#i know ive said this several times. but

[aceaceace144616]

#tiktok #i know ive said this several times. but #i quote this all the time #i quote this daily #i quote this so much that is annoys my mum #whenever she complains about anything i just go #oowhh noOOwh #every single time #and she expects it at this point #anyway

[variousqueerthings]

so on doctor who confidential they talked about how rose was meant to really appeal to young girls, partially because doctor who traditionally had been considered a bit of a boys club in the past (whether or not that was true, I don't know. certainly depictions of classic!DW fandom has been mostly men, but then, that tended to be true of star trek as well and we all know that women were running the fandom show there. however I digress) --

the point of this show from the get go was to appeal more to women and girls, deliberately, because rtd likes writing for women (chris eccleston also said that rtd was better at writing the companion and that was right and good)

so there was the fact that she was 19 (and how that made her really Grown Up and Cool to teens and kids who were tuning into the first ever doctor who for 17 years, which, as the age-group who saw rose as a kid, correct), the fact that she was getting into arguments with her mum and being rebellious and trying to figure her identity out, the fact that she was 2000s era fashion-forward but still dressed within a budget and in a way that seemed realistic -- and speaking of realistic, That. she was meant to really make girls feel like they could accomplish things, and in some ways grow up with her. I think that worked so well for those of us who started with her era at a Certain age (whether or not we still ID as girls of course....) and she really was the perfect first companion. her story was based in that joy of leaving it all behind and fear of the responsibilities of adulthood and growing up and the real pain of that. in many ways a bit of a wendy darling, but more relatable and from the estate. she was growing up and it was tough

it felt like rose really was the beating heart of the show, giving it life those first couple of seasons as it was allowed to grow from a new exploration of what its identity was going to be and into what came next. and of course then she haunts the narrative for ages afterwards, which is always fun (I mean heck, we've got a "rose" character coming up in 2023! nearly 20 years after she was there)

billie piper was such an iconic and important part of what made doctor who work. the companion now had this depth of feeling about her and you knew this person, you knew why she wanted to run away, because you did too. just cannot overstate how much I adored rose

#rose tyler #doctor who #dw #ive said this several times to people i know but rose is one of the only women on tv that ive had gender envy type feelings for #and the other women tended to be... quite readable as not-women

[hammill-goes-fogwalking]

I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

#not dislike. its hate #it made me cry several times today #thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers #and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING #its so painful to think of it #today I broke down in the bus and cried #idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside #maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams #the thing is that: #we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days #this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc) #and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste #*m) #my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise) #PLUS #the most provocating messages from the teacher: #“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH” #💔 #seriously #this breaks my heart #dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?! #why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality. #& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results. #once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing: #“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰” #you get it? #no- this peoson didnt learn. #no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons #AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them* #[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔

[newvegascowboy]

in yalls opinion, where does the line between "im being a good friend and helping them out no matter what" vs "this person is using me and i don't notice" occur?

#not fallout #kal talks #this has been pointed out to me about a relationship i have several times lately #and idk how to address it #because this is my best and oldest friend. i know this person and i trust this person #but several people have said this to me about them over the last few months #and like... i dont FEEL like this person is using me #i dont feel like our relationship is uneven i guess. i know their circumstances and its been bad for a long time #and i want to say ive supported them no matter what #because again theyre my best friend #but there have definitely been points in my past where i let people use me or manipulate me or lie to me #and im like 'well theyre my friend surely this isnt a bad thing or a red flag' #like. idk. this has been weighing on me recently #i have no idea how to bring it up with them

[autumnfangirler]

.

#im not (physically) disabled nor have i played enough ifs to say but ive been getting into them more recently #and now im curious- are there any ifs where people are able to customize their characters disabilities/mobility aids? #im not talking about ones that are plot relevant (like losing a limb or getting a curse or things like that) #im talking about like. during character creation. like for example a character having constant pain in their shoulders or chronic migraines #and maybe specifying that they use canes/rollators/wheelchairs etc to get around #or maybe sunglasses/earbuds to deal with sensory overload #and if not then why? is it just because potential disabilities and how they affect a person are too vast to fit into character creation #or require too many instances to keep track of? i assume that depending on the severity then itll affect a lot of how they do things #ig thinking about that all the time would be a lot #or is it just a story thing? like most of the stories would be derailed by trying to keep track of it #idk like i said im not disabled #i wouldnt know lol #but im curious what others think of this? like. are there things im not taking into consideration about this #ramblings

[arionawrites]

decided to make a list of all my diagnosed issues and like fucking. god damn. how am i just living day to day.

#nine bullet points #of diagnosed things i struggle #i struggle with #1. type one diabetes 2. adhd 3. bipolar 4. severe anxiety 5. depression 6. insomnia 7. migraines 8. dpdr 9. ptsd #and im just ?? existing like this??? literally how what the fuck #there’s more than that too thats just like the actual able to be diagnosed shit #probably also at least slightly autistic but my psychologist said that its not bad enough to impact me big time and a diagnosis would do mor #more harm than good so im just kind. Not lmao #but also: abandonment issues self worth issues guilty conscience issues feeling unworthy of literally everything issues #awful at establishing boundaries #sh issues #(not for like years but its a struggle to not relapse every year esp during winter) #suicidal ideation but at least ive never actually been suicidal #not bc i particularly love being alive but because the fact that i dont know what comes after death scares me too much lmao #even at my lowest of lows i have not wanted to kms SOLELY bc the unknown scares me enough to be like #yeah this sucks but at least i know it #at least it’s like familiar which is sad but still true lma #OH ALSO eating disorder lmao. diabulimia is a thing. #genuinely how have i not been fucking hospitalized #not in a bad way but like. idk how i havent gotten to that point yet #tho to be fair there are multiple points i probably should have been tbh #i just. dont want to worry people? or inconvenience anyone. and i know im not gonna kms so its easy to be like ‘i dont need that’ #i have overshared way too much in these tags sorry i’ll stop now #if anyone has actually read all of these: i’m sorry. i love you. i hope you feel better than i do. i hope you smiled today.

[clawheld]

finding out dragonlance was written by a mormon puts certain things in perspective in a way that doesnt make them forgivable but does give me an odd sense of peace. that thing rpg fans do where they jsut pretend a character was designed or written some other way, i can do that but without the use of mods or any technology just the power of my brilliant mind and robust imagination

#i know i said those books were mid but i think i like them more than i thought ive re-listened to a few chapters several times on walks. #n im specifically mostly talking about the racial essentialism #i know dnd has a historical problem with that but in this case theres the added thing of #'character that backstory-wise should have had dark skin but we need to communicate that they are pure of heart so theyre pale & blue-eyed'

[deeisace]

..

#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again #and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet #basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um #someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much. #like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols' #they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that #no-pressure museum not-a-date #and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot. #basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person #because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it #tho they are two v different situs #an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes #same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time #but at least i only said ill think about it? #and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted #and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no #weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff #and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um #is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people #i guess #but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha #and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually. #if they ask again #i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff #im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you #(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)

[apeshit]

yesterday at my friends birthday party i got asked why i didnt wear my necklace more often after i got a compliment on it (i was like “oh i havent been able to find an excuse to wear it for a while”) and was like “yeah im always either working or at home” um. why did i say that. im unemployed.

#tbh i know why i said it its bc i was referring to the past year since i bought it #in which most of the past year ive been doing clinicals ‘’working’’ #but like ive had several months of free time #tbh it just doesnt look good with most of my clothes so i could only wearit with specific outfits #but yea that was embarrassing i said i was always working but im unemployed . #canto viii

[intergalacticaquarium]

Every time somebody writes Eddie doing something super cool and sexy I have have headcanon two goblin-esque habits for him to keep it even

#eddie munson x reader #hes despicable and im in love with him and hes not sexy unless he has the energy of a weird loser who does weird off putting stuff #and is sometimes shoved into water idk i need my fictional men as sad and pitiful as possible or else im not attracted to them anymore #u say hes like a super kinky dom that gets ass all the time? #i say he hasnt washed his hair in 2 weeks and wears all those layers bc he gets cold very easily and shivers a lot #idk if anybody else is listening to taz ethersea but theres this lil guy called urchin #and he speaks in a high pitched voice and one of the first things he says is im a nasty lil freak just a wild little guy #the other day i was trying to find a thru line of like when the wretched little man becomes truly my beloved wretched little man #and i think its when they get soaked in water against their will #like a baptism of sorts #to really become the kind of character i will think about for several years #just sopping wet in their clothes on the rest of the adventure while they are touching wet denim #which is always bad #anyway #i feel like i always need to end these by saying that this is 100% genuine and said with love but i feel like if u read this far u know #i just have very specific and very bad taste in dudes #ive been rewatching some formative media lately and hoo boy every fuckin one theres like a soaking wet miserable boy #that i was fucking obsessed with #and every time im like oh yeah thats gotta be the origin #and then i see an earlier one and its that one #who was the original horrrible boy that made me this way? #wait #fuck #fuck wait i do know who it is and now i need to go lay down #fucking annakin skywalker #he and padme were my first ship my first queer crush simultaneously #and aparently absolutely instilled the deep love of sad boy cool girl within me #thats the name my friend gave it and she said it so succinctly that i needed a minute bc thats it #cool girl is also a slug woman in her own ways but shes always confident about it at least #anyway thanks ive had this blog for a week and now u know the entire history of my taste in men thanks for coming to my seminar

[coffee-bat]

btw anyone else from my chronic pain homies just. lose the ability to judge your pain level/scale pain

#like at this point i have no idea what's the norms i dont know how normal people judge this #i dont know how to describe how im feeling #the guideline ive set for myself to determine 'severe pain' is if its forcing movements out of my control- #-(like having to double over or legs giving out) or if like #im throwing up or my eyes are watering #but #bc im in literally constant pain i dont really. perceive that kind as WORSE #its only my body that reacts #for me almost all pain feels the same at this point #and its so frustrating #i wish i could have a normal relationship with this #and high tolerance is a fucking curse #ive been initially denied medical care multiple times bc they said that 'if i was actually experiencing (thing) i- #-would be writhing and screaming'. only for it to thenbturn out i WAS going through the thing and just dont react that much bc im used to it #sometimes if i have trouble finding a point of reference i TRY to imagine how id feel about it if i wasnt me #if i was a normal person who isnt used to constant pain #and sometimes it works to help me determine if i need medical help #but lately i havent even been able to imagine being 'normal'. ive lost my point ofvreference. #and its just. so fucking frustrating knowing youve been forced to toughen up against your will and now literally cant tell if youre indanger #ramble #personal #chronic pain #ive almost died bc of this once so far #i waited for days and then when i finally went to a doctor it turned out id have been dead if i waited a day more💀 #but of course before they found that out they ALSO disbelieved me bc i have fucking dignity and wasnt writhing on the floor.

[camelspit]

hey. maybe you shouldn't write a book review if you haven't even finished the fucking book. btw.

#i see shit like DNF AT 32% on goodreads all the time and it annoys the shit out of me #how can you give a good review if you havent even been through all the source material?? #how can you objectively say you know it well enough to write a review? #especially when its below 75% #or even 50% #It annoys me so much #goodreads reviews in general annoy me alot because #people cant seem to tell the goddamn difference between i didnt like it and it was bad #for a website about reading #the users can be severely lacking in reading comprehension #anyway ive always felt like this but it sort of boiled over last night ig. #because i read a book that went so so hard. And it has 4 stars which is like. pretty hard to get. in my opinion. #And someone gave it a low rating because they listened to 32% of the audiobook and didnt care for one of the voice actors. #and then said they got the physicsl book to read and then didnt read any of it bc they didnt want to #And thats fine! But like! You are not the person that should be writing a review about it! If you havent experienced the whole thing! #>:(

[wellthatschaotic]

i wish people would listen when i say "i know i'm crying, just ignore it"

#like i know it's like. instinctual for some people to want to help if someones crying. #but if ive said several times i cry really easy just ignore it im good #and they keep like . babying me for it? idk man #chaos chitters #this is about a few days ago btw

[toffeebeantable]

This took way too long to edit together😭 but here’s my art summary! Most months tbh I didn’t post anything and some months I had several pieces I was proud of

#toffee should shut up #actually idk what to really tag #ive said several times that i was gonna post more sketches but you know what whatever fuck it #i’ll just post whenever i feel like it which is sporadic bursts every 4 months #most proud of the december one #i like how theres a reigen in each month of the bottom row LMAO #hes there to make up for the lack of reigens in the middle row #still keeping up with the inconsistent What The Fuck Do You Mean Only One Person Drew All These #toffee art

[nerdie-faerie]

I have got to get worse at my job cus no way can keep letting them rely on me like this

#work tag #got on shift on Sunday and my manager pulled me aside when i clocked in to say thank god youre here i need you on front theyre an absolute #mess over there theyve got orders waiting nearly twenty minutes i need you to figure out whats going on and whip them into shape i know you #can just get all those order out right away just put them where you want them so you can clear that screen. and i did sort it in under 5 #despite there having been 3 people on front before i got there which is more than enough people to deal with just 6 orders and yet #and today several people called in sick and one of my managers asked if i wanted some extra hours i said depends when she was like just #until ten tonight which is only an extra hour later than i finish but ive already expressed im not comfortable finishing at 9 for only a #8 hour shift cus its an hour walk back and thats far to go by myself in the dark but i agreed anyway one of my other managers then asked if #i was okay to get home if i stayed that late cus obviously there must be a reason i dont usually stay that late i was like im only walking #so it doesnt really matter but it is gonna be late to be walking back but its fine manager then comes back again and asks if i could stay #til 11 ive only done an 11 once before when they were understaffed again and she did the same but i was wary to agree to the 11 cus thats #reeeally late to be doing such a long walk by myself again other manager is like you dont have to agree to anything youre not comfortable #with then argued to the manager that ive got to walk home and i shouldnt stay however im thinking it over as i make my break and approach #the actual shift runner for this evening and suggest i stay until 12 instead cus thats when my work bestie is finishing and if we finish at #the same time i can then walk back with her instead of just doing the 10 and honestly i need the hours but i shouldnt be so relied on tbh

[famewolf]

the best part of getting to party with ppl my age was how well people knew their boundaries. the balance of being able to get absolutely zooted until the late hours while also all of us waking up before 8am to make breakfast and clean was genuinely comical

i woke up just before 8am thinking i'd be one of the first to rise but i was the 3rd to last

#[static] #everyone had already cleaned and they were starting to make the group breakfast #ive not been to a party since ... gods 2016?? and we were all a little too eager to over do it back in the day #it was genuinely sweet in its own strange way #then cut to 9am when we went back to party mode #someone brought liquid iv and everyone was making sure we all had lots of snacks and water and sharing the different goods we brought #it was just sweet! a nice weekend to let loose but as my friend said #we are all the 'mom friend' so it was a really safe environment and a bunch of fun #i have never been so stoned in my life for so long but it made me feel more relaxed than I've felt in years tbh #not a worry on my mind and just enjoying the trees and the lake and reading my book and helping my companions who were playing in the water #i dont really like talking about Partaking in drugs in general for several reasons (mainly it makes me cringe @ me) #but i cannot emphasize how i had Zero Worry or Anxiety in my body for the first time in gods know how long #im home now and just ... ready to do things and my brain feels normal for once #no overwhelming chatter about things im anxious about or coming up with things to be anxious about #i will be grateful for the brain-quiet for as long as it lasts