#i really can't handle this show anymore

[homielander]

while i really liked rhaenyra in 1.10, she was also very inconsistent with the way she’s been written in prior episodes (4-9 mostly), and i don’t know what we’re supposed to take away from her characterization this season.

the last time rhaenyra showed any resistance to violence was all the way back in episode 2, when she flew to dragonstone to peacefully resolve a conflict with daemon that could have turned messy. merely paralleling that moment in the finale, however, does not erase the fact that since the first dragonstone encounter, she has walked off when a suitor propositioning her hand was killed, plotted with daemon to kill an innocent man to facilitate laenor’s escape (and resolved that the people should fear her as their scheme unfolded), and watched vaemond beheaded and expressed no feelings on the matter beyond mild shock. now, i’m not saying she has to jump into battle, but in the book she was outraged that the throne that rightfully belonged to her had been usurped, and offered very blunt terms to the greens -- to cede the throne immediately or die. i would have liked to see some of this resolve in the finale.

rhaenyra has also been neither cognizant nor considerate of the fact that, as a targaryen, the customs of the realm over which she hopes to rule are different than hers. apart from the fact that she passed off her bastards as trueborn, she also complained that the valyrian tapestries in the red keep had been replaced with banners of the faith of the seven, and she stated that the wants of the smallfolk were of no consequence to her as early as episode 4. none of these things are criminal, but they do provide us deeper insight about her mindset. (oh, also: she slept with criston, who was essentially a servant to her, despite his repeated refusal and his esteem for the position of kingsguard, which she knew involved an oath of celibacy.) in this episode though, she gave luke a speech about how targaryens were still accountable to the realm and had to follow their traditions and values accordingly. while this is undoubtedly a nice sentiment, it also defies the core of rhaenyra’s character, given that her lack of awareness on this issue is what results in her eventual downfall.

she also spoke of duty to the realm and earning the throne this episode, which are ideas she has never even alluded to prior to this point. i never got the sense that rhaenyra had much of an understanding of what the responsibility of rule truly means. we’re shown how she fled to dragonstone the moment circumstances at court grew difficult for her and we never see her engage in any sort of preparation for her future duties as monarch. she was outraged about the hightowers ruling in viserys’s stead and giving him milk of the poppy to ameliorate his pain, though she was not present for any of the six years he was left incapacitated by his health while they were. i really can’t fathom how we are expected to believe that this is a character who has understood duty all along.

rhaenyra is impulsive, indifferent to violence, ignorant or uncaring of the wants of the people, and generally uninterested in preparing for her ascension to queen. this doesn’t make her irredeemable by any means, but it is the picture of rhaenyra that’s been painted for us all season. the writers seem to want to have their cake and eat it too; yes, rhaenyra has these flaws which make her an interesting character to watch, but when the crisis they’ve been building to this entire season finally arrives, these flaws are nowhere in sight. rhaenyra can’t be allowed to be anything other than wise, mature, desperate for peace, and as luke puts it, “perfect,” at this critical juncture, even though the character they have established says otherwise.

this mirrors very closely what happened to alicent. up to and including episode 7, we were shown that she had impressed upon her kids that aegon would one day be king, and we were exposed to all of the very understandable reasons that she was aiming for this. she didn’t trust rhaenyra, she knew rhaenyra being a woman posed a threat to her children’s lives (which was only compounded by rhaenyra putting bastards next in line and then marrying daemon), she knew rhaenyra’s faction had no issue executing anyone who obstructed their goals, and it was proven to her that the wellbeing of her family was not important (not to viserys, not to rhaenyra, not to anyone) when aemond lost his eye. perhaps rhaenyra never would have harmed her children, but what matters is that alicent wanted the security of power. this may not a morally unimpeachable position, but i think it’s a very sympathetic one to anyone watching without fan goggles on. but actually, scratch all of that -- what alicent really wanted was to fulfill viserys’s half-baked dying wishes. otherwise, she never would have plotted to seize the throne for aegon! her real flaw is toiling in the service of men, don’t you see? (never mind that viserys named rhaenyra his heir before that, so whether she supported aegon or rhaenyra, she’d still be deferring to her husband.) anyway, what was all that other stuff even for, then?

i understand that rhaenyra and alicent will embrace their darker vices as the war progresses (starting with lucerys’s death and likely blood and cheese, respectively). but *alicent voice* where is coherence? where is consistency? the writers seem to be peddling the idea that these women are blameless, and their future misdeeds are a result of men and the patriarchy, but i disagree. i don’t think either of them are blameless. while the misogyny of this setting and time period plays an undeniable role in this story, it’s also stupid to ignore that alicent and rhaenyra are more powerful than nearly all men because of their positions as queen and heir, and thus had their own agency. they, too, were selfish and reckless and ambitious, qualities which we see amplified in their later, more terrible actions, and i think that would have been a far more compelling story to follow.

#i dont completely agree w this anymore so rbs off lol #a lot of people saw the rhaenyra stuff especially coming a mile away since her ill deeds have never held the same weight as everyone else's #but still i was holding out hope. foolishly :( #the only flaw they're really keeping consistent is her lack of political acumen #rhaenyra targaryen #alicent hightower #anti rhaenyra #house of the dragon #hotd spoilers #anti hotd #it's the way i'm not even comparing to the book here..... the show can't even handle its own canon properly lol #internal consistency is all i want atp😭😭😭😭

[maddy-ferguson]

one of the reasons why i was upset after volume 2 wasn't even because i wanted will to come out or thought it would've made more sense for him than what we got it was because i wanted it to be clearer that he's gay because now people are still saying he isn't actually gay in the show which i knew was gonna happen and is just...so upsetting to me...

#it went 1) why would they do this to will 2) why would they do this to mike 3) oh so people can still deny that will is gay that's great #1) why would they do this to will was the more intense grievance. #and i've said he isn't actually technically gay in the show because like obviously he is but in a way people are still able to call subtext #and yk they still say he's not like that's what i meant when i said that and i know that they shouldn't have to dumb it down or whatever #but i mean that someone can watch the show not know about noah's interview and think he's straight and in love with el or whatever #(or aroace! there's people who still say that...) #which like i said i know they're dumb and the show is smart blah blah blah but it's just so annoying to me that people #can be like oh but it's subtext TECHNICALLY robin is the only queer character in the show :) like she's literally not #when people are like oh it's only confirmed outside of the show that doesn't actually mean much it's funny to me because like. are the #duffers jk rowling. who confirms a character's sexuality in the middle of a show and then retcons it? do the people who say this just think #they're gonna make him straight in season 5 like what #strangernews11 this is all your fault #this is about a qrt of their byler fanart tweet that was like 'and nothing for the canon lesbian' with a reply that said one is straight #and the other is subtext like DIE oh my god #sorry. i would never wish harm on anyone over a fictional character......... #i know i shouldn't care but i do. byler hate is bad enough i can't handle people saying will isn't even gay #byler hate actually doesn't really faze me anymore i'm just like i'll win in the end... #and like i say: brf slt

[ff2-soda-pop]

I'm ngl, I'm not actually having as much fun with side order as I was expecting...

#I've been stuck doing the same shit since getting kicked out of the spire of order and 1) the levels are getting REALLY repetitive #2) I've done two boss fights since then but it feels like that's impacted nothing? so im just like. what was the point of that then #3) I keep getting splatted and sent back to the start. which wouldnt be a bad thing on its own but the main cause of almost all of them #is that I keep getting cornered and then a swarm of enemies larger then I can handle shows up and I can't get away (I've seen the camera #clip through the jelletons models SO MUCH) or I get swarmed while I'm busy trying to figure out what the hell I'm DOING #(example: lost track of infinity ball and was trying to find it again. yknow so i could COMPLETE THE OBJECTIVE) #and then it just doesn't even feel Fair anymore because like..... WHAT THE HELL AM I MEANT TO DO ABOUT THAT?? HOW AM I MEANT TO FIX THAT??? #also seriously i havent had ANYTHING happen since like. the tutorial. its just do the same shit over and over until i get too tired of it #which makes it all the more frustrating #like im sure i'll have fun again WHEN THINGS PICK BACK UP and im not doing the same thing over and over. but right now i am. #and it's not very fun. and i'd been doing that 'exact same thing with no feeling of progressions AT ALL' for literal hours #side order spoilers #splatoon spoilers

[sheepie-self-ships]

honest to god i think the next person I date irl is just gonna have to deal with the fact that All M-ght is gonna take precedence over them for a long time 💀 he has been there long before them and most likely will be long after they're gone so they better know their place in my mental hierarchy,,,,

#this is mostly /hj but #like. my ex boyfriend said my selfship blog 'made him sick' #and that AM made him insecure 💀 like I saw his point but also. #AM's been one of the only constants in my life for the past *five years* if you can't get over me liking the fake anime dilf #then buddy i dont think you can handle being in a relationship with me. the fake anime dilf enjoyer. #not that im really into the show much anymore but. that's just a testament to how strong the AM brain worm is ig 💀 #is this my red flag? probably. but if you manage to make me like you MORE than AM youd have to be 1 of the most important ppl in my life #even against my other f/os he's leagues more important to me tbh... like I didn't even make an s/i or a playlist for him till this year bc #I didnt wanna mess them up or anything. the only one who is even close is shadow and he's still nowhere near AMs level #no. 1 hero in my heart 🌻 #<- thats his tag for a goddamn reason LMAO #sheepie talks

[adammilligan]

something about how michael was built for war and he’s lived through and won endless battles and did win the war against lucifer so long ago but the first time we actually see him lose his composure on screen is when adam asks him, very gently, if he still cares about what god thinks of him after he left him in the cage. when he gets frustrated and even snaps at one point and adam is still so kind to him anyway. something about heaven’s most terrifying weapon being rendered speechless at one string of words spoken with nothing but gentle concern. not to drag a quote into this but quite literally sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof you’ve been ruined

#like he can handle war but he draws himself up defensively and can't even speak when adam confronts him with nothing but kindness #behind the gesture #and that line is still so interesting to me! because it kind of implies that michael hadn't been acting like he cared about being #the favorite anymore. which to be fair he hadn't! he ditched heaven to hang out with a human that's far from how god's favorite should act #but the new identity michael was building for himself was still shaky especially since yknow. a lot of it was developed in a cage. in hell #so it makes sense that when confronted about it he would start clinging to that old identity all over again. it's very human of him actually #and with adam's real genuine concern/confusion over it + how it's apparent that they talk to each other about everything #it makes me think that no michael didn't actually care about being the favorite anymore. even in 15x19. ESPECIALLY in 15x19 #in 15x19 especially it was a combination of a) his unstable mindset after losing his closest and only friend #b) that loss being a direct hit on the foundations of his new identity #and c) the old identity coming back up to take its place because otherwise he might've actually gone insane. he had to function SOMEHOW #and i know there's only so many ways you can defend 15x19's genuinely godawful writing. i know. and i'm a steadfast 15x19 hater #but this is perhaps one of the only ways i can EXPLAIN it #and no bringing lucifer back didn't help. one of thee pillars of his old identity shows up while his new identity is crumbling to dust in #the face of adam's death and he's falling and you don't expect him to reach out and lean on it for support? that's just what people DO #it's like taking away an addict's best coping mechanism and expecting them not to relapse if only the one time #and he was being actively encouraged to relapse was the thing! dean going 'daddy's boy' at the beginning of the ep? their plan RELYING on #michael's death at the hands of chuck? REALLY. #these tags are not the point of this post. anyway #kate rambles #michael #adam milligan #midam

[xnoel]

so i just watched the last episode of eternal yesterday and i spent the whole time sobbing

#i have a headache now #i knew it was gonna rip my heart out but i somehow didn't expect to cry that much because i'm not a crier #anyway if you can handle sad things i still recommend the show is was really well made and acted #watching eternal yesterday #but i also respect people who can't handle unhappy endings and therefore won't watch the show #also side not but i don't know if i can listen to the ost without crying anymore (the song is a banger so it's on my playlist)

[army-of-bee-assassins]

i have just added a truly irresponsible amount of elementary gifsets to my drafts

#tumblr user claudia-kishi i apologize for all the likes in your notifs #there were so many more i hadn't id'ed than i realized!!!! #i really thought i'd gotten most of them but i was wrong #interestingly when you go back far enough in time they are pretty consistently captioned by other users #i scrolled for a very very long time checking the notes until i think the app couldn't handle it anymore #everything refreshed and i'm not getting back down that far again #i was all the way in 2017 when the show was still going lol #anyway expect much more elementary in my queue in days to come >:) #i can't even describe it all tonight i'm just gonna start with a bit #when i first started adding them i was like oh i'll just whip these out real quick #but no there's far too many lol #j.txt

[rotturn]

every day on this trip is worse

#i can not stand my sister at all i truly can't #she's been yelling and arguing for 10 minutes because she has her hair straightner but mum doesnt have a plug converter #and she keeps yelling ab how her fringe is fucked when it looks literally the same as it has this entire trip #and is yelling ab how its mums fault as if she couldn't have bought this shit herself before we left #i am just. so over this #any fun that would come from being on an international trip is immediately taken away by my mum and sister constantly getting angry #and either yelling or getting passive aggressive and making me feel horrible its just so tiring #bc i feel like such a fucking asshole for not enjoying an international trip that i will never get the opportunity for again #like this cost so much money and it feels awful to say i dont want it or that its not fun or whatever #but i am constantly dissociating and trying not to cry and ive had meltdowns and panic attacks almost every day but im not allowed to show #them bc my sister tells me to calm down and not be so dramatic and everything is a sensory nightmare #and i have a very specific diet at home and its not available outside of nz and there arent really any worthy substitutes and even if there #are i wont know bc i dont speak the languages so im just living on shitty little protien drinks and hot chocolate which makes me feel worse #and on top of it all im sick and i havent had any chance to rest bc my sister wont stop ab going places and doing thingd #and gets pissy if i dont want to #and its just so fucking difficult i knew that being stuck w them for 2 months would suck but its been 1 week and i cant do this anymore #i have no other option but i seriously don't know what to do i don't know how to handle this im at my limit #travelling is stressful and anxiety inducing and its hard enough doing it once on my own #let alone every 2 or 3 days w family that rushes and runs late and has 10000 bags that never fucking fit on the trains #and its always me left standing in the aisle blocking peoples path with nowhere to go bc my sisters giant suitcase wont fit anywhere #i hate this so much and its making me hate all the cities and countries we go to bc i dont get to experience the places i only get #to experience fucking breakdowns and im constantly drinking water bc im constantly dehydrated from either crying or panicked breathing #its a mess and i hate it and i want to go home I haven't felt comfortable or safe since i left home and i wont feel either until i go back #but that isnt until the last couple days of january so i just have to keep dealing with things getting worse by the day #negative cw #rant cw #ask to tag cw

[readymades2002]

i wish i had a way to talk through things with another person but the only people i see in real life i live with and every time i have actually opened up about how i’m feeling it has gone incredibly badly, in part because i’ve isolated myself so far from human beings that i don’t think i’m able to feel or express things in a human way. so i’ve stopped trying to do it.

#i've discussed my art with my mom more recently but in the vaguest terms because i'm always ashamed of how shit it is #and that it is of course usually some embarrassing media thing and she tries to show interest but i can't be honest about it #when i get passionate about things...when i've done it before i look up at the other person while im talking #and i can see them slipping out of my reach and its like being untethered in space so i dont anymore #that or i actually communicate my needs or what is hurting me honestly and then have it used against me or someone else #i talk to people but it is all this like. meaningless chatter that makes me grit my teeth how much its just a courtesy #i cannot relate to human beings with jobs and lives and experiences and friends and skills and so i'm alone here #and i end up crying on here every few hours because disconnecting would be a death sentence but keeping it all inside of me #would fucking kill me and it just. im not reliable enough or warm enough or brave enough to even message people one on one #in a way that means im a meaningful part of anyone's life so its just. yelling in the post editor i go and pretend it helps #i dont want to word it but it is really really deeply terrifying to me how bad its gotten. i really can't imagine a way out of this #i don't think anyone i live with does it maliciously but it feels like i'm being handled like an irritating animal all the time #not like a person. not like an adult. #i dont know. i feel like i have interesting insights into the world and the things i like. i feel like theres so much beauty #i want to show other people to try and express my love because i can't do it in words or gestures #and i feel like it could be so beautiful if i was just understood. if i could just be #i have to stop talking about this now im sorry

[nexus-nebulae]

mm :(

#i need. smthn Safe to do #I just want to go into a safe space #where nothing will bother me for a little bit #but i don't know what's safe anymore #everything that was safe before got ruined and now i don't know where to go I'm just lost and scared and alone #every good show i find is too short to really draw me in and help me escape #or has too much that i just can't handle right now #i don't want to watch baby shows because i need something for my brain to chew on #but those are pretty much the last things that haven't been straight up ruined for me yet #i want something mature enough that it has real emotional themes but I don't want it to terrorize me to get there

[brokenrobot2004]

It makes me a little sad that I'm going to be convicted forever by the hate blog my ex best friend made about me years ago now; to her, the drama ended with that blog, but to me, it's going to stay forever as long as it's around, because it's one of the first things anyone is going to see when they look me up; I'd be more accepting of it if it wasn't also loosely comprised of buzzwords (Biphobic and ablest are specifically strange to me because I'm bi and diagnosed with autism, and even back when I was aroace I never said anything about bisexuals? I never said anything about any kind of disability either, I was always very respectful about both of those things and have even considered myself bi before now too, when I was 11) and mildly sexualized assumptions that an adult made of posts I made when I was either 10 or 11 years old in the furby community, just trying to fit in with what other people were saying but not entirely having a grip on what they meant and sounding off, when I never meant to sound the way I did at all; like how "Fetishizing trans women" was a post where I angrily mocked my mom calling me cute or girly things because I was a trans guy and found it upsetting, "disabled furby fetish" was me trying to make a positivity post about helping disabled furbies to be inclusive like everyone else was being, one of the things happened to be me saying I'd help a furby who couldn't walk sit on the toilet because I heard around that people taking care of the elderly would do that, so I included it in my post to seem knowledgeable on real ways of helping, and that was it; I really really wish that even while I was an unhinged young teenager, people would have just gently asked before writing those ever-lasting posts, "Hey, did you mean bla-bla-bla when you said this, or did you mean something else?" and I would've answered honestly, I'm sure; I was a bit of a monstrosity the further back you go into history of how I acted on the internet but I was really, not all that terrible to talk to when there was no perceived threat from the person and asking me a rational question would've been easy, I never ever mean to hurt anybody, but now, that's all people are going to think of me; even in real life, because who wouldn't look up my social media in this digital era? 🙁

And it was mostly, if not entirely, consisting of behaviors and views I've grown out of since the 5+ years ago it happened; I have even been met with backlash in 2022 or 2023, for saying I'm sorry to someone I was mean to back then 😯 (I now think that was unnecessary from me, I was very tired that day) what do the people who've cancelled me want from me? I don't think they want me to apologize, or care that I've gotten so much better since then; I think maybe they just want to revel in that I am a complete recluse now socially, a coward; I cannot even say "Cool fursuit!" or "I like your artstyle!" without feeling like somehow, someone will come forward and be able to twist what I've said into something terrible and use it against me if they don't like me, because that's just how people can be online now; it's terrifying. My ex best friend has shunned me behind my back for being so scared, I remember being shown longer ago; but knowing the things that upset her, she would be absolutely broken if someone did to her, what she did to me online; because that shit can ruin careers, it could ruin my chance of ever making a friend again, even IRL because anyone can look me up online; imagine doing that to somebody who was at the time, not even old enough to drink.

I've been called vile, irredeemable, and anonymously told to kill myself once even; I was a 16 year old; a rather air-headed one too yet. Who would talk that way to a 16 year old who made it clear he was trying to improve and never meant to hurt anyone? Who knew he was in the wrong and was trying his hardest to fix it? For young readers rolling their eyes, how absurd that is will click when you're older and realize how inexperienced most people are at that age.

And that isn't keeping in mind how developmentally delayed I always have been too, which I state as a fact and not as an excuse; I don't let it ever stop me from improving myself either, but I feel like it's probably important that I mention that about myself here; I've always been considerably far behind people my age socially and often, intellectually; it was very visible at School especially where alot of the work I did was far behind everyone else's, and was alot slower than them too, and when I was younger I'd hardly get any work done at all even and was very difficult to deal with as a whole; Autism can be a very unflattering disability, it's not generally pure or wholesome, and it has influenced my bad or otherwise embarrassing behavior alot in the past; which I will still take responsibility for; because my illness isn't some seperate entity from me I'd use as an excuse, I just want it to be understood and recognized that I can't function as well as most other people in the head, I never could, and I genuinely just want that to be understood coming from someone who is seriously, detrimentally autistic to a point I had gotten diagnosed with it at a young age; my past outbursts and socially-inept behaviors helped by it gave the internet ridiculous shitshows to point at, and I'll never be able to take that away; what I can do is hope that I'll be atleast somewhat understood in the end, and left alone for how I was such a long time ago now

I've made a good effort to no longer be that way or act immature and freak out like I did long ago, and I can't stop persuing a social presence at such a young age, over the idea that strangers might not understand that about me.

I have no respect for people who think call-out and purity culture are okay and useful towards youth; this stuff was meant for use against megacorperations and rich celebrities that are getting boycotted for being generally harmful and/or gross on a huge scale that affects many innocent people, not stupid teenagers like I was, or even young adults. People learn, grow, and change; I spend and have spent every second of my life finding ways to grow and improve, and taking information in from people I look up to and admire to do so; and came far enough that I am 100% no longer the petty, angry, and immature person I was at the time, and that makes me very proud. I am no longer going to cower in my little corner, shivering at the thought of complimenting someone's 3D model or uploading a piece of music on YouTube; because people who told a scared and confused autistic kid to end his life and tried to take future careers, friendships, or even love away from him with things he's said and done years and years ago, do not deserve my compliance anymore

#Also did that blog ever mention me making alts? I don't remember but if it did‚ I wanna say that I literally did that because (continued) #my ex best friend showed me that she was doing it in a video call when we were friends and I admired and copied her methods #That's why I also tried to cancel her when I didn't really vibe with her anymore because I thought I had to do that to end a friendship #I didn't know that I could just not vibe with someone anymore‚ that's how our fight started really; because I didn't know how (continued) #to make that decision properly and kept struggling; my to-be girlfriend later on really helped me figure out (continued) #how to handle ending a friendship properly #And SO MANY other things honestly?? I really owe it to my girlfriend; while my ass was getting ripped off‚ she calmly told (continued) #me what I wasn't approaching properly and with understanding and care; I was actually extremely annoying when we were first talking #but she tolerated me so much that I really grew close to her and bonded with her and we eventually became best friends and then #we became girlfriend and boyfriend and uhh.. What was I talking about again sorry- #Back to me learning something bad from my ex best friend though I also want to say that I'm not saying that to condemn her either. #I was just in a bad online space in general at the time because call-out culture and stuff was just getting big and I didn't (continued) #understand what it was or how bad it can be yet; some people don't care or even actively enjoy it though and I can't change them so‚ #I focus on changing myself; like I always do #Or like maybe I can change them but it's not my responsibility- you know what I mean!!

[kyoohyeon]

.

#I realized that I have a bunch of u processed feelings bc instead of feeling and dealing with them I have been intellectualizing them #instead and now I have this all figured out in my head but also not really and its low key eating me up lmao #I know I have to deal with all of this bc I keep getting worse and this is going on for a while now.. tbh the weight in my chest is getting #a bit too heavy to handle and I feel shitty #the past 2/3 years have been hard on me.. so much stuff happened at the same time and it broke me #I miss being okay-ish. I've been depressed for so long but not like this.... I know I'm a way colder person now and have been for a while #and I hate it lmao I really miss being warm and feeling comfortable with the people that I love but lately all I can do is shut them down #ffs I can't even hug some of my friends anymore and I know its weird for them because I was not this person at all and I miss how things #were before. I feel like I'm becoming this shitty person who doesnt show affection and quite honestly don't care about things as I used to #and that sucks. I hate how I'm feeling now and the person that I am now but idk how to deal with the feelings that I have stored #and its not like I can talk to people about it because as much as they are willing to listen they wont get it and sharing things with #someone that won't understand won't help me at all. I will just feel like I'm over sharing and like they're judging me lmfao #there's this one friend I could talk to but I already rely on her with so much I dont want to become a bother/burden especially now that #she has some bug stuff coming up and has to focus on that #idk I just want to be alone 24/7 and every time someone asks to meet up I feel pressured and stressed out bc I'm not in a headspace to be #with other people and being a people pleaser on top of that doesn't help bc I end up saying yes and it just makes me even more frustrated #I'm just not okay enough to pretend and have a good time or listen to other people's problem right now.... damn I even feel shitty for #saying that.... #idk I need to figure out how to deal with this first bc its killing me and I'm constantly feeling like a piece of shit #meh I wish time travel was a thing bc as much as I'm a believer of not going back in time to change things bc they made me who I am I would #be willing to do that now #anyways.... #if anyone sees this no you don't #I just needed to write it out

[suprsingr]

-

#all right #well #last post then because i'm still upset but i don't really know what to do about it #i'm not sure if i can handle stand up. i put in a deposit on the class and if i show up to the next one #i have to put in the full amount and then there's no backing out #we're supposed to do a five minute set at the end and tbh i was expecting that i could back out #but he said ''no! everyone always backs out. if you're here you're doing the show'' #look i know they can't force me. i can say no for whatever reason i want. i gave them a fuck ton of money #not the other way around #but i don't like that there's an expectation now and if i flake it's going to be noted #i've always loved comedy and i just wanted to mess around with it #see if there's anything there for me. but first class... already fucking disastrous #so i'm not sure i want to invest more money into this. but if i don't keep going with it #i know i'm never going to try stand up again. idek if i'll still be in fl in a year or w/e #i'm as comfortable as i'm going to be in this stupid little room i've already had classes in #but not comfortable enough. i just... i don't know if i can do this. if it's worth it. if it's okay. #but i feel like that about everything. even small things. which is why i keep throwing myself into the deep end #even if i flail around like a stupid lunatic i'll know if i don't drown then i've faced the worst and survived #and the small things aren't so bad anymore after that. #but you have to nearly drown to get to that place. and now i'm wondering if it's smart #to keep putting myself into these situations that hurt so much and coming away from it just #too close to the same thing as before i nearly drowned. idk if the reward is worth the risk. #or if it's even healthy at this point. i want to change but. idk. i don't have anything else to say about it #i just don't know at this point #so. thank you for coming to my mental breakdown. if you read this #you have a good morning or night #i'm going to try to #to delete

[marycorcaroli]

first sex with zoro or sanji?

headcanons ; 18+.

rules ; masterlist.

i had a request for "first sex with zoro" but i decided to add sanji as well, hope no one minds ! english is not my first language, i apologize for the mistakes.

sanji.

— the first time you have sex with sanji is like something tender and beautiful. his long fingers move over your body, sending shivers down your spine, and sanji loves it. he loves that you let him spoil you and not give anyone else the opportunity.

— he'll probably go crazy when he sees you completely naked. he'll spend several minutes looking at all your curves and admiring you.

— sanji will start with endless compliments to warm you up "you're so beautiful", "what did I do to deserve you?", "you're too beautiful for humans", "wow, you're already wet and we're just getting started, do you want my cock so bad?" i already told you he's shameless.

— will leave hickeys all over your body and afterwards, make sure to kiss each one so you don't forget his tender side.

— will lick you for hours before fucking everything out of you.

— just licking you will bring you to euphoric orgasms that make your legs shake, your brain stop functioning and your mouth can't produce anything, but sobs and pleas for more. sanji isn't rough, he wants you to feel all the pleasure possible and realize what it's really like.

— will kiss you while his fingers play with your swollen clit (he still didn't have enough he left you a total mess), his lips bite yours but at the same time he is so gentle and afraid that you won't like something.

— your comfort is important to him so don't be afraid to tell him if you're in pain or if you want him to be more gentle. sanji will do anything for you ! because he loves you to no end and he's afraid to hurt you.

— i bet he gets turned on by kissing you and can't stop.

— sanji will kiss you to hear you moaning into his mouth and sobbing. that way he will know that you like it and you are not afraid anymore.

— i don't think he'll want to hold your wrists, sanji thinks that way he'll completely limit your actions, and he likes it when you touch him ! !

— the first time he has sex, it's the missionary position! it's the best for him where he can look into your eyes and kiss your face ! ! my boy is so perfect.

— his pace is not the fastest, it's medium, it's your first time, even if he likes rough sex, pain, blindfold and restriction, he won't do those things, it's all for your comfort. sanji will be the most loving 🥺 he will start with slow thrusts so you get used to his length and don't feel pain.

— HE HAS SUCH A BIG DICK 😩 i know that for a fact ! ! sanji knows how to handle it and feeling it with his hand on your belly, god is he in heaven????

— will snuggle up to you all the time, most likely your whole neck will be in his drool for he keeps bumping his face into it.

— with your permission, will cum in you so that your cum will be fused into one ( it sounds so weird ) but if you are against it, cum on your stomach is just as good.

— aftercare ! ! will wash you in the cutest way, whispering compliments that make you red as a tomato in your ear while sanji kisses your cheeks <> bring you water, food or turn on your favorite show, watch until you fall asleep at his side, then turn off tv, hug you tight and kiss your temple, thinking about how wonderful you are and that he would do anything for you.

zoro.

— the most beautiful boy in the world ! !

— even if he looks tough, his heart is made of tenderness and love for you.

— he doesn't really need sex with you, you love and support each other, so zoro is more of a platonic relationship.

— but when it comes to sex he wants everything to be perfect. he will spend the whole day with you and show you the most beautiful places he associates with you.

— he will give you the most magnificent kisses that will show all his love for you, his hands will wrap around your whole body and press you tighter against him so that you can feel his heartbeat (it is accelerated because of you).

— he will gently undress you and keep looking at your eyes to make sure you want it.

— he is so happy : ( you trust him so much that you want to be close to him in this way. zoro will give you the most wonderful pleasure ! !

— completely undressing you, running his fingers over your body, over your scars or tattoos, leaving the wettest kisses on them.

— kisses ! ! it's important for zoro to kiss you during sex, so the intimacy between you increases.

— he will lick you till the last to make you ready for him. he has such an experienced tongue and your cunnie is so sweet, he can't hold back anymore 😩 he will bring you to squirt and then start working his fingers to see the show again.

— his pleasure is not so important to him, yours is much more important and he will do anything for it.

— he'll leave your clit swollen and kiss it in the most tender way <> and he won't mind leaving hickeys on your thighs and biting them a little. zoro is crazy about your thighs ! !

— before entering you he will say the most beautiful words of love to you "thank you for trusting me, i will do everything to make you feel great, i promise i will love you till my last breath and after that".

— like sanji, zoro's ideal position is missionary, where he can see all your emotions and can kiss your whole face.

— his pace is very smooth, he does not like sudden movements or too rough sex, he is a real romantic.

— sex with him will be long and pleasant, he is in no hurry and wants to remember this moment forever, which they will do.

— he doesn't care where to cum, he doesn't really want to make a mess, but if you ask him to, he will cum on your thighs or in you (he dreams about it).

— he will change your sheets and wash with you, telling you how good you are for him. he will bring you water or food and then fall asleep on your breasts while your fingers massage his head.

#one piece live action #one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x you #zoro roronoa #zoro x reader #zoro smut #sanji x reader #one piece sanji #vinsmoke sanji #sanji smut #sanji #zoro #taz skylar x reader #taz skylar #mackenyu #mary ♡

[all-purpose-dish-soap]

thinkin about polite gaz being... not so polite when he realizes you're attracted to him. 

not like you let it slip on purpose. he only catches on because he's teasing you and flirting with you and he gets playfully physical and pins you against a wall. he does not miss the way your breath catches in your throat or the way you flush. bit submissive, aren't you?

his attitude changes instantly. he bets you he could keep you pinned right there. hell, he bets he could pick you up, toss you over his shoulder if he wanted to. when you ask him (a bit too breathlessly) if he'd really do that, he smirks at you and says there are plenty of reasons he might have to pick you up. makes it easier to show you who's boss, yeah?

your face gets so hot you think you might actually pass out. you fucking bottom.

he leans in, getting closer this time so you can't shy away; you have no choice but to hear him clearly. "you think you could handle being thrown around?"

if it killed you, you would die happy.

"how about i just throw you into bed instead?"

please, you squeak out.

his eyes gleam and he chuckles. "say please again and it'll be the floor."

nsfw ↓

he's not kidding about being able to pick you up either. or throw you. the moment he has a chance, he's definitely getting you into bed. and he's definitely enjoying how you squirm.

can i ask a favor of you? he asks, so politely, like he's not literally on top of you, pinning you down.

literally anything. you would do literally anything he asks.

"say please again. for me."

you stutter.

"you asked quite nicely for me to throw you. so if i ask, would you beg nicely for me to do other things?"

oh god. oh god. you're glad you're laying down, because you're sure your knees would give out if you were standing up.

when your brain reboots, you stumble over yourself to say yes, absolutely, please kiss me, please tear my clothes off, please hold me down and have your way with me--

god, he really likes that look on your face. he is really going to enjoy you. 

"you really are an excitable little thing, aren't you?" he says, smirk widening as his hand traces along your hip.

is that bad? you ask him.

"it's really hot. almost makes me feel bad for everything i want to do to you."

no, please, don't feel bad, you tell him. you immediately shift, trying to press yourself up against his body. you want him to use you for everything he wants. everything.

"so eager. can't wait, can you?"

no, you can't. you'll die if you have to wait. you try and fail to reign yourself in and be so fucking needy. you fumble with the buttons on your shirt, undoing them one by one, impatient and frustrated. he just smirks at you, letting you get yourself all worked up. just leans back and watches you, enjoying the sight.

when your mind catches up with what your hands are doing, you stall out on the last button. then, finally, he gives in and reaches forward to unhook it himself. then he yanks the whole shirt out of the way.

"good girl. god, you're cute when you're so red like that. you're really into this, aren't you?" his voice is sultry as his caress moves down to the button on your jeans. really just takes his damn time, enjoying how the slower he goes, the more desperate for him you get. but the way your hips twitch when he lays his hands on them has him fighting demons.

"that's it. keep moving. keep squirming." his voice is low and slow--he's trying to keep himself under control as much as you are. he wants so badly to grab your hips and just fucking rail you into the mattress, but it's more rewarding to be patient. how's he going to hear more of those sounds, see more of your desperate ploys to get under him, if it's all over right away?

obviously you have no such reservation. the moment he has your jeans unbuttoned, you're wiggling out of them and flipping onto your stomach, pushing your ass up in the air and fucking presenting yourself to him. please, you beg him, losing your goddamn mind, you can't take it anymore. can't he just...?

gaz damn near short-circuits at the image of you with your ass in the air. he barely manages to stop himself and weigh whether he should deny you a little bit more to heighten the anticipation.

fuck it. he can torment you more after he's inside you. multitasking.

you squeak in delight when he plants his hands between your shoulder blades and pushes your top half into the mattress, dragging your hips up toward his. he pushes you down, fitting his body over yours and putting his mouth next to your ear. he whispers right in your ear. "say please again."

please, please, please, you'll do anything, you tell him, wiggling your hips at him.

and he plans to take you up on that offer.

he leans in close, his breath warm on your skin. "good girl, he tells you. obedient girl."

you've never wanted to be under someone so badly.

your easy submission has him grinning. "are you a good girl all the time or just for me?"

for you, you mumble, hot with shame.

he pulls himself back even more and puts a knee on each side of you, pushing your legs apart. it gives you a shot of dopamine so intense you almost can't keep your ass up. 

"are you being good right now?"

you could be better for him, you tell him, so much better.

he likes the sound of that. it's getting hard to think, having your legs open and right there and he's trying to hold himself back but who wouldn't fall for the temptation he's experiencing right now? "how much better?"

you tell him you could please him more if you knew what he liked, if you could focus on him, if you didn't need more right now, if you didn't need him inside you so bad. your hips twitch again as you ramble, almost mindless.

"i like it when you speak so earnestly," he tells you.

that approval sends another shot of dopamine through you, and your hips buck against nothing. he hasn't even touched you there and you feel like you could finish any moment just from his voice. you're gonna die if you can't have him right now.

he's breathing heavier now, eyes fixed on your opening. his voice almost wavers, heavy with implication. "how bad do you need me, darling?" 

you start to dissolve into begging again--god dammit, he said he wanted you to beg and he's not even doing what you want, what you're begging for--and he interrupts. "you're going to ask properly first."

of course he's gonna make you fucking say it.

you beg and plead in every way you know how, promising every debased act you can think of. when his fingers finally press up against your heat--a teasingly light brush at first, and then a firm press--you dissolve into a mess of broken cries and pleas for him to keep going.

obviously he keeps talking to you in that low, sultry voice, telling you what an impatient little thing you are. chastising you. just another way to flex a little more power over you, and you're so weak for it. and then for that, he praises you.

"such a good girl," he tells you. "you want more?"

you open your mouth to say yes, you want everything, but then he presses his fingers in just the slightest bit, fingertips splitting you the slightest bit, and all you can do is keen. you rock your hips back into him desperately, sliding his fingers into you, and something in you snaps. you tip over the edge. oxytocin floods through you, your legs lock up, and shameless sounds fall from your lips. gaz's breath catches as you finish. then he grins.

gaz pulls you up to him fully and lies down above you. kisses you on the mouth and then trails his mouth down your jaw to your ear. "that was perfect," he says, breathless, and unashamedly horny about the fact that you just came on the second knuckles of two fingers.

you stare at him in muted shock yourself. you can't believe you just... you really just came like that? what's wrong with you?

"how about this," he says in a low, smooth voice. "since you were good, why don't you lay back down and let me fuck you properly?" he lifts your legs off the bed and raises your hips toward him. "let me do everything i want to you."

you swallow and nod, not trusting yourself to speak without squeaking.

"good girl." this time there's no hint of teasing. his eyes are hungry. "let your man take care of you."

...

[part 1] / part 2

more Gaz / masterlist tag

#soft dom gaz #snippet #mine #kyle gaz garrick #gaz #gaz cod #kyle garrick #gaz Garrick #gaz x reader #gaz x you #kyle gaz Garrick x reader #kyle gaz Garrick x you #gaz smut #gaz x reader smut #cod #cod x reader #call of duty #call of duty x reader #cod mw2 #cod mwii #tf 141 #tf 141 x reader

[tsukasageorge]

totally forgot but it's show week now 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 collapses on the floor in a pool of tears 🤩

#the show will pull together because it always does #however. i failed to get an advanced tap skill in 3 hours as a complete novice so now im too sad and tired to learn a new one #and i keep missing my cue because there's literally like 30 fucking minutes between the start of the scene and where i come in!!11 #like sorry but how am i supposed to stay focused for that long!???? #i can't hear shit from backstage #and crew seems stressed which means they are mad at me and me only #all of these problems could be easily fixed. however i am sad so im going to do absolutely nothing about them #then be even more stressed because i didnt use my time wisely and am completely utterly unprepared #see this is why id never be able to handle a lead role #my friend wants to be in the next production but she wont try out if im not auditioning #and the only character i can really audition for is the lead #i dont really wanna be in that production either way #but i know shed be great at it #anyways not the point #the show will pull together but the question is. #will *i* pull together? #wow im like barely stressed anymore #i understand the appeal of pouring your heart out to random strangers on the internet now #im gonna go practice my lines 😎 #i still have to find a good tap combo by tomorrow #but i think i can do it #audience can't see my toes anyways