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#i need to go take a nap man
citrine-elephant · 4 months
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there is nothing strictly heterosexual about the way leon looks at other men, i swear
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knifefightandchill · 6 months
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RESIDENT EVIL 4 (2023)
this time... is different.
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smallest-moon · 10 months
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your honor im just simply in love with every version of him ♡
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sweetest-honeybee · 8 months
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Oh btw here’s todays evil xisuma post I hafta share how sad he looks and that he did not hafta have such big ol eyes
And this great snippet
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Comte’s Drama CD: Track One, Prologue
Since I got the Comte drama CD and there’s nobody around to stop me from inflicting that on everyone else, it’s time.
The premise of the entire recording is that MC and Comte spend a day together, so it’s basically Comte non-stop simping for nearly an hour. As you can imagine, I had an excellent time and I hope you will too.
I will say I did enjoy a few of the tracks more than others, only because he’s the most dramatic man alive and I love him. His head is empty and he’s the only one for me!!! More seriously though, there are also a lot of sweet moments that really speak to how vulnerable and real he is with her--and I’m always really drawn to that duality in him. Yes we all mask the true nature of who we are to a degree, but I think there is something to be said for the effort he makes to be honest with her; especially considering how deeply rooted that instinct to conceal is for him.
Without further ado, I will go through each track with little snippets of actual dialogue in the CD. Please note again, I am by no means a professional or a perfect translator; I’m just too obsessed to be stopped. 
The rest is under the cut to avoid spoilers, also because it’s long meta/squealing fest:
So the first track is called “Prologue” and as you can imagine it is exactly as it sounds. There really isn’t a whole lot to this one, as he basically recaps all the things we learn in his main story route. I do want to comment mostly on the beginning and the end of it though, since it’s exceedingly cute and makes me want to kiss him.
His spoken lines at the beginning are as follows:
So this is where you were. Were you looking at the moon from the balcony?
…Indeed, it’s true. It’s hard not to be captivated by such a beautiful crescent moon.
Usually it would be time to go to bed, but it’s such a lovely moonlit night. Let’s stay up a little late tonight.
We could have a glass of wine, or play a game? What would you prefer?
...huh? You want me to tell you a story?
Like. There are so many moving parts here, I don’t even know where to begin. The fact that he’s always seeking her presence (this can easily be corroborated by dozens of event stories). The way that he’s also drawn to the moon, the little silence there speaks to his thoughtfulness and musings of his own that are unknown to us. What does it evoke for him? Is he, too, reminded of the night they first met (hoping MC is thinking of the same)? Can you tell the thought alone is killing me?
The fact that he wants to spend that time with her, lingering beside her and unwilling to part. The way he always gives her a choice, always wants to know what she wants too. The audible surprise when he’s like ????? Storytime? And mind you I don’t think it’s because he thinks it’s immature, rather that he wasn’t expecting it. In a life surrounded by people--both purebloods and humans alike--that are entertained by so little, it’s heart-warming to be with someone who looks for something deeper, something closer to the soul. That, in a way, she’s asking for the gifts of his mind and voice, two things entirely unique to him.
I weep.
He goes on to say:
(his laughter SOBS) That’s a very sweet request…not at all, of course I don’t mind. 
I am neither a playwright, nor a novelist. I don’t know if I can tell a good story.
I hope I can fulfill my princess’ expectations.
…Hm, what should I talk about?
Well then…what about a man who lives forever?
So many things going on here, and no I will not remove my commentary because it’s essential to recreating the experience for the poor souls who will never hear the majesty of his seiyuu’s acting. Truly Horie-san exists to bring Comte to life and I hope he knows I owe him a blood debt.
ANYWHO so like. The way he’s delighted to indulge her (screaming and crying and throwing up why is he so cute??????). But not only that, the self-conscious bent of how he says “I don’t know if I can tell a good story.” I feel like it’s easy to forget that Comte is very much the type of person who prefers to blend into the background; he doesn’t seem to like or be in the habit of drawing a great deal of attention. He likes MC’s attention but I think that’s not really comparable, he’s very specific about who he shares himself with/seeks attention from.
Also I will say. I’ve never really been the type to like the term of endearment “princess” (he literally says hime in the CD) but. Because it is Comte and his adorable face that I want to squish between my hands, I will allow it. He’s a silly goose and he’s more than enough, I love him sm.
Following that he goes into his life up to that point, and because a lot of it is a bit repetitive I might leave bits and pieces out. I do want to highlight a few lines--mostly because they give insight into his character construction that might not have been as obvious in the main story.
A long time ago, so far away that even memories can grow dim…a man was born into a certain aristocratic family.
The family had a great secret. They weren’t human--they were pureblood vampires.
A person who was born with the promise of eternal life.
A person who had the capacity to pursue every pleasure in this world forever.
…But there are always two sides to everything.
…The endless life was, in other words, a prison made of time.
To have met and parted countless times with his loved ones,
The man’s chest ached with loneliness, overwrought by the emptiness.
He had no choice but to watch the world pass him by in endless hours.
I think there is. Something so haunted and fascinating in the words “But there are always two sides to everything.” Even more so because in his literal main story, he openly says “The brighter the light, the deeper the shadows”; always returning to this idea that all things in life are dual in nature. For all that you see one quality, the opposite exists as well. Interesting too because I feel like it explains a lot of his deep-seated anxieties about waiting for the other shoe to drop. Where love exists, loss exists as well. Where joy exists, so does pain. Where fulfillment is possible, so is emptiness. I think it makes a lot of sense that, when you live in an endless expanse of time, perhaps the scariest aspect of it is the constant fluctuation and change. Life is fun when things are going well, but what happens when the painful parts stretch so long? How do you cope?
Just things that keep me up at night yk.
I also think it’s fascinating the way he speaks about his immortality. In Leonardo, we see him address it as something that is monstrous and unnatural. He feels it is an abomination, something to be rectified or removed, almost. Comte doesn’t seem to share that view entirely. He says “He had no choice but to watch the world pass him by.” The removal of agency here is something that I want to highlight. Leonardo sees immortality and his identity as something that has to be reviled; there is a self-retaliatory nature to it in my view. Since he can’t fight against it, he fights against himself. Comte’s words speak more to dissociative terror; to force disconnection from your own body/mind because the pain of your entrapment or the threat to your life is so great. And tbh it’s brilliantly tied back to his lifestyle.
Comte uses the repercussions of his trauma two-fold. To seek out parties and novelties on one level expertly cloaks him in the mien of someone who is a devil-may-care product of overwhelmingly sustained privilege. But on another, I think it’s reasonable to argue that he seeks these things out with two other motives in mind; protection and grounding. He openly tells MC that his greater motive in attending parties is to seek out information to understand who to support on the world stage. This tells us that he does operate on a political level, if only to ensure the safety of his family--but I suspect it is also his way of moving the tides of fate around him in more benevolent directions. Furthermore, keeping himself engaged in something ensures that he is not left alone with his thoughts for too long and keeps him rooted in the present moment, something he also admits to struggling with. (And is a core feature of more extreme dissociation, the endless struggle to live in the present moment.)
I suppose I’m just incredibly interested in the way Leonardo regards himself with such self-hatred and revulsion, where Comte just seems so…removed. Not that Comte is empty of self-contempt, only that it does not feel quite as charged as Leonardo’s. I guess for me it more evokes the image of a child locking himself in a secret hideaway. Where Leonardo lashes out, Comte is the opposite; he retreats/hides. The only time he chooses to fight is when he’s protecting someone else (screams and cries, pls don’t get me started on his righteous fury I could go on for years, every time I remember Jeanne’s rt I’m 👌🏼 close to sobbing).
I also still don’t know how to reconcile the fact that his room is deadass filled with hourglasses (bruh), yet he says “…The endless life was, in other words, a prison made of time.” Like. Something something is his room considered the prison made of time ????? Because if that’s the case my god I’m throwing them all out. Then again it could be his attempt at controlling that which he fears, which I can respect considering I too delude myself into thinking I can control shit I can’t to face the impossibilities of the universe…
After that, Comte starts to explain the agreement he and Vlad made. Honestly it really is a summary for the most part, but there is a section I find worth discussing:
They wanted to create a person who would not die, and would continue to shine with their unique talents.
Without realizing how arrogant it was, they tried to find meaning in this life lived forever.
But…it didn’t go well.
Until there was a sizable rift between the old friends--and they parted ways.
They both loved humans, and worried about their future…they should have felt the same way.
…regardless, all that was left was a door that could cross time and space freely.
What I find interesting about all this is how Comte processes the conflict that transpired between them. Granted there is always the possibility that he’s not addressing everything he’s feeling (the man is REPRESSED) but there’s something that stands out to me when he says “they should have felt the same way.” I feel like when people have a fight with someone they tend to be pretty preoccupied that the other side was wrong; Vlad certainly is desperate to prove he was in the “right.” Comte doesn’t seem interested in that at all. He seems more confused, as if he simply doesn’t understand who Vlad is anymore. Like he doesn’t recognize the person who once cherished human life as much as he did (which I do have some contention with; I’m really not sure Vlad ever did love humanity the way Comte did. Perhaps Comte had believed it was so because he so deeply wished to have friend to comfort and understand him in his pain). I don’t think it’s that Vlad isn’t capable of caring about humans, more that--following the massacre of his clan at the very least--he has too great an interest in retaliation to be able to interact with them without power abuse happening.
I do say this fully understanding that Vlad probably saw some fked up shit, I’m just saying objectively the man sees humanity in an adversarial lens, an oppositional force. Comte tends to be more neutral/positive; he’s more interested in working to a common goal and identifies more closely with them psychologically speaking.
I also find it interesting he says their goal was “arrogant.” Recently I’ve been thinking about the complexities of arrogance. I think it can be easy to oversimplify it as shallow motives that are only focused on self-aggrandizement, but I think it can develop in even more complex situations--often with the best of intentions. I think Comte is trying to say that, while they wanted to preserve lives that were inspiring and uplifting to others, there is folly in the idea that only a few people can manage that. 
People and life in general are multi-faceted things; so many influences and variables act upon them. It is more sustainable to be a single unit of immovable, radical mindfulness and extend that outwards. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people working together to achieve that goal, only that the responsibility for changing the world can’t fall on a handful of shoulders. It requires everyone to care and think more critically about their behavior, with the help of the people around them (ideally). There is arrogance in the belief that they had control over the fate of the world--an arrogance Vlad will not relinquish, one that continues to get him into trouble and lost him his oldest friend.
Aight and because that’s enough of my brainworms, this track ends with:
And the door brought another important encounter…that’s you. :> 
Now, you know what I mean, don’t you? That’s right…that’s the story until you and I met each other in our destiny. 
But that was only the beginning…now, we move forward together.
Our very sweet, and happy love story.
I just…………like I know I say it over and over again, but the way he just fills me to bursting with uwus. Another important encounter, a life-changing one for him…that a new story is being written, one that they get to write together. That “we move forward together” in a “very sweet, and happy love story.” It’s nearly like a fairy tale but somehow it doesn’t feel contrived or hokey when he says it, it just fills me with warmth. I think I just love that, for all his initial hesitations, he really doesn’t waver when he’s decided on something he wants. And if MC is willing to bet on him, he’s ready to up the ante.
All right well that about sums up track 1, next one to come is track 2! Enjoy these musings until then~
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bugmistake · 21 days
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well gay people. another night at the gay bar that left me deeply dysphoric and feeling , as a result, deeply unattractive and perhaps unlovable. jury’s out on that last one. auuuugh
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yusufstits · 1 year
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thinking about nile having nightmares and not being able to sleep post london and then being very tired during the day and taking naps on whoever's around
#like. my heart aches for her thinking about what she's going through after london#debating whether it's safe to contact her family and knowing she'll outlive them and could put them in danger if she does contact them#her friends completely ostracizing her after she came back to life#(once again. what the fuck they should have been so happy??)#so she's completely separated from her former life and is dealing with that loss#the trauma of killing and being killed#like given that she had nightmares about the man she killed in afghanistan i imagine she would also have nightmares a#about the people she killed during the rescue#and this would bring up a lot of complicated emotions and possibly a bit of identity crisis/self reflection on her being a marine#all of this plus being dropped into a group of people who've known each other for hundreds of years + mortal andy - exiled booker#anyway... she is going through a Lot#but: going back to “tell us” i think they would try to take care of her#and talk about her nightmares#(but also. there might be reluctance from nile to share or joe/nicky/andy to ask when she wakes up gasping#because what if she dreamt of quynh. like that's a whole other dimension - do they want to hear about it because it means she's alive#or do they not want to think of her dying over and over. i imagine nile would wrestle with this at first)#ok i got off track the point is. nile taking naps on andy nicky and joe and being comforted. i think that would be nice for her and everyon#there is a lot happening emotionally and andy has to heal physically and they all need to heal emotionally#so. naptime#sorry these tags are so long lol i had more thoughts than i thought#the old guard
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rubiesintherough · 28 days
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#i know ive been bitching about this a lot lately but just let a girl vent pls#husband just got home and said 'you look tired you should go lie down '#and i told him i cant. i have too much housework to do. 'well lay down after that '#cant. because then i have more housework after that.#and he got all huffy at me like i was being dramatic#and he said 'how am i supposed to snuggle up with you if you arent laying down? c#and i shot back ' who's going to do the housework if i dont '#and he rolled his eyes. straight up rolled his eyes.#this is the man that is constantly telling me to just ask him for more help. just make a list#yelled at me and stormed out of the house whej i told him to pls just use his eyes#bc i dont have time to make him a list of chores#and also the man who if i do ask him to do smth it doesnt get done#examples just from today. he was heading into town and i asked him to please bring the recycling with him. he didnt.#he yells at me for doing the cat litter bc its bad for my asthma. but then leaves it until its bad enough i have to do it#bc its unfair to the cats to expect them to use a litter box that bad. and then he gets mad at me for not just asking him to do it#like. its in the bathroom. right next to the toilet. he has to look at it when hes taking a shit every day. and youre telling me#he doesnt notice it? i have to remind him???#and then i get yelled at and reprimanded for just doing it myself#' ASK FOR HELP DAMMIT! '#i do. i do all the fucking time. i ask you to empty the garbage bc bending over makes my back scream. but you dont#and i have to power through and do it.#i ask you to bring the recycling into town to drop off. and as soon as you leave i find out you didnt even gather it up.#i ask you to please clear out the bathtub drain. for two weeks. and you brush it off until the day i decide to#do it myself and you get so passive aggressive about it and ' no ILL DO IT. the tool is back in my mom's room#guess I'll just go WAKE HER UP FROM HER NAP so i can grab it since you need it done! '#im so tired of asking and then just being disappointed anyway.#if im gonna get yelled at anyway id rather just do it all myself so at least its done. and not sit there and beg for help and do it anyway
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milo-is-rambling · 1 month
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I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn
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#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist#anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind#nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work#into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup.#can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro#what the hell okay fine#well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every#part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again#I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge#fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my#brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame#for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man#idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs#which is good that means it’s working#I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake#later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently
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isekyaaa · 2 months
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The difference between insomnia as a symptom and having a "decreased need for sleep" is that, while both results in you spending an ungodly amount of hours awake and not able to sleep, insomnia will result in a exhausted sleepy person while someone with a "decreased need for sleep" will not be sleepy or exhausted.
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slimeciclecock · 4 months
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Girl where is my joy where is my whimsy why am I tired everyday why don't my interests satiate me 😭 I'm not even depressed why can't I get my enjoyment :////
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hauntingblue · 4 months
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The episode title saying the execution command is given and that Tarot pirate pulling out the death card. What if this was my last strand
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iloveyoumorethansoup · 4 months
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Today I learned that essays and written work isn’t that hard. I just have adhd
#not in the funny haha quirky way#as in. I’m finally getting a diagnosis and got to try adderall and what would usually take me a week to write I wrote in 7 hours#it’s not that bad when you don’t write a sentence and go god I hate this! and take a 40 minute doom scroll break#like. thank god there’s something that works!! definitely made me nauseous and kinda gave me a headache. head might’ve been from no sleep#i finished out the semester#and still helped my ex study til one after 2 huge assignments#that’s crazy. usually I can’t form a sentence after 1#i was able to just. do stuff#thought. i should quit doom scrolling. and just closed the app??#and this is a normal thing people can just do#which sounds so fake but also. man. screw that. ur telling me that if someone when I was younger actually referred me to get tested I could#have had this sooner?? that I didn’t have to suffer for 20 years first???#it’s a really weird feeling. my head was just quiet. no loud obnoxious thoughts. when something did cross my mind I easily pushed it away#i was even more creative. i had ideas and I remembered them long enough to write down. it didn’t just slide right off#i didn’t go oh god my room is a mess I cannot work if the vibes are off#i didn’t even need music#i just up and worked#my ex kept popping in my room and laying down with me and I didn’t immediately jump into bed with her and take a 5 hour nap#i was able to talk to her and do work#and get up and sit with her for a little and go back to work#this is like. genuinely life changing#now I just need to find a good dose#probably not til January. i don’t need meds if#no. no. i definitely don’t function in general. i was gonna say I’m fine until there’s homework#and then I remembered laundry#however I still can’t do anything til I get back from Christmas break cause I gotta go thru my college#but there’s hope! next up is anti depressants#soup talks
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jaarijani · 5 months
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the second hand stress i feel both for the guys and for my friends going to the gig tonight is so bad
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many-gay-magpies · 1 year
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come to think of it, tales of arcadia and bbc merlin would make a disturbingly fitting crossover.
#tales of arcadia#bbc merlin#toa#i mean. think about it. au where the merlin douxie and the gang finds in wizards is bbcm merlin who decided to fuck off and take like a#century-long nap or smth (and also looks old because being dragoon was good for intimidating people) and instead of being kind an asshole#he's just this. grumpy cantankerous old man that hits people over the head a lot#and when everyone goes back in time they ACTUALLY go back to the time when UTHER was still reigning and instead of the running gag being#douxie running around watching his younger self be a dumbass douxie isnt even there and they get to watch merlin be an incredibly powerful#twink instead. douxie is like YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU AND KING ARTHUR WERE A THING and merlin temporarily turns him into a toad.#this leaves open the possibility for brilliant scenarios such as douxie (who in this au would have been merlin's apprentice#far post-arthur-mortem when gwen was queen and magic was allowed in camelot) seeing gwen as a servant and being like ''QUEEN GUINIVERE??!?''#also instead of merlin being all insifferable about douxie having to ''earn'' his wizard staff he'd just be like GODDAMNIT YOU DONT NEED A#STAFF TO BE GOOD AT MAGIC. I ONLY HAVE THIS THING BECAUSE IT GIVES ME AN AIR OF GRAVITAS#idk how the trolls and trollhunters would fit into this but i just think it would be neat.#it has the potential to make the whole plot with uther marrying the troll funny as hell tho. funnier than it already was anyway#or wait possibly less funny actually. because in this situation trolls would be all civilized and cool and shit AND they'd be ANOTHER entire#group that uther's been trying to master. so it's yet another instance of ''oh woe one of the groups the king commited mass genocide against#is foiling a plot against him. moral conflicts aaa''#bbcm/toa
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