#love being disabled slash ess

[vixenicks]

status of the now. i have not slept its 5am

#i am so tired but theres so much i need to do and i wont get it done if i sleep #because like ive been putting off showering and cleaning for multiple days now because i keep blacking out #and then shocker! person with chronic pain and probable heart issues is too tired to do anything but doomscroll in bed eat and then pass out #i wish i was like seven again so i could get rewarded for very menial tasks #give me a small dollar tree knick knack for brushing my teeth #i did not get knick knacks for chores at age seven but hypothetically #not a depressive episode but ive had zero motivation for anything lately #and i think its just because of my poor self care as of the past few weeks #its so hard to stay. in a routine though when you need to sit on the floor because you wiped down the counters #showering is such an ordeal i always narrowly avoid passing out #i need a shower chair probably but my parents would be pissy so sigh #also i dont own one #told alfie this already but i should invest in a walker #theres dust building in my room again too because i dont have the energy to stand on a chair and clean it #that and the last time i stood on a chair and blacked out and fell off #love being disabled slash ess #skyler posting #sorry for the rant this is my diary you understand