#i should really just commit to a journal and put this stuff there

[madigoround]

The desire to tell you guys all about the new healthy meal I came up with because it’s so freaking delicious versus the desire for all of you guys to not unfollow me because I’m too boring lol

#okay I’ll tell you guys down here so no one will think I’m boring because it’s hidden in the tags lol #get yourself a pita bread and put hummus on the inside the roasted red pepper kind is yummy #then put spinach and tomatoes and feta in there and that thing tastes incredible I want everyone to try it because it’s a game changer lol #did you know feta has omega threes #wait do you think in the abo omega verse type universe that they still would refer to omega threes as omega threes because that’s funny #you’re telling me this feta needs a knot? lmao I crack myself up #anyways feel free to ignore this #i should really just commit to a journal and put this stuff there

[honey-kki]

RE discourse since I guess literally everyone's opinions matter

didn't think I'd want to add to this or die on this hill but here we are I guess :D there's been so much discourse for Leon x Reader and it boggles my mind how naive some of you are of the internet, fanfiction, and fiction in general. But I'm gonna make a bullet list and hope this doesn't get too long

Don't like it; don't interact with it

Simple, there are block buttons for a reason but no you all want to be ethically and morally superior and complain on a website where most of the user base are adults. You curate your own experience on the internet, the blogs who write dead-dove state what it's going to be about before you read it. You only have yourself to blame.

What about the kids?

Honest to god who cares. Are they your kids? Do you know these kids? There used to be porn on here. Don't act like kids are so naive and need protecting. Most of the kids on here are probably tweens or young teens and they definitely know about sex. And if they are actual children, it is their parents responsibility to keep an eye on their child. and I have faith these kids are not illiterate and they can google anything that they don't know in the tags. They are also responsible for curating their internet experience. You gonna go to ao3 and ask what about the kids? Many places on the internet are not meant for kids and honestly it should be kept that way.

Dead-dove will influence others and propagate pedophiles, rapists etc...

No. I hate to break it to you, but people who are legitimately terrible morally corrupt people will just go out and do it whether or not they read fiction. They're not lurking on Leon x Reader tag when there's also just actual terrible published novels that are essentially all dead-dove, but worse because there's no warning before you read them. The policing of fiction on one website will not stop or drop SA rates and if you truly believe so, show me an article/journal/study that links the two besides an odd case here or there.

It's no ones kink!

Have you been on pornhub? I guarentee you it is someones kink, and as distasteful as that may seem to some of you, guess what? No one is forcing you to be into it. I'm not into some of the dead-dove stuff but also I'm an adult and I realize that and I can move on. But also, fiction for many i imagine is a form of catharsis. To help deal with trauma or work out dark thoughts. You can go around and accuse blogs of being morally terrible but when the only evidence you have is they wrote fiction, about a character that doesn't exist, it's a weak argument.

You don't need to voice your distaste in everything

Recently, there has been an uptick in dead-dove content. But also for the most part, there are so many other blogs that don't write that. You are focused on a minority and your complaining about ethics and morals are only performative. You want to gate-keep fiction? You don't like non-con, fine. What if a story has a pivotal moment but there's non-con. What if there's a genuinely good series but there are dead-dove elements. You want to laud over these blogs and look better but banning content is a slippery slope. ao3 doesn't do it, and people love ao3. It trends when it goes down. Just because something bothers you, you don't have to do a whole crusade. If it really bothered you, you wouldn't be complaining on the internet. Go out there, form help-groups, you could even do a degree is psychology or criminal justice. You're all so worried about the impact of dead-dove but you only care because it's in the leon x reader tag. and let's be honest, most users following this tag are women. Living out a fantasy.

In closing:

Everyone pressed about dead-dove should be grateful that the blogs even put a warning. And if you truly cared about the issues you raise in your arguments, you would understand that reading fiction is the lowest cause for someone to go out and commit crimes. Not when certain religions exist, or manifestos, or even cultural norms. The internet, and even writers in general, cater to a lot of things. Tumblr has a block button, use it and stop trying to police others unless you plan on applying the same rules to every site you interact with.

#resident evil #leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #i had fun scrolling through all the different stories #but now its all just pointless discourse about being morally superior #my post #didn't touch on rape sa apologists #but like its fiction #no one is doing that in any of the stories if they were they wouldnt feel the need to add all the dead dove tags #i just hate when people are performative about how superior they are and how much more morally upright they are #youre still on the internet on this hellsite #youre not better than anyone

[raised-u-fr0m-perdition]

we could be more | dean winchester | 13

Summary: Ivonne Rainer was practically a trained killing machine. Stripped to the bone then built back up by her father in order to become one of the best, like he was. She was forced into hunting when she was nineteen, having developed powers that couldn’t be explained. That is, until she was paid a visit by Azazel’s lackey. Her powers were gone, she needed help, and that’s when she found her father’s journal. Pointing to Sam and Dean Winchester.

SERIES MASTERLIST

NIGHTSHIFTER

“Hey there, FBI agent Anna Drewe.” I flashed by badge to a man working at a counter. “I just want to ask a few questions about the incident.” 

“Shoot.” He smiled. 

“Alright, your name is Logan Turner, yes?” I raised an eyebrow, holding Carl loosely as he jotted everything down. 

“Yep.” 

“Tell me about Helen.” 

“She was like family.” Logan frowned. “The lady said it herself. We were the only family she had. Then Larry, our manager, gets a call sayin’ that Helen’s emptying everything out and then you hear a gunshot. Few days later, she kills herself.” 

“Alright, thanks, Mr Turner.” I smiled, storing Carl in my pocket. “Thank you for your cooperation.”

”Would you, uh, want to, maybe… go out sometime?” 

“Sorry, sir, but I don’t mix business with pleasure.” Then I heard Dean flirting with the receptionist. I gritted my teeth, taking a deep breath. “And neither should my partner.” I walked over to Dean, covering the paper which he was handing to Frannie the receptionist. “Keep it strictly business, Agent.” 

“That-That’s right, partner.” Dean nodded, and sent a longing look to Frannie before walking with me. Frannie sent me a dirty look, but I ignored it. 

“We’re here to string the bank robberies together, not score a night with a receptionist.” 

“Why can’t I live a little?” 

“Cause take off that suit and remove your badge and to her, you’re just another ordinary Joe.” 

“Am I an ordinary Joe to you, Beanie?” 

“Course not. To me, you’re sexy.” 

“Wait, really?” 

“No.”

We pulled up in front of a  small house, which was the residence of Ronald Resnick, the security guard that worked one of the cases. 

“Five -- this is it.” Sam nodded. 

“Friggin’ cops.” Dean grimaced. 

“They’re doing their job, Dean.” I sighed. 

“No, they're doing our job, only they don't know it, so they suck at it. Talk to me about this bank.” 

“Milwaukee National Trust. It was hit about a month ago.“ 

“Same M.O?” 

“Yep, inside job, longtime employee, the never-in-a-million-years type.” Sam added. “Dude robs the bank, then goes home and supposedly commits suicide.” 

“I’ve been having Carl make a pattern.” I smiled. 

“This guy, Resnick,” Dean frowned, “he was the security guard on duty?” 

“Yeah. Beaten unconscious by the teller who heisted the place.” 

“God.” We knocked on Ronald’s door. 

“Mr. Resnick? Ronald Resnick?” Sam called, and then a bright floodlight blinded us temporarily. Then Ronald came to the door. 

“FBI, Mr. Resnick.”  I smiled, but he looked apprehensive. 

“Show me ID.” Ronald demanded, so we took out our IDs and put them on the screen door at the same time. Ronald peered at them, then we retracted them. “I’ve already given my statement to the police.” 

“Yeah, listen Ronald,” Dean cleared his throat, “just some things about your statement we wanted to get some clarification on.” 

“You read it?” 

“Sure did.” 

“You’ve come to listen to what I've got to say?” 

“That’s why we’re here.” 

“Well, come on in.” We entered, and he led us to a cluttered room with stuff about ghosts and androids. “None of the cops ever called me back. Not after I told them what was really going on. Uh, they all thought I was crazy. First off, Juan Morales never robbed the Milwaukee National Trust, okay? That, I guarantee. See, we and Juan were friends. He used to come back to the bank on my night shifts, and we'd play cards.” 

“So you let him into the bank that night, after hours.” Sam frowned. 

“The thing I let into the bank . . . wasn't Juan. I mean, it had his face, but it wasn't his face. Uh, every detail was perfect, but too perfect, you know, like if a dollmaker made it, like I was talking to a big Juan-doll.” 

“A Juan-doll?” 

“Look. This wasn't the only time this happened. Okay?” He handed me a folder, and I flicked through it. Dude could be a hunter if he wanted to, cause he’s followed this thing closely. “There was this jewelry store, too. And the cops, a--and you guys, you just won't see it! Both crimes were pulled by the same thing.” 

“And what’s that, Mr Resnick?” I asked, looking up from the folder. He held up a magazine called the ‘Fortean Times’, with the headline ‘BIRTH OF THE CYBERMEN’. 

“Chinese've been working on 'em for years. And the Russians before that. Part men, part machine. Like the Terminator. But the kind that can change itself, make itself look like other people.” 

“Like the one from T2.” Dean smirked. 

“Exactly! See, so not just a robot, more of a-a-a-a ... mandroid.” 

“A mandroid?” Sam blinked. 

“And what makes you so sure about this, Ronald?” Dean challenged. Ronald held up a finger, then played a security tape. 

“See, I made copies of all the security tapes. I knew once the cops got them they'd be buried. Here.” He fast forwarded it. “Now watch. Watch. Watch him, watch, watch! See, look! Th-th-there it is!” He paused it just as Juan turned to the camera, a flare in his eyes. Shapeshifter’s eyes flare when they face a camera. “You see? He's got the laser eyes.” Dean, Sam and I shared a look. “Cops said it was some kind of reflected light. Some kind of "camera flare". Okay? Ain't no damn camera flare. They say I'm a post-trauma case. So what? Bank goes and fires me, it don't matter! The mandroid is-is still out there. The law won't hunt this thing down- I'll do it myself. You see, this thing, it, it, it kills the real person, makes it look like a suicide, then it sorta, like, morphs into that person. Cases the job for a while until it knows the take is fat, and then it finds its opening. Now, these robberies, they're, they're grouped together. So I figure the mandroid is holed up somewhere in the middle, underground, maybe. I dunno, maybe that's where it recharges its, uh, mandroid batteries.“ 

We stood up, and Sam stepped forward. “Okay. I want you to listen very carefully. Because I'm about to tell you the God's honest truth about all of this.” Sam sighed. “There's no such thing as mandroids. There's nothing evil or inhuman going on out there. Just people. Nothing else, you understand?” THE HELL-

“The laser eyes-“ 

“Just a camera flare, Mr. Resnick. See, I know you don't want to believe this. But your friend Juan robbed the bank and that's it.” 

“Get out of my house! Now!” 

“Sure, sir. First things first.”

We were at my safe house in Milwaukee, and I unlocked the door, and once we got inside, I rounded on Sam. “Classified evidence of an ongoing case?” I scoffed, hanging up my jacket and taking off my heels. “Just people? Dude, you just crushed Resnick’s resolve.” 

“What are you, pissed at me or something?” 

“You’re a good actor, Sam.” I sighed. “But you’re not meant to be that good. His file was legit, it was the level of the work we’ve been doing. We could at least appraise him for his work.” 

“Yeah, except he's not a hunter. He's just a guy who stumbled onto something real. If he were to go up against this thing he'd get torn apart. Better to stay in the dark, and stay alive.” 

“You don’t have to do him like that, though.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Instant noodles, anyone?” 

“Anytime.” Dean grinned. 

“I’m gonna change first, though.” I went upstairs, and Carl sprang out of the jacket, joining Sam at the table and writing something. 

She was jealous earlier. 

“Jealous of Frannie?” Dean scoffed. “Please.” 

“Girls have emotions.” Sam shrugged. “She seemed kind of worked up, though, when she dragged you away from that receptionist.” 

“Shut up.”

We were all eating instant noodles, and I drew on our map. 

“Shapeshifter. Just like back in St. Louis.” I confirmed. “Same retinal reaction to video.” 

“Eyes flare at the camera. I hate those friggin' things.” Dean grumped. 

“You think we don’t?” Sam scoffed. 

“One didn’t turn into you and frame you for murder.” 

“Yeah, but they’re damn hard to catch.” I frowned. “This is gonna be difficult, especially if it’s like the one you guys wasted in Missouri.” 

“Then Ronald was right. All right, they like to layer up underground, preferably the sewer. And all the robberies have been connected so far, right?” 

“Yeah.” Sam nodded. 

“I see where you’re going.” I deduced then Carl circled a bank. “There’s one more on that sewer main. So if it’s the next target, this shifter isn’t gonna wait a bit. We need to hit this bank as soon as possible. However, it could risk both of you getting exposed.” 

“It’s worth the risk.” Dean nodded, then shovelled noodles into his mouth. 

“Carl, can you draw me up a layout of that bank?” I asked, then Carl started sketching out the bank blueprints. 

“We need to load up.” Sam resolved. “Cause then Milwaukee PD could show up and if they get wind we’re here, the Feds.” 

I was wearing a black jumpsuit, wearing a brunette wig in a ponytail as I posed as a wealthy customer. Dean kept on giving me once-overs, and had whistled when he first saw me. I walked over to the receptionist, adopting a British accent. “Selene Windsor.” 

“Right, I had the note that you were coming.” She nodded. “Right this way, ma’am.” I was led down the same path as Dean and Sam, talking in a haughty manner. 

“If I’m to entrust my money here, I need to know that it’s secure. It doesn’t seem that way if technicians are having to come down.” I hugged. 

“Just a general software bug, ma’am.” Dean smirked, his eyes flicking down my body for the fiftieth time. 

“So I can’t trust my money to this bank.” I retorted. “I want to check this system myself.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” The receptionist guided me to the room which Sam and Dean were going to, then ran away. 

“All righty. You guys need anything else?” The guard asked. 

“Oh, no, no, we'll be, uh, we'll be in and out before you know it, just a routine check.” Sam excused. 

“Okie-dokie.” He left, and I sighed in relief, taking off my wig and releasing my hair from its bun. 

“I like him. He says ‘Okie-dokie.’” Dean snorted, wheeling to face me.

“But what if he’s the shifter?” I asked, running my fingers through my hair. 

“Well, then we follow him home, put a silver bullet through his chestplate.” I walked over to him, reaching behind me. 

“Can you undo my zip?” 

“W-What?” 

“Just do it!” He unzipped my jumpsuit, and it fell to the floor, revealing a black crop top and blue shorts underneath, and I changed my shoes to running boots. Dean breathed a sigh of relief, making me laugh. “You didn’t think I’d publicly ask you to undress me? Keep dreaming.” I sat down, wheeling up on a chair. 

“Okay. Well, you got any popcorn in that purse?” I pulled it out of my purse (yes, it also has the extension spell), handing it to him. “Thanks.” We watched the screens for a while, but we found no camera flare on the guard’s eyes.

”Maybe he just loves his job.” I shrugged. “Cause Mr Okie-Dokie is, well, okie-dokie.”

“Maybe we jumped the gun on this.” Sam fretted. “I mean, we don't even know it's here. Maybe we should just go back to the sewers and… and-“ I rolled up a piece of paper, slapping Dean on the head with it. 

“Dean, focus. We’re meant to be looking for the shifter.” 

“I'm getting there.” Dean retorted. 

“Oh, really?” 

“Wait.” A middle aged man turned to the camera, and his eyes flared. We turned to each other, nodding. “Hello, freak.”

”Got him.” Sam whispered before bolting to the door, but I spotted something else. 

“Sam!” I called, zooming in on that screen. 

“Yeah?” 

“Look.” Ronald was locking and bolting the door shut, holding an assault rifle. “Sweet cheese. It’s Ronald.”

“And you said we shouldn't bring guns.” Dean groaned. 

“I didn’t know this was gonna happen, Dean.” Sam grimaced. 

“Speak for yourselves.” I smirked, taking my gun out of my ankle holster. They stared at the gun, dumbfounded. “Yeah, I come prepared. Even if you tell me no. Just let me do the talking. I don't think he likes you very much, Agent Johnson.“ I hid my gun in my purse as we found Ronald.

“Now, there's only one way in or out of here, and I chained it up.” Ronald yelled. “So nobody's leaving, do you understand?” 

“Hey, buddy. Calm down. Just calm down.” Dean tried to bargain as we entered. 

“What the- you! Get on the floor, now.” 

“Okay, we're doing that. Just don't shoot anybody, especially us.” 

“I knew it. As soon as you two left. You ain't FBI. Who are you? Who are you working for, huh? The men in black? You working for the mandroid?” 

“We’re not working for the mandroid!” Sam burst out. 

“You, shut up! I ain't talking to you. I don't like you.” 

“Told you so.” I whispered, then put my hands up. 

“Fair enough.” Sam grumbled.

“Get on 'em.” Ronald ordered a middle-aged man. “Frisk them down, make sure they got no weapons on them. Go!” I was frisked down, but they found nothing. Then they frisked Dean, but they found a knife in his boot. 

“Dean!” I hissed. That obvious?

“I wasn’t gonna walk in naked!” Dean replied quietly. “You’re one to talk.” 

“Hey, hey, Ronald, listen to me.” I spoke up, my hands up as I cautiously approached him. “We know you don't want to hurt anybody. That's exactly what's gonna happen if you keep waving that rifle around, and why don't you let these people go?” 

“No! I already told you. If nobody's gonna stop this thing, then I've got to do it myself.” 

“Why do you think we’re here? We believe you.” 

“You don't believe me. Nobody believes me! How could they?” 

“Tell you what, c’mere.” 

“What?! No!” 

“You have the gun.” Well, that wasn’t true. “You’re the boss here, and I can’t do squat. Just trust me.” Ronald then approached me, and I lowered my voice. “It’s the manager. Why do you think we've got these getups, huh? We've been monitoring the cameras in the back. We saw the bank manager. We saw his eyes.” 

“His laser eyes?” 

“Whatever you wanna call ‘em, but we did.” I nodded. “But we’re running out of time. We need to get him before he changes into someone else.” 

“Like I'm gonna listen to you. You're a damn liar.” 

“Doesn’t mean I ain’t a truther. And my partner told you that lie, not me. If you don’t trust me, hold a gun on me and take me hostage. But we've gotta act fast. Because the longer we just sit here the more time he has to change. Look at me, man. I believe you. You're not crazy. There really is something inside this bank.” I paused, “Do I look like someone who’d lie to you?” 

“All right. You come with me. But everyone else gets in the vault!” 

“Check behind the desk.” I ordered as I went into a back room. Then I heard a yell, and I instantly rushed out. Ronald had fallen, and was lying next to a pile of shed skin. He screamed, standing up and pointing his gun at it. 

“What the hell is that?” He squealed. 

“Great.” I grimaced, turning on a lamp. “It sheds its skin when it changes. So now, it could be anybody.”

“It's so, so weird. Its robot skin is so lifelike.” 

“Alright, Ronald, let me get this straight.” I huffed. “It's not an mandroid. It's a shapeshifter.“ 

“Shapeshifter?“

”Yeah. I mean, it's human, more or less. Has human drives- and in this case it's money. But it generates its own skin, it can shape it to match someone else's features, you know, taller, shorter, male, etcetera.” 

“So it-it-it kills someone and then takes their place.” 

“Kills them, doesn't kill them, I don't think it really matters.” I shrugged, rummaging in my purse. 

“What are you doing?” I pulled out my gun, replacing it with silver bullets. “You had that the whole time?!” 

“Want me to be honest?” 

“Yeah!” 

“Yes, I did.” I stored the other cartridge, turning to him. “You remember the old werewolf stories? Pretty much came from these guys. Silver's the only thing I've seen that hurts them.” I started walking, then stopped. “C’mon, Ronald.” We walked down a hallway, and I heard Ronald started chuckling. “What are you, nuts?” 

“That's just it. I'm not nuts.” He laughed. “I mean, I was so scared that I was losing my marbles. But this is real! I mean, I, I, I was right! Except for the mandroid thing. Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it.” Then the power went out, and I cursed. “Damn it. Not now, not now!” 

“What is it?” 

“They cut the power. Probably their way of saying hi.” 

“Who?” 

“The cops.” 

“THE COPS?!” 

“What did you think would happen?” I hissed. “Well, you weren't exactly a smooth criminal about this, Ron. I mean, you didn't even secure the security guard. He probably called them.” 

“I-I didn’t think I-“ 

“All right, hang on, hang on, let's just take a breath here for a second, all right? They — they've probably got us surrounded. They've cut the power to the cameras so there's no way of telling who the shapeshifter is. So I’m gonna be honest; it’s not looking good.” We heard a noise, to which Ron brought his rifle up. “D’you hear that?” We stalked down, finding three more people, including the guard. “Alright, get up!” I barked, and they followed us to the vault. I opened it, and Dean and Sam were relieved to see that I was alive. “Sam, Dean, look, uh, Ronald and I need to talk to you. Also, a few more prisoners.” I shut the door behind me when Dean and Sam climbed out. “It's shed its skin again. We don't know when - it could be in the halls, it could be in the vault.” 

“Great. You know, Dean, you are wanted by the police.” Sam pointed out. 

“He is, but I need his help. We’re gonna tackle one problem at a time, yeah? Dean and I are gonna sweep the place, find some stragglers if they’re there. Sam, you help Ron manage-“ 

“Help him manage?! Are you insane?” 

“‘Fraid so, cause everyone here is in danger, Sam. This is the plan we’ve got. Once we’re done, I’ll come back to you and we’ll play Find the Freak.” I took out a letter opener I’d swiped. “Anyone makes a suspicious move, use it.” I took out another gun and gave it to Dean. “Alright, let’s do this.” 

“How do you know all this?” Dean asked. 

“You’re forgetting that I have a romantic relationship with a police officer. Who has done hostage negotiations and raids in the past.” I sighed. “Look, I know this isn't going the way we wanted-“ 

“Understatement.” Sam growled. 

“-but if we invite the cops in right now, Ronald gets arrested, we get arrested, the shifter gets away, probably never find it again, okay?” I turned to Ron. “Ron! Out of the light!” 

“Seriously?!” 

“Yeah, Ron's game plan was a bad plan, I mean, it was a bit of a crazy plan, but right now crazy's the only game in town, okay? Dean, come with me.” Dean and I walked off. 

A while later, I walked back after my sweep, finding Ron dead. I glared at Dean and Sam, who put their hands up. “Ok, this has gone way too far. The shifter ran away cause you let him out and now he’s probably a completely different person. Well done, you handled this perfectly.” I sighed. “Dean, get a hostage outside. Unharmed. Now!” Dean took the guard, going to the door. I bent down beside Ron, hefting his body out of the light.

“We are so screwed.” Dean grumbled when he latched the door again. I peered outside, seeing black vans pull up while Dean talked to Sam. 

“We have a problem!” I yelled. 

Outside, a man in an FBI jacket approached the Milwaukee PD. “Lieutenant Robards.” He barked. 

“Yeah.” Robards replied. 

“Special Agent Henriksen.” 

“Let me guess. You're lead dog now, but you would just love my full cooperation.” 

“I don't give a rat's ass what you do, you can go get a donut for all I care. What I do need is your S.W.A.T. team locked and loaded.” 

“Listen, Agent. Something's not right about this. It's, um ... it's not going down like a usual heist.” 

“That's because it isn't one. You have no idea what you're dealing with, do you? There is a monster in that bank, Robards.” 

I picked up the landline, gritting my teeth. “Yeah?” 

‘This is Special Agent Victor Henriksen.’ 

“Yeah, listen, I'm not really in the negotiating mood right now, so–”

‘Good. Me neither. It's my job to bring Dean in. Alive's a bonus but not necessary.’ 

“How do you-“ 

‘Yeah, I know. I want you, Dean and Sam out here, unarmed. Or we come in. And yes, I know about Sam too. And you, Ivonne Rainer. You’re the Bonnie to Dean’s Clyde, aren’t you?’ 

“No comment. How'd you even know we were here?” 

‘Go screw yourself, that's how I knew. It's become my job to know about you. I've been looking for you for weeks now. I know about the murders in Jersey, I know about the Houdini act you pulled in Baltimore. I know about the desecrations and the thefts. I know about your family. Especially that father of yours. Some father he was, huh?.’ 

“You don’t know jack squat about my dad.” 

‘Ex-Army general. Trained you since you were a young girl, put you in martial arts and taught you every method of survival. Most of your time was spent in a little cabin in the woods. Real militaristic survival.’

”Shut your mouth.” 

‘Ooh, she’s got claws. Never expected it by someone who was raised like a soldier.’ 

“What do you want?” 

‘All three of you, unarmed. You have one hour to make a decision or we come through those doors full automatic.’ He hung up, and I punched the table. 

“Damn it!” 

“Scramble your men, five minutes, then we go in.” Henriksen ordered, standing up. 

“What? Henriksen, they've let out one hostage so far. They've hurt no one as far as we can tell.” Robards frowned. 

“You don't know these Winchesters, and Rainer, especially her. They're dangerous, smart, and expertly trained.” 

“We can't risk the lives of all those people-“ 

“We know enough about the Winchesters to know that they’re insane, but don’t get me started on Ivonne Rainer.” He sized Robards up. “The Winchesters look and sound deadly, but Rainer’s a devil in disguise. Looks innocent, and hell, can she act innocent. Girl could be a mercenary in stilettos or in combat boots and a leather jacket and you wouldn’t see her coming until you’re on the floor with a bullet through your brain. She’s smart, she’s calculating, and has wormed her way out of serious charges twice, so she’s manipulative too. She didn’t hesitate before shooting her brother in self defence, and her boyfriend too, twice in the chest in cold, hard blood. She’s as dangerous as these Winchesters, maybe even more. A pretty face, but armed as hell.” 

“This is crazy.” 

“Crazy’s in there, and I just hung up on his right hand woman.” 

I went to the boys, grimacing. “We have a problem outside.” 

“We have a problem in here.” Sam opened the vault, and Dean let Sherry out. 

“We’re gonna let you go, Sherry.” Dean smiled. 

“What? Why?” Sherry whimpered. 

“As, uh, a good show of faith to the feds.” We led her into another room, where her dead body was kept. 

“I thought you were letting me go.” She whispered, but then took one look at the body and started screaming. 

“Is that community theater, or are you just naturally that good?” 

“Tonight’s the last night you become anybody. Ever.” Sam smirked. Dean raised his gun, but then she fainted. He was about to shoot, but I put out my hand, shaking my head. 

“It can’t be her. Fainting’s not gonna save her, the shifter’s smart enough to know that.” I frowned. 

“Huh.” Dean knelt over the dead body, but then it opened his eyes and began wrestling with Dean. Sherry woke, and backed into Sam, who took her out of the way as she cried. I joined in on the fight, gesturing for Sam to clear Sherry out of the way as Dean got knocked in the chin. I slammed the shifter against the wall, taking out my gun, but I got headbutted, releasing my hold as the shifter bolted. I ran after it, but I’d lost it. Then I got rammed into a room, hand on my throat. I kicked the shifter away, sweeping its legs and managing to grab my gun again, shooting it in the chest. It cried out for a moment, but then went limp. I found my purse, taking out my wig and jumpsuit and slipping both of those back on while I met Dean and Sam, who were wearing S.W.A.T uniforms. 

“Who d’you strip to get those?” I sighed.

”Two officers that I knocked out.” Sam answered casually. 

“We’re so screwed.” Dean breathed. 

“Royally screwed, Dean.” I grimaced. We turned on the Impala’s radio, driving off.

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#dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester x oc #spn #spn masterlist #supernatural #dean winchester x you #supernatural oc

[theambitiouswoman]

hey,

idk if i should ask this but there's things really messed up for me and i really need some advice and get out of this.

*i always see many different kinds of posts about self improvement and self care and after seeing that i make many goals for myself that i will implement all of these. But i just dont know how to do these and how to start and what to start i just want to do all of the things in one day which i will never do.

*i am a high school student, this is my last year of school and also it is really important and this is the only very long vacation i got and i am very weak in studies also i have very less knowledge about many things (like i am just dumb?). My school is gng to reopen on 28 august and when my school is closed i planned various things that i will improve to do to improve myself and become a completely different person (like have a glow up). But i did nthng for like whole one month and just watched kdramas and stuff. i also have many things to study and complete stuffs.

*i jst dnt knw hw to do like planning and stuffs and do my works according to it. bcz i tried making notion templates regarding everything and do all the stuffs in one day and bcm a wonder women in one day but i did nthng. and then i deleted my whole notion page bcz i jst dk hw to do. i also tried bullet journaling that didn't work s well. i jst dk wht do everything is jst messed up.

*also i feel so embarrassing talking to someone verbally in english bcz idk i jst start saying nonsense words like i realy dk hw to speak english even though I've been speaking since i was 4.

*i am just struggling with all the aspects of my life. and idk hw to just start.

*also like i jst be scared to talk to someone or even speaking in class or anything i jst stand there being embarrased and getting weird looks from everyone in my class. no one even asks me anything bcz they know tht idk anything and everyone looks down at me like my own parents too.

*and my sleep schedule is also a mess rn. and like the whole day i jst keep making fake scenarios in my mind tht i dnt feel like i am in the prsent my brain jst gets numb and i dnt feel any thing in the present its jst like yea the prsenet is somewht gng on but i hv no idea wht is gng on i jst forget everything. this is gng on since many years. evn at school i jst dont listn to any lecturs bcz of this. i think my thinkinh capabilities has also gone. i jst forget things very easily.

*i wanna workout to remove my leg fat but i end up planning many thiings in one day like focusing my whole body this and that and then i give up that toooo.

i hope i get a reply from you :(

Hey! Just saw this part of your question.

I get what you're going through. You want to make things better, but you're not sure where to start.

If planning tools like Notion or bullet journaling don't work for you, that's fine. Try making a list or using your phone's notes section. That's what I do.

When it comes to talking in English, it's okay if you feel scared or mess up sometimes. You're being tough on yourself and caring too much about what others might say. This is something many people go through. But let's shift our attention away from others and focus on how you can handle this feeling of not being sure about yourself.

Are you truly putting effort into improving yourself, or do you give up as soon as things get tough? This matters a lot because you need to make a real commitment. If not, you'll just keep going around in circles of negativity. If you want to exercise, then go ahead and exercise. What is stopping you? Think about it? Just yourself. That is quite literally it.

If your sleep schedule is messed up and you feel disconnected, try setting a routine for sleep and doing things that help you stay present, like meditation or going for a walk.

I can tell you're feeling pretty down and everything seems gloomy right now. I understand, and it's not a good feeling. But there will come a time, and it looks like you're getting there, when you'll need to stand up and take charge of your life again.

If you really want to work on all of these things, you need to cut/stop doing all of the negative things you are doing now and only focusing on the version of you that you want to identify with. Change might feel tough, but staying stuck in one place is tough too. You get to pick which kind of tough you want to deal with.

I am going to teach you right now what you need to do if you really do want to work on yourself.

Write down things that make you feel not so good that you want to change.

Next to each item, write down how you can make these things better. For example, if you're not exercising enough, you could start taking short walks every day.

Forget the old version of you exists. Imagine you used to eat a lot of junk food and that made you feel tired. Decide that you won't go back to eating junk food even when you feel like it. You need to really have a vision for yourself and who you want to be. This is important because it will be how you motivate yourself.

Keep finding new ways to make your situation better. If you're trying to be more social, maybe you could join a club or group where you can meet new people.

Exercise and incorporate more healthy meals into your diet. Exercising will not only make you feel good but it will also help you look good.

Take care of your appearance. When you look good you feel good and vice versa. You will become more motivated and confident.

Stop procrastinating. Set realistic and achievable goals. This will help you boost your confidence as well as increase your levels of productivity and discipline.

Get hobbies. Learn new things, figure out your passions and pursue them. Live a life of purpose so you don't continue to feel like you are just floating through life.

Avoid negative content or really anything that no longer aligns with the version of you that you want to be. You want to change your life? You want to be a different version of yourself? What does that person look like? How do they act? What do they do? Your whole life should be consumed with those examples and those examples ONLY.

Learn a new skill and practice it daily. This will help you grow as a person. Develop critical thinking skills. You learn new things and become smarter. It will make life more interesting and exciting for you.

Keep promises to yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, who will? People will treat you how you treat yourself.

REPLACE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WITH POSITIVE ONES. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself because you are listening and your mind is normalizing these ideas.

By doing these things, you can feel better, be more confident, do well in your tasks, try new stuff, have good relationships, make good choices, stay positive, and be someone others trust. It helps you have a happy life where you learn and grow while being kind to yourself and others around you <3

[danvswild]

Hey folks! My name is Dan and I used to work for Tumblr. I quit my job about 10 days ago to prepare and commit myself to a long distance thru hike. Welcome to my hiking Tumblr 🎉🎉🎉

Here we go! It's T minus 4 days until the beginning of my Pacific Crest Trail thru hike. I will be blogging and documenting my journey on the trail. I suppose I will try to publish my posts every time I go into a trail town.

Gear List

Let's break down the gear I will be starting with!

Big 3 (pack, shelter, sleeping bag)

Durston Kakwa 40 - I will be carrying a 40L backpack this time. I've added some patches with fabric glue to personalize it a little bit (◕‿◕✿)

Enlightened Equiptment Enigma 20F Quilt

Durston Gears X-Mid Pro 1 - best lightweight trekking pole tents imo

Sleeping Pad - Klymit Insulated V UL SL

Water Filtration

Smart Water Bottle 1L x 4

Sawyer Squeeze <3

Kitchen

Jetboil Stash

Fuel Cannister

Utensils

Bic lighter

Toiletries

Nail Clipper

Wet Wipes

Toothbrush/Toothpaste

Sunscreen

Chafing Balm

Trowel

Lip Balm

First Aid Kit/Duct Tape/Meds

Clothing

Smart Wool Socks x 2

Arcteryx Synthetic

Arcteryx Atom Shell

Patagonia Wind Pants

Leggings

Baseball Cap

Underwear x 2

Hiking Shorts

Patagonia Sun Hoodie

T-shirt x 2

STUFF

Apple EarPods

iPhone 11 Pro

Garmin Inreach Mini 2 - satellite transmitter

Nitecore UL Headlamp

Nitecore UL 10000 mAh Powerbank x 2

Sony ZV-1 & UL tripod

Journal & Pen

UL Sea2Summit Pillow

Bug Net

Microspikes

There may be a few I'm leaving out of this list but ^ gives you a general sense of what I will be carrying. Here's also a link to my lighter pack

Base weight is currently just under 14 lbs! As reference, I am 5'7 130 lbs

Section 1: Southern California

The Southern Californian portion of the trail is dominated by desert landscapes with a few mountain passes. Socal saw record snow fall this year so I hope water resupply in this section won't be as big of an issue!

The following are all the trail towns I will be visiting in this section. For the sake of simplicity, all trail towns up to Kennedy Meadows South or KMS will be part of socal.

My friends back in NYC will be sending me resupply packages as I go. Currently, I'm reading Pacific Crest Trials which I am finding to be very interesting in terms of mental preparation for the thru hike.

My friend Kevin will be driving me down to Campo, the southern terminus of the trail on the 29th!

I'm feeling pretty good about this and as prepared as I can be!!! I also reached out to a manufacturer to make pins I could give out to fellow hikers on the trail. I've learned from music festivals that pins are a great way to make friends :3

It's just a simple design of the PCT trail marker but it came out looking very nice!

Intentions & Goals

I read this book called 'Start With Why' with one of my previous coworker and I thought defining my "why"s for the trail will help tremendously. I know I will have really tough days and days when I want to just quit and go back to the comforts of society. Here is my unpolished "why" for the PCT that I memoed on my phone:

I am doing this for to remind myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. This year, my friend passed away and I was reminded that life is fleeting and I need to live pursuing what I want more vigorously. Postponing happiness until retirement is a flawed life approach! I've always wanted to this and I would like to take this time to figure out what I really want to do in this life and where I want to end up. I am trying to live with more intentionality and I'm working towards a real goal I've set for myself and doing this out of my own joy.

I am hiking the PCT because:

I need time to evaluate what I want to do with my life and career

The PCT has always been a larger than life adventure that I wanted to do

Life is short and I should take every chance I get to pursue what I want to do in life

I have the rest of my life to excel in my career

I want to experience true freedom and self sufficiency

I want to prove to myself I can do anything I set my mind to

Well here we go and I will try to post updates on my epic as I go :D

Happy Earth month! Go plant a tree 🌲

#pct #pacific crest trail #wilderness #backpacking #hiking #camping

[thefirstknife]

trying to do some research on Pre-Collapse Earth. did Earth change after the Traveler’s arrival? like did countries or cultures change in any way?

Absolutely.

The Traveler's arrival completely changed all humanity knew and thought about everything. Just the simple existence of the Traveler and its arrival to the solar system was enough to shatter pretty much every single concept of human knowledge and science, without even touching on its powers and paracausality.

It fundamentally changed humanity and how we relate to the world around us. Some believed we put too much trust in it. But overall, society changed due to the scientific and technological advancement that improved all human life at barely no cost.

This was the age of life, and governments did not, ever, use force against human beings. There were always alternatives. Every soul sacred. Every evil treatable.

Last Days on Kraken Mare

Last Days on Kraken Mare is really good for a lot of information about the Golden Age and how many changes happened to society. It's a pretty consistent theme about the Golden Age how cultures mixed together, which can be seen in names of pretty much every character from the Golden Age. This can also be seen through the history of the Bray family (more about them in posts here and here).

This one is interesting:

Mia van der Venne is more than 200 years old. Change comes faster, these days, and you live to see more of it. Changes like Ismail being allowed to pray not in the real direction of Mecca but in the direction Mecca would be if it were transposed from Earth to Titan. Changes like the rise and fall and rise again of the Bray cult of personality. Like the new worlds the Traveler opens up to humanity.

... as it shows how religions had to change and adapt to humanity's new way of life and interplanetary travel. As noted here, and in the posts I linked above in relation to the Brays, Islam seems to have thrived in the Golden Age and survived the Collapse. Other religions that we know of that were doing fine in the Golden Age are Judaism, Buddhism and Hinduism, the latter having been confirmed to have survived the Collapse due to Lakshmi's comments here:

She playfully taps on all four of his hands. "I am named for an ancient goddess," she says, "with as many arms as you. In her hands are dharma, kama, artha, and moksha. Law, desire, meaning, and finally, liberation. Freedom from the war of death and rebirth."

War and general violence seems to have also been largely gone, as noted from the same lore tab:

"Are you threatening to shoot me?" Mia stares at the Exo woman in disbelief. She hasn't seen a gun in nearly 50 years, and now they are not only coming into her habitat, but they're also pointed at her.

Similar sentiments, about Golden Age being a time of peace, are mentioned a few other times as well.

There were the bad side-effects to this, obviously, most notably in the story of Clovis Bray and his company. Clovis Bray took the Traveler's gifts and the advancements of the Golden Age to an extreme that led him to commit incomprehensible atrocities for his own benefit. His entire journal is a good read, as well as confidential Bray Records lore book (though can be triggery with certain descriptions of medical stuff and violence).

Outside of just general idea about what the Earth was like during the Golden Age in regards to freedom from violence and wars, as well as obvious mixing between populations and cultures, we don't know many details about specific countries and how all of it worked. There are mentions of cities and areas, but not many details about the structure of countries and states.

The only one specifically described and mentioned several times is USA, consistently described as:

Nowhere outside the retro-nationalism of the North American Empire does any private organization have such sweeping, selfish authority over knowledge which should belong to the whole human commons—and at least the twin eagles are voluntary society, answerable to higher law! Clovis Bray reeks of the old unregulated capitalism.

And here:

"Some American you are," Mia teases him. David comes from the North American Empire, Earth's biggest voluntary retro-nationalist republic, full of people who love military pageantry and muscular aerospace displays.

I have a feeling Bungie has some strong opinions about the current state of the United States of America.

#destiny 2 #golden age #lore vibing #long post #ask #i hope this helps! #if there's anything more specific you'd like to know feel free to ask #golden age stuff is not very well documented for obvious reasons but there are frequent small hints here and there

[littlestsnicket]

TIL that photographing journal pages is a lot harder than i suspected and the lighting at my office is particularly garbage for it.

anyway, i was talking to @kuwdora about trying to harness all of the productivity skills one picks up to put processes in place to allow yourself to be more creative, so i made a commitment to experiment with using my scrum master skills into making it easier to finish this fic.

the first task was to decide on a backlog management tool. my primary concerns were portability and that i like tactile things, so i went back to basics and decided against using a backlog management tool at all. so now my backlog lives in my bullet journal.

more scrum related rambling under the cut:

in my professional opinion, the point of scrum is to make (and deliver on) clearly defined commitments. i’m still working through how much commitment making i want to do, because writing is a hobby and i don’t want it to feel like a job, but it’s also a hobby that i want to get better at and make easier for myself to still do when i’m tried or have decision paralysis or whatever else stops me from writing. we’ll see how it goes.

if nothing else, just going through the exercise of making a backlog was helpful. since i usually write such short things, i don’t have a lot of coping mechanisms for dealing with a 35 page google doc and the start at the beginning and hope you get to an interesting note or piece of beta reading feedback was getting daunting and unproductive.

now that i have provided some introduction, i’ll move on to an abbreviated team charter, since team is just me (and maybe @soymimikyu, my beta reader, but mostly just me).

mission statement: discover and use effective processes to write more and finish the fucking fic!

scrum rituals:

sprint: i’m going to try single week sprints starting/ending on wednesdays. i think making smaller commitments for a shorter period of time is going to work better for me, but i can come back to this if i change my mind.

daily standup: i was initially thinking, no i’m not doing that, but i’m going make a commitment to look at the sprint board at least once a day

refining: i don’t think i need dedicated time for this. if i try using scrum for something that has more undefined scope this might be useful, but i don’t expect that i will add anything to the backlog (just break down some of the stuff under needs refining into smaller pieces)

retro: i do want to set aside some time on wednesdays to reflect and see if this is working from a process perspective

review/planning: usually those don’t really go together, but i think they should. this gets glossed over a lot in practice (in my experience) but the purpose of a sprint review is to update the backlog based on stakeholder feedback, and given the lack of stakeholders outside of myself and my beta reader, update the backlog and make a new commitment for next sprint do naturally go together.

we can skip the conflict resolution bit too. (conflict resolution is that it’s my fic and soymimiku’s opinions about parentheticals are silly.)

i think that’s enough defining to get started. i’m a huge process nerd so i’m kind of excited about this. we’ll see if it works!

#mayo writes with scrum #going to try and use a consistent tag so i can make public commitments depending on how this goes

[stationerybear]

One Month in the Hobonichi HON

Another review that nobody asked for but I am going to write anyway because it makes me happy.

Tl;dr: I've really enjoyed using the HON so far!

I had some anxiety before ever even using the book that the A6 would be too small and that I should have gone for the A5 HON or even the Cousin. But I think because my writing is smaller to fit on the small grids and I am using a thin tipped pen (Jetstream 0.5), it makes entries that would have taken more space on a 5mm dot grid A5 paper fit just fine on the 0.37mm grid. I have had a few entries spill onto the next page of the book, but I've not had any entries take up more than a bit of room on the next page nor have I had to tape in a new page to compensate for the amount of excess writing one entry takes up. Honestly, if I had gotten an A5 Hobonichi, I probably would have been lamenting about all of the wasted space I had on each page (though, perhaps I would have room for bigger pictures or more decorative elements than what I use now).

Since I don't use the HON for planning anything, I use the checklist at the top of the page just as a gratitude log for the day, just to write a few moments from the day that made me happy so I can remember that there is indeed good in every day. I don't really use the monthly calendar other than to back-fill appointments or holidays, but I rarely remember to flip to it since I keep that information in an actual planner spread usually. Perhaps I will find a better use for those pages someday, but I don't think I'll be that upset if they go mostly unused. The reason I got the HON was for daily entries, and I have been maintaining that function for it well.

There is a bit of warping along the edges of the used pages that is noticeable when looking at the closed book, plus a little bit of extra bulk from a few pictures being stuck onto some of the pages. But I think that just comes from the journal being used as is its intended purpose. To be loved it so be changed, as they say, and I can't expect the book to stay in perfect, pristine condition forever if I am using it. The bulk of January is not particularly noticeable when the book is held closed, though.

I do want to add more pictures and maybe decorative elements like stickers or washi tape to my entries, but I am a little afraid of adding more bulk to the HON than it is capable of holding. I think I've seen a few folks say that it doesn't hold bulk as well as a Techo Original or Cousin. I might play around with it and put sticky notes or scrap pieces of paper intermittently throughout the book to test it's durability in handling bulk before I make any commitments to sticking more stuff in it. But for now, I am having fun adding a couple of images here and there from my day, whether it be a picture of something I drew, something nice that I got in the mail, a meal I had that day, or the sunrise from that morning. It's nice to have a little visual snapshot of something from that day that made me feel good without even having to read through the entry.

I have also been considering using color-coded "tags" to label the contents of my daily entries since they can vary at times. Sometimes my entries document the severity of symptoms I experienced through the day, summarize the events of my day, or serve as a place for me to empty my head of excess unneeded thoughts that make it hard for me to rest at the end of the day. I think it would be nice to know what entries have what kind of content at a glance, or if there are any entries that overlap in content. I've been trying to find stickers in stores lately, but I may just have to order some online since I have yet to find any that suit my fancy.

I can truly say that I look forward to continuing to use the book through the rest of 2024!

#hobonichi #hobonichi hon #hobonichi techo #notebook review #bear.txt

[chaosandthe-deadblog]

hello hi i have not been alive for too long but here's my undefinitive guide on how to live and not feel miserable in the process by someone way too young to tell you how to do it, okay? okay (aka collection of advice i've been given that i want to share)

take all this with a grain of salt. i might wake up and think totally different tomorrow

love isn't what makes us human. however, i do think creating is. draw poorly. write shitty poetry. knit horrible sweaters. you have been tricked into thinking your creations are only worthy if they are good but that is a lie. make art.

you've heard of this before but quit the suicide jokes. a well timed "im going to kill myself" is funny from time to time, but your brain internalizes that stuff.

even if you don't have any close friends hang out with people. we're social creatures and we're meant to socialize (i know, it sucks.) but like i hate to admit it but i started having a better time in class after i stopped worrying whether people liked me or not and just started talking to them

things are meant to be used! candles are meant to be burned! clothes are meant to be worn! don't wait for that special time if you really want to use something. overdress light that scented candle use the fancy dishes when you're eating pizza drink out of wine glasses

not to sound like your grandpa but get off your phone. (im yet to fully master this one) im serious. i went on a walk the other day (i never do that) and i maybe looked at my phone twice. sometimes you ARE too much time on that damn phone and i swear to god today i made a commitment to try not to look at my social media feeds too much and i was in a good mood all day

the nicest thing you can do for someone in my opinion is give them food

be nice to strangers, also. i personally am planning on drawing portraits for people on the street and gifting them to them. my little way of putting joy into the world :)

never ever ever EVER apologize for being passionate about something. bitter people will tell you its embarassing but its a trap. love is never embarassing. be annoying about your interests

this one is a little weird i think. i keep a journal. every day i try to write at least One Nice Thing about my day. just one. it can be as small as "i saw a nice tree today" but it makes me realize no time is wasted even if i technically did nothing all day, i still lived to see a cool tree. which brings me to my next point

productivity is a capitalist invention. seriously. we don't live to produce. this is just to say you are not alive to be productive. i don't recommend scrolling endlessly and mindlessly either. just, i don't know, it's okay to not be productive all the time

when you feel lost you will always have music and movies and shows

sometimes all you can do in the face of grief is fold a shirt. watch a movie. go to sleep and wake up the next day.

we should all be at least a TINY BIT cringy about something

#red.txt

[heloflor]

A few random personal headcanons about Cartman, Butters, and both :

1. Cartman doodles in class. I mean, we know from “Fractured but Whole” that he draws in a journal (regardless of the fact that the content of said journal is fucked up) + he seems to enjoy making visual representation of his schemes. So given how he doesn’t give a shit about school, he could definitely end up drawing to pass the time.

And the doodles he would make could depend on his mood or what’s on his mind. Like, when he was dating Heidi, he drew her or the two of them together; if he’s mad at Kyle or Tolkien or someone else, he’ll draw them being hurt or humiliated; if he’s thinking about a “get-rich-quick scheme”, he’ll draw himself and possibly Butters swimming in money.

    2. Butters knows how to do quite a few shady things due to his friendship with Cartman. He would know how to pick a lock, how to remove fingerprints/avoid putting fingerprints or even stuff like how to bury a body or commit arson etc.

Everytime he would nonchalantly show those skills to Stan and Kyle, the two would be floored by it, while Kenny would already know about those skills (and be worried about it). Also if Stan and/or Kyle question Butters about it, Cartman would back it up like “yeah, obviously he knows how to do that ! Do you have any idea how hard it is to carry a body by yourself ?” as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

    3. Kinda related to the previous one but Cartman would also willingly teach Butters random things just for the heck of it/because they’re friends. And by that I’m mostly thinking about how Cartman can play the harmonica (the “I hate you guys” song + his blues song from “Whale Whores”) and, in “Fractured But Whole”, Butters plays a song about being grounded in the tune of “I hate you guys”, giving off the impression that Cartman’s the one who taught him how to play the harmonica.

    4. The Stotch parents don’t like the Cartmans, especially Stephen. Between Liane having little to no control over her son (Stephen doesn’t understand how you can let your kid walk all over you) and Stephen seeing/hearing about Butters “getting gay” with Cartman (not helped by him projecting his insecurities over his sexuality onto Butters), the Stotches just can’t bring themselves to have a good opinion on the Cartmans.

Ultimately, they only let their son hang out with Cartman because the kid doesn’t really have any other close friends his age. And it’s not like they can stop Cartman anyways (thinking about the confrontation in the trailer of the Vaccination Special with Cartman immediately getting aggressive towards Stephen)

Oh yeah, and after the events of “Band in China”, the Stotches would not-so-subtly make offhand remarks about Butters having new close friends now and how he should hang out with them instead of Cartman. Butters, of course, doesn’t listen.

    5. 10 years-old Butters being light as a feather and sometimes Cartman carrying a pissed off Butters over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

(for example, imagine Butters yelling at some people who pissed him off but Cartman doesn’t have time for this and since Butters doesn’t want to stop, Cartman just grabs him, hauls him onto his shoulder and walks away with the kid flipping the bird to the people who pissed him off. Though Cartman would probably stop carrying him by throwing him onto the ground/randomly letting go, with Butters falling on his ass pretty hard : / )

    6. While pretty much every kid grows out of being touchy, with some specific exceptions like Stan and Kyle remaining touchy towards each other, Cartman continues to be just as touchy towards everyone even as he grows older.

    7. Something inspired by a youtube comment on a video that had Butters going apeshit (I think it was the scene from “Grounded Vindaloop”) : Butters as a teenager having huge anger issues and in general being out of control. Overall, he’d still be a sweet person when in a good mood but would be very easy to anger.

On that same note, he’d probably have little to no patience with bullshit since after dealing with abuse for so long he’s just done with everyone’s shit. His parents would have no idea how to deal with his rebellious tendencies (and would probably blame Cartman for it).

  In general, his relationship with his parents would be weird. Like, Butters is still afraid of punishment and still doesn’t want to get in trouble with them, but at the same time he would absolutely talk back and, if things get too heated and he gets sent in his room, he would either tell them to fuck off and run outside or get in his room and leave through the window.

Also, Butters still does love his parents. There was this one post about the idea of Butters eventually realizing that Stephen and Linda are messed up people who did want their son to be happy but had no idea how to be good parents, with Butters deciding to forgive them and still try to have a good relationship with them. I really like this idea, though I do feel that Butters would learn to stand up for himself and call his parents out on their behavior, partly for himself but also partly to help them.

  Ultimately, the main 4, especially Cartman and Kenny, would be the ones who kinda know how to handle him (not that well tho depending on how he feels). I could actually see Kenny being better at calming him down since he's better with emotions and empathy than Cartman (tbf, literally 90% of the characters in this show are better with empathy than Cartman). Stan would also probably try there and there since he and Butters seem to be good friends, but he would struggle too.

    8. A few bonus teen headcanons about the whole main 5 and cars since we’re at it :

- Stan would be the first to get his license, in a mix of him wanting to be able to go to town whenever and his father wanting to teach him (though in order to get Stan to help with the farm). Depending how much his family makes, he might get a car pretty early (and maybe Jimbo might help him find one ?)

- Kyle and Butters would likely be second, with their respective parents wanting them to learn essential skills. And since I think both families have two cars, both could ride pretty much anytime. Kenny wouldn’t be too far behind but wouldn’t be able to afford a car. As for Cartman, he’ll probably struggle to learn since he’s a stubborn asshole but eventually get his license. Like Kenny though, he can’t afford a car but could sometimes take his mother’s.

(note that I have no idea how much a car costs in the US)

- While both Stan and Kyle have their licenses, Stan tries to find random excuses in order to either drive Kyle or get a ride from him. Even after Kyle realizes what Stan is doing, he still lets it happen cause he’s not going to walk away from an opportunity to spend time with his best friend, even if just for a car ride.

- Kenny doesn’t usually ask for a ride because he doesn’t want to inconvenience his friends, but he never says no when one of the boys offers him a ride (unless he wants to walk alone while in his thoughts).

- Kyle banned Cartman from being in his car due to Cartman always letting bags of food around or being bitchy about the interior and the music choices. And since Stan often rides with Kyle and doesn’t want to hear the two fight, he rarely takes Cartman in. So Butters ends up being Cartman’s taxi.

- Oh yeah and as it turns out Cartman is fine with picking up his trash in Butters’ car. Cue Kyle losing his shit over this.

- I’ve read fics in which Cartman has like a big car to drive the whole main 5 and I love this idea (tho I don’t see it happen immediately because, again, money). Although the rest of the group probably wouldn’t like Cartman’s music choice.

- Speaking of which, Cartman having a playlist to listen to during drives and pouring his heart out singing. Depending of the songs, Kenny and Butters might join. Stan sometimes gets annoyed, sometimes likes the song and is fine with the singing, tho he’s cringing a bit. Kyle is mostly annoyed but doesn’t want to start a screaming match with Cartman where neither of them can leave. Sometimes, Cartman might sing badly on purpose to get on Kyle’s nerves, in which case Stan sides with Kyle in telling Cartman to stop being an asshole.

#South Park #SP #Eric Cartman #Butters Stotch #Flor talks #long post #yeah I just wanted to share a few random ideas #especially since I'm not really going to write much about this show past a few short oneshots #also almost no teen stuff because I'm not the biggest when it comes to aging up characters #especially when it's just for shipping #tho teenage Butters being unhidged is a thought I adore #(yes I like Butters being a piece of shit) #(he's allowed to destroy stuff given how much shit he has to deal with all the time) #the first 3 headcanons are probably predictable/obvious stuff but eh

[seddm]

are you a sashannarcy stan?

AMPHIBIA'S FINALE SPOILERS BELOW

Not an easy question for me to answer.

I'm a simple man, easily swayed by what's more "canon". If you asked me what my favorite ship from the show was during S2, I'd have said Marcanne. Now that the show is over, I'd probably say Sashanne: their interactions and overall arcs got both more screentime and depth than Anne and Marcy's one, and some of the most emotional scenes in the series involved the two of them (Sprig doesn't count, that's cheating).

But things aren't that simple: while fans can find a lot of subtext in the show, and maybe the slightest of hints of possibly something more coming in Marcy's Journal, the show itself never put "girls" and "romance" in the same room. Not among the three of them, nor with any other character in fantasies or flashbacks. Matt himself acknowledged this:

“I love shipping, I feel like it is the greatest expression of love for characters, you’re really thinking about them romantically and what’s best for them [...] with our three leads, we have worked very hard to keep things very open and never commit because the last thing I would ever want to do is ruin somebody else's headcanon or ship for no reason. That’s destructive for me because oh my gosh all the fighting and the arguments. So for me, especially in this story that is ultimately about friendship, and their friendship dynamic is to end the show in a way that is constructive and open. That’s basically what I’ll say to that is how we’ve worked very hard to have empathy for the people who are shipping these characters and at the same time do right by the show and its themes."

And in a way that's good, less to worry about during the run of the show. But that also leaves me with a problem: the three girls were way too likeable and their interactions too endearing. I'm left with a trio of characters that scream to me "sold together, do not separate", but the show itself (despite the hopeful ending with the promise of a better, closer future) tackled the problem of life clashing with friendship, of stuff getting in the way and people moving and work life and school and our time on this Earth being limited and so on - in a word, of change, the main theme of the story. And that won't do.

In the perfect happy world of cartoons, to make me happy, the three girls should stay together forever and ever, but that's hard. Being in a romantic relationship absolutely isn't a requirement for a "lifelong devotion" to someone else (mutual, obviously), but it's the standard in the overwhelming majority of cases, at least in the modern way of life in most of the world. A job opportunity might mean you have to say goodbye to your friends and move away, but your spouse will usually move with you.

Aligning this concept with my personal bias was much easier with SVTFOE: by the end, Star and Marco are A- in love B- friends C- have displayed multiple times that being together takes priority over just about anything else in their lives D- in a world that has no immediate reasons to separate them

Clearly this doesn't mean nothing would ever change should Star and Marco and their world somehow take life and continue independently, but as far as the reality of the shows goes, the very last scene closes on their "happily together ever after".

Things are harder with Amphibia: I love the characters, I'd like to imagine them together forever, and their status at the very end of the canon was "indestructible bond, still partially physically drifted away for a time because life is like that, they meet again and it's like nothing ever changed, they're happier than ever".

With these ingredients, what can my little brainspace concoct? Personal preference, the very first thing that comes to mind, would be "Sasha and Anne in a romantic relationship, Marcy somehow always being close to them, maybe first as a roommate, then as a neighbor in some sitcom with almost daily shenanigans". But then I feel like that puts Marcy in a position of "third wheel", something that made her suffer already during their pre-Amphibia days; and she already moved once, they could be separated by life again.

So I look at the fandom favorite polycule, "Sashannarcy". Historically, as I've been critical of the Star related poliamory couple (throuple?), Star - Tom - Marco. But, in that case, canon gave plenty of reasons to identify a deep imbalance in the dynamics that (obviously we're talking about speculations in my lil' brain based on what the series showed us about the characters, it's not like they're real people) would have spelled doom for the relationship. But that's not the case in Amphibia, or at least not nearly to the same extent.

So all I'm left with is my monogamous bias, my subjective skepticism about the long term possibility of poly relationship, weighing me down from very easily and comfortably jumping on a ship that could (again, in the world of my brain trying to trace the path the characters might take after the end of their lives on screen) solve all my ""problems"" and allow this to be their daily reality

until they look like this

So the short answer to the question is: probably yes and that would be for my subjective best, but my brain isn't fully convinced.

#seddm answers #amphibia #amphibia spoilers

[memoirs-of-learning-dad]

Ok here goes..

Hello Tumblr! This is the first time ever that I'm posting something on the internet! Haha! I mean not entirely true tbh, I have posted some photos on Facebook and shared some stuff on WhatsApp status, but the last time I have ever posted something was about my move to my current city and that was 5 years ago. A lot has happened since then - I married my lovely gf, became a father, got diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD. But I have never expressed my opinions or thoughts or typed anything more than 20 words on the internet ever! I have very few friends, COVID has made it incredibly difficult to find new friends and where I am at in my life, I don't have the courage or the time to make new friends.

I mean it's easy for some people to just share stuff, you know? be expressive just put your feelings and thoughts and opinions into words and hit post! And there it is for everybody else to see! Strangers on the internet, friends, family and everybody you know knows what you're feeling. No fear of being judged, honest to yourself and people around you. Is it liberating? Is there anybody out there who's 100% true inside and outside?

I'm different. I don't have the courage to express who I am and open myself to the internet and to not care about being judged. I'm sensitive, I hate being judged. It affects me. Nobody other than my wife, my brother and his wife and my best friend know about my mental illnesses. If my parents or friends or extended relatives find out, they'll judge me and expect me to behave a certain way maybe even try to push me away. It's not common in my culture and circle to live a normal life with mental illnesses. I'm working on getting better, I take my medication regularly but the only thing people will care about is the illness. Everybody who knows us thinks I'm a good father (I like to think I'm doing ok), but I am 100% confident those same people will not feel the same way once they learn about my illnesses. I'm not gonna sit here and lie saying it doesn't affect me. Will my daughter be able to make friends in my community when her friends parents learn I'm bipolar? Why should she pay? I cannot show my true self to the world other than a few trusted people. So here I am on an anonymous platform just typing what I'm thinking without worrying about what people who know me might think!

I've spent 33 years on this earth, learning, adapting - seeking that sense of mental peace and satisfaction. Enjoying the small things. I am blessed, like genuinely blessed - God himself chose me to be the father of this beautiful person - my daughter - my life! Words cannot express what I feel for her. And this new desire to post stuff, to have a memoir of my life is for her.

I want her to have somewhere to go to learn what I was like - how I have grown over the years. How my ideals and my perspectives change with time. Who I will grow up to be. Who I will be remembered as after I die. A legacy? Something to remember this insignificant human being, one among billions trying hard every day to be a better father, to be a better husband, a loyal son, a supportive brother, a good friend.

So here goes - I'm committing to write my thoughts on here moving forward. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up with it? But I'm going to try. I have to start somewhere. My father used to tell me when I was young to write a diary. My wife used to tell me when we got married that I need to note down my thoughts somewhere, maybe in a journal. My therapist thinks it's really healthy for me to write my thoughts. Yes, I'm taking a leap of faith - putting my faith and trust in strangers on the internet. Hear my story - it's as ordinary as it gets. Maybe that's what is going to make it special? A memoir about a regular guy, living an ordinary life, trying to be a good person - not changing the world or anything but just a cog in the machine we call a functioning society.

So my sweet little princess, this is for you. Over the first of the next few years I will post here how much I love you, how lovely and caring your mother is and how she's making me a better person everyday. You are turning 2 years old today and it's a journey for both of us. I hope to guide you on the right path and give you everything you need to make the most of your life. And this right here will hopefully be my narration of that journey!

Happy Birthday Paapu! Here's a (worthless?) gift for you - a diary to tell you my perspective of the parenting journey!

#positivity #father #ordinary things

[iinksplit]

my sleep schedule watching me consider waking up at 7am for opening... this is queued tho 😭 hihi i’m melo (21+, s/h), writer of hot girl trash raccoon lee yuram & her functional symbie known as yubi! she’s currently a low ranking journalist at the herald & has lived all her life in eden while dreaming of taking over the world ( yubi tells her to pass her exams first, loser 😔 ) all her info is scattered around the blog ( stats, bio, power ) & i have no plots so here’s an attempt at putting everything together under the cut 😬 hit the ♡ or drop an im if you’d wanna plot, i also have discord if that’s easier!! 💖

TLDR

eden born & raised! her parents were both metas who decided quickly that they wanted to settle down, get registered, & live a good safe life. her dad talks to animals & her mum has some healing powers

think about the most law abiding, nice, polite, incredibly normal two people who could ever exist. that’s yuram’s parents. that’s also how you get an absolutely unhinged child

yuram’s a terror before she gets yubi, the sort to get into playground brawls & play dumb pranks. that annoying kid who likes to ask but why tho when she’s told no. extremely bored of being a goody two shoes like her parents so she turns around & is no shoes gremlin

anyway she’s born with a funky looking birthmark that turns into symbiotic ink when some kid breaks their pen & splatters her with ink, around age ten-ish. enter: yubi!

( basically venom but ) reverse symbiote trope! yuram wants WORLD DOMINATION & yubi just wants to pass their tests & maybe get a steady income

so ( v sadly ) yubi doesn’t help with any of the taking over the world stuff. they do help with exams & chores though 🙏🏻

yuram ends up in university thanks to her symbie, as a journalism major bc she’s a nosy little shit & thinks she knows what the news should be reporting

fresh grad, just got herself hired by the herald but doesn’t get to cover the mayor chae story :( but she might be poking around on the downlow......

other symbie facts! yubi’s personality fluctuates depending on what kind of ink yuram uses to build them up, but they’ve got a solid lawful good base. they aren’t always awake; if there’s too little ink on yuram, the symbiote just hibernates/goes dormant. they communicate telepathically but yubi can either borrow yuram’s mouth or pass notes to other people to talk to them. their big venom form is a huge mass of inkperson, pitch black; kinda scary but they only use that form for sneaking around, non-combative even though yuram wishes they were. ( but someday... 😉 )

chara insp! venom & eddie brock ( venom ), jang hari ( mad dog ), ji seungwan ( 2521 )

personality / misc! gemini sun, sagittarius moon, aries rising, a powerhouse clown. loves being argumentative & is always ready to go. probably willing to go to bat for you even if she’s only known you for 10sec bc she’s nice looking for a fight like that. can’t cook or clean but would d*e before admitting it or the many other things she sucks at. her common sense only exists in yubi, really really rebellious for fun & impulsive because she’s not patient enough & just wants instant gratification. in my head her bgm is any mgk x blackbear collab bc she’s got loser punk rock vibes. disaster really

PLOTS

petty crimes crew: exactly what this sounds like! just a ragtag buncha dummies spraying graffiti & pickpocketing, have been saying they’ll commit a heist since high school but still have no idea how to. lame gang things!!

free printer services: if you need help printing something or, ahem, ‘editing’ a document wink wink... she’s here to help

herald coworkers: yuram’s notorious for being a bit too headstrong & willing to investigate excessively for a story, asking way too many questions & only trusting herself. writes articles freakishly fast once she’s done tho. maybe a mentor or someone who has to keep her in check? fellow new hire jostling for a promotion?

snu friends: anyone from journalism, or their school’s broadcasting & journalism club? maybe someone who saw her ( yubi ) sign up for a million clubs but she never turned up too

bulleog apartments: neighbour plots!! yuram’s a petty little shit of a neighbour & somehow always up to something strange

commitment issues tm: yuram’s string of flings, past & current, or the (1) serious relationship she screwed up? ( also lowkey would love an enemies to friends / lovers / worse enemies but now we care for each other gdi plot )

thats all the ideas i have in my head but we can brainstorm instead!!

#ast:intro #𝙄 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 \ 𝙒𝙍𝙀𝘾𝙆𝘼𝙂𝙀. ( ooc )

[gretakatharinaa]

Martinis and Monogamy - about situationships

I sat at a bar with a friend recently, having a chat about our ex-partners when I mentioned the term “situationship“. Almost immediately, she rolled her eyes and went on about how situationships aren’t a real thing. 

“I mean, you’re either some sort of friends with benefits or you’re in a relationship. Simple as that“ she argued. I couldn’t disagree, yet I held on to situationships being a thing. 

„I never said they’re good or fulfilling but so many people are more than just friends with benefits because they have feelings for one another and still, they can’t fully commit.“

We kind of left it at that since our shots were coming but it did make me wonder:

If situationships are a real thing, why did they become so popular in recent years? Are people really too scared to commit or has every generation been this way? 

Last week, I went to my best friends’ birthday party and talked to one of his friends about how social media influenced our choice in partners (or the lack thereof). 

One thing I can say - besides that I only seem to be having worthwhile conversations once there’s drinks involved - is that social media has put a spell on our behavioral patterns. 

A study published by The Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking has found that people who reported higher levels of Facebook use were more likely to experience Facebook-related conflict with their partners which then was associated with higher levels of breakup contemplation and lower commitment to the relationship. ("Facebook or Unfaithful? Predicting Facebook Related Conflict, Infidelity, Breakup Contemplation, and Divorce" by Russell B. Clayton.)

Of course, that study was published in 2014 and social media has since then not only evolved but downright exploded.

Besides the obvious reasons on why social media can cause disruption in a relationship, like: jealousy, insecurity, (online) infidelity and distraction, there is a much more twisted influence at play, even way before we enter relationships and which might be the reason why it’s never coming to a commitment in the first place. 

Social media fuels itself by consumption and the only way you get people to consume anything is either giving them what they need or making them need what you’re giving them. 

That being said, the biggest blessing and curse of social media is: options.

Not only do you have the option to talk to multiple people ate the same time, you - and they - also have the luxury of putting their best side out there. If people are making themselves look bad online, is because the chose to do so and most of them - us - wouldn’t post about boring nights in or non aesthetic places; we show what we want to share and that is: the good stuff.

And when you see those options, all the places you could travel to, the people you could meet, the relationship you could be having or the hot single summer that might be ahead of you, reality becomes confusing and underwhelming. 

You might find someone who you’re starting to like but you get scared, because what if there is someone out there who you’d like more, who understands you better? 

Commitment has transformed from being honorable to limiting you. And honestly, there’s a truth to it. Entering a (monogamous) relationship will inevitably shut you out from the solo traveling, the single summer or a hot flirt every once in a while. 

Yet, being single will maybe make you crave a deeper connection with someone, being inseparable and wanting someone to choose you and only you, instead of all the other options out there. 

So you end up in a weird grey area of being more than friends because the connection is undeniable and yet you don’t fully commit simply because it has less risk and (almost) the same benefits as a relationship. 

Now I’m not saying everyone should delete their socials and start dating, since many people enjoy situationships, or relationships or being single or friend with benefits or whatever words you can come up with in bars with your friends.

There are no rules when it comes to any form of relationship, the only sensible choice you should be making is detaching yourself from options that are displayed and focus on the ones you actually have. You’d be surprised how clear things get. 

Until then, drink safely and if you see my friend, tell her situationships exist and are great, just to piss her off.

(Also, Listen to Frank Ocean - Facebook story)

#monogamy #situationships #relationship #social media

[astoldbyjo]

Day 1 (again)

01/29/2024

Let this be another attempt at being consistent with journaling. Hence, the title "Day 1 (again)".

I really thought I was going to journal more frequently after my last entry here. I feel like it ended on a very strong note which would have been a good transition to my next entry. But then again, I did say that "I tend to never finish anything I start" and that includes journaling (among many other things).

This time, I won't be pressuring myself into doing this anymore. I've realized that being honest with yourself is one of the most liberating things you can do. It has allowed me to set realistic expectations and prevented me from disappointments.

To start, I'm going to commit to writing at least one entry every quarter. Now, THIS is a realistic expectation.

I spent the first month of 2024 planning and setting goals for the year. For the entire month, I was in deep self reflection -- looking back to see where I'm at in life, recognizing what I've been doing wrong from the previous years, and planning my next steps to improve my current state.

There was a lot of lessons I learned from 2023. Those learnings helped me put my priorities into perspective and narrow down my goals for 2024 into 5 things:

Enhancing my current skill set

Developing new skills

Finding what I'm passionate about

Finding role models and mentors

Finding opportunities for passive income

I do have "mini goals" on the side but these are the 5 things that should guide me with my decisions and help me stay focused and aligned.

I want to be more intentional with my time and energy this year. This is why I want to take things slow. When I look back, I don't think there was ever a point in my life where I took things slow. Upon graduating college, I immediately applied to several law schools while looking for a job. When I entered law school, I started working a month after. Before I resigned from my first job, I was already looking for a new one. When I landed a new job, I had to act fast, pack my stuff, move to another city, and settle down within 3 weeks. I never had a proper break.

I can't say that I'm not grateful for all these opportunities that came my way because I am (and always will be) eternally grateful for them. But you know the anxiety you feel when you wake up late in the morning and you only have 20 minutes left to get ready before you have to leave for work or school so you have to take a 5 minute shower and skip breakfast just to get there on time? That's exactly how I've felt over the years. And it's exhausting.

Before, taking things slow meant slacking off to me. After all, they say that hustling can get you anywhere in life. I do still believe that however, I now understand the importance of taking a step back to just... breathe.

Last year, I dropped out of law school to free up my capacity because I wanted to prove my value at work. I also wanted to spend more time with my family and friends. I also wanted to go to new places and meet new people. I also wanted to always show up for the people that needed me. I also wanted to explore the possibility of finding someone to love. Basically, I wanted to be Everything, Everywhere All at Once -- a movie title to describe my 2023. But I bit more than I could chew. By the end of the year, I just felt exhausted.

I am stepping into 2024 with a fire lit under my ass again (in reference to my very first journal entry, of course).

But this time, the fire is gentle and kind -- but still penetrating.

[sylvie-duh]

Feeling sad about a few things

Honestly I just have to admit that despite having a great weekend I'm just not really feeling right today.

Part of it is that the last couple days have got me to realize that despite working hard to put my social life back together after putting it on hold while working on my career and dealing with being displaced from housing I'm come to the realiization that while I might get to the point where I'm doing fun stuff every weekend if I work really hard at my social life together I might never get to the point that I'll be hanging out with people during the week.

And while this might seem kinda minor I just feel like a life where I spend the entire week waiting for the weekend is just not enough to satisfy my desire for community and really doesn't meet the expectations I had for my life when I was younger.

Furthermore, I just feel like even on a day to day basis I just don't.... really want to do anything in particular. Like I've gotten used to doing things out of a sense of urgency/obligation/necessity but now that I have alot of spare time during the day I just have no idea what to do with that time that's in anyway satisfying.

And plus while I'm probably going to get involved in my local left soon honestly the entire environment of it is often so unsatisfying. the DSA chapter's refusal to go hybrid means that theres really nothing rewarding about chapter work since it's just a series of endless zoom meetings about zoom meetings. I remember when I was a student revolutionary getting so much done before, during and after a meeting and more importantly being able to discuss ideas and politics with comrades and building social bonds.

The current left at least in my area just isn't rewarding to participate in. It feels like just sacrificing my time to maintain an organization that just refuses to be effective. That isn't to say I shouldn't participate, of course I should since it's a basic obligation to participate in the socialist movement and to make it better. But I miss the warmth of comradeship that I used to have and honestly if things don't become hybrid or in person I just might have a limited timeline for my participation since at the end of the day it might not be sustainable as a lifetime commitment.

The other sad thing is that I had to vent on a tumblr page with 4 followers, almost none of them will see this. Which is fine no one is entitled to engage my posts. But I feel like around 2017 I withdrew from social media to get my life back together and while I'm glad I never came down with the sort of life ruining levels of stress that came with twitter addiction or the scrolling mania of tik tok it does geniunely sadden me that my ability to make friendships and connections through social media has attroped so much.

Like I really hope I get to meet some awesome queer people and socialist through tumblr. At the same time I worry that I might just end up posting into the void. Which I suppose isn't the worst thing in the world. Everyone needs to journal from time to time. But I miss being able to use facebook as a way to network, meme, talk about life and meet people.

It's so silly but I kinda realize that the ability to use social media to make connections is something that I always wanted in my life without realizing it and that I've willingly let that part of me die. I do want to get back to that point again and if I work more on it maybe I will it's not impossible but from the perspective of where I am right now it feels that way

anyway thats just my life. I appreciate any comments and solidarity but dont expect any