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reverieaa · 1 year

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The self, fufilled.

It might have taken me a while, but as I promised in my last poll, I will deliver what you all were most interested in hearing, my explanation of the self fufilled. Consider this a pt.2 of "a change of clothes".

Yes, I say the self fufilled. I thought this play of words is not only interesting to do but would bring light to a new perspective that may help you come to your own understanding.

Many don't sit to really understand what " no other cause to your thoughts other than you" really means to them, we know, but we don't understand.

How do I stop my doubtful thoughts? How do I manifest quickly? how do I feel my wish fufilled? How do I change my state? How do I feel free? How do I stop punishing myself?

Well for the last one, you can start by putting an end to all previous questions, searching with the intention of finding an outside answer.

The opposite of love is hate, as the opposite of to hurt is to heal.

And the opposite of attention is indifference. As Edward art himself said that indifference is truly the answer to all your doubts.

I don't want you to go through your day and force yourself to imagine, affirm, and re-read every post you've ever read again and again until it finally clicks, I don't want you to fight every thought and scold your mind for "going out of place" either.

All that I want you to do is all that is required for you to do, change the inner. We truly are fortunate when I tell you this good news because change is all we do, all we've ever done.

I'll tell you honestly, not to give you hope and neither to shatter it or delude you when I tell you that majority of your problems that sound so complicated as the universe itself, could be solved just through self identification and a rearrangement of the mind.

I don't say this to give comforting lies, false hope, and support because I don't want people with hopes and dreams in tough situations to feel bad and be a moral person, but because the truth is far more comforting than any of it.

I won't tell you to "keep going" when you feel like nothing is working and breaking down. If you feel the need to change something, then change should happen, and it shall as your word is logic to your world.

I want you to understand that you're not meant to fufill the thing itself, but yourself instead. It's not about your desired face, it's about you, it's not about your ideal relationship and sp, it's about you, it's not about imagining the perfect life, it's about you.

It's not about using yourself to fulfill the scenario/desire. It's about it fulfilling and changing YOU.

Right now, you have a bed, you are not imagining that you do, you're not checking to see if you have a bed, you probably didn't even look to see if you have one, it is a CLAIM within yourself. With the same conviction, you use it for your desires. Take this example with things you have in your life.

I don't think people realize that the whole reason why trying changing the outer reality does not work because there is no outer reality to begin with, I mean that literally.

It is crucial to understand when you imagine that you are not creating the desire or a new reality, but you can only conceptualize that version of you to begin with because it already exists.

Let the ego mind go, let the need for outer change go, both its worries and time-frame of your life so far and just sit there with what I'm trying to say when I tell you to feel the wish fulfilled. It is a CLAIM, not a process, a change of identification.

Once you identify yourself with who you actually are, the awareness/ pure consciousness and believe that you is all there is , you won't want to "manifest a df" just to decorate the outer man, but you'll want to manifest it bc it genuinely makes u happy for yourself, same for every manifestation.

It all comes down to a satisfying claim, a claim of your observation that you see as TRUTH and are currently seeing in your mind.

For those who are wondering what knowingness I'm talking abt, it's the same knowingness when someone asks your name, you know you are (name), you know you're (nr) years old.

And so the same way you know your name, you know you have your desired body, the same way you know how old you are, you know you have your dream car.

We identify as body and outer when the outer world itself is WITHIN us, you are the answer to everything as everything has it's root to you, and at the same, everything cam only live through ypir awareness, nothing greater and nothing to "get".

If i view myself as pure consciousness, then I do not care for the 5 senses to show me anything because I don't view myself as just body, and this doesn't mean you can't deal with things in the 3D, because working in the 3D and identifying with it are different things. Therefore, don't feel the need to commit all your 5 senses to your imaginal act.

This isn't a for you to tell yourself: " ok, I have to know I am pure consciousness/ the creator and work with it from there" this post is telling you that you ALREADY are it, skip emotions here, we have established that you are it right now and youvare becoming aware that you are in imagination.

All we do in life is make claims within ourselves about things we are aware of having in the mind. Say you have a red car, and you think about it in your head, you know it's yours, you don't need to check your own drivers license, you know you have a certain hair color, it is a aware claim, you aren't trying to get it, there is no rush to do so, you are at ease knowing it IS so and are just observing your life through that state on consciousness.

And since you are consciousness, and you can get/be anything you want just by being aware that you are it, what is it that you can't do or be in this world? You can't be satisfied going after the "object" itself bc the only way we can enjoy things in this world is through the awareness that we have it, it has no life of its own outaide your own consciousness.

#law of assumption #affirm and persist #manifesation #manifesting #neville goddard #3d #affirmations #loa methods #void state #loa blog #loa

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realmofvoxtv · 1 month

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Vee Alastor AU (Name Announcement+More)

So, a while back I posted a poll about a Vee Alastor's name. And the most voted name for a Vee Alastor was.... Vintee~ (VINT from Vintage and an EE~ ending).

I also wanted to mention why I chose this name and didn't even list some names for the poll.

Why did I chose Vintee?

It was the most voted name from the poll.

It's a play on the word Vintage (which tends to refer to something older). Why would Alastor's name reference being Vintage? Especially when the Vees seem to like being "new" and "updated"? Well, at least in my experience. Vintage doesn't always mean horrible, I feel like it's often applied to something valuable from the past. (Like say a certain radio host).

Why didn't I go with Valastor or Venison?

1. (In regards to Valastor) I wanted to avoid confusions from people who are looking for ship art.

2. (In regards to Valastor) I wanted a name that could also have a somewhat cute short nickname. Velvette has Vel, there's Val, and Vox's name is so short he doesn't need one. (This is also handy for any later comics I make.)

So if Vee Alastor was named Valastor? Imagine all the times they would call for Val, only for Valentino and Alastor to both respond. (I will say I might make a comic on an idea like this, we'll see.) Also, in universe I feel like the Vees, ESPECIALLY VELVETTE would like a name that when short is still recognizable and maybe even marketable. (Velvette has gotta get around character limits y'all)

3. (In regards to both) I'll be honest, I felt like they didn't sound too great (imo). Especially Venison as a short nickname. (Just Ven).

But Vintee? Has a somewhat cute nickname, Vin (from VIN -tage aka Vintage) or maybe even Vinn (V + Finn). And if Valentino is feeling like testing Alastor's temper, Vinnie or Vinny.

And if Vox or Velvette want to tease him a bit. I could see them calling him Vintage (referring to how he is the OLDEST of the Vees). And Velvette calling him by his full name while he's fighting Valentino or Vox is something she would do (Note to self: another drawing idea!)

WHAT'S NEXT?

Hopefully, once I'm done with some practice art (which is Zestial). I'll finish what the four Vees logo/symbol is. AND IT WILL have Vintee/Vee Alastor.

Speaking about needing to be marketable. Alastor may have a different color scheme. Maybe one that goes well with Vox and (HOPEFULLY) makes him stick out more from hell.

#hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #alastor #vox #hazbin hotel valentino #valentino #the vees #hazbin hotel au #au #hotel au #hazbin au #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin velvette #velvette #hazbin vox #hazbin alastor #hazbin valentino

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g-on-ef · 1 year

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Helluva Boss season 2 episode 4 Rant Review IDK but be prepared to hate me Stolas/Stoliz lovers

Okay guys I'm not gonna come down from the high of seeing my baby Striker so I might as well get this review out the way while it's still fresh on my mind ^^

Striker my gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous snake boy you've done me proud !!! Love how bad ass he looked with the Pancho it further feeds my head canon that Striker is Mexica {yall free to disagree but thats my personal head canon} !!!

The fighting scene guys I loved how smart and agile Striker is. The way he used the environment to his advantage as well as all parts of his body.

Feet, arms, tails, hell he was amazing with both the rope guns knife it showed Striker isn't just good with his body but also different types of weapons.

Hell rewatching the fight scene and imma be honest Striker has more experience with his body as well as weapons than millie and moxxie.

Again the way he used his body showed guns weren't the only weapon he had the environment the way striker used everything from Millies ax sticking on the ground to the railroad tracks showed how he uses his surroundings to work for him and the weapons showed this guy is a deadly fighter and not one to be messed with.

And once again, once again my boy is spitting facts !!! I said it once and I'll say it again my boy sees Hell for what it is and how he and his people are at the bottom of the barrel and he's not afraid to do what he sees is right if it means saving his people.

Argue with the wall yall fuckers aren't gonna change my mind about Striker and his actions.

Now onto his personality okay I know some people don't like the unhinged way he is but if I'm honest it was good granted I would've loved this to be seen as the show progressed but I guess I'll take this wit a grain of salt.

Okay I may anger some of my fellow striker lovers but I did not like his new voice honestly I'm still gonna use Norman's voice when I read fanfic cause I loved how Norman voiced my boy and that's the voice I'm sticking wit ^^

Speaking of voices yall I did not like Stella's brothers VA like that art style with that voice did not fit him, gonna be honest I was imagining something like Stolas not that.

Also side note did something happen wit Lunas VA i saw a post talking about it but exsit out Tumblr before I could like or reblog it.

I also hated how they reduced Stella into I don't even know what to call that mess cause you mean to tell me this woman is once again treated like a 1 dimensional wet piece of paper that can't think for herself and is just a spoil brat ??? !!!

Like Viv keeps adding these characters that are big and bad but are just become a joke towards the end.

Also that incest plot ... ... ... someone tell viv that this is not game of thrones/house of the dragons please.

I'm not touching that because if I tell yall that Stella might be a victim of incest abuse yall would have my head and viv and crew will not know how to handle something like that.

Like you mean to tell me not once Stella thought that she wouldn't get anything from her divorce unless Stolas had a say so ??? Like come on man.

Also Viv, you and your little crew can shove whatever bullshit down my throat to convince me Stolas is an innocent soft blue and I'll choke on it till I'm blue in the face.

Like someone remind her that her show is in Hell and no one cares if he cheats or not.

Like Stolas I knew you were dumb but damn I didn't know you were THAT DUMB.

You still cheated, you still betrayed an agreement you made, you are still an asshole for cheating.

I'll already made a post on Stella and the bullshit that is her marriage so again argue wit the wall.

Stolas, Stolas, you got shot by an assassin, he has a blessed rope, and he obviously has angelic weapons and you have the audacity to ask if your endangered ... ... ...

I have no words for the sheer amount of stupidity of that question -_-

Also why in the fuck did you call Blitz ??? Why not your guards why not someone who can save you before the threat kills you ??? !!!

The anger and annoyance I felt when he called for him knows no bounds especially when Blitz told him he had a very important appointment to get to and that fucker just had the nerve to try and convince him to still save him ???

Again why not call your royal body guards ??? !!! Like dude i know you're horny and want to live every fantasy that involves you and Blitz but the man has a life outside of you let him live it !!!

Also can we all agree that the sex jokes are getting old/boring like viv sex jokes do not make your show for a mature audience if anything it's for an immature one instead.

Case in point you trying to say the R slur but ended wit how you can't say it anymore after being called out on it

Funny yes but not funny haha funny you ass needs new material cause your jokes aren't funny.

I love absolutely love how Blitz rather be at the appointment for his daughter than save Stolas like him complaining about Stolas {rightfully so} and how he rather focus on making sure his daughter is comfortable and safe really warm my heart.

I find hilarious how viv tweets/likes shit like this

And yet the only time she remembers that imps are at the bottom of the barrel or needs to remind the audience that the citizens of hell hate imps and they are horribly mistreated is when Striker is involved.

Like you mean to tell me Striker is a simple minded bigot and yet he's the only one that's called out how fucked up Hell is for imps AND episodes that surround him show how the royals and others view imps ??? !!!

Pick a side and stick to it.

Said it once and I'll say it again Viv is not gonna make me hate my gorgeous snake boy.

Cause seeing him stabbing that bird seeing him torture him I was cheering him on !!! Like I was seriously smiling and praising him.

Like yes amor torture that bird make him pay !!!

Millie and Moxxie ... ... ... you had me and you lost me that's all I gotta say

The ending gonna be honest the ending made no sense.

Blitz your boyfriend had a blessed tip rifle pointed at the ditzzy blue blood had a blessed rope like OF COURSE HE CAN GET HURT !!!

Anywhore there's more but these were my main issues ^^

#anti vivziepop #helluva boss rant #helluva boss criticism #this is a striker simp blog #striker #helluva striker #anti stolas #anti stolitz #reviews

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dexomel · 9 months

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The shocking darkest truth about xxShadowSkylyxx!!

The exposure rant that Filletus was making

https://www.deviantart.com/filletus/status-update/To-anyone-Who-Couldn-t-Access-979742957

https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1Hv5ahdMqY1Etl_Ja0ECBuNJDo8Dp7-pAf8GJvwv-ifE/mobilebasic

The screenshot of the picture of her comment

https://www.deviantart.com/mecharobo1000/art/Vent-What-have-I-done-I-m-in-huge-trouble-now-945978577

Remember that one time incident I had with xxShadowSkylyxx she hence cursed me out and accusing me of being a sexist just because of a post I uploaded of what I got for Christmas last year she may have blocked after she spat those harshful words onto me i felt regretful after what i done of course it was my fault for not censoring the picture 🖼️ that had a sex toy in it before uploading it in the first place i just felt guilty like this for a while now 8 months ago I realized now that she wasn't a good person nor a friend from the beginning when she was one of my watchers to begin with but now with all that anger bulit up for past 8 months feel like i wanted to get revenge on her for false accusations of me being a sexist i would never harm women ♀️ even for a man ♂️ myself i will not do that to a girl ever it's a against the rules hurt them especially the people who are non-binary, bigender, transgender and those who are part of the LGBTQIA organization she will not get away with this for Shit talking down others down and being a false-accuser who made up those lies to get others in trouble so that everyone will turn thier back on to others like I can't handle or deal with this anymore this is seriously getting out of hand with the lies she keeps throwing at people's faces what she did was inexcusable and I was sick of being accused falsely for the crime I didn't do when she prove herself right and others wrong I'm going to end you and your lies so that I will clear my name and tell them I'm innocent this has nothing to do with me what did I do that makes you think that I was a sexist I never was and i will never be

And Sakuraskylar

You so better be ready because this time I'll stop you and put an end to your reign of toxicity terror for the crime you've accused me of even Filletus isn't the only one but to everyone who was falsely accused for the crime he and other people didn't do so my suspicions were correct all this she's quite a the toxic person who doesn't get her way like ENOUGH your not a little child your a grown up act your age stop being like a entitled woman childish Karen of course all this anger has been building up on my brain 🧠 for the past 8 months I feel like I want to strike to fight back for the foolery and humiliation I once went through I'm not going to back down or be holding back neither losing the will to fight I'm not going end up like Ra1nb0wK1tty101, mrwarren05, aiai4948, cupidgirl2323, NeonSuperstar and everyone else who already tarnished Thier own reputations and Thier own popularity i will do what it takes to do good things for everyone i dearly befriended with

A great shout out to @Filletus who is making the exposure rant on xxShadowSkylyxx so to everyone who is hearing this do me and Filletus a favor block her as well as cutting all contacts and server all ties with her because she's a trash 🗑️ talker and a false-accuser so everyone share this message from me and Filletus

Also everyone this is the incident i was talking about from 8 months ago it's best you stop being friends with her because she accused me, Filletus and everyone else too cut ties with her completely

https://www.deviantart.com/mecharobo1000/journal/My-built-up-RAGE-after-the-incident-8-months-ago-979692445

https://www.deviantart.com/mecharobo1000/journal/The-shocking-darkest-truth-about-xxShadowSkylyxx-979712058

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rynnaaurelius · 1 year

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I posted 2,612 times in 2022

That's 277 more posts than 2021!

57 posts created (2%)

2,555 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@phoenixyfriend

@zagreuses-toast

@darthlordcommie

@zoanzon

@vaspider

I tagged 2,609 of my posts in 2022

#pjo - 92 posts

#nature of the hellsite - 87 posts

#star wars - 71 posts

#art - 62 posts

#ofmd - 58 posts

#cats - 56 posts

#heroes of olympus - 55 posts

#gender things - 49 posts

#long post - 49 posts

#laugh rule - 47 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#just god. give me the unspoken pain. give me the mistrust of 'you lied to me for them' and 'i of course place my life in your hands' at onc

My Top Posts in 2022:

Once again thinking about how Jason and Reyna are Obscenely Young to be praetors of an entire legion--Luke was nineteen and head counselor! Clarisse and Beckendorf and Silena were all at least a year older than Jason/Reyna when they were head counselors!--and yeah, there's a whole Child Soldier thing being done with New Rome right there, to combine with it.

But the more I think about it, the proximity to Othrys plus the fact that Luke definitely took one look at New Rome and Had Feelings about it, there's, uh, something to be said for theorizing that the only reason Jason and Reyna are praetors instead of over-achieving centurions is that literally everyone else who would be ahead of them is Fucking Dead (Or Octavian, depending on how you headcanon it)

132 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

Anyway, as long as we're all here, my hottest take about Heroes of Olympus is that Luke's ghost should've been it.

And I don't even mean him him (Though, Gaea resurrecting those who died fighting for Kronos to fight in turn for her would be. . .ugh. Give it to me). Just. . .his legacy.

Percy struggling as he starts to come closer to the age that Luke was when he first decided to steal the Master Bolt and start the war all those years ago.

Annabeth trying to figure out how to come terms with her relationship with Luke, how he hurt her but did all this so that she could live to adulthood, how he let her take the sky but never stopped trying to save her life.

He should've been echoing throughout every book. Everyone from the Titan War, who died in it, should've haunted the narrative as the survivors struggle to define what it's like to live in the aftermath, especially with yet another apocalypse bearing down on them and they're manipulated by the gods.

389 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

Every time I see a "Luke Castellan was a bad person" take cross my dash, I get closer to writing a five thousand word meta about how the entire point of The Last Olympian and, arguably, the entire original series, is that Luke Was Right, Actually, and that Percy should've been radicalized in Heroes of Olympus

967 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

I normally keep the MCU off this blog for reasons of It Pisses Me Off, but MCU!Wanda Maximoff is once again doing the rounds, so I'm not-so-kindly reminding you all that turning the Jewish-Romani daughter of a Holocaust survivor, who is often horrifically villainized in the comics, into a Christian white woman who joins up with the superpowered neo-Nazis and becomes the Girlboss Joker For MCU Stans sucks shit and I'll thank you all to keep it off my dash

992 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Twitter has done exactly one thing right

1,059 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #warning to the wise do not do this on your phone #mine just about had a seizure before i switched to desktop #glad my number one post is taking the piss out of the queen

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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

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Spider’s Thread [Reverse AU]

Possessive Red Xiao x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Commissioned for: @profoundwitchsalad

Art Credit: @ruoyeahs

Warning: Unhealthy relationships.

Prompt:

“You’ve ruined my life because I have a warped idea of what love is and I can’t live without you. But now you’re trying to leave me and I won’t allow that. You left me alive. You have a duty to live for me and by me. I’m not letting you go.”

---

Xiao Semi Series

[ Friendship ] [ Falling in Love ] [ Cuddles ] [ Protective ] [ Affection ] [ Jealously ] [ Opposites Attract ] [ String Of Fate (Soulmate) ] [ Fainting ]

Link to original posts: [Red! Xiao.] [Reverse AU]

[Masterlist]

Alatus was once told a story by his Master. A sinner who falls into hell is rewarded for his only good deed, choosing not to kill a spider. As his reward, a thread is lowered down for him to climb out of Hell. In the end, the sinner remains in Hell because he kicks aside others and the thread breaks. Alatus doesn't remember why his Master told him this story but he still empathizes with the sinner. He would have done the same or asked for this 'saviour' to extend their hand down instead. That way he could pull them down.

"Xiao? Are you okay?"

He slowly opens his jade eyes to see you hunch over, peering down above him, eyebrows furrowed together in concern as you reach down and softly tap his temple. He allows you to take a moment to do whatever you want with his face before he reaches up to grasp at your wrist gently, holding back on his want to rub circles into your skin. His reminiscing can wait for now.

"What is it?" he asks curtly, sitting up and resting his elbow on his raised knee. You pout at his curt tone but shrug it off as you take a seat next to him and lean your shoulder against his. You dig into your bag and pull out slips of commission papers and hand it over to him to read through what needed to be done today. A few Hilichurl camps needed to be taken care of, sabotaging a slime balloon, all tasks that seem mundane to someone who fought in a war. As he's preoccupied, you take a moment to look at Xiao's face. He's just the slightest bit unnerved whenever you do this because you always seem to know what's bothering someone.

"Were you dreaming of her again?" you ask quietly. The silence is a good enough answer but you nod understandingly. You never knew his Master personally but you did fight a long strenuous battle against her. From one look you could tell she was a manipulative and cruel woman. While it may not be very kind to say, you were glad that with her passing, Xiao would be free from her physically. But mentally...there were still some things to work out. But Xiao was a very reclusive person, especially with his emotions, so pushing him any further would only make him irritated and closed off.

"Venti and Zhongli are joining our party for a bit if that’s alright. They'll help out a lot with our commissions and travelling. I like Liyue a lot but climbing mountains stresses my shoulders out," you laugh as you change the subject to something less depressing. Standing up as you dust your clothes off before turning to Xiao and holding your hand out for him to take. He stares at it hard for a few moments before huffing and reaching over to clasp your hands together.

It has been so frustratingly peaceful since the war ended. He's not used to it and he can still feel the lick of cutting winds and the heavy pressure of rocks against his body when he sees the bard and funeral parlor consultant just on the horizon. If it were up to him, he wouldn't play nice with these two Archons but they're important to you so he bites his tongue until he tastes blood. He knows the Archons do the same. As soon as the two of them spot you both, Venti is already rushing and tackling you to the ground in his excitement.

"Traveler! I haven't seen you in ages. You need to come and visit Mondstadt more," Venti cried into your shoulder as you awkwardly patted him on his back. Always with the dramatics but you cared about Venti all the same. Xiao scoffed before flicking his jade eyes to meet gold as Zhongli stared down at him cautiously. Since the war ended, everyone seemed to have this warped idea that Alatus had some vendetta against the Gods and Celestia but he was fighting because he was told to.

"Xiao. It's good to see you again," Zhongli said to him. Xiao just nodded in acknowledgement. Even with this new mortal form, Morax never bothered to change his eyes. His gaze alone held the weight of the mountains he had thrown. If Xiao hadn’t been under one of them before, he might have crumbled under the pressure.

"Alright alright, Venti. I promise I'll drop by sometime this month but we still have commissions to do!" you laugh as you haul the bard onto his feet and swat his cape down from the speckles of dirt. He grins cheekily at you, linking pinkies with you to seal your promise, before suddenly lighting up as if he just remembered something.

"Actually! Before we start anything, I need to speak to Mr. Zhongli and Xiao. Super important archon things, you know?" Venti nodded to himself as the two mentioned people stared at him with varying levels of confusion. But Venti just waved their worries off and linked his arms with both men as he dragged them off to a more secluded corner with a surprising amount of strength, “We’ll be right back!”

"Do what you need to do but don't take too long," you called after the trio as you trailed off to the side, messing with your bag of commission papers and gear. Xiao hated that. He knows that these two Archons are your...friends.. but shouldn't you be a bit more cautious? Just because they have mortal forms doesn’t make them human, it doesn’t make him human either.

"Hey, there's no need to look so scary. There really is something important I wanted to talk to the two of you about," Venti speaks up as soon as you're out of earshot. It still gives Xiao whiplash whenever he drops the persona and switches back to Barbatos. "Since Morax is the only Archon I trust with this information and, while I don't trust you one bit, you're the one that's with her all the time you should also know. She's ascending to Celestia."

Barbatos gauges both of their reactions. Morax seems visibly surprised, his eyes slightly widened a fraction, while Xiao has no idea what that means. His Master didn’t exactly give him a history lesson on Celestia or Archons, just pointed to who was his enemy and dealt punishments when he failed.

"And what the hell does that mean?" Xiao asks as he crosses his arms. Venti appears for a second as the bard pouts before continuing.

"It's like I said. A mortal who performs great, heroic feats can ascend to Celestia and achieve godhood. Where they will watch over their people from above. I've only seen this once before so it took me a while to recognize the signs. But 1000 years ago, I helped a woman named Vennessa with her ascension and with the traveler's recent actions with winning the war. Well, you don't need me to explain the rest," Barbatos finishes. Zhongli simply hums as he cups his chin and absorbs what's just been heard. He doesn’t seem troubled by the news at all.

"Have you told her about this?" Zhongli questions as he looks towards the direction that you left. Venti shakes his head. “That would mean that she would vanish from this world."

“I know she loves this world. Whether she wishes to ascend or not isn’t my choice but I want her to continue her travels with that beloved smile on her face. But if she does choose to ascend, she will need our help," Venti stares at the two of them in a mix of pride, sadness, and determination. "Can I count on you two for your help?"

It's a complete white noise in Xiao's ears as his surroundings fade out. He thinks he can see Zhongli nod to Venti wishes, the ever calm smile on his face to match the cheery grin on Venti’s. What, now you want to become a God? Leave this world behind? That’s not funny. You made him give up everything. While in your eyes, your blinded hero syndrome, you think you've liberated him from a soulless conquest but he still has nothing. You still took everything away from him and your only compensation was to have him by your side until he left himself. But now you want to leave without a warning? That’s not fair. You don’t get to take back what you owe. He won't allow you to leave him behind.

“Did something happen? Did Venti say something unnecessary again?” you ask out of the blue. Zhongli and Venti had returned to their respective regions once your commissions were all finished. Since the three of them disappeared to talk Archon business, Xiao had seemed even more tense and aloof than usual. As if he was out of it? You knew that everyone was still suspicious of Xiao and they were angsty to leave you alone with him, but you knew Xiao would never do anything to hurt you. When he doesn't answer, you slowly reach over and you subtly nudge his head up onto your lap and look at him curiously. Before reaching down and cupping his cheek. He leans into your touch before turning his face into your palm and leaving a soft kiss. It makes you giggle at the ticklish feeling as you look at him so softly. It annoys him.

"You were never connected to the war and yet you fought against us anyways. Even when I killed so many people, why did you choose to spare me?" he asked as you blinked at him before giving it some serious thought. He went on a rampage and almost destroyed the world. It was fun. He doesn't have any regrets at all because he hated humanity. His own Master was human after all. But then you appeared and stopped him. A random outsider that wanted to play the hero. He thought it was cute. Perhaps he had underestimated the lengths someone would go to to save the world they loved but when he fell defeated at your feet. He said that this wouldn't change a single thing. He would still scorn humanity and what they did to him. He was so sure he would die there but you chose to extend your hand down to him instead despite what your companions felt. Even when the war ended and he had nowhere else to go, you offered him to travel with you. Nothing changed about his mentality, every person that chose to talk to him was quickly scared away with piercing eyes. Every conversation started would end in silence. Every touch would be met by the tip of his spear. But you would link your hands together with his and smile brightly, and he would always end up forgetting his trauma for a moment. You’ve... become precious to him.

"I love this world and everyone in it. You are a part of that world even if you tried to destroy it. It...didn't seem fair to leave you behind when you've suffered just as much," you finish but it only seemed to spark a wave of deep anger inside of Xiao. He quickly lurched up, almost knocking your forehead with his, before grabbing the scruff of your shirt collar and yanking you forward.

"Cut it out with that "love of everything" crap. It's revolting. So you're saying the people I killed weren't worth avenging? Do you think I'm so weak that I need protection? It's one thing to try and please everyone but at least have some awareness would you?" he snarled as he pushed you to the ground. He knew he was being harsh on you and you had every right to walk out and abandon him but you didn't. Of course, you wouldn't. You needed him as much as he needed you. You just reached over and tenderly reached your hand and placed it next to his. Damn it, why is he always the one stuck worrying about you.

"Then you want to protect me, right? Then don't break your promise. You left me alive which means you have a duty to live for me," he takes your hand in his and squeezes hard. Digging his nails into your own until crescents appear and tiny specks of blood appear so you know he's serious. He doesn't care how you interpret his words, just so long as you never leave him.

"Don't die on me, Hero."

It's been a few hours since the conversation so it's pitch black outside but Xiao was never one to sleep. Even if he could, his mind is too loud to fall asleep too. He's startled when you melt against him fully asleep. Honey smooth as you curl up to his warmth and cling to him like moss to a rock. He can feel his cheeks start to flush as his heart begins to pound against his chest. He can't breathe as his world is filtered through each beat that drums against his ears. He's not sure if there's actually something wrong with him or if it's just been a while since someone got so close and his instincts haven't left.

He's just realized it. He's feeling pain. The feeling in his chest is black but he can't claw it away. It's strange in a way that he can't explain it, that he's never felt before, that he's never felt the need to experience. His life had been warped by battle and a constant push to submit to his Master. They are all things he knows but the gentle words that come from your mouth, the bright eyes that hold the world, the horrible ice-hot feeling inside of him is so foreign yet too easy. He doesn't like it.

It makes him feel...clean in a way. Enlightened perhaps? His Master is long gone and it's like you said. He's free now. Free to make his own decisions and live his life how he wants to. He carefully turns over so as to not startle you away as he really looks at you. You look so peaceful in his arms, eyelids shut without worry, face slack without nightmares, breathing so softly against him. If you weren't so close to him that he couldn't feel the rise of your chest, he wonders if he would think you were dead. He stares at the lock of hair swaying back and forth with each breath like a starved man. The strange feeling doesn't stop. He hates it. It's everything that goes against him and what he knows and everything he should want. He's supposed to be the villain in your story, he should kill you right now-

"Xiao..." he hears you mumble beside him as you lean further into his arm. Damn it. How low is he going to go?

“What are you thinking about now? You just need to think about me. Don’t think about anything else...but me” Xiao sighs before he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into him until you're snug against his chest. Close to him, where he can touch you, where you belong. Not with Morax or Barbatos. Not with humans but beside him. He closes his eyes and nuzzles his head into your hair and he stares off into the distance. The feeling never leaves him for the remainder of the night.

"Ah! There you are. I was running around crazy looking for you," he turns his hair to see your flushed form pulling yourself up onto the mountain cliff, "When I woke up I couldn’t find you anywhere! You gave me a scare there."

He hates you. He hates you.

Words of his previous master ring in his ears, almost as if her very soul is wrapping around him as she whispers in his ear how weak he is. Ones with power that refuse to take what they want because they rather live in the comfort of nothing. Be greedier, take what belongs to you.

"Xiao?" you say as his piercing eyes stare directly through you. His Master always told him that she loved him. Even if he hated her he still clung to that false love. Of being wanted. Isn't love for a single person vile? Would feeling such emotions for one person instead of "everyone" bring you down to reality? It's not fair that you've crawled your way into his heart while you walk along in bliss. Now that he thinks about it. It was so simple. He just needs to monopolize your thoughts and love. This time it won't be as friends.

"I love you."

He'll pull you down to where he is. You extended your hand down to hell so it's your fault. He'll drag you down kicking and screaming if he has to. You left him alive. You have to live for him and by him. He's not letting go.

Reblogged for extra notes

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 2 years

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Hey, Ralph. You've been voice of reason in the past for me so I'm coming to you again. How do I deal with the helplessness I feel when I see everything going on in the field ? Today has been especially bad after hearing the news of Russian invasion and order against trans children in Texas. There's an ongoing persecution and harassment of Muslims in my own country. The government is ticking every box required of a fascist regime. And I feel like there's nothing I can do to make things better. And I'm in my house with parents who have stable income, living a relatively hassle free life. I feel guilty that I'm not doing anything to make things better in the world we live in.

Oh anon - it is a very hard time. Sending you heaps of love.

You cannot hold all the horrors of the world in your mind and your heart. Contrary to what far too many posts on social media imply, trying to do so isn't a sign of moral worth and lots of people knowing about the horrors of the world doesn't change them.

First of all, it's OK to feel shitty about the world sometimes. It's OK that this is getting to you - it's an upsetting and nightmarish time in many ways. Let yourself have some feelings.

But you're not helpless - in not quite the words of Joe Hill - don't feel guilty - organise. Choose one of the things that you've mentioned (or something else you care about it) and spend some time in the next week finding other people to work with to try and change it. Often it's easiest to fight for change where you are physically - how are Muslims in your country organising against racism? What solidarity already exists? It'd be harder to anything for trans-kids in Texas, but if that's a priority you might be able to do something useful. If you have skills like website building, you might be able to find a group in Texas who needed that. Figuring out how to offer solidarity in the war in Ukraine can be difficult, things are moving very fast, but if there's a Ukranian community where you are - there may be events organised.

There are three key aspects for this - the first is to choose one thing, rather than try and do everything. The second is even if you have access to money, don't expect your money to change the world for you, taking action is what will make a difference. The third is don't just look for busy work like signing petitions. Find other people to work with and do something collectively.

Once you've done that - give yourself permission to limit how much horrific information about the world you take in. I've spent most of this week logged out of Facebook and twitter. I've looked at instagram less in the last 48 hours, because I'm not that interested in the extended 1D universe's musings on Ukraine (I only follow the extended 1D universe on my instagram). Mute, block, unfollow - do what you need to do so you're not inundated with horrors. Or contain your phone, or certain sites, to part of your day. (I'm not saying this is easy, but keep trying things that work for you.

Next - even though the world is terrible - you need to live. There are things that make our lives better, connecting with people, making things, enjoying art (very broadly defined). Disconnect from the horrors and do some of them.

I've just come back to this after not taking my own advice. I was scrolling Facebook and reading what people said and getting quite unreasonably angry at people saying wrong things in a righteous manner. None of this is easy. I've been super anxious about the political stuff I've been doing this week. But I'm trying to do what I can.

I'll return with where I started anon - it's super normal to be really overwhelmed in the face of the world as it currently is. I hope that some of what I say is useful to you, but if it's not that's OK too. You know your own life far better than I do, and you'll know paths out of feeling overwhelmed, and also what you can do that is useful, far better than I can. Much love.

#<3 #come back any time you want to chat more #Also have you watched Taskmaster #Because that's what I'mgoing to do right now

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freakkduo · 3 years

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thanks bri @paradigmsofjessicaday!

why did you choose your url?

when i made this blog i was in a space phase, so it's a carl sagan quote: "the universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent." it's the only url i've ever had (but there may be a url change in my future 👀)

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

nope it all goes right here for your viewing pleasure

how long have you been on tumblr?

oh geez. since 2015 maybe? 2016? who knows.

do you have a queue tag?

nope! i just log on and log off.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i think i was tired of getting the Tumblr Experience second hand via pinterest memes. and i watched supernatural. i'm not ashamed of my past.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

trobed ghost fic my beloved!!!!

why did you choose your header?

it's the cover art for war of the foxes by richard siken. honestly i would have to transcribe all my dms with beloved mutual pierrot 25corneliaavenue to truly explain why i chose it, but it's once again a reference to thee trobed ghost fic.

what’s your post with the most notes?

it's this post from when i was into bbc's class, with second place going to my geothermal escapism blackout poem, and third place going to this, also about geothermal escapism. nice.

how many mutuals do you have?

i'm not sure, but it's a pretty small circle. off the top of my head i think it's tommy transtrobed, pierrot, and bri who i talk to the most, and mich slutabed who i don't talk to much but i do talk to her in my heart <3

how many followers do you have?

that's my sexy secret

how many people do you follow?

that's also my sexy secret

have you ever made a shitpost?

most of my posts are completely and unironically earnest. but i know there's been a few.

how often do you use tumblr each day?

depends. if i'm bored, a lot. otherwise i usually just pop on to see what's up.

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

nope! i simply enjoy my tiny world of community meta analysis and incomprehensible ghost fic posting.

how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

don't enjoy them

do you like tag games?

yes! they strike me with anxiety at being perceived but i like them a lot.

do you like ask games?

yes!

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

in my heart grace lonelyheartsmotel has a million followers and their ghost fic is a printed bestseller.

do you have a crush on a mutual?

no but i do love them all very much

tags?

i think most of my dearly beloveds have already done this, so i'll tag @sleepy-santiago and @25corneliaavenue if they want, but of course no pressure if they prefer not to

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wolftown · 3 years

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The Post Covid World: An Optimistic Outlook

There is no doubt that the Coronavirus epidemic is going to do lasting damage to our towns and cities - particularly our small towns. I've vowed somewhat not to cover anything negative in this blog, but Covid is something that's not going to hide away.

However, I firmly believe that Wolverhampton, and quite possibly only Wolverhampton, is poised to reap benefits from the crisis.

Please note, I do not in any way intend to downplay the ongoing pandemic, it's effect on people, lives and livelihoods. This is a very cherrypicked and glass-half-full post.

My reasoning?

The damage was already done and recovered from.

I'll try and explain my position.

Cinema

We had already lost the last multiplex cinema. Indeed the only screen in Wolverhampton is the Lighthouse arts centre - which while great, is a different kind of proposal to the other cinemas the city once had. When people flock back to cinema - and they will, even if it is a few years down the line out of nostalgia like the Vinyl boom - there are several proposals ready to go.

There have actually been three proposals for cinemas in recent years - the above at the Wulfrun Centre, Westside Odeon multiplex, and Network House (which is now going to be housing). This shows the appetite in the city.

So we haven't lost any cinemas - but we are well set up to gain some in the impending building boom, government funded recovery or otherwise.

Bars and Restaurants

Wolverhampton doesn't have any chain restaurants - except for Nando's and pubs. Therefore when they all collapsed we did not lose out like a lot of City centres that are now fighting to retain the few they've got.

As these chains bite the dust, I believe a power vacuum is going to be created amongst hospitality, and some big new chains will set up. We saw this with the loss of Berni Inn, Wimpy, Little Chef, and so on.

We actually have some big schemes that can come in the future to provide for the flavours the city is lacking - big risers such as "street food", Mexican, Japanese and asian fusion. Several big American chains are expanding, and Canadian chain Tim Horton's have just set up their national headquarters in Wednesfield!

Wednesfield has lost out - Bella Italia collapsed and Chiqhuito closed down - but Pizza Hut which similarly closed was swiftly taken up by the aforementioned Tim Horton's. This shows their faith in Wednesfield. There are many chains that could open up in Wednesfield once we're all back to normal.

Retail

We're on a theme here - the damage has already been done and Wolverhampton has either already recovered from it or is in the process of doing so.

Look at the big chains we've just seen collapse:

- Debenhams: already closed before the announcement, and has been filled

- Arcadia: already closed their last store, which has been filled

- Next: had already planned to close, and have already finished building the large replacement store at St John's across the Ring Road

- BHS: unlike many cities ours has been taken on

- Waitrose: our store has already been taken by a new tennant (Tesco)

- Paperchase: our stores had already closed

A huge amount of chains such as Victoria Secret, Quiz, Monsoon, Oasis, Warehouse, Laura Ashley, Hawkin's, Mothercare, and so many more, were not present in the City Centre. We have dodged a bullet that may well kill off a lot of local centres.

We can focus on consolidating and refurbishing what we've already got, as well as, like with hospitality, welcoming the chains that open up in the national power vacuum - we have some ideal locations.

Music

Our figurehead music venue was already closed for redevelopment. The hit our economy took as a result is only the same as that experienced by our neighbours, so despite having a world class venue off the back of this extensive refurbishment, we have not lost out in the long run.

How do we move onwards?

The solution that a majority of towns and cities our size have taken is to buy up old shopping centres and redevelop them. There are countless schemes - Ashford, Basildon, Gravesend, Maidenhead, Oxford, etc, that have replaced retail with living space and mixed uses.

In Stockton-on-Tees, the centre is actually being replaced with an enormous central park. I am strongly leaning towards a mix of the two. Demolish the entire Wulfrun Centre, consolidating the few shops remaining into Dudley Street, Victoria Street and the Mander Centre. In its place, a classy row of Georgian style townhouses or flats, masking the revealed edge of the Bell Street side of the Mander Centre. In front, a large, rectangular central park.

Stockton-on-Tees, where a 60s shopping mall is to be replaced with a central park

I suppose, in a rather grim way, my analysis is that Wolverhampton has been so catastrophically devastated over the past decade that Corona Virus has barely touched the viability of the City Centre - and that we are therefore well poised to reap the benefits of the economic recovery to follow.

#Economic Recovery #Retail #Music #Leisure #Hospitality #Ideas

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actually--olivia · 4 years

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19 January 2020

Day nine: mighty fine!

My dearest Giggles,

I've been talking to Quinn about the logistics of backpacking; I'm starting to walk away from our conversations wanting to live from what I can carry, ultimately retreating to a cabin in the woods I build and sustain, farming all of my own food. For now, though, I still dream of a kitchen where I can save food scraps.

I am beyond proud you've found a calling worthy of your full ambition. I have no doubt that you'll be fighting against any and every injustice with the force of the Gonzales's before you. Survival is in your bloodline. You are fighting a worthwhile battle, and you are making those who care about you infinitely proud. You are worthy of this life, and every kindness it brings you. Just reading the passion and reverence you have for what you're doing is enough to envy your discovery of a lifelong mission. I can only hope to dedicate my life to a pursuit of equal virtue.

I don't feel particularly called to this island. I'm here now, but as much as I foresee, this trip is the extent of my connection to this land. We visited a cliff face again, but there was a lighthouse and an abandoned lighthouse keeper's house. It was filled with trash. Acres of this untouched coastal land was sold to a millionaire who will strip it of the boulders we named measured, and calculated, and use the land to develop houses. This is the last year the public can visit the park. He will most likely demolish the lighthouse which has stood since 1910. While surveying the boulders, we found that where there were overhangs was carved into the rock, there were piles of garbage. We hypothesized these were the remnants of someone living there who was evicted, and perhaps jailed for squatting, when the sale went through.

I feel guilty for learning this island's beauty, knowing I most likely won't return to right the wrongs I have seen. I’ve been thinking of the impacts of travel, and have justified it when traveling ethically or when using it for a greater scheme of justice, but I feel like I’ve used it for personal growth and that feels filthy when considering what I could be doing locally, affecting change closer to home.

There will always be someone who wants to dam the river. There will always be another beer bottle in the sand. There will always be the mark of humanity on this world.

My English teacher in hs spoke of perceived good vs actual good. He used his grocer-boy day as a parable; the same older lady would come in to recycle her collection of plastic bags once a month, placing them in the cardboard bins at the front of the store. She didn’t know that the end of each day, those bins were emptied into the dumpster, joining the reffuse on its path to burial. Makes me think of an art piece I saw a while back by Howardeena Pindell; The most common theme throughout her later works were focused on how violence can be non-confrontational. It is violent to dehumanize someone; to take away what makes them a function of society, and I fear that more than I fear physical violence. Someone in a tower can declare those beneath his footing to be lesser, and who are we to disagree when we have no concept of what it means to be in the tower?

It's inevitable, but it makes me think: where will I be in the revolution?

We are on our own for dinners, but rather than eat alone, some groups have decided to cook large meals for whoever wants to come over, and rotate the chore of hosting/cooking. I'm still on my mission of infiltrating the geology majors, and I've found some mathematics/Creative writing double majors, and LEMME TELL YA, that has made this so much easier! I plan on being all their besties before the week is up, I'll keep you posted.

Dana and I made a pact to touch fire coral on the last day here.

Quote of the day is from Sydney

“I'm very buoyant, so I'll have to find a girl to love me for them [boobs]--and I hope also my personality..."

yours, for now and through every tomorrow,

olivia

(PS: I go numb thinking of your mouth on my thigh, your hand in my mouth, and the feeling of your teeth biting down. My bruise has mostly healed, so add "reclaim my territory" to your to-do list. I'm awfully disappointed this headrest is going to waste, I guess that just means we need to be creative. Next time I see you, you're getting a kiss on your forehead, cheek, neck, and I'll slowly make my way under your shirt, leaving clear evidence of my route.)

——————————

Day Nine: Chérie of Mine

Captain’s log:

Six days until I can hold an Angel

Baby —

I saw so many birds today!!! I got all muddy because I ran after a bird and tripped but it was worth it to come within a few yards of a great blue heron, binoculars pressed into my sunglasses and jaw hanging wide open. I’m convinced I’m turning into an old man with these old man hobbies like archery and whittling and NOW birding. Yikes hope you’ll still date me when I inevitably suggest going square dancing.

Most of my day was spent in travel from Tickfaw State Park to Cocodrie on the edge of Louisiana’s torn, boot-shaped state border into the sea. Turns out I’m reaaally good at falling asleep in cars.

Your paragraph about me finding my passion added kindling to the campfire you occupy in my heart. I’ve never had anyone understand me so well and actively seek to know me — to want to. I’ve never had anyone be proud of me like you are. I’ve never met anyone like you at all. And as much as that scares me, I’m also — I’m glad that you’re mine.

I’m sorry about your Bonaire Realizations. It’s a real shame about that developer on the park lands and the garbage that seems to be everywhere, even at home.

If you’d like to know what an old coot (see American Coot, a silly bird with a silly call) thinks about the situation, here you go:

(A reflection)

We have to move past grief in order to defend our homes, our coastal lands, our culture, our people. I cope with this eco-grief by turning my fear into service. I find comfort from my despair in learning how to best serve others, how to protect the most vulnerable populations, how to communicate and find loopholes through policy to take care of people.

Your grief reminds me of something Elizabeth Rush once said in her book, “Rising.” She invoked James Baldwin and related the fight against racism to the fight against climate change:

“I am done dreaming the earth undrowned; it is no longer a useful skill… ‘Guilt is a luxury that we can no longer afford,” he continues. ‘I know you didn’t do it, and I didn’t do it either, but I am responsible for it because I am… a citizen of this country and you are responsible for it, too, for the very same reason.’”

It is perfectly normal and okay to grieve for the area you inhabit now, to feel like you’re not doing enough to solve the crises before you, to be mad at yourself for not being more committed to Bonaire. But as you rightfully criticize your environment and mental framework, please remember that in your scholastic work, you are serving.

You are learning the names of people and places and experiences and sharing those stories with others who otherwise would never have seen that island. It may not be perfect, but I see your willingness to learn and grow and reflect and question as cultural preservation, as resistance against the forces that seek to discourage our endeavors by listing mounting problems, as an act of great art and struggle. Let yourself sit with this discomfort and move past grief into service.

I hope that you can begin to find peace this way, regardless of how many rivers are dammed or parks developed. We have a responsibility to ourselves and to others to do justice, and grief is a robber in the night that takes potential from us. Think of Greta Thunberg, who was once someone who grieved deeply and hid her eating disorder, staying home and not talking to anyone. And then she started striking on Fridays. And now she gives lectures around the world: “No person is too small to make a difference.” She is no different from you or me.

Seek the opportunity to do justice from your learning experiences. You wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve applied Everglades knowledge to problems in our Mississippi River system or the coastal land loss in Louisiana without even meaning to. Everywhere is an opportunity to learn and to serve others. That work is Everything. You are and always have been Enough.

Here are some moving pictures from my day:

Gawking at Hunter, who has — get this — strep throat, as she tries to pet a fish through the aquarium glass

Witnessing the kinetic choreography of the Little Cocodrie Bayou and fearing for the houses along its banks, some with foundations already as high as eight feet lifted on stilts

Laughing with Mia as she scoffed at the “sand volleyball court” that was licked halfway by thick white clover stalks

Hearing the creaking of the Acadiana research ship as I tripped over wooden planks to find little blue herons, brown pelicans, common grackles, great blue herons, herring gulls, and foresters tern diving into the water to grab fish or puttering around ship roofs until taking to the skies

Hiding with Ryan “Po’Boy” Lefaivre as security nearly busted our asses for illegally fishing off the pier

Saying, “don’t worry — I’ve got asthma!” after Ivy, the near-retirement security guard, warned me not to smoke next to the low-sulfur diesel tanks and salt-heavy oyster shells I was leaning up against

Traipsing along the rock-tossed shore of salt marshes and smelling the presence of fish not too far from common cordgrass, seaside goldenrod, and the roots of deadly nightshade berries, which hang pert and tomato red in temptation of a passing taste

Playing “referee” for six freedom-drunk kids jumping barefoot on the shell-lined court and clapping and using my air horn as a whistle even though I don’t know the rules, thinking of you all the while

Goodnight, baby. I’ll tell you all about the salt marshes I trip through tomorrow. Sleep well.

Your girl,

P.S.

I am... fuck it, you should already know what I’m going to do to you. You should be able to feel that ache when you get to this section of our emails; you should be able to clench around nothing at the thought of my nails raking down your back as I let you mark me. Otherwise, I haven’t been doing my job.

P.P.S.

Here’s a picture of your favorite girl looking for birds ^

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