#i mean ive been doing it all week lol

[newtness532]

anyway i should sleep. last time going to bed for 2023 🥲

#im gonna be doing the last time doing x all day tomorrow #i mean ive been doing it all week lol #goodnight 😴 #(unrelated but the updated emojis on my phone are bleh) #jo says stuff #personal ramblings

[kennabeth]

this is one of my favorite theses in the inkworld each way it plays out is so!!

elinor's dad valued his books over her and her sisters to the point she internalizes it and becomes the same kind of hermit he was, before and after the folcharts come back into her life. basta was groomed into believing he was inherently unlovable except by capricorn so he'd do anything to keep that small remaining amount of love. brianna realizes if dustfinger wasn't dead then he had to have abandoned her, so the next person to give her their full attention? she'll throw away every other relationship she has for them, the same way she was thrown away. the verbal abuse violante endured as a kid (and currently, because 19 is still a kid) influenced the kind of mother she is and she doesn't even realize until it's almost too late that she's done to jacopo what the adder did to her! and I've already talked about the physical abuse from farid's birth family influencing how he forms severely anxious relationships.

and none of these are just character padding! all of these characters influence the plot so heavily by becoming traumatized and by working through it and I don't have any idea how she pulled it off

#okay maybe elinor didnt very much #im trying to be nice to her bc i dont like her at all lmao #this is not written half as well as i want it to be but ive been dwelling on it for two weeks and i cant think of how else to say it so #meggie's like the only significant kid who does not ever once think shes worthless #mo raised a mean child but he did not raise one with low self esteem lol good for her #i tried really hard not to lean into the daddy issues thing but terrible fathers is such a good theme #inkheart #says kenna #hey uhhhh how is it 2am #was gonna point out how lol jehan also doesnt have this prob but i remembered it's lowkey on my tcor wishlist for him #which #i should post my wishlist probably do yall have any interest in seeing that #i have Theories

[satsuha]

u know im back on my bullshit

#octopath traveler ii #octopath traveler 2 #satsuhart #temehika #hikari ku #temenos mistral #i thought long and hard about whether temenos is a catboy or a dogboy (hound) #and in the end i decided on arctic fox. #i have.... thoughts but theyre all spoilery thoughts like no literally no one can talk about why they like them without mentioning spoilers #ive been seeing it happen on twt for like the past 2 weeks #but anyway (spoiler) (spoiler) just trust me dude. theyre a good ship #it has nothing to do with the fact that ive liked mage warrior ships for the past 5 years. shut up #also i bought csp v2 and the shading assist... she popped off a little w that one ngl #but im still very angry about csp's terrible autosave function #like fun fact that first pic? i dont have it in .clip format anymore LOL #it also deleted the little pic i made about my ship taste but i didnt know and i deleted that tweet bc i was embarrassed #i mean it isnt a big loss i can remake it anytime but like. shaking fist at csp autosave function #tags are really quite dangerous im not even sure if theres a limit? ill stop here tho gn... i am working on a temehika fic 👍 #octo2

[lopsidedtreetrunks]

Germany and his pokédoggies 🐶💕

Another thing for my pokétalia au (which admittedly i haven't posted a whole lot of yet rip). Of course Ludwig's team would be made up of exclusively dog pokémon lmao

also these doggies may be size-inaccurate so,, like apparently manectric is supposed to be 4'11??? and im afraid i just simply do not accept that. hes a little guy he is not that tall bsfsfsljksdlk

#Just fyi I have bee n hyperfixating Super hard on pokemon the past week or so #like it's been a hot minute since I've hyperfixated this hard on smth lol #So that's why I've been a bit MIA on tumblr recently if anyone even noticed bsdsjkasj #anyway I'm coming to the end of the game now so I managed to spit this out <3 #basically another excuse to draw a whole bunch of dogs again🤧 #hetalia #pokemon #poketalia #my art #artists on tumblr #aph germany #hws germany #i might do some more arts and actually expand the au like ive been meaning to for over a year lmao #i have a whole au in my head and ive planned routes and who the mc is and the elite 4 and the gym leaders and who all their pokes are #and ive just never made proper art for it bc im LAZY bsasakjlsdl #anyway im gonna try to hold myself to make more poketalia arts this year

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

[ef-1]

legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23

#so. #i fell into the fireplace lol #- thats the concise summary. but ive just been unwell health wise recently. i think ms is just harrowing to deal with #because you can go for so long symptom free and then one day you wake up and everything is wrong #your body feels wrong. #i remember being constantly angry at my body as though its a separate entity. especially when i was like 17/18. #because everytime i had a bad ms relapse i would literally breakdown in angry tears like- at my body. i was good to you. im meditating #im eating healthy. im exercising. ive been good to you. #but then suddenly you cant see or youre shaking uncontrollably or your limbs are numb #or my new favourite one: a couple of weeks ago i woke up at 4 am in a cold sweat. the inside of my thigh was burning #i dont mean like. exercise burning. i mean like struck a hot iron rod burning. it was obv nerve pain but that didnt stave off the panic #so i messaged my neurologist and hes like 'yeah its fine. wanna inject yourself?' #anyway. so recently i was helping my friend get his place houseparty ready and we were cleaning out the fire place #and my legs just gave out 😍 #and i got so angry and humiliated i kind of just wanted to go to bed and not wake up tbh #which is what i usually do but like. i was angry. angry. scorpio angry as lidya would say. so i had a nap in his bed #and when i woke up i felt slightly better and for once i thought 'im not going to let my body ruin this day for me' #and i just dragged him to the markets with me. and i still had the tremors but we bought more greens than either of us needed #and we laughed and walked and he carried me to the car at the end of the trip and it was one of the best days ive had in a long while tbh #and it feels impossible but sometimes all u need is to brush the ash from ur knees and hide the scruffs with stockings &maybe youll be ok #💚 #tw chronic illness #/ multiple sclerosis

[studiousbotanist]

#does a bear blog in the woods #just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week ! #i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp . #ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ... #theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months #dealint with grief . bad job . good job now #and still working on getting my life and health togethwr #and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting #tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it #in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed ! #i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out #but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around #especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it . #its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think #i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL ! #i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly #but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing #if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this

[tillman]

oh wehehehe dances around the 4koma manga i got shipped too

#txt #the autism image of rn sorry #speaking of. tomorrow. do not let me do anything else. i WILL edit that fucking manga ive been meaning to for weeks. #fucking wooork #this made me get up and get on my laptop after trying to take a nap so im just doing all my stuff before dinner now LOL

[lesbiacnh]

omg i get a little stressed and to cope i end up playing esthetician until 130 am and go to bed feeling worse than before. and like id pluck every leg hair out but haven’t brushed my teeth yet. and after that my skin gets soo bad and im like whattttt why is this uappening.

#text #the past couple of months have been crayzeeeeeee but now things are cslm. but im still 🫨🫨🫨 mentally bc im not in a good routine or anything #it always starts bc im like ‘i need to take better care of myself’ and then ends badly. lol #tiktok ‘everything shower’ joke kinda made me get back into the strange habit of doing the absolute bare minimum + doing everything in one #night and feeling worse. instead of like having a more consistent routine #rly i need to start working out again. it helps me regulate things bc i like to plan ahead lol #im on anxiety meds now so im gonna TRYYYYYY to help myself by getting in a better routine #AND BY THAT. i mean SLOWLY bc ive gone through this cycle before and and starting things all on the same day is a variant of this. #and i gotta get off my phone. my neck fucking hurts from sitting weird and scrolling too long #tiny bit cringy to admit but i want to find a stim toy that i could do the same scroll motion on. if that makes sense #like a smooth peice of metal or something. maybe i’ll buy a little keychain and see if that could replace the motion while im chillin doing #something else #SORRY if anyone does read this usually i reread my posts to make sure im coherent before posting but its 140 something am and im high again #ALSO 2024 resolution im done being high on most week nights. i need to calm down w it #ok last thing bc this is funny #phoebe bridgers song came on while i was driving home and the one lyric was like im not afraid of going back to school……. #and it hit me in that exact moment bc I AMMMMMM AFRAID TO go back to school but im not‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ it’s fine‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i am not gonna #ok goodnight. i brushed my teeth #sabotage this.

[gummees]

In the way that doing hard things for the betterment of future you is Self Care, the inverse is also true... doing easy indulgent things too often can be Self Harm. Like not to sound like a puritan over here, but you SHOULD find ways to save money when you can, even if it means denying yourself a non-necessary treat sometimes. Or work to save those treats to be actual, rare treats. Constantly eating & spending your money on fatty, processed foods is not good for you or your future. Don't let the consumerism win lol

#this is targeted at me too lol #i spend sooooo much fucking money on non-necessary food #and it's not good for my body or my future financial goals. bc that's the world we live in #and even though i would love to constantly be able to do those things....... i dont have the means to #live within your means #anyway. im learning n growing and still a young adult but its something ive been trying to actually enforce with myself bc ive developed #some bad habits in college #treats are for when i am actually getting what i need to done. as rewards. OR when i am actually fr particularly suffering such as when I #was super sick #but they can also be like. the cheese i was craving all week. #that cheese doesnt need to be part of my grocery order it can be a treat for later #bc otherwise my treat for later would be another thing that costs $12 and repeat ad nauseum. its ok to save money lol

[polaraffect]

honestly missing gale in my durge playthrough so much. even with all the sacrificing magic items you have to do with him. something about his lameass old man vibes that really adds to the experience.

#damien.txt #what i get for accidentally killing him lol #i found the arcane tower this run which is something i didn't see last time #and i was like damn..... he would have loved this #currently i am running with the most toxic team of durge / astarion / shadowheart / lae'zel #which is just a gaming experience of 'durge: does something violent' all of them: 'approves' #like GUYS stop liking it when i brutally murder the goblins in front of thorm... dont encourage me... #literally so many violent/mean actions ive taken have been approved by them #and im not even trying to do an evil run this go lmao but for that sweet sweet approval...... #currently in the gauntlet of sharn which.... sigh. is probably the most annoying part to repeat tbh #it's fine tho bc i like existing in this world. but also god ive already spent almost 100 hours in it. scary. #my most played game on steam rn is hades at 112 hours and that's from like. months. #and im probably going to pass it with baldur's gage 3 in the span of like 3 weeks #bg3

[girlwithfish]

finally at a point of mild stability after being in the Trenches since like january (and also most of fall tbh if im being honest but 🙂) feels weird

#i mean i had a small hashtaggirl moment yesterday but way less severe than how its normally been #ive been stable/ok? for almost two weeks like okk #feels weird cuz i also have a pit of anxiety all tbe time and now that im like #relatively more functional kind of its like what doi even do now i dont think i can handle this etcc #just trying to pass the semester make it thru and find a post grad job att this point. my priorities ig #and loke take care of myself and try to work towards happiness lol

[todayisafridaynight]

if i Hypothetically made a sequel to the epilogue of this cringe thing how many people would shoot me with a rail gun and how many people would line up with a bowl while i deliver grey-meat slop

#snap chats #SORRRRYYYY i still do think of masadai...... #plus i want to do a proper Meet The Parent(s) bit with daigo and the arakawas #lmao still love how ive just decided sawahsiro’s second last name is Arakawa like yeah might as well be #still a family name innit hes still part of the Arakawa Family w/e semantics aside #i just think itd be silly..... complete with daigo acting like He Dont Care #and swwashiro For Some Reason caring way more than he should (we know why tho) #all wrapped up with arakawa embodying this kaomoji ( ´ ▽ ` ) as per usual... #but also dishing out Fatherly Sagely Advice yk... like i have a vision i swear sEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN #I WAS JOKING WHEN I SAID ID GET IDEAS DURING MY WALK BUT HERE WE ARE #tbf ive been sitting on a Meet The Parents kind of beat for a while #its just that i mentioned masadai for the first time in weeks durin stream and then i was thinkin and was like Lol.... #and then i remembered my Sons of Bosses fic and i was like Oh Wait I Have An Excuse To Write This I Think #anyway... waiting for my mom to finish usig the basement then im goig to finish my comic.. hopefully... lol.. #ok bye

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation? #uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄 #unrelated

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

real

#this is so mind numbingly exhausting i don't understand how everyone else seems to just do it? #it was such a weird day #started out in a good mood but then boss scolded these two interns cause of a mistake #and like he wasn't shouting exactly but he raised his voice and said so many things like you are so careless im suffering so many losses bc #bc of you outsiders are going to think i don't have a good team and i don't have control over my team #and how we should always note things down because we're so distracted and not serious #and how before going home everyday we should report to him what work we did today #i understand that he's being reasonable (maybe? idk) but it sounded so eerily horribly like my dad i couldn't function properly for an hour #why are men so similar everywhere #why am i SO scared i could feel the disappointment radiating off him and he wasn't even mad at me and i felt like a failure #which is so embarrassing like girl stop you are a 20 year old adult woman you will not cry at your workplace because an angry man triggered #your dad issues #and upar se there was a new intern at work one year younger than me and oh my god he was so annoying #like i talked to him first bc i pitied him like what if he felt alone it was only his second day but boy literally could not stop talking😭 #like ok it's kinda cool that this senior di she trusted me enough to be like you teach him this project report this when ive only been #here for 3 weeks but bhai😭 he's so annoying 😭 i have newfound respect for the di how does she handle all 7-8 of us interns i would go #crazy and shout at everyone and tell them to leave me alone 😭 but she's so patient and kind and answers dumb questions 100 times #but she's leaving this office permanently from next month bc of her ca final :( i mean very good for her she deserves better more money #better work hours better office etc. but :(( she's leaving :(( #as you can see i have both dad issues and abandonment issues so fun lol

[kimmkitsuragi]

i can do whatever i want forever? 

#dear diary- i had one single thing i was looking forward to #it was gonna happen tomorrow and it was my sole reason to not be too depressed in the last weeks #(FOR REAL BTW. my life is so socially empty like...) #anyway so of course it's cancelled now #so what am i gonna do...... i will go and see a movie by myself #because i can do whatever i want forever apparently and i need to learn how to entertain myself #dont rot by yourself!!!!!!! even if youre gonna be alone at least do something!!!!! lol #im seriously thinking i must have some form of agoraphobia #so im nervous butttttttt i will fucking do it im so sadddddddd all the time #it is a depressing movie i will watch but kdsfhdhd ive been meaning to see it for so long so #🗒