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maneskintifoso · 2 years

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Date night 🫶

Victoria x reader

— warnings— smut, fingering, oral (female receiving) and bdsm dynamics —

— summary: you and vic go on a date and it ends with fun at the hotel —

So when she asked you out on a date you were taken aback, why would the hot famous rockstar want to date you? It was definitely a shock and you weren't sure whether you should just say no but you were more ready for a relationship now and you really liked her. So you said yes. And now you were standing in your room mildly regretting it.

Victoria had sent you the address and it was a fancy restaurant that was in the east village. You knew that Vics vibe was very rock n roll and very fashionable. You on the other hand felt very unfashionable, you tended to for floral prints and sweaters and midi dresses. After lots of changes and fresh outfits you decide on a tight black dress with little pink flowers on and lace details. You feel sexy and pretty and you feel like it kind of matches Vics vibe. After applying makeup and finishing your hair, you get stuck on what shoes to wear. Black converse or platform doc martens. You settle on the doc martens as they are easier to get off.

Your phone rings and its vic

“Hey i'm just leaving now” you are running down the stairs in a rush not be late.

“Cool cool, yeah i was just ringing to check you are still up for tonight but clearly you are '' she lets out an awkward laugh and you can tell that she's also nervous.

“Yeah no i'm really excited”

“Yeah me too, i'll let you go cause you sound like you are running a marathon”

“Haha ok i'll see you soon”

“Ciao” you put your phone safely in your pocket and keep walking as fast as you can.

When you are just around the corner from the restaurant you stop and take a deep breath, you don't really know how adult first dates work and your friends have given you advice but what if you forgot or it was awkward.

You walk towards the restaurant and you see vic casually leaning against a wall, you put on a smile and walk up to her.

“Hey you look really nice” you chastise yourself for saying ‘really nice’ why did you say that? Why didn't you say really pretty or sexy or something more enthusiastic?

“Ciao,you look absolutely stunning, shall we go in?” she nods toward the door and extends her arm.

“Yeah lets go” you link her arm with yours.

The waitress shows you to your table which is tucked away in the corner of the restaurant and for a minute you are worried it will be awkward but vic is already talking to you and you are sucked into the conversation. Vic asks you about your job and hobbies and your college major and what life for you was like. You try your best to ask her questions about her job and what the whole fame thing is like and her friends back home but vic seems more eager to talk about you then herself. You order the only vegan thing on the menu which was a vegan burger and when she realises you are vegan she apologises profusely for not picking somewhere more vegan friendly. The date had gone really well and you were proud of yourself doing something that is out of your comfort zone.

“Nightcap at my hotel?” vic asks on the way out of the restaurant, you are pretty sure she is just asking you back for sex but who are you to disagree.

“Yeah sure” the uber ride to your hotel you talk about music and the models of basses that you wished you owned. It was sweet and you were so happy to have someone to talk about this with. You loved your band but the rest of the band played their instruments and had no interest in yours.

“So do you and your band do shows or anything?” you nod

“Yeah we play the occasional bar show and clubs sometimes, people are really getting into indie music so we are definitely getting more and more shows” she smiles widely

“Would you ever tour?”

“I would love to, I mean I guess it would need to be after we finish college but definitely” she looks like she is plotting something and you aren't sure what she is going to say next.

“You're always welcome to join us on tour”

“Ummm thats really nice of you, we wouldn't want to intrude”

“You could never intrude” she runs her hand up your thigh and a shiver runs through you.

“Do you like that princess?” you nod adamantly and she puts her hand closer to your pussy. You hold back a whimper for the sake of the poor taxi driver.

When you make it up to her hotel room you look around at the luxury interior, the dim lights and the neatly made bed. This was something you had never experienced, you had always lived in new york, the furthest you had moved was to your new flat. You stand in the doorway staring at the room, vic clearly notices you freezing and wraps her arms around your neck. You initiate a kiss, it's not even really a kiss, your mouths are just slotted together. She runs her tongue over your teeth, ist a funny feeling but not a bad one. She signals for you to jump and you are confused, you aren't sure how she's going to hold you. You are both similar sizes but you are a little bit taller than her and you are worried that she won't be able to hold you and it will be awkward. So the only thing to do is redirect her, you start kissing her neck. She makes these little throaty noises and you can feel yourself getting wetter.

She runs her hands over the bottom of your dress and you expect her to pull it over your head but she just runs her hands over your wet underwear. She lingers on your clit and you let out a moan, you expect her to withdraw her hand but she then pushes your underwear to the side and slides in a finger. Without any trouble she finds your g spot and your knees buckle no one has ever been able to do this. You had just got out of a relationship when you met victoria and lets just say that it had been very dry sex. But with vic it was magical.

You expect her to do something more or you hope that she does something else but she just pulls out her fingers and you try to almost chase after them. She lets out a raspy laugh and you know she's laughing at you but you don't feel embarrassed at all. You decide enough is enough and pull your dress over your head, when you look at her she doesn't look happy with you at all.

“Did I tell you to do that?” she says in a dominating tone. You look down in guilt.

“No mistress” she yanks your hair making your head snap up toward her face.

“On the bed and on your hands and knees now” you instantly get onto the bed in hope that Victoria will go easy on you. But you know that was probably unlikely.

She spanks you hard on your thigh and it causes you to jump and tumble onto your elbows.

“You will count for me cucciola and when i am done you will thank me”

“Yes mistress”

She starts hitting you alternating between each of your cheeks and your thighs. You keep count and after 20 you wonder if she has plans to stop but she doesn't she just keeps going. You can feel the tingling and stinging in you ass and thighs and you know sitting down tomorrow will hurt like a bitch.

“Puppy you are getting slow on the counting” she hits you again and again and you consider safewording but she must sense that you are getting close to your limit because she announces that she is doing the final 10 spanks.

After she's done you managed to stutter out a quiet “thank you miss”

“Do you want to keep going princess?” she gently rubs your back and its so soothing.

“Yes mistress” you can see her smile and she spanks you again.

“Lay flat on your back” she commands from behind you. You quickly lay on your back and lean up on your elbows to see what she is doing.There is a sharp pain on your ass from the spanks “I didn’t say you could look at me puppy” you quickly put your arms down so you are laying flat and look at the white ceiling.

She straddles your waist and her face is suddenly above yours.

“You look so good beneath me” she leans down and places a gentle kiss on your lips and it throws you off. You try to deepen the kiss and chase her lips but she sits up before you can. “Show how much you want me, touch yourself for me cucciola” you have never mastrubated in front of someone else before.

You weren’t really sure what to do, you never really did much to get off when you were alone and you were worried that it wouldn’t be good enough for Victoria.

You apphenively reach your hand down and toward your clit. You start rubbing slow circles and occasionally going up and down, it’s not doing a whole lot for you especially with the nerves. You let out a fake moan and vic pulls back from the kiss to look at you.

“Tell me you aren’t for real” she sounds snappy and you feel more embarrassed.

“Sorry princess I didn’t mean to make you feel self conscious” she rubs up and down your arms and you are unsure of what to say.

“I just rather have you touch me” you say quietly.

“Do you deserve it?” She’s got a more dominant tone again and instantly you are back into the scene.

“I took all your spanks mistress” it comes out slightly bratty and she’s got a frown.

“Tell me what you want then baby”

“Just touch me anywhere”

She runs her hand down to your pussy and rubs her hand over it. She starts to circle around your entrance and puts part of her finger in, you buckle your hips toward her fingers and she completely moves her hand away. You make a keeling noise and she shakes her head at you.

“If you can’t stay still then I’ll have to tie you up” you moan at the idea of her tying you up again. “Oh you really are a slut, wait there then Princess” she gets off you and goes to her suitcase. She gets out a tie and a scarf, it surprises you that she doesn’t carry round a whole sex shop with her.

“Have to improvise” she has a smile on her face and she is pulling your arms above your head and tying them to the headboard. She moves down to your ankles and uses one of her scarves to tie one leg apart and then the other to the headboard.

“Thank you mistress” she is kissing down your body and working towards you pussy. As she gets closer you start to get worked up and she gets closer but she just misses it and kisses your thighs instead. You roll your head back in annoyance and she just keeps going on her mission.

“Please vic” she moves up again and finally her mouth is on you. You let out a loud moan at her tongue on your clit and she uses her fingers to finger you slowly. She keeps going and your moans are getting louder and louder as you get closer to finishing.

“Do you want to come?” You nod ferociously.

“Let me hear you then baby” you moan loudly as she gets you closer to finishing and you let out little cries. “So pretty baby” your legs are starting to shake from how intense it is.

“Come for me” you come loudly with her tongue on you. She licks up the aftermath of your orgasm and it feels so sensitive, you are letting out little sounds from how sensitive you are.

She moves to lay beside you and you switch positions with her. You kiss her neck and she is letting out whimpers, you kiss down her chest and slowly start to finger her. She spreads her legs more and more as you start to go faster. “Put a second one in”

“You aren’t ready”

“Just because you are on top does not mean you are in charge” you mutter a quiet sorry and put a second finger in, it takes a bit of a push but when you do it she moans louder than she has so far today.

“Thank you Princess” she starts to get more frantic as she gets closer and you are starting to get more worked up. You can tell she’s getting closer when her moans get more and more frequent.

“I’m so close baby” you start to move your hand faster and swipe your thumb over her clit. She almost screams as she comes and you smile at her.

You lay beside her and she is breathing loudly and you watch her chest rise and fall.

“I’ll go get some cream for you ass and a glass of water, just give me a second” she rolls over and just lays there for a minute.

She gets and gently rubs a cold cream into the marks. You let out a little gasp from the temperature and she quietly apologises about it.

“I really enjoyed today” she lays back next to you and you smile at her. “Thank you for putting up with me” she seems a bit insecure about it

“I love spending time with you vic, I will always put up with you” she cuddles into you and kisses you lightly and you hope this will be forever.

#maneskin #victoria de angelis #victoria x reader #victoria de angelis x reader #maneskin smut #thomas raggi #ethan torchio #damiano david #måneskin

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1nervegas1 · 6 months

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Thinking about Todd and Wallace right now and their relationship in the new netflix series..

About how Todd had his first boy crush and didn't know how to process it and how Wallace just saw a very attractive man and decided it was manwhore monday everytime they were on set together. People wish they got together but Wallace is just.. Very casual, he was in the comics and the movie, like bro wasn't expecting the hot vegan rockstar with the big tits to fall in love with him, people say it was unfair of Wallace to treat him like that after apparently "playing with his feelings" god forbid a man be a casual whore that didn't want commitment, just like how he was with many of the men in the comic series and the film, (before he settled down with Mobile ofc). I think it was fun in the show, could've been cute, glad one of my hcs turned out to be a reality (bi todd Ingram), but at the end of the day I'm glad they didn't become a thing, especially since Todd had cheated on Envy, this time with a guy instead of another woman. Still kinda annoyed that we didn't see Stephens bf though, wish we'd seen how they met and everything

I mean no hate towards Todd x wallace shippers, this is just a ramble on my part

#Rich rambles #scott pilgrim takes off #Needed a place to put my thoughts #Bc I'm on the fence about them

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notmorbid · 9 months

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nevada.

dialogue prompts from nevada: a novel by imogen binnie.

there's kind of an art to faking it.

it just sucks having to educate people.

it's not glamorous or mysterious. it's boring.

maybe i need to leave.

you're not even making a face.

mopey old lonely me.

you're so weird.

i know you, but it still freaks me out, the way you deal with things.

it would be nice if i felt like you cared at all.

who doesn't feel weird?

i'm vegan-ish.

i always sympathize with the monsters.

i think i just don't get sex.

come smoke a cigarette with me?

when i'm comfortable, i get quiet.

i felt liberated, for a second.

do you want to get a beer?

do other people feel like this all the time?

who can remember exact quotes?

straight men are so, so weird.

what would courtney love do here?

i can't think of anything to do with my hands.

are you even here now?

there's a lot going on in my head. i can't process all this at once.

i'm sorry i lied, but i really don't know what to do.

is this salvageable, do you think?

i think i'm only happy when i'm alone.

it's so easy just to check out and leave your body.

i'm living something that isn't even a life.

this is way too meta.

i don't want to be drunk, but i do want to be drinking.

you look as terrified as i feel.

i don't like to be far from home.

i talk too much, right?

you are not the only one with problems.

it's pretty much you and me against the entire world.

don't be responsible instead of being yourself.

i spend a lot of time reading instead of working.

forgive me for saying so, but you're beautiful.

i'm too old for emotional catharsis.

you don't work here anymore.

sometimes your internal monologue surprises you.

you lose perspective when you disappear into a relationship.

i swear to god, your life is going to get so much better than you can imagine right now.

how do i know you're not a cop?

i'd rather fight than seethe forever.

you look like you're either a rockstar or a murderer.

sorry. i guess i haven't really talked to anybody in a while.

there is no center at the center of things.

this coffee is depressing.

i wish i'd had someone to talk to at your age.

i don't remember much, but i must have checked out of my life.

it's really hard to just up and end a behavior pattern.

once you're straight edge, you might as well go vegan.

i'm a fucking idiot. that's who i am.

i've been the weird kid my whole life.

what happens if you sprinkle heroin on a bowl of weed?

i want you to tell me who you are. your turn.

do you want some downers, instead?

i haven't smoked since before breakfast.

i don't really understand what you just said.

i'd better be sober for this.

you're good at being a stoner, let's be real. maybe the best.

stop feeling responsible for everybody all the time.

you are the greatest criminal that ever lived.

#rp meme #rp memes #ask memes #inbox memes #inbox meme #rp prompts #lgbt

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limey-self-inserts · 2 years

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Howdy Limey!! I wanted to ask these:

limerance - gush about your f/o, no limits… but the catch is, gush as if its a message directly to your f/o. for your platonic Douxie?

endive - if, under the circumstance, you were able to treat your f/o to a single, beautiful day without a budget, what would it consist of? For your romantic Aniketos?

ineffable - describe your f/o in only aesthetics. you can make a moodboard, or perhaps describe them with colors, songs, scents, unique words (; no explicit or literal details, if you can help it. be indirect. paint a picture. For your platonic Sirius?

fanfaronade - what would your f/o say when bragging about you to others? for your familial Rex?

I hope these find you in good cheer and good health!

Nikki @tex-treasures

howdy Nikki! thank you so much for the ask, oooooo these are gonna be fun~

limerance - Douxie (written IC as my s/i Avalon)

"Hey, Doux....I've got something for ya.

"Look, you've been a real swell pal. You are a really good pal. You stepped in and helped when I felt like I was drowning, when I was struggling with the whole magic caster versus evil cooperation problem. You helped me feel more confident. Like a proper wizard, y'know. Oh, don't you wave me off, you are totally a proper wizard! You have the fancy staff and everything now. And you've got an apprentice, wink-wink-nudge-nudge. But hey, I just...we've done a lot together. Helping Arcadia, the world, all of it. It's hard not to get a bit sappy and emotional. Of course I'm gonna hug you. And I'm going to keep poking you on how badass you are, mister immortal rockstar wizard of the century."

---

endive - Aniketos

whole day out with no budget? oh, we're going SHOPPING. Aniketos isn't quite favourable with traveling, but if he's happy for a day away from the tree, we'd be getting a small cart and a couple of horses on rent for the day and riding to the next largest town. we are going to hit up every expensive ingredient shop in the district, letting Ani purchase anything he's never tried or only had the opportunity rarely, letting him stock up to his heart's content. lots of things for him to experiment with in the future

then it'll be back to the woods, most likely. but here is where it gets fun - I'd have set up a small clearing with some candle-lit lanterns, a large blanket to sit on and multiple soft blankets to wrap up in, and an assortment of vegan cakes with a self-heating pot of tea! we'd have dessert for dinner! a private moment of snuggles and giggles and warmth for us to share. if we can't travel out to the decadence, we'll bring the decadence to us.

---

ineffable - Sirius

late nights in the library. laughter, a warm embrace. sharing a coat when it rains and there's no umbrella. hand-in-shaking-hand. whispering in a raucous room. hold me close. flying in a night sky. waltzing in the void. roar. sinking. holding. rising. comfort at the end of a long day. a kiss on the forehead.

love - an intense feeling of deep affection (Similar: fondness, tenderness, devotion, compassion…)

philia - often translated "highest form of love", is one of the four ancient Greek words for love [...] In Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, philia is usually translated as "friendship" or affection.

victim - a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment

synergy - the interaction or cooperation of two or more agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects

steadfast - resolutely firm and unwavering

sirius - is the brightest star in the night sky. Its name is derived from the Greek word Σείριος, or Seirios, meaning lit. 'glowing' or 'scorching'

bastion - a projecting part of a fortification a place of protection

galvanize - to stir into action

faith - complete trust in someone or something

faith - strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof

cultivate - to make ready for growth

ineffable - too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words

---

fanfaronade - Rex

while there's plenty for Rex to brag about Ajax with regards to their skill and 'expertise', he wouldn't go that route. instead he'd be commenting on their confidence, their quick-thinking, and the such:

"See, when I first met that kid, you'd think they'd drop dead from fear if anyone so much as looked at them funny. They were a shaky little thing. Good for taking orders, terrible for dealing with problems in the heat of the moment. Too much pressure on their shoulders, I wager. But you give them some freedom, let them off the leash, ah....let them become a feared bounty hunter's apprentice, I guess? It's not the smartest route, but it got them running properly. Now they're quicker, they adapt when things change, they can manage a situation properly. They back-sass and snark to their heart's content, which is very amusing when the droid commander is getting right wound up. One thing that's kept with them through all of that though, is their kindness. You don't get much of that in war, certainly not in mercenary work. People too focused on survival. But Ajax is kind. Not the sacrificial sort of kindness that'll get them killed, as close as it's gotten at times. Just the small moments that get people through the day."

----

thank you again for the ask! wow, I really dug in deep with Sirius, but these all felt accurate. I'd love to hear more on your thoughts, feel free to drop by my ask box~

#answered #world: aalveir #world: trollhunters #world: magia #world: star wars #self insert #self ship

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blxckdragonfly · 5 months

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River (It's Coming On Christmas) (Darkness Finds You Drabble #6)

(Song: "River (It's Coming On Christmas)" by Ellie Goulding.

Pairing: Chris Motionless & Lycia Winters "Pronunciation of her name-- Lai-shuh" played by Ana De Armas)

Word Count: 3,118

Warnings: Slight mention of grief, minor smut on the page and fluffiness.

Synopsis: After returning home from "The Touring The End of The World" tour, Lycia takes it upon herself to make sure that she and Chris have a wonderful Christmas home in Scranton.

And we're back! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, here's a little drabble with Chris and Lycia to make you feel the cozy vibes. Also, meu amado means "my beloved" in Portuguese. Enjoy. x Tiger)

Lycia and Chris’s Home: December 25th, 2023– Scranton, Pennsylvania.

I wake up in bed that I share with Chris. We have been home from a grueling but super fun tour, Chris and his band, Motionless In White had headlined the “Touring The End of The World” tour with Alpha Wolf, Knocked Loose and After The Burial. I, on the other hand, have been taking photos of all the bands during the entire tour but I’m happy to just be home with Chris and our two black pugs, Fang and Luna.

I open my eyes and stretch slightly in bed, being careful not to wake Chris as I look out the window and I see that it has started to snow outside and I smile. The first snowfall in Scranton always has such a special place in my heart. It’s as if the world has turned into a serene wonderland, blanketed in pure beauty. I adored the way the delicate snowflakes dance in the air, their ethereal presence turning the ordinary landscape into something magical.

It's coming on Christmas

They’re cutting down trees

They're putting up reindeer

And singing songs of joy and peace

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I gently arose from the bed, my senses attuned to the tranquility that fills the room. I tiptoe over to the window, careful not to disturb Chris, who lays sprawled across the sheets like a slumbering rockstar that he is. With a soft sigh, I watch as the snowflakes melt against the warm glass, leaving tiny droplets that shimmer like diamonds.

A mischievous grin plays on my lips as an idea strikes me, I know how I could make this snowy morning even more magical for Chris and myself. Slipping on my cozy robe and fluffy slippers, I creep out of our bedroom and make my way downstairs to the kitchen.

My eyes sparkle with excitement as I gather supplies: mugs, hot cocoa, marshmallows and a jar of homemade peppermint syrup. I silently hum a tune as I prepare a tray laden with treats for a winter’s day. The anticipation of surprising Chris with a delightful winter morning treat makes my heart skip a beat.

With the tray carefully balanced in my hands, I make my way back upstairs, eager to share this special moment with Chris. As I enter our bedroom, the sight that greets me warms my heart. Chris is now awake, his tousled yet fading purple hair falling over his brown eyes as he sits up in bed, blinking sleepily.

“Good morning, love,” I whisper, my voice filled with affection. I set the tray down on the bedside table, the aroma of vegan hot cocoa and peppermint filling the air. “I thought we could have some hot cocoa in bed.”

A soft smile tugs at the corner of Chris’s lips as he takes in the scene before him.

“You really know how to make mornings magical, honey,” He says, his voice still husky with sleep.

I join him on the bed, snuggling up against his side as we both reach for our mugs of steaming hot cocoa. The scent of chocolate and peppermint mingles in the air as we take our first sips, savoring the warmth that spreads through our bodies.

Chris places a soft kiss on my temple and strokes my caramel brown hair, his eyes meeting my yellow-green hazel ones.

“Merry Christmas, my beautiful Lycia,” He whispers.

“Merry Christmas, Christopher Cerulli,” I reply as I wrap my arms around his neck, my forehead resting on his.

Despite snuggling in Chris’s tattooed arms, I feel a pang of grief as I remember that this will be another Christmas with Marcus being gone. Memories of Marcus and I exchanging gifts suddenly come racing to the surface, his laughter in my ears.

Chris senses my sudden change in demeanor and gently squeezes my hand, his brown eyes full of concern.

“Hey, you okay?” He asks softly, his voice filled with genuine care.

I take a deep breath, my heart heavy with the weight of my past, I look into Chris’s eyes and I smile, grateful for his unwavering support.

“Yeah, just a flashback,” I replied, my voice tinged with sadness. “Marcus… He loved Christmas too, that’s why the holidays are hard for me sometimes, you know? That’s all.”

But it don't snow here

It stays pretty green

I’m gonna make a lot of money

I'm gonna quit this crazy scene

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on

Chris nods in understanding as he pulls me closer in his arms, my head resting on top of his chest as I try to blink back tears. He rests his chin on top of my head.

“I know, baby,” Chris murmurs into my hair. “But remember, you’re not alone in this. I’m here for you, always.” His voice is filled with so much love and empathy that it brings a sense of comfort to my heart. I take a deep breath, allowing Chris’s words to sink in.

Yes, Marcus would always hold such a special place in my heart but I also have found love and happiness with Chris. Together, we have built a life with a deep connection that I never thought has been possible after losing him.

As the snow continues to fall outside, I feel a renewed sense of strength and gratitude for this moment. I lean up and I press my lips against Chris’s, savoring the taste of hot cocoa on his mouth. In that simple act of affection, I find solace and a reminder of the love that surrounds me now.

Chris’s tattooed fingers caress the back of my hand and the intricate moon design tattooed on my wrist, moving up to the scars from heroin needles from when I used to shoot myself up with heroin, which nearly cost me my life when I was mourning Marcus, to the red inked snake and flowers tattoo on the outside of my left forearm as we lay there, finishing up our hot cocoa.

“So, how about I make a lovely vegan breakfast for the two of us? And then we’ll go outside and enjoy the snow?” Chris whispers.

I grin as I place a soft kiss on his tattooed neck as I whisper into his skin: “That would be perfect, baby.”

Together, Chris and I spent the rest of the morning in each other’s arms, our conversation filled with laughter. The snow continues to fall outside, blanketing the world in a serene wonderland. After a scrumptious breakfast, we grab our jackets and hats from the closet.

As we walk outside, the cold air meets our skin, causing us both to shiver ever so slightly. Chris wraps his arms around me, pulling me close into his body as we step out into the snowfall. The world outside is breathtaking, a pristine blanket of white that covered the ground, and each snowflake caught in the streetlights, shining like diamonds.

Chris and I venture out into the snowy landscape, hand in hand, and build a snowman. My giggles echo in the quiet winter air as I smooth the snow around the snowman’s body, giving it a round appearance. Chris, with his own tattooed hands, adds a carrot nose and two coal eyes.

As we step back and admire our creation, a warm and content feeling washes over us for a few moments until I make a snowball and throw it straight at Chris. Laughing, Chris dodges the snowball, catching it with one hand as it hits him straight in the chest.

“Oh, it’s on, honey,” He challenges, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief. I grin, my eyes alight with excitement. I scoop up another handful of snow and aim for Chris’s head.

He ducks in time, causing me to miss. But I’m quick on my feet and soon a snowball fight erupts between us, snow flying in all directions as we laugh and dodge as we race through our backyard.

While I’m looking for Chris, he hides behind one of the trees in our yard, waiting for the right moment for me to walk by so he can run up and tackle me into the snow. I wriggle and giggle as Chris starts to tickle me, trying to get away from his strong arms that hold me down in the snowy mound.

“Chris, you’re so mean!” I exclaim, my voice muffled by the snow beneath me.

He chuckles, “Yes, but it’s all in good fun. You know I can’t resist.” As he rolls me onto my back and smiles softly as he brushes some snow off of my face, his hand caressing my cheek.

“I love you,” I whisper, my eyes glistening with tears of laughter and happiness.

“I love you too,” Chris replies, his voice filled with warmth and affection. He leans in and kisses me lightly on the lips, our tongues meeting in a sweet, passionate embrace.

The snow continued to fall, blanketing the world around us. As we lay there in the snow, our bodies entwine, I turn to Chris, my eyes fill with unshed tears.

“I just… Thank you for being here with me. For loving me the way you do and helping me heal. I don’t know where I’d be in this life without you,” I sniffle quietly, wiping away the tears that have finally escaped.

Chris simply smiles at me, his love shining for me in his eyes as he looks at me.

“You’re my world, Lycia,” He whispers, brushing the hair away from my face and wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

I look up at Chris, my eyes brimming with gratitude as my fingers trace his tattooed jawline and neck, the lyrics of “Saturday Night” by Misfits and the winged coffin tattoo staring back at me.

I wish I had a river so long

I would teach my feet to fly

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I made my baby cry

“You truly are my everything,” I murmur. “And I can never, ever repay you for all that you’ve done for me.”

Chris smiles, his gaze never leaving mine. “There’s no need to repay me, honey. I’m just glad to be here for you, to love you and support you through everything. You know that.”

I feel my heart swell with love and gratitude as I look into Chris’s eyes, filled with a depth of emotion that I have never experienced before. I know that I’m truly lucky to have him by my side, helping me heal and find happiness again. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me as we continue to lay in the snow, smiling and kissing softly.

As the sun begins to set, casting a warm glow over the snowy landscape, Chris and I slowly stand up together and he leads me back towards our home by the hand, we both stand in the doorway, our snowy clothes clinging to our bodies as we shiver from the cold.

“Let’s get changed and warm up,” Chris suggests, holding out his hand to help me inside as his voice becomes slightly seductive. “Maybe I’ll even make it worth your while.”

I can't help but giggle as I lean in to brush my lips against Chris’s.

“You always know how to make things worth my while, babe,” I reply, my voice filled with warmth and affection.

As we walk inside together, I can feel the warmth of the fire radiating from the fireplace and the scent of winter spilling into the room. Chris leads me toward the stairs, his tattooed fingers still holding onto my hand.

“After you, my lady,” He teases, his eyes sparkling with mischief and love.

I bite my lip, a playful smile on my face as I respond, “You’re always such a gentleman.”

I playfully swat his arm before skipping up the stairs, the sound of my laughter filling the air. As we reach the top, I turn back around, my eyes fill with desire as I look at him.

“I need you to take care of me, baby. Make sure I’m warm and safe,” I whisper seductively, my words sending a shiver down Chris’s spine.

He tried hard to help me

You know, he put me at ease

And he loved me so naughty

Made me so weak in the knees

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on

Chris’s heart races at my words, his desire for me growing with each passing moment. He can feel his body tingling with anticipation as he closes the distance between us, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Always, my love,” He responds, his voice husky with desire. “I’ll take care of you in every way possible.”

With a surge of longing, Chris crosses the remaining space and captures my lips in a passionate kiss, our bodies pressing against each other, the heat between us rising as our tongues danced in an intimate tempo. The taste of me on his lips ignites a fire that burns brighter with each passing second.

Breathless and full of need, Chris pulls away, his hands cradling my face gently. He gazes into my eyes, searching for any hesitation or doubt, but finds only desire mirrored back at him.

“Mmm. Let me warm you up, baby,” He whispers seductively, trailing kisses along my jawline and neck, making me sigh as my arm wraps around the back of his neck. He smiles against my skin, his tongue sweeping the pulse point on my neck.

As we continue our passionate embrace, Chris’s hands slip underneath my clothes, his fingers exploring my delicate skin and tracing my fox and deer antler tattoos. My breath hitches, my body arching towards his touch, my heart pounding in my chest as his fingers trace the curve of my neck.

Lost in the moment, I return Chris’s kiss with equal passion, my hands running through his short hair, my red nails scratching against his scalp, sending shivers down his spine. My lips tasted of snowflakes and sweetness, as well as the bit of chocolate and peppermint from our hot cocoa in the morning, our bodies moving in a rhythm that echoes throughout the house.

Chris continues to explore my body, his fingers tracing the contours of my hips and my phoenix tattoo, his palms cupping my bottom as he lifts me onto the bed, seeing the fire of passion and longing, mirroring his own.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” He says with a low growl.

I'm so hard to handle

I'm selfish and I'm sad

Now I've gone and lost the best baby

That I ever had

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I moan as I look up at Chris, who’s now shirtless, my eyes filled with a mix of arousal and vulnerability. I feel a blush spread across my cheeks as he continues to explore my now bare body, I watch as he continues to trace my phoenix tattoo on my hip.

“Are you sure you can handle me, baby?” I breathe out, my voice breathy and seductive. Chris smirks, his eyes never leaving mine as he unbuttoned his jeans and slips out of them.

“I can handle anything you throw at me, honey,” He replies, his voice husky with desire. I bit my lip, a playful smile on my face.

“We’ll have to see about that, then,” I responded.

With that, I push him back onto the bed, straddling him and smiling seductively. My eyes sparkle with mischief and desire as I lean in to kiss him, our bodies pressing lightly together, creating a heat of our own.

Chris groans, his hands cupping my face as our kiss deepens, his tongue playing with mine. His hands roam my body, my skin warm and soft, the contrast of the cold from outside only heightens his need for me.

After a few moments and our last remaining clothes are taken off, I take control of him, bringing the head of his length toward my entrance and sliding myself down. We both let out soft moans, Chris’s eyes closing as his hands move down to my hips, guiding me as I move on him.

“Chris…” I breathe as I close my eyes, my head leaning back in pleasure. Chris smiles as he keeps our momentum going, his hips hitting me in the best way possible.

“Does that feel good, baby?” He whispers, his voice filled with seduction. I nod as I rise up and down on him.

“God, it feels incredible, meu amado. Don’t stop,” I sigh as I keep our pace going in a slow but passionate manner as I continue to drive us both to the edge of climax.

As we finally come to a stop, I collapse on top of him, my head on his unfinished haunted house chest tattoo, our breathing heavy as we pant against each other.

Oh, I wish I had a river so long

I would teach my feet to fly

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I made my baby say goodbye

“This is the best Christmas that I’d ever had,” I whisper with a giggle as I look into Chris’s soft brown eyes. “I love you so much, Christopher Cerulli.”

Chris strokes my caramel brown hair as I lay my head on his chest, my breaths slowly evening out as we bask in the afterglow. He smiles and reaches up, gently brushing his fingers against my cheek. “I love you too, Lycia. And I promise to always take care of you, babe.”

I lift my head and kiss Chris softly, my eyes sparkling with happiness and contentment. “You always know how to make me feel cherished and loved, Chris. Thank you for sharing this Christmas with me.”

Chris pulls me closer, his tattooed arms around me and keeping me in a warm embrace. “I’m just glad to be with you. No matter what happens, I know we’ll be okay as long as we have each other.”

We lay there for a while, enjoying the warmth of each other’s bodies, and the comfort we find in each other’s embrace. Eventually, I sigh and snuggle closer to Chris, my eyes flickering closed as sleep claims me.

Chris kisses my forehead and settles in for the night, wrapping the sheets of the bed around us to keep us nice and warm as he feels happy and content as he drifts off to sleep too, his arm still possessively around my waist as he does every night, our hearts beating together as one.

It's coming on Christmas

They're cutting down trees

They’re putting up reindeer

And singing songs of joy and peace

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on

#darkness finds you universe #chris motionless x lycia winters #chris motionless #motionless in white #chris motionless fanfic #motionless in white fanfic #Spotify

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ajoytobeheld · 7 months

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Love, peace, and harmony, or: how I fell in love with The Courteeners

March 26th, 2009

Two years ago, it seemed I bumbled around interviews talking about how much I hated specific bands. It’s not that I like those bands now, I just realise how stupid a topic of conversation it is. It wasn’t entirely my fault. A lot of music journalists (primarily in the UK) very much saw LC! as fitting a gap they had, and so a lot of interviews we did were primarily intended to get us to talk about how British music was in a rut, ‘lad rock’ sucked and how nobody else ‘got it’ like we did. I guess we found it edgy and exciting at the time, to be seen (even by just a few) as being renegades, but now it’s mostly a little embarrassing.

Last night I went to see Morrissey play at Webster Hall. The Courteeners opened up. The Courteeners rose to prominence (?) in the summer of 2007 I think. We were in the US for that time, and when we got back from the UK and I saw some magazine with them on the cover (NME, maybe?), I had no idea who they were. I felt like my Grampy.

I stood on the balcony, watching their set, right next to their parents. After every song, a gent who I think was probably the singer’s father, wooped “come on Liam! Give it to ‘em”. Exactly like my dad does when he watches us play (sometimes my Dad calls me Liam). And the mothers danced and clapped along out of time. And smiles didn’t leave their faces the whole half an hour (The crowd’s reaction to the band was indifferent. It was always going to be though, because Morrissey fans don’t want to see anybody but Morrissey, do they?). The parents looked so proud. And that feeling of being thousands of miles from home, watching your sons play their songs in front of a couple of thousand people in New York City, cannot and will not be beaten, I’d imagine. And the feeling of seeing your parents that proud is pretty rad too. So yeh, I’m making even more of an effort not to slag bands any more. Because we are all our parents’ children, or something, and it’s fucking boring, and it’s much more productive to talk about the positives, anyway. RIGHT BLOGGERS!?

ANYWAYS, MOZ.

Was good. Here are some notes:

$9 for a bottle of beer is fucking disgusting Webster Hall. As if a $75 ticket wasn’t insult enough.

Opening with ‘This Charming Man’. Can’t remember being overcome by such uncontrollable smiles in a long time.

Morrissey’s band is amazing. The five of them were never completely overshadowed by Moz. Surges to the front of the stage, rockstar poses, balancing guitars on their heads. It was a SHOW!!

I watched an episode of Home Movies on my iPod whilst waiting for the music to start. It was the Pizza Club one. Really good episode.

Idiot man at the bar: “what is this spoken word stuff playing? Who put this on?”. MORRISSEY PUT IT ON, YOU R-TARD!

Morrissey: I think you should wear a belt. Middle aged men in light denim without a belt just makes me think of Clarkson.

Might get quiff.

One of the worst practices in the music biz: making support bands price match the headlining band’s merch. Come on guys.

Morrissey has a PETA stall traveling on tour with him. This is the coolest thing I have ever seen Moz, well done. But when are you gonna go vegan? [citation needed]

Watching people try to get onstage to touch Morrissey is the closest thing to religion I have ever experienced. I’m gonna try to touch Morrissey when we play at Coachella.

At the back of the balcony, too far away to see, girls ballroom style danced, together. Amazing.

Here’s a clip of Moz playing ‘How Soon Is Now’. It’s only about 60 seconds long, because it suddenly dawned on me:

“I am at a Morrissey concert, and I’m taking a really shit quality video, watching the song through an inch square screen, so I can put it on my blog, what the fuck am I doing, LOOK WHAT I’VE BECOME!! I am here alone, this song is SO TOTALLY ABOUT ME!! Work with it.“.

#2009 #lc!blog

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twistednuns · 9 months

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June 2023

Getting a tiny singing bowl and Sister Chang Kong's book. I met her in person and talked to her. Then she signed the book for me! Such a rockstar.

Vegan coconut ice-cream.

The final presentations of all the families. And the band of a few Brothers and Sisters performing Thich Nhat Hanh's Little Star poem. The surprising rap part.

A good talk with an Argentinian woman from Plum Village at Bordeaux airport. Listening to inspiring podcasts.

Spending Saturday morning at the flea market. Talking to some of the vendors. Buying diamante facial stickers and a leather top for the Burn. Choosing from an entire box of books about Buddhism.

Oh, and my recent dad shirt finds: UV light mushrooms / pure silk abstract pattern.

A nostalgic evening with Sash. I rode the e-bike downtown, we had Mexican food at Cantina and watched Roter Himmel at Kinoptikum. Later, we biked to the train station together. We used to do this all the time when we both still lived in LA.

A gorgeous Sunday, roadtripping with Manu and his parents. Two firsts this summer: swimming in the lake and visiting an ice-cream parlour. Singing along to D.I.S.C.O in the car.

An afternoon with Becky, starting out at Gärtnerplatz. Pistachio ice-cream and Vietnamese lunch. Fantastic conversation, as always.

A language tandem session with Carolina. Interpreting a poem together. Kevin made spinach salad with feta and blueberries. Then we played an extension of Catan.

Preparing for the Burn with Frank. Getting water pistols, hippie pants at Indigo, going grocery shopping together.

Munich Micro Burn. I'm so grateful for this experience and it seems like I've found another community I wanna be part of. I'm really vibing with their principles, for example radical self-expression and immediacy. I met a Golden God (Ben), a Welfare Fairy (Chris), my personal Kundalini Supervisor (Davide) and someone who reminded me of Moss from The IT Crowd (Neill - I adore his beautiful energy, his accent and word choice, his creative style). I unexpectedly reunited with someone from my past (Benni) and adopted a human kitty. I was naked a lot, covered in glitter and body art. I shared my cherry lollipop and asked for more (kisses and Celia's cinnamon water) We built a coral reef and walked through the Kodama forest. I was fascinated by Sari and Nils' acro yoga performance. Reality felt like a computer game with lots of side quests and returning characters.

Ben wearing exactly the right colours. Golden yellow, forest green, rusty red. His lilac windbreaker with an 80s jazz pattern. His humour, manner of speech, intelligence. The feline gestures, letting me adopt him. Kissing him was an otherworldly feeling, I can hardly put it in words. The Shooting Star Encounter, as my therapist put it.

Fine dining, surprising conversation topics and the first (and probably last) spaghetti ice-cream of the season with Lena and Sash in Freising.

A cute e-mail from Stephen with some of his vegan baking recipes from Green Tara café.

On the flight from Munich to Paris, I sat next to a physicist who was on his way to Peru as well. He was travelling with colleagues, they were about to go on a road trip through the Andes to perform some tests on lake water. He told me about his Arctic expedition, polar bear scares, snorkelling with sperm whales. I love encounters with adventurers. And I firmly believe that I'll keep attracting interesting people who are actually meant for me as long as I keep radiating this positive energy. Same goes for opportunities, life events. I've been so happy and at ease lately!

The way the Djinn's fingers were dusted in gold in the movie Three Thousand Years of Longing.

Arriving in Cusco. Seeing the glittering lights in the valley. The stars. Friendly people everywhere. Music, celebrations for the Winter Solstice. They put a baby llama into my arms and I couldn't say no. So fluffy. I'm in love with these animals, especially the soft alpacas!

Waking up to THAT view after a night of fun dreams. Cozy. (But the following day I had a dream about all my teeth falling out and, again, that my mum isn't really dead.) A fried egg on toast. Fresh orange juice. Sunshine over the valley and strange flute covers of pop songs in my ear. Crawling back to bed after an icy shower.

People reaching out to me after my post about the last six months.

Talking to Matthias. It feels like we'd known each other forever. I'd love to meet him soon!

My encounter with Edward, an artist who had some of his stone sculptures on display at Museo Inka. I bought two of his quartz pyramids and we talked for at least half an hour (in Spanish I might add, I'm so proud of myself). He told me so much about the local customs and beliefs, for example the Cosmovisión Andina and the significance of the puma, serpent and condor in their culture. And of course we talked about Cusco's rainbow flag.

Sending long distance hugs and good vibes to a crying Sonja (Frank had just told her that her lover has a girlfriend). The llama photo might have helped as well - in any case I got positive feedback.

A big colibri right outside my window. Shaggy llamas crossing my path. Someone blasting Footloose from his studio.

An evening at Cusco Planetarium. I took an Uber up the hill and arrived in the middle of nowhere. A good spot to get murdered... But I followed the path anyway and ran into one of the stargazers. He told me that you need a reservation to enter the observatory BUT there was a group in there right now and I could join them so he ushered me in. There was a short talk about the history of Peruvian culture and astronomy, a display of the northern and southern hemispheres with their respective constellations in the dome (I learned that my mum's favourite star cluster, the Pleiades/Seven Sisters, are part of my birth constellation Taurus and that in South America Orion's belt is called Tres Marias) and then we went outside and marvelled at Mars, Venus, Omega Centauri and the so-called jewel box, a cluster of stars near the Southern Cross, through telescopes. I even got free stickers and a ride back downtown.

Creating a mood light by placing a water bottle on my headlamp.

The most magical morning: I woke up early and decided to take a taxi up to the Pisac archeological park. What I didn't expect: I was the first visitor of the day and had the place to myself for at least 20 minutes! The view was breathtaking. I saw a colibri (buena suerte!), some kind of deer and a bunch of alpacas. I felt light and free with minimal luggage, wearing my new hiking pants. Just sitting on a rock spur, drinking cool water, the sun in my face, not a soul in sight. Enjoying the stillness, imagining what the valley must have looked like a few hundred years ago. My affirmation of the day couldn't have been more spot-on: I'm on the right path. I met someone who showed me the holes in the rock face in front of us which used to be graves! The Incas actually mummified their bodies. I walked down all the way back to the town. I passed a beautiful bush with white blossoms that smelled like honey (and attracted a lot of bees). There was a red and blue bird with spread wings, elegantly gliding through the mountain air. Ancient ruins, purple flowers, crossing a little river. I enjoyed myself tremendously.

At the end of the trail, a vendor gifted my a little bisexual (pink and blue) alpaca pendant and I tried to attract two orange cats by meowing at them but as soon as they realised I was just a boring old human they lost interest and turned around. And then I had a private breakfast party at Kula Café: blue lemonade, coffee, fried egg on avocado toast and their Ocean Bowl. Train's Drops of Jupiter playing in the background (I love the lyrics and coincidentally Jupiter is in Taurus right now!). And I got a message from Dory after dreaming about her the night before. Which happens a lot lately - perhaps I've unlocked psychic powers?!

Attending my first Family Constellations session.

Little treasures: a Peruvian bucket bag. Quartz pyramids. A fluffy jacket and a green hoodie from By Illari. A serpentine obelisk, a tiny golden llama and a serpent.

Drawing (Gaia) oracle cards for myself at a café. And Ari's Osho Zen Tarot cards before and after the breathwork session. Spot-on as always.

Speaking of Arija. We arrived in Guatemala at pretty much the same time - and in Pisac as well. So I reached out (and she happened to read my message even though it'd landed in her spam folder) and visited her for another one of her amazing Shamanic Breathwork sessions. It ended up being a private one because nobody else showed up. I had a very physical experience - my solar plexus was so tense and tingly, my hands and neck were super tight and cramped. Align with your magic came up during one of the breath retentions. Beautiful.

I took a chance and followed an invitation to a stranger's goodbye party. The rapid-fire Spanish in the backyard was overwhelming very quickly so I ended up hanging out with Paul and his cat Qory in his room. The cat had been neutered that day and was still high on ketamine so we looked after him. I felt really lucky lying around in bed with a gorgeous man and a gorgeous cat. We talked a lot. About his experience in the jungle, healing his addiction, growing up in Lima with a bipolar mum, his marriage to a German woman, plant medicine, emotional intelligence and contagion... A special connection, hungry kisses.

All the feline love I've been receiving. I went to Urubamba to try out Somatic Experiencing for the first time and Carola had two beautiful orange cats. One of them was super playful and trusting. There was a tabby kitten with piercing eyes in the supermarket. And Qory is one of the cutest, softest and most vocal cats I've met in a long time. Honorable mention: all the (street) dogs who appreciate my pets and scratchies. / And really all the animals around here. The cows, the goats, alpakas. I even saw a big green parrot on a roof!

I joined Ari's breathwork class as SolSeed on Friday morning and went to other planes of existence. I had to massage my surgery scar a lot because it started hurting. Afterwards my energy had changed and people smiled at me on the street, said hello. My intention had been to be more open and break down the barriers around me. After the session, I drew the Past Lives card. AGAIN. I drew the card before my first session with Ari in October and again on Wednesday. Powerful message for that night's initiation to plant medicine.

More spooky coincidences: I was sitting in Kula Café, researching the meaning of the card (it's the Moon in other decks), then Beck's Blue Moon started playing and Ari herself walked in. Wow. Then I broke my sunglasses - a very literal translation of removing protective measures but I'll take it. Ari actually observed that something's changed about me. That I'm more open and present than when we met in Guatemala.

The remnants of my silver glitter nail polish look like star constellations.

Two long phone calls with Do after a long period of silence. Getting my hopes up that we can repair our friendship. She said I looked alive, spirited, radiant. "Full of life". Which is actually how I feel. (However, I can't really see it - looking into the mirror I see an old face with puffy cheeks and saggy skin. What does it take to make me see my own radiance?)

Petting a doggie at the cafe. Crispy cauliflower. A little abuelita sleeping on my shoulder in the colectivo.

Turning a bad day around. I felt SO grumpy. Bad energies, on edge... I couldn't even stand myself. When my date didn't show up and said he'd be an hour late I ditched him and got a really nice massage instead. Then I found a fantastic vegan restaurant right across the street from my hotel with incredibly friendly staff and delicious food. I've never had such a colourful veggie pizza before - it was like a party on my plate. And their playlist was amazing as well - could've been my own!

Really looking into Paul's eyes for the first time. Noticing that his irises are multicoloured (they are speckled in blue, grey green and brown!) and not the same on both sides. His chaotic energy after accidentally getting a little high on LSD. Leading him through the streets, helping him find the right stores. I'm smitten.

Hiking the Inca Trail with a lovely group. I'm really proud of myself for completing the trek even though it was super hard for me. The views were definitely worth it and so was challenging myself. It's beautiful to see that I can do hard things. I was so anxious before that day but it's another reminder to stay in the present moment to relieve your suffering. Side note: my muscles weren't even sore the next day! Maybe I'm fitter than I thought?

Befriending Bridget on the train back to Ollantaytambo. We talked about our passion for teen drama TV shows, woodworking and found out that we're both an enthusiastic Enneagram type 7. We ended up getting dinner at Vida Vegan together and upon saying our goodbyes I shared my first kiss with a trans woman. My life takes so many unexpected turns these days! We actually spent the following two days together in Cusco - it felt like we'd known each other forever!

Choosing a table by the window not knowing there'd be a kitty sleeping on the bench! The softest boi.

Spending three bucks on a Coachella glitter palette.

Lying down with two warm tamales from Doña Josefina's little street food stall. Yum. The soft consistency and steaminess make them so delicious.

I actually got an Akashic Records reading in Cusco. It was a little different than expected but interesting nevertheless.

#june #2023 #june 2023 #personal #present perfect #things i love

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threenorth · 11 months

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Today I went to psychologist and we talked about how people, don't like the different and vast they pick on people who aren't the "same" yknow yadada you know the usual boring yawn part of why I was bullied, I kind of know this already but In doing so she and I had a nice little oh interesting about where she also touched on that Nerodiverse/Nerodivegert people often are very smart people as they see all the small things that people often over look in their subconscious whitch for some of are very more "awake" then others/"nerotypcials" and I laughed being like, yeahhhhhhh sometimes but I think some things that are unsaid or hidden with "hidden rules" and "expectations" can get messy into the non linear and she's like yep that's common autism 😂 where part three is about well no surprises boundaries where I want to deal with that last as it's still a little fresh what Ughh happended.

And by doing so she also touched on that maybe my mask needs some more fictional flare, so it's really me per say and use it to "protect me" and they/"people" attack the mask and not me per say? Yeaaaaah...

I am going to try looking up a character development chart and see what flare? I can add to my mask but I wanted something to feel comfortable? To. Be knowedlge about it but not be me like, cars right that's easy think right?

I like those old Shelby 1967 mustangs, flash back, and those racing lines 😂

Yeahhh I love those pollution machines 😂

Maybe some f1, that's easy to keep tabs on but not be so invested Thanks to the new Netflix series.

Maybe I'll just become a car junkie 😂

And drive what Jamie calls is a Seattle lesbians car, but knowing design is both practically and asestec I favour practical over look, and the versisty and leg room of an Subaru outback, it's like he has no idea what he's missing maybe he should see Colorado but I'll wait, he's probably going to get out there as he loves America even if his partner is from Hawaii? But I'll wait for the newer models by the time they self drive in the year 203x or 204x 😂

As maybe with adhd drugs I'll try learn to drive, maybe next week I'll get permission to try drugs after the results of that cpt-3

Had thoughts about temporary experiences and the path of enlightenment, thought about stoicism (I guess western) and Hare Krishna (more Indian but eastern) philosophy about pain and suffering, I'm going to cutt my hair off and my beard, oh well, it will regrow... In time and I can't wait to see the damage of my mental health of maybe male patten baldness, but who needs hair, rockstars and I am a corporate worker I don't need hair 😂

But interesting to see the simarlates of these two types of philosophy or beliefs...?

It's like a Ying and or Yang of the Yang and Ying.

I for one think cutting my hair as I love my hair... And it's slow growth is to remind me that there's always more days to come and this feeling on unease is temporary even if some days it's feeling it weighs me down.

Maybe I'm a stotic at heart, but a whimsical care free vegan eating Hare Krishna in actions.

I don't really know and I don't have all the answers, but I do have some questions, that I don't think I'll get but today I found a book I've been looking hopefully to answer some about proust, the best french poet/philosopher/sociologist about life and its pain in fiction?

In the search of lost time or / remembrance of all things past...

At least Saul, refers to my English copy of in the search of lost time, as there's only two? English translations and I guess C.K is quite the academic one? I need to recheck and then order the other copy from unity.

Also while I'm at it, this was at unity(duh), love them unity books, always such a great staff, the Auckland rare book collection shrugged at me but unity found something under proust and said this was in their reference section so many great books, in general... and they said oh that's within our special area we call "our brainy" section, good to know a book store thinks I'm "brainy" according to their reference section 😂

I prefer miscollanase but brainy, oh no, I'm just a life stumbler of knowedlge and some how make a meaning to my answer, hopefully Saul has answers about the first chapter of prpusttand these damn doors,

Where, I think about joy division unknown pleasures, Jimmie (the doors) and proust.

So. Many questions about why doors, why start in places I assume in time? Doors though like life is a series of doors? What about windows/views sunrise/sunset /moons big wax/thinning crest moons/eclipses... No just doors of places he recalls...

Like 8T with the door with a wooden dowl in the middle to move the gears of the lock they use to pull out from my door... Oh yes those days.. Side track

I also Went to the gym did some good strength holds but, hopefully with these meds due any day now it will slow down my brain and vast all the food that goes right through me per say.

If only I could stop thinking so much 😂

What is thoughts, but an idea that's created and rooted into existence by sher thought, and is but a weed into my mental health where I'm like wait you aren't a good plant, but that requires more thinking and pondering about what is a bad plant to what is my fertiliser and vast thinking about the thought is a thought or an action of a new direction that repeats the process all over again...just a thought nothing more nothing less but invisible construction of the mind, that is what a thought is/&/nt. (is & ((and)) is not)

And now I'm in good old A&E because my nose bled during a clean where I thought I hit a nerve and maybe with my slight cold the blood at the back of my throat I'd rather a doctor double check I'm fine because oh look it's axeity of today... Hopefully it's nothing and I'm overreacting... But they are 24/7 clinic and they slowly dropping doctors.. Weeeee at time of admission God knows 1130-1145 they said it could be 4 hours and now it's 0135 weeeeee(yknow 1am yeahhh hopefully given it's Thursday (now) my mental health doesn't take a big hit, I got a thirtieth on Saturday, first beer in about 3...? Months woooo... Not really but I didn't see the non alcoholic spirit and it's not like it's the same price just not hit to my mh.

But I think I'm doing okay... Hahahaha maybe not after tonight and then oh tomorrow dietain hopefully she probably will say you need more calories, I need cheap good healthy calories I can smoothie up or she has those ughhh I don't know what they are but "pharmacist milk shakes" to help if my new meds make things worse, not like I'm already skinny I've lost 5kg so I think two ciders will be done good thing I didn't have that wine I was not looking forward to trying up in the air 😂

Well that's about today all wrapped up I guess?

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nityarawal · 2 years

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11/8/22

All The Colors Of The Rainbow

Part 3

"I Like Your Vibe"

Morning Songs

Just Saw A

Rainbow

Hanging Over

Thomas Mountain

Sprinkling And

Getting Ready For Snow

Gotta Vote

Up The Mountain

Need A Ride

Need WiFi And

Water

Living On The

Edge Of The

Universe

Like An Alien

On #BLM

Next Door

Why Does

Land Endowed

For Camping

Have Same Name

As #BlackLivesMatters

Slaves

#BLM Is The Wilderness

That Belongs To All Of

If I Were Camping

Today On The Pacific

Coast Trail

I Might Not Make It

Like Cheryl Strayed

In "Wild"

Just Survived

So Much Pride

That Book Gives

Me Songs

Dear Sugar

Only Touching

The Edges Of

Idyllwild

Mountain Center

Santa Rosa Mountain

Obama's Beauty Wilderness

Tuwiliger

Cahuillan Art

Much Like Picasso

If He'd Carved Boulders

Someone Had A Vision

Building

Dinosaurs

Out Of Rocks

Pre-Historic Birds

Indian Lingums

Fertility Sites

Stories In Heiroglyphs

Fish Like

Disney's Greatest

Vision

Swimming Down Rivers

To Springboxes

In Aguanga

How Did All The

Artists Know

Oh My God

There's A Full Rainbow

Oh My God

All The Way Across The Sky

It's Gone

Shoot

Should've Taken The Picture

Oh Wow

That Was Stunning

Thankyou God

Mahalo

How Did They Know?

"I Like Your Vibe!"

A Miracle

Just Saw A Rainbow

Across The Sky

"I LIke Your Vibe!"

How Did They Know

Artists Sometimes

Resonate

So High

Did It Really

Happen

Yeah

I Just Saw

A Rainbow

Across The Sky

It's Gonna Snow

I'm Gonna Vote

Somehow

Call A Nice Handyman

Or Girlfriend

Trudge

Up To Idyllwild

Like Pilgrims

For Hundreds of Years

Before Me

Weather Said

Snow At 10am

Pretty Rough In A Lexus

Lemon

No Windshield Wipers

Had To Pull Over Every

2 Minutes

All The Way Home

From Anza

Diamond

Droplets

Rivers

On My Windshield

My Favorite Element

Water- Agua Pura

Please

How Can A Man

Live For 40 Years

With Water Off And On

How Can Our Counties

Harass Our People

Like This

About Such An Important Element

70% Of Our Bodies

Are Made Of Agua Pura

People

How Can A Man

Alive Be Wondering

If He'll Lose His

Home

In Probate

Or Divorce Courts

Soon Civil Soldiers

Come- Only One

Thing Can Be

Done

Pray To God

Pray To Holy

Unified Field

Natural

Cosmic

Law

Allah

Buddha

Christ Almighty

Gautama

Mother Mary

Amma

Mamma

We Respect Them All

We Might Not Have

Tasted All The Colors

Of The Rainbow

But Our Hearts

Did

Siddhartha - Hesse

Rumi - Hafiz

Saedde

Our Hearts Did- JFK

Marilyn Monroe

Jackie-O

Our Hearts Saw

Flames Of Your Love

John Lennon

Sonny

Even Though

Your Long Gone

I Felt I Had A

Purple Rose Of Cairo

Moment With

George Harrison

And Saw His Face

Appear On A

Fertility Rock

Shiva Lingum

Jai

Hare Hare Shiva Ram

Wally Says It's

Like The Caves

In India That

Miraculously

Fill With Crystal's

Lunar Moons

Same Sulfer Water

Minerals I Love

Agua Calliente

Of The Mountains

San Bernadino

Is A Serious Range

Had No Wipers

Registration

Insurance

Lexus Warranty

Expired- They

Kidnapped Me On

A Bribe With

Atty Ashby Clark Sorrenson

And Therapist

Julie Anne Steiger

Slumlorded Me

For Custody

Mental Health Warrants

Restraining Orders

From My Own Attorney

Felt Like She Hooked

A Rockstar We Liked

Lied About Her

Loyalities On A Bribe

CPS Worker

In The Comfort Of Her

Living Room

Office

Chalet

I Told Her Every

Thing And She

Burned Me And

Moved

11 Months

Into Our 1 Year Court

Contract

Back To Hawaii

An Auntie

I Listened To

David The Page

Loved His Astronaut Band

Spaceman Trilogy

For Years Tried

To Understand

How She Must've

Shrank Him

Was It For The CIA

I Saw Their Pictures

On Instagram

Looked Like A Fiance

Yet She Lied

Said She Didn't

Know Him

Sat On The Edge

Of Her Seat

Reeled Me In For

Bribes

11 Months Of Recorded

Weekly History

Paid Her $5,000

Dollars $100 Weekly

She Enjoyed Drawing

From My Card

Saw Her At All The Fancy

Vegan Restaurants And Cafes

Dressed So Warm And Cozy

In Knits

Made Idyllwild Seem

Safe

Yet No Alibi

Or Loyalty

To The Sisterhood

She Threw Me Out

On A Bribe

To RPDC

With Broken Ribs

Covid 19

Like 3 other Therapists

From IEHP

Hope And Healing

I can't Reccomend

Nor Calm

And Ground Counselling

Tima Ivanova

Only Want To Talk

About The Murders

Of Emily

Pearson

Julie Anne Steiger Advised Me

To Stay With Irish Rock star

Darin David Joye

Also Known As Diego

Of Birds Of Olympus &

Old Yellers Too

From Oregon Olde Country

But He Had A Bride

And A Step Grandbaby

Waiting back in Wicklow, Ireland

Didn't Understand

Deceit of Dating A Married Man

Under False Pretence

Against Irish Catholic Laws

And My Scottish Faith

Pope Francis

Wouldn't Approve

Darin

Lied To Us A Bribe

Bullied For A Plea

With Atty Ashby Clark Sorrenson

Dari Was My Caretaker

Romeo's Too

Enjoyed My Lexus

With Spud

From Our

Birds Of Olympus

When I Was Caged

Like Abi Odam

For Silencing.org

Beardsley

Mommy Shaming

At Las Calinas

Ladies Detention Center For

UK #PrinceOfPegging Ivy League

Marine Officers

Hiding Their Crimes

With Gag Orders

Cambridge Analytica

Facebook

Federal Government

Divorce

IRS Stripped

My Accounts

Creditors Attacked

Divorce Crushed

My Little Home

Cold- Handyman

Dennis- Lumber

Jack Shined Me For

Two Months while

He and His Jezabelle

Had Covid

I Wrote Josh and

Dhani- Burnin'

Pinecones

Prayers For The Universe

It Was Magical

No Money

But Cupboards

Full Of Herbs

Dulses

Seaweed

Vinegars

Oils Nutbutters

Harvested Manzanita Berries

Made Hot Cider From Garden Bushes

I Survived

I Ate Well

Like An Asian

Miso- Gomazio

Sprouted Lentils

Lemons

Dahl

Toasted Sesame Seeds

I Enjoy Food

Salty Sweet

Strong Tastes

Ayurvedically

All 6 Flavors of The Rainbow

Satisfy Me

Even Bitter

Sour

And Astringent

I'm So Thirsty

"I Like Your Vibe,"

I Wish I Could

Eat With You

All The Colors

Of The Rainbow

Every Vegetable

And Fruit And

Flavor Too

I Like Your

Cuisine

Mahalo

Merci

Gratzia

Prego

Ciao

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal

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lunalemons33 · 2 years

Text

ABCs

A : Favorite animal? ELEPHANT

B : Favorite shade of blue? SKY

C : Are you a cat person? NOT SO MUCH

D : Are you a dog person? MOST DEF, ima dog mom

E : Does the early bird really get the worm? YES

F : What is your biggest fear? UGH SO MANY...bugs, public speaking, and heights are all up there

G : Are you the ghoster or the ghosted? MOSTLY I BE GHOSTING

H : Hot or cold coffee? DEPENDS ON MY MOOD, usually iced

I : Top 3 interests? true crime, spiritual sh*t, fashion

J : Do you have a job? MANY

K : Any kids? A COUPLE..lol

L : Last vacation? IDK it has been awhile

M : What is your favorite movie? WEDDING CRASHERS

N : Naughty or nice? A LIL OF BOTH

O : Do you like the color orange? YES

P : Favorite place? IN MY CAVE

Q : Are you currently on quarantine? NO lol

R : Rockstar or redbull? REDBULL

S : Favorite song? CURRENTLY - Truffle Butter

T : Do you have a TikTok? DUH

U : Do you own an umbrella? NAH, i love the rain.

V : Are you vegan? SOME DAYS

W : Did you drink water today? YES but not enough

X : How many exes do you have? MERP

Y : What year did you graduate high school? DOUBLE OH SEVEN

Z : Zip up or crew neck? DEPENDS ON MY MOOD

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sensibleedibles · 2 years

Photo

Nadia insta Meet Nadia Zawil, our lead Vegan & Gluten-free baker, in-house chef, copy editor, and go-to emotional guru. Yea, she's a Rockstar! I'd like to say apprentice turned pro, but truth be told she already knew her way around a kitchen long before she joined our line-up. Learning the ins and outs of Veganism and food allergies was a piece of cake for her (a big ol’ Gluten-free cake — lol). Nadia has a certain way about her that makes everyone and everything just better. For example, starting out, her baking mistakes somehow turned out for the best — like “Ooops I accidentally made these lemon bars creamier and richer. Sorry? Lol. She also has a warm and welcoming aura like home-sweet-home, it makes you want to spend all day with her — luckily we sometimes do! And she's possibly the most emotionally intelligent person we’ve had the pleasure of calling a friend. She taught us how to identify and manage our emotions — personally showing me a few breathing techniques to reduce my anxiety. YEA! The title “Rock Star” doesn’t really do it. It's more like Nadia Star. We love you Nadia! And we’re not just saying that because you create spectacular lunches for us, but of course, that doesn’t hurt. . . . #employeeappreciation #employeelove #lovemycoworkers #workfamily #veganbaker #glutenfreebaker #womenruntheworld #eatsensible (at Sensible Edibles) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cfeheuqrdz-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#employeeappreciation #employeelove #lovemycoworkers #workfamily #veganbaker #glutenfreebaker #womenruntheworld #eatsensible

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losing-meow · 2 years

Text

Food went a lot better today ig.

Got a baguette (sub style) with salami and cheese, a salami stick and some mate drink for lunch

And a sandwich with cream cheese, vegan cut "ham" salad and a slice of cheese for dinner.

Total: 1300 cal.

Just goes to show that I really have no clue about food amount anymore. But oh well.

I'm planning zoodles with some type of tomatoey ginger garlic onion concoction. Maybe some shrimp if I still have them in the freezer (idk it's been long)

I felt slightly dizzy from the energy drink but it worked out so I'm not complaining. At least powdered energy drinks don't give me headaches and actual complete dizziness as if I were drunk. Canned ones do nowadays, which is super annoying because I love monster and rockstar but can't have them without major suffering.

Also I need to change my profile pic lol

0 notes

twiixr4kidz · 2 years

Text

Can we get a scenerio with evil exes where their S/O asks them to help them in dyeing ?" their hair, their agree and after a few minutes they're like "You remind me of Ramona so much"?

ABSOLUTELY OMG! I DUNNO IF YOU WANTED IT TO BE ANGSTY OR NOT, SO SOME OF THESE ARE ANGSTY, AND SOME OF THEM AREN'T-

matthew patel:

when you asked him to help you dye your hair, he agreed immediately. according to him, anything having to do with your hair was extremely intimate. whether it was just him running his fingers through your hair, or him styling it, washing it, braiding it; it was intimate, it was comforting, and he was going to cry from joy.

you handed him the box of hair dye and he began to evenly apply it. after a few minutes, you heard him sigh. "mattie?" you asked, breaking the silence. "i dunno, i just-" he cut himself off. he knew what he was about to say was going to hurt you. "you just.. what?" you were going to get him to say what he was thinking.

he grabbed another strand for your hair, running the dye through it. "i remember doing this with ramona a lot, yknow. when we were first got together." he chuckled. "it always ended up super uneven, so she'd have to fix it herself." he sighed, once again running his fingers through your hair. you nodded, trying not to disrupt him. to his surprise, you just smiled. "looks like you have a lot of practice," you mused. "now you have no excuse to mess up."

lucas lee:

when you asked lucas, you didn't think he would agree at first. but for some reason, he told you yes. "i have to make time in my schedule, but just give me a day babe. i'll be free." his promises were reassuring.

when it came the day, he certainly did make sure he was free. it was just the two of you. as you began instructing him on what to do, he blurted out something you didn't expect.

"you remind me so much of ramona."

it was almost a punch to the gut.

"what do you mean?" you immediately questioned. lucas quickly realized he shouldn't have said anything. "it's like... you have all of her goods traits, and none of the bad. it's weird." you nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"sorry, that was really sudden. something about dying your hair reminded me a lot of when i used to help ramona with hers. i didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

you were hurt, but you didn't let it show. you just nodded and let him finish his thing, you were definitely going to talk about how it made you feel later on.

todd ingram:

todd was a rockstar (and a vegan) and often reminded you that his work was extremely important to him. he had a tendency to act like he didn't care, when in reality he did; but being on the big screen is really stressful, and he doesn't always have time for you.

which is why you were so excited when he offered to help you dye your hair. yeah, he complained about getting dye on his hands and his clothes, but you'd helped him bleach his hair a while back. so it was repayment, in a way.

"ra- y/n, why'd you choose that color?" oh fuck. did he almost say ramona? "did you almost call me ramona?" you asked, completely ignoring your question. he sighed.

"yeah. you remind me a lot of her, yknow?" you didn't know how to interpret that. was he trying to be nice? did he not really like you? the questions were reeling in his brain. apparently with being a vegan comes being a psychic, and he practically read your mind.

"no, it's not a bad thing. and i'm not with you because you remind me of ramona, and it's not because i'm 'not over her' or whatever. i love you for you, it just so happens that you and ramona are really similar."

that was an explanation you supposed you'd take for now.

roxie richter:

roxie was the queen of accidentally saying things that hurted people's feelings. it was usually unintentional, intrusive thoughts that slipped out before she had a chance to think. she was never the kind of girl to think with her head; she always thought with her heart.

your hair was halfway dyed, and it was damn near silent besides the music that was quietly playing from your phone as it sat next to the sink.

"why do you remind me so much of ramona?" roxie said with a sigh, not looking up from her dye job. it was obvious from the way she covered her mouth and gasped and started profusely apologizing that she slipped up.

again.

"uh..."

you could barely get a word in edgewise with her profuse apologies. "you're not gonna break up with me, right?" she said. "no, i'm not gonna break up with you," you said. "i just don't really know why you said that, or what you even meant." roxie sighed and apologized again. "that wasn't cool, and i'm sorry. it's just that you two have a lot of similarities, and i keep seeing ramona's traits in you."

you nodded, and both of you knew you were in for a very important conversation.

kyle katayanagi:

similarly to roxie, it was a slip up. he was shaking a bottle of dye before he sighed and said, "you and ramona are way too similar..." you immediately cocked an eyebrow.

"huh?" you asked. "don't you like, hate her?" kyle rolled his eyes. "i wasn't trying to upset you. and yeah, i totally do. but before she turned into a raging bitchazoid? yeah, that's you." you chuckled.

"i think she used this brand a lot too," kyle said, further analyzing the bottle he held in his hand.

"yeah, she literally gave it to me, dummy," you spoke, taking the bottle from him. "WHAT??" he exclaimed, causing you to laugh again. "yeah? i ran into her at that one convenience store and she recommended some brands to me..." "WHAAAAAA-" you couldn't help but laugh at your boyfriend again.

"you're such a dork."

ken katayanagi:

he'd been meaning to tell you sooner or later. you see, ken's the kind of guy who hates keep things from you. and what better time to tell you while he was helping you dye your hair?

he'd helped kyle bleach his tons of times, so you knew you could trust him. he knew for a fact that the bleach felt super gross and itchy, so as you groaned about the itchiness, he gently massaged your scalp with his fingers.

"my love," oh, you loved when he called you that. "i've been meaning to tell you something." uh oh.

"mhm, go on?" you said, eyes closing under his relaxing touch.

"i've noticed that you and ramona are awfully similar... you have certain mannerisms and habits that are the exact same, and i thought you'd find that interesting."

you raised an eyebrow. "what do you mean by that?"

"how often you two dye your hair is a big one. i'd have to help her every week, and her hair would get super damaged. i'm not sure how your hair doesn't feel like dry hay..." he said, continuing to massage your head.

you hummed with content.

"conditioner, hair masks, high quality color-last shampoos," you mused. "hair masks?" "mhm..."

you proceeded to explain the point of a hair mask to ken, who was still really confused by the end. but he agreed to let you mess with his hair at some point, so it was a win-win :))

gideon graves:

gideon? agreeing to help you wit.h your hair? it was something you never expected. but yeah, he agreed. but as soon as the words, "you remind me so much of ramona," slipped out of his mouth, you paused.

"...what?" you knew.

about everything that went down between the both of them. everything that happened between gideon and ramona, gideon and scott, gideon and THE WHOLE LEAGUE OF EVIL EXES.

you could have sworn you heard him mutter, "fuck" under his breath.

"gideon, what are you even trying to say?" you asked. he didn't say anything.

a dead, uncomfortable silence settled over the both of you for the next 15 minutes before gideon mumbled out a response.

"i fucked up bad with ramona. i was really shitty to her, and i can't take that back. you have a lot of similarities. i'm trying not to fuck up with you. it's not a re-do with a ramona look alike; it's me trying to be a better person for someone i actually love. that was uncalled for, and i wasn't trying to make you feel like shit. i just want you to know i really love you."

#submission #matthew patel #matthew patel x reader #lucas lee #lucas lee x reader #todd ingram #todd ingram x reader #roxie richter #roxie richter x reader #kyle katayanagi #kyle katayanagi x reader #ken katayanagi #ken katayanagi x reader #gideon graves #giden graves x reader #scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw

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neontigrr · 4 years

Text

damn rylan, back at it again with the loveable idiots — hello everyone & meet natalie, 29, devil’s disciple and sad sack of shit. she’s a recovering addict and an artist, part-time waitress at hale’s diner, part-time gardener at greer’s greenhouse, full time nerd and tiger enthusiast. find her info, facts & wanted connections below!! TW: DRUG ABUSE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, OVERDOSING.

BIO:

at ten she’s a spark begging to be ignited. a kid with a bright imagination, but her parents aren’t happy. school is hard for the girl who’ll spend hours covering textbooks in flowers — why should two plus two matter, she thinks, when i can make the paper bloom into whole gardens, full of creatures staring back at me, when i can create my own world? her parents have never been the kind to waste their days daydreaming. they look at their youngest daughter and think: where does she take it? all this carefree passion of hers, where does it come from? she lacks her father’s disposition for numbers, how clinically pristine they look when lined up one after the other, and how satisfying they feel when preceded by a plus sign on a bank invoice. she has none of her mother’s backbone, the way she carries herself as if pure, molten gold flew into her veins — staring everyone down, making herself taller. she seems to only have eyes for fleeting things, mundane passions: for her colors, for the music of a guitar, for the way the desert sand blows into her hair at sundown. come a couple years, all she has eyes of is the boy playing his guitar among the wrecks of a car parts graveyard — says his name is elvis and she knows that isn’t true, but in las vegas, somehow, you can make yourself be whoever you want to be. she smiles, and says her name is tiger instead: in another life, perhaps, she was fierce and with a bite.

at seventeen she’s golden spotlights on the vegas strip. atomic bomb waiting to explode, all summer glare and midnight rides into nowhere: it’s her and elvis in his daddy’s car and it feels like they could conquer the world, if they wanted. he sings to her, she dances for him, characters straight out of a ‘50s song, loaded with a naivety that tastes like the american dream. no time for overbearing parents, no attention paid in school: it’s just them, skin on skin, flowers blooming from her fingers in spray paint over abandoned buildings. this could last forever, she thinks, she begs, she prays: a life like this could last forever. (a life like this drains the best of her). elvis was born to be a king like his namesake, and he’s got dreams of fame and glory that don’t contemplate her presence. street artists never become rockstars, and she has time for nothing more than the creatures lunging out of her fingers, onto the paper. she’s skin and bones, ink and notes, like she could live off of music and drawings alone — and him, always him, a golden god, a forbidden hymn. the night he signs his first record deal she grabs her inks and her pens — draws a present on his skin, a crown for the king to be. and as she draws, she prays: that their dreams can be true, that this is not a happy chorus in a ballad, but a rock opera, a discography for the ages to come. she prays for him like a beggar at an altar: and maybe there’s magic in that crown she draws, there’s truth in the prayer she pours into it. he wins his dreams and leaves her behind: prayers always require sacrifices.

at twenty-two she’s broken lightbulbs under strangers’ feet. she’s shards of glass she could cut people with, but it’s herself she harms; see, elvis’ gone but there’s tons of friends in his place. there’s mary jane, addy, crystal, lucy and all her diamonds. vegas is a wonderland, a new high hidden ‘round every corner, and kind people willing to hand ‘em out like candy to an hazy, improvised alice — the drawings grow darker now, shadows with caved-in eyes and hollow chests. the colors don’t come the way they used to, and when they do they all look like a shade of nightmares — blood red, nausea green, despair blue. she looks for answers in his songs: on the radio, in her mind, she swears he still sings about her. has to follow him to the middle of the desert, to a festival where he stands on a stage and people swear he looks just like the real thing, the king himself. she doesn’t see him, though, but a hole where all her strength used to be, the us against the world turned into the open jaws of a ravenous monster: us against the world, and then the world collapses. wonderland turns to the land of nightmares, and the needle, it is her salvation — down the rabbit hole, she thinks, and someone must come out on the other side. either her, or the ghost of her. either her, or her evil turned to flesh. there is no white rabbit but a man — a good man, a honest man, with an inclination to fixing broken things. he helps her up to her fit, treats her alike his daughter and his sister, and when he begins asking her to help fix the remains of a broken bike, she begins to wonder whether he isn’t trying to fix her, too. sometimes he calls her tiger and she remembers when she fancied herself a wild and untamed thing, escaping cages, just following her instincts. under the heat of the south-west sun, she smiles. maybe all tigers were lost creatures at first.

at twenty-nine she’s neon gas begging to be lit up. there’s a tiger on her forearm, hides the scars of a previous life. there’s always ink under her fingernails, sometimes it seems it shines in the dark. charming has become her home: the devil’s disciples, her family. the bike she’d begun to fix with the man who helped her now bears the name of tempest, and she rides it out with the devils letting it add to the spirit in her heart — wild, untamed, free. her family becomes charming, becomes the devils, becomes rett, lani and rowan. she’s made herself a home in the sand: an old garage, turned inside out, now overflowing with flowers and colors, sparkling gems and drawings hanging at every corner — and a canary, otis, that sings her to sleep every night. she’s called it dustland, a sort of mythical place at the edge of charming, willing to welcome all the broken, all the wounded and the lost. but she loses herself too, now and then. at times she looks past the profiles of houses and buildings, and knows there’s a den of wolves in there, which hold the key to that rabbit hole she once lost herself in. at night, when the desert gets cold and her bones don’t feel anything like a tiger’s — she swears she can hear the wolves howl, beckoning. when she does, she turns to the ink to remind herself of how life was drained out of all shades, because of the needles in her arm. sometimes it’s enough to keep her breathing to the night. sometimes.

ABOUT:

• ‘heart over matter’, because she barely ever acts on anything other than pure instinct. • she lives in a refurnished garage on the edge of town, and she’s given it the name of ‘dustland’. it’s full of trinkets and good luck charms, colors and drawings hanging on every corner, flowers, healing gems and her bird, a pet canary named otis. it’s a big enough place to hide people who need to lie low for a while, people who need to get patched up or goods that need to be out of the radar of unwanted visitors. • the above mentioned ways the dustland has been used before are also some of the biggest ways in which nat contributes to the mc. she’s not much use in a fight, but is resourceful enough to always find ways to help and prove her belonging in the club, be it by smuggling goods, helping the wounded, whatever it’s required that doesn’t imply bloodshed. • when she isn’t working, you will find her drawing on virtually any available surface. she tends to create beautiful, meaningful portraits for the people she loves the most too — they’re all some sort of surreal, odd watercolor portrait. • she has several tattoos other than the devils’ one, the most prominent one on her right arm: a big, colorful tiger she got about a year since her arrival in charming. it was a drawing she made channeling the nickname rett had given her, and it was inked by none other than the original nat, natalia ballard. • she’s a vegan, and a creative cook — she loves creating elaborate salad mixes and cakes with unexpected ingredients (flowers, herbs, peculiar fruits she seeks out at farmer’s markets, etc). • her bike, tempest, is a bike she and rett fixed back up while he was helping her get clean. it’s a little old and rusty, but still fights to this day (and nat finds the symbolism in it lovely).

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

coworkers/superiors at either of her two jobs (hale's diner/greer's greenhouse). someone from the gang who knows her / elvis / any of her friends, since they were all pretty involved in the drug dealing business. someone from the gang who might tempt her with substances again. fwbs (none of these will become actual relationships because she's taken, in that sense, but it might be a fun, or even relatively toxic, dynamic until then). people within the mc she's closest to — sibling figures, people who have a special connection with her, people who can't stand her, people who will often ask for favors such as hiding someone at her place or smuggle something somewhere. neighbors of sorts (she lives on the edge of town, in a garage basically in the desert, but there could be someone in the neighborhood who occasionally drops by for a coffee or something). friends from the auto shop! her bike, tempest, is an old thing she put back together with the help of rett, but it still needs constant care. i'd love for someone from charming auto to be telling her this bike needs to move on to its next life, ngl. enemies (it's rare for nat not to be well-inclined towards someone, but sometimes she gets a bad vibe from people and will turn stone-cold to them, and that's a dynamic i'd very much like to explore). some sort of trainer who might help her grow at least some fight in the physical sense. + literally anything, i'm down for whatever dynamic so just hit me up!!

#charming.intro #FILE / mister cut me some slack.#drug abuse /#overdose /#when will i chill it with the idiots w good hair? never !#anyway nat's an old muse of mine #and means a lot to me #so i'm excited to bring her around <3

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