll my contacts in my phone.

Do it, a part of me prods. No, don’t do it, another part goes. Yes, ask him something he needs to answer. But I can’t. I can’t push that hard. I need to take a page from his book and be patient.

I hug my pillow instead. Saturday, I think, making a mental list of things.

I need to look perfect.

I need to not make a fool of myself.

I need to remind him of what great friends we were even when we weren’t deliciously fucking.

I need to win Justin back.

SATURDAY

When a shiny silver Rolls-Royce pulls over outside my apartment building on Saturday, I fairly shoot out the door.

I’m wearing a pair of white slacks with a cardi and silk top, and I colored my cheeks a little bit, and glossed my lips, opting to look professional, and I tied my hair back in a braid that hangs down my back. When I walk out and see Otis standing there, guarding the Rolls as he waits, I can’t control the excitement surging in me.

“A pleasure, Miss Selena,” he says, beaming.

“It really is,” I admit with a smile.

I settle in the backseat and Justin’s familiar scent reaches me. Clean and expensive. I take a good whiff of his aftershave and cologne and am sure I just stepped into heaven—a heaven ruled by a green-eyed devil.

The scent lingers strongly, along with a whiff of top-quality leather. I feel butterflies. Eat your heart out, Pretty Woman.

Soon the car pulls up at the driveway of a 5-star resort hotel, where Catherine H. Ulysses greets me at the door. As she leads me across the sumptuous lobby, she explains the situation. “Every summer, Mr. Justin’s winemakers invite him, along with a few of his choice business partners and employees, to a wine tasting so he can select his favorites for the yearly M4 gala. He wanted you to meet them, considering . . .” She shoots me a disgruntled look. “He wants you at M4.”

As we walk down the hall, a group of men come forward, one of whom rushes to catch up with us. “Cathy! We really want Justin to place an order with us at South Napa Vineyards.”

“I couldn’t sway him either way.” Catherine keeps walking with a clipboard to her chest, and I try not to break stride either.

“Please put in a good word for us, we’ve brought all of our best whites.”

“What can I say, Richard? Some days he likes reds, others he likes whites, others he’s up for pinot noir rather than the cabernets. He likes his variety; what can you do?”

“Catherine, we’ve been doing this for years. By now we’d love some sort of commitment. It would speak highly of us if we were to be the prime supplier this year.”

“And I’ll tell you what I told the rest of them: good luck. May the Justins be with you.”

We wade into a beautiful restaurant already full of people. The space boasts twenty-five-foot ceilings and is set up with long tables, each one draped in white linens with elegant silverware and sleek chrome centerpieces holding long, lone orchids.

Pure luxury surrounds us.

At the far end of the room, expansive glass doors open all the way to the walls, revealing dramatic views of a golf course to one side, and a pool, waterfall, and pergola to the other.

After we cross the room, we head into another section, even more luxurious than the first. This area is strategically scattered with white-upholstered conversational seating, lines of delicate folded menus standing open at the centers of the sleek glass coffee tables. Wine racks line one side of the room while the other side reveals a beautiful view of a terrace and golf course.

Catherine is checking out the area while telling one of the waiters who approaches, “This turned out perfect. Mr. Justin likes the view. He also likes his privacy. Nice little area here. Good job, thank you.”

Holy god, it’s all so beautiful. It reminds me of his apartment, his cars.

Everything about him.

I’m letting my eye appreciate every inch of this place, when I see Justin walk in. My eyes hurt.

Catherine lifts her head too. “Excuse me,” she tells the waiter. “Excuse me,” she then tells me, flustered as she heads for the door.

As Catherine threads through the crowd to greet him with her chart to her chest, there’s an almost imperceptible hush in the room.

The people who were closest to the doors immediately walk up to him.

He’s wearing black slacks and a white shirt, no tie, his hair slicked back to reveal his stunning face. He looks hot multiplied by a million.

I’m a little embarrassed to realize my nipples ache painfully beneath my top and bra, and I’m more than a little uncomfortable by the fact that I can get aroused at the mere sight of him. I have no right to that little stab of jealousy I feel when he talks to the people who approach. But I dearly wish that it were me alone that he spoke to.

I stare at my shoes and tuck my hair behind my ear and inhale. I promise myself I’m going to look up and not look at him, but when I lift my eyes, it’s him they look for. He’s greeting a couple who just approached, the woman wearing an especially awed smile.

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