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vickyvicarious · 3 years

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Can I have four headcannons for Hugh O'Connor, please?

Headcanon A: realistic

When he wins the redone mock-trial and gets the seminar from Phoenix, he’s very excited about it (especially being gained on his own merits). However, rather than really focusing on any particulars about the law or anything like that, Phoenix spends most of his time beating down Hugh’s ideas that he has to be perfect or nothing else is worth it. He uses liberal examples from his own career of all the times he’s screwed up (sometimes truly monumentally) and luck or determination or intervention from friends saved him. Phoenix talks a lot of shit about both himself and Hugh but then tells him that he likes Hugh, that he reminds him a lot of himself in certain ways. He sprinkles in some talk about bluffing, how to think critically, the proper finger point, etc., but for the most part it’s just all about Feelings and such. Hugh finds the whole process difficult to sit through in several ways but in the end he does feel a bit better about himself and his determination is renewed to never give up. He also gets Phoenix’s phone number and a strict order to call once he passes the bar.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Contrary to his expectations of his greatest shame being revealed, Hugh’s popularity doesn’t even take a slight dip. Sure, some people talk crap about him having a head start, but a lot of them feel bad for him, or admire his loyalty to his friend to the point of trying to get convicted. People start hitting him up to buy them beer, or just generally finding him a lot more approachable. The whole construction gig is also not seen as shameful at all by anyone but him, and in fact people start basically trying to use him as their handyman. Without the false confidence of being a genius, Hugh is pretty dang awkward in most social situations, and has a hard time saying no to these requests. And of course, his archery skill is still actually legit, so the clubmates who admired him but found him unapproachable are now just all up in his face asking for archery tips and whatnot. So he winds up weirdly more popular than he ever was before, and regularly panic-brags about it to Juniper and Robin hoping they will rescue him somehow. (They do not. They find it all hilarious and also, good for him.)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

After learning that his parents have been buying his grades (and letting him brag to them about his emerging genius), Hugh is crushed. Once the trial is over there’s a big commotion at the school about whether to expel him, but he’s allowed to stay on the basis that he didn’t know about the bribery. I can’t remember if they go into why his parents were buying his grades so this may be totally against canon, but in my head they dote on him and it’s out of love. They genuinely just want him to be happy and don’t know how to deal with his perfectionism and self-hatred or anxieties about being a failure, so they decided to step in. It was short-sighted, since they couldn’t ensure a career or even that he’d pass the bar, but it was out of love. Still, Hugh is too betrayed to ever trust them again. He actually paid for most of his school fees with his construction earnings, but he promises to pay them back for all the money they spent on him both legally and otherwise, regardless of the fact they don’t want it. And then he cuts contact. Eventually, years down the line, he starts speaking to them more, but still only a couple times a year and he finds it very hard to accept any gifts or praise from them, always doubting that it’s fake again.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Hugh joins the Wright Anything Agency after he finally graduates and passes the bar. It takes a little while, and Robin and Juniper are further along in their careers than he is, but they remain extremely close. Hugh has already been invited to visit the WAA several times before (and then conned into helping Trucy build magic trick props), and has had enough time to grow comfortable around them. Trucy regularly runs circles around him, but he eventually develops a brotherly relationship with her. While he respects Phoenix and has a sort of familial/mentee relationship with him, the attorney he learns the most from is Athena. He trains as her co-counsel, and she helps him to be more honest about his emotions and manage his anxiety better on a daily basis. He still has a tendency to get caught up in his own head and arrogant about himself/crash brutally back down to earth and mope, but he has more real confidence in his own skills and is better able to pick himself back up and keep going. He grows to admire Athena as a true genius - legally, socially, and so on - and despite being younger than he is, she plays more of a Mia role to his Phoenix (without the dying obviously). Hugh will never get his own game, but in my head he does, and the dynamic of a group of friends who right from the start openly support and love one another while being on opposing sides of the courtroom is a new and interesting one.

send me a character to get four headcanons!

#ace attorney #hugh o'connor #i always forget about hugh but i actually like him a lot #cleverhardy #replies #headcanons

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morgannalefey · 3 years

Text

Homes, relationships, realtors

These are a series of anonymous questions I was asked and I'm endeavoring to answer them. I am not a concise writer. I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

Step 1: Start Your Research Early. Step 2: Determine How Much House You Can Afford. Step 3: Get Prequalified and Preapproved for credit for Your Mortgage. Step 4: Find the Right Real Estate Agent. Step 5: Shop for Your Home and Make an Offer. Step 6: Get a Home Inspection. Step 7: Work on home loan with bank lender Step 8: Get home appraised Step 9: Complete paperwork and close the deal ?

How were you able to learn what the homeownership steps entailed and how did you vet the realtor, home inspector, home appraiser, and lender, if you used them? How did you ensure the people whose help you enlisted were legit and were going to do right by you?

How did you find out what the paperwork/legal aspect of marriage was going to entail (research so far has given me a few different answers)? There was a lot I either didn’t know or didn’t understand - you need to get your ring appraised and added to your insurance (what kind of insurance), for example? You need to change how your tax filings and paperwork in general, especially if you choose to change your last name, etc. I’m scared of missing an item and running into some obstacle😫

How do you also ensure that your name and/or your spouse’s name is on the deed and stays there? I’ve come across TOO many stories about one party thinking their name was on the deed only to find out it either wasn’t or it was removed. Or one party dying and the remaining party finding out the place wasn’t on their name or was removed. Or, one party kicking the other out and not being able to advocate for themselves because their name, come to find out, isn’t on the deed😳😞 How do you avoid all that (besides vetting your potential SO properly lol)

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The first thing I want to say is I am NOT a financial advisor or a counselor/therapist. I am not a lawyer. I am a 55 year old database developer (in 2020) and have bought several houses and been with/married to the same person for 32 years. Prior to this person, I played a very large field of folks, and was in a lot of short-term relationships. The longest relationship I'd been in by the time we met was 10 months and it ended very badly. I'm not an expert, I'm just old and experienced. Another thing I am is frugal. While I'm being detailed, I'm also bi, cis, childless-by-choice, mostly-abled, and white. I can't speak directly to the experiences that marginalized folks (especially those with multiple marginalizations) have had.

I'll talk about the relationship stuff first 'cos that'll be the shorter answer. I met my spouse in an online space for roleplaying gamers back in 1988 (before the internet existed there were dialup networks, I was on those basically from 1983 on). The beginning of our relationship was a shared interest in roleplaying games. We also found similar tastes in books. Over time we discovered other shared interests, or got each other interested in the things we cared about. We both love being in the woods, and the natural world. We care deeply about the environment. We have always been in agreement politically. At first we were on opposite ends of religious matters, and neither of us tried to change the other in that regard. Eventually we grew together on that. We both knew from the outset that we wanted to travel the world together.

There have been stumbles. Bad ones. We are able to hurt each other more than any other human on the planet, and we're aware of that. We try not to, but sometimes we just, do. Then we talk about it. We've been in therapy to work things out several times, and have learned techniques for working through our problems. The thread running through all of this is we were committed to making it work, to working through, to not giving up.

We have woven our lives together into a fabric that works for us. This takes trial and error. It takes being willing to make mistakes and, more importantly, forgive those mistakes. It requires you to learn from your mistakes and to do personal work. You have to be willing to change the things about yourself that need changing. Certainly some things are deeply embedded. Those things you need to learn work arounds for. It's especially difficult to figure out which things are too deeply embedded to be changed, and which are mostly habits you can retrain. Ideally they'll be supporting you through this work, and doing their own work along similar lines. If things work out, you're both growing as more emotionally mature individuals who bring things to the relationship that help sustain it through the hard times.

It helps that I am good at things he's not, and vice versa. We have a decent division of labor (both emotional and household). We give each other space to enjoy our different interests, too. I love movies of all sorts, but he's mostly fond of SF and action movies. We will watch those things together, and I watch my romcoms and historical dramas on my own while he's doing his stuff.

Sometimes it's a choice you have to make every day, to stay together. Sometimes it is effortless. Still, it always takes time to build shared experiences. To build traditions. To figure out how you fit together. This is time well-spent, even if you discover that you just don't fit together and you can't make it work. This prepares you for your next opportunity to explore with another person.

Now on to home ownership.

tl;dr is we did research into mortgages and closing costs and everything to do with buying a house before we bought one using various resources (mostly at libraries, this was in the dark ages when we bought our first house)

We were living in Juneau, AK when we got to the point that we had enough stable income to start talking about owning a home. This got us talking about the future, and our plans. Specifically we talked about what it would be like when we were finally able to travel like we wanted. We realized that if we were still in Juneau, all of our travel plans would be doubled in cost because just getting out of Juneau is a trip in itself. We decided (not just for that reason, but a lot of other ones, as well) that we wanted to move and we would buy a house somewhere else.

For a lot of people the answer of "where" is obvious but it wasn't for us. We made a list of qualities for where we wanted to live.

Inside the US

Low population growth

Not on the west coast

Not in the south

Within a day's easy drive to the ocean

At least four distinct seasons

There were other criteria we had on the list, but those were the ones that narrowed our search down to Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont. Then we spoke with work friends who had lived in all three states. They heartily recommended Vermont over the other two for a few good reasons. We both wanted to work for the state so we researched where most of the state jobs were located. That placed us in central Vermont.

Deciding where you want to own a home isn't just about what you can afford, but where you want to live. There's a lot you can change about a home once you buy it, but you can't change the location. When you buy a home you're putting yourself into a place that it's not going to be a simple matter to leave if you decide you want to later. It's not impossible, but depending on where you buy, it can be very difficult to sell again. Deciding where you are going to focus your home search is part of the research you want to do.

Figuring out how much house you can afford is a complicated thing. The financial institutions will encourage you to buy the maximum amount of house you can afford based on your income, a snapshot of your debt load, and your credit rating. That's all well and good, but you also need to take into account your actual lifestyle. If you never were interested in cooking, then it's a waste of money to buy a home with a big ole "professional" kitchen because it's all shiney and cool. You could buy a less expensive home with a smaller, more functional kitchen suitable for the lunchables you "prepare" on the daily, and put that extra money into something else.

Figure out what things you must have, that if a house doesn't have it, you're not going to buy it. For some people that's X bathrooms. For others it's lots of inside storage. Make actual lists of these things that you keep handy so you can just check for them when you're doing your search. Divide the list up into "must have" vs "nice to have" vs "I wouldn't pay more for this but if it's there it could be a tie breaker". The list may change as you start looking over listings, and that's fine. It helps you figure out what is really important to you.

Financial institutions. I... hate... banks. I haven't done my financial transactions with a bank (generally speaking) for over thirty years. Credit unions are the financial institution to work with. Of course, that is something to take with a grain of salt because there are some horrific credit unions with shitty customer service and nasty fees all over, too. If you can get into a state credit union (in Vermont anyone who lives in Vermont or works for the state can join the Vermont State Employees Credit Union) do it. There's typically a minimum deposit required in one account (for my credit union I have to keep $25 in a savings account). When you're looking at financial institutions to finance through, do your research of course, but include credit unions in your research. Look for first time home buyer programs (there are federal programs for this, as well). Look for low interest rates. The blog you should be looking into is Bitches Get Riches for more specifics on this. Their information is way more up to date and helpful regarding interest and mortgages and stuff.

You're going to need money to pay the closing costs. That is money that you pay over and above the mortgage. You will need money to put a deposit down on whatever house you want to buy. The deposit tells the seller you're really interested. If they decide to accept the offer from someone else, you will get the desposit back. If they accept your offer, the deposit goes towards purchase/closing costs. You will need money for the appraisal, an inspection (do not buy a home without an inspection, if they won't let you do an inspection, run), and a title search. These are all over and above closing costs. How much you can expect to pay is variable and something else to research. You will also need a down payment. If you can't put 20% of the purchase price in as a down payment, you will also need to buy private mortgage insurance. That cost typically gets rolled into your monthly mortgage payment. You will also need homeowners insurance.

Once you've worked these things out, you're ready to really dig into the listings. This used to be a whole lot more complicated than it is now. The MLS used to only be available to realtors, but that has changed. Most realtors will list houses online in a searchable place (the best places to do searches varies by region, in New England, I would look on the NNEREN website (Northern New England Real Estate Network). In other areas Zillow might be the best place to look. It really depends on what the standard for local realtors is where you want to buy.

The great thing about online searching is you can plug things in, make notes, save favorites, and build lists of features, or things you care about. There's typically photos of the property that get you started, as well. Because of these online tools, you don't really need a realtor to represent you in the sale. You can contact the realtor representing the seller if you want to see a property.

It can be tiring, looking at houses. Doing research. It takes time. If you can't, or don't want to do this, then you can get yourself a buyer's realtor. Their job will be to take the criteria for what you're looking for and find houses that might work for you. They present you with the options, and will arrange for a viewing if you like any that you're seeing. This has the benefit of reducing how much research you have to do personally, but it does mean that they get a cut of the final sale (but it also means you have a realtor on -your- side in the negotiations, though they're not allowed to influence you on certain things like what price to offer). Because they get a cut, some sellers won't work with buyer realtors.

The snarky answer about how you find a realtor you can trust is "you really don't". Realtors are all about closing house sales with the least amount of effort on their part possible. That is their job. That is how they earn their money. Every time they have to do something for you, it reduces the value of the commission they make off the sale. Some realtors resent this, others don't care and just see it as part of doing business. Some of them are really friendly, and love their job and love helping people find homes. Others are snotty nozzles. But they are all trying to sell you the most expensive house they can get you to fall in love with. They will regularly try to go $10-20K over your stated "highest cost" on the assumption that you won't really mind having to pay "just a LITTLE bit more" on your mortgage payment to have whatever feature they're trying to convince you that you really want.

Don't fall for this. Stand fast on your financial limits. Remember that increased purchase price means increased closing costs. Find a realtor that doesn't make you want to shower after you talk to them, and who will take your calls or answer your emails. If they won't communicate the way that works best for you, find another one. There is always another one who has a different style. It's OK to shop for realtors.

Different regions have different rules about real estate. Spend some time looking into your state's rules. Like in Vermont, you have to get a radon test. Some things are national, but a lot are regional. There are SO many guides online these days it should be possible for you to find one fairly local to help you be sure you're doing everything you need to. Your state might even have an agency for helping first time buyers.

Ensuring folks are legit: Find out what licensing requirements there are in your state. Realtors have to take tests and get licensed to sell within their area. This is something they should be proud to display in their office because it's not a simple test they have to take. Appraisers typically need a license, too. To get a title search done you need an attorney, they also have professional oversight. An attorney might ask for an initial low deposit (they have to pay for copies in town offices) but most of these professionals won't ask for payment in advance. If they do, be wary. Ask around to see if that's usual in your area. They usually bill for their services after they've provided their report here. Try talking to a variety of people about what realtor they have used, or what appraiser. Ask for referrals from folks you know (coworkers, friends, family of coworkers, etc). You can also search online for reviews of services and see the bad experiences folks have had (most folks only complain about bad service, so take those with a grain of salt).

In the end, you're buying a service, and the person performing the service should be doing their job. If you find out that they didn't, because they are licensed (and possibly insured), you will probably have recourse. Obviously it's better to avoid that because it's a painful thing. But sometimes that's just how things shake out.

I have to say that I've never considered a situation where my name might have been removed from my deed without my knowledge. I suppose if I were worried, I'd set up a reminder to check on it occasionally, like checking on my credit rating from time to time. I mean, to remove you without your knowledge requires forging documents. I know that this sort of thing happens, but... there's only so much you can do to protect yourself if someone is intent on breaking the law in some way. So, I guess, really pay attention to red flags when you're starting a relationship. Don't assume they will change if they're engaging in concerning behaviors.

Phew, the tax stuff is a whole other thing. It's usually worth working with a tax preparer the first year you're filing after buying a house. They can go over all the paperwork with you, so you understand it. Property taxes are so local that you really need to research it based on where you’re buying.

We have a specific amount on our homeowner's insurance that covers "household item loss" up to a certain amount of money, and we specify how much. We have a LOT of computer equipment, so ours is fairly high. If I were to lose a ring, it'd be covered under that. My engagement ring was a $50 cubic zirconia. Our wedding rings were a few hundred. Our computer stuff is way more valuable monetarily.

About all the things relating to marriage and how it entwines lives legally: that's like a dissertation for another day. :) There are huge articles out there talking about all the things that getting married means from a legal stand point. It varies by state and even city. It matters if it's a same-sex marriage or not, as well (it shouldn't but some places have "civil unions" which aren't always the same legal thing as hetero marriages).

If you're still here, wow. I'm impressed. I'm happy to answer questions. Maybe consider me like an elderly queer aunt who doesn't mind talking a lot. I hope this helps you.

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cannabisrefugee-esq · 4 years

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(via The Welfare Gnome! It's Like a Sock Gnome Except This One Can Actually Kill You. Ft. Joker (Again))

The Welfare Gnome! It’s Like a Sock Gnome Except This One Can Actually Kill You. Ft. Joker (Again)

Cannabis Refugee, Esq.

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Law / Legal / Benefits

December 20, 2019

According to the internet, a “sock gnome” is a mythical creature that pilfers socks. Presumably it lives in or around the dryer where you put an even number of socks in and get an odd number out. Sometimes it gets tricksy and spits out an even number but the pairs don’t match (meaning it’s pilfered one from more than one pair) but the usual evidence that you’ve had a sock pilfered by a gnome is that there is one left over that doesn’t have a mate and the missing sock never reappears ever. This is a real thing (if not a real gnome) and everyone knows what this means.

Well, there appears to be a similar creature that lives at Social Services and pilfers sick and poor people’s applications for welfare benefits. Or something, idk. I assume these creatures are related but maybe not since this gnome doesn’t play games: it’s goal seems to be to drive you insane before it literally kills you. I wrote here before about an application for benefits that went missing, along with a half a dozen other boondoggles that have wasted my spoons and left me scrambling to repeat some administrative process I was barely able to complete survive the first time.

Because while a sick person’s literal inability to jump through bureaucratic hoops is actually the best evidence that someone is extremely ill, someone has decided that only those who are well enough to sing for their supper (or pursue benefits) deserve to eat, as it were. The first application that went missing was for food stamps, while today I found out that my application to get on a 4 month waitlist to see a doctor went missing 2 months ago and has not been since heard from: although my disability advocate hand-delivered it, the application was never received.

I didn’t know it had never been received since I was instructed to wait for 2-3 months for a phonecall from them whereupon they would then tell me that I had to wait another 4 months to see a provider. Now I get to start the whole process over again. Of course, the clock starts, again, from zero: 2-3 months for the application to be processed and another 4 months before I will be seen. And as both Crohn’s disease and high functioning Autism are untreatable and incurable, the only reason I’m even trying to get in to see a doctor is that I need up to date records of medical compliance (not actual therapeutic medical care since none exists) to support my claims for disability. As if sick people have the time and energy for that.

Just “apply for benefits” then keep applying indefinitely or forever! Just get showered, dressed, don’t eat or drink anything though because Crohn’s, get somehow transported across town, pretend to act human for a several hours while you are being humiliated, interrogated, starved and otherwise tortured in public, then somehow get a ride back home. And do all of that without “acting” sick. Easy peasy.

And truly, bureaucratic incompetence (or a welfare or Social Services gnome) isn’t even worth writing about and I wouldn’t bother writing about it except that it had an unsettling effect on me: I literally wondered, if only for a second, if I had hallucinated the whole thing and therefore wondered if my new disability advocate who had hand-delivered the applications himself, Dave, was even real. Jesus Christ that was disturbing. Around Halloween of this year, Dave had helped me complete numerous applications, some online, while he mailed some hardcopies out of town and hand-delivered the rest; the 2 applications that were both hand-delivered were supposedly never received. One would be understandable, if not acceptable, but both of them? I was shook.

Very shortly thereafter I realized that the only proof I even have that Dave came to pick me up several times, completed applications for/with me and took me home again is that one application we did online was actually received and has his name and information on it. Much to my chagrin, they initially returned that “online” application to me in hardcopy to review, sign and return (WTF) but as it turns out, that bit of bureaucratic fuckery actually saved me from something awful — a literal break from reality — and was the only proof I had that Dave and our interactions were even real. Also, my old disability advocate told me about Dave in front of another person and they both remember it. (!) So yeah, I’m legit losing my mind by now but at least I’m not delusional (that I know of). Everything about this is fucking terrifying.

Wait. Is Dave even real? Let’s review.

At some point, I know my readers are going to get sick to death of hearing about this shit and I wouldn’t blame them. Hearing about how the system truly victimizes people is unpleasant and predictably leaves those who don’t have to deal with it (yet) with the strong impression that disenfranchised people are “victims” experiencing “victimization” which is always, always read as a character flaw, or it is eventually, especially if it goes on for a long time and it often almost always does. And this material is about as appealing to read as…idk, a book of vintage recipes where the first and second ingredients in every dish are Jello and fake mayonnaise? Maybe. There’s a trainwreck quality that’s hard to look away from, it’s interesting (at first) to see how all the various parts fit together (or ultimately don’t) and I suppose it’s possible to have compassion for the vintage cooks who were trying so, so hard to be resourceful and whatnot.

But eventually that person’s judgement will probably come into question and the blame will fall squarely on them if they consistently choose to participate in such insanity, in that case, preparing and serving Spaghetti-Os and sliced hot dogs suspended in savory Jello, or a canned ambrosia Yule log. (I just watched a video of someone making a canned ambrosia Yule log from a vintage recipe, you can watch that here). Or in the case of a vulnerable person seeking benefits, choosing to consistently be relieved of their dignity and even being (seemingly) willingly neglected and abused. The comparison is kind of a reach but what I’m getting at here is that it’s not pretty. The things I discuss on this blog aren’t pretty.

So do I have an actual point? Actually I have 2. The first point I will make via another anecdote and is something I learned as a young attorney who was becoming seriously ill: I had been seeing a chiropractor/nutritionist for months to attempt to treat what was becoming unbearable chronic pain and GI issues when my health insurance company started denying his claims. The “doctor” wasn’t being paid but I was still in disabling pain and his treatments were working. Kind of. Until they stopped. We had to have “the discussion” which drew out our competing interests: my interest in continuing treatment without a lapse versus his interest in being consistently paid. (Really, this is where the myth of the compassionate Western healer is always undone: the issue of money. But that’s a post for another day.) This discussion is never pleasant and as I learned, is absolutely meant to be ugly.

As a seasoned provider with decades of experience in the insurance game, the “doctor” calmly explained to me that part of the game is to pit the doctor and patient against each other so that they can’t provide a united front against the real enemy: the insurance company. The goal is to have the doctor and patient part ways angry so that there is no reason to pursue an appeal and the treatment — whether it’s medically necessary or not — simply ends. From the insurance company’s perspective, the problem (of exposure to liability) just goes away: if the doctor and patient part ways it doesn’t have to expend resources reviewing appeals and no further claims will be made, their exposure drops to zero, and they win.

Get it? Bad guys 1, good guys 0. And this, I think, is the dynamic playing out when people get fed up (and fired up) with hearing about what sick and disabled people go through — regular, relatively powerless people blaming and judging other regular, relatively powerless people for being “victims” instead of providing a unified front against our common enemy. In this case, against our corporate and governmental overlords who spend billions if not trillions annually on “corporate welfare” and destructive black budget programs while reducing, eliminating or otherwise making inaccessible benefits that real people need to live in this shithole they created, not us. And Big Medicine torturing sick people and deliberately (or leastwise predictably) making us worse.

We all have a choice, don’t we, to pick the correct side and to not fall into this deliberate trap set by the elite, to not go against our own interests, to decline the invitation to support our oppressors while undermining ourselves and our ilk, our own people. Choose correctly. It matters.

My second point is this. I can only speak for myself when I say that I absolutely never wanted to be a “victim” and I spent my entire life and literally everything I had to try to ensure that didn’t happen. I have written about that before if anyone wants to revisit that part of my journey, but what I haven’t directly said is this: once I had exhausted every resource I had accumulated over a lifetime (which wasn’t much), after I had asked everyone I knew for help and they all declined, after I had failed to cure myself of an incurable disease, I knew what was coming for me because I had spent my entire life trying to avoid it.

My experience as a benefits attorney only underscored what I already knew, which is that there is nothing there to catch most people when they fall, and there is no bottom to the abuse and neglect one will suffer, and literally endless opportunities to be victimized, once anyone, especially an unresourced, unsupported female, is no longer able to control her outcomes and sick women can no longer reliably control their outcomes. I knew the benefits system would be inaccessible or inadequate, I knew I would be abused and neglected by doctors if I let them, I knew I could end up sick and homeless at the same time, I knew I could end up sick and homeless and raped and pregnant at the same time if there was nothing I could do to stop it, and I knew that once I got sick there was, in fact, little or nothing I could do to stop it. I knew there would be no end to my suffering as a sick woman under capitalism and patriarchy.

I saw this coming a mile out, and to avoid that outcome I knew I didn’t want and knew I couldn’t handle (and shouldn’t be expected to) and to fulfill a lifelong promise I had made to myself to never “allow” myself to be victimized in this way, I attempted suicide. 4 times. Four fucking times I took action against myself that was so incompatible with life that by all rights I should have died at least once if not every time but I didn’t die. Each time I woke to this nightmare that won’t end and I had to go on, dealing with the same shit and with the same hideous constraints only even more sick and even more traumatized than I was before if that was even possible. And it is possible, isn’t it — it is bottomless. There is no end, there is absolutely no end to how bad this can and will get for me and for everyone in my position.

And to be clear, I started this blog after what ended up being my final (well, most recent) suicide attempt which was 2 years ago by now. Get it? Every single post on this blog was written after that and therefore was very nearly not written at all. What I am documenting here, I think, is a fairly common experience that is almost always lost to time and tragedy: what it’s actually like to be this seriously, hopelessly ill, how “the system” works against sick people and sick women at every turn, and what it really looks like to have no options. And while this surely happens all the time, every force in the universe, it seems, is working against most people actually knowing about it. In fact, the most relateable thing I’ve ever read, the only thing that I have ever seen address these points and describe an experience nearly identical to my own was left behind by an activist/writer/seriously chronically ill woman in a suicide note. I wrote about that woman, Anne Örtegren, and her suicide note here.

In my own case, and this is the only reason you are hearing about it, I happened to be a seasoned researcher and writer with a specialized interest in dissecting the insane system of patriarchy, I had a preexisting platform on which to advertise this project and an audience that was open to hearing about it, and despite my best intentions and efforts, and those of everyone and everything else for that matter, where those intentions and efforts were not compatible with life, my life, I didn’t fucking die. Not yet anyway. I suspect that many women who experience what I and Anne Örtegren and others have experienced go down for the third and final time before anyone even hears them scream. And if any of this sounds a little crazy to you, that’s only because it is. It is completely, completely insane.

#joker #christmas #xmas #friends #family

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ask-svt-hearteu · 7 years

Text

Mafia! Woozi

Anon requested: “ since it’s our jihoonie’s birthday today, can i request a mafia!au for out vobo? hehe i just saw that requests are open & i got rly excited !! 💗💗 — daydreaming anon (hbd woozi i love you sO MUCH) “

Word Count: 3679

you never thought you’d be here

3:58am on a Saturday in one of the most heavily protected buildings in the entire city

hooking up your sad $535 laptop and praying to whoever runs the universe

that you’ll be able to go home and eat breakfast in time

as is the life of a hacker

a professional top-of-the-line hacker for hire

too bad the government hasn’t noticed your talent yet

or you would be working for the good guys

but you’re working for whoever helps pay the rent now

and if you take down some corrupt businesses while you’re working for the mob

who cares

that’s enough vigilante justice for you

honestly you’d think that one of the most powerful companies in the city would know better than to have such weak protection for their systems

you shake your head as you smirk and carefully unplug your laptop

done

easiest $30,000 dollars of your life

the company had been known to “donate” a percentage of their revenue back into the city

things like feeding and housing the homeless

or ensuring kids go to school and aren’t on the streets

but in reality they were pocketing all of it

and come morning

you would have just exposed their asses

climbing back out the vent you came through

you shouldered the backpack with your laptop

and crawled until you reached the building’s service entrance

dropping down you were fully intending to walk casually straight out the building

until you felt your arm jerk as you were roughly pulled behind a wall

“What the fu-“

the person who did it covered your mouth roughly

and your eyes widened as you saw one of the guards walk by

you silently cursed at yourself for not monitoring the CCTV system

you had assumed hacking into it was fine

but you forgot to check the guard’s positioning

after he passed you turned back to the person who had just saved your ass

“Thanks I guess.”

he didn’t say anything but gave you a sideways glance and shrugged as he pulled out a definitely more expensive and way better laptop than yours

as he connected it to one of the computers in the room

“Who are you btw?” You asked eyeing him suspiciously

he smirked

“What’s it to you?” he replied quietly

it almost sounded like he was teasing you

“Sorry if you got offended at me trying to be polite.” You scoff annoyed

who was this guy?

he had jet black hair

and was not super tall from what you could see

but when he turned back to look at you

your breath caught in your throat

“You broke into a high security building to clumsily hack into a system and expose their lies, I don’t think manners are our top priority right now.” he answered looking straight into your eyes

you stared blankly in shock

“How did you...?” how did he know?

“Regardless I’m here to undo it.”

you watched as he clicked shut his laptop and faced you

“The fuck! I’m getting paid, what am I supposed to tell my client?” you said

he smirked again as he packed up his laptop

“There are better ways to expose this company.”

and with that he disappeared

like legit

gone poof

he walked found his escape route before you even had time to process what he meant

you blinked and he was gone

when you finally returned to your apartment when the sun came up

and clicked on the tv

the news was playing

“-donates half of their entire yearly revenue to creating shelters for the homeless...”

your jaw dropped

while you had wanted to expose to the media this company’s lies

whoever that guy was last night

had transferred over half of the entire company’s revenue

in the five minutes he had spent saving you from lifetime in prison

who the fuck was he?

his name was Lee Jihoon

and honestly did he ever think he’d have to deal with other hackers even close to his caliber?

nope

but you had broken through into the company’s servers in record times

he was intrigued

and more than a bit competitive

“Jeonghan, you think you could look up someone for me?” he asked walking into Svt’s main meeting room

Jeonghan was hunched over some papers planning the next job no doubt

without looking up, Jeonghan said

“That’s like asking if I like taking naps Jihoon, who do you think I am? All I need is a name-”

“I don’t have her name yet.”

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow swiveling in his chair to face Jihoon

his blue prints and detailed plans fluttering at the sudden movement

“Her?” Jeonghan questioned, teasing smile on his lips

“I can’t work with you.” Jihoon rolled his eyes while walking off to find Seungcheol

“WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘HER’?!?!?” Jeonghan yelled after him smiling

Jihoon had joined Seungcheol’s team a while ago

one of the original members

but the others didn’t really know about him at first

because he kept to himself

usually tinkering with gadgets in his own office in the Svt complex

overlooking the city

overlooking their territory

he also may have held up a gun to Soonyoung’s head when Soonyoung tried to touch him

jokingly

or so everyone would like to think XD

one time Seungkwan had lost a bet to the others

and was dared to go into Jihoon’s office

-just to try to learn more about this teammate they didn’t see much of

but they got caught

and Seungcheol was scolding them until Jihoon walked out and told them to just order dinner and call it done

and tbh although this cold mafia hacker didn’t easily trust people

that one night where he got to sit down with the whole gang for a meal finally

and although he would never admit it

after being around the whole gang for years

he trusted them with his life

one of the best hackers hands down

sometimes jokingly gets called the cyber shadow

bc he’s Svt’s hidden member

doesn’t go out in the field for most missions

but has a hand in planning, masterminding, and orchestrating the whole thing

didn’t like going out for any jobs anyway

that is until he had the proper motivation to

you quietly slunk through the security room

attaching your USB to the main computer

uploading the code that would shut off alarms for an hour or until you turned it back on

this job was easy

stop the security system long enough to allow your client to rob the facility

once the system was down you called the client

“Yea the systems are down.”

and you leaned back in your chair to monitor the camera systems as your client gang snuck into the facility

“Honestly thought you’d be some social justice warrior but it looks like you’re in this for money.”

you nearly fell out of the chair at the sound of that voice

one you’d never forget

“You!” You pointed at the guy you met that night

he had entered the security room quietly behind you and was leaning against the wall

“Yep it’s me.” He smirked setting down a bag

his black hair tousled lightly and hidden behind his hoodie

he might be considered cute or good looking maybe

ahem even though he’s totally not your type

“I mean I do what I do for money too, but I’m surprised you play dirty also.” He laughed taking out a laptop

“What are you doing here?” You say cutting straight to the point

“While you’re helping this small gang live for another day, I’m helping kings grow an empire.”

his smirk was really starting to make your heart flutter annoy you

“and so you’re here because...?” you ask rolling your eyes

“There’s access to the servers from this security room since the facility houses both companies.”

you snort

“You’re trying to hack the credit loan company next door?” You try to hold back giggles

what kind of kings, please you think sarcastically

here you were stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars and he was trying to hack a credit loan company

“Information is much more valuable than money sometimes, a big drug smuggler wired money through this place and I want to know how much.” He shrugs

“Speaking of information...” he says turning to walk right up to your chair

you’re taken back as he walks right up in your face

“What’s your name?” He asks placing a hand on either side of your chair

his weight being balanced on his hands resting on the arm rests of your chair

his eyes inches from yours

“I don’t kiss and tell.” you say not backing down from his stare

it was hard breathing with him so close

he smiled

“Let’s trade info then.” He laughed, “a name for a name.”

“How can I trust you?” You saying tilting your head

he steps back from you finally giving you room to breathe again

“You can’t trust me, but I promise that I actually do keep my word... sometimes”

you looked at him trying to decipher his words

he looked like that joking smirk was forever an aspect of his face

but in his eyes

you thought you saw something genuine

curiosity maybe

or something else

“Fine, my name is y/n.” You give in, “but maybe I’m lying or maybe I’m not.”

“I’m Lee Jihoon.” He said breaking out into a smile before continuing his hacking

at that moment your phone vibrated indicating your clients were done with the job

Jihoon was still bent over his laptop typing away

you thought about his adorable smirk and how it made your heart skip a beat

and you blushed, flustered that he showed you up last time

but this time you’d be the last one laughing

you unhooked your USB that had been preventing the alarms from going off and ignored the warning window

and that was when the security room’s alarms started blaring making Jihoon jump

“Well hate to run while we were having so much fun,” you smirk, “but good luck explaining this to the cops.”

you ran out the room right as the doors locked behind you

as you looked back at him after getting into the car

rather than angry he looked exasperated

and slightly impressed maybe?

you drove off before the police really did appear

“SHE AHAHAHAHA SHE AHAHAHA LOCKED THE ROOM AHAHAHAHA.” Mingyu was dying on the ground laughing

“I swear I might actually shoot you.” Jihoon said blushing

“You have to admit she got you.” Joshua said bringing Jihoon a cup of cola and hiding a smile

“SHE FREAKING LOCKED HIM IN THE SECURITY ROOM!” Mingyu howled

“Wow she must be something.” Jeonghan chuckled, “When was the last time you were caught off-guard, Jihoon? I can’t remember that ever happening.”

“Luckily you got out before the cops showed.” Seungcheol smiled patting Jihoon on the back

they were all having a tad bit too much with the situation

“She must not know who she’s messing with.” Minghao said before getting up

“So tell me her name.” Jeonghan snickered

“Y/n.” Jihoon said done with everyone

“I’ll have her file to you by midnight.” with that the gang dispersed, leaving Jihoon to wonder

what kind of person are you?

you had a lot more run-ins with “Lee Jihoon” after that night in the security room

whether you were out doing little jobs or big ones

he always seemed to know where you were

“Are you following me?” you asked him one night

the both of you were at city hall

you were trying to get into the mayor’s financial plans, info that would sell

and he was connecting to the police line

“Why would I do that?” he retorted

it was dark so you didn’t see him blushing

but he had indeed followed you here

he wasn’t sure what it was

but you had not only intrigued him and caught his attention

but Jeonghan had been unable to dig up anything on you

which was almost impossible

Jeonghan knew how to get anything on anyone

and so Jihoon was here to find out info the old fashion way

talking

“You seem too smart of a person to be a criminal.” he began looking over your shoulder at the laptop you were working on

“So do you.” you respond ducking out from next to him to continue working

“I’m not a genius, but I think that if you’re not the best at something, you’ll always put more effort into it.” he shrugged

you clicked your laptop shut

“Wanna go get coffee?” you said suddenly

he looked up in surprise

“What?!”

“It’s almost 5am, and from running into you consistently these past few days, I realized I never thanked you for saving me from that guard. I’m not sorry about the security room thing though, that was funny.” you laughed, “but I’m going to go get coffee and if you want I’ll buy you a cup too, that way we’re even.”

“I don’t see how coffee makes us even.” he snorted

“Fine I’m leaving then.” you briskly turned around and started walking

you hear him jog to catch up to you and fall into step next to you

“Coffee is better than nothing i suppose.”

over a cup of coffee the two of you talked a bit

“So where did you learn how to hack?” you ask

“Are we close enough to be asking those kinds of questions?” he responded taking a sip of his coffee

“I suppose not.” you looked down disappointed

you weren’t sure about Jihoon

you two had met under dangerous circumstances

and you didn’t know enough about the guy to suddenly start liking him

but every time his eyes met yours

or whenever you watched him swiftly hacking into something

fingers flying over the keyboard the way a pianist’s fingers played the piano

you couldn’t help the feeling of awe and curiosity

who was he?

Jihoon coughed

“How about we start with what we do for a living?” he laughed, “I think that’s enough for now.”

so you told him a bit about being a hacker for hire

nothing really interesting

besides living

that’s all there was to it

you were just living your life one job at a time

he sighed

“I think I understand.” he looked out the window

“I was like that too until I found the others.” he stirred his cup before downing it

“Others?” you ask

“My friends, I guess you’d call them.”

you pursed your lips

“Don’t you know what friends are?” you asked in return

“I don’t really trust people you know, occupational hazard.” he chuckled

you understood

people too often stab you in the back when you’re doing this kind of job

it was hard to find anyone to trust

his phone buzzed

and you watched as he picked it up

“Looks like I gotta go.” he smiled, “It was actually kind of fun to see how normal people live out of the shadows.”

you nodded in agreement

“It was also nice talking to you.” you said reaching out to shake his hand, “Hopefully our next few run-ins can be on more friendly terms.” you laugh

he reaches for your hand

gently, as his hand takes yours

and as he pulls you closer to him

“Stay safe.” he says gently into your ear

and then he’s gone

you sit frozen in your spot at what just happened and look over at his empty cup

on the cup are nine letters scrambled up

you stare at it recalling him writing it on his cup when he was talking with you

and you realized

it’s his number

you pick up the cup, unconsciously smiling

and go home

you don’t see him the next few nights

heck for the whole week you don’t

you half-expected him to melt out of the shadows with a smirk on his face and some teasing comment about your hacking abilities

but he wasn’t around

it was more than a bit worrying

you had his number and you were tempted to call

but could you?

you shook your head as you made your way out that night for your next job

the client had been a bit of a mystery

they called using a disposable phone which wasn’t uncommon

except they also used voice modulation

suspicious perhaps but you were getting paid

you walked up to the address they had left

a small office building

and climbed in through a window

gently setting your things down you were about to begin when

the whole world went dark

and suddenly the smell of chloroform made the world feel dizzying as you slowly closed your eyes

when you woke up

your head hurt and everything felt upside down

but more than that

what greeted your vision first

was the appearance of a gun

pointed right at you

“You’re up.”

the voice was rough and you felt like throwing up at the sound of it

“Yea I’m up you freaking asses, what the fuck do you want?”

“We require your services.”

“Then go through the proper channels and pay me you pricks.” you said trying to keep clam

the gun was raised

“Is this enough payment?’ the voice said indicating the gun

“Whatever, let’s just get this done.” you took deep breaths

not that this hasn’t happened before

but you had never had a gun so close in your face

and it was terrifying to think you might not see the sun rise today

you pulled up to the desk of the room the men were in

and turned on the computer as they watched you

whoever had programmed the firewall for the servers knew what they were doing

you were nearly stumped

until you remembered something Jihoon had done that night in the security room

why did he come up in your thoughts now?

you remembered him telling you to stay safe

and looking at the guys with bullets ready to be fired at you

your eyes started tearing up

you know how these things go

as soon as you were done, you were dead

“Hurry it up.”

you opened the files on the computer and looked through some of it

a lot were mainly book stuff

how much this group was getting paid and when the latest orders for weapons were coming in

you assumed that whoever you were hacking, they must be a competing gang to the men currently holding you captive

you looked deeper into the files until you stumbled across a peculiar file

in it were names

“Yoon Jeonghan” you read to yourself

“likes napping and stealing my cola mostly, overall a good person to talk to”

“Hong Jisoo” you read the next file

“quiet and also not quiet, good listener.” you were curious

what kind of files were these?

and then one file popped up

“Y/n L/n.” you held your breath

“likes coffee at five am in the morning”

you knew who the computer belonged to

a bang on the door jolted you from the files

“Fuck!” the men scrambled to brace themselves as the door blew open

you took cover under the desk as you heard bullets going off and yelling

maybe this was all just a bad nightmare

you closed your eyes and silently listed off numbers

a hand gently took yours and you opened your eyes

Jihoon was there with the most adorable and relieved smile on his face

“Well, had I know you were coming to visit me today, I would have bought coffee.” he pulled you up into his arms and gently walked you out the room

“Don’t mind the guns and stuff, I’m sure you’re not all too curious about the guys that tried to kill you.” he said

you heard an edge to his voice but didn’t look at your surroundings until he had lead you to a separate room with a couch

sitting down with you, it finally hit you

you’re not dying today

you were shaking as he gently placed his arms around you

“I’m surprised you broke through my firewall, guess I have to fix that as soon as possible.” he chuckled wrapping you up in his arms

“The frick Jihoon.” you laughed smacking his arm, “I almost died and exposed your identity and you’re concerned about your firewall?”

“Well yea.” he smiled, “And I’m trying not to bash their heads in but Seungcheol said that would require a lot of clean up in the morning and I’m not down for that.”

you weren’t sure if he was joking or not

“Kidding, kidding, they’re all ok and currently being dropped off at the police station with a note that says ‘courtesy of your friendly neighborhood mafia’.”

“I still have no idea if you’re joking or not Jihoon.”

“Let’s just pretend I’m serious then.” he said as you both started laughing

“I’m just glad you’re safe.” you said blushing at hearing your own words

“Why wouldn’t I be, you were the one in trouble here y/n”

“I could have taken them.”

“Sure sure.” he smiled

“Listen, I’m not letting you out of my sight again. I genuinely thought that perhaps it’d be safer for you without interacting with me, but this situation only proved that I can’t let you go anywhere by yourself.” he said turning to face you

“So stay here with me will you?” his eyes looked gently into yours

“I-”

“We have high speed internet and netflix.” he laughed “If you’re interested.”

“So I’d have to live with the mafia?” you asked raising an eyebrow

“No you’re just living in our territory and that way I can see you more often.” he shrugged

“Ok but only if the netflix thing is for sure.” you laugh

and you’re surprised as he gently presses his lips against yours

the scent of something floral and citrusy warming you as his gentle lips kissed yours

“As long as you’re here with me.” he said

MASTERLIST

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michaelwma-blog · 7 years

Text

An End To My Independent Life & Why I Now Work at RateGravity

Legit photo credit: Ally Schmalling. Deliberately hacky photoshopping: Yours truly.

For the last year and a half, I have accidentally stumbled into being an independent contractor. After leaving my last startup in a bit tumult, I was not actually looking for work. In fact, I was determined to not work at all. However, I now am starting another chapter as Chief Marketing Officer of RateGravity, a seed-stage startup that is out to revolutionize the mortgage industry.

I am thinking to myself, "How the hell did I get here? Another seed-stage startup? Are you really doing this again? What are you, nuts?" The announcement goes public today in a few hours, so I thought I'd try to take some time to reflect on the journey that got me here.

I: What Did You Learn, [Loser]? The month after I left my startup, my father-in-law and I went out to dinner. As the former Amtrak Chief of Police, he has a gift for cutting all the crap and getting to the heart of the matter. He asked, "In life, you either win or you learn. So, what did you learn?"

Ouch. OK, I didn't know what I learned. I was burnt out. Cashed. In fact, I was looking forward to my time "on the beach." More gooey blender drinks. Less thinking.

Ironically, I never afforded myself that luxury. I think I was just too scared to answer the questions directly. A former investor quickly brought a due diligence project. Another friend asked for another project help. Snowvation needed sales, marketing, and temporary executive leadership, and I was determined to ensure that ShredBetter would not have been sold in vain (BTW, Snowvation is kicking ass).

Looking back, I think I used work to defer having to answer the hard questions. This cycle repeated itself in random ways about 6 times in the last 18 months. I consider myself very lucky and thankful to my friends for being so gracious and open to letting me into their enterprises. What's more, that luck bought me enough time to assuage my own fears, I think.

II: For Hire: CXO With Commitment Issues So I worked, and through work often comes great therapy. As the great activist once Grace Lee Boggs said, "You make your path by walking." And in that walking, I think I have figured some things out and have a clearer answer to my father-in-law's question.

By seeing lots of growth and turnaround companies, I have gained newfound perspective about what I learned from my last startup: I honestly failed to continually evaluate my own 3 Questions This Over-The-Hill Entrepreneur Asks (if you don’t at least scan this link, the rest of this piece may not make sense to you, if at all!).

FFS, I wrote this myself about myself. Idiot. While I wrote this just before my 40th birthday, it has all the awkwardness of a high school prom photo. But you just have to embrace the awkward.

Fail 1. My co-founder and I jumped in too fast, never knew each other as people. It was a startup version of a shotgun marriage. Thus, I failed to answer my own Kidney Test: Would I give my business partner my kidney? I really never took time to answer that question with an open heart and wide eyes.

Fail 2. I also failed my Uzo Abada Test: Where will my art live? We didn't define roles or what we individually owned. Through poorly constructed founding relationships, there was no place for my art to live. Despite guidance from my lawyer and friends who shared their co-founding disasters, we just forged ahead and said, "No need for explicit roles. We'll just figure it out later."

All bad moves. But I did it anyway. Fail. Fail. Fail.

So Horsepowered Partners was reborn. Originally only intended to be a shingle for my side project ShredBetter, Horsepowered evolved into a very comfortable consulting model. I was able to de-risk myself personally and professionally. I figured I sucked at answering those 3 big questions for a founder, so why try?

Most of my projects were tidy 60-90 day projects. Everything was by referral. I took a little cash from my clients, usually a little equity, and sometimes hired my long-term successor. I didn't want to be around forever. See it, fix it, exit. I toyed with renaming Horspowered Partners to Your Rebound CXO.

Subconsciously, I think I was hoping to just finish that last project for my beach time, which never came. To illustrate, I did a lot of digital marketing, yet have no website myself. Serious commitment problems, for sure.

III: Gravitational Pull And now, I begin another chapter at RateGravity. It started as another one of my projects, "Hey, the person we were hiring fell through. Can you hold us over? ... Sure, no problem." 30-day contract. Then another 30. And now here we are full-time.

So, did I learn anything? I think so. Let's run the 3 Tests again.

1. Kidney Test: Would I give my partners my kidney?

You may not believe this but the founder, Patrick Boyaggi grew up in the same freaking Cleveland suburb that I did, Westlake. Unreal.

In the two months we have worked together, we have also both worked hard to get to know each other as people. I've stayed in Patrick's house, played with his kids, and gotten to know and adore his wife. We've tried to connect as men, fathers, husbands and also desperate Cleveland sports fans. Our kids have said hi on Slack calls. Is it kidney-worthy? No, but it's darn good for 60 days.

That has extended to the rest of the executive team, where I spent extensive 1-1 time with each of them. While it's not perfect, it might be the most I know about my co-workers before I started a job except for starting ShredBetter with my lifelong friend Brian Morgan.

So does this pass the Kidney Test explicitly? Probably not. But that's a really high bar, and probably bears revisiting. The point is, in being wiser this go-around, and spending 60 days working and acting like a member of the team, I know more than I've ever before in approaching a new job.

2. The Kid Test: Can I explain this to a 7-year-old?

Me: You know how we had to borrow money to buy our house?

Jack (now 8): Yeah.

Me: Well, Daddy's new company helps save people lots of money on that loan. We shop all the little banks for them and they can get deals that the big banks won't give them.

Jack: Like when you used to work at Bank of America? And how much money?

Me: Yup. Average? About $29,000. It's like getting our minivan for free.

Jack: Cool. Can I get a computer now?

Check.

The mortgage industry is quite a stacked deck. If you know me, you know I am a sucker for companies that overturn large entrenched business that accumulate wealth on the backs of everyday people. I've been involved in this idea in many industries from financial services to funerals to fashion. If there is a way to disrupt inequitable structures and give Jane and John Public a fair shake ... well, you have my interest.

That's the core of RateGravity's business model and founding story. Patrick was an exec in a major lending company. But when wanted a loan himself, he hacked the mortgage supply chain. He went direct and got a rate that no one else could get. He thought, "Wait. That's the business. Why should I be the only one to get this? We make money on people not 'seeing our screen."

RateGravity is about flipping the screen, hacking it, and saving people money. I'm in.

Oh, and by the way, you are overpaying for your mortgage. For now.

3. The Uzo Abada Test: Where will your art live? That's one of the beauties of working together for 60 days vs. interviewing for 3 days. As my good friend Farhan Thawar correctly writes cites, interviewing is garbage. My art is already living. And I think there is more to come.

With RateGravity, we've already had more than a couple of "passionate differences of opinion." What's more, we have worked it out. Even before we agreed to full-time terms, the team allowed me to implement and change several keystone parts of the business such as brand, CRM, analytics, and content. The impact of these decisions extends far beyond my consulting tenure. There is a mutual respect for each other's roles that has already been tested. I am confident stuff will get out in the world ... and that's all I ever wanted.

***

As I look back among all this, I still at times doubt my own heuristic evaluation. However, my wife, Katherine, is an amazing partner -- my best friend, and my best advisor. While in compensation negotiations, always the most fun part of any recruitment, she said to me, "Look, I haven't seen you engaged in your work like this for over 2 years. It's nice to see you like this. If you can get it done, then just do it."

Well said. And I did.

OK, enough navel-gazing.

Fired up. Ready to go.

#rategravity #career decisions #startup #mission #entrepreneur #purpose

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fernandolscm779-blog · 5 years

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10 Things Your Competitors Can Teach You About blockchain solar energy

How can we notify if a little something is bogus or genuine in these days’s globe? Such as, a greenback bill, a driver’s license or possibly a vote within the election. How can we figure out no matter if it’s valid or not? The solution? We maintain a history of it. By way of example, Every dollar Invoice incorporates a serial amount that may be recorded because of the bank. Your driver’s license number is recorded with the DMV and voting data are made use of to track who voted and who didn’t, so a similar individual gained’t be capable to vote 2 times. Everytime you would like to validate that a doc is legit, you merely look it up Together with the related authority.

We even have Notaries, people who find themselves licensed by The federal government to work as witnesses to attest and history the validity of items of data or identities. You’ll discover there’s another thing that most of these mechanisms have in typical - They may be all centralized, which means there’s a central authority, whether or not it’s a financial institution, state Office environment, or individual that has the ability to situation and validate information and facts. These central authorities have many power, and as you know electricity may well often corrupt. So what transpires if just one of those authorities wishes to change the facts or even probably alter background a bit? This my sound far fetched, but even our world record is simply a file stored by historians in a very centralized method.

The phrase “Background is published because of the victors” tells us that facts can from time to time be distorted by Those people in electrical power. If you don’t think that’s doable, right here’s a real everyday living illustration. Nowadays, most money is just a history of who owes what to whom. Because of the subprime crisis in 2008, Nearly a thousand providers in the US acquired over 630 billion dollars that never ever existed in advance of. Other corporations had debts absolutely eliminated. Some would argue this bailout was justified, but you can’t deny that someone made a decision to change the documents of simply how much income was owned and owed. This is why Bitcoin was born. It absolutely was the first kind of money that gets rid of the necessity to get a central authority.

Its information are held by Anyone, not merely by central financial institutions. And when everyone seems to be trying to keep track and verifying the information, properly, that means you could no more change the ledger of transactions Each time some thing doesn’t increase up or mainly because it’s more convenient. You even have to get started on getting accountable. But money isn’t the one location exactly where decentralization can Engage in a role. Would you don't forget All those massive encyclopedia guides we used to depend on when it arrived to analysis? Encyclopedia Britannica employed a hundred full time editors and around 4,000 contributors to publish solar energy what we regarded as being the authority on know-how. Just picture the power the editors of those books experienced in determining what was well worth mentioning, condemning, condoning or disregarding. Effectively, the last volume of encyclopedia Britannica was published in 2010. Currently, information is far more decentralized with about 130 thousand active editors that manage distinctive Wikipedia web pages. The chance of any of these “going rogue” unnoticed is far smaller sized considering that Each individual edit is general public and might be confirmed by any person. Decentralization reduces the danger for corruption, fraud and manipulation. Blockchain technologies is a brand new and modern approach to apply decentralization.

Inside of a nutshell, Blockchain technology is an answer for the problem of centralization. It’s a technique for trying to keep records by everybody, without any will need for the central authority - a decentralized method of retaining a ledger which is pretty much impossible to falsify. I necessarily mean, when numerous eyes are viewing and verifying almost everything that’s getting finished, it’s genuinely hard to interrupt The principles unnoticed. You might be wondering why could it be identified as Blockchain? Well, imagine we’re retaining a shared ledger with quite a few pages of documents. Every single web page begins by using a kind of summary from the webpage before it. If you change a Portion of the prior page, you’ll even have to change the summary on the current site. Therefore the internet pages are literally joined, or chained collectively. In technological conditions, webpages are called blocks. And considering that each block is connected to the information with the preceding block, We now have a series of blocks, or perhaps a blockchain. Lots of individuals imagine that Satoshi Nakamoto, the mysterious inventor of Bitcoin, made Blockchain technologies. Technically he only made the very first real daily life implementation of it - Bitcoin. The truth is, that term blockchain isn't even talked about in Satoshi’s original whitepaper.

The closest he involves stating Blockchain is “chain of blocks”. Now which you understand what blockchain technological know-how is, we continue to have two important concerns to answer - So how exactly does it actually work, and is blockchain going to alter our upcoming? Allow’s begin with the 1st query. Yet another way to talk to this problem can be - how do I develop a process which allows the development, verification and updating of documents by Most people? Very well, you will discover 4 aspects a blockchain has to even have a life of its possess. The very first thing required to support a blockchain is actually a peer-to-peer community - A community of computers, often known as nodes, which have been equally privileged. It’s open up to any person and everyone.

This is essentially what we already have these days with the world wide web. We'd like this community to make sure that we will be able to communicate and share with each other remotely. The 2nd ingredient is cryptography. Cryptography is definitely the art of safe conversation in a very hostile atmosphere. It will allow me to validate messages and verify the authenticity of my own messages, even when destructive gamers are all-around. We want cryptography due to the to start with ingredient. Bear in mind, I explained any individual can engage in this network - like poor actors. It’s great which i can communicate, but I also need to have to make certain my conversation comes via unaltered. The 3rd ingredient is actually a consensus algorithm. You may switch the technical word “algorithm” While using the phrase “rule”. This implies we have to concur about regulations on how we add a whole new web site, often known as a block, to our information. There are numerous sorts of consensus guidelines, in Bitcoin’s circumstance we use a consensus algorithm known as Evidence of Work.

This algorithm states that to ensure that somebody to gain the correct to include a different page to our ledger they need to uncover an answer into a math dilemma, which involves computational electric power to solve. Desktops around the network operate calculations to resolve The mathematics trouble and in doing so, take in loads of energy. Put simply they do a lot of operate. That’s why when one of them finds the selection that solves the problem and displays it into the network, they’re basically exhibiting a “evidence of labor”. Think about it since the node’s way of claiming: “Hey, I invested quite a bit of Electricity below in fixing this problem initially, so I’m entitled to write the following web page”. As I discussed in advance of, there are other consensus algorithms that don’t demand a great deal Strength, This is certainly just the algorithm style that the Bitcoin blockchain employs. You'll find positives and negatives to different algorithms, but in an effort to operate a decentralized ledger you’ll have to choose one, usually It will probably be truly hard to succeed in a consensus with so many people inside the community.

At last, our past component is punishment and reward. This component is in fact derived from video game concept and it helps make sure that it'll be in men and women’s ideal desire to constantly Keep to the guidelines. To this point, we’ve arrange a network that includes a way to communicate securely, and follows a set of principles for reaching consensus. Now we’ll glue these factors collectively by offering a reward to persons that assistance us preserve our information and incorporate new webpages. This reward is actually a token, or coin, that is certainly awarded each time a consensus continues to be attained along with a new block is additional to our chain. However, lousy actors who seek to trick or manipulate the procedure will end up shedding the money they spent on computational energy or their cash can be taken clear of them. In the long run, the crucial factor to keep in mind would be that the punishment and reward method is effective on psychological behaviour. It turns the rules in the program from a little something you have to follow into some thing you’ll need to follow, because It will probably be in your very best desire to take action. This was just an exceptionally large degree clarification of what a blockchain is made of.

But due to the fact then, much more individuals have started to research Bitcoin and blockchain, and have witnessed the advantages they supply; either in practice, or being an investment. So there you've got it, the five factors of A very open, general public, decentralized blockchain. Up right up until today you will find only A few blockchains which have around 1,000 actually independent contributors, and therefore is usually considered as decentralized - Bitcoin, Ethereum and Monero to call a couple of.

If you’re believing that it seems like loads of labor To place a blockchain in movement, you’re Completely proper. But this is where Ethereum comes in. Ethereum is actually a Get it done Yourself blockchain wherever most of these five features are presently in movement. All you might want to do is Construct the correct Option along with it. But that’s a whole distinct whiteboard episode it is possible to check out later on.

Now let’s move ahead to a different time period you might have heard - a private, or shut blockchain. This term refers to companies that monitor and Restrict the gamers who will get involved in their blockchain. It’s somewhat like how the Internet, that's open to Everyone and any individual, is different from an Intranet - an inside network of organization pcs. Even though I believe some businesses will discover worth in running private blockchains to enhance their interior processes, it’s significantly from anything enjoyable inasmuch as it's nothing at all to complete with decentralization. To emphasise this a little more let’s Assess open up, general public blockchains to closed, non-public kinds. A public blockchain is open up to All people, it’s transnational and borderless. It’s censorship resistant, and it doesn’t require any 3rd bash. It’s also neutral - there’s no this sort of issue being a “excellent”, “undesirable”, “unlawful” or “authorized” transaction, there’s just a “legitimate” or “invalid” one particular.

A personal blockchain Conversely, is restricted to authorized contributors only, and It truly is ruled by a handful of entities. Within the phrases of Andreas Antonopoulos, most often of private blockchains you don’t really need a blockchain, you may just share a spreadsheet between the participants. The full concept of blockchain was to decentralize a course of action via most of the people, Which’s accurately the other of what A non-public blockchain does. The features of a public blockchain, Then again, create monumental Advantages. There’s no solitary point of failure. The records are immutable, often called tamper proof. And eventually, it’s censorship resistant so you can’t seriously remove a record or prevent it from finding posted - so long as it follows the consensus policies. In advance of we stop right now’s lesson we still have one important issue to reply - Is blockchain technological know-how another large point? I believe you will have listened to of various startups that are working with blockchain know-how to unravel some sort of a dilemma.

Generally After i listen to of these kinds of a company I inquire two issues: To start with, are they using a general public or personal blockchain? Considering that if they're not employing a public blockchain there’s not really everything extremely disruptive here. Second, do they even need a blockchain? When you try to remember at first of this lesson, we talked about the risks of centralization.

But these dangers are only significant if there’s a lot at stake. For instance, the queue for the pharmacy is managed in the centralized fashion but I don’t really treatment given that there’s not a whole lot at stake and it’s basically more efficient this way. Blockchain technological know-how is superb at decentralizing, but it really’s also very inefficient, sluggish and Electrical power consuming. One example is, Bitcoin’s network takes 10 minutes on normal to substantiate a transaction. Not The best waiting around time for getting a cup of coffee at a 7-eleven. The one purpose to settle on Blockchain engineering as your solution is if your issue is in fact centralization. Should you don’t ought to decentralize something, you most likely don’t really need to use blockchain technologies and are improved off with some centralized Remedy.

Actually it will most likely operate far better. To sum it up, Blockchain technological innovation is truly disruptive, but in the intervening time only A few use scenarios truly have to have it. So the actual question is this: at The existing second, is our planet All set For additional complex blockchain implementation than what Bitcoin now offers? In the early 2000s, there were lots of Amazons, Googles and Facebooks that never ever caught on with the changes they introduced... Nowadays, several of those blockchain startups experience a similar destiny.

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