#i privated this but i changed my mind

[dawnthefluffyduck]

Got distracted and made a doodle, redraw of Ralsei from last winter

from A Heart, Frozen in Time by @patchwork-crow-writes, read it pls

#i privated this but i changed my mind #sorry if that resends out a notif #ralsei #deltarune

[bubacorn]

hc: Vessel is bad at receiving compliments and being told that he is loved (hug inspired by this one, @ghxstly-death put it into words perfectly. thank you, Eden!🫂)

Thinking about Vessel who can't accept compliments, not because he doesn't believe them (that too), but because he'd heard them so many times in the past related to small, unimpressive things. Not 'I'm proud of you', just 'You did good', an automatic response to any and all achievements. He did good. He didn't know what 'good' meant, but apparently, he did that. He has no idea what was good about what he did, so he continues to push himself, to not be a disappointment. If he does good, then that should be enough, right?

He tries for great, for excellent, for something more, but he always gets 'good', unrelated to the effort and time he put into something. He knows he shouldn't wish for more specific compliments, or anything else, really. He should be grateful to be regarded. Everyone around him is so busy, they can't possibly have time to listen to him talk about how in reality, he has no idea what he's doing. How things sometimes just click but he can't tell if what he did is actually worth anything or it was just pure luck. How he doubts himself at every step but learned to hide it, because he has to be good. And good means coping and dealing with things by himself and quietly, because then he will be told that he did good and who wouldn't want to be good?

Vessel who hears 'I love you' for the first time (said with actual love behind it for the very first time) in a really long time from II. He wouldn't tell the other that, but it's clear from the surprise and the hopeful longing in Vessel's eyes. His friend told him he loves him and he doesn't know what to do with that, so he hesitantly steps to him and begins to lift his arms in question. II's heart squeezes at his shyness, after all, the other has spent months alone in the manor, so it's understandable that he would have grown unaccustomed to touch. But then II has to pull Vessel against him, because the man sort of hovers his arms around his frame as if he doesn't know how to approach a hug. Like he isn't sure what is expected of him and what is too much.

Vessel is surprised when II squeezes around his torso, when he brings one arm around his shoulder and the other to his neck, trying to bring Vessel down towards him, like he wants to protect and shelter him. That's strange, but Vessel finds that his arms want to stay wrapped loosely around II a bit longer and just as he starts to pull away, II again says "I love you, Vessel", and Vessel's brain freezes. II squeezes him tighter and Vessel feels so warm and strangely loose (he's afraid he will unravel if he stays too close for too long) and small even though he towers over his friend. His friend who is now holding him and who apparently loves him.

The only thing in his mind stumbles from his tongue in the form of a quiet "Why?". He didn't do anything exceptional. He was showing II an arrangement and said he wasn't sure if it was any good, letting his fingers dance over the keys, feeling like he was stumbling through music. He felt like it captured that familiar insecurity, and he liked it and hoped II would like it, too. Even if it didn't make it into a song. Then II said he did like it, that it feels like Vessel is unsure but it gives the melody a unique flavor, and that Vessel was great for translating that feeling into music.

"'Why?' ?" II's answering question is filled with such disbelief that Vessel wants to hide. He said something inappropriate, something secret that had previously only been dwelling in his mind, in a dark corner, and now he feels exposed. Why did he even open his mouth? Not good. Definitely bad.

Vessel is slumping against II a bit, like he doesn't know how to hold himself upright anymore, like he needs support. II must feel it, because he's still holding him, and it's been minutes and Vessel tries to squirm away, to save any dignity he might still possess, and II lets him slip out of the embrace, but his arms linger like he doesn't want to let go of his friend. His friend who just blurted out the worst response to a confession of gentle affection. Vessel looks so worried when he catches II's gaze and he immediately averts his eyes and takes a few small steps back, unconsciously gravitating towards his piano for protection, a sense of safety.

"You're my friend, Vessel," II tries approaching the man with soft words, "You're kind and considerate and a damn good musician," Vessel stops backing away when the back of his legs hit the edge of his piano bench, but he's still looking at the floor, "You pour your heart into writing and playing and it's amazing to see. You're committed, but patient and you help me every time I need. Even when I'm too embarrassed to ask," II tilts his head and steps a bit closer to try and catch Vessel's gaze, "I know you don't see it and I'm sorry that you can't because it's true. I would never lie to you about this, Ves. I love you, you're my best friend," Vessel presses his lips together, so II adds, "Not just because we live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. You're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm glad Sleep led me to you."

Vessel gives him a look that shows he tries really hard to believe him, and adds in such a low voice it's almost a whisper, "I love you, too," as if he's embarrassed to admit it. But it's not embarrassment, II realizes, it's disbelief, it's some sort of deep shame about needing someone else, of relying on anyone else but himself at all times. And it makes sense, considering Vessel's nature, but II could never put it all together, since large chunks of Vessel's past were unfamiliar to him. He could have guessed based on how the man acted, but he didn't want to assume anything. It felt disrespectful. Vessel would share if he wanted.

"And I'm really glad you found me," just a beat of silence, before he adds, in an even quieter tone, if that's possible, "And that you stayed," Vessel risks a bashful glance towards II, and sees him blink rapidly, shocked by the implication of the other's words, before he shakes himself and steps closer to Vessel. He searches his face for apprehension, but doesn't find any, so he gently puts his hands on Vessel's upper arms and sits him down on his bench. Before Vessel can react, II has his arms wrapped around him, one around his shoulder, and the other's hand cupping the back of his head and cradling it to his front.

"You're important to me, Ves. You're special and precious and I love you," II's fingers caress the man's shoulder and card through his hair, "I want you to know that I'm here for you any time, okay?" Vessel is still stunned and he's sure he's going catch on fire if he gets any warmer. II twists a lock of hair around his finger, "Okay?" Words form and die in Vessel's throat so he just nods, rapidly, almost hurriedly, and II lets out a small chuckle. "You're amazing, you know that?" he nuzzles into Vessel's hair for a moment to murmur, "And adorable," II sways with the man in his arms a little and Vessel is sure he will combust. His face is flaming against II's shirt and he tries to suppress the half grimace-half grin on his face and feels unreal. "C'mon. Tea break?" II smiles down at him and offers a hand. Vessel can stand on his own, but doesn't reject the offer. He likes the warmth of II's hand and he can always use the stability and the reminder of the other's presence. II soon replaces his hand with a mug of tea, but it's considerably colder to Vessel. The contrast is especially palpable when II brushes his knuckles against Vessel's as he's handing him his tea. The mug is warm, but II's skin is burning against his. But it's not bad. It's a good burn. It makes Vessel feel alive. Seen. Loved?

Vessel learns that he doesn't have to prove himself to other people to receive love. Love is not something that has to be earned in their home. Love is not a reward, not something that Vessel has to work for, then be disappointed that in the end, it isn't actually given to him. He tried being good in the past, being silent and keeping his head down and being a good kid, but the warmth and the unconditional love didn't come. He still tried, though, he always tried his best, but apparently that wasn't enough. Or there wasn't actually love at the end of that tunnel. It was just a play of light. But that would have been cruel and Vessel would like to think that people in his past weren't intentionally unkind to him (he won't admit the truth to himself for a while).

II often tells Vessel that he's proud of him. For speaking up. For telling him when he's having a bad day. For asking for distance when he needs it and closeness when he feels like he will drift away. For admitting to messing up, when he falls back into bad habits of self-destruction and isolation. For doing a grocery run by himself even though he goes home almost shaking and has to spend the next hours under a blanket on the couch, because it was simply too much. For crying when he talks about memories that he tried his hardest to forget but he just can't. For asking for help and letting II help him, even though it's hard. It's really hard, and Vessel apologizes for it, for being fucked-up and broken and damaged goods. For wasting II's time and being a burden, a needy, greedy thing. Wretched. Minus human.

But II tells him he loves him and that he could never be a burden. That he will always be worth it, he always has been, and that he's sorry that people in Vessel's past couldn't see it. Couldn't see him for all that he is. For the friend who pays attention to little details so he can show his friend how much he values him. For the guy who bakes his friend a complicated cake for his birthday because he off-handedly told him he can't even remember what it tasted like, even though it used to be his favorite. For the amazing composer who can capture emotions one doesn't realize one has. For the hard-working, curious kid who thought that being obedient and not questioning authority was the way to earn praise and affection. For the little boy who thought something was wrong with him, that he did or didn't do something and that is why he couldn't feel loved. For the child who cried and cried, silent and under the cover of the night, hoping that no one would hear (and secretly hoping that somebody would and they would come and save him from the gaping emptiness that made its home in his chest, way too big and scary for a boy that little). For the boy and then the man who couldn't cry anymore but thought that that is more than alright, at least he can finally keep it all inside. For the partner who allowed himself to be vulnerable with someone he trusted. For the partner who made sure his other knew he was always welcome, even though his brain sometimes tried to tell him otherwise. For the partner who grew comfortable with expressing casual affection so much that terms like 'darling' became second nature to him (and for the way he blushed when II told him that). For the man who learned to accept that it's okay to admit to not being okay, to need someone, to want to not feel alone, to feel cherished, to have his feelings validated. For the man who can tell his partner anything and does, because he knows he can speak his mind and that there will be someone who listens.

II wanted to see Vessel. Vessel let him. Even before he showed the uglier and less than perfect parts of himself, II loved him all the same. It was never about being 'good' and silent and compliant. Vessel is good. Vessel is not good. He's amazing. He's perfect. He's wonderful. He's cherished. He's incredible. He's valued. He's seen. He's listened to. He's heard. He's finally, finally loved. Has been for longer than he dared to think. Will soon be by more people than he thought possible.

#Vessel was a gifted kid who tried to push through burnout and mental illness #waiting for someone to tell him they see and love him and are proud of him #and you can't change my mind #making myself sad first thing in the morning #what else is new #<- it's night since then but this still applies #yes i included a Metallica reference (almost two). fight me (please don't i have shrimp-like arms and get scared easily) #also #tumblr scared the crap out of me earlier #i posted this privately after it posted instead of saving it as a draft #and apparently it was visible #and i got so freaking scared cause this wasn't finished #so i apologize for deleting and reposting #but my heart stopped for a moment and i whispered like 10 'shitshitshit's at my computer #i should be reading for a class tomorrow #sleep token headcanons #buba writes

[14dayswithyou]

Angel: Your most jealous man I know

Ren: you know other men?

✦゜ANSWERED: DGJKSDGSGJK HELPPP T_T IT'S BEEN FOREVER BUT I STILL THINK ABOUT THAT BLESSED ART MADE BY @glade-o EVERYDAY

#Their twitter is private so I can't link it >.< Sorry!! #But just know it has that exact quote; it's amazing; and I still think about it to this day lmao #100% Ren... You can't change my mind jsgds #💌 — answered. #🖤 — shut up sai. #💜 — 14dwy memes. #💖 — 14 days with queue.

[incorrect-fnaf-quotes]

In the Dr. Scraptrap AU, he did happen to have both Michael and Evan—having adopted them like he would later on with Elizabeth.

He adopted them both back in the earlier days when he’d just started working with Henry. And they were both still around with him for about five years.

Then, unfortunately, they both obtained an illness, and passed just a short time after Dr. Scraptrap figured out that they were ill/what they had.

He’s never brought either of them up to the three, but he does miss the two.

#Mad Scientist/Dr. Scraptrap AU #Save tag #Not a quote #When I was originally planning it out... I figured they wouldn’t be here—but I changed my mind #Working on his own~eventually works with Henry~adopts Michael and Evan shortly into it #They get the illness and pass~years later he gets rid of both Charlie & Cassidy~Looks for an assistant and finds Spring Bonnie #Spends time working on Plushtrap & eventually finishes them~simultaneously working on Mimic in private at the same time~ #Considers him (Mimic) a failure and gets rid of him~adopts Elizabeth #Scraptrap #FNaF AU #This man will just not mention a lot of things

[the-moon-in-the-gutter]

As a continuation of this old post, inspired by a talk with @sovaghoul:

Chain would be a secret weapon at karaoke, a supremely funnier act than Aether. Unlike his Quintessence counterpart, he does not work the room, doesn't dance or hype the crowd around him. He just simply stands on the stage, stock still, fully gothed out (emotional support cloak and all). But unexpectedly, he whips out every single early 2000s pop banger and sings with an impressively monotone voice. You can see him fighting through some songs to maintain his extreme RBF but he will never give in and let anyone he's actually enjoying himself.

Aether giving the most heartfelt and entrancing performance of some rock ballad, only to be followed up by Chain. What does Chain select to sing? Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani. Monotone voice as he sings out "this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S"

#the band ghost #aether ghoul #chain ghoul #chain has a huge playlist of early 2000s pop and rap music and you cannot change my mind #man absolutely vibes to Souja Boy in private and you cannot change my mind #oh gods now i cant get the image of him singing Kiss Me Thru the Phone out of my head #pleione writes

[torchiiko]

ik theres Eventually gonna be a canon flug face reveal and i want so badly for him to keep the goggles on (likely(?)) and also that he still keeps the bag on after

idc if it happens in a flashback or the bag rips or its like a whole episode and they make a big deal out of it Once the secrets out that man better stay masked n not just suddenly be free of his paper prison

#according 2 the wiki whose sources are now all privated yt videos Yes there will be a face reveal Yes he is forced 2 wear the bag #also apparently the goggles help correct his eyesight so if he doesnt keep them i will riot. goggles are cuter than glasses change my mind #but all the vids are priv now so who knows if what was said in those streams is rlly set in stone #i just hope hes cute and/or that his face matches his voice #torch chatter #dr flug #villainous

[honeysuckle-venom]

I know I really really really should not do this but I just saw the worst take on my dash and I’m sooooo tempted to comment and like. I shouldn’t. It’s a terrible plan. I’ve done a good job keeping quiet and biting my tongue about a lot of shit for the sake of my mental health and I don’t want to invite antisemitic harassment or people asking me my thoughts about Israel. But this post was so obnoxious and easily disproven and I just want to yell at them. Aaaaaaaaaah

#text post #my post #anyway! jvp sucks for ACTUAL reasons I promise! #I’m tired and angry and scared and it just sucks. it just sucks #i posted this. made it private 2 mins later. then changed my mind #so it's up for now but i might make it private again later idk

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

the absolute weirdest phenomenon that’s so common now is young people or literal teenagers screenshotting offensive messages made by their peers in private conversations and posting them on the internet as some kind of exposé or whatever. like you are not a whistleblower; you are exposing your peers to a merciless internet mob because you are too cowardly to call them out yourself directly or mature enough to just leave the chat. and when its minors it’s especially repulsive because grown ass adults jump all over them to try and make an example out of a fucking kid. lol

like this is not “promoting accountability” it’s creepy ass thought policing. sorry people can be offensive in private conversations; you can be racist or sexist inside your head. there’s nothing anybody can do to stop you from thinking thoughts or speaking them in likeminded company. and it’s not as though you can force people to change their hearts and minds. this only makes people defensive, and rightfully so because you fully violated their privacy. and its even more insane when people argue that people should face “consequences” for their privately held beliefs. i’m sorry…..have you lost your fucking mind?

#i remember when my sister first started at NYU some asians in this fraternity got ‘exposed’ for being antiblack in a groupchat #and the national chapter of the fraternity ended up suspending them and/or closing down the nyu chapter #and the school itself put out a statement #and like….what was the reason exactly? did it make life better for black students at nyu or black people anywhere? #did it change the fact that nyu is fundamentally a capitalist and white supremacist institution? #did it even change the hearts and minds of those asian students? or did it foster resentment for being given to a faceless internet mob? #and make life worse for everybody because now even your private thoughts are not private? #i remember the crazy woman who stalked me on here bragged about some person who ‘infiltrated’ a ‘terf chat’ or whatever and then put all #the women in there on blast for their evil views or whatever like you are literally a freak what in the damn world

[brainless-moe-white-lotus]

havent been on tumblr much cuz I've been making yummy soups for days on end and I don't plan to stop any time soon

#I opened this app to explain what was going on in my life and changed my mind #I'm trying to be more private online #I'm busy and will continue to be busy for a bit is all

[rainbenrry23]

#me masking up as i cleaely hear louis and harry’s voices in lot’s ig story #also she thanked the park as it was a private event? for his baby’s bday? so yeah likely hs was there too #this is as tangible as a proof i can get #you wont change my mind so dont even try #delulu is the new solulu

[seagullcharmer]

trying to think which zelda npcs i think are the hottest. this is tough

#libra.txt #'is it bc of that post--' yeah #uhhh anyway. orielle <33 #orielle. peatrice. renado. sws impa. oot impa. purah. pipit? #professors horwell and owlan <3 #uhhhhhhhhh #< blanking on every zelda game i've ever played #oh. sidon. duh. #calyban(?). #OH. DOUMA <3333333 #she's the prettiest botw/totk npc and you can't change my mind #yunobo could be cuter but i do really like his voice <33 #teba's kinda fine :flushed: #jules in gerudo town....... #also bazz > sidon btw. in case you're wondering #malon and marin are cute in the 'girl-next-door' kinda way #queen oren albw and adult ruto are also pretty #i am struggling to remember guy npcs rn i'm sorry #OH. i do like shad........ (also love the varying perceptions of shad. i always thought he looked like a mid-20s college student) #no one come after me btw. these tags are PRIVATE ‼️ (joking)

[localcryptideli]

Before you nuke your redbubble, here's your reminder to download any of your art you may not have stored anymore, and to see if your favourite artists have other platforms where you can follow them and get their products from

#redbubble exodus #I just put my art all on private for now to see if they change their mind #but I made sure to get the link to my favourite artists' shops

[semiotomatics]

okay, trying a thing

i've started two new sideblogs:

@thefourthtale, a mental illness/vent/general negativity blog. anyone can follow, but check the description for potential triggers

a private blog, for posting stuff that steers a lil too close to doxxing territory on my main blog (face reveal, location stuff, work stuff, etc). mutuals are welcome to ask for the url, and i guarantee if we've interacted, like, at all (even if you just show up in my notes a lot) i'll be happy to give it to you. seriously. don't be shy.

why am i doing this? well, tbh, bc i've gained a decent amt of followers (over 1600 now!) over the years and while i know and love and trust many of you, it's not all of you. also, there is still a bit of fear abt ppl from my IRL life finding this blog and seeing things i Do Not Want Them To See lol. i may end up tweaking the distribution of ~content (gross) as i go but for now this seems like the easiest way to do it

so there you go! while i'm talking abt sideblogs, there's also my twenty one pilots blog @silverlininghills and my brand spanking new disco elysium blog that doesn't even have any posts yet whoops @polychromeghost. feel free to follow those for even more Targeted Content (pukes)

#this has been an original post #personal spewage #blogkeeping #srsly guys #do not feel nervous abt asking for the url #if you've changed urls recently you may need to remind me who you are lol #but i promise i don't mind you asking #i want you to ask! i want to share more of my life with y'all! #i just want a bit more control over who gets to see it #i love tumblr's new thing where you can turn off reblogs #so nice #i wish you could set blogs to private like on IG so you have to approve followers #would be lovely #one day maybe #anyway #eventually i'll get around to making a pinned post listing all my sideblogs #but today is not that day for i am le tired

[risingsunresistance]

consider me on hiatus for a week unless we get skyblock news or something, i dont feel like being social here

#i'll delete this post if i randomly feel better and change my mind but it's not looking likely rn #i am. i am exhausted #i know i go through ups and downs here a lot but this one is Very Down #the only thing keeping me from privating this blog rn is the thought that i dont want the ppl who hate me to be happier with me gone lmao #new years resolution dont let the haters win 😌 #i cant find a reason to post rn. if you need me i'll be on main o/ #priv i'll be on priv as usual lol #happy new years sorry for being depressed JHDFJ. slash jay i dont guess its that bad #idk something something grief combined with preexisting issues really taking a toll on me overtime and starting to get worse #i dont care enough to analyse it i'll just keep avoiding it till i cave and finally move blogs amen #chat #i say a week bc i know i'll probably feel beter when i get to campus on the weekend #i'll HAVE to show off the AE flag in the window of course

[larphis]

I can‘t believe that in 2012 (years before the issue gathered world wide attention) The Penguins Of Madagascar had a more accurate presentation of the problems of climate change and those who denied its existence in order to protect their shady business  practises than most mainstream media outlets.

This was released 11 years ago. Think about that. A show about secret-agent penguins cared more than (most of our) parents did at the time.

#climate change #climate crisis #climate justice #penguins of madagascar #skipper #kowalski #private #rico #cartoon #animated series #now I’m no hardcore activist but this still blew my mind so I wanted to share it with you

[impatentpending]

Okay, so I literally binged "Turning Saints into the Sea" yesterday and finished the whole story. Can I just say, I ADORE how you write Tobey! You make him this perfect mix of intelligent, suave, childlike, and a lovestruck dork and I can't get enough. The way you have him call Wordgirl and Becky "My darling" SHSUAJSHSS MY HEART!! Please write Tobey more I beg!! -🖤 Anon

Oh my goodness, thank you so much!!! I'm having a blast writing TSITS, and there's certainly more WordGirl (and tobecky) to come after :D

Tobey is such a fun character to write because he's one of those unabashed villains that I've always adored playing with, but at the same time he's very sweet and charming, especially to his darling WordGirl/Becky.

Last chapter of TSITS is a bit delayed, alas, because I'm working on pieces for @/tobeckyweek!!! I'm hoping to write something for all seven days, but the one I'm working on something for @/clarissasbakery's evil WG AU is turning into a MONSTER (in the best possible way) so the others may be only 1-3k, or I may wimp out and just make a playlist or something for the other days ;p

#wordgirl #turning saints into the sea #asks #black heart anon #tobecky #my first wordgirl ask what an honor #more tobey coming your way dear anon!! #hehehe i get so happy when someone tells me i nail a characterization #especially that of a villain #previously i prided myself on my janus characterization #tobey about to take the throne ???? (not clickbait) #okay don't tell anyone but i MAY upload the last chapter of TSITS for the change your mind day of tobecky week if i can manage #since one of the mods told me TSITS lowkey inspired that day #if not i'm just going to drop my private TSITS playlist and run lmao