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why-animals-do-the-thing · 1 year

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hi there! love your work! i recently had a prof say that all zoos (USA) are bad (so we shouldn't support them) and sanctuaries are better because using animals for entertainment is morally wrong, most zoo profits dont go to conservation, and conservation efforts are bandaid solutions to capitalism destroying animal habitats, so the real solution is to return the land to indigenous stewards to manage/rewild. i didn't disagree with the last bit, but the argument as a whole felt a little off to me for a reason i couldnt put my finger on. am i off base here? just feeling really unsure about the whole thing.

You're not wrong! There's a mix of reality and personal opinions in those statements, and it's definitely something worth critically examining. A quick fact-check of what they said for you:

All US zoos are bad

There's a massive range of quality of zoological facilities within the US (and around the world). Some are stellar and some are not, and it's really just not accurate to lump them all under the same umbrella for almost any purpose. Unless, of course, your issue isn't with animal welfare, and it's philosophical, which is what it sound like in #2...

2. Using animals for entertainment is morally wrong.

This is one of my favorite things to talk about w/r/t how we exhibit animals. Entertainment has become equated with exploitation and implicit low welfare in the last couple decades, and so you get a lot of people saying using animals for entertainment is wrong. But those same folk will say that they enjoy seeing animals in other contexts, and they think that's okay. Where's the line between enjoying something and being entertained by it? What makes something one and not the other? Also, we know that people learn better from from situations which are enjoyable/entertaining - even just a fun teacher who jokes around vs a dry lecture - so how can that only be a problem when it's used to make viewing animals more impactful? I wrote a whole piece on this a while back (linked here) if you want to dig into this more. Some zoos (and accrediting groups) are shying away from "entertainment" type branding - shows are demos now, for instance - and others are leaning into "edutainment" that's done with good welfare and communicates actual education messaging. In short, this is a personal philosophical belief, and you're right to question if you agree. (Even if you decide you do think that too! It's always good to question why someone is arguing what they believe about animal use, and how they came to believe it).

3. Sanctuaries are better than zoos.

There's two reasons I think he's misinformed here. First, almost all exotic animal sanctuaries in the US are licensed exhibitors - just like zoos! I only know of a couple that don't exhibit to the public at all. It's an important part of their revenue stream, because gate take helps support paying for animal care. Also anything you see from a sanctuary on Youtube, Facebook, or TikTok? Also exhibition! They just message about it differently, and often have a different ethos about how they exhibit (e.g. tours to reduce stress instead of letting people wander, doing conservation or rescue messaging instead of just display). Second... look, most people assume that the word "sanctuary" means a facility is intrinsically more ethical than a zoo, and therefore they must be a good place. In reality, many sanctuaries get much less public and regulatory scrutiny (at the state level) than most zoos. There are good sanctuaries out there, but there are also sanctuaries where stuff goes on that would absolutely be unacceptable at zoos, and it slides because of the assumption that sanctuaries are inherently more moral and ethical and care for their animals better.

4. Most zoo profits don't go to conservation

This is correct! Direct conservation funding is often a small part of the money a zoo makes. However, that's because money goes to things like facility maintenance, new construction, paying salaries, etc. If zoos put all the money they made back into conservation programs, practically, they wouldn't have the funding to continue to operate. The question that I'd suggest asking instead is "where are they putting money into conservation" and "are they doing conservation work or just throwing money at something to display the logo of the program." Also, it's worth keeping in mind that a lot of what zoos do to support conservation isn't necessarily financial. Many facilities contribute "in-kind", by doing things like sending staff to assist with programs or teach specific skills, or by donating things like vehicles and equipment. Research zoos do also seriously contributes to in-situ programs, and breeding programs for re-introduction like the scimitar-horned oryx and the black-footed ferret are also conservation. Could many of the big urban facilities with huge budgets do more? Yes. But looking just at dollars spent on conservation programs is disingenuous and inaccurate.

5. Conservation efforts are band-aid solutions to capitalism destroying habitats / Returning the land to indigenous peoples to manage/rewild is the real solution to conservation issues

This is a little outside my scope so I'm going to only address the part that I know. First off, like, there's no One True Answer to conservation issues. That's reductionist and inaccurate. Conservation really is a human issue, though, and it often has to involve solving human problems that lead to negative results for animals. There's definitely an issue with what some people call "parachute conservation" where Westerners swoop in and try to tell people living in range countries how to best manage their animals and natural resources without recognizing their perspectives, needs, or what drives their behavior towards those animals. That's not just a zoo issue - that's an issue with a ton of traditional Western conservation work. And there is progress towards fixing it! In the zoo world, I've been very impressed with the work out of The Living Desert, where their conservation people spend a lot of time overseas teaching people in range countries to evaluate and improve their own conservation programs, so they can assess efficacy and also have data to apply for grants, etc. They provide support when asked, rather than trying to tell people who live with these animals regularly what to do. One of my favorite programs that TLD collaborates with (they don't try to run it!) is a group called the Black Mambas that reduces poaching by supporting entire communities to reduce the desperation for food/income, educating kids about animals, and running all-female patrols staffed by community members.

Overall, it sounds like your professor's view of zoos is really informed by their personal moral perspective, and possibly reinforced by a lot of the misinformation / misleading messaging that exists about the industry and about conservation work. They do have some specifics right, but not necessarily the context to inform why things are like that. It was a good catch to question the mix of information and approach it critically.

#zoo industry #zoo information #philosophy around zoos and what they do #conservation #zoo questions

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sirfrogsworth · 7 months

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Last week was crazy.

I honestly can't believe all of it happened in the span of a week. Well, I guess it was more like 10 days. But it was another... Alot.

It all started when I got my disability denial letter. I couldn't wait until I got into the house so I opened the envelope as I walked back from the mailbox. Once I saw the bad part I had an instant panic attack in my driveway.

I ran inside...

Okay, that isn't true.

I walked very quickly inside...

Nope, still not true.

Okay, I walked at my personal top speed which is probably still slow for most people... but the point I'm trying to make is that I was attempting to hurry despite only saving myself about 3 seconds of travel time.

But the hurrying made me feel better, okay?

Out of breath from my geriatric-style powerwalking, I called my lawyer's office immediately. And... he is on vacation. Won't be back until the next Thursday. I spent the entire weekend going through every panic state a body can feel. I go from angry to depressed to anxious to panicked to angry (again) to scared to more scared to extra more scared. Visions of homelessness danced in my head.

I can't sleep for over a day because my brain won't shut off. Finally my body gives out and I fall asleep on the couch watching random YouTube videos. But falling asleep on the couch is bad because I'm not hooked up to my CPAP machine. Then I finally do hook up my CPAP and my damned mask breaks. Thankfully it has happened before and I have a cool hot glue and duct tape solution. But it is hard to manage hot glue and tape when you haven't slept in days and your eyes will barely stay open. So a few burned fingers later, I am sleeping comfortably in my janky duct tape-laden CPAP mask.

Monday rolls around and I decide to go into problem solving mode. Problem solving is my superpower, so I was going to lean into that in an effort to reduce my anxiety. The denial letter said they had no records from before I was 22, so I put on my detective hat and began the hunt to prove I was sick before 2004. My aunt helped me dig through my mom's document drawer. I distinctly remember an essay I wrote to the disability people back when I first got sick. It was part of the paperwork they had me submit. It was a first hand account of my symptoms back in 2001. It also had an essay from my dad talking about how sick I was. I felt like if I could find that, the records surrounding it would all be related and from the same time period.

We go through the entire drawer and only find a few things that might be helpful. Then I realized my mom had a *second* drawer full of documents and my aunt was blocking it. So we start going through that and find a folder labeled "Ben's Disability Stuff." I would have never kept any of that stuff but my mom kept *everything* and it was all in chronological order.

She is still looking out for me.

And she may have kept me from being homeless.

We find the essay and records of my ECT treatments and the names of doctors and all kinds of evidence of my medical woes before 2004. And even if they won't accept it as direct evidence, I can use these documents to show doctors I was their patient. And my primary care doctor said he would be willing to talk to those past doctors to help me convince them to write a letter on my behalf. All they really have to say is they treated me for severe depression and fatigue. And because my mom kept a list of my prescriptions and my ECT treatments, I'm hoping that will be enough to convince them even if they don't remember treating me.

Wednesday I had my monthly checkup. And I got to peek at my main doctor's records from before 2004. It's all handwritten notes and a little hard to read (bad doctor handwriting is the most accurate stereotype in existence). But it clearly says I had depression and was undergoing ECT treatments. It even mentions one of the doctors I want to write me a letter. It's not a lot, but it is first hand, direct medical evidence from that time period. I think it will be very compelling to whoever reviews my case.

I also talked to the nurses/assistants in the office about copying my entire chart, and I thought we were on the same page, but as you will see later... we were not on the same page.

I exit the building and remember how far away I had parked. And once again I forgot to use my cane—even though I keep a spare in the car. The main lot was full and the disabled parking was occupied, so I had to park in the secondary lot. My legs were holding up so far, but it was already a lot of walking for me. Very slow walking.

His office is in the same complex as the hospital. Which is my next stop. It's the same hospital that I have been going to all of my life. And the hospital where both of my parents died.

But I need vintage medical records and that is where they keep them.

Or so I thought.

I drive from the medical office parking lot to the hospital parking lot and only the spots farthest away are empty. And because of goddamn global warming, it is 90 fucking degrees in late September. I park, lock my car, grab my man purse, and start hoofing it to the hospital entrance. I'm so nervous about getting these records that I forgot my damn cane again.

My thoughts are basically, "What if they only keep 7 years of records like everyone else? What if the records from Christian Northwest aren't kept with the records from Christian Northeast? (Christian NW doesn't exist anymore.) What if they won't send them to my lawyer? What if it costs a thousand bucks? What if, what if, what if..."

I get to the front desk and ask the lady where the records department is. She gives me directions that my brain is only capable of half paying attention to. Then I realized I left the records release form from my lawyer in the car. So I walk another half mile in the heat to my car without my cane. And initially, my thought was, "Well, at least I can grab my cane once I get the form." But by the time I got to my car my thought was, "AHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS A LONG FUCKING WALK. KILL ME!"

And so I forgot my cane.

Again.

I get back to the lobby and wave at the lady who gave me directions. I pretend like I remembered and confidently walk in the direction I recall her pointing to. I found the elevator. Thankfully this particular elevator only goes two places. Which seems like a waste of an elevator, but... whatever. I get off on the second floor and am met with a big sign with all the departments and little arrows next to them.

(I'm sure you knew what I was talking about but I'm trying to break up this wall of text with images because I am a professional blogger person.)

I see "Medical Records" and a leftward arrow. I used my keen detective skills to surmise I should probably veer left.

I find myself at the beginning of the world's longest hallway.

Without my cane.

And it is flooded with sterile florescent light and the walls are adorned with the world's most inoffensive art.

Here is a painting of a plant. Here is a painting of a bird. Here is a painting of a bird sitting on a plant. Wait, is that a... WATERFALL??

Suddenly Indiana Jones' voice shouts in my thoughts...

So, if you had to guess, do you think the records department was...

A.) near the beginning of the hallway? B.) in the middle of the hallway? C.) beyond the world's longest hallway in the world's second longest hallway?

As I enter the world's second longest hallway, I notice the art is repeating itself. I've seen that bird sitting on a plant before. I worried I was going in circles, but it turns out they probably just bought the inoffensive art in bulk and weren't concerned about repeats. I get about halfway down the second longest hallway and see a big sign sticking out... "MEDICAL RECORDS."

Note to God: The real world needs a fast travel mode.

I was a big sweaty mess and my legs were like jello. I lumber through the door and find a young woman scrolling through her phone and probably wishing she was anywhere else. She was behind a huge partition with a plexiglass divider—probably still there from COVID days.

I mean, it's still COVID days. But no one is acting like it so I am just pretending it is all over like everyone else seems to.

She notices an out-of-breath Hagrid towering over her and apathetically inquires, "Can I help you?"

I hold up a finger as I try to gain my composure and figure out exactly what I want to say. I usually rehearse this kind of thing beforehand but with all of the anxious thoughts spiraling through my brain, I totally forgot to do that.

"I need to ask questions about records." "What kind of questions?" "Well, how long are the records?" "I'm sorry?" "What year do they start?" "What year do you need?"

I'm suddenly realizing why I rehearse these things. So I take a moment and breathe deeply. I form the proper question in my mind.

"How far back do you keep medical records?" "30 years."

I shoot my hands up like I just scored a touchdown and say, "OH THANK GOD."

She is very confused.

"30 years, oh my god. 30 years just saved my life."

She is still very confused.

"And do you have records from Christian Northwest?" "Yes, we have everything from all Christian hospitals."

I try to give her a brief explanation of my situation and she cuts me off. "Fill out this form."

I look at the clipboard and it is a release form.

Do you remember way back when I walked an extra mile to and from the car to get a release form that my lawyer prepared? Well, turns out they have their own version of that and I walked all that way for nothing.

I finish the form and hand it to the bored, indifferent front desk lady. She tells me someone will be out in a moment. So I sit in the uncomfortable waiting chairs and try to rest a bit. A much tinier young woman walks to the front desk partition thingie and calls out my name. But due to her diminutive stature, she is completely obscured by a pillar and I have no idea where the voice is coming from. We do this little awkward dance on either side of the pillar, attempting to see each other, and finally we both end up on the same side. She starts looking over my form and seemed a little annoyed that I left a section blank. I wasn't sure what kind of records I needed and there was no box that said "everything everywhere all at once."

What I really wanted was any document with my name on it from the beginning of time.

But I was worried about asking for too much labor from this person so I started negotiating for some reason.

I was like, "Well, like, I really need like anything you have from before like 2004. And then maybe, like, some general records after 2004. Like, the pre-2004 records are super important. But, like, I also need to show I was sick all my adult life. So if there are like, summary records? Or, like, something?"

I couldn't stop saying like. I was turning into a Kardashian. Again, some rehearsal was probably warranted.

"I just don't want to be a burden and make you dig up all of my records. I mostly need my ECT records from 2001."

"What is ECT?"

"Shock therapy. It's for depression. I just need to show I was really sick before the age of 22."

"And who is this guy on the form?"

*ramble mode engaged*

"Oh, that is my disability attorney. You see, I'm trying to get a special kind of disability, but I need to prove I was sick before the age of 22. So anything like that before 2004 would be very helpful. But like, if you have less detailed records after 2004 that is good too. Because I may need to prove I've been sick my entire adult life."

*continued rambling until I notice she stopped paying attention*

She did not need to know all of this. And I was not answering the questions she needed answered. I was nervous and babbling and oversharing and I couldn't snap out of it. And I was really concerned if I asked for too much, she was going to be upset. But then she told me all of the records were in a warehouse and she would not actually be finding them for me. She just places an "order" for them. So this weird negotiation thing I was doing to keep her from being annoyed at me was pointless.

And I also realized... this is super important.

I yell at myself, "Ask for everything, stupid! Quit trying to get halfassed records because you're worried about inconveniencing someone."

Finally I just say, "I want every medical record you have from before I was 22 until now."

And she was like, "Sure."

Well... that was easy.

I thanked the tiny lady and the bored lady and exited back into the second longest hallway. My adrenaline was surging. I kept yelling, "30 YEARS!!" in my brain. I had to tell someone this amazing news. I had to tell them right that second or I might burst. So I grab my phone from my man purse and dial Katrina.

The thing is, I only call Katrina when something really bad happens. People don't make phone calls anymore. People text! So when she picked up the phone she answered with a very worried tone. As if somehow a third parent of mine died or something.

"THIRTY YEARS!!!!" "WHAT IS HAPPENING??" "They keep records for 30 years!" "OHHHHHHHHHH!!! That's amazing!"

She probably didn't hop for joy in real life, but in my mind I like to pretend she did. I start explaining everything that just happened and how they most likely have my ECT records and then I realize I am in the middle of the world's second longest hallway and I don't remember which direction leads back to the world's longest hallway. And because I am having unusual and extraordinarily good luck, a medical worker was walking by right at that moment.

"Which way back to the elevator?" "This way!" "Oh great! Thank you!" "Or that way. There are two elevators."

There is that normal luck I recognize.

I can feel the universe realigning itself. But that is okay, because...

THIRTY YEARS, BABY!

I talk to Katrina as I traverse the two longest hallways. Thankfully I was going in the correct direction and found the proper elevator. After a nice chat about various things including problematic 80s movies, we hung up and I decided to treat myself to a hospital cafeteria chicken quesadilla. They are surprisingly delicious and I ate them every single day while my dad was in hospice. Those quesadillas were a single bright spot during one of the hardest times of my life.

So I walk up to the grillmaster and look at the menu.

"Wait, where is the quesadilla?" "We stopped making those two weeks ago."

Universal realignment completed. Luck has returned to its original state.

A male nurse in front of me commiserated. "Yeah, man. I miss them too."

I walked back out to my car both happy and depressed. An odd combination of conflicted feelings. But my day was not over yet. I needed vaccines and groceries. Naturally, I went to the grocery store with the CVS. I got my dad his last booster there, so I was confident they could take care of me. I grab a shopping cart and pick up a few things on the way to the pharmacy. I get in line at the little vaccine check-in spot. The woman in front of me is getting her booster as well. Otherwise, the pharmacy is empty and the three employees are just scrolling through their phones.

After the previous booster seeker was taken care of, I tell the woman I need a booster and a flu vaccine.

"I can give the flu shot now and set an appointment for the booster." "You never required an appointment before." "We just started a few weeks ago." "Can I make an appointment for, like, now?" "No, sorry." "Do you have the booster in stock?" "Yes." "Do you have someone here qualified to give the booster?" "Yes." "Do you have any other appointments right now?" "No."

I tried very hard to keep my composure and remain polite.

"I am disabled. It is very hard for me to get out of the house. Returning another day would be very difficult. Can you please make an exception?"

"I can get you in tomorrow."

I probably should have asked for a manager at this point. But I had no energy for confrontation. She started preparing for me to get the flu shot, but I told her I was going somewhere else. My happy news was quickly being soured by weird rules that made no sense.

But I did see a cool robot.

I got my groceries and loaded them into my car. Some were frozen items so I made sure to turn the A/C on full blast. I called another pharmacy. It was the one run by the Jamaican family who came out to the house to give my parents boosters during the height of COVID. I asked if they could do walk-in vaccinations without an appointment. And in that beautiful accent, they replied, "Sure, come on by. We'll take care of you."

Their shop is in Ferguson. Which I'm sure the news has convinced people is a constant warzone or something. But the main street, West Florrisant, is actually really neat in spots. A lot of small businesses catering to the Black community. There was a soul food place and an African hair braiding place and a Taco Bell. Okay, it wasn't all Black-themed shops, but the pharmacy was directly next to the "Wumzy African Attire" tailoring shop that was combined with the party planning store.

And in the back was an African beauty supply depot.

Three shops in one! Just a very efficient use of space.

And looking through the window of the tailoring shop was like a feast of colors for the eyes. I don't know how they get fabric so bright and colorful. Really beautiful patterns too. I tried not to look like a creep while staring inside so I just walked reeeeeally slow toward the pharmacy entrance.

I just wish people knew that side of Ferguson. It's a beautiful community that was really dragged through the mud by the national media.

I digress.

I walked into the pharmacy and it was long and skinny. They had a few shelves with over-the-counter health products. But the main area was pretty empty. I guess they want to make sure they can accommodate long lines without people having to wait outside. But their working area seemed really cramped. There were some awards on the wall and news articles. Apparently, they are very involved with vaccinating the local refugee community. Something you won't see at pointless appointment-having CVS. I just felt like I was in the right place even if my frozen items were thawing and my legs were buckling from constantly forgetting my cane in the car.

The shop was run by the pharmacist and matriarch. Her son took my information. He looked about 18 and was a bit shy—but very kind and helpful. He directed me to this little partition they set up for vaccinations and they had a liquor bottle full of hand sanitizer. The label had a big "DO NOT DRINK" warning. I found a picture of the exact one on Google.

I washed my hands and rolled up my sleeve. The pharmacist greeted me with my shots prepared. Some people have a sort of magic touch when it comes to giving shots. I'm not sure if it is a special technique or just lots of experience, but aside from a little pressure, I didn't even feel the needles going in. And my arm was only mildly sore despite the double shots.

I really wanted to thank her for sending someone to vaccinate my parents when no one else would. But I was really tired and chickened out. So I just thanked her and drove home.

I unloaded my groceries and collapsed on the couch. I could barely move at that point. Everything hurt.

But... 30 years.

I was feeling good the next day despite everything. My body hurt, but my brain was contented from my success. But there was more to do and everything was trending downhill. I called those doctors mentioned in my personal medical records. I knew it was a long shot, but I asked if they kept records from 2001. They did not. However, I thought the psychiatrist who did my ECT was dead. And it turns out he is just old-as-heck and still practicing. So even though he doesn't have records and probably doesn't remember me, I am hopeful he will write me a letter.

My other psychiatrist from back then is also still practicing. No records there either.

So far my phone anxiety wasn't getting the better of me. But I still had more calls to make and I could feel my brain starting to get melty.

My pocket knife doesn't open correctly and I couldn't get anyone to email me back from SpyderCo. So I called their office in Colorado and tried to get someone to talk to me. I got bounced to three different people and finally a guy told me that model is just hard to open. So that was pointless.

Melt. Melt. Melt.

And finally, I had to call the dreaded CPAP supply place.

It did not go well. At all.

You can read more about it at that link, but the short version is I got angrily sighed at for asking reasonable questions about what the hell "chart notes" are. And the lady refused to answer those questions for no reason I can fathom. She eventually brought me to tears and got angry at me for doing so. And it turned out the call was pointless as well.

Oh, and my lawyer was sick. Remember him? Vacation guy? Who skipped town at the exact moment I got my disability denial letter? Yeah, I had been waiting for 7 grueling, anxiety-filled days to speak with him and he gets sick the day he returns.

Brain is melty goo.

Hey, Universe! I think you are overcorrecting with that luck realignment. I appreciate the 30 years of records thing, but can you let me enjoy it a little?

Friday arrives and I still have calls to make. The CPAP lady really messed up my brain and so just dialing the numbers was freaking me out. But I decided to start with the worst first. I called the CPAP lady and she finally had her precious "chart notes" and put my order through. She was cheerful and helpful and I was confused but thankful.

I thought maybe things were looking up in my phone call adventures.

My next call was to my primary care doctor's office.

One thing you need to know about my doctor is he is a bit of a... hot mess. A very smart, capable doctor. He knows his stuff. I suspect he has an eidetic memory due to his instant recall of medication names and doses and things that happened 8 years ago and detailed descriptions of medical conditions he only heard about in school 40 years ago. Aside from that, he is kind and compassionate and he has my back no matter what.

But he is technologically stuck in the 80s. His personal life is a roller coaster of drama. He once hired his girlfriend of 2 months to work at the office and his regular staff secretly whispered "She's so awful" behind his back. (They broke up soon after.) He is disorganized and constantly running late. And he takes on tons of frustrating patients because they have nowhere else to go. I admire him for treating so many poor elderly folks without any family to take care of them, but you can tell it is extremely challenging at times and a lot of that labor is delegated to his staff.

His office manager is probably the only person on the planet who can tolerate him being a hot mess.

Unfortunately, she is also a hot mess in completely different ways.

She tries to speedrun through everything. It's probably because she has a million things to do and is trying to fit 12 hours of work into an 8 hour workday. I try to be sympathetic and understanding of that. But one of her methods for speeding things along is attempting to use her psychic powers. You will start telling her what you need and she will do this thing where she cuts you off and tries to predict said need.

"I need a prescription for..." "Your thyroid meds are due, right? I'll send it over to the pharmacy." "...insulin. But I have a question about..." "So thyroid and insulin? No problem. I'll send it over." "...increasing my dosage." "Wait, what's yer question, hon?" "Was it 50 units..." "No, it's says 100. Okay? I'll send it over. Take care." "...twice per day or 100 units once in the morning?"

Often her predictions are so bad that it actually takes a lot more time to correct her than it would if she had just let you finish speaking. And this is especially problematic for me because I rehearse everything I need to say and she constantly interrupts and so I have to end up improvising new things to say that I never accounted for. And I'm already anxious and not thinking clearly so I do a poor job of explaining my needs and it just ends up in disaster.

So I have a complicated situation. I need my entire written chart copied and sent to my lawyer. I know it is a lot of work for the office staff. They probably have to copy several hundred pages. But this is probably the most important evidence in my disability case. And my lawyer has already volunteered to pay the several hundred dollars it will cost. It's worth it because if my case goes well, I could get years of back pay.

I call and get the young woman whom I really like on his staff. She is very quiet and unassuming but secretly the star of the office. Like a ninja of competence. If you really need something done properly without mistakes, she is the best one to go to. But her job does not include handling the records, so she transfers me to the office nurse. The office nurse does not process new information well. You often have to explain things several times. And if she gives up trying to understand, she hands you off to the office manager.

The Final Boss, if you will. I was really hoping I could avoid that.

"Okay, so my lawyer needs all of my written records..."

"He needs to fax a form saying what he needs, okay honey?"

"He already faxed a release form asking for records and I brought in a new copy yesterday with all of his mailing information..."

"He didn't fax anything. He needs to tell us what he needs. I'm not seeing any form. Just tell him to call me."

"He is out sick today and he already faxed the form and I brought a second one just in case. I signed it and dated it and I watched Competence Ninja put it in my chart. It asks for everything..."

"Okay, I see it here. This doesn't look right. He needs to tell us what he needs us to send him."

"It says in the letter, 'to release any medical information, including medical records, written letters, treatment reports, testing results, or similar information.' Should it say something different?"

"I've been doing this 20 years and I've never seen anything like this. He needs to be more specific. I ain't sending him all that, hon."

"So, this is for my disability case. I already talked to the nurse about this. And I know it is a lot, but the doctor's records are the only direct evidence that I've been sick since 2001."

"So you just need something from 2001? Okay, the lawyer needs to fax something saying that."

"I need the entire handwritten chart copied and sent to the lawyer. We need a full record of my illness because..."

"This is ridiculous. You're lawyer is fucking lazy. I've never seen anything like this. And I'm worried he is not going to represent your interests."

"This is not a normal disability claim. If you'd allow me to explain I think you'd understand why I need..."

"Disability should already have all this. We shouldn't need to send this. This is fucking ridiculous and you need a new lawyer. You're going to lose your case with his lazy ass."

"This isn't normal disability. I need to prove that I've been sick for a long time and..."

"This is going to cost a fortune, you know? We charge 50 cents per page. You're going to be out hundreds of dollars."

"Okay, but I will be out thousands of dollars if I don't get this copied."

"Fuck it. I am going to copy this ONCE. No more after this. UNDERSTOOD?"

And... she hung up on me.

My heart was beating out of my chest with panic and my eyes were blurry with tears. And in that moment, I thought I had done something wrong. My doctor gave me his personal mobile number so I call him up with tears apparent in my voice. I explain what just happened and that I was really sorry and that I didn't mean to upset her. He told me she is "just like that sometimes" and I shouldn't take it to heart. They have a very serious deadline for something due that day and she was very upset and I was collateral damage. I asked him to apologize for me and he said there was no need. He said we'd work it all out on Monday when this deadline wasn't stressing everyone out.

It wasn't until I calmed down a bit that I realized I did absolutely nothing wrong. That she was just being a big jerk and taking her other problems out on me. And I was probably the one deserving of an apology. I also remembered this is not the first time she has blown up at me. She was the one who tried to make me get a ventilator instead of a proper CPAP machine years ago. She said, "My mom has one and it works fine." And I was like, "So if I travel I'm supposed to take 12 pounds of medical equipment instead of a 1 pound device that fits neatly into a backpack?"

I get why my doctor made excuses for her. She works very hard and puts up with him. He'd never be able to find anyone that would last a week doing that job. And I have a feeling he probably defended me after I called. I played what he said back in my brain and noticed a frustrated tone. Despite what he said, it seems clear he was pissed.

I can make amends and figure things out with her. That isn't an issue. But I am worried that between her and CPAP lady, all of the progress I've made trying to reduce my telephobia was erased. I really was getting better calling people. I used to need Katrina hanging out on Skype while I called anyone as moral support. And while it still helps, I've gotten a lot better at calling strangers on my own. But now, I'm not so sure.

I might ask if there is an office email address I can use from now on. If I can write out what I need there is no way to get interrupted. I can be clear and detailed and use my writing skills to communicate way better than my phone skills.

I don't know.

It was just a crappy way to end a stressful, exhausting week.

But it wasn't the end!

Friday evening my sick lawyer finally called. I had rehearsed all kinds of things I wanted to say to him. But it turns out, all of my emails already did most of the talking—proof that I write a great email. He was really impressed with all of my detective work. And he said if those records pan out, he is very optimistic about my case going forward. He also said that he was expecting a denial. And it was probably good that we got that out of the way quickly. And now we get to mount more of a defense, which is what lawyers are good at. We talked for about 20 minutes and came up with a battle plan. He explained the process going forward. But he mentioned one thing that worried me.

This could take a while.

A lot longer than I was expecting.

I explained that I currently have a runway until about June 2024. That's when the mortgage money runs out. However, my brother should be willing to release my inheritance in March. I hope. I have a hard time trusting anything my brother says anymore. But if he does, then I should have another year of mortgage payments. But I am definitely going to have a Plan B just in case my brother finds a new way to disrespect my father's wishes.

The lawyer said there is a quick thing and a long thing. The quick thing has a low chance of success. But it is worth trying. The long thing is a hearing with a Social Security lawyer. He said a lot of these lawyers are miserable and don't want to be there and don't really care. Which is a good thing because they'll just be like, "Fine, whatever." But it can take a long time to get a hearing due to backlogs.

So, as long as I can gather all the evidence and the hospital records have my ECT stuff, I think there is room for hope. A little hope. After years of chronic illness I know hope is sometimes dangerous. So I allot a tiny bit of hope to keep me going forward, but not enough hope to leave me devastated if things go tits up.

So... umm... I think that is the end of this novel of a post. I feel bad that I don't have a big climax or twist or cliffhanger. Should I add a big CGI dragon fight?

Even though a more down-to-earth kung fu fight with my brother would be a more satisfying conclusion?

Or I could pull an M. Night Shyamalan and reveal that I've been dead for quite some time.

This post is getting really long.

Why are you still reading this?

I am thankful that you are. I just needed to get all of that out. I hope I wrote it in a compelling way and you weren't bored.

I love you all.

#long post #i see dead frogpeople

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arabellas · 2 months

Note

about the tutorial: just one about dark scenes in general would be great :)

sure :) here's a tutorial on how I work with dark scenes:

before we start, it's important to mention that working with dark scenes is so much easier when your video/ screencaps are high quality. I personally refuse to gif dark scenes unless I have 4k quality footage lol.

my general coloring tutorial is here in case you want check it out!

alright, let's start! after resizing and sharpening my gif, here's what we're working with:

STEP 1: levels. I use the pipette tool to select the lightest and the darkest parts of my gif, it's a great guide that helps to neutralize the overpowering color:

in this case, the lightest part is the little white dot in the corner of his eye and the darkest one is around his hair (if there are many dark shadows in my gif, I just click on a few darkest looking spots and see how it adjusts the coloring and lighting of the gif and just pick the one I think looks the best). basically, this layer is a good guide on how to make the overall look more natural if there is one obvious dominant color and we want to get rid of it (for example, my gif has quite a lot of blues, but it's not too crazy, so I won't need to adjust that much):

and this is what we've got just after using the levels adjustment:

the gif is lighter and the blue was reduced a little bit, the scene now has more green and red undertones. sometimes I mess with the settings myself if I don't like the way it looks, but in this case I'm pretty happy with the automatic adjustments and I didn't even have to do that much!

STEP 2: curves. I do the same thing that I did with the levels, using the pipette tool to select the lightest and the darkest parts and also pull the rgb curve to the middle to brighten my gif even more:

and here's the result after setting the curves layer opacity to 37%:

STEP 3: brightness and exposure layers. next up, I just want to brighten the character a little bit more, but not the background, so I'm adding a brightness/contrast layer and an exposure layer, here are my settings:

but since it adjusts the whole gif and I don't want that, I select the mask on my brightness layer and pick the eraser tool. I erase the part of my gif that I don't want to be affected by this adjustment, I colored that part bright pink so it's obvious:

and then I do the same with the exposure layer.

in my gif the character is not moving that much, so it looks pretty natural when I brighten just him. here's where we're at:

STEP 4: selective color and gradient map. I'm happy with how bright it is, but I do want to deepen the shadows here and just mess with the coloring itself, so next up I'm gonna use a couple more layers.

here are my settings for selective color layer, opacity set to around 40%:

and here are my settings for a gradient map to deepen the shadows:

and here's the result:

ADDITIONAL STEP: I sometimes like to add another layer and just put some soft color gradient to one side of the gif.

in this case I used a soft blue color, set to lighten, 62%:

I'm not very good at tutorials and I put this together pretty quickly, but hopefully this was somewhat helpful, let me know if you have any questions! <3

#ask #anonymous #tutorial #gif tutorial #tutorials #coloring tutorial

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rius-cave · 1 month

Note

I know quite a lot about prison life for someone who's never been to jail.

The best way to gain power in prison is, ironically, through making deals (like demons in hell). If you keep your word enough, you become known as someone reliable and trustworthy to those that used to have power outside (like mafia bosses).

So, in prison, the most powerful people are (a) The Store Man, (b) bookies, (c) anyone who has connections to the outside, or (d) scholars.

Luci could rise to power from being a scholar or an outside connection. Like someone who could help you get a lawyer to re-examine your case or help you study your own case (there is a surprising number of self-made lawyers who get their law education in prison).

MOST likely though, Luci could be a Store Man: someone who runs a small store in his cell and makes deals (like: for the price of three Ramen noodles, I could get you a pack of cigarettes, but you'll owe me four Ramen next time due to interest). They may seem harmless at first, but they know everyone's debts and will make the rest of your sentence hell if you don't pay up. Plus, they are untouchable because they've anchored themselves as a pillar of the community. They don't even have to hire bodyguards, because the whole prison knows that if anything happens to the Store Man, the small pleasures of the outside world (like candy or nerdy socks or even drugs) will be gone forever. And the amount of brains, business know-how, and client history they have are irreplaceable. Once you lose a Store Man, he's gone. I think he would be known throughout the prison as the guy that can get you a cool rubber duck. It's a little taste of home that you can't get anywhere else that just brings a little spark of joy in such a hopeless place, and all the inmates are absolutely feral for them.

I like the idea that Luci gains power in prison from just being a nice, helpful guy. (Apparently, nice guys do very, very well in prison, as long as they treat everyone with a certain level of kindness and respect. Kinda like what Charlie is trying to to accomplish with the Hotel.)

Holy shit. You have no idea how awesome this is, actually! I really wish I knew more about prisons now tbh LMAO but this actually helps a lot!

I definitely agree with your idea about this being the way that Lucifer gained power! So I think that, taking this into consideration, I think there's three main things that made people respect him and fear him

1: like you said, he is actually a pretty nice dude, he's kind and even tends to respect the most vulnerable in prison. I'd like to think that it's actually thanks to him that the rate of assaults in that prison are so somewhat low. He brings a certain order to the place, and is also in control of the whole "inside economy" so to speak.

2: He is rich, so he actually DOES have incredible power outside of prison. Charlie is able to visit him a lot because he has great lawyers. I'd imagine he is also able to hook up some people with lawyers and reduce their sentences a little bit.

3: he is actually REALLY strong, and maybe most of the inmates have never witnessed it with their own two eyes, and not a lot of people really know why everyone fears him, but there are rumors going around that Lucifer is there because he killed 10 people on his own, cold-blooded. This is of course, an exaggeration, he only killed 1 person and it was to protect his daughter, but it the rumor got out of his hands and he doesn't care to correct it. It is especially believable because of that one time Lucifer sent an inmate to the hospital for 6 months for having made a... Let's say, poor in taste comment about Charlie. Nobody saw that guy again.

Lastly, that one DEFINITELY sounds like Angel! We know Angel is hyper sexual, but he IS also part of a mafia family (which is why he's in prison) so he'd definitely have those kinds of tricks up his sleeve!

#this was so awesome thanks for letting me know about this!#hazbin hotel #lucifer #angel #ask #prison au

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nenilein · 2 months

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Hello! Apologies for sending an ask out of the blue but considering your familiarity with localisation differences in persona 4/golden, I was wondering if anything comes to your mind regarding this aspect and how the game depicts queerness and queer themes? Thank you!

Heya! Don't worry, I was thinking people would probably ask stuff like this. After all, I already replied to somebody's tags asking this same thing previously, but I know not many people saw that, so let me use the chance to go into more detail:

Unfortunately, Persona 4's treatment of queer themes is not a result of the translation. The only things that were down to translation choices were small things, such as which pronouns are used in which situation (because Japanese does not at all have the same concept of third person pronouns as English, and the way first person classifiers that mean "I" work is very complex and a lot more vibes-based than actually tied to gender.)

But for the most part, everything is pretty much the same. Kanji's reaction to Chie mumbling about something being "off" about how he interacted with Naoto that first time, the tent scene, Yosuke's extreme insecurity in his own sexuality in addition to everyone else's... I think maybe the only thing that's a biiit better in Japanese is that Teddie is kiiinda genderfluid in Japanese, with the artbook outright stating that he doesn't necessarily consider himself "male" when he's in his bear form, unless it's necessary for a joke.

A lot of this can be traced to the really odd relationship the game's director, Katsura Hashino, has to queer themes. In interviews about Catherine Fullbody (a game which infamously has a rather weirdly handled gay romance route which, however, is notably also the only romance route in the game that cannot possibly result in a bad ending), he talks about how he's always admired queer people for being "strong" and wanted to write queer stories, but couldn't really do it until Fullbody because Atlus higher ups were afraid of backlash from the fans.

Traces of this are actually seen in Persona 4 Vanilla's data, where remnants of a surprisingly well done romance route for YOSUKE, of all people, are still present. That route made it far enough into development to have voiced lines in both, English and Japanese. However, it was dummied out in the final game and its script content was removed. Yosuke STILL has the "girlfriend flag" in the code that all the female romance options also have, but in the finished game it only checks whether you can hug him during his social link or not. Everything else was dummied out. You can still find the voice files on the cutting room floor if you want:

And yes, the "I like you" line is unambiguously romantic in Japanese. His wording is very hard to misinterpret.

However, in the finished game and the rest of the franchise Yosuke's bisexuality was reduced to an in-joke of the developers. It's most poignant in Persona Q (the first one), where if you get the "marriage" scene with Yosuke in the second dungeon, his reactions differ WILDLY depending on which Protagonist you are playing as, far more than other male characters. With Makoto Yuki he acts nonchallant and deadpan about it. With Yu Narukami he acts like a blushy Tsundere and panics constantly. So, yeah.

Okay, so, if the director had interest in writing queer stories since before Persona 4, why is Persona 4 the way it is then?

Well, because - and there's no way around it - he sucks at it.

Katsura Hashino has to be one of the clumsiest "gay activists" I've ever seen in my whole darn life. He finds queer people "cool", but seemingly never had any queer writers or sensitivity readers on his teams and it's caused enormous blunders in how these themes have been handled. For example, when after Persona 3 it was pointed out to him that the writing of the female characters in interaction with the male characters was bad, he immediately hired more female writers and gave them free reign for how to handle the female characters from then on out. But apparently the same thing never happened with his mishandling of queer themes. He wants Catherine's Erica and Rin to be empowering figures for trans women and gay men, but makes a lot of blunders in how he has other characters interact with them to the point it buries his good intentions. Erica's boyfriend having gay panic upon realizing she's trans is treated as "funny and cute", even by Erica herself. Rin technically being a monogender alien really undermines his story of becoming more secure in his sexuality. It goes on and on like that.

The intention with Naoto's story was to point out the extreme sexism in Japanese society and how it forces female nerds to find alternate modes of self-expression, but the clumsy choice of including surgery themes in Naoto's dungeon completely buried that for especially western queer audiences. Most people don't even remember Naoto's dungeon was outright modeled after a Kamen Rider villain hideout. They completely shot themselves in the foot with this one. Additionally, the way Naoto is handled AFTER the dungeon makes her (I'm using that pronoun because she calls herself a "woman" in Japanese in the game) seem more like someone who's on the verge of discovering they are X-gender (the japanese word for "nonbinary") than a repressed girl. Like, right down to how she has Rise help her experiment with clothes in the canonical drama CDs only to realize she really is uncomfortable with skirts and go for an androgynous but less restrictive look going forward. The way she dresses in the Golden epilogue and P4D is pretty X-gender core if you ask me. If they had leaned into that they could have genuinely have had something AMAZING, while also presenting the themes of sexism they wanted to explore, but the lack of queer sensitivity readers kind of ruined it.

Same for Kanji. The way they write him makes it seem like he's bisexual or pansexual, rather than straight, but they kinda shove that part of him aside after his dungeon is done, leaving his actual orientation up in the air and wasting a really good chance for representation. NOW, given what happened to Yosuke's social link, it's quite possible the original intent WAS to explore this more and it got cut, but as it stands, we'll never know. The huge problem of the internalized toxic stereotypes his Shadow presented never being reflected on and put into their right context in the rest of the game, when his social link could've given a great opportunity for that is also a huge shame.

All of this happened because of Atlus being unwilling to let their writers go all out with queer themes in fears of alienating a cishet audience AND because Hashino never sat his writing team down with any actual queer writers to sort this shit out and learn how to get across what the team was ACTUALLY trying to say. Now, given, Persona 4 was far from the only Japanese media property with that exact issue at the time, but it hurts especially much in its case because of the game's themes of exploring the truth to its logical conclusion, as well as psychology. These are issues that a remake REALLY would do well to address and correct. I feel like they actually will HAVE to do that, because sensitivity readers have become the NORM in handling these themes now in Japanese media, rather than the exception. You can thank trail blazing mainstream works like Zombie Land Saga for that.

All in all, Persona 4's handling of queer themes is an exercise in frustration that I hope is corrected soon.

#Persona 4 #Neni Replies #Naoto Shirogane #Kanji Tatsumi

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snapscube · 1 year

Note

Hiya Penny! I've heard you mention your voice effects on stream, but I have no idea what they are and can't tell the difference! What voice processing stuff do you use?

I have a whole chain of voice effects on my stream microphone (set up through Wave Link) that make the overall sound a lot better for streaming and easier on the ears as well as easier to mix. This is the primary effects chain

In order: 1. Acon Digital DeVerberate 3 is a VST plugin that straight up almost MAGICALLY reduces reverb from a vocal track. I have never personally used a reverb reduction effect or software that works better than this one. Of course, ideally if you are recording for professional purposes this is not the kind of thing you want to rely on. For professional vocal work I have another microphone in my office closet where the space is treated to PHYSICALLY reduce unwanted sound reflection before it even hits the mic. But since my stream microphone is at my desk, and I don't have a lot of soft furniture in my hardwood flooring office, this plugin is pretty necessary and works wonders. Here is an example of the difference with literally not a SINGLE other bit of processing added:

Everything else on the list, save for maybe compression, is gonna be a bit more subtle and harder to hear individually especially once game audio is drowning it out a bit. But it all makes a difference and it's all very important to my stream's sound profile and I can not STAND when Wave Link bugs out and removes these things without me knowing lmao.

2. "GATE" is the ReaGate VST from Reaper (actually all of the remaining effects are Reaper VSTs and are entirely free jsyk!) and is mainly just there to make sure that quiet sounds unimportant to my commentary like rustling, shuffling, bumps, air conditioning, and/or voices leaking from other rooms doesn't appear on my stream's audio. Or at least as little of it as possible!

3. "EQ1" is a ReaEQ VST and it's my primary equalizer that reduces some of my voice's harsher frequencies, like harsh "s" sounds for example, and boosts some of the nicer sounding ones!

4. "COMPRESSION" is ReaComp and it helps level the overall volume and tone of my voice to give it a bit of that nice "radio" sound people like to hear in streams and podcasts, as well as keeping shouts and exclamations from being too overwhelming and whispers from being too inaudible. This is absolutely the effect other than deverberate that does the most to my stream's sound profile and is extremely important for a stream that sounds easy on the ears.

5. "EQ2" is just another instance of the same ReaEQ plugin from before but the changes it makes are a LOTTT more subtle. Really just meant to touch up the sound profile post-compression. It's absolutely the least vital effect here but I like having it haha.

Anyway, if you want to hear the difference I'd encourage you to listen to the first part of that previous DeVerberate audio example and then compare it to my voice fully processed in a clip like this!

Me just explaining all this maybe won't help you hear more of the difference in action if you don't really have an ear for this sort of thing but I hope it was helpful or at least interesting!

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irisintheafterglow · 7 months

Note

Hi, first of all I would like to say that your blog gives me so much comfort. You seem like such a loving and kind person and I love to read your writing. I adore the co-parenting series and am honestly looking forward to reading more parts <3 (no pressure tho, just wanted to say that I love it)

Actually, I wanted to make a request. The song 'Deep Sea' by 'Snail Mail' has been stuck in my head for weeks, the lyrics kill me every time and I could imagine some heartbreaking angst based on the song. I saw that you don’t write reader or character deaths and it doesn’t have to be that. Maybe a breakup or something like that, it’s really up to you and up to whatever the song might inspire you to write. For the pairing I love Gojo and also Getou or Choso, but I just want you to write whoever you like! 🤪

I had the idea for that request earlier today and made a post about it (that I have since deleted) because you came to my mind and I just really wanted to try my luck and ask you if you would maybe like to write about it 💞

Hope you’re having a great day, thank you <3

it took so long to know someone like you (gojo x you)

cw: breakup, chest-aching angst, swearing, emotionally constipated satoru where he doesn't know how to be vulnerable with someone so his first instinct is to push them away :))))))))))

note: HI!!! thank you for the love, i'm so sorry that this is so late, hopefully you still like it. pro tip, listen to travis atreo's cover of "when she loved me" along with the song mentioned to make reading this extra painful. again, thank you for the love and the ask. i hope you like this!!!

likes, reblogs, and replies are always appreciated <3

"don't look at me like that."

"if you don't like it, stop looking," you laugh humorlessly, feeling your heart twist like a wet rag with every shallow breath. "you just told me you don't want me; i think it's valid i can look however i want." your voice breaks off at the end of the sentence and you blink at the darkening clouds above. a storm was coming, but you felt like one had already devastated you.

"that-that's not what i meant," he says through gritted teeth, avoiding your glaring eyes in shame. "i just need a break. is that so bad?" every word felt like a separate cut to your soul and you were slowly bleeding out in the fucking mall parking lot.

"but, why? i'm just not good enough for you?" you practically spit your questions like snake venom. you hoped they stung, hoped the burned into his memory like his promises that he'd give you a future. high and mighty gojo satoru, reduced to a puddle in your arms and vowing that he was yours forever. pathetic. "finally got tired of me, is that it?"

"no," he croaked. "no, no. i just-i don't know who i am when i'm with you." the sky was falling and you hoped the ground crumbled beneath your muddy shoes. "and, that scares me."

"you don't like who you are when you're with me," you echo hollowly, taking a shaky breath and pulling your jacket closer to your body like a safety blanket. "that's really a shame, since i really liked how you were with me," you huff another painfully mirthless laugh that turns into a sob. on instinct, he reaches out to touch you but you pull away like he was radioactive waste. "making all those lofty promises, letting me think that i was your forever and eternity and everything after that. you're really an asshole for that one, you know that?"

"i never said anything like that," he protests even though you know damn well that he's lying. raindrops start to catch on his hair, making it glisten like he was sent from heaven. too bad his words didn't match. "even if i said those things, i can't guarantee i actually meant it, so i'm sorry."

ouch.

"you're sorry? you're sorry?" you have to take a step backward or else you'd have actually slammed your knuckles against his infuriatingly perfect cheek. "gee, thanks! i'll remember that next time anyone says they love me," you hiss and relish in the way he flinches. "they could just be kidding, after all, right? stupid me." it took so long to finally get through to him, to stand steady enough that he let down his walls, and suddenly he was throwing them up again and shutting you out.

if you were completely honest and without your stubborn pride, you'd admit that you understood what he was talking about. it was a little lonely being with him, especially when you didn't have any more time for self-discovery without worrying about another human being. you lost track of time when you were with him and lost a little bit of yourself, too, and you weren't sure if he was adequately filling that emptiness. you had no idea how to discuss it, let alone navigate it, and it struck a crack that only grew larger. neither of you knew how to cope with this, it seemed, and that's how you ended up sobbing on the asphalt in front of the man you believed you were going to marry.

"don't you wonder who we could be without each other? we could be anyone," he insists but nothing gets through to you.

"i don't know who i am without you, satoru," you whisper defeatedly and it's like you can hear his heart start to crumble. he did this to you, and you watched him realize it in real-time. he didn't know what he was saying anymore. he felt too far deep in that he didn't remember why he was asking for a break in the first place. all that he knew was that he was hurting you and every nerve in his body screamed at him to fix it, fix it, fix it. you sigh tiredly, shivering in the cold sheets of water that were starting to fall. "look, if you need time, then take it. take all that you need."

"but-"

"no. i can't do this to myself if you won't even try anymore. goodbye satoru. a stupid part of me still loves you." as you slip into your car and accelerate away from him, he doesn't have the chance to say it back.

to tell you that the stupid whole of him still loved you, too.

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

#WHEN SHE LOVED ME FROM TOY STORY CAME ON WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS AND I BROKE DOWN #anyway writing this made me so sad and now i need to cope with imagining satoru literally crawling back to them #like hands and knees #begging for forgiveness #mans didn't know how to be vulnerable in a relationship but now that's all he wants #gojo x you #gojo x reader #gojo x y/n #satoru x you #satoru x reader #satoru x y/n #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x y/n #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk angst #gojo angst

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hostdoozy · 5 months

Text

I am putting this thought here cause I think a lot about the Kraang and it is sad to see that the Rottmnt community reduced them to nothing more than set pieces or a hivemind (when they're clearly not)

I want to delve into Kraang3's abilities and how they differ from his elder siblings. so let's focus on the most DANGEROUS one out of the trio

Before I continue I do want to emphasise this point cause i cannot stress this enough, the Kraang themselves are NOT a hivemind. 1 & 2 throughout the movie have many instances of being individualistic, acting upon their own desires- the slight expectation being 3, who is obedient and restrained.

Does this mean 3 is not his own character? nope- he's still his own individual. Kraang3 is a loyal soldier awaiting commands from his Eldest brother 1 but with this being said, he's still capable of acting upon his own volition if the situation calls for it. (I.e protecting the key from Leo, then later on his confrontation with Donnie & mikey within the technodrome. )

"But Brew! How does this tie into Kraang3's abilities?"

You might be wondering. Well, my dear reader- it actually does, in some way. Now that I established that the Kraang themselves are NOT a hivemind. Kraang3 on the other hand, is capable of making them but out of other species.

The Kraang are (while not in a traditional sense) a parasitic-like race. They come to other planets for the pure purpose to conquer... to consume.. to mould the inhabitants into their ideal image.

Anything caught within it is assimilated and turned into a mindless drone. However, there is a slight flaw within 3's biomass. Which is the effects heavily vary upon the individual. Some are mutated beyond recognition- while in other instances- it merely clings itself onto the victim's flesh, invading their minds. The changes heavily vary from person to person. We don't know how far his hivemind can go- but his drones are capable of taking commands from his elder siblings at least. (side note: Biomass contains empyrean, the source of yokai and mutants.)

now, What kind of hivemind does 3Kraang create? The answer is kinda unclear. In some instances where YES, both the biomass and the drones act as an 'extension' of himself but in other moments, they're like worker bees protecting their queenbee. (the queenbee in this case, being the actual kraang, not just 3)

3's biomass can also possess machinery, creating unholy and terrifying abominations against nature. With machines- there is no will to conquer. Furthermore, 3's biomass once it reaches a certain point, can drain energy from an entire fucking city and redirect it into a MASSIVE portal into the sky.

ALL of that- is 3's doing. His siblings are incapable of doing this and are aware of it.

So before I get into that- just what the 1 & 2 abilities are? Allow me to break it down into a simpler list. we know that

Both Kraang 1 & 2 have some Shapeshifting properties. While they are not capable of changing their forms entirely, they can at least shift parts of their anatomy. This aids them in combat outside of their suits (I.e extending their limbs or shifting the density of their flesh)

Krang 1 can peer into his victim's mind. This can only be done physically and through his tendrils. It allows him to dig through their memories and gather intel. The process is evidently painful for the victim causing them to pass out upon kraang 1 retraction. (not canon however, it is worth noting that within a deleted scene. Kraang 1 instead forged a false dream in Raph's mind in which Raph "escaped" and ran back home. This was how the kraang were going to discover Tmnt's home initially)

Kraang1 can block mystic powers. Using his frills- Kraang1 can make a specific soundwave that blocks out his enemy's powers- forcing his opponent to face him and rely on their physical prowess rather than "tricks"

Both Kraang 1 & 2 are highly durable. They had buildings, wrecking balls, fucking 'acid'- thrown at them and while the experience is indeed painful, They manage. They quickly recover from that experience and press forward. They're relentless.

3's siblings never showed any signs of the same powers as he does.

Kraang1 knows this.

Throughout the entire movie. He is seen accompanying 3 the whole time, safely guarding his little brother and dictating his every move along the way. 1 knows how important 3 is to their future empire because neither he nor his sister, have what 3 has. It was not just the Technodrome they needed- it was also 3.

So even when the Technodrome was destroyed. it wasn't just the ship he was pissed about. he was also pissed about his little brother possibly perishing. 3 was IMPORTANT to their conquest, without him, They wouldn't be able to finish what they started all those centuries ago. 3's powers are crucial for their empire.

"you ruined everything!"

1 truly meant it when he said that. He admitted to defeat but retracted that statement with "You think you've won, you wretched little pest." - To sum up this moment, The dude is seething. He is coping that some teenagers outwitted him and killed his little brother, putting a cork in HIS plans. Even with the knowledge that his sister is alive back on earth. There won't be any way for her to 'reclaim' earth- since the two most essential things have been blown up to smithereens.

To conclude this weird tangent.

While Kraang1 is the eldest sibling/the leader. Kraang3 is the more dangerous one because of how he unique abilities. Without him, things would turn out very differently

also- completely unrelated, 3 reminds me of the homophobic dog meme.

okay, that is all. for now.

#brew talks #Rottmnt rambles #kraang #Kraang lore #character analysis #rottmnt #krang #rottmnt krang #kraang 3 #i am not spell checking this fucker. LET ME RAMBLE #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rant???#YOU THINK THE FOOTCLAN WERE BAD??? BITCH YOU HAVEN'T MET ME

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siren-nate · 22 days

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I know it wasn’t the point of your recent Chosen post, but I’m curious what you identified as signs of power-creep 👀

I should clarify, when I said "signs" of power creep, I really mean like, the barest hints that are making me nervous. Episode V does a great job of juxtaposing the earth-shaking attacks of Chosen and Dark to give them a sense of scale, by showing how Second and the Color Gang are constantly blown away by the things these two demigods can do (and on that note, Chosen fans have it REALLY good compared to Color Gang fans when it comes to having your favorite characters meaningfully contribute to fights in the main series. It's like Piccolo fans vs. Yamcha fans). But there's still a few parts that irk me.

Chosen is constantly landing laser eyes on Dark throughout their fight, and Dark is always surviving because he blocks with his arms. Then he puts on the wristbands, and his first big demonstration of how much more powerful they make him is... tanking Chosen's laser eyes with his arms. I get that the difference is "being forced to defend himself" vs. "gliding down the attack to interrupt it with one of his own", but it still just felt weird. Part of it was probably the stylistic choice to change the laser eyes from causing massive explosions in 2 and 3 to actually just cutting and burning things in 5 and 6, which I think IS a good change that makes the laser eyes more distinct from his pyrokinesis, but it also means that they just don't feel like they have much meaningful impact anymore. The last time they did was when he sheared off one of ViraBot's limbs with them.

That's kind of the main thing - a lack of impact with a lot of Chosen's attacks. The Mercs are implied to either be tanky enough to survive his attacks or (in the case of Pivot) have some defensive options, but there's that one moment in particular where Chosen gets fired up and launches all three of the other Mercs off of him with a burst of fire... and that doesn't seem to hurt them at all. If you don't give these superpowers the impact they need on a regular basis to establish how destructive they are, it starts to feel like they're pointless; like he'd basically be doing the exact same thing by just punching and kicking with his super strength.

I saw someone claim that Chosen lost the fight against the Mercs because he's going through a moral crisis and wasn't trying to kill them, and I have to wonder if that person watched the same episode I did - if Chosen wasn't trying to kill the Mercs before he started fleeing, why the hell would he go and grab Second Coming explicitly because he remembers how ungodly powerful she was with her powers awakened? It feels like a poor excuse for Chosen just feeling too underpowered lately.

Sidenote: The Box is not an example of this. The Box is genius, displaying that Victim is so underpowered compared to Alan's other creations that he needs to be buffed ten times over and have his opponent reduced to about 1/10th of their own strength, and Chosen still gets the upper hand a few times because he's A) just that strong and B) far more experienced fighting people his own level than Victim is. Seeing how his pyrokinesis completely renders his clones helpless and incinerates them within seconds did a lot of good work towards re-establishing how dangerous Chosen is, not to mention how his ice-defense trick demonstrates how he's not the dumb brute a lot of the fandom thinks he is.

TL;DR: It's somewhat a symptom of Chosen losing so many fights, which really isn't even that valid of a criticism when we're only two parts in to the sixth installment. What bothers me the most is that he keeps fighting people who can seemingly just shrug off his powers, which makes his powers feel pointless.

#Alan Becker #Animator vs. Animation #The Chosen One #AvA TCO #You asked me about something we both knew wasn't even the main point of my post #I replied with (counts) six paragraphs #I'm so sorry

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bodycountgame · 1 year

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Hello! I was a big fan of the series a while a go and it is lovely to see that you are back. I'm terribly sorry that other anons put you through a lot with the voting aspect of the game. Absolutely no one deserves death threats for a story that they are bringing to us for free. However, I am not going to lie, I always feel a bit worried when a fandom majority vote is what has long lasting effects on character life/death. It was ok when it was everyone voting with an equal effect. Now there will be a wealth gap to vote. Only people that pay can contribute. And at least where I'm from wealth looks a certain kind of way.

Since you have characters that are in a minority it feels... Bad. Maybe I'm projecting how racist and transphobic my home country is on the vote for this game. I also don't want you to feel like this is an attack on you because that is not my intent at all! I love the diversity in the love interests and it was what brought me to the game initially. I am worried that if you do a majority vote on Patreon that characters that aren't white/cis will face a harsher vote. Trans lives are in danger and I was not surprised when a nonbinary character died first. I was part of the fandom and people treated them very grossly (it actually made me step away for a bit as well). There were many options but the vocally out and proud person got the boot first. What I'm saying is I trust you more than your Patreon supporters. If the people can't all vote as one, due to the actions of some terrible people, then maybe we shouldn't vote at all

anon, i totally understand your concerns because i absolutely shared them. to be completely honest with you, i had totally misjudged which characters i thought were popular or not and watching the three non binary cast members struggle through that first vote felt Bad. my personal disappointment about ellis being the character to receive the least votes in the vote contributed in no small part to the twist in chapter 3 and their revised arc (which was Not planned when i set out writing body count hahaha). howeverrrrrr, i did learn a lot from the process.

my main motivator behind making the vote patreon exclusive was that the voters would be genuinely invested in the game and that the polling would be much harder to game or manipulate. selfishly, i also think it will reduce a certain amount of the absolute barrage of wild anons from the first time around haha!

in addition to that, though, i think its important that i reaffirm what i have said from the start: i am acutely aware that in interactive fiction in general and particularly on tumblr there is a strong preference for white male characters, and i am not here to write some kind of gross POC/women/nb slasher. as much as i want the audience to have a say in the direction the story takes, i ultimately have final say on what happens in the story that i am writing.

the main way that i intend to have oversight of the voting process is by who appears on the polls in the first place; the first poll was the last time the whole cast will be available for a vote at the same time. since ellis, one of three NB cast members, was the first character to die, i've said that neither of the other NB cast members will appear on future polls. if it's women and POC suffering in the next vote, then i'll be applying similar logic. if that means we get towards the end and we need a white boy only poll then so be it!

that said, if people cannot behave then i will simply take away their toys. although i consider the voting mechanic to be one of the things that makes body count unique and fun, i'm absolutely not above doing away with it if there are Shenanigans that spoil it, ya know?

anyway, i hope that assuages some of your concerns! sorry for another giant wall of text wow i simply cannot answer a question concisely atm

#technical stuff #The Vote #faq #does this even make sense idk hope so!!

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hakugin0 · 10 days

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So that new Levi card, woah boy(positive). I get how setting is slightly dubious but unfortunately my brain stopped at the ‘childish jealousy’ part and yeah childish was the perfect word he actually is throwing a bratty tantrum about MC talking about their time with Minhyeok WHILE THEY'RE NOT EVEN NEXT TO HIM. Levi, babey, you're not beating the Tsundere allegations.

Also the part about the sins was very interesting ‘cause it kinda puts in perspective why he feels like there's no King he's close to. Or at least that's my read on that part, all their sins have some positive parts while his is the only fully negative one so of course he couldn't feel close to them. (Personally I do think that part is his viewpoint on their sins and it would be interesting to see the other Kings’ too, Satan in particular since I feel like his sin and depressive mood swings do go hand in hand)

Now for the read more aka wiiiild speculations because he didn't come home in the reduced ten pull aka see you in 3 months bae when I have 500 pulls and you still refuse to show up(looking at you bath Satan), fair bit of character analysis and slight canon divergence(???) plus personal MC involvement.

GONNA PREFACE THIS BY WAVING NY ‘LEVI SIMP’ FLAG UP HIGH, IF THE CARD STORY WAS OFF PUTTING TO YOU OR YOU DISLIKE HIS CHARACTER IN GENERAL THEN MORE POWER TO YOU BUT PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS POST! IT AIN'T MEANT FOR YOU HOMIE (it's meant for me first and then anyone else who wants to witness my 3am insanity)

Aight? Aight! Here we go gamers

Gonna start this off by saying that when they dropped the first teaser for the card my expectations for the story were jelly Levi wants to replace minhyeok and thus enters MC's memories except surprise surprise it was actually some corn set in a high school (don't pretend those aren't a thing, we're all adults here, and with MC’s track record in that game it would not be surprising) in part because the story had to get spicy at some point.

Personal belief is that what we see in the prologue of Levi is the closest thing to a ‘normal’ him aka a version of him that got to experience a normal childhood and not have all the trauma of… ya know… HIS WHOLE PAST. The way he expected an attack when MC initially trips breaks me in a very particular way, he has never known peace, he expects everything to be some sort of attempt on his or his people’s life. The one time he wasn't as uptight ended up with him heavily injured (Bloodshed card).

There is also him ascertaining that they had different starting points. Now this could refer to a lot of things but to me one thing that does is put a definite line between them. To me it sounds like he's reasoning with himself that because of their very different lives they would be incompatible (combined with that thing about his sin being the only negative one it shows he always separates himself from people he would otherwise form bonds with)

Now he's still not nice, far from it, but he can be accommodating and look out for MC when he is not thinking 24/7 about possibly being attacked. Whether he reasons that it would endear himself more to them or out of pure instinct he looked out for MC, those were not Minhyeok’s actions he mimicked but his own.

So yeah, average Levi is horrendously bad at emotions and frankly probably the one who understands his own emotions towards a potential romantic partner(since tbh that is what MC is) the least. (This is a whole other can of brainworms about how aside from Solomon he probably has not been attached to anyone in that way until MC based on something he says in his H-Scene, but that can of worms shall be opened later) please get some therapists in Hell, clearly everyone would benefit from it.

There is also something impossibly endearing to me about seeing Levi in a high school setting even for a bit because that's not something he ever experienced and I wish his time exploring that part of MC and Minhyeok's past was a bit longer. I want to believe MC gets to ask him later in the story how he felt about it.

---

If you were only here for the character analysis then thanks for reading, have a lovely day/night/evening, we are going into wild speculation territory and some personal things regarding my MC Jin in that particular scenario.

tl;dr: After Jin's parents were killed she pretty much secluded herself in their home doing most of her studying through online courses and only showing up physically at school for a couple of days.

I choose to believe she was aware of stuff from the start but in that way you're aware you're in a dream while you sleep, she can tell things are a bit off but not fully what is wrong. She knows the person with her is not Minhyeok, she also knows who Leviathan is, but there's a certain disconnect when trying to piece it all together, but the further the dream goes the more she ‘realises’ and ‘awakens to the truth' if you will.

She cannot help but pity Levi’s situation even if she knows if she ever said that she'd probably get insta-hanged, so a part of her cannot help but wonder if he wanted to experience some normalcy for once. (She's not the brightest tool in the shed so the fact that he wants to replace Minhyeok would not pass by her singular braincell) (I love her I swear, being mean is my love language)

So I imagine after the whole dream thing is over and she next visits Hades she doesn't raise any questions about that event. She seems annoyingly unbothered and not curious at all. If anything this just makes Leviathan more angry because she can't be that unbothered after everything and pretend nothing happened, he should've been the only thing on her mind and yet she still sometimes mentions that detestable human. Oh how he should hang her for it. And then one day she has a conspicuously familiar candy in her mouth. “Was the experience at least a bit pleasant?” She's soft spoken anyway but she sounds almost apologetic. Why yes the experience was quite pleasant if Levi had to be honest but he'd never praise her openly… and then it hits him. She's not asking about that, she's asking about how he felt in a normal human high school.

When she gets no answer she stammers and starts speaking again, trying to fill the void. “I didn't exactly… go there often…” The pauses are plentiful and her shoulders droop almost in shame. “... so I imagine whatever you saw was rather lacklustre… aside from… my pathetic display-”

“It wasn't bad.”

A short sentence and it was enough to make the human girl perk up instantly. From anyone else that would be considered nigh an insult, but with Levi's temperament that was the highest praise she could hope for. By the time Jin was next to his desk after he'd beckoned her with a wave of his hand her visage had brightened significantly. ‘Stealing’ the lollipop from between her lips was ‘child’s play’ after that, the girl clearly took stunned to speak and becoming redder by the second.

“Yes, not bad at all.”

#haku rambles #whb #what in hell is bad #whb leviathan #whb mc #this was written at 3am in a delulu haze editing it will be tomorrow's me's issue #anyway i love levi and all his red flags #this is a levi enjoyer zone if it wasn't already very clear #kbye i go honk shoo mimimi now

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