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cutaepatootie · 6 years

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Now or Never - 03

Pairing: Hoseok | Reader Genre: racer hoseok au / angst Word Count: 8k

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Pt. 01 | Pt. 02 | Pt.03 | Pt. 04 | Pt. 05 | Pt. 06 | Pt. 07 final

The next day you truly feel like shit, but you don’t feel like shit because your legs are sore or because your head hurts. You don’t feel like shit for leaving the party without telling your best friend and you definitely don’t feel like shit because you have to do an essay for next Monday.

No.

You feel like shit because you don’t regret anything you did with Hoseok like you thought you were going to.

Because, for the first time in ages, you wake up with a smile on your lips, remembering events from last night. Remembering how he made you feel, how he grabbed you as if you could slip from his grasp at any moment, how he kissed you, how he touched you, how he fucked you, how he made you feel. And not only physically.

And that terrifies you more than anything.

“I’m screwed,” you grumble as you wake up.

And that is not the only time you grumble that, as you catch yourself thinking about that night and the boy who made you feel like you were on cloud nine more than once during the week.

You are longing to see him again, yearning for that flirtatious banter between the two of you. But it starts raining on Thursday, a storm arriving to the city, and the races are cancelled until the storm goes away, and you don’t see him or hear from him in two weeks.

You didn’t exchange numbers, so it’s logical the boy hasn’t contacted you yet. And the same goes for you, except you wouldn’t contact him even if you had his number, a small voice in your head reminding you that you were just an easy fuck to him. The tension that had been building between the two of you was relieved that night you had sex, and now, he doesn’t want to know anything about you.

But you do want to know about him, and you find yourself going with Lynn to another party at that old, abandoned building in which you saw him all those weeks ago.

You haven’t told Lynn, not because you don’t trust her and you’re afraid she will tell Jackson, but because you’re afraid she will think badly of you, that she will think you’re crazy for having sex – and constantly thinking about having sex again – with your biggest rival.

As you enter the, once again, packed building and climb the stairs towards the last floor, you keep thinking maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. What if he saw you and ignored you? What if he thought you were searching for him and that you were desperate?

Since when do you care about what a guy thinks about you? Where’s the tough looking and independent Y/N?

Taking a deep breath, you let the darkness and the warm air of the room engulf you, the neon lights blinding you from time to time as you search for the bar. You will need alcohol. Lots of alcohol. And despite the fact that you’re dying to know if Hoseok is here tonight or not, you oblige yourself to look ahead and not search around for him.

“I hope we don’t end up surrounded by assholes once again,” you scoff, not only trying to stop Lynn from thinking you’re acting weird tonight and being too quiet, but trying to distract yourself too with normal conversation.

Most of the people think you’re a rather quiet person, but you’re not, and Lynn knows.

“They were actually not that bad.”

You roll your eyes. “All they knew how to do was flirt – which they didn’t do that good, to be honest – and drink.”

Lynn giggles as you two reach the bar. “Maybe you’re right.”

You listen to her as she tells you about a boy she met at the cafeteria last week, and you roll your eyes because, when has she not met a boy at the cafeteria who went to your same university?

“So, he told you he would be here tonight?” you ask her, taking a sip from your beverage.

“Yep,” she nods, her eyes scanning the room as if she was a starving eagle searching for its prey.

“Please, tell me you won’t be leaving me alone like you did last time.”

The silence that follows is the answer you need, and you click your tongue.

“I promise we’ll drop you at your house first.”

You glare at her, finishing up her drink.

“You better do.”

Eventually, the boy appears and Lynn starts speaking with him animatedly while you, on the other hand, are left alone with his creepy friend.

“So, Matilda,” the boy says, and you nearly spit out the liquid you’re about to swallow at the mention of the fake name you gave him. “Tell me, what are you studying?”

“I don’t study,” you lie, your eyes focused on the empty glass in front of you.

You sigh. You’re on your second drink and definitely, not drunk enough to keep a conversation with that creep.

“Oh, I though you did, since you’re at a university party and all that.”

Instead of answering him, you shrug your shoulders and signal the bartender to fill your empty glass. At least, the creep is paying.

“And what do you do for a living?” Mr. Creep, slash Annoying, says.

“I’m a professional killer,” you say, as if it’s nothing.

“W-what?” the boy stutters, and you bit your lower lip to prevent you from cracking up at his scared expression. “A-are you s-serious?”

You grab your glass as the bartender hands it back to you and look at the poor boy.

“Of course I am.” you say, showing your most serious expression. “Matilda, the professional killer. Have you seriously never heard about me?”

“Y-you’re kidding me.”

“You wanna see the knife I use to cut my target’s throats?” you ask, bringing one hand to the hem of your trousers as if you were searching for something.

The boy pales even more as he looks at your hand, hidden under your leather jacket. With a fast movement, you act as if you were retrieving the weapon from under your garments and pointing at the boy.

Mr. Creep lets out a strangled scream as he tries to move away from you, falling from his bar stool in the process.

You crack up hysterically when the light of the neon lights reflects itself on the metallic surface of your house keys.

“Y-you…” the boy stutters.

You keep laughing, ignoring the weird looks from the people around you.

“Matilda the professional killer!” you let out. “You seriously believed that?”

By this point, you are on the verge of tears, your stomach hurting from all the laughing.

“You’re a lunatic!” he shouts as he fights to stand up. “Bitch!”

You can’t help but scoff at his angry words, your laughs never stopping as you watch him leave with the little dignity he still has.

“So much for a little Casanova…” you mumble, taking a sip from your drink as the people around you stop looking at you.

You don’t even feel a presence beside you as you’re too engrossed in your own thoughts to notice.

“Well, at least he could have picked up the bar stool from the floor,” a male voice says, and you’re about to roll your eyes because you can’t seriously stand another creep tonight, when something clicks in your brain and you recognise the voice.

You crane your neck in the speed of light, thankful for not breaking a couple of vertebras in the process, and there he is, looking at you with that smile on his lips. Those innocent-looking lips that can do such sinful things…

Act tough, act tough, act tough.

And so, you take a deep breath, put on an expressionless face and regain your composure.

“Uh, hey” you say, averting your eyes from him once again and looking at your glass.

“Looks like you’re having a great time tonight,” he says, smiling as he sits at the same bar stool he just picked up from the floor.

“I am,” you simply say, wincing a bit because, alright, you want to look tough and unbothered, but you don’t want to sound so rude towards the boy.

“I can see, you handled that boy pretty well.”

“You saw?” you ask, slightly craning your neck so you can look at him.

“I did, Matilda the professional killer. Didn’t know you had so many names,” he laughs.

“Well, some say I’m a box full of surprises,” you smirk. And there it is. That flirty banter, once again.

The boy whispers something, but you can’t hear him over the loud music. When you look at him, his eyes are focused on his hands placed on top of the bar.

“Not much work tonight?” you ask, arching a brow.

He looked at you with a frown on his face.

“I know about your little business,” you say. “It’s impossible not to know, when you sell at every party the people from my university goes to.”

Hoseok narrows his eyes slightly, but lets go of it and just shrugs. “Already sold everything.”

“So, the business is going pretty well…” you tease him, since he looks uncomfortable speaking about the dealing topic.

“You came here by yourself?” he asks.

Somehow, that question leads to Hoseok dragging you towards the bathroom and pushing you against the wall as he locks the door behind him, all lips crashing against each other and erratic breaths in the small room.

“We shouldn’t be doing this again,” you say in between kisses, trying to regain your breath as Hoseok’s lips part from yours and travel south, towards your collarbones.

“Why… Hmm… Why not?” he mumbles.

You lock your fingers through the soft strands of his hair, your heart and mind a complete mess right now. You want, but you can’t. You want to keep seeing Hoseok, but you can’t because, as you do so, you’re betraying your gang, and he’s betraying his.

You pull from his hair, making him look up at you.

“What if they find out?” you sound breathless.

“Why would they find out?”

You push him away from you and move some strands of hair away from your face, sighing.

“It always happens, people always find out.”

“Then,” he whispers, taking a step closer to you until his chest is pressing against yours once again. “We’ll be careful.”

You scoff. “C’mon Hoseok, you know how difficult being careful is in a world like this.”

“So what if they find out?” he asks, his tone sounding angrier. “It’s just sex. I don’t get why that’s such a big deal.”

You click your tongue and take a deep breath, not knowing what to do. As you look in to your eyes, your resolve starts fading like gunpowder in the air.

Seeing your internal conflict, Hoseok stops kissing your neck and roaming your body with his hands and turns serious.

“Tell me you don’t wanna do this and I’ll stop,” is all he says.

Your chests are raising and falling erratically with each breath. Your eyes drift from his dark ones to his soft lips, and then to his eyes once again.

You want him, there’s no doubt about it, but should you be selfish and do what you want instead of what’s the right thing to do for you and your gang?

“Tell me,” he repeats, grabbing your chin and softly making you lift your head so you can look at him.

Is really sex worth the conflict? Because that’s all you want from the boy, right? Just sex.

“I want to do this,” you whisper, and it’s all Hoseok needs to reattach his lips to yours in a fervent kiss.

Those simple five words are the ones who drag you to the situation in which you are today.

After that night in one of the bathrooms of the abandoned building, you keep seeing Hoseok. And, when you think you’ve had enough, that you don’t yearn for him and his touches any more, he appears at your door and proves you wrong, setting you on fire and turning your whole world upside down.

And, somewhere along the way, you find yourself in a confusing whirlwind of emotions and contradictory feelings towards the boy.

You know you have to stop, that behind that though façade you try to put, there is a girl who falls too easily, too quickly, a girl who gives her everything and always ends up with her hands empty. But you can’t stop, because you can never have enough of him, of what he makes you feel.

It is not about the pleasure that comes with the sex anymore. It is about the passionate kisses you share as he is dragging you towards the bed, about the laughs you share as he is trying to take off your Vans but he can’t, about the fireworks that explode inside your chest every time he whispers your name, about the stars you see every time he lays his hands on you. It is about the jump you feel in your chest every time you catch his eyes amongst the crowd. It is about the pang of pain you feel in your chest when you get reminded it is just sex, it should be just sex.

A month passes.

And to you, the thing with Hoseok is not just sex anymore.

You find ways to see each other. He either visits you at your apartment, or the both of you scurry from the parties after the races. The thing is, you always end up, somehow, drowning in each other’s bodies and pleasure. And when the sun is peeking in the horizon, you always watch him leave. You keep telling yourself it is the best for the both of you, but you can’t ignore the lump in your throat, or the cold feeling that lingers in your bed.

“We have to find a way,” Jinyoung grunts, snapping you out of your thoughts. “There has to be a way.”

You look at the boys, swallowing the lump of guilt in your throat as you sit on the bonnet of your car. The white lights of the garage of the Black Panthers make you narrow your eyes as you try to follow the conversation.

“It is too late,” Youngjae speaks. “There are only five races left, and they are nearly thirty points ahead of us.”

“It is difficult, but not impossible,” Yugyeom chimes in.

“Define difficult, silly,” Jaebum scoffs. “There are five races left, thirty points… Y/N would have to win every single race and J Hope would have to finish under fifth position.”

“Difficult, but not impossible,” Yugyeom repeats.

You gulp. In the last four races, you had finished in second place, Hoseok always ahead of you, faster and wittier. You want to think it is because he is an excellent racer, and not because you’re always too distracted with the way he smirks, imagining that same smirk later at night, when he would be fucking you senseless. He still didn’t know that you were the mysterious racer, and still, he had that cocky attitude towards you as you raced. It was driving you insane.

You felt as if you were failing the Black Panthers, your second family, the ones who have trusted you and gave you everything without asking for anything in return. Well, they asked one thing from you, for you to win this racing season, and you were failing at it.

“Alright,” Jackson finally speaks after some minutes of silence, sitting on one of the metallic chairs of the garage. “It is not impossible, guys.”

Jaebum scoffs and Jackson glares at him.

“We have two excellent racers: Jinyoung and Y/N. Y/N is second on the ranking and Jinyoung is fourth. We can still beat them.”

“And what do you suggest we do?” Jinyoung asks. “I know Jungkook’s weakness is his competitiveness and his recklessness, but I can’t rival his speed. His engine is way more powerful that mine, and I can only beat him in short distances.”

“Then, you will have to take advantage of those weak spots,” Jackson says. “Push him to his edge until he becomes reckless and fails.”

“It is difficult, the boy is stubborn… And good,” Jinyoung nods.

“Then, you have to be even more stubborn… And even better,” Jackson says, patting Jinyoung on the back.

Jinyoung nods solemnly. “I’ll do my best.”

“And what about Y/N?” Jaebum asks. “We still don’t know J Hope’s weakness.”

You bite your lower lip. You have spent an entire month sleeping with the boy, seeing him almost every day, and yet, you realize you don’t know anything about him. He looks so cheerful and extrovert that it makes you think you know him, when the truth is, he is as closed off as a brick and the only thing you know about him is his real name.

“Y/N?” you hear Bambam calling your name.

Your head snaps towards him, a small ‘yes’ falling from your lips.

“You’re the biggest rival of J Hope, you must know his ways,” Bambam continues, nodding his head towards you.

You look at Lynn, who is looking at you too, with expecting eyes, just like the rest.

You shrug your shoulders. “I know nothing about him, he’s always changing his tactics and he doesn’t act a certain way, he just adapts himself to the circuit.”

“And you can’t think about some tactic?” Jaebum says.

“Hmm…” you think.

You have won the boy a couple of times, and all those times, he was distracted. His ability to focus on the road and forget about everything around him apart from the road ahead of him, is his strongest point, so, when it is affected, he is affected too.

“His concentration,” you say, feeling another pang of guilt in your chest. This time, it isn’t for betraying your group, it is for betraying Hoseok. “It is his strong point.”

Technically, you aren’t fully betraying him, but it feels like you are.

Jackson nods, looking at you with those serious dark eyes. You can almost hear the gears in his brain turning, working, as he thinks in some plan.

“We can work with that…” Jackson softly says, still deep in thought, his eyes never leaving yours. “For now, we’ll focus on Jungkook.”

The rest of the Black Panthers nod in approval and you all start getting ready for tonight’s race.

“Lynn,” you call out your friend’s name.

She stops talking to Mark, who smiles at you.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” you ask.

You friend nods and waves goodbye to Mark.

“What do you want?” she asks, a frown on her face as she follows you to your car, the only place where you can trust no one will hear you.

“Get in the car, please.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, just get in the car.”

You hop on the driver’s seat, followed by Lynn.

“Y/N, you’re worrying me,” she whispers.

But your eyes are trained on the rest of the boys, as they start getting in their cars, not paying attention to you or Lynn.

“Is this about your family? Has something happened with your mother?” she asks.

Once the coast is clear, you sigh and run a hand down your face. You have never hidden anything from Lynn, you don’t even know how you’ve been able to keep it a secret from her all this time.

“I’m sleeping with Hoseok.”

“W-what?” she asks, confused.

You look at her, worry in your eyes.

“Who the fuck is that Hoseok chick, and why the fuck does that worry you so much?”

You nearly face-palm yourself right there and then. She doesn’t know his real name.

“Oh, sorry, I meant J Hope. I’m sleeping with J Hope.”

“What?!” she screams, and you’re glad you decided to have this conversation inside your car, when no one is in the garage any more.

You take a deep breath.

“You’re sleeping with J Hope?! As in J Hope, the main racer of the Blue Eagles? The arrogant asshole? The Ghost Eagle?!”

“Yeah, the one and only.”

“O-okay…” she says, blinking rapidly as she straightens on her seat and looks ahead. “This was unexpected, sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

You watch her going from confused, to angry, to confused again.

“Are you fucking crazy?!” she screams, once again going back to being angry. “He is your rival, for fuck’s sake!”

“I know, I know, it’s just – “

“It’s just what?!” she interrupts you. “You know what could happen if Jackson or RM found out?”

You gulp.

“This could be Third fucking World War.”

“Let’s not be overdramatic,” you stutter.

“Overdramatic?!” she keeps screaming, turning towards you and raising her hands in the air. “You’re fucking the main racer of our rival team! Oh my God… If something happens… Fuck, Jackson will kick you out and he will kill J Hope.”

You frown. “Okay, I get why he would kick me out, what I don’t get is why he would kill J Hope.”

She sighs, and it looks like she is trying to calm down herself a bit.

“Something happened between Jackson and RM in the past, and that’s why they hate each other so much,” she says.

You frown. You knew there was bad blood between the two leaders, but not to the point of being capable of killing each other.

“What happened?” you ask.

“It’s not my place to tell you,” she says, voice softer. She looks at you and the anger is gone from her face. “I would, but it really isn’t my place to tell you. Jackson should, and when he is ready, he will. Until then, all you need to know is that the Blue Eagles and the Black Panthers are rivals, and that you shouldn’t be messing around with one of them.”

“I don’t know if I’m just messing around anymore…” you sigh.

“What do you mean?” Lynn asks, her tone raising a bit once again.

You cover your face with your hands, sighing.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I was scared and unsure.”

Lynn lets out a long exhale of air and rests her hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’m glad you told me in the end.”

A long silence follows Lynn’s words, and she is the one to end up breaking that silence.

“Tell me about it, how did it start?”

You grunt, your face still hidden behind your hands. Eventually, you move them away and place them on top of the steering wheel.

“We ran into each other at that university party we went two months ago, when we met that silly boy who asked us if we were cousins.”

“Mhm… I remember that asshole,” she jokes.

“Well, Hoseok came to me and we started some sort of… Banter. I don’t even know how to call it! He was flirting with me, but I wasn’t, until I was flirting too and… One day he drove me home and I invited him to my apartment.”

Lynn face-palms herself and you sigh.

“You invited him to your apartment?”

“Yeah… I thought what was between us was just sexual tension and, if I invited him to my apartment and slept with him, it would be over.”

“But it wasn’t.”

“Nope. We kept seeing each other until… Today.”

“Ugh… This is bad, this is so wrong,” she whispers. “He knows you’re a Black Panther, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t get why he’s sleeping with you, then. He knows what will happen to him if RM or Jackson finds out,” Lynn says, more to herself than for you to hear.

“Is it that bad?” you ask, hoping it isn’t.

“Have you fallen for the boy?” Lynn asks as an answer to your previous question, rendering you speechless.

It is your lack of response which makes Lynn snap.

“Y/N!”

“I haven’t fallen for him!” you quickly defend yourself. “I just like him… A bit too much.”

“Ugh… This is soooo wrong!”

You want to cry. How could you let something like this happen to you? You’re here, disappointing your best friend and yourself, when Hoseok probably is relaxing before the race, not even thinking about you, or about the mess you’re in.

“What can I do?”

“You have to stop seeing him,” she says.

Your eyes widen. It is the only option, you know it. The best for you and the best for the Black Panthers. But it is not the option you want.

“I…” you stutter.

“Look, Y/N,” Lynn says, turning serious as she grabs your wrists and looks you in the eye.

You feel like that sixteen girl who ran away from home all over again. You feel small and unprotected, and for once in your life, you don’t have your next move planned. You’re used to timetables, to having everything planned and under control. You’re not used to this, to having to rustle up, to having to make decisions in a haste. You don’t want to feel like this small, fragile girl, you want to feel powerful, sure of yourself, you want to feel like the woman you have been building all these years.

“You’re my best friend, I’ve known you ever since you were seventeen and I’ve watched you grow and become a woman by my side and I love you like a sister. I only want what’s best for you, and that Hossok boy isn’t – ”

“Hoseok,” you correct her, giggling.

“Hoseok, J Hope, whatever the hell his name is. You have to stop seeing him.”

“I know,” you sigh, feeling as if you’re starting to regain control once again as you move her hands away from you.

“I know he seems a nice guy and all that, but he isn’t. None of them are. Not even the Black Panthers.”

You gulp, and she keeps talking.

“When I got you into this… world, I knew it was dangerous, but you are strong, and I knew you would put up with it,” she pauses. “The races, the competitions, the parties… It all seems funny and harmless, but it isn’t. Behind all those gangs, there is a story, there is some sort of business.”

You remain silent, looking at the steering wheel as Lynn looks out of the window.

“I first heard about the races when I was in high school. I met this boy, Christian. Handsome, hot, funny, cocky… Everything a girl my age wanted. He made me feel some sort of way… And I ended up falling for him. He dragged me to this world, to his world. At first, it all seemed fun and games, until I found out what his ‘group’ did behind their racers façade. They dealt with weapons. Most of them were hiding from the cops, numerous charges behind their names, and Christian was one of them.”

You look at her, because she has never told you this story.

“One day, we were just drinking and having fun in some park, the rest of his group was there too. I still remember the date, the weather… Even the clothes he was wearing…” she pauses again. “He was too young.”

Her voice sounds bitter, and you see in her features that she really loved the boy.

“Some guys appeared all of the sudden. The started shouting things and pointing at us with their guns. Christian hid me in between some bushes, telling me to keep quiet and run away. But I didn’t, I stayed.”

You place your hand on top of hers, comforting her.

“Turns out, some business had gone wrong. Their clients weren’t satisfied, and they wanted an explanation. The boys refused the new offer and the others killed them. Not even one of them survived, some of their girlfriends lying on the floor next to them.”

A shiver runs down your spine.

“Christian hadn’t told me anything, about the other gang, the weapons, the business… Nothing. I loved him, and I thought he loved me back, but he didn’t. I was just his toy, his distraction… That’s all those boys are looking for, they can’t keep someone by their sides because of their lifestyle, and when they do, it always ends badly.”

“And how is it that you still belong to this world?” you ask.

“Because I met Jackson, and he offered me a way out, a way of earning easy money… And that’s how I ended up being a racer of the Black Panthers.”

“You only told me about Jackson, but never about Christian.”

“I try not to think too much about him, he only brought me pain.”

You nod.

“That’s why you have to keep yourself away from Hoseok, Y/N. Not only for the Black panthers, but for you. He is not good for you, you think he is, but he really isn’t.”

You gulp, because you know.

“And what about Jackson and the rest of the boys? Are they better than the rest or something?”

“No, they’re the same, they just hide their business from us to keep us safe.”

You silently nod, fiddling with the car keys in your hands.

“Fuck,” you giggle, trying to escape from the awkward situation and your conflicted thoughts. “I always knew you were a softie deep inside.”

“Hey,” Lynn says, snapping your hands away from her as you start the engine of the car. “Don’t make me prove you wrong.”

. . .

You try to avoid Hoseok even if you’re protected by the thick, dark visor of your helmet.

You are almost trembling as you climb on the driver’s seat of your black Mitsubishi, stopping you from looking to the silver Porsche parked on your left every now and then.

You can hear his laugh above the noise, feel his presence even if there are metres and the thick material of your cars between your bodies. It is as if you are the moth and he is the flame, forever catching your attention, forever dragging you towards him, until you touch him, and you get burnt.

“Get on your cars please! The race is about to start!” someone says through the speakers.

You close the door of your car after waving at Jinyoung, whose car is parked behind yours. Unconsciously, you look towards the silver car out of the corner of your eye, catching Hoseok looking at you as he adjusts his seatbelt. He must sense your eyes on him, because he suddenly looks at you and a frown appears on his face.

You avert your eyes from him and get everything ready.

Seatbelt. On.

Windows. Down.

Feet. On the pedals.

Hand. On the gearbox.

From the outside, it looks like you’re ready, but on the inside… You’re far from that.

You’re barely containing your nerves, your hands trembling despite the tight hold you’re keeping on the steering wheel. Your head, far from being focused on the upcoming race, is focused on other things. Things that have nothing to do with the race.

Although they have a lot to do with the boy sitting on the car on your left.

You can’t stop thinking about Lynn’s words and the story she told you. You knew what you were getting into when you first met the Black Panthers.

Races are illegal, and most of the people that take part in them have done things way worse than racing in some abandoned industrial area.

But you wanted to earn money, easy and quick, and it was your best option. Without doubting, you joined the Black Panthers.

Two years later, here you are, racing against the best racers. Trying to be and act as someone you really aren’t.

When the count reaches one, you step on the gas pedal and your engine comes to live, roaring with force.

Your mind isn’t in the race, because your heart is somewhere else, and Hoseok wins without having to sweat a single droplet.

But, if you thought the most difficult part was trying to focus on the race, you were wrong.

The most difficult part of your plan is going to be avoiding the glares Hoseok is sending your way, and he is glaring at you because you’re avoiding him like the plague.

Usually, by this point, you would be stealing glances at each other, getting the other worked up until one of you couldn’t take it any more and stood up, the other following a while after. You would be getting shy at his dark eyes, traveling through your body lustily. He would be breathing erratically, observing how, each time you took a sip from your cup of vodka, you would look at him and run your tongue across your lips. You would be fighting silently, lust, desire, taunting as your weapons.

But tonight, you’re not following his game.

You’re sitting on the couch, the untouched cup of vodka still full. By your side, Lynn is speaking animatedly with some girls, Mark observing them just as silently as you are.

You can feel your skin burning every time his eyes land on you. You can feel your cheeks heating up every time you feel the anger of his dark orbs. You can feel yourself tensing each time you feel your phone buzzing in the pocket of your jeans.

Gathering a bit of courage, you look at him.

He is sitting, just like you, surrounded by people who are chatting animatedly. And just like you, he is avoiding them.

His eyes are on the screen of his phone, and his fingers are typing something on it. Just then, you feel your phone buzzing again and he lifts his eyes from the phone to see if, this time, you will answer his texts.

But when his eyes find yours are already on him, the anger only grows and you avert your eyes quickly.

You have never seen him this angry before, not even that first time when you beat him unfairly. And despite your efforts of ignoring it, you can feel how it is making you feel hot and bothered.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” you say to Lynn, who nods, not even hearing what you just said.

Placing your cup on the table, you stand up from your booth and walk towards the bathroom.

You know it is a bad idea, since Hoseok will take it the wrong way and think you want him to follow you.

You don’t even look his way one last time before you disappear in the crowd.

The music sounds distant once you lock yourself in the bathroom, taking a deep breath, but deciding it was a bad idea when you smell the acid scent in the air.

Forgetting about the environment you’re in, you take your phone from the back pocket of your mom jeans and unlock it.

22:50 PM [from: Hoseok] – where are u?

22:50 PM [from: Hoseok] – i can see the rest of your group, but not you

Is what you received at the beginning of the night. You stayed a bit longer at the garage to speak with your sister while the rest went straight to the party.

23:44 PM [from: Hoseok] – fuck, u look so pretty tonight

23:45 PM [from: Hoseok] – can’t wait until we’re both alone

23:45 PM [from: Hoseok] – to have you moaning underneath me

23:46 PM [from: Hoseok] – begging like the good girl u are

You bite your lower lip as you read those messages.

23:58 PM [from: Hoseok] – Y/N?

23:58 PM [from: Hoseok] – is something wrong?

23:58 PM [from: Hoseok] – i can see you avoiding me

23:59 PM [from: Hoseok] – did something happen?

00:05 AM [from: Hoseok] – can you at least answer me?

00:16 AM [from: Hoseok] – ok

00:16 AM [from: Hoseok] – i see u don’t wanna talk to me

00:17 AM [from: Hoseok] – have fun

The last message was sent just five minutes ago, when you stood up from your booth and went to the bathroom.

Walking closer to the sink, you splash some water on your face, trying to avoid your eyes because you don’t want to ruin the mascara and look like a panda. You’re just closing the faucet when you hear some knocks on the door.

“Occupied!” you say.

“It’s me,” a male voice says from the other side of the voice, and you stop dead on your tracks because you recognise the voice.

Not knowing what to do, you remain silent.

Another knock.

“Y/N, I know you’re in there,” Hoseok says, raising his voice a bit. “Open the door.”

You hide your hands in the pockets of your jeans, afraid that, if you let them free, they will act on their own and unlock the door.

“Y/N, this little game you’re playing is starting to piss me off!”

You bite your lower lip and stay still. Eventually, he will give up and you will be able to get out of the bathroom.

“If this is one of your little games to get me horny, you’ve won. Now open the door.”

You place your hands on top of your mouth to prevent you from saying anything.

“Y/N,” he really sounds angry. He knocks again on the door, and you can see the handle shaking as he agitates it violently. “Y/N! I’m being sincere when I say I’m starting to get pissed off.”

“Hoseok, go away,” you finally mutter, hoping he has heard you.

“Y/N,” he repeats, and this time his voice sounds closer, as if he’s resting his head on the door. “You got me all hot and bothered, now open the door so I can play your game too.”

“I’m not gonna open the door.”

All you hear is the silence of the bathroom and the muffled music outside the door. Hoseok remains quiet for a while, and then, the knocks start again. Now, he is truly pissed off.

“Y/N,” he growls.

“This isn’t a game, Hoseok, I don’t wanna see you tonight. Just go away.”

“Why? Did I do something? Baby, let me in and we can’t talk about it.”

That would probably be the most mature idea, but let’s be honest, in this kind of situations you’re not the best at acting mature.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I don’t wanna see you.”

“Fuck, Y/N,” he growls, banging once on the door. “At least give me an explanation.”

“What explanation does ‘I don’t wanna see you tonight’ need?!” you say, raising your voice.

“So, you’re telling me you just don’t wanna spend the night with me? Like that? Out of nowhere?”

“Is it that hard to get?!”

“Well, yeah, it is! It is when just yesterday you were letting me fuck you on your damn bed!”

You run towards the door and knock on it repeatedly. “Shut up! Don’t say that in here!”

“I would say it somewhere else, but you don’t want to open the fucking door!” he shouts, kicking the door with what you suppose is his feet.

“Gosh, if you’re horny just find another girl to fuck!” you shout, not even knowing what’s leaving your mouth any more.

“Maybe I should!”

“Maybe you should!”

Another blow reaches the door and then, it stops. The shouts, the knocks, everything, and you’re left in the middle of the bathroom, with erratic breaths and a numbing silence. You feel your heart clenching at the idea of Hoseok fucking another girl, of Hoseok replacing you. But maybe, that’s what he should do, what’s best for the both of you.

After all, it looks like he didn’t care about you that much.

Hesitant, you unlock the door of the bathroom and stick your head out of the space left between the ajar door and the doorframe.

You don’t know if it’s disappointment or relief what you feel when you find an empty corridor.

Sighing, you walk out of the bathroom and head towards the dace floor, which you have to cross to climb up the stairs that will lead you to your booth.

Out of the corner you make out a dark figure leaning against the bar top. You click your tongue and fasten your pace.

A harsh grip on your wrist stops you in the middle of the dance floor.

“You thought I was going to let this slip?” you hear Hoseok whisper in your ear, his teeth clenched with force.

“Hoseok, not in here,” you mutter, looking around you.

It looks like no one is paying attention to you two, too engrossed in dancing, in letting their bodies follow the rhythm of the music.

“Then, where?”

You crane your neck so you can look at him, and fuck, does he look pissed.

You try to break free from his grip, but only to find his fingers enclosing tighter around your wrist.

“Just…” you look around you once again. “Follow me.”

You sigh in defeat, because you know he isn’t going to stop until he gets what he wants. You’re willing give in if that means not being seen together in the middle of the dance floor.

He lets go of your wrist before sending you a sever glance and then, you start crossing the industrial unit until you reach the front door and you walk outside. You wait for Hoseok at a nearby industrial unit, your arms crossing across your chest as you battle against the cold air of the night.

“Here,” he says, appearing in front of you and taking off his bomber jacket to place it around your shoulders.

You take it off and hand it back to him. He frowns, but doesn’t press you any further.

Instead, he takes it angrily and shoves it under his arm.

“Care to explain why you’re acting like this all of the sudden?” he says, now his tone sounding more tired than angry.

“This,” you say, pointing at you and then at his chest. “Has to stop.”

He frowns. “What?”

“Whatever it is that we have, it has to stop.”

He scoffs. “Last night you weren’t telling me to stop.”

You fulminate him with the glare you send his way.

“I don’t get this drastic change of opinion.”

“I haven’t changed my mind, I’ve just finally realised how things work.”

He scoffs again. “Oh, please, enlighten me then, how do things work?”

You look at him, he has crossed his arms over his chest too, and he’s starting to close off.

“You tell me, you’re the one who has been a part of this world way longer than me.”

He glares at you, and when he’s about to speak, you open your mouth once again.

“For fuck’s sake Hoseok, you’re a Blue Eagle and I’m a Black Panther. We’re enemies, rivals, we can’t keep seeing each other.”

“We were rivals a month ago when we started fucking, and you seemed to be okay with it.”

“Seriously Hoseok?” you say. “I told you how wrong it was.”

“Yeah, but then I asked you if you wanted to keep seeing me and you answered yes. If I remember correctly no one was aiming at you with a gun, making you answer that. You answered that because you wanted.”

“Because I was being selfish and reckless, and I wasn’t thinking about the consequences.”

“And now, you’re just being overly dramatic.”

“Maybe, but I prefer being dramatic than being dead.”

“See? Dramatic,” he says, rolling his eyes, and now, you’re the one who is annoyed.

“If Jackson finds out what we’re doing, he will kill us.”

Hoseok remains quiet, lips sealed. Because he knows. He knows it is true.

You press your hands on his chest, pushing him away from you.

“You know it, and you don’t care?!” you say through gritted teeth.

“What are the possibilities of them finding out? C’mon Y/N, who cares if we fuck or not? You’re just another Black Panther, no one knows you. You’re just another girl in this industry. Who will care about you fucking me?”

His words feel like a harsh slap against your cheek, and you can see how Hoseok regrets letting them slip from his lips.

You bite your tongue to not say who you really are, the other Black Panther no one knows, just another girl in this industry, the one who is biting his ass at every race, his biggest rival.

“Y/N…” he murmurs.

“You definitely don’t, but I did, I did care about me fucking you, and Jackson and RM would have cared too.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It is over. Whatever the hell we had, it’s over now.”

“Y/N,” he calls your name once more as you start walking past him.

“It was just sex, there’s nothing to worry about, we’ll replace each other easily.”

You show him a bitter smile and, when he tries to reach you, you turn around to face him.

“Stop. Do us a favour and don’t reach out to me any more, huh?”

“Fine, you don’t want me to reach out to you? I won’t. This is over.”

After his last words, he purses his lips and stays still on the spot. He lets you go.

And you go, without looking back once, nodding as you repeat to yourself that whatever it was – just sex – is over now, and that it is the best decision you could have made.

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