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pauls1967moustache · 1 year

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Perspective flip for Slip Of the Tongue pls! (Any part)

I had to blow the dust off this one tbh, but this fic is actually so interesting to me now, because I was still new-ish to the fandom when I wrote it. It’s such an apt introduction. It’s only my first kink meme fill (!!), but all the mo-esque elements are in there. I showed up to the kink meme like, “this is what I’m about”, and then wrote like 20 more angsty fights lol.

"Fuck, Stu," John moans, and Paul feels everything inside himself go dead.

John stops moving, instantly. It’s so fucking conspicuous that Paul feels it like a pinch, building pressure behind his eyes. John said it. Paul knows John said it because Paul heard him say it, but John’s stopped moving too, so he knows he said it. He said it, and now he’s not saying anything else. He’s left it hanging over Paul like a noose.

“Get off,” Paul says. It’s a plea, really, though he hopes it doesn’t sound like a plea.

John’s still wrapped all around him. Paul can feel his nose poking into his neck. He can feel his own pulse bouncing off John’s skin, and it sounds like his own voice. It sounds like stupid, stupid, stupid, and Paul really can’t be here anymore. He can feel the panic building in his veins. He feels some sort of animal instinct take over; caught in a trap—nervy, and scared—and liable to bite at any approach. If he has to spend another second with John touching him he thinks he might bite John’s skin off.

He yanks John’s body away from him, rough and desperate, and flees to the bathroom, gathering his clothes as he goes.

He can’t stop moving—pacing in front of the bathtub, forwards and back, as he stumbles into his underwear, and tries to shoves his arms through his half inside-out sleeves, still feeling too fucking naked, like an idiot. Letting John see him naked. Letting John just touch him like that, moaning for him, moaning out his name.

His name.

And he still hasn’t gotten his arm through his bloody sleeve, fuck.

Paul punches his hand through the knot of fabric. His fury only makes him feel like a useless child, so he curls himself down on the floor to sit still, sinking his face in his hands as he huffs out his frustrations. Except—being still gives him a moment to think about it.

Discomfort rises up his spine, sparking all the latent humiliation of being 19 and dismissed. It’s all so fucking embarrassing. He’s toured further than he’d ever imagined going, and he’s written multiple number one songs, and Stuart’s dead.

They don’t even really talk about him, anymore. He doesn’t even think about him, anymore. Sometimes, when he does, he feels guilty for not thinking about him. For treating him so unforgiving, when hindsight proved him to have been a bit of an insecure cunt about the whole thing.

Except, he’s not, is he? Not if John’s been thinking about Stuart while Paul had a hand wrapped around his cock.

An honest mistake, Paul thinks bitterly. One bassist hand for another. And fury washes over him again, at that, because it’s not like Stuart even put in enough of an effort to have bassist hands, so Paul’s a poor fucking substitute, in that regard.

If that’s what he is.

Paul feels it, again—that pressure behind his eyes.

Is that what he is?

“Paul?” he hears John call softly, from the other side of the door.

The panic from earlier comes with him, coiling tight in Paul’s shoulders. John doesn’t say anything else, and Paul can’t guess at what he might do. He has an image in his head of John opening the door, smirking down at him, cruel and sharp. Laughing at Paul for believing in him for so long.

There’s a rational part of himself that knows John wouldn’t do that. But he used to think he was the only person John’d ever shown this part of himself to—and, evidently, he isn’t—so what the fuck does he know?

Unease bubbles up his throat, forcing him to swallow the thick lump of it down.

“Paul?” John says again, and this time it’s followed by the sound of the door swinging open.

Paul looks up. John stands there, looking skinny and flushed with nothing but his flagging hard-on, and his underwear. For a moment, Paul forgets. John’s thighs are beautiful, and his rumpled bedhead is charming, and Paul still likes seeing him like this as much as he did when he was 20, and stupid, and the only boy in the world John had ever dared to touch. The only boy that mattered that much to him.

Paul feels a seething contempt for himself—bitter in the back of his throat.

“What?” he snaps.

John blinks, as if he didn’t come in with a plan, which only makes Paul hate him more, because John wouldn’t need a plan if it was as simple as I didn’t mean it, but John hasn’t fucking said that yet.

“It wasn’t—” John starts. “I was only thinking about—”

Paul’s anger cools into something else—distant and savage.

“Oh, were you?”

John squirms, clearly annoyed with Paul’s reaction. Not obtuse or demure enough for whatever sorry excuse he had. Paul wonders if John always thought Paul was that easy, or if it’s just that Paul never thought to question John’s motives before. Well, that would make him that easy, wouldn’t it? An easy little fool, he was.

“I was thinking of Hamburg. It wasn’t like that,” John tries—patronising. Like he talks to Cyn, sometimes. It tastes acidic on Paul’s tongue.

“That boring, was I?” Paul says.

“Obviously not,” John protests, weakly, waving a hand to his prick, as if that’s supposed to be a compliment. As if Paul hasn’t seen him get off with girls he barely even liked, a hundred times before.

It’s so bloody tactless, it has Paul blurting out: “Would Stuart have taken care of that for you?”

John blinks at him, surprised. “What?”

Whatever defense mechanism was keeping Paul feeling dead inside falters, his anger starting to simmer up again.

“Did you do this with him?” Paul asks.

John just keeps fucking blinking at him, like he can’t comprehend anything Paul’s said. Caught red-handed in whatever lark he and Stuart set up for Paul.

Paul can see them in his head—in that dingy, little flat on Gambier Terrace, on that shared fucking mattress. The way they’d laugh together, sometimes, when they talked about art, and left Paul out of it, as if Paul couldn’t understand just because he wasn’t in art school, and he was only a kid.

If John tries to lie to him Paul thinks he might actually punch him.

John only shrugs.

“Was it better?” Paul goads him, something nasty forcing him to spit it out. Forcing him to make John admit it. Just fucking tell him it was all a joke.

John frowns. “What?”

“With him, John.”

John looks away. Retreating. “Christ, the lad's already dead. Isn’t the jealousy getting a bit old?”

Jealousy. Like that’s all it was—petty, teenage jealousy. Like John didn’t spend years making Paul think it was real. “Are you serious?”

“Are you?” John snaps back.

“Must’ve been good, no? If you're still thinking about it,” Paul shoots at him.

“I was thinking of you,” John all but shouts. And that’s really beyond the threshold of what Paul can take.

“Oh, fuck off!”

He storms out, feeling wired and claustrophobic, trapped in the oppressive little bathroom with John insulting him to his face, like Paul’s too thick to know better.

He’s aware as he stands there, fuming, that he’s still barely dressed, and tries to button himself up—tries to insert some goddamn dignity into the situation—but he can feel John getting all fired up next to him, and he doesn’t want to bloody do it anymore. There’s no point. The ruse is up. Paul gets it now.

“He said you didn’t, you know.”

Whatever words were hanging on the tip of John’s tongue, die there. His mouth snaps shut, and he stares at Paul, looking confused and startled. Like he wasn’t expecting it. It only fuels Paul’s contempt.

It was one of those days: John and Stuart in Gambier Terrace, excluding him.

Paul had been trying to coax John into playing a bit, and John was sick of Paul pestering him about it so he’d hissed something cruel and stormed off, leaving Paul alone with Stuart, stewing in his own humiliation. Made all the worse by the look Stuart had thrown him, after John left—like he felt sorry for him.

Stuart said: “Just give him some breathing room, yeah? You know what he’s like.”

It irritated Paul so much, he’d spat out, “What do you care? You get to wank each other off about art more, now. Isn’t that what you want?”

And Stuart turned even more fucking sympathetic, like he could see the thing Paul really wanted—that embarrassing, forbidden thing Paul barely even let himself look at—and he said, “You don’t have to worry about that, you know.”

“I’m not worried,” Paul protested, feeling seen and ashamed for it. “I’m not a bloody poof. You can blow him all you like. I just— I only want the group to—”

But he could feel his voice shaking, and his cheeks burning, fire-hot, and Stuart kept looking at him like he wanted to give Paul a pat on the head or something, and all Paul could think about was how badly he wanted to shove him into the wall and smash the look off his smug fucking face.

“It’s really not like that,” Stuart said, kindly.

“I don’t fucking care, mate,” Paul snapped, caring a lot and hating himself for it.

“I swear. We never, mate,” Stuart promised, annoyed with Paul, but clearly not letting it put him off this mortifying conversation.

And just as Paul was about to tell him again how much he didn’t fucking care what Stuard and John did together, Stuart said, “It’s not like with you two. We never needed each other like that.”

It had cut through the anger. Reached deep into something vulnerable and terrified inside Paul and soothed it, despite how much Paul didn’t want it to. Paul wanted to dismiss it—pretend like it didn’t matter as much as it did—but he couldn’t get the words out. And in the end, all he’d ended up saying was, “Yeah?”

Like a fucking imbecile.

“Looked me in the eye and said: ‘Never, mate. Didn't need each other like that,’” Paul continues, trying to figure out what the problem is with his fucking shirt, and realising he’s missed a button, because of course he did. Because this is how inadequate he is, clearly.

Paul blows out an angry sigh through his nose.

“Fucking Stuart.”

“It stopped before you, if you want to be so fucking precious about it,” John says—all attempts at placation gone, apparently.

“Right around when he found Astrid, was it?” Paul shoots back.

As if that’s supposed to make him feel better—being the second choice, after Stuart fell in love. A convenient little consolation prize. Paul wonders, acidly, if John would’ve ever cared for him at all had Stuart not gone and bloody died on him.

“What do you care? You had every bird in Hamburg, in the meantime,” John says.

“That’s different!”

“How?” John snaps, stepping closer towards Paul. “What—you can have me, but he can’t? I’m not a fucking monk outside of you.”

Paul can feels his eyes—sharp and intent—and he can’t do it. He can’t stand here and explain to John that while John saw him as the second-best available mouth to suck his cock, Paul had spent the entire time feeling. That Paul gave something up to John that he’d thought John had given back.

Paul swallows. “Fuck off, John. Honestly,” he spits, and shoves past him, back to the safety of the John-less bathroom.

#fic specific ask meme #a thing about me is I love writing an argument #and that is the root of every angsty fic I’ve ever written #they literally all started with a note in my phone with argument dialogue lol #anyway please enjoy tonight's installment of Paul Freaks Out in a Bathroom #taking a break on the perspective flips tomorrow cause you guys sent like 10 of them lol #thank you but you all have updated fics and i haven't had time to read them!!!#fic tag

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desperatepleasures · 6 months

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guhhhh i am struggling so much with ch3

#i'd say i hate it but i also love it like #it's fun to torment conrart while simultaneously letting conrart sit on adalbert's face #and if i keep writing he'll get to like. be a little mean to adalbert lol. in a way that is potentially gonna be ambiguous as to #whether he's just domming without proper negotiation or just being shitty lmao. well we'll see how it ends up coming out #like ch3 and parts of ch4 are the chapters where it gets kinda Unhealthy between them and that's a lot of fun for me #but also it's so humiliating to write LMAO #also agonizing having to like. do exposition. i hate writing exposition #if it were up to me everything would be like. one vivid scene with some dialogue and that would tell you everything. but noooo i had to #go and write a multichap with like. a tiny bit of plot to glue the smut scenes together/give them context #which means i actually need to write that glue #...and i already skipped ahead the other day and wrote the face sitting scene LMAO so i really gotta do the difficult parts now #ofc when i finish ch3 i get to face the void that is ch4...#like i know in summary what happens in ch4 but i don't know the details about the like really vital scene #BUT!!! in ch5 i get to start writing the conzak bits which are possibly my favorite part :) (aside from ch2 which i like a lot)#...i can't believe it takes four fucking chapters just to get connie out of adalbert's house LMAO. im so sorry my boy #you are gonna have some fantastic orgasms and learn some new things about yourself. but at what cost #fic tag

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collegeoflore · 6 months

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filing these under “lines that make xarrai feel extremely normal” as well.

#this whole conversation is a lot for them. LMAO.#i have actually fully rewritten this one as a dialogue study too bc it’s like. a very important moment for them but #idk man. i wish u could argue with him more in game LOL #this convo makes me and xarrai both batshit insane tho LOL #the inbuilt banite ambition they run from but cannot shake (let him take this power and then take it from him)#vs the love for him they refuse to admit is love (this will ruin him)#they don’t WANT this power and they don’t want him to have it but they can’t shake the part of them that plots out how to get it.#but they have to be better than what made them or none of it was worth it etc etc etc i am rambling. anyway. bye #oc. xarrai #r. hold me like a knife #(for durge!xar they r much more like ‘idk if this is a good idea but i will maybe help u??’)#(canon!xar is (after they get over their knee jerk reaction of Oooh I Want It) is very directly to his face like ‘this is an awful idea.’)#realized these tags r not even about the lines in the screenshots. lol.#the whole ‘what cazador did was only wrong because it happened to *me*’ cuts them like a fucking knife tho LOL #it’s such a flagrant rejection of everything xarrai has said to him by this point. and he doesn’t even recognize it as one LOL #but xar hears that as ‘every bit of genuine emotion you’ve shown me and the trust u put in me with ur past meant nothing :) sowwie’#‘it was only bad bc it happened to me and that means it’s not bad when ppl like cazador do things to ppl like u either :)’#and they Know that’s not what he means. but instead of communicating like an adult they just seethe abt it LOL #okay sorry now i’m done.#lord only knows why i exclusively drop lore in the tags.

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fetabathwater · 9 months

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#GIRL TIME #baldurs gate 3 spoilers #bg3 spoilers #technically bc i cannae be botehred to take the dialogue out #i wll change the tag later so #oc: alekto #but i love being faeruns worst bard

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youssefguedira · 2 years

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Neon please talk to me about Nicky as death…I need to know your thoughts!!!

the concept was originally in reference to hades au specifically but it is quickly spiralling out of my control and i am just thinking. i know tales through time lacus solitudinis was all like i am the instrument of your doom or whatever but nicky as peaceful death, the one who comes for those who die outside of battle, who carries souls gently from their bodies and makes it as painless as he can, who soothes the frightened ones and reassures the ones who cling to life, who is terrifying when he needs to be but always tries to be kind...... it makes me feel like 12 different emotions at once

#ive mentioned it like twice today but that post about death being kind. yeah thats nicky #in this au anyway. specifically in hades au it's to do with nicky going out of his way to be the one who carries joe back to the house even #though he dies in battle because he loves him and doesn't want him to suffer so he eases his pain as much as he can. yeah #in short. i have a lot of thoughts #neon answers #spacegirlsgang #me: hades au will be a one off kind of thing #also me:#i just think that andromache and quynh's achilles and patroclus thing is also Very. mostly bc those two in hades.#is just. yeah it's a lot i love that storyline. my sibling's playing through the early stages (hasnt found patroclus yet) and every time #there is dialogue i get emotional again.#fear is for the weak. yeah #hades au #it's a tag now folks #like especially if he looks frightening figure cloaked in black pale eyes sword in hand. and then he also sings to calm the souls before he #takes them like.#parallels between terrifyingly competent but kind warrior and ominous-looking but gentle death i want to scream into a pillow

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deityofhearts · 10 months

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at this point I have so much like trauma and paranoia around love, being loved and loving others. like I want to be loved but I also can’t fully believe or accept that anyone would possibly love me or that they won’t get tired of me and stop loving me especially given the reason that it’s traumatic in the first place like, even knowing why I’m like this does nothing to make things any better or easier to deal with. That said I do want to be loved I want to love people but it just gets hard for me to not let my insecurities get in the way and make it harder for me to maintain relationships and cause me to hurt other people because of it, I want to think I’m getting better in that I’m at least trying not to hurt others because of how I feel but like idk, it’s a whole thing

#deity dialogue #sorry that I post about this so much I’m just always working through it #I do genuinely love people and I am aware I am loved and I’m glad that I’m loved but my brain refuses to like accept that I’m loved I don’t #feel like I’m allowed to be loved #but like idk #this is what years of having people tell you either they’re the only person who loves you and another person telling you no one loves you #does I guess el oh el #all I can do is my best and if that’s not enough then take a step back before lashing out and hurting others again #one day I’m gonna get therapy and fix my shit you’ll all see agdhjfjt #I just wish I wasn’t like this I’ve ruined so many relationships and hurt people and that’s worse than hurting myself #no one deserves to be hurt because of my own bullshit #divine despair #<- sad tag for blocking purposes #also it’s that time of the month and I’m 90% sure that’s make me even more emotional pls send help #like idk I don’t even believe my roommates want me half the time #I have to like occasionally check in that they don’t secretly hate me

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roturo · 4 months

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⋆.˚⭒⋆.˚ WATCH IT!

Gojo Satoru didn't predicted this move... So he ended up fucking you lol ⋆⭒˚｡⋆ G!Satoru x afab!reader and sex pollen!

tags: smut, sex pollen, unprocteted sex (wrap it and pee after sex), overstimulation (like A LOT), use of nicknames (princess, baby, good boy, love...) multiple rounds, praise kink, angst if you squint your eyes till you cry like gojo, sub(ish)!gojo satoru, god complex, fluff if you take one eye out, crack, belly bulgde, creampie, breeding kink, crempie kink, A LOT of cum, dumbfication, cock warming, npr.

A/N: happy holidays! might be my last writing of the year so i wish you lots of love and happiness <3 i might write pt2 for this one and 'she's back', which one would you like first?

o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

DAY 1: HOW IT STARTED

How the fuck at his grown ass age Gojo Satoru could be this stupid. And that’s big coming from him, because this man considers himself the senior of seniors and god of gods. So, how come he falled into this?

And you know what? Maybe it is his fault! For believing he’s a superior and underestimating such a weak and useless curse he just killed. But, this weak and useless curse has him going crazy. That really was karma paying back to him because motherfucker- Why is he feeling all giddy and hot all of sudden? This has never happened to him before, so that’s why he’s losing his mind right now and almost sprinting into his room because of how bothered he was feeling to just teleport.

Everything was like hell. Really, like hot as hell. And how does Satoru know that? Uh well, because he’s living it right now.

He couldn’t bear the sensation anymore and dialogue Shoko’s number like it was a habit.

“What do you want, Gojo? I’m in the middle of trying to know how Yuuji’s body is capable of being Sukuna’s vessel. Like- It’s quite important right now, and more than debating about some of your dumb tv shows you-”

Shoko’s voice was interrupted by a whine coming from Gojo’s line, seconds of silence continued the awkward moment between the both of them, while all Gojo could do was breathe and maintain his whines inside of his body before he started literally moaning.

“Are you okay, Gojo?...”

“Fuck, no. Some fucking curse sprayed me all over with some fucking stinky pollen. Didn’t even taste great, by the way. And now I'm just feeling really hot, sometimes dizzy… or kinda giddy? fuck. And my breathing became irregular. I’m fucking sprawled out in my bed trying to find a comfy position but my legs won’t cooperate.”

A loud laugh was heard coming from Shoko’s line. It was clear she’s been holding it all this time just trying to make sure she’s gettin it right.. and well.

“Gojo.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you hard right now?”

Silence.

“You know what? I’m sending Y/N over there with some medicine. You’ve been sprayed with sex pollen by the way.”

Sex- what?!

Before he couldn’t even ask Shoko any question since she quickly hung up. Leaving a needy and confused (and hard) Gojo.

Knock. Knock.

No answer, but a weird sounding moan? You gave yourself permission to enter Gojo’s room since no life signals were heard. But- holy fuck. Was this a reward or a punishment from the gods?

He was kneeled down on his bed, one of his hands used as a support placed in his bare calf while his other hand was as fast as possible jerking himself off. You stayed still some seconds before rewinding back to what Shoko told you before coming here.

“He might be another type… of… Gojo?... Anyways. He’ll be really needy and like a lost puppy looking for some salvation. I gave you this backpack with all you would need, yeah? Thank me later and good luck.”

So that’s why her flat ass was quickly sending you off with a backpack full of water bottles and snacks. Sex fucking pollen. Great.

It’s not like people don’t know that both of you have been crushing into each other lately, hell- even his newest student asked about this. But you never expected for it to be like this.

“G-Gojo…?”

Your voice was barely a whisper, but it’s like a hawk located his next prey because of how instant his reaction was just for your voice. A drunk smile on his face, while both of his hands fall infront of him trying to hide the act that was going on minutes ago. His sculptured white as snow body covered in a hot layer of sweat. Not being able to catch a breath thanks to this sight, somehow he’s in front of you.

“Are you here to help me? Y/N?”

His voice sounded so different. But at the same time it was just Gojo.

A small nod was all the reaction he got. You could smell that sweaty smell, looking down you found yourself looking at a large wet spot staining his black briefs. While his cock does nothing to imagination, marking perfectly the shape of it. Moving your gaze to his v-line, a white happy trail proudly adorning it. Eyes moving up, you found yourself looking at his clearly erected nipples, But all this examination was over once he interrupted your thoughts.

“I need a verbal affirmation, princess”

Ah, the nicknames. If you weren’t wet by now, you’re pretty sure you’re leaking right now all because of him.

“Yes Satoru, I’ll help you.”

His knees felt weak. Literally. He kneeled down in front of you, it was like he hypnotized and somehow could smell through your body into emotions. His hands were cold but hot at the same time he roamed your body.

You tried warning him by calling his name while he started kissing the softness of your thighs, telling him to at least move you towards the bed. And his body was doing what you said like if you were controlling him, while his mind was somewhere else. He moved the both of you towards his bed, making you lie down. His head not wasting any second between your thighs until his nose touched where you needed him the most and you whimpered at the feeling. Clearly triggering a new kind of need inside Gojo.

Everything happened really fast. Between some kisses and moaning, Gojo ripped your shorts and pantoes a muffled noise coming out from him of what you suppose was “I’ll buy you new ones later” but right now you couldn’t care less.

Not when his tongue slowly started tracing the way from your entrance until it reached your core. Teasing it with kitten licks, while his hands remained on your hips from preventing moving them.

His tongue quickly found a rhythm between your entrance and your clit, forming infinite signs between them. And the simulation was too much you couldn’t notify Gojo about your orgasm- But he was so lost in the feeling of your thighs suffocating him and the taste of yourself in his lips, he swears he could die as a happy man right now.

And like it wasn’t enough, Gojo kept eating you out even after your intense orgasm. Overstimulation taking over your body, trying to take him off your core, ended up with annoyed groans coming out from him.

“Satoru, love, fuck. I need you to stop, please.”

The nickname had him exploding with happiness, he really looked like a puppy from this angle. His eyes looked ethereal, his mouth covered with your fluids and his face was with a cute smile while he called out your name.

“Will you please let me fuck you?”

A small giggle came out from your mouth, Gojo’s face looked a little sad and embarrassed, but was quickly erased when you pecked his lips. And that was all he needed to clumsily take off his briefs and while he climbed back to the bed, taking off your top while doing so. His eyes were full of adoration looking over your body, before he pressed his lips into yours, locking them for a long moment, clearly enjoying the moment, before the kiss turned more heated and he started kissing every part of your body again.

His tip was now wet thanks to your folds, Easily slipping through it.

“Ffuck- Ssatoru- Be a good boy and put it in, please?”

Gojo needed no more words before thrusting his cock whole into you with one swift movement, hitting perfectly against that spongy spot that made you see stars. But something didn’t feel right. Not in a bad way. Since you re-opened your eyes to find a glassy eyed Satoru mumbling a lot of ´sorry’s´ while he kept thrusting.

Oh.

He came with just one thrust and was overstimulating himself, still rock hard with no break while he hid his face in the crook of your neck while marking it as his and tearing down from the pleasure.

You’re pretty sure he came again, when he whimpered your name and moaned against your ear but still continued thrusting into you perfectly. And he was so lost in the pleasure of overstimulating himself he didn’t realize once he confessed to you.

“You’re so pretty- ffuck– I really want to make you mine now. So no one could look at you, not even in a friendly way. Just… have you all for me- sshit. I love you.”

You didn’t want to get your hopes up, thinking it was all because of the moment, so you just had to enjoy it for now. His thrusts were so fast and hard, but somehow still felt romantic. Like this was a normal routine on a daily basis. And you would be disgusted by the pool of cum forming under the both of you if you weren’t so close to your third orgasm this night. No matter how many times you told Gojo to stop for a moment and take a break, he would cum again, and still be hard so he had to keep thrusting.

Your mind is lost now. All you could ever think about right now was Gojo Satoru and his immense cock. He wouldn’t stop mumbling praises to you, saying this was all for you to feel good and he would stop once you cum at least 3 times more than him. A hard dare to get over with. Or maybe it already happened?

You begged for mercy, not thinking he could get another orgasm out of you. Hell- to even get an orgasm out of him. His hands interweld into yours, and moved it down towards your tummy.

“Do you feel it, baby? I'm right here. Ahh~ I’m pretty sure my cum is there too heh. Your tummy is full of me and my cum.”

He sounded drunk. Like. Really drunk. But his words took off your last orgasm of the night, apparently your reaction making his trigger off and cum… dry?

How many fucking times did Gojo Satoru came inside you?

Will pills even prevent a pregnancy?

“Ah- shit baby.”

You couldn’t pay attention to him anymore, quickly slipping into dreamland. Gojo not once leaves your side. Literally. He was cock-warming, still hard, but no energy (and cum) to continue his misery.

You were here at 7.45 o’clock, one last look at the clock and it was 3.23 in the morning.

And it was like you just blinked, because a whimper came out of your mouth. Looking again into the clock, it was 10 AM, and Gojo was not over.

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niuxita21 · 1 year

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Madre Solo Hay Dos - 1.09 // 3.05

AKA Cinematic parallels pt 2

Bonus: Mariana.EXE has stopped working

#madre solo hay dos #ana servín #mariana herrera #shitty screencap posts (TM)#do you ever think about how this is real actual canon that no one can take away from us or explain away as 'subtext'???#because I do (even from the hole I have crawled into and won't be crawling out of any time soon)#I like the contrasts in line delivery and facial expressions #mariana looks anguished because she picked the absolute WORST time to declare her love and got kicked out of ana's house for her troubles #whereas ana is calm and almost cheerful bc it was on the heels on them sleeping together #so to her it was not unreasonable to expect that the confession would have a much more positive outcome than when mariana did it #and I am absolutely OBSESSED with ana's little shrug and head shake as she says it like it was so obvious what she was gonna say #GAWD ludwika is so good I'm gonna jump off a cliff #and I included mariana's reaction bc it makes me laugh (to keep from crying) bc it never occured to her that ana might have caught feelings?#the same way (interestingly enough) that it never occurred to ana that the person mariana wanted to be free to be with was ferrán #she spent all episode thinking mariana had met someone or assuming it was elena but never mariana's ex whom she had to dump for the charade #and don't think I missed the fact that now they have BOTH broken the other's heart in equally soul-crushing ways laughcry #I do appreciate the show's commitment to keeping the playing field level between them lol #so yeah this was just a symphony of crossed wires and misunderstandings like no wonder it went so sideways it was doomed before it started #(yeah it looks like I'm just gonna tag vomit all my feelings about this scene in this post #so I don't have to rewatch the scene to make a proper one with full caps and dialogue #bc I just CAN'T with ana's 'what happened between us meant nothing to you? bc I was there and I haven't been able to stop thinking abt it'#godfuckingDAMMIT BOTH ludwika and the writers will be hearing from my lawyers like HOW IS THIS SHIT ALLOWED)#anyway... what else is there to say :((( please continue to respect my privacy while I am in deep mourning

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brunetterightsactivist · 1 year

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i liked a tarot video earlier tonight on tiktok though. i'm losing.

#because its from this guy who i always like like hes so sweet i like his readings #also i definitely could apply what he was saying to one of my bitchy coworkers lol #not a love reading thank u god amen i've moved beyond the need for a man at this time #ive come to accept that until i move out of massachusetts im never gonna find someone i feel compatible with #i cant even make friends here not to be insane #if u dont live here u dont get it but like these people are so MUNDANE #genuinely i mean it when i say i dont feel entirely like these people are real people like do you know what i mean #like u say something silly as a joke and to a normal person its like oh hehe were being goofy #and they take it deadpan and are like ummmmm what. that wasnt in the script. freak #and i know its not me like idk what it is i feel like im living in an episode of hannah montana or something #u know that disney channel dialogue delivery YOU KNOW #my everyday life....#does anyone read my tags when i do this? i understand if nobody does lol #i had 4 shots of espresso an hour ago this is whats happening now

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koemiexists · 2 months

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Perfect Gift | Alastor x Fem Reader

summary: you receive a gift from alastor after residing in the hotel for a month word count: 3.7k tags: smut, cream pie, voice kink, love bites

Recently, you have been noticing just how enchanting Pentagram City is, with the way it seemed to pull you forward. Residing in the Pride Ring as a sinner, you never got to see past that ring.

Nothing was truly new, except for what was occurring around the Morningstar District, as some sinners pegged it. You usually reside in the inner city, near the Heaven Ambasade.

Towards the border of the Morningstar District, on an elevated ground was what seemed to be a hotel, and you could just barely make out the words. Hazbin Hotel .

It seemed interesting, it intrigued you. And the best part, it was something new.

Now, if you were one for TV, you’d probably have heard about the Hotel way sooner from a news reporter Katie Killjoy, but you find it much more fascinating to listen to the radio, old fashion, but it’s something you enjoyed.

You guess that if it wasn’t for your constant urge to try new things, you likely wouldn’t have ended up in this mess. Yet, you can’t find it in yourself to hate where you turned up.

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!” A feminine voice said, and you thought you could vaguely hear just how bright it was. You watched as Charlie Morningstar, the princess of Hell, next to the throne, jumped in your space, her eyes shining. “Are you a wayward sinner in hopes of being redeemed!? Are you here for a chance to make it to Heaven, to have your soul be cleansed of your sins?”

Redemption? You weren't too sure it was possible, but if Charlie, the daughter of Lucifer, believed it so wholeheartedly... Perhaps there was a chance.

“I never really thought about being redeemed,” You admit quietly, looking up at the tall hellborn. Why was she so tall? Was her father even taller then? Your internal dialogue was cut short when she gasped.

“No? Never?” She inquired, bending her knees slightly, her eyes crinkling a bit knowingly at your height difference predicament.

Truly is the daughter of the Devil , you thought with a frown. “No, not really. I came here because I was interested, if I’m being honest.” You felt embarrassed, you didn’t want to turn away after how excited Charlie seemed. “But... now that you mention it, I wouldn’t mind being redeemed.”

Charlie’s smile grew wider, and with a tug, you found yourself in the hotel, feeling a bit dizzy, albeit excited at what you were getting into.

You saw her take a deep breath, and gather the other members around. “This is Vaggie-” A young woman comes into view, and you furrow your brows, wondering why she looks different from the others you see in Hell. Almost like an-

“Angel Dust is the name! Nice to meet ya, toots,” A spider looking demon grins at you, and you felt your face flush, knowing exactly where you heard the name, and saw him from. You never watched his porn movies voluntarily, but you have heard about him countless times from your coworkers.

Charlie smiles, and points towards a bar. “There’s Husk, and we have our maid, Nifty!”

“Forgetting someone?” Vaggie mentioned, rolling her eye.

The woman furrowed her brows, wondering just who she was missing. “Oh! You’re right! I don’t know where he is right now, but there’s also Alastor, our facility manager!”

At that moment, you felt a presence behind you, yelping as you fell. From the ground, an inky darkness rose into the form of a tall demon, a large grin present on his face. “You called?” He spoke, and you felt a sharp tingle go through your body at the sound of his voice, staticky but also pleasant.

Charlie smiled. “Yup, that’s Alastor!” She spoke, helping you up.

“Ah- Nice to meet you all. I’m (Name).” You spoke, feeling shaken up still.

“(Name)?” Alastor spoke, his grin widening as he walked over to you. “Well it is just a pleasure to be meeting you. You’re here to be redeemed, dear?” He questioned, and you can only mumble a yes, cheeks flushing.

Charlie was about to speak again, before her phone rang loudly, and she let out a quiet groan. “Who is... Dad? Ugh, alright! Vaggie, Alastor, can you please show (Name) around? And (Name), sorry for not being the one to give you a tour! I have to take this call.” She gave you an apologetic smile, before walking off, answering the phone.

You notice Vaggie had an annoyed expression, but it was quickly wiped off as she turned to you. “Well let’s get this tour going. At the end we’ll show you your quarters, (Name).”

“Alright,” Smiling, you follow Vaggie, keenly aware of Alastor trailing behind you two.

“...And this is the kitchen, Nifty usually cooks, but as long as you aren’t absolutely horrible at it, we don’t mind if you use it. Here’s-” Vaggie pauses, taking out her phone, squinting her eye at it. “Sorry,” She apologized, as she backed up. “Charlie needs me right now. Alastor? Finish the tour for (Name), please.”

With that she left, leaving just you and Alastor, whose grin sharpened. “Well, it’s just you and me now!” He laughed, beginning to walk forward as you trailed behind.

You stayed silent, before your curiosity fully peaked, leaving you unable to keep your mouth shut. “Your cane,” You started, feeling Alastor’s gaze on you even though you were looking down. “What’s it for?”

“What do you think it is for?” He questioned back, watching as you fumbled your words.

“Well- I just thought it was for aesthetics-”

Alastor let out a laugh. “Only for appearances? Well darling, it allows me to broadcast my voice.”

Your brows furrow, confused. “Is that all it does?” You inquire, wondering if you’ll get more information. “Wait- broadcast...?”

His smile broadens as he watches you expressively piece it together. “I heard your broadcasts before!” You sputtered, and then you froze. “Oh my gosh. You’re the Radio Demon , aren’t you...”

“Correct! I am.” He said with glee, as he opened a door, pointing inside with his cane. “A gentleman will never enter a woman’s quarters without permission,” Alastor spoke, looking at you.

“This is my room...? Already?” You murmured, as you walked in, noting how it was already furnished.

Alastor let out a huff of laughter, the radio effect increasing slightly. “Darling, you didn’t seriously expect many sinners to be rushing to reside here, now do you?”

You frown, crossing your arms. “Charlie believes in this idea. Who's to say it’s not a possibility? Being redeemed seems far-fetched, yes, but I’ll gladly try and be cleansed of my sins then spit in her idea.”

“Would you still think that way?~” He sing-songed, grinning. “Charlie’s way is less than conventional, you’ll see. But if you truly wish to reside here in the path of redemption... Well, who am I to stop you?” Alastor leaned in, patting your head. Then he seemingly melted into that inky darkness you saw, watching as it went down the hall.

“Weird.” You huffed, rubbing your eyes. You were exhausted, mentally and physically, and the fluffy bed seemed to be calling your name.

“(Name)!” Charlie yelled, watching as you yelped, falling from your bed. “Great, you’re awake.”

You grumbled softly. “Only because you yelled. I was sleeping, peacefully.”

She grinned. “Not anymore. Besides, it’s good to be an early riser!”

The princess helped you up, and began going through your closet. “I think you’re due for a trip outside the hotel. You have clothes, but...” Charlie frowned, wrinkling her nose as she took out an article of clothing that was at least a few hundred years old. “They’re old.”

“Yeah,” You yawned. “It’s ‘cause I never made enough truly besides the necessities. I couldn’t really splurge.”

Charlie gasped, turning to you. “You couldn’t? Well- we need you to! This is actually sad.” She began to think, before snapping her fingers. “Don’t worry, I know who you can borrow some clothes from!”

“Who?” You questioned, watching as Charlie tapped rapidly at her phone, then pocketing it.

Your door opened, and you watched as Vaggie walked in, holding a few pieces of clothing. “(Name), you need some new clothes.” She said, glancing at the battered clothes. “Jeez. Your clothes are actually ugly.”

“Vaggie!” Charlie huffed, and her girlfriend smiled a little, pecking her cheek. “A kiss isn’t going to change the fact you said something so mean!” She squawked.

You groaned. “Let’s just move on from my wardrobe, alright?”

Vaggie shrugged, putting down the clothes on your bed. “Here. You’re lucky we’re roughly the same height and size.”

Grasping the soft clothes, you note how they were very feminine. “You have pretty taste.” You remarked quietly, as you pulled at the dressing screen.

She let out a laugh. “Thanks, (Name). I’d say the same but-” “Vaggie-!”

“-I would need to see more of your clothes.” Vaggie finished wryly, smirking.

You huffed, even though truly, you were amused. Opening your mouth to speak again, you fell silent when a knock was heard on the door.

You heard Charlie get up, opening the door slightly. “Yes?”

“Is (Name) there?” You heard Angel ask, and you felt relieved.

“Uhm..” Charlie bit her lip, unsure if you wanted him to come in.

You pulled the clothing screen back, revealing the flowy skirt paired with a tight blouse. “Charlie, it’s okay! Angel can come in. I’m finished changing anyways.”

Angel sauntered in, stretching. “Look at you, toots. You look awfully dolled up for how you usually dress.”

Vaggie snorted, as she got up, walking towards the door. “Charlie made her change. She had to borrow my clothes.” She said, grinning. “Anyways, Charlie and I will be downstairs if you need us, (Name).”

You watched the couple wave, shutting your bedroom door closed afterwards.

“So,” Angel started, smirking.

You quirked a brow, sitting down on your bed. “So,” You repeated back, folding your arms.”

He grinned. “It’s been a few weeks, how are you feelin’ staying in this hotel?”

That was something you were thinking about. It was amazing to be able to live here without needing to pay money. It also helped how nice Charlie and Vaggie were to you.

What also was good was just how pleasant it was to listen to Alastor speak. You hid your radio in your drawer almost always, but when you heard the little crackle that was the tell-tale sign he was live, you always tuned in.

“Good.” You said simply, smiling. “I like it here enough. It’s nice to be around welcoming people too.”

Angel laughed, moving to sit next to you, laying his head on your lap. “Does getting horny at Alastor’s voice also help?” He asked casually, laughing louder as you squeaked and pushed him off.

“I do not get horny at his voice!”

“No?” Angel probed, watching as you got even more flustered.

“Let’s just go.” You muttered, embarrassed and flushed from just the thought. Angel only smirked, walking with you down the stairs.

It’s something that became a bit of a routine, Angel joking with you about you being attracted to Alastor’s voice, and you fervently denying it, despite it being the truth.

And then one day, while you were out with Charlie to run errands, Angel slipped up.

Alastor was already quite interested in the fact you hung out with him so frequently, especially since he only made idle chat with you, and on rare occasions sought out to make a deal for your soul.

You always declined, knowing that making a deal with Alastor would be a terrible choice, as Husk told you.

So when Angel began to talk about you to Husk in a drunken haze, he found it to be a perfect opportunity to learn more about you.

“So,” Angel spoke, slurring his words only lightly. “(Name) fell into a puddle of someone’s vomit! She told me how embarrassed she was! I told her she wasn’t alone, and how I slipped on some dude’s jizz once, but she just argued how it wasn’t the same.”

Husk snorted. “It really isn’t. One is gross, and the other is because you’re a pornstar who actually deals with bodily fluids like jizz.”

Angel rolled his eyes, drinking some more alcohol. “It’s the same sentiment though! That shit hurts. Plus, it was sticky, which is gross.”

Alastor felt his eyes twitch, ready to slink away to do something more productive, before he heard Angel speak up again.

“Hey Whiskers, did I tell you about something (Name) doesn’t tell anyone ? I only figured it out by observing!”

It was obvious Husk wanted to stop Angel from spilling your secrets, but he was also curious. “No, what happened?”

Leaning in, Angel spoke in a voice that meant to be hushed, but was regular in volume. “She finds Alastor’s voice attractive! Like, she gets absolutely flustered when listening to his broadcast- she hides a radio she owns in her drawer. She uses it only to listen to him. Isn’t that crazy?”

Alastor let out a quiet hum, static filling in the air as he slipped into the darkness, ready to use this new information.

You were exhausted from the outing with Charlie, but she insisted, stating how “a new resident’s idea on things will benefit the hotel in the future!”

You wish you told her you didn’t want to, but it was Charlie, and she would have just sang to you in order to convince you. And needless to say, you didn’t want her singing. Slumping in your bed, you cuddled against the comforters, fully about to drift off to sleep, before you heard a light noise. Groaning, you turned over, refusing to get up, until you felt a presence. Jolting up, you saw Alastor, who was grinning widely at you.

“And I thought the new resident was sleeping peacefully!” He laughed, twirling his cane. “Looks like she’s fully awake instead.”

You huffed. “What do you need, Alastor? I’m tired, Charlie dragged me all around Pentagram City.”

He smirked, sitting on the bed. “Well, I thought that you needed a gift.”

“Gift?” You mumbled, rubbing your eyes. “Why do I need a gift?”

“You don’t even know?” Alastor’s voice was self-satisfied as he pulled out a calendar from nowhere, tapping on it. “It’s your full month being here! That calls for a gift, don’t you think?”

You narrowed your eyes. “No.” You said flatly.

“So hostile!” He laughed, grinning even wider. “Well dear, I think you deserve one. Especially with how sweet you are to others. Almost rivaling Ms. Morningstar!”

“I don’t believe so,�� You sighed. “Charlie is insanely nice. I think I’m only a fraction of how nice she is. And I think I’m just okay to be around, everyone else is too abrasive.”

Alastor leaned closer, his smile toothy. “Abrasive? Such a big word! Only fitting for a knowledgeable lady like yourself, hmm? Although, I think you’re only so informed and enlightened by a certain radio broadcast, don’t you think so?”

You felt your blood run cold, as you slowly turned to Alastor, who’s smile widened even more at your fearful expression. “What are you talking about?” You whispered.

“What do you mean dear?” He asked, the static increasing in his voice again. “The fact that you have a radio hidden in your drawer, that you use to listen to me whenever I begin to broadcast,” He said, leaning over you as your breath began to pick up. “Or the fact you get aroused at hearing me speak? Is that why you come to me so much? To listen to me speak?”

Your breath hitched, and Alastor laughed. “Oh, it is! Aren’t you the naughty doe? Getting riled up over the sound of my voice...” He hummed, and you felt him begin to unbutton your pajama top. “Say, do you touch yourself to my voice? When I start my radio show late at night, do you wake up just to listen in?”

“I-” You let out a small whimper, arousal pooling in your lower belly as he rubbed light circles on your hips. “Sometimes-! Only some- only a little.” You spoke, fast and hushed as you gripped his arms. “Alastor-”

He smirked. “Let this be your gift, for being here for a month.” Alastor said shortly, pushing your top off. Your breath hitched, but you can’t find yourself to feel uncomfortable or angry, you wanted this so badly. To have a night with Alastor, to feel his touch in an intimate way.

“Alastor,” You spoke breathily, as he slipped his hand underneath your pajama shorts, rubbing at your wet slit.

You felt hot, your body responding to his touches extremely well, like it was made to be touched by him.

Alastor bit at your collarbone, laving his tongue over the bite, growling lightly at the taste of blood. “Look at you. Look how your body responds to me.” His voice lost some of its static, and you couldn’t help but moan at the sound.

He laughed, and began to work a finger inside you, thrusting in and out, curling it against the spongy part deep within you.

“Wow, you really do like my voice. You have a voice kink, (Name)? Want me to groan in your ear?” He questioned, smirking as he bit lightly on your lobe.

You huffed, moaning as quietly as you could, rolling your hips into his hand. “Damn it, Alastor.” You choked, grasping at the sheets underneath you. “ Fuck - please, please just...”

He leaned closer, obviously waiting for you to say what you wanted. “Just...?”

“Shit! Fuck me? Please?” You whimpered, an embarrassing high pitch whine emitting from you as he removed his finger.

“Fascinating, isn’t it? I didn’t even put two fingers in you! Look at just how much arousal is covering my finger.” Alastor licked his finger, laughing.

You mewled pitifully, needing him badly. “Fuck you,” You groaned, trying to get him to just fuck you.

Alastor let out a haughty cackle, unzipping his trousers as he pulled your hips against him. “Are you ready, darling? You wanted this so bad.”

Letting out another whine, you nod, watching as Alastor kissed and bit at your chest.

Then, in one swift motion you felt him enter you, filing you to the absolute brim. You moaned loudly, wrapping your legs around his waist, eyes shutting close as you tried to steady your breathing.

“When I fuck you,” Alastor began, his voice sharp as his hand gripped you chin, forcing you to look at him. The pain was slight, but enough for you to let out a quiet whimper. “You will look at me when I do so. You understand, (Name)?”

“Yes,” You stutter out, your walls fluttering around his cock.

Alastor hummed, waiting as he watched you tremble and try to fuck yourself onto him, a smug grin present on his face. “My poor doe,” He cooed, his voice crackling with static as he pinched your nipple. You yelped, and he laughed, kissing your neck, the very same spot he bit.

“Hungry for me to fuck you dumb, hm? You really are a whore for me.” He murmured, kissing your lips lightly before he gripped your thighs, pulling out almost completely.

“Don’t worry my doe, I’ll make sure you get what you want.” He breathed out, his voice slightly deeper as he slammed back in you, the headboard hitting the wall roughly as his fingers clawed into your hip.

You cried out loudly, pussy dripping all over his pelvis as he repeated the motions, rough thrusts into your willing body. “Alastor, Christ!”

He let out a quiet growl, snapping his hips into your body at a faster pace.

“The only name you shall evoke is mine. Understand?” He spoke harshly as the ever present grin became strained, the static in his voice and around him increasing as he grasped your face, staring into your eyes.

You moaned loudly, nodding pitifully, and he smirked. “Good girl.”

Alastor began to maneuver you while thrusting slowly, your ankles pressing against his shoulders instead of his waist. He pressed a hand against your abdomen, moving at a bit faster pace, a groan escaping him. “You’re being such a good girl. ” Alastor groaned, right in your ear, and burst, whining loudly.

His own breath hitched, as he kept thrusting in your spasming heat, sucking a large bruise on your neck.

You felt your energy drain from you, overstimulated and sensitive after your orgasm, yet Alastor didn’t seem done with you yet. Groaning, you tried to pull away, legs shaking from the continued stimulation at your groin.

“You aren’t truly that foolish, right (Name)?” Alastor laughed, swiping his fingers at his tongue, before rubbing tight circles onto your clit, watching as you jerked from his touch.

Almost as if you got electrocuted, you let out a wail, pushing with all your might to get some reprieve, but the pain felt almost too good. Alastor bit your lip lightly, snickering when you began to orgasm again, squirting all over his pelvis and the bed sheets.

You jolted, twitching lightly as Alastor buried himself deep, kissing you passionately as he came inside you. You couldn’t find any stamina to pull away and turn, fully relying on the radio demon to help you.

He let out a low cackle, pulling out and zipping his trousers up again. Despite the obvious spot at his crotch from your squirting, he decided he’ll resolve it later, tucking you into bed. “Hope you enjoyed your gift, my little doe.” He murmured, fixing his hair.

“Hey, (Name)! What’s all the noise?” Charlie came bounding into your room, freezing at the sight of Alastor.

Vaggie came behind Charlie, immediately falling into a fighting stance when she noticed Alastor as well.

“Uh... Alastor,” Charlie started, trying to smile casually. “What are you doing in (Name)’s room...? And uhm, why does it smell like that?”

Alastor laughed, his expression smug. “I just gave (Name) a gift, that’s all! She’ll be fine, maybe a little sore.” He turned to you, his expression softening just a tiniest bit. “Well, ladies, I’m off to do a radio broadcast! I’ll see you two in the morning.”

#alastor headcanons #alastor smut #alastor x reader #alastor x reader smut #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor x reader #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel fandom #smut #female reader #x reader

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inkskinned · 2 months

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most writing advice is good as long as you know why it is good, at which point it is also bad. the hardest thing (and most precious thing) about being an artist is that you gotta learn how to take critique. i don't mean "just shut up and accept that people hate your work," i mean you need to learn what the critique is saying and then figure out if it actually helps.

i usually tell people reading my work: "i'm collecting data, so everything is useful." i ask them where they put the book down, even though it's too long for most people to read in 1 sitting. i ask them what they thought of certain characters. i let them tell me it was really good but i like it more when they look a little stunned and say i forgot i was reading your book, which means they forgot i exist, which is very good news.

sometimes people i didn't ask will read my work and tell me i don't like it. and that is okay, you don't have to like it. but i look at the thing that they don't like and try to figure out if i care. i don't like that you don't capitalize. this one is common, and i have already thought about it. i do not care, it's because of chronic pain and frankly i like the little shape of small letters. you use teeth and ribs in all your work. actually that is very true. i don't know what's up with that. next time i will work to figure out a different word, thank you. you're whiny, go outside. someone said that to me recently and it made me laugh. i am on the whine-about-it website as an internet poet. you are in my native habitat, watching me perform a natural enrichment behavior. but i like the dip of whiny, how the word itself does "whine" (up/down, the sound out your nose on the y), but i don't know if i want to feel whiny. maybe next time i will work on it being melancholy, like what you would call a male writer's poetry.

repeated "good" advice clangs in a bell and doesn't hold a real shape, dilutes in the water. like sometimes you will hear "don't use said." you turn that around in your head and it bounces off the edges of your brain like it is a dvd screensaver. it isn't bad advice, but it feels wrong somehow, like saying easy choices are illegal! sometimes i will only use "said." sometimes i will just kick dialogue tags out to the trash. sometimes i make little love poems where the fact that i do not say "said" is very bad, and makes you feel bad in your body, because someone didn't say something. i am a contrary little shitbird, i guess.

but it is also good advice, actually. it is trying to say that "said" sometimes is clutter. it makes new writers think about the very-small words and very-small choices, because actually your work matters and wordchoice matters. "i know," you said. "i know," you sighed. "i know." we both know but neither of us use a dialogue tag, because we are in a contemporary lit piece.

it is too-small to say don't use said. but it is a big command, so it gets your attention. what are you relying on? what easy choices do you make? when you edit, do you choose the same thing? can you make a different choice? sometimes we need the blankness of said, how it slides into the background. sometimes we don't.

i usually say best advice is to read, but i also mean read books you don't like, because that will make you angry enough to write your own book. i also mean read good books, which will break your heart and remind you that you are a very small person and your voice is a seashell. i also mean you need to eat books because reading a book is a writer's version of studying.

my creative writing teacher in the 7th grade had a big red list of no! words and on it was SUNSET. RAZORS. LOVE. GALAXY. DEATH. BLOOD. PAIN. I liked that razor and love were tucked next to each other like birds, and found it funny that he believed we were too young to know the weight of razor in the context of pain. i hated him and his Grateful Dead belt, where the colored teddy bears held up his appraisal of us. i hated his no list. it is very good/bad advice. i wasn't old enough yet to know that when you are writing about death you are also writing about sunsets and when you write about love you are tucking yourself into a napkin that never stops folding.

back then my poetry was all bloody, dripped with agony when you picked it up. i didn't know there is nothing beautiful about a razor, nothing exciting about pain. i just understood sharpness, which he took to mean i understood nothing. i wrote the razor down and it wasn't easy, but it was necessary. that's what i'm saying - sometimes it's good advice, because it's not always necessary. and sometimes it is very bad advice, because writing about it is lifesaving.

hang on my dog was just having a nightmare. i heard that it is a rule not to write about dogs - in my creative writing mfa, my teacher rolled her eyes and said everyone writes a dead dog. the literature streets are littered in canine bodies. i watched the rise and fall of his ribs (there is that word again) and had to reach out and stop the bad dream. when he woke up he didn't recognize me, and he was afraid.

it is good/bad advice to say that poems and writing have to mean something. it is bad/good advice to say they're big feelings in small packages. it is better advice to say that when my dog saw where he was, he relaxed immediately, rubbed his face against me. someone on instagram would make fun of that moment by writing their "internet poetry" as a sentence that tumbles across a white page: outside it is sunset and my dog is still in a gutter, bleeding a galaxy out of his left paw. or maybe it would be: i woke the dog up/the dog forgot i loved him/and i saw the shape of a senseless/and impossible pain.

the dog is alive in this one, and he is happy. when i tell you i love you, i know what i said. write what you need to write, be gentle to yourself about it. the advice is only as good as far as it helps. the rest is just fencing. take stock of the boundaries, and then break them. there's always somewhere else you could be growing.

i love you, keep going.

#warm up #writeblr

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peachesofteal · 2 months

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Simple Math / Part Ten

Simple Math masterlist

Ghost/Soap/female reader 5.4k words - AO3 Warnings-tags: 18+ MDNI. Masturbation, dirty (self) talk, brief daddy kink. This fic contains mature themes. Domestic violence. Grooming. Feelings of fear and anxiety. Nurse!reader. Kissing. Lots of dialogue. Bun considers making a friend. Penny is cute. Flirting. Touching. Comfort. Bun refers to herself as "heavy". Simon is Simon. POV switch. Dinner date.

“I’m Philip.”

The handsome brunette smiles, grabbing onto your hand. You blink, trying to understand, trying to make it make sense, when he prompts you with a teasing grin. “This is the part where you tell me your name, sweet thing.”

Oh. You stumble over it, tongue tied into a million knots, sweat from the Texas sun beating down your back, sweat slicking your shirt to your skin.

He’s still holding your hand, and you’re standing there with wide, doe eyes, shell shocked.

He’s… so handsome. And older. Older, and handsome. Polished type, with good teeth and good hair. He looks like he just stepped off the golf course.

Why is he talking to you?

He glances down at your drink.

“You even old enough to be drinkin’ that?”

“I-“ You’re terrible at lying, and like he can read it on your face, he chuckles.

“You live around here?”

“I go to Rice.”

“A bit young for college, aren’t you?”

“I just turned eighteen!” You’ve heard it a million times. You’re too young to understand something, or know something, or do something. You don’t get the way the world works yet. You’re not an adult.

He holds his hands up. “I’m sorry. I bet you’re one of the really smart girls that make all us men look like Neanderthals.” Your face heats.

“N-no. I just… I graduated early. I’m not a know it all.” You defend yourself, desperate to create distance from the usual stereotype, the way most people see you. The way boys see you.

Too smart. Face buried in a book. Awkward and stiff. Uncool.

He traces you from head to toe, appreciative gaze grazing over the swell of your hips, the generous curve of your ass. “I didn’t think you were. Too mature for that, I bet.” He croons, and your knees go weak.

“Y-yeah. A lot of people say I’m really mature.”

Two things compete for your attention when you open your eyes.

One: there is a soft, lovely song playing downstairs, something spring-like and sweet, vibrant without being too loud.

Two: the house smells like pancakes.

You check your phone, shocked to see you’ve slept for yet another 12 hours. There’s a text from Nia, and a text from your boss.

>You have a lot of time accrued. Take as much as you need.

That settles that, you guess.

There are also text messages in the group chat, one from Simon, and one from Johnny, coming in only a few minutes ago.

Simon: >Penny gets pancakes on Saturday mornings. They’ll be plenty, come down and eat when you’re ready.

Johnny: >I’m missing all the good stuff.

You stretch, cautiously, wiggling fingers and toes, spreading your limbs as far as you can without pushing it too much. You’re sore, uncomfortably so, and still exhausted, but if you stay in bed any longer, you’ll rot.

In the kitchen, Simon holds Penny and a mixing bowl, alternating hands to get a whisk through the batter while humming to his daughter on her hip.

You stop dead in your tracks.

He’s… he’s not wearing the mask.

You stare at his face, his whole, naked face for the first time, taking in the broad jaw, every shiny white scar, and his (twice, if you had to guess) healed broken nose. He’s handsome, differently from Johnny but no less striking, and you can’t look away, stunned by his raw, depthless and rugged beauty. Penny’s leg has kicked up the hem of his shirt, exposing his midsection, and the flash of skin there feels like a scandal, something you shouldn’t be seeing but cannot get enough of. He looks nothing like you expected and yet… everything you hoped for.

“Morning.” Pen tucks her face into his chest shyly, peeking out from the corner of her eye, curious and cute. “Can you say good morning to bunny?” He bounces her a little, and she giggles.

"Bunny." She says quietly, and Simon laughs.

“That’s right. Good job.” After a second of silence, you try to ask him about the missing mask, but the question gets confused on your tongue, and what comes out instead is clumsy and stunted.

“Your mask.” You cringe, immediately. It’s the first thing that slips loose, insensitive, and uncouth. “I uh, I’m sorry, I’m just… surprised?” you falter, and makes it worse. You think about trying to run back upstairs, hightailing it for the hills when he smiles, and points to the empty stool at the kitchen counter with a batter covered whisk.

“Sit.” There’s already a stack piled high, plain, and ones with big, juicy blueberries. Your favorite.

“So, pancakes every Saturday?”

“Mhmm.” He settles Penny in her highchair to your left, and pulls an already cooled pancake from the stack, cutting it up into little, tiny pieces with a child’s knife and fork. “Pen and her Da,” he pads some butter across the top of his handiwork, grabbing her sippy cup and filling it with milk. “Have pancakes every Saturday when he’s home. It’s their favorite. Right?” He points at her, “your favorite?” and taps his middle finger to his chin, others outward, straight up. “Your favorite?” Signing?

“Are you teaching her sign?”

“Trying to. Pen’s birth mum is deaf. It’s important to us, that she’s able to connect with her when the time comes. Plus, my hearing is shot. So is Johnny’s. It’s a great way for her to communicate with us.” He strokes some fingers through her curls, and she doesn’t even look up, too busy shoveling as much pancake into her mouth as she can. You have a million questions now, curiosities bubbling to the surface, about Pen’s mum, about her life, about how she came to be their child. All too rude, and too invasive to ask. “Or, to use when she’s feeling sassy and can’t find the words. That happens, too.”

“She’s what…sixteen months?” You watch her intently, unable to not smile when she cheeses at her dad with a mouthful of food, even though your tender skin stings with the movement.

“Yeah. Top percentiles in a lot of things for her age. Said her first word before she was one.” He’s rich with pride, a deep well of love shining in his eyes, and you force your own down to the plate, stifling the ache bleeding from your heart.

“Of course she is.” Penny holds pieces of sticky, syrupy pancake with both hands, attacking them with vigor, smearing her cheeks purple with the squished blueberries.

You need to eat something, but your brain is buzzing, unnatural discomfort stretching long in the back of your mind.

What’re you doing? Sitting here eating pancakes like everything is normal? Like everything’s okay?

Everything is not okay.

You drift, back to your apartment, back the venom of Phillip, the hands around your neck, the twist of your shoulder, back slamming into the wall. You can still feel him, still hear him, these memories like all the others, your body beaten on the floor, mind nearly broken. Trying to shift away from the hot end of a cigarette, screaming for help, running through a-

A hand covers yours.

He coaxes the fork from your fingers, metal vibrating within flesh.

“I think… I think I should go back to bed.” You whisper.

“Are you tired?”

“No… yeah. I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to run away, you know.” He flips a pancake onto your plate from the stack. “Just because you were somewhere else for a little bit.” Your cheeks burn. “We’ve got a pretty nice couch in the living room though, if you want some time alone and don’t feel too keen on the stairs.” Saturday morning pancakes and curling up on the couch? It sounds so nice, so normal, and must show on your face, because he chuckles. “Help yourself. You might have to share the TV though, in a bit. We watch baby Einstein on Saturdays, and she’ll need some entertaining for a minute while I get ready.” Your lips twist, an entire hearth lighting up in the bottom of your heart.

“Alright.”

Baby Einstein is as enthralling as you thought it would be, though Penny disagrees. She stares at the screen, wide eyed, open mouthed, sippy cup long forgotten, and even Simon struggles to get her attention after returning from getting dressed.

You force your eyes away from the strain of his thighs in blue jeans.

“We’re goin’ down to the hospital.” He tells you, pulling her upward over the back of the couch and rubbing his nose through her curls. It’s still… weird, to see his whole face. To clearly watch his expressions, sublime bliss pushing his mouth upward whenever he looks at his daughter. “Want to come?”

“I can’t, not if I’m taking time off. It… looks bad to admin. I can probably go in at night but, during the day is just a recipe for disaster.”

“Of course.” He looks around, for what you don’t know, shoulders tensing, then relaxing. “Well, you’ve got the remote. And my number. Are you… going to be, okay? Alone?”

Say yes.

You can’t. All you can do… is nod.

“Okay well if you’re not. Just call.” You nod again, getting to your feet. Once you’re standing, you’re out of place, flailing in their living room, about to be here alone, with your memories, your poisoned mind.

What’re you doing? You’ve ruined everything. Broken all your rules.

“We can stay.” Simon steps close, hand grazing the middle of your back, and you shake your head.

“No, no- I… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t-“

“Yes, I do.” Your voice shakes, and you slam your eyes shut. You can’t do this. “I shouldn’t be here. I’m putting you in danger, and I… I’m putting myself in danger and I’m being so- so stupid, Simon.” His gaze is heavy, serious, and he steps around you, sliding Penny into her bounce seat, turning it to face baby Einstein.

“Listen to me.” As he returns, he reaches, carefully pulling you close, close enough you’re nearly in his chest, timing the rise and fall of his diaphragm. “We are safe, you are safe, sweetheart. ‘m not going to let anything happen to you, or Penny, or any of us. Alright?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Tell me.” You almost laugh, but something comes over you instead, something delirious and desperate. You lean into him, letting him hold you, hand smoothing over the back of your head. “You can tell me. You can trust us. We’ll take care of you.”

God, you want to. You want to so bad it aches, burns a ravenous fire in your heart. You want tell him, let them in. Tell them everything.

“Bun.” He murmurs, bringing you back, a finger under your chin.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, I can’t. It’s… it’s too much.”

“It’s alright.” He soothes, but doesn’t pull away, and you’re drawn in like a magnet, rising to the balls of your feet, stuck in a trance, luring you closer.

He meets your halfway.

And then-

He’s kissing you, plush lips on yours, pancakes and fresh laundry and stained-glass windows of sanctuary on his tongue.

You’re standing in the sun, in the trance of another spell.

It’s a mouthful of butterscotch and maple. Sweet, delicious breakfast in bed, lazy Saturday mornings and whispered, tender words. It’s life unlike your own, a home, the promise of a love not fractioned, chipped away, or strangled… but multiplied, magnified. His touch is painfully gentle, slow and easy, encouraging you to follow his lead, carefully constructing a tiny universe to disappear to, where shadow cannot touch. A fantasy, cocoon of stars, ambrosial and sacrosanct, an escape from the hell nipping at your heels, the hell chasing you through your dreaming and waking hours.

The anxious hum radiating through every cell in your body flatlines.

The girl in the mirror weeps.

Everything goes silent. Your breathing slows. Your hands fall to the side, listless and stunned.

Penny grunts. The moment shatters.

You can only stare with wide, terrified eyes.

“Johnny.” It’s the first word out of your mouth, the only thing you can conjure. “I’m sorry, I don’t know… I’m sorry.” Johnny. Johnny’s not here. How can he kiss you when his partner isn’t here? His heart will be broken, you’re destroying their family, you’re-

“I kissed you, bunny. Nothin’ to be sorry about.” Simon hums, still holding your face. “Johnny’s okay. He’ll be a bit jealous he didn’t get one too, but he won’t be upset.”

“How?” the question squeaks, and he takes your hand, tugging you towards the couch, settling you back into the cushions, easily guiding you with deft hands. He's so careful, so gentle, the touch of a man who raises a daughter, who loves his partner, adroit and nimble, anticipating movement before it happens.

“After Penny goes down tonight, let’s have a drink. Or some late dinner. We can talk, and I’ll answer as many of your questions as I can. How’s that sound?” He strokes a thumb across the apple of your cheek. Talking can’t hurt, can it?

“O-okay. Yeah.” You try to shrug, pain lancing through your shoulder, and you try to smother your wince. He frowns.

“I want you to get some rest today.” A small grin creeps across your face.

“You always tell people what to do?” He nods, solemn.

“It’s my job. Takin’ care of you lot is an added bonus.” He breezes by the grouping of you with his family, like it’s a normal thing, rubbing circles in your palm. “Let’s get you comfortable.”

“I can-“

“I’m here. Let me help.” You don’t say anything at first. Can’t say anything, can’t formulate a response that encompasses everything you’re thinking and feeling, stuck on the mile high wall that is your fear and denial, afraid to jump. Afraid to fall.

He doesn’t push. Doesn’t ask you to respond, He just… settles you, cautiously arranging the pillows to support your injuries, lets you sit there atop the wall, staring down at the ground where they wait. Patiently. He rubs your back and your good shoulder until you’re drifting away in heady, hazy dream world, unable to stir when he slips free, tucking the blankets in around you, and pressing another long, lingering kiss to your brow.

You wake in a panic to the doorbell ringing. Your heart races, and you’re up off the couch, tucked around a corner of the hall, hiding, in a blink, even though your shoulder and neck scream at the sudden change of position.

Breathe. You’re losing it. Philip wouldn’t ring a doorbell.

The door clicks open.

“Hello?” A woman’s voice echoes to where you’re still curled around the hallway, back pressed flat, eyes closed. “Hello? Anyone home?” Who is that?

You peek, like a child. Peering around to see a familiar woman with grocery bags in her hands, depositing them on the kitchen counter.

She spots you immediately.

“Hi!” She’s grinning, pretty and bright, pulling a carton of milk from a brown paper bag and putting it in the fridge. “I’m Lou. Sorry, did I scare you? I tried to ‘announce’ myself.” She makes bunny ears with her fingers before and after the word announce, with half of an eye roll. “John’s always telling me I have to when I come over. Can’t be giving anyone surprises, and I knew you were here. Just wasn’t sure if you’d be up for visitors. Sorry if I gave you a fright.”

“No, I…” you trail off, readjusting, giving her your name. She nods and smiles again. “I remember you. In front of the elevator that day.”

“Yeah, that was me.” She’s earnest in her focus, beaming at you, almost like she’s excited.

“You look a little different out of your cute scrubs.” That gives you a small laugh, and you smile honestly at her, flattered.

“Thanks.”

“Sorry if I’m disturbing you.”

“Oh no, you’re not. I was just… I’m fine.” She pulls a flat of eggs free and stacks them next to a colorful pile of produce.

“I do the store runs for Simon right now. It’s too much, with Johnny in hospital and taking care of Pen. We’ve been trying to lighten his load.” Guilt twists. And here you are, adding onto it.

“That’s very nice of you.” She waves it off.

“They’ve kept my husband alive a million times over. It’s the least I can do.”

“Right… they… work together?”

“Simon is semi-retired but yeah. They’re in a global task force. It’s the four of them. Have you met Kyle yet?”

“Oh, yeah. At the hospital one day.”

“Best guy, really.” Her clothes swish, warm and sweet aura practically glowing.

“Yeah, he was really nice.” She rests her hands on her hips and looks you over.

“You okay?” This woman is direct. She's got a no nonsense approach, and through intense, there's true ardor in her, passion and care.

“Yeah, I’m just… still recovering.” You don’t know what she knows, not sure what they’ve told her or John, so you’re not sure how much, or what even, to say.

“Simon told us, about you being mugged. I’m so sorry, it’s just awful.” She’s sincere in her sympathy, big brown eyes sad and considerate.

“It’s okay, thank you. I’m okay.”

“If you need anything, I’m always around. Or if you want to talk to another girl that isn’t a toddler.” It’s an olive branch of friendship, you realize, or the beginnings of, and you’re startled, considering it, wondering if it would be so bad… to have a friend.

“Thank you.” She gives you her number, and you tap it in, shooting her a text with your name.

“You should sit.”

“I can help with these.”

“No, no. No offense, but you look half asleep. I’ve got it.” You laugh even though it hurts, awkward half shrug with good shoulder, and agree.

“Yeah, I’m still recovering. It’s been slow.”

“I’m sure.” You sit at the counter, watching her organize the fridge with scary efficiency. “I’ll be out of your hair in a minute. Just had to drop these off.”

“Oh, you’re fine.” It’s nice. You’re nice. She feels safe, the proximity to Simon and Johnny naturally leading you to feel comfortable, knowing she’s welcomed by them, she’s a part of their life. It makes you feel more at ease, and you try to convey it without getting tangled up in awkward words.

You don’t know how. Not really sure how to make genuine friends anymore, so you just sit there and watch, listening to her talk, enjoying how she rambles a little bit, laughing at herself.

When she says goodbye at the door, she promises to text you the next time she’s coming by, so you’re not surprised, and you linger there, watching her go, wondering if it’s real, surprisingly mourning the loss of companionship already.

“Johnny misses you.” The ice in Simon’s rocks glass clinks together as he sips his bourbon, corner of his mouth lifting in a partial smirk. “Not too fond of his new nurse, I’m afraid. Think he’s spoiled now.”

“How is he?” You’re on the edge of your seat for an update, but not wanting to pry too much. It’s a delicate line, one where you don’t know on which side to stand.

“Good. Wrist fracture is nearly healed, so he’ll be able to start on crutches soon. Once he does, he’ll be doing physical therapy for most of his day, and ready to come home. Should be soon.” He really smiles now, and you mirror it, unable to deny the infectious bloom of happiness spreading from him to you.

“And his liver?”

“No complications. Grafts for his burn are in great shape. Hip is the trickiest part.”

“Yeah, they take a lot longer to heal, but I’m sure he’ll do a great job of it, just like everything else.”

“Thanks to you.” You sip your wine, citrusy peach and passionfruit coating your tongue. It’s a nice bottle, and you were surprised when Simon brought it home, bag of takeaway in one arm, Penny in the other.

“No.” Your cheeks heat. “I was just there. You guys did the hard work.”

“Wouldn’t have made it without you though. Think I would’ve lost it. Him too.”

“You would’ve been fine.” You brush it off, and he shakes his head.

“You’re too modest.” He drains his pour, uncapping the bottle on the coffee table between you and refilling it halfway. Glass on glass chimes, and you sink deeper into the couch, relaxing, tucking your knees up until you’re half curled into a ball, wine glass cradled between your palms.

“So…”

“I told you; you can ask me whatever you like.” You knew this was the case, but hesitance is still brimming in your heart, uneasy feelings festering beneath your skin, burning question shoving to the surface.

“Did you tell Johnny we kissed?”

“I did.”

“Was he upset?”

“Only because he feels like he’s missing out. I told him we’d make it up to him.” Fire enflames your skin. We?

“And by we you mean… us. Together. Like… the three of us.”

“I do.” The girl in the mirror screams. She doesn’t understand, why you continue to act against her better judgement. Why you’re entertaining something so, so dangerous, something so stupid.

“Simon, I… I can’t.”

“You keep saying that but look where you are, bun.” He motions to the table, takeaway cartons scattered across the top, half empty bottle of wine, his bourbon, and a baby monitor. It looks like a nice night in, a simple, sweet life, not even close to being your own.

Still, the girl in mirror combats. Still.

“This isn’t… this isn’t a thing it’s just… we’re hanging out. I’m not going to be here forever, I’m looking for a place and I-“ His face changes, flicker of shadow fading across his brow before being chased away by the sunlight in his eyes. You thought he'd be easier to read, without the mask, imagined you'd be able to place his expressions but you're just as confused and lost as ever.

“Slow down. There’s no need to look for a place to live.”

“W-what?” The wine has made you a little slow, a little sleepy, and you blink through the stupor.

“You’re still healing, sweetheart, and I know you're scared. I’ve known since the first day you stepped into Johnny’s room.”

“No.” You shake your head. Pain fizzles, numbed by alcohol, and your head swims.

“I know you weren’t mugged.” How? “I know you’re running from someone.” Oh god. The urge to get to your feet and bolt washes over you like a wave.

“I- I’m not.” The lie is bare-boned, pathetically unconvincing, and you know it. He knows it too; you can tell by the look on his face.

“You’re not ready to tell me, that’s fine. I’m patient. But you won’t be going anywhere if I don’t know you’re safe. And right now, to me, it doesn’t seem like you’re safe.” The pale yellow of your wine shines in the low lights of the living room, and you get lost in it, swirling around in his words, trying to put them together and pick them apart, desperate to understand what he means.

“Are you… are you saying you won’t let me leave?” You gulp. It’s a ridiculous conclusion, but the first one you jump to.

And in that, you know you’re giving too much away.

His face softens, and he reaches, pulling your free hand into his own, petting some sort of sequence into your skin.

“Of course not, sweetheart. I’d never, ever force you to do something you didn’t want to do. But I do want you to stay, here with us. Where we can keep you safe, take care of you.”

“I don’t need-“

“I know you don’t. I know you take care of yourself just fine.” The indignant roar in the back of your mind settles. “But I’d love an opportunity to do it instead.”

“Simon…”

“Did you know the cells in our body hold onto trauma? They carry imprints of traumatic events. It can change your biology, the way you function.” He squeezes your hand. “It’s hard to realize… that it’s not normal, the way you might be, the way you think, or do things, when you’re carrying the physical memory of terrible things.” He’s not talking about you. There’s a fleeting flash of sadness in his eyes, ghosts circling the drain around his irises, and your heart aches. “We can help you. I don’t know who you’re hiding from, but I can guess what they’ve done- look at me.” You force your eyes back to him, and he cups your cheek. “You do not have to be afraid here. You are safe with me, with us. I know you don’t believe it, and I’ll tell you as many times you need, but it will never not be true. We can help you.”

“You don’t know… you don’t know what you’re saying.” Your denial is steadfast. They cannot possibly understand.

A small seed of light blooms under darkness. It’s the sun, struggling to break free, trying to drag you into its warm, golden rays. It tugs and tugs, clawing towards you, illuminating the path forward.

The words come out before the girl in the mirror can stop them.

“You don’t know him. He’s sick and… powerful. He’s a monster but he’s smart, has connections, has ways of doing things that… I don’t even know. He’d kill you.” You clap your hand over your mouth in shock, surprised at yourself. It’s the most you’ve said about Philip in years.

You expect pushback. Expect Simon to flinch, or cower, or have good sense… a rational reaction to being told someone might try to hurt him.

He smiles instead, settling back on his side of the couch.

“I’d just have to get to him first, then.” Is he… is he? Simon watches you, reaches into your brains to peer inside, rooting around in your head. The way he looks at you, like he knows everything you’re feeling, can see what you're thinking, makes you shiver, makes you feel like you’re a tiny mouse in the shadow of a mountain. He sighs. “Give us a chance.”

“A chance?”

“A chance, to know you. Let us in, let us try. Stay here, with us, spend time with me and Johnny and Pen. No strings attached. If you decide it’s not for you… we’ll understand.”

No strings attached.

You could pick up and leave if you wanted. If you had to.

What’re you doing?

“How does it work? Would we all…” you trail off, confused.

“Date?” Simon finishes gently. “Yes.”

“So, you guys are… bi?” He chuckles.

“Yes, sweetheart. We’re bi.”

“Is this… a thing? Something you guys do?”

“We’ve never taken another partner before, no.” Your eyes widen. “You’re our first.” You don’t know why, but knowing is exhilarating and terrifying, all at the same time. You’re their first.

He’s talking about it like it’s already happened.

Fatigue settles in around you, thick fog of it draping over your shoulders and clouding your head.

“I… I don’t know.” You stifle a yawn. “I need to think.” He abandons his perch for one next to you, pulling your wine glass free and setting it on the table.

“Tired?” His fingers sweep over your cheek, skin warming under his touch.

“Mhmm.” You mumble, sleepily. Your head is very heavy, suddenly, hard to hold up.

“Alright.” He stands, bending to slide an arm under your knees, the other supporting your back in one fluid movement.

“What are you doing?” You squeak, grabbing onto him as he rises, lifting you into his chest at full height. Panic floods your nervous system, fevered tone pitching into a plea. “Put me down! I’m too heavy. Please, I’m too heavy, you can’t-“

“I’ve lifted a car off a teammate before.” He tells you, the thick of his body beneath your ear vibrating. “And I’ve dug Johnny out of a collapsed concrete wall. I’m made to pick things up, bunny. Heavy or not.” He holds you right there, all the way up the stairs, down the hall to the guest room, before settling you back on your feet, big hands around your waist for balance. Your back is to his chest now, and his nose drifts across the top of your head, slow path of his fingers stroking down your hip. “Alright?” He asks, and you nod, throat too dry to speak.

He squeezes. You stifle a gasp, resist the urge to press your thighs together.

It’s been so long since you’ve been touched, since anyone has handled you with reverence, with affection. You almost don’t recognize it.

His hand drifts, slipping between your thigh and cheek. “This okay?” He murmurs, and you manage a rough yes, word sticky and thick in your throat. Yes. Yes, don’t stop. A fingertip strokes along the crease there, back and forth, before trailing upward. He takes as much of your flesh in his palm as he can, squeezing again, caressing, mouth skimming along your neck.

“Oh.” you breathe. The room is warm, barely lit by the bedside lamp, and you burn in the dark, sensations sparking alive that have long laid dormant.

The girl in the mirror curses you.

“Need help getting to bed?”

“N-no.” Yes! “I’m… fine.” His lips touch your cheek, then your ear, breath blowing over you, firm, solid warm mass at your back exhaling shakily.

“Get some sleep.” He steps away, but not before he swings, slowly, softly, into the pillow plush of your ass. It’s a gentle tap, but the fire between your legs roars. “Goodnight, bun.”

“G-goodnight.”

Simon's got his sweatpants and boxers off before he's even fully in the bathroom, running right into the shower, hand wrapped around his throbbing cock as the water flicks on. It's not hot enough, but he doesn't even notice, cock heavy in his grip, tip already smeared wet with pre-come.

"Fuck, bunny." He grits, trying to stay quiet but unable to hold his tongue.

He's awful, for this. Awful for doing this after you've had such an emotional night. Awful for touching you when you're still healing, awful for grabbing a handful of your ass and imagining sliding his dick through the space between those cheeks. He can't stop, strokes himself long, squeezing the base and pulling up and back as he imagines you on all fours, perfect globe perked up in the air for him, his cock sinking into your soaking wet pussy as you moan. He knows you would make the prettiest sounds for them, sweet gasps and cries, bouncing on Johnny's cock in his lap.

"Hop like a bunny." He'd coo, and you'd whine, riding Johnny as Simon coached you until you were so close, almost there on the edge. "Show daddy how bad you want to come, little bunny."

He jerks himself harder, eyes closed, imagining the ripple of your flesh, the way you'd bounce so perfectly, how Johnny would be gripping your hips with his head tipped back, throat exposed for Simon to nip and suck a mark into.

His bunny. His boy.

His toes curl. Water streams down his back, slicking his skin, forearm burning with each stroke, imagination running wild as he gets closer and closer, thinking about you and Johnny and him together, finally, your legs spread wide in front of their faces, perfect pussy on display. He can almost hear the way you'd whisper their names, and it blinds him, fills his head with white light. He knows you're beautiful when you come, as beautiful as you are when you let your guard down and give him a real smile, as beautiful as you are everyday, so pretty and perfect, kind, even as a ghost. He imagines it, pictures it, the sight of his and Johnny's come leaking out of your hole, fingers shoving it back inside, marking you as theirs.

He comes with your name on his lips, a strangled whisper, painting the tile with himself.

He falls asleep with a new addition in their bed, on top of Johny's t shirt and the baby monitor... there's now a long sleeved tee, plucked from your dirty laundry this morning as he was getting ready to leave. It smells like you, something he wishes he could bottle, and he holds it close, tied in tandem with Johnny's, curled in his arms on top of the pillow.

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