#i love anna with a burning passion she is one of my favorites by far

[rossefincha]

lowkey  thinking  about  adding  miss  a.nna  smith  

#i haven't watched d.ownton a.bbey in like a year #but i miss it a lot #idk we'll see how i'm feeling after the new movie #which i'm a little nervous about #i love anna with a burning passion she is one of my favorites by far #not to mention she fits my muse catalogue very well being a blonde girl with trauma & all #♕ * ♦ — 𝒪𝒪𝒞. did you heat about pluto? that’s messed up

[capitainelevi]

77 and 142 please~

Hello, sorry for the late answer!

Drabble challenge: Followers send a number to your ask and you write a drabble using that sentence/prompt in your piece.

“I lost our child.” and “Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

Make-believe

An unplanned meeting with her ex and a fake relationship with her Captain and his son. What could go wrong with that small lie?

Canon universe

Word count: 1862

One small lie would not harm, right? Or that's what Petra kept telling herself the moment the love of her life and the man she despised the most both stood in front of her.

Klaus had been the love of her life. Petra had been sure there was no one else out there for her. Their childhood friendship had blossomed into something more over the years, with a passion that consumed her whole. And she had been lucky enough to find a partner willing to accept her other love, the military. But it all took a turn for the worst when instead of popping the big question, Klaus had popped Petra's friend's cherry.

Heartbroken, Petra promised herself she would not give her heart to anyone ever again. No man was ever worth her tears. But when she laid her eyes on her captain for the first time, Petra knew she was done for. But with Levi, it was different. Being around him felt like coming home, and she soon craved the comfort of his presence. Not that she ever had the courage to let him in. That was still a work in progress.

Her Sunday shopping session had been refreshing so far, and the discount she got for the Captain's favorite tea leaves never failed to lighten up her mood. She could use the extra money to buy even more soap. God knew how fast the Captain emptied their reserves. Petra figured Levi’s friendship with the commander was one reason they even had such a large fund for cleaning supplies.

But her mood soured when she looked across the market and noticed a familiar face she had been hoping to avoid for as long as possible. News of his marriage (to the girl he had cheated with no less) had made their way to her ears a few weeks back when she had made a quick trip to her hometown. She had avoided the happy couple successfully and excused herself whenever someone tried to get a reaction from her. But when their eyes met, Petra knew their interaction was inevitable.

“Look who it is! Pet, it’s been too long! You’re looking good.”

Had he always been so obnoxious? Was his voice always so unpleasant? Was love truly blind? Before she could ponder more on her taste in men, it left Petra speechless to feel his arms wrap around her form. Staying perfectly still, Petra gathered all the strength she had left in her to avoid pushing him off of her. She despised the unnecessary contact and the casualness with which he treated their encounter. Like he hadn’t cheated on her with her friend.

Petra put on the fakest smile she could muster as she stepped back to avoid any further contact from his part. She had in plan to exchange a few words and pretend she was still on duty and had to report back to her Captain.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Unbothered by her coldness, Klaus analyzed her from head to toe approvingly, letting his sight linger on her bosom more than Petra would have been comfortable. She would have to scrub her skin raw once they returned to the barracks.

“I`m doing real good, Pet. Anna and I just tied the knot a few weeks back, and we just bought a house. The business is booming. We got more orders than we can handle.”

Her indifference soon turned to anger. The nerve of that man! Petra found it hard to believe she had ever imagined a life by his side. She could feel her cheeks burning from her indignation. But as she gathered her thoughts for a perfect response, he got ahead of her.

“Are you still in the military, or did you finally find a man to take care of you? Talked to your old man a few weeks back, and gotta say, he seemed a bit discouraged. I'm not surprised.”

It left Petra speechless. She had a hard time believing she heard those words. But anger was clouding her judgment, and before she could analyze the wiseness of her choice, the words left her mouth. Her father had always said her impulsivity was her biggest weakness that she had to work on, and sometimes, she prayed she would listen to his advice.

“My boyfriend’s just over there, with his son from his first marriage. My boys are so sweet to me.”

It was satisfying to see the surprise on his face as he took in the news that she was dating Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. There was not a man inside the Walls that had not heard of Captain Levi’s strength and bravery.

“You’re dating Captain Levi? THE Captain Levi?”

Petra could feel her heart burst with pride every time she had the chance to praise her Captain. Levi was modest, but Petra thought he deserved recognition and admiration. After all, he would be the one to free them from behind the Walls. Petra was sure of that.

“Yes, I’m his partner.”

Which was not a complete lie, Petra figured. She was the closest relation Levi had to a girlfriend. They shopped for groceries and cooked together, drank tea in the evenings, and Petra was sure Levi considered her a friend at the very least. She often wondered how he would react if she ever asked him out on a date, but she was worried she would disturb the dynamics of the squad if he did not feel the same for her.

“Wow, I’ll be damned! Never saw it coming, Pet! Well, aren’t you gonna introduce me?”

Before she could think of a good excuse, Klaus had grabbed Petra’s hand and made their way to where her Captain was explaining the differences between two brooms to a clueless Eren. He saw Petra approaching from the corner of his eye but never paid much attention to it. He had something more important on his mind.

“How could you even say these brooms are the same, brat?”

But his rant got interrupted when a fancy-dressed man got into his face and slammed his fist against his chest, as he yelled in a mocking tone- “Dedicate your hearts!”

Without even bothering to look at the man in question, Levi turned to Petra with a grimace on his face. Why was that ass disturbing his peace? He did not appreciate someone messing with his Resupplying Sunday, and Petra knew better than to interfere with it.

“What is this, Ral?”

Petra wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. She would even take another titan invasion. Anything was better than having to explain to her boss she had lied about dating him. She could feel her cheeks burning from the embarrassment.

“Right, sorry. This is Klaus. We lived in the same village growing up.”

Klaus laughed loudly and hit her playfully on her back- “Come on Pet. Just neighbors? I’m sure the old man won’t get jealous we used to date!”

Old man? Levi was barely entering his thirties, that was something new for him. Why had Petra brought her ex to meet him? And why had Petra dated that fuck in the first place? Levi had always thought Petra was too good for him. It surprised him to see she had shit taste in men. Maybe he still had a chance one day. He could tell Petra was dying from embarrassment, not having raised her eyes from her feet once since Klaus opened his mouth.

“I never thought she would move on from me, not gonna lie. I’m surprised to hear she’s dating Captain Levi. The legend itself!”

Levi smirked. Petra had such a shit plan in the first place. Pretending to date him to make her ass of an ex-boyfriend jealous. Not that he completely judged her for it. Having just met the man for less than a minute, Levi already craved to shove his boot deep into Klaus’ ass. Ral would have to owe him.

“No idea, she never even mentioned you once.”

Petra’s jaw dropped when she saw Levi participating in her awful plan. She had been so nervous about how Levi would react and how the news of her stupidness would spread to her village immediately. She was already planning on visiting her father while meeting no one on the way.

“Petra’s a real catch. You’re a damn fool for losing a woman like her.”

Petra choked on her saliva at hearing the words she thought would never leave his mouth. Plaything or not, she was always going to cherish them. The thought that there was a seed of truth behind them was blossoming in her mind, but she tried not to get ahead of herself. It was not the time to dream about their potential future together. She was still not in the clear, and she had some explaining to do once Klaus left.

She could swear her heart stop as she felt his soft breath on his ear as he leaned down to whisper, “Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

Doe-eyed, Petra just stared at him dumbly, unsure if she heard him right or if she was imagining the words she had been dreaming of for years. As much as she had wanted to move, her muscles refused to listen to her, so she remained still as Levi took her sweaty hand in his.

It satisfied Levi to see the smugness leaving Klaus’ dumb face, as the reality that his ex-girlfriend had moved on from him eventually set in. After a few moments of awkward silence, Klaus laughed nervously and pretended to look around the market for someone.

“Right, Anna is waiting for me. Enjoy your Sunday with your son.”

“See you around, Pet,” he yelled as he put some distance between himself and the couple.

“Captain, I’m so sorry…”

Levi interrupted her and let go of her hand- “No need, I get it. He’s an ass. Why would you date such a fuck, Petra? You could do better.”

Petra was too nervous to form a coherent answer, but Levi never insisted on it. Not that he would ever admit it to her, but it was fun to mess with that ass. And he had meant every word he said. Petra was a real catch, and if the circumstances had been different and they were not hunting man-eating monsters for a living, their relationship could have been different. Could have been more. He was grateful to have her by his side, nevertheless. She was an incredible soldier and a good friend.

“I lost our child.”

During the whole awkwardness, Eren had given his superiors some much-needed space and ventured to find some tea leaves for his Captain. He knew the squad would never forgive him for missing out on a juicy gossip topic, but he respected Petra too much for that.

Levi chuckled once the realization set in, but he was sure the brat wouldn’t dare to venture far from them.

“I’m sure the brat’s fine.”

Before Petra could get another word in, Levi put a newly bought broom in her hand- "You owe me, Ral. A cleaning rag, this broom, 6 am sharp, my office."

ao3

#this is pure crack and Petra's ex is an ass #rivetra #petra ral #rivetra fanfiction #rivetra fanfic #rivetra drabble #my writing

[largedenominationsplease]

you’d come over, right?

Summary: A year after Kiara and JJ broke up, they come home to the Outer Banks to deal with one of the hardest years of their lives.

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: swearing, canon-compliant smoking, au, minor character death, cancer, current events

A/N: Alternate Universe: JJ and Kiara dated seriously for a long while, but over a year before this story, they parted ways. Set in present-day with current events, but most current events are only mentioned briefly for context. All characters aged 21+. Partially inspired by If the World Was Ending by JP Saxe and Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi and current events and Sad Feels™ and a sad playlist my sister made. Come cry with me... also on ao3

Shoutout to @alexandracheers​ for proofreading <3

Sometimes even the most beautiful things die. It’s the sad cycle of life. 

It starts with a spark, a first touch, a first look, a first kiss; 

a few embers of warmth, holding hands, secret glances, flirty texts; 

the roaring flames of passion, clinging to one another, leaving the party early, tangled limbs and tangled sheets; 

then the steady heat of a well-tended fire, cozy mornings making coffee, binging your favorite shows, texting to see how your day is. 

But, sometimes, even the most loved and cared for fires die. They go out with little warning or reason. What was a welcome flame in the hearth one night may be a bed of ash by morning. 

Their fire died a long time ago. It wasn’t anyone’s fault - no one was trying to douse the flames - it just went out. When they sat down and discussed breaking up - parting ways was a more apropos term - she hadn’t even cried. When he packed up and moved out, it was unceremonious. He even kissed her forehead as he left, like he’d done a hundred times before, only this time he wasn’t coming back. 

She still dreamed about him. Sometimes unbidden images of picket fences and a dog and home-cooked meals and potted plants intruded upon her thoughts. Once, when her period was late, she’d even dreamt of a curly-haired little boy with blue eyes - which was ridiculous because she was very single at the time. Did she even want to have kids?

He thought about her, too. Each new destination she traveled to brought new Instagram posts and awakened an ache in his chest he couldn’t quite place. That ache deepened when she revisited places they had gone together - unwanted memories flooding his senses. The smell of coconut still sent him spinning, missing the feeling of running his fingers through her hair, over the smooth skin of her arms and legs. 

What hurt so badly about their fire dying wasn’t that it died. What hurt was that it should never have died; that it died so quietly and suddenly; that one day it was there, burning bright, and the next it was a cold gray heap of coals. 

Even their friends were surprised when he moved back home. “Where is she?” and “What happened?” and “We had no idea you had any problems.”

Followed by the futile response of, “It was just time to move on.”

And they did move on, eventually. She traveled to forget and perhaps after a few months she could call herself truly happy - though there was always an ache of not having someone to share each experience with. He stayed at home, but he opened his own business and the familiarity of home soothed any wounds he sustained. Their fire might have gone out, but they kept the bed of ash in the fireplace, a shrine to what they once had, and it was more comforting than sad after a time. 

When the virus first hit, she’d been back in the states, on the West Coast. She messaged him:

Are you safe? Still have a job? Anyone sick?

Fine for now. You?

Fine.

When the protesting started, he knew she’d be in the thick of it. Not that he didn’t get involved, he just knew her passion for people and justice. He messaged her back this time:

You’re protesting, aren’t you? Are you safe?

Of course! But I’m being careful. You?

Staying safe. Protesting here, too. 

Hurricane Isaias wasn’t meant to be a bad storm, but she had still tracked it up the East Coast. Her suspicions were confirmed when it intensified.

Isaias didn’t wipe y’all out, did it?

No, blew through pretty quick. The Cut took a hit. Gonna take some time to fix it up. 

At first, after reading the headlines about the fires out west, he thought it was a joke. As they spread, he realized how serious it was and it worried him. 

You evacuated, right? The air quality is shit where you are. 

Yep. Gonna take a pandemic-friendly tour of some national parks further east.

Every new development meant more messages sent. Simple little check-ins that meant nothing and everything. It was a scary year the world faced, and even after all those months apart, the only thing they wanted was to find comfort in one another’s safety. On opposite ends of the country, the two of them tied together by current events and the memory of their relationship. 

Mid-September, while she was traveling away from the fires on the West Coast, he got a call from her mother. He hadn’t spoken to her mother much since they had broken up, over a year ago, but she still liked his Instagram posts and struck up conversations when she saw him around town. 

“Hey, Mrs. Anna.”

“Hi, JJ. I’ve told you, it’s just Anna.” Her voice was soft and as kind as ever, but held an edge of tiredness and strain he hadn’t heard from her before. “We have some… tough news, and we wanted you to hear it from us first.”

Colon cancer…

Kiara’s hearing faded into white noise as her mother spoke those words to her through the phone. Her mother went on to explain that even though they caught it late, the doctors were optimistic that her father would make a recovery. Treatments were set to start right away. 

“Mom, I’m coming home.”

“Honey, we know you’ve got traveling plans. We’ll be fine. We don’t want to interrupt your-”

“Mom, I can’t do much traveling with this virus. Dad is more important than any of that, anyway. I’m coming home.”

JJ cried when Anna hung up the phone. Mike was rough around the edges, and he was resistant to Kiara dating a Maybank, but once JJ won him over, he treated him like a son. Hearing this news was a punch to the gut - it was like losing a father. Even in the midst of his sadness he knew Kiara would be sent into a tailspin.

Hey. You okay?

She was typing in response, then nothing. He waited, seeing the little bubble pop up again and again and fade away each time. And then she videocalled. She hadn’t called him in months - not since they parted ways. The little screen showed her in her car, only illuminated by her dim phone screen and the passing street lights. Tears stained her cheeks, but she kept her eyes trained on the road. “I’m not okay.”

“You’re driving right now?”

“I’m coming home.”

“Kiara, pull over. It’s late. Get some sleep.”

“I can’t. They caught it late - he might… who knows how much time I have-”

“Kie.” His voice was soft. He was always soft toward her.

Her face crumpled as the tears fell fresh. He let her cry. He talked to her about nothing and everything as her tears subsided. She cried as she drove through the night, talking to him when she was calm, crying harder when the conversation lulled. She didn’t stop until she noticed he’d fallen asleep, the video call still rolling. It was after four in the morning. The pang of nostalgia that tore through her was enough to make her catch her breath. They hadn’t talked like that since they first started dating. A few tears sneaked out of the corners of her eyes, but she couldn’t tell if the memories or the fear of the future caused them. She found a safe place to park and fell into a fitful sleep in the back of her car. 

She made it home just in time for her dad’s first surgery. JJ met her and her mother at the hospital parking lot, all masks and six-feet of distance until she said, “I could really use a hug.” The three of them colliding into a group hug within seconds. 

JJ made sure the Carreras didn’t need anything as Mike went through chemo and more and more hospital stays. He ran errands for them since none of them could risk going out and bringing anything home. He did yard work since Mike hated an unkept lawn. Kiara always made sure to leave him snacks and drinks on the back deck as the North Carolina heat stretched into October. Aside from that, he willingly put himself at Anna’s beck and call. Anything and everything she needed done, he jumped at the opportunity to help. He would even come over in the evenings to play cards with Mike - masks included. Kiara’s heart ached as she watched her parents get along with him so well. She hadn’t realized how far he had wormed his way into their little family, but here they were, acting as though nothing had changed between him and their daughter, loving him like a son. He praised her mom’s cooking until she blushed and there were times he could make her dad laugh so hard they all forgot for a moment that cancer existed. Those moments were fleeting and oh-so cherished. 

Mike deteriorated quickly. It made Kiara sick to see her father become a cancer-wasted shell of himself. As optimistic as the doctors had been originally, the treatments weren’t taking well. As chemo wrapped up, his numbers were still dangerously high. November brought another emergency surgery that confirmed their worst fears. Mike moved home. They were told all that was left was to manage the pain and make him as comfortable as they could. They had perhaps a month left. JJ moved into the guest room to be as close as possible in case anything was needed from him. The four of them were left waiting as Thanksgiving approached. 

Kiara wasn’t sleeping. Maybe it was knowing her ex-boyfriend was staying down the hall from her, though that was an odd thing to focus on. More likely, it was the fact that her father was passing away right before her eyes, slipping through her fingers as she stood by, helpless. The sun had set hours ago, and she sat with a now-cold cup of tea in front of her at the kitchen table, mulling over each crazy event that had led her to this point. 

JJ wandered into the kitchen, opening the fridge to inspect the contents. “What are you doing up so late?” he asked.

“I could ask you the same thing.” The words came out harsher than she had intended, but then again, she was exhausted in every single sense of the term.

JJ brushed off her roughness. “Hungry. Did you eat dinner?” He knew she hadn’t, so he set about making an extra sandwich.

After a few moments of silence, Kiara whispered, “It’s all my fault.”

“What?”

“It’s my fault,” she repeated, her lip trembling. “I always kept track of his appointments for him. He was always shit at remembering to go to the doctor. He should have had one last year, but I didn’t come home and I didn’t remind him. If I hadn’t broken up with you, I would have been here to remind him to go.” Tears shone in her eyes and on her cheeks.

JJ gave her a quizzical look, deciphering what she was saying. “I seem to recall being the one who left. But really none of this is anyone’s fault,” he kept his voice even, wanting nothing more than to hug her, to wipe away all the tears, and make sure she never had to shed another one again.

“I know, I know, it’s ridiculous, but it’s what keeps running through my head.” She reached up and readjusted the messy bun that her hair was falling out of. “But, for the record, I asked you to leave.” JJ raised an eyebrow as she said this, as though he didn’t believe her. The truth was, neither of them really remembered who had dumped who or why he had left in the first place. Nothing happened that they couldn’t work out with a little bit of effort. “Didn’t I?” she faltered.

He shrugged. “I don’t remember.”

“We just fought a lot, didn’t we?”

“Constantly. You were a bitch.”

She turned to him, mouth open. She slapped at his shoulder, “I know you did not just call me a bitch, bitch!”

He smirked at her. “Maybe you weren’t that bad. Apparently, I was a slob.”

“You are a slob,” she chuckled. Then she sighed and moved to heat up her tea. “But that’s no reason to dump someone. We just… fell out of love, I guess.”

“I didn’t.” His voice was so soft he was barely even sure he had spoken. Based on the way Kiara froze, her back tense, he’d definitely said those private thoughts aloud.

She turned slowly, her face pale with lack of sleep and - something else. Was that anger? Or sadness? “You’ve had more than a year to confess something like that to me, and you choose now?”

JJ shrugged helplessly, unsure of what to say.

“That was the issue all along, wasn’t it?” Kiara’s voice shook, but she kept her tone cool, even. “You wouldn’t communicate with me.”

“Oh, come on, Kie, that’s not fair.” It was too late for a fight. They were both tired and emotional. This wouldn’t end well.

“What’s not fair?” Her voice had started to rise in volume and pitch as her anger increased. She wasn’t even sure why she was angry in the first place, but something about JJ’s confession caused her blood to boil. “The fact that you didn’t admit you still loved me when you left over a year ago? Or the fact that you choose to admit that to me while I’m exhausted and emotionally compromised?”

“Don’t be like that! That’s not what I’m doing.” JJ tried to keep his voice lower than hers, so they wouldn’t wake Mike or Anna, but the way her eyes flashed told him that wouldn’t happen. He grabbed her bicep and led her out to the backyard.

“Let go of me!” She pulled away from him, trying to hide the shiver that ran up her spine in the cool November evening air. “You don’t get to manhandle me and manipulate me into falling back into your arms like nothing happened.”

“That’s not-“ JJ ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. “You know I’m shit at communicating this stuff.”

“At saying ‘I love you?’ At being emotionally present? Listen, I know your dad was fucked up and he fucked you up, but you’re a grown-ass man now. You could have learned how to be there for me!”

“Don’t bring him into this!” They’d had this fight a million times before. The recurring theme of their demise being communication. Their fire had been sputtering under the faulty system they had in place long before they realized what their problems were - it was something neither of them wanted to admit. “Fuck it, Kie, even if I had wanted to get any better at communicating, you were no help. You held every single one of my mistakes over my head. There was no road to redemption for you.”

“No, no that’s not true. I tried to help you-“

“Only telling me what I did wrong wasn’t helpful.”

She opened her mouth and closed it again, stuttering in anger. “Well… if you still loved me so much, why did you leave?”

“Why stay when I knew you didn’t love me anymore?” JJ’s voice dropped and he avoided eye contact with her. 

Her eyes grew wide in realization. “You know what? Fuck you! I loved you until the day you left. If I had known you weren’t coming back I would have fought harder to keep you with me, and if you’re too dense to see-” He cut her words off, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her roughly. She melted into him, a single tear squeezing itself from her eye. He tasted of a coconut flavored vape pod and nicotine and the sea. He was just as stupid and lovely as ever. It only lasted a moment before she shoved at his chest, clearing her throat and turning from him to hide the blush rising to her cheeks. 

“I’m… I’m seeing someone,” she muttered by way of explanation.

“Oh.” JJ licked his lips, missing her more than he had before he kissed her. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know. Who is it? Why aren’t they here?” He hadn’t meant to add that last part, but he was curious. Who could she be seeing that wouldn’t support her during all of this? Who could she want to be with that wasn’t there, like he was?

“Um, her name’s Fern. I asked her not to come. I didn’t want her to meet my dad this way.” She started to walk toward the door, wrapping her arms around herself in the cold November evening air. 

“Kie,” JJ called after her. She turned slightly, to catch his eye out of the corner of her own. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything… I fucked a lot of things up. And I’m sorry about your dad.”

She nodded. “Me too.” With everything, she added mentally, and he knew she had.

Kiara and JJ wordlessly promised each other that they wouldn't let their differences ruin the upcoming holidays. So Thanksgiving passed uneventfully. It was almost a normal Carrera family holiday, besides the fact that Anna and JJ did most of the cooking. Mike tried once or twice to wander into the kitchen, but he didn’t make it long before having to sit back down. Kiara made him comfortable on the couch and they watched what little football was playing. She was sure to commentate on each play alongside him. The four of them ate extreme amounts of food, and laughed and played games. “Tomorrow we go get our Christmas tree,” Mike announced at the end of the night. Kiara bit her lip and glanced at JJ. He shrugged half-heartedly.

“That’s right, baby,” Anna replied, looking meaningfully at the others. 

And they did. They didn’t travel to the mountains, like other years, but they did go down to the local tree lot. Kiara made a big fuss about finding the fattest tree and over-scrutinized each one until she found the perfect Christmas tree, just like always. JJ had spent holidays with the Carrera’s before, but he had never been so intimately involved in all of their traditions. He thought Christmas might just become his favorite holiday at this rate. 

The weeks leading to Christmas weren’t all smooth sailing. Just a few days after Thanksgiving Mike was confined almost exclusively to a hospital bed in the living room. A nurse moved in a few days after that. He slept fitfully if he slept at all, and most days, the pain (or the pain medication) kept him from interacting with the rest of them. Kie would read to him in the evenings, starting with A Christmas Carol. He fell asleep after only a few paragraphs each time, so it took a long while to get through the story. All four of them watched classic Christmas movie after classic Christmas movie - many of which JJ hadn’t ever seen (to which Anna always replied, “That’s going on our list, then!”). Mike managed to stay awake for the entirety of Elf, his favorite. 

Christmas day was quiet. JJ cooked breakfast for everyone, and Anna gushed about how good his cooking had gotten. They had opted not to exchange gifts this holiday, instead filling their stockings with all their favorite candies and snacks. It had been JJ’s idea, and Kiara thought he might have been a secret genius for suggesting it. In the afternoon, Fern called Kie and they talked for over an hour. JJ thought she looked satisfied when she returned, but nowhere near as happy as one should be when they got off a long conversation with their girlfriend. It was probably just the current circumstances. She didn’t say anything other than, “What’s the next movie, Dad?”

Mike died two days after Christmas. He went in his sleep, which was exactly what he had wanted. No fuss, no doctors trying desperately to save him. Just a good night’s sleep where he peacefully breathed his last. He didn’t look the same as he once had. Cancer had changed him so drastically, his once strong imposing frame a mere shadow of its former glory. But his face was smoothed out, lines of pain, grief, and illness wiped away, leaving simply peace. He could have been asleep, but now he would never wake up. Looking at him, Kiara felt like she was drowning. Like every breath she fought to take just filled her lungs with more and more water. Her dad was her rock, and now she was sinking in a wide, dark ocean. She thought she might never breathe again. 

The funeral was tiny - it was only close family that attended - three days after he passed. The sky was clear and blue and the air was cold, typical North Carolina winter. It had snowed the day before, just a bit, so the ground was frozen and white. It could have been beautiful if it wasn’t so heartbreaking. Anna didn’t cry that day. She said she had cried enough. The snow started falling again that evening, once they got home, and she said that was Mike’s way of telling her he loved her. She loved the snow.  

JJ went back home the day after the New Year. Anna told him to stay as long as he wanted, but he said it was time for him to move on. She understood, hugged him tightly before he went, admonishing him to come around often. He said he would, and promised to help with anything she needed around the house, too. Kiara sat huddled on the front porch in a rocking chair, wrapped in a thick blanket with a cup of hot cocoa as he walked out. “You’re not going to say goodbye?” he teased kindly. 

She looked up at him, her eyes still bloodshot and sorrowful. He wanted to hold her. He wished she had never had to go through any of this. She didn’t deserve it. “I don’t know what to say,” she said. “You’ve done so much for us.”

JJ shook his head. “It was selfish. I thought if I was nearby maybe it wouldn’t happen.”

“It was anything but selfish,” She insisted, standing up and wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders. She placed a cold hand on his cheek. “Really, J. We couldn’t have made it through any of this without you.”

JJ might have leaned too deeply into her touch, no matter how cold her hands were. It somehow felt colder when she moved away. He cleared his throat. “So what’re your plans now? Getting back on the road?”

“Not until spring. Mom won’t admit it, but she’s not ready to be alone. She’ll need some help coping. And honestly, I’m not itching to leave.”

“I thought you’d wanna skip out as soon as possible. Doesn’t Fern miss you?”

She squinted her eyes but didn’t say anything in response. “I’ll miss having you around, Maybank.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll still be around. I think your mom will institute Sunday dinners or some shit if I don’t come over regularly.”

Kie chuckled. “She really loves you. Dad does - did, too.” Her voice broke slightly.

“I love them, too,” JJ said, honestly. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before picking up his bags and leaving. Kiara caught her breath as his lips brushed her skin, warmth spreading from where he made contact. Her wide eyes stayed glued to his figure as he loaded up his truck and drove away. 

If normal could be achieved after a year like the Carrera women had experienced, they worked their hardest to achieve it. Anna threw herself into caring for the Wreck and it had the best off-season it had had in years. Kiara wrote songs and worked alongside her mother and even took some online classes. Anna did indeed institute Sunday dinners with JJ and he came to as many of them as he could. Life was slow to move forward, but Kie and Anna kept each other afloat, reminding themselves that Mike wouldn’t have wanted them to sit still crying over him. Step by step they picked up the pieces of their lives. 

Things went along this way for a couple months or so. The world was calming down, but not fully quiet yet - when was the world ever quiet? Kiara never thought she could enjoy the quiet slow life that was the Outer Banks during the off-season, but after the year she’d had, she wanted nothing more than simple domesticity. She said as much during one of their Sunday dinners, enticing a knowing smile from her mother and a surprising lack of eye contact from JJ. She cornered him on the back deck when he’d stepped out to smoke. She was grateful they had regained some of the ease their friendship had carried when they were younger. “Okay, what was that all about?”

He chewed on his lip, twisting his cigarette between his fingers. He’d given up weed a while back when they were traveling, out of necessity, but she was secretly glad he’d never taken it up again. “I’m leaving,” he said abruptly. 

“Leaving? Going where?” 

“Not sure yet. My cousin’s gonna watch the shop for me. Travel the states for a bit until it’s safer to leave the country. Then Mexico? Maybe.”

“When will you be back?” 

He shrugged, “Don’t know. Not for a long time.”

“Why?” Her mouth had gone dry and her words had run out. JJ was a die-hard salt-lifer. He might pack up and leave occasionally, but the Outer Banks was home, where he belonged. She thought that no matter where he went, he’d always end up back here. Home. How could he leave now?

He turned to look at her, urgency and honesty shining in his eyes. “I know he was your dad, and I probably don’t have the right to feel this way, but I…” 

“You lost him, too,” she said, understanding.

“Need a change of scenery.” He shrugged again, putting out his cigarette before walking back inside. 

Kiara understood better than most the need to keep moving, the change of scenery a welcome distraction. Traveling alone left a lot of time to think and soul-search. She didn’t peg JJ as the soul-searching type, but grief changed people; he needed time. She could support him in that.

“You’re going with him, right?” Anna asked sternly as she and her daughter washed dishes that evening. JJ had just left. 

“What?” Kiara nearly dropped the plate she was drying. 

“JJ told me all about his plans. Getting out of here for a while will be good for him!” She waved a hand over her shoulder, dismissing Kiara’s shocked expression. “He talks to me, too, you know? Always has.”

Kiara chuckled lightly, “So even though he and I broke up, he never broke up with y’all?”

“You shouldn’t have broken up with him.”

Kiara’s heart stopped for a moment, as she processed what her mother had said. “What do you mean?” She started slowly. “I thought you didn’t approve of me dating someone from the Cut.”

Anna sighed, setting down a half-washed pan. She turned to her daughter. “Your dad and I always wanted what was best for you. We thought that meant college, a solid career, marrying up. But we realized recently that that is never what life’s about.” She reached out and took Kiara’s hands, tears starting to shine in her eyes. “Your dad was from the Cut. When we first got married, we had nothing except each other but being with him was the best decision I ever made. He made me happy. I think I made him happy, too.”

“You definitely made him happy, Mom. But JJ and I fought all the time, we couldn’t sort things out.”

Anna scoffed, “Your dad and I fought, too. Fights happen, but you have to realize you’re not fighting each other, you’re a team fighting the problem. Once you figure that out, you can work through anything.”

Kiara shook her head, but she had a soft smile on her lips. “Mom, I just don’t know.”

Anna smiled, tearfully. “That is what life’s about. Nobody knows! What really matters is who is there to walk with you in the unknown. Who is there for you when you need them? Through the good and the bad. Your dad was that person for me.” She paused and looked at Kiara meaningfully, “So I’ll ask again: are you going with him?”

She shouldn’t, but while considering all of this somehow she felt freer. Her father had just died, she should still be mourning him, and yet she knew that he wouldn’t want her to wallow - she had to pick herself up. You knew this was coming, she heard his voice in her head. She hoped she would never forget what that voice sounded like. You knew I was going. Now that I’m gone, you’re free to live your life again. Live it, Kiara.

JJ finished buying his ticket for the ferry. It was cold out, more snow on its way. He had some time to kill before loading up his truck, but not much. He double-checked the straps on his luggage in the bed of the truck and was just beginning to contemplate how to pass the time when he heard his name being called. He turned to see Kiara running toward him, backpack bouncing wildly on her back. She was all flushed cheeks and shining eyes and curls tumbling around her shoulders. 

“I broke up with Fern,” her words came out in a rush as she drew near him before he could even greet her. “I broke up with her months ago.”

“O-okay,” JJ replied, heart pounding. A million thoughts ran through his mind. He had just seen Kiara, why hadn’t she mentioned it then? Or before then? Why had she come all the way here to tell him that?

“And I’m coming with you,” she continued. 

“What?” JJ wasn’t one to be lost for words, but he couldn’t say anything else. 

“You make me happy. When the world went to shit you were the one person I wanted to know was safe. You were there for me and my whole family in the darkest few months of our lives and you really cared about us. I don’t care that we fought or that we will fight because being with you makes me happier than I ever thought possible.”

If she was going to say anything else, her words were swallowed up when he kissed her, hands cupping her cold cheeks. “I love you,” he said when she pulled back to breathe. “I never stopped. I didn’t know how to fight for you, how to stay, but I’ll do better. I can be better.”

She pressed another kiss to his lips. “Shut up, we’ll figure it out. We can do it right this time.” 

Sometimes things die. It’s a sad cycle. The brightest fires turn cold and gray. But with time, new sparks can settle in that bed of ash. With care a new fire can start, burning brighter than before. So, even though things sometimes die, sometimes those dead things lead to an even more beautiful beginning.

#obx #outer banks #jiara #jj x kiara #angst #tw: current events #set in 2020 #jj maybank #kiara carrera #tw: minor character death #big sad #fics with liv #tw: cancer

[mayquita]

Damn You For Making Me Love You (13/15) - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

Thank you so so much, for your likes, reblogs, kudos and comments. It means the world to me.

Beta-Reader: Thank you so much, @ultraluckycatnd​​​ I couldn’t have asked for a better beta. Thank you for all your effort, your suggestions, your advice and for always being there when I needed you.

Special mention to @saraswans​​ and @onceuponaprincessworld​​​, thank you so much for your perpetual support and for believing in me and in the story. Thank you again to the moderators of the event, @captainswanbigbang​​​ for giving us this opportunity and making this possible. You all are the best :)

Summary: Emma Swan and Killian Jones are close friends and co-workers. And both are in love with each other. The problem? They keep their feelings secret not only to the other but also to the rest of their friends. When Elsa, Emma’s best friend and Liam, Killian’s brother and Emma’s boss find out, they decide to form an alliance and work as a team with a clear goal, to get Emma and Killian to take the next step in their relationship and confess their love for each other.

Rating: M

Word count: ~ 6600 (98k total in 15 chapters)

Ao3 / FFnet

About this chapter: What might happen when you put six people together in a cabin to celebrate New Year with all those simmering feelings around them?

//

Chapter 12:  Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

Emma - December 2019

Emma could barely contain her excitement as they approached their destination.

They had been so busy the previous week that she was looking forward to enjoying this well-deserved break for everyone. Not only because she would be able to really rest and disconnect for a couple of days, but also because this trip would allow her to spend time again not only with Killian but with the most important people in her life.

Christmas week had been crazy. The number of clients did not stop growing, which meant not only an increase in their income but also an increase in work. During the past few days, she had spent more time helping behind the bar than taking pictures.

The prominent success of The Kraken was also reflected on different social media platforms, as they gained new followers every day, while the number of comments that these followers left was increasing. Even the poll to choose the song on Saturday had been a resounding success, getting a lot of participants who not only dedicated themselves to voting but to give their opinions not only on the songs but also on the singers themselves.

The corners of Emma's lips rose as she read through the new comments that had appeared in the last hours on her phone. They had a passionate audience, no doubt, to the point that they had even started shipping Emma and Killian together, with non-subtle comments about it.

Omg! Their chemistry on stage is awesome. Can you imagine that one day they surprise us with a kiss after singing? I'd die if that happened. The Kraken is my favorite bar and I go there every Saturday. And now with even more reasons to go. I love Killian and Emma duets. They're fantastic together. Killian is the best singer ever, but with Emma by his side, they manage to create magic. Are they really together or does it just seem like it? I think Memories has been their best performance together so far. It was amazing!!! And I love the songs participating in the new poll. I’ve already voted, looking forward to seeing them sing together Don't Stop Believing. I believe in them.

"What's so funny?" Killian asked as he stretched his neck to try to take a look at her phone screen. 

They had decided to travel in one vehicle, with Liam the one designated to drive, since it was his own car. The passenger seat was occupied by Elsa, while Killian and Emma were relegated to the back seats, although this time Killian didn't seem to mind in the least.

"Stuff about The Kraken," Emma explained, handing him the phone. "People seem to ship us," she continued in a lower tone as she glanced forward to make sure the other two were not paying attention to them.

They hadn't told anything to anyone about the new level reached in their relationship. Not that there was much to tell, she had tried to convince herself. They might have shared several kisses but they hadn't talked about feelings, not really.

Well, to be honest, since she had asked him to be patient they had shared more than just chaste kisses. It was as if, even though the armor around her heart hadn't yet disappeared completely, she was having serious difficulties in curbing her physical attraction to him once she had been able to taste his lips — and remember it.

He was a hell of a kisser. Of course he was, she wasn't surprised at all. Still, she had only succumbed once more after Christmas, in a steamy moment shared minutes before Killian took the stage last Saturday. She had followed him to the office to grab the guitar and jumped on him the moment the door had closed behind them, leaving him breathless, flustered, and with his hair completely disheveled just before going on stage. His performance had been the best so far, to her delight.

She was surprised that this new level of intimacy with her best friend had not caused an awkward atmosphere between them. Perhaps her fear that everything would change between them slowed her down before giving him her heart entirely, but the truth was that their first kiss had awakened a wave of sensations swirling inside her, offering her a glimpse of what it could be to be completely with Killian, in both body and soul.

Emma cast a last sidelong glance at Killian, who was staring at her phone screen, a gleeful expression on his face. Then she turned her head in the direction of the car window and focused her gaze on the landscape they were going through, finding snowy fields, large trees on the roadside and the mountains in the background drawing an idyllic picture, giving her just a taste of what they would find when they reached their destination.

//

The cabin was everything they had expected and more. It was located in a clearing between mountains, surrounded by trees and endowed with an aura of peace and tranquility. The interior was quite cozy, decorated in stone and wood, with large windows that offered a privileged image of the surroundings, and a large fireplace that occupied a prominent place in the living room.

Anna seemed to have conveniently forgotten to mention one aspect though. There were only two bedrooms, each including a king-size bed.

Since both Anna and Kristoff had been there since the weekend, they had obviously already chosen a bedroom, the master suite, which not only had a giant bed but also included its own bathroom, a fireplace, and direct access to a small private porch overlooking the snowy mountains.

"Isn't it a wonderful place?" Anna could barely contain her enthusiasm while acting as a proud hostess, showing them every little detail of the cabin. "We can watch the sunrise while we lie in bed."

"Yeah, it's fantastic. But Anna, do you realize that we are four people and there is only one more bed?" Elsa was the one who decided to address the issue that really mattered to them while everyone else exchanged furtive glances.

"Oh, that's not a problem at all," Anna answered with a dismissive wave of her hand. "The living room couch is actually a sofa bed with room for two people. Kristoff and I have thought that you two guys can share the sofa while the other room would be for the girls."

"Unless you decide on a different room arrangement, of course," Kristoff added, raising his eyebrows with a not so subtle smirk adorning his lips.

"We'll manage," Liam hurried to answer as he scratched behind his ear, revealing with his gesture that he was nervous. At least in that regard, the two brothers were very similar.

This time Emma didn't even bother to protest about the distribution of rooms.

In fact, if she hadn't been one of the people involved she would have found the situation quite comical, four people in their thirties avoiding looking at each other and appearing clearly uncomfortable while thinking, surely, that, if the circumstances were different, they would have preferred a different bed partner.

Emma had to suppress a nervous laugh as an idea began to set in her head. They had come to this place not only to disconnect from the big city, but to have a good time with friends. She had at least placed many expectations on this trip since they had everything at their disposal to make those two days unforgettable in every way.

One thing was clear, she did not plan to say goodbye to the year with uncertainty in her heart and doubt in her mind. She had better find a moment to have a conversation with Killian that she should have had a long time ago. But she wasn't going to let another year go without confessing her feelings. And if for that she had to resort to certain unorthodox measures, she wouldn't hesitate to do so.

She cast a sidelong glance at Killian before accompanying Elsa to move their belongings to the assigned bedroom. The burning gaze he returned had the ability to make the butterflies in her stomach flutter furiously. He raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head to the side slightly, as if he were asking, without words, what she was up to, proving once again how well he knew her. In response, she bit her lower lip and then mouthed a simple later, before turning around and heading to the bedroom.

When Emma was left alone momentarily with Elsa, she was tempted to question her friend about her possible relationship with Liam. They had been so busy in the past few days that they had barely had time to chat beyond the normal conversations generated due to living together. But Emma was really dying to know Elsa's true feelings. She had remained quite reserved about it since she started whatever she had with Liam.

"So, are you ever going to tell me what's really going on between you and Liam?" Clearly finesse was not Emma's forte.

To her credit, Elsa's face remained almost impassive, only a faint shadow of surprise crossing her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about, Emma. He and I are just friends, you know that." Her blank expression suddenly changed, giving way to one of defiance. "I guess you're used to that term, friends, aren't you?"

"Well, I'm not the one who kissed a Jones in front of everyone last week." Emma's voice didn't even tremble as she counterattacked. Technically she wasn't lying, but the truth was that she had devoured Killian's mouth just a few minutes before the mistletoe incident.

"Oh, I'm well aware of that, believe me. Of you not kissing a certain Jones under the mistletoe, I mean. Such a wasted occasion." Elsa let out an exaggerated sigh as she shook her head in an attitude of false resignation.

Emma raised an eyebrow as she snorted, surprised by that unusual sarcastic side of Elsa. Even so, her attempts were not enough to divert attention. "What I hope is not a wasted occasion is this getaway. For any of us."

"I hope not, really. I have the feeling that we are about to enjoy some unforgettable experiences around here. We deserve this, you know. Right, Emma?"

Emma simply nodded as she offered her a smile of appreciation, her heart fluttering in her chest. They totally deserved it, not only she and Killian, but also Elsa and Liam. The most selfless and kind people she had known deserved to reach their piece of happiness and if this happened with them together, so much the better.

//

Elsa had ended up being right. They had only spent a few hours there but Emma and the others had managed to have a glorious time. The memory of their previous trip to Storybrooke crossed her mind several times throughout the day, since although the experiences had been quite different, the feeling of contentment had been the same on both occasions.

They had laughed until their stomachs ached while playing in the snow like little children. They had savored a delicious homemade meal in a small and cozy establishment located in the nearby town. She had even enjoyed playing a board game — Monopoly— for the first time in a long time. The fact that she had always been good with finances probably had something to do with the fact that she had managed to beat Liam, the expert businessman.

The only thing she had missed during the day had been the chance to spend more time with Killian. In fact, they had not had the slightest chance of having a moment of privacy even for a minute, so they had to settle for longing glances, accidental touches or promising smiles, something she should have already been used to but that now, given their current circumstances, was no longer enough.

Still, she hoped to solve this little problem soon, if all went well with the plan she had begun to forge. She just needed to find the best occasion to carry it out.

That opportunity would soon arrive, to her delight.

After the last Monopoly game, Anna and Kristoff had retired to their bedroom, alluding that they were tired, although Emma suspected that their early departure was nothing more than an excuse. Either way, she wasn't going to complain, especially since it would make her plan much easier to carry out.

The others, Emma included, decided to watch a movie since none of them seemed in a hurry to go to sleep. Emma strategically placed herself on the largest couch, the one that would be turned into a bed, dragging Killian to her side, so the other two had no choice but to settle on the other perpendicular sofa.

Before they started watching the movie though, Elsa decided it would be a good idea if they made popcorn, so Liam quickly offered to help her. It was as if the stars had lined up in Emma's favor, because this unexpected moment of solitude would allow her to inform Killian of her crazy plan.

"Are you ready to fall asleep in a few minutes?" Emma muttered as she cast a sidelong glance in the direction of the kitchen area to make sure the other two weren't listening.

"We haven't even started watching the movie, Swan. I hope we stay awake for at least the first hour." He smirked at her and then placed an arm on her shoulders and pulled her close.

"I'm not talking about really falling asleep, but pretending to fall asleep. We already have experience in that. Sort of."

Killian's eyes narrowed in confusion and then widened, as if he had realized the implications of his plan, his lips drawing a naughty smirk. "Are you planning to sleep with me here, in the middle of the living room? That would be scandalous, Swan."

"You're an idiot." She patted him on the chest, earning a silent chuckle on his part. 

She tried to convince herself that it wasn't a big deal, but still, she couldn't help a blush crawling up from her neck to her cheeks. Maybe her original idea was to force Liam and Elsa to share a bed although that would also imply that they would have to do the same. Emma was no longer sure which of these prospects she was most interested in. "You just need to go along with me. We'll pretend to be asleep until those two have no choice but to go to the bedroom and hopefully share a bed," Emma explained between whispers.

After her previous conversation with Elsa, Emma had found her friend quite receptive to the idea of being in a relationship, although she hadn't made any direct reference to Liam. Still, it didn’t hurt if they were given a little push to send them in the right direction.

"I just hope they don't decide to wake us up this time." Although Killian maintained a neutral expression, his tone implied that this possibility didn't excite him at all. Well, at least they were on the same page. "It's unlikely, though, given our tendency." He winked as he bumped her shoulder with his.

Her retort died before leaving her mouth as Liam and Elsa made their appearance again at that moment, holding two bowls of popcorn. So she did the only thing she could do at the moment, she settled back on the sofa, waiting for the best opportunity to carry out her plan.

They did watch the movie, at least during the first half-hour. When Emma cast a sidelong glance at the occupants of the other couch, she couldn't help smiling. They kept their eyes fixed on the television screen but Liam was circling Elsa's shoulders with his arm while her hand rested on his thigh at knee level. They seemed totally at ease with each other. Perfect.

The show was about to begin.

She leaned slightly toward Killian, who, in response, raised his arm and placed it on her shoulders, drawing her to him. After a few seconds of adjusting to the new position, she rested her head against his chest and pressed his thigh discreetly. She cast one last glance in the direction of Elsa and Liam to make sure they weren't paying attention, and then she closed her eyes, starting her stellar performance.

She didn't have to make many efforts to pretend to be asleep, really. The atmosphere that surrounded her certainly invited her to sleep, with the room dimly lit, the warmth emanating from the fireplace, and the rhythmic beat of Killian's heart against her ear acting as a lullaby. Emma felt a kind of drowsiness taking hold of her, making it increasingly difficult to stay awake. Just when she was about to succumb to sleep, she heard the first whispers.

"Liam! Look at these two. They've fallen asleep. Again."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Do you think we should wake them up?"

Emma held her breath trying to remain still as she prayed that her slow breathing would be convincing enough.

"Hell no. Let them sleep." Emma suppressed a sigh of relief when she heard Liam's reply. They remained silent for a moment although Emma detected some noises, as if they were moving and then heard another more concrete sound, a camera shutter followed by a giggle from Elsa.

"Shhhh, lass, we don't want them to wake up, do we?"

"I wonder how many photos we have of them in that position." After a brief pause, Elsa continued in an even lower tone, so Emma had to make an extra effort to capture her words. "At least this time they haven't needed any set up from us."

"I'm starting to doubt our abilities as matchmakers, love. Nothing seems to work with these two."

Emma's body tensed involuntarily at Liam's words. What the hell were they talking about?

"What will we have to do next? Lock them in a room together?"

"It's not a bad plan, lass. In fact, this house has a pantry that could work. At least they would have food and liquids to survive until they finally decide to confess their feelings to one another."

They know. 

Emma was surprised to realize that Liam was also aware. Not only that, but they had been working behind their backs to push them together.

Her heart began to beat frantically in her chest as a feeling of unease settled inside her, making it difficult to keep pretending she was asleep.

Although they continued to speak in soft whispers, Emma was no longer sure she wanted to keep listening. She noticed how Killian's body had also stiffened, but given their current situation, she couldn't check his reaction to Liam and Elsa's unexpected dialogue.

"It's a bit frustrating, to be honest," Elsa muttered. "They are so in love but they are so afraid that sometimes I feel like shaking them to make them react."

"Aye. Killian ... I've never seen him so in love, not even with Milah. Sometimes I wonder how I could have been so blind these past four years when the signs were so obvious."

Killian loves me.

Killian loved her.

For some reason, the realization of that fact, far from making her burst with happiness, caused the feeling of unease to increase, making her feel overwhelmed and having difficulty staying still when her whole body screamed to jump away from him.

"Emma is an expert in masking her feelings. But I think she is reaching her limit, really. I have a feeling that this getaway will bring us more than one pleasant surprise."

"Aye. For starters, everything seems to indicate that the two of us are going to end the year sleeping together. I mean, in the same bed. Well... I can always sleep on the floor, or stay here on this sofa..."

"Oh, shut up, Liam. We'll share a bed. It's not a big deal."

"As you wish."

In other circumstances, Emma would have felt happy after that little exchange. On this occasion, however, she couldn't wait for them to get out of there.

"Speaking of which, why don't we go to sleep too? I can barely keep my eyes open."

"Just give me a couple of minutes to make sure to extinguish the fire in the fireplace."

Emma kept her muscles tense while listening to several muffled noises, which she supposed came from Elsa and Liam making sure that everything was fine before going to sleep. After what seemed like hours, she felt a warm and fluffy fabric sliding over them. Liam, or more likely Elsa, had placed a blanket over them to make sure they kept warm after the fireplace went out.

The long-awaited silence fell on them a few seconds later. Emma remained motionless though, ignoring the pull of her body until she was sure that they weren't going to be discovered. After mentally counting to ten, she couldn't resist it anymore, literally jumping off the couch.

She was freaking out. Deep down she was aware of it but seemed unable to stop the escalation of feelings that had taken hold of her. She began pacing up and down, feeling like a caged animal.

She suspected —no, she knew, she corrected herself —that Killian had feelings for her. She had stopped having doubts about that after sharing their first (second) kiss. But love was a meaningful word. She hadn't expected to hear that word so soon, even though her feelings were mutual. She hadn't expected to hear about it in such an unusual and impersonal way either.

"Emma? What's wrong?"

Emma chose to ignore Killian and focused instead on trying to control the contradictory thoughts that clustered in her head and to pull herself together. She wasn't even able to put into words everything that was going through her mind at the time, which only increased her sense of frustration. Still, she forced herself to take a deep breath to calm the rapid beat of her heart.

He loved her... How on earth would she be able to deal with that confession when she hadn't yet assumed the implications of their first kiss?

The other revelation wasn't easy to accept either. All these previous weeks, all those unexpected plans had been nothing more than the set-up attempts by her two friends. Emma felt as if, somehow, the escalation of feelings towards Killian had been forced instead of flowing naturally.

"Emma..."

This is a mess ... she thought, unable to face Killian right now while avoiding his gaze at all costs.

"Emma, look at me." She was so absorbed by her turbulent thoughts that she hadn't realized he had risen from the couch and was right in front of her. "What's going through that head of yours?"

His voice didn't denote annoyance, rather concern and a hint of curiosity. In other circumstances, she would have admired his composure, but this time she wanted to be mad at him. They were both involved, why did she feel like boiling inside when he remained perfectly calm?

"You heard them, right? This is... this is too much." She waved her hand as if encompassing the space between them. She was scared of what she would find when she looked into his eyes but showing off an unusual display of courage, she finally looked up, searching for his gaze, finding a stormy expression, and a special glow in his eyes.

"I've listened to them and honestly, I wasn't surprised by any of their revelations. I wonder why it has affected you so much. Isn't everything they have said true?"

"That's exactly the reason, Killian!" she hissed, looking away again as she felt like a wave of frustration washed over her, seeing herself unable to explain how she felt. Killian, always so perceptive, reached out tentatively and began rubbing her arms gently, as if trying to calm her down.

"Emma, love, you need to calm down."

Although reluctant, she did what she was told while taking a shuddering breath in a new attempt to pull herself together. His reassuring gesture worked as she noticed how her tension level gradually decreased. Only when he made sure she had calmed down enough did he nod in her direction, encouraging her to express her feelings.

Before speaking, she shook her head feeling ridiculous about her overreaction, while noticing how her cheeks blushed in embarrassment. Even so, after letting out a heavy sigh, she finally decided to explain herself.

"I know it's ridiculous, but I feel like with their stupid setups they've forced us into our current situation, instead of the feelings between you and me developing naturally." She knew that her speech made no sense, but still she felt the need to expel those thoughts away.

Killian opened his mouth as if he wanted to reply, but she lifted a finger and pressed it to his lips gently as she gave him an imploring look to let her continue. "Besides, I feel robbed. First, with our first kiss that we barely have a memory of and now with that revelation. Such confessions should be one of the milestones to reach in a couple. The first kiss, the first I..." Her voice trailed off, as she looked away again, feeling unable to express those three words out loud. Not yet.

"Emma..." The way Killian pronounced her name, in an almost reverent manner, caused a chill to run down her spine. He then touched her chin and pressed gently, forcing her to lift her head and look him in the eye. A feeling of vertigo seized her when their gazes met again. There was pure honesty in the blue depth of his eyes, along with something like devotion and, above all, love. 

"I love you, Emma Swan. I've loved you for a while, actually. My confession may be hasty, but at least it serves, I hope it serves to reach one of our milestones as a couple. Because, believe me, love, I intend to reach each and every one of them. Together."

He loved her.

She gasped, unable to react, her breath caught in her throat as he continued speaking. "As for my brother and Elsa's alliance, these unexpected plans may have gotten my feelings towards you to increase, but they are real. So real and intense that sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but in a good way."

She loved him.

She loved him for many reasons, including his way of acting towards her and his ability to always find the right words to reassure her.

"Besides," he continued in a lighter tone, "haven't we been doing the same with them? Acting as matchmakers? In fact, we're in this situation right now because of your idea to try to push them together, Swan."

He was right, again. Still, she had the feeling that the other two had taken it more seriously than them. At least the other pair had developed a much more detailed action plan than their poor attempts.

"We're idiots," she groaned as she covered her face with her hands. Now wasn't the time to feel embarrassed, she told herself, but to assess their actions and learn from them, as any normal adult would do, right? She dropped her arms, looking back at Killian. "But at least it worked, didn't it? I mean, look at the two of us, finally having this conversation, while they are sleeping together. Thanks to me." She raised an eyebrow while she grinned at him. Okay, maybe acting like an adult wasn't her forte after all.

"Okay, I'll give you that, but you must admit that you were wrong when you said they were dating in secret."

"Semantics."

Killian chuckled, the sound causing her stomach to flutter. She was hopeless in regard to this man. That reminded her that she still had more confessions to make. Still, she was grateful for that brief pause that had served both to lighten the tension and to reassure her in some way, since at least so far in their new relationship, the banter and the teasing between them remained intact.

"I'm terrified," she blurted out, without giving herself time to have second thoughts. Perhaps if she dared to express her concerns aloud she would be able to see them from another perspective that would allow her not only to face her fears but to overcome them. "What if this doesn't work between us? What if we, I don't know, we don't work in bed? What if there's no spark?" She hated the vulnerability of her voice a little, but he deserved honesty. "You're my best friend, I can't... I can't lose you."

The corners of his lips rose drawing a reassuring smile. "I know how you kiss, Swan, and if that is indicative enough, we shouldn't worry about that other regard, believe me." He accompanied his words with a suggestive move of his eyebrows causing her cheeks to start burning. Then his expression changed to a more solemn one. "I'm not going anywhere, Emma. If you want us to remain friends, I'm going to accept it, but that won't change my feelings for you."

Just when she was about to reply, his eyes widened as if he had remembered something while he pressed his fingers to her lips. "Also, I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you. Whatever it takes, I will stay here with you."

"Did you just use the lyrics of a song in this conversation, Jones?"

His lips curled into a bright smile as he shrugged. "I have a feeling that nothing's gonna stop us now ."

She huffed while shaking her head in disbelief. She should be used to it, after all. It was one of the consequences of falling in love with a musician, that music was always present in one way or another.

She was in love with him. And he deserved to know it.

"I love you," she suddenly confessed, without giving herself time to think. The way in which his face lit up as his gaze intensified was enough reward for her. After such a long time of suppressing them, those words sounded a bit strange when said out loud, so she forced herself to pronounce them again to get used to saying them. "I love you, Killian," she repeated, in a much more convincing voice. 

"Good," he muttered and then pressed his lips against hers. It was a delicate kiss where Emma could feel all his affection and devotion towards her, the softness of his lips on hers causing all her worries to melt away while her heart finally broke free of its protective barrier.

They kissed languidly for a few seconds until their kisses became more passionate, as if they couldn't get enough of each other. She was so consumed with desire that she barely noticed that they were moving until Killian's calves hit the couch and he dropped on it, dragging her along.

She straddled his lap, her mouth never leaving his, while she felt an overwhelming wave of lust invading all her senses. It was as if, after so much time of repressed feelings and emotions, those very feelings had finally found their freedom. Such was their intensity that she found herself unable to restrain them. Not that she put too much effort into that restraint, honestly. Not when she felt so fucking good in Killian's arms as she was devoured by his demanding mouth and his hands began the first tentative exploration of her body, leaving a burning trail in their wake.

The delicious friction of his prominent arousal against her core was driving her crazy. When his fingertips tentatively brushed the curve of her breasts for the first time, she thought that she could combust at that very moment. She moaned against his mouth as she moved her hips with a clear purpose.

She could have continued just like that for hours, lost in the intoxicating sensation of his lips on hers, while she felt her skin burn under his touch. But Killian decided to break the kiss, parting a little from her and looking for her gaze.

He looked wrecked, the blue of his eyes almost gone, his hair completely disheveled, his lips swollen. A wave of pride seized her at the realization that she was the cause of his current condition. Just when he was about to say something, she deliberately moved her hips again, earning a loud groan from him.

"Emma, love. We... We need to stop," he finally managed to say in a raspy voice. "We're in the middle of the living room."

He was right, of course he was. She was internally grateful that he had had some lucidity because in her case, she had difficulty forming coherent thoughts. After such a long time of repressed feelings, now they ran wild causing her blood to boil and her mind to cloud. Letting out a huff of annoyance, she buried her head in his chest, reluctant to get away from him.

"I'm totally claiming the other bed for tomorrow," he grunted, earning a giggle on her part.

"Well, we can always turn the sofa into a bed and cover ourselves with the sheets. At least we'll have some privacy," she suggested, looking up as she raised an eyebrow suggestively. She did not want to miss the opportunity for intimacy with Killian now that there was nothing that stood in their way.

"Are you thinking of having your way with your best friend, eh Swan? Without even taking me on a date?" he joked, an expression of feigned disbelief on his face.

"Well, we have actually had plenty of dates, if we consider all those crazy plans of your brother and Elsa."

"If you put it that way..."

The light conversation had managed to cool her impulses somewhat, yet the desire for him remained latent, waiting for the best occasion. When they got up from the couch, Emma couldn't help directing her gaze at his crotch, finding a more than obvious tent in his pajama pants. She licked her lips and then let out a quiet sigh trying to redirect both her thoughts and her gaze to something less tempting, such as helping Killian turn the sofa into what would be their bed for the night.

Once the bed was ready, Killian turned off the light of the only lamp that remained lit and then they got into bed together, covering themselves with the sheets. Both instinctively turned towards each other, finding themselves in the middle of the mattress and entangling their limbs.

An idea crossed her mind at that moment, something she had completely forgotten after that first shock a few minutes ago. "So Liam knew about your feelings?" Emma asked in a soft voice, gently stroking his cheek while trying to glimpse his features despite the darkness that surrounded them.

"Aye," he admitted, then placed a soft kiss on her lips. "He has known for a couple of months. Do you remember the weekend we had free?"

"I also confessed to Elsa that weekend," Emma said slowly, as the memory of that night came to her mind, causing her cheeks to blush. She was grateful now that Killian couldn't observe her features in detail due to the darkness.

"What the hell happened that weekend?"

Emma was tempted for a moment to respond evasively using any excuse, but in the end, she decided to be honest with him and confess how she had felt. She didn't want to hide that information, especially because she had the suspicion that that night had been the beginning of what would lead them to their current situation.

"I... I might have been a little jealous," she muttered and bit her lower lip while waiting for his reaction.

"Jealous? Of whom?" Even in the dark, Emma could observe how his eyes widened when he caught the meaning. "Of Belle?"

"I know, I know. It wasn't just Belle, but... you could have chosen any other girl from the bar." She tried to explain herself but was interrupted when Killian captured her lips with his in a demanding kiss, one with the ability to make her head spin.

Killian broke the kiss a few seconds later, resting his forehead against hers as they both tried to catch their breath. "I have another confession to make," he muttered, his warm breath caressing her lips. "I was also jealous, Swan. I thought your strange behavior was because I was interfering in some way, in your search for a one-night stand."

"Really?" His answer caught her off guard. "God, we're two idiots," she muttered while hiding her head in his chest. He circled her with his arms, pulling her to him and causing their bodies to press together.

She loved him.

She wanted him.

She wanted him so badly that, for once, she decided to act on impulse, without fear of consequences, determined to just feel.

Killian slipped a hand under her tank top and began to trace delicate patterns on the skin of her back, while she did the same on his chest.

"You were stunning in that dress that night, Swan. Bloody hot, pure temptation," he purred, his velvety voice sending liquid heat directly to her core. "And then you had the audacity to wear it again to dinner at that restaurant. It was torture."

"Maybe I did it on purpose," she admitted, causing him to utter a guttural sound as his hand slid dangerously toward her lower back until he reached his target, giving her a light squeeze on her ass and pushing her further against him.

T wo could play this game , she thought as her fingers began to trace a path following the line of hair on his torso, descending slowly and tortuously. "I wonder if you needed to do something about it, take the matter into your own hands. You know what I mean." Her hand ended its descending path while she emitted the last words, palming his length over his pants with a clear purpose.

"Bloody hell, woman." He flinched at her touch as he let out a heavy breath. Far from being intimidated, she continued her exploration, internally thanking him for wearing pajama pants, allowing her better access. She did not hesitate to slide her hand under his clothes and then she wrapped her fingers around his length, exerting a tentative movement at first, but gaining security with the soft sounds that came from him. "Emma, love, we shouldn't... someone can appear at any time."

"Let me give you at least this, please."

"We're definitely claiming the other bed tomorrow," he growled before searching for her lips and starting to kiss her thoroughly. Emma took that as an invitation so she continued with her movements, the mere sensation of him pulsing and powerful under her touch sending electric shocks of pleasure up her spine and down to her toes. It was a beginning, something promising and exciting, a glimpse of what was to come.

Maybe the road to get here had been long, but looking back, she wouldn't change anything they had experienced in recent years. Especially when the path they took meant they would end up in this situation, finally giving rein to their passions in an idyllic place with her favorite person by her side.

"Emma," Killian pronounced her name with a mixture of devotion and plea.

"Yes?"

"Don't stop, please."

"Never," she muttered against his lips.

And we can build this thing together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

 Killian was definitely right when he used the lyrics of a song to describe their relationship.

//

Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think :)

We're reaching the end, just one more chapter to go, plus the epilogue. It's time to celebrate the new year, and as long as they're together nothing else matters.

#cs ff #cs au #csrt #captain swan #damn you for making me love you #cs au ff #captain swan rewrite a thon #mayquita writes #my cs writings

[aca-awesomenerd]

Dictionary of bechloe multi-chapter fics

aka the updated/better version of my first fic list

2000 miles

Author : omACAgee

Rising DJ internet sensation Beca Mitchell might so happen to fall in love with a cute, bubbly redhead fan of her's who's the ideal perfect girl. Problem is though, they live on opposite sides of the country with only technology keeping them in contact. Will their relationship last without the physical contact?

After Life

Author : phlesh

What happens if you meet your soulmate after you've already died?

Age Is Just A Number

Author : FluentInMovieQuotes

Beca's heading into her senior year of high school, pining to get herself to LA instead. She meets a redhead the night before school starts and they find out that they have a lot in common with each other. Little did Beca know that the next morning she'd discover that this redhead would be her new English teacher. Someone has it hot for the teacher.

A Ginger A DJ A Wedding

Author : EmilliJayne

Chloe convinces Beca to be her date to her brother's wedding :)

And Everyone Wins

Author : littlepip

Beca and Chloe haven't seen each other since high school. They weren't great friends back then, but that wouldn't be the only thing that's changed.

And I Opened Up My Eyes, I Saw The Sign

Author : dandelion3455

Chloe and Beca have never quite figured out their timing. But what happens when Amy's impending wedding practically forces the two girls together? Basically a slow burn that turns into a volcanic eruption and there's a lot of smut.

Awake and Alive

Author : KissKendrick

Chloe knew before she even saw her, that Beca was the girl she was meant to spend her life with. Beca, was drawn to Chloe, for reasons she didn't understand, nor does she care. But Chloe as well as her best friend Aubrey are not what everyone thinks. They are not regular college students. And an old friend from the past is going to stir up a lot of old feelings, & expose the truth.

Barden Preparatory Academy

Author : swanqueenfic13

This is my Bechloe boarding school AU in which Beca is in denial of her sexuality, Chloe had never considered it before, and Aubrey is gay.

Beca's Fall

Author : MidnightBravery

Beca and Chloe get into a big fight over another girl, resulting in Beca walking out on Chloe. Chloe is crying to Aubrey while Beca is getting drunk with Luke, what happens when Beca realizes that everything is slowly falling apart & Jesse finds her on the rooftop of the Station?

Beca Malfoy and the Room of Requirement

Author : awriterofthings

Chloe Weasley attempts to figure Beca Malfoy out while tutoring her.

Bellas Boot Camp

Author : MoonWriting

Adventures come in all sorts and shapes. Bootcamp with Aubrey is one of them for the Barden Bellas, but while there Beca and Chloe each go through their own emotional adventure in their journey to love.

Belong

Author : MakesGoodChoices

Beca Mitchell is a six time Grammy award winner, but Chloe Beale is never far from her mind. What happens when they meet up again at an engagement party five years later?

Between the Lines

Author : SkySsi

"Be honest, I was nothing but a fucking rebound, am I?" Beca stated more than asking. The question pierced through Chloe's heart. It was enough to break her once again.

Beauty and the Badass

Author : Ibbly5

Beca Mitchell is a badass LA music producer, working as a bartender by night. So what happens when an adorable redhead comes into her life?

Blank Slate

Author : HypersomniacGrad

Everyone would kill for a second chance and that's exactly what Chloe gets when one day, five years later, she gets another chance to tell Beca how she feels. Only... Beca was supposedly long gone and the girl who Chloe meets years later has no idea whatsoever who the redhead was…

Blind Love

Author : acafuckmylife

Chloe's best friend Aubrey is marrying the guy of her dreams; she's the maid of honor of course. Planning the wedding is going to be a lot of work, so when Jesse (Aubrey's future husband) suggests that his best man/Best friend Beca Mitchell helps them, a lot can go wrong. Rated T (possibly M later). Bechloe and Jaubrey.

Burn

Author : idontknowmaybe

Chloe Beale needed a change. So when the perfect job opportunity came up in the same LA suburb that her best friend lived in she couldn't pass it up. Can you find yourself and the one when the town is caught up in a horrible nightmare?

By Your Side

Author : drop-your-worries

Sequel to Someone Like Me, but you do not have to read Someone Like Me to understand.

Chances

Author : Melanocortin1

Beca KNOWS she can be better than Tom, she wouldn't even need a second chance. Everyone else seems to know it, she just has to get Chloe to realize it too.

Club Bellissimo

Author : redchocopanda

Emily Junk, on her last year in Barden, wishes to recruit new talented Bellas, to win the ICCAs again, to enter LA's super exclusive hangout, Club Bellissimo, to have a Bella reunion & most importantly she wishes to see Beca and Chloe finally be together and have gorgeous babies. **CLUB BELLISSIMO is the Dickens' novel Anna K hates and Brittany S would be secretly reading over wine

Company Woman

Author : BeChloeIsLegit

It always seems that Chloe is the one getting married and Beca is left pining over her/cutting off contact. What if this time, Beca is the one getting married (to some woman) and Chloe's the one pining and regretting that she missed her chance?

Counter Attack

Author : AchaeaMG

Beca has a deal with her father. She promised to play on the Barden field hockey team for a year and he would then help her move to LA. Things don't go as expected.

Crashed the Wedding

Author : Britishgal

Chloe finds herself stuck in her hell scenario. The wedding of now five-year-running couple Jesse Swanson and Beca Mitchell. HER Beca Mitchell. Thank god it's only a dress rehearsal because Chloe has to tell her something, before it's too late.

CR's Wedding

Author : Homosexy

The Bellas are performing a set at Cynthia Rose's wedding. Beca's finding it hard to sort out a track list for the mix they'll use, let alone sort out her feelings for a certain redhead. Her confusion leads her to some unconventional advice sources. Will it be the fairy tale ending?

Destiny

Author : KateLides321

Beca Mitchell moves to Atlanta to live with her cousin Jesse. Upon arriving she meets a beautiful girl who's dog named Destiny got loose and ran up to her. Maybe this was meant to be or is destiny playing a cruel trick on her heart.

Dreams

Author : TrulyBeTold

Aubrey and Chloe celebrate the Bellas' win, but Chloe isn't as happy as she thought she would be. And Beca finally got the courage to be with Jesse, so why does she feel like something's missing? And which of our favorite Bellas will help piece the puzzle together?

Dreams Can Come True

Author : FluentInMovieQuotes

Sequel To It’s All About Finding Yourself

Endless Journey

Author : scrappymitchell

Nearly two years after first starting their relationship and a lot had changed for Beca and Chloe as both individuals and as a couple. Beca's career has been taking off hard since she let out her first single and Chloe was working her way up the ladder to be a vet, both having their success bringing some difficulties along the way for them as well as pressures on certain aspects of their relationship.

But given how in love they were, both of them were willing to make some sacrifices to be together.

ERASED

Author : HypersomniacGrad

Beca Mitchell possesses an ability that sends her back in time moments before a life-threatening incident, allowing her to prevent them from happening. When her father is murdered, Beca's ability sends her back 10 years to when she was in high school, giving her the opportunity to prevent a kidnapping incident that took the lives of 3 people she knew, including the girl she liked.

Everything I Never Knew I Wanted

Author : Well Fancy That 13

Beca is one of the world's biggest DJ's and music producers, Chloe is an on-the-rise It-Girl in Hollywood. Beca Mitchell thought she had it all, but then she met Chloe Beale.

Everything You Want

Author : funnyhowthatis

In the morning after the Bellas win the final competition, Beca and Chloe realize that they might not have gotten all that they wanted.

Fallen

Author : Iwentdownwiththeshipbye

Beca has a religious, homophobic father who has been abusive in the past, leading Beca to think she needs to have secret relationships. Only her last relationship ended horribly and she's left to get her frustrations out by womanizing. Until she meets Chloe. Who sees right through her persona.

Familiar Taste Of Poison

Author : danisweetman22

Beca Mitchell was never a normal girl. She had been through so much in her life, more than a soldier, her psychiatrists all used to say. It was only when she arrived at Barden University that things started to change, for the good, and the bad. Trigger Warning: Abuse, Rape, Self Harm, Drug Abuse and Alcoholism.

Favorite Record

Author : bechloehuh/eliseboobman

They have an old beat up Thunderbird convertible, twelve thousand dollars between them, and no destination in mind. This could very much be the worst decision both of them have ever made.

Fire and Fury

Author : OnceYouGoBecYouCantGoBack

She wants to be more than just her client. G!P Beca.

Forgive Me These November Days

Author : obstinate_questionings

Why Chloe Beale didn’t graduate—and why she finally did—as told through yearly celebrations of Thanksgiving.

For Lovers Only

Author : dr_jb5

Takes place two years after the events of Pitch Perfect 3. Beca and Chloe haven’t seen one another since then, each going their separate ways – Beca to music, Chloe to vet school. But, one fateful week, they both end up in Paris ... And when their paths suddenly collide, desire and passion take over as they gain back those missed years and rediscover one another all over again.

Friends don’t

Author : tmylm

“Bec?” Chloe’s voice interrupts her inner monolog, and she finds herself nodding despite the fact that the other girl can’t see her.

“I’m here, Chlo. What is it?”

“Can you stay with me?”

There’s a brief pause as Beca digests the question, mulling it over for a second or two. It seems Chloe can sense her confusion.

“Like, here. On the phone. Just until I fall asleep.”

From more to friends, from friends to more (Those bright blue eyes)

Author : brighteyes29

A Bechloe High school AU. It's a month before the graduation where Beca and Chloe broke-up, although the DJ still tries to get her ex back with some help from her best friend Jesse. But after all, the two girls still love each other. They just have to admit it one more time.

Have A Nice Life

Author : farfrom7

Beca is a little bit broken. Chloe is kind of engaged. Neither of them could be prepared for what happens when their worlds collide.

Hear me chirp

Author : Plush Panda

Chloe wants to know what Beca's favorite animal is, but Beca will have none of that. Supernatural!AU.

Hoofbeat

Author : shadowswillscream

Beca gets sent away to a horse ranch, Hoofbeat, as a last chance due to her recent rebellious behavior. There she meets Chloe Beale, who changes Beca's rule of 'everyone's temporary'.

Hurt

Author : Knope.We.Can

On a night out with Aubrey, Chloe is shocked to discover that the musician they're watching perform is her best friend from high school, Beca Mitchell. While Chloe is desperate to reunite with the one that got away, Beca has her own demons to battle. Trigger warning.

I don't belong to you, and you don't belong to me (I won't let you down, I will not give you up)

Author : IWasMeantToFeel

after their final performance together on the USO tour, Beca sees Chloe kissing Chicago. and she can’t help but hurt.

I Guess I Do

Author : x-backtoblack-x

Chloe's cousin's getting married and she'll be damned if she has to endure another family gathering/speed dating weekend. Cue Beca to begrudgingly save the day.

I Hate How Much I Love You

Author : woahoooyeah

Beca and Chloe have hated each other from the start. The Bella's go to Bora Bora for the summer, to have an adventure at the well-known Resort, Eden. But what happens when Beca and Chloe are forced into situations, that cause them to interact with one another? Will their feels changes towards each other?

I Love You, Awesome Nerd

Author : Olivia Janae

Beca had done her freaking yearly good deed. She had gone to the Bellas reunion...thing...whatever. She had gone and she had accepted the award, she had seen the Bellas; she had even let them stay at her damn condo! So why the hell was that stupid-gorgeous redhead, the one she had run from all of those years ago, back and camped out in her freaking living room refusing to leave?

I'm Only Human

Author : longlivebechloe

AU on what happens after Chicago and Chloe kiss.

I Promise

Author : fugitiveboov43

"I did not forget my promise, I was trying to forget it. There's a difference." Chloe breaks Beca's heart. Thanks to fate and with their small circle of friends, they meet again.

Irresistible

Author : justfunriley

Beca is a werewolf, who was changed by an unknown Alpha. As she struggles with her transformation, Jesse and she start to fight. This leads to them breaking up. Who will be there to pick up the pieces? Her best friend, a beautiful redhead, will be there to pick up the pieces. Werewolf/AU Bechloe fanfiction.

It's A Pirate Life For Me

Author : robind19

the most feared captain and the crown princess. au! Pirate

It's All About Finding Yourself

Author : FluentInMovieQuotes

Beca struggles with school as it is so being forced into the High School's show choir by her Spanish teacher, claiming that it would earn her enough extra credit to pass his class was the last thing on her mind. After they perform at homecoming assembly, a certain redhead joins and her and Beca easily become friends until Beca begins to question her sexuality.

It's Always Been You

Author : AcaTitanium94

Sequel to It’s You

It's You?

Author : AcaTitanium94

Beca & Chloe met when they were both 10'year olds. Beca promised Chloe that one day they would get married. Years later fate brings them back together in the least expected way.

I've Been Bitten

Author : hitandrunn

Spidey!Beca. You expect your senior year in high school to be pretty stressful. Having to worry about college applications, prom and graduation. Beca on the other hand, has to worry about protecting the city when she's bitten by a radioactive spider.

Jesse's Girl

Author : lifeisbechloe

Set after PP2 graduation: The Bellas go out and sing karaoke to celebrate, causing a certain redhead to not-so-subtly hint that she's into a small brunette. Will Beca be able to sort out her feelings for Chloe?

Just A Glance

Author : Bel-Halliwell

It all began with a glance. They didn't know how things would turn up, but there was no stopping it.

Just Like Glass

Author : recallthelove

You see through me, like I'm not there.

La Douleur Exquise

Author : redchocopanda

Stacie believes in the concept of soulmates, of destiny and of true love. Now if only she could get her childhood best friend, Beca, who believes that none of those things are real or last long enough to convince her, to do so too & maybe make her realize that the famous Chloe Beale is the one. Unknowingly, Stacie just might become the reason their two worlds might finally collide.

League of Angels

Author : danisweetman22

Beca Mitchell is the most feared assassin Azrael, the angel of death. She arrives at Barden University under her master, Michael's order. Her new target, Mr James Beale, an important figure in the Government. Beca must collect intel through his daughter, Chloe. However, something about Chloe, unlocks feelings in Beca that she locked away eleven years before.

Leave It All On The Field

Author : second job

Chloe is a senior captain on the soccer team. Beca is the hot new freshman. Follow their relationship on and off the field.

Long Way Round

Author : Smeg699

Nationals is over, a new school year has begun, and Beca is wondering if she didn't make a mistake at Nationals. Rating: Mostly T, a few chapters are M though, and that will be noted in the Author's Note at the beginning.

Lost Stars

Author : BKTheGoldenKnight

Beca, an ex-MotoGP racer, has a tragic past and she had managed to get back on her feet when she met Chloe. However something unexpected happened. Will Beca stay or runaway?

Love Like The Wind Wild, Untamed

Author : jamiexh

Beca's and Chloe's lives are turned upside down when Chloe accidently turns Beca into a werewolf.

Maybe In Another Life

Author : not_so_average_fangirl

Moving into a new house turns out to be a better experience for Chloe Beale than she thought it would. Perhaps it’s because of the friendly, little brunette she finds hiding in the basement one night. An unforeseen friendship sparks between them, but as more complicated emotions begin to arise, a shocking truth is revealed, and Chloe’s world gets turned upside down.

More than Miles (Her name is Beca Mitchell)

Author : SkySsi

A sequel to "Between the Lines"

The story jumps five years after, some tables might have turned. (I still suck at summaries, apparently). So, what happened after five years? What happened after Beca Mitchell had moved to LA? Is Chloe Beale able to get her Beca back? Or is she getting the 'old' Beca this time?

More Than Words

Author : tmylm

“Beca?”

Beca’s brows tug together again. “Uh, yeah? Who’s this?”

The voice on the other end of the phone is both light and cool, it’s almost familiar to her, in fact. She hears a small laugh, and the urge to turn back toward the building strikes her. She looks up to see the figure in the fifth floor window, smile evident on her lips. Her phone is held to her ear too, and she sends a wave down to the shorter girl.

“Just checking you didn’t fake number me,” she says, and Beca swears she sees her shrug her shoulder.

There’s a smile on Beca’s lips in spite of the questioning in her eyes.

“I have no dinner plans yet,” Chloe continues, “Are you free tonight?”

My Little Badass

Author : LexysK23

"I was trying to find something to levitate to show Beca, but I may have done the wrong spell. Bree, I changed my girlfriend into a three year old." Chloe now must take care of her three year old girlfriend until she is able to change her back. How much trouble can the small girl get into? And, oh yeah, it's a three year old half-vampire.

Never Let Me Go

Author : AnnaKendrick11

Beca goes to Barden University and Chloe is a new student. They become friends and get closer, then they both realise that they have feelings for each other but will certain problems overtake their love?

Never Too Late

Author : carma19

Beca’s a 30 something rockstar/producer-turned-filthy rich music mogul. She has everything she’s ever wanted, except for the one that got away.

Nowish

Author : Psy456

Bechloe. Staubrey. Bellas Squared/Stechlobree.

A story in which I created a life I fell in love with and convinced myself by accident that this could work.

Let me try and convince you too.

Now We've Got Bad Blood

Author : tay0720

Fresh off the plane from Seattle, Beca Mitchell heads to Barden University for her first year of college only to find herself falling hard for a junior named Chloe while being roped into a supernatural shitstorm.

Old Love Dies Hard

Author : iwasyounme

It's 6 years after Beca took off from Barden without telling anybody and decided to go to L.A. Chloe is a barmaid in a small bar in the City of Angels too. One night, Beca walks in her bar, but a lot has happened in 6 years and they don't recognize each other. Six years ago, Beca fell in love with Chloe, will it happen again?

One More Year

Author : Knope.We.Can

It's the final year of high school, and Chloe has big plans to go off to college and begin the next stage of her life. Beca just can't wait for the year to be over so she can head to LA. Having spent their time at high school as strangers, Chloe finds herself wondering about the quiet mysterious girl in her English class.

Passing Ships

Author : scrappymitchell

Beca and Chloe have been hiding their feelings from each other for years for their own reasons, but when Beca see's Chloe finally starting to move on in front of her very eyes she realises how she has messed up on the most important thing in her life and now has to deal with going back to New York and living with Chloe, who now has a boyfriend. The question she now asked herself was if this will make her shut her feelings off for good or will it push her over the edge to blurt her feelings out?

Perdition

Author : morningsound15

Perdition, noun: (in Christian theology) a state of eternal punishment and damnation into which a sinful and unpenitent person passes after death. They’ve been doing this for years. It’s almost crazy, how familiar it all is. And every time, their excuses get flimsier and flimsier. Beca still has a boyfriend, Chloe still has to graduate, and yet time and time again they find themselves tangled up together, naked in bed or stuffed into a bathroom stall or sneaking out of a party. And Beca still has a boyfriend, and Chloe knows it’s wrong, but she just can’t seem to stop.

Perfect : A Bechloe Love Story

Author : BechloeGoals4Life

What if Bechloe actually was endgame? This story is what I believe Pitch Perfect would look like if Bechloe was the focus.

Perfect Harmony

Author : BeChloe01

Beca and her father made a deal that if she really gave Barden a shot, he'd fund her move to LA at the end of the school year. She only has a few months left to convince him that she did try. Which means Chloe only has a few months to convince Beca to stay. Slight AU retelling of the movie so that BeChloe are canon.

Pitch Perfect 3 : Bechloe is Legit

Authors : BeChloeisLegit and  RJRMovieFan

Pitch Perfect 3 - the movie everyone saw, rewritten to be the movie everyone wishes they made.

Pitch Perfect: Reloaded

Author : Britishgal

Beca finds herself at the mercy of a mysterious gun-for-hire, otherwise known as Chloe Beale, who claims that she needs her dad for his important research. Problem is, she has no idea where her dad could have gone... But at least now Beca has an idea of why he decided to skip dinner with her tonight.

Pitch Perfect 3 - The Aca-Reunion

Author : becca343

After years apart, the Bellas are all coming back to Barden for their 5 year reunion.

PP3 - What really happened

Author : when_you_know_you_know

Not enough Bechloe content in PP3 for your liking? Well here is what REALLY happened on/off screen

Proving Them Right

Author : cheeky_geek_monkey

The Bellas always did joke about Beca and Chloe dating...so is it a moral issue if they pretend to prove them right to make some money at a certain someone's wedding?

Puck me

Author : bardenacapella

College Hockey AU. Beca Mitchell plays on the hockey team for the Barden Bulls. What happen's when Chloe Beale goes to one of her games and their eyes meet?

Roommates

Author : twin192

Beca, 19, a freshman is new at Barden University and meets her new roommate Chloe, 21, also a freshman. They click instantly and become fast friends. But what is Chloe hiding? Why is she crying so often when she thinks nobody's noticing? What did she do for two years before going to college? AU

Shattered

Author : Lackluster Brilliance

Chloe did what she swore she'd never do. She broke Beca's heart, and though it hurts, Beca can never stop loving Chloe. Bechloe angst. Trigger warnings: Rape, self harm, suicide, and alcohol abuse.

she is the flint that sparks the lighter

Author : iPhone

Beca was looking for Chloe after her performance. She'll always be looking for Chloe in some way or another.

aka

Beca moves to LA to work on her new album, Chloe moves to Davis to attend vet school, and they try not to miss each other too much.

Silence Has A Sound

Author : summerreader13

Something has happened to Beca. No one's seen or heard from her in days. Chloe decides to go to her room and find out what's going on. Can she help Beca, or will Beca push her away like she does everyone else?

Skinny Love

Author : writersjoint

One mistake can change your life entirely; and sometimes it can make it all worth it.

Someone Like Me

Author : drop-your-worries

A dangerously fluffy Bechloe fanfic. Prequel to By Your Side.

Something Worth Living For

Author : AnnaKendrick47

Beca Mitchell doesn't have many friends, people in school hate her, teachers despise her attitude, which always seem to get her in trouble. That is until she finds herself wanting to get into one specific teacher's good side.

Sometime You Need Help

Author : Ibbly5

Beca is super guarded, all the time. And Chloe is so drawn to her. But Beca can't possibly let her in, can she? She can't trust anyone ever. Even someone as kind and beautiful as Chloe.

Sparks

Author : Suituuup

Chloe didn't think getting into a car accident would lead to a date. Firefighter!Beca

Stare Into The Sky Until We're Blind

Author : lescousinsdangereux

Chloe Beale has one rule. Just one. Had she known that the odd combination of hair dye, a crappy old convertible, sixty-plus hours of driving, a mix CD, and one Beca Mitchell would lead to her breaking it, she never would have suggested going on this stupid road trip in the first place.

Stay

Author : NotaSoundMind

Beca has had a tragic two years and has given up on surfing because of it, but while taking care of her sick aunt at the woman's beach house, she meets Chloe, an outgoing surfer.

Stolen

Author : thesecretsociety

Beca Mitchell works for her father who leads a criminal group whose latest mission is to retrieve a stolen treasure from a wealthy business tycoon named Clarence Beale.

Strangers

Author : landsliide

A brief encounter with an enchanting stranger changes Beca's life for the better.

Struck by a Feeling

Author : LadyHH

Beca and Chloe lead two different lives at school. Neither noticing the other, that all changes from one moment that will lead them to something they never expected.

Stupid Choices And Second Chances

Author : Biggiewoods

Beca has been helplessly in love with Chloe forever but never had the guts to tell her. After Chloe gets married Beca can't seem to bare it and cuts all ties with the love of her life. What happens after 5 years later when they meet up again. Will Beca finally tell her how she feels? Will it even matter if she does?

Subterfuge

Author : awriterofthings

Chloe develops feelings for Beca, the daughter of a crime boss, while undercover.

Squeeze Once For Yes

Author : Knope.We.Can

Beca finds herself being pulled into a fast friendship with a gorgeous redhead and, for the first time in years, she wishes she hadn't built her protective walls so high.

Tackled

Author : OnceYouGoBecYouCantGoBack

Nine years of ignoring the big elephant in the room. Nine years of bickering like an old married couple. That's all shaken up with an unusual proposal. G!P Beca

Teenage Dream

Author : hedaenerys

Set after the Bellas win the ICCAs. Beca starts getting some confusing feelings for Chloe, and after Aubrey's birthday party- things get a little out of hand…

tell me is it so wrong (even if we fall in love?)

Author : dj jiggle juice

But Chloe’s giving her that giddy grin, the one that tells Beca she’s going to break her facade and burst into laughter at any moment.

Beca thinks this won’t be so bad, fake dating Chloe. Not when everything with Chloe happens with ease.

Tell the World That We Finally Got It All Right

Author : JediFighterPilot2727

Based off of Lily's quote about a time machine in Pitch Perfect 2. A little mix up causes a whole lot of trouble for the Bellas! Especially for Beca and Chloe. Au after the first 2 movies.

Thank God For The Internet

Author : alyssa-gibson

Beca hated when songs got stuck in her head, but she was grateful that one did because if it hadn't, she wouldn't have met the love of her life.

That Thing You Do

Author : thatmitchsentho

What happens after Beca gets everything she thinks she wanted? Life isn't a movie, she soon learns, because you can't fake feeling something that isn't there, and you can't ignore something that is.

This Could be Just Like Heaven (Don't Throw It All Away)

Author : Freerangeegghead

In which Beca Mitchell gets the life she's always dreamed of and more, but realizes maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be.

The Basketcase and The Princess

Author : Fake Shemp

Angsty but Fluffy AU timeline of Pitch Perfect.

The Bridge

Authors : carma19 and Suituuup

In the bustling borough of Brooklyn, Beca’s a struggling musician working as a waitress to make ends meet. At an open mic night, she meets Chloe--a successful local photographer--and sparks fly. As they grow close, Beca learns she left a one night stand the night before she met Chloe with much more than she bargained for…

The Detention Club

Author : ThatWeirdAwkwardKid

High School AU. Basically what happens when you mix drama, mischief, the girls and a night owl of a writer. Just the group making trouble as well as friendships whilst having fun trying to avoid the principal.

The Friend

Author : Secret Heart33

Beca falls in love with her best friend, Chloe, for the first time when she is 12, but things do not go quite as planned. From there Beca learns her role as 'The Friend' and tries to put it all behind her when she moves away. What will happen when they meet again 6 years later at Barden University.

The Last Battle

Author : Jules In Neverland

Two years after leaving the US Air Force, Captain Rebeca Mitchell works for the FBI. With her ex-wife about to marry a man that it's not as perfect as he seems, and a seven year old to take care of, she fights to fulfill her three ultimate missions in life: Make justice after terrible events happened during war. Catch the last bad guy of her career. Gain the love of her life back.

The Lives We Live

Author : AcaTitanium94

Beca and Chloe both live separate lives. Chloe is married to Tom and living in Toronto Canada. What will happen when Tom gets a better job in the US and they move back there? Will her marriage change because of a certain brunette she met a year ago on an airplane?

The Playlist - Volume 1

Author : RedRobin90

Beca Mitchell doesn't want to go to Barden, but once she's met that certain redhead, who doesn't seem to have personal boundaries and always know's how to make her skin tingle, it doesn't seem all that bad.

The Reclusive Music Producer and The Journalist

Author : areaderofmanythings

Chloe is Rolling Stone Magazine's newest intern, she's left Atlanta to start life over in San Francisco. Beca's a cute regular who she befriends at the part time job she has until getting hired on at the magazine. What happens when Beca isn't straightforward about who she is and Chloe refuses to talk about her past? Will Chloe ever get the cover story she's dreamed about for years?

The Sun & The Stars

Author : BardenBellatrix

The Bellas get invited to a resort to celebrate Jessica and Ashley's engagement. Will the girls' relationships have changed since they left Barden?

The Track Star and The Cheerleader

Author : not-so-average-fangirl

High School Junior and Track Star, Beca Mitchell, gets thrown for a loop when her father gets a new job at Barden High School. She's forced to leave her current high school and join Barden just as her Junior year is starting. What could possibly go wrong? Or, after meeting a certain redhead, possibly go right?

The Truth About Reality

Author : sendricamp

Chloe discovers there is more to falling in love with Beca than she originally expected.

The Vigilante

Author : hitandrunn

Sequel to I’ve Been Bitten

The Voice

Author : A Charmed Vampire

Chloe Beale gets the chance to audition on the NBC hit show, The Voice. Desperate to kick start her music career, she wants to get her best chance of winning. Just one little thing standing in her way. Professional DJ, producer and recording artist, Beca Mitchell is one of the coaches. Will her crush on Beca get in the way of her musical dream?

They Shot Me Down But I Won't Fall

Author : beauboss

Beca was in the army and fought in a war till she got shot in her leg and her dad wanted her to come home. As she was still recovering her dad forced her to go to Barden to follow some classes. Beca hates being home but then she meets Chloe. A beautiful red head who she thinks is really pushy and annoying at first... But what happens if her feelings change?

To Leave It All Behind

Author : BIggiewoods

Beca had to leave her perfect life all because her mother had remarried. She had it all. She was on a State Champion Softball Team, had a weekly show on her high school's radio station, and most importantly a future internship at a record label. She thought her junior year would be a bust until a bubbly redhead she will meet would make it all worth it.

Tragedy Strikes When You Least Expect It

Author : Iwillforgetthisl8er

A year after Beca Mitchell stopped talking to the Bellas and Chloe, a tragic accident will pull her back. Rated T for now, may change later. Trigger warnings: Child Abuse and Rape

Two Brides and The Bellas

Author : Gapalkru

A few months after graduation, the Bellas are reunited at Cynthia Rose’s wedding. Someone is a bit too stubborn about a bet, alcohol flows freely, and Amy requires a tuxedo for her iPad. Don’t we all just want to live happily ever after at a wedding?

Under the Mistletoe

Author : not_so_average_fangirl

Takes place a few months before Pitch Perfect 2. Specifically around Christmas time. Beca and Chloe have gotten closer over the years and their friendship has never been better. But what happens when they're forced to kiss under the mistletoe and sparks fly? Will things end well?

Vegan Beca

Author : when_you_know_you_know

That time in Pitch Perfect 3 when Beca became vegan for Chloe…

Vindicated

Author : thesecretsociety

Sequel to Stolen

Waiting At The End Of The Road

Author : HypersomniacGrad

Sequel to What If

We Could Be More

Author : Knope.We.Can

They've been best friends since college. Just Best Friends. No complications, No jealousy over boyfriends, just plain, simple friends. Until, of course, the awkward almost kiss.

What If

Author : HypersomniacGrad

PP2 (sometime before the retreat) but deviates from the story: After living through the worst day of her life, Beca meets an accident and comes face to face with Death. As she ponders on whether or not she still wants to wake up from her coma, she asks herself, what if she never joined the Bellas? If she never existed? If she died? Death takes her on a journey to find out.

What You Do To Me

Author : Olivia_Janae

The thing was...she HAD said ‘I love you’ - and Chloe hadn’t said it back...so now what the hell were they supposed to do? Things were starting to snowball downhill and...Beca just...she didn’t know. How could they stop it? How could they fix it - before it was too late? ...Before they lost so much more than their romance.

Sequel to 'I Love You, Awesome Nerd'

Where Are You?

Author : Knope.We.Can

Beca Mitchell has been missing from Barden for a month. Chloe has spent every single hour she's been gone missing her.

Whispers In The Dark

Author : KissKendrick

Who knew something as simple as a bag being thrown over her head could open so many doors? Doors that Beca wanted to keep shut. Chloe had no idea what she was getting herself into. What she did know? She wasn't backing down. She wasn't leaving Beca, and she wouldn't let the horror of her past hurt her anymore. The problem? Beca may be too far gone to be helped. TRIGGERS INSIDE.

Whoever Fights Monsters

Author : revengeparty

AU. With a serial killer on the loose, the Barden Police Department calls in Special Agent Chloe Beale to assist in the investigation. Detective Beca Mitchell isn't used to sharing her turf with the feds, but they must quickly learn to work together to stop the man only known as the Barden Strangler.

Why You?

Author : selimausx3

Beca was a loner. Ever since Jesse died, she didn’t need anybody. That was until she saved the life of a particular redhead. Chloe stuck around ever since and the brunette didn’t see herself complaining much. Zombie Apocalypse!AU.

Wrong Turn

Author : RunFarAwayWithMe

Beca's dad is eager to find someone who will be a 'good influence' on his alternative daughter, and introduces her to the over-achieving Luke Brandon. As Beca becomes reluctantly intrigued by this seemingly perfect guy, she is introduced to his family and becomes close with his sister, Chloe. She soon realises that Luke is just a wrong turn on her way to true love.

You Never Know How Strong You Are

Author : CrohnieReader

until being strong is the only choice you have. Moving into the Bellas' House in her second year of college should be exciting and fun for Beca, right? But when the thing she's been hiding from everyone since the beginning of freshman year makes a reappearance, bringing with it a great deal of suffering, it makes life a little more complicated.

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

Author : WarriorOfTheLight

There is a life-threatening accident after Regionals and it might be too late to undo mistakes…

You're Weird

Author : Saweeet47

Chloe's father doesn't handle her sexuality very well, to the point where he doesn't believe it. Chloe's family assumes she has a girlfriend. She feels the need to hit two birds with one stone, coincidentally Beca is there to save the day.

Your Love Is A Song

Author : HypersomniacGrad

All Beca wanted was to move to LA and make music, that's why she made the deal with her dad in the first place. Make it one year through college then she could move to LA. Thankfully she has her step-brother and a surprisingly amazing roommate to help her bear through it all before she moves on. And then she meets Chloe, and Beca's not quite sure about anything anymore

Your Love Is Killing Me

Author : abnormalhuman

Beca and Chloe become fast friends like predicted, and right from the start there is something more. But how can Beca fall for a girl after being raised by homophobic parents? Beca can't handle or come to terms with herself. Will Chloe be able to help her through it? Trigger Warnings: slight mention of self harm and homophobic assholes doing their asshole thing.

#the update nobody asked for #ii have a google docs if u guys want it for easier access #if u have fics to add to this lemme know #if there is a specific type of list u guys want me to do i'm down #bechloe #bechloe fics #bechloe multichapter fic list #fic list #beca mitchell #chloe beale #pitch perfect

[creativity-is-rebellion]

Top 10 Favourite Books I Have Read (So Far)

As a writer myself, I can’t help but look back at the novels that have shaped the sort of writer I have become today, and helped me find my own unique voice. A good novel captivates, puts it’s twists in all the right places, and makes you think about the story long after you have finished reading it. It makes you contemplate what it is to be human. It hits you hard and leaves a lasting impression. I thought I could share a few of them with all of you. Without further ado, here goes:

Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy (1873)

It's a story as old as time; someone, bored with their life, risks it all to have an affair; but this one is special for a number of reasons. First, it serves as a commentary about 19th century upper-class Russia, a time when it wasn't necessarily scandalous to have an affair, but it was scandalous to leave your husband or wife because of it. Many people conducted their affairs in secret, but the passion Anna felt for Vronsky spilled over into her everyday life, and because she had suppressed feeling any kind of emotion for so long, the passion she felt was obsessive and all-consuming, even though in the end it sours and she blames Vronsky for her fall from grace, which is so devastating (she is cut off from seeing her son Seroyzha that she had with Count Alexei Karenin) that in the end she ends her life. It is made all the more ironic that the novel starts with her convincing Dolly, her sister-in-law, to stay with her two-timing brother, Stepan, as “family is all that matters.” The elements of the complexity of families is also makes this tale so unique. Secondly, it could be argued that Anna is not the protagonist of the story at all, but that Levin is, because his upward trajectory is juxtaposed with Anna's fall from grace. He starts off an awkward and gruff loner, and moves toward being a content and happy family man, with a wife Kitty whom he truly loves. His skepticism and malcontent drifts away as the novel wears on. It is said that Levin is actually a representation of Tolstoy himself, but the book was actually a labor of guilt for cheating on his own wife. The novel ends with a broken-hearted Vronsky enlisting for a battle that he hopes not to come back from alive. I love how rich and evolved each character we are introduced to is. As I also have a love affair with Mother Russia myself ever since I studied Russian history in high school, this novel is truly my favorite classic.

On Writing, Stephen King (2000)

This book is the most straightforward account of what it is like to be a writer from one of the great (if not greatest) modern novelists of our time. It also offers invaluable advice to aspiring and new writers who are looking to hone their craft, but without the flowery, navel-gazing musings so often found in books of a similar ilk. King's real-life descriptions of his struggles with addiction, his pre-writer life, the early days of his success, and his recovery after a horrific accident where he nearly lost his life are related back to his craft so masterfully, and, as such , I cannot recommend this book more to those who are either interested in the mechanisms behind being a writer, or want to be writers themselves. It also serves as a great book to refer back to after you become a writer to make sure you don't get bogged down in common writing mistakes that inadvertently make your work clunky or uninteresting. To paraphrase, King states, to become a writer, talent is essential, but if you don't have the right toolbox to use when writing your masterpiece, its going to look sloppy. King's toolkit, which he elaborates on in his book, is guaranteed to prevent this from happening.

The Virgin Suicides, Jeffery Eugenides (1993)

I read this novel after I saw the movie of the same name, which was Sofia Coppola's directorial debut. Like most book-to-movie adaptations, this novel contains slight deviations and more character development than the movie, but is still a deeply fascinating examination of both the psyche of the Lisbon sisters, the minds of the neighborhood boys who were obsessed with them, the paranoia of suburbia, parental oppression, and neighborhood carelessness. I remember that this movie came out when I was 16, but we had to wait until it came out on DVD to see it, because, as the movie dealt with teenage suicide, and the place I lived at at the time had one of the highest youth suicide rates in the state, it was banned in local cinemas. The most interesting character in both the book and the movie was 14-year-old Lux ​​Lisbon, primarily because of her rebelliousness toward her parents' overbearing protectiveness (mostly from her mother, but the spineless dad is definitely an enabler) which borders on abuse. This is perfectly juxtaposed with her inherent need to be an ordinary teenage girl in an abnormal household, and the oppression of this need leading to unbridled promiscuity. The accounting of the Lisbon sisters' story in both the movie and the novel, however, is unreliable, as it is never told from the point-of-view of the sisters themselves, but from the grown-up versions of the neighborhood boys who we were in love with them, and continued to be so after their deaths. The passing of the Lisbon sisters left a lasting impression on each of the boys, and still haunts them in the present. Decay in both the novel and the movie in the form of the diseased neighborhood trees and the decline of the local auto industry, are used as both foreshadowing of worst things to come, as well as an allegory of the Lisbon's family life. Finally, the accountability of the neighborhood and neighbors, and their willingness to turn a blind eye as to what was happening in the Lisbon household is also examined. Their fleeting, off-the-cuff and detached observations, as well as the (mostly) silent monitoring of the girls by the boys, is an excellent example of the damaging consequences of the bystander effect, which all to often leads to disastrous ends. the accountability of the neighborhood and neighbors, and their willingness to turn a blind eye as to what was happening in the Lisbon household is also examined. Their fleeting, off-the-cuff and detached observations, as well as the (mostly) silent monitoring of the girls by the boys, is an excellent example of the damaging consequences of the bystander effect, which all to often leads to disastrous ends. the accountability of the neighborhood and neighbors, and their willingness to turn a blind eye as to what was happening in the Lisbon household is also examined. Their fleeting, off-the-cuff and detached observations, as well as the (mostly) silent monitoring of the girls by the boys, is an excellent example of the damaging consequences of the bystander effect, which all to often leads to disastrous ends.

Eugene Onegin, Alexander Pushkin (1831)

As opposed to the entry above, I read the novel before I saw the movie, which did a pretty good job, considering the novel was written entirely in prose. 230-odd pages of verse penned by one of the greatest Russian poets of the 19th century may seem like a big ask to read, but I can assure you, it is entirely worth it. It tells the tale of an uppity lothario named Eugene Onegin, who, bored with St. Petersburg society, decide to move to his recently-deceased uncle's country estate. This move ultimately leads to Onegin leaving a trail of destruction in his wake, including ruining a woman's reputation, killing her fiance after he challenges Onegin to a duel to defend her honor, and spurning the advances of local provincial beauty Tatiana. Onegin then flees back to St. Petersburg, and after several years, crosses paths once again with Tatiana, Who is now married to a high-ranking general and is a permanent fixture of the St. Petersburg high-society set. When Tatiana shows a grace she never possessed before, and treats him with a cold distain whenever they cross paths, Onegin decides that he loves her, and pursues her doggedly, leading to a show-down between the two would-be lovers, but not in the way you would think. His chance at redemption is alt for nought. Although Tatiana admits her love for Onegin, she also tells him that she would never betray her now-husband to be with him. It is a scintillating slow-burn of a tale of love, loss and propriety in a way that can only be recounted by Pushkin. Interestingly, Pushkin himself was fatally wounded in 1837 after he challenged his brother-in-law, Georges-Charles de Heeckeren d'Anthes, also known as Dantes-Gekkern, a French officer serving with the Chevalier Guard Regiment, to a duel, as he had attempted to seduce the poet's wife, Natalia Pushkina. In some cases, life really does imitate art.

The Book Thief, Marcus Zusak (2005)

I like the voyeuristic feel of this novel, even if this sounds a little strange. The special interest that Death himself takes in the main character, Liesel Meminger (who is The Book Thief in question) is perfectly juxtaposed over the horrors of living in WW2 Germany. It’s a charming story, recounted by Death himself, all the way up to the main character’s death many years later. It gives us special insights into all the characters and they way they think and act, with no-holds-barred. A unique and truly good read.

The Big Sleep, Raymond Chandler (1939)

This is hands-down the best noir detective novel ever written, a point I regrettably missed when I first had to read it for Advanced English in Year 11 at school. It has all of the grit expected of the genre and follows Chandler’s mainlining private detective Philip Marlowe, who is hired by a rich family to deal with a blackmailer, Arthur Geiger. His life takes an unexpected turn as he pursues the case and Arthur is found dead.It is both a good detective mystery and a perfect layout for a by-the-numbers look at how this genre should be written. Cool side fact: The Big Sleep is a euphemism for dying.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Series, Stieg Larsson

Lisbeth Salander is still the best kick-arse anti-heroine around, a fact that is evident from her character being re-imagined by David Lagercrantz in further novels in the Millenium series after Steig Larsson’s untimely death. At the time these novels came out, I remember everyone on the beach reading a copy, and I especially enjoy the first entry in this series, which explores a missing woman, the demise and rise of journalist Mikael Blomkvist, the back-story and growth of Lisbeth Salander, female sex-trafficking, and feminist themes. On top of being a missing-person story, it is also a murder mystery, and has an awesome twist at the novel’s denouement. A thrilling, wild-ride of a read.I think I especially enjoyed it because I like reading novels situated around serial killers. That’s all I’ll say. Read the book.

We Need to Talk About Kevin, Lionel Shriver (2003)

This book is just brutal and a no-holds-barred look at whether killers are born or made.It is told by Eva Khatchadourian in a series of letters to her husband, Franklin, which discuss their son, Kevin, and his behaviour growing up, as well as her reactions to said behaviour, which ultimately lead to a thrilling, if unnerving, conclusion. 

IT, Stephen King (1985)

Although it is a gigantic read at 1,128 pages, IT is worth every page. Stephen King's novel about a demonic, otherworldly entity that preys and feasts on the children of Derry, Maine every 27-odd years is a masterpiece second only to his equally weighty saga The Stand. It tells the story of childhood friendship, and the strength one can have when standing together with friends. It is a perfect tale of good triumphing over evil, which is a familiar theme in King’s books which tends to get overlooked in favour of the more horror-like elements. Be warned, it does jump back-and-forth in time, and there are a few awkward parts of the book that the movie thankfully skipped, but they don’t really feel out of place in the novel. This “clown” will give you nightmares, but the ultimate triumph of The Loser’s Club is worth hanging in for.

The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold (2002)

I've gotta admit, the ending was unsatisfying, but is probably a more realistic account of what usually happens in unsolved cases such as Susie Salmon's. There is a karmic vibe, and at least the killer is disposed of in an unceremoniously undignified way. It’s ultimately a tale of how grief can keep you stuck, and how acceptance is part of moving on. Totally skip the movie and just read the book.

I just realised, all but one of these books has been made into a movie, whether it be a box-office hit or Indie, which I suppose really just attests to how good they are. I’ll be back with another top 10 favourite books soon no doubt. See you on the flip-side.

#ilovebooks #justread #top10books #top10lists #anna karenina #it #the lovely bones #we need to talk about kevin #the big sleep #On writing #the virgin suicides #eugine onegin #the girl with the dragon tattoo #leo tolstoy #stephen king #jeffrey eugenides #marcus zusak #alice seebold #raymond chandler #lionel shriver #alexander pushkin #russian literature #classic literature #literary books #horror novels #noir #novel genres #bookworm #writer biographies #writer help books

[mdelpin]

The Red Dragon - Chapter 26

AO3 | FF.Net | Tumblr: Ch1 | Ch25

I'm not strong enough to stay away I can't run from you I just run back to you Like a moth, I'm drawn into your flame You say my name But it's not the same You look in my eyes I'm stripped of my pride And my soul surrenders And you bring my heart to its knees

And it's killin' me when you're away. And I wanna leave, and I wanna stay. And I'm so confused, So hard to choose Between the pleasure and the pain. And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right. Even if I try to win the fight, My heart would overrule my mind. And I'm not strong enough to stay away.

Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica

Chapter 26

Natsu was able to hold himself together for about two blocks before he found an alley and walked into it. He collapsed against the wall, for once not caring at all about the dirt or the stench, his chest shaking as he dissolved into sobs. He could still feel Gray’s pain and anger on top of his own, and the combination was more than he could handle. It didn’t help that he understood the enormity of what he’d done.

It was over, there was no coming back from this. How could there be?

Natsu heard footsteps entering the alley and approaching him but couldn’t be bothered to see who it was. He heard a familiar voice ask kindly, “Son, are you okay?”

Surprised, he looked up to see Anna Heartfilia, the closest thing he’d ever had to a mother, looking down at him. “Natsu? Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

When he continued to weep without saying a word, Anna knelt down and held him to her chest, letting him cry. Natsu held on to her tightly, seeking to let her smell soothe him like it once had. She made soft, comforting noises and placed her head on top of his until he calmed down enough to talk.

“Are you feeling a bit better?” Anna asked as she moved a few strands of blonde hair, which were starting to turn gray, away from her face. Natsu shook his head miserably.

“Come on, let’s get you some cocoa.” She coaxed, standing up and pulling him up with her. She walked towards the orphanage, and Natsu followed behind, not really caring where he was going.

They entered the building and walked into her small apartment, Anna gestured him towards the kitchen as she put her keys down in a small bowl by the door.

She entered the kitchen and grabbed an apron, tying it behind her back as she looked around for something. Making an aha noise, she grabbed a small container that was filled with a reddish powder.

“Natsu, will you be a dear and light up the stove for me?” Anna asked as she continued to search for ingredients inside her small kitchen. Natsu got up from the chair he had settled on and did as she asked. Once the stove was lit, she quickly got to work mixing ingredients and stirring the contents in a small pot.

After a few minutes, Natsu recognized the smell and managed a small smile. She was making his favorite childhood drink, chile hot chocolate. She poured the contents of the pot into two mugs and carried them to the table, setting them down carefully. Grabbing one last item, she placed it between the two of them before sitting down. When Natsu didn't move, she grabbed a handful of the little sugary pillows and dropped them in his drink.

“Thank you, Anna.”

“You’re very welcome,” Anna replied, waving the act away, “Now, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind? That might be the first time I’ve seen you cry since Erza knocked you down your first day of school.”

“I don’t think I ever thanked you for taking care of me,” Natsu said quietly, his mind already full of goodbyes.

"Nonsense, you would have died otherwise. Igneel and Atlas might know a lot about dragons, but they knew nothing about babies." Anna rolled her eyes. "Your mother would’ve had both our hides in the afterlife if we let anything happen to you."

“You knew my mom?” Natsu questioned, eyes widening as he realized he’d never thought of that possibility before.

“Of course I did, we were friends most of our lives,” Anna replied, her mouth curving into a smile, “Hang on, I think I have a picture around here somewhere, it’s from before Igneel arrived.”

She got up from the table, and Natsu took the opportunity to drink his chocolate. Anna had made it for him when he was little. Any time he’d gotten in trouble with Igneel, which was often. Natsu would help her make it, using his fire to heat the small pot as it cooked. It was one of the few sweets he'd had as a kid. He’d loved it because it was both spicy and sweet.

Anna would listen to him rant about Igneel and comfort him, often staying with him until he fell asleep. She really had been like a mother to him, and he'd loved her dearly. Still did. She was also the only human who had known what he was, and she'd never treated him differently for it. Now, Natsu thought, maybe he understood why.

She returned with a picture of two young girls holding hands and smiling, one had blonde hair and was obviously Anna, the other had long pink hair and stunning green eyes, just the same as his. It was an excellent likeness of Anna, so Natsu could only assume that it was a good one of his mother as well. He stared at the picture hungrily, finally able to see his mother for the first time in his life.

“That was us,” Anna grinned, eyes twinkling with mischief, “We were trouble back then!”

“Can you tell me about her?” Natsu asked hopefully, “I only know what Atlas has told me, but he didn’t know her very well.”

“I should have said something before,” Anna apologized, “but your father, well, he still can’t really talk about her.”

"Hmm, let’s see, Porlyusica was a lot like you actually," Anna smiled at him fondly, "She was very passionate, fought for what she believed in, and once her mind was made up, there was no turning back, and boy did she have a temper!"

Natsu rolled his eyes at Anna, but he also ate up every word.

"I think, had she lived, the two of you would have gotten along very well and ganged up on your poor father, and he-- he would have loved it," Anna suddenly became quiet, and Natsu could see she was trying to fight back tears.

“I’m sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve talked about her,” Anna apologized as she sniffled.

"It's okay, you don't have to keep going," Natsu assured her, but she only smiled as she got herself under control.

“I want to, you should know about her. What else? She was an amazing healer, people would come from all over to seek her advice,” Anna continued, “Did you know that you were born here?”

“I was born in the orphanage?” Natsu asked confused, Atlas had told him he’d been born at his house.

"Well, not exactly, this was where your house was. After you were born and Porlyusica passed, Igneel kind of lost control of himself. He explained later it was a mate thing, their connection had been severed and it was excruciating for him. He lost control of his magic and burned the house down. He couldn't eat the fire since he'd created it."

Natsu could feel Anna's eyes on him, watching for his reaction to her words, but he was too tired to play games and too shaken by Anna's description of what had happened to his father to hide anything.

“So it’s as I thought, whatever is bothering you is somehow mate related,” Anna mumbled to herself. She didn’t push though, just looked at him with concern.

“Did you know they’re having a festival in your honor today?” Anna asked him suddenly.

Natsu looked at her in astonishment, “You knew that was me?”

“Well of course, who else would it be?”, Anna replied, amused by Natsu’s surprise, “You’ve protected this village one way or another for a very long time.”

She reached out to touch his face, giving him a look that was tinged with worry.

"This village loves you, Natsu. You have come to their rescue time and time again, and they wanted to show you how much they've come to appreciate you." Anna said proudly, "I even heard Erza say they were going to build a humongous bonfire for you to eat, and I know the kids were hoping you’d show up to do some of those flying tricks you do."

“I know you feel down right now, and I’m not going to push you to tell me why,” Anna added quickly before he had a chance to protest, “But you’re important to a lot of people in both your forms and I think it’s time you realized that.”

Natsu nodded, only half listening, he'd reached a sort of numbness that was almost manageable. He'd walk around the festival for a bit and maybe even make an appearance for the kids when it got dark, but he hadn't changed his mind. Tomorrow he would begin his search for Acnologia. If he could manage to take him down, the village wouldn't need his protection anymore. Maybe then, he and his family could move to Drak Aast with Belserion and the remaining dragons. Far enough away for him not to feel this way anymore and to give Gray a chance to start a new life without him.

Natsu thanked Anna again, allowing her to fuss over him a bit longer. He gave her a tight hug goodbye and told her he loved her. He could tell from the look on her face when he said goodbye that she knew he wasn’t planning on ever coming back.

O-o

Gray was emotionally exhausted. The onslaught of memories hadn't stopped since Natsu had released them. He was out of tears at this point, but still, the memories came, full of images of a happier time but moving too fast for him to be able to hold them for long. The pain was more than he thought he could bear. He felt betrayed, but at the same time, he also felt how happy and in love they'd been in those months, and he couldn't decide which hurt more.

Gray, I’m a fire dragon.

He remembered eight-year-old Natsu saying those words to him before Gray attacked him in anger. Why the hell was Natsu continuing to insist on this ridiculous farce? He didn’t believe him then, and he certainly didn’t believe him now. Still, that small memory loosened a bigger one.

“Can you imagine Erza’s face when she finds out you’ve been back all this time, and you haven’t gone to see her yet?” Gray laughed with glee as Natsu immediately looked nervous.

“I’m not afraid of her.”

“Sure you’re not, Pyro.“

“I set one thing on fire, and it was your fault. You startled me!” Natsu complained loudly as they got to their field.

“That one thing was the hotel.” Gray reminded him, causing Natsu to immediately pout and cross his arms in front of his chest cutely. Gray stopped and kissed him. “You’re just lucky I’m such a great provider.”

“I paid for the stay and all the food for six months!” Natsu replied in outrage.

“Yeah,” Gray agreed readily before adding, “But I paid for the building.”

“You’re going to have to make it up to me tonight,” Gray smirked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“Okay, fine,” Natsu grumbled but didn’t look at all displeased by the idea, “Just don’t tell Erza about the hotel, okay?”

“That’s gonna cost you extra.”

“Ugh! You’re the worst!”

"But you love me," Gray teased, loving that he could get a rise out of his mate so quickly.

He was surprised when Natsu didn't answer, it wasn't like him. When Gray turned to see if he'd managed to actually upset him, he noticed that Natsu was gaping up at the sky, eyes widened, and body covered in a thin layer of flames. He followed Natsu's gaze and saw something that both set his blood boiling and terrified him. A monstrous black dragon covered in blue markings was flying towards Talos. He immediately glanced at Natsu, the only dragon slayer around, and grabbed his hand, yanking him towards the village.

“Stop!” Natsu yelled as he dug his heels in and refused to move any further, “We have to get out of here!”

“What are you talking about? We have to get to the village and help!” Gray argued, confused by Natsu’s actions. He’d seen him run into more dangerous situations than this without a thought.

“You don’t understand, that’s Acnologia,” Natsu said as if that explained everything.

“Who?”

“The renegade dragon slayer that almost killed me,” Natsu said impatiently, “We don’t have time for this, I’ll explain on the way.”

“That’s a dragon, I thought you said he was a dragon slayer,” A million questions tried to burst forth, but Gray shook his head to clear them away, this wasn't the time. They needed to hurry. Every second they hesitated was a second less they would have to react.

Natsu refused to budge no matter how hard Gray pulled. “We have to go help them, Natsu. Lyon, Erza, Juvia, Anna... they’re all there, they’ll die if we don’t help them.”

With a sigh, Natsu said, “If I go fight him, will you promise me you’ll stay here?”

"I won't let another dragon destroy my home," Gray replied stubbornly. He was determined to fight but also scared out of his wits. The dragon was huge, and he could feel an aura of malice radiating from it that set him on edge.

“GRAY!” Natsu exploded, sounding both angry and terrified and altogether unlike himself. Natsu’s voice softened into a plea, “I can’t fight him if I’m worried about you.”

“I’m going, Natsu. You can either come with me or not, but there’s no way in hell I’m staying behind.”

Natsu looked at Gray and back at Acnologia, who was flying ever closer to the village. “DAMMIT!” Natsu roared, “I didn’t want you to find out like this!”

Gray gazed at him in confusion, having no idea what he was referring to. He watched open-mouthed as Natsu somehow transformed into a red dragon, and with a mighty roar swiftly took to the sky, racing to reach Acnologia before he could destroy the village.

Gray's immediate response was disbelief, and it was soon followed by denial. There was no way that Natsu had turned into a dragon, it was just a figment of his imagination. It had to be. But as he saw that same red dragon ram into the black one, he knew it was real, and he was filled with a profound rage.

Gray covered his mouth to keep his screams from being heard by anyone outside. He felt as if he were going insane. Had Natsu been telling him the truth this whole time? How was that even possible?

Gray's mind started reeling, starting to put together the pieces that had always been there. Natsu had tried to warn him away, but Gray had refused to listen, too consumed by what he wanted to pay heed.

Of course, I want you, you jackass! I always have. But what the hell am I supposed to do when you hate everything I am? Don't you see how futile this is?

Now that he thought about it, there had been many clues over the years, Natsu's incredible regenerative ability, his power level being a magnitude higher than any of the other dragon slayers. The way Natsu was able to soothe Happy after he, Sting and Lyon had attacked him when none of the other dragon slayers seemed to know what to do. How upset Natsu had become when he'd told him dragons were nothing but beasts intent on destruction or when Gray made references to wanting to kill them.

Gray had been such an asshole about all of it, even as Natsu had attempted to be patient with him. As angry as he was at his mate at the moment, he was starting to see, he might also have been at fault.

Natsu had tried to distance himself from him, but Gray had refused to allow it, never once pausing to consider why Natsu might be doing that. He'd been overjoyed when Erza had forced them together even though it was obviously not what Natsu had wanted. Natsu had even tried to slow things down once they'd gotten together. Fuck. Natsu had attempted to protect him every step of the way.

But why? Why go so far as to remove his memories? What had he seen or done that would make Natsu do that? Surely it wasn’t just because he’d seen him transform. It didn’t sound like something Natsu would do. Gray was still angry, but suddenly it felt like he was still missing something. What had Natsu been trying to protect him from?

Gray once again found Natsu sitting outside in the middle of the night. He sat down next to him and grabbed his hand, squeezing it and placing it in his lap. He remained silent, not wanting to disturb whatever Natsu was doing. It didn’t take long for him to break the silence, but not in a way Gray expected.

“Am I a monster?” Natsu asked him as they sat together underneath the starry sky.

Gray draped his arm over Natsu’s shoulders, pulling slightly until Natsu’s head was against his shoulder, allowing Gray to kiss his head, “You’re about as far from a monster as you can get, love. Why would you even ask something like that?”

“I’ve taken so many lives,” Even though Natsu looked at the ground, Gray could hear the tears he was trying to hide in the way his voice wavered, “In my dreams, I can still hear them screaming.”

Gray thought about saying something to lighten the moment, but one look at Natsu, at the tension in his shoulders, and the set of his jaw made him realize that would be a mistake. He thought about how best to answer.

"Natsu, if you were a monster, you wouldn't feel bad about the things you did. You were put in a bad situation, and you did everything you could to survive. You didn't enjoy any of it."

“Maybe, but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy.”

"Of course you deserve it. You lived in hell for a year and a half, we both did. Every time I see your scars-" This time it was Gray who was tearing up, his hand letting go of Natsu's and immediately moving to trace the worst of the scars over his shirt, a sizeable nasty X shaped scar by Natsu's hipbone, "All I can think of is that any one of those could've taken you away from me, and it scares the shit out of me."

"You were the only thing that kept me going," Natsu looked up at him with an intensity that made Gray a little nervous, and when he looked into Natsu's eyes, he saw what looked like small flames shining in them, "I love you."

Gray's heart sped up, and his breath hitched at the sound of those words. It was the first time Natsu had said those words to him, words he hadn't heard since Ur had died, and even back then, he'd had a hard time accepting that he was worthy of such deep emotion. He hadn't said them to anyone since his parents had died, even though he'd always known that it was what he felt for Natsu.

He couldn't bring himself to say the words now, and he worried, but to his great relief, he could see Natsu wasn't expecting him to. Gray leaned in to kiss his boyfriend, and as he kissed, he began to work Natsu's shirt off, separating from him only long enough to remove it. He pushed him to the ground gently and began to trace every scar with his fingers, followed by his lips, every caress a silent I love you he hoped Natsu understood.

Gray heard music coming from outside his window and was surprised to see that afternoon had turned into early evening. He'd managed to waste the whole day, and for the first time since he'd kicked him out, he wondered how Natsu was doing.

Gray could only feel the faintest trace from him, and that worried him. He thought back to how devastated Natsu had looked when he'd left and remembered his words.

His mate would transform back into his dragon form as soon as the sun set. If Gray hurried, he might still be able to talk to him, to at least say a proper goodbye. He didn't know what was in store for them, but he didn't want to leave things at angry words. Not when they had such little time left, and certainly not after everything they'd meant to each other over the years.

He hurried into his bedroom to change into some clothes more appropriate for the occasion, knowing Erza would kill him if he showed up in what he was currently wearing. He changed quickly, grabbed his keys, and left his apartment, following the throng of people that were walking towards where the festival was being held. It was slow going, and he used his magic to make the people around him uncomfortable enough to clear a path for him. The sun was getting lower in the sky, and he started to run.

When he got to the plaza, he was out of breath. The festivities were in full swing, the ample space packed with people enjoying the live music. An area had been set aside for dancing, and Gray quickly spotted Erza and Lyon.

The festival must have gone well because they both looked pleased. Lyon offered his hand to Erza and led her towards the dance floor where they spun around with the other couples, Gray watched them, and all of a sudden, a memory got hold of him.

"Will you marry me?" Natsu blurted out as he held out a sword pendant with a beautiful firestone embedded at its center for Gray to take. "I-- I made this for you."

“You want to marry me?” Gray gazed at Natsu, not quite believing what he’d heard. When Natsu nodded and replied with a grin, the one Gray couldn’t resist, he knew just what his answer would be.

"Yes!" Gray picked Natsu up and swung him around as the dragon slayer laughed. Gray put him down, and when Natsu locked the clasp of the chain around his neck, the pendant immediately began to glow.

“Why is it glowing?” He asked, holding it up to examine it.

“Because our souls are in harmony, our bond is whole,” Natsu explained as he touched the pendant. “I enchanted it with a ton of protection magic.”

“As if I need protection,” Gray scoffed good-naturedly.

“You are my Ice Princess,” Natsu winked, his tone mischievous, and Gray swatted him.

Gray couldn’t remember if he’d ever been this happy before. He grabbed Natsu’s hand and kissed his knuckles before dragging him over to the dance floor, wanting an excuse to put his arms around his fiance while there were so many people around...

They were engaged? Had they gotten married? As furious as he’d been, Gray knew he still loved Natsu, had always loved him, since before he’d even understood what that type of love was. The years of worrying, the sorrow, the anger, none of it had changed that. But if Natsu really was a dragon, how could they have any kind of relationship, and why was he human now? Wasn’t there a chance they could change him back?

He couldn’t waste any more time thinking about all of this, he had to find Natsu before it was too late. He needed his help to make sense of some of the things he was seeing. His hand moved up to the pendant, it’s origin finally revealed. It had been a mystery he’d been trying to figure out for the last two years.

He tried to feel through their bond, hoping to get an idea of where Natsu might be, if he were close or far, but to his dismay, even the constant hum that he'd gotten used to over the years had become faint. Gray had a terrible feeling that if he didn't catch up to Natsu before he transformed back into a dragon, he might never see him again. He looked around the plaza, but the only person he saw with pink hair was a little girl.

He would ask Erza whether she’d seen him, it was the only thing he could think of to do. He saw her talking to some people while Lyon danced with Juvia. He walked towards her urgently, bravely grabbing her by the arm and pulling her away from the others.

“What’s gotten into you?” Erza’s nostrils flared as she put her hands on her hips.

He ignored her question and immediately launched into one of his own, “Have you seen Natsu?”

Erza looked at him worriedly, knowing him well enough to detect the urgency in his tone. “Is something wrong?”

“Have you seen him?” Gray repeated impatiently.

“No, not since I saw him at your place. Did you two have a fight already?”

The song had ended, and Lyon had joined them, hearing the tail end of the conversation. "What did he say to you?"

"I got my memories back, Lyon. Well, most of them, there are still a few things I don't understand, but I need to find Natsu before the sun sets."

"Why before the sun sets?" Lyon and Erza both asked at the same time, and if he hadn't been in such a hurry, Gray would have teased them about it.

“No time, I’ll explain later.”

“Did you check his favorite spot?” Erza asked, her expression thoughtful.

“His favorite spot? You mean the field?”

"No, I guess maybe he stopped going there once he got busy with the patrols, but I could always find him there. Come on, it'll be faster if I show you." Gray chased after her, thankful that he had thought to ask. Erza had known Natsu for a very long time.

They tried to get through the crowd, but it proved difficult. Erza requipped into one of her armors, and that was enough to get people moving. She led them through several streets stopping in front of one of the few buildings in Talos that had a flat roof and an unobstructed view of the lake and mountains. He could feel Natsu near.

He thanked Erza before calling on his ice, using it to lift himself to the roof. He found Natsu perched on the edge of the opposite side of the roof. He sat facing the lake, legs dangling, and eyes fixed firmly on the beautiful view. Gray had never been up there before, but he could immediately see why Natsu liked it.

He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. There were a lot of conflicting emotions raging inside of him. He wanted to go to Natsu, touch him, kiss him, take him back, but at the same time, he also wanted to yell and punch him again. The conflicting desires were too much, and he ended up paralyzed, watching the sun's progress with an aching heart.

He just wanted things to go back to the way they’d been before Acnologia attacked.

After a few minutes of silence, Natsu finally got up from his spot and acknowledged him. Gray almost wished he hadn't. He'd never seen Natsu look as utterly defeated as he did at that moment. To make matters worse, he also had an air of determination about him that scared Gray even more than the defeat. He knew that face, Natsu had made up his mind up about something, and Gray had a pretty good idea he wasn't going to like whatever it was.

“You must have a lot of questions,” Natsu guessed, his tone stoic as he looked at the sky, “There isn’t much time left.”

Gray took a moment to do something he’d failed to do that morning. He scrutinized Natsu, searching for changes from the last time they had seen each other a year earlier, and in doing so, he noticed something peculiar.

There was a grouping of stitches on his arm, stitches that looked oddly familiar. His eyes moved to Natsu’s chest, which was only covered by the open vest he always wore, noting the scars that covered his torso and finding several he didn’t remember Natsu having the previous year. One, in particular, looked recent. A scar that resembled charred skin, in a place that combined with the stitches on his arm and what he now knew Natsu to be, could only lead him to one devastating conclusion.

As outrageous as it might seem, Natsu and Fukou were one and the same.

Gray’s mind flooded with all the telltale signs in his interactions with Fukou that he’d ignored.

The way his necklace had reacted to the dragon, how Fukou had called him Princess, and been so upset whenever he was in danger, yet still came to his rescue time and time again. How he’d healed his injuries while trying to warn him away from Natsu. But more than anything, he remembered that strange sense of peace he’d felt just sitting with Fukou at the top of the mountain and how often he had thought the two were similar.

He wanted to discredit it, still wanting to deny what his heart had already accepted, but it made too much sense. Why would any other dragon put up with him? Even Happy would have probably told him to fuck off.

Gray cursed himself for not realizing it before, although he likewise knew there was no way he ever could have. Why would he?

He also remembered he hadn’t exactly always been kind to the dragon, and felt even worse about the name he had chosen for him, knowing now some of the things it had probably brought up for Natsu.

“You’re Fukou, aren’t you.” Gray phrased it as a statement, already convinced of its truth but wanting to hear it from Natsu just the same.

“Yeah,” Natsu responded, and for some reason that Gray couldn’t begin to understand, he sounded sad by the admission.

“Why?” Gray raged, “Why not just tell me instead of making me think you didn’t care? Hell, you told me as much!”

Natsu sighed, pulling at his hair in frustration, “You would never have believed me, and it allowed me to remain with you for a bit longer.”

“And maybe I thought if I could get you past your hatred…,” Natsu closed his eyes tightly, “Nevermind.”

His mate might not have finished his sentence, but Gray could still gather the meaning loud and clear…. then we could be together…

The cruel irony was that Gray had wished for the exact same thing. He'd wanted to spend an afternoon in that wildflower field with Natsu, and he’d been so frustrated to spend it watching over Fukou instead, not ever realizing his wish had been granted.

 Gray had spent so much time being angry, thinking that Natsu hadn’t even been trying, only to now discover he’d been by his side the whole time. He felt awful, knowing he should have known better, that he should have trusted that Natsu would never have left him behind without good reason.

"Are we married?" Gray blurted out, realizing they were rapidly running out of time. He hadn't remembered a wedding yet, and he desperately needed to know. He hoped they were, that they'd done something with that happiness he'd felt earlier.

Natsu nodded, trying to look unaffected. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you can get it annulled.”

Those words hurt Gray more than the fact that Natsu had locked away his memories, or had hidden his identity from him. That he could just take everything they'd been and push it away so carelessly. He had to remind himself that Natsu was wearing a mask. He was hurt, and at the same time, he was trying to protect Gray.

"What if I don't want to?"

Natsu shrugged, still refusing to look at him. “I’m sorry. I don’t really know what to say.”

“I-- I don’t want to lose you," Gray found himself growing ever more desperate at Natsu's attitude.

"You deserve to be happy," Natsu whispered, almost as if he was talking to himself, and Gray heard the pain in his voice. More importantly, he'd felt something through their bond, and that excited him.

Their bond was still there, Natsu was just trying to mute it. There was still hope that Gray could get through to him!

“Don’t you?”

Natsu ignored his question and uttered the scariest words Gray had ever heard, “I’m going after Acnologia.”

“That black dragon? Absolutely not, are you out of your mind?”

“As long as he lives, no dragon will ever be safe. That’s something I can try to do something about.”

“Natsu, please don’t do this," Gray pleaded, finally understanding how much was at stake, "I didn’t mean to send you away, I was angry. I love you, I‘ve always loved you.”

Frustrated by Natsu's silence at his words, Gray snapped, “Will you look at me dammit?! We can make this work somehow.”

Natsu complied, still trying to keep his emotions hidden, “No. We can’t. Don’t you get it? I can only take this form one day a year, and who knows how long that will be true. Is that what you want? A husband that can only be with you one day out of the year? What kind of life is that?”

“I’d rather be with you one day out of the year than never at all. We can… we can hang out as we have for the rest of the year.”

“You’re fooling yourself. Now that you know it’s me, can you honestly tell me it’s not going to hurt you to see me and know we can’t be together? Because it hurt me, a lot.”

Gray remained quiet, suddenly understanding the dragon’s constant absences. He looked at Natsu with pity.

“Natsu--”

“No, no more!" Natsu roared, looking heavenward, "I’m going to do the right thing, for once. I release you from our bond.”

“What?! No! I refuse. We can find a way to work this out. Isn’t that why you came to see me this morning?”

“It’s almost time. I have to go.” Natsu’s voice had once again returned to the same stoic tone that was working away at Gray’s very last nerve.

“We have all the time in the world. We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives.” Gray stared at Natsu levelly. “Do you remember saying those words to me?”

Natsu flinched as his words were thrown back at him. “That was when I thought I could remain human forever.”

“I don’t care what you are, Natsu. I care about who you are.”

"I know you think that, and I really am proud of how far you've come, but you don’t seem to understand. This is who I am, it's who I've always been, and I am done hurting you."

The sun had finally set, and Gray watched helplessly as red scales appeared and slowly began to cover Natsu's body, starting at his feet and working their way up his body. Gray witnessed as Natsu grew a tail, and his body expanded. He forced himself to watch, wanting to show Natsu he could handle it. Even so, it was painful to see his love slowly disappear in front of him and change into the one thing he’d always hated.

But that wasn’t exactly true anymore, Gray felt no animosity towards Natsu in this form. Before Natsu could stop him and while he could still see his face Gray rushed to put his arms around him and press their lips together in one last kiss. Whether he meant to or not, Natsu responded.

“I love you,” Gray repeated urgently, wanting Natsu to hear it, and hold on to it. That he could say those words to him even when he was in this form. Gray was by no means giving up, but he would give Natsu some time to think about what he'd said.

"Goodbye, Gray," Natsu said, and he stood in front of Gray as Fukou, the red dragon he had grudgingly befriended over the last year. He let Gray observe him briefly before taking off from the roof without another word.

Gray watched Natsu fly away from him, feeling more alone than ever, and thinking about how he and Natsu had managed to hurt each other so much over the years without meaning to.

Another memory overwhelmed him. This one more vivid than all the others that had preceded it.

“No, no, no,” Natsu rubbed his snout on Gray’s face as he fretted over Gray’s lifeless body, “Stay with me, love. I need you.”

“I don’t care if you hate me, just please, please don’t die.”

Natsu? Gray gazed up in confusion at the enormous red dragon that was staring down at him. It seemed to be crying. Why was it crying? Its green eyes were glowing as brightly as emeralds, and it reminded him of something, no someone.

Gray could feel the blood oozing out of him as he kept coming in and out of consciousness. The sharp pain in his head alerting him that he probably had a concussion. He felt so cold and, with a slight panic, realized he couldn’t feel anything below his waist. Gray wanted nothing more than to close his eyes, but the dragon's eyes begged him to stay.

Gray could see there was a lot of blood, and he didn’t think it could have all possibly come from him. Was the dragon injured too? This all felt so surreal, how had he gotten to the field with this dragon? And why wasn’t it trying to kill him? Where was his hatred?

His emotions all felt so far away. Gray wanted to yell at the dragon to leave him alone, but he couldn’t, there was something different about it. He felt connected to it.

A soothing warmth began to travel down his body, it was familiar, and his tired brain tried to make the association as feeling returned to his legs. When had he felt this before? He started to feel better as the warmth healed his wounds. Gray still felt woozy, but the dragon seemed to be in worse shape than before. It continued to treat him regardless, and Gray could hear it muttering to itself even if he couldn't quite make out the words. Suddenly it stopped and fell over panting and whining.

"Natsu!" Gray yelled and tried to get up, but he was still too weak. That's right, he remembered now. Natsu had transformed into a dragon to fight off the black dragon that had attacked Talos.

They both lay on the ground staring at each other.

“Gray?” Natsu called out to him, and when Gray grunted, he dragged himself over. Gray could now see the dragon was acutely injured, and he began to panic.

"You idiot, why did you heal me? Look at you!" Gray's voice sounded shrill as the fear settled into it. He had no idea what the fuck was going on, but his husband was injured and in pain, and there was nothing he could do about it. He chose to ignore the glaring issue with him being a dragon for the moment.

“You were -- dying, “ Natsu gasped the words out with great difficulty, clearly not in good shape, “Couldn’t -- let -- that happen.”

“We have to get you help,” Gray tried to move once again, screaming in frustration when he couldn’t.

"Don't worry,-- I'll be -- fine," Natsu began to cough, and blood sprayed on the ground near Gray's head, "Sorry -- Gray."

“Just shut up, we’ll talk about it once you change back.”

“Can’t -- change -- back.”

“What are you talking about, of course you can.”

Natsu shook his head, bright emerald eyes dulling to dark green. “Can’t -- last time -- felt it.”

"I don't understand any of this," Gray reached out his hand towards Natsu's snout, wanting to comfort him. He could see Natsu's eyes reclaim some of their radiance at the small gesture, but Gray had to put his arm down seconds later.

He couldn't do it, he couldn't bring himself to touch his husband, and while Gray hated himself for it, it didn't change the way he felt.

“I — I can’t,” Gray wanted to say something, anything to make things better, but he knew there was nothing that would reduce the sting of his rejection.

Natsu only nodded and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath as his tears fell discreetly. “I -- understand.” He managed to stand up, using his wings for balance. “You should be free of this.”

“Natsu -- I’m sor--”

“It’s okay,” Natsu interrupted, beginning to cast a spell. Once he was done, his talons began to glow with a bluish light, creating a small magic circle.

“What are you doing?!”

Natsu opened his eyes at last, and Gray had to gasp at the sorrow he saw in their depths, "I'm setting you free, you deserve to be happy." He touched his talons to Gray's forehead.

Gray tried to protest, but the magic soon entered his head, and he wasn't strong enough to fight it off. He closed his eyes for a second, needing to think.

Gray opened his eyes, finding himself alone in the field. How had he gotten here? He heard a noise above him but couldn't make it out and was soon distracted by a voice echoing in his head.

I’m sorry.

With the last mystery finally revealed, Gray’s first reaction was to throw up violently, the acid bile in his stomach revolting against his actions.

Gods, what had he done?! Natsu had almost killed himself to save him, and Gray had rejected him.

Natsu hadn't taken his memories to shield himself. He'd done it because when faced with an impossible situation and Gray's rejection, he’d done what he always did. Protect Gray as best he could. He'd set him free and doomed himself to a life of loneliness, with only their memories for comfort.

Gray was still standing on the roof when Natsu returned to eat the enormous bonfire the town had built up for him as an offering. He watched as the dragon did a few lackluster aerials for the kids before giving a mighty roar and flying back to his cave.

A/N: The song that represented both Natsu's conflict and his personality for me as I plotted the story was Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica, which is also one of my favorite Gratsu AMV's.So now you have a better idea of what happened to make Natsu take Gray's memories. A lot of full circle in this one. Now, all we have left is to give them their happy ending. After next week's update, I will return to updating every other week.

Thank you once again to @oryu404​ for beta reading the chapter for me!

@ao3feed-gratsu​

#fairy tail #gratsu #ftlgbtales #fairy tail big bang 2018 #update

[getstickbugdlol]

gonna do this astrology ask 

aries: what are you passionate about? books, traveling, and my cat

taurus: name 3 of your favorite books. wolf tower series, lexicon, obv harry potter but that’s lame so i’m gonna say sharp objects instead

gemini: what was the last text you sent? “Update a male lion just said he trusted me”

cancer: if you could choose your child's zodiac sign, what would it be? leo 

leo: name something you love about yourself. i’m very reflective and i can admit to myself when i’ve been wrong

virgo: what's your #1 pet peeve? ppl who drag their feet on the sidewalk

libra: describe your dream partner. a person who challenges me to be better, but accepts me when i am not

scorpio: do you trust easily? LMAO NO

sagittarius: if you could travel to any place in the world, where would it be? at the moment, vietnam!

capricorn: what's your dream job? travel vlogger, novelist, international spy, i could go don

aquarius: do you believe in aliens? i do not deny their existence

pisces: describe someone you love. she has the coolest style & tights and the best taste and i love how she’s unapologetically herself even when it makes others uncomfortable

sun: describe yourself in 3 words. ambitious, resilient, honest

moon: what's your favorite song? atm stay for a while by gibbz or debussy’s clair de lune

rising/asc: how would you describe your style? half punk rock half retro femme

mars: are you easily angered? no but oh man when i am you better watch out

venus: what's your aesthetic? the smell of old books, chandeliers, rain on the pavement, the sound of heels clacking on the ground, thunder, high ceilings, creme brulee, a cat curled up by the fireplace

mercury: what color do you talk in? burgundy

jupiter: what moral do you live by? do not bring others unnecessary pain

saturn: what's your biggest fear? being suffocated or being burned alive or being r*ped again

uranus: are you rebellious? not on purpose i just like to do my own thing

neptune: share one of your dreams. idk if this is like, an actual dream or an aspiration so i’ll do both 

actual dream: i was in the combo salem witch trials/hunger games and my sister’s name was called and i volunteered for her so i just was burned alive for that whole dream 

aspiration: own an apartment in a city 

pluto: what's the biggest thing you've learned by far in your life? i feel like it’s been a lot of things but the biggest one probably is that everyone can teach you something

lilith: do you have any guilty pleasures? a little show called gossip girl....

chiron: have you ever broken a bone? my skull

ceres: are you a momfriend? more of a grandpa or even great-grandpa friend

pallas: do you have a good relationship with your parents? my mom pretty good my dad well i only talk to him a few times a year so you do the math

juno: do you believe in soul mates? yeah i do

1st house: are you confident? in certain areas yes

2nd house: if you could only keep one of your personal items, what would you choose? my rainbow blanky 

3rd house: do you like to read? i LOVE it

4th house: what does your bedroom look like? small and filled with my childhood things...maps and polaroids on the wall, vanity, twin bed, bookshelf and a dresser

5th house: name your favorite movie or show. Anna Karenina or Heathers/Orphan Black

6th house: do you participate in community service? no i probably should

7th house: if you could choose, what zodiac sign would you like your dream partner to be? i think i’d be best with a taurus or possibly also a cancer

8th house: do you believe in reincarnation? hmmmm not really but it could be out there who knows

9th house: what's your favorite quote? im honestly too lazy to think of it

10th house: are you good at public speaking? im not terrible at it but i wouldnt say GOOD

11th house: what sign(s) is your best friend/squad? gemini, gemini, aquarius, libra, aquarius, libra, aquarius

12th house: do you like to be alone? i love & cherish being alone