#i love fran but lets be real...her armor is not armor as much as it is metal lingerie.

[windingcorridor]

Manhunt is a life-changer, the kind of book that shifts your insides around and makes room for itself. I finished it at 3am last night, and have been wandering around the house since. I feel hollowed out. I want to- need to- read it again. Christ.

This book has a ton of Content Warnings, some stemming from genre, most stemming from its premise and perspective. CW: transphobia, dead-naming, cannibalism, dysphoria, rape, implied incest, fatphobia, public execution, slavery, torture, body horror.

Disclaimer: I'm writing this review from my perspective as a man exploring their gender, folding in They/ Them pronouns with my He/ Him. While I have considered in myself whether or not I am a woman, I don't think I am. Do with that info what you will.

I found Manhunt on a recommendation shelf at my local bookstore- shout out to Eagle Eye Books in Decatur, GA- and its cover grabbed me instantly. It's a shocking image, blunt in its implication and color. It's a fitting one, too, echoing the words inside. You're going to get grabbed and the story isn't going to let go until the last.

You can get a synopsis for the thing anywhere, so no need here. Just know that Fran & Beth's story starts with the punchline- "What if being a man turned you into a rage zombie?"- and runs red with it. Being a trans woman is already goddam hard in the real world- now imagine people looking at you the same way people in zombie movies look at people who have been bit. It's a fantastic grounding device, with Felker-Martin using it as a jumping off point to point out how fucked transphobia can get.

Speaking of rage, this book is so full of anger and hatred, righteous and otherwise. It smacks you, not just inside the content but with its construction. Felker-Martin hates transphobes, trustfund child-adults, people who will put a hashtag on their twitter profile but never do anything. She never writes this out explicitly, but the way th`e story is told? Buddy, she makes that very clear.

The characters are deliciously complex. You start with easy sketches- the pretty one, the strong one, the fat one, the TERF, the trans man, etc- but you hop from perspective to perspective often enough that things begin to mold into a rich picture.

(If I have any criticism of the book at all, it's that, occasionally, we shift perspective so fast and often that timelines can get wobbly. I'll think it's only been a few hours in-story, but then a character will mention it's been a few weeks. It course corrects cleanly, though, and never became too much of an issue.)

One of the perspective characters- Ramona- is a part of The Legion, militarized TERFs who have taken over huge swaths of the US in name of eradicating "men wearing womanface." Thing is, Ramona has a thing for trans women. By day, she's an XX chromosome tattoo wearing Nazi, by night she's sleeping with a trans lover in a secret brothel. She hates her hypocrisy (so many of the characters ooze self-hatred), but she is so caught up in the fervor of her movement that she can't slow down.

These contradictions cover the whole cast. At times, I hated them. Others, I loved them. By the end, all I wanted to do is spend more time with them.

It's here I want to say- I love you, Beth. It's obvious that the author loves you, too. Not in the "here's-some-plot-armor" way, the book isn't cheap like that. The author writes Beth and all of the other trans characters with so much empathy, personal history, and heart, it's difficult not to see them as breathing, beautiful people.

When you have a book like this- one that moves at so much force- you worry that there isn't a way in hell that it will stick the ending. Happy to report that as much of a power-drill the last act is, I left the book satisfied. I, alone in my living room, warm forgotten beer on the coffee table, wife and daughter asleep in the next room, muttered, "Whoa," when I read the last paragraph.

So, yeah. Read Manhunt. It isn't for everyone. The best art never is. But if you allow yourself to be taken by it, hold on.

Nick <3

#books #book review #horror #gender #transgender #manhunt #gretchen felker martin

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (February 2/2021)

The Crimson has continued to whisper. It has a plan for everyone. Each person plays a part in its plot. But some people resist their plans.

---

- Ponk has heard the Egg, and it’s been getting mad. It’s telling him to sacrifice Fran.

- Ponk plants more seeds in Awesam’s home.

- He’s having doubts. He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. What would happen to Purpled if he didn’t kill Fran?

- Ponk does what must be done and kills F ran, not Fran. He can’t kill Fran.

- Ponk uses ancient magic and secrets to transport himself to the farm house.

- He goes down into the basement and reads a book.

- The book tells a story of a man made of straw with emerald eyes who is fascinated by lemons, and a new land of gold and sandstone. 

The man talks of ancient magic and gifts 21 statues to be transported in boats.

- Jack keeps hearing cats in the walls. He tells Shrimpy about the statues.

- Jack gets the urge to murder. Helga is tempting, but her husband absolutely needs to go.

- Jack ends up alone with Shrimpy and the statues.

- Ponk creates a portal for easier travel.

- Tommy comes online. He sees all the Blood Vines everywhere and doesn’t like that they’re on his territory.

- He goes over to Sam Nook, who tells him to clear all the weeds and Crimson from the build site. Tommy is disappointed with the lack of progress on the hotel, so he beats Sam up.

- Sam Nook explains that he’s worried that Awesam might not be alright and has been missing. Tommy tells him to not let his emotions get in the way of business. Sam says that Awesam might need more payment to prioritize the building of the hotel.

- Sam asks for two stacks of diamonds.

- Tommy asks Foolish for diamonds, then comes across Ponk on the path.

- Tommy offers him marijuana. Ponk says he only smokes pain au chocolat.

- Ponk leads Tommy through the Nether, saying he can give diamonds. He brings Tommy to ancestor Jack’s estate, telling him not to go downstairs. Tommy immediately goes downstairs and tells Ponk that these villagers are breaking the rules.

- Ponk gives Tommy 33 diamonds blocks in exchange for 3 pieces of kelp.

- Tommy gives the diamonds to Sam Nook, who says he’ll deliver them to Awesamdude.

- Sam Nook asks Tommy to deliver flyers to potential customers, and also to clear out the Egg.

- Sam Nook has not had contact with Awesam since Awesam’s encounter with the Egg.

- Tommy goes down to the Egg Room.

The Crimson begins to scream.

“Do you think you’re powerful than I AM?”

- Tommy goes to the Egg but...hesitates. If he destroys it, he’d start a war and everyone would be after his head. He’d start the biggest war on the entire server. He shouldn’t be reckless. Look what happened to L’manburg.

- How’s the Egg ever actually hurt anyone? It didn’t really hurt Tubbo, did it? Everyone else loves the Egg.

- Maybe he could control it?

- He takes the piece he cut off of the real Egg and replaces the injury to the Egg with a piece of Vine. If he puts the piece of real Crimson at his hotel, then he could say it’s endorsed by the Egg.

- Ponk, his eyes red (he might be high) starts attacking Tommy and Tommy runs.

- Tommy brings the Egg piece to Sam and gets stabbed to death by Antfrost. Punz arrives as well. Sam Nook tells them to get away.

- The Egg piece is in the Ender Chest.

- Tommy writes the first flyer to Dream. If he ever escapes from prison, Dream’s invited to come to the hotel as long as he pays.

I will be checking in on you soon.

He gives it to Sam Nook to deliver.

- He also writes a flyer for Tubbo, and one for Technoblade.

- Afterwards, Sam puts things in the chest and reads the book Tommy wrote for Dream. He takes off the Sam Nook outfit and puts on the Warden’s armor (possible switch of character?) He takes the Dream book and says he’ll “save that with us.”

- He says he should’ve given Sam Nook more things for Tommy to do.

- Awesam heads home. He hasn’t been home in a while, he’s been busy with the prison. He’s excited to see Fran again.

- His home is covered in Vines, and the murmurs of the Crimson can be heard.

The Crimson whispers as Sam approaches Fran, who is sitting there patiently. Strange that she appeared up there. Wasn’t she downstairs?

“No, no! You can’t have Fran, you can’t have Fran! What do you mean? No, I won’t give you Fran.”

The Crimson speaks again.

- Sam starts breaking the Vines as the Crimson continues.

---

(The Crimson says numerous lines throughout, unsure of when each one is played specifically)

“Do you think you’re more powerful than I am do you think you’re more powerful than I am do you think you’re more powerful than I am”

“I can save Fran, just give yourself to me.”

“How...how did you escape my grasp?”

---

- Sam destroys the seeds of the Crimson that Ponk placed.

- Sam gets rid of most of it as the Crimson murmurs incessantly.

- Callahan dies with no specific death message and leaves the game (this death message isn’t possible normally, without code or plugins)

- It’s too much. Sam starts exploding his home with TNT to try and get rid of all that remains.

- He breaks the last piece and the Crimson goes silent.

- Sam gathers the remnants and destroys them with the blue fire in Sapnap’s room.

- Sam goes back to the mainland and is horrified by how out of control the Vines have gotten. He flies to the prison and makes sure there’s not any there.

- He finds Ponk hiding in a box, his eyes still red (he’s still high)

- Sam goes down to the Egg Room.

The Crimson speaks, ever loudly.

- Sam gets scared and runs back up.

- Sam goes to Church Prime. Antfrost whispers to him in Galactic.

We know you hear our call, you cannot resist us.

- Ponk blows a hole in the church by accident.

“Don’t tell XD man.”

- Sam brings him snacks. Ponk asks if he has any plans for the 14th.

- Antfrost says hello.

- Sam goes to the meeting room and sees Antfrost down there. He has pearls this time. He jumps down into the Egg Room. Antfrost is just standing there next to the Egg.

- Sam speaks with Antfrost. Ant is just talking to the Egg, and asks if Sam has heard its voice. 

- Sam asks what it says to him just as Bad also logs on.

“It says what it says to all of us, Sam.”

- Antfrost just says the Egg has told him his plans for Ant. The Egg doesn’t want Ant to share his plan yet.

- Bad speaks with them. Sam asks about the plan, but Bad repeats that the Egg wouldn’t want them to divulge their plans.

“You know what the ultimate plan is, right?”

“We need to bring as many people to love the Egg just as much as we do.”

“One way or another.”

- Bad says the Egg requires nourishment. Ponk will nourish the Egg.

- Sam gets away and heads back home. He decides he has to lock the portal.

- Sam makes a clock and takes Fran outside for a walk.

- He sits with her on the side of a music and they watch the sunrise together.

---

Upcoming events remain the same.

#dream smp #dream smp recaps

[alengmae]

Every Story Is Us (CH 5)

(AN: I was convinced by Jess to post this here. IDK why Jess but you work in mysterious ways. To read this in AO3 and my other drabbles, visit here.)

“What you seek is seeking you.”

~Rumi

Penelope choked on her the tiny sip of wine she took. She started coughing but her date carried on like nothing was amiss.

“Yeah, you remind me so much of her. You should meet Mother. I just know she will love you,” he gushed further. He gave her an expectant grin.

She gaped at him in astonishment. They literally just sat down not fifteen minutes ago, yet he was already talking about her meeting his mother on their first date. She knew it was a bad idea to trust Eloise and Fran’s idea. Tinder dates were really not her style. And, based on her first date, she felt vindicated.

She was about to set the record straight when the server came to their table and took their order. She opened her mouth to speak but her date was a lot faster.

“She’ll have the Steak Diane. You don’t mind me ordering for you, right?” he asked as he turned to her.

Penelope was too dumbfounded to respond. He was hitting all her red flags and he was completely oblivious to her irritation, which was awfully apparent since the server’s professional smile turned into a wince. She only raised her glass of wine to the server, who understood immediately her need for more booze. If the server were considerate, she would bring an entire bottle for her.

“Oh and separate bill,” he added before explaining to her with a hint of condescension, “I like to go Dutch on the first date. You don’t mind, do you? Of course you don��t!”

Honestly, she didn’t mind at all. If anything, she would have insisted on it. She felt that he was the type to lord it over after dinner, expecting for something in return. But the way he went on another tangent about his mother, she just knew she was not going to last the appetizer course.

She cursed Eloise and Fran heavily in her head. They insisted she try out the app and look where it got her. She should have followed Daphne’s instructions, to never get caught up in her younger sisters’ shenanigans. As she listened to her date drone on and on, one thing became clear in her mind. She needed new friends.

Nay, better friends.

She just moved from Ireland to London for work. And she met Eloise, a fellow teacher, not too long ago and they clicked immediately. Soon, she was invited to all their brunches and dinners. She fell in love with her family instantly, all eight of them. Although, there was a Bridgerton brother she has not met yet. Seemingly, that Bridgerton was off traveling the world and was on a lengthy tour this time around. And, if he was anything like his siblings, she knew she would come to love him too. But, right now, that love she felt for all things Bridgerton started to wane. She said she didn’t want a date but no, Eloise and Fran had to drag her kicking and screaming into one.

She was pulled out of her reverie when her date grasped her hand. He gently caressed her with his clammy hand and she nearly shivered from disgust because why was his hand so wet?

“I just knew as soon as I saw your picture you’d be the one. Even mother said you’d be a good wife with your wide-set hips,” he beamed at her.

“Oh my god,” she gasped out loud. She tugged her hand back and excused herself to the restroom. She needed to get out of this date. Never in her life had she felt so uncomfortable. She frantically dialed Eloise to come save her but there was no reception at all. Her annoyance reached an all-time high. Was there a fucking signal blocker installed in this facility? She lingered outside the restroom, hidden by the stately plants decorating the restaurant, and repeatedly scrolled through her phone for a miracle. She was close to screaming in frustration.

It was then she felt a finger lightly poke her back. She swiveled around and saw the most gorgeous man she had ever seen. He was exactly her type: tall, dark and handsome. He was incredibly fit, and wearing clothes that highlighted his muscular body. He had on a sympathetic smile and lips that were begging to be kissed. Well, hello there. Maybe his attractiveness short-circuited her brain because she just stood there gaping at him like an idiot.

“Sorry,” he modestly started, “I couldn’t help but notice. Are you alright?”

Penelope nodded, heat spreading on her cheeks. She must have looked like a mad woman, pacing to and fro in front of the restroom. She smiled weakly at him.

“Are you sure?” He glanced in the direction of her date and she grimaced. Her date was openly picking his nose in public at the moment. Penelope had to close her eyes in an effort not to shudder in repugnance. “Anne told me you might need saving.”

She perked up at the name of her server. She might have found her salvation after all. “I…actually, I might,” she bashfully admitted. “I need rescuing from my date. It’s a Tinder date.” She felt the need to explain why. Obviously, this handsome man in front of her probably think she was crazy for going on this date in the first place. And, just in case he might be interested, she wanted to make herself appear saner.

“No worries. I’m your guy,” he reassured her. When he grinned at her, she swore it went straight between her legs. The pull of her attraction to him was insanely intense. She had never felt anything like this before with other men.

“Colin, by the way,” he held out his hand, which she met coyly. “Penelope.”

She marveled at how long his fingers were compared to hers, how rough his skin was against hers and how dry his hands was compared to her date. Her mind started to wander to more wanton thoughts as he shook her hand. His fingers should be illegal, she mused. When he let go, she already mourned the loss of contact.

“Alright, Penelope. I’ll be your knight in shining armor tonight,” he stated excitedly.

Ugh, and he’s charming too? How the hell was he real?

He urged her back to her date without a game plan, only a wink. She got too pre-occupied with said wink to even ask about how he planned on rescuing her. She reluctantly sat down across her date again.

“You sure took your time there,” her date stated said evenly. “I hate waiting. Be more prudent next time.”

She almost threw the basket of breadsticks to his face. Colin better come right away or else, she will stab the man in front of her in the eye with a breadstick. Before she could openly berate him, Colin marched to their table purposefully. He stopped with a loud dramatic gasp.

“Penelope, how could you?” he bellowed scandalously. “After ten years of marriage, this is what you’re doing?”

“What the fuck…” she mumbled in shock at his theatrical display. Her date appeared to be equally confused at the scene in front of them.

“And you left Colin Jr at home by himself to meet up with this man?” Colin continued his melodrama without pausing. “What does he have that I don’t?”

“Wait, you have a kid?” her date’s furious question jerked her from her bewilderment.

“I-“

“I thought you were a virgin!” he cut her off, for the nth time this night.

“That’s where you draw the line? Me not being a virgin?” her incredulous voice was shrill in affront.

Even Colin stopped with his dramatics with a revolted, “Dude.”

Thankfully, this was the moment her date decided to storm out. “Mother was right, after all. Never trust anyone from the internet,” he spat at her before he left.

Penelope hissed back, “It goes both ways!” She clutched her wine glass and chugged the contents in one go.

Colin took her date’s seat and stared at her, eyes twinkling in amusement.

She glared at him. “And you, Colin Jr really?” she asked with a huff.

“I got carried away. You should have seen your face!” He laughed out loud. But she had a sneaking suspicion that he planned it all from the start. She supposed, once that her outrage had passed, it was hilarious. She started giggling with him.

He was about to stand when the food came out, along with a bottle of wine. Penelope stopped him from leaving. “It’s a shame to waste all these food I’d end up paying for. And really want to thank you for saving me from that horrible date.”

He appeared hesitate so she added further, “After ten years of marriage, this is the least I could do.”

He laughed out loud again. It definitely was her libido acting up because she felt herself swoon slightly to his baritone laughter. She found herself wondering if he had a Tinder account. He gestured for her to pick which plate was hers. She gratefully took her previous date’s salmon dish and pushed the steak towards him. They ate, happily chatting about everything under the sun. He regaled her with stories of his vast travels, one story similarly exciting as the next. She offered her childhood tales from her Irish motherland. He started talking about his work, and how he just came back from Morocco after missing his boisterous family. And she started opening up about her insecurity of being in an unfamiliar country all by herself. He held her hand in consolation as she admitted succumbing to homesickness sometimes. He comforted her by recounting comical anecdotes from his travels.

If she was awestruck by his good-looks, she was even more enamored by his wit and sense of humor. He made her laugh so hard but he also made her think. There was nothing sexier than a sharp intellect. He was becoming more dangerous to her as more times passed.

They stayed together until it was closing time. And she barely noticed the passage of time. It wasn’t until Anne cleared her throat in front of them that they noted that they were the only patrons in the restaurant left. She awkwardly asked for the cheque but Colin stopped her.

“This one’s on me, Anne.”

Their server nodded and bid them a good night before leaving.

“What? Wait, Anne!” She tried stopping her but her pleas fell on deaf ears. “I was supposed to treat you,” she grumbled lightly to Colin.

He shrugged. “How can I ask the mother of my child, Colin Jr, to pay for our date?”

She paused, blushing profusely. “Even if she dared to date someone else tonight?” she teased playfully.

He leaned in, whispering conspiratorially, “Even when she tried to date someone else tonight. And might I add, she looks absolutely lovely tonight.”

Smooth like fucking butter. Her face must be red as a tomato right now, she reckoned. “Well, Colin Jr’s dad is not bad looking either.”

He beamed at her. She wanted to look away because he was too beautiful, it’s just not right. But he gently grasped her hand and asked softly, “Can I have your number? I really liked our time together and I really like you.”

“I like you too,” she replied, breathless.

He started leaning towards her, eyes locked on her lips. She did the same, magnetically slanting her body closer to his. Just when they were a fraction of an inch away, the kitchen door busted open with Anne bustling out.

“Boss, do you want-oops! My bad!” She retreated as fast as she came.

Damn it, Anne! Her scowl must have been a sight since he started chortling. He kissed the back of her hand reverently after to assuage her.

“Wait, she said boss?”

It was his turn to be sheepish. “I own this place.”

She blinked. That explained his intervention. “I clearly chose the wrong place to cheat on Colin Jr’s father.”

“I don’t know. I thought you were at the perfect place and time. I think I’m plenty lucky tonight,” he said sincerely.

She didn’t think she should voice out that if he kept on being sweet like that, he will get even luckier tonight. She only replied, “I’m glad.”

She exchanged numbers with him eagerly before bidding him a good night. But before she could step out from the restaurant, he gathered her in his arms and crashed his lips against hers. And it was magic and satisfaction and bliss and release all rolled into one. She clung to him, desperate against the tide of overwhelming emotions. When his tongue slipped into her mouth, she was completely swept away. It felt as if she would come undone with just a flick of his tongue. When they broke apart, they were gasping for air and sporting giddy grins.

“Good night, Colin,” she called out sweetly.

“Good night, Penelope.”

She didn’t sleep at all that night. The butterflies in her stomach were too flighty. And her excitement could not be abated, even as she knew she was attending a Bridgerton brunch the next day. She was groggy when she came in but a smile could not seem to leave her face.

Eloise pulled her aside to interrogate her about her Tinder date last night but the flurry of excitement filled the room. Everyone was enthusiastic for some reason. “The long lost Bridgerton is finally coming home. The prodigal son has returned,” Eloise said wryly. But Penelope detected her friend’s delight beneath all the sarcasm.

“Oh, that’s good,” she could not help but mirror her friend’s pleasant demeanor. She was already riding the high from last night. Another cause for celebration was just the cherry on top.

“Yeah, apparently he came back yesterday from Morocco in secret so he could surprise us. But Hyacinth still can’t keep her trap shut, ruining the surprise.”

“Morocco?”

It was then that she heard a familiar voice bellow out his greetings. She whipped her head fast and her eyes met his across the room. It was cliché but she would swear to anyone who would listen that at that moment, time slowed down. When their eyes met, it felt like nothing else mattered. And her heart leapt in anticipation as he crossed the sea of people to meet her.

“Penelope?”

“Colin.”

“You two know each other?” Eloise asked, awed.

She smiled brightly, eyes locked onto Colin. “Of course! We’ve been married, what…ten years now?”

He snickered harder upon seeing everyone’s bewildered faces. “Colin Jr missed you last night.”

Eloise interrupted again, “Is he talking about his dick?”

Penelope chose to ignore her friend now that Colin intertwined his hand with hers. “Did he now? I should go visit him some time.”

“I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic with your visit.”

“So how does tonight sound?” she asked, playful in her inquiry but nervous with his answer.

He kissed the back of her hand sweetly. “Perfect. I know a place. They serve the best Steak Diane.”

She laughed.

#bridgerton #polin #colelope #polin fic #colin x penelope #horror dates #tinder date

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #82: Frankenstein

You know her, you love her, and today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re building her! Frankenstein’s the last summonable servant in London, but we’re going out on a high note with an electrifying servant.

Check out Fran’s build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Classic middle child syndrome.

Race and Background

Like Mash, Fran runs into the problem of Homunculus not being a playable race. It would be fitting to make our own with the new Tasha’s stuff, but Fran’s tough, hits hard, and doesn’t talk good, so the closest thing we’ve got is an Orc. This gives her +2 Strength and +1 Constitution. She also gets 60′ of Darkvision, and a Powerful Build, so she counts as Large when figuring out what she can carry. Good thing too- those bolts look heavy. She’s also Aggressive, letting her dash as a bonus action, as long as she ends up closer to an enemy at the end of it. She also gets Insight and Nature proficiencies. She knows flowers are pretty, and that’s good enough for her.

Fran is also a Haunted One, giving her Survival and Investigation proficiencies. Most people would say your dad was the real monster, after all.

Ability Scores

Your endurance is one of your highest parameters, so your Constitution has to be pretty high. Almost as high is your Strength- you’re swinging a big club around for most of your attacks. To make her a real berserker, all her physical stats have to be above her mental ones, so Dexterity comes third. Your Wisdom isn’t too bad, being able to convey meaning with a couple grunts is probably wisdom? Your Charisma is pretty low- you’re loveable, but there’s only so much you can do without spoken language. Finally, we’re dumping Intelligence. You don’t really “do” “talking”, or “strategy”.

Class Levels

1. No points for guessing, but you’re a Barbarian. At first level you can Rage as a bonus action to deal extra damage on each attack, get advantage on strength saves and checks, and resist physical (bludgeoning, slashing, piercing) damage. You also get Unarmored Defense, giving you an AC of 10 plus your dexterity and constitution modifiers while unarmored. Despite what Nero says, a bridal gown is not appropriate fight gear.

2. At second level, you can make Reckless Attacks, gaining advantage on all of a turn’s attacks in exchange for granting advantage to anyone attacking you until your next turn. You also gain a Danger Sense, giving you advantage on Dexterity saves against effects you can see. You already blast yourself with plenty of electricity- you don’t need anyone else’s help with that.

3. Third level barbarians set down a primal path, and the Path of the Storm Herald seems to be pretty popular in London. When you set down your path, you learn a Storm Aura that extends 10′ away from you when raging. Technically you can change the effect whenever you level up, but we’re sticking with Sea to get some electric charge. The sea aura forces a Dexterity save of 8 plus your proficiency and constitution modifiers on a single target, dealing 1d6 Lightning Damage if they fail, or half as much if they succeed. This happens when you begin the rage, as well as on a bonus action each turn while raging.

4. Use your first Ability Score Improvement to become a Crusher, a feat which just become official in Tasha’s! This increases your Constitution by 1. More mechanically, once per turn you can push a creature that is up to one size larger than you by 5′ when you hit it with bludgeoning damage. Also, dealing critical bludgeoning damage imposes advantage on all attacks against that creature until the end of your next turn. You’ve got a big hammer, it’s gonna hurt when it falls.

5. Let’s make the most of that feat with an Extra Attack each attack action, as well as an extra 10′ of movement while unarmored thanks to Fast Movement.

6. Sixth level storm heralds gain a Storm Soul, granting you resistance to lightning damage as well as immunity to drowning thanks to your underwater breathing and swim speed. The real Fran probably can’t swim, so just consider this a bonus. 

7. Your Feral Instinct gives you advantage on initiative rolls, and you can ignore being surprised if you rage at the start of your turn. You’re resistant to being shocked in every sense of the phrase now.

8. Use your next ASI to round out your Constitution and Dexterity for more health, stronger lightning, and less getting hit.

9. Ninth level barbarians can make Brutal Criticals, adding an extra die to critical damage. You hit people so hard a tree pops out. I don’t know exactly how much damage you need to make that happen, but it’s probably a lot.

10. Tenth level storm heralds foretell a Shielding Storm, granting creatures of your choice in your aura lightning resistance. Also, your lightning gets a bit stronger, dealing an extra d6 of damage.

11. At eleventh level, your Relentless Rage lets you drop to 1 hp when you’d normally drop to 0 if you make a DC 10 Constitution save. The next time you use this feature, the DC increases by 5, and it resets at the end of a short rest.

12. Use this ASI to bump up your Strength for more hitting. Not everything has to be complicated, you know.

13. At thirteenth level, you get another die added to your Brutal Criticals.

14. Your final Storm Herald feature turns you into a Raging Storm. While raging, you can use your reaction to force a creature you hit to make a Strength saving throw or get knocked prone. So you can combine this with your Crusher to bat people out of the way and leave them on their ass.

15. Your rages don’t end until you say they do, thanks to your Persistent Rage. Also, your Storm Aura gets even stronger, bumping up to 3d6.

16. If you’re using the standard array, this ASI will be the one that maximizes your Strength for the hardest hits.

17. Just kidding, they can get even harder thanks to a third die from Brutal Critical. That hammer’s bigger than your head- it’s got some serious heft to it.

18. Eighteenth level barbarians have Indomitable Might, meaning your strength checks are always your strength score at minimum. Congratulations on winning every sporting event ever, you’ve earned it.

19. Use your last ASI to maximize your Constitution for the most health, lightning, and AC possible. It doesn’t get better than this.

20. Sorry for lying a second time, it totally does! As a Primal Champion, you have unlimited rages, and your strength and constitution scores increase by 4, with new maximums of 24. Sometimes sticking to one class is worth it. Also, your Storm Aura maxes out at 4d6 lightning, if you’re still interested.

Pros

With almost 300 HP, AC that rivals the best kinds of armor, and rage resistances, it’s pretty safe to say you’re tough to kill. You’re also really strong, with a super maxed out strength score and a Powerful Build, you’re able to carry 720 lbs at once. You’re no Spartacus, but that’s still more than most people will ever need to worry about.

Thanks to Crusher and your Raging Storm, you’re good at breaking enemy formations and really punishing anyone you get your hands on. By using bludgeoning criticals or knocking them prone, you can give your whole group advantage against them.

You’re even faster than a normal barbarian thanks to your Aggressive nature giving you an extra 40′ of movement to work with to make up for using a hammer as your main weapon.

Cons

You use a hammer as your main weapon, and your storm barely extends out of melee range. That means if something’s faster than you or can fly, you’ll have a hard time doing anything to it.

Your only source of magical damage is your storm aura, which is pretty lackluster until it starts getting regular buffs in the latter half of the game. It’s nothing a magical weapon can’t fix, but that’s dependent on your DM, and sometimes they’re not nice people.

You have a very limited array of damage types to choose from. Technically any weapon is available to you, but Crusher does prod you towards using only bludgeoning weapons, which means anything that can resist that and lightning damage will be a pain for you.

#Fate Grand Order #fgo #Fate and Phantasms #D&D 5e #Frankenstein

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

SEPTEMBER PICKS

I don’t know about you, but this felt like a long month. I just looked back on my August post and that felt like another life. Putting together this list I couldn’t believe how much I was able to watch with the start of the semester. There was a lot of great ones, so let’s get to it!

Our usual spoiler warning....

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The Umbrella Academy

Umbrella Academy was a show that I started at the end of August. Many people I know were shocked I had never watched it and honestly I don’t know what took me so long. It was great and made even better by the second season getting released this summer. Now I had even more episodes to watch. 

I love how chaotic the Hargreeves are. The things that happen to them would only happen to them (if you know what I mean). I also love how they always put family first. Despite everything that’s happened to them. They might all be a mess (and honestly who isn’t), but deep down they love each other. For the first season I thought it was great how they formatted the plot. These characters were new to us and they didn’t give us all the backstory. (When you think about it we still don’t know how Ben died.) It made me continue tuning in and figure it all out. I always sensed Vanya had powers and I know it’s shocking that I wasn’t spoiled coming into the show so late. I liked the irony of the family essentially creating the apocalypse themselves by locking Vanya up.  Leonard aka Harold always felt shifty to me. I also liked the way they set up his story. Five and Klaus are definitely my favorites of the siblings. I love how Five is such an old man in a young kid’s body. The way they show his teleportation is really cool. The early scene in Run boy run, episode 2, is definitely one of my favorites from the whole show. The images paired with the song are chilling. Really nice job there. I love how Klaus’ power has been explored. We see more of it in season 2 and it’s something I wasn’t expecting. I love his and Ben’s relationship and I easily fell into the Klaus/Dave ship. We only got a slice of their backstory and I was already too invested. Season 2 took me a little bit to get into with the new setting, but after about two episodes I did. I really liked the plot and found it funny that there was yet another apocalypse. With that cliffhanger, I can’t wait to see where season three is headed.

Derry Girls Re-watch 

2020 felt like a good time to re-visit my girls in Derry. I wanted something familiar and funny and this was perfect. I just love this show. It makes me so happy after watching it. I’m so thrilled that we’ll eventually get a third season (even if it will be the last). This watch through I am noticing how many songs are in each episode. (Might help I’ve been watching it with subtitles.) There are so many bops. Sister Michael is always my spirit animal. She is hilarious! I also feel Gerry gets funnier as the season goes on. When he’s making the sandwiches at the funeral I crack up EVERY.TIME. I also love the seriousness of the show too. There are SO MANY great parallels. In the season one finale when the historical bomb goes off and the girls are shown at school unaware and just dancing with Orla it is so pure. Then we see Da put his hand on Gerry’s shoulder. Wow. It shows how the generations were affected. I will suggest this show to everyone no matter what they like to watch. IT IS THAT GOOD! So, why aren’t you watching it? (Or Re-watching?)  

Violetta Season 3

We can all rejoice! The third and finale season of Disney’s Violetta was released onto Disney Plus mid month. As someone who recently finished the second season, it was no surprise that I was ecstatic and wanted to watch it ASAP. This season is hands down the fastest one I have gotten invested into. Usually it takes me a bit to get into the new plot and characters. Because I’ve gotten so attached, I’m worried that means it will go downhill. I’ve heard mixed things about season 3. But let’s focus on the positives! There is so much music so far (both old and new songs). I am loving a lot of the new songs: En Gira and Armor En El Aire. I like how they started on tour and how they included actual footage from the real tour. Now they are in their last year in the studio (so I guess Seniors?). Lots of changes are already occurring including people leaving the Studio. Some are headed to Gregorio’s Art Rebel. I have to say that Gregorio has grown on me so much and now he is one of my favorite characters. I love his relationship with Diego and every time they call each other Papa and son. OMG it’s fantastic! So great to see them happy. This season we have a new teacher, Milton and I honestly can’t figure out what his deal is. Why is he so mean? I’m in episode 18 now and I am happy Leon and Vilu are still going strong. Obviously, they’re going to have issues (and they’ve already had minor ones), but it’s good to still see them in love. (It is adorable how they call each other Amor.) I also like that their “love triangles” seem to be misunderstandings right now. I’m in the VERY early stages of Fran and Diego and honestly I am so in love with them already. I’m going to fall hard for this ship. I know it. I am so tempted to continue watching spoilers, but I feel they’re not true spoilers if I can only find them in Spanish with no subtitles. ;) 

Sunshine on Leith

My journey through watching George Mackay films continued with Sunshine on Leith. This was a great choice and I highly recommend. The main difficulty is how to access it. I couldn’t find it fully anywhere online or through a streaming service, so I wound up purchasing it through Amazon and getting it as a UK DVD. This means you need a Multi-region DVD player to watch it. (I know. It’s weird that not all DVDs are the same.) Of course, I have one of these. I am a TV/Movie junky and love a lot of British programs that are unavailable to purchase in the US. I got it a few years ago also on Amazon and it was pretty cheap. I haven’t had any issues with it, so I highly recommend. 

The movie musical includes songs from the Proclaimers and takes place in Edinburgh. As someone who got to visit Edinburgh it was so cool to see the characters in places I’ve actually been. Before watching the film, the only Proclaimers song I knew was (of course) 500 miles. While watching I realized I actually new more and those I didn’t know I really liked. So, now I have a new playlist on my phone. Some are the original songs and others are from the movie (because I prefer their voices on some). What was cool to see was how not all the actors had the strongest voices, but could sing really well. I’m not sure if this was a purposeful choice or not. (I’d have to look more into it.) At times the plot felt a little rushed. Overall it was a fairly short musical, so that was probably why. Characters seemed to know each other really well really fast. So, if a lot of time would have passed I didn’t notice it. I can’t wait to re-watch the film. George Mackay in the cast brought me to watch it, but I stayed for a great story. (And of course I fell more in love with my crush on Mackay...No shock there :) 

I Am Not Okay With This

Netflix’s I Am Not Okay With This had been in my queue since the beginning of this year, but I didn’t get the chance to watch it till now....when I heard it got cancelled. [Netflix hit us with this news about a month back when they released that shows that were originally picked up were now getting dropped for a second season. I Am Not Okay With This and The Society were on the chopping block.] To make the comment everyone else already has, I am Not Okay With This. 

Despite knowing the show got cancelled, I still wanted to watch it. As I was watching Derry Girls, I wanted another show that was contemporary. I was very surprised to see how few episodes there were as well as how short they each were. It was a very quick watch because of this. While I expected this show to be contemporary with a touch of the supernatural, as Syd has powers, I was not expecting it to be so much more! This show blends so many genres and it does it so well. I honestly don’t know if I’ve seen it done before...at all. Which makes it hard to compare to some others. It feels like an Indy/Contemporary Coming of Age with both supernatural and thriller vibes. It even touches into horror-ish towards the end of the season. If only there was another season to see where it would go. And that ENDING! Is it bad I laughed? I think I did because I was not expecting it to go down like that AT ALL. Syd was a very dynamic main character and I really like how they had her explore who she truly is. Her and Stan’s friendship is one that I strive for. (Speaking of, where can I get a Stanley Barber? I need one in my life.)If you’re willing to be upset that the show got cancelled and there is no second season in the works, then I definitely suggest you just out I Am Not Okay With This. 

Enola Holmes

Man, I feel like I’m giving a lot of support to Netflix this month, but there was a lot coming out/ a lot in my queue so it makes sense. Overall, I would give Enola a 7/10. I had a lot of hype for this one (as it was one of my highly anticipated watches for September), which I think hurt my overall reaction. This doesn’t mean it wasn’t entertaining and enjoyable. I loved the female empowerment message as it was very strong. Millie Bobby Brown was fantastic and so charismatic as Enola. I loved the feature of her talking to us as well as giving some really great facial expressions. I am a sucker for a retelling (of any kind, but especially Sherlock Holmes), so I loved the concept and how they included a younger sister to the Holmes family. I know there has been some conversation about how Sherlock was portrayed and that’s not really Sherlock, but I had no problem with this (and I’m not just saying that because he was played by the dashing Henry Cavill). Honestly, Mycroft’s character bothered me more. I get that there had to be a “villainous” character (well other than the one in the mystery), but he felt a little too over the top. The movie felt a little too long at times and I still don’t like the reason for why her mother left and the conclusion to that plot. It did set it up as if there could be a sequel and I would definitely watch it. 

I would also like to add that I cannot get enough of the cast. Thanks to the YouTube interviews Netflix keeps uploading, I am falling more and more in love with this trio. They just seem like so much fun and I would love to be a part of this cast. They feel like siblings! 

Harriet

Another one in my watch-list for September can be checked off! Harriet has been a film that I have been wanting to watch since it came to theaters last year, but I felt like it came and went pretty fast. Luckily HBO just released it in the past month or so, which made me to tape it. I am so happy I did. 

WOW! Why didn’t I know about these facts about Harriet Tubman sooner? Why aren’t we taught these parts of history in school? I already knew she was amazing, and this just put her over the top. She did SO MUCH! It’s super impressive that she was a part of the Civil War and fought. Not only was this something difficult to do as a Black person, but also as a woman. I didn’t know about her visions, so that was something I Googled right when the film was finished. She never lost a freed slave in their journey to freedom. The list goes on and on how amazing Harriet Tubman was. This film showcases that so well and Cynthia Erivo is amazing as Harriet. (I have to start finding synonyms for ‘amazing’.) Her voice...WOW! Before watching the film, I have loved listening to “Stand Up,” but now afterwards it takes on a whole new meaning. Especially when you understand the direct quote from Harriet Tubman: “I go to prepare a place for you.” CHILLS! This film was nominated for multiple Academy Awards and it should have gotten one. WATCH HARRIET!

The Crimson Field

I’ve noticed that most of the programs I watch through Amazon Prime Video are mainly period dramas. So it was no shock that I would tune into The Crimson Field, a 7 episode series following the nurses and surgeons in France during WWI. As someone who is often more drawn to WWII, I am finding myself interested to watch more things involving the first World War (ie: 1917 and Tolkien). And this show was just what I needed. The pressure was on to watch it though, as it was only available through Prime Video till September 30th. Luckily with only 7 episodes this was an easy feat to accomplish, plus the first couple I marathoned because it was so good. As with any show it took a little bit to understand the setting and the cast, but I feel like I got to know them rather quickly, which made me invested to know what would happen next. I did find it strange that Prime Video only had access to the show for a month as it originally aired on BBC one and then PBS in 2015. The streaming service has programs older than that readily available to watch any time. 

The beginning of the series was definitely stronger in my opinion. I like how they gave breadcrumbs into people’s backstories, such as the main character Kitty. There was a lot of mystery there when we first learned she had a kid and then of her scandalous marriage. There are still a few things that I don’t 100% understand, but that might be because they thought they were getting a season 2 (but they did not). And with the way they ended the show it definitely had the feel. I enjoyed Kitty and Tom’s romance, but more at the beginning than at the end. With Tom’s character, I feel like they set him up as the super nice guy while Miles was the player, but then as the show progressed they decided Tom should have more Mr. Darcy traits and I just thought that was out of his character. Either way, I did still like him (and Miles) and could listen to Richard Rankin’s Scottish accent ALL DAY! It wasn’t until I looked up his IMDB that I made the connection that he is on Outlander now. Can you see the resemblance to him now? 

   Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe

And don’t we all just feel against the universe sometimes?

I know my range for this month is all over the place, so is it that shocking that I would add a cartoon to the mix. Definitely not...especially because it’s Phineas and Ferb. One of my favorite Disney Channel shows. Watching this film feels like FOREVER ago because it was so early in the month. I’ve only watched it the one time (because I don’t think it needs a second watch...I guess that tells you something), so let’s see how much I remember...

It’s been a while since we’ve had a new installment of Phineas and Ferb grace our screens and it was great to see the citizens of Danville once again. In a way, it felt like no time had passed. (And for them I guess it hadn’t because it always seems like the same summer.) It just felt like the moment for Phineas and Ferb. While I was really happy to see our beloved characters again, the plot of this film felt familiar. Very Queen of Mars. Now thinking back, it’s hard for me to relay what happens and I think that’s a good way to describe this movie. It was very familiar, and I wish they would have done more with it. I can’t even remember any of the songs (and that’s often my favorite part). Of course, it had all the classics antics and jokes. I love how Perry was helping out the kids and had to be very secretive about it. I always love a good Candace and Venessa team up. Dr. Doof was hilarious as usual and his pairing with the kids (specifically Isabella) was a great time. My favorite part was when they got meta and did the reverse engineering of their animation and then we saw the creators in front of the story boards. That was really cool and unexpected. Overall, it felt like Phineas and Ferb and made life in quarantine a little bit easier. 

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Well! That’s a wrap. These were some of my favorite picks to talk about (even if it took me longer than usual). I hope you watched some great stuff last month and continue to find new picks for October! 

#september picks #tv shows #tv reviews #movie reviews #the umbrella academy #hargreeves family #derry girls #disney’s violetta #violetta season 3 #violetta castillo #diecesca #sunshine on leith #the proclaimers #george mackay #netflix i am not okay with this #syd novak #stanley barber #enola holmes #netflix enola holmes #millie bobby brown #henry cavill #harriet #Harriet Tubman #cynthia erivo #the crimson field #Phineas and Ferb #phineas and ferb candace against the universe

[rapid-apathy]

So, you wanna start FFXII...

For my dearest @montmartre-parapluie! Not a guide, there’s plenty of those, just a short cheat sheet on starting the game strong ❤️

I own the original game and none of this fancy repackaged PS4 cynical resale versions. But I think in general this should be the same, sans the forbidden treasure chests.

Chests not to touch: Chest across from Old Dalan’s house Chest in Royal Palace Chest in Repository Room of Nalbina Dungeon Chests on Phon Coast

Tomato Hunt Kill a few cactoids and wolves (one at a time! avoid groups of enemies for now) first, and you'll level up to level 2 just on that and get a few more precious HP. Off to the right are some cactoids and a chest and off to the left be careful, but there are wolves there for you. Make sure you kill the two or three wolves that are around the cliff the mark is on before initiating the fight, because once you get his HP down all the way, he'll jump off the cliff, and you gotta run down there and finish him off. Have at least 5 potions with you. If you need to go back and save or get more potions before fighting the mark, go for it! The higher your level, the better.

Don't worry about the dinosaur, he's a non-aggro'd enemy, he'll only attack if you attack him or there is magic cast near him. On that note however, best to keep a nice distance just in case, because he's like level 30 and will destroy you instantly. Return to town and buy Cure with the loot and reward money. Don't, however, waste what little precious cash you have in Rabanastre on armor or weapons. The good stuff is stolen and bought in Nalbina which you can access when you do the Giza Plains soon.

Giza - Sunstone quest Penelo will join you after you reach the village, which is very close to the entrance, so this will be a little easier. This is your first real chance to 1. level up a little, 2. get some cash, 3. steal some good shit. So do the stupid sunstone BS and then go through the Giza Plains, the only thing you gotta look out for is the big guys with swords, there's 2 of them in the SW area. YOU ARE NOT READY. Everything else you can handle quite easily. Penelo has Cure too in case you don't yet. You can buy a Broadsword from the Village, I recommend doing that as soon as you're able. There is a chance of getting a Rod in a chest in the Estersand, but if not, you gotta buy something like a pleb. Kill/steal repeat. Then go to the SE and exit into the Estersand, and start chaining those doggos.

Try to chain the wolves and you will get better drops, tons of potions, wind stones, and the mystic armor Pointy Hat and Silken Shirt. When you get Fran and Balthier, they will only have basic shit armor, so getting this stuff will be a huge help and you can sell whatever you don't need. Go all the way until you reach the South Bank Village. There is an orange save crystal, which you can use to go back to Rabanastre instead of walking if you wish, and a very important later on merchant (golden axe). Sell your loot and buy 3 immune poison rings, one for Vaan, Fran and Balthier. You will thank me for this later. Go out again, chain chain chain those doggos and then in the NE corner of the Yardang Labryinth area, there is an exit to Nalbina Fortress where you can essentially skip ahead a little bit as far as gear goes, and buy some higher level things than are available in Rabanastre. So by the time we are ready to go to the Palace, we look something like this:

Just one note, don't buy bronze armor, I say this because for one, the Kilimaweave Shirt you can buy in Nalbina is a point higher in defense and two, when you escape from the Palace through the waterway, you will be able to steal them from the flying demons. Then you should be able to armor up Fran and Balthier for free. Steal your way to success in this game! Always be stealin’. Before you return to Rabanastre though, be SURE to remove all of Penelo's gear. She will leave and not come back until you're like level 15+, so all that stuff will go to waste.

Go back to Old Pedo and initiate the next part of the game, buy Fire, you really will want this because there are Flan enemies in the waterway and the Barheim Passage and you will not be able to get it again until you exit those. Fran has Fire, but you really want at least 2 people with it. Protect is the other I recommend, the others? Don't waste your money yet.

Do not open the treasure chests in the palace. Personally I avoid all of them, just to be safe.

Escape So you have Fran and Balthier and then Ashe. Ashe takes care of herself right now, so she's nothing you have to worry about. She'll heal herself. Only if she gets killed, Blind or Poisoined do you need to attend to her. And you have gambits!!! finally god how annoying. Set Vaan to steal, let everyone else handle the fighting. This is another good area to do some leveling and loot collecting AND to knock out the Bestiary for this area because many of these enemies can be a serious bitch to spawn later, so its way easier now while they're so easily respawnable just by zoning in and out. There's two save crystal between the areas you need to run back and forth a few times through, the treasure chests also have a high respawn rate, so its a nice sweet grinding area. You should be able to steal Bronze Armor, Leather Helm, (rarely for me) Leather Shield. The chests under the little water fall will respawn as well, and they often contain shields or gil.

Escape part deux Getting out of prison. Remember do not touch any of the treasure chests in the repository room, just save and gtfo. All of the treasure chests in the dungeon will be knots of rust, which after you fight the three Seeq's are pretty useless, but you can throw them at imperials for funsies (I learned there is some formula in the game with dark matter damage later on that uses the knots of rust you've used to determine its strength, but its like.... fuck the knots of rust)

Escape.... still All I'll say about the Barheim passage is that if you want to complete the Bestiary and get some mad cash, let the power get below 50%, but I recommend doing this when you're near the end otherwise you're going to be constantly swarmed by enemies and it gets annoying. So kill all the mimics except the last one, then you can get the zombies and skull defenders. You'll have to back track a little, but there's a save crystal at the end before the boss fight you can use and there is one by the section where the zombies pop up. I don't think you can spawn them later on, so something to keep in mind. It'll also be a slight early advantage of getting loot from undead enemies. You will not be able to return to the Barheim for some time and without completing like 45 side quests for the stupid key, so up to you. When I did it this last time, I came out of the passage with 50,000 gil between loot and cash. Even I was surprised, lol. You're gonna need it! You're gonna not only need gear for 4 characters when you get to Bhujerba, you will need to buy a lot of gambits, there's Poach and Charge technicks to buy which you want asap, and more spells, not to mention any items, and grimores/monographs (look these up, you want them as soon as you can afford).

When you exit the passage, you can just go up to the Village and you can teleport back to Rabanastre, assuming you have a teleport stone which you should have at least a few by now, you can steal them from the bats a lot. But I tell you, do NOT do your shopping there!!! Wait!!! The very next thing you're going to do in game is fly to Bhujerba, and you can shop there with higher level stuff than is in Rabanastre.

You should have everything you need for Silent Shot which I use throughout the entire game, it's quite critical I'd say. You need 3 dark stones (undead enemies in the waterway and barheim), 3 fish scales (fishies in the waterway and the Nebra Banks in the Estersand), and 3 green liquid (flans in the barheim), and it will be from the Bazaar as Markman's Delight along with an upgraded gun.

Open the LP board up and get those Mist abilities ASAP. I've never used the Mist abilities, but they give you additional bars of MP. Balthier's are the easiest to get to all the fastest, some others are behind some pretty pricey squares.

And with that, you should have a pretty solid foundation to slay on. ❤️

And one more thing I'll mention, ok two, is the measure weapons and auto-leveling.

These have a purpose, if you have a character just stealing or casting, they have a super high evasion/low damage and on hit they will leave a positive buff. Which means if the character gets confused and hits themselves or another party member they won't wipe them out plus it gives them a status effect. It's also a good way to have access to Bravery long before you're able to buy the spell, just target who you want to buff and have them attack. So when Fran hits her hubby, it's with love.

Also guns, they always come up looking like shit on the stats, but they are a very powerful weapon. You can also put them on weaker characters since guns don’t use the users stats when calculating damage. Once all the augments and haste is in play, the gun fires MUCH quicker as well.

And related, is the auto-leveling section of this game, the Jellies in the Henne Mines. The guides are crazy overly complicated on this, and I don't know why, lol. Here's all you need:

You need to be level 20-ish? You could possibly do it lower, although you gotta have the ability and LP to purchase Charm, Break and Syphon. As long as the jellies are hitting you for no more than 10-20, you're good to go. You don't need any special gear really, but equipping everyone with a shield and either no weapon or a measure is the way to go. Having everyone equipped with a Golden Amulet (double LP, get 6, works equipped on inactive party members, so always leave inactives equipped) or Embroidered Tippet (double Exp, does not work on inactives, you only need 3) is recommended. You can get the Golden Amulet very early in the game by managing to get through with your life to the Mosphoran Highwaste from the Westersand after you leave the Barheim Passage. It's not too crazy, just be prepared to fleeeeee, it's worth it when you realize how much LP some of this shit needs.

You don't get Syphon until mid-game (buy from shop on transport ship), so you can use Charge, set it last so they aren't endlessly casting it though. Your gambits should look something like this:

Smelling Salts and Antidotes are needed as the jellies cast confuse and poison, Esuna for back up is good. Have all three players set to this, make sure your inactives have their golden amulets equipped, and set it and forget it for a few hours at least. I usually do this right before/after Archades in the game, or level 40-50-ish. The Cerobi Steppe is where you can steal the Embroidered Tippets from the kitties. Otherwise you gotta wait and buy them in Archades.

In closing, rob the shit out of these bitches, chain for mad drops, cap an ass or two with your blunderbuss. I hope your play this round is much more fun!!!!

#ffxii #montmartre-parapluie

[coe-lilium]

Would you be willing to rank the major Apocrypha characters (Masters and Servants) from best to worst? I'm curious as to how you would rank them

Gladly :D

Be warned that this will be 90% tastes and maybe 10% narrative/objective analysis. And sorry for taking so long to answer. Also, it got long ^^’

A concise, condensed ver before the cut

- 10+/10, tie between Mordred, Jeanne e Shirou

-  9.5/10: Semirams and Shishigou Kairi

- 8-7.5/10: Vlad, Achilles, Shakespeare, Caules 

- 7: Chiron, Fran, Atalanta, Karna, Fiore, Darnic

- 6, I start not caring: Gordes

- “wasted” and “still bitter after 5 years”, no numbers: Avicebron and Siegfried

- 5-4, it’s complicated: Astolfo

- 4: Sieg (and it might go down to 0, I’m serious)

- 3 to 0: Jack, Reika, Celenike 

Btw, I kept them vague, but spoilers/hints up to vol4 and 5

Rank “will fight the world for them, forever in Higashide’s debt, I wish one day for Nasu to write them himself because I trust the mushroom man to make me love them even more than I already do, 10+/10″: 

Mordred: SHE. Higashide’s best accomplishment in winning me over no matter other flaws. Tie with Gilgamesh as my favorite Nasuverse character ever.

There isn’t a single thing I don’t love about her (bar that atrocious “dress” under the armor, delete that). The armored and casual character design. The backstory as abused and exploited child who tries to break free of her mother influence and plots but ends up following them anyway because of her other parent rejection and, ultimately, how Morgan life lasting damage could not be undone without support. Her snarky, bratty, selfish and ferocious personality she show to the outside world and the hidden insecurities, the good heart and the ability to reflect on her flaws. Her loyalty and her desperate need for parental love and recognition as her own person. Her fighting style that is a delight to read or watch, truly a beast. Her chemistry and relationship with Shishigou, all of it. How it start in that cemetery, how develops over the course of the story, how she manage to open, connect and trust him and ultimately find a real father in him.

If I have to find a “wish this was expanded on” is her written in but not recognised by canon issues with gender/presentation which wasn’t a real issue for me until I read metas here and I’m now quite confused especially on how to write her (him?) in the future, when I’ll hopefully get at it.

The only reason I don’t completely wish for her and her Master to have been made MCs is the love I have for the following two guys and this couple steal too much of a spotlight from other characters.

Still, while theirs is a story more focused on personal growth and healing then deciding the fate of a great number of people or the world, in the end Mordred and Kairi saved each other so it could’ve still meshed neatly with the overall salvation theme. Sadly it was not meant to be but I’m more than content for what we got.

Jeanne: She. Who gets only second place and no caps lock because, a surprisingly good portrayal none withstanding, she could’ve been even better had Higashide done a bit more research (in his favour, I don’t know what kind of books on her are translated in Japanese and if the processes transcripts are among them).

For example I’ll forever maintain that, while the whole “romance” thing has a historical base (funny that, uh?), it required a way better realisation and as it’s written in Apocrypha does her character a disservice. Laeticia too, who was a potentially interesting “device” and could’ve been our outsider perspective, got derailed into more nonsense romance and aww poor Sieg and oh man, who-gives-a-damn: not me.

Also, not enough of a sarcastic spitfire or military prowess (“just waved the flag”, now that’s a funny way to write “half of Charles’ court was impressed by how good she was with every damn weapon”) for my tastes but I guess historical Jeanne is just that irreplaceable or TM chose to emphasise her piety and “sainthood” over other traits in order to avoid an Arturia 2.0.

Not a single mention to her mentors either, in 5 volumes (which is bad, extremely bad, Higashide why) and too much of Gilles de Rais nonsense but unfortunately Type Moon is committed to roll with it. Dunois, La Hire and d’Alencon never, poor me. 

That said, Fate!Jeanne is really a good interpretation, firmly rooted in history and I love, love her. 

Her faith and lack of hate are spot-on and are treated with respect instead of mocked. 

She’s allowed to have a no-nonsense and even ruthless soldier like attitude, a protective streak (which always remind me of that promise she made to a young noblewoman to keep her husband safe and bring him back to her, or how she took care of her young squire. Both survived her) and loth of empathy at the same time. 

She’s down to earth but can also be immature and have flaws and be tempted. 

This post is already long as it is, so here’s some more reasons I love Apo Jeanne: 

Novel Jeanne musing 1       

Jeanne meta from the manga 1

Jeanne meta from the manga 2

My eternal greatest disappointment will forever be the lack of a satisfying confrontation with Shirou. You write someone able to shake Jeanne d’Arc convictions, make her doubt her conduct and moral standing when the threat of torture and the Rouen process weren’t able do so... and you don’t follow on it? Unforgivable.   

Shirou: This guy. This absolute mess of a human being. I need more and no, GO, “evil alternative self” isn’t what I mean (but yeah, gimme him too). After discovering him in Apocrypha I started digging my university library to hunt down his IRL self story and there is no higher accomplishment for a Fateverse character for me.                                                                                    Fascinating person and fascinating take by TM, double so since I discovered dude’s still being vilified in contemporary Jp stories/entertainment and man do that enrage me.

It’s like someone mixed up a character I love (Kirei), one I loathe (Kiritsugu), shaked it and the result it’s the best possible one I could ask for. 

I like the character design (both), the historical and post 3HGW backstory and how it shaped him into a Jeanne opposite (for excellent reasons), the most “Kotomine” traits like the snark and trollish attitude and how they cover all the suffering, despair and hate boiling under the constant smirk. How Higashide avoided the “turned evil” interpretation that’s prevalent in jp entertainment and made him a good person and a hero, if a misguided one and also the trapping of a “void/hollow inside” personality and instead gave him those fragments where you see he’s still a 17yo kid. 

He’s not just interesting, he’s funny to read, even with all the angst going on.  

The interactions with Shakespeare are great and... his relationship with Semiramis. Man, that’s excellent, excellent stuff. Can’t gush enough about how much I love them together

My only great complaint -for now, until I see a certain late discovery with my own eyes- is that all the narrative build up and comparisons between him and Jeanne (done in-universe and acknowledged within the text mind you, I’m not headcanoning here) went wasted. 

How can you write two characters who mirror each other so perfectly, put them as “head” of their factions, in the same role both... and not deliver with a confrontation? The only thing that tried to do so was -ironically- the anime in ep #13, as their confrontation in the novels wasn’t as personal and as good as the anime.      

Rank “good, excellent civilisation, never get tired of them”, 9.5/10

Shishigou: best father ever, 100% should legally adopt Mordred. He was/is extremely enjoyable to read about, snarky, smart, his fucked-up magus backstory had long lasting effects but managed not to destroy him, on the outside your tough, broody mercenary making hard decision but actually a good, moral person with a caring nature and, again, a great father. 

As already said, his and Mordred narrative is less tied to the different views of salvation theme and more to the “people making their wishes come true” and they’re bit of outliers for the whole duration of the story but I wouldn’t change a thing (except one T_T). 

His relationship with Mordred is one of the absolute highlights of Apocrypha for me, in every medium.

Semiramis: shallow reason first: charming, scheming, hot asshole-ish royalty in league with a Kotomine troll, what more could’ve I asked for?                        That she was an interesting char in her own right, which is what I got.          

More in-depth, she’s another character I never have enough of. Begrudging sole responsible adult of red team, I couldn’t help but grin every time she had to deal with AKA team or single members, not to speak of her scenes with Shakespeare, which are both amusing and very good for characterisation. 

She may not have that much of screen time compared to other faves but earned her place by making what she had memorable. 

Her backstory is simple: abandoned child learns to exploit her society view on women to rise to the top and get everything she wants and fuck everything else. Which not only neatly establish how and why she became what she is but also why this broken kid, which is a sort of her exact opposite, fascinate her so much. 

Speaking about our broken resident Kotomine, her chemistry with Shirou is simply great, all of their scenes are a joy to read. They have fun plotting together, they (she, dude’s either too young to notice or just let it go) casually flirts, have a functioning, mostly open relationship from the get-go that works no matter how messed up they really are and get each other’s back until the very end. Most of the more lighthearted stuff is in vol 1-2, then things gets more interesting. 

See, as much as she seems to be (and like to present herself as such to enemies) the perfectly devoted Servant and is aiding Shirou… she’s also truly villainous, cold and ruthless as hell and is also very conflicted and switch back and forth on what she wants, not much as out of the War as instead from her Master in particular (don’t think bad… okay, do) for the whole series. Vol3 and 4 are a godsend for her character and you dunno how I wish we had more than a bare bone summary for vol 5 because god damn some things in that summary. 

With the many, many stay night or Zero parallels and homages in Apocrypha, she come off as a sort of reverse Zero Gilgamesh and Gilles in being, respectively, the devilish member of the  Kotomine - Servant pair and the “personal involvement/interest in the saint figure, sometimes verging on the creep-ish, predatory behaviour" one (Gilles was 100% full on creepy mode, Semiramis keeps her thoughts for herself and is just tempted. I strongly appreciate), “reverse” for being conflicted, but in the end being a better person than both dudes above and respecting and knowing her partner enough to let go of her worst desires/frustrations. There’s some really good stuff in these two’s relationship, let me tell you. 

If Mordred-Shishigou take the cake for best platonic relationship in Apo, Semiramis and Shirou single handy destroy every competition for the romantic one. 

Rank “You. I like you”, 8-7.5/10

Vlad: here’s someone I’m pretty content with how he’s written (I wouldn’t change a thing), but really wish had had more space just because I enjoyed him a lot. Higashide nailed him and I wanted more of a historical Vlad III who is a hero, a good ruler caring for his country and a ruthless warrior and executioner and none of this aspects negate the others. Plus, it was refreshing to see a Vlad III being so clearly separated from the “vampire” twist that his wish for the Grail was to erase book and legacy from existence.

Achilles: a simil Alexander, I dislike the IRL/myth dude but can’t stay mad with their Fate incarnations. I like his personality, his quirks, his relationships with Chiron and Atalanta. Loved the mocking duel (and the anime committee will hear me scream from the other side of the world if I get robbed of it  yeah, I wrote this part before ep17. Fuck you A1). 

I don’t even think he needed more screen time, he’s really fine with what’s shown. Not every character need to be a main one and Achilles manage to be a good secondary one, with enough development and characterisation.

Shakespeare: here’s an enjoyable dude I like to hate. Amusing character, his interactions with Semiramis and Shirou are a joy to read or watch, but, fuck this guy. May Moriarty and Saber Gilles have their way with you in Chaldea.

Caules: one of those rare beasts known as “perfectly functioning siblings” of the Nasuverese. Respect his Servant and tries to do her right till the end. A good dude.

Rank “could’ve shined more in a longer and more focused series, but okay” aka those who served their purpose, 7/10 

Chiron                                                                                                            Atalanta                                                                                                          Karna                                                                                                                Fran                                                                                                                  Fiore                                                                                                                Darnic

Not really anything to say about each one here. They’re fine as they are.            

Could’ve used more Darnic, the 3HGW is a fascinating subject no matter who the Einzbern decide to summon and his actions shaped the whole world of Apo. Personally I’d have cut the Jack business and expanded him as a character/treat, maybe to shed light into CT politics and magus society fuckery (because if there’s something the Yggdmillennia as a whole and each one of them in particular show is how the magi society is an aberration that twist and corrupt everything it touch). But in the end I know it was either Ygg vs CT as promised or Rulers against each other and I’ll gladly take the latter.  A longer series could’ve had space for both, who knows.

Rank “nice arc. There are more interesting people but I’ve come to appreciate you” 

Gordes: Probably the human character who experience more growth in the series.

Rank “wasted” and “decent what little is there, perhaps, but still bitter after five years”

Avicebron: also know as the poor thing similar to the antagonist in background and wish that could’ve worked with the themes while also being a personal foil to the protagonist in being a golem/artificial life creator and user but the writer couldn’t/wouldn’t bother with him for some reason and he only got to be the “Gilles de Rais summon Chtlulu and heroes have to team up to bring him down” of Apocrypha, with no other purpose than being a Zero “homage”. 

To add insult to injury, the Adam threat does literally jack shit on a narrative point because “Servant goes stray and threaten the world, Servants form both factions have to team up to defeat him” already happened, 2 episodes before for the anime, end of vol2 vs beginning of vol3 for the novel version. And Mordred and Shishigou making an alliance with the surviving Black members was already going to be a thing after the Gardens mess. Shame, shame and shame.

Siegfried:  tainbocuailnge here has written some good meta about him lately and, yeah, perhaps all of that was intended, and I can kinda appreciate it. The point is that I couldn’t give a single crap over the OC when for him to come into being means sacrificing freaking Siegfried. I may not have read as much or being already attached to the literature/epic character like other cases but… no, just no. Siegfried deserved way better than what he got in Type Moon. 

Add more personal bitterness because with such numbers I thought it was finally time for the Heroes to shine and for the Masters to be sidelined and instead we got super special super powered MC. To hell with it.  

If anything, Siegfried may be the only character the anime did more good than damage. He’s still there and sometimes get to act as a mentor instead of being a useful power up and then fucking off for the remaining 4 volumes.

Rank “I tried to like you, I wish I could like you, but I cannot stand you no matter what”, 5-4

Astolfo: I’ve tried to like him but to no avail (rest assured, though, that I’ll deck anyone who’ll try use that t*ap or “girl” bullshit). 

It has to be that unholy combination of extremely airhead personality and mannerism, all the screen time he gets that could’ve gone to my favourites, that idiotic attempt at a “love triangle” (for the love of God, Higashide) and a voice acting that, I swear, even if I already didn’t like him from the novel the anime would’ve been the nail in the coffin. All these combined make him grates on my nerves like few other Fate characters. Perhaps part of my distaste comes from being unable to shake the feeling that the author himself don’t respect him.

I realise it’s quite… unfair, because on the page he has everything I usually like: he’s brave, he’s kind, he has morals and will maintain them in front of everything, he stand up to assholes, he save and inspire people, you can overpower him as much as you like and he still won’t care and will still fight you. 

Astolfo is a good, decently written character and I really wish the franchise would just stop using him as a joke and stop being so gross to him in order to cater to even more gross “fans”. 

If I were to put tastes/guts feelings aside, I could praise him for pages. I simply can’t bring myself closing the gaps from appreciating the undeniable qualities to actually like the character. 

Rank: fluctuating between “your concept should’ve been handled by a more experienced narrator” and “goddamn, does your very existence piss me off”, pending more on the second as we go on, less than 4

Sieg: on the page kid’s got a good arc. An homunculus, a magus’s tool, trash to be used and disposed off, gains consciousness and, shaped by what he witness and the actions and sacrifices of heroic figures, rise to free his kin from their slavers and then find himself fighting to “save the world”. How he attained freedom and have come to interpret it and his experiences put him in the path of the antagonist and the two and their “ideologies” makes for an interesting double face of the coin, forced salvation vs free offer and answer to actual prayers. Sounds pretty great. 

Unfortunately, Higashide aimed too high for his skills or didn’t learn well from Nasu and Shirou Emiya, or both. 

Otakus mad because he “got the waifu” aside, Sieg do come across as too damn lucky and overpowered and there is a limit on how much the in-universe reason “damn, the Counter Force had to work hard to give him a chance to stop a Heroic Spirit with hundreds time his experience” can go before the readers start getting annoyed at Heroes dropping dead or getting sidelined just to push him forward. 

I’m not a fan of these buzzwords, but the impression he’s a fan fiction OC that force the original and more interesting cast to revolve around/sacrifice for him or hijack their plots is damn strong. Scrap it, it’s not an impression, it’s exactly what happen. In at least 4 or 5 cases. 

There were also too many times he bore me to death so not really what you want from your protagonist. 

Another thing, more grave than personal preferences: his wish/fight firstly go nowhere, then get resolved too quickly without a fuss and then, once his goal has been effortlessly achieved, he proceeds to tag along and stole duels and confrontations from other characters, on which he had no stakes nor reason to be. What kind of writing is this?! He get the contract with Astolfo, walks in the castle and the Yggd agree on releasing the homunculi. And that’s it. Wow?

Also here’s my 100% personal reason for not having an ounce of interest in Sieg, godly writing skills or not: for once, just once, we could’ve got our first Fate solo female protagonist. An all-around badass but, at the same time, not an Arturia nor Shiki nor Arc nor Aoko clone. Who just happened to be my favourite historical figure ever.

Could’ve kept the same theme of opposing concepts of salvation, brought the Ruler vs Ruler/Saint vs Saint thing in the spotlight, with all their nice baggage of similar lives resulting in  opposite views by different regrets and traumas, faith or lack (that instead got all swept under the rug, and man if the self awareness of vol4 isn’t something to behold) and after five years I still feel personally robbed of all of this, especially when it became clear Apocrypha was yet another “male protagonist with the world revolving around him while the female heroine gets to be his support/sidekick. Oh, and as already said, he get the confrontation with whom the narrative builds as her rival”. Because of course he does. 

You don’t sideline Jeanne frigging d’Arc and expect me to forgive you for it.

Rank “why are you even here, why are we wasting anything on you”

Jack and Reika: ye god, why. The concept behind this Jack the Ripper? I find Fake ver superior but I’m on board. Then, first, that fucking character design. Sorry BL, reddit, MAL and whatever: putting a child in a thong is a revolting choice of character design and no, there’s no “well, she learned from prostitutes” that count.    I appreciate at least the connection made with Atalanta. But the execution. Their “plot” drag and drag on and goes nowhere (hilariously so in the anime. What was the point of Jack killing some random homunculi and disappearing for the whole arc, again?). Their only narrative purpose is doing ???? for roughly three volumes, *do that* to Atalanta and shaking Sieg’s worldview. At least they grant Jeanne some badass solo scenes and to us more insight on her character. Still the equivalent of a anime-only filler, and a bad one. 

Pity, really, because a child Jack who 1. is a child and act as one and 2. get heavily influenced by her/their Master and thus could either become a better person or be exploited wasn’t that bad of a twist for a famous figure but the pair was never allowed to be more than “Apo pair of rogue murderers”. 

Celenike: just… begone. I cheered when she died in the novel, cheered loudly when she died in the anime and will cheer even more loudly when she will die in the manga. 

#Anonymous #answer #fate apocrypha #fate apocrypha spoilers #fate meta #almost 4k words #fate series

[empty-dream]

Me watching Fate/Apocrypha ep 10

Sieg: *trembling while holding the sword* “Fight me!” Mordred: “Learn to hold a goddamn sword first”

Astolfo: “Dude I did not suffer for this!’ Sieg: “Really sorry about that!” Mordred: *send them both away with one blow* “gET A ROOM”

I’m choking Mordred is definitely pulling a “Are you serious? Right in front of my salad sword?”

Wow Sieg’s glare is pretty chilling. Finally some depth on his on screen appearance.

In addition, it’s when he declares his new name and his existence, so good job.

Caules and Fran getting on the hit-them-when-they-talk bandwagon.

You thought regular looting is bad? Try heart looting.

Hello to the people who come here thinking Jack is hot innocent loli, behold she is actually blood-splattered lunatic scavenging dead hearts from dead people. 

The idea of the most famous serial killer being an apparition shaped as little girl dressed in futuristic stripper outfit bathed in blood and corpses while fiddling with a Nokia 6000 series is WAY BEYOND WHAT I COULD EVER COME UP IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

“Our new room” more like “room we literally kill people for”

Jack: “Okay mom, bye bye!” *Naruto runs*

How is that walking metal armor not electrocuted by Fran’s lightning that’s some EX magic shit going on here

Caules hon that’s not what I’d call acting with discretion.

‘Third-rates’ wow Mordred your trash-talking actually hurts huh who did you learn from? Gawain?

I just realized that since Clarent is powered by Mordred’s hatred for Artoria, then it basically runs on the power of emo LOLOLOLOL

Well all is funny until she blows everybody several yards away with it.

Yo Mordred do yo always go and see people and be like “this one is homunculus, this one is not”??

On the other hand, good job A-1 at showing explicitly that Fran is indeed not a homunculus nor a human but a true artificial creation.

I don’t like saying this but Mordred, if you want an enemy real dead, go for the head.

I think she was all about decapitating people before so why suddenly just stabbed?

Um nice try Sieg but don’t you see that metal armor is like this thick and Mordred is like Terminator?

The sword looks like a toothpick jammed lightly it’s awkward now

Mordred angrily turns red, literally.

Remember that Astolfo saved Sieg just because he could? Now Sieg saved Astolfo simply because he saved him. 

Ugh getting stabbed by that huge-ass sword should hurt A LOT huh

It’s been like two days out of the castle and Sieg experiences death. AGAIN.

Sieg you need to stop dying this is not Supernatural.

I guess Mordred’s characterization is definitely aimed to be jarring between the savagery she displays in battle and the chivalrous nature she harbours as a knight. 

Astolfo: “HOW DARE YOU KILL THEM?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD LANCE?!”

That’s some chilling scream Astolfo

Kairi: “Did you make sure she’s dead?” Mordred: “Dude I stabbed her with giant sword like in the torso” Kairi: “Shit boi did you forget this is a magic war? People sparkles when they die!”

Fran’s mace: *standing up ominously* Mordred: “Weird” Me: Maybe you should be called “The Knight of Obviousness” instead of “The Knight of Treachery”

Fran: SURPRISE BITCH THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME

Fran taking strangling with bare hands to a whole new level

Wow the mace suddenly floats, does some clicking, whirling, becomes green, and now it looks like green thunder chupa chups

Uh as much as I hate Celenike, I can’t disagree with her saying ‘stand back and don’t get roped into a suicide bomb’

But I guess if she doesn’t force Astolfo he’d definitely bolt to the ground zero trying to get a better ending that’s just like him

At this point, it’s pretty clear that none of Fran Al-Qaeda-ing her way is Caules’ command.

But instead he just understands her and gives the last command spell to boost her, no matter how painful of a decision it is :(

Wow does using the last command spell always induce flashy tron lines and sharp lightning?? Is this the Apocrypha style? Last time I see people do that, it’s just dramatic wind.

Caules’ glasses breaks and cheek gets slashed only adds the dramatic tension. And it looks cool in gif.

hOLY CRAP THE BLOOD TURNS INTO FLOWER PETALSSTOP IT STOP THE FLASHBACK IT FUCKING HURTSSSS

It’s bad enough if a dying person’s life flashes before their eyes bUT IT’S ENTIRELY ON DIFFERENT LEVEL IF IT FLASHES BEFORE THEIR CLOSE PARTNER’S EYES

Fran gets super pissed at Mordred she decides to talkIt’s actually a bit funy that everybody from the author to the animators making sure people notice Fran’s lightning pierces Sieg like ‘yo reader it’s important clue for our protagonist’s powers!’

Wait I just notice the role of the Berserkers from both faction is literally the same: to become servant bomb

At least Fran goes out in a beautiful electric explosion tree........

Astolfo: “Please be dead please be dead” Mordred: “...Yo...Hhh... Surprise....hh...bitch-” Astolfo: “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?”

Caules babe :’’’(((((((

He’s such a good master he honestly thought he screwed up and let Fran die in vain and he couldn’t do anything for her even until the end

In the novels, from this point on, everything about Caules and Fran will just hurt like a bitch.

Okay let’s cut the sadness and LOOK SIEG’S HEART BEATING

Siegfried appears!!!!!

I kinda forget that bathing in dragon blood means he’s actually covered in blood from head to toe that’s pretty disgusting if given more thought.

So Siegfried’s previous life was literally on the range of ‘national hero’ to ‘professional killer’ to ‘matchmaker’

Sieg: “You lived your life as a wish-granting machine but do you ever have a wish yourself?” Siegfried: “Dude you’re like born months ago don’t throw existential crisis on me right now”

Siegfried: “Now let’s get back on you. Do you have a wish?” Sieg: “....Uhm..” Siegfried: “See existential crisis doesn’t feel good.”

Siegfried takes Sieg from aurora field to dragon dungeon so Sieg’s ego grows like wow that’s hardcore

What is this? A King Arthur play? Sword in the stone??

It’s mandatory to have a fate anime with somebody dramatically decides on a life purpose and dramatically pulls out a sword.

You know, I’ve always liked Balmung’s design. It screams ‘WILD HERO’ and it’s got this badass design and color and sheath. In fact, it’s the third place in my heart after Durandal and maybe-not-suprisingly La Pucelle

That’s why I’m THIS close to be angry that it appears like a cannon fodder sword but thank God it transforms

Mordred: “Wew that was close!” Kairi: “Don’t ‘wew that was close’ me that servant you called third rate just nearly deep fried you if I didn’t bail you out and now I’m tired”

Astolfo be like “My friend is dead, my other friend is dead too, my other other friend is also dead, and now I’m facing a terminator why God”

Sieg!Fried: *standing ominously under the moon* Mordred: “Master, he’s dead right?” Kairi: “Yeah I heard so” Mordred: “Well now we have The Walking Dead”

I think I just squealed hearing Sieg!Fried’s asking “Are you okay?” that sounds so gentle and so hot at the same time?????

Sieg!Fried: “Are you okay?” Astolfo: *blush* “Baka” Mordred: “GET A FUCKING ROOOMMMMMM”

I love how chill Kairi is when facing this anomaly he’s like “Dude, it’s magic war, anything can happen”

Mordred you don’t get to call Balmung a cosplay sword when Clarent also looks like a gigantic cosplay sword

And cut to Shakespeare giving comments as usual. Do Semiramis and Shirou have to watch every battle while listening to his narration?

HAHA Semiramis has to place her hand palms up because of the spikes WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY?

Hm I kinda don’t know what to make out from Shirou’s words but I presume it’s about Sieg should just live like a pure baby he is instead of letting that purity dyed in everything good and bad in being human?

If that’s so, it’s a big hint of Shirou’s goal, no?

Shirou’s practicing if-looks-could-kill without even trying

Semiramis and Shakespeares are such good friends to Shirou they notice him look evil in a matter of seconds

Shirou be like “I thought my feelings are all secret but guess not I should perfect my poker face” just like his servant. Truly a match of heaven.

Lol guys that boy you just declare worthless will be the final man standing against you lololololol

Indeed Shakespeare is the Genre Savvy™ as expected of THE playwright

Mordred: “Master what’s his weakness?” Kairi: “His weakness is ‘Do your best and find out yourself’” Kairi is such a lil shit I love him

And there you have it the first battle scene in the first episode

Y’know, the novel describes Balmung as emanating orange light like the twilight when activated but the very same novel also illustrates it with vivid blue light and it’s making me having the existential crisis since forever

Balmung vs Clarent Blood Arthur more like Let’s nuke each other

Aw they skip the calling the name of the noble phantasms if you ask me I prefer if they include it in this episode too

Oh now it’s Sieg’s command spell on the closing title and with completely different background and SCATTERED FLOWER IS THE TITLE OF THIS EPISODE THANKS FOR REMINDING ME AGAIN THAT IT HURTS ):

Fran’s dead, Caules cries, my heart really hurts

Trust me, the novel version is far worse than the animation. The narration from the moment Caules notices what he has to do to his reaction after her death is just painful. All the root cause of it all? It’s because they care for each other. Even he acknowledges that.

Oh yeah and also Fran dies with a little smile while speaking those words in the novel, kinda different vibe with the anime version

In the novel, the Siegfried’s flashback also reveals his one wish: To become an ally of justice a.k.a. the same dream possessed by the Kiritsugu and Shirou Emiya. Now it may differs from each person but for me personally, while it serves as a driving force to Siegfried’s character, it’s also yet another a form of homage (or maybe long running serious gag?) to both Fate/Zero and Fate/Stay Night. Whether it is good or not to omit that from the anime, I can’t really say....

NEXT: I think we need some Jeanne now. Hopefully not Naruto running again.

#fate apocrypha #random saying #fate apocomment

[seksipomminpurkaja]

lana and pietro?

Yuuuussh

Loud warrior lady

1: their voice - a low and smooth but clear voice, her whispers send shivers down Romir’s spine

2: their smile - wide and toothy when really into it. Most of the time it’s a half smirk though

3: their greatest achievement - While she wants it to be her being one of the most respected people in her clan, and married another respected person, quite material like that

4: their insecurities - Her relationship with Maya, while she does care for her deeply, but sees it bit awkward to only now try to take care of her

5: their shortcomings - She’s quite all-around person, but gets bit cocky and that affects her when she tries to work with others, it has to be done her way bc she knows the best

6: how they deal with grief - She gets silent and buries it all inside. Sheds few tears when with her lovers, when Maya died, and later when Romir died

7: how they like to dress - Light armor most often, but when not working she has loose pants and a binder

8: what they like to eat - Anything really, she’s not picky, though fish is her favourite 

9: their theme -

Titanium - Sia

10: their fashion sense - Traditional warrior gear of leather vest and gauntlets, and laisure clothes most female riedians wear

11: their family life - One kid with Romir, and a happy stepmom to Alez’ and Bri’s son too

12: their romantic life - Three lovers, one warrior, one bountyhunter and one blacksmith. They’re a bit of a mess sometimes but they make it work

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago - Wearing that tit-out-robe before she was married, it’s mostly worn by married women and unmarried men. (The women get the robes from their husbands)

14: how they react to burning their tongue on food - Nothing, she’s been trained to endure pain, just quickly looking for some water

15: how they react to a brainfreeze - *ever so silently* fuck

16: their dreams - No dream in all her childhood but after Maya ran away she started seeing a fox quite often, and especially after she died. And many nightmares in between Maya’s and Romir’s deaths, they were an omen

17: their ambitions - Be a good mother and wife while still remaining a respected warrior in the eyes of her people

18: how they sleep - Just those loose pants, tangled in all three, being spooned by Romir and spooning Bri herself, Alez on top of them three

19: their reaction to betrayal - Fury and rage, she’s done all she can for everyone and if someone very close to her does something stupid, she’s gonna hunt them down without mercy

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter - It’s from Alez isn’t it

21: how they react to pain - Just gritting her teeth ad fighting even harder

22: what they’re like on two hours of sleep - Not as fast to react and just clearly in need of sleep

23: how they act when they’re sick - ‘This ain’t bad just let me do my stuff Nics go away’

24: what motivates them - Keeping her loved ones alive, and making her clan proud

25: why you enjoy them - idk, just a badass woman with a lot to say and an interesting relationship with her little sister

Mute insecure

1: their voice - lmao the what

2: their smile - do deep dimples he really feels insecure about them and thus doesn’t smile often, Frans loves them

3: their greatest achievement - Finally getting out of that rat filled basement and back into the real world again, with help, but still took a lot from him

4: their insecurities - what isn’t an insecurity of his?

5: their shortcomings - Shy beyond any measure , and has a preference to be alone, easily gets frustrated

6: how they deal with grief - gets very unstable, one moment crying uncontrollably and the next moment doodling furiously

7: how they like to dress - something that gives away an image of young man who has his life together, khakis and sweaters

8: what they like to eat - anything not rotten, though sometimes he’s digested rotten food too

9: their theme

hollywood undead - ghost

fever rey - if i had a heart

10: their fashion sense - no sense of style whatever, just wears whotever he has

11: their family life - his father left before he was even born, his mother hit him and disowned him 

12: their romantic life - nonexistant before Lola, Siri and Frans found him, he had a vague memory of the blond belgian dude and just went ‘holy shit he likes me??’

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago - His entire life in his eyes

14: how they react to burning their tongue on food - Shrieks and may shed few tears, he’s had enough 

15: how they react to a brainfreeze - Eye may twitch a little but as strong reaction as with hot food

16: their dreams - Mostly nightmares and flashback from his younger years, the blood on his hands haunt him every night if he even sleeps

17: their ambitions - just try to get on his feet himself, nothing grand, he just wants to live normal life

18: how they sleep - in t-shirt and underwear, on a couch or a rug, whatever somewhat soft he can find

19: their reaction to betrayal - he’s never been close enough with anyone to betray him, but he’d think he deserves it and just lets the other party do whatever they want

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter - he would be suspicious and ‘who paid and how much to anyone who wrote this?’

21: how they react to pain - any kind of pain with choked sobs and whipering

22: what they’re like on two hours of sleep - he only sleeps two hours per night max. so nothing too radical

23: how they act when they’re sick - hope he’ll die

24: what motivates them - nothing really, Frans isdoing his best job keeping him with them

25: why you enjoy them - i dumped some of my own feeling at him and i’m so sorry my poor son at least you get bit better, Jonas didn’t

#ocs #ask #i was at the movies to watch tom of finland and it took a while to write these im sorryy

[empty-dream]

Me Watching Fate/Apocrypha Ep 6

OOOO battle of camlann as opening, nice

Have I told you I miss Mordred?

“YO ARTHUR BACK OFF U AIN’T TYPE MOON NUMBER 1 CASH COW ANYMORE” 100% what Mordred just says

Mordred: Look Dad I kill them all bc of you think I suck. Artoria: Well but U still suck.

But anyway, damn Artoria that was really cold.

I can feel the pure rage in Mordred’s voice, applause to Miyuki Sawashiro!

Last time somebody thrusted a similarly giant lance into their enemy, it was also into a red fan favorite king/servant. So really Artoria, u ain’t that different to Gilgamesh.

Did I just come up with a Gil x Artoria material oh my god I’m a genius desperate shipper

The Knights of Round Tables more like Mean Girls: Camelot Version

MOVE EVERYBODY BEST BOY BEDIVERE IS HERE FOR 3 SECONDS ALL HAIL THE SHINING AIRGETLAM!

I have feelings for Bedivere since ever and I don’t care if u don’t understand

Loli Mordred is cute

Ooo Morgan le Fay appears. I am actually curious how does she actually look like? Is she saberface too? She looks like bitch saber even without face

The king is too perfect. The keyword is ‘too’ Mordred. Too much of something is not good.

I believe that Mordred is still convinced that Artoria is a man because the differences Artoria and Morgan have are very...ahem...apparent.

Oh so that’s why she thinks Morgan and Semiramis are similar. Similar aura....similar magic aptitude...similar very long hair... similar boobs...

Mordred: *looks damn cute* Artoria: Meh. Mordred: *looks damn murderous*

If Mordred is summoned as Berserker I bet she’d be just Lancelot 2.0

Kairi be like “Can’t you just show me a nice adventure moment instead of bloody family drama?”

Who has the idea of animating Mordred playing with cat U are a genius.

Waver be like “Don’t forget the II I’m not some asshole nobleman who belittles everybody for not having noble blood like him”

Who has the idea of animating Mordred playing with cat U are a genius A-1 give him raise.

One episode I think A-1 purposely skips out Celenike kidnapping a homunculus butler to her room, they proceed to shove his bloody mangled corpse to my face. Great..

If Mordred has pure unadulterated rage towards Artoria then I have pure unadulterated disgust towards Celenike

If you don’t have a slightest bit of disgust towards Celenike I don’t know what’s wrong with you man

Seriously where did they afford that cool chess set? I want one

What Vlad says: Hmm. What Vlad means: I want to judge your ruthless decision to sacrifice Gordes now that he’s useless but I think that’s a good idea too

Gordes: wasted.

Roche: “I wanna make Sensei’s dreams come true!” Me: “Great, another master with selfless decent wish!” Roche: “Then I can learn more about golems!” Me: “Cool learning spirit kid!” Roche: “That’s why for it to happen, magi and servants and the whole world if needed can just die for all I care!” Me: “Um.”

Seriously kids these days

HOLY SHIT I LOSE MY SHIT CAULES’S ROOM IS LITERALLY AN OTAKU ROOM

HE HAS A MAGICAL GIRL POSTER FOR GOD’S SAKE

CAULES I FUCKING LOVE YOU

I really wanna take you seriously with this dangerous and noble intention you speaking of but not with that Magical Medical Musical poster

A-1 better animate him using his magic next episode

Fran: For an otaku with mediocre talent at magecraft u are a very good master huh

Fran for Earth Hour Ambassador

LOOK AT HER FACE SHE SO PROUD in the novel she thinks Caules will praise her for unplugging the PC AND THAT’S PRECIOUS

Mordred’s role in this episode is just being angry, eating and playing with cat

I still love that they decide to have Mordred, the one who rebels against King Arthur and destroys Britannia, as a fundamentally decent and human person.

YOROKOBE SHONEN MORDRED

Kairi: “Let’s walk around town with your armor on.” Mordred: “I just got the best dad ever”

Oh my God that dress is so cute Jack I wish they just let you wear that dress into battle instead of that shitty stripper costume

Oh hi Semiramis but where is your Hanging Garden of Babylon I wanna see it too!

Semiramis: “What do u think Master?” Shirou: “Totally splendid.” Semiramis: “Great, we can use this for our honeymoon.” Shirou: “What?”

If I was the guard, I’d be like “Cool cosplay dudes! Can I take a photo with u guys?”

Exhibit 102 of Kairi and Mordred being best master-servant pair

Also Exhibit 102 of Kairi being a way better dad than Artoria ever was to Mordred

Wow seeing Jack being nuts and creepy kid is very different than just imagining it huh that giggle holy shit

Would you believe me if a) Chiron was just trying to kill Jack and succeeded in doing that or b) He and Fiore was just not there, a lot of tragedies could be avoided.

Fiore jumping down the building with style and grace

I lost track on keeping with Kairi-Mordred best team exhibits

Fiore and Chiron is Rin-Archer equivalent but healthier and more honest to each other.

I mean they are both competent, have a knack on jumping from high buildings, the master is sorta elegant lady, the archer has secret superb technique that doesn’t have anything to do with archery, the archer serves tea, and so on and so forth

I did a presentation about pankration back when I was in middle school this is so cool

The novel spends pages describing how powerful Mordred is and how she can beat anyone with ease but also have her always very barely comes out a winner or even alive from her fights and she gets super pissed and it’s hilarious

If a girl comes out from dark alley with that scary octopus machine hands I’d make the same face as Kairi too

Fiore switches talking sweetly to talking with stern voice in 1 second

Wow that’s a convenient machinery I want one.

Kairi where is your manner you can’t just ram a girl with a car full speed

I wonder how does Kairi deal with shooting human fingers and throwing heart grenades in his entire life like dude I wanna puke.

Kairi: Adios, babe.

GODDAMNIT WHY YOU CUT IT RIGHT THERE YOU SLY WEASEL!!!

So I take it A-1 isn’t shy of showing blood? Like, actually not shy? Not just some whim?

I love watching Mordred and Jack here in their supposed real characterization I got tired of the dirty naughty fanarts.

NEXT: Caules babe come please

#random saying #fate apocrypha #type moon #nasuverse #fate apocomment

[empty-dream]

Me watching Fate/Apocrypha ep 2

Omg they animated Jeanne’s execution down to the wood cross scene I’m so moved

I’ve always had this headcanon that when Jeanne’s burned she had short hair but whatever

I don’t know what kind of school Laeticia goes to but isn’t that shirt too fanservice-y for a school?

It’s like it’s made solely for Jeanne to flip her braid and show the fancy command spells in dramatic moments

The opening rocks especially in the first 33 seconds

Did they just, with Semirami’s silhouette-

Who doesn’t love Jeanne’s thigh high haha

Mordred and Kairi: Graveyard is the new trending hang out site yo

When I heard Shirou sleeping on Semiramis’s lap, I didn’t imagine in that pose

Badass Yddgmillenia crew but I don’t care CAULES IS THE FOCUS and Fiore too

The Black servants coming down the stairs like a prom queen

The fighting scenes are good

diD THEY JUST, FLASH THE TATTOOS-

At this point, A-1 must be all “Everybody play FGO, so everybody should know already right”

I love how Reika appears really so little in the opening I mean what is her role to the story

Astolfo is the gift for humanity

Fran is cute, Fran is mad, Fran is still cute

Gordes be an asshole within his first lines

I like how Caules and Astolfo stand together If you know the ending shot of the Apocrypha you know what I mean haha

However much I prefer Mordred over Artoria, her outfit under the armor is shit, still shit, and forever shit.

Mordred goes “DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER” brilliantly

I like that Mordred’s got unhinged obsession with her father, viciously badmouths the entire round table, smugly believes she is entitled to lift Caliburn, and still is loved by the majority of the fandom from day 1.

On the other hand, Kairi is best master and best dad.

Caules apologizing and trying hard to be supportive and protective mom to Fran is best thing ever

While, Fiore, in true Nasuverse opposite sibling style, sits elegantly and drinks tea

Is it me or Chiron’s biceps are enticing?

You know Fiore, it’s not the matter of whether you can win against Caules or not. Would you do it though?

CELENIKE NO

I can’t believe Astolfo doesn’t flip any shit after being molested like that We don’t deserve Astolfo

Gordes can you just stop being an asshole to Siegfried?

Fine, keep drinking your alcohol and acting like some nobleman. You know the last person who did exactly that? He ended up betrayed and dead

uM VLAD.

Finally Jack appears in decent clothes, probably one thing Reika does right huh

Look our main boy starts to be slightly be relevant at second episode

Is it a requirement for a character named Shirou to have eyebrows like that?

The queen has come, I would probably beg to touch Semiramis’s hair

Is it wrong to laugh at Vlad’s photo when he’s alive?

Did I say Kairi is best master? He acts all cool even tho he knew something is totally wrong and lets his servant know too. Unlike a certain master who is also a pro, but has a shit ass job at being remotely okay with his servant.

Shakespeare is literally the living incarnation of doing anything while screaming “YOLO”

If I were the hunter, I’d pass out right away at seeing a blue man grinning at me

Mordred’s transforms from casual to armor step-by-step like a damn magical girl

I also love how A-1 actually animates Mordred’s fighting MO with nasty punch, kicks and throws, completely the opposites to the grace them knights have.

GRENADE HEART

Have I said that Kairi and Mordred are best master-servant pair?

MY SUN SON HAS ARRIVED

The ending is beautiful actually. The nude part is kinda funny to look at, even tho I understand what it is supposed to mean (aside fanservice HAHAHA I still love you Jeanne)

Is it ironic that the character featured in a song about wish and desires in a series about people fulfilling theirs is the one who has none of it

Quality starts to decrease but again, this ain’t ufotable I don’t expect any god tier perfection in every episode

Love how the story is told from different perspective from the manga. It’s real fresh.

Can’t wait for my sun son whose life is full of bullshit to meet the resident suffering white haired boy and has a grand fight

#fate apocrypha #random saying #type moon