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chalkrevelations · 3 years

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Well. Episode 34 of Word of Honor, and, oh.

(Spoilers. Scroll on by and come back later if you want to watch it unspoiled.)

Oh. No. NO, show. Only A-Xiang is supposed to make me cry, so fuck you, Zhou Zishu, with your SAD LITTLE FACE, oh my god, why don’t you just pull my heart out of my chest, throw it down in the dirt and stomp on it? It would be kinder than having to watch you deal with the implications of whatever it is, precisely, you’ve done to yourself that means you’re expecting to drop dead any day and lose your chance at lifetime happiness with your soulmate but are hiding from everyone. (Well, I guess it’s your turn to be hiding something, because it looks like everyone in the jianghu except you was in on at least some part of Wen Kexing’s plan.)

So, the first thing that struck me in this ep is the way ZZS sits at the table at the post-Hero’s Conference meal drinking session, hunched over, like his bones are made of shattered glass, and here’s the thing: He’s absolutely just had a serious emotional blow. But also, this is a guy who’s terminally ill and in chronic pain, and we saw that repeatedly for about the first two-thirds of the show, and then the emphasis on it kind of slacked off. And I’m thinking now that maybe it wasn’t just slack writing or WKX playing his xiao in the rain through the nights at Four Seasons Manor like the worst emo kid ever that helped, that maybe some of the progression of the deadening of ZZS’s senses might have offered him some relief, but whatever it was, I’m wondering if whatever he’s done now – I presume pulled out those gd Nails - has exacerbated everything all over again. I cannot believe that at least Wu Xi can’t look at the way he’s moving and holding himself at the table and see that he’s not just stone-cold angry and emotionally hurt about being left out of the loop, he’s in physical pain. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a little like being stabbed in the chest when he gets confirmation that Chengling and WKX were in on WKX’s “death” together while he was in the dark and believed this asshole actually died on him. But I also think we’re getting physical pain ramped up again from him; there’s a hesitation and delicacy of movement that speaks of someone who’s judging their movements and maintaining a high level of control, because if they do make a wrong move, everything could just explode into agony. I also noticed the way he clutches his cup when A-Xiang starts explaining how WKX made a deal with Xie Wang in order to rescue ZZS from Tian Chuang, and I can’t for the life of me figure out if it’s having to hear about WKX finding himself in that position in order to save him, or if it’s A-Xiang calling him “Sick Dude” at a moment when that’s going to press right on one of the tenderest, most vulnerable places. Because, god, everyone else at this table who even knows about his terminal illness still thinks that Wu Xi is going to be able to fix him. And here’s where ZZS apparently is a better person than me, because I don’t know that I wouldn’t have an absolute breakdown and end up throwing it in WKX’s face that if he had just told me what was going on, maybe I wouldn’t be about to drop dead tomorrow and leave him alone for the rest of his life, asshole. But no! His zhiji’s happiness is so important to ZZS, that he’s not going to say a word about it! It’s more important than his own life, that his shidi has been able to avenge his parents while keeping his own hands (relatively) clean of any more sins. He’s going to continue to be there, to be whatever WKX needs him to be, for however few days he has left. I won’t fail you. (Even when you fail me). Here’s the thing though – at some point, you’re going to drop dead, Zhou Zishu. And apparently you’re going to leave WKX completely unprepared for it, so I don’t know that you’re doing him any favors being the one who’s hiding something, this time around. And oh my god, I just realized something – you made him drink three pots of liquor as a punishment – was that to get him so blind drunk he wouldn’t notice the Nails were gone? You realize you have to tell him at some point, right?

ANYWAY, WKX gets sloppy drunk and stumbles into their(? has everyone just given up any pretense at this point?) bedroom, and first of all, can I take a minute to flail over the way ZZS pushes drunk WKX’s hair back off of his shoulder? Can I? Because I rewound and re-watched that 2 seconds of the show three times. But then, then, WKX starts drunken rambling about how happy he is, and how scared he’d been that he wasn’t worthy of ZZS, and tears start welling up in ZZS’s stupid eyes, and WKX starts talking about how finding ZZS made him a whole new person, and ZZS’s stupid precious face gets SO SAD, and I start fucking welling up too, and then WKX talks about his parents and their shifu, and ZZS presses WKX’s head to his chest and gives us his stupid sad little smile, and I’m literally clutching my shirt hem in inarticulate pain and distress by this point, and then ZZS starts to break down as he holds WKX’s hand as WKX finally falls asleep, and he gives that stupid shaky sobbing little gasp, and just UGH. I’m DYING here, show. Also, how did you manage to do this to me with just your face, Zhang Zhehan? I’m not sure I can take the next couple of episodes, when the whole Nails dilemma is sure to come out.

Second big takeaway of this ep is that I just … oh my god. I cannot with you, Xie’er, holy shit. And I say this in a completely loving yet utterly aghast way. Was it absolutely necessary to literally sit on Awful Yifu’s lap? I’m reduced to a state of horrified laughter over the envelope pushing. The absolute fuckery of the power dynamic fluctuations of the Zhao Jing/Xie Wang relationship at this point … it’s something. It’s finally reached a point where it’s so fucky and complex that I may have to go looking for some fic, despite my general desire to punt Awful Yifu into the sun. I do have to say that the whole (one-sided) conversation when Xie’er finally let everything out was super-cathartic. Go off with your unfilial self, Xie’er. Li Daikun has been amazing all through this, and he’s continuing to maintain a perfect balance as we move toward the finish line. I’ve heard he was offered Wen Kexing and supposedly didn’t want to take the role because he didn’t think he was ready for it? And while I absolutely appreciate Gong Jun and the chemistry between ZZS and WKX that he built with Zhang Zhehan, I’m flabbergasted that Li Daikun was able to pull off Xie’er like this, yet thought he couldn’t manage WKX ... and I have to admit, I kind of would like to see what WKX would have been in his hands. I’ve also heard a rumor that they’re talking about maybe filming an origin story for Xie Wang? I … am torn, because on the one hand, more Xie’er, but on the other, more Awful Yifu. Anyway, I think we’re continuing to see a whole tangle of resonances between Xie’er, Wen Kexing, and Zhou Zishu, and the awful men in their lives who helped make them who they are today; there’s something of a contrast between Zhou Zishu, who, maybe significantly, was older and had some grounding from his Four Seasons shifu when he got tangled up with Prince Jin and Tian Chuang and who was willing to gnaw off his own leg to get out of the trap (and only finally struck back because he was forcibly taken back) and the other two, one of whom killed and … dismembered? flayed? his abuser before taking his literal throne, and the other of whom turned his abuser into a muted … piece of furniture? sex toy? before taking his figurative throne. Xie’er is about five steps behind Wen Kexing on a parallel path, and maybe there’s still time for him to untangle some of the fuckery in his head about his awful yifu. But meanwhile, there it is: You failed me. Xie’er, you’re breaking my heart, but I feel like I have to point out, again, this is the guy who is literally responsible for the existence of the Department of the Unfaithful. I did have a brief moment when I was convinced Xie’er was poisoning himself and Awful Yifu in a murder-suicide move, but then we got lap-sitting instead? Which could have made me think we were getting some kind of reversion to wanting to feel safe, like a kid able to (finally) sit in his father’s lap and play at comfort, but then he went and made it – let’s be honest – a little weird.

Last really big takeaway for me from this ep is that A-Xiang and I continue to be simpatico, because lady, I also have a very very bad feeling about Fan Shishu’s absence in this wedding “party” from the Gentle Wind Sword Sect, and watching your dawning realization at the end of the episode when he doesn’t show up and doesn’t show up and doesn’t show up as the group enters only confirmed my suspicions that something is UP. Am I supposed to expect a fakeout to Mo Huaiyang’s haranguing speech to Cao Weining, with a wrap-up of “But since you clearly love her so much and want to be a good influence …” Because I won’t believe it. And I’m not going to be happy or comfortable until we see the back of this asshole, because speaking of somebody who says everything with his face, Mo Huaiyang was NOT happy when Ye Baiyi called off the rest of the Heroes Conference, after his horse in the race had already been completely repudiated and he lost whatever chance he had at gaining power and influence on Zhao Jing’s back. Even if he did come all this way – bearing gifts – just to tell Cao Weining he’s an ungrateful brat and to never darken the door of Gentle Wind Sword Sect, it would still be a jerkass thing to do. But I don’t trust him as far as I could spit, and my only question at this point is whether all of Cao Weining’s shidi who came with him to the wedding are in on whatever bs Mo Huaiyang’s planning to pull.

A couple other random things:

Oh, so A-Xiang’s two moms are going to stay together for the rest of their lives, are they? And Liu Qianqiao is even like, “Loser Boyfriend? I don’t know him.” Followed by a cut to Luo Fumeng and her vaguely smug reaction. I’m dying.

No one’s going to say anything about this random body that Wen Kexing used for his plan? Just, you know, went to the store or something and picked out a random body? I realize it’s very late in the game to be getting moralistic about the adorable merciless killers, but come on, man. I also think we have once again overused the infodump. I realize we only have 35 episodes, but some of this explanation of WKX’s very complex plan should have been shown, not told. Anyway, cue series of flashbacks to finally explain how the whole Rube Goldberg plan was put in place, and ah-hah! WKX, himself, talked to Chengling ahead of time. I notice that in that flashback scene and the one when he talks to Ye Baiyi, he’s prominently still wearing That Hairpin, so we’ll realize this all got set into motion before ZZS was rescued and brought home.

Finally, why has everyone seem to have forgotten (still) about that KEY that WKX was waving around? No one’s going to mention it? Really?

And now, I think I’m going to fortify myself with some bourbon for the next ep.

#zhou zishu #wen kexing #xie wang #zhao jing #gu xiang #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

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jq37 · 4 years

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The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 11 In the Mountains of Sweetness

Requiem

The Rocks family is on the run but they’re also in mourning. As they sail up the Cola River, they stop to do repairs to the ship and pay their respects to Jet at a bright pink hill under a tree--her final resting place.

The remaining kids are in opposite worlds emotionally speaking--Liam is fully sobbing (which we find out later is largely him still being messed up over Preston) while Ruby is hollow and bitter. Amethar (after almost murdering a Jellybean farmer with poor timing who wanders onto the scene) eulogizes about how much Jet taught all of them (including that “to defeat monsters you must become one” which mmm don’t love where his head is at; also, Brennan says he seems to almost have this new sobriety which I think, mechanically, is him having taken a level of Battlemaster Fighter).

Cara, also a wreck as you’d expect, wonders if Jet died thinking she didn’t love her and wishes Jet would have just listened to her--something that Ruby takes as blaming Jet for her own death, causing her to stalk off. Cara is too in her grief to really react but Theo goes after her. As he does, Cumulous notices that, for a split second, Ruby’s shadow seemed to be out of sync with her actions. But only for a second.

When Theo catches up to her, Ruby gets really upset and says that she blames her parents, Lazuli, and herself for Jet’s death. Theo says that Jet wouldn’t have blamed her and that she died in battle, like she wanted. Even still, Ruby doesn’t know how she’s going to go on without her. Theo says that he takes comfort in Lazuli’s research and the thought that Jet might not be truly gone. She could be around and protecting them right now. “She was always protecting us,” Ruby says before mind-hopping into Yak and flying above the ship so she doesn’t have to deal with her emotions for the moment.

Once she’s gone, Theo breaks down for a second and then summons Sprinkle...to dismiss him. He tells Sprinkle he’s done a great job but he needs to go back where he came from and have Jet send a new familiar as a sign. Sprinkle tearfully leaves and, almost immediately (which is not how the spell traditionally works btw) a Black Licorice viper shows up which Theo names Princess and which bites him for no reason. Feels right.

Back at the grave-site, Cara starts to walk away but Amethar catches her and leads her back to the ship. They run into Theo and when she sees him with his new familiar, she goes off on him: Oh Jet is watching over us? Who was watching over her? And don’t think I don’t know about your crush on Lazuli. I have one daughter left. You think you can do a better job at protecting her? That kind of thing. She goes to board the ship but Amethar stays behind saying he’ll be with her in a minute, something that made *me* feel like I was about to get chewed out by Amethar’s wife.

Liam remembers that Cal--the traitor--saved Jack and Brie and decides to (as he is wont to do) ask about it in the clumsiest way possible. Jack says that they didn’t meet up with Cal on purpose or anything--they just happened to stumble across him and, now that he thinks about it, it was weirdly easy the way Cal got them through enemy lines and stuff. He seems pretty on the level so Liam does his Ranger thing to check for danger while they’re docked.

Back with Theo and Amethar, Theo says he’s fine so Amethar catches up with Cara and says that she can’t turn on Theo like that. They don’t have a lot of allies left. On a dirty 20 Persuasion check, we are spared the marital spat of a lifetime and instead she just presses herself against him and he brings her into a hug.

Sweet Life on Deck*

*I knew I’d get to use it eventually!

The next day, as they set sail, Cara apologizes to Theo for taking her grief out on him and he’s very gracious about it--also assuring her that he doesn’t hate her for winning Lazuli’s affections as she suggested nor does he have a crush on her--he just strongly believes in her ideals.

Cumulous finds Ruby to have a chat with her about his favorite topic (well second fave after magical items)--death. Ruby says that, with Jet dead, all she cares about is revenge and that she’s dead inside. Cumulous, who clearly doesn’t have Inspiring Speech on his character sheet (or, if he does, learned from Kristen), rambles about death for a bit before saying that though they’ll all die eventually, she doesn’t have to die yet and gives Ruby his necklace from Lazuli. She pockets it and walks away.

Liam, with his Ranger senses, knows they’re being followed but also knows that they have the jump on them so they shouldn’t have a problem staying ahead. Jack and Amethar have a heart to heart wherein Jack blames himself for spilling the beans about Ghee and Amethar says it’s not his fault. They reaffirm that they’re in it together for the long haul.

In the night, Liam has an intense dream involving familiar snarling, heat, smoke, chocolate, and cinnamon. Ruby wakes up in the middle of the night with Lazuli’s necklace glowing a little bit. The glow fades and then she notices, like Cumulous did, that her shadow is a little off--but it quickly corrects itself. All messed up, she goes onto the deck and finds that she can suddenly see perfectly in the dark. And, on a Nat 20 Perception check, she sees that the eye of the Lazuli necklace is a little creased, like it has smile lines. It glows brightly and casts her shadow on the wall--except it’s not the shadow she should have. It looks like her except the hair--the hair is in a long braid. Ruby presses her forehead against the forehead of the shadow and finds that it’s warm. And, as she does so, she fully breaks down for the first time since Jet’s death and the shadow does so alongside her. (Mechanically speaking, Ruby took a level of Shadow Sorcerer).

In the morning they dock, having gotten as far up the river as the ship can take them. It’s a long trip to the mountains and Muffinfield--Cal’s territory--is in their path. They have the option to go through the town fully, take the more off the beaten path route, or a little of both but either way it’s gonna take at least a full week (and up to three if they fully avoid the town). They decide to take the hybrid route which takes them into Muffinfield to begin with. It’s a rich province and very Bulbian. Tons of Imperial guards, tons of churches, and, in fact, they see a church putting on one of those puppet show/morality plays. Amethar makes the, mmm, unwise decision to check it out and sees that it’s a play about the Rocks family, depicting him as a horny lout, Cara as an airheaded bimbo, and the twins as feral bastards. Ruby sets the puppets on fire and Amethar hustles her away before she can do something more rash.

After that, they get to the woods--staying for a night with a lady so old and out of touch that she doesn’t even know that Amethar’s dad isn’t king anymore. Theo thanks Liam for saving Jet’s body and they bond over how much rage they have over, like, everything that's happened.

The Gang Gets Scooped

When they get back on the road (with some not so hot stealth checks), they see a little gingerbread guy in a Peter Pan cap who’s trying to pull his friend out from under a rock. Theo, knight to his core, rushes to help but Liam, who’s on the warpath, decides to shoot him. An insane course of action but he’s not wrong because a net captures both Theo and the gingerbread man and this turns out to be an ambush. The “friend” was a doll and the Gingerbread man (Swifty is his name) pulls a lollipop shiv on Theo because of course. When Theo says he’s not pro-Bulb, Swifty calls for Gooey--the chief marauder who is this buff warrior woman with half her face melted (like melted chocolate) like she was badly burned. She and this chocolate viking dude (Jon Bon) discuss whether they should take the group to the queen, which they decide to do, shackling everyone (though Liam and Ruby successfully conceal their thieves' tools in their hands for a later escape). At the mention of the queen, the assembled marauders start chanting “Long live the queen”--harkening back to the mountain gratifi from two episodes ago. They take them to their secret hideout in the mountains while Swifty runs ahead to let them know they’re coming.

All their captors are Candian but they’re all deformed in some way and/or have old Sucrosi tattoos and Sweetening Path stuff, ears of Ceresians/Vegetanians on necklaces (EARS BRENNAN?), and defiled Bulbian relics. They’re from all over but they seem like they’ve been living this life for years.

The hideout is kinda built into the cliff side and it has this big rock outside like the standing stones the SPF has (menhir is the technical term). It’s also covered in a layer of snow and very cold. Magical light is glowing as they pass through the entrance. Cumulous can feel very powerful magic at work. There’s a ton of ceremony and fanfare and chanting in advance of the queen’s arrival--these people seem to really love their queen, and so do we because out comes Queen Saccharina Frostwhip aka, Emily’s new character (aka Rina because I’m not typing that every time)!

She is this extremely cool (in both senses of the word) ice-cream sorcerer with a magic staff (Winterscoop) and two swords and is majorly serving sweet but frosty-cool energy. Liam and Ruby spring everyone from their chains and Rina aggressively sweetly says that she would have freed them soon enough. She calls herself the legal ruler of Candia and when Cara questions that she says that she has another last name: Ghee. Amethar, is like, “Oh shit,” but she says that she’s not here to force a relationship on him, she just thinks they can all be useful to each other, especially since she’s the legal heir as the child of his legal marriage and someone not in open rebellion with the Concord. Theo is like, “That all checks out.” He asks Amethar if this is actually his kid and he sees in Rina Ghee’s eyes and his own swagger. Yeah, that’s his kid. In turn, she recognizes Cumulous as a monk of the Order of the Spinning Star. She, like half the party it feels--is a huge Lazuli stan, can feel her magic on him, and believes in her mission. She says she’s seen Lazuli in her dreams when she was little and Cumulous in her sees someone who can, in a lot of ways, take up Lazuli’s mantle and start rebuilding Candian magic rather than just doing triage like the monks have been. He bows to her. Ruby is not having any of this though and says that Rina isn’t her sister or her queen.

Theo asks Princess if they should trust her--she’s saying all the right things but he’s wary--and gets a bite which tells him nothing.

Ice Feast

Rina, upon being told special guests were coming, had a feast prepared which is described as Robin Hood-y. Amethar is like, “This is cool but the Bulbian church is literally trying to kill us so maybe we focus on that?” Rina says that that works for her. All Amethar has to do is recognize her as his daughter and heir and everything will be square--if the church wants to go after them at that point, they’ll have to break their own rules. Ruby, who’s still being obstinate says that it won’t work because she’s clearly a heretic with an allegiance to the Sweetening Path but Rina says and Jack confirms that as long as you kiss the ring in public, no one really cares what you do on your home turf.

Ruby accuses her of not knowing what she’s talking about because she’s been hidden away her whole life and Rina shoots back (still smiling) that she’s actually been traveling the world, building her followers from scratch which she had to do because she came from nothing. Amethar (who’s in the, I would have to imagine, pretty novel position of watching his daughters fight) breaks it up. Cara--who fully hates that not only is this happening, it’s also their best shot--takes Ruby with her to have their meal somewhere else and Ruby, who has found someone to hate more than her mom, willingly goes.

Rina has a sidebar with Amethar where she apologizes for popping up randomly and upsetting his entire family. She always wanted to meet them and she’s sorry that these are the circumstances. Amethar says that it’s not her fault--they’ve just been through a hell of a lot lately and they’re kind of emotionally spent but she’s actually a huge asset to them politically right now and he’s sure that once things are calm, things will be different on the relationship front.

Ruby can’t believe Cara is taking all of this lying down and Cara (who is full John Mulaney, “This might as well happen,”) says she can’t remember the last time she had a handle on her life which is news to Ruby who thought she *was* the handle. Cara hits her with the unfortunate truth that no one--least of all kings and queens--knows what they’re doing or can really control it. All she can control is what she’s doing next which is having a bath. Ruby decides to, instead, cast Invisibility and look around for anything suspicious.

After seeing a bunch of stolen loot, weapons, and Candian artifacts it seems like Rina’s trying to preserve, she eventually finds Rina in her quarters. On a 25 Perception to Ruby’s 24 Stealth, Rina clocks her and whispers, “I’m not here to take your family, little sister. I look forward to the day that we are friends.” Ruby, channeling Adaine in a big way, flips invisible double middle fingers.

Cumulous is in another room, just fanboy happy-crying over all of Rina’s magic stuff in some of the funniest scenes Zac has ever done which is saying a lot. I cannot overstate how funny Zac crying over an imaginary ring pop is.

Theo also finds Rina and asks about her visions of Lazuli. She says it happened when she was very young and her powers were just manifesting. She was in a place where magic wasn’t supported and the connection was all but beaten out of her. But she can also sense Lazuli’s presence in Theo. Ruby, still invisible, pipes up that she sees Lazuli too so she’s not special and Rina shoots back that she can also see Ruby while invisible, which is pretty special. This dissolves into a little sibling spat which Rina says she enjoys because she’s never had a sister to fight with before. The comment sets off Ruby again who says she already had a sister and she’s dead and she can’t replace her. She runs off.

Theo and Rina speak a little more and she reveals that she doesn’t really care about the throne. She just cares about bringing back magic and destroying the church (which means she’ll fit right in with the rest of the fam--not really wanting the throne and plotting against the church. The family business).

After the feast, Gooey brings out the war maps (moving the Jawbreaker flag away from Castle Manylicks and deeper into the mountain and putting an ice cream cone flag deep into the mountains) and a bunch of magic tomes which Rina starts reading. Ruby notices that a lot of the tomes are written in Lazuli’s hand, she had a way to tap into the SPF’s runes, and that she wrote some kind of warning about the SPF--Lazuli did not trust or revere the SPF. Liam sees a book with the same ice cream symbol as the flag on the map and it’s a book of lost beast lore--including an ancient spirit described on pages scented like cinnamon and seemingly bound in some way (and also amongst a lot of SPF talk): Dracoria Azucar (or, Sugar Dragon).

Anyway, Rina says that the SPF has done a lot to suppress Lazuli’s research (she’s not sure if she thinks it’s too dangerous or if she’s hoarding it or what) including taking all of her coolest relics and findings and hiding them in a frozen temple--the Ice Cream Temple. She wants to loot that temple. (Note: She also mentions that Kerradin visited her orphanage when she was little which...Bad). She’s sent raid parties who haven’t come back but they weren’t super powerful--she has a lot of angry, rescued orphans in her service. The gang more or less agrees to her plan--even Ruby reluctantly, but Ruby hears the SPF on the wind, “Things that are wrong may yet be made right. There is more than one true magician in Candia, Princess and I await your coming and will be delighted for your wish to come true.”

A Change of Plans

In the morning, they decide Cara will stay with Jack and the marauders while they (and some of Jack’s men) go on their mission. When Jack offhandedly says that Ghee was lovely, Rina says they had very different experiences with her. Ominous!

Theo asks what’s going on with the Jawbreaker situation and she says that they’re in kind of a pissing contest--he won’t recognize her claim to the throne. Gooey pulls Rina aside and informs her (for the first time it seems) that Jawbreaker has left the Castle because people in the area were being tortured by Ceresian soldiers (wasn’t specified but I’m guessing Imperials) to draw him out and now he’s pinned down in the mountains. Rina (along w/ Gooey and Swifty) consider that if they help Jawbreaker, he’ll be more likely to acknowledge her claim to the throne. But, if they don’t and they let him die, Liam will be heir and he’s already on Team Rina. In the end, she decides to tell the group and they are keen on rescuing Jawbreaker--even though Liam is concerned because he knows his dad will never give up the throne.

Everyone seems pretty gung ho about this except for Ruby who is like, “Hello we’re super outnumbered.” Cara has a solution to that however. She’s been up all night reading Lazuli’s books and she thinks she can bamf them past enemy lines if they can get to the nearby Spinning Star monastery. She can get them back too but because there’s not a teleportation circle where they’re going, she has to basically do the magical equivalent of holding her breath or remembering a really long series of numbers while they get in and get out. They won’t have much time.

They go to the monastery (where Rina’s anti-monarchical sentiments wins her another new fan in another monk named Snicker-Snack because sure) and Cumulous kills a chicken for that sweet temp HP. Cara says, “Lazuli, please help me get this right,” before performing her magic and sending them all to a dark, locked, musty building. They can hear Ceresian soldiers shouting outside--and that’s where we end our episode!

Note: You can find the art for the new characters this episode on the D20 tumblr here! Once again, Samir is coming for some of y’all specifically with some of these designs.

Things I’m Concerned About

I’m gonna separate my thoughts on Rina across these two sections because my thoughts are hard in separate directions. I *love* Rina but I have to be honest with myself and say that if she was an NPC, I fully wouldn’t trust her. She comes in at the exact right time saying all the right things and coming with a major plot solution. She says she doesn’t care about the throne and she only wants to destroy the church (something that would make sense considering the backstory hints the dropped) and we haven’t had PvP before but like...if there was a season to do it...listen, I want her to just be this cool orphan who sincerely wants justice and a relationship with her dad and sister if that’s on the table but I’m just keeping my eye on her. (Also, when Gooey pulled her aside to have that troop movement convo I feared it was going to go in a much more suspicious direction.)

There’s a part that I kinda glossed over where Brennan says Manta Ray Jack looked at Rina “bashfully” and Rina took it as, “He’s gonna ask me out,” and rebuffed his advances. I feel like that’s not what that was about. That doesn’t mean it’s anything actively bad--maybe him remembering her mom?--but idk, I don’t like feeling like I’m missing something.

Oh, and speaking of her mom? Rina saying he had a different experience of her mom than she did combined with Rina saying her connection to Lazuli was “all but beaten out of her” plus the out of game knowledge that something related to child neglect happens in a few eps that’s so bad that Brennan hurt himself...It paints a Bad picture.

Once again, I am Concerned about everything going on with the SPF. What did she mean there’s more than one magician? Was she referring to Ruby? Does she want Ruby to PvP Rina? She better not.

Little concerned about Annabelle’s side mission to find Ghee. I was before but now I am even more.

Five A Few More Things

I want to believe that Jet is both partially inhabiting Princess and doing the Shadow Sorc thing with Ruby. The Pontifex works hard but Jet Rocks works harder.

OK, let’s talk about what I call The Inherent Tragedy of Saccharina Frostwhip (*such* a good name, btw). If Ruby and Jet had met Rina *together* (either during peace times or having rolled a high enough Insight check to clock her as an ally during the present events) they would have loved her completely immediately. She’s got Cool Big Sister written all over her: cool design, martial prowess and magic, anti-monarchy and anti-Bulbian Church BUT willing to take the throne in their stead. They would have LOVED her. BUT, Rina wasn’t an NPC. She was Emily’s backup character. Which means that, because of the way our world bisects the world of Candia, there is never a world where Jet is alive while Rina comes into play. That’s tragic, man. That’s the worst. And when I say that’s the worst, I mean the best. This makes for such delicious story. You guys know I’m a full sucker for sister stuff. Which we were already getting but this is *complicated* sister stuff which we all know is better. Like, if this is where we’re starting emotionally, do you know good it’s gonna hit if Ruby eventually comes around on her? Siobhan and Emily are catering to me specifically this season.

Also, that reveal? Within like five minutes, my theory that “the Queen” in question was Amethar’s first kid was confirmed, my circa episode 3 prediction that a twin would die and come back as Amethar’s first kid was confirmed, AND my prediction from last episode that the SPF was telling a technical truth about Ruby finding her sister was confirmed. (Literal) sweet vindication! Can I do lotto numbers? No. But plot points for a Candy/GoT mashup? I’m your gal.

Lol at someone mentioning Ghee as Amethar’s wife with Cara standing right there and Amethar fully WWE bodyslaming that dude with tag-teams for the entire family.

People are saying it seems like Rina is a Storm Sorcerer which would be cool seeing as Amethar is a Storm Herald Barbarian. Family parallels even without really knowing each other.

Cara--who better survive this or I will Riot--needs like a 6 month spa trip after this is over. What she is dealing with right now is untenable and she is handling it much better than I would be honestly. (But also her, “lol, my life is in shambles,” to Liam’s inappropriate question that didn’t even really register to her at that point was another comedy highlight of the ep. Icon, even in mourning.)

Lazuli might as well be a PC for how important she is to this campaign.

Ooooh, Sugar Dragon for Liam? Brennan has outdone himself. (Unless Liam is gonna have to fight the Sugar Dragon which I am also super down for. As I was just discussing, there are never enough dragons in D&D for a game that’s half named after them).

Shout out to this post for making me short circuit for a full second. Ow.

It’s a little funny that Brennan laid the groundwork for Emily’s background character in the middle of the episode he knew was gonna end with him trying to kill them. Like, OK, your future is secure, now time to destroy your present!

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #a crown of candy #a crown of candy spoilers #the royal report #is Jon Bon CoC hodor?#idk enough about GoT to confirm or reject that but that my my immediate thought for some reason

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leavesdriftinginthewind · 3 years

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Back to rant about Supernatural AGAIN and probably for the last time with my own written words. I’m actually devastated that the show ended the way it did. The last two episodes felt so rushed and weird and maybe that was because of Covid but everyone said they didn’t mess with the last two episodes too much between March and September so I guess those eps were just going to be awkward and feel out of place and disconnected from the rest of the show regardless of the pandemic. But I funneled so much love into this show for almost 8 years, and I’ve put so many people onto the show because I loved it so much, and I jokingly told all those people that if they ever felt like they wanted to quit after season 8 they probably could but now I feel seriously about quitting. My boyfriend is on season 10 right now and I felt pretty good about watching it with him through the end but now I don’t want to. I want to just let him finish it on his own. I probably won’t, but I WANT to, and that’s HEARTBREAKING to me.

And I’m so upset because two characters that the fan base loved so passionately, Cas and Dean, both got fucked over so terribly in the last 3 hours of airtime. Castiel never really knew he was loved by ANYBODY he loved (minus maybe Jack, who I think did an okay job of showing how much Cas meant to him). Dean basically shat all over the poor guy for years now and while Sam and Cas got closer Sam never really told him how much he meant to him, either. And I really truly believed that maybe we would get to hear how much Dean loved Cas, even if it WAS just platonic, and even if WE were the only ones who got to hear it, but NO. HE NEVER REALLY ADDRESSED HOW SHATTERED HE WOULD BE AFTER CAS DIED ASIDE FROM THE 30 SECONDS AT THE END OF 15.18, THE 15 SECONDS OF DRUNKENNESS WE WITNESSED IN 15.19, AND THE RUSH TO THE DOOR WHEN LUCIFER PRANKCALLED HIM. And THAT PRANK CALL was the last we EVER heard from Misha. I thought when they did THAT that we MUST get Cas back SOMEHOW but NO. Castiel deserved more, the character revived the show and helped make the fan base so passionate and helped DRIVE the show for the last 11 years, but we got no resolution for him. We didn’t get Dean telling him how much he appreciated him and loved him (EVEN IF IT WASNT ROMANTIC I DONT EVEN GIVE A SHIT IF IT WAS BUT DEAN DID LOVE HIM IN SOME WAY) and we didn’t get Sam giving Cas one last hug and telling him how thankful he was that Cas was on this ride with them for so long, we didn’t get anything. We got the tiniest crumb of acknowledgement that he wasn’t just rotting in the Empty and that’s IT. Bullshit

And DEAN. My sweet broken boy. He always thought he’d go out on a hunt and I so desperately wanted him not to. And I so thought that after years of character development of Dean realizing there was more to life than hunting and Sammy, of realizing there were things to live for, and after Cas TELLING HIM SO BLUNTLY HOW AMAZING A MAN HE WAS AND THAT HE DESERVED LOVE AND HAPPINESS, I thought that he’d GET that. I thought he’d get to live a happy life, especially after Cas so lovingly died for him. But NO. He went out on a hunt without ever getting to live happily for longer than a few weeks and without any of his found family he so carefully put together. And if he REALLY had to go out on a hunt, fine, but he DESERVED to have a funeral SURROUNDED by all the people he helped and all the people that loved him that were still alive. He DESERVED to have Jody and Donna and the girls and the hunters that respected him and anybody he saved attending the funeral to pay their respects and Sam DESERVED to have those people there for him. Dean did not deserve to die and have only Sam and a dog there. He had more in this world than his brother and that was a MASSIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND PLOT DEVICE TO THE WHOLE SHOW but you’d never know it by watching the finale. And the fact that we never got to see Dean reunite with his loved ones (minus Bobby) in heaven is absolute bullshit and I understand that Covid maybe limited some of that but COME ON. If I could let hundreds of people a week go play Minigolf in a pandemic I’m PRETTY SURE A TV NETWORK COULD HAVE SAFELY FOUND A WAY TO LET DEAN SEE HIS PARENTS AND HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND C A S again, and claiming otherwise is honestly Grade A fuckery.

And honestly Misha and Jensen and Jared deserved better. The writers knew the majority of people would be dissatisfied with the ending. They told us so. Jensen didn’t like the ending. He told us so. Why did nobody think “hm maybe we should work out some way it could be satisfying to at least A FEW MORE PEOPLE, INCLUDING OUR LEAD WHO DEDICATED 15 YEARS OF HIS LIFE TO THIS.” Misha acted his ass off in 15.18 and it was beautiful and tragic and I cried like a bitch, and Jared and Jensen acted their asses off for nearly two decades and made me cry countless times, including this trash heap of an episode. I SOBBED for my boys that I loved so deeply, and I sobbed for them because I loved the characters and I loved the actors. And I feel TERRIBLY knowing that all three of them probably saw the reactions to the episode last night and today and are probably wondering why they poured so much of their lives and hearts and souls into this show and these characters for people to just be so upset and hurt and they’re probably wondering what they could do to try and make it better and honestly Jensen and Misha are probably wondering if they should have fought their endings harder and that makes me so sad. I have nothing but love for these men and for their characters and they just deserved BETTER. They deserved better from the writers and they deserved better from the showrunners and they deserved better from the execs and they deserved better from the network. And I’m sad that I’m so viscerally disappointed in a show I’ve loved for so long.

#supernatural #spn #spnfamily #spn s15 #spn 15x20 #spn finale #Jared Jensen and Misha deserved so much better #Cas and Dean deserved so much better #WE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER #and I’m just sad and hurt and disappointed

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yellowmechanicalcat · 5 years

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emotionally colorblind: plance in season 8

(part one of three)

In the series finale of The I.T. Crowd, one of the techs has started dating a girl from another department. (Yes, this is VLD meta, just stick with me.) He feels the relationship is going well and is very happy, and brags to his coworkers that his girlfriend recently told him he was “emotionally artistic” - which he interprets to mean he’s on the “artistic” emotional spectrum because he’s so in touch with her wants and needs. (At this point, it’s become clear to the viewer that his girlfriend has actually accused him of being “emotionally autistic” and believes him to be on the autistic spectrum.)

Later that day, his girlfriend calls again to tearfully ask if he’d accompany her to her grandfather’s funeral and abruptly hangs up on him when he cheerfully agrees. He’s baffled by her reaction until his manager rightly points out that his girlfriend was upset because the way he responded was completely off base from the subject matter, as his chipper tone of voice made him sound as if he’d just been invited to a music festival rather than having any sympathy for his girlfriend’s loss. Only then does it occur to him that his response was inappropriate because funerals are sad.

“‘Emotionally artistic’? You’re emotionally colorblind,” his manager mutters in disbelief.

Old news, but Season 8 isn’t what anyone expected

‘Emotionally colorblind’ - e.g., giving inappropriate responses to a topic because of an inability to perceive the nuances of a situation - feels like a pretty good description of Season 8, in which excellent animation is overwhelmed by moments in which characterization feels off, dialogue doesn’t seem to fit, or the plot clashes with what’s actually being shown on screen. Those moments - along with the conspicuous lack of reaction from the cast and EPs in the month since its release and cryptic criticism from crew members - have led many fans to conclude that the version of Season 8 released took the cast/crew by surprise. Posts by Aria C., a former DW intern while Season 8 was in production, suggest that the overall plot hadn’t changed dramatically since the scripts were being drafted, but that doesn’t mean that individual character arcs weren’t subtly adjusted along the way.

While it’s not clear exactly how much actually changed about Season 8 during production, we do know that many of the changes were made at the last minute. The most noticeable changes seem to have been in response to the backlash against how LGBT characters were portrayed, although this article covers many of the other pacing issues in Season 8 while some of the discrepancies between the audio description and what’s actually seen on screen are listed here. The single biggest last-minute change seems to be the epilogue (including the final few stills) which was approved extremely late in the production process and underwent additional changes after being leaked just weeks before the season’s release.

I strongly suspect that Pidge and Lance had an arc in Season 8 that was another casualty of the last-minute changes.

The End is the Beginning

Let’s take a look at the ending of the series’ final episode. One year after the final battle with Honerva, Pidge and Matt are working on building a humanoid robot that Pidge dubs Chip. Colleen interrupts to tell Pidge she should be heading out; Pidge looks serious and doesn’t respond, then recovers a moment later and makes Matt promise to wait for her to get back to finish. She leaves her glasses with Chip before heading off in the Green Lion, as Sam and Colleen both watch her leave.

Colleen: “Your father’s got the teludav all warmed up for you. Better get going, you don’t want to be late.”  Sam: (cheerful) “Have a good time, honey!” Pidge: (laughingly) “I will, Dad.”

The way they’re talking to her is the way parents would talk to a teenager who’s about to go to a party or on a date, peppy and almost teasing. Pidge’s serious expression suggests that wherever she’s going is somewhere she’s not entirely ready to be - she isn’t upset about needing to be somewhere, but she isn’t rushing out the door to get there, either. Maybe she’s nervous - we can’t tell.

We cut to Coran and Merla on Altea as they discuss preparations for “the first Celebration of Allura”, then over to Lance as he recounts the story of Allura’s sacrifice to a group of schoolchildren sitting by her statue, telling them that while he misses her, he knows she’s still with all of them. The Altean teacher, in a chipper tone similar to Pidge’s parents, informs the kids that “Paladin Lance has somewhere to be in a few doboshes.” Just then, a wormhole opens and Lance looks up as the Green Lion flies through. He turns away from the statue to watch Pidge land, a smile on his face.

The scene fades to the Paladins having dinner by the statue of Allura. Within moments, it’s obvious that their reunion is the feast Coran and Merla had been discussing earlier. The Celebration of Allura is the one year anniversary of her death. The paladins’ reunion is a memorial.

We’ve seen memorials in VLD before. In Season 7, Shiro visits the Garrison’s memorial wall for those KIA. Later, Earth has a giant memorial service for the victims of just one battle, as Shiro addresses the crowd: “There isn’t one of us here today who hasn’t experienced the tragedy of losing someone close. It truly feels like a light has gone out in our lives and the sun itself couldn’t reignite it. But that light, that fire, hasn’t gone out completely. It’s fueled within each of us by the memories and the love of those we’ve lost. …”

After the one year timeskip, we see Keith persuading the Galra to join the Galactic Coalition with Shiro and Hunk leading diplomatic negotiations on the Atlas; all three invoke Allura’s example as they work towards peace. Hunk even mentions the significance of that day being when they commemorate Allura’s sacrifice. What she did and why she did it aren’t secret. It stands to reason that the anniversary of her death - the anniversary of when Allura saved their reality and countless others - wouldn’t be a ‘celebration’ only for six people. Everyone, everywhere, should be taking a moment to remember her - especially those who fought at her side, like the Holts.

Instead, Sam and Colleen’s reactions in Pidge’s scene are jarring. While things may be different in Voltron’s future world, I doubt any parent would tell their child “Have a good time, honey!” as they go to a memorial dinner for their dead friend. Because as The I.T. Crowd pointed out, funerals are sad - and so is any reminder of someone’s death. You don’t have to be constantly moping and sobbing because you miss someone, you can still celebrate their life, but that kind of event still has a somber, bittersweet element to it. Telling someone ‘Have fun, don’t be late!’ as they head off to a memorial would definitely qualify as emotionally colorblind. It’s hard to believe the actors and voice director would have agreed to record the scene within the context we got onscreen.

Lance’s scene makes it even more complicated. Showing Lance turn to watch only Pidge land is a bizarre choice if the purpose of his scene is to emphasize how much Lance still cares for Allura before showing the other Paladins arriving on Altea. It only makes sense for Lance to turn away from looking at Allura’s statue and towards Pidge if Pidge and Lance are supposed to have a deeper connection.

If the focus is actually meant to be on Allura and this event - and on her family coming together to remember her - it would have made sense for Lance to look past Allura’s statue to see the Blue Lion in the distance, Red parked next to it, as Green, Yellow, and Black emerge from the wormhole to land beside them. If the animation had to be rushed for a last-minute change or the budget was stretched too far, they could have just used the same shot of the Lions sitting together at the end of dinner with daytime lighting instead of night, fading into dinner instead of fading out.

Pidge and Lance’s scenes would also have benefited from being re-recorded with slightly different dialogue and delivery. For example:

Colleen: (serious, but gentle) “Your father’s got the teludav ready to go. You don’t want to be late, Katie.” Sam: “Tell ’em hello for me.” Pidge: (a little reserved) “I will, Dad.”

Teacher: “I think Paladin Lance has some visitors to go meet, and you all have class…”  

VLD’s had to work around making the dialogue fit changes to the animation/plot before. Take The Feud, in which Keith sounds bizarrely calm compared to the others, which the EPs later explained was because Steven Yeun recorded his lines before the storyboards and script had finalized what the paladins’ reactions would be and he was too busy to re-record before the deadline, so they kept his first take. (I suspect that’s also the reason for Keith’s annoyed-sounding “Don’t miss” comment to Lance in Know Your Enemy, which doesn’t mesh with their otherwise more positive relationship at that point, although I have absolutely no proof) But Yeun’s situation isn’t the norm - in cases where the actor was genuinely too busy to re-record, the show either used soundalikes or wrote out a character where possible, replaced dialogue, etc. Any of those tactics could have been valid workarounds…. unless the change was made relatively last-minute and there just wasn’t enough time.

So if the ending is missing the context of an additional scene between Pidge and Lance, what else might have been cut? And why?

I’ll explain in part two.

#sarah forms voltron opinions #plance #flirtyrobot #pidgance #vld s8 #voltron critical #plance meta #been on a bit of a hiatus for the holidays #not much time for tumblr meant lots of time for theories #my non-fandom friends watched s8 over the holidays and i got swarmed with questions #which was a little validating because it's one thing for fandom to be nitpicky but if casual viewers are also watching and going 'uhhhh what #was THAT?' then maybe something really is off #i've been thinking a lot about cultural differences while writing this #obviously funerals are the biggest event but the first year usually has a memorial of some kind whether with a religious service or just as #a gathering of family/friends... if it's a family member the first few years usually involve doing something #just because it's hard to be alone #PSA: the i.t. crowd is a good show #long meta is long thank you for reading??

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harkasun · 7 years

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Okayy so I recently ruined my life by watching like 14 years of a tv show in less than a month. So now, yes, I sold my soul to the one and only supernatural fandom (courtesy of @downworlderss)

I just got a couple of remarks for this show and none of it had any structure or order so here we go.

*MASSIVE SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ALL THE SEASONS*

This show fucking ruined me, binge-watched seasons 1-12 in about 4 weeks, my pinterest board had over 700 pins in like a week afterwards

It started off genuinely creepy and then kinda digressed and idk if I just got desensitised or what

John Winchester is a terrible father

Bobby Singer is an amazing father

I was really confused when season 5 ended because I still had 6 more dvds (and season 12 on amazon prime cause I couldn’t get the freaking dvd because being British sucks sometimes) and I thought it was ending at season 5 because DEAN WAS FINALLY HAPPY DAMNIT

It was about season 7 when I got a new pair of glasses ‘cause my eyesight got worse and made the realisation that JENSEN ACKLES HAS FRECKLES WHAT

Called it that Chuck was God from the moment I saw him- he literally fucking told them he was a god come onnn

Dean’s contact name for Castiel in season 11 or 12 or whatever better be a fucking joke because it’s Cas not Cass

I thought I couldn’t hate Metatron more and then he goes and spells his name with a double S and I decided he needed to die

The subtitles also say Cass (on amazon anyway) and.. just no, okay? It’s CAS

Cried when Cas killed Balthazar

Kevin’s life went to absolute shit and idk if it was terrifying or hilarious

THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN J2 AND MISH IRL YES

Naomi is actually the worst, why do more people not hate on her? She tortured Cas and I am not okay with that I was happier when she died than when Metatron did I’m not joking

Sam kinda breaks my heart

THE WINCHESTER RELATIONSHIP SAM AND DEAN HAVE SUCH BROTHERLY COMPASSION DIE FOR EACH OTHER ALWAYS

Gadreel was decent, okay? I think I genuinely liked him and I don’t care.

I mean I know he killed Kevin but still

CROWLEY OWNS THE FREAKING MOON

Cas, honey, you’re a wonderful person/angel but mannn do you fuck up sometimes, I mean seriously

Misha Collins is a fucking incredible human being and his acting skills give me goosebumps I’m deadly serious. What with Cas and Crazy!Cas and Castifer and Godstiel and Levi!Cas and MetaMisha I have so much respect for this man and he is a national treasure.. of America.. damnit

I threw something when Charlie died

Lucifer is actually really cute (mainly just when he’s in Sam’s head though) but yeah, I think I love satan is this an issue

Okay but sometimes it hits me that Jared and Jensen and Misha are just three middle-aged dads running around pretending to stab things and smite demons I think that’s beautiful

I think I cried when the angels fell I can’t remember

Fuck Adam, I don’t care about him honestly- if he comes back he’s gonna be a crazy bitch- we should all just forget about him like the boys did

I’m pretty sure Mary Winchester is actually a terrible mother

Jody Mills is a fucking incredible mother, she’s like mum bobby

Season 12 made me hate my own nationality because THE BRITISH MEN OF LETTERS CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES OKAY I was so happy when the freedomsquad rolled in with their whiskey and flannel and UGHH it was so good to see Britain fall, okay?

Apart from Mick, he was okay… before he died

Okay, but the season 12 finale

I WAS SOBBING FOR A SOLID 14 MINTUES

I HAD TO LEAVE MY HOUSE I WALKED UNTIL I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I WAS

TURNED OUT I WALKED 6 MILES FROM MY HOUSE SO I HAD TO WALK 6 MILES BACK

12 MILES BECAUSE OF CAST-FUCKING-IEL

Dean’s reaction made me wanna throw myself off a bridge

I didn’t even care about the Nephilim by that point

Just Cas’s relationship w/ Dean (I am neutral ground between platonic and destiel atm) but whatever you think you cannot deny that these two fucking love each other and it’s just so damn beautiful

JIMMY NOVAK IS THE BEST FATHER IN THIS THING

The Novak storyline just makes me cry

Lucifer Cas was genuinely disturbing at times but this fucking line is now my life

Actually so many things Castifer says and just the way Misha portrays all of the alter egos. It’s just amazing.

When we’re introduced to Levi!Cas Misha freaking Collins wtf how do you do that crazy thing with your eyes that makes you look like a completely different person

When Dean calls Cas his brother and says ‘i want you to know that’ is so fucking important to me because this wonderful being has been hunted by his angel brothers and sisters and Dean Winchester does not idly throw around a word like brother this scene was so special

Assbutt

Castiel’s wings scorched onto the ground just hit me so fucking hard and goddamnit it I can’t deal with that because he’s actually dead

Just… Castiel

-I’ll probably think of a load more this show man…

UPDATE:

HOW THE FRICKATY FRACK DID I FORGET GABRIEL

The car scene with Gabe and Cas and the parallels between them and the Winchester boys

BITCH PLEASE YOU’VE BEEN GOD MORE OFTEN THAN DAD HAS

I don’t think I stressed Balthazar enough because his death and the fact that Cas did it killed me.. and him

Crowley crowley crowley crowley

These boys are frustrating as fuck sometimes get your damn feelings sorted out you are brothers for fucks sake love each other always

It’s just when they’re like ‘oh we can’t be brothers anymore how could you do that to me’ and I’m sat there thinking ‘YOU LITERALLY DID THE SAME EXACT THING TO HIM LAST FUCKING SEASON COME ON’

Alsooo when Cas is Castifer everyone just seems to forget that, hello, CAS IS BEING POSSESSED BY LUCFIER DO YOU WANNA KEEP HIM SAFE IS HE YOUR FRIEND OR WHAT. And then Dean goes ‘what about Cas’ and I’m marginally satisfied

This scene

LOVED THIS SCENE

I always love Lucifer until he goes after Cas and then I hate Lucifer and when he’s doing something else I love him again

This is not devil worship

Sam’s exasperation and the bitch face is honestly so funny to me I have no idea

SASSTIEL

The fact that Cas thinks so little of himself that the only way he believes he can be ‘of use’ to the boys is BY ENDLESSLY SACRIFICING HIMSELF

STOP CAS

YOU’RE FUCKING LOVED

Also the way Dean screams Cas’s name and how Sam has to drag him back through the portal to their side in the season 12 finale PFFFH don’t even get me started

So is Gabe alive or what?

So is Cas alive or what?

SO AM I ALIVE OR WHAT

UPDATEUPDATE

The storyline with Hannah and Cas was SO uncomfortable

Like, they’re literally siblings and the whole weird half-romantic subplot was just... ergh

I’m so fucking hyped for season 13, give me scooby-doo spn and I sure hope it’s Gabriel because, honestly, who else would put them in scooby-doo, pleaseeee give me richard speight jr

I’ve been reading a ton of fanfic, this has ruined me. There’s this wonderful author on fanfic.net called 29pieces who does amazing fics and they’re my life now

Cas’s eyes yes please give me the sky

Spn is creepy ass monsters and traumatizing characters and heartbreaking scenes

But sometimes they just throw in a crack episode and they keep me sane, honestly. I would be in a limitless pool of tears if not for the crack eps and the gag reels

THE GAG REELS

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES HE GOES FROM CAS TO MISHA IN LIKE A SINGLE SECOND

Back to sadness

CAS’S FACE AFTER METATRON SAYS ‘he’s dead too’

And he sees dean’s blood on the angel blade

HEARTBREAKING NO THANK YOU

SEASON 9. MAKES. ME. SO ANGRY. HOW DARE SAM AND DEAN HUNT WHILE CAS IS HOMELESS AND COLD AND A L O N E

I’m so sad about Cas being homeless because Misha and oh my god

Future!Cas also makes me sad because I know it’s funny and all to see Cas high but thinking about the road that led him there is not

Thinking about Cas’s depression that led him to drug abuse keeps me up at night

I NEED CHUCK TO TELL CAS HE’S HIS FAVOURITE BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY PLEASE

My angel feels inadequate and I cannot handle that today

Everything about Cas just makes me sad

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #Castiel #jensen ackles #misha collins #jared padalecki #lucifer #naomi #john winchester #mary winchester #gadreel #charlie bradbury #kevin tran #crowley #i'm ruined #emotional wreck #i hope you're happy

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quentinsquill · 7 years

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I’m happy to present to you, the emotion bottle fic!

Because I Am Not Myself, You See

Author: Neptune_Rising70

Fandom: The Magicians

Characters: Eliot Waugh/Quentin Coldwater

Rating: 18+ for language

Word Count: 2,105

Spoilers: For “Remedial Battle Magic: (S1 ep 11) (Slightly AU, they don’t go to Fillory right away after the night before.) This is pre-Queliot, but after the threesome.

Summary: After a long day of bottling up their emotions to learn battle magic, an unexpected mix-up reveals feelings to both Quentin and Eliot in a way they never expected.

A/N: Blame it on the Queliot, that’s all I can say. This is for fun, not profit, and because several people on Tumblr requested it. Hope you enjoy!

This fic is also available on AO3 at http://archiveofourown.org/works/10544738

Because I Am Not Myself, You See

By Neptune_Rising70

They stood in a semicircle, hating and loving each other.

After Quentin, Eliot, and Margo had woken up in a naked tangle of arms, legs, tousled hair, and sleep-warm skin, Eliot understood that they needed the emotion bottle spell more than ever. Yes, Alice was furious, Margo was pissed at Quentin for being pissed at her, and Quentin was drowning in guilt and shame over what he’d done, but what none of them knew is that Eliot remembered every kiss Quentin had given him, and everywhere his lips had touched still felt it, like the younger magician’s mouth had seared Eliot’s skin.

Eliot would have much preferred to feel anger or shame than the anticipatory sense of loss that was filling him up now, the sense that something had slipped away from him before it could really start. Would he bottle it all up again if it meant he didn’t have to think about this anymore, on top of the ferocious headache that was barely allowing him to function? Fuck yes, he would.

The group recited the spell and Eliot gasped as the little glass bottle in his hand filled up with a bright magenta liquid—his emotions, distilled down to a few ounces of fluid. Alice was saying something about Quentin now but Eliot didn’t pay much attention—she was always commenting on either him or on some other aspect of her life that wasn’t satisfying her—he was staring at the bottle in his hand and wondering if everyone else’s distilled emotions tasted as bitter as his did going down.

A short time later they were back in the clearing for one more quick training session before they’d be bound for Fillory and the Beast. They ran through their lessons: shields, fireballs, blasting spells, without a break, for three hours. Penny, Alice, and Margo drifted away before time ran out, but Eliot and Quentin stayed, running drills over and over until Eliot paused to check his pocket watch.

“Time’s up, Quentin.” Eliot said, snapping the watch’s case shut. A cold, fat drop of rain hit his wrist and he looked up at the lowering sky.

“It’s starting to rain. We’re going to get wet.”

“Then we really should get back and join the others.” Quentin fell into step behind Eliot and they headed up the path back toward the Physical Kids cottage. The rain grew heavier and the path turned slick with fallen pine needles and mud. Eliot’s boot slipped as he took a step and that long leg shot backwards, taking out Quentin’s knee. Quentin made a surprised sound as they fell down together in a heap and slid back down the path about ten feet, their limbs tangled. When they reached the bottom of the path, Eliot sat up and pulled himself free from Quentin.

“That was very unexpected.” Quentin said as he got to his feet.

“Quite.” Eliot nodded, but then became aware that the weight of his emotion bottle was no longer there. He touched his chest but it was gone. He glanced around and then Quentin was pointing.

“Our emotion bottles came off.” He said. The two containers were laying a few feet from other. Eliot scooped them up and flicked mud from them.

“This was closest to you. It must be yours.” He handed Quentin one of the vials and they uncapped and quaffed them. As the liquid slid down Eliot’s throat, he realized that it wasn’t bitter; it was hot, like liquefied cinnamon hearts mixed with a strong shot of bourbon. It bloomed boiling in his belly and then Quentin was gasping and groaning next to him. He staggered away a few feet, and then emotion, raw and painful and not his own, flooded Eliot’s consciousness: shame, anger, fear, and such a sense of loneliness that he took a ragged breath and burst into tears. He doubled over, his hands on his knees, knowing the mistake they’d made, and then Quentin was hitting his knees almost directly in front of him.

“Oh God, oh God . . .” The younger magician whimpered, all his personal wards blasted away by the strong magic and the flood of Eliot’s emotions: agony over Mike, fear of the Beast, fear of himself, love for Margo, powerful in itself, and love for—

Quentin lifted his head, his dark eyes wide and teary.

“El, you . . . you love me?” He put both hands to his chest as if he was trying to keep his heart from bursting through his rib cage, where it would probably feel no less raw and exposed than it did now. ��You love me—” His expression dissolved into tears as a fresh wave of grief mixed with fear came over him. “You love me and you were ready to love him but now it’s shit, it’s all shit and you can’t fix it!” Quentin stared up at his friend, who shook his head as tears coursed down his face.

“Why do you feel so alone?” Eliot whispered. He tried to straighten his spine but the emotions flowing through him took him to his knees. He knelt there in the mud as rain pelted down, soaking them both. “Why don’t you think you deserve any love that comes to you?” He half-swallowed another sob as awareness of Quentin’s feelings for him hit him like a punch to the gut. “Why don’t you think you deserve any love that I could offer you?”

“I don’t know, I don’t . . .” Quentin covered his face with both hands, Eliot’s grief over Mike threatening to smother him under an avalanche of stored agony. “Is this what you’ve . . . how can you even . . .” He seemed unable to finish any thought and wrapped his arms around himself. While the circumstances over Mike’s death didn’t present themselves to Quentin, they didn’t have to—the raw emotion spoke for them. Quentin gasped in two deep breaths and then sobbed them out, releasing everything Eliot had kept tightly bottled since Mike’s death.

Eliot watched Quentin sob and it filled him with empathy—an emotion he’d only had a passing acquaintance with the recent past and not at all since he’d had to destroy the man he’d been falling in love with. Quentin, however, apparently embraced it and it muted some of the terrible shame and self-doubt that was still flooding Eliot’s consciousness and he knee-walked forward, closing the space between them.

“I’m sorry, Quentin! I’m sorry it hurts, I gave you the wrong fucking bottle, I’m sorry!” He wrapped his long arms around the smaller man and Quentin tried to push him away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” He said. “Don’t! You fucked it all up! It’s all shit! I’m shit . . .” Quentin gave Eliot one more halfhearted shove and then pitched forward to muffle his sobs against Eliot’s chest. Eliot held him, the rain tightening his dark curls and making Quentin’s hair limp and dark. He managed to get his long legs up under him as the spell began to fade and pulled Quentin up as well.

“Come on, Q. We have to get back to the cottage.” He slipped both empty bottles in his pocket and put an arm around his sobbing friend and they managed to struggle back up the path to the house. It was empty, but there was a note on the bar from Penny that they had gone up to the main campus to retrieve something from the library and that they would regroup in an hour. Eliot deposited Quentin on the couch, where he sank down onto his side and went fetal. Eliot shuffled to the bar, poured each of them a shot of whiskey, and tugged Quentin back into a sitting position as he sat down next to him.

“Here. Come on . . . you need it.” He coaxed, and Quentin took the shot, reflecting that Eliot’s emotions had burned a thousand times worse going down. They were finally fading now, and Quentin wiped his face with one shaking hand.

“Eliot.” He said at last. “Jesus Christ, why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And what good what that have done? It wouldn’t have brought him back, it wouldn’t have changed things for any of us.” Eliot took his shot, grimaced, and set the glass down. Quentin’s shame was still working its way through his system, or maybe it belonged to him. It was hard to tell: everything was tangling up inside him. Their mutual feeling for each other, exposed with the spell, now hung between them like something dangerous and tangible, like a grenade with the pin missing.

“And what about last night?” Quentin asked, none of his usual verbal fumbling present. “That sure fucking changed things, didn’t it!”

“It did. And now we both know it was more than booze and emotion bottles. Hooray.”

“This isn’t funny.” Quentin closed his eyes. “But since we’ll probably be dead in the next few hours, maybe it doesn’t matter.”

Eliot tipped his head back until it was resting on the back of the couch.

“Quentin, considering everything that just happened, why do you think you can even begin to pretend I don’t matter to you?”

Silence spun out between them and Quentin looked over at him.

“What do I do about Alice?” He asked, and Eliot lifted his head.

“Alice doesn’t seem to be open to sharing you. It’s understandable.” Eliot turned his amber gaze on Quentin. “If you were mine, I wouldn’t want to share you either.”

“I don’t know what to do, El.” Quentin whispered, and Eliot shifted forward. The younger magician started to speak again and Eliot prevented it by kissing him directly on the mouth, a slow, coaxing kiss that Quentin began to return in spite of his confusion. After a moment, Quentin pulled back.

“Why did you do that?”

“Two reasons.” Eliot held up a long finger. “One, because what you said is true, we might be dead in a few hours and two,” another finger popped up—“Because now you know the truth and I can’t pretend anymore either.”

Quentin pushed a lock of hair behind one ear.

“And if we survive? What then? Do we go back to pretending?” He asked, and Eliot pulled the empty emotion bottles from his pocket. As Quentin watched, he set them on the table, picked up a heavy glass ashtray, and smashed them both.

“Eliot!”

“Fuck these bottles, and fuck pretending, Quentin! Are you really so naïve that you thought the spell is what caused last night to happen?” He gripped Quentin’s arms. “I love you. I love you whether my emotions are in a bottle or not! But much like the djinn we conjured recently, they’re out and they’re potentially dangerous!”

“You know how I feel.” Quentin murmured. “But you also know that I’m fucked up and I don’t deserve—”

“Fuck deserving too! Do any of us really deserve anything? Good or bad? Did Mike deserve to be made into a thrall and have his neck snapped? Did I deserve to have to be the one who did the snapping?”

“No.”

“Then worry less about what you think you deserve and more about what you really want. It’s the only way to truly discover what that is.”

“I already know.” Quentin replied softly, and Eliot tilted his head slightly to one side.

“Tell me.”

But Quentin didn’t speak. Instead, he moved forward and slipped his arms around Eliot’s waist until his cheek was pressed against his chest. Eliot froze in surprise for a moment and then put his own arms around Quentin, resting his chin on top of Quentin’s head. The younger magician seemed to fit in Eliot’s embrace like he’d been tailor made for it. Eliot thought of his pocket watch, ticking away in his vest, eating up the time that would bring them face to face with the Beast. But Quentin’s heart, thumping steadily against his chest, was a timepiece all its own: the only one that had really mattered ever since Eliot watched Quentin cross the sun-drenched lawn of Brakebills, the one that undid and revealed him at the same time.

Outside, the rain slackened and then stopped. Long fingers of sunlight made their way through the cottage windows and turned the shattered, empty remains of the emotion bottles into prisms that threw tiny rainbow patterns across the floor as Eliot closed his eyes and let the rhythm of Quentin’s heart turn his world on its axis.

THE END

#Queliot #fic #The Magicians #my fic

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