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tofindloveinpoison · 3 years

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Iconic Fanfictions ive read two years ago and what I currently remember of them:

I will premise this by saying that these fanfics were famous only in certain specific niches of the internet, and that when i say that a work is badly written or i critique it in anyway it?s just my opinion from what i vaguely remember, whihch might not be correct.

Fanfics below the cut: filthy lucre, asotm, twist and shout, the hat and lung fics, anatomy of a fall, throam, unholyverse. feelfree to add what you remember of “famous fanfics” you’ve read.

tw for mentions of: sexual assault, violence, animal abuse, pedophilia and some other upsetting topics.

The Milk Fic

Oh my God this was bad but not nearly as extreme as other fics. An iconic and shocking read i do not recommend, but if you really want to read it it will not ruin your life, your month at most.

From what i remember at least the sex was consensual aaaaaaand i don’t remember any other good/decent aspects about it.

Very famous, a lot of ppl have read it, gerard way said it was “well-written” but honestly it wasn’t.

( original? ryden version) 4/10 because of lack of actual crimes.

Filthy Lucre

So bad i don’t remember the plot. They’re prostitutes i think? there definitely was an abusive relationship and the sex scenes were so bad i had to skip all of them, meaning i read the whole thing in half an hour.

Really terrible, they don’t end up toghether and that’s the only interesting element. I recomend no one reads this unless you are literally dying of boredom.

(frerard version) 1/10 because its a completed work, but at what cost

Twist and Shout

This is considered one of the good ones and you know what? for iconic fanfiction standards it’s not bad at all, decently-written with actual characters that don’t feel, like most fanfic characters, like bad ooc versions of the original.

How about the overcomplicated plot tho? I don’t remember a thing except for the homophobia (its set in the 50s-60s), the war, the Elvis songs, one cute sad beach scene and one of the protagonists dying of aids. Maybe they also watch star trek,idk; lots to unpack.

If you want to suffer and you have lots of free time i recommend it, i skipped most of the sex scenes but there is an actual plot so that was not a problem.

(original Destiel version) 8/10 bc I don’t remember how they handled the aids thing but it made me uncomfortable, might be just bc of the upsetting subject matter but i don’t remember

The Hat Fic

DO NOT READ THIS THING. Go read the milk fic if you want weird but not this one please. A milk enema is NOTHING. Contains animal abuse and i don’t remember how consensual the whole thing was.

I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE TO THIS DAY I FEEL SICK WRITING THIS. There is a whole subset of early phanfiction centered on being as disgusting and upsetting as possible and i think this started it.

I higly doubt anyone got off on this but still the possibility unsettles me.

(original phan version ) -8233983743764346/10 should be illigal to talk about it. We should all agree to Damnatio Memoriae this thing.

A splitting of the Mind

Some people insist on treating this as one of the good iconic fics but it’s bad.

So bad its actually an interesting read if you feel like analizing some text, trying to see what is so appealing about it, despite its evident flaws.

The age gap is 19-16 so not as bad as the Other Iconic mcr Fanfic About Doves that i did not read bc from what i remember it was basically pedophilia/grooming but i might be wrong. God the bar is so low

Portrayal of mantal illness and trauma was truly a shitshow, the writing was not great but also not horrible. The sexual assault elements upset me greatly but it might be just bc of the subject matter

pros: unreliable narrator done decently, ray toro’s character saw the future looking in cereal, characters are characters and not merely names (not to be confused with actual good characterization), nothing else.

(original frerard version) 5/10 for the effort honestly, but i do not recommend this unless you are mentally ready for some heavy topics handled poorly.

The Lung Fic

This was written with the goal of shocking the reader, in the same vein as all hat fic/ milk fic copycats.

Should be more upsetting, given it contains gore, pedophilia and a bunch of other disgusting madness (maybe mpreg?), but it just reads as a fanfiction taboo list.

Not worth reading at all, clearly intentionally designed to shock and disgust to the point where it’s obvious.

0/10 i don’te remember which version, irrelevant, don’t waste your time

Anatomy of a fall

Contains ghosts, high school au, possibly resurrection or death, idk.

I don’t remember this being particularly offensive in any way, but its been a long time. Then again i did not read the sex scenes so it might contain necrophilia and i wouldn’t know. (i checked and no necrophilia, just “weird supernatural sex”)

is it well written? no, but it’s not outragiously badly-written. Is it funny sometimes? yes.

In the context of this list, this might be a good one, in any other context probably not. I might be biased bc i love ghost stories in general and this one does not contain sexual assault if i remember correcly. (The bar is soooo low)

(original? frerard version) 7/10 bc ghosts and funny aND IT HAS ILLUSTRATIONS (vietnamese translation available)

The Heart Rate of a Mouse

Good but not in the classical meaning of the word. It contains some Hot TakesTM on human sexuality, substance abuse and unhealthy relationship(s).

Its set in the 70s so the homophobia is there and she is thriving. Wonderful internalized homophobia, really 10/10 for that.

The sex and the plot sometimes intersect, putting me in the uncomfortable position of having to read smut or not knowiong what is going on (0/10 ).

Well written for the genre (=beloved fanfictions that are rarely redeemable); characters are original and flawed, even interesting sometimes.

The plot is three pubblished books worth of plot available for free on the internet and that is a blessing. I suggest reading this as if all the characters are OCs and you found this book forgotten on the train and decided to read it.

But is it actually good as a story? idk its a lot honestly, if you have to quarantine for 14 days bc of covid and you don’t have anything to study, this will fill at least 4 full days of reading.

(original version)8/10 bc it has everithing but its still not a masterpiece of modern fanfic literature sorry

Unholyverse

Contains Demons, priests, scarfs, exorcisms(affectionate), vergin mary tatoos and much more. Not as carefully written as throam or tas, but it still makes it as one of the good fanfics solely for the cool factor.

It would be so cool if this was better written and a comicbook or a grafic novel with original characters.( I skipped all the sex scenes bc they made me uncomfy, as usual so idkwhat was going on there)

If there was anything extremely upsetting about this one i forgot about it (i checked: they say “ warnings for religious themes, pain, trauma, blood, torture and death”). There is a lot of plot, its not even just one fic its a whole serie.

Great for passing the time, I forgot most of it 7/10 for the demons (original version)

#throam #asotm #milk fic #twist and shout #filthy lucre #unholyverse #uhv #hat fic #lung fic #anatomy of a fall #i did this so no one has to #iconic fic list #none of them is actually good #and all of them are results of the internet's 2015's slash paring of the month obsession #fanfiction

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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years

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Spencer Reid Fic Headcanons Q&A

Well, here is my nearly 7,000 words worth of answers for headcanons on my stories! Thank you to the Anons, @dreatine, and @thatgeekwhotalks for submitting so many wonderful questions! I love you all very much!

Here to Misbehave

Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time?

Reader. While Spencer is basically always capable of being turned on, there are many situations where he would be uncomfortable. Reader would care much less. Basically the only way she would be completely against the idea is if there were unwilling participants nearby.

Who is more seductive when they are drunk?

You’re going to see this in the story, but I’ll tell you anyway - Reader is more seductive. Spencer basically turns into a giant pile of mush that won’t stop talking about how much he loves his girlfriend. She’s the one who has to convince drunk Spencer to let her do anything, because he gets distracted every five seconds (again, distracted by telling her how much he loves his girlfriend).

Who is louder in bed?

Reader. Unless she’s gagged. There are some times when Spencer is louder (usually Sub!Spence), but Reader cares significantly less about being heard, so she’s usually louder. If they knew no one could hear them? They’d probably be evenly matched.

Who asks for more cuddles? Who’s the first to initiate cuddles?

Spencer. He’s the one who initiates more often. Reader claims she only does it because he seems like he needs them, but it’s really because she wants them; he knows and lets it go. Reader generally has a hard time admitting she needs gentle intimacy (something he is very aware of and tries to make up for). That’s why it was a big deal when she first asked him to just hold her.

Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Reader makes fun of Spencer for being sappy all the time, and he reminds her that she loves it. This cycle never ends. Even if/when (cough) they’re married, she constantly makes fun of him for being so in love with her.

Who starts a food fight in the kitchen?

READER. Spencer is disgusted (and kind of pissed lol), but also feels the undying urge to beat her. Afterwards they both clean the kitchen and each other happily.

Who initiates duets? And who is the better singer?

Reader always makes Spencer sing, even though they’re both bad at it. She’s much, much better than him, though. They like to listen to each other sing. She makes fun of him because theoretically, he should be good at singing, since he can remember all the words and how the notes go. But he sucks, and she loves how it’s one of the few things she’s better at.

Who starts the hand holding?

Spencer. Like I mentioned before, she has a really hard time requesting or initiating gentle intimacy without sex. He gives her an out by initiating it for her whenever he thinks she needs it.

Who grabs the others butt?

Tied. He grabs her butt all the time in public just because he loves how no one would ever believe that he did it. She does it because she just loves touching him. She’s not nearly as sneaky about it.

Who slides their arm around the other’s waist?

Reader puts her arm around him a lot. It’s basically a half-assed hug from her. She also does it anytime she gets even remotely sleepy.

Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops?

Reader. She would basically always be holding them if he let her. He makes jokes about how she’s basically holding his pants up better than the belt (until she takes them off).

What’s something they like that may be surprising to others?

For Reader, she like to play strategy based board games with him. He didn’t believe it at first, either. For Spencer, he loves watching sitcoms with her (this will be in the story!)

Who is more likely to cheat?

I want to preface this by saying that neither would ever cheat. They both love each other very much and would both reach out to their partner before it reached that point.

That being said, Reader. Only because she is more aggressive in her pursuits. She would still have to essentially be blackout drunk, and even then I don’t think she would be able to go through with it. Spencer I could only see emotionally cheating, and even then I think he would have left Reader before it reached that point.

They love each other okay 😭

Dark Side

Who gets attacked by a bully and who protects them?

This will be in the story! The answer is honestly both. Bambi is more of a target than Spencer, but if she ever saw someone mess with Spencer, she would definitely fight for him. Her methods are much less physical than Spencer’s, tho.

Also, Spencer would let Bambi try to fight her own battles at first. He trusts that she’s strong and capable of protecting herself.

Who makes the bad puns and who makes a pained smile every time the other makes a pun?

It depends on the pun. Super technical/scientific puns are more often said by Spencer, and Bambi would cringe at most of them. When Bambi makes super technical/scientific puns (about psychology), Spencer just wants to jump her bones.

Bambi makes the pop culture references and puns that, once Spencer understands what they mean, he hates. Eventually they both start to find them genuinely hilarious.

Which one holds the umbrella over both of them when it rains?

Spencer, just because he’s taller. There are times Bambi demands to try and he just gets hit in the head a lot. He suffers through it for her, though.

If your OTP went on vacation, where would they go and what would they do?

I think they would go to London.

Bambi would want to go to the Freud Museum, and Spencer would hate it. He’d spend the whole trip asking her why she bothered studying someone who’s been so discredited (despite her explaining that’s why she’s interested! And it’s history, Spencer!)

To make up for it, she would surprise him by taking him to the Down House (home of Charles Darwin). She’d also book them a private Doctor Who sightseeing tour and pay the guide extra so that Spencer could tell her everything, instead.

Who would take the pictures?

Bambi. Spencer breaks every camera he touches. He also doesn’t like being in pictures, but will take them with her (so a lot of the pictures are selfies). Occasionally he’ll snap a candid of her and she loves it even though it’s blurry. Most of the pictures taken are of their view, rather than either of them.

Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time?

Spencer! This one should be pretty obvious (lmao). Although he’s less risky now than he was when he met her, he’s still pretty adventurous. She acts like she hates the idea, but she definitely is excited by it.

Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

Bambi. She loves the chance to take care of him under any circumstances, which is why she tries to keep it relaxing. Problem is, someone taking care of Spencer awakes all of his urges (since it basically never happens, he’s spent his whole life taking care of other people, even his own mother), and he has to have her immediately. She usually lets him.

Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Spencer is basically never naked, so it’s Bambi. Since he lives in an apartment, he’s always concerned about all the different situations someone could walk in, or that he’d have to quickly evacuate. He wears pajamas basically all the time, and was shocked to find that Bambi basically doesn’t own any.

He tells her to put clothes on, but they’re always his clothes and they never stay on very long.

Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

Bambi. She’d wait until he fell asleep because she’s worried about him not getting enough, even when she’s angry. Afterwards she would get up and leave. She’d wake up in the morning to him desperately trying to fit on it with her while he apologized.

Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love?

Surprisingly, Bambi. She always wonders if she really did take advantage of Spencer, and if he would have ever considered her to be anything special if he’d met her before he went to prison. She never talks to him about it, but he can tell she’s worried about it so he constantly reassures her.

Who’s more afraid of losing the other?

Spencer. He’s petrified that he’ll make a mistake and lose her either by someone taking her (cough cough), or hurting her badly enough that she can’t be with him anymore. It takes him a long time to really open up about his problems because he’s worried she’ll start to view him as more of a client than a boyfriend.

Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

Both of them. Spencer more often than Bambi. As he starts to actually unpack his trauma, he worries less about it and Bambi starts to worry more. At one point she worries that once he’s better, he won’t want to be with her anymore (essentially, that he’ll view her as a therapist instead of a girlfriend lmao).

Who starts randomly slow dancing with the other in the kitchen?

Spencer dances with her every chance he gets because he remembers that he never got a chance to dance with Maeve, and he never wants to wonder with Bambi. She comes to expect it and will put music on whenever she wants to dance with him. At one point, she jokes that they’ll have their first dance planned way before they get married. He gets very embarrassed but excited.

Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them?

Spencer picks Bambi off the ground and kisses her all the time. Basically whenever she gets sad, he picks her up and carries her around.

Who says shitty puns and sex jokes just to see the other giggle and blush?

Bambi. Despite Spencer’s demeanor during sex, he gets very flustered when she brings it up or is raunchy outside of the bedroom. He never expects it, so she likes to mess with him.

Who said “I love you” first? and who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

Spencer said it first, and she immediately said it back. It was completely random, and neither of them made a big deal out of it. It was like they’d said it a million times before.

He’s also the one who ends arguments with “Because I love you.” Mostly because she knows if he’s using that line, he has an actual answer that’ll prove her wrong. It’s his way of letting her win, so it always successfully ends the argument.

Who starts the hand holding?

Spencer, technically. She kept staring at his hands until he held hers. Eventually she admits that’s not why she was staring, but that she enjoys it nonetheless.

Who grabs the others butt?

Bambi grabs and smacks his butt all the time. He jumps and blushes every single time.

Who slides their arm around the other’s waist?

Spencer pulls her close to him whenever they aren’t holding hands. She occasionally has to stop him. She’ll link arms if she’s worried he’s getting too touchy.

Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops?

Bambi. It’s a (not at all) subtle way of telling him she wants them off.

Who likes to write the other’s name on their wrist?

Bambi won’t necessarily write it on her wrist, but she doodles his name in her notebooks often. At first he’s worried when he finds it because he thinks she’s keeping client notes, but then he realizes they’re really just teen-romance doodles (including her signature with “Reid” instead of her last name).

Does Bambi have a nickname for Spencer? If so, what is it?

She occasionally calls him Prince Charming to be funny. Otherwise, she calls him “darling” or “dear.” He always makes a joke about the latter (because Bambi is a deer).

Why did Spencer make first move to Bambi in the prison? What was it about her that he felt a connection to her that made him act that first day?

For one, she was just the first person he’d really seen and she was very beautiful. But beyond that, she immediately recognized that he was a good person, which was something he really, desperately needed someone to tell him.

She never doubted his intelligence or moral character (even when she should have). He could also see that despite not being scared of him, she was very… jumpy. He thought it was cute and wanted to experiment with it.

I also didn’t show their initial interaction, but she was generally interested in learning more about him and his work. Not to profile him, but because she recognized he was being dehumanized and wanted to offer him some reprieve. That really touched him and it made him a lot more vulnerable than he would have been with a more transactional person.

Was he surprised that she let him have sex with her in the prison? Did he honestly expect her NOT to come back?

At that point, he was kind of fucking losing it, so I’m not sure he ever really stopped to consider whether she would want to or not. He figured she would make it obvious if she didn’t want to. After every single one of their interactions, he was convinced he’d ruined everything and she wouldn’t come back. She felt the same and was always worried he’d turn away her visits.

After the events of Part 2, did Bambi and Spencer talk about what happened when she called out Flower?

Yes and no. They spoke a lot in generalities about their hard and soft boundaries. It did change how their later sexual interactions went. He was much more vocal about what was going to happen and she was more obvious about whether or not she was enjoying it.

For awhile, they used the red/yellow/green method to test how far the other was able to comfortably go. They also had a period where they only had vanilla sex to protect his psyche (and remind him that he doesn’t have to hurt her to make them happy).

How did that conversation go? Is that when they decided to become an actual couple or did they both know back at the prison that they were meant for the other?

Spencer’s joke about the husband was only half a joke; he really did wonder how wrong he’d been about her since he only got to see her very briefly. Although he wanted to be with her since the prison, it wasn’t until after the Flower situation that she asked him if they could be in a relationship. He was initially too stunned by the question to answer. When she asked again, he said yes.

Which one likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?

Bambi buys him the nerdiest gifts ever. She doesn’t even understand half the references, she just knows it’s something Spencer talked about before, so she gets it for him. Half of it she just keeps at her place so that he’ll feel more comfortable there.

Which one keeps accidentally using the other’s last name instead of their own?

Both of them! Since they both call each other Dr. (last name) when introducing them to others, they mix up their names all the time. Bambi always jokes that once they’re both Dr. Reid, things will be way easier.

Who spends almost all their money on the other?

Bambi spends a lot of money on him. She wants to make sure he always has something to remember her by. She also wants him to experience things with her – especially considering it doesn’t happen often. So when they go out, she usually goes pretty hard.

Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?

Neither of them, honestly! If anything, Bambi kind of wants him to be more naked, more often. Since he’s usually pretty self conscious, she likes the opportunity to surprise him with praise. She’s known to pop up behind him and put her hands up the front of his shirt.

Which one tells the other not to stay up all night and which one stays up all night anyway?

Both of them. They’re chaotic as hell. Even worse, their all-nighters never really seem to coincide. Bambi is more likely to get more sleep, even if it’s still not much.

Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies?

Bambi is a terrible cook, but an excellent baker. So while Spencer would tell her it’s okay, she would already have made the cookies to eat instead of dinner. His sweet tooth is usually pretty okay with it.

Who is more seductive when they are drunk?

Bambi. Spencer is surprised, because she usually is the more reserved of the two. When she drinks, he jokes that she becomes an entirely different person. He assumes that persona is more similar to what she was like as a teen/young adult.

Who is louder in bed?

Spencer. Bambi is very quiet, and enjoys hearing him more than she enjoys expressing herself. Spencer loves when she does make noise, because it shows just how overwhelmed she really is.

Who is more protective?

Spencer. Bambi gets pretty protective of him, but also knows that he can take care of himself. While Spencer wants to give Bambi a chance to take care of problems herself, he often finds himself unable to wait. He would throw hands for her in seconds. It would take a bit more for her to become violent.

Who talks to the other while they are sleeping?

Spencer talks to her while she’s sleeping often. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him that she’s a light sleeper. Sometimes when he suspects she can hear him, he’ll only talk to her in other languages.

Who drives and who has the window seat?

Bambi usually drives! Just because she likes to, and he doesn’t.

Who falls asleep in the others lap and who carries them to bed?

Spencer falls asleep in her arms a lot, but she can’t carry him to bed, so they just sleep on the couch. On the off chance she’s the one curled in his lap, he would definitely carry her to bed.

Big spoon/Little spoon?

They share the little spoon spot about 50/50. If one had to win, it would be Spencer as little spoon. Any chance for her to baby him and make him feel loved and vulnerable, she will jump on.

Most common argument?

Conversations about the zodiac and personality tests. They argue about whether or not one is more justified than the other. Basically any psychology topic ends up in a playful fight. She just hates that he’s always right, so she’ll argue whatever side he doesn’t take until he can’t handle it anymore and jumps her.

Favorite non-sexual activity?

Holding hands while they both read their own books. A close second is walks the two take in the park.

What is their favorite feature of their partner?

Bambi loves how expressive his face is, and the way he uses his hands when he talks.

Spencer loves the way she’s always humming and singing when she thinks he isn’t paying attention. Sometimes when he’s having a hard time falling asleep on a case, he’ll think about her humming to help him fall asleep.

What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Spencer starts calling her by her real name more often. Bambi is much more affectionate (hugs, holding hands, kisses on the forehead/cheek).

Who wakes up first? Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Bambi. She usually wakes up with the sunrise. Unless Spencer has a case, he sleeps in late and basically never wants to leave. She keeps a book on her bedside table so he can cuddle with her until he’s ready to get up.

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Spencer always wants to hold her hand. Whenever she lets go because she needs to do something, he gets very sad. She tries not to take too long.

Who initiates kisses? Who kisses the hardest?

Bambi initiates, Spencer kisses harder. If Bambi kisses hard, she is really turned on. Like, they better get in private real quick.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

Spencer whispers inappropriate things to her all the time. No one ever believes her.

Who needs more assurance?

Spencer. He’s always worried she’s going to realize he doesn’t deserve her, or that he’s not interesting enough for her.

What would be their theme song?

This one is easy because it’s what inspired the fic! Dark Side by Phoebe Ryan.

Don't turn on the light and stay with me tonight I don't want another version Don't be a better person Don't want nobody perfect So pull me beneath the surface 'Cause I'm in love with your dark side

Has Bambi met Diana? If so, how was that meeting?

She hasn’t yet, but when she does, it goes well. Spencer was hesitant because he didn’t want Bambi to see what he might turn out to be. In the end, Bambi was very patient and enjoyed hearing Diana’s stories. She’s never bothered when Diana doesn’t remember her, and says she loves the chance to meet her over and over again.

Also, did Spencer, on some level, hope to get Bambi pregnant after he had sex with her in the prison and the time in part 2, considering he has an impregnation kink?

In the prison, probably not. Too many logistics that would be problematic if she got pregnant. Outside of the prison, yeah, he did. He wanted to dominate/claim her in any way he could. He was also very emotional in Part 2, so the idea of being with her forever sounded really ideal.

Schrodinger’s Relationship

Who sleeps in the other’s lap?

Spencer is always trying to sleep in her lap. Always. He’s like a cat; he falls asleep there so often and she just has to sit and suffer because she wants to get up but he looks so cute.

Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?

Reader walks around the house naked all the time and Spencer always freaks out because she leaves all her blinds open and she’s just like “who fucking cares?” Then he gives her a 20 minute lecture on stalkers and peeping toms.

Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies?

Spencer burns everything he tries to make her. Reader is actually a pretty good cook, although she eats at the bar way too often. When Spencer found out how much she loves baking, he almost made a joke that it didn’t seem to suit her, but got distracted by picturing her in a maternal setting.

Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?

Surprisingly, Spencer steals her clothes a lot because she wears things around the house that are way too big for her (he also usually shows up straight from work and has no other clothes). She basically lost all of her basketball shorts, sweatpants, and big t-shirts.

Which one likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?

Reader has always wanted to do a road trip across the country, so Spencer is trying to buy her a small gift from every state. He’s like halfway there thanks to work. She plans to buy him one in each state once they finally get to go.

Which one keeps accidentally using the other’s last name instead of their own?

This one is the same for all of them, since Spencer is referred to as “Reid” all the time, it’s easy for his girlfriend to tag “Reid” on her own name, too. Less so a problem for this Reader as Dark Side, though!

Which one gives the other their jacket?

Spencer gives her his jacket often, but every now and then she’ll drop her oversized clothes over his shoulders when he’s cold or sleepy. He snuggles it like a toy.

Who’s the first one to admit they have feelings for the other?

This wasn’t shown, but it was Spencer! She was having a really awful day, so he stayed after (per usual). Although she was the one to start the conversation and vent about her day, Spencer was the one who basically told her that she deserved to be treated better. Reader asked if he knew any willing men, and he (ahem) volunteered himself.

How good would your OTP be at parenting?

They would be the coolest and most chaotic parents ever. Reader would let the kids get away with everything, but they would be (for the most part) very well behaved. She would try to get them to get into trouble with her as they got older. Eventually, their idea of getting into trouble was things like correcting their teachers and grammar mistakes in graffiti. Spencer was very proud.

Who said “I love you” first?

Reader was the first one to say I love you, and it was a mistake. She was so embarrassed she covered his mouth and kicked him out. He shouted it back from the hallway.

Who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

Reader. After she got over the initial embarrassment, she says it nonstop now. Spencer knows she does it to win arguments, but he still lets her win every time.

After part 2, did the situation with the team get better for the Reader and Spencer? Who was the first to come around? And did JJ and Emily ever confront Spencer on catching him and the Reader finishing having sex?

Emily was the first person to come around. Her and Reader had a heart to heart at the bar a few nights later. Spencer and JJ had a talk, with the latter agreeing that both of them had been hard on the other.

At first, JJ and her were just cordial until one night JJ desperately needed a babysitter and asked Reader, who was so touched by the fact she trusted her with her kids that the two finally apologized to the other.

JJ and Emily are still mortified about what happened in the office, and Reader likes to bring it up often. Spencer is super embarrassed about it, but also a little proud, so he lets her.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

Both of them. All the time. At first, it’s mostly Reader, but as time goes on, he gets way raunchier than her.

Who needs more assurance?

Reader. She regularly feels like she isn’t good enough for Spencer since she’s not as “impressive.” He regularly reminds her how much he enjoys how different they are.

What would be their theme song?

Bad Girls by MKTO!

She gets what she wants, she takes what she needs She all over me She kinda mean but ain't a problem to me A little bit of hell, but she got me in heaven She my bond girl, I'm MKT-007

I love them bad girls doing bad things Lookin' hot with an attitude Love them bad girls like a bad dream Shouldn't want them, but I do

Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

Spencer. He’s terrible at it, but he does it, anyway. Reader loves to listen to him, and always encourages him to sing with her in the car.

Who initiates kisses? Who kisses the hardest?

Reader to both. She is very aggressive with him in general.

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Spencer. He wants to show her off all the time (because he’s so proud a crazy cool lady like that loves him, but also because he knows it means a lot to her).

Who wakes up first? Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Spencer wakes up first, and Reader wants to stay in bed a little longer. She works late nights, so he always lets her.

Who rocks the Ferris Wheel seat and who flips out and begs them to stop?

Definitely Reader, lmao. Spencer refuses to go on them with her now. He’s also scared of being in elevators with her (and usually kisses her in them to distract her).

Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time?

Spencer is always horny, but Reader is the one more willing to do it in risky situations. She’s very convincing.

Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

Spencer has to convince her to do it, and she always turns it into sexy times. He’s always trying to find an excuse to praise and cuddle and baby her. She always turns it into a joke.

So, how many times has Spencer come into work with hickeys and scratches? Does the team even bat an eyelash?

He doesn’t do it as often after they had a sexual harassment training on professionalism. That was mortifying. Rossi also had a talk with him. The worst. Now she keeps them mostly hidden. Whenever he wears a scarf, they all know.

Has Reader met Diana? If they have, what were their reactions?

Yes, she does meet Diana. Spencer is shocked by how calm and patient she is, and Reader gets mad at him for it (because of course she can be nice and maternal, asshole!) Diana loves how goofy and fun she is.

If your OTP went on vacation, where would they go and what would they do? Who would take the pictures?

They would go on the road trip across the country! Reader would take a BILLION pictures, and demand Spencer take pics of her at landmarks (even though he’s terrible at it).

Who is embarrassed when they have to wear glasses and who thinks they look super cute?

Reader hates having to wear glasses. Spencer thinks she looks adorable in them. She also loves his glasses - he rarely wears them because every time he does, she tries to have sex with him lmao.

Late Nights & Bar Lights

Who spends all their money on the other?

Reader. The funniest part is she spends it on experiences she forces to Spencer have with her. Things like… going to amusement parks, watching movies he’d never otherwise see, etc. She also buys him lots of keychains, pins, stationery, and fancy pens. He basically always has at least one gift she’s given him on him at all times.

Who is insecure about deserving the other's love?

Spencer! It’s not that surprising considering who he is as a person, but… He’s always seen Reader as a super beautiful unattainable goddess who shouldn’t even look twice at him. Despite being super submissive in bed, outside of it she constantly showers him in praise and shows him off to everyone who will listen (including cashiers, family, and the rest of the team, all of whom are forced to listen).

What would be their theme song?

Bones by Galantis 🥰

You bring an energy I've never felt before Some kind of chemical that reaches through my core Feels like as far as you and me, I've never had a choice You feel like home.

You’re like the opposite of all of my mistakes Tear down the biggest walls and put me in my place I know, that kind of comfortable you cannot replicate You feel like home.

Ribcage

What happened after? Did both the reader and Spencer go to therapy?

Spencer was put on paid administrative leave. His sabbatical was moved up so he could stay with Reader. They did both go to therapy, and he taught at university for a semester until Reader returned to work.

Was Spencer able to properly tell the Reader that she was love of his life?

Yes! Not long after the situation, the two moved in together (out of her fear and also because they wanted to have a more serious relationship). Within a couple years, he would propose to her.

Were the team a little concerned with the aftermath of Spencer's rage?

Yes, but no more than they were with Hotch and Foyet. If anything, they were less concerned considering Spencer’s history with his girlfriends. Mostly they were just thinking “Thank god she’s alive.” Since Spencer was so open to therapy and an extended sabbatical, they knew he would be okay. They still stopped by and checked in on the two of them often. About halfway into the time off, they actually got worried Spencer wouldn’t want to come back because he was so happy spending time with her.

Body of a Goddess

Has what Spencer did, help with her body positivity? Has she become more confident? Do they start making love with the lights on?

While this was the first time he’d done it in awhile, he continues to do things like this more often. Each time it gets a little bit easier. He can’t fix her problems by himself, but he does continue to find more ways to make her feel beautiful.

When they do eventually have sex with the lights on like it’s no big deal, it means a lot to both of them. She doesn’t actually even notice until much later, when he brings up how happy it made him.

Does he share any insecurities he has with her?

Yes! He does this often, but is worried that it will distract her. He usually does it in a funny way, to show her that we’re our own worst critics.

Different Kind of Daddy

After he got the news, what changed for Spencer? Has his desire for the Reader grown exponentially? Was he afraid of hurting her? Did the reader reassure him?

Not too much changed in their dynamic - it was already pretty solid. While he was more attracted to her, most of that attraction was not necessarily sexual more than it was intimacy. Things like holding her more often, wanting to bathe with her, wanting pictures of her. He was afraid of hurting her, especially since they were used to more rough play (which she didn’t really want to stop, but he was uncomfortable with it).

Reader often reassured him that her and baby would be fine. One day she got tired of waiting and just straddled & rode him like an unhinged woman. After that he got a lot more lenient.

What has he done to prepare for the arrival?

Mostly normal things. He already knows a ton about the pregnancy and birthing process because he learned it when JJ was pregnant. He started looking at and buying more baby related things as the pregnancy went on. Mostly they did it together. The only thing he did by himself was buy small trinkets for her whenever he had to travel. He also started behaving more conservatively at work (taking less risks).

How protective did Spencer get with the Reader? More possessive? Did he confront anyone who so as much looked at the reader in a wrong way?

Very. While he wouldn’t ever get upset or hostile with anyone, he definitely didn’t like her being in any situation without him that was even slightly dangerous. He didn’t even really like her going to stores without him in the later months. He freaked himself out by looking up information about crimes against pregnant women.

But overall, he kept a handle on it. She did everything normal, anyway.

How was Spencer when the Reader first started showing? Pride? Horny?

He definitely felt a lot of pride. She would constantly wear maternity shirts that were nerdy or explicitly said she was pregnant. They made him happy. She also bought maternity specific lingerie, which was the most turned on he was the entire pregnancy.

For the most part, seeing how she looked while pregnant stirred up a lot of complicated emotions (Will I be a good dad? Am I supporting her enough?) but also a lot of very happy emotions (He never thought he’d get here, he loved other people knowing she was his). You know how it goes.

Repentance

Did Spencer and the Reader eventually get together?

Yes! While nothing happened that night, they started seeing each other more often (and not just when they were sad!). Eventually, he asked her on a real date. Their progress was very, very slow. It took them like another year before they actually started seriously dating and announced it to coworkers (who already been knew).

Has Spencer become more affectionate with the Reader?

He stopped holding himself back. Reader had to remind him often that most people don’t touch their friends like he does. He didn’t really know, since he doesn’t normally touch anyone. It was part of him realizing how much he liked her.

Does Spencer finally believe he's found true love with the Reader?

I think, eventually, yes. But like I said, it took a very long time. Spencer and Reader both had a lot to work through before they could give themselves to the other. They didn’t want to rush into things and make juvenile emotional mistakes.

Jazz & Jealousy

What did Spencer do after meeting with Ethan at the end? Did he join the reader?

He eventually climbed back into bed with her, but she was too tired to even notice at first. In the morning they wake up very hungover, but cuddling very intimately.

Did Spencer play the piano for the Reader?

Yes! The next time she went to his place and saw the keyboard, she made him play for her. She sang though (he’s terrible at it).

Who is the most affectionate?

In public - Reader. She’s known to be more aggressive/domineering of the two of them to other people, so they keep up that charade in public. Sometimes the role reversal slips through, though, and people are always weirded out by how easily he can get her to do anything.

In private - Spencer. He’s the first one to touch her and the hardest to get to stop.

Big spoon/Little spoon?

Reader is the little spoon. She also likes to face/hug him a lot. She’s also known to lay halfway on top of him when he’s on his back.

What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Reader loves his fashion sense. She always tells him he looks like a sexy librarian or a professor. He gets embarrassed, but secretly likes how much she enjoys how he dresses since he’s always insecure about it.

Spencer loves her laugh. He always tries to tell jokes and keeps track of what she laughs at around other people, so he can try to make her laugh more often.

What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Their communication gets way fucking better. They also start performing better together on cases. Half of the tension at work is gone (and replaced with another kind…). Otherwise, she hugs him a lot more. Everyone notices.

Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

She calls him Tomcat sometimes as a joke when he gets feisty and reminds her of the way he was at the Jazz Festival (where they heard “Tom Cat Blues”). He’s since started calling her Duchess in return since she made him watch Aristocats with her.

Who worries the most? Who needs more assurance?

Reader. She always worries about Spencer getting hurt because she feels she relies on him more than he does her.

Who initiates kisses? Who kisses the hardest?

Spencer to both. Reader would much rather tease him with the cold shoulder. She likes to feel desired.

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Reader. Like she did in the story, she holds his hand whenever he gets anxious. The first time she does it for no reason he gets confused and points out that he’s happy. She responds, “Me too, that’s why I wanted to hold your hand.” It makes him even happier.

Who wakes up first?

Reader. She blames how much coffee he drinks. She’s a morning person.

Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Spencer. She brings him coffee in bed to get him up. Only works like half the time

Who says I love you first?

She does. Since she made Spencer admit to liking her first, she only thought it was fair. He was relieved, because he was scared to tell her (he didn’t want to rush anything).

What would be their theme song?

Body & Soul by Billie Holiday! The song Ethan sang. He picked it because he could tell the two of them were clearly pining for the other.

Thank you again for all the questions! If you have any others, please feel free to join us on the Discord!

#headcanons #writing #reid request #answer #answered

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damienthepious · 4 years

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also. also because. i am a gremlin. and i shall die of Emotions and take you with me apparently. ["From yourself?" Amaryllis says, her brow furrowed with worry. "Look, I- I know this is uncomfortable, Arum, but- but I know that you've tried to get Damien to- to-"] to ["If you had managed to convince Damien to do it, it'd be cruel, first of all. He doesn't deserve that kind of guilt weighing on him. And second, again, you would be dead, Arum.] please thank i am lov u

[Pick a short passage from any fanfic I’ve written and send it to me, and I’ll give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet]

you’re not a gremlin you are valid and i love you. that is a LONG PASSAGE THO, so BUCKLE UP. Also cw for discussion of depression, suicide, and suicidal thoughts below the cut. fun times with soft fic! or somethingggg

fun fact before we begin! Originally, this conversation was supposed to happen... before the i-love-you confessions. This was supposed to be broken down before they admitted that they cared for each other romantically, but i was having a shitton of trouble working out the trajectory and the ending of the scene, like, what the actual resolution was, and I couldn’t figure out how to make it work in time when all the other stuff in the chapter was good to go. And THEN it was supposed to happen right after the i-love-yous, but that felt SO busy and SO sloppy, so it kept getting shifted backward-

which wound up being kind of a blessing, i think? because here’s the thing- this scene is TENSE, here, and Rilla pushes pretty hard- but the older version was... kind of a FIGHT. Arum was much more aggressive about it, and there was a line in there for a long time- something like You will be gone this time tomorrow ANYWAY, Amaryllis. What does it matter? And then Rilla had this fucking heartbreaking- Missing you and MOURNING you are not the SAME THING, are you even LISTENING to yourself? and there was just... a lot more harshness to the whole thing. I’m glad it got to settle out, and I’m glad they were in a place to be softer with each other for this. It was too important to me that they addressed this, and i didn’t want it to get waysided.

obviously depression and suicidality aren’t things that have easy fixes, and love is not a Cure for mental illness, but i wanted it to be clear that a) rilla and damien are aware of arum’s non-physical hurts and care about them, too, and b) they are an expansion of Arum’s support network, which is SUPER important when coping with mental illness!

The Keep did the best it could, I think, but when it was just the two of them it was harder for the Keep to know what to do when Arum was deep in a depressive episode, and... well, they have a mental link, right? so I kind of assumed... they might share at least shades of this as well. Arum’s depression gets bad, the Keep is probably not having a good time just then either. Harder to take care of each other while you don’t even know how to take care of yourself. But! the initial point! expanding their collective support system is SO important to learning how to better cope with Arum’s mental illness, which has been running him pretty ragged while his physical injuries had him in traction.

Anyway. ANYWAY. the actual section you requested.

["From yourself?" Amaryllis says, her brow furrowed with worry. "Look, I- I know this is uncomfortable, Arum, but- but I know that you've tried to get Damien to- to-"] The reason why Rilla is leading this conversation is partially because Damien hasn’t fully discussed this with her, mostly out of a concern for... like... not betraying Arum’s trust? What happened between Damien and Arum was between them, and Damien wasn’t comfortable outright blurting that to Rilla. This was one of the ones that doesn’t get told. Not directly at least. Another reason why Damien takes a verbal backseat here is that... well.. he’s already said his piece to Arum on this front. The waters brought you here to live is a pretty definitive statement, yeah?

["What? Wh-what did you tell her?" Arum says, turning towards Damien, and he means to snap but his tone sounds more hurt than furious. Damien only sits, his hands clasped in his lap, his lips pressed tight together. "What did you say, knight?"] And, clearly, Damien’s instincts on that front were right. Arum is mortified by the idea that Damien would have aired his (as Arum thinks of it) weakness, and hopelessness. He’s hurt, that Damien might tell on him when it doesn’t matter because it didn’t happen, and he doesn’t feel that way now so clearly it doesn’t matter-

["He didn't tell me anything, Arum." She shakes her head, angling her body a bit more between them, leaning closer.] Rilla knows him too well by now. Tries to head off that hurt/anger and get them on track.

["Nothing specific, at least, but I'm not stupid. I heard you goading him plenty of times, and he said you told him about your- your work before we left, and he said that if he killed you then, it wouldn't have been a slaying and really there's only one way to interpret that evidence-" she pauses, cringes, bites her lip. "You tried to get Damien to kill you."] “it wouldn’t have been a slaying” was always a particular... phrasing that hurt me, i guess you could say.

[Arum freezes, his mouth going dry.] Arum does not like being confronted with his own weaknesses, as he sees them. He especially doesn’t want Amaryllis of all people to know about this- bad enough that Damien had to know.

["I don't know if it was because of guilt or- or depression or panic about the trip or what, but- but I already told you, Arum. I didn't put in all this hard work just for you to die. Just for you to throw all of it away-"] It was, in all honestly, a combination of these factors. Which is part of why Arum continues to panic. he’s still not really used to being seen, especially not in such a vulnerable way.

["I am home, Amaryllis," he manages in a whisper. "You brought me home. There will certainly be no reason for me to- to endanger myself now."] When you’re suicidal, it’s kind of hard to imagine what it’s like to not be suicidal. When you’re out of one of those valleys, it’s kind of hard to remember how deep they can feel. he doesn’t want to think about it. he’s happy right now. he has more than he could have ever dreamed possible, so it’s really hard for him to conceptualize that moment, right now. It’s hard, and it hurts.

["No?" she says weakly. "There wasn't any reason for you to try to goad Damien into killing you back in the hut, either, Arum, but you did it anyway."] no reasons that make sense outside of Depression Brain, at least.

["I-" Arum glances away again, his hand flexing, but she reaches out and takes one of his hands, squeezing tight. His eyes flick to Sir Damien, sitting quiet though his worried eyes are fixed on the pair of them. "I- that was- different-"] He has SUCH a hard time articulating this. Combine that with the fact that he really HATES talking about it. Lizard is having a panic.

["Different how, Arum?"] Rilla is pushing really hard, here, for good reason. She’s terrified that he might pull something after they leave. she hasn’t been away from him barely at ALL in MONTHS, and now she knows he’s suicidal, which is compounding the terror she already has about leaving him. She wants to protect him, from other monsters, from knights, from himself if she needs to. She loves him and she wants him to be safe and happy and if she needs to gently bully him through an uncomfortable conversation then by the fucking saints-

["I did not want you to endanger yourself for me, Amaryllis," he hisses, turning towards her with his tail thrashing. "You- you make the world less cruel, by your actions, your choices, your existence. The both of you. You try, if nothing else, and for you to leap to action and danger for my sake is- was-"] And he breaks. That was the real kicker of it, y’know? She found out that he needed to go home for his Keep and she buckled down, for him, after he had just been confronted with evidence of his former work and the ways it had directly harmed a human he loves. How could he possibly feel like he deserved that sort of care, that sort of consideration? How could he allow her to risk her own safety to get him home? He failed the Keep, he failed her, he failed himself-

in that moment, he was utterly certain that it was better for him to simply set them ALL back in their places. Amaryllis might be unhappy that he was gone, but it would be precisely the same hurt that she would have when she left him at home anyway, wouldn’t it? (pro-tip: No It Wouldn’t) Damien would simply return to being the knight he was always meant to be, and the Keep could grow a new familiar, unburdened by his distant, useless weight (pro-tip: No They Wouldn’t). And there would be no more risk to any of them for his sake.

[She stares up into his eyes, her hand clasped tight around his wrist, and he clenches his teeth and pretends that his throat is not aching.] It is so hard to explain this to her. Especially while he is... currently fairly distant from the feeling. He’s keyed up, emotionally, because of his renewed proximity to the keep, and because of the giddiness of newly-admitted love. Literally everything feels like A Lot, right now. but this? next level distress.

["If helping me destroyed you, it would be the worst of cruelties I have inflicted upon this world. And I, Amaryllis, have inflicted more than my share of cruelties already."] ouch. I feel like i’ve already unpacked this so just. ouch.

["So you try to take yourself out of the picture instead? Arum-"] She’s horrified. She understands the particularities of Damien’s anxiety by now, how bad that can get, but Arum’s been pretty internal with his own mental health stuff and whatever hints she’s been catching have been somewhat obscured as possibly just... responses to the physical trauma? Him being actively suicidal when he was basically out of the woods physically is... hard for her to cope with.

["The little knight did not bite when provoked regardless, so I hardly see how it matters," Arum growls, and in his periphery he sees Damien flinch, his head ducking.] oh poor Damien. Thinking about how close he actually did come, to ‘biting’

[Amaryllis' grip on his wrist tightens. "You do know that's not comforting, right?] It’s really not. Putting the onus on Damien like that- god, fuck. [It matters because I- because we love you, and because if you die, Arum, you'll be dead. Even if you were trying to protect us in some roundabout way-"] back when this scene was placed before the i-love-yous, that line was “It matters because I- because I care about you,” for... obvious reasons. Rilla, unsurprisingly, is about as bad as Damien is, at hiding her feelings once she admits to them the first time.

[Arum flinches, and she pauses, pressing her lips together for a moment as she visibly chooses a different phrasing.] She knows him well enough by now to understand that he’s flinching because saying that it was altruistic to want to protect him... she knows she shouldn’t push against that.

["If you had managed to convince Damien to do it, it'd be cruel, first of all. He doesn't deserve that kind of guilt weighing on him. And second, again, you would be dead, Arum.] It would be cruel. I think about Rilla’s assessment of Damien from Treacherous Heart sometimes, about the potential deadliness of real guilt for Damien... if he really broke in that moment and loosed that arrow- it would have destroyed him. Especially at that point, when he cared about Arum, even if he didn’t have any proper context to fit that care into, and when he knows how much this creature means to Rilla- RILLA’S heartbreak if she had to come back to that- to that? when she thinks she’s coming back to pack him up for home? when she knows that she loves Arum but is forcing herself to ignore it and push it down and away? Arum killing himself by Damien’s hand in that moment would have destroyed all of them, in a way. but! hey, that’s not the kind of fic i write, yeah? oof. I just think about what-if’s a lot and make myself sad.

Rilla’s emphasis on the kind of hyper-obvious here is... deliberate, also. if you died you’d be dead is something of a redundant statement, duh, but also like... the permanent consequences of a temporary state of mind are fucking important, and Rilla needs to make sure that he understands what he nearly did, and why it matters, and why she’s SCARED for him.

anyway this was a whole fuck of a lot. i hope any of this is interesting or enjoyable and not just. heavy. whoops.

#elle's fanfic meta #scattered meta #suicidal ideation cw #suicide discussion #depression cw #i dont' know if i need more tags argh #shorter-than-her-tbr-pile #asks

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