#i mean litcherally. those are my options.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

In my 'healing girl era'. That means relapses, that means recovery, that means small victories and bitter struggles; small joys and smaller motivation. Days when everything seems a breeze and the past only a fading memory. Days when the healing itself seems like a memory. Healing isn't linear. Recovery isn't linear. Enormous leaps forward come with enormous falls back, and tears, and trials. That's part of healing and of recovery. Being in a healing girl era means the mindset and the intention, even if outwardly it all looks the same. It's not an aesthetic and it's not pretty. It means lying on the bathroom floor sobbing. Sometimes it means giving in again and again and again, and vowing never to do so again, and doing it the very next day. But then what it really means is picking yourself up off the floor, drying your eyes and keeping going, keeping trying, keeping on keeping on.

#healing girl era #idk i'd thought of like a general vibe and then it went a completely different way lol but yeah #puddleglum hours #recovery or death #i mean litcherally. those are my options. #personal #catkin rambles

[ratlastheseus]

I dont do rant posts like ever but. Idk i cant get it out of my head so im gonna ramble here. I know talking to my grandma about it wont change her mind so I wont bother wasting her time or mine, but if you’re like me and you have deep and personal beef with the american conservative brand of “christianity” then feel free to read on.

I went on a road trip with my grandma this past weekend to visit some family 5 hours away in ar-kansas. It was a really nice time! But at one point when we were pulling out of a gas station there were a couple homeless folks holding signs at the intersection. My grandma makes a point of reading out loud everything they had written on those signs and then says to me: “Makes you wonder how many of these people are Actually homeless. They could all just be pretending, to get your money. You gotta work for your money. Can’t expect handouts.” And I mean FUCK DUDE!!!!! What an absolutely monstrous way to think about your fellow human beings! My blood was litcherally boiling but its taken me until now to actually sort out what I wish I’d said while we were still there. If I’d been in the drivers seat just then, I would have made a point of pulling over and giving those people all the cash I had while looking her dead in the eyes. My grandma is a very sweet and caring woman and I HATE that she’s been so poisoned by the republican media because sometimes the most VILE shit comes out of her mouth with zero warning.

“There’s an atheist and a christian in this car,” I wish I had said, “And if somebody asked us ‘should you help the homeless’ only the ATHEIST would respond ‘yes, always!’”

Homeless people aren’t your fucking enemy, they’re not trying to take advantage of you, they just want to fucking live. Do I wonder how many people are pretending to be beggars? No! I don’t! Because the answer is ZERO! Nobody goes out on the streets in the freezing fucking cold like that unless they have no other options! It’s humiliating, it’s degrading, and 90% of the people who pass by will look at you like you’re trash! And it’s dangerous!

(This doesn’t even tap into the cesspit of trying to find a job in the US right now, and I’m to tired to open that can of worms, but thats a huge issue too.) I’m just. I’m so fucking mad. I’m so tired of the absolute hypocrisy that comes from combining american ultra-conservative capitalism with christian values. I’m tired of christianity in general bc this kind of shit is what it usually turns into in this country. It’s inescapable. It’s draining. It’s vile. I just want people to stay fucking ALIVE, I dont care if some of them are MAYBE faking, I’d rather be taken advantage of 1% of the time than drive away 100% of the time without doing anything to help people who actually do need it. Love your neighbor, yall. It’s cold out there.

#personal #tw christianity #religion #rant #politics

[just-osomatsu]

Hey man i just want you to know i appreciate you keeping the blog up even if the anons can be a bit,, "much" sometimes. You're great and this blog is great. Osomatsu isn't great tho, fuck you Osomatsu.

WHEW THANK YOU.. i’m sorry it hasn’t been very active and it gets kinda wild when i do start posting so thanks for stickin with me through it all! i’m hijacking your ask to explain my absence let’s get serious under the cut

ToBeHonest it’s gotten really difficult to keep updating it for several reasons but mainly my health as well as the fact that i don’t really care for ososan as much anymore (mainly due to how exhausting the fandom is). physical health still isn’t great but my mental health especially has continued to decline and i can’t afford my medication which creates the fun cycle of Not Being Able To Work Without Medication But Not Being Able To Afford Medication Without Work which is a shitty place to be stuck in. i’m workin through it though. also i haven’t been able to draw for weeks because anxiety/depression have been kicking my ass THAT bad it sucks

then there’s the issue of not liking ososan which kinda makes this blog a chore y’know? i mean, i still like pieces of it, but i’ve been here since beginning and i’ve met so many good and so many bad people and at this point, just about to hit 3 years of -san, and i’m just.. tired. i do still have attachments to this blog, i get nice anons occasionally and today i even got a really wonderful dm from just. random people who wanna be nice and it?? makes me really happy. i appreciate those asks abd messages a lot even if i take a while to respond to them, or to the anons i haven’t responded to at all because i couldn’t get myself to update the blog and i felt too guilty about it to respond to jsut those anons.

and lastly… The Guilt (section title). i feel really bad about how far i’ve strayed from the blog’s original intention: just osomatsu. now it’s cluttered with me talking and not drawing, karamatsu is here, at some point i threw persona into the mix and now the blog is a mess. i feel awful about it, like i’ve disrespected the jyushimatsu blog that inspired this and the other matching blogs that stayed true to their urls. and not only is it filled with shit but i can’t even keep it updated:/ it’s really worn me down i guess.

i’m really conflicted because a part of me still likes this blog but in truth the only thing i really still like is being able to converse with everyone, i love getting silly asks and messages but the rest of it is a chore. i can’t draw and even trying to draw shitposts is nearly impossible for me recently. the only time i do find some enjoyment in it is when i mix fandoms (which is why i keep putting persona on here i don’t realize how much i do that until i scroll thru the blog oops)

i haven’t left the blog yet because i want to be able to come back here and be active and enjoy it again but i haven’t reached that moment yet and instead the guilt just keeps building up

this got really long and i don’t have the energy to read over it so i’m sure it’s unorganized as hell but you guys probably get the point if you even read it

if you did read this far i love u, and to everyone who follows me thank u so much for sticking around especially those of you who’ve been following me for a while. i recognize a lot of my active followers and i wish i could reach out to you guys more, your support means a lot to me! i’m very sorry for my absence, i’m just. stuck and i honestly don’t know what to do at this point, but i’ll keep updating when i can, even if it’s kinda wild or off-topic or ooc or whatever. i can worru about that stuff later if i decide to take this blog seriously again but for now i’ll just have fun with it, and if anyone wants to unfollow or blacklist the url for that reason i don’t mind

i have a main blog (although i haven’t been on tumblr much lately) and a twitter that i occasionally give out to those who dm me and i feel it’s safe to share with, so if anyone’s interested that’s always an option if you wanna be in contact. i suck at conversations though so if you try to make small talk i will litcherally die.

uhh i think that’s it, sorry this is so long and i’m still not reading over it so good fucking luck if you choose to read it

#anon i'm so sorry i put all this on ur ask but it was like an Opening for me to explain so #and i guess it's more of a vent than anything but i've been kind of vague and i feel like i owe you guys a more complete explanation for con #for the constant hiatus* #anonymous #mod rat