#i need to feel things on my right leg

[ilikecheeseandchocolatee]

Do any of you ever have that thing where one of your body parts feels really weird and the only way to fix it is to flap it around a bit and then it feels better like nothing hurts but it just feels really weird and I have to wave it around or flap it around or rub it on things is that just me or do other people have that too

#ask tumblr #science side of tumblr #because I also wanna know why that’s happening #it’s like scratching an itch but it’s not an actual feeling except that it just feels like it needs to move around a bit #i hope that’s not just me #usually it’s my legs I guess #especially my right leg for some reason #i need to have socks on when I get into bed #but it’s unusual for me to wake up with the sock on my right foot #because at some point in the night it must slide off (I’m a movey sleeper) #it feels weird those days when it’s not slid off in the night #my left foot is fine I guess #sometimes the socks on both feet need to slide off #but usually it’s my right foot #it feels so weird to talk about #i can’t think of why this would be logical behaviour #maybe it’s a sensory thing #i need to feel things on my right leg #i think? maybe? #help me out here

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[ectoplasmer]

y'all ever feel so much love for your f/o that you just get moved to literal tears or am i just a mess

#art is making me feel things once again #marigoldshipping #<---- mima brainrot hours which is terrible timing because i need to be awake in like six hours #but i am over here. kicking my legs in bed every five seconds #i love him so much he's a literal safety hazard akjjhdsh :( #he's also just a huge nerd and literally just a big loser but/lh #aaaa stopp making me FEEL THINGS it's horrible #i need to be sleeping and not generating tears because my heart goes crazy over fictional characters #literally smiling like an idiot just thinking about him while typing this #he's just. >_< #oh terrible another moment where i can't convey what i'm thinking #he's just... he's such a nerddd aaaaa #his snarkiness his obvious need to dramaticize things even though he *claims* that's a thing that only marik does now (he's lying) #his attempts at seeming much more stoic than he actually is his poorly hidden attempts at trying not to seem like he cares too much #how he can be so arrogant and sharp one second and try so hard to be responsible and gentle the next #how he tries to act like he isn't as much as a wreck as the rest of us but he definitely is #i don't. even know what i'm trying to say. i don't think i ever really do when it comes to any of them #they make me so stupidly incoherent i can't even think correctly right now #i just... i love how i've managed to get past his walls. that i get to see more of him now #not just the scary and daunting part that he used to be. not just the level headed and intimidating part. not just the upset and angry part #i get to see the sides of him where he makes dumb and ignorant mistakes. i get to see him when he's calm. i get to see him when he's happy #i get to see him when he's sad and i get to see him when he's completely vulnerable #i get to see him in every mood and in every emotion. i get to see every part. #and i love all the parts of him. all the mess and fuss and the wrongs and the rights and the good and the bad #all of it is completely lovable to me. he's completely lovable to me. #i just. aaaa sobbing crying sniffling into my hands HE'S SOOOO #god damnit melvin you're making your girlfriend cry STOP BEING SO YOU PLEASE #he's. so pretty and handsome and bbdbfhfbjdffjdfd #i've been talking about my f/os so much recently i'm so sorry >< #gonna. try and fall asleep but my heart is literally beating so hard right now skjfkjds

[wantbytaemin]

my god i just woke up from THE most detailed gentle and heartbreaking dream about jinki im in my bed like 😮 what was THAT

#so it was way too detailed for me to get into everything but it started with him being sad and like not wanting to speak to anyone #and i was sitting on the floor doing some writing & was like hi come here so he sat down like in between my legs and rested against me #i asked if he wanted to talk but he didn’t so i let it be and kept writing but couldn’t really focus #and then minho got there and was like ‘oh good he’s here’ and i was like what happened #and minho explained that like they were planning to do a world tour and album as shinee but jinki didn’t want to participate bc of the way #it was being handled #like there was a promo poster that was super insensitive towards jonghyun too #and a bunch of other things and then it flashed back to jinki filming a teaser for the tour and it was super intricate and too much for me #to type up right now but he looked so happy & smiley #like to make a point that he had wanted to be there until all the shit went down #and then it flashed back to me holding him and i stopped writing (or pretending to anyway) and just held him #there was no minho at that point and it felt like it was hours #and now i’m up and Shaken a little. not to be off the rails you’ll understand as I’m still affected by the dream but like it was so nice to #see him smile im still feeling the feeling like. relief and joy whew whatever he’s doing rn i hope he takes all the time in the world if he #needs/wants to & im grateful to have seen him smile even as a dream

[aropride]

one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????

#text #IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS #LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big #like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant #do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem #like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my #broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting #a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it #like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess #regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it #in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially #but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again #because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee #ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_- #okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d #down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE? #cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting #thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense #THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist #what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth #NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️

[talentforlying]

LET ME ASSIGN YOU AN AESTHETIC WORD.

CAFUNÉ. cafuné means running your fingers through someone's- perhaps a lover, hair. it's such an intimate, affectionate way of showing love. if you got this result, you're a romantic at heart; very sweet, delicate, precious wandering soul. aren't you scared of your heart being too big for your body? somehow, you remind me of that pretty coral pink that bleeds into a soft indigo when the sun is slowly setting.

what i'd like to tell you is that we can't save everyone, and that's okay. you're doing your best, and it's enough.

tagged by: @danversiism!! <3 tagging: you!!

#there's literally a post at the top of my drafts Right Now talking about how much of a romantic he actually is #under all the sarcasm and bullshit he's a genuine fucking softie. he Craves love. he gives it away freely. #cafuné specifically makes me think of when he first got back together with kit ryan #and one of the first things they did as a couple was stay in bed together for 3 days. didn't leave the flat #just had nothing more important in the world than being with each other and that's how he is in MOST relationships motherfuckers!!! #justice league dark's womanizing dickhead has rotted people's brains!! commitment issues my ass this man WANTS to settle down!!!! #anyway. VERY passionate about this if you can't already tell #( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN. #( dash games. ) ALRIGHT YOU OVERGROWN LARPERS! HERE! #idk it's always 'wrecked-looking husk of a man' THIS and 'wall-licking little cryptid' THAT and 'where's that gif of matt ryan in leather' #NAH MAN. bring me the guy who spent almost a full fucking day at the shops trying to find kit the perfect christmas present!! #bring me the guy who took a depressed god out to share a coffee bc the god just looked Too Fucking Sad to leave alone!! #bring me the guy who started singing the beatles in the bar & got everyone else to join in just bc someone seemed to need a leg up!! #where is the man who took abby arcane out dancing!! tucked her in!! bought her breakfast in the morning!! all because she seemed lonely!! #that's this motherfucker!!!!!! #and yeah he is ALSO a wrecked-looking husk of a cryptid who ROCKS a bit of leather but that other guy is still in there too!!!!! #idk. IDK. i feel many things about constantine's softness always being cut away by the sharp edges of his tongue and his suffering #40th birthday party constantine lives rent-free in my skull forever and you can never take him away from me

[orcelito]

Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating

I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.

Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.

#speculation nation #'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain #frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches #(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week) #then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up. #and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So #in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those. #what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells #i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong. #but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden #i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches #all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick. #im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out. #havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling #and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now #idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it. #i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live. #im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired. #give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭 #i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[coffee-bat]

hi not to vent again but you ever been so overwhelmingly injured that you actually feel like crying

#(tl;dr: ouch oof owie my bones) #sorry for venting here again i dont really have anyone to tell this to i dont wanna be whiney #but hghghghghhh #turns out the possible broken foot was the least of my problems #yknow how sometimes after you get multiple injuries you hyperfocus on one and dont realize the severity of others? yeah #i DEFINATELY sprained my right hip. #hurts when i move my leg. cant put any weight on it or it just buckles. my muscles spasm and my knee buckles down #both my knees hurt. or rather the ends of my femurs. it feels like i crushed the tips of both femurs #my toe(??) still hurts but i cant bother to focus on it anymore #my elbows hurt too. like ends of my upper arm bones #everything fucking hurts i can barely walk i want to cry everytime i move my bones itch like when theyre broken #i see no purpose going to the hospital. theyd just give me xrays and do nothing but keep me for 10 hours in the waiting room #i know they wont help. hell theyll probably laugh at me as usual. its just not worth it #but everytime i move i want to fucking cry. i need to complain a bit ig #sorry ignore this im just ventibg #vent #personal #and its frustrating bc im USED to this. i get injured SO often. i should be dealing with thisbetter. but rn its just too much #i have a developed high pain tolerance but this is just. too much. i cant focus on ignoring one thing bc multiple others hurt

[foxgirlmoth]

So my life is feeling like its on an upward swing since this is my final semester for my associates, I'm starting a new job real soon and also possibly have a really nice remote job if I hear back from a few places I recently applied to.

And it always terrifies me when good stuff starts happening.

Change is really hard for me especially when it feels like its all at once. With better pay comes the opportunity to leave my parent's house finally and move in with a girl who has lovingly stolen my heart. With my school behind me I can find better jobs even!

But at the same time, its just. So scary for me. What if I can't keep up my part of rent. What if my chronic pain or ADHD or other disabilities put a strain on someone I love to my core, and I end up making things worse because I get extremely emotional and will scream (at myself mostly) and panic during these high stress times (especially if money is involved)

I've had a 'safety net' of family members who barely tolerate the fake me I present myself as, and I know my mental health is going to be so much better when I'm not around them, but at the same time I need so much help sometimes. Family just happens to help in terms of shelter and food. It also doesn't help that the one other time I moved out it ended so so poorly that I'm still working through that trauma.

Hurting the love of my life in any way fucking terrifies me. I want nothing but the best for her always always always. I just know I can't always be at my best, its impossible to be. I will break at some point and probably scream and cry about how things aren't going nearly to plan and I'm so weak so often I don't know if I can pull myself together fast enough to not hurt myself or her with my untrue words.

#I used to have (What I'm pretty sure now were autism) meltdowns so bad when I was younger. #I was always told I was selfish and that I can't expect to have x thing or y thing fixed #And I would scream and slam my hands against my legs and the ground #Its never been pretty #I just learned to cry before it gets to that point now and I just sob so fucking much #But if it feels like my life is over? I just. I just can't. I'll still scream and cry and pulp my legs bruised and hands bleeding #And showing my wife all of me includes all of these things I hate. This could happen if I move in with her #I haven't had a meltdown in a while from what I remember #It was probably right after I moved back in with my parents. And was pretty much coerced into an environment I felt extremely unsafe in. #tw self harm #jic cause I have mentioned beating myself #I haven't been close to a meltdown around my love at all tbh so maybe I'm scared for no reason. I mostly just cry because #Thats what happens when any emotion runs high #<- Girl who is currently crying typing all thid #also I hope no one reads hurting her as physically. I've never thrown a punch in my life. Well. I guess except at myself #Huh thats the first time I've thought of it that way. That sucks #I just know that 1. Being loud in general would not be nice to either of us. and 2. I can be a bitch! I can say some rancid shit! #And that would! Be fucking bad and hurt! And I so desperately don't want that #And I know accidentally hurting someone is something you need to expect when you're in a close relationship with someone #It still fucking sucks though #AUGH I just needed to type this all out I'n feeling better already. I'm just a scared girl so often. #I want to live more and more each day so I know I'll make it. Even if I do it scared. I guess I hope you see this honey #Since this is stuff I should be talking about with you #Getting my thoughts sorted though before talking is good though. The reason I type this on fucking tumblr is because it helps me think #Also being vulnerable and letting friends and mutuals and the like see all this is a chance for me to better myself I suppose #This has been a runa rant #runa diary #I have a habit of overthinking. Methinks #Honestly my current safety net of family has been pretty fucking bad #The one time I earned a little bit more money than I needed for bills I was basically stripped of a lot of it paying my folks rent

[nightfallsystem]

sitting in bed depressedly unable to draw wahht do i even do

#ahhg #hhhhh..................................................... #i wanna like #i wanna lay down but more #put me into space #get rid of gravity #ahhhhgh #ok so my right arm is fucking up.... my back is fucked up... my head hurt... #i have 20-70 wounds..... uhhh..... thhe curse of leg sucks at doing the thing. #is this my life now #i have art to do. what am i doing #not even a vent. what am i doing #AHH i need food #i feel lonely #u never notice how lonely u can feel until ur friends arent replying at the usual time. ig #i like this site i get to talk to myself and post it online

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

apologies for the rant vent whatever this is, I'm just a little guy with worbs and thoughts and feelings who needs to say them

(I would write this on my own, but I need to put it into the world, so. apologies.)

okay no its. I don't get it. why the fuck can't I just. complain about when my leg hurts. if I get asked to do something that. is going to hurt to do why the fuck can't I say it? why the fuck are you angry at me for saying it?? I get i cant fuckin do it, believe me id love to if it means you don't constantly tell me that i dont fuckin do anything anymore (beleive me. I know.) Would you fuckin prefer I didn't say a fuckin word and just sat in silence and when it eventually came crashing down oh I'd be the one to blame cause I didn't fuckin say anything. Would that be preferred? Cause I'd actually not like to be in pain right now. (And I get you're trying to help figure it out and i get were trying to get it fixed or not hurting as much but me telling you it hurts is your sign it *hurts* and sometimes it hurt just to stand and you just need to take that as it is. My legs hurt all the time now. I can't do everything I could even a few months ago when it was in bursts every so often.)

And I get you're in pain to, and that your knees buckle too and that you can still do things despite that, but I'm not fuckin you. I'm not. Used to this. You've been going through this for years longer than I have. It's not right to compare us. Just because I'm younger and should be 'able to handle the pain' better doesn't fuckin mean I *can* (and that's fukcin stupid anyway, you know? what the fuck do you mean handle it better? I've been suffering in silence for fuckin years at this point when it hurt really bad, and I couldn't handle it fuckin then. I was younger then to? your logic of that doesn't fuckin. make sense.)

I just. I know we're trying to figure it out. But I need you to understand that I'm in pain. And that it hurts to do a lot of things that require my legs right now. And yes I can do them, but maybe you need to consider I sit in one chair for over an hour right beofre I leave school. And that makes it worse. and taht after school I just wnat to fuckin sit and not do anything (because that makes it feel moderately better) and I understand that one day we'll figure it out and that until then you're not going to get that it hurts. bad. and that I honestly feel like I'm gonna fall over sometimes. I get that. I just hope you'd listen when I tell you how I feel. and maybe that's hard because I'm still a kid and shouldn't feel like this, or that you just see this as an excuse to get out of things, or yada yada yada. but I hope eventually you *will* and I dont have to feel like shit everytime I tell you "hey my legs hurt" but right nows not then.

I just. I wnat you to hear me and listen to me when I say it. Okay? I don't want the excuse of how you're in pain to and you still do things and you're older and shouldn't have as high as a pain tolerance as me. I don't fucking care, actually. I'm in fuckin pain, you're more used to it, and I'm fucking allowed to complain when it hurts and I feel like I can't do something, for fucks sake.

(I still love you, and I know you're trying your best and I'm sure I just seem like a kid you wants to get out of doing things. but I'm not. and I hope you see that soon.)

#tw rant #tw vent #i just. #apologies for this but im just having to many thoughts about it. #very nuetral not really but kinda angry thoughts #and i needed to say them now and not in and hour or else ill explode #i apologize again but fuck #if you do read this im very sorry if its incoherent #i was just wroting things and seeing where it got me and if i got me to feel better by the end of it #i do. just. yeah. #better now that i said my peice and came to an almost understanding (internally) with who i was talking about #theyre good people and if i shined them in a bad light thats my fault. its happened only a handful of times on the past 2½ months #im just an emotional little guy right now <3 #but im feeling good now!! #so if youre worried. this isnt anything like. really bad. #just bout my leg 'n shit- #but its working itself out #so #a tag to help find my own posts

[treecakes]

i remember one time in high school i mentioned to a friend how shin splints were one of the reasons why i stopped running and a girl who was sitting next to us overheard this and turned to her friend and basically said how “every athlete gets shin splints” and that it wasn’t a reason to stop bc they’re “not that bad”… like maam my doctor told me to bc my legs were swollen to the point i couldn’t walk well & also there’s several different types of shin splints…. mine just happened to be really bad and also chronic.

#also with my family discovering heart issues that flare up in exercise… yeah i made the right choice #occasionally i still run when i feel up for it but i don’t think i ever want to run anything over a mile or two #but yeah i was luckier in middle/early highschool bc things like dizziness & migraines weren’t yet a factor #as it stands i get dizzy going up stairs 😭 and also i’ve been noticing more and more episodes that match the svt episodes my mother and #sister get… i really don’t need any more reasons to get my heart rate that high it already wants to do that otherwise #i don’t need to trigger arythmia and such #anyways i’m a little bitter abt not being able to run as much as i used to but like. whatever #i got off topic!!! from the leg pain. but it was related anyways. somewhat. who else loves leg pain. and heart issues.

[vcrnons]

i am, first and foremost, a domino supremacist

#IT FEELS. SO GOOD. IN MY BRAIN. #IT FEELS SO GOOD IN MY BRAIN. #it’s better than a scratch #like it is so deeply better than just a brain itch this shit just— #it’s like that first stretch first thing in the morning when all your muscles are tight from being in the foetal position for 8 hours #and you stretch and go YEEEOOWWWWW #that’s what listening to domino feels like to me #it is like pure joy #(spoiler there’s a little bit of bias at play because the way Vernon says ‘domino’ right before the final chorus OOF) #my arms are open as are my legs and my mouth for you MY MAN. #fucking hell #sorry. I just. I needed to say this

[harrowharkwife]

tbh i feel like we're all maybe forgetting that 6A was kind of destined to be a little bit boring or slow-paced from the get-go because of how 5B ended so *perfectly* with everything tied up in a neat little bow. i mean 5x18 was literally called "starting over," and this is a show that (for better or for worse, this specific post is not pro-911s-pacing or anti-911s-pacing but a secret third thing, confused-and-trying-to-make-sense-of 911s-pacing) routinely and consistently takes right around ~10 episodes to cash in on big narrative plot points. not situational or episode specific or more technical plot points, like madney going from unsuccessful house hunting to finding a place within 2 episodes, or buck agreeing to be a sperm donor inside of 1 episode- those are typically resolved pretty quickly, within an episode or two. the show scaffolds these more-quickly-resolved plot points together into larger, more character driven arcs that typically always take around ten episodes for the full emotional fallout and significance to play out. 911 has always been a show where what happens matters a hell of a lot less to the story than how the characters feel about what happens, so because this is such a character driven show, inside of those ten set-up, pawns-on-the-chessboard episodes, it can be pretty difficult at times to figure out what they're angling at, or where they're planning on going (buck! where the hell are you going!), or how any of the plots are going to coalesce into something useful, profound, and cohesive. typically, the B season ends with at least a *couple* of loose threads that carry over into the arc-resolution-conclusion phase in the following A season, giving us an A season that's like 70% setup for new arcs and 30% wrapup of old arcs- but 5B ended on a true blank slate, so almost *everything* in 6A (with the exception of the conclusion to hen's super-drawn-out-but-very-realistically-paced med school arc) has been... scaffolding from the ground up.

and scaffolding looks pretty unimpressive and odd and boring on its own, like a big pile of ugly junk getting in the way of everything, but put it alongside the Sistine chapel ceiling it was built to accomplish, and suddenly it seems a little more worthwhile.

#this is just some food for thought! I've felt that 6a was good but kinda boring at times #thinking about how much of a blank slate starting over gave us was rather illuminating #911 #911 meta #again! this is just me making sense of things it's not me trying to throw stones in any particular direction or make any kind of assertion #this is just my hunch #here's hoping 6B delivers and i have a feeling it will!!! #6A being 9 episodes really just feels like edging lmfao nyfxtnrnsbtd like cutting us off right when things are about to get crazy #which makes me think 6x10 is like. A Big Pivot Episode that couldn't hang on its own for 4 months with no followup #bucks leg injury -> tsunami -> lawsuit -> rejoining the 118 was like 7 or 8 episodes #eddies panic attacks -> ana breakup -> quitting the 118 -> therapy -> breakdown arc was like 11 or 12 eps #(also can we talk about how that arc started with him lying to buck about his mental health and ended with buck helping him with it) #there's more examples but im tired and need to go make dinner so. anyway #a 9 episode A-half coming on the heels of a wrapping-everything-up B finale #just kind of left them with. very minimal runway in which they could pull off any real satisfying conclusions to narrative arcs #while staying true to this 10-episode rhythm they seem to have settled on! #again: for better or for worse! like it or not this show is consistent in *how* it is written. when it comes to like. methodology

[peapod20001]

Haha don’t pay me any mind oho

#vent #ok. so #I was! fine for the most part today! but then! idk what happened! #I’m like sad now! depressed? like. I kinda don’t feel real #I think I was giving myself anxiety over thoughts. got really clammy. literally shoveled goldfish crackers into my face #now don’t judge me but #I’ve been looking at things that make me feel bad for like. at least 4 hours now haha.. #I dunno man it’s the adhd I got one thought about thing that made me upset and now I’m hours in and my emotions are fried #and. shh don’t tell anyone I feel things but I know have a fantasy of someone I can cry around #whehe how pathetic is that. scraping the bottom of the barrel here looking for another human just let me cry @ you #hmm. how did I go from thinking up poems for valentines only to. feel so cold and alone #I’m not crying. but. I definitely need to later haha maybe this all kickstarted from my two whole hours of sleep last night 😎 #mhm so uh. if your reading this with the most cold unfeeling monotone voice then you are exceptionally accurate!i am currently not all here #can’t sleep now tho gotta. do other shit I guess #I’m laying in bed for a second though. my legs were very cold to the touch. unfeeling unhuman #oh and I might be balding potentially but that’s still just a theory. my dad noticed and pointed it out #haha what would I be withought my hair? another germ just populating this Earth? #oho ahh. hm. I’m just a trying to say I don’t fell right now if that makes sense. anyways

[fingertipsmp3]

I fell off the massage table 🙃

#i’m okay! but yeah basically there was a series of unfortunate events #it all started when i decided to wear a sports bra to my massage. it doesn’t open in the back so i had to pull it over my head and be fully #topless. this is already bad since there’s no separate room to disrobe. it’s one small room that also contains my best friend #and the massage therapist. so there’s me and two other people in this room #so i managed to get myself onto the table okay but then i got massaged #and i turned down the glass of water i was offered afterwards because i didn’t want to expose myself while drinking it #so then my friend & the massage therapist were chatting away and i tried to nonchalantly slither off the table and summarily leaned WAY too #far one way and tried to right myself but instead i capsized the whole thing. :( #i didn’t break anything though! and i didn’t set myself or anything else on fire #i didn’t even hurt myself; idk how i managed that. i just was super disoriented afterwards lol #like i really got my legs turned into jelly through the power of aromatherapy massage and then i threw myself on the ground. for WHY #but my muscles do feel better and looser and i feel very relaxed #i will say i think i’m going to have to have a lot of massages before i get used to how ticklish it is because ya girl is touch starved #and i have a specific spot on the left side of my lower back which if you touch it i will try to leap out of my skin #the massage therapist was like ‘do you have anxiety?’ and i was like ‘i mean i do but more than anything else i’m just Deeply ticklish’ #anyway. if there’s like.. a method of getting off a massage table that doesn’t involve falling off it i really need to learn what that is #before the next time. i’m definitely going back because i did really enjoy myself but i need to become significantly less clumsy #also i will wear a normal bra. after all of that i still exposed myself and i just… i really didn’t need to lmao #on the bright side i did have an overall good experience. and i didn’t break anything. and my hair smells amazing #so i think overall it went well #personal