#i probably wont like get out of bed???

[ursifors]

just checked in on jeremy and he has to play outlast in the morning and i'm so excited because outlast is one of my FAVORITE games in the world - i have watched michael and gavin's playthru of it 2093809248093 times (if u follow me on twitter u have probably seen me post about falling to sleep to that playlist countless times) so im VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS

#logan speaks #im literally setting an alarm #i probably wont like get out of bed??? #but i'll wake up and turn over to watch my tv LOL

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[elibeeline]

How do i go about Eating More

#its most likely the manic episode blocking out hunger. if it can do that. #bc im currently not eating until food is either placed in front of me or until i have dizzy spells and a growling stomach #and even then im either not eating all of it or im 'holding out until a more suitable time' #like right now its 10pm and someone is sleeping in every room i have to walk past to get to the kitchen #and in my room i only have babybells that are probably expired and chocolate and thats Not It #wanna know what i had today? three cups of coffee and half a bowl of chips #now im lying in bed trying to figure out why i feel sick and dizzy and my stomachs growling but i still dont Feel Hungry #i think the solution is getting actual food in my room #but i cant do that until friday and knowing my luck ill be in the swamps of depression and i wont want to leave the house

[naenaex0xx]

maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone

#like how my day is? or what dumb stuff im doing lol #my “safe space” where i got to meet people somehow (and theyre very cool :3c) #well. im happy if i get to do it now #cmon nae! sympathy points wont do you any good !! #okay so. tumblr gets to be my little planner too cause i get to write things in the momoment #so im writing things im proud of! #brushed my teeth for more than two mins today #n i actually washed a lil! its embarrassing writing this here because i dont want anyone thinking im dirty.... since its gross #but anyways.. im getting better at putting my phone down at night! #that means fixing my sleep right? i just have to sort out the mornings since i lose track of time #and struggle to leave bed (its too comfyyyy >.<) #and oh. i want to start going on walks.. #itll be hard since the house is getting done n stuff but. anytine if the day. i feel like taking walks woukd be better for me #just to keave the house. my eyes always hurts when i steo outside #n thats not good :< #those are my goals for now. i do wanna get closer to my friends. and actually make friends! #ive had no friendships for nearly a year at college lol #its just been 'oh well' but i have actually felt lonely... oh well- #i guess i wanna get closer to people? #and.. talk to ny old friends too #i feel to guilty #im not good with this stuff. it drains me #but anyways. baby steps right? who knows #maybe ill make a friend on the trip! or next year too! that sounds good #ik nobody'll probably read this cause its word vomit lol #but basically yay yippee im feelin kinds alright #<333 #posts.nae/rambles

[vixenicks]

status of the now. i have not slept its 5am

#i am so tired but theres so much i need to do and i wont get it done if i sleep #because like ive been putting off showering and cleaning for multiple days now because i keep blacking out #and then shocker! person with chronic pain and probable heart issues is too tired to do anything but doomscroll in bed eat and then pass out #i wish i was like seven again so i could get rewarded for very menial tasks #give me a small dollar tree knick knack for brushing my teeth #i did not get knick knacks for chores at age seven but hypothetically #not a depressive episode but ive had zero motivation for anything lately #and i think its just because of my poor self care as of the past few weeks #its so hard to stay. in a routine though when you need to sit on the floor because you wiped down the counters #showering is such an ordeal i always narrowly avoid passing out #i need a shower chair probably but my parents would be pissy so sigh #also i dont own one #told alfie this already but i should invest in a walker #theres dust building in my room again too because i dont have the energy to stand on a chair and clean it #that and the last time i stood on a chair and blacked out and fell off #love being disabled slash ess #skyler posting #sorry for the rant this is my diary you understand

[casual-eumetazoa]

I’m having surgery on Monday (it’s elective and I’m very glad to be having it) which means I will spend all of next week and possibly more laying in bed and doing nothing. 

Therefore I am collecting suggestions for TV shows, YT video essays, YT videos in general, and podcasts (fiction and non-fiction). Sci-fi and horror are my go-to genres for everything fiction. For video essays / podcasts: science and literature are my preferred topics but I am willing to watch 10 hours of someone talking about, idk, competitive dog grooming or 17th century Hungarian folklore if the essayist really cares about it. Though I am kind of tired of super political/depressing/heavy topic video essays tbh. Not in fiction! In horror, I go as hardcore as it gets.

So yeah, if anyone has suggestions, please throw them at me. Not taking recommendations for books cause my TBR is 47 positions long :) And it terms of games I’ve been playing nothing but Hollow Knight for the last 2 months and I don’t see that changing any time soon. 

#i reblogged a list of what im watching and reading earlier today #to give an idea of what i usually go for #also im thinking of going back to big finish but i will have to go into such obscure stuff #cause i already got through so much #like all of main range and most of 8th doctor stuff #i miss main range actually #if there are any story boxes with 6 or 8 that came out recently that are good #i might try them out #anyway im getting my uterus yeeted #actually my entire reproductive system tbh #like uterus ovaries cervix etc #had to fight like hell to get this surgery #and im spending most of my savings on it #so im not excited as such but i will be so relieved #my uterus has been doing weird things for the last two years so yeah #i will probably make a post about it mid next week #im hoping to go home the same day and with no complications #after reading probably a novel worth of reddit posts im pretty sure the recovery is not so bad #and im used to pain and being in bed and such #i just hope anesthesia wont fuck up my digestion #or my mood #but weirdly i feel like the surgery might get me out of the depressive slu #*slump #its gonna feel like such a huge weight of my shoulders #one more thing to be positive about

[arrowpunk]

I have decided to quit my stupid dumbass job and just live off of the sheer power of spite

#ramblings of an arrow #But like seriously I could barely get out of bed and stand up this morning #Realized that if I kept going like I have been I probably would end up permanently disabling myself #so uhhhh yeah #gonna go into work tomorrow #and then use up all of my sick time for the rest of the week #and then put in my 2 weeks the following Monday #and just.... hope I get a job asap in October after moving cross country again #simply I cannot keep this up without very possibly working myself to death or disability #and this morning made that very clear to me #hopefully I can crank out a chunk of art and buff out my portfolio a good amount in the next couple of months #we will see how things go #but I have enough saved that Batty and I wont starve and die in the coming months

[10-dutchies-12-bicycles]

having a terrible time bc the past few months i accidentally kinda maybe 90% cured my adhd...? no im not making this up im srs

i need a support group for ex adhd peeps but unfortunately. yanno. thats not a thing. or at the very least a "how to focus as a neurotypical" article or sth 😭😭😭😭

#like??? do i just. focus? and then it works? i probably wont be able to hyperfocus for 6 hrs straight anymore right? #or will i? is that just a me superpower and not necessarily a me with adhd thing? do i need to take breaks??? how often?? #how do i get back to focusing AFTER each break?? how will i face my high school classmates at the 10 year reunion like #'yea so i got an adhd diagnosis. yea ikr you never wouldve guessed huh! yea so also i cured my adhd 3 yrs ago' ?!?!??!?! #on a related note i am nowadays frequently like 'i think emptying the dishwasher would be a fun activity to do!' #YES emptying the dishwasher yes or no is one of the metrics i use to measure how bad my adhd is on any given day the past while #ooooooo now that you mention it i should get out of bed and go empty the dishwasher that might be fun!! 🤔🤔🤔 :3c #<- SEE???? SEE WHAT I MEAN????? WHO THE FUCK /ARE/ YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME #i need to vaccuum today #whoops byeee #mine #need to go asap

[biillys]

been flicking between house and er and now i want the billy working at a hospital au's please

#i have no concrete thoughts and head canons just vibes #actually i do but i'm not typing all that out cos it rly is 75% vibes. and probably 25% medically incorrect. so i'll keep that to myself th #but like! good with kids! good under pressure! worked his ass off at medical school and it shows! #also i need max working there too but maybe in a different area and no one knows they're siblings #but then they'll get all /siblings bickering/ in the hallway over dumb shit #and every one's just like.... is that Legal ? #also. heather not working in the hospital but some other job with just as fucked hours #and they're housemates obvsly so every time they catch each other at home they're like #'gonna k myself. you?' 'gonna k myself. bye.' and immediately fuck off to bed or work #and okay. on one hand. billy knows he's not gods gift to this earth. his dads been telling him that his entire life #but. on the other hand. the only way he's made it this far in life is by making himself god's gift to this earth #so. it's rly hard to not be a cocky little shit at the start of his career #which unfortunately leads to small fuck ups. which leads to big fuck ups. #fuck ups he wont forget and carries with him every day #but once he finds his feet. finds his place. boy oh BOY he was made to work in this field #max didnt follow him on purpose. she rocked up on his door step the second she graduated. if that. #and billy more or less just said. im broke as shit and in so much debt i cant even buy myself a chocolate bar. take the couch #if ur staying longer than a week i want fuckin rent #except his version of rent is max pitching in for dinner and chores and groceries etc and if shes gotsome money to contribute thats cool to #but he's not about to like. kick her out #anyway. one night they're somehow magically all off and free for the first time in months. so they're having a few drinks #and heather's bitching about her job and billy's one upping her with every story #and max is like. bro it probably isn't even that hard. and billy's like. i Dare you. #(they're drunk. billy hasn't even had time to think about alcohol in Months and now he's a lightweight and he's Drunk) #and max. becos she's max. and she's never /not/ ready to prove billy wrong. decides to actually go for it #not like she's got much to lose. except money maybe also free time also mental brain capacity and the will to actually wanna live #but. like. nothing to lose! so she's opening google the next day and figuring out where to start. and before she knows it #she's there baby! she's living medical school hell! it sucks ASS. somehow she doesn't give up! #flash forward like 10 yrs and billy likes to brag that his life's so good that max had to copy him. #ran to california. works in a hospital. daddy issues. etc etc.

[sinfulforrest]

gehhh I can feel my brain starting to turn pretty fucky wucky and I would really prefer to not have that happen again cause it was really bad last timeee

#forrest speaks #vent #i literally feel up to my eyeballs in stress there's so much shit going on right now and i just really don't like this #got real bad family stuff happening and just general depression shit hitting really hard and pressure from parents to like choose a career #and pressure from uni cause I've not done work for a while and have been in a state about it and ive been too terrified to try and sort #out my probable autism shit cause it stresses me out thinking about it #i just feel like curling up into my bed and never leaving it yknow? its overwhelming and makes me want to cease #feel the need to say that i wont and dont do stupid shit to myself when i get like this because i dont want people worrying n shit #i just usually keep by myself and stay in bed and just mentally beat myself up i guess #god being awake just feels so exhausting right now but im still to awake to sleep #im sorry for dumping this here but i just wanna scream how im really feelin deep down into the void n stuff and this is the best i can do #gonna try drawing a bunch of real self indulgent shit so i can get that happy feeling of making something at the very least #god knows ill need it

[orcelito]

I feel like Tally's been clingier the past few days. I've been coming home straight after work instead of going on bike rides or sitting around to write bc I don't want her to be alone for even longer. But even then, she's just yellinggg anytime I come home

I don't know if she's realized the Cassy shaped hole in our lives, but I think she definitely understands that she's been alone.

#speculation nation #anima death ment/ #she always is a little bit annoying in the morning. trying to bother me out of bed #but shes been very insistent about it recently. pawing at me and sitting on me #she's been really sweet honestly. still wont let me cuddle with her lol but she'll sit nearby #and she'll be purringgg anytime i pet her. yeah. #i suspect i'll get a call today or tomorrow about the ashes. and when i do it's probably gonna ruin my entire day lmao #i'll deal with it when it comes i guess. #for now. i have a babygirl who is making unhappy meows for attention #she keeps carrying her toy mice around everywhere hfkdhfjd #this morning i found one in my SLIPPER... like thanks babygirl i love you

[wibble-wobbegong]

i have never fought with my mom before but brother i am feeling Annoyed. we are not going to be late because i leave at 7:07 instead of 7:00. school literally starts at 7:45.

#sorry annoyance with my mom is spiking #basically raising her kids for her in every way except money #and when she used to drive us we’deave even later than i normally leave bc she’s pouring herself coffee and we were STILL so early i couldnt #go into the school yet #i drive ur kids everywhere i plan your son’s birthday #your daughter gets out of an abusive home and SHOCKINGLY she’s depressed to hell and back and starts hurting herself!! but no IM the one who #has to fight for her to get put in therapy too #i had to hide thd kids and put her to bed and stand guard and call the cops for her #i got a job literally a week after she told me to get one #me when i have to explain my sister’s sensory issues to my mom so she’ll leave her alone #me after i tell my mom my brother probably needs to be put into therapy too but she wont listen to me and then she’s shocked when the doctor #tells her he has anxiety issues #who wouldve guessed #not to mention the many months long period where she straight up wouldnt feed us #like. didnt buy the groceries #were good now but at least if it happened Now id have the money to doordash us stuff #im grateful for my mom bc she’s done good things for us and doesnt hurt us but good god #rant over #sorry i ran out of my mood balancers this morning #dear diary

[batz]

had like a 5 hour panic attack last night and i gotta say feelin pretty Normal

#frank.txt #i genuinely feel like i ws run over by a truck HFJSDH i havent rlly gotten out of bed yet #MOSTLY bc of my cat tho she wont rlly let me leave she keeps curling up on my chest whenever i try to get up #kept prisoner by The Squeak............... #i have funy idea for scary puppet art(tm) so maybe i can will myself outta bed to draw som of that! #or i'll play sims idk whichever takes less brain power #probably sims . all i do is makw lesbians in tht game but itsfun so its ok:)

[arolesbianism]

I've just been playing the new cotl update for most of the day and I'm so so close to being done with the main new story bits I think but it's also past midnight but also I'm so excited idk if I'll be able to sleep but also god damn do I need to sleep

#rat rambles #and I know I wont have long to play when I wake up tomorrow since my friends will probably wanna continue our dont starve save #and I wanna too which is why I wont say no if they do but also aghhhhhh #Ill be able to finish it once they have to go to bed but thats so long Ill have to wait 😔 #anyways I saved kalamar for last since hes the hardest originally but based off my current load out I think Ill be fine #aka literally every other bishop died in seconds due to my bomb demon being over level 30 lol #Im so glad they seem to scale further now its soooooo funny walking into a room with a boss and just watching them immediately explode #also Ive been using the golden fleece more and its been going pretty well #I got up to over 500% damage one run that was cool #Ive barely been touching the heavy attacks tho but tbf thats partially cause of keyboard mapping #Ive been having so so much fun with this update tho even if Im not a huge fan of a few aspects #this has brought so much more life to the combat portion to the game for me I havent had this much fun with the combat in a while #I do still need to collect all the rellics tho Im working on it #I also feel like I should buy all the new cards but man. none of them seem very appealing to me tbh #that is one of my big problems with cotl in general getting new cards can make it harder to get the more fun or useful ones #most of the actually useful cards are the base ones or ones given to you mostly for free #everything else is mildy useful or at least fun at best and actively useless at worst #like. ooo drop ichor on hit. wow. honestly give me deaths door at that point like jesus

[fereldenshero]

feeling shitty. Again

#i think im just like. both overwhelmed and understimulated #like all day im busy busy busy out doing shit and seeing things and going to busy places #then we get back to the rental house n then i just sit in bed for hours doing nothing until i go to bed at like 1 in the morning #and its just cold and lonely and i hate my family and every day my moms in a shit mood which makes it all worse #like i should be Happy rn. ive been wanting to make this trip since i was like 14 #and i should definitely be happy to not have to be at work for a week lol #but idk. idk i think vacations just like are not rly my thing in recent times maybe #will probably go to bed rly early today even tho im not super tired #just bc i like. have nothing to do and i dont wanna sit scrolling thru apps all day #i brought my notebook with the intent to write or draw during my downtime but everything i draw sucks #and i cant think of what to write #i think i have an ebook i could read? idk. idk! #just like very emotionally tired. sucks that i have to go back to work literally the Day i get back home #bc my mom didnt fully communicate how much time i should take off #and then ill have a full week of work after that #so i wont be able to relax and fully decompress for another like Week after i get home #urgh #vent #lovely.txt

[dreamcast-official]

mm

#eli.txt #i do not know how i can just. go to bed and wake up tomorrow and not go to school knowing this shit could happen. #i know its probably not going to but what if it does. what if something does happen and people get hurt or fucking killed. #i just keep telling myself it probably wont happen but theres still a chance that it would i dont want to have to find out #i really dont want anything to happen and i dont think it will but what if it fucking does #what if people end up hurt. what if people end up dead. #people i fucking know people i go to school with everyday. #one of my friends could end up hurt or dead i dont want to have to find out if thats going to happen #what if by the time i wake up tomorrow people are fucking dead #what the fuck happens then. genuinely what fucking happens #i dont. know how to act right now. beyond the obvious letting my classmates know theres been a threat and telling them to stay home #but theres no way in hell everyone in the school is going to hear about it. even if they do no way everyone is going to be absent #even if most people dont go. what about the ones that do. #its not like the school itself is letting anyone know. they only told third years about the threat and i think thats fucking irresponsible. #there are kids in that school who have no idea about this. if anyone is going to end up hurt its them. i hate that i cant do anything. #i need to go to bed. nothing is going to happen. everythings going to be alright. #and if it isnt. well i dont know what the fuck to do then.